Woman Throws A “Death-Day” Party After Learning Her Stalker That’s Been Tormenting Her For Years Is Dead, Gets Called Out
It’s hard to imagine the sheer horror of being constantly stalked by someone against your will. This story comes from a woman who had her whole life affected because the stalker just wouldn’t go away for years and years.
“Then moving apartments and switching jobs and getting a new car and changing my usual places I’d go, just to put a stop to it,” she wrote in a post on r/AITA. “He basically became like a Boogeyman to me and my friend group.”
But it all changed one day when the author’s friend stumbled upon an obituary that said the guy passed away. Out of the sudden burst of joy and sense of freedom the woman hadn’t felt in years, she threw a party to celebrate the stalker no longer being able to ruin her life.
Having called it a ”Deathday” party, the woman has stirred a huge backlash for being distasteful, so now she seeks to find out whether it was really the right thing to do. Hit us with your thoughts on this tricky situation in the comments below!
After having been persecuted by a stalker for years, this woman felt relief to find out her perpetrator had unexpectedly passed away
Image credits: Kelsey Chance (not the actual photo)
So ‘riding on that high,’ she celebrated what she called a “Deathday” party and received a huge backlash
Image credits: meliama
A common reaction to any stalking behavior is to ignore the stalker’s behavior in hopes it will go away. This may work in some particular situations, but with stalkers who have already violated the victim’s personal boundaries, making them feel unsafe, this may aggravate the situation.
Stalking expert and police psychologist Kris Mohandie, who has been consulting on stalking and threat cases for over 25 years, warns not to engage with your stalker directly.
What you should do instead is: avoid all contact; be alert and proactive to protect yourself from the possible threat; enhance security measures; inform close people about the potential threat; save and document all messages, voicemails, letters, and cards; photograph and document things that are damaged and quickly get that information to law enforcement.
It’s best to inform the police so that they can begin to intervene in the process at an early stage before it’s too late.
The post had people share their own disturbing stories of being stalked
According to Mohandie, the most common type of stalker, an intimate stalker, is the most dangerous. The risk of such stalkers committing violence is about 74%. Moreover, Mohandie says that many domestic violence homicides have a stalking component.
Most importantly, Mohandie warns that early intervention is key in stalking cases and if you suspect you’re a target of stalking, you should inform law enforcement immediately. “Stalking is a crime and should be treated that way,” he stated.
Many people thought it was totally normal to feel relief after your stalker dies and they showed their support in the comments
Here are some useful resources for anyone who is or has been the target of stalking and violence related to it:
The Stalking Safety Planning Guide
Stalking Resource Center from the National Center for the Victims of Crime
Victim Connect Resource Center: 1-855-484-2846
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
'You shouldn't speak ill of the dead'! Why not? If they were scum, they were scum! What next, we gonna talk about all the nice things Jimmy Savile did? Hitler liked dogs! Charles Manson Wrote music! Are we going to say Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't bad, he just had a very specific eating disorder! No, we should celebrate when people who terrorize others are removed from the world.
I mean, it's not like they broke into his funeral and pissed on the body. Some people's deaths improve the world. If you don't want decent people to celebrate, don't be an a-hole.
This dude would have deserved having his grave pissed on, if you ask me.
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In the early 90s we withheld my wedding announcement and both of my children's birth announcements from the paper for fear of my stalker (an ex boyfriend uggh!!) Filed a complaint and took him before the local magistrate who asked me what I did to piss him off. He was arrested for kidnapping and rapping another woman when my youngest was 2. Sentenced to jail 3 years later. Nothing I've ever experience compares to the relief I felt when I found out he could no longer terrorize me.
What did you do to piss him off?? Wow, that's nerve - couples aren't allowed to break up??
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I don't think it's bad to celebrate an evil person's death. I mean, come on, when Trump dies there will be parties for days!
There are all kinds of good reasons to celebrate, and no longer having to live in fear is near the top of the list.
I am going to throw the biggest party ever when my stalker dies!!!started 25 years ago, I was a lone parent & my child was 3. They still live locally and I do a really good job of avoiding them. However only last week I had to walk by them, I was physically ill afterwards, couldn't sleep, nightmares, all the hell of it came back to me. Biggest party ever!!!!!!
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I used to watch Stalked on ID. I couldn't get over how terrifying these stalkers were/are. One woman's story that I never forgot was about a single mom w/ a small son. Out of the blue one Christmas Eve she received an obscene & threatening phone call (this was before cell phones). It was the first of literally thousands. Over the years she recorded the same man, threatening sexual violence and death. She lived in constant fear. He even found her on a vacation she told no one about. I don't remember how, but he slipped up and gave cops a lead. Authorities ended up identifying a suspect. When they went to his home to question him, he killed himself. Evidence taken from the home would prove they had the right man. He was a local business owner with a wife and children. Here's the part that was hardest for the victim to understand. She didn't know him. She had no connection to him whatsoever and she didn't know how he knew her. It was insane!
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F**K those people. Stalkers are a whole different class of predator along with pedophiles + human traffickers. If you've never been stalked, you get NO opinion on the matter. My crazy Ex stalked me for 5 yrs. until I moved out of state. (This was in the early '80's, so no internet, lucky for me.)
Growing up, the husband in a family of our very good friends was monstrously abusive. She was able to leave him and move across the country without him knowing. This man was dangerous in so many ways. He apparently stalked my family and a couple others, intercepting our phone bills and such. The wife was told not to contact any of us, but she did. He found her. I don't know what happened with him after that, but the family is all still alive. If I find that he died, I'll be relieved.
One of the saddest stalking cases I ever heard was about a U.S. woman who moved out of state and changed her identity. She had to leave behind every one she loved. Luckily, there were no children involved. Years passed. Her ex husband hired a private detective who tracked her down. Once he had an address, the ex flew to where she was and killed her on her doorstep.
Load More Replies... NTA, nothing wrong with having friends round for drinks to celebrate something which was having a massively negative impact on her life being removed. With a situation like that, death is the only true way you know they are properly out your life for good. I would say maybe outside of their friend circle be careful how much they share, but that's more just because he was young and people may have known him without her experience, and have their own feelings about his dying.
I was bullied from elementary school through 10th grade. I get a very good endorphin surge every time I read my high school alumni association In Memorial page and see the bully's name and that he died only in his 50's. Nothing to be ashamed of.
If my bully dropped dead I would do a little happy dance. She was a horrible person then and she's a horrible person now.
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I have no idea why we value human life the way we do. Hear me out on this, some people are horrible and while I don't wish death upon anyone, I have certainly found myself happy when some people have died. Actually, no I do wish death upon this one dude who killed my friend after she dumped him, but he has been on death row since 2007 so the state took care of that. Anyway, I am not going to pretend like everyone's life has meaning because there are billions of us. So when one of the horrible ones die then I have no shame about being happy about it. I didn't cause their death, but I did savor it. We are all going to die at some point. Most deaths are tragic, so the deaths that bring us relief are worth savoring.
Sorry for your loss. If I ever doubted that, I stopped the minute I heard the name Joseph E. Duncan. I never knew him, thankfully, but I can say I truly hate the man and am glad he's dead. If you are a sensitive soul, don't Google him. He is evil personified, and proof that some people deserve to die slowly and painfully.
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Nope some people deserve it. I don’t think anyone was sad when Hîtler died, there likely was celebration. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger and when I hear about him dying I’ll likely celebrate too. Some people don’t deserve to breathe the same air as us
People like this, the ones who'd admonish this woman over her party, THINK they are the compassionate ones, but really it's the opposite. The truly compassionate would empathize with HER, the one who was stalked. They would understand her relief, her need to celebrate the newfound freedom and safety she now feels. Of all the Investigation Discovery shows there are or have been, Stalked was the scariest. It was unreal how these stalkers tormented their victims, unbelievable that it sometimes went on for years, decades even. I can honestly say I think I would kill my stalker. I'd rather go to prison than live in fear and torment. So no, this woman is NTA.
There was a mean bully in my neighborhood when I was a kid. He beat me up as well as many kids in the neighborhood. He stole my bicycle, broke into friends' houses and stole. He went to prison and no heard from him for a number of years. Then we found out he had died in prison from a brain tumor. It was the first time in my life I felt relieved that someone had died. The world became a little safer with him under the ground. I'm sure there are those who will try to defend his anti-social behavior on the tumor. But I say good riddance to bad rubbish., however it was caused.
Not every death is a tragedy, some deaths actually make the world a better place. I can think of a few dozen people who make the world a worse place by being it, so when they die yes I will feel happy and I might even celebrate, because the world will be a better place when they are gone.
What I want to know is: Is the coach a male or female? If the coach is a male, he'll never get it since women are the vast majority of those being dangerously stalked. If the coach is a female, she needs to get educated about how many stalkers turn violent.
I'm afraid a lot of the men criticizing this now do "get it" - just from the wrong side of this stalkerish relationship. They are feeling a certain amount fo empathy for this awful stalker, I bet!
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Just a thought; where were these stuck-ups during the time this woman was being stalked? Did they try to help her? Did they even give a sh*t? No? So, if they're gonna get on their high horse and shame this woman for celebrating her freedom from this creep (again, a creep they did NOTHING to stop), then F them! And PS: that coach can stick a bottle rocket up his butt and ride his way to Hell. Any team that cares more for stalkers than victims is no team I'd want to be in anyway.
"stick a bottle rocket up his butt and ride his way to Hell'. That's a colorful phrase; I hope to see it frequently
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Good for you. I'm glad you have friends who are willing to stand by you no matter what. Let's hope your late stalker is in the furthest pit of Hell right now. Hope your life is better now.
When evil can no longer harm us, it is a time to celebrate. I don't care if its cancer, Hitler, or an abuser. I have a friend who fled Uganda's Idi Amin and lived in refugee camps for 3 years before finally getting asylum in the US in 1980. His older sister and he were the only two to escape. After Idi Amin died in 2003 in Saudi Arabia, my friend took his entire family (baby grand kids and all) over to the town he was buried in just to dance on his grave. My friend tells the story explaining that dance was one of the most important moments of his life because he could finally let go of so much pain and irrational fear of an evil man coming to do it again.
She had to MOVE AND CHANGE JOBS because of this jerk. Look over her shoulder EVERY DAY. FEAR FOR HER LIFE, the "what if" that never ended - until he did. Cause for celebration. Until men can get mental health care to stop this s**t, women will celebrate their death in these situations.
Ding dong the creep is dead! Which old creep? The stalker creep! Ding dong the stalker creep is dead!!! (I had a stalker too, so I understand completely, and would do exactly the same thing.)
NTA!!!! My crazy ex was very upset when I broke up with him a few summers ago. He broke into my house and defiled a bunch of my belongings (you don't even want to know), after he saw me out with another man (4 months after the breakup). He went crazy, kept telling me he was going to kill himself, he was going to kill me first though, when i least expected it. I finally went to the police after the break in. They WOULDN'T file breaking and entering/trespassing because he lived in my home prior in the year. Even though it was MY home, That I bought BEFORE we ever started dating. So I went to the courthouse and received a protection order against him. I felt better having this little piece of paper protecting me, BUT I kept my head on a swivel, ALWAYS looking out for when he'd pop up. I still had so much anxiety... but 6 months ago, he took his own life. To say I felt immediate relief is an understatement. No longer living in fear is a perfectly acceptable reason to celebrate!
I agree w/her, he was a piece of s**t & the world is much better off by thinning the herd by tossing this one in the grave. I'd be ecstatic too. "Shouldn't speak ill of the dead? Would you have the same reaction if it had been a pedophile who raped several children? Double standards, f**k them all.
In reality, they weren't celebrating the dude's death, but the relief from the constant anxiety of his stalking behavior. However, there doesn't really seem to have been any decorum in dealing with the death part, so i can understand some people seeing it as disrespectful, but the asshole was not a respectful person in life so why should he automatically be deserving of respect in death? I think the reason for their celebration was in no way inappropriate.
We support and are happy for people who escape an abusive relationship; we understand that people might want to celebrate when they are freed from prison. How is being released from the obsessive and oppressive attentions of a stalker any different? Also, that coach ought to rethink his paternalistic overreach with this private party. There's some distasteful irony there.
I would have set off fireworks for you! It must have been like finally setting down a 50lb rock you'd been forced to carry.
You were somehow representing the club badly?? In your own time??? In private settings?? When you were doing nothing specifically related to the sport the club was for??? Your coach is an arrogant idiot.
NTA. Imo, you shoulda had a "group piss" on the colostomy bags grave!
I know it's not the same thing BUT I had a professor who sexually harassed women students, even knocked up two of them! He was a professor for 40+ years and always got away with it because "Oh it's just Murray." I heard SO many horror stories about him. He raped a classmate of mine. When he died, everybody was praising this guy for what he did for the college. What a "stand up" gentlemen he was. And I was like "???". So then the next year the #metoo movement happened and at a party I made a joke saying "Good thing Murray died before the #metoo movement or he'd be screwed." DEATH STARES. How DARE I make a joke about a dead guy who raped his students and never got in trouble. Just because a person dies doesn't mean they're automatically angelic.
There are millions of people who would be relieved when a certain person in their life dies. I dont understand how so many people knew what you were doing (celebrating) considering how you had to live undercover basically for so long. I am rid of my stalker as well, but that doesnt mean I use my real name on anything.
I tend to agree with the NTA crowd, although I do hope she's seeking therapy. It just helps to talk to a professional about stuff sometimes.
If you were such a menace to another human that they changed their lives in an attempt to be rid of you, they damn well have a right to celebrate when you die. Everyone starts out with deserving a basic respect. What a person chooses to do with regards to how they impact the people around them what they actually deserve to have happen to them. To the OP, celebrate, relax, and enjoy some peace.
He didn’t care about her life. She has no obligation to care about his. There’s nothing to agree with or disagree with, it’s just a fact.
Walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Unless they experience it themselves, it hard for them to sympathize with you.
NTA!! You were in constant danger bc of this stalker. You have the right to feel happy now you are safe again.
Mostly NTA. I've been stalked and it is horrifying. I was stalked in high school and my parents blamed ME for it. Anyway, I would have kept the celebration on the downlow. People who have not been stalked don't know what it feels like, especially since death is the literally the only thing that stopped it.
definitely nta. my gf was sexually abused by her grandfather as a child, and when he died all she felt was relief, as did all of us who love and care about her. better dead than taking up space when no one likes them.
hitler was a vegetarian, guys! he cared about animals! f*****g lol. id be celebrating too. f**k that guy
NTA Found out years after the fact that one stalker had died. Such a relief. Then, found out the ex husband died a couple of years ago. Just as well and goodbye. I don't drink anymore, but I sure understand.
I've had a stalker since 2001 and she's insidious and had so much power over me. Jail didn't work and forget about a restraining order, that just encourages and validates. Recently moved back to New York and was horrified to find so did she. She still scares us after all these years and there's nothing I can do about it.
Most people who have never been in this situation will never understand the toll it takes. It's a daily intrusion and can affect many aspects of your life, which decisions you make, etc. People are just being blindly moralistic to condemn this woman for being freed from someone who was torturing her.
A party is absolutely appropriate. She deserves to celebrate her first day without fear of being killed. Although she will no doubt be dealing with some PTSD for the rest of her life. I celebrated when my paternal grandpa died, and I celebrated when my paternal aunt died. If you haven't suffered at the hands of another person, if you haven't lived in fear, if you haven't stared evil in the face or had everything taken away from you, sit down and shut up about what's proper to celebrate.
Sounds like the coach is a real "Karen" figure. Willing to cancel you out just because he/she didn't like what you said. Total jerk. I'm not commenting on whether what you did was in good or bad taste, but as long as you weren't representing the team while you were partying, then the coach can go fly a kite!
Sure, it's distasteful to celebrate someone's death; but nowhere near as distasteful as stalking someone.
I question people who don't understand the OP's need to find a way to release the pain from the years of anguish and tension they've been living with. It's not entirely unlike being released from captivity. So not, NTA. A SURVIVOR!
Wow, people are too damn sensitive. Maybe they feel so righteous thinking your the devil and they are some angelic human. This guy was scary as hell and had he not been a total creeper, you would never have done this. I would have joined your party celebrating your new found safety myself.
This is the same as recovering from a long illness, from a war, negative pressure for a long time. You deserve every bit of happiness you can find. Let this be your first step to the rest of your life! Only those who have never suffered or recovered want you to feel as bad as they do. Some people aren't worth the tissues. Throw in a handful of dirt and move on. Congratulations on your new day, the rest of your life and a bright future!
Yep, if someone was a piece of s**t in life they are still a piece of s**t when they're dead.
There's lots of precedent. Ding dong the witch is dead comes to mind.
NTA. It was a compensation to her, for making her live in fear and for altering her life (and her friends' lives) to such an extent: moving apartments, changing jobs, getting a new car, changing daily routine just to avoid him etc. She didn't wish for his death, didn't seek revenge, didn't piss on his grave or similar. She was just relieved her life could go back to normal, without the a**hole stalking her. I was stalked by a guy when I was in college and I was not taken seriously. Some people even came up with excuses for his behaviour: "boys will be boys" "he does it because he likes you and you should be happy for that", "he's just having fun", "it's not like he raped you or something" etc. To get rid of him I had to give up going to that library where he first saw me (although I desperately needed it for my graduation). It only took a few months and I was already experiencing nightmares and panic attacks because of him. So I know how it's like.
When my abusive stepfather died 3 years ago, I felt relieved and happy; it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I would have thrown a party if it had been possible at the time. I have a stalker who lives in my building, triggering my PTSD with his behaviour. I reported his behaviour and made complaints about his anti-social behaviour to my housing association. When they did nothing I went to the police. He ignored the written warning he received from the housing association, and his behaviour escalated. It was only after a visit from the police that he finally stopped. At least he doesn't frighten me but the stress really affected my mental and physical health. He's an old man, a busybody with nothing else to do but prowl around; he's had to learn that he can't slag me off, tell slanderous lies and make nasty discriminatory comments about anyone without any consequences.
I've had a person stalking me for 20 years. I could have sent that person to prison but just decided to ignore her, and that made her angrier I suppose. These people are toxic and sometimes dangerous. I'd be happy if this person passed away but still, I doubt I'd celebrate a party since we had very nice times together. And that's what I want to remember.
We all cope with PTSD differently. Death days are up to the individual victim of a crime or abuse. I mostly end up having nightmares no matter what I do, but I do know someone who celebrates a Death Anniversary Day regarding their attacker, and I undersatnd why. I did celebrate once, but only once, and then I sorta.... just don't care anymore. it's enough that they're dead.
Not at all! Perhaps it would have been best to have kept the party between you & your close friends but that ship has sailed. The only people who should feel free to comment is if they, too, have been stalked and had your experiences. Congratulations on having your life back. If others don't like it, tough!
I would bet that the people, who thought she was rude for celebrating his death, has never been stalked like you were. Bless your heart for being ride of such pain and sorrow.
I celebrated the day my stalker committed suicide. I have never, and will never, feel bad about it. He made my life a living hell. He'd show up at work, church, call me at unexpected hours, drive past my house, and ask my dad if he could date me. I'd change my phone number and he would get it. I eventually started screening my calls.
NTA. I would have held a grave-pissing party on his headstone and sent photos to his mom.
*plot twist* He is still alive and now more then ever stalking this girl.
I don't know why people think it's okay to act out when people don't share their definition of justice. Things are not always black and white in the world, almost never. People like this share too many parallels with the nutcases that think blowing themselves up along with other people will show the world their brand of justice is the right one.
How is suicide nothing to celebrate if it eliminates the world from a bad person? Who cares if he was mentally ill? He made her life hard, and his death is what ended the fear. It’s no more complicated than that.
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"Inconvenienced" You're f-ing kidding, right?
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That doesn’t make sense, people aren’t magnets. Osama Bin Laden had people who loved him and miss him too, so what? There’s many conditions a human can be in. Missing a loved one. Being a stalking victim. People react how it makes sense to react, it’s pointless to try and police it.
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You go ahead and be kind to someone who threatens your life. I'll be over here dancing after he's dead.
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'You shouldn't speak ill of the dead'! Why not? If they were scum, they were scum! What next, we gonna talk about all the nice things Jimmy Savile did? Hitler liked dogs! Charles Manson Wrote music! Are we going to say Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't bad, he just had a very specific eating disorder! No, we should celebrate when people who terrorize others are removed from the world.
I mean, it's not like they broke into his funeral and pissed on the body. Some people's deaths improve the world. If you don't want decent people to celebrate, don't be an a-hole.
This dude would have deserved having his grave pissed on, if you ask me.
Load More Replies... In the early 90s we withheld my wedding announcement and both of my children's birth announcements from the paper for fear of my stalker (an ex boyfriend uggh!!) Filed a complaint and took him before the local magistrate who asked me what I did to piss him off. He was arrested for kidnapping and rapping another woman when my youngest was 2. Sentenced to jail 3 years later. Nothing I've ever experience compares to the relief I felt when I found out he could no longer terrorize me.
What did you do to piss him off?? Wow, that's nerve - couples aren't allowed to break up??
Load More Replies... I don't think it's bad to celebrate an evil person's death. I mean, come on, when Trump dies there will be parties for days!
There are all kinds of good reasons to celebrate, and no longer having to live in fear is near the top of the list.
I am going to throw the biggest party ever when my stalker dies!!!started 25 years ago, I was a lone parent & my child was 3. They still live locally and I do a really good job of avoiding them. However only last week I had to walk by them, I was physically ill afterwards, couldn't sleep, nightmares, all the hell of it came back to me. Biggest party ever!!!!!!
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I used to watch Stalked on ID. I couldn't get over how terrifying these stalkers were/are. One woman's story that I never forgot was about a single mom w/ a small son. Out of the blue one Christmas Eve she received an obscene & threatening phone call (this was before cell phones). It was the first of literally thousands. Over the years she recorded the same man, threatening sexual violence and death. She lived in constant fear. He even found her on a vacation she told no one about. I don't remember how, but he slipped up and gave cops a lead. Authorities ended up identifying a suspect. When they went to his home to question him, he killed himself. Evidence taken from the home would prove they had the right man. He was a local business owner with a wife and children. Here's the part that was hardest for the victim to understand. She didn't know him. She had no connection to him whatsoever and she didn't know how he knew her. It was insane!
Load More Replies... F**K those people. Stalkers are a whole different class of predator along with pedophiles + human traffickers. If you've never been stalked, you get NO opinion on the matter. My crazy Ex stalked me for 5 yrs. until I moved out of state. (This was in the early '80's, so no internet, lucky for me.)
Growing up, the husband in a family of our very good friends was monstrously abusive. She was able to leave him and move across the country without him knowing. This man was dangerous in so many ways. He apparently stalked my family and a couple others, intercepting our phone bills and such. The wife was told not to contact any of us, but she did. He found her. I don't know what happened with him after that, but the family is all still alive. If I find that he died, I'll be relieved.
One of the saddest stalking cases I ever heard was about a U.S. woman who moved out of state and changed her identity. She had to leave behind every one she loved. Luckily, there were no children involved. Years passed. Her ex husband hired a private detective who tracked her down. Once he had an address, the ex flew to where she was and killed her on her doorstep.
Load More Replies... NTA, nothing wrong with having friends round for drinks to celebrate something which was having a massively negative impact on her life being removed. With a situation like that, death is the only true way you know they are properly out your life for good. I would say maybe outside of their friend circle be careful how much they share, but that's more just because he was young and people may have known him without her experience, and have their own feelings about his dying.
I was bullied from elementary school through 10th grade. I get a very good endorphin surge every time I read my high school alumni association In Memorial page and see the bully's name and that he died only in his 50's. Nothing to be ashamed of.
If my bully dropped dead I would do a little happy dance. She was a horrible person then and she's a horrible person now.
Load More Replies... I have no idea why we value human life the way we do. Hear me out on this, some people are horrible and while I don't wish death upon anyone, I have certainly found myself happy when some people have died. Actually, no I do wish death upon this one dude who killed my friend after she dumped him, but he has been on death row since 2007 so the state took care of that. Anyway, I am not going to pretend like everyone's life has meaning because there are billions of us. So when one of the horrible ones die then I have no shame about being happy about it. I didn't cause their death, but I did savor it. We are all going to die at some point. Most deaths are tragic, so the deaths that bring us relief are worth savoring.
Sorry for your loss. If I ever doubted that, I stopped the minute I heard the name Joseph E. Duncan. I never knew him, thankfully, but I can say I truly hate the man and am glad he's dead. If you are a sensitive soul, don't Google him. He is evil personified, and proof that some people deserve to die slowly and painfully.
Load More Replies... Nope some people deserve it. I don’t think anyone was sad when Hîtler died, there likely was celebration. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger and when I hear about him dying I’ll likely celebrate too. Some people don’t deserve to breathe the same air as us
People like this, the ones who'd admonish this woman over her party, THINK they are the compassionate ones, but really it's the opposite. The truly compassionate would empathize with HER, the one who was stalked. They would understand her relief, her need to celebrate the newfound freedom and safety she now feels. Of all the Investigation Discovery shows there are or have been, Stalked was the scariest. It was unreal how these stalkers tormented their victims, unbelievable that it sometimes went on for years, decades even. I can honestly say I think I would kill my stalker. I'd rather go to prison than live in fear and torment. So no, this woman is NTA.
There was a mean bully in my neighborhood when I was a kid. He beat me up as well as many kids in the neighborhood. He stole my bicycle, broke into friends' houses and stole. He went to prison and no heard from him for a number of years. Then we found out he had died in prison from a brain tumor. It was the first time in my life I felt relieved that someone had died. The world became a little safer with him under the ground. I'm sure there are those who will try to defend his anti-social behavior on the tumor. But I say good riddance to bad rubbish., however it was caused.
Not every death is a tragedy, some deaths actually make the world a better place. I can think of a few dozen people who make the world a worse place by being it, so when they die yes I will feel happy and I might even celebrate, because the world will be a better place when they are gone.
What I want to know is: Is the coach a male or female? If the coach is a male, he'll never get it since women are the vast majority of those being dangerously stalked. If the coach is a female, she needs to get educated about how many stalkers turn violent.
I'm afraid a lot of the men criticizing this now do "get it" - just from the wrong side of this stalkerish relationship. They are feeling a certain amount fo empathy for this awful stalker, I bet!
Load More Replies... Just a thought; where were these stuck-ups during the time this woman was being stalked? Did they try to help her? Did they even give a sh*t? No? So, if they're gonna get on their high horse and shame this woman for celebrating her freedom from this creep (again, a creep they did NOTHING to stop), then F them! And PS: that coach can stick a bottle rocket up his butt and ride his way to Hell. Any team that cares more for stalkers than victims is no team I'd want to be in anyway.
"stick a bottle rocket up his butt and ride his way to Hell'. That's a colorful phrase; I hope to see it frequently
Load More Replies... Good for you. I'm glad you have friends who are willing to stand by you no matter what. Let's hope your late stalker is in the furthest pit of Hell right now. Hope your life is better now.
When evil can no longer harm us, it is a time to celebrate. I don't care if its cancer, Hitler, or an abuser. I have a friend who fled Uganda's Idi Amin and lived in refugee camps for 3 years before finally getting asylum in the US in 1980. His older sister and he were the only two to escape. After Idi Amin died in 2003 in Saudi Arabia, my friend took his entire family (baby grand kids and all) over to the town he was buried in just to dance on his grave. My friend tells the story explaining that dance was one of the most important moments of his life because he could finally let go of so much pain and irrational fear of an evil man coming to do it again.
She had to MOVE AND CHANGE JOBS because of this jerk. Look over her shoulder EVERY DAY. FEAR FOR HER LIFE, the "what if" that never ended - until he did. Cause for celebration. Until men can get mental health care to stop this s**t, women will celebrate their death in these situations.
Ding dong the creep is dead! Which old creep? The stalker creep! Ding dong the stalker creep is dead!!! (I had a stalker too, so I understand completely, and would do exactly the same thing.)
NTA!!!! My crazy ex was very upset when I broke up with him a few summers ago. He broke into my house and defiled a bunch of my belongings (you don't even want to know), after he saw me out with another man (4 months after the breakup). He went crazy, kept telling me he was going to kill himself, he was going to kill me first though, when i least expected it. I finally went to the police after the break in. They WOULDN'T file breaking and entering/trespassing because he lived in my home prior in the year. Even though it was MY home, That I bought BEFORE we ever started dating. So I went to the courthouse and received a protection order against him. I felt better having this little piece of paper protecting me, BUT I kept my head on a swivel, ALWAYS looking out for when he'd pop up. I still had so much anxiety... but 6 months ago, he took his own life. To say I felt immediate relief is an understatement. No longer living in fear is a perfectly acceptable reason to celebrate!
I agree w/her, he was a piece of s**t & the world is much better off by thinning the herd by tossing this one in the grave. I'd be ecstatic too. "Shouldn't speak ill of the dead? Would you have the same reaction if it had been a pedophile who raped several children? Double standards, f**k them all.
In reality, they weren't celebrating the dude's death, but the relief from the constant anxiety of his stalking behavior. However, there doesn't really seem to have been any decorum in dealing with the death part, so i can understand some people seeing it as disrespectful, but the asshole was not a respectful person in life so why should he automatically be deserving of respect in death? I think the reason for their celebration was in no way inappropriate.
We support and are happy for people who escape an abusive relationship; we understand that people might want to celebrate when they are freed from prison. How is being released from the obsessive and oppressive attentions of a stalker any different? Also, that coach ought to rethink his paternalistic overreach with this private party. There's some distasteful irony there.
I would have set off fireworks for you! It must have been like finally setting down a 50lb rock you'd been forced to carry.
You were somehow representing the club badly?? In your own time??? In private settings?? When you were doing nothing specifically related to the sport the club was for??? Your coach is an arrogant idiot.
NTA. Imo, you shoulda had a "group piss" on the colostomy bags grave!
I know it's not the same thing BUT I had a professor who sexually harassed women students, even knocked up two of them! He was a professor for 40+ years and always got away with it because "Oh it's just Murray." I heard SO many horror stories about him. He raped a classmate of mine. When he died, everybody was praising this guy for what he did for the college. What a "stand up" gentlemen he was. And I was like "???". So then the next year the #metoo movement happened and at a party I made a joke saying "Good thing Murray died before the #metoo movement or he'd be screwed." DEATH STARES. How DARE I make a joke about a dead guy who raped his students and never got in trouble. Just because a person dies doesn't mean they're automatically angelic.
There are millions of people who would be relieved when a certain person in their life dies. I dont understand how so many people knew what you were doing (celebrating) considering how you had to live undercover basically for so long. I am rid of my stalker as well, but that doesnt mean I use my real name on anything.
I tend to agree with the NTA crowd, although I do hope she's seeking therapy. It just helps to talk to a professional about stuff sometimes.
If you were such a menace to another human that they changed their lives in an attempt to be rid of you, they damn well have a right to celebrate when you die. Everyone starts out with deserving a basic respect. What a person chooses to do with regards to how they impact the people around them what they actually deserve to have happen to them. To the OP, celebrate, relax, and enjoy some peace.
He didn’t care about her life. She has no obligation to care about his. There’s nothing to agree with or disagree with, it’s just a fact.
Walk a mile in someone’s shoes. Unless they experience it themselves, it hard for them to sympathize with you.
NTA!! You were in constant danger bc of this stalker. You have the right to feel happy now you are safe again.
Mostly NTA. I've been stalked and it is horrifying. I was stalked in high school and my parents blamed ME for it. Anyway, I would have kept the celebration on the downlow. People who have not been stalked don't know what it feels like, especially since death is the literally the only thing that stopped it.
definitely nta. my gf was sexually abused by her grandfather as a child, and when he died all she felt was relief, as did all of us who love and care about her. better dead than taking up space when no one likes them.
hitler was a vegetarian, guys! he cared about animals! f*****g lol. id be celebrating too. f**k that guy
NTA Found out years after the fact that one stalker had died. Such a relief. Then, found out the ex husband died a couple of years ago. Just as well and goodbye. I don't drink anymore, but I sure understand.
I've had a stalker since 2001 and she's insidious and had so much power over me. Jail didn't work and forget about a restraining order, that just encourages and validates. Recently moved back to New York and was horrified to find so did she. She still scares us after all these years and there's nothing I can do about it.
Most people who have never been in this situation will never understand the toll it takes. It's a daily intrusion and can affect many aspects of your life, which decisions you make, etc. People are just being blindly moralistic to condemn this woman for being freed from someone who was torturing her.
A party is absolutely appropriate. She deserves to celebrate her first day without fear of being killed. Although she will no doubt be dealing with some PTSD for the rest of her life. I celebrated when my paternal grandpa died, and I celebrated when my paternal aunt died. If you haven't suffered at the hands of another person, if you haven't lived in fear, if you haven't stared evil in the face or had everything taken away from you, sit down and shut up about what's proper to celebrate.
Sounds like the coach is a real "Karen" figure. Willing to cancel you out just because he/she didn't like what you said. Total jerk. I'm not commenting on whether what you did was in good or bad taste, but as long as you weren't representing the team while you were partying, then the coach can go fly a kite!
Sure, it's distasteful to celebrate someone's death; but nowhere near as distasteful as stalking someone.
I question people who don't understand the OP's need to find a way to release the pain from the years of anguish and tension they've been living with. It's not entirely unlike being released from captivity. So not, NTA. A SURVIVOR!
Wow, people are too damn sensitive. Maybe they feel so righteous thinking your the devil and they are some angelic human. This guy was scary as hell and had he not been a total creeper, you would never have done this. I would have joined your party celebrating your new found safety myself.
This is the same as recovering from a long illness, from a war, negative pressure for a long time. You deserve every bit of happiness you can find. Let this be your first step to the rest of your life! Only those who have never suffered or recovered want you to feel as bad as they do. Some people aren't worth the tissues. Throw in a handful of dirt and move on. Congratulations on your new day, the rest of your life and a bright future!
Yep, if someone was a piece of s**t in life they are still a piece of s**t when they're dead.
There's lots of precedent. Ding dong the witch is dead comes to mind.
NTA. It was a compensation to her, for making her live in fear and for altering her life (and her friends' lives) to such an extent: moving apartments, changing jobs, getting a new car, changing daily routine just to avoid him etc. She didn't wish for his death, didn't seek revenge, didn't piss on his grave or similar. She was just relieved her life could go back to normal, without the a**hole stalking her. I was stalked by a guy when I was in college and I was not taken seriously. Some people even came up with excuses for his behaviour: "boys will be boys" "he does it because he likes you and you should be happy for that", "he's just having fun", "it's not like he raped you or something" etc. To get rid of him I had to give up going to that library where he first saw me (although I desperately needed it for my graduation). It only took a few months and I was already experiencing nightmares and panic attacks because of him. So I know how it's like.
When my abusive stepfather died 3 years ago, I felt relieved and happy; it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I would have thrown a party if it had been possible at the time. I have a stalker who lives in my building, triggering my PTSD with his behaviour. I reported his behaviour and made complaints about his anti-social behaviour to my housing association. When they did nothing I went to the police. He ignored the written warning he received from the housing association, and his behaviour escalated. It was only after a visit from the police that he finally stopped. At least he doesn't frighten me but the stress really affected my mental and physical health. He's an old man, a busybody with nothing else to do but prowl around; he's had to learn that he can't slag me off, tell slanderous lies and make nasty discriminatory comments about anyone without any consequences.
I've had a person stalking me for 20 years. I could have sent that person to prison but just decided to ignore her, and that made her angrier I suppose. These people are toxic and sometimes dangerous. I'd be happy if this person passed away but still, I doubt I'd celebrate a party since we had very nice times together. And that's what I want to remember.
We all cope with PTSD differently. Death days are up to the individual victim of a crime or abuse. I mostly end up having nightmares no matter what I do, but I do know someone who celebrates a Death Anniversary Day regarding their attacker, and I undersatnd why. I did celebrate once, but only once, and then I sorta.... just don't care anymore. it's enough that they're dead.
Not at all! Perhaps it would have been best to have kept the party between you & your close friends but that ship has sailed. The only people who should feel free to comment is if they, too, have been stalked and had your experiences. Congratulations on having your life back. If others don't like it, tough!
I would bet that the people, who thought she was rude for celebrating his death, has never been stalked like you were. Bless your heart for being ride of such pain and sorrow.
I celebrated the day my stalker committed suicide. I have never, and will never, feel bad about it. He made my life a living hell. He'd show up at work, church, call me at unexpected hours, drive past my house, and ask my dad if he could date me. I'd change my phone number and he would get it. I eventually started screening my calls.
NTA. I would have held a grave-pissing party on his headstone and sent photos to his mom.
*plot twist* He is still alive and now more then ever stalking this girl.
I don't know why people think it's okay to act out when people don't share their definition of justice. Things are not always black and white in the world, almost never. People like this share too many parallels with the nutcases that think blowing themselves up along with other people will show the world their brand of justice is the right one.
How is suicide nothing to celebrate if it eliminates the world from a bad person? Who cares if he was mentally ill? He made her life hard, and his death is what ended the fear. It’s no more complicated than that.
Load More Replies... "Inconvenienced" You're f-ing kidding, right?
Load More Replies... That doesn’t make sense, people aren’t magnets. Osama Bin Laden had people who loved him and miss him too, so what? There’s many conditions a human can be in. Missing a loved one. Being a stalking victim. People react how it makes sense to react, it’s pointless to try and police it.
Load More Replies... You go ahead and be kind to someone who threatens your life. I'll be over here dancing after he's dead.
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