Recently, a heart-wrenching story from a 19-year-old woman went viral on the AITA subreddit. The story came from a Redditor nicknamed Maybeenobaby whose family of eight siblings, all younger than her, “hit the rock bottom.”
“My mother and stepfather are going to be going away for a long time, and everyone is in a rush to get all these kids into homes,” the author explained. And because Maybeenobaby is the only one who’s over 18, everyone expects her to do it.
But now the author feels like there’s finally an opportunity “to have a better life,” so she decided to take the 6-year-old sister and move to another state. Meanwhile, the seven other siblings will have to go to foster care. Quite likely feeling rather guilty, Maybeenobaby wonders if she really made the right decision.
The 19-year-old woman has recently shared how she left her 7 siblings in foster care after her family hit rock bottom in hopes to build a better future
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BBC Creative (not the actual photo)
Image credits: maybeenobaby
National data (from The Children’s Bureau at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration for Children and Families (ACF) published the FY 2020 Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS), which showed that the number of children in foster care had decreased for the third consecutive year in the U.S. As of 2020, there was an estimated 407,000 children in foster care nationwide.
On average, children and teens stay in the foster care system for 12 to 20 months. The majority of foster youth stay with their foster family for 1 to 5 months. At an average age of 7 years old, many children enter the foster care system as a result of living in an unstable home environment, mistreatment, or neglect. Foster care provides children a stable environment for development and growth.
When a child reaches 18-21 years old, which is the post-high school age, they are no longer qualified for foster care placement. It leaves them to find ways to support themselves as part of the general population. However, when children age out, unfortunately, nearly 20% of these young people will end up homeless.
And this is what people commented about this whole situation
The people getting mad at OP are living in a Disney movie where something spectacular happens and suddenly 8 kids are no burden at all. There are very few adults who are mentally and financially prepared to support all of them and it is unreasonable to ask a teenager to do that.
I'm amazed that social services would even consider placing 8 kids under the care of a 19 year old. That's too much for one person, and at her young age, how can she even start to handle that? It would end up with the two teens sacrificing themselves along with her taking care of the younger ones. Plus, none of them are at an age where they can reasonably be expected to be fully competent parents.
Load More Replies...This is being framed entirely the wrong way. EIGHT children have been completely failed by their parents, and a whole lot of adults. One grandmother is willing to step in and take care of her two biological grandchildren. The oldest child should not be made to feel guilty for accepting this help. She is legally an adult, but barely. And there is no way she could reasonably be expected to raise 7 younger siblings. Even if she somehow managed to scrape by financially, there us no way she is emotionally equipped to care for 7 kids all dealing with their own trauma, because clearly this was not a stable home and family already. Hopefully someone will be able to provide these kids with the stable homes they need.
I agree; the foster care system may be deeply flawed but there's a chance it will provide more stability for these kids than OP could - even simply by increasing the child:adult ratio
Load More Replies...I'm 30 and the idea of taking care of 6 kids sends shivers down my spine. They can't possibly expect a 19yo. who is basically a child themself, to take this responsibility.
I'm 31 and 1 sends shivers down mine. No 19 year old should go through this.
Load More Replies...When they're older "hopefully" they'll understand what you did. Your and their life would be miserable if you agreed to stay. NTA and cut yourself some slack. You're not at fault, the kids aren't at fault. Only parents are.
Support them, be there for them, in a way any older sibling gone off to college would. That's what's happened, and that's all you can really do.
Load More Replies...In all seriousness, I make a decent wage, am married, and childless. If I had to take care of 8 children right now we would end up starving or homeless. There's no way a 19 year old could handle that kind of financial responsibility, let alone all of the other responsibilities that would come with it.
There are other adults in the background here, there's a mom to those step siblings and her parents (grandparents) there are uncles or aunts--didn't mention if these parents were just only children. The bio dad to this girl and the sister isn't alive? Just his mother? More info missing, but one thing is for certain is there are MORE adults than this 19y.o. in the picture. The authorities need to look at them too.
Sounds like everyone just failed these kids. Glad there is at least one adult who is going to help, though.
Load More Replies...I'm 45, financially comfortable with 3 kids, and I don't know if I could take care of 8. Kids are time consuming and expensive! If she took all 8 kids at 19 with no college degree, you can almost guarantee they'd all be repeating the cycle of poverty, crime, etc. If she and sis can get out and get an education, that's at least 2 who can have a better life. They may even be able to help the other siblings later. Also, while foster care sucks, and some foster parents are terrible, there are also some wonderful foster parents out there who may do really well helping the siblings.
My mom died when I was 19 and my adopted sister was 13. If my aunt and later my dad hadn't taken her in I would have thrown her into foster care without a qualm. At 13 she was impossible to deal with and she flat out stated she didn't like me because I wasn't the type of sister she wanted (she wanted a sister who was a cheerleader and popular like our stepsister).
Did you tell her not to let the door hit her on her bitchy a*s on the way out?
Load More Replies...Apparently they found a new hobby that comes with housing, 3 meals a day and 1 hour of yard time a day.
Load More Replies...OP is barely adult by herself. Those kids are not her responsibility, but her parents. So she is right with doing what she can in the situation. But lets not forget, the other siblings are just kids, no one can expect that they would fully understand her point of view and options. The adults are different things. Parents shouldn't have the audacity to say a single word against her, because it is THEIR fault it is happening. Grandma shouldn't blame her for anything, because she gave her clear options, she hadn't offer anything that includes the rest kids. It is not that she had to, but in this case she is not in the position to blame anyone but parents.
This is another reason some people just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, those poor kids.
And it’s going to get worse with the forced birth in certain US states
Load More Replies...19 and expected to raise 8 younger siblings. Not. This plot might work for a low-budget TV sit-com, but not real life. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
NTA!!! Where are the other kid's other grandparents & relations??? They are the ones who need to step up for them!
No one has made the point that the siblings might actually have a better life in foster care. I was a foster mom and the kids had such a great life once they came into our home, and there are tons of great foster parents out there who are in it simply to give love to children. The bad foster parents give us a bad rap, which is so unfair.
As a former foster kid, nice foster parents were like a miracle. Out of every 10 foster homes I was in, I would be lucky if one was nice. I sometimes even wondered if it would have been better to just stay with my parents, though they were godawful people. Maybe thease kids will have a good foster life though, i sure hope they do. But there are 8 kids, so you know they'll be separated. Now I'm not blaming OP, they did what they thought was right in their situation.
Load More Replies...Where are the grandparents of the other children? What about aunts, uncles, older cousins? Why is OP expected to be the sole means of care and support?
All the OP can do is stay in touch with her half siblings, and keep putting pressure on Social Services to make damn sure their foster parents are good people and not nightmares. Also have them track down other grandparents to see if they can lend a hand. Visit them when possible. Once out of college and making a decent wage, pull each out of care in turn, and between you and your Grandma, help them go to college or trade school so they can support themselves and have good lives, instead of falling into the kind of lifestyle your mother and past/present partner(s) have lived. As for mom and “him” (or “it”, tbh), keep them at arm’s length and away from your siblings if possible, so they won’t try to influence the other kids to turn out anything like them. Huge burden for a teenager, but somebody has to be the grownup here, and it hasn’t been, nor ever will be, your mother or her various partners, that’s for damn sure. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong, rely on Grandma for whatever help she’s able to give you, and try to do your utmost best for your siblings. They’re still children, so may hate you now, but they’ll grow up and stop hating you when it dawns on them how hard and limited your choices were, and how you did the best by them with what little you had.
You want her to make a career out of rescuing her siblings? She would have NO TIME for a job, nevermind a LIFE. Socialworkers, Church ministries, and other helping programs are a best bet for those kids. Stop pushing her into a caretaker role that she has no obligation to fill!
Load More Replies...OP, I hope you find what you are looking for and are able to see better choices than your parents. You are not required to sacrifice the rest of your life to care for children that were brought into the world when you were a child, certainly not in consultation with you. Hopefully someone else will step up for the others. Drowning along with them will help no one.
If a way could be found to have these people chemically sterilized BEFORE they made eight children, managed to end in prison and dump all the responsibility onto their 19yo child, we'd be one short step closer to making this world a bit less awful.
The 19-year-old is making the best choice with the hand she's been dealt with. The parents are to be scrutinized, not she.
If they were serious, those who are judging should take on the eight siblings
Load More Replies...Where are all the other adult family members if these kids? CPS should be trying to place these step-siblings with other adult family members and not trying to dump this impossible burden on a 19 yr old girl. She and her 6 yr old sister are going to have a tough enough time adjusting to their new life. All these kids are going to have a rough time but that’s the direct fault of mom and however many dads are involved here. 19 yr old girl is a convenient scapegoat for idiots who apparently never heard of birth control and a lazy, ineffective CPS. Where’s 60 Minutes when you need an exposé? Please take care of yourself, 19 yr old OP, you are NTA.
My God, what a horrifying situation to be forced into. Those parents need to get their c**p together for the sake of those poor children. They don’t deserve this nonsense and it will affect them all for the rest of their lives. So sad.
The parents won't. They'll go back to their BS once they're sprung from prison. They may fuss for a few of the kids so mom can collect money from the gov't and they may even get them. OP better get full custody of baby sister from the court or 'Mama' will take her back in a heartbeat.
Load More Replies...Too many people have kids when they have no means to take care of them. Somehow I doubt this family resembled the Brady Bunch even when parents were around. The OP absolutely did the right thing. Those are step-siblings, not even full siblings. She isn't responsible for them. Parents are responsible for their children.
If the siblings are so adamant that op should have taken them all in, then the eldest two can get emancipated and take in 2-3 each in the next few years, less than half of what they’re demanding of op
You presume that they can care for themselves. Emancipation is rare for a reason.
Load More Replies...I take care of my 8 yo nephew and that’s hard! I can’t imagine 6 more!! That’s crazy talk
These "parents" are incredibly selfish and horrible people. Their oldest child is only 18 and already guardian for one child. How can she take care of 6 children?
Where are the mom’s, aunts, uncles, grandparents for all the kids your mom did not birth? There are more adults that created and are related to this situation than are currently trying to help it’s resolve. You are lucky you have a grandmother. As you are 18, you do not qualify for the system and you would be on your own regardless of what you could afford to do if not for her help.
I feel sorry for all of them except the adults. If it is not easy for the grandma that could problably have economic stability, how hard would be for a girl that has only 1 year as an adult! The blame here is for the parents. I think we never "asked" to be born and we get to life because our mothers good or not got pregnant with us. So, 50% responsability for each their parents 0% to the girl. My dad and mom have siblings from different moms and dads. Also, in their youth they tried to give advices or support in education to some of them. My parents said it worked out only months, because they were raised by different people. Several were not related by blood so my guess is they did what they consider the best because they did not feel it a must. I have the image that it was 100% the responsability of my biological granparents the way their children in their childhood/puberty where took care of. My parents have their hearts broken in some way but my uncle and aunts took care of them /
So, their abandoment is something they do sttruggle to this day, my parents, uncles/aunts. In some way the irresponsability of others influenced 2 generations of our family. When I was a pubert I only thougth of how bad it was to have around 100 cousins. But as an adult I do feel UPSET for people that get toghether, expect children and then give it as some piece of cloth that does not fit them anymore, and then like yeah I am your mom/dad these are your siblings altougth I was in your childhood, you had to work as an adult being a child, did not have my love but yeah, whatever. *It could influence how I we are raised, too*
Load More Replies...No 19-year-old is fully equipped to take care of one child. Let alone a sports team worth. She's definitely made the correct decision to take care of herself. The grandmother didn't realize that she had done something. She chose a better life. And from that better life, she can be a good example, and a lifeline to the kids when they're old enough to start going out on their own.
The grandma is messed up. "I won't help, im glad you came here, but you should've done something" done what? The options were stay with them or leave them in foster while I come here. What else should I have done, you old crone?!
When I read the title, I thought "probably a jerk"...then I read the details. So now I'm wondering where the half-siblings' father(s) are and the step-siblings' mother(s) and why a teenager is being blamed for the failures of all these adults. OP should go to grandma's and not feel like a jerk. And realize that all of these adults and kids would be complaining if OP HAD stuck around because your care wasn't "up to (their) standards."
you're 19. if your parents can't take good care of 8 kids neither can a 19-year-old
Not that we are entitled to know more than what OP shared but out of curiosity I'd love to know the back story. Sounds like these kids have already dealt with way too much before being put into the system. Very sad all the way around. With all of those kids/step-siblings you'd think those families would offer to help (I certainly would!). I hope as the kids grow and mature they realize OP isn't at fault and could only do so much especially at her young age. I truly wish them all well and hope they don't have to live through more trauma.
The state should've at least offered to pay her a living wage in order to take care of that many kids. But even so, it's way too much for a teenager to handle by herself. NTA.
NTA If I had been one of your siblings I would have blamed you bc I wouldn't have been able to understand. But as an adult I am able to see this clearly. You are a child with a whole future ahead of you.if you have to much to focus on at once your future would be in jeopardy. They'll forgive you when they are older. Right now focus on your future
Where's the father of your mother's other children? Is he in prison too? They're his responsibility.
NTA, being expected to throw yourself into rescuing everyone else from a bad situation is too much. However by investing in yourself, there may be a time when you can support (emotionally) your half siblings. You will hopefully break the cycle and offer them an example of how life can be, and not follow the path their parents have taken. Good luck to you all
NTA who in the hell would put that type of responsibility on a child? Anyone being negative should open their homes and support all these children that their parents left behind. The only people wrong here are the parents. I certainly hope all the kids are safe and find their way.
See the headline made me mad. I was a foster kid. Parents constantly just signing me over so they could party for a bit. But then I READ the story. I think you did the best you could. I've been on my own since 15 and girl no way could u PAY for those kids and get dental and everything they need. It's just not possible and being SO outnumbered is why maybe 4 and you u could cover..never 8..how do u pick and choose? By best life...how you did. You gave u all the best shot at life.
NTA at all. You have to take care of YOU B4 you can help anyone else. Since everyone uninvolved wants you to do 'something', everyone (kids) else can go back to their rightful owner. The stepkids can go to their real mother, the halves can go to their father, or the aunts and uncles within the line. For your sake and sanity, I think it may be a good idea to either get a P.O. Box for an address or maybe no contact. I wish you well!...go THRIVE, go to school, get some counseling. (If one counselor is not good find another until you can breathe again)
I feel like she owes it to herself to lie, or at least slant it as the government's fault. "I'm sorry, but it's impossible. I'm 19, unemployed, no degree, no house. I am not qualified, and no one in their right mind would approve this. I'm sorry it's impossible, but I am a kid myself and the case workers agree that I would not be able to care for you." Heavily imply it's some nameless, faceless policy somewhere that's at fault. Then move, change your phone number, and placate your grandma by sending birthday cards or letters.
Where are the other parents and grand parents to these kids? Have they all gone away for a long time too?
N T A. Child. YOU'RE nothing but. CHILD yourself. Your mom and Step dad going to prison no doubt put ALL of yall in this situation. There is no GOD EARTHLY way you could take ALL your siblings. I understand that YOUR Grandmother might have wanted you TO DO SOMETHING. HELL. Other FAMILY members Probably wanted you to TAKE THEM. YOU CANT your just a kid yourself NOT ADULT. Be PROUD you got your little sister out. Be PROUD of that. That's LITERALLY what you can and did do. If ANYTHING ADULT family members needed to take them But ASKING or DEMANDING that you should have done SOMETHING more. Is COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE AND UNREALISTIC. Yes your siblings are going to call you. Their scared and ANGRY. But you cannot help them. So. Go to college love. Raise your little sister as BEST as YOU can and DONT LOOK BACK. Best of luck you and your little sister.
It's so unlikely that supporting yourself and 7(!!!) children on what would be minimum wage would be possible. Try not to feel guilty about it you all would be living well below the poverty level and the stress of 7 children would be way too much for someone who is barely and adult. Sometimes it's better to be honest with yourself about what you can handle and not do it instead of caving to pressure and doing it anyway and having horrible results.
Let's flip this a little Your parents who should be caring for a minimum of everyone under 18, threw everyone's future away to social services. You as a 19 yr old, rescued all you could, your 6 yr old sister. You also had to find somewhere to be. .could you maybe have saved one more,? Maybe, how would you choose? You decided one more and chose the youngest who incidentally would have the potential to be in social services care the longest. Your parents through selfish actions are now serving time. You and your little sister are landing on your feet the best you can! Btw, most colleges have counseling services...get in one. Your little sister will be your foster? Get her in counseling as well. You both need those services due to your family dynamics, Best of wishes! Work hard and get your feet in the best places as able. THRIVE! 💕
I come from a mixed family of half and step siblings. I'm super confused how she has a full siblings younger then her half siblings though
Her mother had a child with a man. They broke up. She met and had hildren with another man then got divorced or whatever and went back to her first husband. Things still weren't good so sometime in the next 6 years they split again and she married a third man. Not unheard-of.
Load More Replies...This just goes to show you how screwed up the adoption system in America is. Who the hell logically thinks a 19 year old can afford a house, car, bills that are both medical and needed for housing, plus food for 8 f*****g kids!!!! Is even doable?!
OP is definitely NTA. The two parents and the State that the step~sibs still live in ARE. No one could care for that many children single~handed. I'm sure the kids weren't angels either~~they have to hustle to get anything they need or want. It would have been a complete CF that, depending on circumstance, could have landed the OP in jail (kids stealing, drugs, etc.). She did the smart thing and got herself and the youngest out of a very nasty situation. Kudos to them and I truly hope the other kids get a break as well. As for the 'parents'~~I hope they enjoy prison.
I came in fully prepared to say YTA. However, this is an awful situation for all involved, except the parents and the adults who would allow that many children to be placed with a 19 year old. Those adults are TA.
Your NTA, social services should have made it much easier for you by telling your half and step brothers and sisters that they would be negligent in placing 8 kids on a 19 year olds back. Those kids, mostly teens, would over run you in days, start doing what they want, getting in trouble, then the state would crack down and fine you. I think Grandma was talking about you getting in touch with their fathers or extended family. If she really thought it was a good idea, you could handle it, she would have invited them too. Actions speak louder than words. I think she was on your side all along, she just wanted you to say which kid belonged to what father and don't forget the kids left with their father and your mom also have mom's of their own who should take them. If your grandma was against you she wouldn't be providing you a home and paying for college. Don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty, go to school get a job take care of your little sister&change your phone number.
I can tell you how all those kids happened (to the a*****e saying the whole situation is sus), mom had OP. Mom then has 3 kids with someone (or multiple ones) else. Mom has one more baby with OPs dad. Mom marries idiot with 3 kids (he's an idiot bc they're both going to prison). That's how OP ended up with all those siblings.
These people with no self control breed litters just like dogs and turn them loose on society. They should be spayed!
Load More Replies...For me the only one I would feel I need to be there for would be my full sibling. At 18 she shod still have some taking care of her. The half and step siblings have other family members. And those are bit##ing her out for not taking 8 children. If those family members are worried about the kids then they should welcome them into their home. I applauded that the you g lady knew she couldn't handle it. Imagine if she tried she probably have cps called on her for neglect or anything else that people would see and just assume. Not knowing the situation. Op has a good head on her shoulders for knowing what she can and can't handle. Hope she goes no contact with the rest of the family. I hope she changes her phone number to stop the harassment.
I'm the oldest of 3 bothers and 3 sisters we've always been together we've gone through alot together and if a situation like this would've ever happened then I would take them all with me I could NEVER imagine myself being without my siblings or leaving them on their luck they're my family I'm the oldest and I wouldn't leave them out there to get harmed no no and no.
And at 19, with no higher education and one min. wage job between the 6 of you, you'd all be starving on the streets within a year (unless more than one of you could go out and work, but you said "if a situation like OP's" so I'm going by their circumstances). This is the harsh reality; life is not some happy Brady Bunch episode where "love is all you need" to get you through any hardship that comes at you, something you'd realize very quickly if you were in OP's shoes. You say you wouldn't leave them out there to get harmed, but not being able to provide and care for your sibs properly would *also* be harming them. Frankly it'd not only be irresponsible of you to keep your siblings by your side under those conditions, but selfish, as well. The best thing you could possibly do for them would be to let them go into foster care. Yes, it's the lesser of two evils, and I'm not saying it'd be easy for anyone, it's an awful situation all around but at least you'd be giving them, a chance.
Load More Replies...It honestly sounds like she's trying to cut all ties with the rest of her siblings. She should keep in touch with them, even if she's living in another state. I think what her grandma meant was for her to not completely cut ties and perhaps put effort into contacting and convincing other family members to at least take care of 1 child each. Or at least the younger ones.
No one in that situation should expect one person to take up the load that two people weren't able to handle. Id assume she was dependent upon her parents as well as she's just beginning to transition into adulthood. Ultimately, the only one who could have a legitimate gripe with her is the one she gave birth to. Otherwise, case closed.
Man in this day in age it's impossible for a 19 year old to take care of 7 siblings
She's being realistic. Taking care of 7 siblings at 19. She may think it's possible but it's not. Most people can't afford rent for themselves. It's her parents fault. If her family is mad I don't see why the mom's siblings or step dad side aren't taking responsibility at all when they're at better financial stand point. If she took in all her siblings then they all end up living on the streets. Foster care gives them a better opportunity than she can give. And her full sister a better opportunity. Her grandma was kind enough to take her relatives. 4 of them are step siblings where the hell is their real mom in all of this? Even if the step father was a widow you can't tell me his widowed wife's family is all dead and his, and her mom has no family . And only her biological dad had one grandparent. B.s .
NTA. As an ex Children’s Services employee, I can tell you those workers were setting you and those other children up for failure. They would have not listened to you and would do what they wanted. The grandmother that took you and the 6F…is she your father’s mother? If so she had no legal claim to your half siblings or your step siblings. Where are the other extended family? Why only you to help? Text your siblings back, say I love you but I cannot raise you at age 19. Grandma is helping raise 6F otherwise I couldn’t do it. Maybe the “do something “ is trying to get extended family members to take them. You, my dear, are NTA!
This HAS to be the story Shameless is based on right? Like I'm not the only one who sees it right? RIGHT?!
My question is where the heck is the rest of this family? There are step children so where are the ex's or the families of the ex's. ?
NTA I read the OP's reply to a question. Parents going awat for a long time...going to prison. Clearly the grandmothers did a bang-up job raising the parents when they were kids!! This all lays & the parents' feet. They should not be having kids! They should be learning to be adults! Adults who can be there to clean up acts & do right. If you have a family, BE THERE FOR THEM!! Don't make them someone else's burden...it's not fair to the kids nor the one(s) left with the responsibility! pathetic
Was she the main care giver of these children before parents went to prison? It might explain why they are so upset with her. By no means should she have to continue down that road. Her parents should have to reach out to any and all family that are or may be around. Where are the other mother's and fathers at? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The kids don't necessarily need or have to be together but some family should be able to help.
I believe depends on ages and how mature sibling is.I was a foster mother to 4 .would of been nice if a sibling would of taken them but sometimes doesn't work out.But u want all them together in this foster care world doesn't happen most of time..But not their responsibility unless they want to as a family person. Feel sorry for siblings getting placed with strangers and how some are these days.or get separated from 1another for yrs or forever.Proud if does proud if can't. Just try to not lose track where siblings at. Cautious..Good luck.
I've noticed that no one, is wondering where the mother of the four step children is, or their mother's family, where the father of those half siblings are or the father's family. There are other family members who apparently not stepping up to help.out.
Hmm I see fault with both the parents, but if this happened in my family. The grandparents would’ve relocated. The teenager who is the oldest holds no responsibility here. And the state would’ve provided more than enough money for all the children who would’ve been considered foster children. Also including covering the medical expenses for each child. This is a very sad situation. Prayers for all who are involved. 🙏
Your still a child your self. Your sister needs the protection you can give her. You need to survive and thrive. An adult is taking you and your sister in. There is only so much one can offer another. Take this opportunity to make a beautiful life. You never chose the situation you came from you are not responsible for what's happening to these other family members. Be thankful for the open door ahead. May you shine threw the darkness that swallowed your own mother. And when you become a woman your self may you have the courage to be a good person and live a clean life.
NTA, the foster care services would have had to cut a check per kid about so you would have had the money to raise them. You would have been able to go to school based on how my dependents you listed on your FASFA form. It would require organization, military precision, and grandma would have had to move in to get you a break or social life. The next sibling in line would be in training to help and so on. Some kids get abused in foster care and some age out at 18 with no plan. This also requires building community, it takes a village is a real statement. You may need adult friends to give you guidance and support. They might need to get fingerprinted so they can watch the kids or pick them up from extracurricular activities. Watch the movie The Family Man with Nicholas Cage to get a better picture. It is not your responsibility however it could be done. Many people raise big families even without Nannies. You tell them the only way I can keep you is if the house is organized.
I'm not sure why you aren't being hailed a hero for taking responsibility for your 6yos!?
NTA. Where is the dad (or dads) of her half siblings? Where are other family members of their dad(s)? Where is the mom or moms of her step siblings, or other members of their mom(s) family? I find it hard to believe there are no other relatives, older than 19, that can step up to take care of these kids. Unless the whole extended family of the step and half siblings are in prison or meth heads or something. Which makes it even more crucial this 19 year old and her little sister grab this chance for a better life. It's awful that the other kids don't have the same opportunity but that's not her fault and it's senseless to sacrifice her shot when the best that can be hoped for is that they all end up living in hopeless circumstances. Considering the parents they've had, foster care may turn out to be an improvement.
Modt prople can barely handle even 1 to 3 maybe 4 kids but 8 is impossible. If everyone could get a job and help pay for the house and bills that'd be one thing but bein as you the only adult theres literally nothing you can do except see if friends or other family friends can take them in which is no gaurentee
She is way to young to take care of all those children, for one it’s not her responsibility and if she did decide to how will she support them,? McDonald’s? Or the state. Young lady all you can do is pray for them that they go to safe and well adjusted homes. You go to college and be a better person and make better decisions than your parents.
It's always funny having someone try to talk down to you about having not "done something" like the grandma here. Grandma doesn't want to help this YOUNG CHILD take care of step siblings, won't let them in her home, but feels she has any right at all to judge, being an established adult? Spare me. They did the right thing. Too much and too often is it expected for kids, children, youths, to simply throw away their own childhoods and lives and individuality to clean up for their parents failures. I can say that as a kid who was robbed of his childhood by parents who decided to have kids but never grow up. I was taking care of myself before I was even in double digits and it only ever got worse. We started out middle class and well off but my parents immaturity, lack of willingness to grow up, led to us being poor, lower class and me spending most of my paychecks just to keep them and my sisters financially stablized at the cost of my own stability.
Tbf the grandma doesn't seem to expect her to take in her siblings. Probably the 'something she could have done' was locating the others' father(s) and mother or their grandparents is all.
Load More Replies...Heartbreaking situation. Of course she can't take control over all those kids when she's barely out of childhood herself. Of course the other kids are going to feel like she's abandoning them, and to an extent she is, but it's not like she has a lot of other choices, either. Her only option to save her future is to get out and at least she is able to take her sister with her. She can absolutely remain in contact with the other kids and be "removed but emotional support", and if her studies go great and she can get into a great job, maybe THEN she can rescue at least some of the other kids. But she didn't pop them out so they are not her actual responsibility.
It's not her responsibility to raise 8 kids. Her parents and the government failed them. I can't say her siblings to don't get to be mad, but hopefully they understand literally every other adult failed them. Including Grandma seeing as OP says granny's all, "You should have done something." What the hell was OP supposed to do?
This is so confusing to me. Is her father unable to care for her and the 6 year old so his mother is stepping up? What about the other parent and their family stepping up for the writer's step siblings? The responsibility for these children are their parents and each parents' family before a 19 year old ought to be considered if at all. How can an 19 year old take care of all those kids? Impossible!
In her description, there are actually nine kids including her. Lunacy and poor parenting. I feel bad for all nine. Anybody who is trying to tell her to take care of them all is also and a*****e on top of the parents. Damn.
Nta. Your siblings are not your responsibility to take care of. They are the responsibility of the parents. Not your fault that their 'parents' screwed up. Do what's right for you & your little sister. I'm sorry you all are going through this but your siblings need to be angry at those responsible for this. Their Parents. Good luck to you and little sis
Better have 2 lives saved that none ... You won't be in a good position, without education, to help you siblings anyways; you'll all be struggling anyways. Taking small jobs won't help you offer anyone of you a better life; i really hope though you can come and visit them regularly, and stay close to them during this tough time.
It's a really sad situation. Even if the OP took care of the kids, what would happen when her mother came back into the scene? The mother would probably think things always works out and continue to have more kids. I think letting the other kids go into the foster system is the logical choice. Hopefully, if the OP can get a good career started, then she can reach out and then help out a little but I wouldn't expect her to ever support all of them by herself. She's one of them, not their parent.
I think the last reddit response gets it right. Her step sibs are going to have alot of issues, probably for the rest of their lives, and the OP will be tagged as a scapegoat for decades by some of them. Honestly, it sounds like it's already been he77. After college, if she is able to land on her feet, there's going to be lots of therapy happening. Hopefully some of the other siblings can stay together. And maybe the OP can foster one or two when she is 25+. But anything more is asking too much. The parents were so irresponsible here.
Maybe your “do something” can be writing letters on a regular basis encouraging them to go to school and make the most of their situation? Keep the lines of communication open, but through the mail so they have something to see and touch. You don’t say how close you are with your step-father’s children. It’s sad their mother or one of their relatives isn’t in a position to help them. You also don’t mention the father of your 1/2 siblings - whether it’s your step father or someone else. It really doesn’t matter, because like the instructions on an airplane, you have to secure the oxygen on yourself before helping someone else. The best to you - while it’s impossible to physically care for them, do try to write them.
I'm glad she could at least save one sister but it definitely isn't her fault they are in that situation its her damn parents and then they get mad at HEE for not being responsible when she did the most responsible thing she could have done in the situation
NTA - you're in no position and have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to take care of your stepsiblings. You have one life and you definitely shouldn't sacrifice it at 19. If anything, once you finish college and hopefully have much greater opportunities in life, you'll be able to help them better (if you so wish), without sacrificing your own future and happiness. This is mainly on your parents, and any family member that dares put this on a 19 year old better shut up and cover their face, cause chances are they're much more closely related to them than you. Your relation to them is none but on paper. They have uncles, aunts, cousins - they should step up... it's really easy to volunteer you and make up some fictional morality behind it.
But it's more convenient to foist the demon spawn on this young women, rather than owning up and doing what's right.
Load More Replies...This is exactly why artificial population control needs to be established. You shouldn't be allowed to just start popping out f-trophies for the bigger welfare check. Then when your sent to prison obviously for either theft or narcotics expect a 19 year old kid to be able to handle all of said f-trophies. People should be forced to get a license to breed.
Yes, but no. We all have just seen how disastrous things become when the government regulates uteruses. Also, who decides who can and can't reproduce. While I appreciate the sentiment that people shouldn't recklessly procreate, attempting to regulate people's reproduction is something we should shy away from. As of now, it's really the only morally superior thing we can point to that separates us from actual fascism.
Load More Replies...I think you made the right decision regarding yourself and I dont know the personalities of your sibings, but If I was in your shoes or even my oldest brother I know he would or I would have tried to keep everyone together but yeah probably wouldn't be the life you wanted but I don't blame you or think you should feel guilty. You have your life to live and should be able to live and make your own mistakes. You shouldn't be chained to the mistakes of your parents (going to prison) and leaving 9 kids behind.
33y parent with 1 son (soon to be 2) comment here. I absolutely support OP here with his choice. As a parent that have children with autism, i know for a fact that children is expensive, and not every people had that luxury to have children. Even though it seems selfish at first, but no choice at this phase is right. OP should choose between 2 or 3 wrong choice. And she choose the choice where her mental maturity think it's the best for her. Because if she choose to take care all of her siblings, she could become depressed. And if she become depressed, then it Will be nightmare for all. She choose to save herself and her siblings, and that is the most logical choice for her now.
I guess it's different in every culture. For me, you can't forget family. We live together, go through life together and all...its not just about your "future" will your siblings have bright futures? As I said it's my culture and we don't have social services here so...dont feel guilty if its the decision you've made
someone mentioned that the kids would probably hate her forever, but, that may have been inevitable, considering the life this poor girl could have tried to give them. NT
Someone needed to spay that Mother and all her partners. I'm sorry it's horrible people will hate me for saying it but wtf stop having sex and having kids if you can't take care of them. You let them all down. The government wants to ban abortion how about take a test to have kids.
This is a horrific situation, but I'm over here wondering how much money that state gives for each kid to live in foster care. Parenting is definitely more than financial support, but in some states 7 kids would lead to an amount so the family could squeak through each month. In other states, the payment would be a joke, and in other states the payment would be rough to live a pretty good life. I wonder if her decision would have been different if she lived in a state where she would have been provided with enough financial support to manage the kiddos without having to work herself. Being a parent to that many children would be crazy, but if she got 1,500+/month for each kid then the daily would be great financially. Add in some neighbors or friend's parents who can pick up and drop off the kids at school, and each of the older kids learning how to cook and clean, and it would be "doable". The state would also need to provide counseling services to support everyone emotionally.
She would still have to give up her life for kids that aren't hers. She is willing to take care of her sister, but that's enough.
Load More Replies...Depends on how close you are. The ages help. It would be possible for you to take them all in knowing that the 15 and 14 year old can help with the others and work small jobs too. I personally put family first so if I was close to them I would take them but if I didn't know them well then I would not take them. There is no half siblings or step siblings. You either love them as siblings or not. That's it. So idk cuz I don't know how close you were?
Are you f*****g stupid?? She should give up her life because others chosed to have kids they can't support??
Load More Replies...I was a mother at 18 and let me tell you it was hard. This young girl is doing the right thing. She isn't responsible for her siblings regardless of the relationship. Why should she take the responsibility of someone else's family. Just because they are siblings.? Heck no. There are families who are made up from donors should she be responsible for those if they are connected by blood? The real question is where are all the grandparents of these children. They should be the ones stepping up or even aunts and uncles. My brother and sister in law asked me to take guardianship or their daughter if something happened to them. I said no. Not because I don't love her. I adore her but I spent years raising my kids and decide I didn't want more. My husband feels the same way and we have got to the point where we can just enjoy being together. I hope everything works out for this girl. Siblings are not responsible and taking up grown-up tasks.
You are taking on your 6 yr old sibling and kudos to you for wanting that. You are nta I do wonder, just curious if the other siblings are step siblings though. Good luck for your future, hope all goes well for you and your sister. Why can't other family members take in the others?
It does sound like she abandoned them though. I'm not talking about her being expected to care for 8 kids. That's not what I mean at all. I'm talking about the reactions of the stepsiblings. The ones who have phones, I'm assuming the older ones, are calling nonstop for help and to scream at her? Wait a second. Did you just have social services scoop them up while you and 6f weren't around to deal with it or explain anything to them? This stems from being curious about your grandma's reaction. She said you should have done something. I'm beginning to wonder if that means breaking the news to your stepsiblings yourself. You said, "obviously they know exactly why they're now in care..." You straight up did not tell them.
She stated that CPS managed it so her and the 6yo would not be there when the other kids were picked up. That's the only part that makes her a bit of an a*****e. Not letting them go, she was right on that part but she should have been there, told them why, told them she loved them but she was just a kid herself. She didn't handle that part well at all.
Load More Replies...At first i was going to say YTA. But then i saw how old op is. She's practically a child herself. She needs to make the best of her life. And this is not saying that down the line once she establishes herself she won't try to help the other do the same. It's a really sh!tty situation but if she took in all those kids it would probably not end well for any of them in the long run..
What would it have mattered if she was older? Even. If she had a decent job she still needs to be financially responsible for 8children.. because they are family & the state would help out very little. With the way the were raised who knows what kind of mischief the teens would be getting up to while ops at work. Most daycares do not take teens & good luck finding any affordable sitter for 8 kids. Even if op was 30 her life shouldn't be forfeit to raise children she didn't make. Poor woman would be single & lonely forever
Load More Replies...This woman should bear her cross with humility and grace. We are all out on this earth for a reason and now is the time to answer her calling. Her choosing a life of decadence and the mundane will not clear her conscience as she lies awake at night wondering whether her siblings are in danger. I pray this woman never has children lest she abandon them like trash as well, and nay the cries of those innocent children haunt her for the rest of her days.
Why do I get that feeling that your parents are going to prison, due to circumstances that resulted from their desperate attempt to keep you and your siblings together, to support your family, all together? If so, your mom is mad, because your throwing all the hard work away. I would really be unable to walk away from my siblings like you say. You get one family, there is never going to be another person your can trust, like your own family (granted that this is dependent on whether you have already shown then love and loyalty, otherwise they may possibly be family members that you can't trust, because trust us reciprocal.). Your choice is a difficult one, but it is yours to make, and you will live with the choice, and may never have the option to change your mind.
Yeah, the reason you "get that feeling" when it wasn't hinted at once in the entire post that her parents are just these poor, misunderstood angels who were just trying their hardest to be good pwovidews for their childwen uwu is because A. You like to be a contrarian a** or B. You're looking for any excuse to be a judgemental, guilt-tripping jerk. Give me a break. If mom *was* a good parent she wouldn't be placing all this undeserved guilt and pressure on her eldest to take on a burden *she's* responsible for. Did the eldest force her to have all those kids? Did she force her mom to marry multiple men? So why should the hammer of judgement come down on this girl who, by the way, is practically a child herself? Besides, you seriously think a 19-year-old with no higher education could support 8 children for long? They'd likely just end up in foster care anyway when it became obvious OP couldn't sufficiently care for them. OP made the best possible choice given the situation.
Load More Replies...Cont'd ... Realization that it was you who doomed innocent children of your own blood to a life of misery and hopelessness with no hope of ever even having the ability to trust in anyone, ever, EVER AGAIN. I was once a Disney princess. I was pretty, I was gentle. I had a voice so angelic, my extended family would commission for me to ai g for them on a regular Occasion, almost every time there was a family gathering for whatever the occasion, they'd ask that I sing for them. I was polite, I was NICE... I smiled and I had a positive attitude, a cheery disposition, I was an optimistic and trusting young lady who dazzled everyone around her with just a smile... I was graceful, I was kind and compassionate, I was empathetic, I was demouir, I spoke sweetly and softly, I was artistic and full of talent, I was labeled to be one of the few 'gifted' children in my school district as I was blessed with a very sharp and advanced intellect for a girl of my age.. the world should have been an easy
Cont'd ... System and separated from our other siblings and placed in either negligent houses full of strange children we'd never met before that either beat us up, stole our belongings and bullies us out of clothing, toys and even our food, a good little more than half of us were sexually abused by our foster siblings, foster parents, sometimes both ... A good third of us were even pimped out to our foster parents friends or barely acquainted adult peers whose first names were rarely learnt or even asked about for pennies on the dollar, just so they could make enough to feed a drug and alcohol, gambling or even shopping habit. All these foster parents want is the goddamned check that comes with the kid. These people are worse than the people that are locked up in that they are the ones clever enough to ha e never been caught. There will, someday sooner than you'd like, be a day when you are going to be abso-f****n-lutely crushed by the suffocating pressure that one's from the realizat
I HOPE AND PRAY THAT INSENSITIVE C**T READS THIS IN ITA ENTIRETY... YES. YOU ARE EVIL. SOULLESS, EVEN. WHAT KIND OF DARK MAGIC HAVE YOU BEEN DEALING IN,OR THAT HAS BEEN CAST IN YOUR DIRECTION FROM ELSEWHERE FOR WHATEVER REASON... HAVE YOU BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEHOW THAT HAS MADE TOU THINK IT WAS ACCEPTABLE, A GOOD IDEA OR IN YOURS OR YOUR SIBLINGS BEST INTERESTS OR BEST FOR BE YOUR DEVELOPMENT AS A HUMAN OR FOR THEIR DEVELOPMENT... YOU HAVE DOOMED YOUR BLOOD TO THE DAMN NEAR CERTAIN INEVITABILITY OF BLATANT AND GROSS NEGLIGENT PARENTING, BEATINGS, EXPOSURE TO POTENTIALLY VIOLENT STRANGERS THAT ARE MEANT TO BE SUITABLE GUARDIAN MATERIAL ONLY TO BE FOUND TO BE EITHER NOTHING MORE THAN CHECK COLLECTING ADDICTS, BE IT SUBSTANCE, GAMBLING OR MATERIAL... YOUVE PRETTY MICH DOOMED THEM TO EXPECT TO BE MOLESTED OR RAPED ... DO YOU HAVE ANY F*****G CLUE HOW LIKELY IT IS THAT THEY WILL BE LOST IN THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM AND THAT THEYRE GOING TO BE SEPARATED FROM ONE ANOTHER? NOT TO MENTION THE FACT
I thibk you need to lay off whatever drugs you take, because they are obviously ruining your brain cells.
Load More Replies...You must be a stupid republican b***h I'm taking it
Load More Replies...She said they knew, she just didn't had to be present there while they were picked up. I doubt anything she'd say would make them feel okay ffs. Yes, you'd rather have no education and work at a gasstation all your live, but hey, easy for you to decide since apparently you never had to actually make that decision.
Load More Replies...Are you a f*****g idiot?? In what universe an 18yo should give up her life for kids that aren't hers?? Of course she has to think about her life too. She has to think about herself and her sister.
Load More Replies...So she should ruin her life for kids that aren't hers? She already is taking over responsability for her sister.
Load More Replies...I don't think the other kids are related to that grandma in any way biologically. That's why she's only taking in those 2.
Load More Replies...They aren't going to have a happy future being raised by a 19 year old. Who will resent them. This is the right call
Load More Replies...She's still growing up herself, though. She isn't in a position to raise them well even if she wanted to. She doesn't have the experience, resources, etc and honestly in a family like that probably has a lot of things she should have learned growing up that nobody taught her. It's wrong that that's where they're ending up, but that not on OP. It's on the "adults" who couldn't cut the rampant unprotected sex and apparently crimes to be responsible for the lives they created.
Load More Replies...The OP is 19. Where are they going to stay with 8 children? How are they going to be able to afford taking care of 8 children? How are they going to go to university when taking care of 8 children? How are they going to start a career? It was never a realistic option for a nineteen year old to take care of 8 children. It's simply impossible
Load More Replies...The people getting mad at OP are living in a Disney movie where something spectacular happens and suddenly 8 kids are no burden at all. There are very few adults who are mentally and financially prepared to support all of them and it is unreasonable to ask a teenager to do that.
I'm amazed that social services would even consider placing 8 kids under the care of a 19 year old. That's too much for one person, and at her young age, how can she even start to handle that? It would end up with the two teens sacrificing themselves along with her taking care of the younger ones. Plus, none of them are at an age where they can reasonably be expected to be fully competent parents.
Load More Replies...This is being framed entirely the wrong way. EIGHT children have been completely failed by their parents, and a whole lot of adults. One grandmother is willing to step in and take care of her two biological grandchildren. The oldest child should not be made to feel guilty for accepting this help. She is legally an adult, but barely. And there is no way she could reasonably be expected to raise 7 younger siblings. Even if she somehow managed to scrape by financially, there us no way she is emotionally equipped to care for 7 kids all dealing with their own trauma, because clearly this was not a stable home and family already. Hopefully someone will be able to provide these kids with the stable homes they need.
I agree; the foster care system may be deeply flawed but there's a chance it will provide more stability for these kids than OP could - even simply by increasing the child:adult ratio
Load More Replies...I'm 30 and the idea of taking care of 6 kids sends shivers down my spine. They can't possibly expect a 19yo. who is basically a child themself, to take this responsibility.
I'm 31 and 1 sends shivers down mine. No 19 year old should go through this.
Load More Replies...When they're older "hopefully" they'll understand what you did. Your and their life would be miserable if you agreed to stay. NTA and cut yourself some slack. You're not at fault, the kids aren't at fault. Only parents are.
Support them, be there for them, in a way any older sibling gone off to college would. That's what's happened, and that's all you can really do.
Load More Replies...In all seriousness, I make a decent wage, am married, and childless. If I had to take care of 8 children right now we would end up starving or homeless. There's no way a 19 year old could handle that kind of financial responsibility, let alone all of the other responsibilities that would come with it.
There are other adults in the background here, there's a mom to those step siblings and her parents (grandparents) there are uncles or aunts--didn't mention if these parents were just only children. The bio dad to this girl and the sister isn't alive? Just his mother? More info missing, but one thing is for certain is there are MORE adults than this 19y.o. in the picture. The authorities need to look at them too.
Sounds like everyone just failed these kids. Glad there is at least one adult who is going to help, though.
Load More Replies...I'm 45, financially comfortable with 3 kids, and I don't know if I could take care of 8. Kids are time consuming and expensive! If she took all 8 kids at 19 with no college degree, you can almost guarantee they'd all be repeating the cycle of poverty, crime, etc. If she and sis can get out and get an education, that's at least 2 who can have a better life. They may even be able to help the other siblings later. Also, while foster care sucks, and some foster parents are terrible, there are also some wonderful foster parents out there who may do really well helping the siblings.
My mom died when I was 19 and my adopted sister was 13. If my aunt and later my dad hadn't taken her in I would have thrown her into foster care without a qualm. At 13 she was impossible to deal with and she flat out stated she didn't like me because I wasn't the type of sister she wanted (she wanted a sister who was a cheerleader and popular like our stepsister).
Did you tell her not to let the door hit her on her bitchy a*s on the way out?
Load More Replies...Apparently they found a new hobby that comes with housing, 3 meals a day and 1 hour of yard time a day.
Load More Replies...OP is barely adult by herself. Those kids are not her responsibility, but her parents. So she is right with doing what she can in the situation. But lets not forget, the other siblings are just kids, no one can expect that they would fully understand her point of view and options. The adults are different things. Parents shouldn't have the audacity to say a single word against her, because it is THEIR fault it is happening. Grandma shouldn't blame her for anything, because she gave her clear options, she hadn't offer anything that includes the rest kids. It is not that she had to, but in this case she is not in the position to blame anyone but parents.
This is another reason some people just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, those poor kids.
And it’s going to get worse with the forced birth in certain US states
Load More Replies...19 and expected to raise 8 younger siblings. Not. This plot might work for a low-budget TV sit-com, but not real life. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
NTA!!! Where are the other kid's other grandparents & relations??? They are the ones who need to step up for them!
No one has made the point that the siblings might actually have a better life in foster care. I was a foster mom and the kids had such a great life once they came into our home, and there are tons of great foster parents out there who are in it simply to give love to children. The bad foster parents give us a bad rap, which is so unfair.
As a former foster kid, nice foster parents were like a miracle. Out of every 10 foster homes I was in, I would be lucky if one was nice. I sometimes even wondered if it would have been better to just stay with my parents, though they were godawful people. Maybe thease kids will have a good foster life though, i sure hope they do. But there are 8 kids, so you know they'll be separated. Now I'm not blaming OP, they did what they thought was right in their situation.
Load More Replies...Where are the grandparents of the other children? What about aunts, uncles, older cousins? Why is OP expected to be the sole means of care and support?
All the OP can do is stay in touch with her half siblings, and keep putting pressure on Social Services to make damn sure their foster parents are good people and not nightmares. Also have them track down other grandparents to see if they can lend a hand. Visit them when possible. Once out of college and making a decent wage, pull each out of care in turn, and between you and your Grandma, help them go to college or trade school so they can support themselves and have good lives, instead of falling into the kind of lifestyle your mother and past/present partner(s) have lived. As for mom and “him” (or “it”, tbh), keep them at arm’s length and away from your siblings if possible, so they won’t try to influence the other kids to turn out anything like them. Huge burden for a teenager, but somebody has to be the grownup here, and it hasn’t been, nor ever will be, your mother or her various partners, that’s for damn sure. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong, rely on Grandma for whatever help she’s able to give you, and try to do your utmost best for your siblings. They’re still children, so may hate you now, but they’ll grow up and stop hating you when it dawns on them how hard and limited your choices were, and how you did the best by them with what little you had.
You want her to make a career out of rescuing her siblings? She would have NO TIME for a job, nevermind a LIFE. Socialworkers, Church ministries, and other helping programs are a best bet for those kids. Stop pushing her into a caretaker role that she has no obligation to fill!
Load More Replies...OP, I hope you find what you are looking for and are able to see better choices than your parents. You are not required to sacrifice the rest of your life to care for children that were brought into the world when you were a child, certainly not in consultation with you. Hopefully someone else will step up for the others. Drowning along with them will help no one.
If a way could be found to have these people chemically sterilized BEFORE they made eight children, managed to end in prison and dump all the responsibility onto their 19yo child, we'd be one short step closer to making this world a bit less awful.
The 19-year-old is making the best choice with the hand she's been dealt with. The parents are to be scrutinized, not she.
If they were serious, those who are judging should take on the eight siblings
Load More Replies...Where are all the other adult family members if these kids? CPS should be trying to place these step-siblings with other adult family members and not trying to dump this impossible burden on a 19 yr old girl. She and her 6 yr old sister are going to have a tough enough time adjusting to their new life. All these kids are going to have a rough time but that’s the direct fault of mom and however many dads are involved here. 19 yr old girl is a convenient scapegoat for idiots who apparently never heard of birth control and a lazy, ineffective CPS. Where’s 60 Minutes when you need an exposé? Please take care of yourself, 19 yr old OP, you are NTA.
My God, what a horrifying situation to be forced into. Those parents need to get their c**p together for the sake of those poor children. They don’t deserve this nonsense and it will affect them all for the rest of their lives. So sad.
The parents won't. They'll go back to their BS once they're sprung from prison. They may fuss for a few of the kids so mom can collect money from the gov't and they may even get them. OP better get full custody of baby sister from the court or 'Mama' will take her back in a heartbeat.
Load More Replies...Too many people have kids when they have no means to take care of them. Somehow I doubt this family resembled the Brady Bunch even when parents were around. The OP absolutely did the right thing. Those are step-siblings, not even full siblings. She isn't responsible for them. Parents are responsible for their children.
If the siblings are so adamant that op should have taken them all in, then the eldest two can get emancipated and take in 2-3 each in the next few years, less than half of what they’re demanding of op
You presume that they can care for themselves. Emancipation is rare for a reason.
Load More Replies...I take care of my 8 yo nephew and that’s hard! I can’t imagine 6 more!! That’s crazy talk
These "parents" are incredibly selfish and horrible people. Their oldest child is only 18 and already guardian for one child. How can she take care of 6 children?
Where are the mom’s, aunts, uncles, grandparents for all the kids your mom did not birth? There are more adults that created and are related to this situation than are currently trying to help it’s resolve. You are lucky you have a grandmother. As you are 18, you do not qualify for the system and you would be on your own regardless of what you could afford to do if not for her help.
I feel sorry for all of them except the adults. If it is not easy for the grandma that could problably have economic stability, how hard would be for a girl that has only 1 year as an adult! The blame here is for the parents. I think we never "asked" to be born and we get to life because our mothers good or not got pregnant with us. So, 50% responsability for each their parents 0% to the girl. My dad and mom have siblings from different moms and dads. Also, in their youth they tried to give advices or support in education to some of them. My parents said it worked out only months, because they were raised by different people. Several were not related by blood so my guess is they did what they consider the best because they did not feel it a must. I have the image that it was 100% the responsability of my biological granparents the way their children in their childhood/puberty where took care of. My parents have their hearts broken in some way but my uncle and aunts took care of them /
So, their abandoment is something they do sttruggle to this day, my parents, uncles/aunts. In some way the irresponsability of others influenced 2 generations of our family. When I was a pubert I only thougth of how bad it was to have around 100 cousins. But as an adult I do feel UPSET for people that get toghether, expect children and then give it as some piece of cloth that does not fit them anymore, and then like yeah I am your mom/dad these are your siblings altougth I was in your childhood, you had to work as an adult being a child, did not have my love but yeah, whatever. *It could influence how I we are raised, too*
Load More Replies...No 19-year-old is fully equipped to take care of one child. Let alone a sports team worth. She's definitely made the correct decision to take care of herself. The grandmother didn't realize that she had done something. She chose a better life. And from that better life, she can be a good example, and a lifeline to the kids when they're old enough to start going out on their own.
The grandma is messed up. "I won't help, im glad you came here, but you should've done something" done what? The options were stay with them or leave them in foster while I come here. What else should I have done, you old crone?!
When I read the title, I thought "probably a jerk"...then I read the details. So now I'm wondering where the half-siblings' father(s) are and the step-siblings' mother(s) and why a teenager is being blamed for the failures of all these adults. OP should go to grandma's and not feel like a jerk. And realize that all of these adults and kids would be complaining if OP HAD stuck around because your care wasn't "up to (their) standards."
you're 19. if your parents can't take good care of 8 kids neither can a 19-year-old
Not that we are entitled to know more than what OP shared but out of curiosity I'd love to know the back story. Sounds like these kids have already dealt with way too much before being put into the system. Very sad all the way around. With all of those kids/step-siblings you'd think those families would offer to help (I certainly would!). I hope as the kids grow and mature they realize OP isn't at fault and could only do so much especially at her young age. I truly wish them all well and hope they don't have to live through more trauma.
The state should've at least offered to pay her a living wage in order to take care of that many kids. But even so, it's way too much for a teenager to handle by herself. NTA.
NTA If I had been one of your siblings I would have blamed you bc I wouldn't have been able to understand. But as an adult I am able to see this clearly. You are a child with a whole future ahead of you.if you have to much to focus on at once your future would be in jeopardy. They'll forgive you when they are older. Right now focus on your future
Where's the father of your mother's other children? Is he in prison too? They're his responsibility.
NTA, being expected to throw yourself into rescuing everyone else from a bad situation is too much. However by investing in yourself, there may be a time when you can support (emotionally) your half siblings. You will hopefully break the cycle and offer them an example of how life can be, and not follow the path their parents have taken. Good luck to you all
NTA who in the hell would put that type of responsibility on a child? Anyone being negative should open their homes and support all these children that their parents left behind. The only people wrong here are the parents. I certainly hope all the kids are safe and find their way.
See the headline made me mad. I was a foster kid. Parents constantly just signing me over so they could party for a bit. But then I READ the story. I think you did the best you could. I've been on my own since 15 and girl no way could u PAY for those kids and get dental and everything they need. It's just not possible and being SO outnumbered is why maybe 4 and you u could cover..never 8..how do u pick and choose? By best life...how you did. You gave u all the best shot at life.
NTA at all. You have to take care of YOU B4 you can help anyone else. Since everyone uninvolved wants you to do 'something', everyone (kids) else can go back to their rightful owner. The stepkids can go to their real mother, the halves can go to their father, or the aunts and uncles within the line. For your sake and sanity, I think it may be a good idea to either get a P.O. Box for an address or maybe no contact. I wish you well!...go THRIVE, go to school, get some counseling. (If one counselor is not good find another until you can breathe again)
I feel like she owes it to herself to lie, or at least slant it as the government's fault. "I'm sorry, but it's impossible. I'm 19, unemployed, no degree, no house. I am not qualified, and no one in their right mind would approve this. I'm sorry it's impossible, but I am a kid myself and the case workers agree that I would not be able to care for you." Heavily imply it's some nameless, faceless policy somewhere that's at fault. Then move, change your phone number, and placate your grandma by sending birthday cards or letters.
Where are the other parents and grand parents to these kids? Have they all gone away for a long time too?
N T A. Child. YOU'RE nothing but. CHILD yourself. Your mom and Step dad going to prison no doubt put ALL of yall in this situation. There is no GOD EARTHLY way you could take ALL your siblings. I understand that YOUR Grandmother might have wanted you TO DO SOMETHING. HELL. Other FAMILY members Probably wanted you to TAKE THEM. YOU CANT your just a kid yourself NOT ADULT. Be PROUD you got your little sister out. Be PROUD of that. That's LITERALLY what you can and did do. If ANYTHING ADULT family members needed to take them But ASKING or DEMANDING that you should have done SOMETHING more. Is COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE AND UNREALISTIC. Yes your siblings are going to call you. Their scared and ANGRY. But you cannot help them. So. Go to college love. Raise your little sister as BEST as YOU can and DONT LOOK BACK. Best of luck you and your little sister.
It's so unlikely that supporting yourself and 7(!!!) children on what would be minimum wage would be possible. Try not to feel guilty about it you all would be living well below the poverty level and the stress of 7 children would be way too much for someone who is barely and adult. Sometimes it's better to be honest with yourself about what you can handle and not do it instead of caving to pressure and doing it anyway and having horrible results.
Let's flip this a little Your parents who should be caring for a minimum of everyone under 18, threw everyone's future away to social services. You as a 19 yr old, rescued all you could, your 6 yr old sister. You also had to find somewhere to be. .could you maybe have saved one more,? Maybe, how would you choose? You decided one more and chose the youngest who incidentally would have the potential to be in social services care the longest. Your parents through selfish actions are now serving time. You and your little sister are landing on your feet the best you can! Btw, most colleges have counseling services...get in one. Your little sister will be your foster? Get her in counseling as well. You both need those services due to your family dynamics, Best of wishes! Work hard and get your feet in the best places as able. THRIVE! 💕
I come from a mixed family of half and step siblings. I'm super confused how she has a full siblings younger then her half siblings though
Her mother had a child with a man. They broke up. She met and had hildren with another man then got divorced or whatever and went back to her first husband. Things still weren't good so sometime in the next 6 years they split again and she married a third man. Not unheard-of.
Load More Replies...This just goes to show you how screwed up the adoption system in America is. Who the hell logically thinks a 19 year old can afford a house, car, bills that are both medical and needed for housing, plus food for 8 f*****g kids!!!! Is even doable?!
OP is definitely NTA. The two parents and the State that the step~sibs still live in ARE. No one could care for that many children single~handed. I'm sure the kids weren't angels either~~they have to hustle to get anything they need or want. It would have been a complete CF that, depending on circumstance, could have landed the OP in jail (kids stealing, drugs, etc.). She did the smart thing and got herself and the youngest out of a very nasty situation. Kudos to them and I truly hope the other kids get a break as well. As for the 'parents'~~I hope they enjoy prison.
I came in fully prepared to say YTA. However, this is an awful situation for all involved, except the parents and the adults who would allow that many children to be placed with a 19 year old. Those adults are TA.
Your NTA, social services should have made it much easier for you by telling your half and step brothers and sisters that they would be negligent in placing 8 kids on a 19 year olds back. Those kids, mostly teens, would over run you in days, start doing what they want, getting in trouble, then the state would crack down and fine you. I think Grandma was talking about you getting in touch with their fathers or extended family. If she really thought it was a good idea, you could handle it, she would have invited them too. Actions speak louder than words. I think she was on your side all along, she just wanted you to say which kid belonged to what father and don't forget the kids left with their father and your mom also have mom's of their own who should take them. If your grandma was against you she wouldn't be providing you a home and paying for college. Don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty, go to school get a job take care of your little sister&change your phone number.
I can tell you how all those kids happened (to the a*****e saying the whole situation is sus), mom had OP. Mom then has 3 kids with someone (or multiple ones) else. Mom has one more baby with OPs dad. Mom marries idiot with 3 kids (he's an idiot bc they're both going to prison). That's how OP ended up with all those siblings.
These people with no self control breed litters just like dogs and turn them loose on society. They should be spayed!
Load More Replies...For me the only one I would feel I need to be there for would be my full sibling. At 18 she shod still have some taking care of her. The half and step siblings have other family members. And those are bit##ing her out for not taking 8 children. If those family members are worried about the kids then they should welcome them into their home. I applauded that the you g lady knew she couldn't handle it. Imagine if she tried she probably have cps called on her for neglect or anything else that people would see and just assume. Not knowing the situation. Op has a good head on her shoulders for knowing what she can and can't handle. Hope she goes no contact with the rest of the family. I hope she changes her phone number to stop the harassment.
I'm the oldest of 3 bothers and 3 sisters we've always been together we've gone through alot together and if a situation like this would've ever happened then I would take them all with me I could NEVER imagine myself being without my siblings or leaving them on their luck they're my family I'm the oldest and I wouldn't leave them out there to get harmed no no and no.
And at 19, with no higher education and one min. wage job between the 6 of you, you'd all be starving on the streets within a year (unless more than one of you could go out and work, but you said "if a situation like OP's" so I'm going by their circumstances). This is the harsh reality; life is not some happy Brady Bunch episode where "love is all you need" to get you through any hardship that comes at you, something you'd realize very quickly if you were in OP's shoes. You say you wouldn't leave them out there to get harmed, but not being able to provide and care for your sibs properly would *also* be harming them. Frankly it'd not only be irresponsible of you to keep your siblings by your side under those conditions, but selfish, as well. The best thing you could possibly do for them would be to let them go into foster care. Yes, it's the lesser of two evils, and I'm not saying it'd be easy for anyone, it's an awful situation all around but at least you'd be giving them, a chance.
Load More Replies...It honestly sounds like she's trying to cut all ties with the rest of her siblings. She should keep in touch with them, even if she's living in another state. I think what her grandma meant was for her to not completely cut ties and perhaps put effort into contacting and convincing other family members to at least take care of 1 child each. Or at least the younger ones.
No one in that situation should expect one person to take up the load that two people weren't able to handle. Id assume she was dependent upon her parents as well as she's just beginning to transition into adulthood. Ultimately, the only one who could have a legitimate gripe with her is the one she gave birth to. Otherwise, case closed.
Man in this day in age it's impossible for a 19 year old to take care of 7 siblings
She's being realistic. Taking care of 7 siblings at 19. She may think it's possible but it's not. Most people can't afford rent for themselves. It's her parents fault. If her family is mad I don't see why the mom's siblings or step dad side aren't taking responsibility at all when they're at better financial stand point. If she took in all her siblings then they all end up living on the streets. Foster care gives them a better opportunity than she can give. And her full sister a better opportunity. Her grandma was kind enough to take her relatives. 4 of them are step siblings where the hell is their real mom in all of this? Even if the step father was a widow you can't tell me his widowed wife's family is all dead and his, and her mom has no family . And only her biological dad had one grandparent. B.s .
NTA. As an ex Children’s Services employee, I can tell you those workers were setting you and those other children up for failure. They would have not listened to you and would do what they wanted. The grandmother that took you and the 6F…is she your father’s mother? If so she had no legal claim to your half siblings or your step siblings. Where are the other extended family? Why only you to help? Text your siblings back, say I love you but I cannot raise you at age 19. Grandma is helping raise 6F otherwise I couldn’t do it. Maybe the “do something “ is trying to get extended family members to take them. You, my dear, are NTA!
This HAS to be the story Shameless is based on right? Like I'm not the only one who sees it right? RIGHT?!
My question is where the heck is the rest of this family? There are step children so where are the ex's or the families of the ex's. ?
NTA I read the OP's reply to a question. Parents going awat for a long time...going to prison. Clearly the grandmothers did a bang-up job raising the parents when they were kids!! This all lays & the parents' feet. They should not be having kids! They should be learning to be adults! Adults who can be there to clean up acts & do right. If you have a family, BE THERE FOR THEM!! Don't make them someone else's burden...it's not fair to the kids nor the one(s) left with the responsibility! pathetic
Was she the main care giver of these children before parents went to prison? It might explain why they are so upset with her. By no means should she have to continue down that road. Her parents should have to reach out to any and all family that are or may be around. Where are the other mother's and fathers at? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The kids don't necessarily need or have to be together but some family should be able to help.
I believe depends on ages and how mature sibling is.I was a foster mother to 4 .would of been nice if a sibling would of taken them but sometimes doesn't work out.But u want all them together in this foster care world doesn't happen most of time..But not their responsibility unless they want to as a family person. Feel sorry for siblings getting placed with strangers and how some are these days.or get separated from 1another for yrs or forever.Proud if does proud if can't. Just try to not lose track where siblings at. Cautious..Good luck.
I've noticed that no one, is wondering where the mother of the four step children is, or their mother's family, where the father of those half siblings are or the father's family. There are other family members who apparently not stepping up to help.out.
Hmm I see fault with both the parents, but if this happened in my family. The grandparents would’ve relocated. The teenager who is the oldest holds no responsibility here. And the state would’ve provided more than enough money for all the children who would’ve been considered foster children. Also including covering the medical expenses for each child. This is a very sad situation. Prayers for all who are involved. 🙏
Your still a child your self. Your sister needs the protection you can give her. You need to survive and thrive. An adult is taking you and your sister in. There is only so much one can offer another. Take this opportunity to make a beautiful life. You never chose the situation you came from you are not responsible for what's happening to these other family members. Be thankful for the open door ahead. May you shine threw the darkness that swallowed your own mother. And when you become a woman your self may you have the courage to be a good person and live a clean life.
NTA, the foster care services would have had to cut a check per kid about so you would have had the money to raise them. You would have been able to go to school based on how my dependents you listed on your FASFA form. It would require organization, military precision, and grandma would have had to move in to get you a break or social life. The next sibling in line would be in training to help and so on. Some kids get abused in foster care and some age out at 18 with no plan. This also requires building community, it takes a village is a real statement. You may need adult friends to give you guidance and support. They might need to get fingerprinted so they can watch the kids or pick them up from extracurricular activities. Watch the movie The Family Man with Nicholas Cage to get a better picture. It is not your responsibility however it could be done. Many people raise big families even without Nannies. You tell them the only way I can keep you is if the house is organized.
I'm not sure why you aren't being hailed a hero for taking responsibility for your 6yos!?
NTA. Where is the dad (or dads) of her half siblings? Where are other family members of their dad(s)? Where is the mom or moms of her step siblings, or other members of their mom(s) family? I find it hard to believe there are no other relatives, older than 19, that can step up to take care of these kids. Unless the whole extended family of the step and half siblings are in prison or meth heads or something. Which makes it even more crucial this 19 year old and her little sister grab this chance for a better life. It's awful that the other kids don't have the same opportunity but that's not her fault and it's senseless to sacrifice her shot when the best that can be hoped for is that they all end up living in hopeless circumstances. Considering the parents they've had, foster care may turn out to be an improvement.
Modt prople can barely handle even 1 to 3 maybe 4 kids but 8 is impossible. If everyone could get a job and help pay for the house and bills that'd be one thing but bein as you the only adult theres literally nothing you can do except see if friends or other family friends can take them in which is no gaurentee
She is way to young to take care of all those children, for one it’s not her responsibility and if she did decide to how will she support them,? McDonald’s? Or the state. Young lady all you can do is pray for them that they go to safe and well adjusted homes. You go to college and be a better person and make better decisions than your parents.
It's always funny having someone try to talk down to you about having not "done something" like the grandma here. Grandma doesn't want to help this YOUNG CHILD take care of step siblings, won't let them in her home, but feels she has any right at all to judge, being an established adult? Spare me. They did the right thing. Too much and too often is it expected for kids, children, youths, to simply throw away their own childhoods and lives and individuality to clean up for their parents failures. I can say that as a kid who was robbed of his childhood by parents who decided to have kids but never grow up. I was taking care of myself before I was even in double digits and it only ever got worse. We started out middle class and well off but my parents immaturity, lack of willingness to grow up, led to us being poor, lower class and me spending most of my paychecks just to keep them and my sisters financially stablized at the cost of my own stability.
Tbf the grandma doesn't seem to expect her to take in her siblings. Probably the 'something she could have done' was locating the others' father(s) and mother or their grandparents is all.
Load More Replies...Heartbreaking situation. Of course she can't take control over all those kids when she's barely out of childhood herself. Of course the other kids are going to feel like she's abandoning them, and to an extent she is, but it's not like she has a lot of other choices, either. Her only option to save her future is to get out and at least she is able to take her sister with her. She can absolutely remain in contact with the other kids and be "removed but emotional support", and if her studies go great and she can get into a great job, maybe THEN she can rescue at least some of the other kids. But she didn't pop them out so they are not her actual responsibility.
It's not her responsibility to raise 8 kids. Her parents and the government failed them. I can't say her siblings to don't get to be mad, but hopefully they understand literally every other adult failed them. Including Grandma seeing as OP says granny's all, "You should have done something." What the hell was OP supposed to do?
This is so confusing to me. Is her father unable to care for her and the 6 year old so his mother is stepping up? What about the other parent and their family stepping up for the writer's step siblings? The responsibility for these children are their parents and each parents' family before a 19 year old ought to be considered if at all. How can an 19 year old take care of all those kids? Impossible!
In her description, there are actually nine kids including her. Lunacy and poor parenting. I feel bad for all nine. Anybody who is trying to tell her to take care of them all is also and a*****e on top of the parents. Damn.
Nta. Your siblings are not your responsibility to take care of. They are the responsibility of the parents. Not your fault that their 'parents' screwed up. Do what's right for you & your little sister. I'm sorry you all are going through this but your siblings need to be angry at those responsible for this. Their Parents. Good luck to you and little sis
Better have 2 lives saved that none ... You won't be in a good position, without education, to help you siblings anyways; you'll all be struggling anyways. Taking small jobs won't help you offer anyone of you a better life; i really hope though you can come and visit them regularly, and stay close to them during this tough time.
It's a really sad situation. Even if the OP took care of the kids, what would happen when her mother came back into the scene? The mother would probably think things always works out and continue to have more kids. I think letting the other kids go into the foster system is the logical choice. Hopefully, if the OP can get a good career started, then she can reach out and then help out a little but I wouldn't expect her to ever support all of them by herself. She's one of them, not their parent.
I think the last reddit response gets it right. Her step sibs are going to have alot of issues, probably for the rest of their lives, and the OP will be tagged as a scapegoat for decades by some of them. Honestly, it sounds like it's already been he77. After college, if she is able to land on her feet, there's going to be lots of therapy happening. Hopefully some of the other siblings can stay together. And maybe the OP can foster one or two when she is 25+. But anything more is asking too much. The parents were so irresponsible here.
Maybe your “do something” can be writing letters on a regular basis encouraging them to go to school and make the most of their situation? Keep the lines of communication open, but through the mail so they have something to see and touch. You don’t say how close you are with your step-father’s children. It’s sad their mother or one of their relatives isn’t in a position to help them. You also don’t mention the father of your 1/2 siblings - whether it’s your step father or someone else. It really doesn’t matter, because like the instructions on an airplane, you have to secure the oxygen on yourself before helping someone else. The best to you - while it’s impossible to physically care for them, do try to write them.
I'm glad she could at least save one sister but it definitely isn't her fault they are in that situation its her damn parents and then they get mad at HEE for not being responsible when she did the most responsible thing she could have done in the situation
NTA - you're in no position and have no obligation, moral or otherwise, to take care of your stepsiblings. You have one life and you definitely shouldn't sacrifice it at 19. If anything, once you finish college and hopefully have much greater opportunities in life, you'll be able to help them better (if you so wish), without sacrificing your own future and happiness. This is mainly on your parents, and any family member that dares put this on a 19 year old better shut up and cover their face, cause chances are they're much more closely related to them than you. Your relation to them is none but on paper. They have uncles, aunts, cousins - they should step up... it's really easy to volunteer you and make up some fictional morality behind it.
But it's more convenient to foist the demon spawn on this young women, rather than owning up and doing what's right.
Load More Replies...This is exactly why artificial population control needs to be established. You shouldn't be allowed to just start popping out f-trophies for the bigger welfare check. Then when your sent to prison obviously for either theft or narcotics expect a 19 year old kid to be able to handle all of said f-trophies. People should be forced to get a license to breed.
Yes, but no. We all have just seen how disastrous things become when the government regulates uteruses. Also, who decides who can and can't reproduce. While I appreciate the sentiment that people shouldn't recklessly procreate, attempting to regulate people's reproduction is something we should shy away from. As of now, it's really the only morally superior thing we can point to that separates us from actual fascism.
Load More Replies...I think you made the right decision regarding yourself and I dont know the personalities of your sibings, but If I was in your shoes or even my oldest brother I know he would or I would have tried to keep everyone together but yeah probably wouldn't be the life you wanted but I don't blame you or think you should feel guilty. You have your life to live and should be able to live and make your own mistakes. You shouldn't be chained to the mistakes of your parents (going to prison) and leaving 9 kids behind.
33y parent with 1 son (soon to be 2) comment here. I absolutely support OP here with his choice. As a parent that have children with autism, i know for a fact that children is expensive, and not every people had that luxury to have children. Even though it seems selfish at first, but no choice at this phase is right. OP should choose between 2 or 3 wrong choice. And she choose the choice where her mental maturity think it's the best for her. Because if she choose to take care all of her siblings, she could become depressed. And if she become depressed, then it Will be nightmare for all. She choose to save herself and her siblings, and that is the most logical choice for her now.
I guess it's different in every culture. For me, you can't forget family. We live together, go through life together and all...its not just about your "future" will your siblings have bright futures? As I said it's my culture and we don't have social services here so...dont feel guilty if its the decision you've made
someone mentioned that the kids would probably hate her forever, but, that may have been inevitable, considering the life this poor girl could have tried to give them. NT
Someone needed to spay that Mother and all her partners. I'm sorry it's horrible people will hate me for saying it but wtf stop having sex and having kids if you can't take care of them. You let them all down. The government wants to ban abortion how about take a test to have kids.
This is a horrific situation, but I'm over here wondering how much money that state gives for each kid to live in foster care. Parenting is definitely more than financial support, but in some states 7 kids would lead to an amount so the family could squeak through each month. In other states, the payment would be a joke, and in other states the payment would be rough to live a pretty good life. I wonder if her decision would have been different if she lived in a state where she would have been provided with enough financial support to manage the kiddos without having to work herself. Being a parent to that many children would be crazy, but if she got 1,500+/month for each kid then the daily would be great financially. Add in some neighbors or friend's parents who can pick up and drop off the kids at school, and each of the older kids learning how to cook and clean, and it would be "doable". The state would also need to provide counseling services to support everyone emotionally.
She would still have to give up her life for kids that aren't hers. She is willing to take care of her sister, but that's enough.
Load More Replies...Depends on how close you are. The ages help. It would be possible for you to take them all in knowing that the 15 and 14 year old can help with the others and work small jobs too. I personally put family first so if I was close to them I would take them but if I didn't know them well then I would not take them. There is no half siblings or step siblings. You either love them as siblings or not. That's it. So idk cuz I don't know how close you were?
Are you f*****g stupid?? She should give up her life because others chosed to have kids they can't support??
Load More Replies...I was a mother at 18 and let me tell you it was hard. This young girl is doing the right thing. She isn't responsible for her siblings regardless of the relationship. Why should she take the responsibility of someone else's family. Just because they are siblings.? Heck no. There are families who are made up from donors should she be responsible for those if they are connected by blood? The real question is where are all the grandparents of these children. They should be the ones stepping up or even aunts and uncles. My brother and sister in law asked me to take guardianship or their daughter if something happened to them. I said no. Not because I don't love her. I adore her but I spent years raising my kids and decide I didn't want more. My husband feels the same way and we have got to the point where we can just enjoy being together. I hope everything works out for this girl. Siblings are not responsible and taking up grown-up tasks.
You are taking on your 6 yr old sibling and kudos to you for wanting that. You are nta I do wonder, just curious if the other siblings are step siblings though. Good luck for your future, hope all goes well for you and your sister. Why can't other family members take in the others?
It does sound like she abandoned them though. I'm not talking about her being expected to care for 8 kids. That's not what I mean at all. I'm talking about the reactions of the stepsiblings. The ones who have phones, I'm assuming the older ones, are calling nonstop for help and to scream at her? Wait a second. Did you just have social services scoop them up while you and 6f weren't around to deal with it or explain anything to them? This stems from being curious about your grandma's reaction. She said you should have done something. I'm beginning to wonder if that means breaking the news to your stepsiblings yourself. You said, "obviously they know exactly why they're now in care..." You straight up did not tell them.
She stated that CPS managed it so her and the 6yo would not be there when the other kids were picked up. That's the only part that makes her a bit of an a*****e. Not letting them go, she was right on that part but she should have been there, told them why, told them she loved them but she was just a kid herself. She didn't handle that part well at all.
Load More Replies...At first i was going to say YTA. But then i saw how old op is. She's practically a child herself. She needs to make the best of her life. And this is not saying that down the line once she establishes herself she won't try to help the other do the same. It's a really sh!tty situation but if she took in all those kids it would probably not end well for any of them in the long run..
What would it have mattered if she was older? Even. If she had a decent job she still needs to be financially responsible for 8children.. because they are family & the state would help out very little. With the way the were raised who knows what kind of mischief the teens would be getting up to while ops at work. Most daycares do not take teens & good luck finding any affordable sitter for 8 kids. Even if op was 30 her life shouldn't be forfeit to raise children she didn't make. Poor woman would be single & lonely forever
Load More Replies...This woman should bear her cross with humility and grace. We are all out on this earth for a reason and now is the time to answer her calling. Her choosing a life of decadence and the mundane will not clear her conscience as she lies awake at night wondering whether her siblings are in danger. I pray this woman never has children lest she abandon them like trash as well, and nay the cries of those innocent children haunt her for the rest of her days.
Why do I get that feeling that your parents are going to prison, due to circumstances that resulted from their desperate attempt to keep you and your siblings together, to support your family, all together? If so, your mom is mad, because your throwing all the hard work away. I would really be unable to walk away from my siblings like you say. You get one family, there is never going to be another person your can trust, like your own family (granted that this is dependent on whether you have already shown then love and loyalty, otherwise they may possibly be family members that you can't trust, because trust us reciprocal.). Your choice is a difficult one, but it is yours to make, and you will live with the choice, and may never have the option to change your mind.
Yeah, the reason you "get that feeling" when it wasn't hinted at once in the entire post that her parents are just these poor, misunderstood angels who were just trying their hardest to be good pwovidews for their childwen uwu is because A. You like to be a contrarian a** or B. You're looking for any excuse to be a judgemental, guilt-tripping jerk. Give me a break. If mom *was* a good parent she wouldn't be placing all this undeserved guilt and pressure on her eldest to take on a burden *she's* responsible for. Did the eldest force her to have all those kids? Did she force her mom to marry multiple men? So why should the hammer of judgement come down on this girl who, by the way, is practically a child herself? Besides, you seriously think a 19-year-old with no higher education could support 8 children for long? They'd likely just end up in foster care anyway when it became obvious OP couldn't sufficiently care for them. OP made the best possible choice given the situation.
Load More Replies...Cont'd ... Realization that it was you who doomed innocent children of your own blood to a life of misery and hopelessness with no hope of ever even having the ability to trust in anyone, ever, EVER AGAIN. I was once a Disney princess. I was pretty, I was gentle. I had a voice so angelic, my extended family would commission for me to ai g for them on a regular Occasion, almost every time there was a family gathering for whatever the occasion, they'd ask that I sing for them. I was polite, I was NICE... I smiled and I had a positive attitude, a cheery disposition, I was an optimistic and trusting young lady who dazzled everyone around her with just a smile... I was graceful, I was kind and compassionate, I was empathetic, I was demouir, I spoke sweetly and softly, I was artistic and full of talent, I was labeled to be one of the few 'gifted' children in my school district as I was blessed with a very sharp and advanced intellect for a girl of my age.. the world should have been an easy
Cont'd ... System and separated from our other siblings and placed in either negligent houses full of strange children we'd never met before that either beat us up, stole our belongings and bullies us out of clothing, toys and even our food, a good little more than half of us were sexually abused by our foster siblings, foster parents, sometimes both ... A good third of us were even pimped out to our foster parents friends or barely acquainted adult peers whose first names were rarely learnt or even asked about for pennies on the dollar, just so they could make enough to feed a drug and alcohol, gambling or even shopping habit. All these foster parents want is the goddamned check that comes with the kid. These people are worse than the people that are locked up in that they are the ones clever enough to ha e never been caught. There will, someday sooner than you'd like, be a day when you are going to be abso-f****n-lutely crushed by the suffocating pressure that one's from the realizat
I HOPE AND PRAY THAT INSENSITIVE C**T READS THIS IN ITA ENTIRETY... YES. YOU ARE EVIL. SOULLESS, EVEN. WHAT KIND OF DARK MAGIC HAVE YOU BEEN DEALING IN,OR THAT HAS BEEN CAST IN YOUR DIRECTION FROM ELSEWHERE FOR WHATEVER REASON... HAVE YOU BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEHOW THAT HAS MADE TOU THINK IT WAS ACCEPTABLE, A GOOD IDEA OR IN YOURS OR YOUR SIBLINGS BEST INTERESTS OR BEST FOR BE YOUR DEVELOPMENT AS A HUMAN OR FOR THEIR DEVELOPMENT... YOU HAVE DOOMED YOUR BLOOD TO THE DAMN NEAR CERTAIN INEVITABILITY OF BLATANT AND GROSS NEGLIGENT PARENTING, BEATINGS, EXPOSURE TO POTENTIALLY VIOLENT STRANGERS THAT ARE MEANT TO BE SUITABLE GUARDIAN MATERIAL ONLY TO BE FOUND TO BE EITHER NOTHING MORE THAN CHECK COLLECTING ADDICTS, BE IT SUBSTANCE, GAMBLING OR MATERIAL... YOUVE PRETTY MICH DOOMED THEM TO EXPECT TO BE MOLESTED OR RAPED ... DO YOU HAVE ANY F*****G CLUE HOW LIKELY IT IS THAT THEY WILL BE LOST IN THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM AND THAT THEYRE GOING TO BE SEPARATED FROM ONE ANOTHER? NOT TO MENTION THE FACT
I thibk you need to lay off whatever drugs you take, because they are obviously ruining your brain cells.
Load More Replies...You must be a stupid republican b***h I'm taking it
Load More Replies...She said they knew, she just didn't had to be present there while they were picked up. I doubt anything she'd say would make them feel okay ffs. Yes, you'd rather have no education and work at a gasstation all your live, but hey, easy for you to decide since apparently you never had to actually make that decision.
Load More Replies...Are you a f*****g idiot?? In what universe an 18yo should give up her life for kids that aren't hers?? Of course she has to think about her life too. She has to think about herself and her sister.
Load More Replies...So she should ruin her life for kids that aren't hers? She already is taking over responsability for her sister.
Load More Replies...I don't think the other kids are related to that grandma in any way biologically. That's why she's only taking in those 2.
Load More Replies...They aren't going to have a happy future being raised by a 19 year old. Who will resent them. This is the right call
Load More Replies...She's still growing up herself, though. She isn't in a position to raise them well even if she wanted to. She doesn't have the experience, resources, etc and honestly in a family like that probably has a lot of things she should have learned growing up that nobody taught her. It's wrong that that's where they're ending up, but that not on OP. It's on the "adults" who couldn't cut the rampant unprotected sex and apparently crimes to be responsible for the lives they created.
Load More Replies...The OP is 19. Where are they going to stay with 8 children? How are they going to be able to afford taking care of 8 children? How are they going to go to university when taking care of 8 children? How are they going to start a career? It was never a realistic option for a nineteen year old to take care of 8 children. It's simply impossible
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