‘I Have No Interest In Staying Home With Kids:’ Woman Is Honest About Her Feelings, Gets Mommy-Shamed
Let’s set all the fairytales and our idealistic thinking aside for a moment. Life isn’t clear-cut and black-and-white: there’s plenty of nuances, twists, and complex emotions that we have to get through. Life’s messy and we can’t expect that everyone will conform to the same way that we think, no matter the topic. Even having kids.
In a very candid and nuanced post on Reddit’s AITA community, user Ambivalent_Mom12 shared that she doesn’t love being pregnant or the baby stage. You won’t find many people being so brutally honest about their feelings—it takes a lot of courage. However, the mom still felt guilty for thinking these things and wanted Reddit’s opinion whether she was totally out of line.
The 31-year-old career-focused redditor pointed out that she already has a son who’s a year-and-a-half old and is pregnant with her second child. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children,” she shared. When her friends and family found out, however, they were mortified. Have a read through her full story, dear Pandas, and let us know what your thoughts on the situation are.
One mom was completely honest about her feelings about being pregnant and ‘the baby stage,’ but her friends and family were less than pleased
Image credits: Boris Jovanovic (not the actual photo)
Ambivalent_Mom12 was honest that she takes pride in her job. As such, her husband has voluntarily decided to take a step back from his own career to spend more time with the kids. It seems like a very mature agreement based on lots and lots of discussions.
However, when the mom was at a social gathering, she chose to be completely honest when a woman confronted her about whether or not she thought that being pregnant is wonderful. “I said that I honestly do not enjoy being pregnant and the baby stage is tough and while I am happy to have another baby I am not really looking forward to taking time off and being stuck at home,” the mom shared.
Immediately, some of the women thought that Ambivalent_Mom12 had a problem. They implied that she might have postpartum depression and suggested that she go to therapy. They jumped to the conclusion that the mom supposedly didn’t love her kids because she wasn’t ecstatic about spending all of her time at home. Though clearly, the mom loves her kids but is honest about the fact that she has other ambitions in life as well.
Postpartum depression or PPD, what the friends and family members were referring to, is depression that you might get after having a baby. According to WebMD, it’s most common to feel its effects during the first three weeks after your baby is born, however, it can start at any time during the child’s first year.
“If you have it, you might feel sad, hopeless, and guilty because you may not feel like you want to bond with, or care for, your baby. Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect first-time moms. You can get it even if you didn’t have it when your other children were born,” WebMD notes.
Here’s what internet users had to say about the mom’s situation. Many were very sympathetic
Some other moms added that pregnancy can be extremely tough and its all right to admit that you’re not a fan of the process
Amy is the one needing therapy. She's so desperate to experience pregnancy she's romanticising the experience: no part of it can possibly negative or worthy of dislike. None of this has anything to so with the ambivalent mother at all - it's all infertility projection. Same with the rest of the group (possibly "protecting" Amy) saying the baby stage is all positive - they are deluding themselves, either on purpose or unconsciously, if they genuinely don't remember *any* negative times when their children were very little.
I think as a culture women tend to romanticize pregnancy. It's completely wrong to do so. Women absolutely should know the both the good and the bad. Going into a pregnancy thinking it's going to be all rainbows and roses are in for a rough awakening. Maybe all the good PR for being pregnant is an unconscious way of inviting those around you to go through the misery with you? Lol. And before I get called out, I have a friend that LOVES being pregnant. She had three of her own has is now on her second surrogacy. Some women adore it and others hate the process. Everyone is allowed to have their own feelings on the topic and none of those feelings are more or less valid than the others.
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I have two amazing Kids and love them to the Moon and back, but pregnancy is a nightmare. And baby stage is like gate of hell, I’m happy that we survived this
What about lactating and breastfeeding? I honestly didn't enjoy THAT, but I did it anyway, because ... Was relieved when my baby weaned himself, and that's my truth.
Oh yes! Many friends of mine just hated breastfeeding, and no one ever thought to shame them. Obviously, we don't live in the US.
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It find it hilarious when people get upset if a woman goes back to work and doesnt become a sahm or the father does more than her when the same people are fine when women are doing all the work.
Seriously. I mean, what if hers is the more profitable career? I had a professor in college who is married to a pediatrician. She already made more than him before she was offered a position—-at even more money—-as head of pediatrics at a prestigious university hospital on the opposite coast. Naturally, as you can teach anywhere, her husband was all on board with the move across the country. He even planned to take it as a sabbatical, and either take his time finding a great teaching job, write a book, or get another degree and change careers—-and he’s the kind of guy to take care of things at home while doing whichever of those things he chose. So, if this woman is making the lion’s share of income, why wouldn’t her husband be the one to step down and work at home? It would be fiscally foolhardy to do otherwise—-and so very like some kind of 1950s bullshit, as in she can make a good living, but sure, let them struggle on his income alone while she’s stuck at home being a housewife.
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I have to say this & some people won’t like it but as sympathetic as I am to the woman who can’t conceive naturally, how is that the pregnant woman’s fault? Just because she doesn’t enjoy pregnancy, you feel as if that’s something aimed at you & make it about you by turning on the waterworks.
Yeah, that was an it's-all-about-me moment, the kind that a sensible person should regret once it leaves their mouth.
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AITA for knowing at a very VERY young age that I never ever wanted a child. I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never ever wanted to raise one from baby to adult. I never ever wanted to be a mother to something? I've had a few people tell me that it means I'm selfish which made me laugh because I thought to myself that the single most selfish person on earth is a mother. Not intentionally but it's almost a given because they have another thing to think about and everything they get goes in to growing this casserole of utter foolishness in to a mentally healthy human being. All my disposable income goes on my cats and helping others pet owners with stuff if they are struggling or driving wildlife to the rehab centre if I find something injured or needing to be humanely dealt with.
I get you. I have been told so many times that I am selfish or that I will change my mind. I didnt even like.playing with dolls as a kid. Least wanting babies
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Who thinks a woman has to lvoe feeling like crap for nearly 10 months, then going through excruciating pain, and then enjoying more hormonal he**? If you love that, fine. If not, fine. Everyone has their own reactions to this, and for women, the physical strain is excruciating. If you get Happy Hormones, fine. If you don't (and most women I know don't, me included when I made it to twelve weeks), that's also fine.
wasn't really mom material to begin with. couple that with being told i couldn't have kids and i was okay. ended up being one of those women who got pregnant but no symptoms only to discover at 6 mos i was going to be a mom. never was a 'classic' mom but did it my own way and it turned out great. i know my fam thought some of my mothering was not the norm but i ended up w/sons that are self described mama's boys. guess i didn't do too bad.
My sister has an adorable 1 year old that she has been wanting for the last 17 years since her son was born, but she readily admits she HATES babies and her guy friends had to teach her how to care for one again. Her first son was autistic and she loves how fast her new daughter is learning, but still can't wait for toddlerhood to end.
We have got to stop putting motherhood, including everything that comes with it, on such a high pedestal. It can suck, and mothers have got to be allowed to express this. There is still this conception that Mum is the more important parent, which is bullshit. The father is equally important, and not all parental constellations include (only) one mother.
My wife loved being pregnant, and enjoyed the kids being babies more than she enjoys them being a bit older and talking (non-stop), arguing over nothing, and daft things like that. That's not to say she doesn't love them for one moment, just some people find different ages stressful, that's called life.
18+ years ago, I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy had it's lows (1st trimester was near constant morning sickness and the 3rd trimester had my daughter thinking my bladder was a trampoline) and it's highs (the 2nd trimester was beyond wonderful feeling her move & kick all the time). All of my pregnancy was stressful & hard. All of it was also wonderful & new. I didn't always love how I felt, but that didn't make me a bad mom, nor does it make this woman a bad mom. Pregnancy has soooo many emotions that come with it. She has every right to feel the way she does.
You have to grow a body inside yourself, which keeps getting bigger, squeezing your intestines from the inside and makes you look like you swallowed a giant balloon. And then, as if 9 months of misery wasn't enough, you also have to squeeze a 3 kg body through a tiny hole in your body. Also, keep in mind all possible complications and dangers that may come from it. I mean, iа you want kids, it's probably worth it, but there is nothing nice, beautiful, romantic, or easy about it.
As a 68 yr. old mom and grandmother I have to say there is a lot more to raising kids than pregnancy and little ones. Frankly, an older child or youth can really benefit from having parents that are fluid in their parenting roles. The olden days are not applicable today and we need to leave them in the historicity of family and healthy parenting. Truly, many of our domestic problems are rooted in those archaic notions.
Sorry to hear she got bullied for being truthful! I was 17 when I got pregnant and I had a relatively comfortable pregnancy - only threw up twice during the entire pregnancy, wasn't working, was told by the doctor I was TOO active and the baby's coming too far down and I was put on bedrest, but it still sucked and it is incredibly uncomfortable and you're just pretty much your hormones' b***h. Yeah, you don't have your period for 9 months but it's like you are PMS-ing the entire time, it's an emotional rollercoaster. It's far from pleasant.
Jeepers creepers...from what I've experienced though my wife, pregnancy is an up-and-down situation. Sometimes she felt great, sometimes she felt horrible. She was in the hospital for 10 days after the birth of our first, while I was at home alone with our newborn. As much as I love our children, it was a serious challenge. We had another child about 16 months later, and I was the stay-at-home parent for about 5 years (including taking care of 2 other friends' children for a year or so while they were at work). There is nothing wrong with saying that having babies/young children is a struggle. Ours are now 13 and 14, and I would give my life for them, but I also love that I can get them to wash their own clothes and do the dishes. Parenting is hard, and admitting that does not mean that you don't love your children.
NTA. As long as you aren't abusing your kids, how you raise them is none of their business anyway.
I stayed at home until I couldn t breastfeed anymore. About 4 months..Then went to work. WE are what we are, nobody should be ashamed for her decisions
My cousin and his wife are just like this. She's a pediatric hospice doctor and he's a computer programmer who works from home. Through her 4 pregnancies she would have the baby, stay home 12 weeks and then he would take over when she went back to work. They have 4 of the coolest kids ever and a strong marriage. It works for them.
Two kids. Pregnancy was not much harassing buy raising them was hell.
Yes, because 50% of the human population must share identical feelings about things!
This sounds like my youngest and his missus. She loves her job, he loves kids, so she has to, by nature of how biology works, be the one to be pregnant and do the first few weeks of getting herself fit again and getting some colostrum in the kid, but after that, he's the one doing the childcare. It works like a charm and both are happy. He has the kids he wants, she has the career she wants and they both love the kids to bits.
I love my kids. I knew I always wanted to be a mom. It's in my nature. I hated both of my pregnancies and was vocal about it. Baby stage is also not all that great but I preferred it over toddler years. My youngest (and last child) is entering toddler years. While we love her and she has her sweet moments... she's putting us through hell. I can't wait for her to grow out of this stage. I also was a sahm for the first 1.5 years of my son's life. Never again will I be a full sahm. I need time away from my kids for my own mental health. I can't be a good mother if I am losing my mind. I felt a lot of shame for not being able to handle being around my kids 24/7 because of people like Amy and the in-laws. Everyone has their own journey. As long as the kids are fed, loved and provided for then do whatever you gotta do.
Given the lack of adequate parental leave in the US these feelings are probably more prevalent than most let on.
The horrible pressure society pushes on women and expect answers they want to hear instead of accepting new or different point of view. I have two children, I love them, I hate both pregnancies - first one was vomiting for 9 month, eating nothing but bread and one kind of cheese, felt like dying of starvation while I thought I would throw up all my organs. Second pregnancy was insane rash, burning, itching. Drove me nuts. I was scratching myself till my whole body bleeds and it was irresistible. Pregnancy is damaging seriously the female body and no one cares. After I gave birth I felt so lonely - people everywhere giving me the worst advices how to handle my kids, which proved so wrong during time, meanwhile men slacking and care free. Sorry, but this needs change!
I'm hating pregnancy. I'm hating being away from work for nearly a year due to covid then pregnancy. I feel like I've lost everything about myself as a person but I know it's because I'm going to gain the most special person. A special person I will share with my special partner so we can both get the most we want from life - me balancing career and family, he wants to look after family and household all the way. Is it going to be worth it? Definitely. Will I do this a second time? Maybe. Am I enjoying it now? Hell no. So I'm so sick of feeling like a crappy mum already because I'm not over the moon, I needed this post, thank you.
I dont really like this part when pregnancy îs heaven. Hell no, your body changes în soo many ways, your hormones all over the place, and its freaking hard. Especially if u are pregnant during a hot summer. Having a child îs beautitful and I agree that what out bodies can do îs just amasing. But în the same Time dont expect me to fart butterflies during pregnancy, it comes în so many ways that it can mind f**k u. I am currently pregnant and my replacement at work îs trying to get pregnant , during the entire process of training she was completely romanticising the part of pregnancy while I was about to loose my s**t every 5 minutes. Amy îs the problem here, sorry to say.
The mum I think she needs to go to a phycologist she should know that being with ur kids is that what ur meant to do ! Kids only want some love and if their mum doesn’t want to hang out with them think about how they will feel this is my opinion of course but I think the mum needs to understand what her children need they want her as their mother loving them not just she is my mum for she gave birth to me.
They're convinced she has PPD... and then treat her that way? That's some disconnect. Their favorite past time must be going up to people with broken legs and kicking them in the shins.
I feel this woman so hard. I am ambivalent about having children but my husband really wants them so we have agreed to have a child. I make about 3 times more than my husband and I love working, I never want to be a stay at home mother or the primary care giver. My husband has a good job but he would be happy to stay at home or work, either or is fine to him. He is also great with children and a very emotionally available person who shows affection easily while I am the complete opposite and hardly ever convey emotion or physical affection towards others. I can express myself with my husband but that took a long time and still doesn't come naturally to me so 100% my husband would be the better caregiver. I would do more chores around the house to make up for him being the primary caregiver of our child. I am sure I will love my child and want to spend time with them, but the thing that scares me the most in the world is being pregnant. People should mind their own business.
This woman is an idiot and should have accepted that she didn't want kids.
Seems that you were thrown into a situation that there was only one way to break away from the "I know more about this than you do" critics. The only real option was to either lie and agree or not say anything... and since that's just not who you are (no problems there) then it seems that there was no real solution.
Honestly I expect to dislike pregnancy and childbirth. Amy is definitely in the wrong here, asking a question she was gonna hate the answer to. But what the f is wrong with all his family goin off on you? Why isnt your husband standing up for your decisions as a couple?
Either there are people who do not want to have kids (this is valid, of course and I don't have a problem with that) but who enjoy presenting parenthood as a never ending nightmare filled with horrors (which is what I find ridiculous) children grow, they are not 6-month old babies in diapers and helpless for the next 30 years. Then there's another end of the spectrum, where there are holier-than-thou parents who present everything about motherhood/fatherhood as the most glorious thing ever and whoever disagrees with them is almost a monster and doesn't have a clue (it really gets on my nerves). The truth is somewhere in between, being a parent is surely one of the most rewarding but at the same time one of the most exhausting experiences. Everyone's different, someone handles it more easily, someone finds it harder, then there's a fact that some children are just more difficult to handle than others.
Simple: it is just the usual bigoted hypocrisy of the USA, where if you don't conform to what the majority wants, you are out. In Italy ("mamma mia!"), when a friend of mine quietly admitted that she was sick of being pregnant and later said that giving birth was a horrible experience, no one ever thought to contradict her. Indeed, many have declared their solidarity. And let's forget the advice to go to therapy ... We see that, in that country, enriching pharmaceutical companies has now become a diktat with deep psychological roots.
I wonder how she would feel if she lived in a country that had better maternity leave standards. Like say Canada, where taking a year off of work is funded, totally normal, and doesn't really hinder your career (employers expect it). Would she still say "screw it, I'm going back after a few weeks.... although in those countries, often the father can take a portion of the leave instead of the mother. I guess that's what she would opt for.
Why would she take a year leave qhen he can take it as well?
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Not to mom shame anyone but in my work I often encounter women who can't have kids or worse women who lost a child and this kind of comments feels so entitled. Beside I genuinely think that too many women have kids without really wanting them or understanding the responsibility that it implies. Neglecting them or making them feel like they're a burden in your life cause them deep insecurities and trauma.
Where are you getting neglect or "not really wanting them" from this post? She loves her kids, she just doesn't want to be stuck at home with a baby for 12 or more months. She is doing what men have always done - passed off the daily scut work on someone else.
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It is in now way her fault or her responsibility that some other woman has trouble conceiving.
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Strangely nobody ever says that when its the woman who does all the work with the baby and the man gets out of the house
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Hang on Altea. The fathers have only just won the right to paternity leave which was never more than a couple of weeks. But I take it you're ok with the dad going back to work after 2 weeks? What can a mother do that a father cannot? Excluding breastfeeding here as many mothers choose not to breastfeed and their kids turn out just fine. So, go on, enlighten me.
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Amy is the one needing therapy. She's so desperate to experience pregnancy she's romanticising the experience: no part of it can possibly negative or worthy of dislike. None of this has anything to so with the ambivalent mother at all - it's all infertility projection. Same with the rest of the group (possibly "protecting" Amy) saying the baby stage is all positive - they are deluding themselves, either on purpose or unconsciously, if they genuinely don't remember *any* negative times when their children were very little.
I think as a culture women tend to romanticize pregnancy. It's completely wrong to do so. Women absolutely should know the both the good and the bad. Going into a pregnancy thinking it's going to be all rainbows and roses are in for a rough awakening. Maybe all the good PR for being pregnant is an unconscious way of inviting those around you to go through the misery with you? Lol. And before I get called out, I have a friend that LOVES being pregnant. She had three of her own has is now on her second surrogacy. Some women adore it and others hate the process. Everyone is allowed to have their own feelings on the topic and none of those feelings are more or less valid than the others.
Load More Replies... I have two amazing Kids and love them to the Moon and back, but pregnancy is a nightmare. And baby stage is like gate of hell, I’m happy that we survived this
What about lactating and breastfeeding? I honestly didn't enjoy THAT, but I did it anyway, because ... Was relieved when my baby weaned himself, and that's my truth.
Oh yes! Many friends of mine just hated breastfeeding, and no one ever thought to shame them. Obviously, we don't live in the US.
Load More Replies... It find it hilarious when people get upset if a woman goes back to work and doesnt become a sahm or the father does more than her when the same people are fine when women are doing all the work.
Seriously. I mean, what if hers is the more profitable career? I had a professor in college who is married to a pediatrician. She already made more than him before she was offered a position—-at even more money—-as head of pediatrics at a prestigious university hospital on the opposite coast. Naturally, as you can teach anywhere, her husband was all on board with the move across the country. He even planned to take it as a sabbatical, and either take his time finding a great teaching job, write a book, or get another degree and change careers—-and he’s the kind of guy to take care of things at home while doing whichever of those things he chose. So, if this woman is making the lion’s share of income, why wouldn’t her husband be the one to step down and work at home? It would be fiscally foolhardy to do otherwise—-and so very like some kind of 1950s bullshit, as in she can make a good living, but sure, let them struggle on his income alone while she’s stuck at home being a housewife.
Load More Replies... I have to say this & some people won’t like it but as sympathetic as I am to the woman who can’t conceive naturally, how is that the pregnant woman’s fault? Just because she doesn’t enjoy pregnancy, you feel as if that’s something aimed at you & make it about you by turning on the waterworks.
Yeah, that was an it's-all-about-me moment, the kind that a sensible person should regret once it leaves their mouth.
Load More Replies... AITA for knowing at a very VERY young age that I never ever wanted a child. I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never ever wanted to raise one from baby to adult. I never ever wanted to be a mother to something? I've had a few people tell me that it means I'm selfish which made me laugh because I thought to myself that the single most selfish person on earth is a mother. Not intentionally but it's almost a given because they have another thing to think about and everything they get goes in to growing this casserole of utter foolishness in to a mentally healthy human being. All my disposable income goes on my cats and helping others pet owners with stuff if they are struggling or driving wildlife to the rehab centre if I find something injured or needing to be humanely dealt with.
I get you. I have been told so many times that I am selfish or that I will change my mind. I didnt even like.playing with dolls as a kid. Least wanting babies
Load More Replies... Who thinks a woman has to lvoe feeling like crap for nearly 10 months, then going through excruciating pain, and then enjoying more hormonal he**? If you love that, fine. If not, fine. Everyone has their own reactions to this, and for women, the physical strain is excruciating. If you get Happy Hormones, fine. If you don't (and most women I know don't, me included when I made it to twelve weeks), that's also fine.
wasn't really mom material to begin with. couple that with being told i couldn't have kids and i was okay. ended up being one of those women who got pregnant but no symptoms only to discover at 6 mos i was going to be a mom. never was a 'classic' mom but did it my own way and it turned out great. i know my fam thought some of my mothering was not the norm but i ended up w/sons that are self described mama's boys. guess i didn't do too bad.
My sister has an adorable 1 year old that she has been wanting for the last 17 years since her son was born, but she readily admits she HATES babies and her guy friends had to teach her how to care for one again. Her first son was autistic and she loves how fast her new daughter is learning, but still can't wait for toddlerhood to end.
We have got to stop putting motherhood, including everything that comes with it, on such a high pedestal. It can suck, and mothers have got to be allowed to express this. There is still this conception that Mum is the more important parent, which is bullshit. The father is equally important, and not all parental constellations include (only) one mother.
My wife loved being pregnant, and enjoyed the kids being babies more than she enjoys them being a bit older and talking (non-stop), arguing over nothing, and daft things like that. That's not to say she doesn't love them for one moment, just some people find different ages stressful, that's called life.
18+ years ago, I was pregnant with my daughter. The pregnancy had it's lows (1st trimester was near constant morning sickness and the 3rd trimester had my daughter thinking my bladder was a trampoline) and it's highs (the 2nd trimester was beyond wonderful feeling her move & kick all the time). All of my pregnancy was stressful & hard. All of it was also wonderful & new. I didn't always love how I felt, but that didn't make me a bad mom, nor does it make this woman a bad mom. Pregnancy has soooo many emotions that come with it. She has every right to feel the way she does.
You have to grow a body inside yourself, which keeps getting bigger, squeezing your intestines from the inside and makes you look like you swallowed a giant balloon. And then, as if 9 months of misery wasn't enough, you also have to squeeze a 3 kg body through a tiny hole in your body. Also, keep in mind all possible complications and dangers that may come from it. I mean, iа you want kids, it's probably worth it, but there is nothing nice, beautiful, romantic, or easy about it.
As a 68 yr. old mom and grandmother I have to say there is a lot more to raising kids than pregnancy and little ones. Frankly, an older child or youth can really benefit from having parents that are fluid in their parenting roles. The olden days are not applicable today and we need to leave them in the historicity of family and healthy parenting. Truly, many of our domestic problems are rooted in those archaic notions.
Sorry to hear she got bullied for being truthful! I was 17 when I got pregnant and I had a relatively comfortable pregnancy - only threw up twice during the entire pregnancy, wasn't working, was told by the doctor I was TOO active and the baby's coming too far down and I was put on bedrest, but it still sucked and it is incredibly uncomfortable and you're just pretty much your hormones' b***h. Yeah, you don't have your period for 9 months but it's like you are PMS-ing the entire time, it's an emotional rollercoaster. It's far from pleasant.
Jeepers creepers...from what I've experienced though my wife, pregnancy is an up-and-down situation. Sometimes she felt great, sometimes she felt horrible. She was in the hospital for 10 days after the birth of our first, while I was at home alone with our newborn. As much as I love our children, it was a serious challenge. We had another child about 16 months later, and I was the stay-at-home parent for about 5 years (including taking care of 2 other friends' children for a year or so while they were at work). There is nothing wrong with saying that having babies/young children is a struggle. Ours are now 13 and 14, and I would give my life for them, but I also love that I can get them to wash their own clothes and do the dishes. Parenting is hard, and admitting that does not mean that you don't love your children.
NTA. As long as you aren't abusing your kids, how you raise them is none of their business anyway.
I stayed at home until I couldn t breastfeed anymore. About 4 months..Then went to work. WE are what we are, nobody should be ashamed for her decisions
My cousin and his wife are just like this. She's a pediatric hospice doctor and he's a computer programmer who works from home. Through her 4 pregnancies she would have the baby, stay home 12 weeks and then he would take over when she went back to work. They have 4 of the coolest kids ever and a strong marriage. It works for them.
Two kids. Pregnancy was not much harassing buy raising them was hell.
Yes, because 50% of the human population must share identical feelings about things!
This sounds like my youngest and his missus. She loves her job, he loves kids, so she has to, by nature of how biology works, be the one to be pregnant and do the first few weeks of getting herself fit again and getting some colostrum in the kid, but after that, he's the one doing the childcare. It works like a charm and both are happy. He has the kids he wants, she has the career she wants and they both love the kids to bits.
I love my kids. I knew I always wanted to be a mom. It's in my nature. I hated both of my pregnancies and was vocal about it. Baby stage is also not all that great but I preferred it over toddler years. My youngest (and last child) is entering toddler years. While we love her and she has her sweet moments... she's putting us through hell. I can't wait for her to grow out of this stage. I also was a sahm for the first 1.5 years of my son's life. Never again will I be a full sahm. I need time away from my kids for my own mental health. I can't be a good mother if I am losing my mind. I felt a lot of shame for not being able to handle being around my kids 24/7 because of people like Amy and the in-laws. Everyone has their own journey. As long as the kids are fed, loved and provided for then do whatever you gotta do.
Given the lack of adequate parental leave in the US these feelings are probably more prevalent than most let on.
The horrible pressure society pushes on women and expect answers they want to hear instead of accepting new or different point of view. I have two children, I love them, I hate both pregnancies - first one was vomiting for 9 month, eating nothing but bread and one kind of cheese, felt like dying of starvation while I thought I would throw up all my organs. Second pregnancy was insane rash, burning, itching. Drove me nuts. I was scratching myself till my whole body bleeds and it was irresistible. Pregnancy is damaging seriously the female body and no one cares. After I gave birth I felt so lonely - people everywhere giving me the worst advices how to handle my kids, which proved so wrong during time, meanwhile men slacking and care free. Sorry, but this needs change!
I'm hating pregnancy. I'm hating being away from work for nearly a year due to covid then pregnancy. I feel like I've lost everything about myself as a person but I know it's because I'm going to gain the most special person. A special person I will share with my special partner so we can both get the most we want from life - me balancing career and family, he wants to look after family and household all the way. Is it going to be worth it? Definitely. Will I do this a second time? Maybe. Am I enjoying it now? Hell no. So I'm so sick of feeling like a crappy mum already because I'm not over the moon, I needed this post, thank you.
I dont really like this part when pregnancy îs heaven. Hell no, your body changes în soo many ways, your hormones all over the place, and its freaking hard. Especially if u are pregnant during a hot summer. Having a child îs beautitful and I agree that what out bodies can do îs just amasing. But în the same Time dont expect me to fart butterflies during pregnancy, it comes în so many ways that it can mind f**k u. I am currently pregnant and my replacement at work îs trying to get pregnant , during the entire process of training she was completely romanticising the part of pregnancy while I was about to loose my s**t every 5 minutes. Amy îs the problem here, sorry to say.
The mum I think she needs to go to a phycologist she should know that being with ur kids is that what ur meant to do ! Kids only want some love and if their mum doesn’t want to hang out with them think about how they will feel this is my opinion of course but I think the mum needs to understand what her children need they want her as their mother loving them not just she is my mum for she gave birth to me.
They're convinced she has PPD... and then treat her that way? That's some disconnect. Their favorite past time must be going up to people with broken legs and kicking them in the shins.
I feel this woman so hard. I am ambivalent about having children but my husband really wants them so we have agreed to have a child. I make about 3 times more than my husband and I love working, I never want to be a stay at home mother or the primary care giver. My husband has a good job but he would be happy to stay at home or work, either or is fine to him. He is also great with children and a very emotionally available person who shows affection easily while I am the complete opposite and hardly ever convey emotion or physical affection towards others. I can express myself with my husband but that took a long time and still doesn't come naturally to me so 100% my husband would be the better caregiver. I would do more chores around the house to make up for him being the primary caregiver of our child. I am sure I will love my child and want to spend time with them, but the thing that scares me the most in the world is being pregnant. People should mind their own business.
This woman is an idiot and should have accepted that she didn't want kids.
Seems that you were thrown into a situation that there was only one way to break away from the "I know more about this than you do" critics. The only real option was to either lie and agree or not say anything... and since that's just not who you are (no problems there) then it seems that there was no real solution.
Honestly I expect to dislike pregnancy and childbirth. Amy is definitely in the wrong here, asking a question she was gonna hate the answer to. But what the f is wrong with all his family goin off on you? Why isnt your husband standing up for your decisions as a couple?
Either there are people who do not want to have kids (this is valid, of course and I don't have a problem with that) but who enjoy presenting parenthood as a never ending nightmare filled with horrors (which is what I find ridiculous) children grow, they are not 6-month old babies in diapers and helpless for the next 30 years. Then there's another end of the spectrum, where there are holier-than-thou parents who present everything about motherhood/fatherhood as the most glorious thing ever and whoever disagrees with them is almost a monster and doesn't have a clue (it really gets on my nerves). The truth is somewhere in between, being a parent is surely one of the most rewarding but at the same time one of the most exhausting experiences. Everyone's different, someone handles it more easily, someone finds it harder, then there's a fact that some children are just more difficult to handle than others.
Simple: it is just the usual bigoted hypocrisy of the USA, where if you don't conform to what the majority wants, you are out. In Italy ("mamma mia!"), when a friend of mine quietly admitted that she was sick of being pregnant and later said that giving birth was a horrible experience, no one ever thought to contradict her. Indeed, many have declared their solidarity. And let's forget the advice to go to therapy ... We see that, in that country, enriching pharmaceutical companies has now become a diktat with deep psychological roots.
I wonder how she would feel if she lived in a country that had better maternity leave standards. Like say Canada, where taking a year off of work is funded, totally normal, and doesn't really hinder your career (employers expect it). Would she still say "screw it, I'm going back after a few weeks.... although in those countries, often the father can take a portion of the leave instead of the mother. I guess that's what she would opt for.
Why would she take a year leave qhen he can take it as well?
Load More Replies... Not to mom shame anyone but in my work I often encounter women who can't have kids or worse women who lost a child and this kind of comments feels so entitled. Beside I genuinely think that too many women have kids without really wanting them or understanding the responsibility that it implies. Neglecting them or making them feel like they're a burden in your life cause them deep insecurities and trauma.
Where are you getting neglect or "not really wanting them" from this post? She loves her kids, she just doesn't want to be stuck at home with a baby for 12 or more months. She is doing what men have always done - passed off the daily scut work on someone else.
Load More Replies... It is in now way her fault or her responsibility that some other woman has trouble conceiving.
Load More Replies... Strangely nobody ever says that when its the woman who does all the work with the baby and the man gets out of the house
Load More Replies... Hang on Altea. The fathers have only just won the right to paternity leave which was never more than a couple of weeks. But I take it you're ok with the dad going back to work after 2 weeks? What can a mother do that a father cannot? Excluding breastfeeding here as many mothers choose not to breastfeed and their kids turn out just fine. So, go on, enlighten me.
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