Couple Decide To Use Their Pets To Fill Out Roles In Their Wedding, SIL Is Angry They Didn’t Include Her “Rainbow” Kids Instead | Bored Panda
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Couple Decide To Use Their Pets To Fill Out Roles In Their Wedding, SIL Is Angry They Didn’t Include Her “Rainbow” Kids Instead
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Couple Decide To Use Their Pets To Fill Out Roles In Their Wedding, SIL Is Angry They Didn’t Include Her “Rainbow” Kids Instead

The key to avoiding overwhelming anxiety before your wedding is to recognize the fact that, no matter what you do, you’ll probably end up disappointing some of your guests—and that this wouldn’t be the end of the world. However, some situations are so delicate that it helps to get an outsider’s perspective before making a decision.

That’s exactly what redditor u/IntrepidOffering did. The bride-to-be turned to the AITA online community for some advice. She’s unsure what to do because she wants her pets to be the flower girl and ring bearer at her wedding. However, she also doesn’t want to disappoint her ‘rainbow baby’ niece and nephew, whose mom wants them to take on those roles, either. Read on for the full story and the advice Reddit gave the OP. Bored Panda has reached out to u/IntrepidOffering and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.

Having your beloved pets play important roles in the wedding ceremony is a very interesting idea

Image credits: Lobachad (not the actual photo)

A bride-to-be turned to the internet for advice because she’s being forced to choose between her pets and her nephew and niece

Image credits: StudioPeace (not the actual photo)

Image credits: IntrepidOffering

‘Rainbow babies’ symbolize hope and healing, and are very special to the entire family

The OP’s situation is a difficult one. On the one hand, everyone should strive to be authentic and honest with themselves about what they truly want in life. And redditor u/IntrepidOffering notes that her dog Mika and cat Tibby are “like children” to her and her fiancé. The two pets supported them through some of the darkest periods of their lives.

On the other hand, many of us sincerely care about what our nearest and dearest—our family and friends—think about us and our decisions. Like it or not, many folks care about their reputations and want to impress others. It’s hard to say ‘no’ to someone close to you when they make a request. Especially when they apply a bit of emotional pressure.

The fact that the OP’s nephew and niece are both ‘rainbow babies’ makes everything a bit more nuanced. A ‘rainbow baby’ is a healthy baby born after a couple has lost a child due to miscarriage.

“The name ‘rainbow baby” comes from the idea of a rainbow appearing in the sky after a storm, or after a dark and turbulent time. The term has gained popularity on blogs and social media in recent years, and has come to symbolize hope and healing,” Healthline explains.

“A rainbow baby brings great joy after a very difficult time, and symbolizes hope and healing. But for parents who have experienced loss, rainbow babies are also treasured reminders. Even after safely delivering your rainbow baby, you can find ways to remember the child you lost. Eventually, sharing your story with your rainbow baby as they get older can be comforting,” Jane Chertoff writes on Healthline.

“As your rainbow baby grows, be sure to share your story with them. Let them know how special they are to you.”

Guilt-tripping the happy couple is only going to add more stress during the preparations for the big day

Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

And this lies at the core of the issue. ‘Rainbow babies’ really are special. Both to their parents and their entire social circle who have seen them wracked with grief due to loss. But as sensitive as this topic is, it’s impractical (and perhaps even slightly unfair) to put the kids’ wants and needs over absolutely everyone else’s.

The wedding happens to be the miracle babies’ aunt’s occasion. This does not mean that the kids should automatically play whatever prominent role their parents decide they should get during the event. Would it be a great gesture to have the twins be the flower girl and ring bearer? Absolutely!

However, the marrying couple prefers to have their pets have those roles—it is a very strong alternative that they’re seriously considering. One that they would prefer. And it makes sense to put the happy couple and their desires center stage, considering that it’s their wedding and all. Meanwhile, the twins have been invited as guests either way, and there are plenty of opportunities every single day to make them feel special. Weddings aren’t the only time that they can get the love, care, and attention they want and need.

At the end of the day, impossible to please everyone and to keep every tiny little emotional nuance in consideration. The happy couple have hundreds of things to keep in mind when organizing their wedding. And even though some decisions may be bigger than others, it doesn’t help when someone’s double-guessing them and adding more stress into the mix.

Weddings in the US cost an average of $29,000 in 2023

Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (not the actual photo)

The odds are that the marrying couple is under enough pressure as it is and does not need to deal with a guilt trip. One major worry that many couples are bound to have is purely financial. Or to put it bluntly: weddings are extremely expensive and every dollar matters.

The cost of an average wedding in the United States has now risen to $29,000, as reported by CNN, based on data compiled by Zola. In some bigger American cities, the average cost is over $35,000.

But if you happen to live in New York City, well, hang on to your tophat/wedding veil because a wedding in the Big Apple costs around $43,536 in 2023. The San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose area is in second place with $37,284, while not far behind are Boston ($35,902), Philadelphia ($34,111), Miami-Ft. Lauderdale ($33,622), Washington, DC ($33,199), Chicago ($32,281), and Los Angeles ($30,712).

The author of the post shared a few more insights in the comments

Most people were very supportive of the bride-to-be and were happy to share their thoughts on the situation

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tabithapaquette98 avatar
tabithapaquette98
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The SIL needs to chill. This wedding is about the couple getting married and not your "rainbow" babies. I'm sorry, but that term is ridiculous. They are going to turn into spoiled brats if she doesn't let up!

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just wanted to say the same thing, those kids will become quite arrogant and entitled if they expect everything to be served to them on a silver platter since their mom believes they're "super special".

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brianne_amos avatar
Brainmas
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the bigger problem here is why are their children more important than the other grandkids that were previously mentioned? It's an easy out to state that it would not be fair to have them and not their cousins involved and there is no room for extra kids.

tabithapaquette98 avatar
tabithapaquette98
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you. SIL needs to get over herself. I'm sure everyone is happy you had your children, but there are other grandchildren too!

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teresacline avatar
Daffydillz~
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My only concern is whether or not the pets will be comfortable in the surroundings of a wedding. As many of the comments had mentioned above. The sounds, smells, and people may be overwhelming to them. It will likely be a scale of interaction that they've never seen before. They are NTA for wanting their pets to be in their wedding, I can understand that completely. I hope there's some way for them to test their pets, on a smaller scale, to see if they will be okay during a wedding. While many pets may be secure and outgoing in their homes, in a different venue, that can change dramatically. I wish them the best of luck with their pets and their family.

dracoaffectus avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same goes for toddlers honestly. It sounds like the mom is set on her kids being in the wedding.... But do the kids even want to do? Will they be able to do it or will they get overwhelmed? OP should keep in mind that the idea of doing it might be way more exciting to a 4 yo than the reality. The reality might be super scary and overwhelming.

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tabithapaquette98 avatar
tabithapaquette98
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The SIL needs to chill. This wedding is about the couple getting married and not your "rainbow" babies. I'm sorry, but that term is ridiculous. They are going to turn into spoiled brats if she doesn't let up!

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just wanted to say the same thing, those kids will become quite arrogant and entitled if they expect everything to be served to them on a silver platter since their mom believes they're "super special".

Load More Replies...
brianne_amos avatar
Brainmas
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the bigger problem here is why are their children more important than the other grandkids that were previously mentioned? It's an easy out to state that it would not be fair to have them and not their cousins involved and there is no room for extra kids.

tabithapaquette98 avatar
tabithapaquette98
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you. SIL needs to get over herself. I'm sure everyone is happy you had your children, but there are other grandchildren too!

Load More Replies...
teresacline avatar
Daffydillz~
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My only concern is whether or not the pets will be comfortable in the surroundings of a wedding. As many of the comments had mentioned above. The sounds, smells, and people may be overwhelming to them. It will likely be a scale of interaction that they've never seen before. They are NTA for wanting their pets to be in their wedding, I can understand that completely. I hope there's some way for them to test their pets, on a smaller scale, to see if they will be okay during a wedding. While many pets may be secure and outgoing in their homes, in a different venue, that can change dramatically. I wish them the best of luck with their pets and their family.

dracoaffectus avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same goes for toddlers honestly. It sounds like the mom is set on her kids being in the wedding.... But do the kids even want to do? Will they be able to do it or will they get overwhelmed? OP should keep in mind that the idea of doing it might be way more exciting to a 4 yo than the reality. The reality might be super scary and overwhelming.

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