Women Share The Most Common Red Flags Men Should Look Out For When Dating A Woman (48 Posts)
It's important to keep an open mind when you start dating someone. Sure, you might find it odd that they prefer walking only on your left or getting out of bed after the 12th alarm, but these things aren't exactly deal breakers.
Real dating warning signals tend to be more complex than habits you could pass off as behavioral quirks. So, to get a better understanding of where people draw the line, Redditor YummyYmir asked all the females on the platform what they believe to be immediate red flags in women that men should look out for. From not having girlfriends to emotional blackmail, we thought you'd also be interested in hearing the answers, so we put together the most popular ones into a list.
Continue scrolling to check it out and if you want to see men exploring the same topic, fire up our earlier publication here.
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Women who are aggressive and slap or hit others then say "you can't hit a woman."
You can't hit anyone Stacy.
A woman who loves the saying, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," or something like that. I understand the premise, that a relationship needs to be handle all the up's and down's. However, I find that woman who really love this saying tend to be rather mean, abusive, belittling, etc. at their 'worst'. No one deserves that.
when you are at your worst, you are still responsible for any hurt or damage, physical or emotional, your worst causes.
Emotional blackmail. Threatening to harm self each time anything doesn’t go her way. Threatening to tell the whole world something that’s private between the two of you whenever anything goes wrong.
Not necessarily immediate, but having size or $$ requirements for the wedding ring is usually a bad sign.
Princess mentality.
Trust me dealing with that is not worth it.
“I get whatever I want”
Ew
Same as guys. If all the ex boyfriends or husbands are crazy and she says she hates drama, she is crazy and starts drama.
Just look at who is the constant in the equation, and you’ll have your answer.
"You don't have to use a condom" Isn't always a trap. But if it's early in the relationship, it should be troublesome.
Hearing "You don't have to use a condom" is a sure sign that you definitely SHOULD use one!
Women (or men) who put people through s**t just to see if they pass the test. My friend used to create problems just to ‘test’ other people. Romantic relationships as well as friendships. She’d only admit it was a test afterwards when you inevitability failed and realized she was lying.
For men and for women, rigid gender roles. Someone who sees you more as a gender than as a person brings a whole host of problems with that mindset.
I look forward to fighting with my future partner about which of us changes the oil in the car because we both want to do it.
Pretending to act dumb because she thinks it’s cute.
Women who go from relationship to relationship without time to be single are usually trouble. Same goes for women who change their identity with each relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but they clearly have issues to work through, if their self-esteem is validated through male attention.
Expecting you to read their mind!
I'm bi and have dated a few women seriously.
I unfortunately seemed to have a type- charismatic and very social women who were also passive aggressive. They all expected me to just know when and why they were mad at me, as they would become cool and distant with me, they'd sometimes stop returning calls for periods of time, and their facial expression would appear angry. BUT, when I asked what was wrong,, repeatedly, they would only say " nothings wrong". They'd make me beg and plead to find out what was wrong. It was infuriating.
The last womani seriously dated decided she was just going to not take my calla suddenly for a number of days. I just got fed up and never called her again/ ended things that way. She tried to call me eventually but I'd just screen her calls and let them go to voice-mail. I was so done with the games
All women are NOT like this. But I definitely had to rethink what sort of ladies I was dating.
Anyone, man or woman, who expects everyone around them—-and most especially their SO—-to be so tuned into them they can read their mind and “just know” what they want or what they’re thinking all the damn time, is only setting themselves up for a frustrating and disappointing life. People have their own lives and concerns, and aren’t tuning into you and your whiny b******t 24/7/365. Once in a great while other people might correctly guess, but don’t count on that as the birth of their mind reading abilities when it comes to you. So, open your goddamned mouth and communicate what you want, what you feel, what you need. As long as you don’t become demanding, the rest of us, well most of the rest of us at least, will be more than happy to accommodate you. Within reason, that is. Just don’t push it too far and start taking advantage or expecting it all the time, or we’ll stop it in a f*****g instant and leave.
A woman who wants to move in right away. Who discourages you from seeing your friends and who slowly stops you from doing what you want.
It’s a MF trap.
Watched it happen to a friend of mine. It was heartbreaking
If she always wants to be around you and gets irrationally angry with you when you want to leave for a bit..
Red flag..
“If you really loved me, you’d know.”
When they put other women down and hang out with men all the time, to be like “one of the boys”. There’s som deep misogyny going on and most of the time that girl is VERY insecure. Trust me, I was that girl.
Anyone who tells other people about your private conversations. I mean, it's one thing if you tell a good joke and they want to pass it on, but you should be able to confide in them about serious topics without fear they'll run off and tell someone else. This goes for friendships, too.
I’m 61. There are secrets people told me back in grade school that I have yet to divulge—-and, no, I’m not going to here and now—-even though they stopped mattering decades ago.
Expecting the man to "entertain" her on a date and arrange all logistics and events. Note: it is not a bad thing if a guy wants to surprise his date with something fun, or do something thoughtful, or plan something special. The problem is when the woman does constantly expects her boyfriend to arrange everything, like he's a concierge at a hotel, especially if she does not reciprocate. Worst is when the woman provides no input about what she'd like to do and then sulks when the man does not use ESP to divine her wishes.
Flip side: when your boyfriend asks you what you want to do, then shoots down everything you suggest. Why did they even ask? This is the most common reason women leave the plans up to men. So we don't have to listen to you whining and crying about what we planned for you.
Not having any girlfriends because “I don’t get along with women.”
When they insist that a lack of personal space equals to you not paying them enough attention. Like you can like/love someone without having to spend all your hours glued to them, or hanging on to everythingthey say.
OMG yes...A healthy relationship is one where there is room for everyone to be themselves and enjoy their own likes as well as be a couple( or triple or whatever floats your boat)
When she constantly belittle every other woman around her just to show off how "special" and "different" she is. Once in a while is ok I guess, but if she's always like that then there's a problem.
Passive-aggressiveness to get her way. Like the silent treatment, guilt trips, etc. Until you're isolated or find yourself doing only things with/for her. It's like... emotional abuse and happens to men all the time but no one seems to care.
I feel like adding it's done by all genders, and it happens to all genders.
When every photo on her IG page is a selfie of some sort.
They expect you to “rescue them” from their abusive exes/untreated mental health problems/shitty childhood.
A lot of women fantasize about the perfect man who never hurts her or burdens her with his needs. And he’s going to be the amazing guy who deals with all the anxiety and paranoia and baggage she has from abusive exes.
Remember that you’re human too and you deserve to be treated like a human and not someone’s white knight
Honestly, I think a lot of women who have experienced childhood trauma/abuse and/or domestic violence are looking for a man that isn't going to keep them in the constant survival mode they live their lives in. I don't think it's a red flag per se. It's not so much that the SO needs are a burden but instead more of a desire to love and be loved without pain. I speak from personal experience.
If she thinks she can control you/ win you over through sex. I had a friend that would say; I'm going to Fu*k him so good that he will fall in love with me. She would usually say this if it was their first date.
When she gets mad at you for saying no to her. I'm not just talking about big things, if she throws a fit because you cancelled one plan, run. There are a lot of women out there that are more than ready to turn down guys but get real pissed when someone else tells them no. More trouble than its worth, and that lack of accepting no's *will* become a problem later on. One of my old high school friends was like this, she acted as if her boyfriends should always do her bidding and that they were bad people if their worlds didn't revolve around her.
Some of these serve to only strengthen the idea of gender fluidity. I understand the title of the thread, but the longer this list goes on, the more obvious these can be found in people of any gender becomes.
love bombing right after meeting for the first time
I'm a guy, but I thought that I'd add something here anyways.
The red flag is extreme sensitivity to shame and pride. These are textbook examples of clinical narcissism and believe me when I tell you that you are not prepared for the myriad ways that dating a narcissist will f**k you up.
Calls herself an empath, and says she’s more in touch with emotions than other people.
whats wrong with that? I am an empath because i had to read peoples emotions growing up in an abusive house, was the only way to stay safe and read the situation, i can tell if someone is sad or angry etc, i dont think thats a probem
Women that use ultimatums as a form of manipulation to get their way.
They isolate you little by little from your friends and family until they have you to themselves.
Get irrate when you make plans with friends, family, but only want you to stay home and hang out with them, or attend THEIR family/ friend outings.
Someone you cannot communicate with… have to hold your tongue constantly because you’re afraid it’ll start an argument.
My brother in law is a farmer and the industry is rough right now and was living with his mom on the family farm to help and renting out the extra house on the property to make extra money.
Not even dating a year and she begged for him to kick the renters out who were good friends for 10+ years so they could move in. “You need to kick them out by the end of next month or we are breaking up” turned quickly into “ I’m not moving in unless you propose.”
Long story short, she still moved in without a proposal, an absolutely empty manipulative tactic.
Now its “I’m not paying cause it’s not my house.”
Stay clear of this, PLEASE
If you’re using a “dating” app, except for the really expensive ones that do the work for you, skip every profile where the bio is just a list of things she doesn’t want/doesn’t have “time for”. You’re not selling yourself. You’re trying to find someone to give yourself to. She should do the same. Trust is important.
When she needs to be a Princess. I don't mean like, she wants you to be nurturing if she's sick or she wants to pick out the stuff for the wedding. I'm talking about - it's her way or the high way all the time for anything and cost/other peoples feelings be damned.
She is selfish and entitled and those things don't go away.
Jumping ship. She’s already in a relationship and is looking for the next one. Someone like that is a parasite.
This holds true for anyone, but: Women who are holding auditions to fill the role of "husband and/or father" rather than seeking a specific person who's a good teammate and partner for them. The more detailed someone's mental plans for their married life are, the less room there is for another real human being in that life.
Bonus red flag: pouring focus, attention, and energy into every detail of "the perfect wedding". At heart, a wedding is signing legal paperwork and then throwing a party. A single day out of years, hopefully decades, together. Something is bound to go awry, but at the end of the day, if you're married to your teammate, it's all fine. Someone who doesn't understand that isn't ready for that kind of commitment.
She states she is too busy to talk when apart but when you are together she sits on her phone constantly, she always complains, she only ever talks about herself
They ask for a very expensive item on the menu when you're paying. They might just be using you for free food
I have to say, and I swear I'm not saying this to get any kind of praise or whatever, but any 1st date I've ever been on, I always pay the bill unless he seriously insists. I do it because i feel like guys expect to HAVE to pay it and I want them to feel like they don't have to worry about that with me. I also like paying at restaurants because I don't want to worry about what I order. I don't understand why guys take a woman to a fancy restaurant that charges that much on the first few dates in the first place. A pretty good sign she's a jerk if she's *requiring* you take her to that kind of place. Best date I ever went on we went to Dave and Buster's and played games and had dinner at the restaurant on site. He bought the cards for us to use and i bought the dinner. It's important to me that a guy never thinks I'm for sale. But I don't mean that in a mean way--- surprise me with flowers or buy dessert but you aren't a credit card to me. I want it to be as equal as possible.
If she's immediately suspicious/jealous of you having female friends. If she sees other women you have a platonic friendship with as competition, she's not worth the hassle. You can't expect her to like ALL your friends, but if she objects to other women in your friend sphere, it's trouble.
My boyfriend has a woman friend who he goes to festivals with and also sleep in the same tent (I don’t like festivals that much, too noisy and crowded).They once had a few dates but no love material on both sides. They have known each other for years during a time when they were both single. If there had been even the slightest spark between them, smt would have happened a loooong time ago. 🤣
– lack of reciprocity
– love bombing
– lot of people around her are "narcissistic" and she is the victim (it may be true, certain victims tend to attract narcissists like a magnet, but be careful)
– treats the waiters badly
– hangs out only with people who benefit her in some way (unless you are the same)
– mistreats those who are of no use to her when she thinks you dont notice (worse if she knows you notice)
– NEEDS to be the centre of attention (nothing wrong with that if you like attention in a healthy way)
Yes, I have grown up with people with narcissistic traits. I described my sister. :) She can't help herself and I wish her all the best. Her boyfriends have not been happy.
People who treat service people badly shouldn't even be friends nevermind partners.
when she's complaining about how guys can't even give the "bare minimum" but does the same.
Asking this same question over and over again with small tweaks
And then if one variation of the question gets a slightly different answer from the other versions, you are "changing your story" and are "covering for something"
When you try talking to her and she hardly talks with you, then goes back to whatever she was doing.
Example, tried talking with my ex a lot but she wouldn’t keep up a conversation and once ignored me entirely. I was just tryna hang out with my gf. Not a surprise that the relationship didn’t last long
Jealousy and possessiveness. - Wife
To play devil's advocate while I agree with this, there's something to be said about being a little possessive of the person you love. At least, personally, I like it if it's a healthy version of it. I think if a guy I was with didn't care if I flirted with someone else, I'd be kind of sad. I would want to know the person I'm with cares if he might lose me. I like knowing he wouldn't want to share me with someone else (unless we're consensually into that, lol). If I saw some girl trying to flirt with him when he went to the bar to get us drinks, I wouldn't worry he was going to cheat or anything but a little ping of jealousy might ring for a second. And sometimes I even like it because I like seeing he's wanted by others but I get to have him. I like the idea of respecting each other enough to feel privileged to be with one another. Maybe that's a little problematic but...it's just how I feel.
Everyone downplays it, but if your date insists that she doesn't want any of a specific food you want to order and then only after it's at the table turns around and says she does actually want it, she will likely keep doing it and it will get annoying very fast. There's a weird stigma that women shouldn't eat much on dates (I had an ex scoff at me for finishing the burger I ordered because it "wasn't ladylike") and it can just lead to really annoying habits that should
be nipped in the bud early.
Huh? If she has this problem with food, that's sad of course, but how is it a red flag? How is it harmful to the potential partner?
Anyone tired of the 20 variations of this question now? It was interesting at first, now it feels like people are just karma farming by slightly changing it
When she thinks she's a witch, or into witchcraft, etc.
This one is kinda iffy....you can substitute any religious belief in the above statement and it could be held true.
Oh Jesus.
- manipulation: always making you feel bad for standing up for yourself, or for not agreeing with her otherwise sketchy behavior
- cheating: I hate to say this but most women now a days already have your replacement lined up if you stop serving them.
- selfishness
- gold digging
- laziness: won't work to support themselves
There's more but it hurts me to have to list them all.
Most women now a days already have your replacement lined up? WTF is THAT BS?
There's one good big old red flag if he's (she's) saying "oh, my ex was craaazy...". In my case I heard it once and there was no need to continue, but he goes on further "she called a police on me, imagine? then I was not allowed to see her again". Heard later that this dude who accused his ex of being crazy, was a stalker and had some anger management issues. Listen to your gut, if someone calls their ex crazy, run, because next "crazy" will be you.
There's one good big old red flag if he's (she's) saying "oh, my ex was craaazy...". In my case I heard it once and there was no need to continue, but he goes on further "she called a police on me, imagine? then I was not allowed to see her again". Heard later that this dude who accused his ex of being crazy, was a stalker and had some anger management issues. Listen to your gut, if someone calls their ex crazy, run, because next "crazy" will be you.
