Toxic Family Invites Son’s SO To A Fancy Dinner Just So She Can Pay For Everyone
Interview
There is a wise saying: “Money can’t buy love because it’s overpriced.” Yes, money might not buy real love, but it’s a much more important factor in a couple’s happiness than most would think — particularly when your loved one treats you like an ATM.
As the author tells it on ‘Am I The A-Hole‘ subreddit, it all happened at New Year’s Eve dinner celebration. This 32-year old woman gets a last-minute invitation from her partner and his parents to join them in the ritzy restaurant. She joins them, has a great time, although a bit too luxurious for her own taste. And then there comes the bill and the night suddenly turns from fun to very uncomfortable.
Read on to see how the whole story goes. And if you’re still hungry — there’s plenty more where that came from.
Woman received an invitation from her fiancé to join him and his parents for the New Year’s Eve dinner just to experience the most awkward and the most expensive ‘who should get the check’ situation in her life
Image credits: Blake Wisz
This is how it all went down on that fateful New Year’s Eve
After everything that happened, she was made the villain of the situation
Image credits: Footingbills321
Let’s just say people online weren’t big fans of the fiancé after hearing this story
Having been put in such a situation is no fun. Especially when it’s your significant other who goes along with it. “Money is one of the top 3 hot-button conflict triggers when it comes to relationships,” Bored Panda is told by Dr. Gary Lewandowski, an award-winning professor of psychology at the Monmouth University and the author of ‘Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship… and How to See Past Them’.
Lewandowski believes that while the author of the story was put in a pretty tight spot, it could have been treated slightly differently. “Assuming she’s in a healthy relationship, she probably overreacted,” Lewandowski said. “While it may have been a lot of money at the moment, it likely wasn’t worth the animosity (at worst) or awkwardness (at best) that ensued. Ultimately, it may have cost more now, but over time in relationships – things usually even out.”
A lot of folks online agreed that 2021 should not have been the only thing that ended after the dinner
Kim Elsesser, a senior Forbes contributor who holds a Ph.D. in psychology, has a different take on the situation. Contrary to Lewandowski, Elsesser agrees with the majority of users that the doctor has made the right decision. “There is no reason that she should be expected to pay for his whole family. Dating and relationship experts suggest that the person who invites the other person out should be prepared to pay,” she told Bored Panda.
The thing they both agreed on, though, is that this situation raises a Hoover dam size red flag about the fiancé. “Telling of the story makes it sound premeditated. That’s not the dynamic anyone should want to head into a healthy marriage,” we are told by Lewandowski. Elsesser drives the point further by saying that having finances sorted out is one of the key components of a stable marriage. “Clearly, this couple haven’t really discussed how they will budget yet.”
Believe it or not, the second leading cause for divorce is finances, studies show. But as the comments prove, many users think that the ship for this discussion has already sailed. “The best case would have been preventative measures ahead of the time. Clearly, that didn’t happen; so this couple needs to have a frank discussion about the underlying dynamics and expectations of how they handle money, and their broader relationship as well,” Lewandowski said. “This conversation needs to be done alone where they have a neutral ground (not 3 against 1) when both partners aren’t agitated so that they can avoid impulsivity and can think/explain more clearly.”
While it may sound simple, both psychologists say having the ‘money talk’ is very important for the future of every relationship. That’s particularly important before tying the knot. “Best-case scenario would be this situation triggers a discussion about finances and budgeting, and the couple comes to a mutually agreed solution about how they will spend money going forward,” Elsesser pointed out.
We’re pretty sure what Elsesser means is that fancy dining is out of the question. And while the boyfriend might have to ‘enjoy’ a strict instant noodle diet for the first half of his 2022, considering the events — we hope this relationship is made out of tougher material than Olive Garden’s breadsticks.
Serious. So many red flags, you would get tired of counting..
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That last comment about them not being 'conservative Christians', I disagree - they totally are. Conservative Christians only think charity and good deeds apply to themselves and no one else. She needs to dump this man - she will regret marrying him.
@Sonia Maybe types of conservative Christians in America are different than in Europe, but their attitude doesn’t sound at all Christian to me, let alone conservative Christians. In Europe, conservative Christians are the total opposite of the type in the story. Hard working, modest and sober people who would not ever have the attitude of the family in law in this story. But maybe it’s different in the US.
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My family must be odd. All of the men have an ongoing “im paying not you” war. It even involves fake trips too the bathroom trying to intercept the server for a credit card hand off. My successful 21 year old even pulled it on his Grandpa the other day. It’s not a power play, we all wanna take care of each other. You find out who your friends are if they call on your birthday and argue over buying each other dinner.
Sounds like a great tradition and a lot better than those human ticks this future-husbands parents are
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Uh, how are they going to pay for it if she would've never shown up?
That was my thought, too. I don't believe for one second that they didn't have their wallets on them.
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Yeah, three adults simultaneously forgot to take their wallets while going to have dinner in the restaurant. Such a contrived coincidence.
I'll pray that his parents can let this go too./s Actually ... I'll pray that his parents will let HER go. She should RUN. The comment that "he'll have to get a job to pay" made me go AHA! Sooo he's a bum or what? He and his parents planned this which is a shitty thing to do.
That's the killer there... why the hell is a doctor, who has a brain and a decent income, marrying an unemployed user? From a family of users??? S**t, honey, grow a spine to go with your brain, and dump his moocher loser ass!
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Oh, and one more thing: they are a bunch of liars. If they didn't end up with police for not paying their bills at the restaurant, it means, that they had card or money. Disgusting people.
I would have been like"cool. So which one of you will be popping back home for their wallet?"
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See, with stories like this I just stopped believing that AITA posts are real. It's just so obviously NOT possible that this woman would even think that she was the one who did something wrong. Those stories have to be at least believable. This one isn't.
Wish I could up-vote this more! Way too many of these AITA stories sound like they are made up so that the poster can sound like a hero.
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This story sounds so fake. The original post is full of grammar and spelling mistakes, we have 30-something people "waiting until marriage", a successful doctor engaged to an unemployed 37yo who lives with his parents, plus this isn't even the first time his family has tried to use her for money and the main character still doesn't mention any intention of dumping this leech. Nah. AITA creative writers usually put in a little more effort than this.
OP might not be English. And there are 30+ people who wait. That being said, while I did have a bf who was like this, he was 14. Sadly, I didn't know better at the time and was always suckered into paying for his s**t.
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Run while you still can.. The universe is trying to tell something to you...
And let's start with the fact she thought she had plans with Sam, then he called and said he was out to dinner with his family instead. It took a second call before she was invited to join them.
I wouldn't have blamed her if she didn't pay anything since she was "invited" ...
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You have just found out you are only there to fund them, and not because of any form of love. You are the family ATM. Ditch them now before he can slime his way into sharing your home
Definitely NTA! Run for your life lady. This family will drain your bank account!
Is she still marrying this complete failure and his family? (It seems, they come in one-package).
Whether or not you're the asshole is irrelevant. If you and your fiancé can't handle this, you can't handle marriage. 'Not to shame anyone. You're not the right fit. Stay friends or don't. Just break it off.
Just leave while you can. Forget about good Christian behaviour... This is not a good human being behaviour at all. They did not forget. It was all planned. If they have done this for quite some time, I would take a hint. Better single than being in such a relationship
OP is NOT AH..... Her fiancé and his family don't sound like a decent people or workers (doesn't matter which industry they are in) if none of them have any money, not even for NYE dinner. Honest question, what kind of 37yo does not have funds in their banking account, not even saving? What kind of parents of 37yo don't have money either? OP SERIOUSLY RUN! You deserve better and not a broke a$$ "family" that will forever leach on her.
I come from an Asian family where you don't invite others out unless you pay for the bill. And then you fight to pay it or it tarnishes your honor or some crap.
No one "forgets" their wallet when they go out. And all three "forgot" their wallets? BS. They fully planned on trying to force you to pay...and I'll bet all three actually had their wallets with them.
"He'd have to get a job to pay for it?" Is this jerk unemployed?" Never ever would anyone in my family INVITE someone to join them for dinner and expect them to pay their own way let alone for the whole dinner. Horrible manners. Run from this guy, fast!
They invited you to dinner. They should have paid for you. Kick his ass to the curb. You don't need him or his family in your life.
Mother one that is really about power and control. So you know how when people are abused, it starts with small things that allow the abuser to incrementally increase their power and control over the victim? That’s what Sam and his parents are doing with the financial abuse and you are made to feel like the bad guy when you don’t put up with it. It will get worse and if you marry Mr Unemployed, all your earnings will go to supporting them all in luxury. Cut them all loose today.
If it was me, I would have paid and then counted all of the ways that I saved in the long run by learning I needed to get out of the relationship.
The joke is on her since it's not the first time. Wake up honey.
Get the Hell outta this relationship. You were the guest, his parents were the hosts as they invited YOU, so the hosts pay for the meal not the guests, you were in the right to say no.
"I forgot my wallet". How. I can't believe there is ANYONE who leaves the house without a wallet because there could always be something that requires money or a drivers licence or similar. Get out while you can because these people are planning on turning you into their personal free ATM machine.
Flee. To another continent. Wow. I've never seen that many red flags, and I watch FIFA! ;-P
Im a little concerned, if youre a doctor and cant diagnose this situation you may want to retrhink practicing medicine on living beings. NTA.
Uh yeah this is 10 red flags in 1. Imagine if u actually married this asshole and then you divorce after a few years because with his mindset it’s only a matter of time before you reach a limit. He will take half of everything and you’ll probably have to pay him spousal support.. you are dodging all kinds of bullets right now just like Neo in The Matrix. Take this as a life lesson and find someone who will split the bill with you. He’s out there.
Conservative Christians and loveable people…I don’t know how that goes together
I mean, there are plenty kind, charitable and hardworking Conservative Christians who are just a bit stuck in the past in believing in tradwife and tradhusband stuff. However, these conservative Christians can't even Conservative properly, as the son is a bum rather than a breadwinner, marrying a careerwoman... They're the type only Conservative unless something convenient pops up...
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"Nice people do not lie, manipulate and steal from you repeatedly." That right there.
My question is, what if she said no to going at all?? Then what? The family going to battle out who's washing dishes??? So not right whatsoever. She was in the right, she shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.
For heaven's sakes lady (pun intended) RUN and do not look back!
Our family too is forgetful n we tend to forget our wallets sometimes but we have an understanding that we ask who has the money before we order and if there are guests we use sign language plus before we go out I always put some loose money in my jeans pocket incase my forgetful family really forgot . But we never never tell guest to pay.
I can only say, that since this is something, which is happening on a regular, I am sure there are many more red flags, which she is ignoring and if she goes ahead with the wedding, she is headed into the world of pain. They are like the majority of religious c***s, selfish and self-righteous and manipulative. She sees that. Yet she is still around them. Her pain in the future is on her decision not to tell them to f**k off, all of them.
ummm.... you do not pay when you're invited...at least that's not how I was raised. If you invite someone, you pay for them end of story. Unless it's pre determined that you were invited but people are splitting....
What would they have done if she wouldn't have shown up.....they would have HAD to pay, so someone had some money. They probably wouldn't have spent/ordered as much, but oh,well
Huh. How were they expecting to pay before you were so suddenly invited?
Run! The family didn't invite you originally, fiancé called to invite her. I can almost guarantee that parents did have wallets and were just attempting to get you to pay. And fiancée taking parents side is never going to end. Fiancée doesn't have a job at 37 and living with his parents (I assume.) He wants a free ride. He'll probably not get a job or doesn't work much. There's too many men like that. He hasn't shown any effort that he's going to contribute to household finances. Runnnnn!
And he should choose his fiancée side instead of parents. Red flags everywhere!
Load More Replies... " I had plans to spend NYE with Sam but he said he was out for a NYE celebration with his parents but called me again inviting me to join them and I happily did." If you had plans with him, why were you not aware that he was already out celebrating with his parents until the second phone call? Sooooo, what would have happened if you didn't show up? They end up washing dishes to pay for their extravagant meal? BTW, NO ONE FORGETS THEIR WALLET. These people think you are stupid. That's why they are lying to you and manipulating you.
NTA. I had this done to me, it's the first sign of the abuse you're about to be put through by that family. Drove to meet fiancee's Aunt, her husband and kids. She says "My boss is taking us all out to dinner!". We go to a Mexican restaurant (i'm allergic to mexican food) and meetup with her boss. 7 people at dinner. They order me a plate that I don't touch because I'm allergic. After an hour of watching everyone else eat, it comes about that the boss NEVER said he was paying for dinner for anyone, the aunt and her family have no money on them, my fiancee was near broke - so I got to pony up $250 for a dinner where I didn't have a bite (found out she owned acres of land and had thousands of $s in the bank, she could absolutely afford dinner). Over the next 5yrs his aunt did everything in her power to split us up, then I found out she was sleeping with my ex/her nephew and that her 9yr old son is his kid (Alabama, nuff said), cue the divorce. RUN AWAY WOMAN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Sam will "pray" that his highly Christian parents will let this go and not resent her? That sounds just like what Jesus would do in this situation. Yikes.
The nerve of some people....Obviously they're not "nice and lovable people".
1. How did you even get to this point of the relationship? 2. Why would you get engaged with a scrub? 3. Are you that desperate? 4. Good job for refusing to pay. 5. Don’t carry on with the wedding ffs
Serious. So many red flags, you would get tired of counting..
Load More Replies... That last comment about them not being 'conservative Christians', I disagree - they totally are. Conservative Christians only think charity and good deeds apply to themselves and no one else. She needs to dump this man - she will regret marrying him.
@Sonia Maybe types of conservative Christians in America are different than in Europe, but their attitude doesn’t sound at all Christian to me, let alone conservative Christians. In Europe, conservative Christians are the total opposite of the type in the story. Hard working, modest and sober people who would not ever have the attitude of the family in law in this story. But maybe it’s different in the US.
Load More Replies... My family must be odd. All of the men have an ongoing “im paying not you” war. It even involves fake trips too the bathroom trying to intercept the server for a credit card hand off. My successful 21 year old even pulled it on his Grandpa the other day. It’s not a power play, we all wanna take care of each other. You find out who your friends are if they call on your birthday and argue over buying each other dinner.
Sounds like a great tradition and a lot better than those human ticks this future-husbands parents are
Load More Replies... Uh, how are they going to pay for it if she would've never shown up?
That was my thought, too. I don't believe for one second that they didn't have their wallets on them.
Load More Replies... Yeah, three adults simultaneously forgot to take their wallets while going to have dinner in the restaurant. Such a contrived coincidence.
I'll pray that his parents can let this go too./s Actually ... I'll pray that his parents will let HER go. She should RUN. The comment that "he'll have to get a job to pay" made me go AHA! Sooo he's a bum or what? He and his parents planned this which is a shitty thing to do.
That's the killer there... why the hell is a doctor, who has a brain and a decent income, marrying an unemployed user? From a family of users??? S**t, honey, grow a spine to go with your brain, and dump his moocher loser ass!
Load More Replies... Oh, and one more thing: they are a bunch of liars. If they didn't end up with police for not paying their bills at the restaurant, it means, that they had card or money. Disgusting people.
I would have been like"cool. So which one of you will be popping back home for their wallet?"
Load More Replies... See, with stories like this I just stopped believing that AITA posts are real. It's just so obviously NOT possible that this woman would even think that she was the one who did something wrong. Those stories have to be at least believable. This one isn't.
Wish I could up-vote this more! Way too many of these AITA stories sound like they are made up so that the poster can sound like a hero.
Load More Replies... This story sounds so fake. The original post is full of grammar and spelling mistakes, we have 30-something people "waiting until marriage", a successful doctor engaged to an unemployed 37yo who lives with his parents, plus this isn't even the first time his family has tried to use her for money and the main character still doesn't mention any intention of dumping this leech. Nah. AITA creative writers usually put in a little more effort than this.
OP might not be English. And there are 30+ people who wait. That being said, while I did have a bf who was like this, he was 14. Sadly, I didn't know better at the time and was always suckered into paying for his s**t.
Load More Replies... Run while you still can.. The universe is trying to tell something to you...
And let's start with the fact she thought she had plans with Sam, then he called and said he was out to dinner with his family instead. It took a second call before she was invited to join them.
I wouldn't have blamed her if she didn't pay anything since she was "invited" ...
Load More Replies... You have just found out you are only there to fund them, and not because of any form of love. You are the family ATM. Ditch them now before he can slime his way into sharing your home
Definitely NTA! Run for your life lady. This family will drain your bank account!
Is she still marrying this complete failure and his family? (It seems, they come in one-package).
Whether or not you're the asshole is irrelevant. If you and your fiancé can't handle this, you can't handle marriage. 'Not to shame anyone. You're not the right fit. Stay friends or don't. Just break it off.
Just leave while you can. Forget about good Christian behaviour... This is not a good human being behaviour at all. They did not forget. It was all planned. If they have done this for quite some time, I would take a hint. Better single than being in such a relationship
OP is NOT AH..... Her fiancé and his family don't sound like a decent people or workers (doesn't matter which industry they are in) if none of them have any money, not even for NYE dinner. Honest question, what kind of 37yo does not have funds in their banking account, not even saving? What kind of parents of 37yo don't have money either? OP SERIOUSLY RUN! You deserve better and not a broke a$$ "family" that will forever leach on her.
I come from an Asian family where you don't invite others out unless you pay for the bill. And then you fight to pay it or it tarnishes your honor or some crap.
No one "forgets" their wallet when they go out. And all three "forgot" their wallets? BS. They fully planned on trying to force you to pay...and I'll bet all three actually had their wallets with them.
"He'd have to get a job to pay for it?" Is this jerk unemployed?" Never ever would anyone in my family INVITE someone to join them for dinner and expect them to pay their own way let alone for the whole dinner. Horrible manners. Run from this guy, fast!
They invited you to dinner. They should have paid for you. Kick his ass to the curb. You don't need him or his family in your life.
Mother one that is really about power and control. So you know how when people are abused, it starts with small things that allow the abuser to incrementally increase their power and control over the victim? That’s what Sam and his parents are doing with the financial abuse and you are made to feel like the bad guy when you don’t put up with it. It will get worse and if you marry Mr Unemployed, all your earnings will go to supporting them all in luxury. Cut them all loose today.
If it was me, I would have paid and then counted all of the ways that I saved in the long run by learning I needed to get out of the relationship.
The joke is on her since it's not the first time. Wake up honey.
Get the Hell outta this relationship. You were the guest, his parents were the hosts as they invited YOU, so the hosts pay for the meal not the guests, you were in the right to say no.
"I forgot my wallet". How. I can't believe there is ANYONE who leaves the house without a wallet because there could always be something that requires money or a drivers licence or similar. Get out while you can because these people are planning on turning you into their personal free ATM machine.
Flee. To another continent. Wow. I've never seen that many red flags, and I watch FIFA! ;-P
Im a little concerned, if youre a doctor and cant diagnose this situation you may want to retrhink practicing medicine on living beings. NTA.
Uh yeah this is 10 red flags in 1. Imagine if u actually married this asshole and then you divorce after a few years because with his mindset it’s only a matter of time before you reach a limit. He will take half of everything and you’ll probably have to pay him spousal support.. you are dodging all kinds of bullets right now just like Neo in The Matrix. Take this as a life lesson and find someone who will split the bill with you. He’s out there.
Conservative Christians and loveable people…I don’t know how that goes together
I mean, there are plenty kind, charitable and hardworking Conservative Christians who are just a bit stuck in the past in believing in tradwife and tradhusband stuff. However, these conservative Christians can't even Conservative properly, as the son is a bum rather than a breadwinner, marrying a careerwoman... They're the type only Conservative unless something convenient pops up...
Load More Replies... "Nice people do not lie, manipulate and steal from you repeatedly." That right there.
My question is, what if she said no to going at all?? Then what? The family going to battle out who's washing dishes??? So not right whatsoever. She was in the right, she shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.
For heaven's sakes lady (pun intended) RUN and do not look back!
Our family too is forgetful n we tend to forget our wallets sometimes but we have an understanding that we ask who has the money before we order and if there are guests we use sign language plus before we go out I always put some loose money in my jeans pocket incase my forgetful family really forgot . But we never never tell guest to pay.
I can only say, that since this is something, which is happening on a regular, I am sure there are many more red flags, which she is ignoring and if she goes ahead with the wedding, she is headed into the world of pain. They are like the majority of religious c***s, selfish and self-righteous and manipulative. She sees that. Yet she is still around them. Her pain in the future is on her decision not to tell them to f**k off, all of them.
ummm.... you do not pay when you're invited...at least that's not how I was raised. If you invite someone, you pay for them end of story. Unless it's pre determined that you were invited but people are splitting....
What would they have done if she wouldn't have shown up.....they would have HAD to pay, so someone had some money. They probably wouldn't have spent/ordered as much, but oh,well
Huh. How were they expecting to pay before you were so suddenly invited?
Run! The family didn't invite you originally, fiancé called to invite her. I can almost guarantee that parents did have wallets and were just attempting to get you to pay. And fiancée taking parents side is never going to end. Fiancée doesn't have a job at 37 and living with his parents (I assume.) He wants a free ride. He'll probably not get a job or doesn't work much. There's too many men like that. He hasn't shown any effort that he's going to contribute to household finances. Runnnnn!
And he should choose his fiancée side instead of parents. Red flags everywhere!
Load More Replies... " I had plans to spend NYE with Sam but he said he was out for a NYE celebration with his parents but called me again inviting me to join them and I happily did." If you had plans with him, why were you not aware that he was already out celebrating with his parents until the second phone call? Sooooo, what would have happened if you didn't show up? They end up washing dishes to pay for their extravagant meal? BTW, NO ONE FORGETS THEIR WALLET. These people think you are stupid. That's why they are lying to you and manipulating you.
NTA. I had this done to me, it's the first sign of the abuse you're about to be put through by that family. Drove to meet fiancee's Aunt, her husband and kids. She says "My boss is taking us all out to dinner!". We go to a Mexican restaurant (i'm allergic to mexican food) and meetup with her boss. 7 people at dinner. They order me a plate that I don't touch because I'm allergic. After an hour of watching everyone else eat, it comes about that the boss NEVER said he was paying for dinner for anyone, the aunt and her family have no money on them, my fiancee was near broke - so I got to pony up $250 for a dinner where I didn't have a bite (found out she owned acres of land and had thousands of $s in the bank, she could absolutely afford dinner). Over the next 5yrs his aunt did everything in her power to split us up, then I found out she was sleeping with my ex/her nephew and that her 9yr old son is his kid (Alabama, nuff said), cue the divorce. RUN AWAY WOMAN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
Sam will "pray" that his highly Christian parents will let this go and not resent her? That sounds just like what Jesus would do in this situation. Yikes.
The nerve of some people....Obviously they're not "nice and lovable people".
1. How did you even get to this point of the relationship? 2. Why would you get engaged with a scrub? 3. Are you that desperate? 4. Good job for refusing to pay. 5. Don’t carry on with the wedding ffs
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