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“She Got Visibly Angry And Asked If My Husband Was As Big Of A Jerk As I Was”: Woman Told New Neighbor She Doesn’t Want To be Friends
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“She Got Visibly Angry And Asked If My Husband Was As Big Of A Jerk As I Was”: Woman Told New Neighbor She Doesn’t Want To be Friends

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“Love thy neighbor” might sound great on paper, but it’s gosh darn difficult to put into practice. Especially if you happen to have barely anything in common and prefer to keep to yourself. “Good fences make good neighbors,” indeed. Sometimes, no matter how polite someone is, others just prefer to be left alone.

One redditor asked the AITA subreddit for their opinion about a bit of neighborly drama that she had recently gotten into. Having lived in her neighborhood for over half a decade, the woman noticed someone new move in down the street, a full-time mom of three.

The chatty new neighbor, who had polar opposite political opinions, really tested the introverted redditor’s patience, and she shared exactly what happened next. Check out the full story below and let us know who you think was in the wrong. What would you have done differently? Meanwhile, tell us about how well you get along with your neighbors in the comments, Pandas. Do you prefer simply nodding and saying a quick ‘hi’ or do you go over to borrow some salt and talk about the weather in great detail?

Bored Panda wanted to understand whether total honesty’s always the best way to go when talking with one’s neighbors, so we reached out to Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.

A woman, who likes to keep to herself, asked the AITA community if she was wrong about how she dealt with a chatty new neighbor

Image credits: dadblunders (not the actual photo)

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"She Got Visibly Angry And Asked If My Husband Was As Big Of A Jerk As I Was": Woman Told New Neighbor She Doesn't Want To be Friends

Image credits: Eric Lewis (not the actual photo)

She explained to us that even though honesty is the best policy as a rule, “sometimes a person’s efforts at honesty come off a little too ‘brutal’ and feelings are hurt and relationships damaged, and no greater good is served.” Being a tad more emotionally tactical when speaking to an overly chatty neighbor can help them become more aware of themselves and may help avoid tension down the line. It’s also best not to outright tell someone you don’t want to be their friend.

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According to Professor Degges-White, from Northern Illinois University, depending on the situation, telling a white lie or opting for a gentle let-down is a better option.

“The ‘new neighbor’ may be blind to the effect her chattiness is having on others and perhaps a little gentle feedback might actually help the neighbor grow in self-awareness and become a better neighbor,” she explained the potential pros of a more diplomatic approach.

“Bluntly saying that you don’t ever see yourselves becoming friends may leave a bad taste in the neighbor’s mouth and the acrimony that results might last for a long, long time,” the psychology expert told Bored Panda.

“Another important consideration is that neighbors can impact our home lives in significant ways! You don’t want to have poor relationships with people you’re going to be in close proximity to each and every day. That’s added stress no one needs, given the amount of stress that we’re all feeling after the last couple of years due to world events!” the professor pointed out that nobody needs that kind of additional stress in their lives.

Professor Degges-White shared some ways that you can tactically withdraw if a neighbor doesn’t know when to stop speaking.

“When a neighbor wants to chat too long at the garden fence, just make up reasons that you’ve ‘got to run.’ If their chattiness is interrupting a peaceful evening in your backyard, let the neighbor know that ‘it’s been a stressful day and I’m just out here for some peace and quiet,’ or something along those lines,” she said how we can drop a gentle hint that we need some privacy.

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“If you really just need to tell your neighbor that you ‘don’t want to be her friend,’ which sounds very grade-schoolish, you can share something like, ‘I appreciate your friendliness and am glad to hear that you like our neighborhood.’ Then just head inside or just turn your back and get on with whatever you’re doing. Hopefully, the new neighbor will get the message, but by choosing not to engage, you’re making your boundaries clear.”

It takes a keen emotional intelligence to figure out whether a dash of complete honesty is better than being diplomatic in a particular interaction. Whatever the truth might be, sometimes, it pays off to phrase things in a roundabout way. Though, at other times, people really need to hear exactly what you think.

It all depends on the situation and who you’re dealing with. Someone who’s a bit more vulnerable might prefer you to be slightly more tactical in order to spare their feelings. Though other people simply don’t get the hint or misinterpret politeness for ambiguity.

Would the world be a better place if everyone told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? If you haven’t yet, you might want to watch the movie ‘The Invention of Lying’ about a universe where nobody has ever lied. It really isn’t the utopia you might think it is.

According to a study conducted by Pew Research, there’s a generational difference in how social people are with their neighbors, at least in the United States. Americans 65 and over are more likely to know who their neighbors are, compared to young’uns.

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The numbers are, well, staggering. A whopping 57% of respondents said that they know only some of their neighbors. Meanwhile, a paltry 26% said that they know most of the people living near them. In short, more people tend to want to keep to themselves in this day and age.

However, it isn’t the end of the world. In this era of modern communications, the Americans who know at least some of their neighbors, prefer to converse with them face-to-face, rather than via phone, email, or text. And there’s quite a bit of trust between them, too. Pew notes that 66% of the folks who know at least some of their neighbors would feel completely comfortable leaving their house keys with them for emergencies. Now that’s some real trust right there. Could you say the same for someone in your own apartment block or neighborhood, Pandas?

Unfortunately, the majority of Americans have never gotten together with their neighbors at parties, whether big or small. And, according to the study, it seems like those living in the rural US are more likely to know everyone living near them. Ironically, they’re also more likely to keep to themselves.

The woman shared some more of her thoughts in the comments of her post

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juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is missing a crucial paragraph. "...opposite sides of the political spectrum. Two days ago there was a knock on the door. I opened it because I was expecting a package, and it was a woman about my age. She introduced herself as the new neighbor and started talking a mile a minute. She told me that she had three children, was a SAHM, was new to the area, and some other stuff that I don’t really remember. Then she started peppering me with questions and seemed to get more and more disappointed as I answered. She asked if I had children (no), did we plan on having children (no), do I know any of the social activities in the area (no), do I know any local mom groups (confused no), do I every babysit (hard no). You get the picture. She seemed to run out of steam..."

snowfoxrox avatar
Whitefox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good grief.. We are the new neighbors. When we saw our closest neighbors outside, we approached and said, introduced ourselves and that was about it. Just being friendly. It's been 2 years now and we are on friendly terms with the neighbors. Meaning, we'll wave to each other and make short small talk as appropriate.

mbbookkeeping avatar
DuchessDegu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, I chat with them if we happen to be out at the same time (shared driveway) or if we see their extremely polite but also very chatty kids in the park. On the other hand I was best friends with a former neighbor, but it was over a long period of time and we had a lot in common

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skidog911 avatar
Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What struck us when we moved into our neighborhood was that everybody we meet said pretty much the same thing: "Yeah, this is a good neighborhood...everybody pretty much keeps to themselves." We took that to mean we would have cordial but not necessarily friendly relationships with our neighbors. Over the course of a few years, though, we've gotten pretty close with some of our neighbors, but not so much with some others. We are very much political outliers in the area, but we don't talk politics. We have keys for some neighbor's houses, alarm codes for some, and we often share goodies when it seems right (holidays, garden bounty, etc). Of course, there's one neighbor we would not pee on if she caught on fire, but everybody has their Shirley. These relationships take time - OP's new neighbor just seemed to force it. Hard.

amylara avatar
wowbagger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My therapist keeps reminding me: people with poor boundaries don't like it when you set boundaries. Just because they get upset at you doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

shopgirl012974 avatar
Alicia M
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The door knocker had anti-choice signs in her yard. Deal breaker. I wouldn't want to be her friend either. She's not shy about her views, why should others have to act like they didn't notice?

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Anti choice? Sounds more like you're pro death. Look, even though this woman sounds exhausting and doesn't respect boundaries, and I would prefer not to have to deal with her either, abortion takes away the rights of humans, half of which would be women one day. Where are these women's rights? They won't have any because they will be killed. I wouldn't go around sporting signs regarding my stance, but please, deal in facts and in truth. And no, I am not a Trump supporter, and never will be.

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tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The compulsion to scream your political opinions to the world makes me not want to be your friend. You're not the a*****e, you told her where she might find a better fit for friends. I hate people who think that because they live near you, you must be their friend. I don't want to be friends and hang out with people who have kids. And when she outright INSULTED me for not kissing her a*s, I'd have cussed her like a sailor and made her run home crying.

lerta avatar
Ler Ta
Community Member
1 year ago

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Yeah, like progressives don't scream their politics at every opportunity. The Woke-Mind virus, with the tunnels it bores into your brains, creates the most intolerant, unfriendly group around. What sad lives you lead with your decrepit leader B leading the charge

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yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof. OP 100 percent NTA. New neighbor reeks of a very particular stereotype I can't stomach. This is one of the best all-time blow-offs. Like a sh1tty door-to-door salesman. She showed up, showed you the sh1tty wares and you didn't buy. She lost the sale.

lerta avatar
Ler Ta
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Progressives... boy, I mean, girl, I mean it, you guys are one intolerant bunch. MY PRONOUNS ARE Who/Where. Don't misgender me. I identify as a cat, who itself, identifies as a seagull.

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abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly don't understand people's obsession with being friends with your neighbors. Sure, civil and cordial is probably for the best of everyone, but chances are, just because they live by you, doesn't mean you'll have enough common views and interests to have a friendship. Plus, I like people far enough away that I can avoid them if need be.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it came to friendships, my parents gave me advice and they told me the same thing about coworkers and neighbors, familiarity breeds contempt. They said never get too friendly with coworkers or neighbors. And there's a lot to be said for that saying, Good fences make good neighbors.

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wehf100 avatar
Wilf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a waste of time. Here's how it should have gone. 1)opens door. 2) asks "are you the woman with the anti-abortion posters outside your house?" 3) she answers "yes" 4) shuts door.

yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES. There's some wingnut cult near here with a van that drops off lady proselytizers with tracts. Driver's a man who sits on his a$$ in an air-conditioned van while they walk door to door. I now interrupt, tell them they're in a cult and hand them a post-it with the names and numbers of state agencies and shelters. Have yet to find a crumpled post-it in the walk.

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ilana65825 avatar
Valerie Solanas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally NTH. In op's place I would just immediately slam the door in her face and not waste a second of my time being polite to someone who's pro forced birth.

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago

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This neighbor was overbearing, but pro forced birth? Really? As if people who have sex don't have a choice, right? No one ever wants to be accountable for their choices anymore in our sex obsessed society. Smh

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rahul-pawa-1 avatar
Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I feel bad for the neighbor. OP mentioned in a response that the neighbor had moved away from her support network. She's probably lonely, needs social connection, and is not good at it (I can relate). It is really tough moving to a new town. I hope things get better for her. Edit: Based on responses I guess I should make clear my opinion about OP. They handled the situation perfectly and are definitely NTA.

joann-f avatar
Jo Firth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not with her attitude it won't. She sounds overbearing. OP did the right thing steering her towards people with families who had more in common. Then she refused and invitation for coffee and was honest. Hard to find anything wrong with that.

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kathrynbaylis avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just moved into the neighborhood. ALREADY have the political signs out in the lawn—-did they put them out before the moving van even got there, ffs? Then, also right off the bat, badgering the neighbors—-before observing their habits and realizing they’re rather introverted and would prefer to be left alone—-by proselytizing about pro-life b******t which matches their f*****g lawn signs, then immediately getting all bent out of shape and nasty because the neighbor didn’t want to take them up on their offer to join their church—-scratch that—-CULT. Cripes. Complete lack of self-awareness AND boundaries, plus undeserved entitlement. You ALWAYS get comfortable in your house and take time to observe and survey your new territory BEFORE you start reaching out to the neighbors. There’s always an icebreaker that comes your way. My husband and I are also homebodies. We have pets, and our street is full of animal lovers. The new neighbors’ deaf 12 year old German Shepherd saw me getting the mail not long after they settled in, and just calmly walked over to say Hi. She’s a lovely gentle dog, and not far behind her were the Mom and two kids to fetch her home. Perfect icebreaker for introductions, and to let them know we have a dog too, amongst other things. We now wave and say hi, their daughter has a crush on Scruffy, and their son just loves my husband’s work truck. Oh, and Scruffy, who is a 15 year old 30 lb terrier mix, has a crush on 12 year old 100+ lb Samantha the German Shepherd (even though I keep telling him she’s way out of his league). Nothing overbearing. Just neighborly. As it should be.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neighbor was demanding to find out how she could use you, OP. NTA... but SHE def is! And always look through your door's peep-hole before opening it.

jasperswoman avatar
Jasperina Witty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The neighbor is a piece of work. Imagine being proud of this country turning to c**p Ava's taking rights away from citizens? Imagine thinking as a new neighbor to put those signs out? There was no that way to tell her. Based on her beliefs, she's psycho.

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What rights are being taken from citizens? Oh yeah, that's right. Abortion not only takes rights away from citizens, it also kills them. I am not a Democrat or Republican, but please, let's deal in facts and in science. Being against abortion doesn't make you a psycho, but allowing abortion makes you a perpetrator of murder.

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safsaf avatar
SAF saf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't stand these type of neighbors. Just because we live next to each other doesn't mean we have to be f*****g friends. As for the political signs...ugh, this is basically them advertising what they REALLY want to talk about.

starrywalsh avatar
Mark Walsh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't understand the need for being best friends with someone when the only thing you have in coming is that you live on the same street. If you want to be a good neighbor ... Stay over there.

giustizia avatar
Jus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate dedicated "moms" whose whole life is children and social events. I wouldn't want to be friends. Friends are those whom I like for their personality and with whom I love talking. No children. No forcing social interactions. No energetic pushing people ruining my peace. It's ok to say hello, wave, help and maybe something more if we find common ground. But I would expect some distance and privacy, always.

hop4me234 avatar
Rick Hoppenbrouwer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We hired a new guy where I worked and within 10 minutes of meeting him I disliked him. One day he says to me he drove by my place and saw me mowing the lawn and thought about stopping by. I looked him straight in the eye and just said " Don't" . There is nothing wrong with being up front with people you know you won't get along with and I do not consider it rude.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to be honest i wouldn't know what to say to that neighbor if she will be knocking at my door. probably i would not open the door, i will just pretend that i am asleep or not at home. i applaud her for being so frank to her. i hope i could do that.

novemberreign41 avatar
A.D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm fairly introverted and happily childless and I would have have said that nearly verbatim. I don't like people showing up unannounced and just assuming I want a friend

deannababy61 avatar
Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol! My BF just mentioned yesterday that our new neighbors don't seem very friendly. He seemed a little put off. I assured him that it's perfect. I'm going to call the cops if I see someone breaking into their house, or the fire department if their house is burning down. I hope they'd do the same. I asked if he'd like that guy coming over to borrow tools or wanting to drink beers and watch a game. He said 'Hard no.'. There ya' go, babe. Perfect.

denisemelek_toygar avatar
Denise Melek
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you saved yourself a terrible long and akward trying to make that woman understand she cant enforce herself on you.

julija-mich avatar
B-b-bird
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a colleague who has this weird attitude. We would go for lunch and he would be to waiter like…make sure salad has no onion, eggs should be made well well done, why my water has no fresh lemon and so on and so on. I would just pick something like lunch of the day and enjoying it after barely 10 minutes of waiting. Meanwhile he’s going back and forth with a waiter where something is undercooked/overcooked/unexpected ingredients, sends all back to the kitchen… and starts staring at my food, then grabs some from my plate. Even though it’s with onions, eggs and whatever he “doesn’t like”. Some people just wants to treat staff In AH way to show their imaginary “superiority”. And there’s no reason at all.

mscontin avatar
Brenda Pereira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have lived in my neighborhood for 24 yrs and raised 3 boys here. I can't honestly tell you my next door neighbor's name and like it like that. I'm friendly when I see them, but don't care to socialize with them.

jnegraham avatar
Janet Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that she was lonely and looking for friends. I think she has an idealistic idea of a cozy neighborhood. I think she is hyper and way too outgoing. You are NTA. I would suggest installing a peephole and checking who is out there before opening your door.

saraheac avatar
YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Do we have this in common? Okay how about this? This? This?... well let's have coffee, maybe we'll find something else!" "Nah." Yes, she was overbearing. Perhaps that's because she's socially awkward and it took her a damn month to build up the nerve to knock on that door. Should've just said "your lawn signs make it clear that we cannot be friends." At least then she'd have an understanding.

avaalternative avatar
Ava Alternative
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh i have neighbor that didnt understand privacy at all. When she come over she just invited herself in while i was in the bathroom, opening bedroom window from outside to say hi to me while im in the bedroom. Sadly there's so much ppl behave like that in a small village here and they drive me nuts

kimberlybailey avatar
KimB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I keep my doors and windows locked even when I'm home. My neighbor (who's very nice but also nosey) decided to open my door and put my packages inside. It was a nice gesture but if one of my dogs didn't recognize him and bit him he could have sued me.

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melinda_flick avatar
Melinda Flick
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Current home: I'm a 'libtard' living in the middle of 'truthers' because I could afford this house, here, hours away from family. We're all friendly, but discussion just cannot happen because I stand there looking goggle eyed, and they go on about their side. I try to limit things to gardening now... Even grandchildren as a topic isn't safe, as one neighbor has been cut off from her son and his family because she's a pretty hard core truther, and her son married a POC who, golly gee, doesn't like her MIL. First house, way back when the kids were little: First week in it, some ladies came to invite me to their church. I smiled nicely, and told them 'thanks, I'm an atheist'. They were polite, but they were the last people who where polite! I had a neighbor with a degree in child evangelism that I TOTALLY locked horns with, and eventually had to call her pastor to beg him to make her back the eff off from my and my young children.

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've lived in my townhouse (houses share a wall) community for 8 years. There's single woman on one side and a single man on the other. I know the woman's name, because she roped me into watering her plants until I put a stop to it. The man introduced himself, and we say hi whenever we see each other, but I cannot remember his name. I doubt that I'll ask him.

juemae65 avatar
JMA_BUI
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is wrong with people? "You'll likely never be friends" in some comments says it is rude. People of that disposition and arrogance only understand rude. Some cannot take a hint.

shelleydube avatar
Hi Ya!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I can tell which political party she serves" Ummm no, no you can't. Both parties have wonderful, intelligent caring people and both parties consist of self-centered neurotic borderline insane entitled people. Best of luck!

wintereleven avatar
Winter Eleven
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've moved here 5 years ago and my neighbours are all introverts like myself so we only nod to eachother if we see eachother on the staircase (apartment complex with a pooll in the middle) and no talking 🥳

petdlyvdntzvanhojk avatar
Fred Jacobson
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

chubbypot avatar
JacPot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did she have to be so rude about it? Sounds like one of those people that are "just so super honest" whilst actually using it as an excuse to be rude. I'm totally introverted and choose to be by myself when I can, but I will never be rude to anyone, no matter their political views, which she tried to use to make herself seem like less of an AH.

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everybody's wrong here. OP: total honesty is almost never 'the way to go' in social situations. New Neighbor: Try to come to grips with the likelihood that not everyone else in the world wants your company. Panda Writers: Your contribution is long-winded and tedious. You ask for Pandas' opinion, so why not get out of their way?

restlessandwicked avatar
restlessandwicked
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Total honesty is the way to go in social situations. If someone can't handle clear boundaries, then that's a them problem.

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moyamcbride avatar
MoMcB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman might be really shy and talks far too much to cover it. I get they've nothing in common, but I'd have been a little nicer about it.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, you would be K with someone who was too stupid to take your subtle hints by suggesting that you could go here or there or over there to find people with more in common with you? Remark you would actually let her call you an a*****e and be polite?

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gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, you both sound like the aholes here. People are allowed to think differently than you. And you can still have a civil relationship. Just respect each other's right to an opinion, and respect each other in general. This, to me, is something people in America are having a problem doing.

yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't necessarily disagree and don't speak for anybody else, but I don't want any pro-lifers anywhere near me. Anyone who thinks I'm three holes with less rights than a rapist, I consider to be a dangerous lunatic. Tolerance is a luxury of those not under rule of forced birth. And a woman who supports this level of intrusion and abuse even more offensive.

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jaclynciocco avatar
Jaclyn Ciocco
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t you even proof this c**p anymore. Missing a huge chunk up there.

joicain_1 avatar
Joi Cain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For someone supposedly taciturn she answered every comment like a chatterbox. Huh...

yili_elite_lai avatar
Yili Lai
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that paragraph was super important lol. But I did think it was a bit rude. Make up some excuse like oh we're not home much, or just say yah maybe! But never confirm to anything and it's all good. Yah you don't want to be totally hostile to her. I am completely against the whole anti abortions thing because of so many reasons, but idk I always find it in me to be a bit open to others experiences and ideas.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, I will not lie. If I think you're a jerk and I don't want to be friends with you, I will tell you, sorry I don't think we can be friends. And if you have the nerve to call me an a*****e because I tell you I don't think we can be friends, I'm gonna come across with so many F bombs you're gonna think you are in nagasaki.

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juliaartigue avatar
juice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is missing a crucial paragraph. "...opposite sides of the political spectrum. Two days ago there was a knock on the door. I opened it because I was expecting a package, and it was a woman about my age. She introduced herself as the new neighbor and started talking a mile a minute. She told me that she had three children, was a SAHM, was new to the area, and some other stuff that I don’t really remember. Then she started peppering me with questions and seemed to get more and more disappointed as I answered. She asked if I had children (no), did we plan on having children (no), do I know any of the social activities in the area (no), do I know any local mom groups (confused no), do I every babysit (hard no). You get the picture. She seemed to run out of steam..."

snowfoxrox avatar
Whitefox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good grief.. We are the new neighbors. When we saw our closest neighbors outside, we approached and said, introduced ourselves and that was about it. Just being friendly. It's been 2 years now and we are on friendly terms with the neighbors. Meaning, we'll wave to each other and make short small talk as appropriate.

mbbookkeeping avatar
DuchessDegu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, I chat with them if we happen to be out at the same time (shared driveway) or if we see their extremely polite but also very chatty kids in the park. On the other hand I was best friends with a former neighbor, but it was over a long period of time and we had a lot in common

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Kusotare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What struck us when we moved into our neighborhood was that everybody we meet said pretty much the same thing: "Yeah, this is a good neighborhood...everybody pretty much keeps to themselves." We took that to mean we would have cordial but not necessarily friendly relationships with our neighbors. Over the course of a few years, though, we've gotten pretty close with some of our neighbors, but not so much with some others. We are very much political outliers in the area, but we don't talk politics. We have keys for some neighbor's houses, alarm codes for some, and we often share goodies when it seems right (holidays, garden bounty, etc). Of course, there's one neighbor we would not pee on if she caught on fire, but everybody has their Shirley. These relationships take time - OP's new neighbor just seemed to force it. Hard.

amylara avatar
wowbagger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My therapist keeps reminding me: people with poor boundaries don't like it when you set boundaries. Just because they get upset at you doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

shopgirl012974 avatar
Alicia M
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The door knocker had anti-choice signs in her yard. Deal breaker. I wouldn't want to be her friend either. She's not shy about her views, why should others have to act like they didn't notice?

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Anti choice? Sounds more like you're pro death. Look, even though this woman sounds exhausting and doesn't respect boundaries, and I would prefer not to have to deal with her either, abortion takes away the rights of humans, half of which would be women one day. Where are these women's rights? They won't have any because they will be killed. I wouldn't go around sporting signs regarding my stance, but please, deal in facts and in truth. And no, I am not a Trump supporter, and never will be.

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Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The compulsion to scream your political opinions to the world makes me not want to be your friend. You're not the a*****e, you told her where she might find a better fit for friends. I hate people who think that because they live near you, you must be their friend. I don't want to be friends and hang out with people who have kids. And when she outright INSULTED me for not kissing her a*s, I'd have cussed her like a sailor and made her run home crying.

lerta avatar
Ler Ta
Community Member
1 year ago

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Yeah, like progressives don't scream their politics at every opportunity. The Woke-Mind virus, with the tunnels it bores into your brains, creates the most intolerant, unfriendly group around. What sad lives you lead with your decrepit leader B leading the charge

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yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof. OP 100 percent NTA. New neighbor reeks of a very particular stereotype I can't stomach. This is one of the best all-time blow-offs. Like a sh1tty door-to-door salesman. She showed up, showed you the sh1tty wares and you didn't buy. She lost the sale.

lerta avatar
Ler Ta
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Progressives... boy, I mean, girl, I mean it, you guys are one intolerant bunch. MY PRONOUNS ARE Who/Where. Don't misgender me. I identify as a cat, who itself, identifies as a seagull.

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abby smink
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly don't understand people's obsession with being friends with your neighbors. Sure, civil and cordial is probably for the best of everyone, but chances are, just because they live by you, doesn't mean you'll have enough common views and interests to have a friendship. Plus, I like people far enough away that I can avoid them if need be.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it came to friendships, my parents gave me advice and they told me the same thing about coworkers and neighbors, familiarity breeds contempt. They said never get too friendly with coworkers or neighbors. And there's a lot to be said for that saying, Good fences make good neighbors.

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Wilf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a waste of time. Here's how it should have gone. 1)opens door. 2) asks "are you the woman with the anti-abortion posters outside your house?" 3) she answers "yes" 4) shuts door.

yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES. There's some wingnut cult near here with a van that drops off lady proselytizers with tracts. Driver's a man who sits on his a$$ in an air-conditioned van while they walk door to door. I now interrupt, tell them they're in a cult and hand them a post-it with the names and numbers of state agencies and shelters. Have yet to find a crumpled post-it in the walk.

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Valerie Solanas
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally NTH. In op's place I would just immediately slam the door in her face and not waste a second of my time being polite to someone who's pro forced birth.

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago

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This neighbor was overbearing, but pro forced birth? Really? As if people who have sex don't have a choice, right? No one ever wants to be accountable for their choices anymore in our sex obsessed society. Smh

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Rahul Pawa
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly I feel bad for the neighbor. OP mentioned in a response that the neighbor had moved away from her support network. She's probably lonely, needs social connection, and is not good at it (I can relate). It is really tough moving to a new town. I hope things get better for her. Edit: Based on responses I guess I should make clear my opinion about OP. They handled the situation perfectly and are definitely NTA.

joann-f avatar
Jo Firth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not with her attitude it won't. She sounds overbearing. OP did the right thing steering her towards people with families who had more in common. Then she refused and invitation for coffee and was honest. Hard to find anything wrong with that.

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just moved into the neighborhood. ALREADY have the political signs out in the lawn—-did they put them out before the moving van even got there, ffs? Then, also right off the bat, badgering the neighbors—-before observing their habits and realizing they’re rather introverted and would prefer to be left alone—-by proselytizing about pro-life b******t which matches their f*****g lawn signs, then immediately getting all bent out of shape and nasty because the neighbor didn’t want to take them up on their offer to join their church—-scratch that—-CULT. Cripes. Complete lack of self-awareness AND boundaries, plus undeserved entitlement. You ALWAYS get comfortable in your house and take time to observe and survey your new territory BEFORE you start reaching out to the neighbors. There’s always an icebreaker that comes your way. My husband and I are also homebodies. We have pets, and our street is full of animal lovers. The new neighbors’ deaf 12 year old German Shepherd saw me getting the mail not long after they settled in, and just calmly walked over to say Hi. She’s a lovely gentle dog, and not far behind her were the Mom and two kids to fetch her home. Perfect icebreaker for introductions, and to let them know we have a dog too, amongst other things. We now wave and say hi, their daughter has a crush on Scruffy, and their son just loves my husband’s work truck. Oh, and Scruffy, who is a 15 year old 30 lb terrier mix, has a crush on 12 year old 100+ lb Samantha the German Shepherd (even though I keep telling him she’s way out of his league). Nothing overbearing. Just neighborly. As it should be.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neighbor was demanding to find out how she could use you, OP. NTA... but SHE def is! And always look through your door's peep-hole before opening it.

jasperswoman avatar
Jasperina Witty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. The neighbor is a piece of work. Imagine being proud of this country turning to c**p Ava's taking rights away from citizens? Imagine thinking as a new neighbor to put those signs out? There was no that way to tell her. Based on her beliefs, she's psycho.

cmkar avatar
CM Kar
Community Member
1 year ago

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What rights are being taken from citizens? Oh yeah, that's right. Abortion not only takes rights away from citizens, it also kills them. I am not a Democrat or Republican, but please, let's deal in facts and in science. Being against abortion doesn't make you a psycho, but allowing abortion makes you a perpetrator of murder.

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SAF saf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't stand these type of neighbors. Just because we live next to each other doesn't mean we have to be f*****g friends. As for the political signs...ugh, this is basically them advertising what they REALLY want to talk about.

starrywalsh avatar
Mark Walsh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't understand the need for being best friends with someone when the only thing you have in coming is that you live on the same street. If you want to be a good neighbor ... Stay over there.

giustizia avatar
Jus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate dedicated "moms" whose whole life is children and social events. I wouldn't want to be friends. Friends are those whom I like for their personality and with whom I love talking. No children. No forcing social interactions. No energetic pushing people ruining my peace. It's ok to say hello, wave, help and maybe something more if we find common ground. But I would expect some distance and privacy, always.

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Rick Hoppenbrouwer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We hired a new guy where I worked and within 10 minutes of meeting him I disliked him. One day he says to me he drove by my place and saw me mowing the lawn and thought about stopping by. I looked him straight in the eye and just said " Don't" . There is nothing wrong with being up front with people you know you won't get along with and I do not consider it rude.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to be honest i wouldn't know what to say to that neighbor if she will be knocking at my door. probably i would not open the door, i will just pretend that i am asleep or not at home. i applaud her for being so frank to her. i hope i could do that.

novemberreign41 avatar
A.D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm fairly introverted and happily childless and I would have have said that nearly verbatim. I don't like people showing up unannounced and just assuming I want a friend

deannababy61 avatar
Deanna Crichley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol! My BF just mentioned yesterday that our new neighbors don't seem very friendly. He seemed a little put off. I assured him that it's perfect. I'm going to call the cops if I see someone breaking into their house, or the fire department if their house is burning down. I hope they'd do the same. I asked if he'd like that guy coming over to borrow tools or wanting to drink beers and watch a game. He said 'Hard no.'. There ya' go, babe. Perfect.

denisemelek_toygar avatar
Denise Melek
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you saved yourself a terrible long and akward trying to make that woman understand she cant enforce herself on you.

julija-mich avatar
B-b-bird
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a colleague who has this weird attitude. We would go for lunch and he would be to waiter like…make sure salad has no onion, eggs should be made well well done, why my water has no fresh lemon and so on and so on. I would just pick something like lunch of the day and enjoying it after barely 10 minutes of waiting. Meanwhile he’s going back and forth with a waiter where something is undercooked/overcooked/unexpected ingredients, sends all back to the kitchen… and starts staring at my food, then grabs some from my plate. Even though it’s with onions, eggs and whatever he “doesn’t like”. Some people just wants to treat staff In AH way to show their imaginary “superiority”. And there’s no reason at all.

mscontin avatar
Brenda Pereira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have lived in my neighborhood for 24 yrs and raised 3 boys here. I can't honestly tell you my next door neighbor's name and like it like that. I'm friendly when I see them, but don't care to socialize with them.

jnegraham avatar
Janet Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that she was lonely and looking for friends. I think she has an idealistic idea of a cozy neighborhood. I think she is hyper and way too outgoing. You are NTA. I would suggest installing a peephole and checking who is out there before opening your door.

saraheac avatar
YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Do we have this in common? Okay how about this? This? This?... well let's have coffee, maybe we'll find something else!" "Nah." Yes, she was overbearing. Perhaps that's because she's socially awkward and it took her a damn month to build up the nerve to knock on that door. Should've just said "your lawn signs make it clear that we cannot be friends." At least then she'd have an understanding.

avaalternative avatar
Ava Alternative
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh i have neighbor that didnt understand privacy at all. When she come over she just invited herself in while i was in the bathroom, opening bedroom window from outside to say hi to me while im in the bedroom. Sadly there's so much ppl behave like that in a small village here and they drive me nuts

kimberlybailey avatar
KimB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I keep my doors and windows locked even when I'm home. My neighbor (who's very nice but also nosey) decided to open my door and put my packages inside. It was a nice gesture but if one of my dogs didn't recognize him and bit him he could have sued me.

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Melinda Flick
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Current home: I'm a 'libtard' living in the middle of 'truthers' because I could afford this house, here, hours away from family. We're all friendly, but discussion just cannot happen because I stand there looking goggle eyed, and they go on about their side. I try to limit things to gardening now... Even grandchildren as a topic isn't safe, as one neighbor has been cut off from her son and his family because she's a pretty hard core truther, and her son married a POC who, golly gee, doesn't like her MIL. First house, way back when the kids were little: First week in it, some ladies came to invite me to their church. I smiled nicely, and told them 'thanks, I'm an atheist'. They were polite, but they were the last people who where polite! I had a neighbor with a degree in child evangelism that I TOTALLY locked horns with, and eventually had to call her pastor to beg him to make her back the eff off from my and my young children.

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've lived in my townhouse (houses share a wall) community for 8 years. There's single woman on one side and a single man on the other. I know the woman's name, because she roped me into watering her plants until I put a stop to it. The man introduced himself, and we say hi whenever we see each other, but I cannot remember his name. I doubt that I'll ask him.

juemae65 avatar
JMA_BUI
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is wrong with people? "You'll likely never be friends" in some comments says it is rude. People of that disposition and arrogance only understand rude. Some cannot take a hint.

shelleydube avatar
Hi Ya!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I can tell which political party she serves" Ummm no, no you can't. Both parties have wonderful, intelligent caring people and both parties consist of self-centered neurotic borderline insane entitled people. Best of luck!

wintereleven avatar
Winter Eleven
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've moved here 5 years ago and my neighbours are all introverts like myself so we only nod to eachother if we see eachother on the staircase (apartment complex with a pooll in the middle) and no talking 🥳

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Fred Jacobson
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

chubbypot avatar
JacPot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did she have to be so rude about it? Sounds like one of those people that are "just so super honest" whilst actually using it as an excuse to be rude. I'm totally introverted and choose to be by myself when I can, but I will never be rude to anyone, no matter their political views, which she tried to use to make herself seem like less of an AH.

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everybody's wrong here. OP: total honesty is almost never 'the way to go' in social situations. New Neighbor: Try to come to grips with the likelihood that not everyone else in the world wants your company. Panda Writers: Your contribution is long-winded and tedious. You ask for Pandas' opinion, so why not get out of their way?

restlessandwicked avatar
restlessandwicked
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Total honesty is the way to go in social situations. If someone can't handle clear boundaries, then that's a them problem.

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MoMcB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman might be really shy and talks far too much to cover it. I get they've nothing in common, but I'd have been a little nicer about it.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So, you would be K with someone who was too stupid to take your subtle hints by suggesting that you could go here or there or over there to find people with more in common with you? Remark you would actually let her call you an a*****e and be polite?

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gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, you both sound like the aholes here. People are allowed to think differently than you. And you can still have a civil relationship. Just respect each other's right to an opinion, and respect each other in general. This, to me, is something people in America are having a problem doing.

yd avatar
Y D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't necessarily disagree and don't speak for anybody else, but I don't want any pro-lifers anywhere near me. Anyone who thinks I'm three holes with less rights than a rapist, I consider to be a dangerous lunatic. Tolerance is a luxury of those not under rule of forced birth. And a woman who supports this level of intrusion and abuse even more offensive.

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jaclynciocco avatar
Jaclyn Ciocco
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t you even proof this c**p anymore. Missing a huge chunk up there.

joicain_1 avatar
Joi Cain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For someone supposedly taciturn she answered every comment like a chatterbox. Huh...

yili_elite_lai avatar
Yili Lai
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that paragraph was super important lol. But I did think it was a bit rude. Make up some excuse like oh we're not home much, or just say yah maybe! But never confirm to anything and it's all good. Yah you don't want to be totally hostile to her. I am completely against the whole anti abortions thing because of so many reasons, but idk I always find it in me to be a bit open to others experiences and ideas.

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, I will not lie. If I think you're a jerk and I don't want to be friends with you, I will tell you, sorry I don't think we can be friends. And if you have the nerve to call me an a*****e because I tell you I don't think we can be friends, I'm gonna come across with so many F bombs you're gonna think you are in nagasaki.

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