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Let's admit, being young is quite tough. There's so much you still have to learn and it's usually a process of trial and error. Some choices you make, for some magical reason, end up being okay (or at times even really great), and some... well, sometimes you simply fail miserably. And that's totally fine. Even though it usually doesn't seem like it and you spend some time ruminating or even hating yourself for that one particular choice. But that's life, I guess.

And even though living = making some mistakes along the way, it's sometimes nice to get a few insights from people who've already been there and done that. Recently, a Twitter user GayatriiM started an interesting thread by asking all the women in their 40s to share life lessons that they've learned late in life. "Women in their 40s, what is one life lesson you learnt late in life?" she wrote in her tweet. Also, she answered her own question by saying this: "I learnt that sacrifices you make for others are overrated. At the end of the day, you’ll be held responsible for the choices you made esp. by those whose share of responsibilities you took over!"

Bored Panda invites you to look through some of the best life lessons these women have shared. And, of course, feel free to share your own in the comments!

#2

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Robin Syr
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the hardest things about being a woman is... Other women. Given the opportunity to support or criticize.... So many women fail to be a cheerleader for their sisters

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#3

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Billie Templeton
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was today years old when somebody finally dropped this pearl of wisdom in my lap. Thank you!! So relevant!!

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Many women have pointed out that it's important to be selfish in life. And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about other people—it simply means that you should learn to put yourself first. "Because no one else will," one user wrote. For a long time, women have been expected to be selfless, giving, and caring, and sadly, it's still ingrained in many of us to the point where we might even feel guilty doing things solely for ourselves. So yeah, I think we should all learn to be selfish. It's a good thing.

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Mimi
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true! I'm still working on the possibility of caring PLUS detaching, hard task! Advice on how to very welcome.

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#5

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M O'Connell
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not necessarily! I am very proud of my late grandmothers ridiculously heavy cookware.

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Some also pointed out that it's never too late to change the direction of your life and drift away from things that no longer serve you. You're never too old for that. And life is simply too short to settle.

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#7

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Irina Deneva-Slav
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of time I've wasted on trying to explain myself is truly ridiculous. And I'm still learning, in my 40s. Tough habit to kick.

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One of the most popular pieces of advice was the one telling women not to "save up luxuries to enjoy later." "Such an important lesson, Ma’am. I had anosmia during Covid19 infection and I thought, what if I am never able to smell my fave perfume ever again! We are one small incident away from changing course of life. Live it fully, now, the way you want to," someone replied to this advice.

#10

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Robin Syr
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aha! I've learned some things since I said yes and now I need to say no

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#11

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Joanne Hudson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eliminates "frail" later in life. When working around the house, MAKE those 6 trips to put things away. Its exercise you wouldn't have otherwise.

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#12

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meepmeep
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hmm, I feel this one is too extreme. Don't romanticize the idea of having children and don't have them if you don't want them. Having children does not automatically make one conducive to "the patriarchy".

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Helen Haley
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's saying the pedestal is the cage. The image of the ever dutiful mother constantly sacrificing for those around her. Always cheerful, always fit, has her kids in every activity known to man, losing yourself completely into the role, rather than it just being an addition to you. Men don't have to worry about 'just' being a dad. They're also allowed to be other things. No expectations that it is an all encompassing title.

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Light
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sacrificing yourself in order to keep the family intact and for the sake of the children is not heroic. If the relationship is abusive pack your bags and break the cycle. Do not normalize dysfunctional family dynamics.

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El Dee
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see her point. There is no actual reason why a woman is a better or worse parent than a man. But we make out that women are different and almost like it can ONLY be women who care for children. It just isn't true. Being kept in this way of thinking is preventing some men from being good fathers and is holding back some women from the other things in life they want to do. It is a hangover of the patriarch..

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OCD Mom
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will partly agree to this one. A lot of women consider motherhood as their sole 'reason for existence'. Let's not discourage these women who themselves want to devote to motherhood; they are choosing to be mother's over anything else which is fine. And again there are some women who do not want to be mothers. Again that is their choice and they should not be judged or frowned upon. Motherhood is not necessarily a patriarchal cage, it is a cage only when forced.

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Rosanna Jackson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not just that "some women don't want to be mothers". It's that some women don't want motherhood to be their "sole reason for existence", but do want to be mothers. Motherhood as a sole reason for existence was created by men to keep women from entering into the public sphere. Women had to stay in the private sphere of house once they had children because "motherhood was their sacred sole reason for existence". Meanwhile men, are encouraged to exist in both spheres and can be a dedicated father and have multiple other reasons to exist. Many of which are just for his own happiness, biking, hunting, etc. Her point is that women should be able to be mothers and... just as fathers do. And that hyping up the sacred motherhood angle is a cage to keep women locked in the private sphere. Doing the job of a full time Chef, in house cleaner, personal assistant, nanny, gardener etc etc etc without a wages or benefits, therefor at the mercy of the person who works in the public sphere.

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Suraj A R
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe, this is a negative way of looking at things. Motherhood is the reason why Humanity has thrived. The issue here is with people who fight for equality yet consider themselves better than the other gender. The comment is made by a person who doesn't understand Fatherhood. There are people who do things which doesn't appease the Majority, that in itself doesn't translate to good or bad. The issue I believe is in generalizing everything to make your opinions sound better. One should learn to recognize themselves as an individual rather than to some groups. I would like to conclude by a saying in my native language, translated in English "First take care of yourself then take care of the Nation". PS: I am completely open to the idea of a possibility of my ideas or notion being wrong

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KT
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

pfff no way. Maybe for you and your family but that is some toxic thinking

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Little Wonder
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, it's healthy thinking. Toxic thinking is "She is a mother, let's adore her and discourage her from being anything else or different. Let's praise her sacrifice to have children while making it harder for her to do anything BUT be a mother"

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Rissie
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds to me like she's not speaking of her personal experience, but more of the way society puts women on a pedestal for being a mom only to not let you leave it without a fight. You can be supported by your partner and still feel that things change when it comes to your work life. And it's hard to deny the way schools and nurseries treat parents very differently. And it's everywhere.

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#14

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Joanne Hudson
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hardest lesson. I tell myself if I try to rush in, I am messing with their karma and they will still have to learn the lesson.

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#15

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Helen Haley
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hate when people get upset that others aren't showing the 'proper' amount of gratitude. Either you want to help, or you don't. If you're doing it so others lick your boots, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

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#19

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Jaded Queen
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Learn to live alone but not lonely. If u constantly seek people company/validation. Then something is completely wrong and defective inside of u. Know your reason and rectify that. People who can't live alone and in independence, deceive their very nature of existence. Which lets face it is like 80% of the population if not more

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#20

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Mimi777
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Toxic family can be the worst. And hard to stay away from. It’s like a weight off your shoulders when you finally cut that negative person out of your life completely if you’re able to

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#21

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Erdot
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd like to add something, unpopular opinion here, but in my experience, denying yourself the small joys does NOT guarantee you the occurrence of greater happiness. I mean, if you decide not to buy those shoes you like today does not mean you'd find peace of mind or serenity or true love tomorrow. You might find yourself waiting for these your entire life and even lacking the momentary feeling of getting something you like on the short run. I mean, yeah, I do not advise you to become a compulsive shopper or eater or such, only to enjoy small things, too, without the constant expectation of something BIG to happen.

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Shauna
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plus indulging on yourself is what keeps you going at times.

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#24

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El Dee
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't 'pick up the slack' at work. Don't cut corners to make it all work and work on time. Do your thing, and only YOUR thing, don't be awkward about it if asked though, just don't do it voluntarily. Do the job the way it's supposed to be done. If you cut corners to make it happen quicker then your manager will turn a blind eye to get good stats but throw you under the bus when it all goes pear shaped..

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#25

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Astrid Nineor
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't overdo it though, don't end up always thinking 'This isn't good enough'

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#27

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Shauna
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3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do think having interests is important. As I've grown older I've gained more interests in things then i did when i was younger and I think its made me a happier person.

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Analyn Lahr
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You gotta put on your own oxygen mask first, before helping others.

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#29

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SirPatTheCat
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is a little bit circumstantial. Sometimes it's good to fight for things, sometimes it's not. In general I think she means don't get into unnecessary battles

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Jaded Queen
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Load of bull c**p. Learn to live alone. People will f**k u in the a*s the minute u r not fruitful to them

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Note: this post originally had 45 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.