Woman Keeps On Wearing The Same Dress To Weddings, Wonders What To Do After Her Friend Tells Her To Wear Something Else
Apparently, your sartorial choices can put a lot of strain on your friendship. In some people’s minds, there are only a set number of times that you can wear a single dress. Rather than seeing your fashion choices as iconic, they see it as a low-key insult.
One redditor, from Canada, shared how she wears a blue dress to all of her friends’ weddings in California because her warm-weather wardrobe is very limited. However, when she got invited to her friend’s wedding, she was warned not to wear her iconic dress.
That’s when the redditor decided to turn to the AITA community for their advice on what she should do. Scroll down for the full post and to see what advice the internet gave the woman. When you’ve read through everything, share your opinion in the comments. Do you think it’s time for a new dress or should the wedding guest wear her old blue one again?
Bored Panda got in touch with wedding industry experts Anna and Sarah, Team Leaders at The Wedding Society, to get their opinions on wedding dress codes, following the guidance from the happy couple, as well as what trends are fashionable in 2022. Read on for what they had to say.
A woman got invited to a friend’s wedding, but she ended up facing a dilemma about what to wear
Image credits: Amy Kate (not the actual photo)
Her friend’s request made her turn to the AITA community for advice. Here’s the redditor’s full story
Image credits: Cleyder Duque (not the actual photo)
According to wedding experts Anna and Sarah, it’s usually a good thing to listen to the advice and guidelines that the couple that’s getting married gives their guests. Of course, everything needs to be taken with a pinch of common sense: most of the time, you’ll intuitively know if some demands are unreasonable or unrealistic.
“If you can and they’re reasonable, it’s always best to follow the guidance of the wedding couple as to what to wear,” the expert told Bored Panda.
“Of course, there’s always a line that can be crossed into being too demanding or unrealistic with expectations, but generally most couples are just trying to help their guests get a feel for their day,” they suggested that the guidance shouldn’t put too much pressure on the guests.
Anna and Sarah were happy to give Bored Panda an overview of the trends in wedding clothing and designs in terms of colors and patterns. “There are so many amazing style trends for weddings at the moment,” they said that 2022 is looking to be a great year.
“Neutrals and sages are really popular, as well as pops of bright color. Clean lines and Palm Springs vibes are still very in!” they revealed what’s trending.
Most of us Pandas know what peer pressure looks like. At the end of the day, we value other people’s opinions. Especially if they’re our closest pals. So when someone tells us that they dislike something that we wear, we tend to think things over. A lot. Maybe way too much. Even if we love an item of clothing, we might start second-guessing our own decisions.
After all, we don’t want to end up embarrassing our friends or making them feel uncomfortable. On the flip side, we also shouldn’t be so eager to give up our identities or fashion choices. What’s more, some people aren’t all too keen on buying a whole new set of clothes ‘just’ for one wedding. It can sometimes be hard to find the right balance between personal boundaries and social expectations.
In some cases, our friends are totally right and we simply can’t see that our beloved items of clothing might not be the best fit for whatever social event we’re going to. In all cases, when it comes to criticizing someone’s clothing, it’s vital to be diplomatic, tactful, and gentle. (Unless they have a wicked sense of humor and they believe that frankness is the best policy.)
Earlier, Mary Waldron, the founder of ‘You can’t just slap some fabric together and call it a dress,’ told Bored Panda that people might be more willing to listen to you if you phrase things differently.
“I think the important thing when sharing opinions on another person’s outfits is tact, it comes across as rude if you simply say, ‘Your dress is ugly’ and the other person may not be as willing to listen to you, but if you were to say, ‘I don’t think that dress is very flattering for your figure, try this other dress.’ It sounds less critical and gives you the chance to give them a better option,” she explained how people can tackle the topic of dresses in a diplomatic way.
Meanwhile, Nigerian fashion designer Oyinda Akinfenwa, the creator of the Janore brand, told Bored Panda a bit about the actual process of designing dresses.
“When it comes to my process, it varies depending on the design and my state of mind at the point. It could be fast like just envisioning a style and sometimes it’s quite slow which may involve drawing various patterns to make sure I get the right fit and styling necessary for each design,” she gave us a small peek at how dress designers think and work.
“I wish people understood that it is not easy to actually create designs out of an idea, there’s a lot of creative process that goes into it and it will be nice if people were a bit more understanding of designers and also understanding the story behind their art,” she said.
“I have to make sure that all the styling options I offer look just as good as the next one and also ensure that it fits into the category of outfit that I’m going for. Also to make sure that it can not only be styled differently but also styled to fit different occasions thereby creating ease as well as comfort for whoever is wearing it,” she explained.
Quite a few people sided with the OP. Here’s what they said about the situation
Meanwhile, others thought that it might be time to wear a different dress
If the couples are all still married from the weddings she's attended then it's her lucky blue dress and couples should be begging her to rock it at their wedding!
I totally would! (Also love the way you look at it!)
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Most of Canada including the Northwest Territories and Nunavut have warm summers so her comment about Canada is just odd. Everyone here has 2 wardrobes - one for summer and one for winter. However regardless ine poster in AITA made a very good comment that she should “test the waters” to see if her friend meant it as a joke and reply back that it was her signature look and no one would recognize her if she wore something different. I think that’s a good approach.
I mean, I live in Idaho and I only have really one hoodie that's semi-winter worthy (it's warm and waterproof at least) and barely any long pants, so I'd say the temperature thing is more about subjective preference. I am ALWAYS warm. You'd have to fight to get me in warm clothes at the North Pole. Maybe she's the opposite, just always cold. Possibly circulation issues or possibly just naturally prefers heat.
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That's why it's a waste of time and money to attend weddings.
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Isn't this the whole point of a Little Black Dress? One dress you can wear to any special occasion? (I know hers is blue, but still...same principle.)
It only works with black. And the same exact black dress for every occasion only works if you change up your accessories and shoes. The real point of the Little Black Dress is that it can take you from a work day, to an evening work function, to play, to a PTA meeting, to a night out on the town, or even to a dinner at a fancy restaurant.
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Find the exact same dress, but in a very slightly different shade of blue. ;)
Hard to say what the tone of the bride's message is without knowing their relationship, whether it was meant in good fun or being kinda snippy. At the very least it would make me super self conscious about wearing the same dress again, but certainly NTA for doing so.
And we don't know why she doesn't have more dresses. Does she not care, is she eco conscious, is it about the money. There are ways to work around this but it does depend on why she uses those three dresses. Renting a dress or borrowing one can be an option, but she might not like that
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I'm sure I will sound like a terrible person, but in my late 20s/early 30s I stopped going to weddings. In ONE year I had over 7 weddings to attend. And it is not just the wedding it is all the showers you are expected to attend. It was costing me a huge amount of money because the brides insisted on 'special' requirements such as new dresses (I had a large group of friends). I was doing a graduate degree and had little money, always gave a nice gift, but just too much money. I did attend one wedding during this time period because both the groom and bride insisted on NO gifts, come dressed nicely but other then that they just wanted friends to be with them. The whole wedding cost was probably less than $5k - and it was a great wedding.
All the people saying she needs to buy a new dress clearly have money to throw around on something that'll probably only get worn a couple times a year, if that. I'd tell them if they wanna pay for it, I'd be happy to get a new dress. Otherwise, leave me alone.
Agree! A couple times per year is probably way estimating a formal dress, or outfit, too! More like once every half-decade, for me!
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The more I see these articles the more I wish there was a filter to flush out the AITA posts. I swear, most of these people know very well they are not the AH but just post their story on the internet for validation!
If someone wants you to wear something else, it is up to them to buy it.
People put too much emphasis on clothing and what someone's wearing, when the event should be the main focus. People have stupid f'd up ideas and ideology about how people are supposed to dress and present themselves, etc. I'm not saying wear pajamas to the store, because that's a different situation, but for her life and the one dress and that works for her, then that should be what works for her and no one else should get to say anything about it.
Ja Le Gr, Thank you for posting what I've been meaning to post! :)
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NTA, why should they care what she wears? As long as it's appropriate attire for the wedding then what's the problem?
I'm in Canada, I have at least 8 dresses and 5 skirts. What she's saying is bs. If she didn't have the funds for a new dress then yeah I understand and her friend should treat her badly for that. But if it's just cuz "oh, it's cold" nah. It rly ain't. I live up north and I still wear dresses lmao. She can also go to Ardenes and buy a cheap summer dress, I've had an ardene dress for 6 years and it hasn't broke. Yes they're usually cheaper quality but some have thicker material and are only 20-30 dollars. Jjshouse also is an online store that ships dresses that literally look exactly like the pics, true to image and nice materials, you can get a dress from there starting at 20 for summer dresses and fancy night outs are minimum 60 CAD. Not bad prices at all.
Also yes I wear most of my dresses and skirts casually I don't just have them for once in a lifetime occasions, but some are actually limited edition and will go up in price in a few years so I try not to wear those when I know I'll be eating or drinking a lot that day.
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OP certainly is NTA. As a Canadian living in Canada, I can attest that we DO have summer and autumn, and lots of us Canadian women don't wear the same dress ever. Point is, wear whatever you want, don't worry about others, and Canadian women are just as fashionable as Californian (I do have family lives in LA and NB too).
She can change dresses when the boys change tuxedos. I wish i had a dress that would last as long as her blue dress. Clothing nowadays is s**t and onl boys clothing least more than a year or two
Personally, I think it's rude that the person put that on the wedding invitation. If the choice of attire bothers the friend so much, then maybe they should either buy her a new dress or lend one to her.
Unless the bride, wedding party, and/or mothers are wearing blue, the bride is TA for telling her friend not to wear her blue dress (even then, I think any bride dictating specific colors for their wedding guests is TA). However, since the bride said not to wear it, I'd show up in the holiday dress (which I hope is either bright red sequins or covered in large gingerbread men and a huge lace collar) 😈. I'd also start to wonder if my friends are making fun of me behind my back. At the very least I'd cut this "friend" loose because this feels like mean girl mocking rather than good-natured teasing (if she was teasing, she would have followed with a "Kidding. It'll be great to see you no matter what you wear").
It really is obnoxious, sexist, and ridiculously shallow, to care that much about what women are wearing. Men get to wear the same suit, and old shoes, to everything, while women have to spend on specialized hygiene products, medication, hair products, lotions, soaps, makeup, jewelry, and new clothes, every year...Come on, how is this not a disgusting representation of over-consumption, and double standards? That said, it could be a joke. You really should ask. If she's serious, then I guess you aren't good enough friends after all.
If she cares more about what you wear that you being there, she's not a real friend. She's just shallow.
I feel like if it's a running joke for them the bride might have just been teasing again, though maybe also hoping the friend really would wear something different. But I agree with the comment that she should start by assuming it was said jokingly, and ask to find out how much the bride meant it. Thrift shop is a good idea if she decides it would be better to change it up, and she can always donate it back again after if she really thinks she won't wear it. Or rotate between the two for the next few weddings.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Tell her it's your lucky blue wedding dress, but if she doesn't want or need the luck, wear your holiday dress this time. BTW you can buy a summery frock for less than $35 if you choose to add 1 more dress to the rotation.
Ya, like just buy a new dress, it doesn't have to be costly. Just make sure it's NOT white, or anything even close. Pink is always nice, red is too flashy. There ya go...a nice but simple pink dress that's inexpensive.
I never used to be cold but since getting Covid in January, I'm cold all the time. I know Canada has nice weather during the summer but this ex-Californian clearly isn't feeling the heat. Perhaps she is also a bit of a minimalist. She's not an a*****e but if she's employed as a civil engineer she can probably afford to get a new summer dress from a thrift store at least! There's a ton of options out there from online stores or affordable stores like Ross, T.J. Maxx etc. For the sake of friendship, get a new dress!
I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with someone wearing the same dress to multiple events.
Only asšhole I'm seeing is the sexist bride who thinks it's ok to tell someone what to wear. Men wear the same tuxes over and over, yet no one says boo. Although I will say, as a Canadian, I own plenty of dresses, living in Canada isnt an excuse to have only 3 dresses lol
Idk brides make a lot of rules for their wedding. It's their wedding. They're paying for entertainment, dinner, the venue, and there is a per guest cost. The host of an event can set rules. Doesn't make them sexiest
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I'm the opposite. I always wind up buying 3 different dresses for a wedding & flopping between them until the last minute. I always wear the other two for something else eventually. I get them from thrift shops so I'm not out much money. It gives me a reason to go dress shopping! I have found many great dresses & deals by doing this & starting my dress hunt early.
Should make a THING of wearing that same dress. Wear it to anniversaries, christenings, etc. 😂 f**k'em.
Now, you've all seen the "Let's see how many upvotes this can get!", well, screw that, et's see how many downvotes we can get on this comment!
Maybe she can't afford a new dress? Maybe she doesn't want to be wasteful and buy more clothes she doesn't need. We all have way too much anyway. She should not have to go and buy something new
I have a dress that I bought in 1988, that I've worn to weddings and social events that I've had pictures taken in those 32 years or more. It's black, however for my son's wedding, I did break down and got a dress of spring color, as I thought it was warranted not that I was told to. I do like the comment about the guys having one or two suits and no one judges them for it. Save the funds for something needed then because you got bullied into a new dress. Only if it was heinous or ill-fitting should you change your mind.
I didn't get the feeling that she has a money problem, what I felt was that she doesn't care much about clothes in general, and that she doesn't feel like buying a new one just for a day. But, if it was a special request, she could at least try to wear one of the 2 other she has or try to borrow one with another friend. Try being the key word, and talk to the friend too.
I doubt the bride would boot the guest out if she showed up in the dress again, though some ribbing from the entire friend group would be normal. If she absolutely cannot buy a new dress, the she should "joke" that it's her look, signature, or her in the dress in basically a wedding meme at this point. This should be done before the wedding, so it's not a surprise. But I don't fault the friends for thinking picking the same, easy outfit shows a lack of care and attention.
Personally I think the way the text was worded comes across as an a$$hole. To expect someone to pay for a plane ticket, possibly hotel stay, accomodations and a gift and then ask them to wear a different dress - especially in that manner - is tacky. She's not in the wedding so it really shouldn't matter. However, if she chooses to go to the wedding and get a new dress then I would just go to a second hand shop. Our Goodwill here has a TON of dresses for like $7.00, I got a gorgeous one for my daughter a few weeks ago with the tags still on them. I definitely wouldn't buy a brand new one. Either way if you buy a new dress, regardless of the cost, don't buy a present.
I love that comment questioning if OP has ever heard a joke or what lmao, a lot of women are really sensitive with dreses. I remember back in school we would do traditional dances and they usually made chatrooms with all the girls to make sure no one is wearing the same dress variant as them, if the dress was pretty uniformed, they policed accessories instead. Worst part is that they gave no shits if they accidentally copied you instead (however if you did they'd lose their s**t) and in case both set the eyes in the same dress, they would never be the one searching for another option, YOU were expected to do so. I think OP's friend is dead serious.
No, people in California have not gotten together to create this weird culture of never wearing the same thing twice. Maybe this person picks crappy friends.
Maybe she can't AFFORD a new dress especially since inflation is currently awful pretty much everywhere in North America. On top of that she had to spend a pretty penny on flying to the most expensive state in the US for the wedding. I have friends in Canada and I know s**t is skyhigh in Canada (one of my friends is about to have his first baby in June that lives up there and he has shown me that gas is high in Canada worse than Cali is on it)... What I would do is either tell her friend to deal with it or buy a dress for her instead or let her wear dress pants and a nice top instead or wear the blue dress anyways. Long as she is NOT a brides maid or a flower girl she doesn't need to spend a bunch of money on a dress that she would nvr wear again. If she is a brides maid then it supposed to be the brides job of getting her a suitable brides maid dress for her! I have went to a friend's wedding few years ago and I wore dress pants and a nice shirt to go with it that I bought @ Goodwill
I highly doubt she meant it as an insult. It seems the bride would like her friend to embrace her wedding day consider it a special occasion to shop for a new frock to celebrate the day. When she originally bought the blue dress she intended to wear it every wedding she attends..
Ok, even in jest, the "don't you dare..." sounds snotty and controlling. Other friends who have teased about the blue dress also need to learn some manners. A true friend would never do that. The post doesn't indicate best friend status; if I got an invite with a similar proviso I would respond that I and my tweed sport coat would be thinking of them on their special day.
It does not seem like the OP has financial limitations - one new dress is not going to break the bank. It sounds like several friends within the same circle have married in recent past so photos of the events would show the OP in the same blue dress. The bride-to-be may have been kidding and wearing the blue dress again would continue an inside joke. Maybe OP should embrace the opportunity to treat herself to a new dress and retire/donate "old blue".
Alexa I agree. Dresses are not that expensive. Weddings are.suppose to be about the bride and groom. It's not a huge ask. If you can afford to travel from Canada to California you can afford a new dress.
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I see several possible scenarios: 1) this bride wants bragging right for getting OP out of "that blue dress", 2) the cost might be beyond OP's means; 3) she may no longer like dresses as much as she used to; 4) as long as she's not a member of the wedding party and isn't choosing to wear a wedding dress herself, what's the big deal?
Also, personally, I never have occasion to wear a dress that I purchased for a wedding, anywhere else. I would choose an understated outfit, for a wedding, but that still looked appropriately formal .... And then never wear it again, because it's not my style, and I don't attend fancy events, ever. Why should I have to spend money on something I already own, just to put in in the closet for another several years, "just in case"? That seems incredibly impractical, and wasteful.
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Men get away with wearing the same thing to every event because what they wear isn’t distinctive. Your blue dress is distinctive. If it was a basic black one that you varied with accessories, no one would have noticed. You might want to try adding a colourful shawl to your black dress or something rather that being the “blue dress girl”.
She's a civil engineer. That is a very well paid profession, even in Canada. And unless she is living in the arctic, Canada has very hot summers, so I'm thinking this whole post is fake. It sounds very much like an American who has NO idea about Canada. Fake fake fake
This is an example of someone who just doesn't want to make an effort and is being cheap even though they could probably afford to update some items in their wardrobe, they just don't want to and are using the Canadian climate as an excuse. I'm not saying replace everything every year but you could do away with older clothes that have seen better days and add a few pieces to help make your event wardrobe more versatile so it doesn't look like you are wearing the same thing repeatedly. And if the old clothes are gently worn and still in good condition, consider donating them so someone else can have a leg up in the wardrobe department.
YTA for blaming the lack of dresses on where you live instead of just saying you don't want to buy more because you rarely wear them. That being said NTA for re wearing a dress for multiple weddings. Dresses are pricey as is the travel and lodging to attend friends weddings.
Idk I call b******t on this story. I don't even believe a shred of it is true because I am born, raised and lived in Canada my whole life and I can tell you right now that we have all four seasons. From about April or May to October or November ish it is fairly warm weather. Summer months can get super warm too like 20 to 40 degrees and wearing a sweater and pants would cause heat stroke. I think she's lying. But if she wasn't lying I would say she is not the a*****e.
I can't imagine wearing the same dress to almost a dozen weddings. It doesn't sound like an a**hole move but it sounds like you are cheap. Go to a thrift store and buy another dress or don't wear a dress. You can wear a nice shirt and pants. Depending on how formal the wedding is you need to dress accordingly. If you are spending money to go to someone's wedding and can't pop $10 for something to wear them maybe you should make an excuse and sit this one out. You said your friends tease you about that same blue dress. It may be good natured ribbing and they are just hoping you get the hint. I think when you go to the thrift store you should donate that blue dress. Take a picture of you handing over the dress and send it to all your friends and attach the message that you finally got the hint and they will never see the blue dress on you again.
Keisha I'm with you. Buying a new dress is not a Herculean task. It's not a super large expense. When you've reached the point where your friends are specifically requesting you not wear that dress again, even as a joke, you've worn that dress one too many times. Donate the "blue dress" and get a new special occasion dress.
Load More Replies... so I see a few people saying she's selfish or this is fake because "Canada has summers" and honestly, that rubs me the wrong way. have you considered that she may have a condition that affects her temperature regulation? this is someone who once lived in Cali and is now somewhere in Canada, which has varying temperatures. As someone with POTS, I know if I moved any further north, I'd likely never wear short sleeves again since my temperature is always very low. I hate when people just jump to the conclusion of "this person isn't like me, therefore this is fake"
Had the same thought. I have POTS as well and it’s currently 70° F AND I’m wearing socks and my feet/legs are still purple and ice cold. Doubting I’ll even be able to wear shorts this summer
Load More Replies... I don't get why she's trying to extrapolate what her friends do to an entire California culture thing. Those are your friends that you grew up with. That may be their thing, but it doesn't mean it's the whole state. You will find people like that anywhere as well as people who just don't care. There is no special California etiquette rule on how often you can wear an outfit. Most people here won't care, just as most people anywhere else in the US won't care. I can't speak to other cultures. I'm sure many also don't care.
She only has one damn dress and went to 12 or so weddings with it so far (12 she admitted so there might be more). it's ridiculous... that dress is probably already old, worn out and tacky too and it's definitely not in good shape. From the way she worded this, she definitely didn't buy some expensive well made dress that can withstand 12 washings without losing color or shape. I'm actually surprised it hasn't fallen apart yet (or it did and she keeps sewing it back together again, idk). I do rotate my dresses (definitely used them more than once) but not even I am this bad. Honestly this story makes me feel kind of good about myself the more I think about it. This is not a money issue so IMO it's some personal thing (some hang-up about dresses or spending or owning too much, whatever) that she has and it's her choice if she wants to face it or not... she knows the social norms of her country about weddings so she does know she goes against their norm.
FAKE - Canada has summers, this person is making this stuff up so they can post an AITA story.
Could be! Or they could have made up a location so it wasn't as obvious where they are living. They just did a poor job, and don't know much about Canada, other than, "it's in the north, and colder."
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Well...that wasn't the right way to address this dilemma, but in a way I understand! I've known ppl that wear same outfits to every festive occasion with the excuse that they spent to much $$$ on it! Well..."Why get it if u couldn't afford it??!!" I usually keep record of what I wear NOT to have same outfits on pics!!
Wear a bridal white dress....that'll stop them complaining about the blue. LOL
I don't think this is about money, as a civil engineer she should be well paid. There is no need to buy a new dress if it won't get much use. Why not wear slacks and a nice blouse?
It is nice to be photographed in something different. Could you dye it in another colour? or add some sequins/crochet to change the look of the dress?
The AH move is claiming you know more about a person's life than they do.
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If the couples are all still married from the weddings she's attended then it's her lucky blue dress and couples should be begging her to rock it at their wedding!
I totally would! (Also love the way you look at it!)
Load More Replies... Most of Canada including the Northwest Territories and Nunavut have warm summers so her comment about Canada is just odd. Everyone here has 2 wardrobes - one for summer and one for winter. However regardless ine poster in AITA made a very good comment that she should “test the waters” to see if her friend meant it as a joke and reply back that it was her signature look and no one would recognize her if she wore something different. I think that’s a good approach.
I mean, I live in Idaho and I only have really one hoodie that's semi-winter worthy (it's warm and waterproof at least) and barely any long pants, so I'd say the temperature thing is more about subjective preference. I am ALWAYS warm. You'd have to fight to get me in warm clothes at the North Pole. Maybe she's the opposite, just always cold. Possibly circulation issues or possibly just naturally prefers heat.
Load More Replies... That's why it's a waste of time and money to attend weddings.
Load More Replies... Isn't this the whole point of a Little Black Dress? One dress you can wear to any special occasion? (I know hers is blue, but still...same principle.)
It only works with black. And the same exact black dress for every occasion only works if you change up your accessories and shoes. The real point of the Little Black Dress is that it can take you from a work day, to an evening work function, to play, to a PTA meeting, to a night out on the town, or even to a dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Load More Replies... Find the exact same dress, but in a very slightly different shade of blue. ;)
Hard to say what the tone of the bride's message is without knowing their relationship, whether it was meant in good fun or being kinda snippy. At the very least it would make me super self conscious about wearing the same dress again, but certainly NTA for doing so.
And we don't know why she doesn't have more dresses. Does she not care, is she eco conscious, is it about the money. There are ways to work around this but it does depend on why she uses those three dresses. Renting a dress or borrowing one can be an option, but she might not like that
Load More Replies... I'm sure I will sound like a terrible person, but in my late 20s/early 30s I stopped going to weddings. In ONE year I had over 7 weddings to attend. And it is not just the wedding it is all the showers you are expected to attend. It was costing me a huge amount of money because the brides insisted on 'special' requirements such as new dresses (I had a large group of friends). I was doing a graduate degree and had little money, always gave a nice gift, but just too much money. I did attend one wedding during this time period because both the groom and bride insisted on NO gifts, come dressed nicely but other then that they just wanted friends to be with them. The whole wedding cost was probably less than $5k - and it was a great wedding.
All the people saying she needs to buy a new dress clearly have money to throw around on something that'll probably only get worn a couple times a year, if that. I'd tell them if they wanna pay for it, I'd be happy to get a new dress. Otherwise, leave me alone.
Agree! A couple times per year is probably way estimating a formal dress, or outfit, too! More like once every half-decade, for me!
Load More Replies... The more I see these articles the more I wish there was a filter to flush out the AITA posts. I swear, most of these people know very well they are not the AH but just post their story on the internet for validation!
If someone wants you to wear something else, it is up to them to buy it.
People put too much emphasis on clothing and what someone's wearing, when the event should be the main focus. People have stupid f'd up ideas and ideology about how people are supposed to dress and present themselves, etc. I'm not saying wear pajamas to the store, because that's a different situation, but for her life and the one dress and that works for her, then that should be what works for her and no one else should get to say anything about it.
Ja Le Gr, Thank you for posting what I've been meaning to post! :)
Load More Replies... NTA, why should they care what she wears? As long as it's appropriate attire for the wedding then what's the problem?
I'm in Canada, I have at least 8 dresses and 5 skirts. What she's saying is bs. If she didn't have the funds for a new dress then yeah I understand and her friend should treat her badly for that. But if it's just cuz "oh, it's cold" nah. It rly ain't. I live up north and I still wear dresses lmao. She can also go to Ardenes and buy a cheap summer dress, I've had an ardene dress for 6 years and it hasn't broke. Yes they're usually cheaper quality but some have thicker material and are only 20-30 dollars. Jjshouse also is an online store that ships dresses that literally look exactly like the pics, true to image and nice materials, you can get a dress from there starting at 20 for summer dresses and fancy night outs are minimum 60 CAD. Not bad prices at all.
Also yes I wear most of my dresses and skirts casually I don't just have them for once in a lifetime occasions, but some are actually limited edition and will go up in price in a few years so I try not to wear those when I know I'll be eating or drinking a lot that day.
Load More Replies... OP certainly is NTA. As a Canadian living in Canada, I can attest that we DO have summer and autumn, and lots of us Canadian women don't wear the same dress ever. Point is, wear whatever you want, don't worry about others, and Canadian women are just as fashionable as Californian (I do have family lives in LA and NB too).
She can change dresses when the boys change tuxedos. I wish i had a dress that would last as long as her blue dress. Clothing nowadays is s**t and onl boys clothing least more than a year or two
Personally, I think it's rude that the person put that on the wedding invitation. If the choice of attire bothers the friend so much, then maybe they should either buy her a new dress or lend one to her.
Unless the bride, wedding party, and/or mothers are wearing blue, the bride is TA for telling her friend not to wear her blue dress (even then, I think any bride dictating specific colors for their wedding guests is TA). However, since the bride said not to wear it, I'd show up in the holiday dress (which I hope is either bright red sequins or covered in large gingerbread men and a huge lace collar) 😈. I'd also start to wonder if my friends are making fun of me behind my back. At the very least I'd cut this "friend" loose because this feels like mean girl mocking rather than good-natured teasing (if she was teasing, she would have followed with a "Kidding. It'll be great to see you no matter what you wear").
It really is obnoxious, sexist, and ridiculously shallow, to care that much about what women are wearing. Men get to wear the same suit, and old shoes, to everything, while women have to spend on specialized hygiene products, medication, hair products, lotions, soaps, makeup, jewelry, and new clothes, every year...Come on, how is this not a disgusting representation of over-consumption, and double standards? That said, it could be a joke. You really should ask. If she's serious, then I guess you aren't good enough friends after all.
If she cares more about what you wear that you being there, she's not a real friend. She's just shallow.
I feel like if it's a running joke for them the bride might have just been teasing again, though maybe also hoping the friend really would wear something different. But I agree with the comment that she should start by assuming it was said jokingly, and ask to find out how much the bride meant it. Thrift shop is a good idea if she decides it would be better to change it up, and she can always donate it back again after if she really thinks she won't wear it. Or rotate between the two for the next few weddings.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Tell her it's your lucky blue wedding dress, but if she doesn't want or need the luck, wear your holiday dress this time. BTW you can buy a summery frock for less than $35 if you choose to add 1 more dress to the rotation.
Ya, like just buy a new dress, it doesn't have to be costly. Just make sure it's NOT white, or anything even close. Pink is always nice, red is too flashy. There ya go...a nice but simple pink dress that's inexpensive.
I never used to be cold but since getting Covid in January, I'm cold all the time. I know Canada has nice weather during the summer but this ex-Californian clearly isn't feeling the heat. Perhaps she is also a bit of a minimalist. She's not an a*****e but if she's employed as a civil engineer she can probably afford to get a new summer dress from a thrift store at least! There's a ton of options out there from online stores or affordable stores like Ross, T.J. Maxx etc. For the sake of friendship, get a new dress!
I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with someone wearing the same dress to multiple events.
Only asšhole I'm seeing is the sexist bride who thinks it's ok to tell someone what to wear. Men wear the same tuxes over and over, yet no one says boo. Although I will say, as a Canadian, I own plenty of dresses, living in Canada isnt an excuse to have only 3 dresses lol
Idk brides make a lot of rules for their wedding. It's their wedding. They're paying for entertainment, dinner, the venue, and there is a per guest cost. The host of an event can set rules. Doesn't make them sexiest
Load More Replies... I'm the opposite. I always wind up buying 3 different dresses for a wedding & flopping between them until the last minute. I always wear the other two for something else eventually. I get them from thrift shops so I'm not out much money. It gives me a reason to go dress shopping! I have found many great dresses & deals by doing this & starting my dress hunt early.
Should make a THING of wearing that same dress. Wear it to anniversaries, christenings, etc. 😂 f**k'em.
Now, you've all seen the "Let's see how many upvotes this can get!", well, screw that, et's see how many downvotes we can get on this comment!
Maybe she can't afford a new dress? Maybe she doesn't want to be wasteful and buy more clothes she doesn't need. We all have way too much anyway. She should not have to go and buy something new
I have a dress that I bought in 1988, that I've worn to weddings and social events that I've had pictures taken in those 32 years or more. It's black, however for my son's wedding, I did break down and got a dress of spring color, as I thought it was warranted not that I was told to. I do like the comment about the guys having one or two suits and no one judges them for it. Save the funds for something needed then because you got bullied into a new dress. Only if it was heinous or ill-fitting should you change your mind.
I didn't get the feeling that she has a money problem, what I felt was that she doesn't care much about clothes in general, and that she doesn't feel like buying a new one just for a day. But, if it was a special request, she could at least try to wear one of the 2 other she has or try to borrow one with another friend. Try being the key word, and talk to the friend too.
I doubt the bride would boot the guest out if she showed up in the dress again, though some ribbing from the entire friend group would be normal. If she absolutely cannot buy a new dress, the she should "joke" that it's her look, signature, or her in the dress in basically a wedding meme at this point. This should be done before the wedding, so it's not a surprise. But I don't fault the friends for thinking picking the same, easy outfit shows a lack of care and attention.
Personally I think the way the text was worded comes across as an a$$hole. To expect someone to pay for a plane ticket, possibly hotel stay, accomodations and a gift and then ask them to wear a different dress - especially in that manner - is tacky. She's not in the wedding so it really shouldn't matter. However, if she chooses to go to the wedding and get a new dress then I would just go to a second hand shop. Our Goodwill here has a TON of dresses for like $7.00, I got a gorgeous one for my daughter a few weeks ago with the tags still on them. I definitely wouldn't buy a brand new one. Either way if you buy a new dress, regardless of the cost, don't buy a present.
I love that comment questioning if OP has ever heard a joke or what lmao, a lot of women are really sensitive with dreses. I remember back in school we would do traditional dances and they usually made chatrooms with all the girls to make sure no one is wearing the same dress variant as them, if the dress was pretty uniformed, they policed accessories instead. Worst part is that they gave no shits if they accidentally copied you instead (however if you did they'd lose their s**t) and in case both set the eyes in the same dress, they would never be the one searching for another option, YOU were expected to do so. I think OP's friend is dead serious.
No, people in California have not gotten together to create this weird culture of never wearing the same thing twice. Maybe this person picks crappy friends.
Maybe she can't AFFORD a new dress especially since inflation is currently awful pretty much everywhere in North America. On top of that she had to spend a pretty penny on flying to the most expensive state in the US for the wedding. I have friends in Canada and I know s**t is skyhigh in Canada (one of my friends is about to have his first baby in June that lives up there and he has shown me that gas is high in Canada worse than Cali is on it)... What I would do is either tell her friend to deal with it or buy a dress for her instead or let her wear dress pants and a nice top instead or wear the blue dress anyways. Long as she is NOT a brides maid or a flower girl she doesn't need to spend a bunch of money on a dress that she would nvr wear again. If she is a brides maid then it supposed to be the brides job of getting her a suitable brides maid dress for her! I have went to a friend's wedding few years ago and I wore dress pants and a nice shirt to go with it that I bought @ Goodwill
I highly doubt she meant it as an insult. It seems the bride would like her friend to embrace her wedding day consider it a special occasion to shop for a new frock to celebrate the day. When she originally bought the blue dress she intended to wear it every wedding she attends..
Ok, even in jest, the "don't you dare..." sounds snotty and controlling. Other friends who have teased about the blue dress also need to learn some manners. A true friend would never do that. The post doesn't indicate best friend status; if I got an invite with a similar proviso I would respond that I and my tweed sport coat would be thinking of them on their special day.
It does not seem like the OP has financial limitations - one new dress is not going to break the bank. It sounds like several friends within the same circle have married in recent past so photos of the events would show the OP in the same blue dress. The bride-to-be may have been kidding and wearing the blue dress again would continue an inside joke. Maybe OP should embrace the opportunity to treat herself to a new dress and retire/donate "old blue".
Alexa I agree. Dresses are not that expensive. Weddings are.suppose to be about the bride and groom. It's not a huge ask. If you can afford to travel from Canada to California you can afford a new dress.
Load More Replies... I see several possible scenarios: 1) this bride wants bragging right for getting OP out of "that blue dress", 2) the cost might be beyond OP's means; 3) she may no longer like dresses as much as she used to; 4) as long as she's not a member of the wedding party and isn't choosing to wear a wedding dress herself, what's the big deal?
Also, personally, I never have occasion to wear a dress that I purchased for a wedding, anywhere else. I would choose an understated outfit, for a wedding, but that still looked appropriately formal .... And then never wear it again, because it's not my style, and I don't attend fancy events, ever. Why should I have to spend money on something I already own, just to put in in the closet for another several years, "just in case"? That seems incredibly impractical, and wasteful.
Load More Replies... Men get away with wearing the same thing to every event because what they wear isn’t distinctive. Your blue dress is distinctive. If it was a basic black one that you varied with accessories, no one would have noticed. You might want to try adding a colourful shawl to your black dress or something rather that being the “blue dress girl”.
She's a civil engineer. That is a very well paid profession, even in Canada. And unless she is living in the arctic, Canada has very hot summers, so I'm thinking this whole post is fake. It sounds very much like an American who has NO idea about Canada. Fake fake fake
This is an example of someone who just doesn't want to make an effort and is being cheap even though they could probably afford to update some items in their wardrobe, they just don't want to and are using the Canadian climate as an excuse. I'm not saying replace everything every year but you could do away with older clothes that have seen better days and add a few pieces to help make your event wardrobe more versatile so it doesn't look like you are wearing the same thing repeatedly. And if the old clothes are gently worn and still in good condition, consider donating them so someone else can have a leg up in the wardrobe department.
YTA for blaming the lack of dresses on where you live instead of just saying you don't want to buy more because you rarely wear them. That being said NTA for re wearing a dress for multiple weddings. Dresses are pricey as is the travel and lodging to attend friends weddings.
Idk I call b******t on this story. I don't even believe a shred of it is true because I am born, raised and lived in Canada my whole life and I can tell you right now that we have all four seasons. From about April or May to October or November ish it is fairly warm weather. Summer months can get super warm too like 20 to 40 degrees and wearing a sweater and pants would cause heat stroke. I think she's lying. But if she wasn't lying I would say she is not the a*****e.
I can't imagine wearing the same dress to almost a dozen weddings. It doesn't sound like an a**hole move but it sounds like you are cheap. Go to a thrift store and buy another dress or don't wear a dress. You can wear a nice shirt and pants. Depending on how formal the wedding is you need to dress accordingly. If you are spending money to go to someone's wedding and can't pop $10 for something to wear them maybe you should make an excuse and sit this one out. You said your friends tease you about that same blue dress. It may be good natured ribbing and they are just hoping you get the hint. I think when you go to the thrift store you should donate that blue dress. Take a picture of you handing over the dress and send it to all your friends and attach the message that you finally got the hint and they will never see the blue dress on you again.
Keisha I'm with you. Buying a new dress is not a Herculean task. It's not a super large expense. When you've reached the point where your friends are specifically requesting you not wear that dress again, even as a joke, you've worn that dress one too many times. Donate the "blue dress" and get a new special occasion dress.
Load More Replies... so I see a few people saying she's selfish or this is fake because "Canada has summers" and honestly, that rubs me the wrong way. have you considered that she may have a condition that affects her temperature regulation? this is someone who once lived in Cali and is now somewhere in Canada, which has varying temperatures. As someone with POTS, I know if I moved any further north, I'd likely never wear short sleeves again since my temperature is always very low. I hate when people just jump to the conclusion of "this person isn't like me, therefore this is fake"
Had the same thought. I have POTS as well and it’s currently 70° F AND I’m wearing socks and my feet/legs are still purple and ice cold. Doubting I’ll even be able to wear shorts this summer
Load More Replies... I don't get why she's trying to extrapolate what her friends do to an entire California culture thing. Those are your friends that you grew up with. That may be their thing, but it doesn't mean it's the whole state. You will find people like that anywhere as well as people who just don't care. There is no special California etiquette rule on how often you can wear an outfit. Most people here won't care, just as most people anywhere else in the US won't care. I can't speak to other cultures. I'm sure many also don't care.
She only has one damn dress and went to 12 or so weddings with it so far (12 she admitted so there might be more). it's ridiculous... that dress is probably already old, worn out and tacky too and it's definitely not in good shape. From the way she worded this, she definitely didn't buy some expensive well made dress that can withstand 12 washings without losing color or shape. I'm actually surprised it hasn't fallen apart yet (or it did and she keeps sewing it back together again, idk). I do rotate my dresses (definitely used them more than once) but not even I am this bad. Honestly this story makes me feel kind of good about myself the more I think about it. This is not a money issue so IMO it's some personal thing (some hang-up about dresses or spending or owning too much, whatever) that she has and it's her choice if she wants to face it or not... she knows the social norms of her country about weddings so she does know she goes against their norm.
FAKE - Canada has summers, this person is making this stuff up so they can post an AITA story.
Could be! Or they could have made up a location so it wasn't as obvious where they are living. They just did a poor job, and don't know much about Canada, other than, "it's in the north, and colder."
Load More Replies... Well...that wasn't the right way to address this dilemma, but in a way I understand! I've known ppl that wear same outfits to every festive occasion with the excuse that they spent to much $$$ on it! Well..."Why get it if u couldn't afford it??!!" I usually keep record of what I wear NOT to have same outfits on pics!!
Wear a bridal white dress....that'll stop them complaining about the blue. LOL
I don't think this is about money, as a civil engineer she should be well paid. There is no need to buy a new dress if it won't get much use. Why not wear slacks and a nice blouse?
It is nice to be photographed in something different. Could you dye it in another colour? or add some sequins/crochet to change the look of the dress?
The AH move is claiming you know more about a person's life than they do.
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