“Am I The Jerk For Refusing To Share My Sanitary Pads With My Stepdaughter?”
Preparing a child for their first period (and 40 or so more years of the monthly experience) is an important task. One that requires honesty, empathy, and support. But this woman may have forgotten all three.
Recently, an anonymous Reddit user submitted a story to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, asking if her response to her stepdaughter’s first period (or rather, the way the teen handled it) was appropriate.
Apparently, the 16-year-old was too embarrassed to tell her what she was going through, so she simply took the woman’s sanitary products without asking. So the woman scolded her and took everything back.
Continue scrolling to read how everything went down and the things Iris Gorfinkel, M.D. told Bored Panda we all can do to better navigate such situations.
This woman realized that her stepdaughter had taken her sanitary pads without asking
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)
So she stormed into the teen’s room and confronted her about it
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway0001Xoxo
First, let’s understand what happens during menstruation.
General practitioner, medical researcher, and founder of PrimeHealth Clinical Research, Iris Gorfinkel, M.D., pointed out that a woman is born with 1 million eggs and by the time puberty comes around, that’s down to about one-third, or 300,000 eggs. “By the time we’re thirty, we only got about 100,000 eggs, and by the time we’re 40, we’re down to 18,000. So the number keeps shrinking over time,” the doctor told Bored Panda.
“Over a lifetime, about 400 of those eggs are going to ovulate. So think about that 400 of what starts out as a million. That’s why every single one of us is a miracle. It’s pretty incredible that you and I even exist when you look at the odds of that happening.”
“We go through different stages of sexual maturity and right from the get-go, from the time we’re eight or nine, our ovaries begin to enlarge and hormones are starting to be produced,” Gorfinkel said. “Breast buds come in and then pubic hair starts growing. At first, it’s soft, and then not that much. Usually when those changes have all happened, then you know ovulation and menstruation will be next.”
“One of those 300,000 eggs finally matures and if it’s not fertilized in the tube with a sperm, it will then drop by itself into the uterus. The lining of the uterus, which has thickened to prepare for fertilization, sheds some two weeks later after the ovulation.”
“To us women, it seems like we’re losing a lot of blood, but in fact, it’s a lousy three tablespoons,” Gorfinkel added. “There are women who bleed a lot more than that but, generally speaking, if the periods are really heavy, then it’s a reason to see a doctor to try to understand why.”
Interestingly, the doctor said researchers have also measured cramping that occurs during women’s periods, and to some, they can actually be as strong as contractions they would experience when having a baby.
Gorfinkel is certain that it’s extremely important to talk to kids about menstruation. “Teach them what to expect and celebrate together; it’s normal, it’s healthy,” she said. “When the first period comes, that’s a reason to go out, to grab lunch. It not only sets the stage for body acceptance, but also for questions about what exactly is happening.”
As helpful as this can be, the doctor said you should try not to cram everything into one talk, but “expand it into a series of conversations, repeating what is exactly going on with menstruation, showing diagrams, and saying the actual words like uterus and vagina — these are not bad words. They’re healthy… Just be honest and open about it.”
Other experts agree that discussing periods shouldn’t happen only at a particular age. Ideally, the conversation should start early and slowly build on the child’s understanding. Both girls and boys need reliable information about periods.
For example, if your little one sees a tampon and asks what are you going to use it for, you could say something like, “Women bleed a little from their vagina every month. It’s called a period. It isn’t because they’re hurt. It’s how the body gets ready for a baby. The tampon catches the blood so it doesn’t go on the underwear.”
Over the years, you can give your child more information as he or she is ready.
If your child doesn’t ask questions about periods, you can bring it up yourself. By the time they’re 6 or 7 years old, most kids can understand the basics of periods. Look for a natural moment to talk about it, such as:
- when kids ask about puberty or changing bodies;
- if your child asks where babies come from;
- if you’re at the store buying pads or tampons.
Ask if your child knows about periods. Then, you can share various information in an easily understandable manner, such as: as a girl develops into a woman, her body changes so she can have a baby when she grows up. Part of that is getting a place ready for the baby to grow inside the mom. The place a baby grows is called the uterus. Every month, the uterus wall gets ready for a baby. If there is no baby, the uterus wall comes off and bleeds a little. The blood comes out of a woman’s vagina. The body makes a new wall every month, just in case there is a baby.
Answer any questions simply and directly.
These talks are as important as ever. And there’s a study that vividly illustrates this point. We’ve already mentioned it in recent Bored Panda articles, but in case you missed it; in 2019, YouGov asked British men to label a diagram of female genitalia. The results were abysmal. Well over half of the men surveyed could not label the vagina or labia, and the majority could not point out where it is that urine comes out.
However, the same study found that plenty of women have problems navigating their bodies, too. For example, 43% of them could not label the labia.
The only part of the female genitalia which the majority of both genders got right was the clitoris, identified correctly by two-thirds of men and women (71% of women, 69% of men).
People unanimously said the woman needs to seriously rethink her reaction
This woman is a nightmare. My first period came when I was at my dad's house- all I wanted was my stepmother. She hugged me, gave me one of her pads to use, then went right out and got me my own supply (it was quickly becoming apparent that what she was using wasn't adequate) plus came back from the store with some cute jammies for me to wear because "it's important to be comfortable at that time".
That's pretty much what I did when my oldest started hers - she was a lot younger than this girl and could've easily have been a horrible experience for her - it was for me - I was only 11 when mine started and in the middle of a netball game - of all the times to be jumping about in a tiny skirt - needless to say I didn't know until I got home. I've bought supplies for my kids friends if needed, wouldn't even notice if anyone took any without asking even, it's not like anyone would take them other than the fact the needed them. This woman is clearly a super immature and selfish person
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And this ladies and gentleman i how i became a juvenile delinquent. Despite having two older sisters, i had no idea how to obtain products. There were none in our bathroom and so few in moms that i fugured she would notice. So at thirteen, no money, i went to the store and stole them.
Sue, I'm sorry. That must have been really awful. Hugs.
Load More Replies... YTA. Why couldn't you share? Why not buy her some of her own and why the HELL did you make such a big deal out of it. Stepdaughter is very young and probably embarrassed and feels insecure. Definitely YTA.
Times a hundred. Good grief, like the whole mess isn't bad enough without all that!
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A random girl in a bar washroom is more generous than this OP.
i'm a trans teen (female to male) & started testosterone when i was 14, got my first period at 9. my period stopped when i started testosterone, but i always carried pads with me in my backpack & made sure my period-having friends knew i had pads so they could come to me if they ever needed any. hell, i even offered them to classmates i didn't get along with when i overheard them talking about currently being on their period & having to go to the nurse to get sanitary products. being able to help others is so rewarding & i know how much it means to them because i've been in their position too. i honestly can't imagine what went through the step-mom's head to make her deny her step-daughter sanitary pads.
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1) Dad is a jerk for not being comfortable discussing menstruation, even with a child he helped create. Dude, grow up. 2) Stepmom is either a jerk or is incredibly immature. Discovering that a young girl who you cohabitate with has just gotten her period isn't the time to accuse her of stealing. Two years ago would have been a great time to make sure the girl had a stash of products available to her whenever she might need them, or a friend visiting might need them.
What I am trying to figure out is how this never came up before. Sixteen is late for first period. So step mom and dad are married for 4 years and no one thought to ask if she was having her period and if she needed products. Total neglect of basic needs.
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The woman is obviously failing at being step-mother or best friend, otherwise her step-daughter would have felt comfortable enough to be able to go to her. For goodness sake, "I don't like to share" how ridiculous can you get. It's an unspoken rule that you help someone out with sanitary towels or tampons in their hour of need, even if they are a stranger.
My first period I was like 10/11 and my parents had left us with a babysitter. It sucked. I wanted my mom and I was crying because actually, I didn't know what a period was tbh. My babysitter was like 18 and was like "uhh" lol. I was very confused and my baysitter took me to the store to buy me some products and stuff. My mom will go to the store at 9pm to get me some (because tbh, i'm a tiny bit irresponsible when it comes to checking the amount I have left, and always think I have another box lol even three/four years later. ) That is how a mother should act, this woman, is closer in age to the daughter than her husband, and should understand and for god's sake, if she doesn't like to share, go to the store and buy her some.
I'm really happy that for once, I can clearly answer this post with YTA. I know sanitary products aren't giveaway but come on - surely a box of pads won't cost that much?!
Depending on exactly what you buy and what your budget is, a whole box can be a bit spendy. But I can understand why a girl might sneak the whole box at once, rather than a few at a time, especially if she's uncomfortable talking to the adults about it. I think the proper compromise would be "I need my supplies back, but let's run to the store and pick out stuff for you" and then a private convo with boyfriend/dad-of-the-year candidate about funding his daughter's period expenses, if it is an issue.
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OP missed a real bonding moment with her stepdaughter. First periods are once-in-a-lifetime moments, and now this poor kid will grow up knowing she was shamed during hers, and by another woman. YTA, OP.
I agree with the comment about sharing with strangers in the bathroom if needed. I would. I even keep a box at our house for the few days a year our niece visits just in case. And I haven't needed them for 6 years now. Still keep them on hand
Bless you! My poor post-hysterectomy aunt has had to make a side trip for me to buy tampons at least twice now, because she just doesn't keep them on hand anymore, and my period can be a bit unpredictable.
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YTA. It's basic hygiene supplies. No different than her pulling a roll of toilet paper out from wherever you store them. In fact, I think YTA for not having already bought them for a 16-year-old. You knew she'd need them.
YOU LIVE WITH A 16F AND DONT STOCK HER BATHROOM WITH ANY PRODUCTS FOR PERIODS? YTA YTA YTA
I'm going to change the names so she doesn't know it's me? I don't think this kinda thing shows up that often. Especially if you need the internet to tell you that you suck. This level of selfish is uncommon and I'm quite sure that if her stepdaughter reads this thread she will know exactly who posted it.
Yes! True. I gave a whole pack to a woman who asked me on the street if I had one to spare. I didn’t have one on me but I went and bought her a pack. This is her step- daughter for God sake.
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I hate people who are not ready or willing to parent who get into a serious relationship with a parent, you can't just ignore the kid, there's no room for being selfish. That's why I would never date a dad no matter how attractive he is. I don't want any kids and I can't deal with other people's kids.
The age gap is the biggest red flag imo. Always feels like there's daddy/mommy issues. I once watched a woman who hadn't seen her 20 year older boyfriend for exactly one day. She jumped at him as if he just came back from a 6 months military mission or something. Really weird.
Load More Replies... I asked my husband to grab me a snack when he went into a garage the other day, he came out with the smallest sushi box and a tub of melon and grapes - I was starving - both my daughters piped up and wanted a bit of sushi each, there were a whole 4 bits in the packet, and then the youngest asked for the grapes from the fruit - this was minutes after I bought a 4 pack of chocolate bars and my husband, daughters and son ate them. Did I "want" to share? Did I hell, but I did because they're kids (although my oldest daughter is now 18) and how am I meant to encourage them to share and be kind if I'm not. And that's just snacks - there's zero's chance I'd be arsey and deprive any person from hygiene products whether they're my kid, step kid, acquaintance or stranger - it's a bloody pad (literally) not her diamond earrings or something personal like a vibrator - she needs to get a grip
Kind of off topic, but isn't 16 like really, really late to get your first period?
I would say no. Although there seems to be a shift that teenagers (or better said female children) starts to get their periode at an younger age, 16 is still in the range. Had also some "late bloomers" in my class as well as friend circle. Sometimes wished I'd be one of them.
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You don't like to share?!? Grow the F up, you selfish, immature child. That poor girl needed help, not for you to have a temper tantrum over a PAD. In case it's not obvious, you a huge-fing-a$$hole!!
This woman is simply terrifying! The teenager may have lied out of shyness or perhaps because the question was asked in anger. In addition, a young girl may also find it normal to use hygiene products found in the home, without expecting to have to go and buy them herself or have her father buy them. Plus with a 4-year history of acquaintance with the stepmother! Again, this woman is terrible. Poor father and poor daughter.
She would still BTA even if the girl had taken ALL of her pads! I had no idea what to do with pads/when to toss them when I started using them. No one really explained how long you were to wear them, how much blood they could hold, etc., so it's not surprising if this poor girl didn't know how many she'd need either and took them in a panic. I love how the "stepmom" tried using her own time of the month as an excuse to be shitty to this young woman but WOW.
I started just around the time that toxic shock syndrome was making the news, so everyone was talking about how long wear, etc.
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HUH??? You never had to share! Give her a clean unused one! If he father had any sense he'd chuck YOU out of his house.
oh my god! YTA! Do you not remember your first period? Poor girl was so scared and embarrassed she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Once you saw that she took the box of pads, you should have asked her if she had questions or needed to know what came next, how long it would last, how often she should change the pads, etc. I can’t believe you told her to get her father to buy her pads! I’d hate for you to be my stepmother! You need to apologize to her and make nice!
"I'll pay extra for gas and groceries to 'save' Ukraine, but that whore of a teenage stepdaughter better not touch my pads!" That's you, lady, that's what you seem like. Good job, I hope you get divorced.
Wow..that reaction going off at a step-daughter, or best-friend if OP prefers, about sanitary products then snatching the rest of box back so Jess's possibly not got enough to last Jess until she or her dad could go to the shops? YTA! Jess didn't take the last one or hide the end of the pack leaving OP without. OP had 2 entire packs, more than enough to have kept her going until she could get back to the shops. And OP's line that she tries to be more of a friend to Jess? - some friend. Hubby is somewhere in the range of fool to a*****e too - his daughter, who he has custody of, is 16. Wth was a 16-year-old not given a supply ready for her first period? I might understand it not being thought about if she was a tween. Either Mark or OP could have easily purchased a stash ready for her use, I mean, come on, OP's been in this girl's life 7 years and neither Mark nor OP ever once considered when OP was buying period products for herself whether the girl might need something??
Lol she seriously thought someone would say she would be NTA?? What planet is she coming from...
I do not like this woman. I feel so bad for her stepdaughter. I could just feel how humiliating and painful this is for her. What the hell is wrong with this woman not entirely preparing herself that her husband’s daughter is a minor and once in a while she will be in need of an advice/ support that only women can provide.
OMG.... Something like this happens to a girl and "I just don't like to share" is more important then reaching out and explain things.... This woman has passed the as*hole stage all together and took it to a higher level of a*shole... Poor girl, I hope her dad came to his senses and got over his awkwardness and got his daughter everything she needed... and if not, then he's an a*shole too. It's such a shame that in this day and age, girls still don't know what happens when they're on their first period. If there was some way I could figure out how to inform the youngsters about everything their parents refuse to explain to them, I would... It works prevent so much misery...
Dear god yes, YTA lady! Who the hell does that to a kid who just started her period and is probably a little freaked out, and obviously embarrassed, by it already. They are only pads and you bought 2 boxes of them anyway!
Look up stingy in the dictionary and this woman's picture will be there as the definition.
Can’t believe she’s even asking that… hope she apologized, although she seems to selfish and immature for that. “I don’t like sharing” this lady’s not 5, she’s 29! Also, is anyone else concerned about the age difference between the stepmom and dad? For dad, it the stepmom doesn’t meet the ‘half your age plus seven’ rule [(47/5)+7=30.5]. And 16 is VERY late to start your period, she could have been hiding her period for before this and maybe just ran out. SUMMARY: WE SHOULD ALL BE THANKFUL THAT SHE’S NOT OUR STEPMOTHER (except for that poor girl). Such an insufferable lady.
I agree with pretty much everyone. Maybe the whole period experience was a celebration to you and who cares mentalities. These past few years have taught me how bad depression is these days for ,this young generation. Laughing or treating one's insecurities as insignificant is cruel, periods aside. Now, involving periods that's worse. Getting angry and verbal about pads taken is ridiculous. I would have been guilt ridden that I missed the signs and didn't plan ahead for support. Some dads are all over it but it doesn't sound like that's the case here, in fact it sounds like this is a very insecure child though16, with little or no support from anyone. Your reaction was cruel and thoughtless. Your stepdaughter isn't messed up , she clearly has no support. You will learn here there are far more horror stories about periods than , happy ones. You need to grow up and apologize. Adulting isn't supposed to be easy.
Wow... Just wow. I use a cup and some pantyliners but, I have a drawer in the guest bathroom with all manner of products just in case one of my guests need something. Geez, this woman is the embodiment of evil step mom...Especially since this was the girls first time!! Way to stigmatize her!!
The Red Ship no longer anchors in my port but I have a little friend on FaceBook who messages me from time to time when she is out of supplies. I never had a daughter of my own (or son) so I am happy to help her out.
When my baby girl starts her period I am going to be showering her in products, giving a hot water bottle for her tum, panadol as required and will even put a kylie cover under her sheet incase of mess because my god IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW! Our daughters are our future, they bare our next generation and we need to protect them and be there in these times of change. Don't be a a*****e just because she is not related to you. What a selfish cow you are lady.
You are the woman in the family, you should have empathy for your stepdaughter, not treat her like she's a stranger stealing your stuff. No wonder she's afraid to come to you. You are a selfish person, I feel sorry for your stepdaughter and you are TA.
On top of everything else, this woman also broke a sacred rule among women everywhere: need a pad/tampon? No questions asked, I got you, fam. Even if it's someone I hate, you just do it. But, no, this woman is very selfish and childish. I really hope the MUCH older husband divorced her, or is in the process of it and finds someone who is not only closer to his own age, but actually respects his child.
Big AH here. Also, I'm very disturbed by the age gap. Feel like the dad here is a child predator.
YTA. Yes, I get that it's embarrassing for you. Try to remember how much MORE embarrassing it was first time round.
That poor girl. Having your first period can be traumatising enough without getting shouted at. It's part of the unwritten code of being a woman that we always help out other women with period products. I really don't understand why people get into relationships with people with children when they clearly have no time for the children.
COME ON. If you go to a public toilet and a stranger (or even your worst enemy) walks in and ask for a pad/tampon you give them what you have. Every woman knows that. This is more about wife not wanting to take responsibility for her husbands child in any way and while I can get that - then she shouldn't have decided to stay in the relationship or get married. No one is expecting her to act like mom against her wishes but if you decide to stay with a partner who has kids they are in your life too. It's a package deal and you are expected to be a trusted ADULT in their life.
Yes I’d say she’s a big selfish @hole. Who does this to a kid. Hopefully you never reproduce. Shame on the dad too.
She broke girl code. I gave my enemy an extra pad the other day. GIRLS HELP EACH OTHER. I hate this woman, she sounds like an absolute f*****g nightmare
I'm guessing she has zero parental role with this girl, probably bordering on roommates. She reacted accordingly: like she would with a roommate who stole her stuff. Her reaction seems based more on 1) the girl snuck into her private bathroom, where she wasn't supposed to be, 2) didn't inform anyone of the situation so they could make proper arrangements for her, 3) flat out lied to her face, multiple times, when asked, even though confirming would have enabled her to go buy stuff to help the girl 4) took an entire box, half of the supplies she purchased for herself, 5) is annoyed at the implication that it's her job to purchase and supply this girl with (expensive) sanitary products, rather than the actual parent, and, biggest of all, 6) her husband just gave his daughter permission to steal her stuff. I think she is way more pissed off at her husband than the girl. With the girl she seemed annoyed that she wouldn't just tell her what she needed, but it didn't escalate until hubby showed up and hand wavedly dismissed it all as nothing and commanded her to be fine and share.
First periods are awful enough as it is, there was absolutely no need to be such a gaping a*****e about it. Geez, it kinda goes against "girl code", even if you hate the person you share that stuff.
wtf I would give a sanitary pad to a homeless stranger on a street if she asked. she is your daughter and you had two packs what is wrong with you
There are women out there who will give you the blouse off their backs and anything and everything they have. And then we have this monster.
When I first got my period I was 11, and my stepmom (who might as well be my real mom) was a straight up MVP about it because I didn't know what was going on and got scared. She immediately gave me a pack of her pads and showed me how to put one on. This was about 4 years after she came into my life. This woman is a terror and I hope this girl's dad kicks her to the curb for this childish, selfish nonsense.
Yes you are a ginormous ah. You should have sent your husband shopping right then and there for supplies for her and let her have a couple of your pads in the meantime. Yes you are a ginormous b* and you probably have majorly and permanently effed up your relationship with her.
Jesus f*****g Christ, she wasn't asking to use your heirloom bone china as a canvas to finger paint on . She wanted a damn pad for her period,!!
JFC, my days of needing pads and tampons is over. Yet I still keep a stock in the bathroom for guests to use as they please, and I always have a few in my bag when out. It is sort of one of those unwritten rules between women. Even if you don't like said woman you still share this stuff without question and without expectation. I've never known another woman to think otherwise.
Was dating a woman a while back who sub-let a room in her house to a person who had a teen daughter. I walked in one day to my GF melting down over a few missing pads and an obviously embarrassed young girl. Without a word I left for the store and came back with two bags and approximately four months worth of pads, liners, tampons and chocolate. After handing the bags to the girl I left and never returned the GF's calls.
This one is truly awful, starting you first period is something you remember forever and it's a difficult day and this woman made it SO much worse. The thing is almost everyone borrows their first pad as it comes unannounced and unexpectedly, so even if the girl had immediately gone and asked her dad to get pads (no girls first choice of action), like the "step mum" wanted, what would she have done in the mean time...sat and bled?!
I'm curious as to whether or not the girl was 16 when she had her first period. That seems odd in itself.
It happens. But yeah, the younger she was, the more repulsive is the OP's behaviour.
Load More Replies... This woman is a nightmare. My first period came when I was at my dad's house- all I wanted was my stepmother. She hugged me, gave me one of her pads to use, then went right out and got me my own supply (it was quickly becoming apparent that what she was using wasn't adequate) plus came back from the store with some cute jammies for me to wear because "it's important to be comfortable at that time".
That's pretty much what I did when my oldest started hers - she was a lot younger than this girl and could've easily have been a horrible experience for her - it was for me - I was only 11 when mine started and in the middle of a netball game - of all the times to be jumping about in a tiny skirt - needless to say I didn't know until I got home. I've bought supplies for my kids friends if needed, wouldn't even notice if anyone took any without asking even, it's not like anyone would take them other than the fact the needed them. This woman is clearly a super immature and selfish person
Load More Replies... And this ladies and gentleman i how i became a juvenile delinquent. Despite having two older sisters, i had no idea how to obtain products. There were none in our bathroom and so few in moms that i fugured she would notice. So at thirteen, no money, i went to the store and stole them.
Sue, I'm sorry. That must have been really awful. Hugs.
Load More Replies... YTA. Why couldn't you share? Why not buy her some of her own and why the HELL did you make such a big deal out of it. Stepdaughter is very young and probably embarrassed and feels insecure. Definitely YTA.
Times a hundred. Good grief, like the whole mess isn't bad enough without all that!
Load More Replies... A random girl in a bar washroom is more generous than this OP.
i'm a trans teen (female to male) & started testosterone when i was 14, got my first period at 9. my period stopped when i started testosterone, but i always carried pads with me in my backpack & made sure my period-having friends knew i had pads so they could come to me if they ever needed any. hell, i even offered them to classmates i didn't get along with when i overheard them talking about currently being on their period & having to go to the nurse to get sanitary products. being able to help others is so rewarding & i know how much it means to them because i've been in their position too. i honestly can't imagine what went through the step-mom's head to make her deny her step-daughter sanitary pads.
Load More Replies... 1) Dad is a jerk for not being comfortable discussing menstruation, even with a child he helped create. Dude, grow up. 2) Stepmom is either a jerk or is incredibly immature. Discovering that a young girl who you cohabitate with has just gotten her period isn't the time to accuse her of stealing. Two years ago would have been a great time to make sure the girl had a stash of products available to her whenever she might need them, or a friend visiting might need them.
What I am trying to figure out is how this never came up before. Sixteen is late for first period. So step mom and dad are married for 4 years and no one thought to ask if she was having her period and if she needed products. Total neglect of basic needs.
Load More Replies... The woman is obviously failing at being step-mother or best friend, otherwise her step-daughter would have felt comfortable enough to be able to go to her. For goodness sake, "I don't like to share" how ridiculous can you get. It's an unspoken rule that you help someone out with sanitary towels or tampons in their hour of need, even if they are a stranger.
My first period I was like 10/11 and my parents had left us with a babysitter. It sucked. I wanted my mom and I was crying because actually, I didn't know what a period was tbh. My babysitter was like 18 and was like "uhh" lol. I was very confused and my baysitter took me to the store to buy me some products and stuff. My mom will go to the store at 9pm to get me some (because tbh, i'm a tiny bit irresponsible when it comes to checking the amount I have left, and always think I have another box lol even three/four years later. ) That is how a mother should act, this woman, is closer in age to the daughter than her husband, and should understand and for god's sake, if she doesn't like to share, go to the store and buy her some.
I'm really happy that for once, I can clearly answer this post with YTA. I know sanitary products aren't giveaway but come on - surely a box of pads won't cost that much?!
Depending on exactly what you buy and what your budget is, a whole box can be a bit spendy. But I can understand why a girl might sneak the whole box at once, rather than a few at a time, especially if she's uncomfortable talking to the adults about it. I think the proper compromise would be "I need my supplies back, but let's run to the store and pick out stuff for you" and then a private convo with boyfriend/dad-of-the-year candidate about funding his daughter's period expenses, if it is an issue.
Load More Replies... OP missed a real bonding moment with her stepdaughter. First periods are once-in-a-lifetime moments, and now this poor kid will grow up knowing she was shamed during hers, and by another woman. YTA, OP.
I agree with the comment about sharing with strangers in the bathroom if needed. I would. I even keep a box at our house for the few days a year our niece visits just in case. And I haven't needed them for 6 years now. Still keep them on hand
Bless you! My poor post-hysterectomy aunt has had to make a side trip for me to buy tampons at least twice now, because she just doesn't keep them on hand anymore, and my period can be a bit unpredictable.
Load More Replies... YTA. It's basic hygiene supplies. No different than her pulling a roll of toilet paper out from wherever you store them. In fact, I think YTA for not having already bought them for a 16-year-old. You knew she'd need them.
YOU LIVE WITH A 16F AND DONT STOCK HER BATHROOM WITH ANY PRODUCTS FOR PERIODS? YTA YTA YTA
I'm going to change the names so she doesn't know it's me? I don't think this kinda thing shows up that often. Especially if you need the internet to tell you that you suck. This level of selfish is uncommon and I'm quite sure that if her stepdaughter reads this thread she will know exactly who posted it.
Yes! True. I gave a whole pack to a woman who asked me on the street if I had one to spare. I didn’t have one on me but I went and bought her a pack. This is her step- daughter for God sake.
Load More Replies... I hate people who are not ready or willing to parent who get into a serious relationship with a parent, you can't just ignore the kid, there's no room for being selfish. That's why I would never date a dad no matter how attractive he is. I don't want any kids and I can't deal with other people's kids.
The age gap is the biggest red flag imo. Always feels like there's daddy/mommy issues. I once watched a woman who hadn't seen her 20 year older boyfriend for exactly one day. She jumped at him as if he just came back from a 6 months military mission or something. Really weird.
Load More Replies... I asked my husband to grab me a snack when he went into a garage the other day, he came out with the smallest sushi box and a tub of melon and grapes - I was starving - both my daughters piped up and wanted a bit of sushi each, there were a whole 4 bits in the packet, and then the youngest asked for the grapes from the fruit - this was minutes after I bought a 4 pack of chocolate bars and my husband, daughters and son ate them. Did I "want" to share? Did I hell, but I did because they're kids (although my oldest daughter is now 18) and how am I meant to encourage them to share and be kind if I'm not. And that's just snacks - there's zero's chance I'd be arsey and deprive any person from hygiene products whether they're my kid, step kid, acquaintance or stranger - it's a bloody pad (literally) not her diamond earrings or something personal like a vibrator - she needs to get a grip
Kind of off topic, but isn't 16 like really, really late to get your first period?
I would say no. Although there seems to be a shift that teenagers (or better said female children) starts to get their periode at an younger age, 16 is still in the range. Had also some "late bloomers" in my class as well as friend circle. Sometimes wished I'd be one of them.
Load More Replies... You don't like to share?!? Grow the F up, you selfish, immature child. That poor girl needed help, not for you to have a temper tantrum over a PAD. In case it's not obvious, you a huge-fing-a$$hole!!
This woman is simply terrifying! The teenager may have lied out of shyness or perhaps because the question was asked in anger. In addition, a young girl may also find it normal to use hygiene products found in the home, without expecting to have to go and buy them herself or have her father buy them. Plus with a 4-year history of acquaintance with the stepmother! Again, this woman is terrible. Poor father and poor daughter.
She would still BTA even if the girl had taken ALL of her pads! I had no idea what to do with pads/when to toss them when I started using them. No one really explained how long you were to wear them, how much blood they could hold, etc., so it's not surprising if this poor girl didn't know how many she'd need either and took them in a panic. I love how the "stepmom" tried using her own time of the month as an excuse to be shitty to this young woman but WOW.
I started just around the time that toxic shock syndrome was making the news, so everyone was talking about how long wear, etc.
Load More Replies... HUH??? You never had to share! Give her a clean unused one! If he father had any sense he'd chuck YOU out of his house.
oh my god! YTA! Do you not remember your first period? Poor girl was so scared and embarrassed she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Once you saw that she took the box of pads, you should have asked her if she had questions or needed to know what came next, how long it would last, how often she should change the pads, etc. I can’t believe you told her to get her father to buy her pads! I’d hate for you to be my stepmother! You need to apologize to her and make nice!
"I'll pay extra for gas and groceries to 'save' Ukraine, but that whore of a teenage stepdaughter better not touch my pads!" That's you, lady, that's what you seem like. Good job, I hope you get divorced.
Wow..that reaction going off at a step-daughter, or best-friend if OP prefers, about sanitary products then snatching the rest of box back so Jess's possibly not got enough to last Jess until she or her dad could go to the shops? YTA! Jess didn't take the last one or hide the end of the pack leaving OP without. OP had 2 entire packs, more than enough to have kept her going until she could get back to the shops. And OP's line that she tries to be more of a friend to Jess? - some friend. Hubby is somewhere in the range of fool to a*****e too - his daughter, who he has custody of, is 16. Wth was a 16-year-old not given a supply ready for her first period? I might understand it not being thought about if she was a tween. Either Mark or OP could have easily purchased a stash ready for her use, I mean, come on, OP's been in this girl's life 7 years and neither Mark nor OP ever once considered when OP was buying period products for herself whether the girl might need something??
Lol she seriously thought someone would say she would be NTA?? What planet is she coming from...
I do not like this woman. I feel so bad for her stepdaughter. I could just feel how humiliating and painful this is for her. What the hell is wrong with this woman not entirely preparing herself that her husband’s daughter is a minor and once in a while she will be in need of an advice/ support that only women can provide.
OMG.... Something like this happens to a girl and "I just don't like to share" is more important then reaching out and explain things.... This woman has passed the as*hole stage all together and took it to a higher level of a*shole... Poor girl, I hope her dad came to his senses and got over his awkwardness and got his daughter everything she needed... and if not, then he's an a*shole too. It's such a shame that in this day and age, girls still don't know what happens when they're on their first period. If there was some way I could figure out how to inform the youngsters about everything their parents refuse to explain to them, I would... It works prevent so much misery...
Dear god yes, YTA lady! Who the hell does that to a kid who just started her period and is probably a little freaked out, and obviously embarrassed, by it already. They are only pads and you bought 2 boxes of them anyway!
Look up stingy in the dictionary and this woman's picture will be there as the definition.
Can’t believe she’s even asking that… hope she apologized, although she seems to selfish and immature for that. “I don’t like sharing” this lady’s not 5, she’s 29! Also, is anyone else concerned about the age difference between the stepmom and dad? For dad, it the stepmom doesn’t meet the ‘half your age plus seven’ rule [(47/5)+7=30.5]. And 16 is VERY late to start your period, she could have been hiding her period for before this and maybe just ran out. SUMMARY: WE SHOULD ALL BE THANKFUL THAT SHE’S NOT OUR STEPMOTHER (except for that poor girl). Such an insufferable lady.
I agree with pretty much everyone. Maybe the whole period experience was a celebration to you and who cares mentalities. These past few years have taught me how bad depression is these days for ,this young generation. Laughing or treating one's insecurities as insignificant is cruel, periods aside. Now, involving periods that's worse. Getting angry and verbal about pads taken is ridiculous. I would have been guilt ridden that I missed the signs and didn't plan ahead for support. Some dads are all over it but it doesn't sound like that's the case here, in fact it sounds like this is a very insecure child though16, with little or no support from anyone. Your reaction was cruel and thoughtless. Your stepdaughter isn't messed up , she clearly has no support. You will learn here there are far more horror stories about periods than , happy ones. You need to grow up and apologize. Adulting isn't supposed to be easy.
Wow... Just wow. I use a cup and some pantyliners but, I have a drawer in the guest bathroom with all manner of products just in case one of my guests need something. Geez, this woman is the embodiment of evil step mom...Especially since this was the girls first time!! Way to stigmatize her!!
The Red Ship no longer anchors in my port but I have a little friend on FaceBook who messages me from time to time when she is out of supplies. I never had a daughter of my own (or son) so I am happy to help her out.
When my baby girl starts her period I am going to be showering her in products, giving a hot water bottle for her tum, panadol as required and will even put a kylie cover under her sheet incase of mess because my god IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW! Our daughters are our future, they bare our next generation and we need to protect them and be there in these times of change. Don't be a a*****e just because she is not related to you. What a selfish cow you are lady.
You are the woman in the family, you should have empathy for your stepdaughter, not treat her like she's a stranger stealing your stuff. No wonder she's afraid to come to you. You are a selfish person, I feel sorry for your stepdaughter and you are TA.
On top of everything else, this woman also broke a sacred rule among women everywhere: need a pad/tampon? No questions asked, I got you, fam. Even if it's someone I hate, you just do it. But, no, this woman is very selfish and childish. I really hope the MUCH older husband divorced her, or is in the process of it and finds someone who is not only closer to his own age, but actually respects his child.
Big AH here. Also, I'm very disturbed by the age gap. Feel like the dad here is a child predator.
YTA. Yes, I get that it's embarrassing for you. Try to remember how much MORE embarrassing it was first time round.
That poor girl. Having your first period can be traumatising enough without getting shouted at. It's part of the unwritten code of being a woman that we always help out other women with period products. I really don't understand why people get into relationships with people with children when they clearly have no time for the children.
COME ON. If you go to a public toilet and a stranger (or even your worst enemy) walks in and ask for a pad/tampon you give them what you have. Every woman knows that. This is more about wife not wanting to take responsibility for her husbands child in any way and while I can get that - then she shouldn't have decided to stay in the relationship or get married. No one is expecting her to act like mom against her wishes but if you decide to stay with a partner who has kids they are in your life too. It's a package deal and you are expected to be a trusted ADULT in their life.
Yes I’d say she’s a big selfish @hole. Who does this to a kid. Hopefully you never reproduce. Shame on the dad too.
She broke girl code. I gave my enemy an extra pad the other day. GIRLS HELP EACH OTHER. I hate this woman, she sounds like an absolute f*****g nightmare
I'm guessing she has zero parental role with this girl, probably bordering on roommates. She reacted accordingly: like she would with a roommate who stole her stuff. Her reaction seems based more on 1) the girl snuck into her private bathroom, where she wasn't supposed to be, 2) didn't inform anyone of the situation so they could make proper arrangements for her, 3) flat out lied to her face, multiple times, when asked, even though confirming would have enabled her to go buy stuff to help the girl 4) took an entire box, half of the supplies she purchased for herself, 5) is annoyed at the implication that it's her job to purchase and supply this girl with (expensive) sanitary products, rather than the actual parent, and, biggest of all, 6) her husband just gave his daughter permission to steal her stuff. I think she is way more pissed off at her husband than the girl. With the girl she seemed annoyed that she wouldn't just tell her what she needed, but it didn't escalate until hubby showed up and hand wavedly dismissed it all as nothing and commanded her to be fine and share.
First periods are awful enough as it is, there was absolutely no need to be such a gaping a*****e about it. Geez, it kinda goes against "girl code", even if you hate the person you share that stuff.
wtf I would give a sanitary pad to a homeless stranger on a street if she asked. she is your daughter and you had two packs what is wrong with you
There are women out there who will give you the blouse off their backs and anything and everything they have. And then we have this monster.
When I first got my period I was 11, and my stepmom (who might as well be my real mom) was a straight up MVP about it because I didn't know what was going on and got scared. She immediately gave me a pack of her pads and showed me how to put one on. This was about 4 years after she came into my life. This woman is a terror and I hope this girl's dad kicks her to the curb for this childish, selfish nonsense.
Yes you are a ginormous ah. You should have sent your husband shopping right then and there for supplies for her and let her have a couple of your pads in the meantime. Yes you are a ginormous b* and you probably have majorly and permanently effed up your relationship with her.
Jesus f*****g Christ, she wasn't asking to use your heirloom bone china as a canvas to finger paint on . She wanted a damn pad for her period,!!
JFC, my days of needing pads and tampons is over. Yet I still keep a stock in the bathroom for guests to use as they please, and I always have a few in my bag when out. It is sort of one of those unwritten rules between women. Even if you don't like said woman you still share this stuff without question and without expectation. I've never known another woman to think otherwise.
Was dating a woman a while back who sub-let a room in her house to a person who had a teen daughter. I walked in one day to my GF melting down over a few missing pads and an obviously embarrassed young girl. Without a word I left for the store and came back with two bags and approximately four months worth of pads, liners, tampons and chocolate. After handing the bags to the girl I left and never returned the GF's calls.
This one is truly awful, starting you first period is something you remember forever and it's a difficult day and this woman made it SO much worse. The thing is almost everyone borrows their first pad as it comes unannounced and unexpectedly, so even if the girl had immediately gone and asked her dad to get pads (no girls first choice of action), like the "step mum" wanted, what would she have done in the mean time...sat and bled?!
I'm curious as to whether or not the girl was 16 when she had her first period. That seems odd in itself.
It happens. But yeah, the younger she was, the more repulsive is the OP's behaviour.
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