Woman Avoids A Creepy Stalker By Following Safety Tips She Found On Reddit
Have you ever considered the fact that your post on a social media platform could potentially save somebody else’s life or at least help them get out of a dangerous situation? That’s exactly what recently happened to Reddit user @aggressivelycanadian.
Around a month ago, the woman went on the platform and shared a story about what happened to her while she was at a mall. “I was in a potentially dangerous situation today,” reads the caption of her post. “I knew what to do from a previous post on here, and the comments I read, and I just want to say thank you.”
More info: reddit.com
“I was in a potentially dangerous situation today,” reads the caption of the woman’s post. “I knew what to do from a previous post on here, and the comments I read”
The woman had gone into a mall to use the bathroom when she noticed a suspicious man following her
It all started when the woman decided to go to the nearby mall in order to use the bathroom before her drive home. As she walked in, she noticed the man that was walking in the opposite direction, but then saw her and turned around. The woman became suspicious and suddenly remembered a comment that she once read on Reddit that advised to never go into a public bathroom when being followed.
Suddenly, she remembered a comment that she once saw on Reddit that advised to never go into a public bathroom when being followed
Then another one crossed her mind, advising her to go into a store that the suspected person would not typically have interest in
As she was walking, she remembered another piece of safety advice suggesting that if you’re not sure if you’re being followed, you should go into a store that the suspected person would not typically have interest in. She noticed a dollhouse store and went inside. The suspicious man followed her.
After realizing that the man was truly following her, the woman called her husband, who was waiting in the car
“With the phone on speaker, I loudly said, ‘I am being followed by the man behind me.'”
The woman then quickly walked back towards the exit of the store and while walking out, she called her husband, who was waiting for her in the car. “The man in the yellow mask turned and matched my pace toward the exit,” the user narrates. She put her phone on speaker and loudly said that she was being followed by the man behind her. After hearing that, her husband got out of the car and came to the mall.
The woman feels incredibly thankful to all the users who decided to share those safety advice she happened across
Here’s how people reacted to the story
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Did you report him to mall security? They almost certainly have cameras at the entrance, and the doll store most likely has them too. Even if he wore a mask, they'd have his body build and know where he likes to stake out potential victims.
Fair point-Im never gonna forget this post-Just in case
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This is terrifying. What I learned growing up was to engage in conversation with a random person, act like you know them, and basically just hope that they go along with it. This has worked for me, but it revolves so much on the chance that the random person will go along with the situation. Another thing I would recommend is to act like you're on the phone with somebody who is coming to meet you. Whatever you do, keep calm. If they realize you're panicking, they'll pick up on the fact that you're vulnerable, and that'll make you an open target.
Do you have any other advice? I'm a teen and terrified of these kinds of things
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I answered this to an answer, but maybe it's helpful for others, too: What I did pretty often is hold my phone to my ear and saying things like: "Yes I am just passing xy (wherever you are), you should see me in a moment, Igor (some very male name)." Depending on the situation I looked a bit around, "what direction are you coming from, honey?" Sometimes I even went on: "Are the dogs with you? Did they behave?" or "How was Training, did you beat the guy up?" When I was a teen I went to self-defence-training and tried to never walk alone in the dark or lonely places. Also helpful is a special women's alarm you can stick to your purse and can set off in a bad situation, they make incredible noise. If there are other people around: go to them, tell them you're being followed / uncomfortable.
It is sad we have to pretend to have a male counterpart to defend us. Men need to be taught to behave.
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I am glad she was aware enough to be active in her plan. I have learned that often times "crazy" will get you out of a situation. I approached my stalker with a very loud "wtf are you following me for?" And many other expletives. I created a scene and when others noticed, he took off running. Ladies, you have to stand up an reclaim your power. Stay safe out there
I had a similar incident when I used to walk to and from work; I was a carer, working mostly night shifts. I realised I was being followed (now I'm 6-ft 1 which is tall for a woman but I'm also big frame and I don't look like I'm frightened of anything) I used to wear big heavy boots good for kicking and defending myself. Anyway I realised this man was following me so I turned around and I looked at him in the face and I said in a very loud voice "WTF do you want?" He did such a big double take, almost shocked at having the tables turned on him. He then told me that he wasn't following me, even though I knew he was (I'd taken a few diversions along my route) so I told him to go past, he crossed the road and walked quickly away, looking over his shoulder. Never walk around looking like a victim.
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Everything in the story was told at least three times, did anyone think about editing? There was the reddit post, the direct quote in bold, then the explanatory text repeating the previous two, all throughout the story.
Yea, this ruins it. It’s like listening to a PA announcement in a massive parking building or stadium. Pointless
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Always be aware of your surrounding. This lady was lucky. She could have also upon seeing the man in the store just went to the back room an told employees while calling her husband too. They could have called security an surely had some cameras to pick him up for authorities to look for. Leaving that store and calling was smart too. Never confront these people as they can dismiss others by saying "you're a couple having a fight an to mind their business".
Oh my gosh, so true! There was once a young lady near my apartment on a busy street and I woke up to her loudly arguing with a guy. She was drunk and couldn’t find her car at 2a when the bars closed. SoCal hipster neighborhood. I quickly dressed and walked out with a long heavy MagLight flashlight, shined it on the dude and he said to me, “It’s just my girlfriend and I need to get her home”. So I asked the girl, “Do you know this guy?” and she says, “No”. Well, I told him to get lost and got my car keys, drove her around the neighborhood looking for her car which was a few streets up. Got the things she needed and drove her home (about 10 miles) because she had been drinking. So so so glad they were arguing in front of my place. Never trust someone who claims the potential victim is a known person.
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This makes me so sad. I'm so depressed about how bad people are. I don't get it why be bad?
Dont expect help from law enforement. A boyfriend assaulted me when we were camping. The local police refused to acknowledge a crime was committed. I had an inch of reports from the park service, and hospital, plus hand shaped bruises. Police officer in charge forbid his staff from helping. Both men and women turned me away from seeing people who could help. At the last possible place to get help, i was turned away. I stood in waiting area sobbed loudly and howled what happened.. Someone was send to help me leave. He read the reports, then took me to the courtroom and talked the judge. I got a restraining order quickly. When my ex was served at work, he lost his job. What if I wasn't strong and confident? If I was afraid to make a fool of myself? Persistent? I knew he would not show up at my front door. He lived two hours away and would never drive in Boston. I had the time to pursue this. What about the women who can't pursue this? It was difficult.
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Also: don't (directly) go home if being followed. They mustn't know where you live.
Go in a store if one is open, hotel lobbies, churches having services, restaurants. Any public place. Then ask for help.
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My sister was once followed while on her way home. This was before cell phones were a thing. Fortunately, she was smart about it and didn't want her stalker to know where she lived, so she turned and went into a nearby grocery store, which was busy enough to lose them. She said she would have gotten a staff member to help if she hadn't lost them, but fortunately, she didn't have to go that far. Always be alert and aware of your surroundings, trust your instincts, and stay calm!
Long before mobile phones, I was once followed home after a party, pretty late. I crossed the road a few times to check that he was actually following and not just going in the same direction. I found a kebab shop - those places seem to be open all night and there were several people hanging about. I moved close to them and then just turned and shouted at the top of my voice 'will you just f*** off following me!' So everybody turned to look and he skulked off. I waited a good while there until I was sure he was gone. They don't want other people around.
This is very smart: don't feel embarrased to call out your stalker.
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Maybe this has been done before and I missed it, but instead of trite "ask Pandas"... what is your favorite song/poem, blah... try a "tips for avoiding an attacker." I would read that very willingly.
Here you go: https://www.boredpanda.com/hey-pandas-what-are-your-tips-for-getting-rid-of-a-creep-or-harasser-2/
Load More Replies... she did a good job of protecting hersewlf, ut like ther woman whose adv ioce she (and I) happened to read about, she took an unnexceesary risk: she left the store to go to her husband when she should have told her husband to come to the store. The interval between store and car could easily have been the scene of tragedy. Putting her phone on speaker was arilliant idea, and it would jave been even better in the store. Not seeing a clerk at the register, she should have shouted "Anyone here??" It's i,mportant in such situations to MAKE NOISE! Silence is your enemy, and predfators rely on it. Anti-harassment organizations should pressure mall owners to post signs with clearly visible security phone numbers and position numbers, so security know where the callis coming from, hence where to go. Mall cops have to cover significant distances and so should be outfitted with electric scooters or similar. This is an important post that should be spread to all women's groups and all media.
Okay, this is amazing. Now I am really interested in finding more advice for stuff like this, because I don't want to screw up when in a situation like this...
People often talk about 'what women can do to protect themselves' but never question why they have to protect themselves. Women should never have to think about doing what the OP did because they should never be in that position in the first place. We need to be teaching in school about consent, about boundaries, about NOT F*****G FOLLOWING WOMEN!! It's like where women get told how to avoid being raped. How about teaching men not to rape in the first place? How about tougher sentences for those who do? How about believing women in the first place and not questioning them on what they were wearing, how much they'd had to drink etc Women shouldn't have to learn tactics in order to protect themselves.
Yea, I'm always astounded at the light sentences handed down to rapists and molesters - men and women.
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hey guys, there are stores on instagram and probably etsy that sell disguised self-defense things to put on keychains and purses and handbags. They're resin, and you can get them customized, and they can be really cute, like with dried flowers and gold flakes in the resin, and ribbons around the handles. There are things that are like daggers , and things that look like brass knuckles, and yeah Imma be blunt, they're basically just pretty brass knuckles but made of resin and for 2-3 fingers with sharp, pointed ends. I can attach a link to a couple of the stores if I can find them.
This is another reason why I carry a knife. Just show that I have it in my pocket. They think twice.
I know this isn’t important but what mall has a dollhouse store In it because I want to go there!
Would it be too much to add, whilst you're talking, or even pretending to be talking, to someone on a phone, saying 'I think I'm being followed, guy in a green jacket, dark hair, wait a sec' then turn and take a photo of the guy? Pretty sure he wouldn't want to stick around once that's happened.
post I read on face book ,goes like this mums ask daughter what to do if a stranger try to grab you . Daughter: kick him in the balls and yell 'FIRE'!" . MUM: "Ha, right but that's not a good word, its 'testicles'." Daughter: "Ok, kick him in the balls and yell 'TESTICLES'!" MUM: OK that's better .
if some one is stalking you ,say in a loud voice help a stalker ,I never let anyone have power over me
Bravo for following your gut instinct and that you are safe. But this is precisely why I don't allow my wife or children to go into a mall or large store alone.
It is good she followed her intuition. I recently read THE GIFT OF FEAR: AND OTHER SURVIVAL SIGNALS THAT PROTECT US by Gavin de Becker. Humans are the only animals that override our instincts of "fight or flight." We don't want to seem paranoid, we're just imagining things, etc. Gavin de Becker is a former victim's advocate, and every person he worked with knew there was something wrong, something didn't feel right. She did the right thing following her instincts. I would have called out for help in the store -- unless it's common for stores not to be attended where she is.
The reality of the real world is that predators exist. whether they cats or perverts. Knowing how not to be "stupid prey" is important for all living things. You took good precautions, and didn't put yourself in a stupid place, and so if it had been innocent situation no harm done, but if it had been a danger you removed yourself smartly.
I'm really not comfortable with ... the necessity of this. Can't we do better? Are we that ... low? I mean, if I think about what one is thinking who does this ... right in the very moment ... is there no element of doubt about the righteousness of said action? What are the further plans? Why can't we just respect other people's boundaries, and ... no and, just that? What even is hard about that...?
I'm terrified of the tought that stuff like this can and IS happening all over. I was terrified of going to a bathroom *I hadn't seen this post tho* because I heard some people yelling at me from a bar opposite from the hallway I was walking in, something along the lines of: "hey little girl! You coming in for a drink?" (By some clearly drunk peeps), but I went there anyway, and only after I couldn't hear them speaking loudly anymore did I have enough courage to come out and leave.
Tik Tok has a bunch of women's self defense videos . They are really good things to know. One of the most important things is that predators typically look to throw you off your game so they have an advantage and can grab you. Most people will freeze up when confronted with a dangerous situation . Train yourself to react. A predator counts on using your confusion , fear or denial to grab you and subdue you . Fight back ! Most of the time you will get away. Never let them take you to a second location. That usually is where they intend to kill you. Pepper spray , self defense keychain , handheld tasers , tactical pen and other self defense products can literally save your life . Fight back !
Always begin screaming as loud as possible. He should’ve been apprehended so he can’t do it to another woman whose not as savvy.
This rarely happens in my country especially inside the mall but this is a good tip for everyone around. Most people will follow you in the street or some dark alley to holdup you. Our malls are busy with people and we always have malls guards and guard/s per shop/store/restaurant in the mall where you can ask for help. Even the restrooms got janitors inside, so you are never alone in the restroom in case someone tries to mug you or what.
Our mall has a family bathroom--a really big one with a play place, a nursing area, changing table, and two private toilets with an adult and child toilet. I saw a single man in it once, so I told a security guard, who shrugged at me. The sign says families only. However, I have used it as a single woman and cannot hold it all the way upstairs and down half the mall to the nearest bathroom. Why---because generally women are not a threat, and single men who are not threats shouldn't even try because they will be perceived as such. And it sucks because if we were all good, then they just needed the bathroom, and then they should. The creeps ruin it for the good guys.
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I didn't see the original post, but thank you for sharing these tips. I never would have thought to go into a store that the "creepy" person who have no interest in. And, yes, I have one of those personal panic alarms, but where is it ?.....in my junk drawer. Well....not anymore!
It saddens me that we are having to come up with advice to give to to women to keep some creep from attacking them. People should not have to be scared to be in a public place because some weirdo has plans to hurt someone. We need to do something to stop this type of behavior from ever happening.
Teach sons, male friends and male family members not to do something like this, intead to be a confident man and help others. And draw attention to this issue. In 2007 an anti-stalking law came into force in Germany - quite late. In 2020 a law against upskirting (taking pictures or filming under womens dresses). We need more of this..it doesn't completely stop people but shapes the feeling of wrong and right, illegal vs. boys-being-boys. But until that we have to share advice..it sucks though.
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If I had been the ladies husband I would have gone with her into the Mall why did he not?
Going from all the comments (and the fact that articles like this are so frequent too): are these things really this common in the US? Only in big cities or smaller ones too? I just can't imagine living in fear all the time... what I've read online.... how can you stand it?
I don't know I think it's common all over the world, big cities or small ones. Everywhere certain men enjoy having power over a woman. If you are a man you should ask you female friends /partner family members - you will be surprised how many women experience this or have to live with the fear frequently. I think it takes away womens freedom to mind their own business, since a lot of time we have to keep thinking of or dealing with this sh-
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What you can also do: If someone is harassing you go grey rock, play dumb and bored, takes away the fun of entangeling you in a conversation and preying on you, confuses the harasser. If that doesn't work, try drawing attention to you, I once said very loud "stop harassing women!!" which made heads turn. The man was whispering to me - because that's where he felt safe, he then quickly left. Never go along if someone tries to force you in a car or not to make noise - they pressure you because it's unsafe right now for them - to get you somewhere more safe for them, where they have the most control. But you have the most control now, compared to that. Also say "I don't know this man!" If the suation is more of an emergency act very creepy, crazy and impredictable. I once saw a woman (who was very attractive and well dressed) at night in a train station and she randomly started hitting her tummy, shrieking and making animal like noises. It was so f-ing scary everyone stayed very very far from her.
I think this is a reminder that we should always be alert. If you see somebody who seems to be followed (or in any way bothered by somebody), either get help, or approach them and see if you can get them out of the situation (Not saying to jump onto the bad guy, just try to be sneaky about it).
on a second note: I once hit a classmate because he touched my shoulderstrap from behind in a mall without me knowing it was him. Taught him a lesson...taught me my reflexes are sharp :-) p.s. he didn't mind.
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How do i get my bra off while being tied? You can not pick every lock with wire and it needs practice. The best bet is a) getting out of the situation before it escalates if you can of get attention from others (walk smiling brightly to women and start either tell them your worry or start another conversation). I am not sure if weapons without training are any good since they give false security and can be used against you.
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Marnie, the employees were out of her sight. Yes, people do get abducted in public spaces. It's rare, obviously, but not unheard of. On the other hand, plenty of women have been groped in public by strangers.
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You are the reason people don't trust men. It isn't entitled to want to feel safe, you man-bitch
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Well, she was followed through half the mall and then into a specific section of the store, and all the while she was watching her. It doesn’t sound like much assuming to me.
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No reason to doubt it. This kind of thing is common.
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Did you report him to mall security? They almost certainly have cameras at the entrance, and the doll store most likely has them too. Even if he wore a mask, they'd have his body build and know where he likes to stake out potential victims.
Fair point-Im never gonna forget this post-Just in case
Load More Replies... This is terrifying. What I learned growing up was to engage in conversation with a random person, act like you know them, and basically just hope that they go along with it. This has worked for me, but it revolves so much on the chance that the random person will go along with the situation. Another thing I would recommend is to act like you're on the phone with somebody who is coming to meet you. Whatever you do, keep calm. If they realize you're panicking, they'll pick up on the fact that you're vulnerable, and that'll make you an open target.
Do you have any other advice? I'm a teen and terrified of these kinds of things
Load More Replies... I answered this to an answer, but maybe it's helpful for others, too: What I did pretty often is hold my phone to my ear and saying things like: "Yes I am just passing xy (wherever you are), you should see me in a moment, Igor (some very male name)." Depending on the situation I looked a bit around, "what direction are you coming from, honey?" Sometimes I even went on: "Are the dogs with you? Did they behave?" or "How was Training, did you beat the guy up?" When I was a teen I went to self-defence-training and tried to never walk alone in the dark or lonely places. Also helpful is a special women's alarm you can stick to your purse and can set off in a bad situation, they make incredible noise. If there are other people around: go to them, tell them you're being followed / uncomfortable.
It is sad we have to pretend to have a male counterpart to defend us. Men need to be taught to behave.
Load More Replies... I am glad she was aware enough to be active in her plan. I have learned that often times "crazy" will get you out of a situation. I approached my stalker with a very loud "wtf are you following me for?" And many other expletives. I created a scene and when others noticed, he took off running. Ladies, you have to stand up an reclaim your power. Stay safe out there
I had a similar incident when I used to walk to and from work; I was a carer, working mostly night shifts. I realised I was being followed (now I'm 6-ft 1 which is tall for a woman but I'm also big frame and I don't look like I'm frightened of anything) I used to wear big heavy boots good for kicking and defending myself. Anyway I realised this man was following me so I turned around and I looked at him in the face and I said in a very loud voice "WTF do you want?" He did such a big double take, almost shocked at having the tables turned on him. He then told me that he wasn't following me, even though I knew he was (I'd taken a few diversions along my route) so I told him to go past, he crossed the road and walked quickly away, looking over his shoulder. Never walk around looking like a victim.
Load More Replies... Everything in the story was told at least three times, did anyone think about editing? There was the reddit post, the direct quote in bold, then the explanatory text repeating the previous two, all throughout the story.
Yea, this ruins it. It’s like listening to a PA announcement in a massive parking building or stadium. Pointless
Load More Replies... Always be aware of your surrounding. This lady was lucky. She could have also upon seeing the man in the store just went to the back room an told employees while calling her husband too. They could have called security an surely had some cameras to pick him up for authorities to look for. Leaving that store and calling was smart too. Never confront these people as they can dismiss others by saying "you're a couple having a fight an to mind their business".
Oh my gosh, so true! There was once a young lady near my apartment on a busy street and I woke up to her loudly arguing with a guy. She was drunk and couldn’t find her car at 2a when the bars closed. SoCal hipster neighborhood. I quickly dressed and walked out with a long heavy MagLight flashlight, shined it on the dude and he said to me, “It’s just my girlfriend and I need to get her home”. So I asked the girl, “Do you know this guy?” and she says, “No”. Well, I told him to get lost and got my car keys, drove her around the neighborhood looking for her car which was a few streets up. Got the things she needed and drove her home (about 10 miles) because she had been drinking. So so so glad they were arguing in front of my place. Never trust someone who claims the potential victim is a known person.
Load More Replies... This makes me so sad. I'm so depressed about how bad people are. I don't get it why be bad?
Dont expect help from law enforement. A boyfriend assaulted me when we were camping. The local police refused to acknowledge a crime was committed. I had an inch of reports from the park service, and hospital, plus hand shaped bruises. Police officer in charge forbid his staff from helping. Both men and women turned me away from seeing people who could help. At the last possible place to get help, i was turned away. I stood in waiting area sobbed loudly and howled what happened.. Someone was send to help me leave. He read the reports, then took me to the courtroom and talked the judge. I got a restraining order quickly. When my ex was served at work, he lost his job. What if I wasn't strong and confident? If I was afraid to make a fool of myself? Persistent? I knew he would not show up at my front door. He lived two hours away and would never drive in Boston. I had the time to pursue this. What about the women who can't pursue this? It was difficult.
Load More Replies... Also: don't (directly) go home if being followed. They mustn't know where you live.
Go in a store if one is open, hotel lobbies, churches having services, restaurants. Any public place. Then ask for help.
Load More Replies... My sister was once followed while on her way home. This was before cell phones were a thing. Fortunately, she was smart about it and didn't want her stalker to know where she lived, so she turned and went into a nearby grocery store, which was busy enough to lose them. She said she would have gotten a staff member to help if she hadn't lost them, but fortunately, she didn't have to go that far. Always be alert and aware of your surroundings, trust your instincts, and stay calm!
Long before mobile phones, I was once followed home after a party, pretty late. I crossed the road a few times to check that he was actually following and not just going in the same direction. I found a kebab shop - those places seem to be open all night and there were several people hanging about. I moved close to them and then just turned and shouted at the top of my voice 'will you just f*** off following me!' So everybody turned to look and he skulked off. I waited a good while there until I was sure he was gone. They don't want other people around.
This is very smart: don't feel embarrased to call out your stalker.
Load More Replies... Maybe this has been done before and I missed it, but instead of trite "ask Pandas"... what is your favorite song/poem, blah... try a "tips for avoiding an attacker." I would read that very willingly.
Here you go: https://www.boredpanda.com/hey-pandas-what-are-your-tips-for-getting-rid-of-a-creep-or-harasser-2/
Load More Replies... she did a good job of protecting hersewlf, ut like ther woman whose adv ioce she (and I) happened to read about, she took an unnexceesary risk: she left the store to go to her husband when she should have told her husband to come to the store. The interval between store and car could easily have been the scene of tragedy. Putting her phone on speaker was arilliant idea, and it would jave been even better in the store. Not seeing a clerk at the register, she should have shouted "Anyone here??" It's i,mportant in such situations to MAKE NOISE! Silence is your enemy, and predfators rely on it. Anti-harassment organizations should pressure mall owners to post signs with clearly visible security phone numbers and position numbers, so security know where the callis coming from, hence where to go. Mall cops have to cover significant distances and so should be outfitted with electric scooters or similar. This is an important post that should be spread to all women's groups and all media.
Okay, this is amazing. Now I am really interested in finding more advice for stuff like this, because I don't want to screw up when in a situation like this...
People often talk about 'what women can do to protect themselves' but never question why they have to protect themselves. Women should never have to think about doing what the OP did because they should never be in that position in the first place. We need to be teaching in school about consent, about boundaries, about NOT F*****G FOLLOWING WOMEN!! It's like where women get told how to avoid being raped. How about teaching men not to rape in the first place? How about tougher sentences for those who do? How about believing women in the first place and not questioning them on what they were wearing, how much they'd had to drink etc Women shouldn't have to learn tactics in order to protect themselves.
Yea, I'm always astounded at the light sentences handed down to rapists and molesters - men and women.
Load More Replies... hey guys, there are stores on instagram and probably etsy that sell disguised self-defense things to put on keychains and purses and handbags. They're resin, and you can get them customized, and they can be really cute, like with dried flowers and gold flakes in the resin, and ribbons around the handles. There are things that are like daggers , and things that look like brass knuckles, and yeah Imma be blunt, they're basically just pretty brass knuckles but made of resin and for 2-3 fingers with sharp, pointed ends. I can attach a link to a couple of the stores if I can find them.
This is another reason why I carry a knife. Just show that I have it in my pocket. They think twice.
I know this isn’t important but what mall has a dollhouse store In it because I want to go there!
Would it be too much to add, whilst you're talking, or even pretending to be talking, to someone on a phone, saying 'I think I'm being followed, guy in a green jacket, dark hair, wait a sec' then turn and take a photo of the guy? Pretty sure he wouldn't want to stick around once that's happened.
post I read on face book ,goes like this mums ask daughter what to do if a stranger try to grab you . Daughter: kick him in the balls and yell 'FIRE'!" . MUM: "Ha, right but that's not a good word, its 'testicles'." Daughter: "Ok, kick him in the balls and yell 'TESTICLES'!" MUM: OK that's better .
if some one is stalking you ,say in a loud voice help a stalker ,I never let anyone have power over me
Bravo for following your gut instinct and that you are safe. But this is precisely why I don't allow my wife or children to go into a mall or large store alone.
It is good she followed her intuition. I recently read THE GIFT OF FEAR: AND OTHER SURVIVAL SIGNALS THAT PROTECT US by Gavin de Becker. Humans are the only animals that override our instincts of "fight or flight." We don't want to seem paranoid, we're just imagining things, etc. Gavin de Becker is a former victim's advocate, and every person he worked with knew there was something wrong, something didn't feel right. She did the right thing following her instincts. I would have called out for help in the store -- unless it's common for stores not to be attended where she is.
The reality of the real world is that predators exist. whether they cats or perverts. Knowing how not to be "stupid prey" is important for all living things. You took good precautions, and didn't put yourself in a stupid place, and so if it had been innocent situation no harm done, but if it had been a danger you removed yourself smartly.
I'm really not comfortable with ... the necessity of this. Can't we do better? Are we that ... low? I mean, if I think about what one is thinking who does this ... right in the very moment ... is there no element of doubt about the righteousness of said action? What are the further plans? Why can't we just respect other people's boundaries, and ... no and, just that? What even is hard about that...?
I'm terrified of the tought that stuff like this can and IS happening all over. I was terrified of going to a bathroom *I hadn't seen this post tho* because I heard some people yelling at me from a bar opposite from the hallway I was walking in, something along the lines of: "hey little girl! You coming in for a drink?" (By some clearly drunk peeps), but I went there anyway, and only after I couldn't hear them speaking loudly anymore did I have enough courage to come out and leave.
Tik Tok has a bunch of women's self defense videos . They are really good things to know. One of the most important things is that predators typically look to throw you off your game so they have an advantage and can grab you. Most people will freeze up when confronted with a dangerous situation . Train yourself to react. A predator counts on using your confusion , fear or denial to grab you and subdue you . Fight back ! Most of the time you will get away. Never let them take you to a second location. That usually is where they intend to kill you. Pepper spray , self defense keychain , handheld tasers , tactical pen and other self defense products can literally save your life . Fight back !
Always begin screaming as loud as possible. He should’ve been apprehended so he can’t do it to another woman whose not as savvy.
This rarely happens in my country especially inside the mall but this is a good tip for everyone around. Most people will follow you in the street or some dark alley to holdup you. Our malls are busy with people and we always have malls guards and guard/s per shop/store/restaurant in the mall where you can ask for help. Even the restrooms got janitors inside, so you are never alone in the restroom in case someone tries to mug you or what.
Our mall has a family bathroom--a really big one with a play place, a nursing area, changing table, and two private toilets with an adult and child toilet. I saw a single man in it once, so I told a security guard, who shrugged at me. The sign says families only. However, I have used it as a single woman and cannot hold it all the way upstairs and down half the mall to the nearest bathroom. Why---because generally women are not a threat, and single men who are not threats shouldn't even try because they will be perceived as such. And it sucks because if we were all good, then they just needed the bathroom, and then they should. The creeps ruin it for the good guys.
Load More Replies... I didn't see the original post, but thank you for sharing these tips. I never would have thought to go into a store that the "creepy" person who have no interest in. And, yes, I have one of those personal panic alarms, but where is it ?.....in my junk drawer. Well....not anymore!
It saddens me that we are having to come up with advice to give to to women to keep some creep from attacking them. People should not have to be scared to be in a public place because some weirdo has plans to hurt someone. We need to do something to stop this type of behavior from ever happening.
Teach sons, male friends and male family members not to do something like this, intead to be a confident man and help others. And draw attention to this issue. In 2007 an anti-stalking law came into force in Germany - quite late. In 2020 a law against upskirting (taking pictures or filming under womens dresses). We need more of this..it doesn't completely stop people but shapes the feeling of wrong and right, illegal vs. boys-being-boys. But until that we have to share advice..it sucks though.
Load More Replies... If I had been the ladies husband I would have gone with her into the Mall why did he not?
Going from all the comments (and the fact that articles like this are so frequent too): are these things really this common in the US? Only in big cities or smaller ones too? I just can't imagine living in fear all the time... what I've read online.... how can you stand it?
I don't know I think it's common all over the world, big cities or small ones. Everywhere certain men enjoy having power over a woman. If you are a man you should ask you female friends /partner family members - you will be surprised how many women experience this or have to live with the fear frequently. I think it takes away womens freedom to mind their own business, since a lot of time we have to keep thinking of or dealing with this sh-
Load More Replies... What you can also do: If someone is harassing you go grey rock, play dumb and bored, takes away the fun of entangeling you in a conversation and preying on you, confuses the harasser. If that doesn't work, try drawing attention to you, I once said very loud "stop harassing women!!" which made heads turn. The man was whispering to me - because that's where he felt safe, he then quickly left. Never go along if someone tries to force you in a car or not to make noise - they pressure you because it's unsafe right now for them - to get you somewhere more safe for them, where they have the most control. But you have the most control now, compared to that. Also say "I don't know this man!" If the suation is more of an emergency act very creepy, crazy and impredictable. I once saw a woman (who was very attractive and well dressed) at night in a train station and she randomly started hitting her tummy, shrieking and making animal like noises. It was so f-ing scary everyone stayed very very far from her.
I think this is a reminder that we should always be alert. If you see somebody who seems to be followed (or in any way bothered by somebody), either get help, or approach them and see if you can get them out of the situation (Not saying to jump onto the bad guy, just try to be sneaky about it).
on a second note: I once hit a classmate because he touched my shoulderstrap from behind in a mall without me knowing it was him. Taught him a lesson...taught me my reflexes are sharp :-) p.s. he didn't mind.
Load More Replies... How do i get my bra off while being tied? You can not pick every lock with wire and it needs practice. The best bet is a) getting out of the situation before it escalates if you can of get attention from others (walk smiling brightly to women and start either tell them your worry or start another conversation). I am not sure if weapons without training are any good since they give false security and can be used against you.
Load More Replies... Marnie, the employees were out of her sight. Yes, people do get abducted in public spaces. It's rare, obviously, but not unheard of. On the other hand, plenty of women have been groped in public by strangers.
Load More Replies... You are the reason people don't trust men. It isn't entitled to want to feel safe, you man-bitch
Load More Replies... Well, she was followed through half the mall and then into a specific section of the store, and all the while she was watching her. It doesn’t sound like much assuming to me.
Load More Replies... No reason to doubt it. This kind of thing is common.
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