Man Passes Away At His Brother’s Wedding, Bride Accuses Him Of Ruining The Most Important Day Of Her Life
A person’s character often reveals itself in times of crisis. And this universal truth is applicable to their flaws just as much as their strengths.
A few days ago, Reddit user u/HaKyunga29 submitted a story to the ‘Am I the A***ole?’ community about her sister-in-law, asking its members to share their take on the situation.
The entire family has gone through a very traumatic experience. The original poster’s husband passed away from an aneurysm at his brother’s wedding.
But while everyone was mourning their loss, the bride had the audacity to accuse the deceased of ruining the most important day of her life.
Unsure if she crossed any lines reacting to this absurd—and I’d even say offensive—claim by her sister-in-law, u/HaKyunga29 described what happened online, hoping that unbiased strangers could help her make sense of the whole thing.
We’ve heard of bridezillas, but this lady is something else
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not an actual photo)
She accused her brother-in-law of “ruining” her wedding when the poor fellow collapsed from an aneurysm
Image credits: zelle duda (not an actual photo)
Image credits: Fa Barboza (not an actual photo)
As Rebecca J. Rosen pointed out in The Atlantic, marriage is the union not merely of two spouses but of two families—each with its own beliefs and ways of being in the world.
The resulting relationships can be some of the most rewarding, but, for a lot of people, just like u/HaKyunga29, they can also be some of the most challenging.
Communicating between two people is complicated enough on its own, but in-law relationships happen through someone else. By their very nature. Any conflict touches everyone, and every person brings their own feelings to it.
The widow’s sister-in-law can put an end to their disagreement at any point by apologizing, but some people view it as an admission that they are inadequate—that, rather than having made a mistake, there is something inherently wrong with them.
Of course, we don’t know the newlywed and have limited information. She might, on the other hand, believe that offering the first apology is virtually accepting guilt and responsibility for the entirety of a conflict that involved wrongs on the part of both parties.
However, a well-delivered, honest apology will generally solve a whole lot and, on the contrary, restore positive feelings.
Researchers and psychologists say apologizing when you’ve broken a rule of social conduct re-establishes that you know what the “rules” are, and you agree that they must be followed
But if you can’t even see that your behavior is hurtful… That’s, sadly, a completely different story.
People were very sorry for the woman’s loss and said she’s absolutely NTA – not the a***ole
You should have told your in-laws what she said the second she said it. Period. There is no logical reason not to defend yourself. I don't care where you were or what was going on. That's your HUSBAND and legally you come before his parents at this point. Forget saving face, stand up for yourself.
She should have had Bea repeat to the in-laws right then and there what she had said. And then throw her out
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Go to the next family function. When everyone is together, say to Bea " You haven't apologized for what you said to me at my husband's wake. However I'm forgiving you because it is good for my health to shed negative feelings.". Then say nothing. She will not be able to help her stand it'll all come out. Andres and in-laws will be horrified, and the consequences will be out of your control. You will be vindicated 100%.
At my sister's funeral on the Friday, my cousin bit*hed about how her wedding the next day was ruined. Even her father, the family's known Biggest A-hole, took her aside and yelled at her for being TA. This was over 30 years ago, so.... Yeah, I don't talk to them. AITA?...
Nope. That level of a*****e, you don't want them in your life.
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Yeah because her husband chose that exact moment to die just to spite the bride...... The entitlement of some wasted of oxygen that roam thos world...
It's okay to be upset that a day you spent months or even years planning was ruined. But it's a good idea to look at the situation from the eyes of another. OP's HUSBAND DIED. That is worse than anything that has been "ruined" due to this event. And expecting payback? That is insensitive and cruel.
Thing is....it wasn't even ruined. It was simply cut short. The ceremony was done and they were well into the reception if dancing was already underway. Does it suck? Absolutely. However, ruined would have been if he died before the "I do" so they couldn't even get married at all.
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I agree with those who believe that your in-laws should know what she has said. I understand the kind thoughts that went with not telling them, and if you want to you could just tell them that she was demanding half the cost of the wedding because he ruined her day. Otherwise you allow yourself to be villainized as the bad person and there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I suspect that they may be aware of your sister-in-law's flaws, since I got the idea from your post that he had dated her for a long time before being willing to tie the knot. However there is absolutely no reason for you to continue being the villain in this chapter of your life. It's unfair to them, because I'm sure they love You and are probably devastated that you are no longer a part of their lives.
In the full reddit post, Andres and the in laws were later told what Bea said. I can't believe any of them still speak to her
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I wonder how many brides in Ukraine had their "special day" ruined by Russian artillery shelling and various war crimes.
Wow! I can't believe the audacity and clearly narcissistic behavior of that AHSIL. The widow should have told the truth to her MIL and FIL. The AHSIL owes the widow and the rest of the family an apology.
Saying that the death ruined what should have been a happy day is fine, if presented the right way. "Gosh, that day took a complete 180 didn't it? Went from such a happy time to a tragedy so fast" Although the wake might even be too soon for that. But everything after her saying that the death ruined the wedding celebration(which again, the wake is too soon for that) is ultra AH territory
Yeah, like kindly acknowledging that the day went sideways is one thing. Obviously your new BIL dying at your wedding is gonna suck. But to blame him and his widow and ask her for money??? She’s mourning her wedding more than her husband’s brother!!!
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My mom had a massive seizure and passed away 15 days later. While she was in the hospital I told anyone that was going in to see her to please not mention to her how bad things were. Not to say anything about passing away or anything like that. Her sister comes in that asks me how she's doing so I said let's go outside and I'll tell you and in front of my mother she says send me, what the hell she said already do you think talking in front of her is going to make a difference. At that moment I threw her the hell out of my mother's room and I told her not to come back. 5 days later my mom was sent home. My aunt didn't call once asked me how mom was doing oh, didn't come by once to even ask me if I needed help nothing. The day my mom passed she sends her son to my door and I told her son if you want to come in you're more than welcome to but your mother can see my mother at the wake. Well she never showed up for the wake and hasn't spoken to me in 11 years, which I really don't mind
My father was hospitalized, went to rehab(physical), and then home. 4 days later his dr sent him back to the hospital. Step sister didn't come to the first hospital, but came to the rehab and once to the house. She HAD to be at the 2nd hospital when he was waiting for a room. He again went to rehab and she came several times but couldn't be bothered to come to the house even when I thought he was dying. But she could go on a trip to VA...twice while he was in hospice. Family is great.
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The only thing that annoys me about this scenario and reminds me of one of those ridiculous movies, is she didn't tell anyone what she said. What is the point of complaining here and telling us and not your family? That could have been cleared up quickly and her removed from the picture. Like stop being a drama queen and just keep it 100
Next time MIL/FIL invite you to dinner....accept that invitation girl! In the middle of dinner, drop the bomb and tell everyone that Bea has something to say!!! Don't hide the facts about what she said to you any longer, as it will just eat away at you. She should be ashamed at what she said about your husband....period!
Damn! This is so sad....I only hope you can somehow ruin her divorce. It is coming.....it is coming.
At my sisters wedding the grooms grandmother had a heart attack during the dinner. The whole of the grooms family are dramatic attention seekers (which makes them a good match for my sister) so my sister thought the grandmother was either faking it or just exaggerating heartburn or something. Once the ambulance arrived and carted Grandma off to hospital everyone else in the Grooms family just carried on as if nothing had happened (nobody went with Grandma in the ambulance). My sister got annoyed that people kept asking after the Grandma and if there was any updates and that 'It's what my wedding day is going to be remembered for!" It was the first time that my mother considered the possibility that I wasn't the only sociopath in the family.
Nope.NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. NOBODY wants to lose the love of their life EVER. Your SIL needs to think about how she'd feel if the roles were switched. Even then, I'm guessing it wouldn't matter because she obviously doesn't love your BIL enough to put such petty things aside and be there for him & the family. She should be thankful that both of them are alive and can have another wedding anytime! Again, my condolences on all your losses at this time. 🤗
Maybe she can have another wedding. Someone that self-centred might have to find another groom.
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You were absolutely right to both eject the cretin from your husband’s wake and to spare your in-laws the news about their new family member. It only would have turned the focus of mourners more away from what they were there for and it’d turn into a gossip chamber: you would let her ruin one of the most important days of your life. You kept your dignity but it would have been impossible with her in attendance. Requesting money. In fact, a guest passing away at a wedding is not as rare an event as she seems to believe. I had a friend who was a veteran wedding photographer. He says, in the industry, it’s referred to as a “Death Wedding”. Most often, this happens as a result of an emotional occasion where people may see family that makes them feel stressed or overjoyed, depending. When you consider that attendees often include older people and people with frail health (everybody comes out for a wedding) and they eat and drink and dance…and the attendants have been known to pre-party. Life is messy. The bride and groom will have better days. You have lost that opportunity. Because you are not the only one, I’d advise finding a forum of people who have been through it. A support group surely exists. Only other people who have experienced it will be able to understand.
The day of my high school graduation my father seemed out of sorts. Only he and my mother were going to be there. I don't think my siblings, both married adults, even knew I was graduating that day. Graduation came and went, no celebration was planned. Dad was subdued. I asked again what was going on. Finally my parents told me my paternal grandfather had died that morning. I wish they'd told me earlier, so at least I'd know what was going on.
I think you should tell your in laws about her insensitivity and then just cut ties with them. They just seem pretty toxic and you would be better off without them. You deserve to move on from this and be happy and it just seems with everything there and the tension that will not happen. I hope you are able to free yourself from this and find peace and move on. I am so sorry not just for the loss of your husband but also for the way you have been treated. Please find happiness and love again
Bea should've suggested to her new husband that the two of them should chose a different day to celebrate their marriage, maybe a week before or a week after. That way they could celebrate the brother's life every year on the day he unfortunately passed away... I mean obviously the man didn't chose to die on the day of his Brother's wedding, or at all. There was such a better way Bea could've handled the situation that would've shown how good of a person she was, that is if she actually is a good person
This is one I don't for one second believe is real. Just for the fact that there's absolutely no reason whatsoever for OP to have not been over heard berating SIL for what she said or others over hearing what SIL said. And for that matter, I cannot fathom why OP would not immediately explain what SIL had said and why there was a commotion. I imagine the grief stricken brother that was forced to leave (that had so far never left once) would demand answers. It just doesn't make sense. I normally just let even the fakest of fake reddit karma whoring stories go, but something like this DID happen to me at my Grandma's funeral and it was devastating and infuriating like nothing else.
Yeah, I basically came here only to check if I'm the only one not believing those incredibly obvoious NTA stories anymore.
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Op should have told everyone what had happened!All the comments on there are people saying how the in-laws are Ah well just remember they lost a Son so they probably wanted a quiet funeral and they don't know what the horrible person fricken said!!! She is sooo NTA but she needs to tell them I am quite sure that brother in law wouldn't be married to her anymore after saying that about his brothers death.....
Since Bea is a friend and was fond of the deceased, I'm wondering if she isn't displacing her grief and feelings of futility. The OP saying they knew about the aneurysm and had been doing some risky behaviors like drinking alcohol and dancing would suddenly and magically mean that all the horrible stuff (the man dying, the grieving groom, the ruined wedding) isn't the universe's fault. It's the OP's fault. That's why she is so latched on to this. OP has a face, the universe doesn't, and Bea wants someone to be responsible.
Apparently Bea thinks that Dante planned his aneurysm in advance. Eyeroll. Bea needs to get over herself, and OP needs to understand that she (OP) did nothing wrong, and has nothing to apologize for. If Bea wants to stay mad, let her. Just ignore her from now on.
Definitely NTA. But I think everyone in the immediate family should have been told about the husband's condition, unless his doctor thought his condition was completely under control. The bride was a complete AH, but notice that her comments came AFTER finding out about his preexisting condition. I think the dead husband was an AH for keeping it to himself. If it had been my wedding, I would have been furious, too, although I wouldn't have expected reimbursement. Had everyone known, there might have been some precautions that could have been taken. I worked with someone who had an inoperable heart condition. She told everyone, so no one was blindsided when she finally passed away, in public, at a restaurant.
NTA. It reminds me of when my grandmother died on my daughter's 3rd birthday. (I am NTA here, I promise). I was sad that it happened on her birthday, but I knew she was too young to even remember that it happened. What really ticked me off is my cousin's fiance complaining about how inconvenient my grandmother's death was, since it happened a week before her wedding. She was so worried about it ruining HER day, and that every anniversary would be married by sadness bc of her untimely death. I see my dad's eyes every year on my daughter's birthday, and I know that while he's happy and celebrating another year of my daughter's life, he also associates it with his mother's death. We all feel it on her birthday. And yet, every year, without fail, my cousin's now wife complains to me that everyone is too sad to properly celebrate her anniversary (a whole week later).
Y'all stop. Stop saying the OP shoulda hadta coulda. Don't you think y'all the a*****es for that?because ya.
The OP literally posted all of this online to get responses. That is precisely what everyone is doing.
Load More Replies... Sorry for your loss. The bride is correct, but only regarding the tarnishing the memory of their wedding day. Especially for the groom who will remember that day as the death of his brother. However, making a negative statement of the incident is not appropriate. The man that died was family and so is his wife.
Oh really? You wouldn't go to any family celebrations for 3 years and just wait to die essentially?
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So she's responsible for her husband's actions? Because you can force a grown adult to stop doing things if you tell them not to right? The fact you are putting any blame on the widow is disgusting. Aneurysms can go at any time even if he didn't have his one glass of champagne or wasn't dancing he could have been standing there missing out on having a good time at his brother's wedding and still had it rupture.
Load More Replies... You should have told your in-laws what she said the second she said it. Period. There is no logical reason not to defend yourself. I don't care where you were or what was going on. That's your HUSBAND and legally you come before his parents at this point. Forget saving face, stand up for yourself.
She should have had Bea repeat to the in-laws right then and there what she had said. And then throw her out
Load More Replies... Go to the next family function. When everyone is together, say to Bea " You haven't apologized for what you said to me at my husband's wake. However I'm forgiving you because it is good for my health to shed negative feelings.". Then say nothing. She will not be able to help her stand it'll all come out. Andres and in-laws will be horrified, and the consequences will be out of your control. You will be vindicated 100%.
At my sister's funeral on the Friday, my cousin bit*hed about how her wedding the next day was ruined. Even her father, the family's known Biggest A-hole, took her aside and yelled at her for being TA. This was over 30 years ago, so.... Yeah, I don't talk to them. AITA?...
Nope. That level of a*****e, you don't want them in your life.
Load More Replies... Yeah because her husband chose that exact moment to die just to spite the bride...... The entitlement of some wasted of oxygen that roam thos world...
It's okay to be upset that a day you spent months or even years planning was ruined. But it's a good idea to look at the situation from the eyes of another. OP's HUSBAND DIED. That is worse than anything that has been "ruined" due to this event. And expecting payback? That is insensitive and cruel.
Thing is....it wasn't even ruined. It was simply cut short. The ceremony was done and they were well into the reception if dancing was already underway. Does it suck? Absolutely. However, ruined would have been if he died before the "I do" so they couldn't even get married at all.
Load More Replies... I agree with those who believe that your in-laws should know what she has said. I understand the kind thoughts that went with not telling them, and if you want to you could just tell them that she was demanding half the cost of the wedding because he ruined her day. Otherwise you allow yourself to be villainized as the bad person and there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I suspect that they may be aware of your sister-in-law's flaws, since I got the idea from your post that he had dated her for a long time before being willing to tie the knot. However there is absolutely no reason for you to continue being the villain in this chapter of your life. It's unfair to them, because I'm sure they love You and are probably devastated that you are no longer a part of their lives.
In the full reddit post, Andres and the in laws were later told what Bea said. I can't believe any of them still speak to her
Load More Replies... I wonder how many brides in Ukraine had their "special day" ruined by Russian artillery shelling and various war crimes.
Wow! I can't believe the audacity and clearly narcissistic behavior of that AHSIL. The widow should have told the truth to her MIL and FIL. The AHSIL owes the widow and the rest of the family an apology.
Saying that the death ruined what should have been a happy day is fine, if presented the right way. "Gosh, that day took a complete 180 didn't it? Went from such a happy time to a tragedy so fast" Although the wake might even be too soon for that. But everything after her saying that the death ruined the wedding celebration(which again, the wake is too soon for that) is ultra AH territory
Yeah, like kindly acknowledging that the day went sideways is one thing. Obviously your new BIL dying at your wedding is gonna suck. But to blame him and his widow and ask her for money??? She’s mourning her wedding more than her husband’s brother!!!
Load More Replies... My mom had a massive seizure and passed away 15 days later. While she was in the hospital I told anyone that was going in to see her to please not mention to her how bad things were. Not to say anything about passing away or anything like that. Her sister comes in that asks me how she's doing so I said let's go outside and I'll tell you and in front of my mother she says send me, what the hell she said already do you think talking in front of her is going to make a difference. At that moment I threw her the hell out of my mother's room and I told her not to come back. 5 days later my mom was sent home. My aunt didn't call once asked me how mom was doing oh, didn't come by once to even ask me if I needed help nothing. The day my mom passed she sends her son to my door and I told her son if you want to come in you're more than welcome to but your mother can see my mother at the wake. Well she never showed up for the wake and hasn't spoken to me in 11 years, which I really don't mind
My father was hospitalized, went to rehab(physical), and then home. 4 days later his dr sent him back to the hospital. Step sister didn't come to the first hospital, but came to the rehab and once to the house. She HAD to be at the 2nd hospital when he was waiting for a room. He again went to rehab and she came several times but couldn't be bothered to come to the house even when I thought he was dying. But she could go on a trip to VA...twice while he was in hospice. Family is great.
Load More Replies... The only thing that annoys me about this scenario and reminds me of one of those ridiculous movies, is she didn't tell anyone what she said. What is the point of complaining here and telling us and not your family? That could have been cleared up quickly and her removed from the picture. Like stop being a drama queen and just keep it 100
Next time MIL/FIL invite you to dinner....accept that invitation girl! In the middle of dinner, drop the bomb and tell everyone that Bea has something to say!!! Don't hide the facts about what she said to you any longer, as it will just eat away at you. She should be ashamed at what she said about your husband....period!
Damn! This is so sad....I only hope you can somehow ruin her divorce. It is coming.....it is coming.
At my sisters wedding the grooms grandmother had a heart attack during the dinner. The whole of the grooms family are dramatic attention seekers (which makes them a good match for my sister) so my sister thought the grandmother was either faking it or just exaggerating heartburn or something. Once the ambulance arrived and carted Grandma off to hospital everyone else in the Grooms family just carried on as if nothing had happened (nobody went with Grandma in the ambulance). My sister got annoyed that people kept asking after the Grandma and if there was any updates and that 'It's what my wedding day is going to be remembered for!" It was the first time that my mother considered the possibility that I wasn't the only sociopath in the family.
Nope.NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. NOBODY wants to lose the love of their life EVER. Your SIL needs to think about how she'd feel if the roles were switched. Even then, I'm guessing it wouldn't matter because she obviously doesn't love your BIL enough to put such petty things aside and be there for him & the family. She should be thankful that both of them are alive and can have another wedding anytime! Again, my condolences on all your losses at this time. 🤗
Maybe she can have another wedding. Someone that self-centred might have to find another groom.
Load More Replies... You were absolutely right to both eject the cretin from your husband’s wake and to spare your in-laws the news about their new family member. It only would have turned the focus of mourners more away from what they were there for and it’d turn into a gossip chamber: you would let her ruin one of the most important days of your life. You kept your dignity but it would have been impossible with her in attendance. Requesting money. In fact, a guest passing away at a wedding is not as rare an event as she seems to believe. I had a friend who was a veteran wedding photographer. He says, in the industry, it’s referred to as a “Death Wedding”. Most often, this happens as a result of an emotional occasion where people may see family that makes them feel stressed or overjoyed, depending. When you consider that attendees often include older people and people with frail health (everybody comes out for a wedding) and they eat and drink and dance…and the attendants have been known to pre-party. Life is messy. The bride and groom will have better days. You have lost that opportunity. Because you are not the only one, I’d advise finding a forum of people who have been through it. A support group surely exists. Only other people who have experienced it will be able to understand.
The day of my high school graduation my father seemed out of sorts. Only he and my mother were going to be there. I don't think my siblings, both married adults, even knew I was graduating that day. Graduation came and went, no celebration was planned. Dad was subdued. I asked again what was going on. Finally my parents told me my paternal grandfather had died that morning. I wish they'd told me earlier, so at least I'd know what was going on.
I think you should tell your in laws about her insensitivity and then just cut ties with them. They just seem pretty toxic and you would be better off without them. You deserve to move on from this and be happy and it just seems with everything there and the tension that will not happen. I hope you are able to free yourself from this and find peace and move on. I am so sorry not just for the loss of your husband but also for the way you have been treated. Please find happiness and love again
Bea should've suggested to her new husband that the two of them should chose a different day to celebrate their marriage, maybe a week before or a week after. That way they could celebrate the brother's life every year on the day he unfortunately passed away... I mean obviously the man didn't chose to die on the day of his Brother's wedding, or at all. There was such a better way Bea could've handled the situation that would've shown how good of a person she was, that is if she actually is a good person
This is one I don't for one second believe is real. Just for the fact that there's absolutely no reason whatsoever for OP to have not been over heard berating SIL for what she said or others over hearing what SIL said. And for that matter, I cannot fathom why OP would not immediately explain what SIL had said and why there was a commotion. I imagine the grief stricken brother that was forced to leave (that had so far never left once) would demand answers. It just doesn't make sense. I normally just let even the fakest of fake reddit karma whoring stories go, but something like this DID happen to me at my Grandma's funeral and it was devastating and infuriating like nothing else.
Yeah, I basically came here only to check if I'm the only one not believing those incredibly obvoious NTA stories anymore.
Load More Replies... Op should have told everyone what had happened!All the comments on there are people saying how the in-laws are Ah well just remember they lost a Son so they probably wanted a quiet funeral and they don't know what the horrible person fricken said!!! She is sooo NTA but she needs to tell them I am quite sure that brother in law wouldn't be married to her anymore after saying that about his brothers death.....
Since Bea is a friend and was fond of the deceased, I'm wondering if she isn't displacing her grief and feelings of futility. The OP saying they knew about the aneurysm and had been doing some risky behaviors like drinking alcohol and dancing would suddenly and magically mean that all the horrible stuff (the man dying, the grieving groom, the ruined wedding) isn't the universe's fault. It's the OP's fault. That's why she is so latched on to this. OP has a face, the universe doesn't, and Bea wants someone to be responsible.
Apparently Bea thinks that Dante planned his aneurysm in advance. Eyeroll. Bea needs to get over herself, and OP needs to understand that she (OP) did nothing wrong, and has nothing to apologize for. If Bea wants to stay mad, let her. Just ignore her from now on.
Definitely NTA. But I think everyone in the immediate family should have been told about the husband's condition, unless his doctor thought his condition was completely under control. The bride was a complete AH, but notice that her comments came AFTER finding out about his preexisting condition. I think the dead husband was an AH for keeping it to himself. If it had been my wedding, I would have been furious, too, although I wouldn't have expected reimbursement. Had everyone known, there might have been some precautions that could have been taken. I worked with someone who had an inoperable heart condition. She told everyone, so no one was blindsided when she finally passed away, in public, at a restaurant.
NTA. It reminds me of when my grandmother died on my daughter's 3rd birthday. (I am NTA here, I promise). I was sad that it happened on her birthday, but I knew she was too young to even remember that it happened. What really ticked me off is my cousin's fiance complaining about how inconvenient my grandmother's death was, since it happened a week before her wedding. She was so worried about it ruining HER day, and that every anniversary would be married by sadness bc of her untimely death. I see my dad's eyes every year on my daughter's birthday, and I know that while he's happy and celebrating another year of my daughter's life, he also associates it with his mother's death. We all feel it on her birthday. And yet, every year, without fail, my cousin's now wife complains to me that everyone is too sad to properly celebrate her anniversary (a whole week later).
Y'all stop. Stop saying the OP shoulda hadta coulda. Don't you think y'all the a*****es for that?because ya.
The OP literally posted all of this online to get responses. That is precisely what everyone is doing.
Load More Replies... Sorry for your loss. The bride is correct, but only regarding the tarnishing the memory of their wedding day. Especially for the groom who will remember that day as the death of his brother. However, making a negative statement of the incident is not appropriate. The man that died was family and so is his wife.
Oh really? You wouldn't go to any family celebrations for 3 years and just wait to die essentially?
Load More Replies... So she's responsible for her husband's actions? Because you can force a grown adult to stop doing things if you tell them not to right? The fact you are putting any blame on the widow is disgusting. Aneurysms can go at any time even if he didn't have his one glass of champagne or wasn't dancing he could have been standing there missing out on having a good time at his brother's wedding and still had it rupture.
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