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Man Reacts To Witnessing A Woman Being Catcalled Multiple Times In Just 5 Minutes By Sharing His Take Online And It Goes Viral
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Man Reacts To Witnessing A Woman Being Catcalled Multiple Times In Just 5 Minutes By Sharing His Take Online And It Goes Viral

Interview With Author
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“Just be quiet and let her go where she’s going.” That’s the advice that Rafi D’Angelo from Harlem gave men on his ‘So Let’s Talk About’ page after explaining how he heard a woman getting catcalled 3 times in just 5 minutes while walking in the same direction as her. Scroll down to read D’Angelo’s story in his own words.

D’Angelo explained to Bored Panda that he got some feedback from women who were angry about him not speaking up and stopping the catcalls while conducting his social experiment. “And I think it’s important to be aware of the situation and your surroundings and think about what the next step would be. If you’re with your friends and they’re catcalling women, call them out on it. You’re friends. You have a prior relationship. They’re more likely to listen to you,” he said.

“You don’t tell a perfect stranger, a grown man who is already showing the world he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him by dint of the fact that he’s calling out to a strange woman, to correct their behavior unless you are protecting someone else from a violent situation,” he stressed. “I’m not going to tell a grown man how to act unless a woman is in danger because then I’ve escalated a situation to a point where he might want to fight, and for no reason. The interaction between him and her would’ve been over, but I’ve interjected an opinion, and made a situation worse.”

Bored Panda also reached out to Emily May, Co-Founder and Executive Director at Hollaback!, an organization that aims to end harassment in all its forms. Scroll down for our full interview with May. You can find more resources about what bystanders can do if they see street harassment right here.

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More info: SoLetsTalkAbout.com | Facebook | Tumblr |  Instagram | Twitter

Catcalling is something that many women (and men) have to deal with often

Image credits:FlairImages (not the actual photo)

Rafi D’Angelo shared a story about how he saw a woman get catcalled 3 times in just 5 minutes

Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

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Image credits: So Let’s Talk About

“Street harassment is sexual, gender-based, and bias-motivated harassment that takes place in public spaces like the street, the supermarket, and the social media we use every day. At its core is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups of our vulnerability to assault in public spaces. Street harassment can happen to anyone, but disproportionately punishes women, girls, LGBTQ+ people, and other marginalized groups for being themselves in the world,” she said.

May from Hollaback! said that street harassment is on a spectrum of gender-based violence. “Street harassment is on a spectrum of gender-based violence. At one end of the spectrum, we have examples like inappropriate gestures, staring, whistling, following, and comments about your appearance or identity,” she explained. “As we move along the spectrum we start to see more severe forms of street harassment like public exposure and groping that are illegal. We include these behaviors in how we define street harassment because they are so common, pervasive, and rarely reported to authorities.”

Catcalling is all about power

According to May, street harassment is all about power. “If street harassment were about getting dates, it would be what author Marty Langelan calls a ‘spectacularly unsuccessful strategy.’ Instead, street harassment is about ‘putting people in their place.’ Remember that it’s not your fault. And because it’s not your fault, it’s also not your responsibility to have the perfect response to street harassment. It’s their responsibility not to harass you,” she pointed out.

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May explained that while everyone is vulnerable to street harassment, research indicates that people who are aware of their surroundings, walk confidently, and respond to harassment with confidence are less vulnerable.

“Nevertheless, direct confrontations with people who harass can escalate, particularly if you are alone or in an unpopulated space. While it is each individual’s right to decide when, how, and whether to respond to street harassment, it’s important to prioritize your safety and wellbeing,” she said.

There’s no ‘perfect’ response, but here’s what you can do if you’re being catcalled

According to May, there are several things you can do when harassed on the street. The first thing is trusting your instincts. You can respond to someone catcalling you because this may reduce the trauma. However, it’s also alright to do nothing. You decide how you react and you do it for you.

May also advises reclaiming your space by setting your boundaries, engaging bystanders, and documenting the situation if you feel safe. Just remember that your safety is your priority.

Lastly, practice resilience. Developing rituals that you do after being harassed can help you shake off the negative feelings and maintain confidence in yourself. Open up to your loved ones and share your story.

And this is how people reacted to D’Angelo’s post

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The scene that D’Angelo described can be an unpleasant common occurrence for women (and men!). According to Business Insider, 65 percent of women and 25 percent of men in the United States reported having been on the receiving end of at least one type of street harassment in their lives. What’s more, most have reported being catcalled or harassed on the street more than once. And for some, this is an everyday occurrence.

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Street harassment can have negative effects on our emotions and our minds. Targets of catcalling can feel threatened, scared, annoyed, angry, and embarrassed. All of these feelings can affect how the person’s day will go: they might be less productive at work because their mind keeps jumping back to the interaction or they might snap at their friends because they’re on edge.

While there’s probably no ‘perfect’ universal strategy on how to deal with catcallers, there are plenty of tips that women and men give on how to handle the situation (which just goes to show how widespread the problem really is).

Anita Roberts, the founder of Safeteen, told CBC that women can give street harassers “the look” that communicates to them that they don’t like what they’re doing. They can also put up a hand in front of them to show them that they should stop.

If you decide to speak to your catcaller as you’re walking by, use a neutral tone, be clear and firm. Don’t provoke them but also make it crystal clear that what they’re doing is not acceptable.

Bystanders also have an obligation to step in. If you see that somebody is being harassed, you can tell the catcaller to knock it off. Or you could even ask the victim if they require any assistance. It’s up to every member of their community to make it better and safer for everyone.

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camiheald avatar
odiasuda565 avatar
Scratch
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being told to smile is probably the most nauseating for some reason.

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leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we all please just be polite? Smile and nod, no eye contact, everyone go about their business and leave others alone? No catcalling, no insulting, no giggling, no sneering? Let a person of whatever persuasion just walk on by? The end? ... *sigh*

tienmodderman avatar
Tien
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to always smile and nod at everyone, but over the years I stopped doing that, because many men see it as an invitation to start speaking to me and/or catcall and/or even follow me for a couple streets/into a store/into a bar or whatever place I'm going

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hedwards avatar
H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate being talked to on the street, shouted at from construction sites or beeped at by men in cars. But there was one time that proved to me that it can be done in a good way. I was walking up the street and a guy was walking towards me. As he got close to me he looked right at me, smiled a big friendly smile and said 'Hope you have a GREAT day' without breaking his stride. Really made me feel good. One more was when I was wearing my university t-shirt, with the word university printed across my chest. Guy from a construction site shouted 'Nice universities, love!' and I have to admit that it made me laugh.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first guy, it seems, just was friendly ... nothing wrong with that ... in this case. But you don't have to change many words, but the ... way they're said to you ... and it becomes creepy af. The second one ... well ... seems he met your humor, and seems it clearly was meant as a joke. I think the difference is rarely ever the words themselves, but the way they're used, the situation, the surrounding and so on.

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE HAS NOT DECREASED BECAUSE YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO SAY NICE THINGS TO STRANGE WOMEN.... This is the answer to all of the "who doesn't want to be complimented", I'm just being nice"... It won't hurt you to STFU

chimesstreet avatar
Tabitha L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to go to the gym during the day. I would be killing myself on the treadmill, and some older guy would come up to me and tell me to smile. This happened often. I was working out. In sweats. Sweating and red. I didn't want to smile.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is what a nice guy is like. Notice how he doesn’t do a psa of “I’m a nice guy” anywhere in his story. Actions speak louder than words and a nice guy doesn’t have to remind you he is. He just is. Thanks guy.

clbanahan avatar
Claudia Banahan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was in my 20's I visited Edinburgh, Scotland with a friend. I'm a natural redhead and we hear a lot of unwanted comments and catcalling. To get anywhere from our hotel we had to walk by a construction site. My friend and I were steeled and ready with American sass, but all the guys did was say "Good morning Girls (rhymes with perils)" and tip their hats. It was lovely.

krystalthompson avatar
Kip Otter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if this is the smartest thing to do but I saw this girl who got cat-called and she looked them directly in the eyes, crouched a little bit, took a deep breath and barked at him very aggressively, he was weirded out and left so I guess it worked

panviolaperson avatar
rgr8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been catcalled and followed. I am also 14. Why the frick would catcall a 14 year old. Another thing I noticed once, is that when I was waiting to cross the street, that every male who passed me was starring at me.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And again, I not only wonder about the rudeness ... actually, I don't wonder about that anymore, people, it seems, can't just adopt a ... kind of friendly distance towards strangers... I wonder what they're trying to achieve by that behaviour in the first place. Ever anyone got laid by saying "RRRRR, Mama, what a nice pair of lips, care to she me your other ones?" or similar rudities ... no one, ever? Exactly ... ... also, it isn't only rude, but also very likely to frighten, and in a few cases even worse. Don't really get it. When you see things like this happening - don't follow closely, but if a creepy guy follows a woman - distract him! I once met a total weirdo on the S-Bahn (Berlin, Ringlinie), with crosses carved INTO the back of both his hands, who was severely drunk and kept talking to a lesbian couple, who both were less than uninterested. When they got out, so did he, so did I. He then met someone he knew and went with him. I was glad I wouldn't have had to do anything.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

+ I felt creepy, too - the couple didn't know me either, but I thought it might be one of the cases where you read in the newspaper that the creepy guy you saw the night before not only was annoying, but acted out in a more damaging way ... I felt truly relieved when he left the other direction, with someone who seemed to know how to handle this guy. Didn't want to be a creep either, but figured that I shouldn't risk being the one who has let it happen. I then got into the train again and one of the women, I think, kinda thanked me by waving goodbye (she saw I had an eye on them ... the weirdo talked to me, too, before he kept asking them to take him home).

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ellenwall89 avatar
Crochet lady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 22, a very sheltered , 22, I worked in Washington D.C., had a government job. Parking near the building was really expensive so I parked a few blocks away and walked past a construction site and a homeless shelter. It was like walking through a war zone and I expected to get "bombed" every few feet. If I smiled I seemed to encourage the cat calls so I learned quickly to keep my eyes down and just walk. I can't tell you how often I was called a bitch for not engaging, for not being "gracious" for being whistled at & verbally accosted. It's creepy, it's unsettling and women don't enjoy it. I am very happy to say I'm 57 and have permanent resting bitch face so those days are behind me, what a relief! I have raised 3 sons who wouldn't dream of acting like this. Men who do this should be ashamed,, as should their parents.

banjopeppers avatar
Banjo Peppers
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve been a woman my entire life and have never been catcalled. I guess I’m just ugly. Catcalling is gross, nobody likes it, but everyone should remember there’s a difference between catcalling and a guy complimenting a woman. Like, “hey lady, nice tits!” is catcalling, but “You’re rocking that dress!” is a compliment. Unless he says it super gross.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is nothing wrong with complimenting someone. There is something wrong with calling "mama" or "shorty" and then calling them a "stuck up bitch" if they don't respond to you. No one should ever call anyone else rude names. If you want to greet someone just say something like "how are you doing " or "good morning " or some friendly greeting like that. This goes for men and women. You certainly should not be catcalling a child.

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I personally think compliments should come from people who know you - they certainly mean more. Let us not forget that no-one knows what people are dealing with, what issues they may have. We have no need of comments from strangers. I don't mind a friendly greeting but everyone really does need to shut up when it comes to anything that is appearance or demeanour related.

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khadejaabdallah avatar
Khadeja
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question: Has catcalling ever actually succeeded in starting any kind of relationship? No, because it's disgusting and creepy. The first time I was catcalled I was 11. I had no quarrels about telling him to eff off. What kind of grown adult catcalls an 11 year old for goodness sakes??! Also notice how this guy doesn't do the whole "I'm a nice guy." PSA in his post at all. And, to the guy who said that he would pretend to be a girl's boyfriend, that only reinforces the view that woman are objects that are available unless obviously accompanied by a male. Plus, the whole "smile!" thing is gross too. I'm not a very smiley person and usually only smile around friends/family so being instructed to smile by a stranger makes me sick to my stomach. It's basically saying that all woman should do is smile and look pretty, not feel any other emotion.

charlottebellinger avatar
Pandana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, when I was a bit younger, there was this dude who was stalking girls and taking pictures, and god knows what else, and my mother didnt want anyone going out alone, except for me, because she knows I keep a knife is my pocket. I shouldn't have to, but I do. Anytime any one catcalls me, or drives slowly near me and whistles, I give them a glare and say stuff that would make a sailor blush, and they usually go away. One occasion I had a guy be a bit aggressive, so I took out my knife and put it up to his throat, which caused him to unpin me from the wall, and I walked away still holding the knife out.

silbecl avatar
Craig Silberman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember leaving work once a few seconds behind one of the better-looking women, and seeing all the guys stare at her as she walked down a long wide hallway towards the exits. There were no cat-calls, but the attention must be overwhelming.

sangfromfe avatar
Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If being told to smile was an innocent thing why does it come to a grinding halt when you're no longer young an cute? Why is it always from older men to younger women? Because it's nothing more then an excuse to be a dominating old perv.

srvanmaanen avatar
Fire Breathing Queen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been catcalled a few times in my life already, and I'm twelve. It makes people feel really uncomfortable, so don't do it.

toodamncute76 avatar
Lady Vader
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the exact reason I left NYC after a lifetime living there. It is NEVERENDING and exhausting. And the people who say you should be flattered that you're getting attention have a screw loose.

rainbownews avatar
Rainbow Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Have a nice day” or “Good morning/afternoon/noon/night/evening” would be fine with me. 😝

cordina_schmidt avatar
Cordi Schmidt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is this one homeless guy in my city who 'catcalls' people (mostly women but men as well). At first, I was kinda unsure about him but after a few encounters I started looking forward to where I would meet him the next time. He was genuinely trying to lift people's mood by saying 'smile, it's a beautiful day'. :)

monika-soffronow avatar
Monika Soffronow
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It all depends on how it is done. There are lovely compliments on the fly and there are rude, insulting, or even obscene comments or being told to smile. It is not all the same.

phantasteek avatar
ChickyChicky
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Man Realizes Something Women Have Known For Thousands of Years, Goes Viral"

dariab_1 avatar
Daria B
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We knew this for so long, yet it's still happening. Please, don't belittle this guy, every effort towards building a better world for each other is worthy and important, even the smallest one.

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jekodama avatar
JessRS
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 16 or 17 I was with a friend from school, and she received the weirdest "compliment" I've ever heard, the guy was kind of trying to rap something and ended up saying "Esa bonita, con esos ojitos tan bellos, te pareces a un camello" (hey, pretty with the beautiful eyes, you look like a camel) and I think about it from time to time.

trueblu-canadian avatar
Blue
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

mshaurimazuri avatar
Mshauri Mazuri
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Catcalling is creepy, disgusting and unwelcome. Men needs to stop talking to girls who are just walking, sitting or standing by. We do not want your compliments, or whatever you got to say. Being outside is hard enough.

kristyna-vilimkova avatar
Vilma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know but I think it's more like an American thing. Things like this rarely happen here in the Czech Republic (or in any other European country). And when you really get catcalled than it's usually from some drunk homeless man or at clubs (but it's kind of different when everyone is drunk)..It just definitely doesn't happen on regular basis..just like that..on the street. So I don't know what you're doing over there, but you should know that it's not common thing in civilised countries.

monkeywrenchproductions avatar
Monkeywrench Productions
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yet when i tell people to get the f**k out of my way on the street, IM the asshole

temper avatar
Tedus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question for the ladys: How to approach you when you are walking on the street like that? I mean if me as a guy sees a lady that looks interesting and attractive and as the probability of seeing her again isnt high you want to give it a shot and ask her if she would be interested in having a coffee or similar sometime - give her a number or something like that. Or does this happen regulary also and is similar annoying?

diem_khanhgmx_net avatar
Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is nothing wrong with approaching a woman with a polite compliment. Then just accept their response. I usually feel flattered when someone tells me i look nice. However i feel annoyed when they call me „babe“ or whatever. I also hate it when they get mad when i say no or ignore them.

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temper avatar
Tedus
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

tglasstrg avatar
pets & plants
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t think of being told to smile as cat calling, but no one needs to be told to smile. If they feel like it, they will. People who are dealing with personal crap are not going to feel like smiling just because you tell them to.🙄

melayahm avatar
Caroline Driver
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had just had my cat put to sleep and I was walking to a friend's house for company. A guy in the street saw me and said 'cheer up love, it might never happen' and I just snapped 'well it just has, so shut it!'. He did look like he wasn't expecting that. Maybe it stopped him from doing it again to someone else.

shaynameidela avatar
Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last response by Will Koone shows he absolutely doesn't get it. Say nothing. NOTHING. I appreciate the poster's understanding.

eizalopezd avatar
ptm45
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These men doesn't understand that for a woman being harassed, yes harassed on the street like that is stressful. It's a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation.

dirigobill avatar
Bill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never cat called a woman or sent a d**k pic. None of my friends have either.

roxy_eastland avatar
Roxy Eastland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard sometimes for women to realise that men do not have a *clue*. That they can pop to the nearest shop in hot weather in flip-flops, shorts, and a vest top, to buy a pint of milk without a second thought. They certainly wouldn't be thinking 'obviously I deserve to be verbally, and possibly physically, assaulted for doing this. To the guy that wants to help and thought the way to go is to pretend to be the boyfriend - this just feeds the belief that women are objects to use as you wish unless they 'belong' to another man. The way to help is to call other men out. They believe that they're only doing what you would do if you had the courage. Turn round and say 'leave her alone, man, she's just getting on with her day'. If men repeatedly challenged the perpetrators this would stop in a week. They hold the power.

shaynameidela avatar
Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The current occupier of the White House looked at a girl, about ten, on an escalator and said he'd be dating her in ten years. He said the same thing to a fourteen year old. It's all on camera.

loo-loo72 avatar
Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yea and there's loads on the Internet of biden touching kids inappropriately. Have you seen them?

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loo-loo72 avatar
Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago

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Another post telling us how awful men are. What is it with the anti men posts on here??

henrycheves avatar
Henry Cheves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In case you didn't notice, this was tweeted by a man. This does not say all men are awful, it justs says some are and should be kept away from.

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finfrosk avatar
Tor Rolf Strøm
Community Member
3 years ago

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That's weird, cuz Ive walked behind women before, and I never have headphones on and I never heard a single "cat call". Maybe this is not a thing in Norway.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Communities vary by sense of boundaries, socializing, gender relations, etc. When I lived in Montreal (Canada), I found the French there sometimes flirtatious, but in a friendly, playful way. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously, only as fun and flattery. In some other communities, men take any kind of attention as a proposition. I got very little attention in Germany and Belgium, while men in northern Spain could be flirtatious, but in a playful way (similar to Montreal). Paris was a challenge - I made the mistake of looking at a handsome man (which would not be an issue in Montreal) and was followed along the subway dock.

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stonewoodoo avatar
Falcon
Community Member
3 years ago

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I do the smile thing, but never to complete strangers. Only to people I know and who look sad, so I try to cheer them up, no matter the gender.

hedwards avatar
H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Telling someone to smile does NOT cheer them up. Guaranteed to put me in a much worse mood.

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truthmonster00 avatar
Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago

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Does this mean I should stop catcalling the men? (joke)

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago

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If you've had success with hooking up, the universe may be telling you to continue. However, bear in mind that you won't be everyone's cup of tea or some men may be in monogamous couples.

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redsongamble avatar
TheExtremeSmell
Community Member
3 years ago

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If a guys ever following a woman around they can just say they’re writing an article about how terrible it is women are treated as objects by men. Then continue the nature documentary commentary.

camiheald avatar
odiasuda565 avatar
Scratch
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being told to smile is probably the most nauseating for some reason.

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leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we all please just be polite? Smile and nod, no eye contact, everyone go about their business and leave others alone? No catcalling, no insulting, no giggling, no sneering? Let a person of whatever persuasion just walk on by? The end? ... *sigh*

tienmodderman avatar
Tien
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to always smile and nod at everyone, but over the years I stopped doing that, because many men see it as an invitation to start speaking to me and/or catcall and/or even follow me for a couple streets/into a store/into a bar or whatever place I'm going

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hedwards avatar
H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate being talked to on the street, shouted at from construction sites or beeped at by men in cars. But there was one time that proved to me that it can be done in a good way. I was walking up the street and a guy was walking towards me. As he got close to me he looked right at me, smiled a big friendly smile and said 'Hope you have a GREAT day' without breaking his stride. Really made me feel good. One more was when I was wearing my university t-shirt, with the word university printed across my chest. Guy from a construction site shouted 'Nice universities, love!' and I have to admit that it made me laugh.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first guy, it seems, just was friendly ... nothing wrong with that ... in this case. But you don't have to change many words, but the ... way they're said to you ... and it becomes creepy af. The second one ... well ... seems he met your humor, and seems it clearly was meant as a joke. I think the difference is rarely ever the words themselves, but the way they're used, the situation, the surrounding and so on.

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Stille20
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE HAS NOT DECREASED BECAUSE YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO SAY NICE THINGS TO STRANGE WOMEN.... This is the answer to all of the "who doesn't want to be complimented", I'm just being nice"... It won't hurt you to STFU

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Tabitha L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to go to the gym during the day. I would be killing myself on the treadmill, and some older guy would come up to me and tell me to smile. This happened often. I was working out. In sweats. Sweating and red. I didn't want to smile.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is what a nice guy is like. Notice how he doesn’t do a psa of “I’m a nice guy” anywhere in his story. Actions speak louder than words and a nice guy doesn’t have to remind you he is. He just is. Thanks guy.

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Claudia Banahan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was in my 20's I visited Edinburgh, Scotland with a friend. I'm a natural redhead and we hear a lot of unwanted comments and catcalling. To get anywhere from our hotel we had to walk by a construction site. My friend and I were steeled and ready with American sass, but all the guys did was say "Good morning Girls (rhymes with perils)" and tip their hats. It was lovely.

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Kip Otter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if this is the smartest thing to do but I saw this girl who got cat-called and she looked them directly in the eyes, crouched a little bit, took a deep breath and barked at him very aggressively, he was weirded out and left so I guess it worked

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rgr8
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been catcalled and followed. I am also 14. Why the frick would catcall a 14 year old. Another thing I noticed once, is that when I was waiting to cross the street, that every male who passed me was starring at me.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And again, I not only wonder about the rudeness ... actually, I don't wonder about that anymore, people, it seems, can't just adopt a ... kind of friendly distance towards strangers... I wonder what they're trying to achieve by that behaviour in the first place. Ever anyone got laid by saying "RRRRR, Mama, what a nice pair of lips, care to she me your other ones?" or similar rudities ... no one, ever? Exactly ... ... also, it isn't only rude, but also very likely to frighten, and in a few cases even worse. Don't really get it. When you see things like this happening - don't follow closely, but if a creepy guy follows a woman - distract him! I once met a total weirdo on the S-Bahn (Berlin, Ringlinie), with crosses carved INTO the back of both his hands, who was severely drunk and kept talking to a lesbian couple, who both were less than uninterested. When they got out, so did he, so did I. He then met someone he knew and went with him. I was glad I wouldn't have had to do anything.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

+ I felt creepy, too - the couple didn't know me either, but I thought it might be one of the cases where you read in the newspaper that the creepy guy you saw the night before not only was annoying, but acted out in a more damaging way ... I felt truly relieved when he left the other direction, with someone who seemed to know how to handle this guy. Didn't want to be a creep either, but figured that I shouldn't risk being the one who has let it happen. I then got into the train again and one of the women, I think, kinda thanked me by waving goodbye (she saw I had an eye on them ... the weirdo talked to me, too, before he kept asking them to take him home).

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Crochet lady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 22, a very sheltered , 22, I worked in Washington D.C., had a government job. Parking near the building was really expensive so I parked a few blocks away and walked past a construction site and a homeless shelter. It was like walking through a war zone and I expected to get "bombed" every few feet. If I smiled I seemed to encourage the cat calls so I learned quickly to keep my eyes down and just walk. I can't tell you how often I was called a bitch for not engaging, for not being "gracious" for being whistled at & verbally accosted. It's creepy, it's unsettling and women don't enjoy it. I am very happy to say I'm 57 and have permanent resting bitch face so those days are behind me, what a relief! I have raised 3 sons who wouldn't dream of acting like this. Men who do this should be ashamed,, as should their parents.

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Banjo Peppers
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve been a woman my entire life and have never been catcalled. I guess I’m just ugly. Catcalling is gross, nobody likes it, but everyone should remember there’s a difference between catcalling and a guy complimenting a woman. Like, “hey lady, nice tits!” is catcalling, but “You’re rocking that dress!” is a compliment. Unless he says it super gross.

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deanna woods
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is nothing wrong with complimenting someone. There is something wrong with calling "mama" or "shorty" and then calling them a "stuck up bitch" if they don't respond to you. No one should ever call anyone else rude names. If you want to greet someone just say something like "how are you doing " or "good morning " or some friendly greeting like that. This goes for men and women. You certainly should not be catcalling a child.

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I personally think compliments should come from people who know you - they certainly mean more. Let us not forget that no-one knows what people are dealing with, what issues they may have. We have no need of comments from strangers. I don't mind a friendly greeting but everyone really does need to shut up when it comes to anything that is appearance or demeanour related.

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Khadeja
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question: Has catcalling ever actually succeeded in starting any kind of relationship? No, because it's disgusting and creepy. The first time I was catcalled I was 11. I had no quarrels about telling him to eff off. What kind of grown adult catcalls an 11 year old for goodness sakes??! Also notice how this guy doesn't do the whole "I'm a nice guy." PSA in his post at all. And, to the guy who said that he would pretend to be a girl's boyfriend, that only reinforces the view that woman are objects that are available unless obviously accompanied by a male. Plus, the whole "smile!" thing is gross too. I'm not a very smiley person and usually only smile around friends/family so being instructed to smile by a stranger makes me sick to my stomach. It's basically saying that all woman should do is smile and look pretty, not feel any other emotion.

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Pandana
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, when I was a bit younger, there was this dude who was stalking girls and taking pictures, and god knows what else, and my mother didnt want anyone going out alone, except for me, because she knows I keep a knife is my pocket. I shouldn't have to, but I do. Anytime any one catcalls me, or drives slowly near me and whistles, I give them a glare and say stuff that would make a sailor blush, and they usually go away. One occasion I had a guy be a bit aggressive, so I took out my knife and put it up to his throat, which caused him to unpin me from the wall, and I walked away still holding the knife out.

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Craig Silberman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember leaving work once a few seconds behind one of the better-looking women, and seeing all the guys stare at her as she walked down a long wide hallway towards the exits. There were no cat-calls, but the attention must be overwhelming.

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Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If being told to smile was an innocent thing why does it come to a grinding halt when you're no longer young an cute? Why is it always from older men to younger women? Because it's nothing more then an excuse to be a dominating old perv.

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Fire Breathing Queen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been catcalled a few times in my life already, and I'm twelve. It makes people feel really uncomfortable, so don't do it.

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Lady Vader
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the exact reason I left NYC after a lifetime living there. It is NEVERENDING and exhausting. And the people who say you should be flattered that you're getting attention have a screw loose.

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Rainbow Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Have a nice day” or “Good morning/afternoon/noon/night/evening” would be fine with me. 😝

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Cordi Schmidt
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is this one homeless guy in my city who 'catcalls' people (mostly women but men as well). At first, I was kinda unsure about him but after a few encounters I started looking forward to where I would meet him the next time. He was genuinely trying to lift people's mood by saying 'smile, it's a beautiful day'. :)

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Monika Soffronow
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It all depends on how it is done. There are lovely compliments on the fly and there are rude, insulting, or even obscene comments or being told to smile. It is not all the same.

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ChickyChicky
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Man Realizes Something Women Have Known For Thousands of Years, Goes Viral"

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Daria B
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We knew this for so long, yet it's still happening. Please, don't belittle this guy, every effort towards building a better world for each other is worthy and important, even the smallest one.

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JessRS
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 16 or 17 I was with a friend from school, and she received the weirdest "compliment" I've ever heard, the guy was kind of trying to rap something and ended up saying "Esa bonita, con esos ojitos tan bellos, te pareces a un camello" (hey, pretty with the beautiful eyes, you look like a camel) and I think about it from time to time.

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Blue
Community Member
3 years ago

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Mshauri Mazuri
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Catcalling is creepy, disgusting and unwelcome. Men needs to stop talking to girls who are just walking, sitting or standing by. We do not want your compliments, or whatever you got to say. Being outside is hard enough.

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Vilma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know but I think it's more like an American thing. Things like this rarely happen here in the Czech Republic (or in any other European country). And when you really get catcalled than it's usually from some drunk homeless man or at clubs (but it's kind of different when everyone is drunk)..It just definitely doesn't happen on regular basis..just like that..on the street. So I don't know what you're doing over there, but you should know that it's not common thing in civilised countries.

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Monkeywrench Productions
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yet when i tell people to get the f**k out of my way on the street, IM the asshole

temper avatar
Tedus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Question for the ladys: How to approach you when you are walking on the street like that? I mean if me as a guy sees a lady that looks interesting and attractive and as the probability of seeing her again isnt high you want to give it a shot and ask her if she would be interested in having a coffee or similar sometime - give her a number or something like that. Or does this happen regulary also and is similar annoying?

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Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is nothing wrong with approaching a woman with a polite compliment. Then just accept their response. I usually feel flattered when someone tells me i look nice. However i feel annoyed when they call me „babe“ or whatever. I also hate it when they get mad when i say no or ignore them.

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Tedus
Community Member
3 years ago

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pets & plants
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t think of being told to smile as cat calling, but no one needs to be told to smile. If they feel like it, they will. People who are dealing with personal crap are not going to feel like smiling just because you tell them to.🙄

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Caroline Driver
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had just had my cat put to sleep and I was walking to a friend's house for company. A guy in the street saw me and said 'cheer up love, it might never happen' and I just snapped 'well it just has, so shut it!'. He did look like he wasn't expecting that. Maybe it stopped him from doing it again to someone else.

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last response by Will Koone shows he absolutely doesn't get it. Say nothing. NOTHING. I appreciate the poster's understanding.

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ptm45
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These men doesn't understand that for a woman being harassed, yes harassed on the street like that is stressful. It's a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation.

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Bill
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never cat called a woman or sent a d**k pic. None of my friends have either.

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Roxy Eastland
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard sometimes for women to realise that men do not have a *clue*. That they can pop to the nearest shop in hot weather in flip-flops, shorts, and a vest top, to buy a pint of milk without a second thought. They certainly wouldn't be thinking 'obviously I deserve to be verbally, and possibly physically, assaulted for doing this. To the guy that wants to help and thought the way to go is to pretend to be the boyfriend - this just feeds the belief that women are objects to use as you wish unless they 'belong' to another man. The way to help is to call other men out. They believe that they're only doing what you would do if you had the courage. Turn round and say 'leave her alone, man, she's just getting on with her day'. If men repeatedly challenged the perpetrators this would stop in a week. They hold the power.

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Dorothy Parker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The current occupier of the White House looked at a girl, about ten, on an escalator and said he'd be dating her in ten years. He said the same thing to a fourteen year old. It's all on camera.

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Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yea and there's loads on the Internet of biden touching kids inappropriately. Have you seen them?

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Looloo
Community Member
3 years ago

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Another post telling us how awful men are. What is it with the anti men posts on here??

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Henry Cheves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In case you didn't notice, this was tweeted by a man. This does not say all men are awful, it justs says some are and should be kept away from.

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Tor Rolf Strøm
Community Member
3 years ago

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That's weird, cuz Ive walked behind women before, and I never have headphones on and I never heard a single "cat call". Maybe this is not a thing in Norway.

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Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Communities vary by sense of boundaries, socializing, gender relations, etc. When I lived in Montreal (Canada), I found the French there sometimes flirtatious, but in a friendly, playful way. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously, only as fun and flattery. In some other communities, men take any kind of attention as a proposition. I got very little attention in Germany and Belgium, while men in northern Spain could be flirtatious, but in a playful way (similar to Montreal). Paris was a challenge - I made the mistake of looking at a handsome man (which would not be an issue in Montreal) and was followed along the subway dock.

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Falcon
Community Member
3 years ago

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I do the smile thing, but never to complete strangers. Only to people I know and who look sad, so I try to cheer them up, no matter the gender.

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H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Telling someone to smile does NOT cheer them up. Guaranteed to put me in a much worse mood.

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Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago

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Does this mean I should stop catcalling the men? (joke)

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Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago

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If you've had success with hooking up, the universe may be telling you to continue. However, bear in mind that you won't be everyone's cup of tea or some men may be in monogamous couples.

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TheExtremeSmell
Community Member
3 years ago

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If a guys ever following a woman around they can just say they’re writing an article about how terrible it is women are treated as objects by men. Then continue the nature documentary commentary.

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