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Man Passes Away At His Brother’s Wedding, Bride Accuses Him Of Ruining The Most Important Day Of Her Life
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Man Passes Away At His Brother’s Wedding, Bride Accuses Him Of Ruining The Most Important Day Of Her Life

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A person’s character often reveals itself in times of crisis. And this universal truth is applicable to their flaws just as much as their strengths.

A few days ago, Reddit user u/HaKyunga29 submitted a story to the ‘Am I the A***ole?’ community about her sister-in-law, asking its members to share their take on the situation.

The entire family has gone through a very traumatic experience. The original poster’s husband passed away from an aneurysm at his brother’s wedding.

But while everyone was mourning their loss, the bride had the audacity to accuse the deceased of ruining the most important day of her life.

Unsure if she crossed any lines reacting to this absurd—and I’d even say offensive—claim by her sister-in-law, u/HaKyunga29 described what happened online, hoping that unbiased strangers could help her make sense of the whole thing.

We’ve heard of bridezillas, but this lady is something else

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not an actual photo)

She accused her brother-in-law of “ruining” her wedding when the poor fellow collapsed from an aneurysm

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Image credits: zelle duda (not an actual photo)

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Image credits: Fa Barboza (not an actual photo)

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As Rebecca J. Rosen pointed out in The Atlantic, marriage is the union not merely of two spouses but of two families—each with its own beliefs and ways of being in the world.

The resulting relationships can be some of the most rewarding, but, for a lot of people, just like u/HaKyunga29, they can also be some of the most challenging.

Communicating between two people is complicated enough on its own, but in-law relationships happen through someone else. By their very nature. Any conflict touches everyone, and every person brings their own feelings to it.

The widow’s sister-in-law can put an end to their disagreement at any point by apologizing, but some people view it as an admission that they are inadequate—that, rather than having made a mistake, there is something inherently wrong with them.

Of course, we don’t know the newlywed and have limited information. She might, on the other hand, believe that offering the first apology is virtually accepting guilt and responsibility for the entirety of a conflict that involved wrongs on the part of both parties.

However, a well-delivered, honest apology will generally solve a whole lot and, on the contrary, restore positive feelings.

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Researchers and psychologists say apologizing when you’ve broken a rule of social conduct re-establishes that you know what the “rules” are, and you agree that they must be followed

But if you can’t even see that your behavior is hurtful… That’s, sadly, a completely different story.

People were very sorry for the woman’s loss and said she’s absolutely NTA – not the a***ole

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should have told your in-laws what she said the second she said it. Period. There is no logical reason not to defend yourself. I don't care where you were or what was going on. That's your HUSBAND and legally you come before his parents at this point. Forget saving face, stand up for yourself.

bpbperic avatar
Night Owl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should have had Bea repeat to the in-laws right then and there what she had said. And then throw her out

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mo_oconnell avatar
Mo O'Connell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go to the next family function. When everyone is together, say to Bea " You haven't apologized for what you said to me at my husband's wake. However I'm forgiving you because it is good for my health to shed negative feelings.". Then say nothing. She will not be able to help her stand it'll all come out. Andres and in-laws will be horrified, and the consequences will be out of your control. You will be vindicated 100%.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At my sister's funeral on the Friday, my cousin bit*hed about how her wedding the next day was ruined. Even her father, the family's known Biggest A-hole, took her aside and yelled at her for being TA. This was over 30 years ago, so.... Yeah, I don't talk to them. AITA?...

janwiesfeld avatar
John Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah because her husband chose that exact moment to die just to spite the bride...... The entitlement of some wasted of oxygen that roam thos world...

justacatontheinternet avatar
rhubarb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine you're so entitled you think someone died on purpose just to spite YOU. Sheesh, she sounds horrible. Of course you're NTA, I would have done the same.

icanhazpanda avatar
Raven DeathShade
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's okay to be upset that a day you spent months or even years planning was ruined. But it's a good idea to look at the situation from the eyes of another. OP's HUSBAND DIED. That is worse than anything that has been "ruined" due to this event. And expecting payback? That is insensitive and cruel.

the_goddess_is_in avatar
Karina Carr
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thing is....it wasn't even ruined. It was simply cut short. The ceremony was done and they were well into the reception if dancing was already underway. Does it suck? Absolutely. However, ruined would have been if he died before the "I do" so they couldn't even get married at all.

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carolearrington avatar
Carole Arrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with those who believe that your in-laws should know what she has said. I understand the kind thoughts that went with not telling them, and if you want to you could just tell them that she was demanding half the cost of the wedding because he ruined her day. Otherwise you allow yourself to be villainized as the bad person and there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I suspect that they may be aware of your sister-in-law's flaws, since I got the idea from your post that he had dated her for a long time before being willing to tie the knot. However there is absolutely no reason for you to continue being the villain in this chapter of your life. It's unfair to them, because I'm sure they love You and are probably devastated that you are no longer a part of their lives.

rayjen0402 avatar
Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the full reddit post, Andres and the in laws were later told what Bea said. I can't believe any of them still speak to her

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marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how many brides in Ukraine had their "special day" ruined by Russian artillery shelling and various war crimes.

qtsimienmuhammad avatar
Q T Simien Muhammad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I can't believe the audacity and clearly narcissistic behavior of that AHSIL. The widow should have told the truth to her MIL and FIL. The AHSIL owes the widow and the rest of the family an apology.

bobbygoodson avatar
Bobby
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Saying that the death ruined what should have been a happy day is fine, if presented the right way. "Gosh, that day took a complete 180 didn't it? Went from such a happy time to a tragedy so fast" Although the wake might even be too soon for that. But everything after her saying that the death ruined the wedding celebration(which again, the wake is too soon for that) is ultra AH territory

suitemsewing avatar
Megan Pippenger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, like kindly acknowledging that the day went sideways is one thing. Obviously your new BIL dying at your wedding is gonna suck. But to blame him and his widow and ask her for money??? She’s mourning her wedding more than her husband’s brother!!!

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barbaratrujillo avatar
barbara trujillo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom had a massive seizure and passed away 15 days later. While she was in the hospital I told anyone that was going in to see her to please not mention to her how bad things were. Not to say anything about passing away or anything like that. Her sister comes in that asks me how she's doing so I said let's go outside and I'll tell you and in front of my mother she says send me, what the hell she said already do you think talking in front of her is going to make a difference. At that moment I threw her the hell out of my mother's room and I told her not to come back. 5 days later my mom was sent home. My aunt didn't call once asked me how mom was doing oh, didn't come by once to even ask me if I needed help nothing. The day my mom passed she sends her son to my door and I told her son if you want to come in you're more than welcome to but your mother can see my mother at the wake. Well she never showed up for the wake and hasn't spoken to me in 11 years, which I really don't mind

alloutbikesyahoo_com avatar
alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My father was hospitalized, went to rehab(physical), and then home. 4 days later his dr sent him back to the hospital. Step sister didn't come to the first hospital, but came to the rehab and once to the house. She HAD to be at the 2nd hospital when he was waiting for a room. He again went to rehab and she came several times but couldn't be bothered to come to the house even when I thought he was dying. But she could go on a trip to VA...twice while he was in hospice. Family is great.

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amilahcrackcornandidontcare avatar
Amilah CrackcornandIdontcare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only thing that annoys me about this scenario and reminds me of one of those ridiculous movies, is she didn't tell anyone what she said. What is the point of complaining here and telling us and not your family? That could have been cleared up quickly and her removed from the picture. Like stop being a drama queen and just keep it 100

faithsimbeck avatar
Faith Simbeck
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next time MIL/FIL invite you to dinner....accept that invitation girl! In the middle of dinner, drop the bomb and tell everyone that Bea has something to say!!! Don't hide the facts about what she said to you any longer, as it will just eat away at you. She should be ashamed at what she said about your husband....period!

philblanque avatar
phil blanque
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn! This is so sad....I only hope you can somehow ruin her divorce. It is coming.....it is coming.

blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At my sisters wedding the grooms grandmother had a heart attack during the dinner. The whole of the grooms family are dramatic attention seekers (which makes them a good match for my sister) so my sister thought the grandmother was either faking it or just exaggerating heartburn or something. Once the ambulance arrived and carted Grandma off to hospital everyone else in the Grooms family just carried on as if nothing had happened (nobody went with Grandma in the ambulance). My sister got annoyed that people kept asking after the Grandma and if there was any updates and that 'It's what my wedding day is going to be remembered for!" It was the first time that my mother considered the possibility that I wasn't the only sociopath in the family.

dianneriedel avatar
Dianne Riedel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope.NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. NOBODY wants to lose the love of their life EVER. Your SIL needs to think about how she'd feel if the roles were switched. Even then, I'm guessing it wouldn't matter because she obviously doesn't love your BIL enough to put such petty things aside and be there for him & the family. She should be thankful that both of them are alive and can have another wedding anytime! Again, my condolences on all your losses at this time. 🤗

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe she can have another wedding. Someone that self-centred might have to find another groom.

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twobondstreet avatar
Celeste Finn
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You were absolutely right to both eject the cretin from your husband’s wake and to spare your in-laws the news about their new family member. It only would have turned the focus of mourners more away from what they were there for and it’d turn into a gossip chamber: you would let her ruin one of the most important days of your life. You kept your dignity but it would have been impossible with her in attendance. Requesting money. In fact, a guest passing away at a wedding is not as rare an event as she seems to believe. I had a friend who was a veteran wedding photographer. He says, in the industry, it’s referred to as a “Death Wedding”. Most often, this happens as a result of an emotional occasion where people may see family that makes them feel stressed or overjoyed, depending. When you consider that attendees often include older people and people with frail health (everybody comes out for a wedding) and they eat and drink and dance…and the attendants have been known to pre-party. Life is messy. The bride and groom will have better days. You have lost that opportunity. Because you are not the only one, I’d advise finding a forum of people who have been through it. A support group surely exists. Only other people who have experienced it will be able to understand.

shaynameidela avatar
Dorothy Parker
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The day of my high school graduation my father seemed out of sorts. Only he and my mother were going to be there. I don't think my siblings, both married adults, even knew I was graduating that day. Graduation came and went, no celebration was planned. Dad was subdued. I asked again what was going on. Finally my parents told me my paternal grandfather had died that morning. I wish they'd told me earlier, so at least I'd know what was going on.

susanheiskary avatar
Susan Heiskary
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should tell your in laws about her insensitivity and then just cut ties with them. They just seem pretty toxic and you would be better off without them. You deserve to move on from this and be happy and it just seems with everything there and the tension that will not happen. I hope you are able to free yourself from this and find peace and move on. I am so sorry not just for the loss of your husband but also for the way you have been treated. Please find happiness and love again

kellyerin avatar
kelly erin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bea should've suggested to her new husband that the two of them should chose a different day to celebrate their marriage, maybe a week before or a week after. That way they could celebrate the brother's life every year on the day he unfortunately passed away... I mean obviously the man didn't chose to die on the day of his Brother's wedding, or at all. There was such a better way Bea could've handled the situation that would've shown how good of a person she was, that is if she actually is a good person

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA-She didn't tell the in-laws what she said. I think they'd have a different take if they knew.

margaretaltheaelvenshadow avatar
Caroline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a horrible tale, but may I ask why the word "dying" was censored?! It's not inappropriate and it's not a curse word...

jaclynmarie9989 avatar
Noir
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one I don't for one second believe is real. Just for the fact that there's absolutely no reason whatsoever for OP to have not been over heard berating SIL for what she said or others over hearing what SIL said. And for that matter, I cannot fathom why OP would not immediately explain what SIL had said and why there was a commotion. I imagine the grief stricken brother that was forced to leave (that had so far never left once) would demand answers. It just doesn't make sense. I normally just let even the fakest of fake reddit karma whoring stories go, but something like this DID happen to me at my Grandma's funeral and it was devastating and infuriating like nothing else.

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I basically came here only to check if I'm the only one not believing those incredibly obvoious NTA stories anymore.

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wildmagenobody avatar
Nooope
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should have told everyone what had happened!All the comments on there are people saying how the in-laws are Ah well just remember they lost a Son so they probably wanted a quiet funeral and they don't know what the horrible person fricken said!!! She is sooo NTA but she needs to tell them I am quite sure that brother in law wouldn't be married to her anymore after saying that about his brothers death.....

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since Bea is a friend and was fond of the deceased, I'm wondering if she isn't displacing her grief and feelings of futility. The OP saying they knew about the aneurysm and had been doing some risky behaviors like drinking alcohol and dancing would suddenly and magically mean that all the horrible stuff (the man dying, the grieving groom, the ruined wedding) isn't the universe's fault. It's the OP's fault. That's why she is so latched on to this. OP has a face, the universe doesn't, and Bea wants someone to be responsible.

nightshade1972 avatar
Nightshade1972
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently Bea thinks that Dante planned his aneurysm in advance. Eyeroll. Bea needs to get over herself, and OP needs to understand that she (OP) did nothing wrong, and has nothing to apologize for. If Bea wants to stay mad, let her. Just ignore her from now on.

fayealroy avatar
Faye Alroy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. But I think everyone in the immediate family should have been told about the husband's condition, unless his doctor thought his condition was completely under control. The bride was a complete AH, but notice that her comments came AFTER finding out about his preexisting condition. I think the dead husband was an AH for keeping it to himself. If it had been my wedding, I would have been furious, too, although I wouldn't have expected reimbursement. Had everyone known, there might have been some precautions that could have been taken. I worked with someone who had an inoperable heart condition. She told everyone, so no one was blindsided when she finally passed away, in public, at a restaurant.

nayelizramos avatar
The Toast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA why would you think you were otherwise she is super rude to you at the time of your husbands wake and she had the audacity to say you ruined her wedding and give her half the expenses.

tripichick avatar
joi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my aneurysm exploded while i was transcribing from a cheap weekly rent motel;., 27 aneurysm clips later . . .

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perfect time to cut these awful people out of her life.

christinathomas avatar
Christina T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It reminds me of when my grandmother died on my daughter's 3rd birthday. (I am NTA here, I promise). I was sad that it happened on her birthday, but I knew she was too young to even remember that it happened. What really ticked me off is my cousin's fiance complaining about how inconvenient my grandmother's death was, since it happened a week before her wedding. She was so worried about it ruining HER day, and that every anniversary would be married by sadness bc of her untimely death. I see my dad's eyes every year on my daughter's birthday, and I know that while he's happy and celebrating another year of my daughter's life, he also associates it with his mother's death. We all feel it on her birthday. And yet, every year, without fail, my cousin's now wife complains to me that everyone is too sad to properly celebrate her anniversary (a whole week later).

bheston avatar
B Heston
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

r_stormcrowe avatar
Rebecca Stormcrowe
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Y'all stop. Stop saying the OP shoulda hadta coulda. Don't you think y'all the a*****es for that?because ya.

tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra Stiffler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP literally posted all of this online to get responses. That is precisely what everyone is doing.

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michaelstorm avatar
Michael Storm
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss. The bride is correct, but only regarding the tarnishing the memory of their wedding day. Especially for the groom who will remember that day as the death of his brother. However, making a negative statement of the incident is not appropriate. The man that died was family and so is his wife.

jovonneb avatar
Jovonne Bolar
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It's no one's fault the husband died but if I was that sick, I wouldn't have went to the wedding.

cassandrareese avatar
Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh really? You wouldn't go to any family celebrations for 3 years and just wait to die essentially?

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dizz2k7gaming avatar
Dizz2K7 Gaming
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I guess you get caught up in the moment. A lot of people have opinions, but I get the feeling no one did any research on his condition. Should he have been having a grand ol time with the potential for a brain bleed? Idk. Should they have considered it before drinking and dancing? Most definitely. Does that mean they owe them for HALF the wedding? Fack no, but I can see how she would consider it reckless of them to do what they did under those conditions... But, we do get caught up in the moment. The widow should also check herself. She's kinda using the death as a way to avoid taking responsibility for engaging in possibly fatal behavior. They both kinda suck, tbh. The widow lost her husband permanently, and Bea may have as well depending on if his brother recovers from the trauma. (They're still her in-laws as long as she doesn't remarry.)

cassandrareese avatar
Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she's responsible for her husband's actions? Because you can force a grown adult to stop doing things if you tell them not to right? The fact you are putting any blame on the widow is disgusting. Aneurysms can go at any time even if he didn't have his one glass of champagne or wasn't dancing he could have been standing there missing out on having a good time at his brother's wedding and still had it rupture.

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should have told your in-laws what she said the second she said it. Period. There is no logical reason not to defend yourself. I don't care where you were or what was going on. That's your HUSBAND and legally you come before his parents at this point. Forget saving face, stand up for yourself.

bpbperic avatar
Night Owl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should have had Bea repeat to the in-laws right then and there what she had said. And then throw her out

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mo_oconnell avatar
Mo O'Connell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go to the next family function. When everyone is together, say to Bea " You haven't apologized for what you said to me at my husband's wake. However I'm forgiving you because it is good for my health to shed negative feelings.". Then say nothing. She will not be able to help her stand it'll all come out. Andres and in-laws will be horrified, and the consequences will be out of your control. You will be vindicated 100%.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At my sister's funeral on the Friday, my cousin bit*hed about how her wedding the next day was ruined. Even her father, the family's known Biggest A-hole, took her aside and yelled at her for being TA. This was over 30 years ago, so.... Yeah, I don't talk to them. AITA?...

janwiesfeld avatar
John Smith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah because her husband chose that exact moment to die just to spite the bride...... The entitlement of some wasted of oxygen that roam thos world...

justacatontheinternet avatar
rhubarb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine you're so entitled you think someone died on purpose just to spite YOU. Sheesh, she sounds horrible. Of course you're NTA, I would have done the same.

icanhazpanda avatar
Raven DeathShade
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's okay to be upset that a day you spent months or even years planning was ruined. But it's a good idea to look at the situation from the eyes of another. OP's HUSBAND DIED. That is worse than anything that has been "ruined" due to this event. And expecting payback? That is insensitive and cruel.

the_goddess_is_in avatar
Karina Carr
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thing is....it wasn't even ruined. It was simply cut short. The ceremony was done and they were well into the reception if dancing was already underway. Does it suck? Absolutely. However, ruined would have been if he died before the "I do" so they couldn't even get married at all.

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carolearrington avatar
Carole Arrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with those who believe that your in-laws should know what she has said. I understand the kind thoughts that went with not telling them, and if you want to you could just tell them that she was demanding half the cost of the wedding because he ruined her day. Otherwise you allow yourself to be villainized as the bad person and there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I suspect that they may be aware of your sister-in-law's flaws, since I got the idea from your post that he had dated her for a long time before being willing to tie the knot. However there is absolutely no reason for you to continue being the villain in this chapter of your life. It's unfair to them, because I'm sure they love You and are probably devastated that you are no longer a part of their lives.

rayjen0402 avatar
Jennifer Crompton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the full reddit post, Andres and the in laws were later told what Bea said. I can't believe any of them still speak to her

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marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how many brides in Ukraine had their "special day" ruined by Russian artillery shelling and various war crimes.

qtsimienmuhammad avatar
Q T Simien Muhammad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I can't believe the audacity and clearly narcissistic behavior of that AHSIL. The widow should have told the truth to her MIL and FIL. The AHSIL owes the widow and the rest of the family an apology.

bobbygoodson avatar
Bobby
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Saying that the death ruined what should have been a happy day is fine, if presented the right way. "Gosh, that day took a complete 180 didn't it? Went from such a happy time to a tragedy so fast" Although the wake might even be too soon for that. But everything after her saying that the death ruined the wedding celebration(which again, the wake is too soon for that) is ultra AH territory

suitemsewing avatar
Megan Pippenger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, like kindly acknowledging that the day went sideways is one thing. Obviously your new BIL dying at your wedding is gonna suck. But to blame him and his widow and ask her for money??? She’s mourning her wedding more than her husband’s brother!!!

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barbara trujillo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom had a massive seizure and passed away 15 days later. While she was in the hospital I told anyone that was going in to see her to please not mention to her how bad things were. Not to say anything about passing away or anything like that. Her sister comes in that asks me how she's doing so I said let's go outside and I'll tell you and in front of my mother she says send me, what the hell she said already do you think talking in front of her is going to make a difference. At that moment I threw her the hell out of my mother's room and I told her not to come back. 5 days later my mom was sent home. My aunt didn't call once asked me how mom was doing oh, didn't come by once to even ask me if I needed help nothing. The day my mom passed she sends her son to my door and I told her son if you want to come in you're more than welcome to but your mother can see my mother at the wake. Well she never showed up for the wake and hasn't spoken to me in 11 years, which I really don't mind

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alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My father was hospitalized, went to rehab(physical), and then home. 4 days later his dr sent him back to the hospital. Step sister didn't come to the first hospital, but came to the rehab and once to the house. She HAD to be at the 2nd hospital when he was waiting for a room. He again went to rehab and she came several times but couldn't be bothered to come to the house even when I thought he was dying. But she could go on a trip to VA...twice while he was in hospice. Family is great.

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Amilah CrackcornandIdontcare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only thing that annoys me about this scenario and reminds me of one of those ridiculous movies, is she didn't tell anyone what she said. What is the point of complaining here and telling us and not your family? That could have been cleared up quickly and her removed from the picture. Like stop being a drama queen and just keep it 100

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Faith Simbeck
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next time MIL/FIL invite you to dinner....accept that invitation girl! In the middle of dinner, drop the bomb and tell everyone that Bea has something to say!!! Don't hide the facts about what she said to you any longer, as it will just eat away at you. She should be ashamed at what she said about your husband....period!

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phil blanque
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn! This is so sad....I only hope you can somehow ruin her divorce. It is coming.....it is coming.

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Donkey boi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At my sisters wedding the grooms grandmother had a heart attack during the dinner. The whole of the grooms family are dramatic attention seekers (which makes them a good match for my sister) so my sister thought the grandmother was either faking it or just exaggerating heartburn or something. Once the ambulance arrived and carted Grandma off to hospital everyone else in the Grooms family just carried on as if nothing had happened (nobody went with Grandma in the ambulance). My sister got annoyed that people kept asking after the Grandma and if there was any updates and that 'It's what my wedding day is going to be remembered for!" It was the first time that my mother considered the possibility that I wasn't the only sociopath in the family.

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Dianne Riedel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope.NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. NOBODY wants to lose the love of their life EVER. Your SIL needs to think about how she'd feel if the roles were switched. Even then, I'm guessing it wouldn't matter because she obviously doesn't love your BIL enough to put such petty things aside and be there for him & the family. She should be thankful that both of them are alive and can have another wedding anytime! Again, my condolences on all your losses at this time. 🤗

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe she can have another wedding. Someone that self-centred might have to find another groom.

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Celeste Finn
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You were absolutely right to both eject the cretin from your husband’s wake and to spare your in-laws the news about their new family member. It only would have turned the focus of mourners more away from what they were there for and it’d turn into a gossip chamber: you would let her ruin one of the most important days of your life. You kept your dignity but it would have been impossible with her in attendance. Requesting money. In fact, a guest passing away at a wedding is not as rare an event as she seems to believe. I had a friend who was a veteran wedding photographer. He says, in the industry, it’s referred to as a “Death Wedding”. Most often, this happens as a result of an emotional occasion where people may see family that makes them feel stressed or overjoyed, depending. When you consider that attendees often include older people and people with frail health (everybody comes out for a wedding) and they eat and drink and dance…and the attendants have been known to pre-party. Life is messy. The bride and groom will have better days. You have lost that opportunity. Because you are not the only one, I’d advise finding a forum of people who have been through it. A support group surely exists. Only other people who have experienced it will be able to understand.

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The day of my high school graduation my father seemed out of sorts. Only he and my mother were going to be there. I don't think my siblings, both married adults, even knew I was graduating that day. Graduation came and went, no celebration was planned. Dad was subdued. I asked again what was going on. Finally my parents told me my paternal grandfather had died that morning. I wish they'd told me earlier, so at least I'd know what was going on.

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Susan Heiskary
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should tell your in laws about her insensitivity and then just cut ties with them. They just seem pretty toxic and you would be better off without them. You deserve to move on from this and be happy and it just seems with everything there and the tension that will not happen. I hope you are able to free yourself from this and find peace and move on. I am so sorry not just for the loss of your husband but also for the way you have been treated. Please find happiness and love again

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kelly erin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bea should've suggested to her new husband that the two of them should chose a different day to celebrate their marriage, maybe a week before or a week after. That way they could celebrate the brother's life every year on the day he unfortunately passed away... I mean obviously the man didn't chose to die on the day of his Brother's wedding, or at all. There was such a better way Bea could've handled the situation that would've shown how good of a person she was, that is if she actually is a good person

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Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA-She didn't tell the in-laws what she said. I think they'd have a different take if they knew.

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Caroline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a horrible tale, but may I ask why the word "dying" was censored?! It's not inappropriate and it's not a curse word...

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Noir
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one I don't for one second believe is real. Just for the fact that there's absolutely no reason whatsoever for OP to have not been over heard berating SIL for what she said or others over hearing what SIL said. And for that matter, I cannot fathom why OP would not immediately explain what SIL had said and why there was a commotion. I imagine the grief stricken brother that was forced to leave (that had so far never left once) would demand answers. It just doesn't make sense. I normally just let even the fakest of fake reddit karma whoring stories go, but something like this DID happen to me at my Grandma's funeral and it was devastating and infuriating like nothing else.

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Anna Banana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I basically came here only to check if I'm the only one not believing those incredibly obvoious NTA stories anymore.

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Nooope
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should have told everyone what had happened!All the comments on there are people saying how the in-laws are Ah well just remember they lost a Son so they probably wanted a quiet funeral and they don't know what the horrible person fricken said!!! She is sooo NTA but she needs to tell them I am quite sure that brother in law wouldn't be married to her anymore after saying that about his brothers death.....

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blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since Bea is a friend and was fond of the deceased, I'm wondering if she isn't displacing her grief and feelings of futility. The OP saying they knew about the aneurysm and had been doing some risky behaviors like drinking alcohol and dancing would suddenly and magically mean that all the horrible stuff (the man dying, the grieving groom, the ruined wedding) isn't the universe's fault. It's the OP's fault. That's why she is so latched on to this. OP has a face, the universe doesn't, and Bea wants someone to be responsible.

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Nightshade1972
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently Bea thinks that Dante planned his aneurysm in advance. Eyeroll. Bea needs to get over herself, and OP needs to understand that she (OP) did nothing wrong, and has nothing to apologize for. If Bea wants to stay mad, let her. Just ignore her from now on.

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Faye Alroy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. But I think everyone in the immediate family should have been told about the husband's condition, unless his doctor thought his condition was completely under control. The bride was a complete AH, but notice that her comments came AFTER finding out about his preexisting condition. I think the dead husband was an AH for keeping it to himself. If it had been my wedding, I would have been furious, too, although I wouldn't have expected reimbursement. Had everyone known, there might have been some precautions that could have been taken. I worked with someone who had an inoperable heart condition. She told everyone, so no one was blindsided when she finally passed away, in public, at a restaurant.

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The Toast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA why would you think you were otherwise she is super rude to you at the time of your husbands wake and she had the audacity to say you ruined her wedding and give her half the expenses.

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joi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my aneurysm exploded while i was transcribing from a cheap weekly rent motel;., 27 aneurysm clips later . . .

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Arenite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perfect time to cut these awful people out of her life.

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Christina T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It reminds me of when my grandmother died on my daughter's 3rd birthday. (I am NTA here, I promise). I was sad that it happened on her birthday, but I knew she was too young to even remember that it happened. What really ticked me off is my cousin's fiance complaining about how inconvenient my grandmother's death was, since it happened a week before her wedding. She was so worried about it ruining HER day, and that every anniversary would be married by sadness bc of her untimely death. I see my dad's eyes every year on my daughter's birthday, and I know that while he's happy and celebrating another year of my daughter's life, he also associates it with his mother's death. We all feel it on her birthday. And yet, every year, without fail, my cousin's now wife complains to me that everyone is too sad to properly celebrate her anniversary (a whole week later).

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B Heston
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Rebecca Stormcrowe
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Y'all stop. Stop saying the OP shoulda hadta coulda. Don't you think y'all the a*****es for that?because ya.

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Tamra Stiffler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP literally posted all of this online to get responses. That is precisely what everyone is doing.

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Michael Storm
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss. The bride is correct, but only regarding the tarnishing the memory of their wedding day. Especially for the groom who will remember that day as the death of his brother. However, making a negative statement of the incident is not appropriate. The man that died was family and so is his wife.

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Jovonne Bolar
Community Member
2 years ago

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It's no one's fault the husband died but if I was that sick, I wouldn't have went to the wedding.

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Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh really? You wouldn't go to any family celebrations for 3 years and just wait to die essentially?

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Dizz2K7 Gaming
Community Member
2 years ago

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I guess you get caught up in the moment. A lot of people have opinions, but I get the feeling no one did any research on his condition. Should he have been having a grand ol time with the potential for a brain bleed? Idk. Should they have considered it before drinking and dancing? Most definitely. Does that mean they owe them for HALF the wedding? Fack no, but I can see how she would consider it reckless of them to do what they did under those conditions... But, we do get caught up in the moment. The widow should also check herself. She's kinda using the death as a way to avoid taking responsibility for engaging in possibly fatal behavior. They both kinda suck, tbh. The widow lost her husband permanently, and Bea may have as well depending on if his brother recovers from the trauma. (They're still her in-laws as long as she doesn't remarry.)

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Cassandra Reese
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she's responsible for her husband's actions? Because you can force a grown adult to stop doing things if you tell them not to right? The fact you are putting any blame on the widow is disgusting. Aneurysms can go at any time even if he didn't have his one glass of champagne or wasn't dancing he could have been standing there missing out on having a good time at his brother's wedding and still had it rupture.

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