16 Times Women Saw How Males Are Treated Differently First-Hand By Inventing A “Male Colleague”
To us guys, it may sound like something straight out of the '50s. But it's still a thing in 2021. Many working women are labeled as "bossy" or "impossible" at some point in their professional careers just because of their gender.
In response, a friend of writer Bess Kalb has created a workaround: she set up an email account under a fake man's name and assumes his persona, acting as her assistant whenever a sexist customer goes out of line.
Sadly, she isn't the only one. After Kalb tweeted about this, other women started sharing similar stories too.
Image credits: bessbell
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This is the world we live in. My male colleagues are astounded and offended when their submissions get more than two reviewers. I have never had less than three, and frequently four.
Load More Replies...One of my favorite things to witness is when my highly-accredited, extraordinarily-skilled, hugely-respected, female surgeon boss encounters idiots who assume that despite her monogrammed white lab coat (which they obviously don't take a second to read -- if they even can) she is "the nurse" rather than the surgeon. Having dealt with this piggish behavior for 25+ years, her response shows verbal skills equivalent to her surgical talents. Finely tuned to whatever level the a**hole resides on. True art. But in reality, it is really abhorrent that she can be instantly judged as incapable while virtually any male can throw on a lab coat -- regardless of any education level -- and everyone around will automatically address them as a doctor.
Tell me about it! I'm tempted to take a male pseudonym just to see what would happen
Load More Replies...Terrible, but kinda a brilliant and hilarious study she turned it into.
Define "irony": work on sexism is sent back because the author is a woman.
There is also a big bias for countries in the scientific world. Even if you sent a good research, if you are from certain countries they tend to not publish.
Creative Lynae Cook is one of the people whose tweets we included in the list. She does acting, photography, sings and plays drums in a band called breakfast tacos, and hosts a podcast. But even though Lynae has proved herself time and time again, she also needs an imaginary male to help her.
"I loop in my 'manager' every now and then, certainly a lot more frequently when there were live events going on, and especially when I've been reached out for influencer or brand partnership work," Cook told Bored Panda. "People are generally more respectful and less likely to ask for unpaid labor when a manager is involved."
By 'respectful' she doesn't just mean offering better compensation. "They will also send complete communications, rather than the piecemeal information often shared when they think are talking to 'just' an artist. For example, they might say, 'We're really interested in collaborating with you!' if it's just me, but when my 'manager' is looped in, they'll lay out the details surrounding the collaboration, what their ask is, deadlines, payment information, etc."
According to Dr. Susan R. Madsen, a professor of Leadership & Ethics in the Woodbury School of Business at Utah Valley University and the Founding Director of the Utah Women & Leadership Project, the underlying objective of sexism toward women — whether conscious or not — is to maintain the current system of men having more power than women.
"Of course, some women may respond more positively to benevolent sexism, as it is perceived as kinder and more thoughtful. Yet research continues to find that it undermines and threatens women's influence and impact by just being 'in the air,'" Maden says. "In fact, societies that have the lowest levels of gender equality and female empowerment have the highest levels of both hostile and benevolent sexism. I expect this is the same for companies and organizations of all kinds."
I bet she's bitchy and bossy while good old Cliff is strong and assertive and knows exactly what he wants.
Lynae Cook hopes that sexism will (slightly) diminish as time goes on, though she believes it probably will survive in undertones and be less overt than it has been.
"I wish people strived to do better and be better," Cook added. "It's a bit obscene that people are more respectful when others are watching, which tells me that morality is often performative. It's also a bit depressing. But I suppose that is also how many people are raised and what society tells us."
Honestly, I have never come across this kind of behaviour where I live (Europe). The more I read about how American men are, the more I want to stay well away from them.
Today's working women experience gender discrimination in many forms. The Pew Research Center reported that about four-in-ten working women (42%) in the United States say they have faced discrimination on the job because of their gender.
The women described a broad array of personal experiences, ranging from earning less than their male counterparts for doing the same job to being passed over for important assignments.
Do you not have laws for this kind of stuff? We do. 14 days after sending the invoice the company will send a reminder, another one 2 weeks after that (usually accompanied by a fine). After 3 reminders they are allowed send it to a collection agency and every company in the coutry does this. Cost of hiring the collection company falls on the client who neglected to pay in time. Not paying for stuff gets taken extremely seriously over here. Collection agencies will take the matter to court, the judge will rule in favour of whomever sent the bill and then they just come to your house to confiscate your belonings. Yes pretty much all of it except your regular clothes (high end stuff will be taken), 1 single chair and a bed for every person living at the premises and some cups, plates and silverware. Got a housemate who has stuff there? Tough luck, will be claimed. Expensive breed pets sometimes get taken too (unless you can prove that you never bred them). Cost of police accompanying them, the locksmith, the movers, storing, sorting and auctioning off the stuff etc falls on the client. Whatever the stuff was worth will be taken off the bill, but often hardly makes a difference since so much costs are added. Whatever is left of the bill still needs to be paid. They will claim whatever amount in legal from your salary (employers are obligated by law to cooperate) and somethimes even freeze all your bank accounts and take whatever you have in them
My father-in-law runs a steel fabrication business and never gets paid on time. My wife has significantly more success in ensuring invoices are paid when she volunteers for a day now and then. Anecdotally, this may be true but if studied, I am sure the numbers would be pretty close between men and women. In my experience, it takes a certain type of person to chase payments, regardless of sex.
It's honestly really sad that you would have to be male to be taken seriously.
Slightly off topic, but my friend is half-Indian. When he used to apply for solicitor jobs, he would use his birth-given name (Anil), but rarely got a response. He then applied for jobs using a white-sounding name (Andy), and got invited to an interview every time. It's so sad.
Try going to medical school. Old white dudes dominant in profession, and their bias is evident in how they teach, what they teach, how they score exams, etc. It may be better now than my day, but that's not saying much, given we gals had to cover up from chin to toes, never meet hteir eye, etc., if we wanted to avoid the Grope For Grades routine. And when I answer the phone, in 2021, "Yes, I am head of the household," the shock of the caller is real. I've had males argue I *can't* be. Well, yes, I can. It's called "I picked up the phone, so I'm the head of the household for this phone call". If Hubby picked up, he is. We call it... wait for it... *partnership in marriage*!
Besides it is "Remington Steele" all over again, I had the same thoughts and IF I ever run my own business, there will be a "boss" I would have to talk too. This idea works for everyone :) (gender does ot matter)
Hell yes. Give me an invisible boss to "ask" or "confirm with".
Load More Replies...And it's not only for work. I called for a wheel alignment, I.was quoted $300... My bf, mad as F, calls a few days later, his quote:$75.00. We were shopping for a hot tub (used) m'en were telling me, you know it's heavy, you'll need a truck for that etc.. No $h!t, and here I thought I could lift it and place on top of my mitsubishi. My bf, again mad that I was treated this way, would contact the same sellers, and they were super nice to him no disrespectful questions... He would always say at the end that he was no longer interested and they should have treated his gf with the same respect they showed him. Hopefully you'll respect the next women who contacts you.
I mistyped my name wrong on a company email once and instead of signing it off as Christian it came out as Christina - boy did that bring out the corporate weirdos. Never been asked out to discuss so much work over so many lunches before.
“‘Ben Barres's work is much better than his sister's.’ There was only one problem. Prof. Barres, then as now a professor of neurobiology at Stanford University, doesn't have a sister in science. The Barbara Barres the man remembered was Ben.” https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB115274744775305134
I used to write film/music reviews when I was back in college, didn't get anything published for months on end, then I started giving my name as Charlie instead of Charlotte and suddenly started getting pieces published. Such a coincidence (!)
Gifting customers/clients/colleagues with a male assistant/boss is perpetuating male privilege. As a woman and a professional, I absolutely sympathize and understand all the annoying extras we have to do and endure, but, c'mon. You gotta fight for change and set an example! People need to respect women as leaders, not continue to default to men.
Good for them. This is nothing new though, I had the misfortune to work in a call centre back in the 90's for a household name accountancy software package and they had a specific email account for complaints, enquiries etc. The amount of people that would call in and claimed to have spken to the imaginary individual saying what they demanded was ok was phenominal. The second you heard them say that, it was "game on".
I had a first hand experience a couple of months ago. I hired our neighbour (who works as a professional gardener) to do some work in the garden (thins that were difficult for me due to lack of tools like pruning big trees and so). He knows me for 4 years and has seen me working in the garden many times. He has never seen my male partner working there because I am the one doing all the gardening. I built that garden from scratch and we both own the place. Yet he wanted to talk to my male partner before doing anything “to know what he says”. I told him that my partner trusts me and I was in charge of the garden and would pay him with my money. But still he insisted on calling the “man of the house” for permission. My partner couldn’t even believe him when he called and was very angry. I didn’t fire him because I didn’t want an angry neighbour but he has definitely lost two customers for life.
couldn't do this when i was working; no internet/voice mail options. worked in all woman task force for district attorney department where only the deputy d.a. was a man. our work was easier when we could be more of an advocate than adversary as most of our 'clients' were men. had one that literally said he would not work with a woman at his court date. so, went to thrift store, got men's suit, paired it w/ white shirt, stole hubby's power red tie & handcuff tie tack (he was also in law enforcement). just happened to have a pair of wing tips. i even wore my handcuff earrings. when i met him in court i told him that i couldn't grow a penis but this was the best i could do. instead of being angry he just laughed and things were smoother after that.
Not my gender, but my accent (deep East Texas country girl). I am well educated, highly literate, artistic, and musical, but sometimes fake a mild British accent so people take me seriously. The guy at the feed store said "Ya may say ya have a fancy private school education, but ya talk like yer dumber 'n' dirt." It even works on my husband when I want him to pay close attention to directions.
Quite a few US actors are pretty poor at doing a British accent, I've heard some shocking ones in some shows. Not sure what a 'mild British accent' would even sound like.
Load More Replies...My husband and I own a pool company. I started the business he came into it later. We run it under his name bc the male customers would give me a hard time. I also have a male secretary that fields all the questions and sets up appointments bc when I had a woman answer questions the male customers would flag down any male laborer to make sure what she said was correct. Now that I have a male fielding the calls my male laborers are never bothered
My spouse was shocked when he saw the difference it made when he had to talk to contractors to do what I wanted them to do during our renovations (everytime I would research say I want A, contractors What do you know, Husband says I want A, contractor Yes, of course!). It got so personal for my husband that he became a force in his very corporate and male dominant industry and company that he is an advocate for bias flagging, neutralising interviews, pushing the agenda for equity. Very proud of him.
I was completely oblivious to this option until seeing it here. Hopefully, if nothing else, callers/writers will ALWAYS be on edge and wondering... if???
I just had this conversation with a female coworker. She said her mother and father divorced when she was little and, even though her mother was awarded full custody of her 3 daughters, her father was allowed to keep the house. She also said her mother struggled to find work that would support all of them...even to the point that there would be times when she didn't get paid being told "Well we had to pay the men first because they have families to support." WTF?!!
There was a TV show in the 80s called Remington Steel. The premise was a woman owned a detective agency and was having a hard time getting clients. She invented a male boss named Remington Steel and started getting clients. She'd tell clients that Mr. Steel was away on another case when they asked about this imaginary boss. Then a con man weedled his way into the agency (Pierce Brosnan) and became the figure head Mr. Steel. But she was always the boss.
But this is just annoying!! How do we expect to change this type of behaviour until we show that the competence is coming from a woman, not a man! We are just giving them what they expect, and strengthening their biases. This makes me absolutely infuriated. We should refuse to work with these individuals, and in which case, they miss out on our expertise.
And we're still going to pretend that Valerie Solanas wasn't right with her SCUM Manifesto?
I have absolutely no doubt there's a lot of sexism in these situations - I've dealt with it myself. But I also think that inventing a fake assistant, or a boss, or a collections person for your businesses can be beneficial regardless of whether you're male or female. If people think you're just one person working for yourself, they tend to take you less seriously. If they think you have multiple employees, departments, etc., they think of you as more of a "real" business.
years ago, I had a male boss who whenever there was a complaint, he'd say sorry, it'll be taken care of and as he walked away, he'd loudly say, "Maria!" and walk into the back room to give Maria a talking to. There was no Maria. When we made mistakes, we'd often tell him we were working with Maria and it was her fault...and he'd shout "Maria!" and walk away. He had a great sense of humor and understood mistakes happen.
And it's still an issue today so it's good that the issue is continuously being addressed.
Load More Replies...Slightly off topic, but my friend is half-Indian. When he used to apply for solicitor jobs, he would use his birth-given name (Anil), but rarely got a response. He then applied for jobs using a white-sounding name (Andy), and got invited to an interview every time. It's so sad.
Try going to medical school. Old white dudes dominant in profession, and their bias is evident in how they teach, what they teach, how they score exams, etc. It may be better now than my day, but that's not saying much, given we gals had to cover up from chin to toes, never meet hteir eye, etc., if we wanted to avoid the Grope For Grades routine. And when I answer the phone, in 2021, "Yes, I am head of the household," the shock of the caller is real. I've had males argue I *can't* be. Well, yes, I can. It's called "I picked up the phone, so I'm the head of the household for this phone call". If Hubby picked up, he is. We call it... wait for it... *partnership in marriage*!
Besides it is "Remington Steele" all over again, I had the same thoughts and IF I ever run my own business, there will be a "boss" I would have to talk too. This idea works for everyone :) (gender does ot matter)
Hell yes. Give me an invisible boss to "ask" or "confirm with".
Load More Replies...And it's not only for work. I called for a wheel alignment, I.was quoted $300... My bf, mad as F, calls a few days later, his quote:$75.00. We were shopping for a hot tub (used) m'en were telling me, you know it's heavy, you'll need a truck for that etc.. No $h!t, and here I thought I could lift it and place on top of my mitsubishi. My bf, again mad that I was treated this way, would contact the same sellers, and they were super nice to him no disrespectful questions... He would always say at the end that he was no longer interested and they should have treated his gf with the same respect they showed him. Hopefully you'll respect the next women who contacts you.
I mistyped my name wrong on a company email once and instead of signing it off as Christian it came out as Christina - boy did that bring out the corporate weirdos. Never been asked out to discuss so much work over so many lunches before.
“‘Ben Barres's work is much better than his sister's.’ There was only one problem. Prof. Barres, then as now a professor of neurobiology at Stanford University, doesn't have a sister in science. The Barbara Barres the man remembered was Ben.” https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB115274744775305134
I used to write film/music reviews when I was back in college, didn't get anything published for months on end, then I started giving my name as Charlie instead of Charlotte and suddenly started getting pieces published. Such a coincidence (!)
Gifting customers/clients/colleagues with a male assistant/boss is perpetuating male privilege. As a woman and a professional, I absolutely sympathize and understand all the annoying extras we have to do and endure, but, c'mon. You gotta fight for change and set an example! People need to respect women as leaders, not continue to default to men.
Good for them. This is nothing new though, I had the misfortune to work in a call centre back in the 90's for a household name accountancy software package and they had a specific email account for complaints, enquiries etc. The amount of people that would call in and claimed to have spken to the imaginary individual saying what they demanded was ok was phenominal. The second you heard them say that, it was "game on".
I had a first hand experience a couple of months ago. I hired our neighbour (who works as a professional gardener) to do some work in the garden (thins that were difficult for me due to lack of tools like pruning big trees and so). He knows me for 4 years and has seen me working in the garden many times. He has never seen my male partner working there because I am the one doing all the gardening. I built that garden from scratch and we both own the place. Yet he wanted to talk to my male partner before doing anything “to know what he says”. I told him that my partner trusts me and I was in charge of the garden and would pay him with my money. But still he insisted on calling the “man of the house” for permission. My partner couldn’t even believe him when he called and was very angry. I didn’t fire him because I didn’t want an angry neighbour but he has definitely lost two customers for life.
couldn't do this when i was working; no internet/voice mail options. worked in all woman task force for district attorney department where only the deputy d.a. was a man. our work was easier when we could be more of an advocate than adversary as most of our 'clients' were men. had one that literally said he would not work with a woman at his court date. so, went to thrift store, got men's suit, paired it w/ white shirt, stole hubby's power red tie & handcuff tie tack (he was also in law enforcement). just happened to have a pair of wing tips. i even wore my handcuff earrings. when i met him in court i told him that i couldn't grow a penis but this was the best i could do. instead of being angry he just laughed and things were smoother after that.
Not my gender, but my accent (deep East Texas country girl). I am well educated, highly literate, artistic, and musical, but sometimes fake a mild British accent so people take me seriously. The guy at the feed store said "Ya may say ya have a fancy private school education, but ya talk like yer dumber 'n' dirt." It even works on my husband when I want him to pay close attention to directions.
Quite a few US actors are pretty poor at doing a British accent, I've heard some shocking ones in some shows. Not sure what a 'mild British accent' would even sound like.
Load More Replies...My husband and I own a pool company. I started the business he came into it later. We run it under his name bc the male customers would give me a hard time. I also have a male secretary that fields all the questions and sets up appointments bc when I had a woman answer questions the male customers would flag down any male laborer to make sure what she said was correct. Now that I have a male fielding the calls my male laborers are never bothered
My spouse was shocked when he saw the difference it made when he had to talk to contractors to do what I wanted them to do during our renovations (everytime I would research say I want A, contractors What do you know, Husband says I want A, contractor Yes, of course!). It got so personal for my husband that he became a force in his very corporate and male dominant industry and company that he is an advocate for bias flagging, neutralising interviews, pushing the agenda for equity. Very proud of him.
I was completely oblivious to this option until seeing it here. Hopefully, if nothing else, callers/writers will ALWAYS be on edge and wondering... if???
I just had this conversation with a female coworker. She said her mother and father divorced when she was little and, even though her mother was awarded full custody of her 3 daughters, her father was allowed to keep the house. She also said her mother struggled to find work that would support all of them...even to the point that there would be times when she didn't get paid being told "Well we had to pay the men first because they have families to support." WTF?!!
There was a TV show in the 80s called Remington Steel. The premise was a woman owned a detective agency and was having a hard time getting clients. She invented a male boss named Remington Steel and started getting clients. She'd tell clients that Mr. Steel was away on another case when they asked about this imaginary boss. Then a con man weedled his way into the agency (Pierce Brosnan) and became the figure head Mr. Steel. But she was always the boss.
But this is just annoying!! How do we expect to change this type of behaviour until we show that the competence is coming from a woman, not a man! We are just giving them what they expect, and strengthening their biases. This makes me absolutely infuriated. We should refuse to work with these individuals, and in which case, they miss out on our expertise.
And we're still going to pretend that Valerie Solanas wasn't right with her SCUM Manifesto?
I have absolutely no doubt there's a lot of sexism in these situations - I've dealt with it myself. But I also think that inventing a fake assistant, or a boss, or a collections person for your businesses can be beneficial regardless of whether you're male or female. If people think you're just one person working for yourself, they tend to take you less seriously. If they think you have multiple employees, departments, etc., they think of you as more of a "real" business.
years ago, I had a male boss who whenever there was a complaint, he'd say sorry, it'll be taken care of and as he walked away, he'd loudly say, "Maria!" and walk into the back room to give Maria a talking to. There was no Maria. When we made mistakes, we'd often tell him we were working with Maria and it was her fault...and he'd shout "Maria!" and walk away. He had a great sense of humor and understood mistakes happen.
And it's still an issue today so it's good that the issue is continuously being addressed.
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