Woman Grew Up Poor While Her Husband Grew Up In Upper Class, Here Are 10 Of Their Differences
Interview
Moving in together with your partner is said to be one of the greatest joys in life. Not only do you get to start each day with your soulmate by your side, but you also get to learn all their quirks — however annoying they may be.
In Michaela‘s and Alex‘s case, the couple quickly noticed that besides some occasional snoring or contrasting spending habits, their upbringing in different economic classes made the pair appreciate and do things quite differently.
To celebrate these differences, the couple shared their contradicting habits on TikTok in a three-part series that has been viewed almost 9 million times.
After noticing the differences in their habits, this couple released a series of TikToks that captures what it’s like to live with someone who comes from a different social class
@cuddleswpuddles@cuddleswpuddles All I could fit in 60s. #poverty #upperclass #lowerclass #middleclass #millennial #foodinsecurity #couple #marriage #ROMWEGetGraphic #fyp #foryou ♬ original sound - cuddles
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When grocery shopping, Alex would always get the name brand. I had to teach him that store brand is just as good with a few notable exceptions.
things you never cheap if you can help it 1 cheese toilet paper and bread
In the paper titled 'Is America coming apart?' the authors argue that income inequality and the gap between the rich and poor are at their "all-time high." Hence the increasing segregation between different socioeconomic classes.
In order to find out if class differences affect intimate relationships — as highlighted in Michaela's and Alex's case — Jessi Streib, Duke University's sociology professor and the author of 'The Power of the Past: Understanding Cross-Class Marriages', has dedicated his entire research to this. "So often we think about how class differences keep us apart," Streib explained to Bored Panda. "I wanted to know if and how they draw us together."
After studying and extensively interviewing 32 couples in which one partner comes from a well-to-do family and the other from a "blue-collar" one —as well as 10 couples in which both partners grew up in the same economic class— Jessi was able to discover that "strangers who grew up in the same social class had more in common with each other than they did with spouses with whom they shared their lives."
Alex grew up with only purebred poodles as his dogs. My childhood dog was a mutt from the pound. But together we adopted this pitbull mix from the county shelter in Atlanta.
Jessi thinks that the 'opposites attract' law, which not only applies to people's personalities but apparently their upbringing in different socioeconomic backgrounds too, partly comes from problem-solving. "People in each class face a distinct set of problems, and sometimes those who grow up in other classes have the solutions," she said.
"For example, people who grew up with white-collar parents often felt that their parents pushed them to have academic and extracurricular achievements." Which, as most of us are aware, means being away from your beloved family — something that folks from the lower-class get to experience less often due to lack of funds or opportunities.
As Jessi explains, this is all connected because "people from white-collar backgrounds are then often drawn to people from blue-collar backgrounds because they see them as able to help them have the close family relationships they always wanted."
Michaela keeps everything from every takeout restaurant we've ever ordered from. There's a whole drawer full of this stuff. She also keeps all of our gift bags which is great for holidays, birthdays, gift-giving, making it a lot easier.
I like to finish all of our leftovers. Michaela will not finish the last of anything in the fridge. This is a byproduct of her growing up with food insecurity and not necessarily knowing where her next meal will come from.
The biggest hurdle that mixed-class couples faced, according to Jessi's study, was the difference in planning and preparation. "The big difference that couples faced was whether to manage everything or to take it as it comes."
To our own surprise, partners from wealthy families would usually take the lead. "They grew up with financial security and parents in positions of authority. This allowed them to be able to predict the future and want to try to control their surroundings," Streib reasoned.
"People who grew up in blue-collar families often have less financial security and authority. So other people and events throw things at them, and they become very good at reacting. Seeing the future as unpredictable, they want to take things as they come."
Or, to borrow a golden phrase from John Lennon: "Life happens when you're busy making other plans." As long as you're making those plans together, despite the differences in habits and upbringing, that's what matters in the end.
We are 26 and Alex has never bought a car, laptop, or cellphone himself. And I have purchased every car, laptop, and cellphone that I've ever owned.
I keep all of my receipts in case there's something wrong with something that I bought and have to return it. Alex doesn't keep receipts because if there's something wrong with what he bought, he'll just buy another one.
Other people have to be told by their parents to keep their receipts so they can always prove that they weren't shoplifting.
Every time I leave a room and leave the light switch on, she will turn it off. Even if I'm going right back into that room a minute later.
This seems to be outdated advice/habit. It made sense when light bulbs were using 60W a piece but modern LED bulbs use 1/10th of that. It's around 5 USD per year to keep a light bulb on 24/7 (using the US average price of 10.5 cents per kWh). If you have 10 lights on for 5 hours per day every day, then it costs you 12 USD per year. There is virtually no saving potential in this.
When eating a meal, I always finished my plate because I was not allowed to leave the table until I finished my plate and was told I was wasteful, if I didn't. My husband will eat until he's full like a regular human.
Ok, but that one is crazy thinking. Just put a smaller portion on your plate. Wasteful cooking comes from cooking more than necessary or not saving scraps.
When you don't know if there will be a next meal you "stock up". There is usually no space to leave it safe if you don't eat it because somebody else will eat it if you don't. It IS craxy thinking that's the point of this post, to highlight the differences.
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You are both regular humans! Never forget that! Love your post, with regards, a regular human
My grandma grew up during the depression and would often force herself to finish the food she would serve. "I'd rather it go bad inside me than outside me" was her reasoning
This is a sign of an unhealthy food relationship that can expand into ED territory. If you do this please be careful.
Yep ^^ my story exactly. People say "Why don't you just stop eating when you're full?" Well because most of my life was food-insecure and I am still worried about getting enough to eat even though I'm in a much better financial position.
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No Rissie. It comes from not knowing when your next meal is coming from since birth. Some of you never had to wait for your mom's boyfriends work release lunch to split with your sibling for all 3 meals that day and it shows.
In case you're wondering that's Pluto on the left and Venus on the right plate.
forcing children to sit at the table and finish what was probably too big of a portion anyway is so unhealthy and may lead to eating disorders. did for me anyway......
People with a little more upbringing, as in not being raised by apes, will take only what they know they can finish and take another helping if still hungry.
100% grew up with this same rule, and also grew up at the poverty level/low income. There are so many problems with this. As a child, someone else out food on my plate and made me eat all of it. As an older child I was told to serve myself without any education on what normal portions should look like, all I knew was that I was starving so I served myself a large portion. I didn't know I couldn't eat it all. Also, adults put food on my plate they wanted me to eat that I didn't want or like, and the same rule applies. All of these scenarios plus more led to very unhealthy and harmful eating habits through my teenage and adult years. Looking at this issue from an adult perspective and assuming a child would approach the issue the same way is biased and ignorant.
Yes, I remember 'no thank you helpings' quite well.
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I was wondering if the White Collar parents look down on the Blue Collar spouse as they More than likely are very snobby?
If you were raised Catholic it was considered a sin to waste any food so you had to clean your plate and besides think of all those “poor starving people in China”.
Mmmmmm sure do miss the giant block of "chesse" and that tasty powdered milk
Sorry, break that habit. Eat until you're full, you do not have to eat the whole plate only because you were told to when you were little
Obviously you've never had those struggles. Why can't an alcoholic 'just break that habit' and stop drinking after one or two? Same with the emotions around food. Despite now having enough, though feelings and habits do persist and can remain a struggle.
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This shows that regardless of your origins, you can have a terrible taste on dishware.
It needs to be said.... if somebody cooks you a standard portion dinner at home.... you eat it all cos it's good manners and you were raised right. Another forkful of peas isn't going to kill you. Ask a chef in a restaurant how they feel when they see food coming back unfinished.
I have a collection of jars in case I can reuse them. I was taught to never throw anything away. And Alex will throw away or recycle stuff when he's done with it.
It's fine to save some, the risk of not having money goes to keeping everything even if you don't need it. Creating a mess you have to carry around with you. Because do you really ever need a jar so bad it's worth keeping for 10 years? It's the behavior that, in its extremes, has people end up hoarding unnecessary things.
Alex is good at picking up but he's not as good at cleaning because he always had to pick up for the cleaning service that he had his whole life. I'm better at cleaning because if I wanted something to be clean, I had to do it myself, but I am just naturally messier than he is.
Remembering working two months in a camp housekeeping department and hearing stories about the 18 year olds who had never swept because of the nanny. -.-
A lot of viewers could relate to Michaela's hardships and observations highlighted in their TikToks
I used to be like Alex, but with the age I've become Michaela. Not because I was raised in a wealthy family - I wasn't. It's not about money, I feel I've just become more conscious, started carying for environment, avoiding waste and limiting consumption.
I've seen people without money being wasteful and with money being very conscious about it. I agree with you this is more about a different layer of conscious behavior. Sure there is a correlation between how much money and how high this is on your list, but it really is about the type of person too.
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You don't have to be poor to not be wasteful and try to save some money. e.g. I'd always turn the lights off when I leave a room and I try to avoid food waste. Helps a little to save the planet and I waste less money
Have lived my whole life in third world country, It's kind of funny to see what poverty means for an American 😂
I'm going to venture a guess someone in poverty, in America, currently, wouldn't show up in a post, like this. I'm not sure why you think this is showcasing two people currently experiencing poverty. The post was about what ramifications poverty/wealth can have on people's behavior; Fear of food scarcity, fear of wasting money, compulsion to hoard items, etc. vs seeing things as replaceable, or disposable.
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It was the exact opposite with me and two of my old relationships. They both came from poorer backgrounds and I had to fight them to get them to save any money. "Let's spend the money while we have it" they said.
Yeah that's a scarcity mindset that a lot of poorer people have (myself included) and it makes it super hard to actually get out of poverty
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my ex came from a family that was well off and his parents wanted him to 'have everything they didn't'. he didn't understand budgeting, off-brands, etc. it was hard in the beginning. i especially remembered he didn't know what a coupon was but by the time we split he was the one looking and/or using coupons. interesting changes.
None of these have nothing to do with having wealth or not. I've seen the same behaviour in different social classes.
I’d say that my family and I are fairly well off, like if I want something and it isn’t an unreasonable price then I’ll usually be able to get it, I don’t have an allowance, etc. However, my parents didn’t grow up as well of as we are now, so we have a drawer full of fortune cookies, ketchup packets, etc, and a bunch of old paper bags, and that kind of stuff. Since environmental concern is big now, I think this is a good idea no matter your class.
There are many wealthy people who are frugal. Warren Buffett is notorious for pinching pennies.
This is also just however you're raised because my family was very well off financially but I have a food scarcity mindset because I was moderate to severely neglected and didn't know where my next meal would come from even though we always had plenty of food in the kitchen. We couldn't just get whatever we wanted from the kitchen because we didn't want to be yelled at for touching stuff we weren't supposed to.
They really missed an opportunity to talk about the impact of learned food behaviors like being told to always clean your plate/pack in food on obesity. Also, what's with all of these trust fund kids dressing like they buy their clothes in the Walmart clearance section and having the world's scrubbiest facial hair? Dude literally has a neckbeard.
Dang judgemental much!? He gets to look however he wants
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My wife and I have a lot of these same differences. However, my parents were barely middle class. Perhaps some of this is gender differences?
I was brought up middle class, admittedly lower middle, but definitely not poor. Apart from the food insecurity i was brought up like Mikaela. Alex is definitely from a wealthy family. I wouldnt call his upbringing middle class
I can relates n comments on almost every things aboves. Coming from poor family, being in ups n down of my careers n life, almost all (and more) being mentioned above relates to myself n habits.
My kids father is soooo wasteful. He grew up privelidged throws everything away when done except niw he only has a basic job and is always out of money because he spends it like its alway there. He never learned to plan and save. I grew up upper part of low class or low middle. We didn't have food scarcity but we grew most of our food and made everything we could ourself and went without if it was expensive unless it was absolutely necessary. As a result now I actually have a good paying job but often try to still think that I have to make it myself, which I've just now learning is sometimes just cheaper to buy it if time is money. Crazy hiw time changes things
My mom grew up with not a lot and her sisters would constantly throw out all of her things. I had a lot of my stuff stolen when I saved up a year for it with a bit of spare change I'd find or earn. I'm also nervous to eat the last of anything in the fridge not out of politeness but because as a kid we went through lean times where we had beans and hotdogs bought on sale for lunches. I vividly remember the fridge being near empty at that point. I have zero idea if it's an accurate memory, but in my brain if the fridge is full you're well off and if it isn't you aren't. (Most of the time it isn't the case, most of my friends just don't really cook.)
Also I definitely save sauce packets because I'm not able to eat sugar...So I can have one packet of ketchup or Taco Bell fire sauce every 2 weeks
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My partner is from an "upper middle class" background and I am from a "lower middle class" background. I was never in poverty, strictly speaking, and she was never so well off that "money didn't matter" but we certainly have different habits. While it shows some in our spending, the place it really shows up is in our attitudes about education and work, and I would say my life experience (which includes some teaching in a fairly broad variety of settings) has made me even more aware that attitudes about education, and details about how people approach it, often mark some of the biggest differences between "social class".
I used to be like Alex, but with the age I've become Michaela. Not because I was raised in a wealthy family - I wasn't. It's not about money, I feel I've just become more conscious, started carying for environment, avoiding waste and limiting consumption.
I've seen people without money being wasteful and with money being very conscious about it. I agree with you this is more about a different layer of conscious behavior. Sure there is a correlation between how much money and how high this is on your list, but it really is about the type of person too.
Load More Replies... You don't have to be poor to not be wasteful and try to save some money. e.g. I'd always turn the lights off when I leave a room and I try to avoid food waste. Helps a little to save the planet and I waste less money
Have lived my whole life in third world country, It's kind of funny to see what poverty means for an American 😂
I'm going to venture a guess someone in poverty, in America, currently, wouldn't show up in a post, like this. I'm not sure why you think this is showcasing two people currently experiencing poverty. The post was about what ramifications poverty/wealth can have on people's behavior; Fear of food scarcity, fear of wasting money, compulsion to hoard items, etc. vs seeing things as replaceable, or disposable.
Load More Replies... It was the exact opposite with me and two of my old relationships. They both came from poorer backgrounds and I had to fight them to get them to save any money. "Let's spend the money while we have it" they said.
Yeah that's a scarcity mindset that a lot of poorer people have (myself included) and it makes it super hard to actually get out of poverty
Load More Replies... my ex came from a family that was well off and his parents wanted him to 'have everything they didn't'. he didn't understand budgeting, off-brands, etc. it was hard in the beginning. i especially remembered he didn't know what a coupon was but by the time we split he was the one looking and/or using coupons. interesting changes.
None of these have nothing to do with having wealth or not. I've seen the same behaviour in different social classes.
I’d say that my family and I are fairly well off, like if I want something and it isn’t an unreasonable price then I’ll usually be able to get it, I don’t have an allowance, etc. However, my parents didn’t grow up as well of as we are now, so we have a drawer full of fortune cookies, ketchup packets, etc, and a bunch of old paper bags, and that kind of stuff. Since environmental concern is big now, I think this is a good idea no matter your class.
There are many wealthy people who are frugal. Warren Buffett is notorious for pinching pennies.
This is also just however you're raised because my family was very well off financially but I have a food scarcity mindset because I was moderate to severely neglected and didn't know where my next meal would come from even though we always had plenty of food in the kitchen. We couldn't just get whatever we wanted from the kitchen because we didn't want to be yelled at for touching stuff we weren't supposed to.
They really missed an opportunity to talk about the impact of learned food behaviors like being told to always clean your plate/pack in food on obesity. Also, what's with all of these trust fund kids dressing like they buy their clothes in the Walmart clearance section and having the world's scrubbiest facial hair? Dude literally has a neckbeard.
Dang judgemental much!? He gets to look however he wants
Load More Replies... My wife and I have a lot of these same differences. However, my parents were barely middle class. Perhaps some of this is gender differences?
I was brought up middle class, admittedly lower middle, but definitely not poor. Apart from the food insecurity i was brought up like Mikaela. Alex is definitely from a wealthy family. I wouldnt call his upbringing middle class
I can relates n comments on almost every things aboves. Coming from poor family, being in ups n down of my careers n life, almost all (and more) being mentioned above relates to myself n habits.
My kids father is soooo wasteful. He grew up privelidged throws everything away when done except niw he only has a basic job and is always out of money because he spends it like its alway there. He never learned to plan and save. I grew up upper part of low class or low middle. We didn't have food scarcity but we grew most of our food and made everything we could ourself and went without if it was expensive unless it was absolutely necessary. As a result now I actually have a good paying job but often try to still think that I have to make it myself, which I've just now learning is sometimes just cheaper to buy it if time is money. Crazy hiw time changes things
My mom grew up with not a lot and her sisters would constantly throw out all of her things. I had a lot of my stuff stolen when I saved up a year for it with a bit of spare change I'd find or earn. I'm also nervous to eat the last of anything in the fridge not out of politeness but because as a kid we went through lean times where we had beans and hotdogs bought on sale for lunches. I vividly remember the fridge being near empty at that point. I have zero idea if it's an accurate memory, but in my brain if the fridge is full you're well off and if it isn't you aren't. (Most of the time it isn't the case, most of my friends just don't really cook.)
Also I definitely save sauce packets because I'm not able to eat sugar...So I can have one packet of ketchup or Taco Bell fire sauce every 2 weeks
Load More Replies... My partner is from an "upper middle class" background and I am from a "lower middle class" background. I was never in poverty, strictly speaking, and she was never so well off that "money didn't matter" but we certainly have different habits. While it shows some in our spending, the place it really shows up is in our attitudes about education and work, and I would say my life experience (which includes some teaching in a fairly broad variety of settings) has made me even more aware that attitudes about education, and details about how people approach it, often mark some of the biggest differences between "social class".
