Bride Doesn’t Invite Sister To The Wedding Because Of Her Sexuality, Freaks Out When Her Mother Refuses To Come Too
I don’t have any siblings. Just 17 cousins. But I think our relationships are somewhat indicative of those you have with your closer kin as well in that everything depends on what you make of it. Blood ties mean nothing if you don’t commit to building a connection. No effort, no friendship.
The daughters of Redditor Worldly-Surprise6288 weren’t the closest growing up, but the mom hoped they had grown to at least respect each other’s differences.
However, her hopes were shattered when the older one made a point of not inviting the younger to her wedding.
Wondering if she found the best way to react to the situation, the original poster (OP) turned to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole?“ (AITA), where she asked people to evaluate her response.
These two sisters haven’t been on the best terms, but their mom didn’t pick sides
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not an actual photo)
Until one of them refused to invite the other to her wedding
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not an actual photo)
Image credits: Fa Barboza (not an actual photo)
We managed to get in touch with the woman behind the post and she was kind enough to tell us more about her family.
“Growing up, my daughters [got along fine most of the time] but as I said in the post, they would have a fight every now and then. Nothing out of the ordinary though—because of the age gap they had different lifestyles and friends so they didn’t really hang out a lot,” the mom explained to Bored Panda.
It’s not exactly clear what Tracy’s partner thinks of Caitlin and if he tried to change the bride’s mind as the future in-laws haven’t had the chance to get to know each other.
“They have only seen each other at family gatherings and a few other times when I invited Tracy and him to dinner at my house,” the mom said. “They would talk and sometimes have a laugh but nothing too special.”
Siblings fight. Especially the young ones. “Children have much less ability than adults do to reflect on what’s upsetting them or keep their impulses at bay,” Dr. Raymond Raad, co-founder of RIVIA Mind, a mental-health center in New York City, told the BBC.
Bickering among siblings often benefits their development as people. It helps the little ones learn to handle conflict and makes them better at interacting with others. It’s common for such rivalries to lessen in adulthood, and become just something to laugh about at family get-togethers.
But as we see from this story, these things can stick around too. A survey of 2,000 UK adults, completed as a promotional effort for the television show Succession (in which brothers and sisters are constantly trying to one-up each other), showed more than half of respondents still feel they’re in competition with their siblings.
51% percent of respondents reported a lasting opposing relationship with their siblings and said they compete in everything from homeownership to who gets to host family parties.
“As human beings, we’re oriented towards comparison,” Shawn D Whitehead, a professor of human development and family studies at Utah State University, told the BBC.
“Siblings provide a natural point of comparison. They’re in your home, growing up with you, generally within a few years of your age on average. They’re in the same environment and the same house, so they provide us a good comparative measure.”
After the post went viral, the mom made a few clarifications
One of the most common areas in which siblings compare each other are academia and athletics, or simply over the ‘favorite child’ status.
The latter might be the root cause of this particular fight too, as Tracy virtually put her and Caitlin’s mom in a position to choose between them. Either come to the wedding and pick one or refuse the invite and go for the other. But of course, since we don’t know the family, this is only a guess.
A natural inclination to compare ourselves to other people can be a major driver of sibling competition – especially because our brothers and sisters tend to be the people we spend the most time with during childhood, and subsequently know the most about.
“Unlike with friends, where you can say, ‘Oh, we’re so different, we come from such different places’, there’s this idea that siblings come from the same background, so something should be fair about where they end up,” Raad added.
However, just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean it should be acceptable.
People unanimously said the woman was NTA — not the a***ole
I have a gay brother and sister, I am also a happy clapping Christian, however the God I know and love teaches you to love everyone, not just some people. It's the false teachings of men who have said that we're not to associate with 'those types of people'. I love my brother and sister, my sister is my best friend. I would never dream of excluding them from any part of my life and I would have their back if anyone ever tried to say anything to them.
This is sad. I can not understand, why the youngest is ok with this solution (i wouldnt) but it is her decision then. And in this case i think the mother did the best decision to leave with her as soon as the ceremony is over, as the oder want the younger sister to. People will mention this and maybe asking. Maybe thinking about it and hopefully understand, that people devide people, not sexuality
Maybe she really is happy just getting to see the ceremony. Maybe she's going sister will change her mind on the day. Maybe she knows mom won't go without her, and doesn't want to be blamed for mom missing the wedding.
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Even with those final conditions, I would have told them to go to hell. Sorry, "Okay, you can come, but. ." isn't good enough.
Mom did the very best she could and considered her younger daughter's decision. I hope they have a wonderful vacation!
Here is the thing that confuses me: why would ANY guest on a wedding list be considered for ANY other reason than family or friend status? Is Tracy planning on asking ALL family members their orientation? How about other factors? I would have loved to exclude my racist uncle with five DUIs from my open bar wedding. Or my husband's great uncle for getting wasted at the engagement party and calling me "economy size." (BTW I'm really not.) Or my aunt who refused to hug my husband because he has eczema and she wack-a-doodle. But that is not how weddings work. You invite you family and your friends and ask them to respect that it is you and your partner's special day, so everyone can just sit on their damn hands for the afternoon and eat some free catering. It ain't that complicated.
I hate that the mom didn't correct the sister in calling it a "lifestyle". Sexuality is not a lifestyle at all. It's not a choice. It's who you are.
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and a former Christian (I'm moved toward spirituality after a bad experience with a priest asking me if I was happy because I wasn't married or having children and our entire church splitting over a homosexual priest), I cannot fathom why so many homophobic and transphobic people use religion as a weapon to justify their hate speech and actions. They twist passages in the bible to fit their own ignorant world views and attack anybody who disagrees and refuse to engage in open dialogue. Blind faith and hyper conservatism are a truly dangerous combination and give so many good Christians who practice tolerance and empathy a bad name. I always thought that the very roots of Christianity and what Jesus preached was love, kindness, and tolerance toward people of ALL different background and walks of life.
I am a Christian, but I will never ever mistreat a member of the LGBTQ community. I will treat them with respect because they would give it to me. The God I worship is about love, not shame, hate, and bigotry. If you want to be a bigot that's fine, but stop using God as your reason.
And that is what Christianity is about it it's strongest and purest form-- love, empathy, tolerance, compassion, growth, and bravery. People who used religion as a weapon of hate and intolerance are nothing more than angry bigots.
Load More Replies... i, as a bisexual guy, would be very hurt if my older sister wouldn't invite me to her wedding. she has been dating a really nice guy for 5 years, and i havent come out as bisexual to anyone save for my girlfriend and a friend. i dont think it would be wise of me to come iut (im in a catholic high school, and in a catholic/kinda conservative household), so im gonna come our once im in college/can make ends meet by myself. i almost (or maybe) accidentally came out to my sister, but she wouldn't mind it/she would be really supportive. i dont really know about my parents though, which is why i am going to come out in a few years
Interesting. I wonder if the FSIL's parents are actually THAT bad, or if she just wants to impress them so bad that she's willing to sacrifice her own ties to her own family *JUST IN CASE* they're that biggoted.
Why? WHY??!!! Why are people so afraid of other people's sexual orientation? I honestly don't get it! It's not like this is something contagious/infectious! LIVE AND LET LIVE! And not to mention that, at least, Christian churches don't (edit) have a say in here, considering all the children's abuse and other gruesome deeds that were done under the name of God!
Everyone deserves unconditional love from their mom (and dad). I wish your mom was like that, too. Hell, I wish mine had been.
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It’s your eldest’s wedding and she can invite whoever she wants, but you don’t have to condone it either. Not going and supporting your youngest was the right choice. But if you are going just for the ceremony, go in full pride colours and when you say goodbye tell them why you have to leave and don’t hold back for your eldest. What will happen to any grandchildren she gives you if they turn out gay or bi? Could you save them from the emotional (please let it not be more then that) that your daughter will inflict on them?
In general the notion of „the perfect wedding“ is totally f****d up. And again an example of religion dividing people….
Good on mom for standing up to bigot daughter. However. In a way bigot daughter still won. The younger daughter is to be shoved to the back of the church instead of sitting up front where family typically sits and isn't "allowed" to attend the reception? Wouldn't it raise even more questions or is bigot daughter going to lie and say sister is a cousin or just a family friend? Still messed up in my opinion. I mean I'm glad they are going but it still wouldn't be good enough for me as a mom. Her eldest daughter is more worried about how she is perceived by others than her own sisters feelings.
I totally agree. The younger daughter seems so grateful to be "allowed" to attend the ceremony, she hasn't even questioned the fact that she hasn't been asked to be a bridesmaid or sit with the family, has been relegated to the back of the church and cannot attend the reception. This is absolutely appalling treatment, which Caitlin will recognize and resent as she gets a bit older, if not by the day of the wedding. The mother should have smacked down that suggestion right away and told the selfish bride that she wouldn't be an accomplice to hurting Caitlin in such a manner. This entire dilemma could have been resolved at the outset with some good communication. (1) Discuss with the groom if his parents, grandparents, etc have homophobic issues. (2) If "yes", inform them matter of factly that the sister of the bride is bi and may be attending with her female partner. End of story. By doing so ahead of time, it's no big deal. However, now, the mother must try to calmly diffuse the situation.
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1. Respect for walking out in a calm manner, I'd have slapped her. 2. caitlyn deserve so much better. 3. You couldn't pay me to attend that wedding after her initial bs. 4. would be 100% dead to me.
NTA, but I would only go to the wedding events Caitlin is allowed to attend.
And, I would only sit where Caitlin is allowed to sit...
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I wouldn't go with the latest conditions either... the sister deserves to be both in the ceremony and the after party... I would have brought up lots of things that I'M SURE Tracy did in her life that are also condemned in the bible and making her see that she's being a double standard hypocrite, as MANY of religious people are...
I have a bit of family on my mom's side that surround their lives by Christianity, which is none of my business, but they are not accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and I still haven't come out to them yet :I
Tracy obviously doesn't love her own sister. If she really did, she would have fought to have her there; she would have found a compromise on her own before the mother forced her to. We're talking about a sister here, not some absentee parent or weird cousin. It's a shame that some religious people are so intolerant.
She can go to the wedding but not the party to celebrate with her sister and family and friends?? That's even worse than not being invited at all!
Good for you Mom. I'm glad Caitlin is happy and that you will leave when she leaves. People saying that you should "try to get the bride to change her mind" are wrong. You have no control over her homophobia. Also, people who are saying you should give her time to change her mind, you have given her so much time. You handled a difficult situation with grace. Have a wonderful holiday.
I have 4 adult kids, one married with a baby, two in very long term relationships and one single.3 are straight, one isn't. I just don't get this sorry, none of my children would ever have been allowed to grow up discriminating against one of their siblings and now that they are adults ,it simply would not cross their minds! It just wouldn't happen! It is not ok. Thankfully, none of my kids are religious, frankly I would have far more issue with that, but if they were that would still not give them the right to discriminate against another human, let alone family. I would have simply said "don't be ridiculous, of course you are inviting your sister, end of conversation. And if there was still an issue ,I would be addressing it with the future son-in-law, cause if that is actually how he feels, he is not the kind of person you want in your family!
My daughter asked me if she had to like/ love her relatives (she was about 11 at the time), I said you had no choice to be born into this family. You don't have to like/love someone just because they are family. When you pick your friends, you have the choice to like/love them. So, choose wisely and love those that you do love.
There's a line from Law & Order where the 'bad guy' was a son who framed his father. McCoy says "I remember how I felt when I figured out my father was a son of a b***h. I can't imagine what it's like finding out you raised one." I have the same thought here: not that it's necessary her "fault," but it's got to be rough realizing your kid grew up to be a bigot (esp. a bigot willing to f**k over her own family).
My sister wanted a "the perfect wedding" and she didn't want a fat bridesmaid either (btw that sister is a lesbian) so it was about showing not because of a lifestyle. You want to be shown what karma has for a sense of humor,say something like "the perfect wedding" and see the 'sh*tshow' begin. Another point is how is it that the sister isn't invited? Was dad given an invite or is that a given? that's how I view the sister or other siblings. Bad 'form' from the bride. You pay for it yourself or let Mom determine her guest list. Is the groom/parents paying? That is a meeting to be had asap.
Perfect Wedding? I'd like to put a 'hex' on it and hope the weather destroys some aspect of it. rains that muddies the area /dress or ruins her hair. Messes something up to her disdain. She deserves some unpleasantness. Her Sister seems so much more grown-up than the bride, and yet so degrading to accept the terms of staying in the back just to be in the room for the ceremony and leave. So sad... a lose-lose situtation for the day for many.
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Being the father that I am, this is one of those "I wish a m**********r would" type of situation ... thankfully, even if my daughters aren't on the greatest terms, they would support the other's lifestyle decisions and not make it a source of contention ...
Why? Why the hell can't ppl leave ppl alone? My sexual orientation and whom/what I'd like to fOck should be only my choice as long as the partner wants it too. Care about your own life and leave the rest of US alone!
I have a gay brother and sister, I am also a happy clapping Christian, however the God I know and love teaches you to love everyone, not just some people. It's the false teachings of men who have said that we're not to associate with 'those types of people'. I love my brother and sister, my sister is my best friend. I would never dream of excluding them from any part of my life and I would have their back if anyone ever tried to say anything to them.
This is sad. I can not understand, why the youngest is ok with this solution (i wouldnt) but it is her decision then. And in this case i think the mother did the best decision to leave with her as soon as the ceremony is over, as the oder want the younger sister to. People will mention this and maybe asking. Maybe thinking about it and hopefully understand, that people devide people, not sexuality
Maybe she really is happy just getting to see the ceremony. Maybe she's going sister will change her mind on the day. Maybe she knows mom won't go without her, and doesn't want to be blamed for mom missing the wedding.
Load More Replies... Even with those final conditions, I would have told them to go to hell. Sorry, "Okay, you can come, but. ." isn't good enough.
Mom did the very best she could and considered her younger daughter's decision. I hope they have a wonderful vacation!
Here is the thing that confuses me: why would ANY guest on a wedding list be considered for ANY other reason than family or friend status? Is Tracy planning on asking ALL family members their orientation? How about other factors? I would have loved to exclude my racist uncle with five DUIs from my open bar wedding. Or my husband's great uncle for getting wasted at the engagement party and calling me "economy size." (BTW I'm really not.) Or my aunt who refused to hug my husband because he has eczema and she wack-a-doodle. But that is not how weddings work. You invite you family and your friends and ask them to respect that it is you and your partner's special day, so everyone can just sit on their damn hands for the afternoon and eat some free catering. It ain't that complicated.
I hate that the mom didn't correct the sister in calling it a "lifestyle". Sexuality is not a lifestyle at all. It's not a choice. It's who you are.
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and a former Christian (I'm moved toward spirituality after a bad experience with a priest asking me if I was happy because I wasn't married or having children and our entire church splitting over a homosexual priest), I cannot fathom why so many homophobic and transphobic people use religion as a weapon to justify their hate speech and actions. They twist passages in the bible to fit their own ignorant world views and attack anybody who disagrees and refuse to engage in open dialogue. Blind faith and hyper conservatism are a truly dangerous combination and give so many good Christians who practice tolerance and empathy a bad name. I always thought that the very roots of Christianity and what Jesus preached was love, kindness, and tolerance toward people of ALL different background and walks of life.
I am a Christian, but I will never ever mistreat a member of the LGBTQ community. I will treat them with respect because they would give it to me. The God I worship is about love, not shame, hate, and bigotry. If you want to be a bigot that's fine, but stop using God as your reason.
And that is what Christianity is about it it's strongest and purest form-- love, empathy, tolerance, compassion, growth, and bravery. People who used religion as a weapon of hate and intolerance are nothing more than angry bigots.
Load More Replies... i, as a bisexual guy, would be very hurt if my older sister wouldn't invite me to her wedding. she has been dating a really nice guy for 5 years, and i havent come out as bisexual to anyone save for my girlfriend and a friend. i dont think it would be wise of me to come iut (im in a catholic high school, and in a catholic/kinda conservative household), so im gonna come our once im in college/can make ends meet by myself. i almost (or maybe) accidentally came out to my sister, but she wouldn't mind it/she would be really supportive. i dont really know about my parents though, which is why i am going to come out in a few years
Interesting. I wonder if the FSIL's parents are actually THAT bad, or if she just wants to impress them so bad that she's willing to sacrifice her own ties to her own family *JUST IN CASE* they're that biggoted.
Why? WHY??!!! Why are people so afraid of other people's sexual orientation? I honestly don't get it! It's not like this is something contagious/infectious! LIVE AND LET LIVE! And not to mention that, at least, Christian churches don't (edit) have a say in here, considering all the children's abuse and other gruesome deeds that were done under the name of God!
Everyone deserves unconditional love from their mom (and dad). I wish your mom was like that, too. Hell, I wish mine had been.
Load More Replies... It’s your eldest’s wedding and she can invite whoever she wants, but you don’t have to condone it either. Not going and supporting your youngest was the right choice. But if you are going just for the ceremony, go in full pride colours and when you say goodbye tell them why you have to leave and don’t hold back for your eldest. What will happen to any grandchildren she gives you if they turn out gay or bi? Could you save them from the emotional (please let it not be more then that) that your daughter will inflict on them?
In general the notion of „the perfect wedding“ is totally f****d up. And again an example of religion dividing people….
Good on mom for standing up to bigot daughter. However. In a way bigot daughter still won. The younger daughter is to be shoved to the back of the church instead of sitting up front where family typically sits and isn't "allowed" to attend the reception? Wouldn't it raise even more questions or is bigot daughter going to lie and say sister is a cousin or just a family friend? Still messed up in my opinion. I mean I'm glad they are going but it still wouldn't be good enough for me as a mom. Her eldest daughter is more worried about how she is perceived by others than her own sisters feelings.
I totally agree. The younger daughter seems so grateful to be "allowed" to attend the ceremony, she hasn't even questioned the fact that she hasn't been asked to be a bridesmaid or sit with the family, has been relegated to the back of the church and cannot attend the reception. This is absolutely appalling treatment, which Caitlin will recognize and resent as she gets a bit older, if not by the day of the wedding. The mother should have smacked down that suggestion right away and told the selfish bride that she wouldn't be an accomplice to hurting Caitlin in such a manner. This entire dilemma could have been resolved at the outset with some good communication. (1) Discuss with the groom if his parents, grandparents, etc have homophobic issues. (2) If "yes", inform them matter of factly that the sister of the bride is bi and may be attending with her female partner. End of story. By doing so ahead of time, it's no big deal. However, now, the mother must try to calmly diffuse the situation.
Load More Replies... 1. Respect for walking out in a calm manner, I'd have slapped her. 2. caitlyn deserve so much better. 3. You couldn't pay me to attend that wedding after her initial bs. 4. would be 100% dead to me.
NTA, but I would only go to the wedding events Caitlin is allowed to attend.
And, I would only sit where Caitlin is allowed to sit...
Load More Replies... I wouldn't go with the latest conditions either... the sister deserves to be both in the ceremony and the after party... I would have brought up lots of things that I'M SURE Tracy did in her life that are also condemned in the bible and making her see that she's being a double standard hypocrite, as MANY of religious people are...
I have a bit of family on my mom's side that surround their lives by Christianity, which is none of my business, but they are not accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and I still haven't come out to them yet :I
Tracy obviously doesn't love her own sister. If she really did, she would have fought to have her there; she would have found a compromise on her own before the mother forced her to. We're talking about a sister here, not some absentee parent or weird cousin. It's a shame that some religious people are so intolerant.
She can go to the wedding but not the party to celebrate with her sister and family and friends?? That's even worse than not being invited at all!
Good for you Mom. I'm glad Caitlin is happy and that you will leave when she leaves. People saying that you should "try to get the bride to change her mind" are wrong. You have no control over her homophobia. Also, people who are saying you should give her time to change her mind, you have given her so much time. You handled a difficult situation with grace. Have a wonderful holiday.
I have 4 adult kids, one married with a baby, two in very long term relationships and one single.3 are straight, one isn't. I just don't get this sorry, none of my children would ever have been allowed to grow up discriminating against one of their siblings and now that they are adults ,it simply would not cross their minds! It just wouldn't happen! It is not ok. Thankfully, none of my kids are religious, frankly I would have far more issue with that, but if they were that would still not give them the right to discriminate against another human, let alone family. I would have simply said "don't be ridiculous, of course you are inviting your sister, end of conversation. And if there was still an issue ,I would be addressing it with the future son-in-law, cause if that is actually how he feels, he is not the kind of person you want in your family!
My daughter asked me if she had to like/ love her relatives (she was about 11 at the time), I said you had no choice to be born into this family. You don't have to like/love someone just because they are family. When you pick your friends, you have the choice to like/love them. So, choose wisely and love those that you do love.
There's a line from Law & Order where the 'bad guy' was a son who framed his father. McCoy says "I remember how I felt when I figured out my father was a son of a b***h. I can't imagine what it's like finding out you raised one." I have the same thought here: not that it's necessary her "fault," but it's got to be rough realizing your kid grew up to be a bigot (esp. a bigot willing to f**k over her own family).
My sister wanted a "the perfect wedding" and she didn't want a fat bridesmaid either (btw that sister is a lesbian) so it was about showing not because of a lifestyle. You want to be shown what karma has for a sense of humor,say something like "the perfect wedding" and see the 'sh*tshow' begin. Another point is how is it that the sister isn't invited? Was dad given an invite or is that a given? that's how I view the sister or other siblings. Bad 'form' from the bride. You pay for it yourself or let Mom determine her guest list. Is the groom/parents paying? That is a meeting to be had asap.
Perfect Wedding? I'd like to put a 'hex' on it and hope the weather destroys some aspect of it. rains that muddies the area /dress or ruins her hair. Messes something up to her disdain. She deserves some unpleasantness. Her Sister seems so much more grown-up than the bride, and yet so degrading to accept the terms of staying in the back just to be in the room for the ceremony and leave. So sad... a lose-lose situtation for the day for many.
Load More Replies... Being the father that I am, this is one of those "I wish a m**********r would" type of situation ... thankfully, even if my daughters aren't on the greatest terms, they would support the other's lifestyle decisions and not make it a source of contention ...
Why? Why the hell can't ppl leave ppl alone? My sexual orientation and whom/what I'd like to fOck should be only my choice as long as the partner wants it too. Care about your own life and leave the rest of US alone!
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