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“Am I A Jerk For ‘Belittling’ My Friend’s Grief After She Named Her Daughter After My Deceased One And Refusing To Be Her Daughter’s Godmother?”
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“Am I A Jerk For ‘Belittling’ My Friend’s Grief After She Named Her Daughter After My Deceased One And Refusing To Be Her Daughter’s Godmother?”

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The loss of a loved one, especially a child, is a traumatic experience. The pain is unbearable. The world seems like a dark and unforgiving place. And you can’t imagine ever feeling happy ever again. There are only tears, memories, and endless grief. Though life goes on, the smallest things can remind you of the person you lost. And it can be difficult not to break down.

One redditor, a mother of four, shared that she lost her daughter Luli when she was just 2 years old. The grieving mom turned to the AITA online community for their advice on a very sensitive issue. The author’s friend and Luli’s godmother took the name for her own newborn daughter. She gave her own daughter the middle name ‘Luli’ to honor her goddaughter, without so much as asking the mom how she felt about that.

You will find the full story, in the author’s own words, below.

Dear Pandas, this is a very heavy topic and might reopen some old wounds for some of you. If you feel like you want something lighter, you should look through our earlier article about wholesome and uplifting stories right here.

Psychotherapist Silva Neves was kind enough to explain to Bored Panda how everyone grieves differently, and what loved ones can do to support someone in their grief.

“Some grieve with a lot of crying and others grieve with being practical, and anything else in between. Not seeing any tears does not mean that people are not grieving. The process lasts as long as it needs to last, there is no time limit. Usually, grieving diminishes over time, which means that people become less and less upset over time, but some people will never ‘recover’ from grieving, especially those who lost a very important person. Most people learn to live with grief and sadness. Significant dates, such as anniversaries, may always be painful.,” Silva explained. He stressed that the most important thing is to not give people advice because everyone grieves differently.

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A mom of four shared a gut-wrenching post about the loss of her daughter

Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)

She explained how one of her friends gave her own newborn the same name as the daughter who passed away





Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)


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Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)




“Although there are some common knowledge about grief, such as ‘stages of grief’, a lot of people don’t follow ‘stages’ of grief because grief can be messy and unpredictable. The best way to support someone who is grieving is by sitting with them, listening to them and that’s it,” psychotherapist Silva told Bored Panda.

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“It is also important not to tell people ‘I know how you feel’ because grieving is so unique, nobody can know what another person’s grieving feels like, but perhaps we can imagine how painful it is. A lot of people get a lot of support with grief at the beginning of the loss, but often people stop talking about after a while,” he said.

“Grieving people usually do appreciate their friends asking about it, even a year later or two years later. Don’t be afraid to ask the question, ‘How are you?’ and allow the grieving person to speak. Ask them for what they need but don’t assume what they need. Sometimes a grieving person might need a hug, but sometimes they may need to sit in silence. Sometimes they may need to be distracted with something else, other times they may want to talk about their pain.”

The author of the post explained that she was completely shocked when she went over to her friend’s home and she kept calling her newborn Luli, even though that’s just her middle name. The experience was too much for the grieving mother and she decided that she couldn’t go through with being the newborn’s godmother.

However, there was fallout after she told her friend that. You see, the friend had been the redditor’s daughter’s godmother and felt like she was honoring Luli by giving her newborn her middle name. She felt like the author was “hogging her grief.”

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The vast majority of redditors, however, thought that the friend was in the wrong here. She should have spoken to the mom about using Luli’s name before coming to a firm decision. That didn’t happen and led to everyone feeling raw with grief once again.

There is no single way to grieve ‘correctly.’ When grieving, people may feel shocked or numb, overwhelmed with sadness. They might cry, and feel exhausted. Others feel anger or guilt over what happened.

The NHS recommends that those grieving turn to their family, friends, and mental health professionals for emotional support and help.

Meanwhile, it’s important to take care of your physical well-being, especially in times of great stress. This means eating well, getting enough movement, spending time in nature, and finding the time to socialize with others. What’s more, this includes limiting unhealthy habits such as alcohol consumption, smoking, over- or under-eating. Doing these things can also help you sleep better at night.

After losing a loved one, you may feel completely overwhelmed, and not in control. It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t try to do everything at once. The NHS notes that setting small goals that you can easily achieve is the best way forward.

“Do not focus on the things you cannot change—focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better. Try not to tell yourself that you’re alone—most people feel grief after a loss and support is available,” the NHS writes.

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“Try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, or drugs to relieve grief—these can all contribute to poor mental health.”

In the face, of countless tragedies and traumatic experiences, there is a need for hope that the future will be better and brighter; that there’s some good left in the world. Psychologist, priest, and published author Dr. Fraser Watts told Bored Panda earlier that there is a difference between hope and optimism.

“Optimism is more a matter of prediction. Hope is more a matter of attitude,” he explained the difference between the two concepts. Being optimistic during difficult times is akin to retreating “into a fantasy world.”

However, no matter the circumstances, people can remain positive and hopeful. In fact, it’s a helpful attitude to have. Though there’s no easy or surefire way of keeping hope alive when everything seems dark and grim.

“Practice helps. It depends on a long process of cultivating a positive mindset. It is useful to be clear that hope does not depend on believing that everything is going to be fine. It is more an act of will,” Dr. Watts stressed that hope isn’t just wishy-washy illusions of feeling good when everything is awful. It is something far, far deeper.

This is what some people had to say after reading through the emotional story










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tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I do think honoring her godchild by having her as the middle name is very sweet, it should have been discussed with the mother. What is concerning and weird is to use said middle name all the time. She knows how upsetting this would be.

moosygirl avatar
Moosy Girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah that’s what gets me too, using it as middle name in honor of seems fine, but then actually using it as a calling name and confronting your ‚best friend’ with it almost non-stop is very messed up.

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abdk333 avatar
K Wit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find this so absolutely horrible I can't even wrap my mind around it. She says she used the name for her middle name but she's calling her that in every day life and she completely blindsided her supposed best friend and caused so much trauma to resurface as well as manipulated her. She lied about the middle name it's obviously the first name she's trying to downplay and gaslight what she did to her friend. How callous and entitled and arrogant. She knew she was wrong that's why their was no conversation. She used her friend for support during her pregnancy too I don't believe she didn't know the sex of the baby and she planned this whole thing. One lie leads to others. That's not a friend that's a user and then she turned it around on the poor grieving friend. It would been a whole different thing if they had discussed it as the middle name before hand and not used it as the first bc that's what a real friend would do

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basically, Jane's a hypocrite. She (rightfully) says that the OP „can't prevent everyone from using the name”, but then she fails to recognise that on the flip side, Jane can't force OP to be the godmother. I hate it when people use this kind of argument, as if just because they are technically correct, it means that the other person is not allowed to be mad, and HAS TO do whatever they're told to do. This reeks of entitlement.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It does come off as a long-term version of "Get over it, I don't have time for your bereavement".

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douglasmock avatar
Douglas Mock
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hi friend, I'm in therapy because of my dead child." "Oh hi friend. Let me mentally f**k with you and pretend I own your grief."

pernille_dyre avatar
LEGOPernille
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you heard the screams, the gries, the sorrow out loud when a mother looses their child.... you would understand how messed up this is... This is not an honour... this is hurting...

skylarjaxx avatar
Skylar Jaxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend honored my late son she said she is having a boy. And she did post the name on Facebook before she asked but she also tagged me in the post the moment she made it and said only if it's okay. Of course for me it was a okay. Half her friends had no idea what she was asking me but I did. And it was very happy. Idk how I would have felt had she just did it and just kept calling him ISAIAH. it's his middle name which gives him the intials XI B so I call him Eleven. Lol

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad it worked out for you and your grief wasn't reactivated because of the name. Of course, grieving for the loss of a child is never over! I am so sorry for your loss!

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el_bali avatar
Mari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was really the intention to honor and remembering your daughter, it would be nice. But this was not the intention of your "friend". Take distance from this woman!

maureenmatthew avatar
Maureen Matthew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Naming babies is a minefield. But the OP is NTA. Clearly the other mother was very insensitive but tried to portray herself as the victim, so clearly she knew what she was playing. It would be one thing to use the name as a middle name which is rarely used except on documents and maybe when your mother screams at you. But to pretend to use it as a middle name but really use it as the given name is unforgivable. And to not discuss it with the OP is the real tell in this situation. She loved the name from the start and was waiting for an opportunity to use it. Tragedy provided that opportunity.

lauraguevarasa avatar
Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have named my son after my husband’s brother who passed away as a child. I was hesitant because I feel that naming a child who passed away as a child is bad mojo. My husband also wanted to honor his brother but said hearing his name being called would be a little hard to hear. He spoke to his parents and they were really happy that his memory would live on. But we don’t call my son by his first name. It’s a blend of his first and middle. My husband brother passed away 25 yrs ago and it was still hard on them, I can’t imagine if I had just lost a child. The friend should have discussed this and honestly shouldn’t have named her daughter this. Very insensitive. The OP has every right to be upset and her feelings are justified.

aden-jonathan-lawyer avatar
Aden Lawyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that if this was a comman name, like Sarah, than it would be a little better, but Luli is definitely supposed to mention OP's late daughter. If Jane told OP, that would have been better. But names do evoke emotion and if OP is the godmother, she would have to hear the name of her late daughter over and over again. It would break her heart. And three years in more than enough time to say "I love the name Luli, can I used for my kid". If OP says yes, go for it, if OP says no, than ask her why and see if you can come to an agreement.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I think her just saying no, she didn't want her to use it, would be enough. No further discussion needed. That's just my honest opinion.

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imbriuminarian avatar
Bunzilla
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What this 'friend' is doing is gaslighting. Saying that her grief, as a godmother, is somehow greater and more important than the grief of the mother, is insane. I hope the OP dumps her as a friend, because this person is obviously not interested in the same type of friendship as OP is. First, the 'friend' says that she finds middle names pretentious. Then she turns around and, without consulting the obviously grieving OP, decides to give her daughter the name as a middle name. And, much, much worse, using that name as the name they call their daughter by. Springing it on her over social media, then ensuring on calling the baby that name as often as possible while she's visiting, is insensitive to the extreme. There's no way a friend who actually cares about the feelings of their friend would do this. It's either some kind of jealousy, or else narcissism. What a horrible thing to do to someone. This was calculated and planned very carefully for maximum sympathy and favour against the OP.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very well spoken! You did a great job describing how a lot of us are feeling about this. I just can't imagine the pain this precious mother, and her family, are going through! :(

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nefarioussagittarius avatar
nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA 'you can't hog the grief' is one of the most narcissistic things I can ever conceive of saying to a parent of a deceased child. She did this for attention and is not happy about it not being received as the noble act she thinks it is. If she had a shred of empathy and wasn't stuck up her own a*s she would have asked you about it. Stay away from this person. She does not have good intentions.

xstowe avatar
buttonpusher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like it's her proper name and they were hoping to ease into it. "Well it was originally her middle name but it's used so much we decided to make it her first name". No you can't claim a name or prevent anyone else using it but that was a really shitty thing to do. Out of the millions of names she has to go with that one. When it comes to things like this just don't.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm confused. Whose middle name is their everyday name? Very few of us, overall, I suspect. Many cultures don't even *have* a middle name. Soooo..... yeah, this is just weird, and creepy, IMO.

thembisasm avatar
Thembisa Shushu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter's middle name is used more than her first name. Her fist name is used at school and I use it but everyone else uses the second

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fenel12 avatar
Fenel F.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say, cut them off. They are sadistic in a way, their all family. Naming their child after your passed daughter as a middle name, could be seen as an act of caring and kindness. But calling the new-born baby just by her middle name, it's intentional d.i.c.k.-move, knowing how much pain causes this to you, just hearing the name. If they are not aware of this, they are sociopaths, if they are aware, than psychopaths. Either way, get rid of them from your life.

joeedwards avatar
Joe Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still don't get why she gave her a middle name when it was made clear that she thought middle names were pretentious, (which I don't get since like 90% of the world has a middle name).

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly what I was thinking. She probably used "Luli as her middle name" as an excuse to call her daughter that.

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emmabryant2 avatar
Eb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sympathy is all with the OP. I don't understand how a close friend could be that insensitive. If it were me, I don't think I'd be sounding that reasonable.

the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just sick. I know someone who lost a child, and I don't even mention anything to do with child mortality when he's around, because I KNOW that's going to upset him. Hell, I wouldn't even be fool enough to buy a new puppy for my mother who is still mourning the loss of our dog because I know that would be insensitive. *This* is on a whole other level of Screw Your Feelings.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you ever speak to her again, I would flat-out ask her, "How did you think I would respond?" What a horrible, horrible thing to do to you. Then to find out about it on social media is beyond inexcusable! You are definitely NTA on this one! I am so sorry for your loss! God bless you!

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her friend (the one who just had the baby) is just selfish and insensitive. I don't think she really wants to honor her dead god daughter she just simply like the name and she knows that she can create a story out of it on her social media post. Just purse selfish social media addict friend.

nickyoldfielddesciple avatar
IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was the worst thing someone could do to anyone in your position. If you want to honour someone after their death plant a blossom tree like an apple or pear tree in their name. It will grow and give beautiful flowers in the spring and fruit in the autumn and will live on for decades. Then you have something beautiful to look at when you want to reminisce about your loved one.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tough one, but OP is 100% NTA. Grief like this never ends, you have to learn to box it up & set it aside so you can go on living. Yes, a name is a name is a name, we all get that. With billions of humans on the planet, there will always be people with the same names. Families very commonly have names that are passed down - my own family uses Robert, George, James, & Joseph repeatedly. However, in this case, what the OP's supposed "best friend" has done is extremely hurtful. It also feels like "friend" is doing this intentionally. OP needs to cut the "friend" off completely, and talk to her therapist about it.

jasminheatley avatar
JASH80
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow. If you cannot imagine how much it must hurt your best friend to hear her deceased child's name every time you talk about yours then you must be from another planet.

debrinablackmoon avatar
debrina blackmoon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, HELLFUCK NO! Also, I DEFINITELY would still be on OP's side if she'd screamed, used "bad" language, etc. as I wouldn't hesitate to do! What a vile, twisted cuntweed psycho shitpile bitchfungus assholevirus waste of atoms+!!!

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: This woman is missing a chip or two. Not considering the OP in this decision was at best obtuse, at worst malicious. She's evidently not at all sorry- disturbing...I don't blame OP for bowing outta the godmother situation. I hope she finds better friends, poor gal.

mikedelancey avatar
Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the post says, no one can tell others how to grieve. The mother who lost their child has every right to avoid a baby that only reminds her of the loss. The godmother is allowed to name their firstborn after the godchild they lost. This won't be the last friendship or marriage destroyed by the wedge of grief that can't be removed until both parties get there. For now, they need to go their separate ways and try again when both of them have the pain dulled by time. A godparent is supposed to raise the child if something happened to both parents. The mother who lost her child should not be the godmother of the new one. If something happened to the parents, the child would become a constant reminder of loss so healing would never happen. A child should be raised with love, not resentment. Hopefully in a year, 5 years, or 20, OP will be able to reconnect with her old friend if their grief allows them.

peterkn4 avatar
Pete from Cali. USA
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one's complicated, imo. Sure, the new mother should have asked first but what's done is done. Assuming the new mother did this to honor the passed child, she is not in the wrong from her own point of view. From the grieving mothers point of view, it is a constant reminder. I think new mother should stop using the middle name when referring to her child until the grieving mother can accept it. Seeing the passed daughter's name was a shock and it probably reopened the wound but over time, it will become more acceptable that this new baby has that middle name. These two mothers were great friends and they shouldn't let some horrible miscommunication get in the way of their friendship.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't hold out much hope for the friendship. The grieving mother has no issue with the child herself, only with the friend who has behaved in an insensitive and dismissive fashion. There is no obligation to maintain a friendship that complicates someone else's grief.

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andreadevine avatar
Full of Giggles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew the “friend” was the a*****e when she told OP middle names are pretentious. Wtf?

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! How are middle names pretentious? Literally, *almost* everybody has a middle name. So who's better than who?

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libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, no one 'owns a name'. But your friend should have broached you early and told you what she wanted to do. I think if you hadn't been blindsided, you'd been able to see this as a positive thing. And if it clearly bothered you, she should definitely be not be calling her baby by her middle name. Life is too short. You don't need clueless, selfish, idiot friends like this. Drop her like a bad habit and go on with your life. I'm sorry about your loss.

tdigits avatar
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She did nothing wrong and OP is just looking to be offended. People cannot "own" a name. Everybody can choose whatever name they want for their child, regardless of who else may be using it!

bmarrs avatar
Barbara Vandewalle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "I feel your pain" is self serving bull c**p". It is amazing how others think they grieve as much as the parents of the deceased child. No one else will ever grieve as much as the parents. I would bet wanting the grieving mother as godmother would be used as a pat me on the back for being so caring.

lchaney36 avatar
Linny H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having my best friend that lost her daughter, I think she'd be honored by someone close to her using her girl's name. I do think that the friend was very insensitive about how she presented it. So very sorry for the OP's loss. Totally NTA, but I don't know if the friend is either. She's maybe not understanding the deep deep grief that the loss of your child brings. It's all day everyday and always will be. Even knowing that I still can't grasp the depth of my dear friends grief because I have not ( thankfully) gone through it.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but I totally disagree with you on this one. The supposed friend knew exactly what she was doing and she knew how hurt her friend would be. I don't really give a s**t how the friend feels. She needs to dump her and cut that toxic b***h out of her life! ;(

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saderman avatar
Shelli Aderman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Original Reditt post, since BP left it out… https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uf6vpr/aita_for_belittling_my_friends_grief_after_she/

claudia_lorenz avatar
Claudia Lorenz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is this an issue? Names are free for all. I find it preposterous that one party thinks she owns the name.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP needs to realize that Jane has no malicious intent. She is trying to honor OP and Luli and OP isn’t responding as she expected. What if OP went to her friend with a conciliatory manner and shared her feelings without accusations of insensitivity?

daniela-maurer-1 avatar
Dani M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hell... nobody should ever be named "luli" wtf.... also means p**s in german

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How f*****g insensitive can you be??!! That is this dead child's name and you're making jokes about it? You're as sick as the stupid b***h that did that to the OP!

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janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your friend is dumb about this situation but not necessarily plotting evil. It’s possible that, in her heart, by naming her baby after your little one she was attempting to ‘fix’ your pain (in storybook fashion) thinking you can find shared joy in her own happiness. How does one help a grieving friend? Maybe she didn’t know there’s a list of things you don’t do and this situation is in the top five… because there is no storybook ending for your grief. Now your friend’s story for herself with you has taken a turn. U will never be happy about her baby. In fact, you are disgusted by her and her ignorant mother. You will never give this newborn the positive attention that your friend gave your Luli and U have every right to feel this way. If I were you, knowing that your vibes could be harmful to the baby, I would let your friend know that U wish her all the happiness(not) in the world but you won’t want to be included in their lives. Rip off the bandaid & both of U can move on.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP stated that the friend wasn't really close to her now deceased, daughter. That she was a chronic traveler and didn't bond really with the child. So, her naming her child because she cared so much for her deceased goddaughter, is not really true, or relevant, in this situation.

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v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It's amazing to see how many people are hung up on the supposed oddity of using a persons middle name as their common name (it happens far more often than any of you seem to believe) and then spinning a whole story from the half cloth of OP's thread from this minuscule and incorrect assumption.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's about the OP's horrendous grief that she is suffering and the cruelty of her so-called friend!! You are just as cold and cruel as the friend in this situation! ;(

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sandyd avatar
Sandy D
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You feel how you feel and all, but using her name as a middle name is more of an honor thing, I think. But she shouldn't v call her by her middle name, especially around the mom of the kid that died. She probably should have at least given her a call and told her the name before putting it on social media. My dad died when I was a kid and when I had my son, I have him my dad's first name as h8s middle name. Of course my grandma wasn't upset about it. People name kids after family and friends all the time. The mom who l9st her kid is probably overreacting. The me mom handled things badly. I think the mom of the kid that died desperately needs grief counseling.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You must have missed the part where OP said she is getting therapy, and apparently has since her little girl died. The "best friend" is TTA (Totally The As$hole) here, and comes across as either completely oblivious to OP's genuine grief, or intentionally doing it to hurt OP.

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Kay
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1 year ago

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Bored Panda has become a sight mate that just rips off content from Reddit. It's brutal.

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Stacey Pearce
Community Member
1 year ago

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I think in time the OP will get used to it. I think the shock of not knowing and it being sprung on her like that was unfair . I believe the friend was only trying to honour the goddaughter but didnt realise the pain she would cause in doing so. Yes it's a middle name but I know lots of parents that call their kids by their middle names, it's not weird for her to do it.

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Nubis Knight
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sorry but my opinion might be heavily against most others but now I'm fed up. Why anyone think he has a special right on a name? It surely is a horrible loss when a child dies and wish for nobody to suffer it. But now nobody might use the name again? There are multiple Michaels, Daniels and Gabriels in my family - some of almost same age. So what if the girl was born before Lulis death, should the mother rename the baby not to trigger the mothers grief? What if a little Luli moves into the neighborhood? Of course it's not a widely spread name but still could happen. Of course this could have been communicated better but the for me at the moment she's the stupid one for denying godmother to her best friends (?) kid.

nefarioussagittarius avatar
nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because another Luli won't be the child her so called best friend decided to 'honor' by using a name that is going to cause her still grieving friend who is in THERAPY a new wound every time she hears it. Like seriously, how tone deaf can you be?

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Anyone-for-tea?
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1 year ago

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Whilst I definitely agree there should have been a discussion prior to the name reveal, I wonder if there’s more to it for her friend to say you can’t hog the grief? Maybe the mother has said or done other things we aren’t aware of, as I’m sure the loss of a child affected the wider family too, including godparents. And just walking out and leaving your friend when she’s just has a baby seems a bit off. What’s the abbreviation for they’re both right but could have gone about it differently??

emilymrangel avatar
over it already
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah there are shades of grey in there, but this is a supposedly best friend pouring salt on a very painful wound. Poor OP.

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Dave
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1 year ago

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It is a name, many people use. Regardless of the emotional attachment, the friend had every right to use the name. The reaction of the mother, who lost the child is overly dramatic in my opinion. Moreover, the name was used to honour the deceased child. I mean seriusly. What The F**k.

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Doreen Anna
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1 year ago

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Tracy Sellars
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I do think honoring her godchild by having her as the middle name is very sweet, it should have been discussed with the mother. What is concerning and weird is to use said middle name all the time. She knows how upsetting this would be.

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Moosy Girl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah that’s what gets me too, using it as middle name in honor of seems fine, but then actually using it as a calling name and confronting your ‚best friend’ with it almost non-stop is very messed up.

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K Wit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find this so absolutely horrible I can't even wrap my mind around it. She says she used the name for her middle name but she's calling her that in every day life and she completely blindsided her supposed best friend and caused so much trauma to resurface as well as manipulated her. She lied about the middle name it's obviously the first name she's trying to downplay and gaslight what she did to her friend. How callous and entitled and arrogant. She knew she was wrong that's why their was no conversation. She used her friend for support during her pregnancy too I don't believe she didn't know the sex of the baby and she planned this whole thing. One lie leads to others. That's not a friend that's a user and then she turned it around on the poor grieving friend. It would been a whole different thing if they had discussed it as the middle name before hand and not used it as the first bc that's what a real friend would do

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Basically, Jane's a hypocrite. She (rightfully) says that the OP „can't prevent everyone from using the name”, but then she fails to recognise that on the flip side, Jane can't force OP to be the godmother. I hate it when people use this kind of argument, as if just because they are technically correct, it means that the other person is not allowed to be mad, and HAS TO do whatever they're told to do. This reeks of entitlement.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It does come off as a long-term version of "Get over it, I don't have time for your bereavement".

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Douglas Mock
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hi friend, I'm in therapy because of my dead child." "Oh hi friend. Let me mentally f**k with you and pretend I own your grief."

pernille_dyre avatar
LEGOPernille
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you heard the screams, the gries, the sorrow out loud when a mother looses their child.... you would understand how messed up this is... This is not an honour... this is hurting...

skylarjaxx avatar
Skylar Jaxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend honored my late son she said she is having a boy. And she did post the name on Facebook before she asked but she also tagged me in the post the moment she made it and said only if it's okay. Of course for me it was a okay. Half her friends had no idea what she was asking me but I did. And it was very happy. Idk how I would have felt had she just did it and just kept calling him ISAIAH. it's his middle name which gives him the intials XI B so I call him Eleven. Lol

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad it worked out for you and your grief wasn't reactivated because of the name. Of course, grieving for the loss of a child is never over! I am so sorry for your loss!

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Mari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was really the intention to honor and remembering your daughter, it would be nice. But this was not the intention of your "friend". Take distance from this woman!

maureenmatthew avatar
Maureen Matthew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Naming babies is a minefield. But the OP is NTA. Clearly the other mother was very insensitive but tried to portray herself as the victim, so clearly she knew what she was playing. It would be one thing to use the name as a middle name which is rarely used except on documents and maybe when your mother screams at you. But to pretend to use it as a middle name but really use it as the given name is unforgivable. And to not discuss it with the OP is the real tell in this situation. She loved the name from the start and was waiting for an opportunity to use it. Tragedy provided that opportunity.

lauraguevarasa avatar
Dancing Armadillo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have named my son after my husband’s brother who passed away as a child. I was hesitant because I feel that naming a child who passed away as a child is bad mojo. My husband also wanted to honor his brother but said hearing his name being called would be a little hard to hear. He spoke to his parents and they were really happy that his memory would live on. But we don’t call my son by his first name. It’s a blend of his first and middle. My husband brother passed away 25 yrs ago and it was still hard on them, I can’t imagine if I had just lost a child. The friend should have discussed this and honestly shouldn’t have named her daughter this. Very insensitive. The OP has every right to be upset and her feelings are justified.

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Aden Lawyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that if this was a comman name, like Sarah, than it would be a little better, but Luli is definitely supposed to mention OP's late daughter. If Jane told OP, that would have been better. But names do evoke emotion and if OP is the godmother, she would have to hear the name of her late daughter over and over again. It would break her heart. And three years in more than enough time to say "I love the name Luli, can I used for my kid". If OP says yes, go for it, if OP says no, than ask her why and see if you can come to an agreement.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I think her just saying no, she didn't want her to use it, would be enough. No further discussion needed. That's just my honest opinion.

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Bunzilla
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What this 'friend' is doing is gaslighting. Saying that her grief, as a godmother, is somehow greater and more important than the grief of the mother, is insane. I hope the OP dumps her as a friend, because this person is obviously not interested in the same type of friendship as OP is. First, the 'friend' says that she finds middle names pretentious. Then she turns around and, without consulting the obviously grieving OP, decides to give her daughter the name as a middle name. And, much, much worse, using that name as the name they call their daughter by. Springing it on her over social media, then ensuring on calling the baby that name as often as possible while she's visiting, is insensitive to the extreme. There's no way a friend who actually cares about the feelings of their friend would do this. It's either some kind of jealousy, or else narcissism. What a horrible thing to do to someone. This was calculated and planned very carefully for maximum sympathy and favour against the OP.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very well spoken! You did a great job describing how a lot of us are feeling about this. I just can't imagine the pain this precious mother, and her family, are going through! :(

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nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA 'you can't hog the grief' is one of the most narcissistic things I can ever conceive of saying to a parent of a deceased child. She did this for attention and is not happy about it not being received as the noble act she thinks it is. If she had a shred of empathy and wasn't stuck up her own a*s she would have asked you about it. Stay away from this person. She does not have good intentions.

xstowe avatar
buttonpusher
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like it's her proper name and they were hoping to ease into it. "Well it was originally her middle name but it's used so much we decided to make it her first name". No you can't claim a name or prevent anyone else using it but that was a really shitty thing to do. Out of the millions of names she has to go with that one. When it comes to things like this just don't.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm confused. Whose middle name is their everyday name? Very few of us, overall, I suspect. Many cultures don't even *have* a middle name. Soooo..... yeah, this is just weird, and creepy, IMO.

thembisasm avatar
Thembisa Shushu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter's middle name is used more than her first name. Her fist name is used at school and I use it but everyone else uses the second

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fenel12 avatar
Fenel F.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say, cut them off. They are sadistic in a way, their all family. Naming their child after your passed daughter as a middle name, could be seen as an act of caring and kindness. But calling the new-born baby just by her middle name, it's intentional d.i.c.k.-move, knowing how much pain causes this to you, just hearing the name. If they are not aware of this, they are sociopaths, if they are aware, than psychopaths. Either way, get rid of them from your life.

joeedwards avatar
Joe Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still don't get why she gave her a middle name when it was made clear that she thought middle names were pretentious, (which I don't get since like 90% of the world has a middle name).

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly what I was thinking. She probably used "Luli as her middle name" as an excuse to call her daughter that.

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Eb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sympathy is all with the OP. I don't understand how a close friend could be that insensitive. If it were me, I don't think I'd be sounding that reasonable.

the_true_opifex avatar
Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is just sick. I know someone who lost a child, and I don't even mention anything to do with child mortality when he's around, because I KNOW that's going to upset him. Hell, I wouldn't even be fool enough to buy a new puppy for my mother who is still mourning the loss of our dog because I know that would be insensitive. *This* is on a whole other level of Screw Your Feelings.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you ever speak to her again, I would flat-out ask her, "How did you think I would respond?" What a horrible, horrible thing to do to you. Then to find out about it on social media is beyond inexcusable! You are definitely NTA on this one! I am so sorry for your loss! God bless you!

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her friend (the one who just had the baby) is just selfish and insensitive. I don't think she really wants to honor her dead god daughter she just simply like the name and she knows that she can create a story out of it on her social media post. Just purse selfish social media addict friend.

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IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was the worst thing someone could do to anyone in your position. If you want to honour someone after their death plant a blossom tree like an apple or pear tree in their name. It will grow and give beautiful flowers in the spring and fruit in the autumn and will live on for decades. Then you have something beautiful to look at when you want to reminisce about your loved one.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tough one, but OP is 100% NTA. Grief like this never ends, you have to learn to box it up & set it aside so you can go on living. Yes, a name is a name is a name, we all get that. With billions of humans on the planet, there will always be people with the same names. Families very commonly have names that are passed down - my own family uses Robert, George, James, & Joseph repeatedly. However, in this case, what the OP's supposed "best friend" has done is extremely hurtful. It also feels like "friend" is doing this intentionally. OP needs to cut the "friend" off completely, and talk to her therapist about it.

jasminheatley avatar
JASH80
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow. If you cannot imagine how much it must hurt your best friend to hear her deceased child's name every time you talk about yours then you must be from another planet.

debrinablackmoon avatar
debrina blackmoon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, HELLFUCK NO! Also, I DEFINITELY would still be on OP's side if she'd screamed, used "bad" language, etc. as I wouldn't hesitate to do! What a vile, twisted cuntweed psycho shitpile bitchfungus assholevirus waste of atoms+!!!

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: This woman is missing a chip or two. Not considering the OP in this decision was at best obtuse, at worst malicious. She's evidently not at all sorry- disturbing...I don't blame OP for bowing outta the godmother situation. I hope she finds better friends, poor gal.

mikedelancey avatar
Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the post says, no one can tell others how to grieve. The mother who lost their child has every right to avoid a baby that only reminds her of the loss. The godmother is allowed to name their firstborn after the godchild they lost. This won't be the last friendship or marriage destroyed by the wedge of grief that can't be removed until both parties get there. For now, they need to go their separate ways and try again when both of them have the pain dulled by time. A godparent is supposed to raise the child if something happened to both parents. The mother who lost her child should not be the godmother of the new one. If something happened to the parents, the child would become a constant reminder of loss so healing would never happen. A child should be raised with love, not resentment. Hopefully in a year, 5 years, or 20, OP will be able to reconnect with her old friend if their grief allows them.

peterkn4 avatar
Pete from Cali. USA
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one's complicated, imo. Sure, the new mother should have asked first but what's done is done. Assuming the new mother did this to honor the passed child, she is not in the wrong from her own point of view. From the grieving mothers point of view, it is a constant reminder. I think new mother should stop using the middle name when referring to her child until the grieving mother can accept it. Seeing the passed daughter's name was a shock and it probably reopened the wound but over time, it will become more acceptable that this new baby has that middle name. These two mothers were great friends and they shouldn't let some horrible miscommunication get in the way of their friendship.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't hold out much hope for the friendship. The grieving mother has no issue with the child herself, only with the friend who has behaved in an insensitive and dismissive fashion. There is no obligation to maintain a friendship that complicates someone else's grief.

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Full of Giggles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew the “friend” was the a*****e when she told OP middle names are pretentious. Wtf?

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! How are middle names pretentious? Literally, *almost* everybody has a middle name. So who's better than who?

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libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, no one 'owns a name'. But your friend should have broached you early and told you what she wanted to do. I think if you hadn't been blindsided, you'd been able to see this as a positive thing. And if it clearly bothered you, she should definitely be not be calling her baby by her middle name. Life is too short. You don't need clueless, selfish, idiot friends like this. Drop her like a bad habit and go on with your life. I'm sorry about your loss.

tdigits avatar
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She did nothing wrong and OP is just looking to be offended. People cannot "own" a name. Everybody can choose whatever name they want for their child, regardless of who else may be using it!

bmarrs avatar
Barbara Vandewalle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "I feel your pain" is self serving bull c**p". It is amazing how others think they grieve as much as the parents of the deceased child. No one else will ever grieve as much as the parents. I would bet wanting the grieving mother as godmother would be used as a pat me on the back for being so caring.

lchaney36 avatar
Linny H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having my best friend that lost her daughter, I think she'd be honored by someone close to her using her girl's name. I do think that the friend was very insensitive about how she presented it. So very sorry for the OP's loss. Totally NTA, but I don't know if the friend is either. She's maybe not understanding the deep deep grief that the loss of your child brings. It's all day everyday and always will be. Even knowing that I still can't grasp the depth of my dear friends grief because I have not ( thankfully) gone through it.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but I totally disagree with you on this one. The supposed friend knew exactly what she was doing and she knew how hurt her friend would be. I don't really give a s**t how the friend feels. She needs to dump her and cut that toxic b***h out of her life! ;(

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Shelli Aderman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Original Reditt post, since BP left it out… https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uf6vpr/aita_for_belittling_my_friends_grief_after_she/

claudia_lorenz avatar
Claudia Lorenz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is this an issue? Names are free for all. I find it preposterous that one party thinks she owns the name.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP needs to realize that Jane has no malicious intent. She is trying to honor OP and Luli and OP isn’t responding as she expected. What if OP went to her friend with a conciliatory manner and shared her feelings without accusations of insensitivity?

daniela-maurer-1 avatar
Dani M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hell... nobody should ever be named "luli" wtf.... also means p**s in german

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How f*****g insensitive can you be??!! That is this dead child's name and you're making jokes about it? You're as sick as the stupid b***h that did that to the OP!

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janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your friend is dumb about this situation but not necessarily plotting evil. It’s possible that, in her heart, by naming her baby after your little one she was attempting to ‘fix’ your pain (in storybook fashion) thinking you can find shared joy in her own happiness. How does one help a grieving friend? Maybe she didn’t know there’s a list of things you don’t do and this situation is in the top five… because there is no storybook ending for your grief. Now your friend’s story for herself with you has taken a turn. U will never be happy about her baby. In fact, you are disgusted by her and her ignorant mother. You will never give this newborn the positive attention that your friend gave your Luli and U have every right to feel this way. If I were you, knowing that your vibes could be harmful to the baby, I would let your friend know that U wish her all the happiness(not) in the world but you won’t want to be included in their lives. Rip off the bandaid & both of U can move on.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP stated that the friend wasn't really close to her now deceased, daughter. That she was a chronic traveler and didn't bond really with the child. So, her naming her child because she cared so much for her deceased goddaughter, is not really true, or relevant, in this situation.

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v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago

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It's amazing to see how many people are hung up on the supposed oddity of using a persons middle name as their common name (it happens far more often than any of you seem to believe) and then spinning a whole story from the half cloth of OP's thread from this minuscule and incorrect assumption.

leavehere avatar
Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's about the OP's horrendous grief that she is suffering and the cruelty of her so-called friend!! You are just as cold and cruel as the friend in this situation! ;(

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Sandy D
Community Member
1 year ago

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You feel how you feel and all, but using her name as a middle name is more of an honor thing, I think. But she shouldn't v call her by her middle name, especially around the mom of the kid that died. She probably should have at least given her a call and told her the name before putting it on social media. My dad died when I was a kid and when I had my son, I have him my dad's first name as h8s middle name. Of course my grandma wasn't upset about it. People name kids after family and friends all the time. The mom who l9st her kid is probably overreacting. The me mom handled things badly. I think the mom of the kid that died desperately needs grief counseling.

mriche avatar
Memere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You must have missed the part where OP said she is getting therapy, and apparently has since her little girl died. The "best friend" is TTA (Totally The As$hole) here, and comes across as either completely oblivious to OP's genuine grief, or intentionally doing it to hurt OP.

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Kay
Community Member
1 year ago

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Bored Panda has become a sight mate that just rips off content from Reddit. It's brutal.

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Stacey Pearce
Community Member
1 year ago

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I think in time the OP will get used to it. I think the shock of not knowing and it being sprung on her like that was unfair . I believe the friend was only trying to honour the goddaughter but didnt realise the pain she would cause in doing so. Yes it's a middle name but I know lots of parents that call their kids by their middle names, it's not weird for her to do it.

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Nubis Knight
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sorry but my opinion might be heavily against most others but now I'm fed up. Why anyone think he has a special right on a name? It surely is a horrible loss when a child dies and wish for nobody to suffer it. But now nobody might use the name again? There are multiple Michaels, Daniels and Gabriels in my family - some of almost same age. So what if the girl was born before Lulis death, should the mother rename the baby not to trigger the mothers grief? What if a little Luli moves into the neighborhood? Of course it's not a widely spread name but still could happen. Of course this could have been communicated better but the for me at the moment she's the stupid one for denying godmother to her best friends (?) kid.

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nefarious sagittarius
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because another Luli won't be the child her so called best friend decided to 'honor' by using a name that is going to cause her still grieving friend who is in THERAPY a new wound every time she hears it. Like seriously, how tone deaf can you be?

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wj_vaughan avatar
Anyone-for-tea?
Community Member
1 year ago

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Whilst I definitely agree there should have been a discussion prior to the name reveal, I wonder if there’s more to it for her friend to say you can’t hog the grief? Maybe the mother has said or done other things we aren’t aware of, as I’m sure the loss of a child affected the wider family too, including godparents. And just walking out and leaving your friend when she’s just has a baby seems a bit off. What’s the abbreviation for they’re both right but could have gone about it differently??

emilymrangel avatar
over it already
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah there are shades of grey in there, but this is a supposedly best friend pouring salt on a very painful wound. Poor OP.

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david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
1 year ago

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It is a name, many people use. Regardless of the emotional attachment, the friend had every right to use the name. The reaction of the mother, who lost the child is overly dramatic in my opinion. Moreover, the name was used to honour the deceased child. I mean seriusly. What The F**k.

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Doreen Anna
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1 year ago

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