Woman Asks The Internet Whether She Was Wrong To Tell Her Mother She Can’t See Her Son Anymore After She Kidnapped Him
It can be extremely painful to realize that not all of your relatives have your best interests at heart. Loneliness, fear, ignorance, or even malice can make them do bad things to the people they (supposedly) love. And the sad fact is that some relatives criticize you and try to control you no matter how good of a parent you are. Some, however, go a step way too far…
One redditor, a mom to a three-year-old boy, shared a very dramatic tale on the AITA subreddit, asking the community for a verdict on whether or not she was wrong to tell her own mother that she never wants to see her again. The situation got out of control after the OP’s mom flew in to visit her grandson. The visit started off bad from the very first moment.
But things came to a head when the grandma kidnapped her grandson, and the author of the story, panicking, had to get the police involved. Scroll down for the full story, in the OP’s own words, dear Pandas. Whose side are you? What would you have done if you were in the redditor’s situation? How do you think we can enforce healthy familial boundaries? Tell us what you think in the comments.
It’s terrifying to think that your child might have been kidnapped by someone. As it turns out, that someone can be a close family member
Image credits: Min An (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how deeply scared she was when she realized her own mother kidnapped her three-year-old son
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The OP shared a lot of context about their mom and what kind of person she is. From the information revealed in the AITA post, it’s clear that she’s bitter, super critical of everything her daughter does, thinks she’s a better parent than her, and gets mad at her grandson.
We’ll be honest, if someone were to treat our kids this way, they’d be politely asked to leave. However, things are always more difficult when the family’s involved. Especially someone who feels entitled to spending time with your child.
Boundaries, according to dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, are very important in life, in general. “Too much power can corrupt a person’s behavior,” the founder of The Modern Man told Bored Panda earlier that people who have too much power can become selfish and mean, even if they were nice and caring before.
The expert noted that it’s vital to enforce those boundaries and to stand up for yourself in an assertive, loving way. Getting upset and sulking about when your boundaries are walked over may mean that the other person loses respect for you. Boundaries that don’t get enforced don’t count as boundaries.
Dan added that having your boundaries respected doesn’t mean that you have to be bossy or domineering. You have to approach things in a way that makes the other person feel respected, so that they’ll respect you in turn.
“If respect is only one way in the relationship, problematic behavior will naturally emerge and boundaries may be defied or disrespected by an otherwise nice, loving and caring person.”
The author of the story shared more of her thoughts, as well as more context, in the comments of her viral post
A child is only missing out on a relationship with a loving grandparent if the grandparent is in fact a loving one. This one isn't. Cut that psycho off.
apparently so if she had answered her phone when the daughter called might be a different story but to not answer the phone or leave a note to say she had taken him out for the day is really bad thinking she doesn't have to answer to anyone classic narcissist
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How the hell could this be taken as YTA, it’s not even a question at this point.
Her extended family is making her feel like one, so I can understand she'd be emotional and have a hard time looking at things objectively. Especially given she's 6 months pregnant and is probably extra sensitive. I feel bad for her, the mother clearly framed everything so that she was oh-so-innocent and that she'd asked permission to take her grandson out and spend time with him, rather than telling the truth that she'd literally kidnapped the poor kid for six hours the instant his mother left, and refused to answer her phone.
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OP please keep your child away from your mother and those who support her. Your child doesn't need these toxic people. You and your husband and his family sound awesome. So sorry you're going through this. (I have a few narcissists in my life and they are impossible.)
My sister and I spent a lot of time with our grandmother from the birth and had a really great relationship with her. She would never have taken us somewhere without our parents' permission. This grandmother is a very toxic person and needs to be kept away from her grandson. It is not the OP's fault that her mother is choosing to behave like lunatic.
My immediate thought on this is what kind of human being, related or otherwise thinks that allowing a mother of a toddler to panic and worry about where her child is, is okay? I mean as far as the OP is concerned she just assumed her mother took her child but surely your mind would think other things? Like could someone have snatched them both from the yard or did the mother go to the shop and the child wandered off etc etc. To make your daughter feel so distraught about her child being missing is so unforgivable. I agree with all the other posters. Cut that evil woman out of your life. Sneakily taking him and not contacting you?. She knew what she was doing and it was beyond cruel.
My immediate thought was what kind of mother didn't think she would scare to death the parents if a kid by taking them away without notice? You're right, she knew but didn't give a damn
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My parents threw me out when I was 16 and moved across the country. I tried once to get some type of relationship with them years ago, that turned into a horrible mistake. I have 2 adult children now, and 3 grandchildren. They have never met any of them, and never will. When my parents threw me out, They also make sure that I lost any type of relationship with my entire family. Sometimes doing what is best for your kids, is not easy, and will cost a lot. In the end though, you must only think about what is best for your children.
This is 100% something my crazy MIL would do and the reason she is never, ever left alone with my kids.
You take a kid without permission, or even leaving a note, refuse to answer your phone, and it's okay because...you bought him toys. Riiiighht. Restraining order, please. Consider writing a serious letter to the police, explaining that accepting the word of a kidnapper that the mom has 'pregnancy brain' is misogynistic, and that they should be able to recognise malignant narcisism when they see it in action. Being related does not make kidnapping okay - point out that a child is more likely to be harmed or kidnapped by family or an acquaintance than by a stranger. Yes, she bought the kid back...this time. Taking him was still a crime. Copy to the police ombudsman or equivalent.
We're told to be affraid of strangers but you're right, kids are hurt/kidnapped/killed by people they know. Being family isn't a proof of being safe.
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Bloody hell, she took your child without permission, without informing anyone, no call, no nothing - that's kidnapping. Mother is a criminal, I'd ban her for life. And I'd tell the family to get bent, she's been a monster with her behavior, and if they don't get it, they are delusional. Dearest, protect what's yours from a madwoman who is viciously cruel.
As someone who didn't have a grandfather (mom's father passed before I was born and my dad's father was a pure a****** who didn't give a rip), let me say that having loving family members of all kinds is much better than the basic check boxes of having family members who are flat out abusive. Never had a grandfather nor uncles but had a grandmother and great aunt (her sister) who were always there helping raise us kids. I felt like I had all of the love in the world, despite not having the traditional grandfather around.
The part missing from this account -- necessary due to the format of this type post -- is history of the mother being judgmental, critical and not respecting boundaries. I am sure there have been countless other times when mother did or said things inappropriate and interfere or attempted to interfere with the daughter's life. One incident of this sort would be distressing, but I suspect this is simply the latest in a long-line of harmful, disrespectful and selfish acts by mom.
What do you mean that witch came back after SIX HOURS?! And she wasn't arrested???? If anyone tried to pull a stunt on me like that, in six hours I'd learn to use a firearm and get my license. (Obvs. exaggerating, but you get my point.) Like seriously, I would be on the phone with everyone from the border police to every relevant embassy and airline. At this point, grandma from hell has known the child for less than 24 hours, couldn't communicate with them effectively due to a language barrier, and was in a foreign country where no one can guarantee that she will be able to get assistance due again to a language barrier. And she decides to punish her daughter by being unwilling to communicate with her, effectively holding a vulnerable minor hostage. If this was a stranger, she would have been met with a wall of police with drawn guns. Why is it, that simply because she's a relative, she is allowed to walk away?
Given the crappy childhood the mom had with a narcissistic mother why on earth would she want her child to experience any of that as well. Press charges and cut off contact with all relatives who are giving you any grief about it.
I'm so tired of this PREGNANCY BRAIN b******t. It's the equivalent of being up for 18 hours. There's NO PROOF that intellect changes because of pregnancy
I think I may be the in the minority here but I'm having trouble viewing what grandma did as "kidnapping" and feel reporting it to the police as such was an over exaggeration of a helicopter parent. "That is MY baby!" Type of thing. And if I'm missing something and am wrong, I'm ok with that. But if my DIL wasn't home and my son was finally getting some much needed rest then my grandson woke up, I could absolutely see me taking him out somewhere so my son could sleep. Yes, she didn't answer her phone the ONE time the mom indicated she tried calling; as though she, nor anyone else, has ever missed a call and didn't realize it maybe for hours. I mean, she took him shopping and he got new toys, then they returned home. Mom is just pissed because she didn't have total control. If anything, I would have been worried when grandma didn't answer, but mostly worried they had a wreck or something. In reality, no harm was done and mom was wasting LEO's time to prove a point.
She wouldn't answer calls. If it was innocent, why not answer to at least explain? She knew exactly what she was doing.
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A child is only missing out on a relationship with a loving grandparent if the grandparent is in fact a loving one. This one isn't. Cut that psycho off.
apparently so if she had answered her phone when the daughter called might be a different story but to not answer the phone or leave a note to say she had taken him out for the day is really bad thinking she doesn't have to answer to anyone classic narcissist
Load More Replies... How the hell could this be taken as YTA, it’s not even a question at this point.
Her extended family is making her feel like one, so I can understand she'd be emotional and have a hard time looking at things objectively. Especially given she's 6 months pregnant and is probably extra sensitive. I feel bad for her, the mother clearly framed everything so that she was oh-so-innocent and that she'd asked permission to take her grandson out and spend time with him, rather than telling the truth that she'd literally kidnapped the poor kid for six hours the instant his mother left, and refused to answer her phone.
Load More Replies... OP please keep your child away from your mother and those who support her. Your child doesn't need these toxic people. You and your husband and his family sound awesome. So sorry you're going through this. (I have a few narcissists in my life and they are impossible.)
My sister and I spent a lot of time with our grandmother from the birth and had a really great relationship with her. She would never have taken us somewhere without our parents' permission. This grandmother is a very toxic person and needs to be kept away from her grandson. It is not the OP's fault that her mother is choosing to behave like lunatic.
My immediate thought on this is what kind of human being, related or otherwise thinks that allowing a mother of a toddler to panic and worry about where her child is, is okay? I mean as far as the OP is concerned she just assumed her mother took her child but surely your mind would think other things? Like could someone have snatched them both from the yard or did the mother go to the shop and the child wandered off etc etc. To make your daughter feel so distraught about her child being missing is so unforgivable. I agree with all the other posters. Cut that evil woman out of your life. Sneakily taking him and not contacting you?. She knew what she was doing and it was beyond cruel.
My immediate thought was what kind of mother didn't think she would scare to death the parents if a kid by taking them away without notice? You're right, she knew but didn't give a damn
Load More Replies... My parents threw me out when I was 16 and moved across the country. I tried once to get some type of relationship with them years ago, that turned into a horrible mistake. I have 2 adult children now, and 3 grandchildren. They have never met any of them, and never will. When my parents threw me out, They also make sure that I lost any type of relationship with my entire family. Sometimes doing what is best for your kids, is not easy, and will cost a lot. In the end though, you must only think about what is best for your children.
This is 100% something my crazy MIL would do and the reason she is never, ever left alone with my kids.
You take a kid without permission, or even leaving a note, refuse to answer your phone, and it's okay because...you bought him toys. Riiiighht. Restraining order, please. Consider writing a serious letter to the police, explaining that accepting the word of a kidnapper that the mom has 'pregnancy brain' is misogynistic, and that they should be able to recognise malignant narcisism when they see it in action. Being related does not make kidnapping okay - point out that a child is more likely to be harmed or kidnapped by family or an acquaintance than by a stranger. Yes, she bought the kid back...this time. Taking him was still a crime. Copy to the police ombudsman or equivalent.
We're told to be affraid of strangers but you're right, kids are hurt/kidnapped/killed by people they know. Being family isn't a proof of being safe.
Load More Replies... Bloody hell, she took your child without permission, without informing anyone, no call, no nothing - that's kidnapping. Mother is a criminal, I'd ban her for life. And I'd tell the family to get bent, she's been a monster with her behavior, and if they don't get it, they are delusional. Dearest, protect what's yours from a madwoman who is viciously cruel.
As someone who didn't have a grandfather (mom's father passed before I was born and my dad's father was a pure a****** who didn't give a rip), let me say that having loving family members of all kinds is much better than the basic check boxes of having family members who are flat out abusive. Never had a grandfather nor uncles but had a grandmother and great aunt (her sister) who were always there helping raise us kids. I felt like I had all of the love in the world, despite not having the traditional grandfather around.
The part missing from this account -- necessary due to the format of this type post -- is history of the mother being judgmental, critical and not respecting boundaries. I am sure there have been countless other times when mother did or said things inappropriate and interfere or attempted to interfere with the daughter's life. One incident of this sort would be distressing, but I suspect this is simply the latest in a long-line of harmful, disrespectful and selfish acts by mom.
What do you mean that witch came back after SIX HOURS?! And she wasn't arrested???? If anyone tried to pull a stunt on me like that, in six hours I'd learn to use a firearm and get my license. (Obvs. exaggerating, but you get my point.) Like seriously, I would be on the phone with everyone from the border police to every relevant embassy and airline. At this point, grandma from hell has known the child for less than 24 hours, couldn't communicate with them effectively due to a language barrier, and was in a foreign country where no one can guarantee that she will be able to get assistance due again to a language barrier. And she decides to punish her daughter by being unwilling to communicate with her, effectively holding a vulnerable minor hostage. If this was a stranger, she would have been met with a wall of police with drawn guns. Why is it, that simply because she's a relative, she is allowed to walk away?
Given the crappy childhood the mom had with a narcissistic mother why on earth would she want her child to experience any of that as well. Press charges and cut off contact with all relatives who are giving you any grief about it.
I'm so tired of this PREGNANCY BRAIN b******t. It's the equivalent of being up for 18 hours. There's NO PROOF that intellect changes because of pregnancy
I think I may be the in the minority here but I'm having trouble viewing what grandma did as "kidnapping" and feel reporting it to the police as such was an over exaggeration of a helicopter parent. "That is MY baby!" Type of thing. And if I'm missing something and am wrong, I'm ok with that. But if my DIL wasn't home and my son was finally getting some much needed rest then my grandson woke up, I could absolutely see me taking him out somewhere so my son could sleep. Yes, she didn't answer her phone the ONE time the mom indicated she tried calling; as though she, nor anyone else, has ever missed a call and didn't realize it maybe for hours. I mean, she took him shopping and he got new toys, then they returned home. Mom is just pissed because she didn't have total control. If anything, I would have been worried when grandma didn't answer, but mostly worried they had a wreck or something. In reality, no harm was done and mom was wasting LEO's time to prove a point.
She wouldn't answer calls. If it was innocent, why not answer to at least explain? She knew exactly what she was doing.
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