Woman Wonders If She Was Wrong To ‘Upstage’ The Bride In A Very Informal Wedding
It’s no secret that no matter what a wonderful and once-in-a-lifetime experience weddings may be, they often snowball into huge stress balls for the newlyweds, planners and guests alike. Many of these ensued family drama stories end up on the r/AITA subreddit, where people seek to check if their moral high ground is really that shaky.
This post is no exception. Coming from a woman who got invited to a small wedding for her cousin whom the author hasn’t met before, it serves as an example of how wanting to show the best of yourself may turn against you. The author went all in with her tea-length dress, chiffon shawl and pearl jewelry, since the invite said ‘cocktail attire.’
As soon as the reception started, the author realized she may have overdressed as several people complimented her but said she was upstaging the bride. And it all got worse after the wedding was over as the incriminating calls started flooding in.
The author of this post was accused of upstaging the bride at her own wedding but she said she only wanted to look her best
Image credits: Ana Marcelina (not the actual photo)
And this is what people had to comment on the incident
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Umm... I think this whole story is just "based on real events" if not made up entirely. Who invites a cousin they've never met to a "very small" wedding?
Someone who figures her cousin's gift will outweigh be more than what they spend on a keg and wings :)
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Strange story. I could believe it if the bride was wearing something casual, but, judging by the description, she clearly went for something non-traditional and extraordinary, with a custom gothic dress, heavy makeup, and all. Why would she be upset with a guest's normie cocktail dress? It's not upstaging, it's a polar opposite style.
If we take this story at face value, while OP is NTA for her dress, she seems to have some asshole-ish tendencies. She says she deeply insecurу about her own appeareane and then goes and dedicates the whole paragraph to describing how shockingly awful was the bride's outfit. Not a good look on you, OP.
We are allowed to have negative opinions about someone's attire, saying it outloud is different.
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There’s something else going on here....a lot of effort in this post went to trashing the bridal party?...of a relative she’s never met? Not buying it.
Yup...and they never met but have each other's contacts and that SO many would come up and tell her that.
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Why would anyone invite a cousin they have never met to a "very small wedding " something isn't adding up here.
Some people consider 50 guests "very small," and blood relatives as mandatory invites.
Load More Replies... When you show up anywhere and are over/under dressed, most folks change their look. Take off the pearls. Go to the bathroom and remove some makeup. Heck, take your shoes off, tie up your hair. The day isn't about you. If everyone else is super casual, make an effort to go with it. Then, be friendly. Be casual. No one would text you about your outfit if you made a genuine attempt at making the time more pleasant for everyone else these. Sounds to me like this guest was stand-offish, judgemental, and brooding for most of the event. She needed to get out of her own head and lighten up.
This sounds really strange. She wants a very small wedding but invites a cousin she never met before? She chose a rather unusual getup, I assume because that is who she is and feels comfortable in, but feels ugly when another woman turns up in "regular" dress-up clothes? Wouldn't usually the one who is overdressed feels ridiculous and uncomfortable?
She probably invited the cousin in hopes of getting a generous gift. Or because the parent who is related to LW's parents pressured her to.
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All these stories are BS, you dont get married in a tuxedo shirt, and not every bride getting married is going to be amazing beautiful no matter what they are wearing. No one needs to know this ever happened
Oh sweetie. People have gotten married in much worse, all you have to do is google "trashy weddings".
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The problem is going to a wedding of someone you don't know. Don't do it! It happened to me once, went to a random distant relative's wedding and at the beginning of the reception the whole party got changed into hillbilly costumes and spent the evening line dancing. We were pretty much the only guests who were sat there all night in evening dress.
I don't think he being bullied had anything to do with her decision on what to wear. There's too much B.S. in this story for me to take her seriously.
given the description of what the bride wore, not sure how anyone could be described as trying to upstage her. the bride dressed in a manner where she caught and held the stage
I always wonder why these story are posted under “Am I the asshole?“ I mean, every human on earth would tell you no. Are they all really THAT insecure? What does she think she could have done better? If the story is true at all, it sounds really made up.
AITA used to have a rule against fake and validation posts until a couple of years ago. Until then most of the people posting there genuinely had a reason to think they might be an asshole. After the rule was removed AITA was flooded with these kind of stories and it sucks now. Most of the posts are fake stories, the sub is pretty much dead now.
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Me personally, I always double check directly with them what the attire is. I've learned that people have different interpretations of what something means. I'm nervous around other people, so I want to blend as much as possible!
Has bored panda just become a place to republish AITA stories? If we wanted those, I’d just go to AITA. And FWIW, no, the person is never the asshole.
Weird story. Being overdressed is, imo, as unleasant as being underdressed. It is possible to tone down somethign: Take off the jewellery, lose the shawl, let your hair down, put a jumper on. I totally unerstand that the author wanted to be decently dressed, but I don't quite get why she didn''t tone it down after her arrival. I also don't get why people who do an informal wedding don't write 'informal attire!' on their invitation.
If she felt ugly that is her own issue and seems to have been by choice. Sounds like you were one of, if no t the only, person dressed appropriately for a wedding and according to the invite. If you want a goth/hick wedding let people know. Don't say "cocktail attire". Sounds like all their cocktails are from beer cans.
I was in Dubai on vacation when my employer asked me to do a report on a concert there with multiple singers. I called the lady who organised the concert and she said "come over, darling! We can talk and X (a singer who is a friend of mine) is here as well!" so I assumed I would meet her, maybe her family and my friend, the singer. I was on the beach (because vacation, after all) and when I went back to my hotel around sunset, I was too tired to do my hair and put on make up, so I took a shower, wrapped a scarf around my head like a turban, wore a white shirt and white, wide trousers and sandals and called a taxi. Turns out her "home" was a huge villa and in her garden a party was going on with at least 50 guests, almost everybody wearing black, Gucci and Amani everywhere :)) I felt somewhat embarresed but I grinned and bore it, while making fun of myself and taking compliments from guests who said I looked "fine" :)) Funny thing is, usually I'm the one who is a bit overdressed :)
Occasionally - well, a little more that occasionally, actually - I see a post on BP that emits a strong aroma of bovine excrement. This is one of them.
At my first wedding, it was black tie and said so on the invitations/reception cards. His half wore things like jeans, shorts, t-shirts, etc. and my side was dressed appropriately. Some people just don't get it.
If I'm invited to a wedding and the invite says "cocktail apparel" I'm dressing up like OP did. The other guests are the AH for not doing the same. Why I'm always paranoid if I don't know any other females going to an event like this, with knowing what to wear? This would be my biggest nightmare
The family is not being fair. She didn't even know the cousin before, which I think is odd why this woman would be invited in the first place if the cousin never met her. The invitation said cocktail attire plus it is common that people look decent at a wedding and given as mentioned before she did not know these people and their style. I don't blame OP for being shocked, she's not being mean, I would have been like what the hell is going on if I saw that as well at a wedding.
If the bride decides to wear some rags, she has no right to be upset when guests are dressed better than her. Else she should have stated that she was going for a "Les Miserables" wedding.
Apparently the happy couple put "cocktail" attir" on the invitations when what they meant to say was "rooster butt" clothing. NTA
I was raised in a household where you wore the "proper" attire for everything! Not flashy or expensive, just proper. So I know that a tea length dress (depending on fabric, pattern, etc.) is actually less formal than cocktail attire. That technicality aside, the polite thing to do is always respect the couple's wishes, which were specifically stated in this case and followed by the guest. So unless her dress had large cutouts to reveal significant skin, she is definitely NTA!
Your cousin sounds like a hot mess, maybe there's a reason you haven't met her yet. Your attire sounds perfectly suitable for the occasion, it's the other guests I'm worried about - yikes! There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance.
The cousin doesn't sound like a "hot mess," she sounds like someone who wanted a different style of wedding. That's all. Goth weddings & casual weddings are pretty cool in my opinion, as the entire wedding industry is ridiculously expensive & boringly formulaic. Let people have custom weddings that showcase their interests & personalities. Let people allow their guests to wear something more affordable & comfortable. Yes, the bride was the asshole for putting the wrong type of clothing on the invite & getting upset with her cousin, but she was NOT a hot mess for having a nontraditional wedding. She probably took pride in her appearance too. You just don't like that her appearance is different.
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So a bunch of slobs chewed you out for looking good. Sounds like you won !
Please, I'm begging here. On my knees. No more wedding horror stories. ''Grotesque'' is not synonymous with ''interesting''.
lol I live in the south and we know what cocktail attire is :)
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Umm... I think this whole story is just "based on real events" if not made up entirely. Who invites a cousin they've never met to a "very small" wedding?
Someone who figures her cousin's gift will outweigh be more than what they spend on a keg and wings :)
Load More Replies... Strange story. I could believe it if the bride was wearing something casual, but, judging by the description, she clearly went for something non-traditional and extraordinary, with a custom gothic dress, heavy makeup, and all. Why would she be upset with a guest's normie cocktail dress? It's not upstaging, it's a polar opposite style.
If we take this story at face value, while OP is NTA for her dress, she seems to have some asshole-ish tendencies. She says she deeply insecurу about her own appeareane and then goes and dedicates the whole paragraph to describing how shockingly awful was the bride's outfit. Not a good look on you, OP.
We are allowed to have negative opinions about someone's attire, saying it outloud is different.
Load More Replies... There’s something else going on here....a lot of effort in this post went to trashing the bridal party?...of a relative she’s never met? Not buying it.
Yup...and they never met but have each other's contacts and that SO many would come up and tell her that.
Load More Replies... Why would anyone invite a cousin they have never met to a "very small wedding " something isn't adding up here.
Some people consider 50 guests "very small," and blood relatives as mandatory invites.
Load More Replies... When you show up anywhere and are over/under dressed, most folks change their look. Take off the pearls. Go to the bathroom and remove some makeup. Heck, take your shoes off, tie up your hair. The day isn't about you. If everyone else is super casual, make an effort to go with it. Then, be friendly. Be casual. No one would text you about your outfit if you made a genuine attempt at making the time more pleasant for everyone else these. Sounds to me like this guest was stand-offish, judgemental, and brooding for most of the event. She needed to get out of her own head and lighten up.
This sounds really strange. She wants a very small wedding but invites a cousin she never met before? She chose a rather unusual getup, I assume because that is who she is and feels comfortable in, but feels ugly when another woman turns up in "regular" dress-up clothes? Wouldn't usually the one who is overdressed feels ridiculous and uncomfortable?
She probably invited the cousin in hopes of getting a generous gift. Or because the parent who is related to LW's parents pressured her to.
Load More Replies... All these stories are BS, you dont get married in a tuxedo shirt, and not every bride getting married is going to be amazing beautiful no matter what they are wearing. No one needs to know this ever happened
Oh sweetie. People have gotten married in much worse, all you have to do is google "trashy weddings".
Load More Replies... The problem is going to a wedding of someone you don't know. Don't do it! It happened to me once, went to a random distant relative's wedding and at the beginning of the reception the whole party got changed into hillbilly costumes and spent the evening line dancing. We were pretty much the only guests who were sat there all night in evening dress.
I don't think he being bullied had anything to do with her decision on what to wear. There's too much B.S. in this story for me to take her seriously.
given the description of what the bride wore, not sure how anyone could be described as trying to upstage her. the bride dressed in a manner where she caught and held the stage
I always wonder why these story are posted under “Am I the asshole?“ I mean, every human on earth would tell you no. Are they all really THAT insecure? What does she think she could have done better? If the story is true at all, it sounds really made up.
AITA used to have a rule against fake and validation posts until a couple of years ago. Until then most of the people posting there genuinely had a reason to think they might be an asshole. After the rule was removed AITA was flooded with these kind of stories and it sucks now. Most of the posts are fake stories, the sub is pretty much dead now.
Load More Replies... Me personally, I always double check directly with them what the attire is. I've learned that people have different interpretations of what something means. I'm nervous around other people, so I want to blend as much as possible!
Has bored panda just become a place to republish AITA stories? If we wanted those, I’d just go to AITA. And FWIW, no, the person is never the asshole.
Weird story. Being overdressed is, imo, as unleasant as being underdressed. It is possible to tone down somethign: Take off the jewellery, lose the shawl, let your hair down, put a jumper on. I totally unerstand that the author wanted to be decently dressed, but I don't quite get why she didn''t tone it down after her arrival. I also don't get why people who do an informal wedding don't write 'informal attire!' on their invitation.
If she felt ugly that is her own issue and seems to have been by choice. Sounds like you were one of, if no t the only, person dressed appropriately for a wedding and according to the invite. If you want a goth/hick wedding let people know. Don't say "cocktail attire". Sounds like all their cocktails are from beer cans.
I was in Dubai on vacation when my employer asked me to do a report on a concert there with multiple singers. I called the lady who organised the concert and she said "come over, darling! We can talk and X (a singer who is a friend of mine) is here as well!" so I assumed I would meet her, maybe her family and my friend, the singer. I was on the beach (because vacation, after all) and when I went back to my hotel around sunset, I was too tired to do my hair and put on make up, so I took a shower, wrapped a scarf around my head like a turban, wore a white shirt and white, wide trousers and sandals and called a taxi. Turns out her "home" was a huge villa and in her garden a party was going on with at least 50 guests, almost everybody wearing black, Gucci and Amani everywhere :)) I felt somewhat embarresed but I grinned and bore it, while making fun of myself and taking compliments from guests who said I looked "fine" :)) Funny thing is, usually I'm the one who is a bit overdressed :)
Occasionally - well, a little more that occasionally, actually - I see a post on BP that emits a strong aroma of bovine excrement. This is one of them.
At my first wedding, it was black tie and said so on the invitations/reception cards. His half wore things like jeans, shorts, t-shirts, etc. and my side was dressed appropriately. Some people just don't get it.
If I'm invited to a wedding and the invite says "cocktail apparel" I'm dressing up like OP did. The other guests are the AH for not doing the same. Why I'm always paranoid if I don't know any other females going to an event like this, with knowing what to wear? This would be my biggest nightmare
The family is not being fair. She didn't even know the cousin before, which I think is odd why this woman would be invited in the first place if the cousin never met her. The invitation said cocktail attire plus it is common that people look decent at a wedding and given as mentioned before she did not know these people and their style. I don't blame OP for being shocked, she's not being mean, I would have been like what the hell is going on if I saw that as well at a wedding.
If the bride decides to wear some rags, she has no right to be upset when guests are dressed better than her. Else she should have stated that she was going for a "Les Miserables" wedding.
Apparently the happy couple put "cocktail" attir" on the invitations when what they meant to say was "rooster butt" clothing. NTA
I was raised in a household where you wore the "proper" attire for everything! Not flashy or expensive, just proper. So I know that a tea length dress (depending on fabric, pattern, etc.) is actually less formal than cocktail attire. That technicality aside, the polite thing to do is always respect the couple's wishes, which were specifically stated in this case and followed by the guest. So unless her dress had large cutouts to reveal significant skin, she is definitely NTA!
Your cousin sounds like a hot mess, maybe there's a reason you haven't met her yet. Your attire sounds perfectly suitable for the occasion, it's the other guests I'm worried about - yikes! There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance.
The cousin doesn't sound like a "hot mess," she sounds like someone who wanted a different style of wedding. That's all. Goth weddings & casual weddings are pretty cool in my opinion, as the entire wedding industry is ridiculously expensive & boringly formulaic. Let people have custom weddings that showcase their interests & personalities. Let people allow their guests to wear something more affordable & comfortable. Yes, the bride was the asshole for putting the wrong type of clothing on the invite & getting upset with her cousin, but she was NOT a hot mess for having a nontraditional wedding. She probably took pride in her appearance too. You just don't like that her appearance is different.
Load More Replies... So a bunch of slobs chewed you out for looking good. Sounds like you won !
Please, I'm begging here. On my knees. No more wedding horror stories. ''Grotesque'' is not synonymous with ''interesting''.
lol I live in the south and we know what cocktail attire is :)
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