Men Are Questioning How They Can Help Women Feel Safer After The Tragic Disappearance Of Sarah Everard
The United Kingdom is shocked and reeling after the disappearance of Sarah Everard, a 33-year-old marketing executive, on the evening of March 3 in south London. A senior police officer has since been arrested on suspicion of murder while it has just been confirmed that the human remains found in a wooded area near Ashford in Kent belong to the missing woman. “Sarah’s disappearance in these awful and wicked circumstances is every family’s worst nightmare,” the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Cressida Dick, said.
With the details of this nightmare still unfolding, social media users have been discussing what men can do to help make women feel safer and less anxious. One of these people is Stuart Edwards, who lives less than 5 minutes from where Sarah went missing. Have a read through the advice for men that everyone gave in Stuart’s viral Twitter thread.
A representative of Plan International UK, which is part of the #CrimeNotCompliment campaign together with their partner Our Streets Now, told Bored Panda that “male allies can come together and tackle the structural inequalities which allow this public sexual harassment to happen in the first place.” Joining the #CrimeNotCompliment campaign which fights to rid the world of public sexual harassment can be the first step.
“Ordinary people taking even the smallest action can make a real difference. If anyone witnessed someone being harassed, a quick check-in afterwards, or an acknowledgment that the girl has a right to feel safe and not to be harassed, can make her feel better about her experience,” the Plan International UK representative told us.
Sarah Everard disappeared on her way home on the evening of March 3
Stuart started a very important discussion about what men can do to make women feel less afraid on the streets
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Here is what some women told Stuart
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Despite the Covid lockdowns emptying the city streets, harassment is still very much an issue. “Girls face a double whammy of restrictions to public space, both as a result of the coronavirus measures and their experiences of street harassment. Despite streets being emptier, this harassment has plagued girls throughout the pandemic, with half (51%) experiencing it over summer, and one in five (19%) during the first national lockdown. Now more than ever, we must stand with girls and champion their right to move freely in public, without the fear of being intimidated and harassed. That’s why we are calling for public sexual harassment to be made a crime.”
Rose Caldwell, the CEO for Plan International UK said had this to say: “All women and girls should feel safe in public spaces, yet they still continue to face harassment every day. They’re being followed, shouted at, touched, and groped—and it needs to stop. That is why our #CrimeNotCompliment campaign, with Our Streets Now, calls upon the government to establish a clear law that criminalizes all forms of public sexual harassment and protects the rights of girls to a life lived without fear.”
She continued: “Currently, there is no UK law that fully criminalizes public sexual harassment, leaving perpetrators to get away with it. As one girl told us, you can be fined for dropping litter in the UK, but not for harassing a woman or girl in public. This cannot be right. Only by enacting legal change will we start to see a cultural shift, so that girls and women will finally begin to feel safe in public spaces.”
Bored Panda also reached out to Jorge Arteaga, the Deputy Director at ‘Hollaback!’, an organization that aims to end harassment in all of its forms. According to Arteaga, one of the main ways how men can be part of the solution instead of the problem is focusing on accountability and moving away from normalizing harassment.
“Check yourself, your friends, family, everyone. Anytime they make abhorrent comments like ‘she was looking for it, or she shouldn’t have walked down that street or worn that dress, she should’ve walked with friends.’ Harassment, physical violence, or sexual assault are all horrible occurrences, and there is no justification for it. Stop normalizing harassment and violence toward women (in the most intersectional expression possible). Hold your friends accountable for those inappropriate jokes or comments when it’s just the ‘guys.’ The next time a woman denies your or your friend’s advances, do not be persistent,” Arteaga explained.
Stuart, the author of the thread, told Bored Panda that he feels like he doesn’t have anything else valuable to say. “I asked the question, but it’s the women who replied that are the voices that I think need to be heard. Me commenting would feel like a distraction from that. But thank you for giving a platform to the wider discussion,” he said.
Time writes that Sarah was captured on doorbell video footage walking home from a friend’s house on a main road near Clapham around 9:30 p.m. on March 3. This was the last time that she was recorded to be seen in public. The woman’s family raised alarms after they learned she’d not been in contact with her friends.
Meanwhile, on Tuesday, March 9, a senior serving officer of the London Metropolitan Police was arrested at a house in Kent. The officer is part of the Parliamentary and Diplomatic Protection Command and is in his 40s.
Since Sarah’s disappearance, the topics of sexual harassment, assault, kidnapping, and staying safe have dominated the public discourse. Many women have come forward sharing their own experiences of being harassed.
What’s more, women have been sharing the various things that they do to stay safe whenever they leave their homes. There has also been a call for men to change their behavior and to put an end to victim-blaming (some have even gone as far as suggesting that Sarah may have been at fault because she was walking home alone).
Meanwhile, another man, Carl, encouraged guys to be aware of their actions
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A recent UN Women UK survey found that 80 percent of women of all ages have said that they experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. Meanwhile, among women aged 18 to 24, the vast majority, 97 percent, have revealed that they’ve been victims of sexual harassment.
“This is a human rights crisis. It’s just not enough for us to keep saying ‘this is too difficult a problem for us to solve’—it needs addressing now,” Claire Barnett, the executive director of UN Women UK, declared.
“We are looking at a situation where younger women are constantly modifying their behavior in an attempt to avoid being objectified or attacked, and older women are reporting serious concerns about personal safety if they ever leave the house in the dark—even during the daytime in winter,” Barnett warned.
Meanwhile, a YouGov survey of over 1k women, seen exclusively by the Guardian, showed that the vast majority of respondents (96 percent) did not report incidents of sexual harassment. Around half of them (45 percent) said that reporting them wouldn’t change anything. This shows an utter lack of faith in British authorities.
Here is some more advice from women to men on how to help everyone feel safer on the streets
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The BBC reports that vigils for women’s safety on the streets are being organized all over the UK, as well as in Clapham, where Sarah was last seen. The organizers of the Reclaim These Streets events said that it was wrong that “the response to violence against women requires women to behave differently.” However, the police have stated that the vigils cannot go ahead due to Covid-19 lockdown restrictions. The organizers plan to go to the High Court to challenge this edict.
Dick, the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, highlighted that it’s still “incredibly rare” for a woman to be abducted on the streets of London. “But I completely understand that despite this, women in London and the wider public—particularly those in the area where Sarah went missing—will be worried and may well be feeling scared,” she said.
The organizers of the vigil that’s meant to be held on Saturday afternoon on Clapham Common revealed that the local police told women “not to go out at night this week.” However, the organizers responded by saying that women aren’t the problem. “This is a vigil for Sarah, but also for all women who feel unsafe, who go missing from our streets, and who face violence every day.”
The UK Home Secretary, Priti Patel, said that the concerns shared by women “are so powerful because each and every woman can relate.” According to her, “every woman should feel safe to walk on our streets without fear of harassment or violence.”
As a tall man with only good intentions i feel responsible for the safety of the vulnerable people around me. When it's dark and i wait at a bus or train station, i always keep a good distance to (young) women but i keep an eye on them when there are strange people around. I watch my surroundings with a brief smile or pretend to see something funny on the phone and laugh a little. I try to show that i'm a good guy. There was a occasion, where two women which were out together, changed their distance to me from approx. 5m to about 2m when some creepers were walking around. I take this as a "you're doing it right" wink.
Please, please, please, call out our male friends and colleagues when they make little comments that demonstrate that they are seeing women or a woman as primarily a sexual object. Please don't just think that this kind of joke isn't to your taste, and let it go. You are directly contributing to this general underlying consensus that women are there to be harassed by men and that's just the way of the world. I wish men understood the power they had to use phrases like "Don't be that dude, c'mon man" or "she's here to do a job, not be harassed, right?" or "you sound like a creep, you're better than that". It doesn't have to aggressive, just let them know you're not letting the comment pass.
Yep! I was with two male colleagues at work, during lunchtime. There was a small talk about an anecdotal beautiful "girl" and how this one guy (a married ass man with a kid btw) would approach her, completely one sided. I spontaneously told him "why don't you consider her feelings first?" My question didn't touch him, but it did touch the other colleague with us. He had a genuine reaction and agreed, like, "yes, *Name*, you have to consider the other person's perspective.". My point is - don't be afraid telling off these kinds of attitudes, because, even if that person doesn't listen, it will affect bystanders who overhear you.
Load More Replies... I frankly do not think the right conclusions are drawn. If women feel intimidated when a man walks behind them on the sidewalk, the question is not whether that man should stop, change the side, or do whatever he guesses could mitigate a situation he also only can guess. The question is why we tolerate societies in which a few people force unto all others (gender notwithstanding) that they need to do all kinds of thoughts when walking on a public street. When my daughters walk to school, I do not want that they are afraid because a man walks on the same side. I want that they are not afraid because creeps, stalkers, harassers and their like are not tolerated, not even in their more subtle occurence, and because we all help each other in case we encouter one.
Well, maybe... but in the meantime, a small gesture can means a lot to women everywhere. And the final goal should not a society were abusive behaviours are not tolerated. It's a society in wich the education of young boys - and the end of rape culture - puts an end to male toxicity. The best way to avoid rape/harassment is not for women to learn how to defend themselves, but for man not to rape/harass. It's start for example by not encouraging a (young) boy to keep trying if a girl says no. I see the utopia in this, but there's a lot of things that can be worked on on a daily basis.
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Call out men you see catcalling. "That's not complementry, it's harassment, and you need to stop doing it." In the locker room "what the hell, man? not cool. That's sick. Don't even joke about it." At work "That's sexual harassment, and if I hear another remark of that nature I'll report you to HR myself." Then report the incident. In bars "Dude, learn to take a no. She's clearly not interested." And don't use it as a strategy to hit on her yourself. Tell the bouncer/bartender that the man is harassing women. If you see a woman incapacitated, by alcohol or possibly a rape drug, don't allow a man or men to 'take her home' or 'walk her out'. Stop them from leaving, and ask member of staff, or one of her female friends to make sure she's alright. If you see a drink being dosed, speak up imediately, and loudly, demand that the drink be kept and call the police. Talk to your sons about consent. If you think man might be harassing a woman on public transport, or elsewhere, butt in.
Consent should be talked about for everyone. It isn't just girls who get sexually abused.
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I'm 6'2, muscular build with a fast walking pace. When I'm walking in the evening or night, I know I'm an intimidating sight. Even when I cross the street my fast pace can be disturbing to lone people. If I were to slow down, that would seem just as suspicious. I don't know if my solution is a good one, but I call my wife or mum. For some reason, I just think that if they can hear me having a relaxed conversation it will put them at ease a bit (especially if my wife puts me on loudspeaker so I can speak to the dogs).
I like that idea. Thank you for being conscious of your actions
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I'd like to add "teach your sons how not to behave like idiots"like: no is no, don't touch unless you're 100% sure it's welcomed...
Also teach your daughters how not to behave like idiots. It isn't a single gender thing.
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The kind of men who attack women on the street, do not take advice from this type of article.
No, this was more for the men who want to help women feel safer but don't know how.
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One suggestion for any guys looking to be less “intimidating”, pretend to call your mother. Many of the guys who’d kidnap/harm women, are not going to intentionally call their mothers in front of them. It gives off better vibes.
Guys shouldn't need to worry about looking less "intimidating". He is just another person and shouldn't need to convince people he isn't a threat just because of his gender.
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This is so incredibly true. One night in our apartment complex, my sister was taking out her trash so our creepy neighbor decided that he should take his out as well. My sister called me while she walked back to her apartment so that this guy would know that someone knew where she was. There's another male neighbor in our complex that looks out for us and makes sure that we are okay. He does this as a favor to our dad.
Couldn't that have just been a coincidence? If an old woman who lived near you had come out at the same time, would you have called her creepy?
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Call out men who are being disgusting sleazeballs. Catcalling happens in shops and in front of dozens of people on the sidewalk, where do you think it happens? No man ever intervenes. It's that simple. Even just when people say weird s**t.
This happens to Mexican women all the time as they are abducted to be sexually trafficked. Everyone takes notice when it's a pretty white girl
In the US, she has to be blonde and white. And blue-eyed. And thin/pretty. Someone like me? Pfft. I'd be left to the vultures and nobody's care.
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I don't want to come off as heartless, that is not my intention, but why is there so much focus on this particular case? Around 300,000 women go missing every year in the United States. I have seen this particular story a lot and I was wondering why this one is getting so much coverage. Is it because the suspect is a cop?
Hi there. I live in the UK and yes the coverage is so high because the suspect is a police man and served in the army. Media coverage for crimes in the UK I believe is decided by the CPS under a specific law or code that's related to public interest. It's a very complex process but mainly high profile crimes, especially those involving children, will be covered on national news.
Load More Replies... I recently spent a day hiking on a local trail system, alone. The trail was busy and I stayed in open areas so I wasn't particularly apprehensive, but I'm always cautious. Every man who approached me alone, without fail, greeted me in a non-threatening way. Most said something along the lines of, "great day for a walk," and they also gave me plenty of space and passed quickly. It was so considerate and made me feel so much safer.
I have two thoughts from this. 1, Sure, cross the road, move slower, make room etc, all good advice, all could help others feel more confident. 2, If I gave a list of advices for a woman to do to help them with their security, I get labeled as a victim blamer, yet women are quite happy to list advice for men, the vast majority of which pose no threat at all, want to help, and are just being lumped in with the attackers because we happen to share the same gender as most, but not all, of them. At some point this is hypocritical. Personally, I will cross the street, I will slow or wait and allow the space required for a woman to feel more safe and I have stood and made my presence very conspicuous to other men when I have worried about their intentions, but I'd like to see the same from women too, if I can follow perfectly good advice that will help with the personal security for women in my community, both real and imagined, then they too should follow the advice that they can.
Except women and girls have repeatedly mentioned how many precautions they do take constantly, on the daily. And still over 80% dealt with sexual harassment. Women get to give males advice, because women are the ones getting scared so women are telling males what a, b, c, d things that males can do to help women stop being so scared. Good on you for taking those pieces of advice, to help those who are physically more vulnerable than you.
Load More Replies... Honestly, watch other people's behaviour, the signals they are giving and offer someone help, it could be someone's life line.
What bother me more than anything is the fact that it was a police officer! If we can't feel safe with an officer we really need out men to step up!
Plenty of reports about the police in the UK, USA, and Germany being infiltrated with far right males (far right = misogynist and racist); also the FBI and army in the USA and other countries are infiltrated by the far right. So yes, actual decent men need to step up and call out the scum males.
Load More Replies... When will Bored Panda ever get over their misandry? This is just a constant, daily, sexist attack. Don't bother saying "when men start acting right". I've never done anything to hurt or humiliate a woman. This site does things to humiliate and hurt men every single day. Also, God forbid that you are white, American, or straight.
I can only give you one up arrow, Jackson, excellent point!
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Damn I feel bad for guys in the UK and this absurd push to emasculate them. The irony is every person with vile intentions doesn't give two f***s about what twitter twats are spouting to "be less dangerous". As a woman or man we have invented tools for self defense ex, pepper spray, blades, guns and most of all common sense.
I hate, hate, hate when something horrible happens to a woman and men respond with "not all men' or even worse "it happens to men too" or worst "women do horrible things to men too"! I just hate that, such ignorance, such rude, selfish and ignorant remark. There are even some "pick me" women who agree with them. That is not helping anyone. Be more constructive, come with solutions, don't just ignore and present yourself as also a victim. One thing I really hate men sometimes do is when they just stand outside and watch me. They might not have some vile thoughts, they might not even see me really, but they have no idea how uncomfortable that is for a woman, to be just watched by someone unknown. Once I told two men who were watching me closely and I really felt unsafe, and it turned out they were mad at me because I was petting some stray cats. They actually threatened me because of that, because they "just hate cats". Ignorance.
Last time I checked "looking" is not against the law. What should men do when they approach you - avert there eyes? You might be 'nice' to look at - at this time, in most countries, it is not against the law! Lighten up!
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One thing though, I've noticed during Covid, when we're supposed to be keeping space between us, that men almost always, unless they're polite older gentlemen, charge along like everyone is going to get out of THEIR way and make the 6' space as standard. So those kind of bellends will be just as unaware about being near women at night and the effect they might be having.
If a man wouldn’t want his brother-in-law to make the same statement, comment, joke; give the “look” to; or touch his daughter or mother in the same way, then don’t do it to a colleague, employee, friend, date, or acquaintance.
How about men demand companies from "high end" couture brands to makers of beer stop showing women in demeaning settings and positions and to stop producing advertisements that feature women who look like they have been beaten up.
How about we stop building a culture that treats sexuality in ads as offensive?
Load More Replies... I want to apologize . I walk very quietly and reading this article I remember a few times walking past a woman at night and she startles as I walk by.
Hey Bill, you need to quit walking at night, period! You just might, maybe, possibility scare a lady who is walking too! Gosh how mean can you get?
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It might be a good idea for men to act as if they are afraid of the woman. Like, what would a man do if he knew the woman near him was a danger to him, how would he behave. And then do that. If both parties are avoiding one another and putting safety in place it's better for everyone.
Don't tell people to act differently depending on their gender. Either give advice for how everyone should act or don't tell anyone to act that way.
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This doesn't actually help women much. The men who will read this and try to be considerate of women are not the men who attack women. I appreciate the men who try not to make women uncomfortable, but this won't stop women from being attacked.
If this starts to be a wisdom that men share with each other then the idea that women just get harassed by men and that's life will be challenged. It can contribute to a change in culture.
Load More Replies... It is true - most men (I say most because some already have learnt these vital things) need to learn how to make women feel safer (so not walking close behind, for example). I am glad that there are men with the intent of learning this and I hope they spread their newfound knowledge and awareness to other men.
Wait, wait, wait a minute. I thought modern women were strong and powerful and didn't need no man? Sorry, ladies, but you've spent the last 20 years conditioning me that you can take care of yourselves. As a dude who used to do these sorts of "good guy" things, but only ever got criticized for it, I'm sitting this one out. You gals can take care of yourselves. After all, that's what you've been shouting at me over and over for literally decades now.
I am male and i never felt safe on the street at night, and I do most of the things women describe. I can be beaten, robbed, stabbed. Yeah, the violence probably won't be sexual. It doesn't make it any less scary or any less violence. I'd like safe streets for everyone, not safe streets for woman with the "what man could do" attitude as if being male means you live in a separate safe universe.
This reminds me of this but the opposite dont freak the f**k out and attack a dude like dont pepper spray a guy for no reason... old female teacher told me of how she f****d up and freaked out on a dude asking for directions and was lucky he was understanding and not pressing charges or some s**t by involving the cops
4'10" asian female going to be 60 this year....I won't even venture out at night here in southern california. It's so sad that this has been going on for way too long.
There have been times I get off the sidewalk and walk down the middle of the street. Walking down the street you a lot more obvious.
Can't help but feel a tiny bit worried about sharing all too much inside information with the creeps 😕 May positivity and good people win this struggle 🤞
Even the men we share our houses with are almost totally oblivious to the civil liberties we lose multiple times a day. There’s no exit plan for women’s lockdown, because the men in charge are barely aware it exists. Ask a man the last time he was in fear of his life, he might have experienced it once or twice. Most women will have had a fleeting experience of it at least once today when they parked their car or thought twice about their route through the park or decided against a jog.
Get something to defend yourself & stop whining. Carry a taser, gun, knife, pepper spray, etc. Learn to use it! It is amazing how "comfortable" a defensive weapon in your able hands can make you feel. My wife fears nothing out there - she is an authorized & trained CCW holder. Get a life, ladies! As for those living in the UK, good luck with defending yourself...
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I'm a man and I sometimes look behind me so I can imagine how worse it is for women. I always cross the road if I'm behind the only other human in the street. I never discussed it because I thought people would find me crazy, thinking too much or something. I'm glad on this I chose right!
I love all of these, men need to notify other guys about these because its fricking scary when someone is just silently following you, feels like your in a horror movie
Most guys are good people trying to go about their day so I do try to have a bit of understanding and not freak out when people are walking behind me or riding a lift, but this is based on my own experiences of things that have made me uncomfortable. If you're trying to talk to someone new and they are giving you short or super vague answers without eye contact, they're uncomfortable and just being polite, don't keep going. If they walk into a shop do not wait outside for them to finish and then continue trying to talk to them all the way to the station. Do not sit next to them on an empty bus. If you're introducing yourself at a bar or event do not box them into a corner. Lastly, if a girl approaches you and pretends to know you, just go with it, she's probably scared. 2 amazing people have helped by pretending to know me on train platforms and I can't thank them enough for helping me get home safe.
I'm a woman and when walking behind another woman at night have realised I'm probably freaking her out - even girls walking behind girls need to make a noise or say 'it's ok I'm a girl'.
Why is this story any different than any other one? This happens to women all the time. I dont get why this story is viral.
It happened in an area of London where a lot of young Australian and UK professional men and women live and probably a lot work in the media and marketing so they are good at organising and catching the moment. It’s come right after the BLM protests. The suspected culprit is a white male policeman. I don’t think this case is going to be the turning point sadly as the police have banned the vigil. But momentum is gathering thank goodness.
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Unfortunately, men who do this kind of crap won't be reading this to see how they can do better. They're on 4chan or 8chan talking about how we're asking for it.
But if they are in the minority as men keep saying then if the good majority make the environment hostile to them then something might change
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The things is poor Sarah’s body has now been found. Her boyfriend had been placed under arrest days before. Unfortunately, this is yet another case of the killer being known by the victim.
The likely attacker was not known to her. The arrested man is a policeman who kidnapped her from the street.
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How about less pampering the gender who says they can do anything men can do? If they don't take it upon themselves to google ways then have a commercial on ways to protect themselves. Like one great way is to not dress provocative walking by themselves especially in a not so good neighborhood. 90% of women these days wear those tight fitting leggings or jeans and unfortunately fat women too. It's like if a rich man with gold on him and flashy clothes walking in Compton or actually anywhere and thinks he won't get robbed. Use your brains. Everyone including men think they live in a society that not supposed to get hurt because of laws. Well guess what criminals don't obey laws. So get into reality, this is the real world.
Another one, fellas...don’t drive slowly behind us in parking lots! I don’t know if you’re looking for a spot or to grab me!
This one is stupid. Most people do drive slow in a parking lot.
Load More Replies... Meanwhile, women, and some less protective men, and this misandrist society in general, are constantly attacking men because of the circumstance of being born as something that evolution and necessity have caused to have more potential to be dangerous, and for the psychology that enables them to weather that burden emotionally - because, f**k, we get scared, too, but we still have to do it. There is no one for us to hide behind. Imagine if men were all as emotionally vulnerable as women AND had to frequently endure the trauma of being forced to face these situations. Oh, the irony.
Men shouldn't have to cross the street just because there is a woman walking nearby. That's sexist BS. Can you imagine how people would react if men said that a woman had to cross the street rather than walk near a man? A man shouldn't be seen as a threat just because of the gender he was born into.
Until the sexual assault and rape stops, yes men should be aware of how they may make a woman feel. It isn't "sexist bs", its courtesy. Have you ever been raped?
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I seriously hope this was sarcasm. Helping another human being, no matter the gender, should be a f*****g given. I am FAR from fragile, and trained, but that doesn't change walking home from work at 2am without my keys laced through my fingers or my pepper spray in hand. I've been assaulted and harrassed. I've had to literally fight my way out of it. This is a serious issue, it needs the awareness that's currently being given.
Load More Replies... If she kills someone because they talked mean to her, then she committed second degree murder and deserves decades in prison.
Load More Replies... As a tall man with only good intentions i feel responsible for the safety of the vulnerable people around me. When it's dark and i wait at a bus or train station, i always keep a good distance to (young) women but i keep an eye on them when there are strange people around. I watch my surroundings with a brief smile or pretend to see something funny on the phone and laugh a little. I try to show that i'm a good guy. There was a occasion, where two women which were out together, changed their distance to me from approx. 5m to about 2m when some creepers were walking around. I take this as a "you're doing it right" wink.
Please, please, please, call out our male friends and colleagues when they make little comments that demonstrate that they are seeing women or a woman as primarily a sexual object. Please don't just think that this kind of joke isn't to your taste, and let it go. You are directly contributing to this general underlying consensus that women are there to be harassed by men and that's just the way of the world. I wish men understood the power they had to use phrases like "Don't be that dude, c'mon man" or "she's here to do a job, not be harassed, right?" or "you sound like a creep, you're better than that". It doesn't have to aggressive, just let them know you're not letting the comment pass.
Yep! I was with two male colleagues at work, during lunchtime. There was a small talk about an anecdotal beautiful "girl" and how this one guy (a married ass man with a kid btw) would approach her, completely one sided. I spontaneously told him "why don't you consider her feelings first?" My question didn't touch him, but it did touch the other colleague with us. He had a genuine reaction and agreed, like, "yes, *Name*, you have to consider the other person's perspective.". My point is - don't be afraid telling off these kinds of attitudes, because, even if that person doesn't listen, it will affect bystanders who overhear you.
Load More Replies... I frankly do not think the right conclusions are drawn. If women feel intimidated when a man walks behind them on the sidewalk, the question is not whether that man should stop, change the side, or do whatever he guesses could mitigate a situation he also only can guess. The question is why we tolerate societies in which a few people force unto all others (gender notwithstanding) that they need to do all kinds of thoughts when walking on a public street. When my daughters walk to school, I do not want that they are afraid because a man walks on the same side. I want that they are not afraid because creeps, stalkers, harassers and their like are not tolerated, not even in their more subtle occurence, and because we all help each other in case we encouter one.
Well, maybe... but in the meantime, a small gesture can means a lot to women everywhere. And the final goal should not a society were abusive behaviours are not tolerated. It's a society in wich the education of young boys - and the end of rape culture - puts an end to male toxicity. The best way to avoid rape/harassment is not for women to learn how to defend themselves, but for man not to rape/harass. It's start for example by not encouraging a (young) boy to keep trying if a girl says no. I see the utopia in this, but there's a lot of things that can be worked on on a daily basis.
Load More Replies... Call out men you see catcalling. "That's not complementry, it's harassment, and you need to stop doing it." In the locker room "what the hell, man? not cool. That's sick. Don't even joke about it." At work "That's sexual harassment, and if I hear another remark of that nature I'll report you to HR myself." Then report the incident. In bars "Dude, learn to take a no. She's clearly not interested." And don't use it as a strategy to hit on her yourself. Tell the bouncer/bartender that the man is harassing women. If you see a woman incapacitated, by alcohol or possibly a rape drug, don't allow a man or men to 'take her home' or 'walk her out'. Stop them from leaving, and ask member of staff, or one of her female friends to make sure she's alright. If you see a drink being dosed, speak up imediately, and loudly, demand that the drink be kept and call the police. Talk to your sons about consent. If you think man might be harassing a woman on public transport, or elsewhere, butt in.
Consent should be talked about for everyone. It isn't just girls who get sexually abused.
Load More Replies... I'm 6'2, muscular build with a fast walking pace. When I'm walking in the evening or night, I know I'm an intimidating sight. Even when I cross the street my fast pace can be disturbing to lone people. If I were to slow down, that would seem just as suspicious. I don't know if my solution is a good one, but I call my wife or mum. For some reason, I just think that if they can hear me having a relaxed conversation it will put them at ease a bit (especially if my wife puts me on loudspeaker so I can speak to the dogs).
I like that idea. Thank you for being conscious of your actions
Load More Replies... I'd like to add "teach your sons how not to behave like idiots"like: no is no, don't touch unless you're 100% sure it's welcomed...
Also teach your daughters how not to behave like idiots. It isn't a single gender thing.
Load More Replies... The kind of men who attack women on the street, do not take advice from this type of article.
No, this was more for the men who want to help women feel safer but don't know how.
Load More Replies... One suggestion for any guys looking to be less “intimidating”, pretend to call your mother. Many of the guys who’d kidnap/harm women, are not going to intentionally call their mothers in front of them. It gives off better vibes.
Guys shouldn't need to worry about looking less "intimidating". He is just another person and shouldn't need to convince people he isn't a threat just because of his gender.
Load More Replies... This is so incredibly true. One night in our apartment complex, my sister was taking out her trash so our creepy neighbor decided that he should take his out as well. My sister called me while she walked back to her apartment so that this guy would know that someone knew where she was. There's another male neighbor in our complex that looks out for us and makes sure that we are okay. He does this as a favor to our dad.
Couldn't that have just been a coincidence? If an old woman who lived near you had come out at the same time, would you have called her creepy?
Load More Replies... Call out men who are being disgusting sleazeballs. Catcalling happens in shops and in front of dozens of people on the sidewalk, where do you think it happens? No man ever intervenes. It's that simple. Even just when people say weird s**t.
This happens to Mexican women all the time as they are abducted to be sexually trafficked. Everyone takes notice when it's a pretty white girl
In the US, she has to be blonde and white. And blue-eyed. And thin/pretty. Someone like me? Pfft. I'd be left to the vultures and nobody's care.
Load More Replies... I don't want to come off as heartless, that is not my intention, but why is there so much focus on this particular case? Around 300,000 women go missing every year in the United States. I have seen this particular story a lot and I was wondering why this one is getting so much coverage. Is it because the suspect is a cop?
Hi there. I live in the UK and yes the coverage is so high because the suspect is a police man and served in the army. Media coverage for crimes in the UK I believe is decided by the CPS under a specific law or code that's related to public interest. It's a very complex process but mainly high profile crimes, especially those involving children, will be covered on national news.
Load More Replies... I recently spent a day hiking on a local trail system, alone. The trail was busy and I stayed in open areas so I wasn't particularly apprehensive, but I'm always cautious. Every man who approached me alone, without fail, greeted me in a non-threatening way. Most said something along the lines of, "great day for a walk," and they also gave me plenty of space and passed quickly. It was so considerate and made me feel so much safer.
I have two thoughts from this. 1, Sure, cross the road, move slower, make room etc, all good advice, all could help others feel more confident. 2, If I gave a list of advices for a woman to do to help them with their security, I get labeled as a victim blamer, yet women are quite happy to list advice for men, the vast majority of which pose no threat at all, want to help, and are just being lumped in with the attackers because we happen to share the same gender as most, but not all, of them. At some point this is hypocritical. Personally, I will cross the street, I will slow or wait and allow the space required for a woman to feel more safe and I have stood and made my presence very conspicuous to other men when I have worried about their intentions, but I'd like to see the same from women too, if I can follow perfectly good advice that will help with the personal security for women in my community, both real and imagined, then they too should follow the advice that they can.
Except women and girls have repeatedly mentioned how many precautions they do take constantly, on the daily. And still over 80% dealt with sexual harassment. Women get to give males advice, because women are the ones getting scared so women are telling males what a, b, c, d things that males can do to help women stop being so scared. Good on you for taking those pieces of advice, to help those who are physically more vulnerable than you.
Load More Replies... Honestly, watch other people's behaviour, the signals they are giving and offer someone help, it could be someone's life line.
What bother me more than anything is the fact that it was a police officer! If we can't feel safe with an officer we really need out men to step up!
Plenty of reports about the police in the UK, USA, and Germany being infiltrated with far right males (far right = misogynist and racist); also the FBI and army in the USA and other countries are infiltrated by the far right. So yes, actual decent men need to step up and call out the scum males.
Load More Replies... When will Bored Panda ever get over their misandry? This is just a constant, daily, sexist attack. Don't bother saying "when men start acting right". I've never done anything to hurt or humiliate a woman. This site does things to humiliate and hurt men every single day. Also, God forbid that you are white, American, or straight.
I can only give you one up arrow, Jackson, excellent point!
Load More Replies... Damn I feel bad for guys in the UK and this absurd push to emasculate them. The irony is every person with vile intentions doesn't give two f***s about what twitter twats are spouting to "be less dangerous". As a woman or man we have invented tools for self defense ex, pepper spray, blades, guns and most of all common sense.
I hate, hate, hate when something horrible happens to a woman and men respond with "not all men' or even worse "it happens to men too" or worst "women do horrible things to men too"! I just hate that, such ignorance, such rude, selfish and ignorant remark. There are even some "pick me" women who agree with them. That is not helping anyone. Be more constructive, come with solutions, don't just ignore and present yourself as also a victim. One thing I really hate men sometimes do is when they just stand outside and watch me. They might not have some vile thoughts, they might not even see me really, but they have no idea how uncomfortable that is for a woman, to be just watched by someone unknown. Once I told two men who were watching me closely and I really felt unsafe, and it turned out they were mad at me because I was petting some stray cats. They actually threatened me because of that, because they "just hate cats". Ignorance.
Last time I checked "looking" is not against the law. What should men do when they approach you - avert there eyes? You might be 'nice' to look at - at this time, in most countries, it is not against the law! Lighten up!
Load More Replies... One thing though, I've noticed during Covid, when we're supposed to be keeping space between us, that men almost always, unless they're polite older gentlemen, charge along like everyone is going to get out of THEIR way and make the 6' space as standard. So those kind of bellends will be just as unaware about being near women at night and the effect they might be having.
If a man wouldn’t want his brother-in-law to make the same statement, comment, joke; give the “look” to; or touch his daughter or mother in the same way, then don’t do it to a colleague, employee, friend, date, or acquaintance.
How about men demand companies from "high end" couture brands to makers of beer stop showing women in demeaning settings and positions and to stop producing advertisements that feature women who look like they have been beaten up.
How about we stop building a culture that treats sexuality in ads as offensive?
Load More Replies... I want to apologize . I walk very quietly and reading this article I remember a few times walking past a woman at night and she startles as I walk by.
Hey Bill, you need to quit walking at night, period! You just might, maybe, possibility scare a lady who is walking too! Gosh how mean can you get?
Load More Replies... It might be a good idea for men to act as if they are afraid of the woman. Like, what would a man do if he knew the woman near him was a danger to him, how would he behave. And then do that. If both parties are avoiding one another and putting safety in place it's better for everyone.
Don't tell people to act differently depending on their gender. Either give advice for how everyone should act or don't tell anyone to act that way.
Load More Replies... This doesn't actually help women much. The men who will read this and try to be considerate of women are not the men who attack women. I appreciate the men who try not to make women uncomfortable, but this won't stop women from being attacked.
If this starts to be a wisdom that men share with each other then the idea that women just get harassed by men and that's life will be challenged. It can contribute to a change in culture.
Load More Replies... It is true - most men (I say most because some already have learnt these vital things) need to learn how to make women feel safer (so not walking close behind, for example). I am glad that there are men with the intent of learning this and I hope they spread their newfound knowledge and awareness to other men.
Wait, wait, wait a minute. I thought modern women were strong and powerful and didn't need no man? Sorry, ladies, but you've spent the last 20 years conditioning me that you can take care of yourselves. As a dude who used to do these sorts of "good guy" things, but only ever got criticized for it, I'm sitting this one out. You gals can take care of yourselves. After all, that's what you've been shouting at me over and over for literally decades now.
I am male and i never felt safe on the street at night, and I do most of the things women describe. I can be beaten, robbed, stabbed. Yeah, the violence probably won't be sexual. It doesn't make it any less scary or any less violence. I'd like safe streets for everyone, not safe streets for woman with the "what man could do" attitude as if being male means you live in a separate safe universe.
This reminds me of this but the opposite dont freak the f**k out and attack a dude like dont pepper spray a guy for no reason... old female teacher told me of how she f****d up and freaked out on a dude asking for directions and was lucky he was understanding and not pressing charges or some s**t by involving the cops
4'10" asian female going to be 60 this year....I won't even venture out at night here in southern california. It's so sad that this has been going on for way too long.
There have been times I get off the sidewalk and walk down the middle of the street. Walking down the street you a lot more obvious.
Can't help but feel a tiny bit worried about sharing all too much inside information with the creeps 😕 May positivity and good people win this struggle 🤞
Even the men we share our houses with are almost totally oblivious to the civil liberties we lose multiple times a day. There’s no exit plan for women’s lockdown, because the men in charge are barely aware it exists. Ask a man the last time he was in fear of his life, he might have experienced it once or twice. Most women will have had a fleeting experience of it at least once today when they parked their car or thought twice about their route through the park or decided against a jog.
Get something to defend yourself & stop whining. Carry a taser, gun, knife, pepper spray, etc. Learn to use it! It is amazing how "comfortable" a defensive weapon in your able hands can make you feel. My wife fears nothing out there - she is an authorized & trained CCW holder. Get a life, ladies! As for those living in the UK, good luck with defending yourself...
Load More Replies... I'm a man and I sometimes look behind me so I can imagine how worse it is for women. I always cross the road if I'm behind the only other human in the street. I never discussed it because I thought people would find me crazy, thinking too much or something. I'm glad on this I chose right!
I love all of these, men need to notify other guys about these because its fricking scary when someone is just silently following you, feels like your in a horror movie
Most guys are good people trying to go about their day so I do try to have a bit of understanding and not freak out when people are walking behind me or riding a lift, but this is based on my own experiences of things that have made me uncomfortable. If you're trying to talk to someone new and they are giving you short or super vague answers without eye contact, they're uncomfortable and just being polite, don't keep going. If they walk into a shop do not wait outside for them to finish and then continue trying to talk to them all the way to the station. Do not sit next to them on an empty bus. If you're introducing yourself at a bar or event do not box them into a corner. Lastly, if a girl approaches you and pretends to know you, just go with it, she's probably scared. 2 amazing people have helped by pretending to know me on train platforms and I can't thank them enough for helping me get home safe.
I'm a woman and when walking behind another woman at night have realised I'm probably freaking her out - even girls walking behind girls need to make a noise or say 'it's ok I'm a girl'.
Why is this story any different than any other one? This happens to women all the time. I dont get why this story is viral.
It happened in an area of London where a lot of young Australian and UK professional men and women live and probably a lot work in the media and marketing so they are good at organising and catching the moment. It’s come right after the BLM protests. The suspected culprit is a white male policeman. I don’t think this case is going to be the turning point sadly as the police have banned the vigil. But momentum is gathering thank goodness.
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, men who do this kind of crap won't be reading this to see how they can do better. They're on 4chan or 8chan talking about how we're asking for it.
But if they are in the minority as men keep saying then if the good majority make the environment hostile to them then something might change
Load More Replies... The things is poor Sarah’s body has now been found. Her boyfriend had been placed under arrest days before. Unfortunately, this is yet another case of the killer being known by the victim.
The likely attacker was not known to her. The arrested man is a policeman who kidnapped her from the street.
Load More Replies... How about less pampering the gender who says they can do anything men can do? If they don't take it upon themselves to google ways then have a commercial on ways to protect themselves. Like one great way is to not dress provocative walking by themselves especially in a not so good neighborhood. 90% of women these days wear those tight fitting leggings or jeans and unfortunately fat women too. It's like if a rich man with gold on him and flashy clothes walking in Compton or actually anywhere and thinks he won't get robbed. Use your brains. Everyone including men think they live in a society that not supposed to get hurt because of laws. Well guess what criminals don't obey laws. So get into reality, this is the real world.
Another one, fellas...don’t drive slowly behind us in parking lots! I don’t know if you’re looking for a spot or to grab me!
This one is stupid. Most people do drive slow in a parking lot.
Load More Replies... Meanwhile, women, and some less protective men, and this misandrist society in general, are constantly attacking men because of the circumstance of being born as something that evolution and necessity have caused to have more potential to be dangerous, and for the psychology that enables them to weather that burden emotionally - because, f**k, we get scared, too, but we still have to do it. There is no one for us to hide behind. Imagine if men were all as emotionally vulnerable as women AND had to frequently endure the trauma of being forced to face these situations. Oh, the irony.
Men shouldn't have to cross the street just because there is a woman walking nearby. That's sexist BS. Can you imagine how people would react if men said that a woman had to cross the street rather than walk near a man? A man shouldn't be seen as a threat just because of the gender he was born into.
Until the sexual assault and rape stops, yes men should be aware of how they may make a woman feel. It isn't "sexist bs", its courtesy. Have you ever been raped?
Load More Replies... I seriously hope this was sarcasm. Helping another human being, no matter the gender, should be a f*****g given. I am FAR from fragile, and trained, but that doesn't change walking home from work at 2am without my keys laced through my fingers or my pepper spray in hand. I've been assaulted and harrassed. I've had to literally fight my way out of it. This is a serious issue, it needs the awareness that's currently being given.
Load More Replies... If she kills someone because they talked mean to her, then she committed second degree murder and deserves decades in prison.
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