“Am I A Jerk For Making My Parents Choose Between My Sister Going To Jail Or Replacing My Car With Their Vacation Money”
Most of the time, sibling rivalry is nowhere near what it’s like on TV. It’s usually far more mundane, petty, and emotionally draining. The sad reality is that just because someone’s related to you by blood, it doesn’t automatically make them a saint: trust and respect still need to be earned. It’s harsh. But it’s important to recognize this fact.
Redditor u/Spirited_Boat_6380 shared a sensitive story with the AITA community, asking them for advice. The woman, who still lives with her parents, shared how her older sister had stolen and completely wrecked her car. Furious, the author of the post turned to her parents and gave them an ultimatum.
The redditor’s story went viral almost instantly. You’ll find the full, unabridged version below, Pandas. Once you’ve read it in full, share your thoughts about the entire drama in the comments. What would you have done if you were in the OP’s shoes? How would you have reacted if you saw your car totaled?
A woman opened up about how her older sister stole her keys and completely wrecked her car
Image source: Johannes Blenke (not the actual photo)
Furiuos, she decided that the best way forward was an ultimatum. Read on for the full story
Image source: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image source: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The young woman later updated her post for the AITA community
Image source: Spirited_Boat_6380
The author of the post shared a bit of context about her sister, who “has a lot of problems,” is “chronically unemployed and […] a thief.”
Having broken up with her boyfriend, the older sibling came over to stay with their parents. Meanwhile, the younger sibling, the author of the AITA post, had been firmly set against this decision. She could sense trouble was brewing. Lo and behold, her intuition proved to be right.
One day, after school, she came back home to find her car “absolutely trashed and the side of it destroyed.”
“My sister had gone into my room, found my spare key and taken my car. Then lost control on the ice after a day of eating crap and tossing fast food wrappers everywhere. She sideswiped a tree,” redditor u/Spirited_Boat_6380 explained.
Angry beyond belief, the redditor did what anyone would: she demanded that her wrecked car be paid for. However, her sister didn’t have any money. So the OP gave her parents an ultimatum. Either she files a police report about her sister so that she can get insurance to fix or replace the vehicle, or her parents had better cough up the cash themselves. They used their Disney World vacation fund to get her a new car.
In an update, the OP noted that her parents finally installed a deadbolt on her room door. Something that would’ve prevented the entire expensive drama in the first place.
It is absolutely essential to have clear and healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life. The most obvious areas are school and work and dealing with strangers. It’s usually very clear when someone goes over the line, and you can quickly reestablish your boundaries with just a few words or a friendly chat.
However, when it comes to our family members, things can get messy. And emotional. Most people are used to giving their relatives more leeway than they would, say, their coworkers or friends. And enforcing your personal boundaries can become tough because “they’re family!”
But if you don’t do that, if you don’t clarify when a loved one does something that you find to be completely inappropriate, you can’t expect their behavior toward you to change. Their behavior has to have consequences; you have to follow through.
Family dynamics tend to vary very much, so there’s no clear-cut answer on how to deal with disagreements. There are usually very subtle nuances and long-lived grudges at play that an outsider might not notice. Family counseling can help. As can a family meeting where everyone can freely express their thoughts and feelings.
Unfortunately, not everyone will want to ‘play ball.’ Some family members will be toxic, no matter how much you want them to change, and no matter how much help you give them. Change comes from within. And until that moment of clarity arrives, it’s best to simply avoid dealing with them at all if they’re truly making your life miserable.
Just because someone’s technically family doesn’t mean that you should sacrifice your wealth and happiness to enable their bad habits. Yes, we’re all born into a family; but we also choose who becomes our family later on.
Though, keep in mind that there’s always at least one ray of hope for change. Even if you have major fallings out with your relatives, you might find that you can (re)establish healthy and positive relationships with them in the future. People do change. Though it takes time, effort, and a willingness to admit to past mistakes.
She also shared a lot more details about what happened and her family in the comments of her post
Immature parents. She's probably been expected to parent them from a young age.
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A bit off topic but what is it with kids not being allowed to lock their own doors? I get it as long as they are very small, but teenagers? Is that a thing?
My house is ancient and none of the locks have keys, so i can't lock my door, but they always knock and wait for me to reply before coming in. Unfortunately, some parents think that since they had the kid, that kid's life is theirs and they should be privy to everything that happens in it.
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NTA, sister committed theft, parents were given a choice of two options yet thought a third option of lying to the insurers was preferable? Isn't that insurance fraud the parents were wanting OP to commit?!? If the grandmother's name was on the title of the old car, she could have reported the theft herself, so that OP didn't have to, so the fact they demanded alternative recourse suggests that getting the older granddaughter in trouble with the police didn't sit well with them either. OP says that the sister had been eating c**p and fast food - no mention of drink/drugs - so it sounds like it was a genuine accident on the ice...had it been under the influence I would have said she should have strongly considered reporting it regardless. But if I was OP, I would invest in a second security camera in case sister gets in again and trashes the first one which she knows exists thanks to OP showing her the footage.
OP said they didn't use the insurance and instead paid for the new car from their vacation fund/graduation gift.
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They’re saying she’s TA for not committing insurance fraud? Crime is simply not an option for people who wish to belong in this society. It is also a crime to solicit a crime. I’m a little concerned for her safety—the parents demanded that the girl risk her future by committing fraud and they’ve made her the scapegoat for the vacation being canceled. If the sister or sister’s boyfriend decides to “punish” her, there’s no reason to think the parents will protect her
It sounds like she'll be living with other relatives at some point when she's in college. I don't blame her, they all were sh1tty in this whole thing, it's great she got a new car from grandparents, but there is no excuse.
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What a bunch of Âssholes to live with. I think I'd insist she gets a job to pay for the car or be turned in for stealing and wrecking it. It's absolute Horseshît that they still want to give a 29 year old an escape from any responsibility. All the adults suck except the 17 year old who had her car wrecked.
I'm going to guess that the parents will expect this young woman to step up and take care of them when they're really old, because of course they can't possibly expect it of the older screw-up daughter. They're in for a shock, younger daughter will probably move very far away.
Lmfao. Everybody just ignores the one whose fault it was. I like how the older sister just avoids all responsibility in any of this and it's a fight between a literal child and parents because the almost 30-year-old made a decision and broke a bunch of s**t that isn't even hers.
How dare anyone not blame the thieving sister for her actions! Talk about a dysfunctional family……🤦♀️
Similar situation happened to me; older brother took my keys while I was sleeping, totaled my first car while under the influence of something (drugs, I don't know what) and crashed it into a public park gate. He was held accountable on all levels, legal and through the household, though. We have a closer relationship than this story, though, so as much as I was pissed that I had to take the bus until my parents found me a new (used) car that was affordable for us, I eventually forgave. My brother has been clean of everything for years and is living a healthier life with his wife and their puppies.
I'm glad to hear he's clean and that you were able to forgive him. It sounds like your relationship was eventually repaired, too.
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A long time ago someone I was dating stole my car after I went to bed. I worked 3rd shift at the time. He had come over with a friend asking if they could borrow my car after I had gotten home from work in the morning. I said no. Where they wanted to go they wouldn't be back in time for me to go to work that night. Then I went to bed. When I got up my car was gone. I called the cops. They told me that since I knew who it was that stole my car it wasn't theft. I told them I didn't SEE them take it, I just knew it had to be them cuz they had asked to borrow it earlier that day. They didn't have my permission to take the car so it was theft. The cops still said it wasnt theft and still did nothing about it. My car broke on the way back. They left the car on side of road and hitched back.The next day he went and had it towed back. Insurance wouldn't cover it without a police report either and the police would not make one. He at least paid for part of it and had a family member give me a ride back and forth to work.
So glad OP didn't claim that she gave her sister permission to her insurance company. If she did then that would ruin her insurance, making it more expensive which makes her ultimately end up paying for her sister's mistakes. Glad she got a new car!
Sounds like the older sister needs a wake up call. I'd file the police report. If she doesn't, she's as much of an enabler as the parents.
Make the police report. Time for sister to have real world consequences. Don't listen to your parents. This enabling isn't helping her or anyone else. Do not go to them for advice on anything from now on and through the rest of your life. They are not trust worthy. Be prepared to go no contact with sis in the future. Once you are independent, she will try to mooch off you and use the kids as bait
Good for you! You are standing your grounds. I have a sister like this (but fortunately she doesn't live with us anymore) and the stealing is a nightmare especially when the parents don't really care / or don't do anything about it. What you did was reasonable, you gave them a choice, but I don't understand why they are paying the repairs from the money for your graduation gift. Another comment suggested getting a camera and I agree.
I agree the parents are a*s___they are scared of her.stand your ground.
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Get another lock that looks like the one your parents bought. When you are the only one around replace your lock with the old one and keep both of the keys. If they try to unlock the new lock the old key won't work. You don't know why.
Why don't your parents make your sister get a job to replace the Disney money. The trip would be delayed but maybe your sister earning it will help you make the correct steps to mend her ways and better her life for her kids.
What an incredibly mature and healthy response you’ve had to this. You not only drve yourself toward more than just possible solutions, you inspire. Enjoy your coming independence.
You see incredible maturity. I see malignant narcissism. You say potAto. I say potAHto. 😜
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I had exact opposite of those parents ooh girl lock your door. Hey hun your door should be locked if you don't want anyone in there. And you know what that did to me? Maybe be an open and honest person. I knew I could talk to them about any and everything and they would get it understand and not be judgy. So I never hid a thing. Always listen to and appreciate their advice because I know it comes from love.
It was your sister, their mother, that robbed her kid of a trip to Disney world. Also the grandparents fault as they enable her and their grqndchildrens behavior. Spoiling children is bad parenting and cqn be abuse too. NTA. Keep it togeyher until you can move out and continue to stay on track and break this cyxle. Also, you'll probabky need therapy sooner than later to deal with ghe damage they are doing to you even thoigh you have it together. Bug hug from someone who has been there.
How will she ever learn there are consequences for her actions if she never suffers the consequences for her actions? When your parents die, she's in for a very hard lesson. She needs to go to jail.
To the people who said the parents might punish the OP for reporting to the police that her sister stole her car, I don't think normal parents who know the sister is screwed up because of their terrible parenting will do that. It sounds like they are reasonable people who, although they don't want their screwed up kid to go to jail, still will respect their responsible kid's decision. That deadbolt showed up on OP's door pronto after she gave her parents the ultimatum, and even though that was in her parent's hopes of getting OP not too report her sister for stealing her car, I still think that the parents are aware enough of their fault for most of the sister's terrible behavior because she is screwed up because of their lack of good parenting, so they would not want to be crappy parents who would jeopardize their relationship with OP by being mean and punishing her for a situation they know is 95% their fault.
Had she been my sister, she would've been sitting in jail. The parents know she's been a problem, trying to pacify the situation let's her know that she can get away with any & everything. I would've gotten a storage facility before going off to college, gotten a job, saved up and moved far away from them. They're toxic AF!
Outrageous behavior von the part of your sister and your parents. Make that police report. I wonder how your sister would react if you did this to her. Her daughters should be told EXACTLY why they're not going to DW.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. However, I was greatly uncomfortable with mother keeping the spare for 'emergencies', What possible emergency? Big sister needs something that little sister has in her room? And, any time that parents/sister b!tch about denying the children a trip, just quietly remind them that big sister is the one denying the children a trip, not OP.
I know it's over now, but what if you had waited until after the trip and then told them that you were going to file the report? Or, what if you filed the report, had the insurance pay for a new car, but not testify, or drop the charges, afterwards?
Jail straightened out my brother who was just as bad, if not worse cause he used to beat on me. Mom felt he could always be forgiven. Now after A 5year stint in jail he is an average citizen and doesn't p**s most people off or at least doesn't break the law. He's settled down married with kids that turned out great. He even apologized to each of us for the s@#t he put us through. Send her to jail first chance you get. It might help. Give up on the parents ever doing anything different though. I don't talk to mine.
I really feel like this is an irresponsible outcome. A report should have been filed regardless. Op doesnt realize the seriousness of what her sister did. What if instead of a tree it was a mother with a child in the car. People like ops sister should face legal consequences and have it on record to hopefully help prevent future incidents, and documentation to lead to appropriate punishment if she is a reoccurring offender. 17 yo OP is getting too much credit for being "adult" but i do think she deserved her car fix and a lock on her door.
Dude, in my family, and where I'm from, we don't call cops. They are not there to help. If I was your sister, and you did that to me, it would be head or gut, grass or gravel.... everything, and ì mean everytime I'd see you, and I'd make sure it was atleast once a week. For the next 5 years. At the least. Minimum of 5 years...
NTA. The right things is you filing a police report or your sister should pay. Also it’s the parents of the nieces that is at fault for not taking their kids to Disney. Not your fault they can’t go no. Your sister will continue to make big mistakes if your parents are never going to make her suffer the consequences. Be proud of yourself for being the most mature in your family. And soon as you can move away. Stay safe.
Honestly I don't get why this doesn't go through the insurance? This is a sister who lives in the same house and borrowed a car without asking, she didn't steal it. Big sis can be punished but why should her actions impact everyone else? Sending big sis to Prison would be something to regret in the future.
Rather painful lesson you had to teach your family, but they needed to learn it. As soon as anyone accused you of ruining their vacation, point to your sister, and make sure her kids understand that.
Make her responsible! Tell her a word she probably doesn't hear NO! She'll either learn a lesson or get so pissed at you she won't want anything to do with you! A bonus! Someone also has to instill some responsibility in her and her children! Also pawning off your children for the grandparents to rain because her partner doesn't like kids? Very selfish? Time to grow up!
NTA! That's really toxic of your parents and your sister and im sorry you have to live like that. Your sister needs to take some responsibility and she should be responsible for paying your parents back, but I get that most likely will never happen. Your parents need to realize that continuously bailing her out is only teaching her she can continue to mooch off them in the future. I know there's nothing you can really do about this but if I were you I'd get out of there asap. I'm glad you got a new car tho and finally a lock on your door. Maybe this was a lesson learned for your parents?
And this is why that young lady will most likely go NC with her parents and the rest of that insane household... and I wouldn't blame her. Thank goodness she has her G.Parent's support....
I wonder whose idea the security camera was? OP sounds very pragmatic and could have thought to get a camera because she didn't have a lock, but her parents sound like freaks who don't want her to have any privacy, so it's a real toss-up.
NTA....but one thing is missing. We heard of your involvement, your parents, nieces and grandparents. There is NOTHING about your sister and her being held accountable. Please tell me that there were some sort of repercussions!!!
If this was me, I would just out up ultimatum, either fix all the damage yourself, I don't care how, or I go to police this second. This sister sounds long overdue for bug lesson that everything has consequences. Family isn't just about doing what they want, sometimes you need to go against that just to tell them what they need to hear or do what needs to be done.
Should've pressed charges. And parents should've gone on vacay instead of enabling the older kid even more. The older sister needs to learn actions have consequences. Parents need to stop covering for her. They may have created the monster, but they could help by not enabling her bs. I mean, I'm sure there's more going on but gooooddaaaaaaamn
NTA, you did everything in your power to respect the members of your household and also asking for what was clearly needed (a lock). I do have a question. Does your sister have insurance? If so a claim could be made under hers without having to involve the police. I'm not saying involving the police was the wrong choice given your letter I'm sure it's not the first time she's done something like this. However it would be another option. Then it would be her job to figure it out or lose her insurance. I'm very sorry you were put in such an unfair predicament. Very strong young woman for setting boundaries for yourself even though I know they are impossible to enforce without help at this time. However keep your head up because these boundaries will do you well later in life as far as your family and sister are concerned. As for how your parents raised her she is now an adult and her behaviors are her fault the problem is they are enabling her by "helping".
What a nightmare of enabling patterns! Whats unfortunate is your are slated to carry it onto the next generation unless you learn what responsibility means. It seems you are working on that but your dysfunctional family is forming you in their image. Forget about a stupid Disney trip for your graduation ( what are you 12?), focus on your future, get good grades, enroll in a college far away and start being around achievers and not failures. You sound pretty smart and yes reporting your sister would have been probably the first good thing anyone did for her. Its clear she needs an intervention and your parents do too. The sooner you are out of that dysfunctional nightmare the better for you. No, holding people accountable for their actions is what decent responsible do. Make sure you learn accountability from somewhere because they aren't teaching that at home or at grandparents house.
(Cont'd from my comment to 'Seabeast' below.) So she got away with a lot of childish behavior, and my grandma also went along with it because there was nothing to do, as my mom would either sulk, ignore advice, or cry, so I was expected to just deal with it. Well, I had anxiety, social anxiety, and was on the autism spectrum in a time where children with these problems were either labeled as having been spoiled by their parents, or a hopeless case. So I couldn't "just deal". It screwed me up my whole life emotionally, and my relationship with my mom was not perfect, and especially with her extended family, who I could hardly stand because of their blatant favoritism towards my mom, as if she were my sister. They resented my unwillingness to give my mom a pass on her behavior, and none of it was ever resolved as they are all gone now, and my mom just passed in July of 2022. I wish it could have been different. I regret not being able to be the "sister" to my mom they expected me to be, even though it was a screwed up situation.
Er... I could be wrong... but I am of the opinion that it is English. I've checked and yes, I can confirm that the language is indeed English. Were you confused that there is a typo in the wording? Sometimes when people type out things on a keyboard, people make mistakes... they can be called a Typographical Error... or "typo" for short.
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Not true. Theft would fall under comprehensive. That required a police report and in many US states (perhaps all) comprehensive has no deductible. If she had lied and said she gave her sister permission to take the car, that would fall under collision. IF the damage was covered (& it might not have been since police were not called at the time) the deductible would come into play. I'm not sure why you think a group policy would suddenly come into play. There's no evidence the parents' car insurance (assuming they have cars and have insurance) has any relationship to the insurance for the daughter's car-- a car that's in her grandmother's name.
Load More Replies... Immature parents. She's probably been expected to parent them from a young age.
Load More Replies... A bit off topic but what is it with kids not being allowed to lock their own doors? I get it as long as they are very small, but teenagers? Is that a thing?
My house is ancient and none of the locks have keys, so i can't lock my door, but they always knock and wait for me to reply before coming in. Unfortunately, some parents think that since they had the kid, that kid's life is theirs and they should be privy to everything that happens in it.
Load More Replies... NTA, sister committed theft, parents were given a choice of two options yet thought a third option of lying to the insurers was preferable? Isn't that insurance fraud the parents were wanting OP to commit?!? If the grandmother's name was on the title of the old car, she could have reported the theft herself, so that OP didn't have to, so the fact they demanded alternative recourse suggests that getting the older granddaughter in trouble with the police didn't sit well with them either. OP says that the sister had been eating c**p and fast food - no mention of drink/drugs - so it sounds like it was a genuine accident on the ice...had it been under the influence I would have said she should have strongly considered reporting it regardless. But if I was OP, I would invest in a second security camera in case sister gets in again and trashes the first one which she knows exists thanks to OP showing her the footage.
OP said they didn't use the insurance and instead paid for the new car from their vacation fund/graduation gift.
Load More Replies... They’re saying she’s TA for not committing insurance fraud? Crime is simply not an option for people who wish to belong in this society. It is also a crime to solicit a crime. I’m a little concerned for her safety—the parents demanded that the girl risk her future by committing fraud and they’ve made her the scapegoat for the vacation being canceled. If the sister or sister’s boyfriend decides to “punish” her, there’s no reason to think the parents will protect her
It sounds like she'll be living with other relatives at some point when she's in college. I don't blame her, they all were sh1tty in this whole thing, it's great she got a new car from grandparents, but there is no excuse.
Load More Replies... What a bunch of Âssholes to live with. I think I'd insist she gets a job to pay for the car or be turned in for stealing and wrecking it. It's absolute Horseshît that they still want to give a 29 year old an escape from any responsibility. All the adults suck except the 17 year old who had her car wrecked.
I'm going to guess that the parents will expect this young woman to step up and take care of them when they're really old, because of course they can't possibly expect it of the older screw-up daughter. They're in for a shock, younger daughter will probably move very far away.
Lmfao. Everybody just ignores the one whose fault it was. I like how the older sister just avoids all responsibility in any of this and it's a fight between a literal child and parents because the almost 30-year-old made a decision and broke a bunch of s**t that isn't even hers.
How dare anyone not blame the thieving sister for her actions! Talk about a dysfunctional family……🤦♀️
Similar situation happened to me; older brother took my keys while I was sleeping, totaled my first car while under the influence of something (drugs, I don't know what) and crashed it into a public park gate. He was held accountable on all levels, legal and through the household, though. We have a closer relationship than this story, though, so as much as I was pissed that I had to take the bus until my parents found me a new (used) car that was affordable for us, I eventually forgave. My brother has been clean of everything for years and is living a healthier life with his wife and their puppies.
I'm glad to hear he's clean and that you were able to forgive him. It sounds like your relationship was eventually repaired, too.
Load More Replies... A long time ago someone I was dating stole my car after I went to bed. I worked 3rd shift at the time. He had come over with a friend asking if they could borrow my car after I had gotten home from work in the morning. I said no. Where they wanted to go they wouldn't be back in time for me to go to work that night. Then I went to bed. When I got up my car was gone. I called the cops. They told me that since I knew who it was that stole my car it wasn't theft. I told them I didn't SEE them take it, I just knew it had to be them cuz they had asked to borrow it earlier that day. They didn't have my permission to take the car so it was theft. The cops still said it wasnt theft and still did nothing about it. My car broke on the way back. They left the car on side of road and hitched back.The next day he went and had it towed back. Insurance wouldn't cover it without a police report either and the police would not make one. He at least paid for part of it and had a family member give me a ride back and forth to work.
So glad OP didn't claim that she gave her sister permission to her insurance company. If she did then that would ruin her insurance, making it more expensive which makes her ultimately end up paying for her sister's mistakes. Glad she got a new car!
Sounds like the older sister needs a wake up call. I'd file the police report. If she doesn't, she's as much of an enabler as the parents.
Make the police report. Time for sister to have real world consequences. Don't listen to your parents. This enabling isn't helping her or anyone else. Do not go to them for advice on anything from now on and through the rest of your life. They are not trust worthy. Be prepared to go no contact with sis in the future. Once you are independent, she will try to mooch off you and use the kids as bait
Good for you! You are standing your grounds. I have a sister like this (but fortunately she doesn't live with us anymore) and the stealing is a nightmare especially when the parents don't really care / or don't do anything about it. What you did was reasonable, you gave them a choice, but I don't understand why they are paying the repairs from the money for your graduation gift. Another comment suggested getting a camera and I agree.
I agree the parents are a*s___they are scared of her.stand your ground.
Load More Replies... Get another lock that looks like the one your parents bought. When you are the only one around replace your lock with the old one and keep both of the keys. If they try to unlock the new lock the old key won't work. You don't know why.
Why don't your parents make your sister get a job to replace the Disney money. The trip would be delayed but maybe your sister earning it will help you make the correct steps to mend her ways and better her life for her kids.
What an incredibly mature and healthy response you’ve had to this. You not only drve yourself toward more than just possible solutions, you inspire. Enjoy your coming independence.
You see incredible maturity. I see malignant narcissism. You say potAto. I say potAHto. 😜
Load More Replies... I had exact opposite of those parents ooh girl lock your door. Hey hun your door should be locked if you don't want anyone in there. And you know what that did to me? Maybe be an open and honest person. I knew I could talk to them about any and everything and they would get it understand and not be judgy. So I never hid a thing. Always listen to and appreciate their advice because I know it comes from love.
It was your sister, their mother, that robbed her kid of a trip to Disney world. Also the grandparents fault as they enable her and their grqndchildrens behavior. Spoiling children is bad parenting and cqn be abuse too. NTA. Keep it togeyher until you can move out and continue to stay on track and break this cyxle. Also, you'll probabky need therapy sooner than later to deal with ghe damage they are doing to you even thoigh you have it together. Bug hug from someone who has been there.
How will she ever learn there are consequences for her actions if she never suffers the consequences for her actions? When your parents die, she's in for a very hard lesson. She needs to go to jail.
To the people who said the parents might punish the OP for reporting to the police that her sister stole her car, I don't think normal parents who know the sister is screwed up because of their terrible parenting will do that. It sounds like they are reasonable people who, although they don't want their screwed up kid to go to jail, still will respect their responsible kid's decision. That deadbolt showed up on OP's door pronto after she gave her parents the ultimatum, and even though that was in her parent's hopes of getting OP not too report her sister for stealing her car, I still think that the parents are aware enough of their fault for most of the sister's terrible behavior because she is screwed up because of their lack of good parenting, so they would not want to be crappy parents who would jeopardize their relationship with OP by being mean and punishing her for a situation they know is 95% their fault.
Had she been my sister, she would've been sitting in jail. The parents know she's been a problem, trying to pacify the situation let's her know that she can get away with any & everything. I would've gotten a storage facility before going off to college, gotten a job, saved up and moved far away from them. They're toxic AF!
Outrageous behavior von the part of your sister and your parents. Make that police report. I wonder how your sister would react if you did this to her. Her daughters should be told EXACTLY why they're not going to DW.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. However, I was greatly uncomfortable with mother keeping the spare for 'emergencies', What possible emergency? Big sister needs something that little sister has in her room? And, any time that parents/sister b!tch about denying the children a trip, just quietly remind them that big sister is the one denying the children a trip, not OP.
I know it's over now, but what if you had waited until after the trip and then told them that you were going to file the report? Or, what if you filed the report, had the insurance pay for a new car, but not testify, or drop the charges, afterwards?
Jail straightened out my brother who was just as bad, if not worse cause he used to beat on me. Mom felt he could always be forgiven. Now after A 5year stint in jail he is an average citizen and doesn't p**s most people off or at least doesn't break the law. He's settled down married with kids that turned out great. He even apologized to each of us for the s@#t he put us through. Send her to jail first chance you get. It might help. Give up on the parents ever doing anything different though. I don't talk to mine.
I really feel like this is an irresponsible outcome. A report should have been filed regardless. Op doesnt realize the seriousness of what her sister did. What if instead of a tree it was a mother with a child in the car. People like ops sister should face legal consequences and have it on record to hopefully help prevent future incidents, and documentation to lead to appropriate punishment if she is a reoccurring offender. 17 yo OP is getting too much credit for being "adult" but i do think she deserved her car fix and a lock on her door.
Dude, in my family, and where I'm from, we don't call cops. They are not there to help. If I was your sister, and you did that to me, it would be head or gut, grass or gravel.... everything, and ì mean everytime I'd see you, and I'd make sure it was atleast once a week. For the next 5 years. At the least. Minimum of 5 years...
NTA. The right things is you filing a police report or your sister should pay. Also it’s the parents of the nieces that is at fault for not taking their kids to Disney. Not your fault they can’t go no. Your sister will continue to make big mistakes if your parents are never going to make her suffer the consequences. Be proud of yourself for being the most mature in your family. And soon as you can move away. Stay safe.
Honestly I don't get why this doesn't go through the insurance? This is a sister who lives in the same house and borrowed a car without asking, she didn't steal it. Big sis can be punished but why should her actions impact everyone else? Sending big sis to Prison would be something to regret in the future.
Rather painful lesson you had to teach your family, but they needed to learn it. As soon as anyone accused you of ruining their vacation, point to your sister, and make sure her kids understand that.
Make her responsible! Tell her a word she probably doesn't hear NO! She'll either learn a lesson or get so pissed at you she won't want anything to do with you! A bonus! Someone also has to instill some responsibility in her and her children! Also pawning off your children for the grandparents to rain because her partner doesn't like kids? Very selfish? Time to grow up!
NTA! That's really toxic of your parents and your sister and im sorry you have to live like that. Your sister needs to take some responsibility and she should be responsible for paying your parents back, but I get that most likely will never happen. Your parents need to realize that continuously bailing her out is only teaching her she can continue to mooch off them in the future. I know there's nothing you can really do about this but if I were you I'd get out of there asap. I'm glad you got a new car tho and finally a lock on your door. Maybe this was a lesson learned for your parents?
And this is why that young lady will most likely go NC with her parents and the rest of that insane household... and I wouldn't blame her. Thank goodness she has her G.Parent's support....
I wonder whose idea the security camera was? OP sounds very pragmatic and could have thought to get a camera because she didn't have a lock, but her parents sound like freaks who don't want her to have any privacy, so it's a real toss-up.
NTA....but one thing is missing. We heard of your involvement, your parents, nieces and grandparents. There is NOTHING about your sister and her being held accountable. Please tell me that there were some sort of repercussions!!!
If this was me, I would just out up ultimatum, either fix all the damage yourself, I don't care how, or I go to police this second. This sister sounds long overdue for bug lesson that everything has consequences. Family isn't just about doing what they want, sometimes you need to go against that just to tell them what they need to hear or do what needs to be done.
Should've pressed charges. And parents should've gone on vacay instead of enabling the older kid even more. The older sister needs to learn actions have consequences. Parents need to stop covering for her. They may have created the monster, but they could help by not enabling her bs. I mean, I'm sure there's more going on but gooooddaaaaaaamn
NTA, you did everything in your power to respect the members of your household and also asking for what was clearly needed (a lock). I do have a question. Does your sister have insurance? If so a claim could be made under hers without having to involve the police. I'm not saying involving the police was the wrong choice given your letter I'm sure it's not the first time she's done something like this. However it would be another option. Then it would be her job to figure it out or lose her insurance. I'm very sorry you were put in such an unfair predicament. Very strong young woman for setting boundaries for yourself even though I know they are impossible to enforce without help at this time. However keep your head up because these boundaries will do you well later in life as far as your family and sister are concerned. As for how your parents raised her she is now an adult and her behaviors are her fault the problem is they are enabling her by "helping".
What a nightmare of enabling patterns! Whats unfortunate is your are slated to carry it onto the next generation unless you learn what responsibility means. It seems you are working on that but your dysfunctional family is forming you in their image. Forget about a stupid Disney trip for your graduation ( what are you 12?), focus on your future, get good grades, enroll in a college far away and start being around achievers and not failures. You sound pretty smart and yes reporting your sister would have been probably the first good thing anyone did for her. Its clear she needs an intervention and your parents do too. The sooner you are out of that dysfunctional nightmare the better for you. No, holding people accountable for their actions is what decent responsible do. Make sure you learn accountability from somewhere because they aren't teaching that at home or at grandparents house.
(Cont'd from my comment to 'Seabeast' below.) So she got away with a lot of childish behavior, and my grandma also went along with it because there was nothing to do, as my mom would either sulk, ignore advice, or cry, so I was expected to just deal with it. Well, I had anxiety, social anxiety, and was on the autism spectrum in a time where children with these problems were either labeled as having been spoiled by their parents, or a hopeless case. So I couldn't "just deal". It screwed me up my whole life emotionally, and my relationship with my mom was not perfect, and especially with her extended family, who I could hardly stand because of their blatant favoritism towards my mom, as if she were my sister. They resented my unwillingness to give my mom a pass on her behavior, and none of it was ever resolved as they are all gone now, and my mom just passed in July of 2022. I wish it could have been different. I regret not being able to be the "sister" to my mom they expected me to be, even though it was a screwed up situation.
Er... I could be wrong... but I am of the opinion that it is English. I've checked and yes, I can confirm that the language is indeed English. Were you confused that there is a typo in the wording? Sometimes when people type out things on a keyboard, people make mistakes... they can be called a Typographical Error... or "typo" for short.
Load More Replies... Not true. Theft would fall under comprehensive. That required a police report and in many US states (perhaps all) comprehensive has no deductible. If she had lied and said she gave her sister permission to take the car, that would fall under collision. IF the damage was covered (& it might not have been since police were not called at the time) the deductible would come into play. I'm not sure why you think a group policy would suddenly come into play. There's no evidence the parents' car insurance (assuming they have cars and have insurance) has any relationship to the insurance for the daughter's car-- a car that's in her grandmother's name.
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