The #MeToo movement and the debate it has given rise to is everywhere at the moment, and has become so politicised and partisan that it is at risk of losing all of its original message: highlighting the fear and uncertainty that women are subjected to every day by predatory men.
This story, told by SaraSuze on Twitter, has gone viral for the way it perfectly highlights that and has women everywhere nodding along with empathy. Empathy is the key word here because no matter how long this debate rages on, there are still those that just don’t get it, most men have never experienced this kind of fear and are unable to put themselves in the shoes of women who do. We as an individualistic, competitive society are experiencing a chronic disconnect of empathy that is damaging in so many ways.
Scroll down below to read the heartbreakingly real story below for yourself, and let us know what you think in the comments.
Twitter user SaraSuze shared a powerful story recently, that has gone viral for the way it highlights the everyday fear and uncertainty many women face
Here’s what people had to say
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I think I've been lucky, though it does worry me. I've never had this happen in my home and I've had quite a few tradespeople in for various reasons and not been able to have my husband there. They have always been from a genuine company and so far they have been unfailingly polite and helpful. Outside of my house - at work, in shops, walking my dogs the comments are frequent. I don't want to know what you think of my face or hair thanks, you make me feel uneasy. Compliment your friends and family but leave strangers alone.
I have no issue at all about being alone with tradesemen - they have their jobs and liveliehoods to consider and never had an issue. However - If i was selling something online and a man was coming to my house I would Facebook his ID to friends
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I HATE that feeling. The “assessment” is so natural to us. That sudden TERROR when we realize the situation could turn within seconds is filled with so many internal components. We freeze. Be mindful of our eyes. Don’t widen them. Don’t look. Look away! Just laugh. Was that a fearful laugh? Does he know my alert system is going off? What can I grab? Please stop saying stuff! He keeps glaring at me. Oh Sh!t! He knows I’m scared! I’m repeating my words. I just stuttered. Oh yeah, he knows. Please please please let me be ok....just get through this and Get away from him. Don’t look....why won’t he stop saying that? Oh that’s so gross. Really, dude? No. Just NO!!! Stop it!
I know there are decent men in the world. I am married to one after all. But trying to get some men to understand this stuff is hard work. It is almost as hard as the damn assessing in some cases. It is either they don't want to believe us or they just think we're exaggerating. It is bloody frustrating and we wouldn't keep having to tell these stories if the men who don't believe us (not necessarily the perpetrators because you know they don't care anyway) started paying some attention to what women are saying. I have done martial arts in the past, but I still don't take that 5 minute short cut to my house after dark because I don't want to die. I have stuff to do. It doesn't matter what we do to protect ourselves it is never enough or classed as too aggressive...like that time I threatened to shank a man with my keys after he followed me home and tried to get into my house. Leave me alone was not a clue to this guy.
I would be more comfortable with a gas fitter or a repairman in my house than my ex partner
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The mental check that women have to do before ANYTHING is insane. I go for dinner with friends and have to think.. when I leave it will be dark, have I parked to far away, where can I go if something does happen, where are my keys I can hold in case someone tries to grab me. Men don't understand that we are going through this check list every time we are alone. I'm tired of it!!!
I solve that by using UBER. Put it this way, if I want wine with dinner, I have to do that anyway.
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It cannot be said or stressed enough that the type of behavior described above is not normal or acceptable.
You are obviously a decent person Don. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling that comments and inappropriate touching are pretty normal. Groped on tube trains, groped by friends fathers, backed into corners at work, an arm around the waist for no reason, hands on your shoulders holding you in place, touched in seemingly innocuous ways but you know from their expression or words that it isn’t. Comments, comments, comments about how you look so that you end up dressed to put people off and it still doesn't work. Acceptable, definitely not.
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I went fishing with my husband's stepfather, older man in his 60's and he raped me. Everything that this woman said hit me right in the gut. I hate being afraid of men and situations like she had with the guy coming to buy her dryer. I hate having to plan everything out when there's someone who scares me or concerns me...knowing what to do to save your life and living with it every day is sad...
I've been lucky and never had this happen at home but working retail creepers came out galore. One guy wanted to know what car I drove and when I got off work, another wanted me to leave that job to go work for him (and leave the country for business). The worst was this older guy (60-70's) and he refused to talk to anyone but me. He wanted to know my entire work schedule. He would come in and if he couldn't physically hunt me down in the store he would have an employee radio me. Luckily I worked with some awesome guys and they would help by warning me he was there so some other guys could hide me while another went to help him. And they always walked me out to my car after my shift so I didn't have to worry. Thank you to those beautiful guys!!
At one point in my life I didnt have too much fear. it didn't consume me, I didn't do the assement, I just lived my life. Then I started the 5am shift. I don't drive and my then bf didnt own a car, so I caught the bus everywhere. The bus did not start running until 5:10am. My only other option was to walk. It was a 30-40min walk and I was completely fine with it considering I walked that route on a main road all the time during the day/night. All was fine for a month or two. I passed by joggers, drunks, homeless, other people walking to work. I put my caution up around the drunks and homeless because they were the most unpredictable. But I was not assaulted by any of them. In fact a couple of drunk guys asked me if I wanted them to wake up their mom to take me where I needed to go. I was assaulted by a jogger. I didn't really do the assessment and it bit me in the a*s. Now I do the assessment everywhere with all men all the time because you never know... and that fear sticks
1/2 Interestingly the thing I'm most scared of is getting so scared that I'm not able to control it anymore and freeze. When I was a preteen and teen I used to play wrestle with my male slightly bigger and stronger cousins and noticed that a little bit fear and adrenaline helps if you can control it, but too much and you lose control and make mistakes so I practiced a bit. Since then I've been in various potentially dangerous situations and been scared but so far I've always managed to bring myself down and not let it get out of hand and take over although ... there was especially one time I've been really close - I was about 16 wearing a summer dress suddenly alone with a bigger guy, an aquience, in dark where no one could see us, maybe someone could have heard me if I were yelling but I knew it was unlikely. He tried to convince me to have sex with him and took both of my wrists and put them together (it was like having handcuffs, only even more restrictive), I tried to free
2/2 them but couldn't. I knew I couldn't fight him as he was much bigger and stronger and realized he could do almost anything to me and it would be a while before someone got worried where I was. I seriously thought he was going to rape me and panicked for a while. I'm still not sure how and what I said back then but I somehow managed to convince him to let me go and calmed myself down. Later, after I told my aunt, I found out from her he has a history of sexual assault.
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Thank you for this, I have felt this way before but it also put a better understanding why my husband always asks his mom to come over when a repair man comes over.
how did i get 11 downvotes for stating a repairman was absolutely respectable and honest
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That man is genuinely disgusting. Being married himself, he knowingly harassed another married woman.
We don't know he's definitely married. He might wear a ring to add to the illusion that he's okay. He's definitely disgusting though.
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My boyfriend and I were camping in the Redwoods. He began telling me about a time he was hiking on his own, no one around for hours and he begins to hear horses.Eventually 6 men on horses could be seen. As they got closer he saw some had rifles. He thought is was so cool he made sure they saw him. For him he thought is was an amazing 'old west' experience. When I told him my only thought would have been to hide he though I was joking. When I explained he looked like he just realized the world is not round. He would quiz me once in awhile to see what other things I would not be able to do alone as a female. Kinda opened his eyes.
That creepy guy wanted to come by and "get some sex." Like dropping by McDonalds to get a hamburger. We've all known someone like that. 100% of women live in fear because of a small minority of men who behave that way.
Dear miss Sarasuze, imo, you don't need to be ashamed you're not one of those kick-a*s movie heroines. Fear is the appropriate response, and caution. Be glad you chose that and not the "call him out" thing. The best way to handle yourself in a fight is to prevent one all together. (All of this does have exceptions of course, but overall I find this helpful. As someone who may have been a bit overly plucky in the past.)
As a father of 3 daughter I've had to step in several times regarding this type of behavior with boys even at their young age. I frightens me that I will not be there every time to step in as the intimidating father. My wife and I have gone to great lengths to teach them that this is not normal or acceptable behavior.
Get them on self-defence courses. You won't be there every time now or in the future. Better that they know what to do.
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Men are afraid of being laughed at women are afraid of being killed. I taught college and accepted a ride home from a fellow teacher after a student had hit on me. Everything was fine until we got away from everyone and walked to the car. Did he touch me? No, but he did tell me everything he was going to do to me and was clear my Concent was not necessary. When I told my team teacher I was told to keep very quiet. He was known to be a nice guy and no one would believe me.
I once missed the shuttle to work and didn't drive back then. While I was standing at the complex gate, wondering what to do, an older gentleman stopped his car, told me he worked in the same company, and offered me a ride. This is way back when I was naive and I was very late for work, so I accepted. He talked to me about the company, seemed to know enough so I relaxed. Suddenly right before we were about to reach, he turned left,pretending to ignore my frantic questions about where we were going. He then got up on the freeway and I started screaming at him to stop. I still remember his look when he turned to me and said "I won't. What can you do?". My blood froze but I kept screaming and started hitting him. I think he decided I was too much trouble, so he let me out in the middle of the freeway from where I had to walk all the way to work (this is before uber) As I type this, I notice how many times I explained myself so people don't start blaming me instead. Shows You something
As a man I am so sorry she had to go through this experience...I can only hope the predator...and he is...has some conscience and feels pain and regret.
This women had it right until she dragged Kavenaugh into it.. none of the allegations against him could be proven. And they were ridiculous to start with. And everyone with half a brain could see it was political theater. That being said as a woman I know about "the assessment". And my heart goes out to her because I can relate to that same terror. Men do need to do better.
This kinda reminded me of when I was 11 getting ramen from this small shop. I was by myself but my dad's car was down the street from me. This 30-35 year old man whistled while I walked out. I thought hey, maybe that guy just likes to whistle. I leave the store and look back. Behold, this son of a b*tch is staring me down, smiling like he won the lottery or something. He steps out, not breaking eye contact, and I run. I could've gotten hit by a car or something, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from that creep. He steps back inside after I reach the car. I was 11, and he was like 35, just to remind you.
The other day, I was in a gas station and two guys walked in. One was probably around my dad's age, one must have been the other's son and looked to be in his late teens. I immediately thought of the closest door, the easiest way to fight back, and the closest people who could help. All of my thoughts went to, "How can I escape if one or more of them tries to do something?" I'm only 13. There is no acceptable reason for any women to be so scared of any male they encounter. That sounds like I'm saying women don't need to be scared, what I'm saying is that women should not have to be scared because men need to clean their act up and stop this sort of behavior. This is the world we live in, and it has to change.
My Hero. Your lifting that dryer with no help basically. I bet you could take him. Knock his a*s out.
I had something similar happen with a cable guy. He was in my house for over an hour, of course my husband was out of town, and he pretended to "fix" my issue for that long, just chatting away, getting really intrusive and then said that he didn't find anything wrong. I finally had to tell him that my dinner was burning (which was not untrue) and that my husband was going to be home and that he needed to get out of my house. I ended up reporting it. He kept putting himself in between me and the door, but luckily we have a back door I could have run out of if I needed to. Gotta be honest, I don't really love him knowing where i live.
I'm so glad that I have a large dog. Had a huge man let himself into my house uninvited only to let himself out very quickly as my dog ran at him barking. God I love dogs.
Tradespeople I'm OK with - they're usually someone recommended to me, and no one is going to recommend a creep. But selling online, I wouldn't have a stranger in the house, male or female, when I'm alone. Even a woman could pull a knife and rob you.
All I can say is "trust your gut." Women have a tremendous amount of intuition. Listen to your fear. Never allow a stranger into your home. Tradesmen - I ONLY use people a friend has referred me to. But I will admit it is all nerve wracking.
so much truth in this; so much love for posting your experience. i hope you are able to work through your perceived lack of strength--it took strength (mixed with rage) to be able to post this to begin with. I hope you are able to keep from putting yourself in that kind of predicament in the future--stick with your first gut instinct about not letting strangers come to your house when you're home alone. all the best!
I've noticed many times when women have been "making the assessment" about me. It's happened in elevators, trains, waiting for the ATM and parking garages. Not once have I ever been a threat to these or any woman. Sometimes I question is there something specific about me that has triggered this assessment? Most times I just feel bad that for reasons I'll never know, this woman's fear has been triggered by me. I know it's not personal but, some times I want to shout, "I'm not a threat to you!" I can't help if my car happens to be parked along the same path as yours. How am I supposed to change these kind of reactions? How am I supposed to alleviate these fears in women? How do I prevent every other man from being a vile, disgusting, opportunistic piece of s**t? How do I stop other men from praying on women? How do I prevent more situations from happening like the ones posted here?
I want to relate this -- i had a "friend" who took to coming round to my new home every morning - just to "see if I was ok" i did not want him in my house - but it was easier to let him come in for a coffee than refuse to answer the door. The day I told him I didnt want him anywhere near me or my home again as I realised he was stalking me I was stuck - in my house - with a man twice my weight begging for sex - following me from room to room. I did manage to get him out- but I really thought I was going to to get raped that morning
I am glad you managed to get him out. All these people quoting ideas of self defence have no idea. My Judo teacher basically said look you CAN throw a man twice your weight and height given the right circumstances, however if they have any type of training or are just quicker than you then you will be in trouble either way. Just run and find somewhere safe if you find yourself in that situation. Fighting is a last resort. His daughter was a black belt and she received the same advice.
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Congratulations for not pushing that heavy dryier back to him. (This is not sarcasm, btw, I really mean it. The outcome would have made her look like the aggressor otherwise. Also, she spared a life.)
I believe she was on the bottom of the stairs and he was at the top. She said she couldn't get away because him and the dryer was in the way. So she pushed it as hard/fast as she could so she wasn't trapped.
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Men have the same considerations, just have fewer people to fear since we are generally larger and stronger. We still have to assess danger with people we don't know. Also, women STOP GOING AGAINST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! She made it clear that she wasn't comfortable letting him in the house and then she just lets him in. What are you thinking? Ladies, pick up the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It will help you see the danger signals better and stick to your guns. Be safe out there!
On a Saturday morning when I was 12 my mother was at work and my father was at the funeral home with my grandmother making arrangements for my great grandmother a man obviously on drugs came to our house pulled out a knife and threatened to kill me and my 8year old brother. The guy was insane kept demanding brocolli, I told him my dad was asleep and I would go get him soon as I was out of sight he started beating the s**t out of the screen door, I lowered my brother out the window and told him to run, afraid he catch my brother if we both ran I called the police and went back out to try and calm him down, told him my dad was getting dressed. Luckily the police arrived very quickly, and took him into custody. I'm 45 now and if you knock on my door unannounced I have a gun, it's concealed but I have it. I'm sorry for your experience but having a penis doesn't exclude you from the dangers of this world.
This is r******d. Maybe the old guy was senile. Were you really scared for your life? Sorry im unconvinced.
While there are still scumbag men out there, women need to learn to defend themselves and take their power back from the moments Sara Suze and other women have mentioned above. It's not right that we should be made to feel this way by a minority. Learn self-defence or kung fu, or just use your voice, act a more aggressively, we have to know we can protect ourselves if have to...then there's always revenge, you know like in the movies. As Sara said, we all hope we could be that gun toting woman, but we probably wouldn't be.
How does that help? They still have to come in don't they? Unless you've managed to get the item out yourself. I feel odd saying this but I have a stalker - works for a charity. No guarantee of anything.
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Hmm - but he only had to pull a weapon, a knife or gun, and your control of the situation has gone. Do you think you’d be able to call 911 or use OnStar with a knife pressed against your throat and someone shouting at you to do exactly what they say or else? I’m not saying that this is hugely likely or that it wasn’t exactly as it seemed and wouldn’t be 99 times out of 100. I just don’t think you have the level of control to get yourself out of danger you think you have if it was necessary. Sorry.
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Yeah - we don't all live in America or want to live somewhere where there isn't strict gun control.
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Or the majority of people live in countries with stricter gun laws.
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Don't read them then - there are other stories. Go and look at the whimsical photos of a ginger cat called Cutlet. They're very cute.
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Depends on the person. A strong man (or woman) can take the gun away & use it to threaten you. Don't do it unless you know you will shoot without hesitation.
Load More Replies... I think I've been lucky, though it does worry me. I've never had this happen in my home and I've had quite a few tradespeople in for various reasons and not been able to have my husband there. They have always been from a genuine company and so far they have been unfailingly polite and helpful. Outside of my house - at work, in shops, walking my dogs the comments are frequent. I don't want to know what you think of my face or hair thanks, you make me feel uneasy. Compliment your friends and family but leave strangers alone.
I have no issue at all about being alone with tradesemen - they have their jobs and liveliehoods to consider and never had an issue. However - If i was selling something online and a man was coming to my house I would Facebook his ID to friends
Load More Replies... I HATE that feeling. The “assessment” is so natural to us. That sudden TERROR when we realize the situation could turn within seconds is filled with so many internal components. We freeze. Be mindful of our eyes. Don’t widen them. Don’t look. Look away! Just laugh. Was that a fearful laugh? Does he know my alert system is going off? What can I grab? Please stop saying stuff! He keeps glaring at me. Oh Sh!t! He knows I’m scared! I’m repeating my words. I just stuttered. Oh yeah, he knows. Please please please let me be ok....just get through this and Get away from him. Don’t look....why won’t he stop saying that? Oh that’s so gross. Really, dude? No. Just NO!!! Stop it!
I know there are decent men in the world. I am married to one after all. But trying to get some men to understand this stuff is hard work. It is almost as hard as the damn assessing in some cases. It is either they don't want to believe us or they just think we're exaggerating. It is bloody frustrating and we wouldn't keep having to tell these stories if the men who don't believe us (not necessarily the perpetrators because you know they don't care anyway) started paying some attention to what women are saying. I have done martial arts in the past, but I still don't take that 5 minute short cut to my house after dark because I don't want to die. I have stuff to do. It doesn't matter what we do to protect ourselves it is never enough or classed as too aggressive...like that time I threatened to shank a man with my keys after he followed me home and tried to get into my house. Leave me alone was not a clue to this guy.
I would be more comfortable with a gas fitter or a repairman in my house than my ex partner
Load More Replies... The mental check that women have to do before ANYTHING is insane. I go for dinner with friends and have to think.. when I leave it will be dark, have I parked to far away, where can I go if something does happen, where are my keys I can hold in case someone tries to grab me. Men don't understand that we are going through this check list every time we are alone. I'm tired of it!!!
I solve that by using UBER. Put it this way, if I want wine with dinner, I have to do that anyway.
Load More Replies... It cannot be said or stressed enough that the type of behavior described above is not normal or acceptable.
You are obviously a decent person Don. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling that comments and inappropriate touching are pretty normal. Groped on tube trains, groped by friends fathers, backed into corners at work, an arm around the waist for no reason, hands on your shoulders holding you in place, touched in seemingly innocuous ways but you know from their expression or words that it isn’t. Comments, comments, comments about how you look so that you end up dressed to put people off and it still doesn't work. Acceptable, definitely not.
Load More Replies... I went fishing with my husband's stepfather, older man in his 60's and he raped me. Everything that this woman said hit me right in the gut. I hate being afraid of men and situations like she had with the guy coming to buy her dryer. I hate having to plan everything out when there's someone who scares me or concerns me...knowing what to do to save your life and living with it every day is sad...
I've been lucky and never had this happen at home but working retail creepers came out galore. One guy wanted to know what car I drove and when I got off work, another wanted me to leave that job to go work for him (and leave the country for business). The worst was this older guy (60-70's) and he refused to talk to anyone but me. He wanted to know my entire work schedule. He would come in and if he couldn't physically hunt me down in the store he would have an employee radio me. Luckily I worked with some awesome guys and they would help by warning me he was there so some other guys could hide me while another went to help him. And they always walked me out to my car after my shift so I didn't have to worry. Thank you to those beautiful guys!!
At one point in my life I didnt have too much fear. it didn't consume me, I didn't do the assement, I just lived my life. Then I started the 5am shift. I don't drive and my then bf didnt own a car, so I caught the bus everywhere. The bus did not start running until 5:10am. My only other option was to walk. It was a 30-40min walk and I was completely fine with it considering I walked that route on a main road all the time during the day/night. All was fine for a month or two. I passed by joggers, drunks, homeless, other people walking to work. I put my caution up around the drunks and homeless because they were the most unpredictable. But I was not assaulted by any of them. In fact a couple of drunk guys asked me if I wanted them to wake up their mom to take me where I needed to go. I was assaulted by a jogger. I didn't really do the assessment and it bit me in the a*s. Now I do the assessment everywhere with all men all the time because you never know... and that fear sticks
1/2 Interestingly the thing I'm most scared of is getting so scared that I'm not able to control it anymore and freeze. When I was a preteen and teen I used to play wrestle with my male slightly bigger and stronger cousins and noticed that a little bit fear and adrenaline helps if you can control it, but too much and you lose control and make mistakes so I practiced a bit. Since then I've been in various potentially dangerous situations and been scared but so far I've always managed to bring myself down and not let it get out of hand and take over although ... there was especially one time I've been really close - I was about 16 wearing a summer dress suddenly alone with a bigger guy, an aquience, in dark where no one could see us, maybe someone could have heard me if I were yelling but I knew it was unlikely. He tried to convince me to have sex with him and took both of my wrists and put them together (it was like having handcuffs, only even more restrictive), I tried to free
2/2 them but couldn't. I knew I couldn't fight him as he was much bigger and stronger and realized he could do almost anything to me and it would be a while before someone got worried where I was. I seriously thought he was going to rape me and panicked for a while. I'm still not sure how and what I said back then but I somehow managed to convince him to let me go and calmed myself down. Later, after I told my aunt, I found out from her he has a history of sexual assault.
Load More Replies... Thank you for this, I have felt this way before but it also put a better understanding why my husband always asks his mom to come over when a repair man comes over.
how did i get 11 downvotes for stating a repairman was absolutely respectable and honest
Load More Replies... That man is genuinely disgusting. Being married himself, he knowingly harassed another married woman.
We don't know he's definitely married. He might wear a ring to add to the illusion that he's okay. He's definitely disgusting though.
Load More Replies... My boyfriend and I were camping in the Redwoods. He began telling me about a time he was hiking on his own, no one around for hours and he begins to hear horses.Eventually 6 men on horses could be seen. As they got closer he saw some had rifles. He thought is was so cool he made sure they saw him. For him he thought is was an amazing 'old west' experience. When I told him my only thought would have been to hide he though I was joking. When I explained he looked like he just realized the world is not round. He would quiz me once in awhile to see what other things I would not be able to do alone as a female. Kinda opened his eyes.
That creepy guy wanted to come by and "get some sex." Like dropping by McDonalds to get a hamburger. We've all known someone like that. 100% of women live in fear because of a small minority of men who behave that way.
Dear miss Sarasuze, imo, you don't need to be ashamed you're not one of those kick-a*s movie heroines. Fear is the appropriate response, and caution. Be glad you chose that and not the "call him out" thing. The best way to handle yourself in a fight is to prevent one all together. (All of this does have exceptions of course, but overall I find this helpful. As someone who may have been a bit overly plucky in the past.)
As a father of 3 daughter I've had to step in several times regarding this type of behavior with boys even at their young age. I frightens me that I will not be there every time to step in as the intimidating father. My wife and I have gone to great lengths to teach them that this is not normal or acceptable behavior.
Get them on self-defence courses. You won't be there every time now or in the future. Better that they know what to do.
Load More Replies... Men are afraid of being laughed at women are afraid of being killed. I taught college and accepted a ride home from a fellow teacher after a student had hit on me. Everything was fine until we got away from everyone and walked to the car. Did he touch me? No, but he did tell me everything he was going to do to me and was clear my Concent was not necessary. When I told my team teacher I was told to keep very quiet. He was known to be a nice guy and no one would believe me.
I once missed the shuttle to work and didn't drive back then. While I was standing at the complex gate, wondering what to do, an older gentleman stopped his car, told me he worked in the same company, and offered me a ride. This is way back when I was naive and I was very late for work, so I accepted. He talked to me about the company, seemed to know enough so I relaxed. Suddenly right before we were about to reach, he turned left,pretending to ignore my frantic questions about where we were going. He then got up on the freeway and I started screaming at him to stop. I still remember his look when he turned to me and said "I won't. What can you do?". My blood froze but I kept screaming and started hitting him. I think he decided I was too much trouble, so he let me out in the middle of the freeway from where I had to walk all the way to work (this is before uber) As I type this, I notice how many times I explained myself so people don't start blaming me instead. Shows You something
As a man I am so sorry she had to go through this experience...I can only hope the predator...and he is...has some conscience and feels pain and regret.
This women had it right until she dragged Kavenaugh into it.. none of the allegations against him could be proven. And they were ridiculous to start with. And everyone with half a brain could see it was political theater. That being said as a woman I know about "the assessment". And my heart goes out to her because I can relate to that same terror. Men do need to do better.
This kinda reminded me of when I was 11 getting ramen from this small shop. I was by myself but my dad's car was down the street from me. This 30-35 year old man whistled while I walked out. I thought hey, maybe that guy just likes to whistle. I leave the store and look back. Behold, this son of a b*tch is staring me down, smiling like he won the lottery or something. He steps out, not breaking eye contact, and I run. I could've gotten hit by a car or something, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get away from that creep. He steps back inside after I reach the car. I was 11, and he was like 35, just to remind you.
The other day, I was in a gas station and two guys walked in. One was probably around my dad's age, one must have been the other's son and looked to be in his late teens. I immediately thought of the closest door, the easiest way to fight back, and the closest people who could help. All of my thoughts went to, "How can I escape if one or more of them tries to do something?" I'm only 13. There is no acceptable reason for any women to be so scared of any male they encounter. That sounds like I'm saying women don't need to be scared, what I'm saying is that women should not have to be scared because men need to clean their act up and stop this sort of behavior. This is the world we live in, and it has to change.
My Hero. Your lifting that dryer with no help basically. I bet you could take him. Knock his a*s out.
I had something similar happen with a cable guy. He was in my house for over an hour, of course my husband was out of town, and he pretended to "fix" my issue for that long, just chatting away, getting really intrusive and then said that he didn't find anything wrong. I finally had to tell him that my dinner was burning (which was not untrue) and that my husband was going to be home and that he needed to get out of my house. I ended up reporting it. He kept putting himself in between me and the door, but luckily we have a back door I could have run out of if I needed to. Gotta be honest, I don't really love him knowing where i live.
I'm so glad that I have a large dog. Had a huge man let himself into my house uninvited only to let himself out very quickly as my dog ran at him barking. God I love dogs.
Tradespeople I'm OK with - they're usually someone recommended to me, and no one is going to recommend a creep. But selling online, I wouldn't have a stranger in the house, male or female, when I'm alone. Even a woman could pull a knife and rob you.
All I can say is "trust your gut." Women have a tremendous amount of intuition. Listen to your fear. Never allow a stranger into your home. Tradesmen - I ONLY use people a friend has referred me to. But I will admit it is all nerve wracking.
so much truth in this; so much love for posting your experience. i hope you are able to work through your perceived lack of strength--it took strength (mixed with rage) to be able to post this to begin with. I hope you are able to keep from putting yourself in that kind of predicament in the future--stick with your first gut instinct about not letting strangers come to your house when you're home alone. all the best!
I've noticed many times when women have been "making the assessment" about me. It's happened in elevators, trains, waiting for the ATM and parking garages. Not once have I ever been a threat to these or any woman. Sometimes I question is there something specific about me that has triggered this assessment? Most times I just feel bad that for reasons I'll never know, this woman's fear has been triggered by me. I know it's not personal but, some times I want to shout, "I'm not a threat to you!" I can't help if my car happens to be parked along the same path as yours. How am I supposed to change these kind of reactions? How am I supposed to alleviate these fears in women? How do I prevent every other man from being a vile, disgusting, opportunistic piece of s**t? How do I stop other men from praying on women? How do I prevent more situations from happening like the ones posted here?
I want to relate this -- i had a "friend" who took to coming round to my new home every morning - just to "see if I was ok" i did not want him in my house - but it was easier to let him come in for a coffee than refuse to answer the door. The day I told him I didnt want him anywhere near me or my home again as I realised he was stalking me I was stuck - in my house - with a man twice my weight begging for sex - following me from room to room. I did manage to get him out- but I really thought I was going to to get raped that morning
I am glad you managed to get him out. All these people quoting ideas of self defence have no idea. My Judo teacher basically said look you CAN throw a man twice your weight and height given the right circumstances, however if they have any type of training or are just quicker than you then you will be in trouble either way. Just run and find somewhere safe if you find yourself in that situation. Fighting is a last resort. His daughter was a black belt and she received the same advice.
Load More Replies... Congratulations for not pushing that heavy dryier back to him. (This is not sarcasm, btw, I really mean it. The outcome would have made her look like the aggressor otherwise. Also, she spared a life.)
I believe she was on the bottom of the stairs and he was at the top. She said she couldn't get away because him and the dryer was in the way. So she pushed it as hard/fast as she could so she wasn't trapped.
Load More Replies... Men have the same considerations, just have fewer people to fear since we are generally larger and stronger. We still have to assess danger with people we don't know. Also, women STOP GOING AGAINST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! She made it clear that she wasn't comfortable letting him in the house and then she just lets him in. What are you thinking? Ladies, pick up the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It will help you see the danger signals better and stick to your guns. Be safe out there!
On a Saturday morning when I was 12 my mother was at work and my father was at the funeral home with my grandmother making arrangements for my great grandmother a man obviously on drugs came to our house pulled out a knife and threatened to kill me and my 8year old brother. The guy was insane kept demanding brocolli, I told him my dad was asleep and I would go get him soon as I was out of sight he started beating the s**t out of the screen door, I lowered my brother out the window and told him to run, afraid he catch my brother if we both ran I called the police and went back out to try and calm him down, told him my dad was getting dressed. Luckily the police arrived very quickly, and took him into custody. I'm 45 now and if you knock on my door unannounced I have a gun, it's concealed but I have it. I'm sorry for your experience but having a penis doesn't exclude you from the dangers of this world.
This is r******d. Maybe the old guy was senile. Were you really scared for your life? Sorry im unconvinced.
While there are still scumbag men out there, women need to learn to defend themselves and take their power back from the moments Sara Suze and other women have mentioned above. It's not right that we should be made to feel this way by a minority. Learn self-defence or kung fu, or just use your voice, act a more aggressively, we have to know we can protect ourselves if have to...then there's always revenge, you know like in the movies. As Sara said, we all hope we could be that gun toting woman, but we probably wouldn't be.
How does that help? They still have to come in don't they? Unless you've managed to get the item out yourself. I feel odd saying this but I have a stalker - works for a charity. No guarantee of anything.
Load More Replies... Hmm - but he only had to pull a weapon, a knife or gun, and your control of the situation has gone. Do you think you’d be able to call 911 or use OnStar with a knife pressed against your throat and someone shouting at you to do exactly what they say or else? I’m not saying that this is hugely likely or that it wasn’t exactly as it seemed and wouldn’t be 99 times out of 100. I just don’t think you have the level of control to get yourself out of danger you think you have if it was necessary. Sorry.
Load More Replies... Yeah - we don't all live in America or want to live somewhere where there isn't strict gun control.
Load More Replies... Or the majority of people live in countries with stricter gun laws.
Load More Replies... Don't read them then - there are other stories. Go and look at the whimsical photos of a ginger cat called Cutlet. They're very cute.
Load More Replies... Depends on the person. A strong man (or woman) can take the gun away & use it to threaten you. Don't do it unless you know you will shoot without hesitation.
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