Someone Asks “What Are Some Immediate Red Flags In Women That Men Should Look Out For?”, And 30 Women Share Honest Answers
It's important to keep an open mind when you start dating someone. Sure, you might find it odd that they prefer walking only on your left or getting out of bed after the 12th alarm, but these things aren't exactly deal breakers.
Real dating warning signals tend to be more complex than habits you could pass off as behavioral quirks. So, to get a better understanding of where people draw the line, Redditor YummyYmir asked all the females on the platform what they believe to be immediate red flags in women that men should look out for. From not having girlfriends to emotional blackmail, we thought you'd also be interested in hearing the answers, so we put together the most popular ones into a list.
Continue scrolling to check it out and if you want to see men exploring the same topic, fire up our earlier publication here.
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Women who are aggressive and slap or hit others then say "you can't hit a woman."
You can't hit anyone Stacy.
A woman who loves the saying, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," or something like that. I understand the premise, that a relationship needs to be handle all the up's and down's. However, I find that woman who really love this saying tend to be rather mean, abusive, belittling, etc. at their 'worst'. No one deserves that.
when you are at your worst, you are still responsible for any hurt or damage, physical or emotional, your worst causes.
Marilyn Monroe said "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." It isn't meant to justify being toxic or abusive. It's meant to mean, "You have to be okay with me being human, and not having to put on a performance of being flawless. You have to accept me and love me when I'm in a tracksuit with no makeup, tired out, overwhelmed, sad, grumpy, eating too much ice cream, and pissed off because you never replace the loo roll." If someone's using to justify toxic behaviour, it's not a justification.
Except that's not actually how most people (primarily women) use the phrase. They literally mean "if I'm being an a-hole to you, you have to accept that as easily as you accept my being nice to you", because those people tend to be a-holes more often than not and have been told so countless times before.
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The answer to that remark should be "If you think you can give me your worst, then you have no respect for me, so sod off"
Yes. Absolutely. That saying is not a free pass for being an *ss. Adults take responsibility for their bad behavior, apologize for it, and try not to do it again.
Anyone who says that is someone to run away from ASAP. Whether on a date, at a job, in school. Anywhere.
Yes, when "the worst" is part of her persona rather than an aberration in unusual circumstances.
it's not a you problem if you're unable to deal with someone at their worst
Yup. Most women who like to throw this quote out, in this day and age, are just using it as code for "I'm a horrible person, and I expect you to just put up with it like a good little doormat."
Though I've never heard a man say this, that should be a red flag as much as it would be as a female saying it.
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"Sure, I can handle you at your worst, but do you really think I have so little self respect that I would subject myself to that?"
Chicks are the WORST when it comes to s**t like that, cuz they think they can get away with it just because they have a twat.
I've never seen this used this way tbh. Not saying it isn't but just maybe a pink flag not a red flag. Most people i know use it like as a more hipster "for better or worse" so let them show you if they mean it in a toxic way or "hey I'm sometimes a little clumsy, messy, and stupid but when i pull it together i can make great things happen"
If you cause me Hurt, in any fashion, "at your worst", you'll NEVER see my Best. You won't be around to enjoy that pleasure.
I think everyone should try to be a little better than they were yesterday. Everyone has their "days", but never abuse another person. Whenever I'm in a really bad mood and I'm snappy, I just let people know that. And I don't talk. And that makes it a little fair so they don't think I'm not talking because I'm angry at them. And when it passes then everything's fine.
Emotional blackmail. Threatening to harm self each time anything doesn’t go her way. Threatening to tell the whole world something that’s private between the two of you whenever anything goes wrong.
Not necessarily immediate, but having size or $$ requirements for the wedding ring is usually a bad sign.
Princess mentality.
Trust me dealing with that is not worth it.
“I get whatever I want”
Ew
Same as guys. If all the ex boyfriends or husbands are crazy and she says she hates drama, she is crazy and starts drama.
Just look at who is the constant in the equation, and you’ll have your answer.
"You don't have to use a condom" Isn't always a trap. But if it's early in the relationship, it should be troublesome.
Hearing "You don't have to use a condom" is a sure sign that you definitely SHOULD use one!
Women (or men) who put people through s**t just to see if they pass the test. My friend used to create problems just to ‘test’ other people. Romantic relationships as well as friendships. She’d only admit it was a test afterwards when you inevitability failed and realized she was lying.
For men and for women, rigid gender roles. Someone who sees you more as a gender than as a person brings a whole host of problems with that mindset.
I look forward to fighting with my future partner about which of us changes the oil in the car because we both want to do it.
Pretending to act dumb because she thinks it’s cute.
Women who go from relationship to relationship without time to be single are usually trouble. Same goes for women who change their identity with each relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but they clearly have issues to work through, if their self-esteem is validated through male attention.
Expecting you to read their mind!
I'm bi and have dated a few women seriously.
I unfortunately seemed to have a type- charismatic and very social women who were also passive aggressive. They all expected me to just know when and why they were mad at me, as they would become cool and distant with me, they'd sometimes stop returning calls for periods of time, and their facial expression would appear angry. BUT, when I asked what was wrong,, repeatedly, they would only say " nothings wrong". They'd make me beg and plead to find out what was wrong. It was infuriating.
The last womani seriously dated decided she was just going to not take my calla suddenly for a number of days. I just got fed up and never called her again/ ended things that way. She tried to call me eventually but I'd just screen her calls and let them go to voice-mail. I was so done with the games
All women are NOT like this. But I definitely had to rethink what sort of ladies I was dating.
Anyone, man or woman, who expects everyone around them—-and most especially their SO—-to be so tuned into them they can read their mind and “just know” what they want or what they’re thinking all the damn time, is only setting themselves up for a frustrating and disappointing life. People have their own lives and concerns, and aren’t tuning into you and your whiny b******t 24/7/365. Once in a great while other people might correctly guess, but don’t count on that as the birth of their mind reading abilities when it comes to you. So, open your goddamned mouth and communicate what you want, what you feel, what you need. As long as you don’t become demanding, the rest of us, well most of the rest of us at least, will be more than happy to accommodate you. Within reason, that is. Just don’t push it too far and start taking advantage or expecting it all the time, or we’ll stop it in a f*****g instant and leave.
A woman who wants to move in right away. Who discourages you from seeing your friends and who slowly stops you from doing what you want.
It’s a MF trap.
Watched it happen to a friend of mine. It was heartbreaking
If she always wants to be around you and gets irrationally angry with you when you want to leave for a bit..
Red flag..
“If you really loved me, you’d know.”
When they put other women down and hang out with men all the time, to be like “one of the boys”. There’s som deep misogyny going on and most of the time that girl is VERY insecure. Trust me, I was that girl.
Anyone who tells other people about your private conversations. I mean, it's one thing if you tell a good joke and they want to pass it on, but you should be able to confide in them about serious topics without fear they'll run off and tell someone else. This goes for friendships, too.
I’m 61. There are secrets people told me back in grade school that I have yet to divulge—-and, no, I’m not going to here and now—-even though they stopped mattering decades ago.
Expecting the man to "entertain" her on a date and arrange all logistics and events. Note: it is not a bad thing if a guy wants to surprise his date with something fun, or do something thoughtful, or plan something special. The problem is when the woman does constantly expects her boyfriend to arrange everything, like he's a concierge at a hotel, especially if she does not reciprocate. Worst is when the woman provides no input about what she'd like to do and then sulks when the man does not use ESP to divine her wishes.
Flip side: when your boyfriend asks you what you want to do, then shoots down everything you suggest. Why did they even ask? This is the most common reason women leave the plans up to men. So we don't have to listen to you whining and crying about what we planned for you.
Not having any girlfriends because “I don’t get along with women.”
When they insist that a lack of personal space equals to you not paying them enough attention. Like you can like/love someone without having to spend all your hours glued to them, or hanging on to everythingthey say.
OMG yes...A healthy relationship is one where there is room for everyone to be themselves and enjoy their own likes as well as be a couple( or triple or whatever floats your boat)
When she constantly belittle every other woman around her just to show off how "special" and "different" she is. Once in a while is ok I guess, but if she's always like that then there's a problem.
Passive-aggressiveness to get her way. Like the silent treatment, guilt trips, etc. Until you're isolated or find yourself doing only things with/for her. It's like... emotional abuse and happens to men all the time but no one seems to care.
I feel like adding it's done by all genders, and it happens to all genders.
When every photo on her IG page is a selfie of some sort.
They expect you to “rescue them” from their abusive exes/untreated mental health problems/shitty childhood.
A lot of women fantasize about the perfect man who never hurts her or burdens her with his needs. And he’s going to be the amazing guy who deals with all the anxiety and paranoia and baggage she has from abusive exes.
Remember that you’re human too and you deserve to be treated like a human and not someone’s white knight
Honestly, I think a lot of women who have experienced childhood trauma/abuse and/or domestic violence are looking for a man that isn't going to keep them in the constant survival mode they live their lives in. I don't think it's a red flag per se. It's not so much that the SO needs are a burden but instead more of a desire to love and be loved without pain. I speak from personal experience.
If she thinks she can control you/ win you over through sex. I had a friend that would say; I'm going to Fu*k him so good that he will fall in love with me. She would usually say this if it was their first date.
When she gets mad at you for saying no to her. I'm not just talking about big things, if she throws a fit because you cancelled one plan, run. There are a lot of women out there that are more than ready to turn down guys but get real pissed when someone else tells them no. More trouble than its worth, and that lack of accepting no's *will* become a problem later on. One of my old high school friends was like this, she acted as if her boyfriends should always do her bidding and that they were bad people if their worlds didn't revolve around her.
Some of these serve to only strengthen the idea of gender fluidity. I understand the title of the thread, but the longer this list goes on, the more obvious these can be found in people of any gender becomes.
love bombing right after meeting for the first time
I'm a guy, but I thought that I'd add something here anyways.
The red flag is extreme sensitivity to shame and pride. These are textbook examples of clinical narcissism and believe me when I tell you that you are not prepared for the myriad ways that dating a narcissist will f**k you up.
Calls herself an empath, and says she’s more in touch with emotions than other people.
whats wrong with that? I am an empath because i had to read peoples emotions growing up in an abusive house, was the only way to stay safe and read the situation, i can tell if someone is sad or angry etc, i dont think thats a probem
Note: this post originally had 48 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
There's one good big old red flag if he's (she's) saying "oh, my ex was craaazy...". In my case I heard it once and there was no need to continue, but he goes on further "she called a police on me, imagine? then I was not allowed to see her again". Heard later that this dude who accused his ex of being crazy, was a stalker and had some anger management issues. Listen to your gut, if someone calls their ex crazy, run, because next "crazy" will be you.
I'm telling on myself here, but only because once my mom pointed it out to me, I began fixing it. It took a long time. My stepdad was an abusive alcoholic when I was little. He would get drunk, be horrible, mom would get mad, he'd be good for 2-4 weeks or so. Fast forward and I married my second husband (our 20 year anniversary was 8/3). We really didn't argue/fight. But because of my childhood, I would start fights. One day talking to my mom it was pointed out I needed the explosion to have peace. That the cycle with my dad, we always knew the explosion would come again. So the 2nd week would come and nothing. The 3rd, nothing. Then the 4th he would get drunk and do it again. Then I knew I had at minimum 2 weeks of peace. Since my husband and I didn't fight, the longer we went without the explosion I kept anticipating one. More time passes and the more on edge I became, knowing it just HAD to come soon. So we'd reach 4 weeks and I would be so tense and on edge unconsciously I would
.... start a fight to get the relief. It was a horrible thing for me to do to him, but I didn't realize what I was doing. Thankfully we talked after mom explained it to me and I apologized. We put some things in place to help and I just worked really hard to stop that behavior. I'm very grateful my husband didn't simply see it as a red flag and run. Though if I never would have learned about it, I'm guessing our marriage would have been long over by now.
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hey guys, be GRATEFUL for any of these warning signs... she is just tipping her cards to let you know what is in her hand, proceed with caution duly warned... The REAL JERK is the one who keeps the real self, her real persona, carefully hidden behind a pretty mask... after she is holding marriage papers on you, the mask comes off. Now you have a wife who thinks nothing is wrong when she threatens divorce if the princess (now the Queen) doesn't get her way about even the slightest things, and won't hesitate to turn in the marriage papers for divorce papers upon the least provocation... hurts even more when your kids are involved... some of life's lessons are hard, there are non-authentic people (a.k.a. LIARS) out there who are living a lie, some people will not show their true self until married with threats of a high-stakes divorce on the table... after they put you through all this, then the jerk proceeds to destroy your reputation, since, after all, they are perfect which makes everything that happened all your fault... Hellfire is waiting for witches like this who do this... Don't make it worse by being a non-authentic jerk yourself...
It's always great to share red flags of course, but it becomes toxic if such lists are sprinkled with over generalised misogynist BS... Please select more carefully, BP.
How funny is all the red flag women debating every number, best part of this post is reading the comment below saying its not really a problem 😝😛😛
didn't see it here, but "testing " you. sending one of her female friends to flit with you to see what you do.
"It's my way or the hi-way". They are not interested in working through the relationship problems. Take the hi-way.
Want to enjoy peace and quiet - stay single - it really is that simple.
Biggest red flag I've ever seen in a woman: was at work (cashier) and this family was in my line. Little girl asks "daddy can I get one of these suckers? Please please?" It's one of the giant swirled lolipops. Dad says yes and mom immediately says no. Cute the argument. "Oh come on. It's just the one." "No I don't want her having one" "is it cause of the sugar? Cause look, they have smaller ones right here" "no. I already said no so the answer is no." "Why can't I spoil my kid every once in a while?" "SHES NOT EVEN REALLY YOUR DAUGHTER" when I tell you the heartbreak on this man's face was worse than just about anything I've ever seen, I'm not kidding. First of all, your kid is RIGHT there. Saying that at the same time you allow her to call him daddy is extremely confusing for a child that age. It's cruel. Second of all, if he clearly loves her and takes care of her and she calls him dad, he's her f*cking dad. Biology has nothing to do with it.
Third, you're in a f*cking store, in PUBLIC! Have some f*cking decency. On the bright side, a few months later, (the family are regulars) I found out he'd taken her to court and actually won. He got custody of his daughter full time. Clearly mom wasn't a good gf OR mother. And you know he buys his daughter every. Single. Time. The come in? A big a** sucker. I think that moment had been the last straw for him.
Load More Replies... the biggest red flag for me was when on the first date the woman left the front door & front windows to the apt. open with her watching them nervously. After about the 10th alarmed glance at the open front door, I asked what was going on. She said her previous boyfriend was extremely jealous and stalked her when she had company over. Then she said that a few months before, he threw a can of gasoline with a burning rag into her apt. during the night and burned out the apt. She said the cops couldn't prove a case for arson, so they let him go. Yikes.... all this on the first date...
There's one good big old red flag if he's (she's) saying "oh, my ex was craaazy...". In my case I heard it once and there was no need to continue, but he goes on further "she called a police on me, imagine? then I was not allowed to see her again". Heard later that this dude who accused his ex of being crazy, was a stalker and had some anger management issues. Listen to your gut, if someone calls their ex crazy, run, because next "crazy" will be you.
I'm telling on myself here, but only because once my mom pointed it out to me, I began fixing it. It took a long time. My stepdad was an abusive alcoholic when I was little. He would get drunk, be horrible, mom would get mad, he'd be good for 2-4 weeks or so. Fast forward and I married my second husband (our 20 year anniversary was 8/3). We really didn't argue/fight. But because of my childhood, I would start fights. One day talking to my mom it was pointed out I needed the explosion to have peace. That the cycle with my dad, we always knew the explosion would come again. So the 2nd week would come and nothing. The 3rd, nothing. Then the 4th he would get drunk and do it again. Then I knew I had at minimum 2 weeks of peace. Since my husband and I didn't fight, the longer we went without the explosion I kept anticipating one. More time passes and the more on edge I became, knowing it just HAD to come soon. So we'd reach 4 weeks and I would be so tense and on edge unconsciously I would
.... start a fight to get the relief. It was a horrible thing for me to do to him, but I didn't realize what I was doing. Thankfully we talked after mom explained it to me and I apologized. We put some things in place to help and I just worked really hard to stop that behavior. I'm very grateful my husband didn't simply see it as a red flag and run. Though if I never would have learned about it, I'm guessing our marriage would have been long over by now.
Load More Replies... hey guys, be GRATEFUL for any of these warning signs... she is just tipping her cards to let you know what is in her hand, proceed with caution duly warned... The REAL JERK is the one who keeps the real self, her real persona, carefully hidden behind a pretty mask... after she is holding marriage papers on you, the mask comes off. Now you have a wife who thinks nothing is wrong when she threatens divorce if the princess (now the Queen) doesn't get her way about even the slightest things, and won't hesitate to turn in the marriage papers for divorce papers upon the least provocation... hurts even more when your kids are involved... some of life's lessons are hard, there are non-authentic people (a.k.a. LIARS) out there who are living a lie, some people will not show their true self until married with threats of a high-stakes divorce on the table... after they put you through all this, then the jerk proceeds to destroy your reputation, since, after all, they are perfect which makes everything that happened all your fault... Hellfire is waiting for witches like this who do this... Don't make it worse by being a non-authentic jerk yourself...
It's always great to share red flags of course, but it becomes toxic if such lists are sprinkled with over generalised misogynist BS... Please select more carefully, BP.
How funny is all the red flag women debating every number, best part of this post is reading the comment below saying its not really a problem 😝😛😛
didn't see it here, but "testing " you. sending one of her female friends to flit with you to see what you do.
"It's my way or the hi-way". They are not interested in working through the relationship problems. Take the hi-way.
Want to enjoy peace and quiet - stay single - it really is that simple.
Biggest red flag I've ever seen in a woman: was at work (cashier) and this family was in my line. Little girl asks "daddy can I get one of these suckers? Please please?" It's one of the giant swirled lolipops. Dad says yes and mom immediately says no. Cute the argument. "Oh come on. It's just the one." "No I don't want her having one" "is it cause of the sugar? Cause look, they have smaller ones right here" "no. I already said no so the answer is no." "Why can't I spoil my kid every once in a while?" "SHES NOT EVEN REALLY YOUR DAUGHTER" when I tell you the heartbreak on this man's face was worse than just about anything I've ever seen, I'm not kidding. First of all, your kid is RIGHT there. Saying that at the same time you allow her to call him daddy is extremely confusing for a child that age. It's cruel. Second of all, if he clearly loves her and takes care of her and she calls him dad, he's her f*cking dad. Biology has nothing to do with it.
Third, you're in a f*cking store, in PUBLIC! Have some f*cking decency. On the bright side, a few months later, (the family are regulars) I found out he'd taken her to court and actually won. He got custody of his daughter full time. Clearly mom wasn't a good gf OR mother. And you know he buys his daughter every. Single. Time. The come in? A big a** sucker. I think that moment had been the last straw for him.
Load More Replies... the biggest red flag for me was when on the first date the woman left the front door & front windows to the apt. open with her watching them nervously. After about the 10th alarmed glance at the open front door, I asked what was going on. She said her previous boyfriend was extremely jealous and stalked her when she had company over. Then she said that a few months before, he threw a can of gasoline with a burning rag into her apt. during the night and burned out the apt. She said the cops couldn't prove a case for arson, so they let him go. Yikes.... all this on the first date...
