Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“Like A Child Forced To Say Sorry”: Woman Lost After Discovering Boyfriend’s Huge Lie
When two people are starting to date, they might polish themselves a little to make a good impression. Maybe you downplay a flaw or maybe you exaggerate something positive. And regardless of what you think about it, I assume we can agree that up to a certain point this can be dismissed as harmless behavior. However, Reddit user Lejr321 believes her boyfriend has crossed that line.
In a post on the subreddit r/Relationships, the woman said she learned that instead of working from home like he claimed, he’s actually unemployed, in debt, and living off of his family without ever telling her. She said these lies have ruined her ability to trust him and is even wondering if it’s possible for their relationship to continue.
RELATED:
Opening up about your mental health struggles can be really difficult, especially to people whom you’re just meeting
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But this woman was shocked to learn her boyfriend invented a new life to keep it a secret
Image credits: Giulia Squillace / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anna Stampfli / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lejr321
The woman later added a bit more context
For an apology to be effective, it must be genuine
If the woman didn’t think her boyfriend’s apology was genuine, then it might be because, well, it wasn’t.
According to the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, a good apology has four elements:
- Acknowledgment of the offense. The person should take responsibility for the offense, whether it was a physical or psychological harm, and confirm that their behavior was not acceptable. They should avoid using vague or evasive language, or wording an apology in a way that minimizes the offense or questions whether the victim was really hurt.
- Explanation of what happened. The challenge here is for the person to explain how the offense occurred without excusing it. In fact, sometimes the best strategy is to say there is no excuse.
- Expression of remorse. If the person regrets the error or feels ashamed or humiliated, they should say so: this is all part of expressing sincere remorse.
- Offer to make amends. For example, if the person has damaged someone’s property, they should have it repaired or replace it. When the offense has hurt someone’s feelings, they should acknowledge the pain and promise to try to be more sensitive in the future.
Those who read what happened were skeptical about whether the couple could make it
Not long after her story went viral, the woman released an update on her relationship
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lejr321
Forgiveness can mean different things to different people
Being hurt by someone, especially a person you love and trust, can disappoint, anger, and even confuse us. But if we allow negative feelings to crowd out the positive ones, we’ll be swallowed up by bitterness.
According to experts, those who struggle with finding forgiveness might:
- Bring all of that baggage into new relationships and experiences.
- Become so wrapped up in the wrong that they can’t enjoy the present.
- Become irritable, anxious, or depressed themselves.
- Feel at odds with their spiritual beliefs.
- Lose valuable and enriching connections with others.
Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. A poll by YouGov conducted in June 2023 found that among the 4,228 surveyed U.S. adults, only 11% said it would be “very easy” to fully forgive someone who seriously wronged them; 23% said “somewhat easy”; 35% said “somewhat difficult,” and 22% said “very difficult” (8% were “not sure). And maybe our Redditor belongs to the first two categories. But even if you don’t, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving.
Try asking yourself about the circumstances that may have led the other person to behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation. You can also reflect on times when others have forgiven you.
What’s important to understand is that forgiveness is a process. Even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again. The fact that the woman behind the post acknowledges this already suggests the couple might be on the right track.
However, people were still unsure of what to make of it in this particular case
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Binky Melnik 1 day ago
I really got so sick of the accusations of “pathological liar.” A lot of times, people react REALLY badly upon finding out about mental health problems. I’ll never forget to long as I live about the first time I tried to tell someone I was seeing about it. I suffer from treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, and finally worked up the courage to reveal it in a relationship that was five months old, even telling her that I’d had ECT (“shock treatment”). She absolutely went OFF on me, screaming about how she had a right to know, I’d been hiding such an important thing, and how she felt she’d been in danger the entire time we were together. (That’s absolutely NOT true; the only one in ANY danger is ME.) I was made to feel as if I were a serial killler and a horrid, disgusting human being. I’d rather be hit by a car than be made to feel like that again.
Binky Melnik 1 day ago (edited)
Nowadays, if I mention it at all, it’s because another bout is on its way or else has hit me out of the blue, and even then, I’all only mention that I’m taking my meds and seeing my doctor regularly. I don’t EVER wanna be made to feel like a monster again, and will try to hide it if I can. I’m not a “pathological liar”; I’m afraid of being attacked for being sick. Lots of the people in these comments sound as if they’ll lose their 💩 if they hear someone has a mental illness, so can you blame us for trying to keep it a secret? It does NO ONE any good going on the attack for it. I like to think these same people would attack someone for having cancer, yet mental health is STILL treated really badly by a lot of people as was demonstrated here. 😞 Even the title calls him a “pathological liar,” as well as the comments here. Is it any wonder we try to hide it?
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 1 day ago
Oh honey, that debt is a lot more than $3000. He’d show you if it’s $3000. I give the job six months and he’ll be unemployed again, you’ll be supporting him 100% and he’ll be sitting on your couch playing video games.
Lee Gilliland 1 day ago
Yea, if it's a year we're talking minimum $15,000.
Load More Replies...
TheMFKNXerdo 1 day ago
The b*****s that immediately go "LEAVE HIM, HE'S SUBHUMAN, NO MONEY, HE IS FILTH" (paraphrased) remind me of b*****s that I knew when I was suicidally depressed and in constant pain. I wish them constant suffering and a long illness to them and their ilk. Reverse the genders and they would be setting the guy on fire anyway.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Depression doesn't make you a liar, low character does that. I would not trust him and have to verify every word out of his mouth before believing it, that's for sure.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Here's the thing, unless she's personally verified his job, financial situation and everything else he's told her, she is deeply stupid to believe him. He's a liar. That much as been proven. When under stress, he lies. I would imagine she's going to have many other unfortunate surprises in her future. I cannot abide people who lie like this. Depression doesn't make you a liar. Low character does that.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 1 day ago
Regardless of trust status people should always completely lay out their finances before moving in to plan
Roberta Surprenant 1 day ago
He won't change, it is total pattern for pathological liars to cry and promise to change(they don't !) Trust someone who was married to one (got smart after two years and a baby, left him)
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
I'm a pretty firm believer that people can change. The issue often is that the person who has done wrong doesn't really understand (or maybe accept) what the "wrong" was, often focusing on the decision rather than the moral failure behind it. "I only lied once," is often factually correct, and if that's the way the person sees it, change is unlikely. The actual problem would be worded more like this: "I lied to you because I didn't want to allow you to make your own choices. I wanted you to exist to serve my needs."
Cloud Ryn 1 day ago
My dad has a saying " if it looks like a duck quacks like a duck its probably a freaking duck ".in other words if it looks like a lier he's probably is one .Granted people can change but in my experience they rarely do. Goodluck
KatSaidThat 1 day ago
People will change for a while but then revert in my experience. I'm hopeful for them but also a little bit sceptic.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
I respectfully disagree. As per OP's update, he is working on himself, has a job, will be in therapy, and is working on their relationship. Depression is a horrible thing and can make a person say and do incredibly harmful things. It's a mental illness, and if the boyfriend is ready to own up to it, work on it, get into therapy, and make amends, we should not assume that he's definitely going to start "gaslighting" her again.
Load More Replies...
Binky Melnik 1 day ago
I really got so sick of the accusations of “pathological liar.” A lot of times, people react REALLY badly upon finding out about mental health problems. I’ll never forget to long as I live about the first time I tried to tell someone I was seeing about it. I suffer from treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, and finally worked up the courage to reveal it in a relationship that was five months old, even telling her that I’d had ECT (“shock treatment”). She absolutely went OFF on me, screaming about how she had a right to know, I’d been hiding such an important thing, and how she felt she’d been in danger the entire time we were together. (That’s absolutely NOT true; the only one in ANY danger is ME.) I was made to feel as if I were a serial killler and a horrid, disgusting human being. I’d rather be hit by a car than be made to feel like that again.
Binky Melnik 1 day ago (edited)
Nowadays, if I mention it at all, it’s because another bout is on its way or else has hit me out of the blue, and even then, I’all only mention that I’m taking my meds and seeing my doctor regularly. I don’t EVER wanna be made to feel like a monster again, and will try to hide it if I can. I’m not a “pathological liar”; I’m afraid of being attacked for being sick. Lots of the people in these comments sound as if they’ll lose their 💩 if they hear someone has a mental illness, so can you blame us for trying to keep it a secret? It does NO ONE any good going on the attack for it. I like to think these same people would attack someone for having cancer, yet mental health is STILL treated really badly by a lot of people as was demonstrated here. 😞 Even the title calls him a “pathological liar,” as well as the comments here. Is it any wonder we try to hide it?
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 1 day ago
Oh honey, that debt is a lot more than $3000. He’d show you if it’s $3000. I give the job six months and he’ll be unemployed again, you’ll be supporting him 100% and he’ll be sitting on your couch playing video games.
Lee Gilliland 1 day ago
Yea, if it's a year we're talking minimum $15,000.
Load More Replies... TheMFKNXerdo 1 day ago
The b*****s that immediately go "LEAVE HIM, HE'S SUBHUMAN, NO MONEY, HE IS FILTH" (paraphrased) remind me of b*****s that I knew when I was suicidally depressed and in constant pain. I wish them constant suffering and a long illness to them and their ilk. Reverse the genders and they would be setting the guy on fire anyway.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Depression doesn't make you a liar, low character does that. I would not trust him and have to verify every word out of his mouth before believing it, that's for sure.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Here's the thing, unless she's personally verified his job, financial situation and everything else he's told her, she is deeply stupid to believe him. He's a liar. That much as been proven. When under stress, he lies. I would imagine she's going to have many other unfortunate surprises in her future. I cannot abide people who lie like this. Depression doesn't make you a liar. Low character does that.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 1 day ago
Regardless of trust status people should always completely lay out their finances before moving in to plan
Roberta Surprenant 1 day ago
He won't change, it is total pattern for pathological liars to cry and promise to change(they don't !) Trust someone who was married to one (got smart after two years and a baby, left him)
Jonas Fisher 1 day ago
I'm a pretty firm believer that people can change. The issue often is that the person who has done wrong doesn't really understand (or maybe accept) what the "wrong" was, often focusing on the decision rather than the moral failure behind it. "I only lied once," is often factually correct, and if that's the way the person sees it, change is unlikely. The actual problem would be worded more like this: "I lied to you because I didn't want to allow you to make your own choices. I wanted you to exist to serve my needs."
Cloud Ryn 1 day ago
My dad has a saying " if it looks like a duck quacks like a duck its probably a freaking duck ".in other words if it looks like a lier he's probably is one .Granted people can change but in my experience they rarely do. Goodluck
KatSaidThat 1 day ago
People will change for a while but then revert in my experience. I'm hopeful for them but also a little bit sceptic.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
I respectfully disagree. As per OP's update, he is working on himself, has a job, will be in therapy, and is working on their relationship. Depression is a horrible thing and can make a person say and do incredibly harmful things. It's a mental illness, and if the boyfriend is ready to own up to it, work on it, get into therapy, and make amends, we should not assume that he's definitely going to start "gaslighting" her again.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Shocked To Realize She Can’t Trust What Her Husband Says As He’s A Pathological Liar Man’s Mysterious Work Trip Makes Girlfriend Suspicious, Realizes She Doesn’t Want Him Anymore Understand Love’s Silent Language With 20 Signs He’s in Love with You
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Justinas Keturka
Larysa Perih
Related on Bored Panda
32
24