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Every workplace is a microcosm of society. On the one hand, you have your awesome peeps who can become your best friends. But you also get people who are far from the embodiments of politeness, common sense, and empathy that you’d expect everyone to have. Unfortunately, being high up on the management ladder doesn’t make you immune to this or from harassing employees.

Twitter user Alexis Conklin started up a viral Twitter thread asking women to share the times that their male coworkers and bosses made them uncomfortable. Scroll down and have a read at the weird and creepy interactions, dear Pandas. And if you’re feeling brave, share if you’ve had similar experiences at the workplace in the comment section. Alexis’ thread got more than 72k likes and was retweeted over 95k times at the time of writing. This just goes to show that the discussion she sparked was relevant to a lot of people.

"I started working in the food industry as a server in 2016 just to work my way through college. It has its pros and cons, like every job. The most consistent issue that I saw both in my specific workplace and those that my friends worked in is that more managers than not are inappropriate with staff. This goes for clients, 'regulars' who come in, other positions within the company, etc.," Alexis told Bored Panda.

We also reached out to psychologist Frank McAndrew who told Bored Panda that, to simplify, there are two kinds of guys who make their female colleagues feel uncomfortable, and explained what can be done to make them stop. Read on for our full interviews with Professor McAndrew and Alexis.

#1

Women-Expose-Creepy-Bosses

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Sandy Kavanaugh
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have they not heard of "creating a hostile work environment?". Perhaps your lawyer should introduce it to them. (Assuming you live in the States.)

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Bender Bending Rodríguez
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you put the reason for quitting in your notice. You should out them no point in keeping their identity safe. All these predators will not stop until they are outed.

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giovanna
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"To places you could never reach", would have been the appropriate answer.

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Dave P
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you know you could have sued them and sued the HR people who would have been black listed. There are lawfirms that would take this for free

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm proud of you for leaving. No one should have to endure that type of harrassment. And, remember, human resources is there to protect the company, not you.

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Jennifer Sacrison
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 16yrs old-18yrs old I worked at Taco Bell and Dairy Queen. Back the sexual harassment wasn't a thing and I was at both jobs. I didn't know how to handle it so I just stayed as far away as I could...I felt dirty and worthless. I wish I had known what to do but in the late 1980's there wasn't really anywhere to go.

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Marnie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am 52 and a software developer. Although there are a lot of female software developers and architects where I am now, there are way more men than women. I have never encountered anything like this, thank god. How could that guy, and the HR person, even sleep at night?!

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Steve Cruz
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wish I could have advised her. I would have told her, REPEAT HIS QUESTION AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, TWICE. Then ask him loudly where MEN take him to have sex with HIM. As for HR saying they wouldn't do anything, bring it up with the owner of the company or his wife.

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Santino Marazzo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I'll tell you in all honesty. Women have done the same thing. I was sexually abused by a women when I was 12.So please don't give me this man crap.

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Patrick O'Harris
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice way to say that they dont care. Instead of telling the guy to get his s**t together...

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May Be
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have asked him why he needed to know since there was no chance he was going there.

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Mark Kelly
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Freak. And I assume and hope you don't have sex with many men

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Kyn
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1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Maggie Dinzler Shaw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup first year teaching, principal pinched every female teacher as they walked by and gave most of them unprofessional pet names.

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Jane Don
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3 years ago

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I really think people (mostly women) should save their complaint for serious problems if they want others to take them serious -- Things like A "Dirty Joke" a sexual comment ect is (or should'nt ) be a big problem-- Ignorant people are everywhere-- (& they are Male/Female & even in between)-- I know bus owners -both male & female-who are hesitant to hire women now because, they have become So sensitive-- The glass ceiling is going to become more prevalent if this keeps up-

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Up All Night
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then tell us what YOU would have done in this situation? I don't think she called for lynching or something and it never hurts for the HR to warn a coworker if he doesn't have manners. That female boss you mentioned - how do you think she would react to an employee asking them for sex like this? What? Do you say they wouldn't dare to behave like that, because she would fire them? Why would this behavior be acceptable toward a more vulnerable female coworker?

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"Some guys are completely clueless that what they are saying is being received negatively and that it is making women uncomfortable. This can be corrected very quickly by clearly explaining that the comments/questions are uncomfortable and also explaining why they are inappropriate. It is important to do this very early in the relationship, because if it is allowed to continue for a while, suddenly saying something about it becomes awkward. These guys want to make a good impression, and they will change their ways," Professor McAndrew said.

However, he pointed out that the second type of guy is more problematic than the first. "They know they are being rude and they enjoy being the 'bad boy,' and making their coworkers uncomfortable is exactly the point. Ignoring these coworkers completely may work because it takes their fun away, but these guys may ultimately have to be dealt with by actions from the higher-ups," the psychologist explained.

That's why it's important for the staff working at human resources to have procedures in place for dealing with harassment. "If HR is unable or unwilling to step in, it is important for coworkers who are not directly involved to speak up and make it clear that the bad actor risks being socially ostracized from his colleagues if he doesn't clean up his act. It is always unfortunate when the only solution to these problems becomes a legal one."

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#4

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KombatBunni
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course it’s okay to share! Nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever..it doesn’t matter what your gender is, harassment is not okay!

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#5

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Bobert Robertson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, a female boss who condones that behaviour is surprising enough, but then to be such a terrible mom on top to put her daughter in a position to have to deal with that too....

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#6

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Monika Soffronow
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet that he is one of those idiots who is so entrenched in his sexist views that he doesn't even begin to understand that his behaviour is out of bounds and that these are not compliments, nor that any woman could possibly get upset over being treated like this.

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Alexis stressed the fact that she didn't want to speak negatively about men as a whole or to imply that they're all 'unprofessional.' "The tweet has been taken out of context many times and I regret my word usage because the notion that was implied by many was not my intention," she specified.

"However, in my specific situation, along with other women who I am friends with, it’s been female staff employees and male superiors, coworkers, and clients/'regulars' when it comes to sexual harassment, advances being made, flirting, being made uncomfortable, etc. I realize it is not this way in every situation as well. I would also like to include that I am very much aware men are in the same situation as we are at times and their experiences are just as important as ours," Alexis went into more detail about what her intentions with the Twitter thread were.

She was inspired to create the thread after talking with her other coworkers and friends in the food industry. "I think issues such as these are often swept under the rug and it is a conversation that needs to be talked about. Countless women said they were still made to work with their abuser after coming forward. Some women were fired by the manager who was sexually harassing after standing up for themselves. Some had to quit their jobs just to get out of the situation. All of which are completely unacceptable."

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#9

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Joseph Kuhlman
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do you “accidentally” grab someone from behind? Without falling over, I mean.

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Alexis said that she was saddened, surprised, and shocked by the amount of attention her thread got on Twitter recently. She also revealed that she's proud of all the women and men who came forward with their stories. However, she also feels angry on their behalf. "Conversations covering these topics should be discussed more and talked about and brought awareness to."

According to Alexis, there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with 'creepy' coworkers; you have to deal with everyone on a case-by-case basis. "Going to management can work unless it’s the manager acting a certain way to make the employee uncomfortable. Then it’s a gamble with hoping you’re believed by the higher-ups. If it’s a coworker, HR or again a manager. Even then, it’s hoping that it gets taken seriously and a course of action is taken again whomever is being complained about."

She said that her personal experience in the food industry has shown her that she and her colleagues are pretty much left to stand up for themselves with customers, unless they cross the line by causing a scene or grabbing one of the employees.

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#11

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Samantha Lomb
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those sorts of people still exist. I know professors who women are told not to be alone with. Its an open secret and nothing is done. Usually for the same reason, the publish a lot or attract large classes

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"With this, I’ve learned that being your biggest advocate is one of the most important things you can be for yourself. When it comes to regulars, I personally feel more outspoken and able to handle the situation on my own. Coworkers are tricky because it makes the overall work environment a dark and complicated one," she explained that things are hardly easy when it comes to colleagues.

"I’ve been lucky enough to have some superiors who I am about to feel comfortable going to but I know for many men and women that isn’t the case. I wish I had a better and more clear cut answer. It’s a messy situation. The first start of finding a solution is discussing the problem, though," Alexis said.

"If there’s anything I could let the men know who are, or have been, made uncomfortable by a woman (or even another man) in the workforce, it would be that their situation is just as important to talk about. I think a lot of men were put off by the tweet and were given the impression that their experience is lesser than, or not as important, which was never my intention."

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Being in a state of “hyper-vigilance” can be mentally exhausting because we’re on the lookout for danger and predators.

While some creeps might be beyond saving (though some would argue that everyone’s capable of redemption), others are simply socially misguided. The latter may have good intentions, but they’re absolutely clueless about how to behave in social settings.

The answer in both cases, then, can be a strong HR team who are willing to mediate any conflicts and provide guidance to any coworkers that need that bit of help to act in a socially acceptable way.

#16

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Viviane
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're right to leave a potentially dangerous situation. Write up reports and send them to HR. They might not do anything for a while, but he may eventually be fired if enough complaints reach higher ups. If he's touched anyone in a gross manner, that could be sexual assault.

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#17

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Viviane
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a myth that heterosexual men don't mind any kind of female attention.

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#20

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Bobert Robertson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have printed the company's code of conduct (assuming there was one) and highlighted all the areas that he was violating, and left it on his desk.

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#21

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Monika Soffronow
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn that must have made you feel nauseous and lucky to get away at the same time.

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#22

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Monika Soffronow
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sad truth is that all these insecure men who behave like this are also suffering because they will never have a good and fulfilling relationship with any woman in their whole life. Without mutual respect, how would it possible?

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#24

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Aeon Flux
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m glad his harasser was punished. I just wish it were easier to hold men accountable, though.

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#26

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Kathryn Baylis
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know things like this are more embarrassing than infuriating when you’re 16. But please, try to encourage all young people working anywhere to always report inappropriate behavior by coworkers—-especially older ones who 1) are flirting with jail and placement on the sexual predators list, and 2) are old enough to f*****g know better!

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#29

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Bobert Robertson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's because your "friend" was also making inappropriate comments in the group chat

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#31

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KombatBunni
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have kneed the bastard in the crotch three times and told him I was being funny..what an a$$hole 🤬

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#32

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Kathryn Baylis
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would’ve said “You talk to your mother with that foul mouth?” See, if he complains about me being insubordinate, I can tell HR/the big bosses exactly why I said it, and make him and the other foul mouths squirm, having to explain exactly what they were saying and doing to make it happen.

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#33

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Bobert Robertson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol what? You thought nothing of it? I would not be able to do anything but think something of it.

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#34

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togcrewsc
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sometimes its fine if u say u r if it gets them off ur back. ive had to do that a ton (and im pan so) but i trly am dating another girl rn

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#35

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Lisa Reuss
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who thought that was "funny and harmless" is either (a) not your friend, (b) protecting their own job, or (c) doing it, too. Tell someone who will listen.

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#36

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Monika Soffronow
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't want to make him feel bad .... *sigh* Yeah. Women are brought up to support men. Men are brought up to support other men. Teach your daughters that they have the right to stand up for themselves!

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#37

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WilvanderHeijden
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you've been sent porn by senior staff you have the tangible evidence of sexual harassment. Report them to HR and the police. If that fails put it on social media. "Hey guys, I'd like to share a message mr.Jones from accounting sent me today."

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#39

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I’ve often wondered what makes some employees—-usually the worst ones—-so Teflon-coated. Relative? Lover? Blackmailer? Connected?

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#44

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Kathryn Baylis
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good, and I hope they give a heads up to every place he applies for afterward.

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#45

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, but aspirin won’t get your d**k cut off by a group of my friends and relatives. Unless you actually want to sing soprano.

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#46

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Jane Doe
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a letter like this on Ask a Manager. A guy wrote in to say that in a spurt of anger he said this to a young, new female employee. His question, "I know I have to apologize...I shouldn't have yelled." Oh, OK.

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#47

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Kathryn Baylis
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Overly friendly” to other girls and you means inappropriately “friendly”. Gather evidence, record when, how, and to whom, and report it to HR. The store has security cameras, so if you give them dates and times, they can back it up with video proof. Be quick about it, though, because most security cameras only store video for anywhere between three days and one month.

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#48

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Katrina B.
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep! I had a cut on my wrist, with a bandage over it and a customer asked if I tried to commit suicide

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#49

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s why I go to the gym in comfortable, loose-fitting, somewhat worn out workout clothes no makeup, hair pulled back off my neck and out of my face. I’m there to exercise, not flirt, so leave me TF alone, creep.

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#50

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Bobert Robertson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, a baby is a special thing, I can't speak for them, but this one doesn't seem as bad as the others, unless he continued pushing it. Still not appropriate to question if someone is pregnant at work.

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