It’s hard to stand in someone else’s shoes. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender. So when someone asked the women of Reddit what they think would be the worst thing about being a man, the answers flooded in. 37.6K comments later, it became obvious that a lot of redditors get it.
The male gender is a tough role to play and you’re constantly expected to act in a certain way. Hence, one woman replied that the stigma around being a guy is already tough. Another said that “not having your emotions taken seriously” would be the hardest part. Let’s dive into some of the most honest responses that will make us rethink the things about gender that we take for granted.
My father was a single parent raising a young girl at a private catholic gradeschool. He went to all my girlscout parent meetings, came to all the mom-daughter and dad-daughter events like dances and breakfasts, and even volunteered every year for the school’s bake-off (usually only moms participated). He did all these stereotypical motherly events so I wouldn’t feel left out. But he got heavily judged and ridiculed by other mothers solely because he wasn’t my mom and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to participate. The community there was so catty and everyone gossiped about him. Yes he was a single dad, but he also admitted he would wanna do that stuff anyway because he wanted to spend time with his daughter. Couldn’t imagine being judged for wanting to hang with your kid at a baking contest and being told it’s wrong.
“I was raped”
“Haha good one”
Probably the stigma. I've seen a single father get shouted at for being with his kid when at a park for 'trying to kidnap children'. The dude wanted to make his son happy, not molest him ffs.
Recently, there has been a surge in discussions about so-called traditional gender roles and norms. Last year, the American Psychological Association released 10 guidelines for psychologists working with males. It has addressed a variety of problematic points related to “traditional masculine ideology” like gender role strain, oppression, and gender bias. The experts who worked on the guidelines have concluded that suppressed emotions in men "cause damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly.”
Fredric Rabinowitz, a professor of psychology at the University of Redlands, believes that these men who feel oppressed by gender roles have their emotional being deteriorate with time. “We see that men have higher suicide rates, men have more cardiovascular disease, and men are lonelier as they get older,” he told The New York Times. Helping to expand their emotional repertoire is key to tackling such psychological problems. “We don’t try to take away the strengths that men have.”
I would not be allowed a moment of weakness. Bad day? You can't cry unless your mother just died. Hurt yourself? Suck it up and go to the hospital. Feeling self conscious about your body? Nobody cares. Feeling ill? SoMOne HaS a MaN COld!!!!!
"Oh, you got stuck taking care of the kids today, huh? Giving Mom a day off, finally?"
Dads know what I'm talking about.
Being sexually assaulted by a female and people telling me that I'm "lucky".
Donatas told us that one of the most unjust, yet very common, stereotypes about men is that they aren’t emotional. “Men tend to exhibit fewer emotions due to their upbringing, and that’s why they can’t identify and express their feelings as well as most women.” Throughout the years, men learn to hide their emotions and keep them all to themselves in order not to appear unmanly.
The term “toxic masculinity” has recently come into the spotlight. “It refers to the radical concept of masculinity.” Donatas explained: “it’s characterized by aggression, anger, disdaining view of fellow men and women, and denial of one’s emotions and vulnerability.” Toxic masculinity is viewed as harmful because it’s toxic to the man and those around him.
As a woman, I will never, ever have any doubt that my children are mine.
Hands down always being the villain. a colleague of mine was a bit on the heavier side, but decided to get into shape and started jogging. so he jogs around his block daily until his smart watch tells him his quota for the day is full. that day he was a bit late but went for a jog when the sun was setting. not many people out there, but as he was on his way, some girls saw him jogging their way, got scared and called the cops on him for obviously trying to chase them to rape them or something. now, the guy didn't know about the call, he just sees two girls seeing him coming, turning around and running away and he's like 'what the f**k?' until the cops come for him. you know, for the biggest offence in the whole human history: trying to get fit. i felt really bad for him.
Having a higher suicide rate but depression and other mental illnesses being pretty taboo.
But Donatas warns that toxic masculinity should not be seen as equal to the traditional view of masculinity. “This one has a lot of positive features like courage, determination, and confidence.” Only when we emphasize these features too much, men are pressured into being supermen. And that, of course, is impossible.
Luckily, more and more modern men are willing to get rid of the stereotypes. “Men are more active in searching for their inner voice, authenticity, and are becoming less afraid of coming across as unmanly.” Donatas believes that there should be an active movement towards changing the old-fashioned standards of masculinity in our societies.
Being expected to be the "breadwinner" generally by society
Being less likely to gain custody of my own kids in a separation
Being "disposable" in times of war
And... Having to deal with my own balls. What if I sat on one. Ouch.
Being arrested for defending myself against an abusive partner.
I think the "gay panic" stuff would be the most annoying. Guys can't make physical contact other than punching each other in the shoulder or high-fiving without it being considered gay. Sometimes I wanna give my friend a platonic hug or touch their hair or something, and if I was a man I'd probably be afraid to do that.
People expecting that I could fight.
Not having your emotions taken seriously, then lashing out because of it and then seen as violent because you just want to be understood. I had that with abusive parents but normally people don't treat me that way because I'm a woman. I can't imagine what an entire life of not having your feelings acknowledged in a healthy way feels like.
"Suck it up and be a man"
Being in a crowded urinal. Everyone has the dicks out standing next to each other. Like what the f**k just make stalls why have them in the open.
I'd be afraid to be a male teacher. How easy would it be to give a girl student a grade a failing grade they deserve or just pissing them off any kind of way, but it's a crazy one who ends up accusing you of something awful?
While that's specific, it's a general fear. Just the accusation itself will cost you your career.
Being a father of a daughter or even babysitting. The complete mistrust that people give them is astonishing. If she starts throwing a tantrum in public, people always assume the worst. I would want my daughter to give my husband hugs and love him the same as she would love me in public but people just view it differently.
The constant pressure in society that the man has to pay for meals, drinks, etc. I feel like it all would add up really quickly.
Being considered a possible threat by strangers, probably. Like, I get it, you never know, but it would probably suck.
Either that or the dick and balls. Like, they’re just dangling there? Are they in the way? How do you straddle stuff? Will you accidentally squish them? Do you have to like, tuck them into your underwear?
Most women think there's nothing wrong with being abusive and cruel with men. It's so upsetting watching women treat men like absolute s**t. To top it off, men are expected to still act like "a gentleman" and also they're not allowed to feel vulnerable, or to feel sad, angry because some lady was just "a little sassy" when in reality she was being abusive piece of s**t
Probably being forced to never... well, feel. There are so many people who make fun of guys for having feelings or even showing them. I would never be able to deal with it, and my heart broke the day my boyfriend told me his exes used to verbally abuse him for crying in front them.
Having to chase after women. I’d give up halfway, honestly.
I would be terrified of my dick getting stuck in a zipper
Being expected to be more effective at physical labor, being expected to do more dangerous work, receiving less empathy when struggling with emotional issues.
Having to be the person physically in charge in a threatening situation. Like always being with a man when walking home from a party in a sketchy area at night. Yes there is safety in numbers but the dude is expected to be protective regardless of level of awareness, self defensive, or drunkenness. That’s a lot of pressure.
How is DYING 7 YEARS SOONER not on the list?
Trans woman here. I guess I have a unique perspective because I've lived life on both sides of the coin in many ways. Things that suck about being a guy: You are always expected to be the initiator/pursuer You are not permitted by society to be expressive in your appearance There's an extreme woman-favoring asymmetry in dating apps, which like it or not, is how many young couples meet nowadays Compliments are few and far between Nobody gives a [crap] how you feel, nor do they want to hear about it If you do not have a requisite level financial success, you are worthless Nobody wants to be affectionate with you unless you're dating them, and even then, your needs for physical affection are misconstrued for needs for sex
Only 1 orgasm at a time.
Overall, I think it’s more difficult for guys to get dates.
Balding for sure
When a guy at my work opened up about his ex wife brandishing a gun at him, one of the women asked "so what did you do to her first to piss her off?" she was fully serious, and said that domestic violence is always the man's fault. like what the actual f**k.
Men are told to suck it up, they’re taught that emotions make them weak. When things start to go downhill they feel like they can’t talk to anybody. I see it with my partner and it is so sad. When he starts suffering from a bit of depression, he goes downhill quick, because he doesn’t reach out and talk to somebody, because society has told him that he needs to stay strong and not show any signs of ‘weakness’. There’s a reason that the rate of male suicides is so high.
Not being able to take care of children without getting dirty looks.
Having everyone discredit and treat you poorly if you’re not over 5’10”
Like you’re a 5’5” guy and every girl turns you down cause of your height. I know not every girl is heightest but if every single short guy can tell you a couple stories of being turned down cause of their height then I mean come on...
Harsher prison sentences/conditions.
The draft. Just being expected to go to war and possibly dying whether you agree with it or not.
Being abused in public by a women and having people laugh instead of intervening to help you. Also the whole to be a man you have to act a certain way. Brutal.
The constant insecurity of whether you're 'man enough'.
I’m really touchy feely with my friends/family. Well that’s kind of not socially acceptable in many societies as a man. Or at least not in my society.
Emotional unavailability of others.
As a woman, I definitely face a lot of hardships that men don't have to deal with. But when I'm at my point of breaking, sobbing and inconsolable, I know I can message one of my friends (usually one of the girls) and cry and b***h to them about it and they will listen to me and really connect with me. They will tell me how s****y the person who did that is, how difficult it must be to deal with, how strong I am for persevering in the face of adversity.
On the other hand, I've spent my life trying to be a non-judgmental source of venting for my male friends and I've found that basically everyone who I'm like that with ends up either thinking I'm into them romantically, or expressing how grateful they are for something they get so little of. Guys are told to just suck it up and push their emotions down, and I think it is harmful to all of us.
-Having to be the man no matter what
-Paying for dates
-Pressure of being the breadwinner
-Having to be strong and show no weakness
-Pressure of being good in sports
-Getting hit in the balls
-Not being able to be alone with kids
-Not being allowed to have "feminine" hobbies (Baking, sewing, etc)
-Not being able to compliment male friends without being called gay
Guys, my condolences go out to you and have a high-five/hug for making it through this world
Compulsory military service.
The fact that anytime you talk to a girl by yourself everybody thinks you're trying to flirt with her.
Honestly, probably people just assuming that you’ll do all of the gross s**t that no one else wants to do.
Fixing up the car? Unclogging the toilet? Cleaning out the spider webs in the attic? Scrubbing the mildew out of the bathtub? Guys are just expected to do it all without complaint because that’s the “manly” thing to do. As a woman, I find it pretty unfair.
(Alongside that are hiding a boner, people assuming that you can’t have mental illnesses/disorders, not being allowed to cry/show emotions/be insecure about your body. All of it is really unfair, I’m sorry guys.)
My brother was allowed to do a lot of things I wasn't, like explore the train tunnels and go hunting. I once envied that, but now I see it differently: men aren't protected. From abusive women, from sexual assault, from dangerous jobs, from military service, from having custody of children taken from them, etc.
You're the ones who have to kill the big hairy spider
Relationships. Getting a date with a woman, finding a SO, or even just hooking up with a woman. It all seems like bulls**t for men.Men are expected to initiate the conversation most of the time. And yet...I've known women who will accept dates with men they have 0 interest in just to get a free meal out of it. I've known women who want men to approach them, but if the man is unattractive to her she calls them creepy or mocks them for it. Sure, not all women are like this...but you know what happens when I approach a man who isn't interested in me? He says "No, thank you."I could easily get a one night stand if I wanted to. Yeah. If people know about it I might be called demeaning things or people trying to shame me for it. But I just think about a time a man approaches a woman in an elevator, gets turns down, and the next day there are news articles about how men shouldn't make women uncomfortable and that conferences need to make an effort to make "safe spaces" for women.Men are shamed for their sexuality and no one gives a f**k. A man who is unhappy in a relationship because he doesn't get to have sex as often as he would like gets to hear how "NO ONE OWES YOU SEX!" up and down. He's seen as a piece of s**t for even considering leaving the relationship for it. But if I am unhappy in a relationship for any reason? People will happily back me or take my side...including if it is about sex. While there are people who will shame women and their sexuality, there are just as many people who will try to empower women for being sexual. Men? Nah. You're all pigs, potential rapists, creeps, and predators.The Double Standard with Parenthood. This is going into the "SO" route and relates to hook-ups. A woman gets pregnant and doesn't want to have a baby, she can get an abortion, she can give the child up for adoption, and in some states she can do the adoption route or even abandonment without the man's permission! And a woman who gets an abortion or adoption...well, "Her body her choice!" But what about the man? A woman gets pregnant and he doesn't want to have the baby...he's a deadbeat. If she keeps the baby, your money is tied to her and the child for years and you're a deadbeat for even considering anything different. Not only that but, "If a man doesn't want to support a kid then don't have sex!" is often said in discussions about this even though the same f**king line is used against women by pro-lifers! It's a gross double standard and a dangerous one making sex and relationships more tricky for men. It doesn't help that women have a huge variety of contraceptive options available to them and men only have one that isn't permanent.Marriage is tricky for men. With how easy it is for a woman to leave a marriage and claim a bunch of assets, sometimes get alimony, and take the children...why are men risking marriage? Yes, not every marriage is so clear-cut and sometimes the woman is making sacrifices herself which could make it difficult for her to get back onto her feet after a divorce, but come on. Women aren't helpless delicate flowers anymore. Women aren't solely reliant on their husbands and will be devastated after a divorce...at least not in the United States. And I acknowledge this as someone who is married to a man.Lack of support for those who end up in abusive relationships. Abuse can come from either sex. Men can be raped and abused too. But there are so few options out there for men who need help in addition to people often saying or joking about how he probably deserved it or that he's being weak.ETA; Since apparently I need to make it clear: Yes. I am female. I was born female. I'm not a trans woman even though I have commented in trans subreddits. It's weird to me that some of you find it hard to believe that a woman could be behind this response, but hey. Now you know why I use "AssumeImNot." Though...having people assuming I'm a trans woman is a new one for me!
There are a lot of things guys get worse than girls.
- Like, as a woman, i can be a stay at home wife and do whatever i want, and no one will bat an eye or think i'm a loser. Men cant do this. Maybe there are some out there, but i've never heard of a man being a stay at home husband. They would be ridiculed and probably no woman would put up with this.
- Male chauvinism. It affects men too. There are a lot of people who still mock men for crying, wearing pink, or for the way they treat woman, and dont get me started if you, as a men, want to wear some make up to hide some imperfections. Its like its expected for men to be tough and manly always.
- Men are put under soo much more pressure than women. In work, in life, in everything.
- Mental health is also a taboo for men apparently.
- Dating is really hard. We as women want equality in everything, but there are still a lot of women out there unwilling to give the first step and ask a guy out. They are supposed to ask us out, and put themselves out there for humilliation and rejection (i know some people are cruel when rejecting), and women dont endure this as often as men.
- Random boners. I can be horny as f**k and no one would know (except i tend to bite my lips and my eyes get a bit more narrow when i am), but men have boners even when they're not thinking about something sexual.
No one would bat an eye if you said you were sexual assaulted or harassed.
If you were a male, and you were a victim of sexual harassment or you were a victim of sexual assault and you went to go tell someone what happened to you, chances are that you will be ignored because society stereotypes think you’re just lying and ALL males like being touched.
Expectation from society to get a good job with good salary. A woman can getaway with being a housewife without being looked down, unlike househusband!
As a man who gets divorced and files to have custody of children, 99.999% of the time the judge will rule in favor of the mother because it's generally regarded that children "should be with their mother". That's got to be really tough...
Being falsely accused of sexual assault, yes it happens to woman but is not taken as seriously and more so happens to men.
I’d be expected to be friendly with my coworkers. I work in an industry that is incredibly male-dominated, and “worse,” the majority of the men in it have conventionally “masculine” interests like sports and hunting. I have one male coworker who, like me, is a nerd and has no interest in any of that. He actually gets a hard time for it on occasion, while no one bothers with me.
It’s really easy to make colleagues think you’re a nice, sociable person as a woman. Say good morning, smile when you pass in the hall, say “uh huh” when they talk. Don’t actually have to go out of your way to connect.
The predatory stuff that a lot of people are talking about in this thread is something I already have a partial understanding of; I’m a lesbian and the “predatory lesbian” stereotype is still a thing in the minds of a lot of not-very-open-minded people. I’m not particularly butch, though, so strangers wouldn’t get that impression from me the way they do from men.
So continuing with the theme of LGBT issues, I think gay men are more of a public target than gay women. Gay women obviously do get attacked, like that event on that bus in London, but it feels easier to hide that part of yourself if you feel unsafe as a woman. There’s all these rules men have in order to not appear “too gay,” while if a woman is less than conventionally feminine, the first impression is usually not going to be “lesbian.”
Awkward boners in my teens and then squishy willie syndrome as I get older and ED becomes a real threat.
so much revolves around the peen. I would be very insecure about it. As a girl, if you don't like your tits or ass, you can easily fake bigger ones. Guys don't get that option.
Also, not being able to hide behind 3 inches of makeup as some girls like to do... or I should say as teenage me liked to do, lol.
Someone lying and claiming rape. Having my whole life f**ked up until/if it's proven false.
-can't acceptably use makeup to hide your ugly
-weird expectations from women (tall, ripped, etc)
-having to shave your face.
Just be comfortable my dudes, I dont mind
Shaving every morning ! I can’t imagine doing that. Honestly I’d prefer having my period every month lmao ! If I mess up the shave my face will be busted and it seems painful and itchy when it grows back too.