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“He Told Me I Should Grow Up”: Man Returns His Future Wife’s Dream Wedding Dress Unbeknownst To Her Because It “Was Wasting Money”
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“He Told Me I Should Grow Up”: Man Returns His Future Wife’s Dream Wedding Dress Unbeknownst To Her Because It “Was Wasting Money”

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It’s no secret that wedding preparation can become a lethal cocktail for a conflict to blow up. Think of the amount of stress, pressure, and decision making that the bride and groom have to go through for what is known as the most important day in their lives. That definition alone is already a strain.

So this story comes from a 29-year-old woman who has been planning a wedding with her 33-year-old husband-to-be and it was going well until things turned sour. And the wedding dress was the cause of it.
“This might sound clichè but ever since I was young I dreamed of having my own beautiful wedding dress, I can afford it but my [soon to be husband] thinks it’s not okay to waste a couple of thousands on a dress I’m only going to wear once,” the author wrote in a post on r/AITA.

So imagine her coming home one day and realizing the dream wedding dress she had just purchased was missing from the closet. Let me leave you with the full story right below which made the author wonder if she was right in this whole situation at all.

Recently, a woman shared a story of how her husband-to-be took her dream wedding dress from the closet and returned it without saying anything

Image credits: Emma Bauso

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Image credits: Kaboompics

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There’s no right budget for the wedding dress, experts say. It all depends on your budget and priorities, so for one person, $1000 can be a splurge, while another would think of it as a bargain.

But according to The Knot Real Weddings Study, which surveyed over 15,000 couples who got married last year, the average wedding dress cost in 2021 was $1,800. Moreover, buying a new dress for the occasion remains the most popular option for to-be-weds, with 93% purchasing a new design instead of renting one.

It’s important to note that the average wedding dress cost varies by region. According to The Knot, spend in the Mid-Atlantic was over $2,000, while in the Midwest, an average wedding dress cost about $1,600. Interestingly, wedding venues also contribute to the average cost of a wedding dress. It turns out that individuals tend to spend less on a dress for a hometown wedding, while those who hosted an international destination celebration spent over $2,000 on their look.

And this is what people had to say about this whole situation

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teresacline avatar
Cold Contagious
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It will only escalate from here. She needs to escape now! Make him think she'll rent a dress, get her money back, and go.

barbarakayton avatar
Barbara Kayton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if OP will see this, but these are enormous, neon-blinking red flags. He has committed theft in an effort to control you, and is disparaging what you do. You are not married yet. It is really easy to miss/overlook/unconsciously assume it will all work out in this relationship phase. We need to be taught, I think, how to discuss important issues and understand consequences as a society, instead of being fed the illusion of happily-ever-after-marriages. Are you on the same page in regards to finances? How to discuss and resolve issues? Relationships with friends and family? Having or not having a family? Where you will live and what your life goals are? How you treat and respect each other - and other people in general? Driving habits, words, how people treat others, explanations of past relationships can reveal a lot - but when we are in love, headed towards marriage, we have a huge blind spot. Listen to what others say they see, and consider what they are saying.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country a lot of people go for a church wedding because it's traditional and fancy. But in order to do that, the couple must go through mandatory counselling sessions with a priest or other church representative. Most of my friends aren't religious, but everyone who did it says that it's been really good, because those are exactly the things they are encouraged to discuss. I have a complicated relationship with the church (to put it mildly) but this, apparently, is one of the things they really get right. Of course, my friends all carefully chose specific, relatively liberal, places to do this.

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liverpoolroze avatar
Rose the Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't worry about the loss of the dress, you won't need it when you show him the door.You can get another when you find a decent man to marry.

jennyih avatar
Peta Hurley-Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The poor girl needs to run a mile from this control freak and his Mummy a.s.a.p.That being said,he still owes her HER $2000.What he did is theft.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't get into that mindset of "I must be doing something to make him act this way." That's what victims of abuse do. Get out of this relationship while you can. Other people suggested counseling, but I would just sever ties altogether. Let me put it this way...Is his mother going to dictate when you should have kids, how many, how you raise them? Is he going to nitpick and track every dime you spend? These people are controlling. And my next question...how would he and mom react if it had been your family paying for the dress instead of you? Is this about the cost of the dress or controlling you? And if he's tight with money on this special day...what will his tight wad behavior be when you want to do something special for yourself or for your kids? Run, honey! While you still can!

amandachilds avatar
Amanda Childs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes couples counselling doesn't work with narcissistic people especially if he is good at guilt tripping and seeming all calm and circumspect but is just an act for others. He is not a man but a control freak who thinks he owns her and she cannot allow it to continue. She must go to him and say this is my wedding and my money and if this is how you treat me now it will only get worse. he must return what he stole. The fact he says he is concerned about HIS future security and NOT THEIR future security means he can see a future WITHOUT HER!!! Huge red flag and they tell on themselves. He thinks only of himself and his point of view. This man is not going to get better about finances and sees it all as his money once you are married, heck he sees it that way now! She should find a man who wants to give her the world (but she doesn't even ask it) and not one who wants to take away her dreams for his personal future security and at her own cost.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if I personally would spend that much but it is her money. They aren't married yet, this isn't a joint expense. Big red flag, not only on his controlling behavior and basically stealing from her. But also indicative of probable incompatibility in terms of how to deal with money. At the very least they should put the wedding on hold and get premarital counseling. But frankly, after having dealt with an extremely controlling family myself, I would consider his behavior to be too abusive to even continue the relationship.

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mary and Anna, I agree with you both. For me, the fact that the guy's mom got involved his a huge red flag.

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bonnyatlast avatar
BonnyDK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA---He disrespected you in so many ways. You are not married yet. It is your money not from a joint account. He is holding on to it??? Hell no. He is treating you like a child only to the tune of thousands. I would have demanded the money back or there would have been no discussion at all except with the police. He stole your dream wedding and thought nothing about it. And then brought is mother into the argument! Run! He plans on controlling you like a captive. That is what you will be and already are.

haleymontgomery avatar
Haley Montgomery
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife found the perfect dress. She was incredibly unsure about it because it cost $2000. I found my dress for $500. But I didn't choose my dress because it was $500 I chose it because I loved it. I drove her 2 hours back to the shop that she found it during her trip with her mom and encouraged her to buy the dress that would make her feel the most beautiful. I would NEVER dream of selling something so special. Girl, he needs to go.

crispytoast avatar
Crispy Toast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. Nope. Nope. Guy is a control freak with a big case of the Mommy knows best.

michaelswanson avatar
UpQuarkDownQuark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their finances are not shared, and they aren’t married. This man has stolen thousands of dollars from her.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He didn't steal it alone, the bridal shop enabled that ACT, they needed to hold the money til the BRIDE came to retrieve the funds. The 'contract' was with the purchaser not the HTB. He over stepped and so did the shop.

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pippabelle10 avatar
Teddybear
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that husband in law is a control freak. He should not get to choose what YOU spend your money on I reccomend rethinking the marriage theres a bunch of red flags from this dude which is not a good thing.

7000305 avatar
1.21Gigawatts?!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is red flag central! First off OP has a point in which to make her dress special if she’ll only wear it once. Also it seems that OP can afford it if she can pay out of pocket! Second she already had the dress so what was the point in returning it? Third, it seems like HE pocketed money that OP should be getting. That’s super controlling! Lastly, he’s obviously some man-baby if he felt like he couldn’t handle the situation and got his mommy. Don’t throw the dress, throw the fiancé

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl ... Go get your dress, buy a bottle of wine and enjoy your life. Throw the man out, this is a red flag. How I spend my money is my problem only, how my husband spends money is his problem. We both pay for our own hobbies/wishes, but pay equally into common benefits like bills house and groceries. We don't have joint account, we TALK. He has never told me anything, and I bought a 250euro dress while unemployed, which is literally a bit over my half of weekly rent.... You will find a better man, who isn't putting his financial insecurities on his wife. Do better for yourself, take time, postpone wedding. Also a big red flag Complaining to mummy about relationship issue, obviously mum will stick put for his kid. I wouldn't be comfortable with my man discussing our private issues with parents or check my account. We both have our own income from chosen careers, he has no right to my degree as I don't have a right to his success.

kaylamckee avatar
Mykidsartrocks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell him to pound pavement. I was married to a man like this and it ruined my belief in love. It seriously crushed me. So kick him to the curb or just run!

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations for getting out of this marriage, I'm sure it wasn't easy with such controlling man.

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trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want a dream dress, you should have a dream guy. Dump him. Dump him at his parents’ house for maximum humiliation, telling them they raised him to be a misogynistic piece of c**p and that they should be ashamed and try again. Flip your hair and walk to the car like a boss. Check into a hotel, and buy a little wine, chocolate, and a journal for your feelings. Spend the week treating yourself like a queen, to soothe the breakup. Spa day, shopping, museum, zoo, roller rink, ice cream, whatever makes you happy. Take a break from daily life. Get your dress back, take a year long detox from all dating and sex, and don’t give him a second chance under any circumstances. Get a sweet guy who’s not gonna use love bombing or superficial charm to trick you into an abusive relationship. And if you’re happier single, adopt a mutt from the local pound.

trashpanda_1 avatar
kacorradini avatar
kaycee14
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His controlling and condescending attitude is also "setting the tone" for the marriage. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is about to marry a narcissist and doesn't even realize it. "His" financial future, not "theirs"? He is literally admitting that all of her money and future income are under his control. He stole from her by returning the dress and keeping the money until she accepts his demands. That's theft and she should call the police and have him arrested if he refuses to return the money. A perfect test to prove what he is all about would be to present him with a prenup.

fliconmigo avatar
Rachel Betancort
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The solution is calling off the wedding. Do not marry this guy or you are setting yourself up for heartache.hes already painted you as wasteful. I'd go to the dress shop and demand to speak to who allowed this as well. They didn't call the bride when a crazy man went in to return the dress? Was is charged on his card? How did he walk away with the money? You really need to not marry this man.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he had the receipt then I don't see why they wouldn't allow the return - in fact, disallowing it would probably be illegal. But I'm also surprised that the money wasn't returned to the card used to buy it. That's actually suspicious.

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crunchtastic1948 avatar
crunchtastic1948
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have your solution, OP. He gives you the money back and you give him his ring back and tell him to pound sand. He called mommy because mommy trained him to be a cheap screw. It's not about the dress, it's about him controlling you and the narrative and everything else. He is projecting his own selfish tendencies on to you. Yeet his sorry butt. You can do better.

smkelly711 avatar
Tiredofpayingforothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I first moved in with my future wife, we decided to slit the bills and keep our money separate. She has her bank account, I have mine, and we have a house account funded by both of us. The idea was that neither of us should ever tell the other what they can or cannot spend money on. As long as our respective bills are paid, buy whatever we want with our own money. It worked, and our financial arrangement is still setup the same way to this day. We have been married for many years now and I can honestly say we have never had an argument about money.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds like ten thousand arguments avoided, and years of better sleep. Not to mention, a remarkable amount of trust built over time! I’m stealing this life tip for all my future relationships! Thank you! ✨😊✨

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janbowyer avatar
Jan Bowyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is one HUGE red flag; it's the shape of things to come. Run, dear girl!

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see a lot of problems here, particularly about communication, expectations, boundaries and respect. I also feel there are aspects to this story that we're not hearing. However, the biggest problems: 1) He took the wedding dress back without telling her or getting her consent, 2) He called his mommy for support, 3) mommy came in and took his side and scolded the woman like a bad puppy. Run away. This marraige won't work. I've been married almost 30 years. Marriage is built on teamwork and communication and mutual respect.

cam_s_whalley avatar
Wubbleyew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like they aren't very compatible in some quite important ways. Maybe marriage isn't the best decision

marlinsa avatar
Marlena Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

R U N. While you can!!!! He has no say in what is "right" and "wrong" it needs to be a discussion and both respect eachothers views, what is this about rent a face? Excuse me? Fake hair? Things will only get worse!!!!! Dont wait to have kids!!!!

vpwitter avatar
Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He will dictate to you what constitutes frivolous spending including things like dying your hair, name brand makeup, new clothes, etc. you are making a huge mistake marrying this controlling man.

nizumi avatar
Nizumi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's holding her money?!??!? Run for the MF hills, girl!

fidelitas-ut-terminus avatar
Lucky2BAlive
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holding HER money hostage, or consider it theft of YOUR money? (If it’s considered theft, over a certain amt, it could be a FELONY). This guy (he’s no man’ needs to grow up and stop calling mommy, I would get the money and run before you have to hire the law firm of This Is Mine, That’s Yours, Esq.

lesliedonsen avatar
Leslie Donsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not just the dress. He doesn't like the flower girl or the venue either. Doesn't like the way you want to have your hair done. Or your face for that matter. It's like he doesn't care for much of anything that you want. How is it that the two of you have managed to stay a couple to the point of getting engaged? You have always given in to him, haven't you. You naively thought that he would let you have your 'special' day just this once. I know it's going to be hard but you have to end this. It will only get worse, not better. He will eventually criticize everything you do, say or want up to deciding who your friends are or whether you can even have one. I will go so far as to guess that he will not want to be bothered with children either. This might be the hardest thing you have ever done, but it is your life we are talking about here. It should be a happy one. I see nothing but misery in your current future.

stelzhaus avatar
Patty Stelz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She needs to end the relationship ASAP and file a police report for their since he stole her dress and is keeping the money until “ They come up with a solution.” And she should press charges. She should return her engagement ring if he gave her one via registered mail where he has to sign to receive it so she has evidence that she returned it, Then she can count her blessings. He’s a control freak and a piece of work and so is her future MIL.

tarryn_louise avatar
Tarryn Louise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he stole you dress... sold it... called his mummy who abused you... is withholding the money from the dress until you do things his way... and you still WANT to marry this pig? Lady... if you walk down that isle, you deserve every step of b******t you get. Take your damn money and run while you can.

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These guys… they create a fake ‘self’ that they can only maintain until they get married. Once they have that event out of the way they lower their barriers and you see them for who they really are. In this case it looks like the wedding may not be as important to him as it has been because he has now lowered his guard. It could be that he is looking for a way out. If GF acquiesces he will always get his way. Run, girl, run!

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From Reddit: he wants "to spend less and less even on other things not just wedding expenses. He has cut back on eating out and monthly purchases like electronics and furniture which to me sounds excessive." He may be having financial problems. Hence, the theft of her money.

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The last time I saw a story like this the guy was gambling secretly... might not be anything sinister but I'd not be terribly surprised.

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sblfcom avatar
Sarah Levine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I haven't seen anyone else mention this, but in addition to all of the other terrible things he's done, he's straight up BLACKMAILING you!! I'll keep your money, and only give it to you once you agree to rent a dress?? Strong arm tactics like that are not normal. To me, this is the biggest red flag of all!

tobyshad avatar
Laura Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me be perfectly frank. If this is how he gets with increased stress, I encourage you to think twice. Pregnancy also causes extreme stress and is when some women start experiencing physical abuse at the hands of their spouse. I did. It was fine first 2 years, then I got pregnant. It didn't stop after the baby was born.

sheila_stamey avatar
Sheila Stamey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This man and I use that word only in the gender, has ALREADY abused her. Read this post. 'Rent a face" "fake hair" " argued over the venue and flower girl". "Now we're arguing.." He's gaslighting her so bad she doesn't know how to figure her way out. He's the butthead. Run girl

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know that wedding dresses are expensive, but it's wedding dress now, everything else later. He will try to control everything you buy. Dump him.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He returned a dress she bought with her own money AND is withholding her money from her? Hell, no. Get the heck out of there! Like, now now.

melissaburgess avatar
Melissa Burgess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me try this again. You are not the a******. You're probably going to marry him but you really shouldn't. He hijacked your f****** dress instead of talking to about it like your both equals.. Then he tried to guilt you into thinking that the way you are handling finances is is respectful to him but what he really meant is that not giving him control over finances is disrespectful to him. Then to add insult to injury he called his f****** mommy to tell on you...... So instead of having to deal with This pain i* t** a** guy you are going to have to deal with this pain i* t** a** guy and his mother for your whole life. So now hes holding your dress money hostage until you agree to discuss it with him which basically Means until you concede. Run as fast as you can.

melissaburgess avatar
Melissa Burgess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. You're probably going to marry him. #sigh. You really shouldn't. Hey hijacked your f****** dressed instead of talking to you about it like you're both equals. Can you then try to go to into thinking the way that you are healright handling the finances in the situation is disrespectful to him, but what he really meant is the not giving him control over finances as disrespectful to him. Add insult to injury that he called his f****** mommy to tell audience and that on top of heaven to deal with this pain i* t** a** guy you are going to have to deal with his pain i* t** a** mother for your whole life... So now hes holding your address money hostage until you agree to are you agreed to discuss it with him which basically means until you've been seen. You should run away run far far away

joannefabrick avatar
Emma Starr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes! This guy sounds like a bully and a manipulator. The audacity of him...please run!

vjsmart2001 avatar
Valerie Smart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA you need to step back and seriously look at what you about to do . This is a huge red flag girl.

troux avatar
Troux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This feels very one-sided, considering she didn't mention the actual cost of the dress/wedding or how much disposable income they have. Without some more context, it's impossible to tell who messed up bigger here but these two don't seem compatible.

magen-jones13 avatar
IDK_Something
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said a few thousands and that the purchase would not hurt them in any way financially. He's definitely being abusive in this situation, regardless of compatibility.

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skitenoir avatar
millac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope she called the police and reported him for theft. He just stole thousands of dollars from her.

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To OP - NOW is the time to get out of this situation. It will only get worse as time goes on. If he is this way over a wedding dress, how will he be when you need regular clothes or even maternity clothes? Or clothes for the growing child? No, he has serious mommy and control issues, as in, he needs his mommy to back him up and needs to be in control of every aspect of your life. I spent 35 years with a man who became this way over the years. In the last 10 years we were together, he could buy whatever he wanted to matter the cost, but I was not to spend a dime on myself, the house, or our son. At least, not without an inquisition. From Day 1, his mother and I never got along. She was always calling me lazy and stupid because I did things differently from her. I only started getting along with her the day she died. Don't get yourself in any deeper than you already are. Get out now and don't look back.

roserosee avatar
Rosie Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Future (I hope not) hubby is now making his power move because she is almost his possession and as HIS possession, he will do what he wants. If they get a pet she's loves too much (no such thing) he will get rid of the pet. Their married life will be highly unpleasant. I'm stuck on he said "rent her face" and "wear fake hair". He's going to make sure she looks exactly what HE wants. This is a him him him marriage. As for the future mother in law, her attitude alone is why this won't work either. She should have told her son, to not involve her, it's none of her business. I hope this young lady realizes her worth and decides to not marry him.

bribear2u avatar
Anna Mortensen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole post is weird. Most couples decide on a budget together, but there doesn't seem to be any communication in that department. I've had to return a wedding dress for a bride before and the process was tedious as hell and required her ID, credit card, and her on the phone to confirm it. She must have paid cash, off the rack, and left the receipt stapled to the thing. Regardless, if it went down as she said, she needs to exit stage left asap. 1. He stole from her. 2. They will never see eye to eye financially. 3. He straight up stole from her.

alchemalgoddess avatar
Nancy Walton
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did post originally what I thought but I will say it again - this man is holding you emotionally & financially hostage through intimidation and blackmail. He stole your dress and has your money illegally. He wants you to give in to his demands on his terms and then he'll give you the money? Read that again 🚩

bree_saw avatar
Sabrina Fisher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Financial control to this magnitude is abuse! These red flags will hopefully get you running in the other direction before it's too late. A groom you should be with would be happy that you get to have the wedding of your dreams. Don't settle.

lindashonta avatar
Linda Shonta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please honey dump that "Stupid" soon to be husband & RUN!! He is not marriage material! Marriage is about being partners and understanding where each other is coming from! And don't even get me started on that "Future MIL"! She is definitely trouble! There are much better guys out there, you just have to be patient. ;-}

paula_42 avatar
catslave6
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are you marrying this man? Does he make you laugh? Do you have lots in common? Are you good friends? Have you discussed the important aspects of marriage? As in money, children, child discipline, shared goals, living arrangements, home management, and family on both sides? What are your expectations of one another in this relationship? How involved will both sides of family be? His parents? Yours? Is he always this dismissive of your wants, needs, and desires? Are you desperate to be married somehow, or do you feel the two of you genuinely care about each other? Has he ever stolen from you before? Is this a partnership or a dictatorship? How long have you known one another? I would advise anyone I knew in this type of situation to end the engagement, cancel the wedding, and move on in life. You need to carefully consider what the rest of your life will look like with this man. Take some time to talk with a trusted person, consider at least some of these questions before marrying.

arielizabetz7 avatar
the electric frog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve read so many of these stories where the mom takes the husbands side or vice versa that I’m beginning to see mommas boy as a red flag

deannababy61 avatar
Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump him. Keep the engagement ring until your money is returned TO.THE.PENNY. if he does not return your money take him to small claims court.

kelley_baltierra avatar
Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get your money back, call off the wedding and let the little boy go cry to his mom about that.

stone_jane_1 avatar
Jane Stone
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Call off the wedding. I could see his point if you both are sharing expenses in the wedding & part of your wedding budget was spent mostly on the wedding dresses. However, that wasn't the case here. I try not to tell people to leave a relationship when I think it can be salvaged, but I think on this one, you need to leave him. There's so many red flags. 1.) he made a decision without your input 2.) he didn't see anything wrong with his actions which calls into question his boundary issues 3.) You both have different views on money management & finances is the 1 thing that married couple fight about 4.) do you really feel comfortable marrying a man who thinks he can just overrule your decision & felt they're entitled to your money? AND 5.) do you really want to start your married life dealing with this type of behavior? If not, get out now. Red flags only get worse

lgcundy avatar
Lucia Cundy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7)He used denigrating, dismissive language to criticize her choice to have her hair & makeup done

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pjames82_1 avatar
Patrick James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He said your attitude is setting the tone for the type of dynamic your marriage will have. Seems like he needs to look in the mirror because the tone he is setting is that he will have the final day even if it's behind your back.

mrankin1975 avatar
Monica A. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let him keep the money and move tf out ASAP. Cheaper than a divorce. He isn't a red flag, he is whole azz tornado warning. Sirens going off. Get tf out now. He called his mother. RUNNNNNNNNNN FORRESSSSSST!

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA!!! and, btw...RUN!!!! as for his accusation of "her setting the dynamics" for their marriage i think he is putting enough effort towards trying to control/conform her to his personal agenda. if she goes through with the marriage then she should expect things like this to continue. and, if she does agree to a cheaper or rental dress then she should pack away the excess money for a divorce lawyer as i could see this in the future. agree to his demands, get the money and then cancel and get all the refunds she can from deposits on venue, caterers, etc. hopefully, if no refunds are available he paid the deposits and she can stick it those to him.

maggiemoonbeam avatar
maggiemoonbeam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT WAS A WARNING! Get away from that guy now, or your choices will be judged for the rest of your married life.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if OP, after writing all of this, saw any irony in her near opening statement of "it's a once in a lifetime thing"?

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It better be only once in her lifetime that she meets someone this awful.

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dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you aren’t an a*****e, I can tell you this. He’s absolutely not marrying the right person. He belongs in Utah marrying a Mormon. Seriously. He should consider joining. That or find someone in the Deep South who’s completely uneducated.

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm thinking dude doesn't want to get married, so he's doing what he can to sabotage it through gaslighting. Either that, or he's laying the groundwork for how he will control her once married. I wouldn't get married to him.

dfreg avatar
Leodavinci
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her last followup comment about his behavior being recent and that he wasn't like this in the past, makes me think he might be having second thoughts about marriage and is trying to get her to cancel it.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I thought I might be doing something here for him to react like that because he wasn't like this in the past."..... Yeah, that's how abusive partners work. They put their best foot forward until they think they have you trapped. At least this one showed his true colours *before* making the legal committment.

shrimpyninni avatar
AsexualShrimp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It only starts from there. Girl, if you see this, please leave him! It’ll be for your own good.

saramatta avatar
Sara Matta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would sue him to get my money back because anyone in there right mine would know she is right since there not married yet

stelzhaus avatar
Patty Stelz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should break up and end the relationship ASAP-and file a police report. He stole her property returned it and it keeping the money “ Until we agree on a solution.” That’s thief and she should press charges. She should also be thankful that she dodged a huge bullet.

peggy_4 avatar
Peggy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband of 37 years recommends this young woman run away as fast as she can from this disrespectful jerk-and trust me, he's never been a pushover when it comes to budget battles.

deconstructedravenna815 avatar
Callie Dryer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LEAVE HIM! She spent her own money on her dress. I don’t know where they’re from but in our culture wedding dresses are a huge deal, they’re usually passed down from mother to daughter, etc. it’s not a man or financial issue. Having said that, I agree with others - where is HER money. Also, I hope she has a prenup, I have always believed in them marriage is a legally binding contract and you might as well consider your finances as well the last thing you need is a money grubbing spouse and he and his mother don’t sound like they’re on the up and up. She needs to spend his money but keep hers sounds like there will be financial issues down the line on his part.

letsgobuyshoes avatar
HappyKitteh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Run for the hills. Let him keep the dress money and just get as far away as possible.

hannah10782 avatar
S.Y. Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't let him keep anything that belongs to her! The hell?? Sue his pants off if necessary, but he better run her her coins!

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morachilis avatar
Mora Chilis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is abuse. Not just theft. He took something important of hers, returned it for money, then kept the money. This is abusive. Including the ay he speaks of her hair and makeup. This is a red light. Stop and evaluate.

lgcundy avatar
Lucia Cundy
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

spazz20032004 avatar
Denise Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she has all the right in the world to buy what ever dress she wants. he is not paying for it i would be wanting my money back from him. does he realize that dress's sometimes are bought a year to six months ahead of time. because most people can't just buy off the rack. measurements have to be done and dress has to come from who ever made the dress so it fit's correctly. and the fact that she is only going to wear it once does not matter. she could also donate the dress to be made into several outfits for still born babies. i would not be marrying this man and his mom because that is what she is getting into.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh he was and is like that in the past. He was hiding well. And you don't want you future MIL in your business. She will step right up to the plate and meddle in your affairs. End this circus before you get more pie in your face.

frostirin avatar
lightbulb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the time to marry, that's the time to sue. He literally stole from OP and it's probably no small amount of money considering how expensive wedding dresses can be.

strangerthingshavehappened avatar
DylJohBar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I do disagree with how people spend ridiculous amounts of money on fantasy weddings, at the end of the day it's her choice. He has no right to do what he did or to do it the way he did. I would take a big step back and reevaluate.

johnwtunnicliffe avatar
John Tunnicliffe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting aside opinions on what is too expensive, she should run now. He is a control freak and running off to mummy every time there’s an argument is bad news. Everyone has that certain something that they wish for even if others cannot understand why they would pay so much for something. He had no right to return HER dress, that SHE paid for. Huge red flags and she should get out now.

listy avatar
GenericPanda09
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the kind of thing that doesn't deserve any second chances

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's how you know he's not your "once in a lifetime thing". You can spend your money on whatever you want, but I wouldn't recommend to spend time on a person like this.

misspolly84 avatar
Polly Hart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Red flags aside, the whole point of a marriage should be the marriage itself, not the wedding day. Yes, it's a lovely way to celebrate your commitment with a pretty party, however, you're committing to spending your whole life with another person and that's what's really at stake here. Do they build you up? Do they respect your bodily and financial autonomy? Do you feel emotionally safe with them? Can you discuss or debate differences without raising your voice? Do you speak the same love languages? Are you willing to grow together? Do you share the same goals? Do you get on with their family? These are all important questions to ask before tying the knot. For the record, I don't begrudge you buying a beautiful dress for your special day. I just think people should get married because they both want a healthy happy marriage, first and foremost.

baidabaidaan avatar
Themis
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Money management is one of the worst thing in a mariage or just relationship and the first one to check out. They are both right. It’s her money her dream dress and wedding but he is right too. It’s their wedding, their money to build a future together. If he is the saver and she is the spender, at the end he will have to use his own money to keep the financial stability at the family. There are red flags everywhere. It won’t turn well.

mpryts avatar
Momica98
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf kind of bridal shop allows an expensive return to be claimed by someone who did not buy it? They didn't confirm it with her! She's the bride! Is it normal for grooms to return the wedding gown, no questions asked? Also I hope she ran far away from these people.

honeywoodfarm avatar
Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“He wasn’t like this in the past….’. Yeah, he was….he’s showing you who he really is, whether his facade is slipping because he’s under stress over the wedding, pressure from his mother or thinking you are too deep in it to back out now,…believe what he’s showing you because THAT is who he really is, You deserve better.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, you’re not marrying a man, you’re marrying a red flag the size of Russia. And it’s mother. Run. Flee.

kathrinbextermoeller avatar
Kathrin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"agree" to all of his shet, take your money back and run without marrying him! you won't be happy one bit if he's doing those things like guilting you and such now. it will only get worse!

prava-hanuma avatar
Unaffected
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agree to a solution, get your money back then dump his sorry a$$!

d_j_-2 avatar
D.J. -
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't wedding dresses costume designed? Can some one just return it and get the money back? I think this post is fake.

ladyfirerose avatar
Vira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should tell him, in the sincerest voice, "okay honey, I'll rent a dress. May I have my refund?" Then, once she has her money, RUN! Lol. What a controlling crack-pot of a man!

lecharlotte avatar
Charlotte Le
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The point that stands out to me is that this is HIS FINANCIAL FUTURE. NOT Our Financial Future. It is all about him and what he wants. You basically have no say in how finances are handled. Sounds like soon His Money will be HIS and Your Money will be HIS. You will have no control over your money. This doesn't sound like a joint marriage but a controlled marriage where you are a second class person.

lionwhackett avatar
Lion Whackett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

RUN - do not dither - RUN! This is not a relationship you want to live in. It's abusive, and I'm surprised it hasn't become physical. You may have to kiss your wedding dress money good-bye, but get out of there. I like @Cold Contagious idea for trying to recover the money, but I wouldn't risk more than a couple of days. This guy sounds nuts AND scary.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course he wasn't so from the start. How could he have got his claws in you, if he hadn't behaved way better then. But he showed his hand too early, so that you can rethink the relationship

elnam63 avatar
Elena Schnaible
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone here is telling you NOT to marry this guy. We can't all be wrong. RUN.. don't walk..this is not a good union.. please reconsider. He's not worth the damage he will do to your mental health as well as physical. You deserve better than this psycho!

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ditch the whole a$$hole and go back and get that dress...to use with a better man.

hurt000 avatar
Marcel Bardon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for sure, the guy has handled this miserably. But I feel we don't know the whole story. Maybe she expects him to pay for everything on their day to day life (with the sacrifice it implies for him) and then suddendly she has a lot of money but only to spend on things exclusively for her? That wouldn't chance the fact he shows many red flags, but it would mean at the same time that she's not being fair neither. I wouldn't marry someone that doesnt share expenses and then wants to spend a hice amount of money on herself.

beverlyschmidt avatar
Beverly Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, either you run now or you are going to run after your wedding either way, run. this is not going to get any better, it is going to be worse after you said yes. he is controlling they sound like the kind of family where in the end the wife has no say in whatso ever. had a friend like that and guess what took her a while but she got divorced a couple of years ago. girl he wont do you no good and guess what, having children with a person like that wont pay out well either

sheena_leversedge avatar
Sheena Leversedge Wood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he's giving off loads of red flags. the one not mentioned is gaslighting. him saying that her behaviour isn't a good sign for the future marriage, when he's literally stealing her property, returning it to get the money and keeping that himself, treating her like a child who needs to be told what they can spend their money on. run.

m_harvey avatar
M. Harvey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some how he will not be the guy who cries seeing her walk down the aisle looking stunning in that dress ….so give that controlling jerk the boot, control guys are always so nice at first.

gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, no. I read nothing after the first sentence in bold type. No. No, one more time for good measure. This is a control issue and your opinion will never be valued by this kind of guy. I don't pretend to know the value a bride attaches to her dress; if you've dreamed of it since childhood a nice guy would tell you to do it up right. Fiance is not a nice guy and that should be all you need to know.

shaylyngirard avatar
Chay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope u didn't get married and threatened to take him to court for theft.

skstonephoto avatar
Runs with scissors
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DO. NOT. MARRY. HIM. He is a controlling a-hole with no respect for you or your belongings and seemingly no awareness of boundaries. The fact that he calls mommy when he gets upset is all you need to know. Run far. Run fast.

kim_lorton avatar
Kim Lorton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump your dreams to allow him to be money grubbing . It is your money and he has stolen it and is holding it for ransom as well as your dreams. If you think he will change, he will not. He will always be like this. He comes first as far as he is concerned. And that will never change. Leave now. And sell the engagement ring. If it is worth more than your dress, even better. Id go have it appraised first and then if its worth a bundle and not worthless, take the money and run.

elizabethcarter avatar
Elizabeth Carter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging open. Run. Do not walk. Get the F out of there!!! He is toxic as is his mom. Who the hell does he think he is? Seriously. This goes waaaay beyond a wedding dress! I'm furious with him, someone I don't even know! Smh

peruchipac avatar
peruchipac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO WHAT HAPPENED??? Did she go through with the wedding or dump the controlling momma's boy?

francesca-eleonora_caplan avatar
Frannie Kaplan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For other 29 year olds on this page, please don't throw your life away like this. You don't have to marry and you certainly don't have to marry this or answer phone calls from your mother in Law for that matter.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feels like a fake post. 1) Expensive wedding dresses can't just be returned by a 3rd party. 2) The fiance sounds unrealistically oblivious if you read her comments. 3) I've read similar posts/stories recently on reddit.

nonawolf avatar
Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait... she purchased the dress - but he did the return? How would that possibly work? Assuming she charged it to her card, he wouldn't be able to do the transaction. If she paid by cash or check (rather unlikely) was the receipt pinned to the dress along with the address of the store? This sounds like one of those dishonest rage baity stories that BP has been posting so much of lately.

brennanoel avatar
Brenna Noel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From someone who married someone just like this, leave him now. It is not worth it and you will be miserable your entire marriage. I was never happier or felt more free then when I left him and now I have someone who treats me well and respects me. Just move on.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude is abusive. He stole his fiancee's dress and money. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!!

michellec0581 avatar
Michelle C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute...he won't give you back you're money until there is an agreement and I bet the agreement needs to be his...what he did is considered theft. Don't waste another second...Get out of there and get your money back though a court.

joannetait22 avatar
MoJo1979
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be running in the other direction. The only solution he will agree to is him getting his own way. Tell him to jog on.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As far as I am concerned you never touch someone else's stuff. So whatever argument he has for doing it is wrong. What he should have done is spoke about it first. If he feels that his money is being spent on the both of them and her money is only for her then that's something that they need to address before they get married, it's only going to build resentment in their relationship as it goes on. They should probably save some of that marriage money for a counseling session and talk about finances, are they going to combined the money they make or simply keep their money separate and pay bills etc as they come.

yar999 avatar
Ray Heap
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh here we go again, another woman ignoring the obvious. Perhaps, you think, you can „change“ him. Believe me; you can’t.

llsewer avatar
Jaguarundi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many of this were in this position and didn't get out and run away fast enough. OP needs to get her money together, get out the door, in the car and away from him. ASAP!

taranw avatar
Okiedokie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope OP leaves this man. Everything he is doing is a red-flag & his behavior hits me hard in the dark triad department, ESPECIALLY because of his ‘mommy dearest’ behavior.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh Honey, now NO!! Run through fire if you have to, but RUN

tdigits avatar
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was me and he took my wedding dress I'd first have him arrested for larceny and then get away from him and his mommy as fast as I could!!!

kristamccurry avatar
Krista mccurry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe some kind of compromise could be made??? I know when m daughter was getting married, I asked her what top three things are the most important to you (things she wouldn’t want to compromise on)? The dress was her number one thing. Of course we shopped around and we did spend a little more than we had planned on but that was okay because we could cut corners elsewhere or drop something totally. I told her realistically you’re not going to get everything you imagine but let’s make sure you get the top 3. It worked out great!

spiekarz avatar
Shayla Katherina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I also believe wedding dresses are a giant waste of money, taking the wedding dress and returning it without her knowledge is a huge red flag. He sounds super controlling through money. And I can magine having the MIL be pulled into every financial conflict that arises once they're married. Finances are one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriages and it's probably not going to get better.

tristanantoine avatar
All's Gravy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's just saved her thousands by the sounds of it.... And himself by calling of the wedding, before costing the inevitable divorce.

amandadodd avatar
Amanda Dodd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you marry your bestfriend, you will be with someone who wants you to be happy. Your bestfriend will be happy to see you walk down the aisle with your dream dress.

nandinabee avatar
Nandina
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on god's green earth was he able to return this dress? He must have rooted thru her purse and found the receipt. And what bridal store takes it back and gives $1000 to some man they haven't even met? I would get my money back, pack my things and run! And that store should have contacted her if they could.

luyendao avatar
Lu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn’t seem like he’s trying to understand you. He’s not a 20 year old either he’s set in his ways.

sunnyday0801 avatar
Sunny Day
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's a jerk for returning the gown without her knowledge, but I want to know more about the "she expects him to pay for everything while "her" money is "hers"" thing.. IS he paying all the bills? Rent, utilities, good, etc? How is the budget shared? *Does* she contribute nothing to the household and use her salary on "fun for her" stuff?

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be absolutely livid! And him holding HER money hostage? Police please!! Seriously you need to consider asking yourself is it worth being married to someone this controlling and even puts his mom in it. Just imagine how it'll be when kids are involved. No person is worth your happiness. Run.

marionlin avatar
Mary Lou
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is an AH who overstepped so much, no doubt. T he one question OH - maybe by mistake, maybe not - somewhat leaves out here in my understanding is: WHO PAYS FOR THE WEDDING? Like is it 50/50 or was the arrangement maybe he pays for the wedding and she for the extras? To be clear: not saying it´d justify his action, but if he pays the majority and she goes to AITA without including that information to make him look extra bad - I´d say they deserve each other... - looking forward to be heavily down voted as people usually have a hard time to question OH once they started to sympathize... :-)

kesti-nielsen avatar
TheElderNom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I personally do understand the fiancé's reasoning about spending money, but the implementation is just so many red flags. And it honestly sounds like they both really need a calm talk about how they're going to handle money as a married couple, and whether they even should get married.

amandadodd avatar
Amanda Dodd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags for sure. If this is how he acts now it will only be worse after they are married. Agree to whatever he wants, get your money back and RUN!!! Don't let him talk you in to coming back. Trust me I have been there and done that. 22 years later I finally had enough but my kids are the one's that really paid for my mistake.

clebear83 avatar
Claire Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hell OP get the f**k outta there. Its he sees you want bought with your god damn money that he's refusing to give back?? Marrying this man will only end in a horrible nasty divorce!

cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WHOA! He's totally financially controlling and abusing her. He stole the dress then stole the money and now holding her money hostage as a way to control her. This is a very toxic and abusive relationship. I hope she doesn't go through with this wedding. It doesn't even matter they he's "looking out for his financial wealth". It's her money and she can do what she wants with it. She said she can afford it. They don't sound like they're struggling with finances. So, it's not even about the money. Her husband going to his mommy is him using triangulation to have others gang up on her. It's just going to get worse.

the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I once read about a woman whose husband controlled every aspect of her life, including how she spent her money. When she secretly bought a nice pair of inexpensive earrings because a friend said "C'mon, they'll go great with your dress when we go out tonight!" he found the receipt, called her into the next room while her friend was present, and beat her within an inch of her life while the terrified friend had to listen to her pleading and cries of pain. He then came back and smugly announced "she's not going out with you tonight". Some years later that woman vanished without a trace just as she was making plans to leave him. They never found her remains. The short version is that it might start with something as seemingly minor as wanting to control your finances, but it can and does lead to escalating levels of abuse, sometimes to the point of the scumbag you married deciding he'd rather you died than escaped from his clutches. Don't take that risk. Even if it doesn't go that far you'll still be utterly miserable.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honey, Please, for the love of God, get a Bible, and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These words are God speaking directly to you. This is the literal definition of love. This is the checklist you need to use to decide your next steps. Billions of preachers, ministers, priests, and couples have used these words as vows. My personal advise, for what it is worth, as a woman who married the wrong man, and ten years later married the right man, and has stayed married for 34 years, by following those words religiously, is this: Go pack up your belongings, give him back his ring, tell him you want your money back or you are taking him to small claims court. Then leave, and don’t look back. And if you never get back a dime, consider it a small price to pay for dodging a HUGE bullet. You deserve to have your dream. Go find your orchid, and ditch the rose.

kirara2516 avatar
kirara2516
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weddings are expensive and if he doesn't care about what you want now he never will. Report that as theft, and give him back that ring, and tell him, "if my dress was a waste of money then so is this." Or you know return it and keep the money if it's even worth what your dress was. What a jerk!

kimdavis_1 avatar
Shiny1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Consider this a HUGE blessing! He has shown his true colors, and believe me there's more you haven't seen. Think, woman!

kaysoxx32 avatar
Katrina Wysocki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She needs to run. He's showing narcissistic behaviors. Where would it all end? She can't pay for her own dream dress?! She can't get done up? What!?!? What else will be denied to her down the road if she decides to let this go

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's showing you a clear glimpse of who he is and whats to follow. Girl run now and fast and don't look back!! If you have not called this off yet, get off the computer/phone and go end it now. Things will greatly escalate from here and you will be MISERABLE!!! RUN FAST

paulasanders avatar
Paula Sanders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No go to the retailer where you purchased the dress and demand a refund , because you were the purchaser not your fiance ,then get as far away from him and his mom as is humanly possible ,you'll never regret it

miladyblue avatar
Milady Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only way OP is TA in this case is if she ignores the category 5 HURRICANE of flapping red flags and marries this loser anyway.

sheila_lynn avatar
Sheila Simonson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

since he took back your dress and is keeping the money until you reach an agreement, then it is only right not to get married until an agreement is reached. the agreement being that as long as your fair share is paid along with maybe some set aside for the future, he does not tell you how to spend your extra. next, relationship issues stay between the 2 of you and should not involve others.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, she shouldn't marry him AT ALL. He has shown his true colours, and those are the colours of a control freak.

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canadianpanda avatar
CanadianPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA million times, BUT HOLD OFF THE WEDDING AS THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG!!! In my opinion, he obviously does not respect your nor your he thinks you're his peer. It is YOUR money and you have every right how to spend it on your wedding day. I hope am wrong, but he could be worse once you both are married.

dianeb_2 avatar
Diane B
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

aamatty avatar
AA Matty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this even real or a troll? If it is, of course he is the a*****e.

debh748 avatar
Deborah Hcks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg, I never wanted a big elaborate wedding because I have seen to many wedding end up getting a divorce. I would rather spend it on the Honeymoon. This was back in the 70s and stay married for nearly 16 legally separate 7. Please don't go thru with this marriage you will regret it if you do. The MIL will control it. He probably not give you much because money he want you to spend your and he keep HIS. Has he ask you yet used word PRENUPT AGREEMENT? I am surprise if he hasn't. You will be living in HELL. HE IS'NT FOR YOU DEAR. I KNOW IT WON'T BE EASY TIME HEAL ALL WOUNDS. THERE IS ANOTHER MAN LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS LIKE YOU.

cindyreedsnyder_1 avatar
Cindy Snow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im more on his side on this issue BUT the way he said/ did it sucks. Lets just say these two do not agree on the basics in life like what is and isnt a big deal/ what us wasteful or excessive etc. Prob wouldn’t end up happy together. Personally i think soending a ton of $$ on a wedding is a vad way to begin but… priorities🤷‍♀️

hannah10782 avatar
S.Y. Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Found the male identified hose beast in the comment thread👆🏾👆🏾

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natiemarie avatar
natie marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont know why I irritate myself by reading all these AITA's because there is never a conclusion to the problem. Does this person leave and get her dream wedding elsewhere or does she put up with this c**p forever and just wanted a moan online?

thomashiette_1 avatar
Thomas Hiette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There were other red flags before this happened. She missed them.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe. Maybe not. Some abusers manage to hide it until after the marriage, some even hide it until pregnancy and the birth of a child.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister did something similar to me one time when we took a vacation together, but thankfully it was over a lot less money than this. She asked for money from me to buy something she wanted, and then she changed her mind and no longer wanted it. But she wouldn't return the money I loaned her. Fortunately she apologized later and returned it, but it was too late for me to buy the item I had wanted. I only spent a couple of hundred dollars buying artwork that was not available where I lived. But that was enough to freak her out, even though I rarely spent money on myself. Needless to say, we don't take vacations together anymore. We always end up in arguments. Even today many years later we have a rocky relationship over her controlling behavior. So I would advise OP to very careful about this man. I couldn't stand to be married to someone like that.

pebs_1 avatar
pebs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obviously it is a waste of money, but for many women the wedding dress is an essential thing, and her husband must adapt. I advise the girl not to marry a man who does not consider her needs to the point of returning her dress without telling her.

paulrichards_1 avatar
Paul Richards
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not ok to return without permission BUT thousands is a dang waste of money so should you really be marrying somebody so impractical with dinero.. she is foolish and he is controlling. Destined for disaster

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men blow money on stupid things all the time. This is a one-time purchase that thousands of women make every year, not proof that she is bad with money.

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froskpinni avatar
Jenný Samúelsdóttir Herlufsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get why most people are saying NTA but you spent all that money (yours or not) on something he deems unnecessary. I'm leaning in ETA because this is not partnership. I know USA is nuts when it comes to weddings but it's a dress! You can buy a used one and have it fitted. He is the one that should run.

justice-visser avatar
Justice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, I don't think that the posts saying "run!" are thought through. You don't know the couple, and the wedding planning is really stressful. It does bring our worst side out. Looking back I would have hired a wedding planner to not have to deal with this 😂 Still I love how it turned out on my side, but it was super stressful and a few arguments occurred for sure. I think you don't see both sides here. The guy is definitely not a spender, he doesn't like to spend money on 'extra' stuff and he agreed already to other expenses (venue, hair and makeup), the dress was the last straw apparently. It is not about breaking financially, but about spending the money on stuff he doesn't see as necessary. It is natural to side with the OP, but I think that she should have resolved it with her fiance. The future hubby was wrong to run to his mum for support, but she was wrong too to run to the Internet people for support instead of talking it out... I see 2 immature people here...

krystalzombiegirladams avatar
ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this real, because you can't just return wedding dresses...especially with no receipt. (he happened to have the receipt for the dress and knew where to take it and they agreed to return the dress? It just seems crazy)

jbraly1415 avatar
John Braly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grab your money and run. However, for the next planned wedding think about some moderation on a wedding dress. Remember while a wedding dress lasts forever, divorce rates are climbing.

amberyoung_3 avatar
Caligirl20
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce rates are on the decline. However, the highest rate of divorces are couples over 50 years old.

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kevinoconnor_1 avatar
Kevin O'Connor
Community Member
1 year ago

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Why waste $2000 on something like that ? Buy a secondhand one which has only been worn for a few hours, for 1/3 of the price or better still, hire one for a couple of hundred dollars. Wedding charges are a massive rip off, any supplier from catering to the photographer marks up the price way over what they would charge for another event.

jo_davies2208 avatar
Jo Davies
Community Member
1 year ago

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A few points here- 1. My mother made my dress, with fabric I bought? I know it was perfect but 25 years on I only remember it when I look at the pictures. 2. No matter how much money you have, it can be cheaper 3 your dream, your way. Just stay realistic If they are at war over this, what happens when they need a new TV?

davida_ avatar
David A.
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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"it's your money" popping up a lot in the comments. One thing the fiance may have right is that it may not just her money any more (depending). They obviously haven't talked about finances, and need to before getting married. Some couples don't mix accounts at all, some pool everything, most fall in-between. Depending on what is agreed, partners may or may not have their "own money". If you two don't even know how you're going to manage finances, you're not ready to be married. From the sounds of it, it wouldn't be a discussion with this guy any way, a red flag in itself.

karla-is avatar
Luthor
Community Member
1 year ago

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This comment has been deleted.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't know how much money and/or time she is contributing to worthy causes so you have no business judging her. If this is "a microcosm of Musk" then so is splurging on a better bottle of wine when a cheaper one would suffice, or buying a bouquet of flowers, and anything else that you don't absolutely need to survive.

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kaisariany avatar
COCO puff
Community Member
1 year ago

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Get him out of her life, and renting a dress is better than buying one that you are going to use just once. Wedding relating services are too expensive.

donnalea62 avatar
Donna Bolk
Community Member
1 year ago

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No store "took back" that dress. The moral of the story? Drama Queen fabricates drama for the interwebby.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know where you live but over here most stores will take back any purchase except the customized stuff - which this doesn't sound like it was.

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piscesmama avatar
PiscesMama
Community Member
1 year ago

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Why do people keep asking for sympathy for marrying aholes? Who is forcing you???

katebaker_2 avatar
madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's abuse. Congratulations you've never been in an abusive relationship to understand how you just get worn down, more and more. Don't blame the victim. It's not as simple as you seem to think v

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teresacline avatar
Cold Contagious
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It will only escalate from here. She needs to escape now! Make him think she'll rent a dress, get her money back, and go.

barbarakayton avatar
Barbara Kayton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if OP will see this, but these are enormous, neon-blinking red flags. He has committed theft in an effort to control you, and is disparaging what you do. You are not married yet. It is really easy to miss/overlook/unconsciously assume it will all work out in this relationship phase. We need to be taught, I think, how to discuss important issues and understand consequences as a society, instead of being fed the illusion of happily-ever-after-marriages. Are you on the same page in regards to finances? How to discuss and resolve issues? Relationships with friends and family? Having or not having a family? Where you will live and what your life goals are? How you treat and respect each other - and other people in general? Driving habits, words, how people treat others, explanations of past relationships can reveal a lot - but when we are in love, headed towards marriage, we have a huge blind spot. Listen to what others say they see, and consider what they are saying.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my country a lot of people go for a church wedding because it's traditional and fancy. But in order to do that, the couple must go through mandatory counselling sessions with a priest or other church representative. Most of my friends aren't religious, but everyone who did it says that it's been really good, because those are exactly the things they are encouraged to discuss. I have a complicated relationship with the church (to put it mildly) but this, apparently, is one of the things they really get right. Of course, my friends all carefully chose specific, relatively liberal, places to do this.

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liverpoolroze avatar
Rose the Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't worry about the loss of the dress, you won't need it when you show him the door.You can get another when you find a decent man to marry.

jennyih avatar
Peta Hurley-Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The poor girl needs to run a mile from this control freak and his Mummy a.s.a.p.That being said,he still owes her HER $2000.What he did is theft.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't get into that mindset of "I must be doing something to make him act this way." That's what victims of abuse do. Get out of this relationship while you can. Other people suggested counseling, but I would just sever ties altogether. Let me put it this way...Is his mother going to dictate when you should have kids, how many, how you raise them? Is he going to nitpick and track every dime you spend? These people are controlling. And my next question...how would he and mom react if it had been your family paying for the dress instead of you? Is this about the cost of the dress or controlling you? And if he's tight with money on this special day...what will his tight wad behavior be when you want to do something special for yourself or for your kids? Run, honey! While you still can!

amandachilds avatar
Amanda Childs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes couples counselling doesn't work with narcissistic people especially if he is good at guilt tripping and seeming all calm and circumspect but is just an act for others. He is not a man but a control freak who thinks he owns her and she cannot allow it to continue. She must go to him and say this is my wedding and my money and if this is how you treat me now it will only get worse. he must return what he stole. The fact he says he is concerned about HIS future security and NOT THEIR future security means he can see a future WITHOUT HER!!! Huge red flag and they tell on themselves. He thinks only of himself and his point of view. This man is not going to get better about finances and sees it all as his money once you are married, heck he sees it that way now! She should find a man who wants to give her the world (but she doesn't even ask it) and not one who wants to take away her dreams for his personal future security and at her own cost.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if I personally would spend that much but it is her money. They aren't married yet, this isn't a joint expense. Big red flag, not only on his controlling behavior and basically stealing from her. But also indicative of probable incompatibility in terms of how to deal with money. At the very least they should put the wedding on hold and get premarital counseling. But frankly, after having dealt with an extremely controlling family myself, I would consider his behavior to be too abusive to even continue the relationship.

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mary and Anna, I agree with you both. For me, the fact that the guy's mom got involved his a huge red flag.

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bonnyatlast avatar
BonnyDK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA---He disrespected you in so many ways. You are not married yet. It is your money not from a joint account. He is holding on to it??? Hell no. He is treating you like a child only to the tune of thousands. I would have demanded the money back or there would have been no discussion at all except with the police. He stole your dream wedding and thought nothing about it. And then brought is mother into the argument! Run! He plans on controlling you like a captive. That is what you will be and already are.

haleymontgomery avatar
Haley Montgomery
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife found the perfect dress. She was incredibly unsure about it because it cost $2000. I found my dress for $500. But I didn't choose my dress because it was $500 I chose it because I loved it. I drove her 2 hours back to the shop that she found it during her trip with her mom and encouraged her to buy the dress that would make her feel the most beautiful. I would NEVER dream of selling something so special. Girl, he needs to go.

crispytoast avatar
Crispy Toast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. Nope. Nope. Guy is a control freak with a big case of the Mommy knows best.

michaelswanson avatar
UpQuarkDownQuark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their finances are not shared, and they aren’t married. This man has stolen thousands of dollars from her.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He didn't steal it alone, the bridal shop enabled that ACT, they needed to hold the money til the BRIDE came to retrieve the funds. The 'contract' was with the purchaser not the HTB. He over stepped and so did the shop.

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pippabelle10 avatar
Teddybear
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that husband in law is a control freak. He should not get to choose what YOU spend your money on I reccomend rethinking the marriage theres a bunch of red flags from this dude which is not a good thing.

7000305 avatar
1.21Gigawatts?!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is red flag central! First off OP has a point in which to make her dress special if she’ll only wear it once. Also it seems that OP can afford it if she can pay out of pocket! Second she already had the dress so what was the point in returning it? Third, it seems like HE pocketed money that OP should be getting. That’s super controlling! Lastly, he’s obviously some man-baby if he felt like he couldn’t handle the situation and got his mommy. Don’t throw the dress, throw the fiancé

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl ... Go get your dress, buy a bottle of wine and enjoy your life. Throw the man out, this is a red flag. How I spend my money is my problem only, how my husband spends money is his problem. We both pay for our own hobbies/wishes, but pay equally into common benefits like bills house and groceries. We don't have joint account, we TALK. He has never told me anything, and I bought a 250euro dress while unemployed, which is literally a bit over my half of weekly rent.... You will find a better man, who isn't putting his financial insecurities on his wife. Do better for yourself, take time, postpone wedding. Also a big red flag Complaining to mummy about relationship issue, obviously mum will stick put for his kid. I wouldn't be comfortable with my man discussing our private issues with parents or check my account. We both have our own income from chosen careers, he has no right to my degree as I don't have a right to his success.

kaylamckee avatar
Mykidsartrocks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell him to pound pavement. I was married to a man like this and it ruined my belief in love. It seriously crushed me. So kick him to the curb or just run!

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations for getting out of this marriage, I'm sure it wasn't easy with such controlling man.

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trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want a dream dress, you should have a dream guy. Dump him. Dump him at his parents’ house for maximum humiliation, telling them they raised him to be a misogynistic piece of c**p and that they should be ashamed and try again. Flip your hair and walk to the car like a boss. Check into a hotel, and buy a little wine, chocolate, and a journal for your feelings. Spend the week treating yourself like a queen, to soothe the breakup. Spa day, shopping, museum, zoo, roller rink, ice cream, whatever makes you happy. Take a break from daily life. Get your dress back, take a year long detox from all dating and sex, and don’t give him a second chance under any circumstances. Get a sweet guy who’s not gonna use love bombing or superficial charm to trick you into an abusive relationship. And if you’re happier single, adopt a mutt from the local pound.

trashpanda_1 avatar
kacorradini avatar
kaycee14
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His controlling and condescending attitude is also "setting the tone" for the marriage. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is about to marry a narcissist and doesn't even realize it. "His" financial future, not "theirs"? He is literally admitting that all of her money and future income are under his control. He stole from her by returning the dress and keeping the money until she accepts his demands. That's theft and she should call the police and have him arrested if he refuses to return the money. A perfect test to prove what he is all about would be to present him with a prenup.

fliconmigo avatar
Rachel Betancort
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The solution is calling off the wedding. Do not marry this guy or you are setting yourself up for heartache.hes already painted you as wasteful. I'd go to the dress shop and demand to speak to who allowed this as well. They didn't call the bride when a crazy man went in to return the dress? Was is charged on his card? How did he walk away with the money? You really need to not marry this man.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he had the receipt then I don't see why they wouldn't allow the return - in fact, disallowing it would probably be illegal. But I'm also surprised that the money wasn't returned to the card used to buy it. That's actually suspicious.

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crunchtastic1948 avatar
crunchtastic1948
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have your solution, OP. He gives you the money back and you give him his ring back and tell him to pound sand. He called mommy because mommy trained him to be a cheap screw. It's not about the dress, it's about him controlling you and the narrative and everything else. He is projecting his own selfish tendencies on to you. Yeet his sorry butt. You can do better.

smkelly711 avatar
Tiredofpayingforothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I first moved in with my future wife, we decided to slit the bills and keep our money separate. She has her bank account, I have mine, and we have a house account funded by both of us. The idea was that neither of us should ever tell the other what they can or cannot spend money on. As long as our respective bills are paid, buy whatever we want with our own money. It worked, and our financial arrangement is still setup the same way to this day. We have been married for many years now and I can honestly say we have never had an argument about money.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds like ten thousand arguments avoided, and years of better sleep. Not to mention, a remarkable amount of trust built over time! I’m stealing this life tip for all my future relationships! Thank you! ✨😊✨

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janbowyer avatar
Jan Bowyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is one HUGE red flag; it's the shape of things to come. Run, dear girl!

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see a lot of problems here, particularly about communication, expectations, boundaries and respect. I also feel there are aspects to this story that we're not hearing. However, the biggest problems: 1) He took the wedding dress back without telling her or getting her consent, 2) He called his mommy for support, 3) mommy came in and took his side and scolded the woman like a bad puppy. Run away. This marraige won't work. I've been married almost 30 years. Marriage is built on teamwork and communication and mutual respect.

cam_s_whalley avatar
Wubbleyew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like they aren't very compatible in some quite important ways. Maybe marriage isn't the best decision

marlinsa avatar
Marlena Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

R U N. While you can!!!! He has no say in what is "right" and "wrong" it needs to be a discussion and both respect eachothers views, what is this about rent a face? Excuse me? Fake hair? Things will only get worse!!!!! Dont wait to have kids!!!!

vpwitter avatar
Valerie Witter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He will dictate to you what constitutes frivolous spending including things like dying your hair, name brand makeup, new clothes, etc. you are making a huge mistake marrying this controlling man.

nizumi avatar
Nizumi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's holding her money?!??!? Run for the MF hills, girl!

fidelitas-ut-terminus avatar
Lucky2BAlive
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holding HER money hostage, or consider it theft of YOUR money? (If it’s considered theft, over a certain amt, it could be a FELONY). This guy (he’s no man’ needs to grow up and stop calling mommy, I would get the money and run before you have to hire the law firm of This Is Mine, That’s Yours, Esq.

lesliedonsen avatar
Leslie Donsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not just the dress. He doesn't like the flower girl or the venue either. Doesn't like the way you want to have your hair done. Or your face for that matter. It's like he doesn't care for much of anything that you want. How is it that the two of you have managed to stay a couple to the point of getting engaged? You have always given in to him, haven't you. You naively thought that he would let you have your 'special' day just this once. I know it's going to be hard but you have to end this. It will only get worse, not better. He will eventually criticize everything you do, say or want up to deciding who your friends are or whether you can even have one. I will go so far as to guess that he will not want to be bothered with children either. This might be the hardest thing you have ever done, but it is your life we are talking about here. It should be a happy one. I see nothing but misery in your current future.

stelzhaus avatar
Patty Stelz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She needs to end the relationship ASAP and file a police report for their since he stole her dress and is keeping the money until “ They come up with a solution.” And she should press charges. She should return her engagement ring if he gave her one via registered mail where he has to sign to receive it so she has evidence that she returned it, Then she can count her blessings. He’s a control freak and a piece of work and so is her future MIL.

tarryn_louise avatar
Tarryn Louise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he stole you dress... sold it... called his mummy who abused you... is withholding the money from the dress until you do things his way... and you still WANT to marry this pig? Lady... if you walk down that isle, you deserve every step of b******t you get. Take your damn money and run while you can.

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These guys… they create a fake ‘self’ that they can only maintain until they get married. Once they have that event out of the way they lower their barriers and you see them for who they really are. In this case it looks like the wedding may not be as important to him as it has been because he has now lowered his guard. It could be that he is looking for a way out. If GF acquiesces he will always get his way. Run, girl, run!

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From Reddit: he wants "to spend less and less even on other things not just wedding expenses. He has cut back on eating out and monthly purchases like electronics and furniture which to me sounds excessive." He may be having financial problems. Hence, the theft of her money.

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The last time I saw a story like this the guy was gambling secretly... might not be anything sinister but I'd not be terribly surprised.

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Sarah Levine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I haven't seen anyone else mention this, but in addition to all of the other terrible things he's done, he's straight up BLACKMAILING you!! I'll keep your money, and only give it to you once you agree to rent a dress?? Strong arm tactics like that are not normal. To me, this is the biggest red flag of all!

tobyshad avatar
Laura Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me be perfectly frank. If this is how he gets with increased stress, I encourage you to think twice. Pregnancy also causes extreme stress and is when some women start experiencing physical abuse at the hands of their spouse. I did. It was fine first 2 years, then I got pregnant. It didn't stop after the baby was born.

sheila_stamey avatar
Sheila Stamey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This man and I use that word only in the gender, has ALREADY abused her. Read this post. 'Rent a face" "fake hair" " argued over the venue and flower girl". "Now we're arguing.." He's gaslighting her so bad she doesn't know how to figure her way out. He's the butthead. Run girl

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know that wedding dresses are expensive, but it's wedding dress now, everything else later. He will try to control everything you buy. Dump him.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He returned a dress she bought with her own money AND is withholding her money from her? Hell, no. Get the heck out of there! Like, now now.

melissaburgess avatar
Melissa Burgess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me try this again. You are not the a******. You're probably going to marry him but you really shouldn't. He hijacked your f****** dress instead of talking to about it like your both equals.. Then he tried to guilt you into thinking that the way you are handling finances is is respectful to him but what he really meant is that not giving him control over finances is disrespectful to him. Then to add insult to injury he called his f****** mommy to tell on you...... So instead of having to deal with This pain i* t** a** guy you are going to have to deal with this pain i* t** a** guy and his mother for your whole life. So now hes holding your dress money hostage until you agree to discuss it with him which basically Means until you concede. Run as fast as you can.

melissaburgess avatar
Melissa Burgess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. You're probably going to marry him. #sigh. You really shouldn't. Hey hijacked your f****** dressed instead of talking to you about it like you're both equals. Can you then try to go to into thinking the way that you are healright handling the finances in the situation is disrespectful to him, but what he really meant is the not giving him control over finances as disrespectful to him. Add insult to injury that he called his f****** mommy to tell audience and that on top of heaven to deal with this pain i* t** a** guy you are going to have to deal with his pain i* t** a** mother for your whole life... So now hes holding your address money hostage until you agree to are you agreed to discuss it with him which basically means until you've been seen. You should run away run far far away

joannefabrick avatar
Emma Starr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes! This guy sounds like a bully and a manipulator. The audacity of him...please run!

vjsmart2001 avatar
Valerie Smart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA you need to step back and seriously look at what you about to do . This is a huge red flag girl.

troux avatar
Troux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This feels very one-sided, considering she didn't mention the actual cost of the dress/wedding or how much disposable income they have. Without some more context, it's impossible to tell who messed up bigger here but these two don't seem compatible.

magen-jones13 avatar
IDK_Something
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said a few thousands and that the purchase would not hurt them in any way financially. He's definitely being abusive in this situation, regardless of compatibility.

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skitenoir avatar
millac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope she called the police and reported him for theft. He just stole thousands of dollars from her.

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To OP - NOW is the time to get out of this situation. It will only get worse as time goes on. If he is this way over a wedding dress, how will he be when you need regular clothes or even maternity clothes? Or clothes for the growing child? No, he has serious mommy and control issues, as in, he needs his mommy to back him up and needs to be in control of every aspect of your life. I spent 35 years with a man who became this way over the years. In the last 10 years we were together, he could buy whatever he wanted to matter the cost, but I was not to spend a dime on myself, the house, or our son. At least, not without an inquisition. From Day 1, his mother and I never got along. She was always calling me lazy and stupid because I did things differently from her. I only started getting along with her the day she died. Don't get yourself in any deeper than you already are. Get out now and don't look back.

roserosee avatar
Rosie Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Future (I hope not) hubby is now making his power move because she is almost his possession and as HIS possession, he will do what he wants. If they get a pet she's loves too much (no such thing) he will get rid of the pet. Their married life will be highly unpleasant. I'm stuck on he said "rent her face" and "wear fake hair". He's going to make sure she looks exactly what HE wants. This is a him him him marriage. As for the future mother in law, her attitude alone is why this won't work either. She should have told her son, to not involve her, it's none of her business. I hope this young lady realizes her worth and decides to not marry him.

bribear2u avatar
Anna Mortensen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole post is weird. Most couples decide on a budget together, but there doesn't seem to be any communication in that department. I've had to return a wedding dress for a bride before and the process was tedious as hell and required her ID, credit card, and her on the phone to confirm it. She must have paid cash, off the rack, and left the receipt stapled to the thing. Regardless, if it went down as she said, she needs to exit stage left asap. 1. He stole from her. 2. They will never see eye to eye financially. 3. He straight up stole from her.

alchemalgoddess avatar
Nancy Walton
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did post originally what I thought but I will say it again - this man is holding you emotionally & financially hostage through intimidation and blackmail. He stole your dress and has your money illegally. He wants you to give in to his demands on his terms and then he'll give you the money? Read that again 🚩

bree_saw avatar
Sabrina Fisher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Financial control to this magnitude is abuse! These red flags will hopefully get you running in the other direction before it's too late. A groom you should be with would be happy that you get to have the wedding of your dreams. Don't settle.

lindashonta avatar
Linda Shonta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please honey dump that "Stupid" soon to be husband & RUN!! He is not marriage material! Marriage is about being partners and understanding where each other is coming from! And don't even get me started on that "Future MIL"! She is definitely trouble! There are much better guys out there, you just have to be patient. ;-}

paula_42 avatar
catslave6
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are you marrying this man? Does he make you laugh? Do you have lots in common? Are you good friends? Have you discussed the important aspects of marriage? As in money, children, child discipline, shared goals, living arrangements, home management, and family on both sides? What are your expectations of one another in this relationship? How involved will both sides of family be? His parents? Yours? Is he always this dismissive of your wants, needs, and desires? Are you desperate to be married somehow, or do you feel the two of you genuinely care about each other? Has he ever stolen from you before? Is this a partnership or a dictatorship? How long have you known one another? I would advise anyone I knew in this type of situation to end the engagement, cancel the wedding, and move on in life. You need to carefully consider what the rest of your life will look like with this man. Take some time to talk with a trusted person, consider at least some of these questions before marrying.

arielizabetz7 avatar
the electric frog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve read so many of these stories where the mom takes the husbands side or vice versa that I’m beginning to see mommas boy as a red flag

deannababy61 avatar
Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump him. Keep the engagement ring until your money is returned TO.THE.PENNY. if he does not return your money take him to small claims court.

kelley_baltierra avatar
Kelley Baltierra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get your money back, call off the wedding and let the little boy go cry to his mom about that.

stone_jane_1 avatar
Jane Stone
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Call off the wedding. I could see his point if you both are sharing expenses in the wedding & part of your wedding budget was spent mostly on the wedding dresses. However, that wasn't the case here. I try not to tell people to leave a relationship when I think it can be salvaged, but I think on this one, you need to leave him. There's so many red flags. 1.) he made a decision without your input 2.) he didn't see anything wrong with his actions which calls into question his boundary issues 3.) You both have different views on money management & finances is the 1 thing that married couple fight about 4.) do you really feel comfortable marrying a man who thinks he can just overrule your decision & felt they're entitled to your money? AND 5.) do you really want to start your married life dealing with this type of behavior? If not, get out now. Red flags only get worse

lgcundy avatar
Lucia Cundy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7)He used denigrating, dismissive language to criticize her choice to have her hair & makeup done

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pjames82_1 avatar
Patrick James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He said your attitude is setting the tone for the type of dynamic your marriage will have. Seems like he needs to look in the mirror because the tone he is setting is that he will have the final day even if it's behind your back.

mrankin1975 avatar
Monica A. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let him keep the money and move tf out ASAP. Cheaper than a divorce. He isn't a red flag, he is whole azz tornado warning. Sirens going off. Get tf out now. He called his mother. RUNNNNNNNNNN FORRESSSSSST!

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA!!! and, btw...RUN!!!! as for his accusation of "her setting the dynamics" for their marriage i think he is putting enough effort towards trying to control/conform her to his personal agenda. if she goes through with the marriage then she should expect things like this to continue. and, if she does agree to a cheaper or rental dress then she should pack away the excess money for a divorce lawyer as i could see this in the future. agree to his demands, get the money and then cancel and get all the refunds she can from deposits on venue, caterers, etc. hopefully, if no refunds are available he paid the deposits and she can stick it those to him.

maggiemoonbeam avatar
maggiemoonbeam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT WAS A WARNING! Get away from that guy now, or your choices will be judged for the rest of your married life.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if OP, after writing all of this, saw any irony in her near opening statement of "it's a once in a lifetime thing"?

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It better be only once in her lifetime that she meets someone this awful.

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dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you aren’t an a*****e, I can tell you this. He’s absolutely not marrying the right person. He belongs in Utah marrying a Mormon. Seriously. He should consider joining. That or find someone in the Deep South who’s completely uneducated.

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm thinking dude doesn't want to get married, so he's doing what he can to sabotage it through gaslighting. Either that, or he's laying the groundwork for how he will control her once married. I wouldn't get married to him.

dfreg avatar
Leodavinci
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her last followup comment about his behavior being recent and that he wasn't like this in the past, makes me think he might be having second thoughts about marriage and is trying to get her to cancel it.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I thought I might be doing something here for him to react like that because he wasn't like this in the past."..... Yeah, that's how abusive partners work. They put their best foot forward until they think they have you trapped. At least this one showed his true colours *before* making the legal committment.

shrimpyninni avatar
AsexualShrimp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It only starts from there. Girl, if you see this, please leave him! It’ll be for your own good.

saramatta avatar
Sara Matta
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would sue him to get my money back because anyone in there right mine would know she is right since there not married yet

stelzhaus avatar
Patty Stelz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should break up and end the relationship ASAP-and file a police report. He stole her property returned it and it keeping the money “ Until we agree on a solution.” That’s thief and she should press charges. She should also be thankful that she dodged a huge bullet.

peggy_4 avatar
Peggy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband of 37 years recommends this young woman run away as fast as she can from this disrespectful jerk-and trust me, he's never been a pushover when it comes to budget battles.

deconstructedravenna815 avatar
Callie Dryer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LEAVE HIM! She spent her own money on her dress. I don’t know where they’re from but in our culture wedding dresses are a huge deal, they’re usually passed down from mother to daughter, etc. it’s not a man or financial issue. Having said that, I agree with others - where is HER money. Also, I hope she has a prenup, I have always believed in them marriage is a legally binding contract and you might as well consider your finances as well the last thing you need is a money grubbing spouse and he and his mother don’t sound like they’re on the up and up. She needs to spend his money but keep hers sounds like there will be financial issues down the line on his part.

letsgobuyshoes avatar
HappyKitteh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Run for the hills. Let him keep the dress money and just get as far away as possible.

hannah10782 avatar
S.Y. Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't let him keep anything that belongs to her! The hell?? Sue his pants off if necessary, but he better run her her coins!

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morachilis avatar
Mora Chilis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is abuse. Not just theft. He took something important of hers, returned it for money, then kept the money. This is abusive. Including the ay he speaks of her hair and makeup. This is a red light. Stop and evaluate.

lgcundy avatar
Lucia Cundy
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

spazz20032004 avatar
Denise Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she has all the right in the world to buy what ever dress she wants. he is not paying for it i would be wanting my money back from him. does he realize that dress's sometimes are bought a year to six months ahead of time. because most people can't just buy off the rack. measurements have to be done and dress has to come from who ever made the dress so it fit's correctly. and the fact that she is only going to wear it once does not matter. she could also donate the dress to be made into several outfits for still born babies. i would not be marrying this man and his mom because that is what she is getting into.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh he was and is like that in the past. He was hiding well. And you don't want you future MIL in your business. She will step right up to the plate and meddle in your affairs. End this circus before you get more pie in your face.

frostirin avatar
lightbulb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the time to marry, that's the time to sue. He literally stole from OP and it's probably no small amount of money considering how expensive wedding dresses can be.

strangerthingshavehappened avatar
DylJohBar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I do disagree with how people spend ridiculous amounts of money on fantasy weddings, at the end of the day it's her choice. He has no right to do what he did or to do it the way he did. I would take a big step back and reevaluate.

johnwtunnicliffe avatar
John Tunnicliffe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Putting aside opinions on what is too expensive, she should run now. He is a control freak and running off to mummy every time there’s an argument is bad news. Everyone has that certain something that they wish for even if others cannot understand why they would pay so much for something. He had no right to return HER dress, that SHE paid for. Huge red flags and she should get out now.

listy avatar
GenericPanda09
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the kind of thing that doesn't deserve any second chances

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's how you know he's not your "once in a lifetime thing". You can spend your money on whatever you want, but I wouldn't recommend to spend time on a person like this.

misspolly84 avatar
Polly Hart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Red flags aside, the whole point of a marriage should be the marriage itself, not the wedding day. Yes, it's a lovely way to celebrate your commitment with a pretty party, however, you're committing to spending your whole life with another person and that's what's really at stake here. Do they build you up? Do they respect your bodily and financial autonomy? Do you feel emotionally safe with them? Can you discuss or debate differences without raising your voice? Do you speak the same love languages? Are you willing to grow together? Do you share the same goals? Do you get on with their family? These are all important questions to ask before tying the knot. For the record, I don't begrudge you buying a beautiful dress for your special day. I just think people should get married because they both want a healthy happy marriage, first and foremost.

baidabaidaan avatar
Themis
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Money management is one of the worst thing in a mariage or just relationship and the first one to check out. They are both right. It’s her money her dream dress and wedding but he is right too. It’s their wedding, their money to build a future together. If he is the saver and she is the spender, at the end he will have to use his own money to keep the financial stability at the family. There are red flags everywhere. It won’t turn well.

mpryts avatar
Momica98
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf kind of bridal shop allows an expensive return to be claimed by someone who did not buy it? They didn't confirm it with her! She's the bride! Is it normal for grooms to return the wedding gown, no questions asked? Also I hope she ran far away from these people.

honeywoodfarm avatar
Bobbi Spence
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“He wasn’t like this in the past….’. Yeah, he was….he’s showing you who he really is, whether his facade is slipping because he’s under stress over the wedding, pressure from his mother or thinking you are too deep in it to back out now,…believe what he’s showing you because THAT is who he really is, You deserve better.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, you’re not marrying a man, you’re marrying a red flag the size of Russia. And it’s mother. Run. Flee.

kathrinbextermoeller avatar
Kathrin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"agree" to all of his shet, take your money back and run without marrying him! you won't be happy one bit if he's doing those things like guilting you and such now. it will only get worse!

prava-hanuma avatar
Unaffected
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agree to a solution, get your money back then dump his sorry a$$!

d_j_-2 avatar
D.J. -
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't wedding dresses costume designed? Can some one just return it and get the money back? I think this post is fake.

ladyfirerose avatar
Vira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should tell him, in the sincerest voice, "okay honey, I'll rent a dress. May I have my refund?" Then, once she has her money, RUN! Lol. What a controlling crack-pot of a man!

lecharlotte avatar
Charlotte Le
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The point that stands out to me is that this is HIS FINANCIAL FUTURE. NOT Our Financial Future. It is all about him and what he wants. You basically have no say in how finances are handled. Sounds like soon His Money will be HIS and Your Money will be HIS. You will have no control over your money. This doesn't sound like a joint marriage but a controlled marriage where you are a second class person.

lionwhackett avatar
Lion Whackett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

RUN - do not dither - RUN! This is not a relationship you want to live in. It's abusive, and I'm surprised it hasn't become physical. You may have to kiss your wedding dress money good-bye, but get out of there. I like @Cold Contagious idea for trying to recover the money, but I wouldn't risk more than a couple of days. This guy sounds nuts AND scary.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course he wasn't so from the start. How could he have got his claws in you, if he hadn't behaved way better then. But he showed his hand too early, so that you can rethink the relationship

elnam63 avatar
Elena Schnaible
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone here is telling you NOT to marry this guy. We can't all be wrong. RUN.. don't walk..this is not a good union.. please reconsider. He's not worth the damage he will do to your mental health as well as physical. You deserve better than this psycho!

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ditch the whole a$$hole and go back and get that dress...to use with a better man.

hurt000 avatar
Marcel Bardon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for sure, the guy has handled this miserably. But I feel we don't know the whole story. Maybe she expects him to pay for everything on their day to day life (with the sacrifice it implies for him) and then suddendly she has a lot of money but only to spend on things exclusively for her? That wouldn't chance the fact he shows many red flags, but it would mean at the same time that she's not being fair neither. I wouldn't marry someone that doesnt share expenses and then wants to spend a hice amount of money on herself.

beverlyschmidt avatar
Beverly Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, either you run now or you are going to run after your wedding either way, run. this is not going to get any better, it is going to be worse after you said yes. he is controlling they sound like the kind of family where in the end the wife has no say in whatso ever. had a friend like that and guess what took her a while but she got divorced a couple of years ago. girl he wont do you no good and guess what, having children with a person like that wont pay out well either

sheena_leversedge avatar
Sheena Leversedge Wood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he's giving off loads of red flags. the one not mentioned is gaslighting. him saying that her behaviour isn't a good sign for the future marriage, when he's literally stealing her property, returning it to get the money and keeping that himself, treating her like a child who needs to be told what they can spend their money on. run.

m_harvey avatar
M. Harvey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some how he will not be the guy who cries seeing her walk down the aisle looking stunning in that dress ….so give that controlling jerk the boot, control guys are always so nice at first.

gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, no. I read nothing after the first sentence in bold type. No. No, one more time for good measure. This is a control issue and your opinion will never be valued by this kind of guy. I don't pretend to know the value a bride attaches to her dress; if you've dreamed of it since childhood a nice guy would tell you to do it up right. Fiance is not a nice guy and that should be all you need to know.

shaylyngirard avatar
Chay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope u didn't get married and threatened to take him to court for theft.

skstonephoto avatar
Runs with scissors
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DO. NOT. MARRY. HIM. He is a controlling a-hole with no respect for you or your belongings and seemingly no awareness of boundaries. The fact that he calls mommy when he gets upset is all you need to know. Run far. Run fast.

kim_lorton avatar
Kim Lorton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump your dreams to allow him to be money grubbing . It is your money and he has stolen it and is holding it for ransom as well as your dreams. If you think he will change, he will not. He will always be like this. He comes first as far as he is concerned. And that will never change. Leave now. And sell the engagement ring. If it is worth more than your dress, even better. Id go have it appraised first and then if its worth a bundle and not worthless, take the money and run.

elizabethcarter avatar
Elizabeth Carter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging open. Run. Do not walk. Get the F out of there!!! He is toxic as is his mom. Who the hell does he think he is? Seriously. This goes waaaay beyond a wedding dress! I'm furious with him, someone I don't even know! Smh

peruchipac avatar
peruchipac
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO WHAT HAPPENED??? Did she go through with the wedding or dump the controlling momma's boy?

francesca-eleonora_caplan avatar
Frannie Kaplan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For other 29 year olds on this page, please don't throw your life away like this. You don't have to marry and you certainly don't have to marry this or answer phone calls from your mother in Law for that matter.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feels like a fake post. 1) Expensive wedding dresses can't just be returned by a 3rd party. 2) The fiance sounds unrealistically oblivious if you read her comments. 3) I've read similar posts/stories recently on reddit.

nonawolf avatar
Nona Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait... she purchased the dress - but he did the return? How would that possibly work? Assuming she charged it to her card, he wouldn't be able to do the transaction. If she paid by cash or check (rather unlikely) was the receipt pinned to the dress along with the address of the store? This sounds like one of those dishonest rage baity stories that BP has been posting so much of lately.

brennanoel avatar
Brenna Noel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From someone who married someone just like this, leave him now. It is not worth it and you will be miserable your entire marriage. I was never happier or felt more free then when I left him and now I have someone who treats me well and respects me. Just move on.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude is abusive. He stole his fiancee's dress and money. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!!

michellec0581 avatar
Michelle C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute...he won't give you back you're money until there is an agreement and I bet the agreement needs to be his...what he did is considered theft. Don't waste another second...Get out of there and get your money back though a court.

joannetait22 avatar
MoJo1979
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be running in the other direction. The only solution he will agree to is him getting his own way. Tell him to jog on.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As far as I am concerned you never touch someone else's stuff. So whatever argument he has for doing it is wrong. What he should have done is spoke about it first. If he feels that his money is being spent on the both of them and her money is only for her then that's something that they need to address before they get married, it's only going to build resentment in their relationship as it goes on. They should probably save some of that marriage money for a counseling session and talk about finances, are they going to combined the money they make or simply keep their money separate and pay bills etc as they come.

yar999 avatar
Ray Heap
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh here we go again, another woman ignoring the obvious. Perhaps, you think, you can „change“ him. Believe me; you can’t.

llsewer avatar
Jaguarundi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many of this were in this position and didn't get out and run away fast enough. OP needs to get her money together, get out the door, in the car and away from him. ASAP!

taranw avatar
Okiedokie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope OP leaves this man. Everything he is doing is a red-flag & his behavior hits me hard in the dark triad department, ESPECIALLY because of his ‘mommy dearest’ behavior.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh Honey, now NO!! Run through fire if you have to, but RUN

tdigits avatar
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was me and he took my wedding dress I'd first have him arrested for larceny and then get away from him and his mommy as fast as I could!!!

kristamccurry avatar
Krista mccurry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe some kind of compromise could be made??? I know when m daughter was getting married, I asked her what top three things are the most important to you (things she wouldn’t want to compromise on)? The dress was her number one thing. Of course we shopped around and we did spend a little more than we had planned on but that was okay because we could cut corners elsewhere or drop something totally. I told her realistically you’re not going to get everything you imagine but let’s make sure you get the top 3. It worked out great!

spiekarz avatar
Shayla Katherina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I also believe wedding dresses are a giant waste of money, taking the wedding dress and returning it without her knowledge is a huge red flag. He sounds super controlling through money. And I can magine having the MIL be pulled into every financial conflict that arises once they're married. Finances are one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriages and it's probably not going to get better.

tristanantoine avatar
All's Gravy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's just saved her thousands by the sounds of it.... And himself by calling of the wedding, before costing the inevitable divorce.

amandadodd avatar
Amanda Dodd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you marry your bestfriend, you will be with someone who wants you to be happy. Your bestfriend will be happy to see you walk down the aisle with your dream dress.

nandinabee avatar
Nandina
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How on god's green earth was he able to return this dress? He must have rooted thru her purse and found the receipt. And what bridal store takes it back and gives $1000 to some man they haven't even met? I would get my money back, pack my things and run! And that store should have contacted her if they could.

luyendao avatar
Lu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn’t seem like he’s trying to understand you. He’s not a 20 year old either he’s set in his ways.

sunnyday0801 avatar
Sunny Day
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's a jerk for returning the gown without her knowledge, but I want to know more about the "she expects him to pay for everything while "her" money is "hers"" thing.. IS he paying all the bills? Rent, utilities, good, etc? How is the budget shared? *Does* she contribute nothing to the household and use her salary on "fun for her" stuff?

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be absolutely livid! And him holding HER money hostage? Police please!! Seriously you need to consider asking yourself is it worth being married to someone this controlling and even puts his mom in it. Just imagine how it'll be when kids are involved. No person is worth your happiness. Run.

marionlin avatar
Mary Lou
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is an AH who overstepped so much, no doubt. T he one question OH - maybe by mistake, maybe not - somewhat leaves out here in my understanding is: WHO PAYS FOR THE WEDDING? Like is it 50/50 or was the arrangement maybe he pays for the wedding and she for the extras? To be clear: not saying it´d justify his action, but if he pays the majority and she goes to AITA without including that information to make him look extra bad - I´d say they deserve each other... - looking forward to be heavily down voted as people usually have a hard time to question OH once they started to sympathize... :-)

kesti-nielsen avatar
TheElderNom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I personally do understand the fiancé's reasoning about spending money, but the implementation is just so many red flags. And it honestly sounds like they both really need a calm talk about how they're going to handle money as a married couple, and whether they even should get married.

amandadodd avatar
Amanda Dodd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags for sure. If this is how he acts now it will only be worse after they are married. Agree to whatever he wants, get your money back and RUN!!! Don't let him talk you in to coming back. Trust me I have been there and done that. 22 years later I finally had enough but my kids are the one's that really paid for my mistake.

clebear83 avatar
Claire Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hell OP get the f**k outta there. Its he sees you want bought with your god damn money that he's refusing to give back?? Marrying this man will only end in a horrible nasty divorce!

cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WHOA! He's totally financially controlling and abusing her. He stole the dress then stole the money and now holding her money hostage as a way to control her. This is a very toxic and abusive relationship. I hope she doesn't go through with this wedding. It doesn't even matter they he's "looking out for his financial wealth". It's her money and she can do what she wants with it. She said she can afford it. They don't sound like they're struggling with finances. So, it's not even about the money. Her husband going to his mommy is him using triangulation to have others gang up on her. It's just going to get worse.

the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I once read about a woman whose husband controlled every aspect of her life, including how she spent her money. When she secretly bought a nice pair of inexpensive earrings because a friend said "C'mon, they'll go great with your dress when we go out tonight!" he found the receipt, called her into the next room while her friend was present, and beat her within an inch of her life while the terrified friend had to listen to her pleading and cries of pain. He then came back and smugly announced "she's not going out with you tonight". Some years later that woman vanished without a trace just as she was making plans to leave him. They never found her remains. The short version is that it might start with something as seemingly minor as wanting to control your finances, but it can and does lead to escalating levels of abuse, sometimes to the point of the scumbag you married deciding he'd rather you died than escaped from his clutches. Don't take that risk. Even if it doesn't go that far you'll still be utterly miserable.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honey, Please, for the love of God, get a Bible, and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These words are God speaking directly to you. This is the literal definition of love. This is the checklist you need to use to decide your next steps. Billions of preachers, ministers, priests, and couples have used these words as vows. My personal advise, for what it is worth, as a woman who married the wrong man, and ten years later married the right man, and has stayed married for 34 years, by following those words religiously, is this: Go pack up your belongings, give him back his ring, tell him you want your money back or you are taking him to small claims court. Then leave, and don’t look back. And if you never get back a dime, consider it a small price to pay for dodging a HUGE bullet. You deserve to have your dream. Go find your orchid, and ditch the rose.

kirara2516 avatar
kirara2516
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weddings are expensive and if he doesn't care about what you want now he never will. Report that as theft, and give him back that ring, and tell him, "if my dress was a waste of money then so is this." Or you know return it and keep the money if it's even worth what your dress was. What a jerk!

kimdavis_1 avatar
Shiny1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Consider this a HUGE blessing! He has shown his true colors, and believe me there's more you haven't seen. Think, woman!

kaysoxx32 avatar
Katrina Wysocki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She needs to run. He's showing narcissistic behaviors. Where would it all end? She can't pay for her own dream dress?! She can't get done up? What!?!? What else will be denied to her down the road if she decides to let this go

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's showing you a clear glimpse of who he is and whats to follow. Girl run now and fast and don't look back!! If you have not called this off yet, get off the computer/phone and go end it now. Things will greatly escalate from here and you will be MISERABLE!!! RUN FAST

paulasanders avatar
Paula Sanders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No go to the retailer where you purchased the dress and demand a refund , because you were the purchaser not your fiance ,then get as far away from him and his mom as is humanly possible ,you'll never regret it

miladyblue avatar
Milady Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only way OP is TA in this case is if she ignores the category 5 HURRICANE of flapping red flags and marries this loser anyway.

sheila_lynn avatar
Sheila Simonson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

since he took back your dress and is keeping the money until you reach an agreement, then it is only right not to get married until an agreement is reached. the agreement being that as long as your fair share is paid along with maybe some set aside for the future, he does not tell you how to spend your extra. next, relationship issues stay between the 2 of you and should not involve others.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, she shouldn't marry him AT ALL. He has shown his true colours, and those are the colours of a control freak.

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canadianpanda avatar
CanadianPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA million times, BUT HOLD OFF THE WEDDING AS THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG!!! In my opinion, he obviously does not respect your nor your he thinks you're his peer. It is YOUR money and you have every right how to spend it on your wedding day. I hope am wrong, but he could be worse once you both are married.

dianeb_2 avatar
Diane B
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

aamatty avatar
AA Matty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this even real or a troll? If it is, of course he is the a*****e.

debh748 avatar
Deborah Hcks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg, I never wanted a big elaborate wedding because I have seen to many wedding end up getting a divorce. I would rather spend it on the Honeymoon. This was back in the 70s and stay married for nearly 16 legally separate 7. Please don't go thru with this marriage you will regret it if you do. The MIL will control it. He probably not give you much because money he want you to spend your and he keep HIS. Has he ask you yet used word PRENUPT AGREEMENT? I am surprise if he hasn't. You will be living in HELL. HE IS'NT FOR YOU DEAR. I KNOW IT WON'T BE EASY TIME HEAL ALL WOUNDS. THERE IS ANOTHER MAN LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS LIKE YOU.

cindyreedsnyder_1 avatar
Cindy Snow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im more on his side on this issue BUT the way he said/ did it sucks. Lets just say these two do not agree on the basics in life like what is and isnt a big deal/ what us wasteful or excessive etc. Prob wouldn’t end up happy together. Personally i think soending a ton of $$ on a wedding is a vad way to begin but… priorities🤷‍♀️

hannah10782 avatar
S.Y. Bell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Found the male identified hose beast in the comment thread👆🏾👆🏾

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natiemarie avatar
natie marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont know why I irritate myself by reading all these AITA's because there is never a conclusion to the problem. Does this person leave and get her dream wedding elsewhere or does she put up with this c**p forever and just wanted a moan online?

thomashiette_1 avatar
Thomas Hiette
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There were other red flags before this happened. She missed them.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe. Maybe not. Some abusers manage to hide it until after the marriage, some even hide it until pregnancy and the birth of a child.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister did something similar to me one time when we took a vacation together, but thankfully it was over a lot less money than this. She asked for money from me to buy something she wanted, and then she changed her mind and no longer wanted it. But she wouldn't return the money I loaned her. Fortunately she apologized later and returned it, but it was too late for me to buy the item I had wanted. I only spent a couple of hundred dollars buying artwork that was not available where I lived. But that was enough to freak her out, even though I rarely spent money on myself. Needless to say, we don't take vacations together anymore. We always end up in arguments. Even today many years later we have a rocky relationship over her controlling behavior. So I would advise OP to very careful about this man. I couldn't stand to be married to someone like that.

pebs_1 avatar
pebs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obviously it is a waste of money, but for many women the wedding dress is an essential thing, and her husband must adapt. I advise the girl not to marry a man who does not consider her needs to the point of returning her dress without telling her.

paulrichards_1 avatar
Paul Richards
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not ok to return without permission BUT thousands is a dang waste of money so should you really be marrying somebody so impractical with dinero.. she is foolish and he is controlling. Destined for disaster

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men blow money on stupid things all the time. This is a one-time purchase that thousands of women make every year, not proof that she is bad with money.

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froskpinni avatar
Jenný Samúelsdóttir Herlufsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get why most people are saying NTA but you spent all that money (yours or not) on something he deems unnecessary. I'm leaning in ETA because this is not partnership. I know USA is nuts when it comes to weddings but it's a dress! You can buy a used one and have it fitted. He is the one that should run.

justice-visser avatar
Justice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, I don't think that the posts saying "run!" are thought through. You don't know the couple, and the wedding planning is really stressful. It does bring our worst side out. Looking back I would have hired a wedding planner to not have to deal with this 😂 Still I love how it turned out on my side, but it was super stressful and a few arguments occurred for sure. I think you don't see both sides here. The guy is definitely not a spender, he doesn't like to spend money on 'extra' stuff and he agreed already to other expenses (venue, hair and makeup), the dress was the last straw apparently. It is not about breaking financially, but about spending the money on stuff he doesn't see as necessary. It is natural to side with the OP, but I think that she should have resolved it with her fiance. The future hubby was wrong to run to his mum for support, but she was wrong too to run to the Internet people for support instead of talking it out... I see 2 immature people here...

krystalzombiegirladams avatar
ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this real, because you can't just return wedding dresses...especially with no receipt. (he happened to have the receipt for the dress and knew where to take it and they agreed to return the dress? It just seems crazy)

jbraly1415 avatar
John Braly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grab your money and run. However, for the next planned wedding think about some moderation on a wedding dress. Remember while a wedding dress lasts forever, divorce rates are climbing.

amberyoung_3 avatar
Caligirl20
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce rates are on the decline. However, the highest rate of divorces are couples over 50 years old.

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kevinoconnor_1 avatar
Kevin O'Connor
Community Member
1 year ago

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Why waste $2000 on something like that ? Buy a secondhand one which has only been worn for a few hours, for 1/3 of the price or better still, hire one for a couple of hundred dollars. Wedding charges are a massive rip off, any supplier from catering to the photographer marks up the price way over what they would charge for another event.

jo_davies2208 avatar
Jo Davies
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

A few points here- 1. My mother made my dress, with fabric I bought? I know it was perfect but 25 years on I only remember it when I look at the pictures. 2. No matter how much money you have, it can be cheaper 3 your dream, your way. Just stay realistic If they are at war over this, what happens when they need a new TV?

davida_ avatar
David A.
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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"it's your money" popping up a lot in the comments. One thing the fiance may have right is that it may not just her money any more (depending). They obviously haven't talked about finances, and need to before getting married. Some couples don't mix accounts at all, some pool everything, most fall in-between. Depending on what is agreed, partners may or may not have their "own money". If you two don't even know how you're going to manage finances, you're not ready to be married. From the sounds of it, it wouldn't be a discussion with this guy any way, a red flag in itself.

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Luthor
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1 year ago

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Anna Banana
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't know how much money and/or time she is contributing to worthy causes so you have no business judging her. If this is "a microcosm of Musk" then so is splurging on a better bottle of wine when a cheaper one would suffice, or buying a bouquet of flowers, and anything else that you don't absolutely need to survive.

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COCO puff
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1 year ago

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Get him out of her life, and renting a dress is better than buying one that you are going to use just once. Wedding relating services are too expensive.

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Donna Bolk
Community Member
1 year ago

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No store "took back" that dress. The moral of the story? Drama Queen fabricates drama for the interwebby.

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Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know where you live but over here most stores will take back any purchase except the customized stuff - which this doesn't sound like it was.

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PiscesMama
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1 year ago

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Why do people keep asking for sympathy for marrying aholes? Who is forcing you???

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madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's abuse. Congratulations you've never been in an abusive relationship to understand how you just get worn down, more and more. Don't blame the victim. It's not as simple as you seem to think v

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