Woman Gets A Creepy Interviewer Fired For Asking “Legit” Personal Questions
Many topics are off-limits during a job interview. If you receive a question about race, color, religion, age, disability, family status, ancestry and more, you can stand up and leave, closing the doors behind you for good. Some of them, like questions about faith, are only acceptable if an employer can demonstrate they are bona fide occupational qualifications (BFOQs) that are reasonably necessary to the normal operation of a business.
Sadly, there are interviewers who have the audacity to cross the line even further. This recent story about a job interview shared by a 27-year-old woman, u/R_Rover_2013, created quite a stir on the AITA subreddit. “The interviewer, we’ll call him ‘Eddie’ welcomed me into the office and had me sit down. First thing he did was look at my CV then started asking me questions that seemed a little too personal and unrelated to the job,” she recounted.
Things like if she was single, whether her eye color was “real” and even “how I spend my time when ‘alone’ and what type of dudes I like.” Understandably, this didn’t sit well with the author, who just snapped at one point. Read on for the full story below to see how the incident ended.
Also, scroll down for our interview with Christine Mitterbauer, a licensed and ICF-approved career and life coach, as well as serial entrepreneur who shared some useful insights into how to behave when you get into this kind of uncomfortable situation.
One woman shared an incident she had during a job interview where a recruiter, she said, crossed the line
Image credits: R_Rover_2013 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
“Questions such as are you married, are you planning to have children, are you disabled, what’s your sexual orientation, do you smoke, are all technically illegal, and your alarm bells should be ringing if an interviewer asked you those,” Mitterbaeur told us via written interview.
The career coach said that “you should, however, also listen to your gut feeling if you’re being asked a question you simply feel uncomfortable with, as it might be a reflection of the work culture of the job in question.” Therefore, “Questions about whether you mind working evenings, weekends and holidays are a good example of this, in case you’re not willing to do that,” she added.
If you feel the question asked is illegal, you should not be afraid to speak up and say that you’re not sure this question is appropriate or even legal, Mitterbaeur argues. “If you’re not sure the question is illegal but you simply feel uncomfortable, you could try asking why the interviewer wants to know this.” The life coach explained that it could be that there’s a good reason, or perhaps a bit of miscommunication due to language or other differences, so her advice is to not be afraid to ask for clarification. “It would be a shame to reject a job due to what could be a miscommunication,” she said.
“If, after asking a clarifying question, you still feel uncomfortable, then listen to your gut feeling. A good cultural fit is very important for your long-term happiness in a company, so if the interviewer makes you feel uncomfortable, there’s a good chance you would experience similar unease if you accepted a job with the company,” Mitterbaeur concluded.
The author also addressed people’s questions, giving some background details about this unpleasant situation
Commenters thought the way the author handled the situation was totally appropriate but didn’t agree with her parents
150Kviews
Share on FacebookI'm sick and tired of older generations expecting us to put up with shitty behaviour from superiors just so we don't upset the status quo. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that "we are looking for an excuse not to work" when we are raising the alarm, or don't accept a job we aren't feeling comfortable with. Literally, I'm 33 and have never had a single job or internship where I haven't been sexually harassed even though I go out of my way to dress down and keep myself covered up from head to toe. And then if something does happen, it's the same people telling us that we must have provoked it somehow.
My ex said I should dress nice to get the job. Wore a dress. Creepy manager liked that very much. Very dumb idea. Dressed and looked uglier and uglier during the week. Didn't help. I just quit. The guy who hired me was mad. He was just joking. 50 y o creep with 20 some y o girls. Yeah so funny. LOL he was also mad that I used an envelope from their competitor to say I quit. Got a great job with only normal guys thanks to the competitor.
Load More Replies...He was fired because of his words and actions. He was fired because the company determined he was a liability. OP did not “get home fired.” I hope that her parents are just worried that somehow she is blacklisted, and not worried that a total stranger who harassed their daughter is now unemployed. So if OP started working for someone like that, they’d te her to deal with it, not report it, because oooh, the harasser might have to face the consequences of his/her own actions?
100%. She should not feel bad. She's not the one who did something wrong. In fact, I love the fact she TOLD him what he was doing was wrong.
Load More Replies...Something is not right here for them to dismiss him so quickly. They would have needed a statement from you etc. This guy was already bad and you just helped tip the scales. You did a good thing today
She made a statement by reporting it. Those questions he was asking are illegal in most U.S. states, too. Dude's creepy af.
Load More Replies...Eddie got himself fired because of his inappropriate behavior. Companies should not be protecting these types of people.
Your parents need to stop trying to push you into working anyplace regardless of behavior. In all reality, you have an excellent lawsuit for sexual harassment because his questions were meant to find girls that were desperate enough for work that they'd be willing to put up with his inappropriate behavior for the job. That's laying the groundwork for "Sleep with me for your promotion or to stay employed." It's better for everyone that Eddie got fired.
The fact Eddie tracked and contacted her later tells you he doesn't recognise what he did or take reapont for his actions even now, and at the time he rejected her, so no way would he have resolved it appropriately. She didn't get him sacked: he did that, and she's probably saved a load of other women from the same experience as well as allowing the company to manage the litigation risk he created for them.
Not only hit on you, but did so with classic PUA negging tactics. Eddie got himself fired. Had you not spoken up he would have continued doing this and likely worse.
If he was fired, I highly doubt it was for that one incident. That was probably the icing on the cake, so don't feel bad at all. You did that company a favour, although it sounds like he should've been fired a long time ago. Alert the company to the fact he used personal information from your application to contact you AFTER he was fired. That's so creepy.
NTA. The facts he reached out to her by using [I presumed unauthorized] personal info, he is a very unprofessional and inappropriate individual.
nope, personal questions like relationship status is WHOLLY inappropriate in an interview context
It's incredible how many people doubt themselves for reporting shitty people, preventing others from being exposed to similar behaviour, and are being told to 'suck it up'. No wonder people like this interviewer still exist if even OP's parents tell her she shouldn't have 'gotten him fired'. Just wow. Well done by OP.
Hear me out. You may have gotten him fired. But, that's a good thing. And I say may have because you could've been the last straw or they were already looking for a reason already. In any case, he deserved it because who knows how many people didn't complain or are currently afraid to because they think they'll lose their job. So either way, you atleast did his former coworkers a favor. Don't feel bad for creeps
How infuriating!! And I agree that not having any position at the company, no one can say that the interviewee "had him fired." All she did was tell the truth about very inappropriate things he asked (which was the moral thing for her to do), and the company made the decision.
He needed to be reported. You did the right thing. Sadly, you now have to watch your back. I don't understand people today, meaning people like him.
If you felt this was so inappropriate it needed reporting, then you did the right thing. Certain professions have particular standards, and if not met, can result in dismissal...for anyone.
Yeah, OP is NTA. I think a lot of interviewers can be inappropriate. In the late 90's, my Mom and I applied to a new sports wear/gear company hiring for customer service with a good hourly pay rate. We were sharing a car at the time, so the woman interviewing (in her late 20s I guessed) agreed to interview us together. She IMMEDIATELY started in on my Mom aggressively, asking things like, "Why would you leave such a great career to be a housewife?", "Why did you never finish or go back to college?", "What could you possibly bring to our company?" etc. My Mom was a computer programmer/systems analyst for 15 years before she finally got pregnant with me after trying for 12 years. She was also going through menopause at the time of the interview and started to cry. I stood up at that point, said we're done here, and lead my Mom out to our car. The interviewer made her feel like dirt for a job helping customers in the store, running a cash register and answering phones.
“Yes, he asked inappropriate questions, behaved in an unprofessional manner then used your contact information after he was no longer employed at the company but he shouldn’t have had to face any repercussions for any of that!”
I'd like to know what her parents, who agree his questions were inappropriate, think should have happened to Eddie instead?!?
Original OP won't read this - but others might - do NOT answer personal questions that do not relate directly to the job. Ever. It is illegal in Australia to ask these types of questions and if you are asked these questions, ask to see their manager and report them. Do not put up with it.
My sister posted a comic of a woman in an interview. The woman is asked what her greatest weakness is. She said it was her honesty. The interviewer said that he didn't think that honesty was a weakness, and she replied "I don't give a f**k what you think". It's a bit off topic, but it made me laugh.
NTA, but I am a bit surprised somebody is fired just based on one testimony? There must have been others or Eddie did a bad job all around.
You did not go to far by reporting him and his actions and his alone being the reason he got fired. You didn't get him first of all, 2nd, he got himself fired for doing what he did. 3rd, I'm so glad he got fired because that means there were consequences for his bad behavior and he was held accountable for it. Last but not least, people who say you went to far when you stand up for what's right when someone else is doing wrong. Are directly saying it's your fault by saying you took it to far when that sentiment should be directed at the one doing wrong. That person took it to far, not you! Furthermore, there has to be consequences in order to hold a person accountable for their bad behavior. If no punishment is handed down. We run the risk of the bad behavior continuing because they will think they can get away with it like they did the 1st time. It's that simple and I'm so sorry you were blamed and told you took it to far. When it's abundantly clear that that statement ("you took it to far") is describing his actions/behavior, not yours. You did the right thing and the person who looked into what happened and ultimately fired him did the right thing as well. That's a big deal! Given how so many people often get away with this terrible behavior and that is not the case this time. This is definitely something to be very proud of.
My parents and boss tried to get me to shut up about my coworker groping me and whispering rapey comments in my ear (he'd literally come up to me and put his hands up my shirt and whisper "I'm going to follow you home one night." But I wasn't allowed to say anything because he had a girlfriend and kids and no green card, and "you could tell on him but it'd make you a bad person.") I couldn't quit because I needed the job. Eventually he cornered me in the walkin cooler, where no one could see and get me in trouble, so I...well I just knuckled him right in the Adam's apple as hard as I could and I said, "you're going to stop, or I'm going to tell your kids, and their mom." And his face turned greenish and he said "you can't" and I said "try me" and he said "you don't have our phone number" and I said "I'll go to your house" You see how entitled abusers are, and how protected by archaic behavior standards and gender roles. 🙄
I'm just concerned that there are now so many barriers to communication. You can't even feel safe when standing on stage when telling jokes. Us older folks seem to see all the changes in context of what real harassment and discrimination is. I'm worried that my children, in their 20's are always looking for others to cross lines and censoring themselves to the point they can't start a conversation w a stranger of the opposite sex without fear. Like I said, Eddie was fired because they were already sick of him. Shame on them for allowing him to interview ppl. Imagine how many ppl got the job because they played along.
I'm going to guess they were already sick of Eddie. This was just a legit excuse to give him the boot.
You did not get him fired, OP, his actions did. That goes for anyone else too. The only way to 'get someone fired' are things like gaslighting, lying, setting someone up or misusing power (if one has it). Reporting their true actions with accurate context is not getting someone fired.
Def NTA, if I went for a job interview and was asked personal questions that had nothing to do with the job I’d report him too. He put himself in a power position and then used it to try to get dates? Gross. 🤮 He probably shouldn’t have been given the job in the first place.
I once worked in a small family owned breakfast/lunch type restaurant and we worked directly for the owner is was Greek. He used to say he's never fire anyone, and that they all fired themselves. It's true.
NTA if that's his hiring technique, you should see his moves around the office.
She really needs to report him for contacting her after he was fired. If he has her email then he most likely has her other personal info as well, including where she lives.
This is disturbing on so many levels, including the fact that this poor woman has gaslighting parents. To those who think that it isn't possible for people in this day and age to still think this way, absolutely it is possible. Perhaps these parents are on the older side. Or maybe they live in a part of the country where attitudes are stuck in the dark ages. Or maybe the parents are just jerks. It happens.
This kind of stuff goes on all the time. Right out of college with stellar credentials I interviewed at a large school district. The superintendent wanted to interview me too. Never looked at my application. Just asked me to stand up and turn around. Then said Mr. (Principal's name) gets all the pretty ones doesn't he? Sigh....he later got fired for having an affair with a later principal at that school. I saw her leave school for "lunch" with him. Saw the car minutes later at her apartment. As they drove out of the school parking lot she looked like a deer caught in headlights. OP did the right thing for all of us.
I think it's a bit much to call someone an a$$hole for feeling guilt. C'mon, are they now supposed to feel guilty about feeling guilty?? No need to pile on.
Load More Replies...Most of these seem fake to me, cause reddit is built on a system that rewards high-rage posts, and this one fits right in. The blatantly obvious "bad guy", the people who all agree he did something wrong, but don't agree that he should face any actual consequences; the "guilt" the writer feels after the person faced totally reasonable consequences; the hot button issue (usually having to do with sexism, or making a woman sound like a shrew). They are becoming really formulaic, and seeing them posted all over boredpanda is becoming exhausting. Looks like I'll have to find a new-new-new replacement for buzzfeed
What complete nonsense. He was sexually harassing her and he knew that was wrong even without anyone telling him. But these days? Companies are VERY careful about making sure that employees get training on what sexual harassment is. And the fact that he got fired so quickly tells me he had done this before. And in what world is it okay for this creep to steal company info and contact her after he was fired? Would you feel like YOUR daughter was,safe working for this guy?
Load More Replies...I'm sick and tired of older generations expecting us to put up with shitty behaviour from superiors just so we don't upset the status quo. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that "we are looking for an excuse not to work" when we are raising the alarm, or don't accept a job we aren't feeling comfortable with. Literally, I'm 33 and have never had a single job or internship where I haven't been sexually harassed even though I go out of my way to dress down and keep myself covered up from head to toe. And then if something does happen, it's the same people telling us that we must have provoked it somehow.
My ex said I should dress nice to get the job. Wore a dress. Creepy manager liked that very much. Very dumb idea. Dressed and looked uglier and uglier during the week. Didn't help. I just quit. The guy who hired me was mad. He was just joking. 50 y o creep with 20 some y o girls. Yeah so funny. LOL he was also mad that I used an envelope from their competitor to say I quit. Got a great job with only normal guys thanks to the competitor.
Load More Replies...He was fired because of his words and actions. He was fired because the company determined he was a liability. OP did not “get home fired.” I hope that her parents are just worried that somehow she is blacklisted, and not worried that a total stranger who harassed their daughter is now unemployed. So if OP started working for someone like that, they’d te her to deal with it, not report it, because oooh, the harasser might have to face the consequences of his/her own actions?
100%. She should not feel bad. She's not the one who did something wrong. In fact, I love the fact she TOLD him what he was doing was wrong.
Load More Replies...Something is not right here for them to dismiss him so quickly. They would have needed a statement from you etc. This guy was already bad and you just helped tip the scales. You did a good thing today
She made a statement by reporting it. Those questions he was asking are illegal in most U.S. states, too. Dude's creepy af.
Load More Replies...Eddie got himself fired because of his inappropriate behavior. Companies should not be protecting these types of people.
Your parents need to stop trying to push you into working anyplace regardless of behavior. In all reality, you have an excellent lawsuit for sexual harassment because his questions were meant to find girls that were desperate enough for work that they'd be willing to put up with his inappropriate behavior for the job. That's laying the groundwork for "Sleep with me for your promotion or to stay employed." It's better for everyone that Eddie got fired.
The fact Eddie tracked and contacted her later tells you he doesn't recognise what he did or take reapont for his actions even now, and at the time he rejected her, so no way would he have resolved it appropriately. She didn't get him sacked: he did that, and she's probably saved a load of other women from the same experience as well as allowing the company to manage the litigation risk he created for them.
Not only hit on you, but did so with classic PUA negging tactics. Eddie got himself fired. Had you not spoken up he would have continued doing this and likely worse.
If he was fired, I highly doubt it was for that one incident. That was probably the icing on the cake, so don't feel bad at all. You did that company a favour, although it sounds like he should've been fired a long time ago. Alert the company to the fact he used personal information from your application to contact you AFTER he was fired. That's so creepy.
NTA. The facts he reached out to her by using [I presumed unauthorized] personal info, he is a very unprofessional and inappropriate individual.
nope, personal questions like relationship status is WHOLLY inappropriate in an interview context
It's incredible how many people doubt themselves for reporting shitty people, preventing others from being exposed to similar behaviour, and are being told to 'suck it up'. No wonder people like this interviewer still exist if even OP's parents tell her she shouldn't have 'gotten him fired'. Just wow. Well done by OP.
Hear me out. You may have gotten him fired. But, that's a good thing. And I say may have because you could've been the last straw or they were already looking for a reason already. In any case, he deserved it because who knows how many people didn't complain or are currently afraid to because they think they'll lose their job. So either way, you atleast did his former coworkers a favor. Don't feel bad for creeps
How infuriating!! And I agree that not having any position at the company, no one can say that the interviewee "had him fired." All she did was tell the truth about very inappropriate things he asked (which was the moral thing for her to do), and the company made the decision.
He needed to be reported. You did the right thing. Sadly, you now have to watch your back. I don't understand people today, meaning people like him.
If you felt this was so inappropriate it needed reporting, then you did the right thing. Certain professions have particular standards, and if not met, can result in dismissal...for anyone.
Yeah, OP is NTA. I think a lot of interviewers can be inappropriate. In the late 90's, my Mom and I applied to a new sports wear/gear company hiring for customer service with a good hourly pay rate. We were sharing a car at the time, so the woman interviewing (in her late 20s I guessed) agreed to interview us together. She IMMEDIATELY started in on my Mom aggressively, asking things like, "Why would you leave such a great career to be a housewife?", "Why did you never finish or go back to college?", "What could you possibly bring to our company?" etc. My Mom was a computer programmer/systems analyst for 15 years before she finally got pregnant with me after trying for 12 years. She was also going through menopause at the time of the interview and started to cry. I stood up at that point, said we're done here, and lead my Mom out to our car. The interviewer made her feel like dirt for a job helping customers in the store, running a cash register and answering phones.
“Yes, he asked inappropriate questions, behaved in an unprofessional manner then used your contact information after he was no longer employed at the company but he shouldn’t have had to face any repercussions for any of that!”
I'd like to know what her parents, who agree his questions were inappropriate, think should have happened to Eddie instead?!?
Original OP won't read this - but others might - do NOT answer personal questions that do not relate directly to the job. Ever. It is illegal in Australia to ask these types of questions and if you are asked these questions, ask to see their manager and report them. Do not put up with it.
My sister posted a comic of a woman in an interview. The woman is asked what her greatest weakness is. She said it was her honesty. The interviewer said that he didn't think that honesty was a weakness, and she replied "I don't give a f**k what you think". It's a bit off topic, but it made me laugh.
NTA, but I am a bit surprised somebody is fired just based on one testimony? There must have been others or Eddie did a bad job all around.
You did not go to far by reporting him and his actions and his alone being the reason he got fired. You didn't get him first of all, 2nd, he got himself fired for doing what he did. 3rd, I'm so glad he got fired because that means there were consequences for his bad behavior and he was held accountable for it. Last but not least, people who say you went to far when you stand up for what's right when someone else is doing wrong. Are directly saying it's your fault by saying you took it to far when that sentiment should be directed at the one doing wrong. That person took it to far, not you! Furthermore, there has to be consequences in order to hold a person accountable for their bad behavior. If no punishment is handed down. We run the risk of the bad behavior continuing because they will think they can get away with it like they did the 1st time. It's that simple and I'm so sorry you were blamed and told you took it to far. When it's abundantly clear that that statement ("you took it to far") is describing his actions/behavior, not yours. You did the right thing and the person who looked into what happened and ultimately fired him did the right thing as well. That's a big deal! Given how so many people often get away with this terrible behavior and that is not the case this time. This is definitely something to be very proud of.
My parents and boss tried to get me to shut up about my coworker groping me and whispering rapey comments in my ear (he'd literally come up to me and put his hands up my shirt and whisper "I'm going to follow you home one night." But I wasn't allowed to say anything because he had a girlfriend and kids and no green card, and "you could tell on him but it'd make you a bad person.") I couldn't quit because I needed the job. Eventually he cornered me in the walkin cooler, where no one could see and get me in trouble, so I...well I just knuckled him right in the Adam's apple as hard as I could and I said, "you're going to stop, or I'm going to tell your kids, and their mom." And his face turned greenish and he said "you can't" and I said "try me" and he said "you don't have our phone number" and I said "I'll go to your house" You see how entitled abusers are, and how protected by archaic behavior standards and gender roles. 🙄
I'm just concerned that there are now so many barriers to communication. You can't even feel safe when standing on stage when telling jokes. Us older folks seem to see all the changes in context of what real harassment and discrimination is. I'm worried that my children, in their 20's are always looking for others to cross lines and censoring themselves to the point they can't start a conversation w a stranger of the opposite sex without fear. Like I said, Eddie was fired because they were already sick of him. Shame on them for allowing him to interview ppl. Imagine how many ppl got the job because they played along.
I'm going to guess they were already sick of Eddie. This was just a legit excuse to give him the boot.
You did not get him fired, OP, his actions did. That goes for anyone else too. The only way to 'get someone fired' are things like gaslighting, lying, setting someone up or misusing power (if one has it). Reporting their true actions with accurate context is not getting someone fired.
Def NTA, if I went for a job interview and was asked personal questions that had nothing to do with the job I’d report him too. He put himself in a power position and then used it to try to get dates? Gross. 🤮 He probably shouldn’t have been given the job in the first place.
I once worked in a small family owned breakfast/lunch type restaurant and we worked directly for the owner is was Greek. He used to say he's never fire anyone, and that they all fired themselves. It's true.
NTA if that's his hiring technique, you should see his moves around the office.
She really needs to report him for contacting her after he was fired. If he has her email then he most likely has her other personal info as well, including where she lives.
This is disturbing on so many levels, including the fact that this poor woman has gaslighting parents. To those who think that it isn't possible for people in this day and age to still think this way, absolutely it is possible. Perhaps these parents are on the older side. Or maybe they live in a part of the country where attitudes are stuck in the dark ages. Or maybe the parents are just jerks. It happens.
This kind of stuff goes on all the time. Right out of college with stellar credentials I interviewed at a large school district. The superintendent wanted to interview me too. Never looked at my application. Just asked me to stand up and turn around. Then said Mr. (Principal's name) gets all the pretty ones doesn't he? Sigh....he later got fired for having an affair with a later principal at that school. I saw her leave school for "lunch" with him. Saw the car minutes later at her apartment. As they drove out of the school parking lot she looked like a deer caught in headlights. OP did the right thing for all of us.
I think it's a bit much to call someone an a$$hole for feeling guilt. C'mon, are they now supposed to feel guilty about feeling guilty?? No need to pile on.
Load More Replies...Most of these seem fake to me, cause reddit is built on a system that rewards high-rage posts, and this one fits right in. The blatantly obvious "bad guy", the people who all agree he did something wrong, but don't agree that he should face any actual consequences; the "guilt" the writer feels after the person faced totally reasonable consequences; the hot button issue (usually having to do with sexism, or making a woman sound like a shrew). They are becoming really formulaic, and seeing them posted all over boredpanda is becoming exhausting. Looks like I'll have to find a new-new-new replacement for buzzfeed
What complete nonsense. He was sexually harassing her and he knew that was wrong even without anyone telling him. But these days? Companies are VERY careful about making sure that employees get training on what sexual harassment is. And the fact that he got fired so quickly tells me he had done this before. And in what world is it okay for this creep to steal company info and contact her after he was fired? Would you feel like YOUR daughter was,safe working for this guy?
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