Woman Keeps Making Racist Jokes About Her Sister’s Korean BF, Gets Banned From Their Wedding
Interview With Author
Racism is not okay, even in joke form. Unfortunately, not everyone gets that and thinks it’s just harmless fun, even though it’s directed at someone specific. Case in point, redditor Kaiizooku shared a story about how her sister kept being racist to her boyfriend of Korean descent and thought it was no big deal. Well, the woman banned her sister from her and her partner Jae’s wedding. However, such a huge decision obviously had a ripple effect on her family and now she’s feeling conflicted. So she turned to the r/AITA subreddit and asked for their verdict on whether she was in the right or completely out of line. You’ll find Kaiizooku’s full story below, dear Pandas.
In an exclusive interview with Bored Panda, redditor Kaiizooku told us all about what has happened ever since her post on Reddit and shared her real name, Amelia Castro-Jeong. The wonderful news is that she and her partner finally got married on April 19, so a very huge congratulations to the couple from our team. “We are planning to have a baby. We’re only going to start once the pandemic is gone or at least gone enough so we can start a family in a healthy environment. I am very excited,” she opened up.
Meanwhile, half-Asian British stand-up comedian and comedy writer Ariane Sherine spoke to Bored Panda about jokes, racism, and the link between the two. “Humor defuses a situation, so if you claim ‘oh, it’s only a joke, I didn’t mean it’ then it often acts as a kind of mitigating factor. But of course, racist jokes are harmful and offensive.” You’ll find Bored Panda’s interview with both Amelia and Ariane below, so be sure to read on.
Amelia shared how she and her sister fell out after she couldn’t stop making racist jokes about her boyfriend who is of Asian descent
Image credits: James Bold (not the actual photo)
The redditor posted an update to the story
Image credits: kaiizooku
Amelia told Bored Panda that emotionally it was very difficult at first when she finally told her sister that she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding at all. “I was conflicted between feeling relieved and happy for my Love and at the same time I was angry and a bit saddened by the fact that with this action, my relationship with my sister would forever be tainted,” she said.
According to Amelia, despite everything that her sister did, she also had good memories of her and had to “suppress any thoughts that told me I was horrible.” She’s not ready to forgive or even see her sister until she comes forward and apologizes to her husband. She also doesn’t plan to forgive her sister until her husband accepts the apology. “If he doesn’t, I don’t. So in short, I feel like a huge burden has been removed from us and our relationship feels even more healthy, so I feel amazing.”
The original poster of the story, Amelia, shared that her family is mixed Caucasian and Hispanic. “I have some Hispanic characteristics but my sister and parents don’t,” she said, pointing out that they mostly only encountered white people growing up. “The whole time, if my sister ‘jokingly’ said racist stuff, it was only towards people we saw on TV, and my parents weren’t offended, laughed with her. So I think that’s why she thought it was a normal thing to say, and that it was actually very funny, harmless. She was conditioned in thinking she was in the right. But I still think she knew deep down that what she was doing was wrong, just never wanted to address it.”
Amelia and the love of her life actually decided to advance the wedding day and changed the location (“for safety measures”) after her post and the discussion it created on Reddit. “We had a small but very charming wedding outside, in a lovely forest, with all his family (who are all very nice and extremely kind people) and some of mine (mostly friends, grandparents, and cousins),” she shared with Bored Panda.
The couple advanced the day of the wedding and are now happily married!
Image credits: Jai Kumar (not the actual photo)
Amelia’s mother didn’t show up at the wedding either
However, Amelia’s mother didn’t show up at the wedding. “She told me a day before the wedding that she still believed I was too harsh with my sister and felt bad that she couldn’t come. So I told her not to come either. Only my dad went, who is way more open-minded. I was upset my mother couldn’t be here but it didn’t matter, my dad was amazing with my in-laws and I had a wonderful father-daughter dance. My Love was happy all along, we had a wonderful time, a delicious meal and a fun night! I feel like a dream came true.”
The newlyweds couldn’t go on their honeymoon yet because of the continued global pandemic. “We’re saving our money for later and enjoying the first married days, just the both of us, in our home. I couldn’t be happier!”
Jokes that incite hatred aren’t jokes
London-based comedian Ariane said that one example of comedy being racist and harmful is looking at the output of the late British comic Bernard Manning. He “used to say, ‘I’m not racist, I make jokes about everyone,’ but if your jokes incite racial hatred, they aren’t jokes,” Ariane told Bored Panda.
The British comedian opened up to us that she personally hasn’t had to deal with racist jokes. However, she has had to deal with a lot of hurtful jokes because she’s plus-sized. “But that’s not in the same league as the above.”
According to Ariane, if you’ve got a good comeback to a racist joke, you should “go for it,” however, you should also keep yourself safe. “Don’t square up to thugs and put yourself in danger.”
Here’s how the r/AITA community reacted to the redditor’s tale
Violence and racism against Asian Americans have been on the rise since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic last year. One of the most harrowing examples of this was the March 16th shootings in Atlanta that left eight people dead, including six women of Asian American descent. Meanwhile, PBS reports that Asian American businesses are “reeling” from hate and violence across the United States, as they’re being blamed for the coronavirus pandemic.
And here’s what some other people have been saying about the entire situation online
Overwhelmingly, the AITA community said that redditor Kaiizooku did the right thing, even if the situation’s a sensitive one. However, there’s no excuse for what the redditor’s sister kept saying. Repeatedly. Despite being told it’s hurtful and that she needs to stop.
The redditor mentioned in an update that one of the reasons why she confronted her sister was that she didn’t want any racist comments about her children in the future. She also plans to be more assertive in the future.
After reading through the AITA community’s responses, Kaiizooku officially decided that her sister is “definitely not going” to her and Jae’s wedding.
“As well as our married life, as long as she doesn’t apologize and set things right, she’s not allowed near my family. My Love is happy and relieved with that decision too, which is the most important part for me,” she wrote in an update that despite her previously close relationship with her sister, she won’t budge until she apologizes and promises to change.
“I’ve also talked to my parents, as recommended, and told them that if they believed she was innocent or had the same point of [view] as her, they weren’t welcome as well. They told me they don’t, so I’m allowing them but keeping an open eye, just in case, since I’m still mad at them for siding with her in the first place,” she wrote on Reddit.
Why is being racist to Asian still seen as "ok" or a "joke" by some people? People should have same outrage about Asian racism as they do for other discrimination like e.g. to Jewish people or black people.
Could it be because Asian people are considered smart and often successful, so basically a fair game, unlike communities seen as more... vulnerable? I'm really not a sociologist though.
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Funny how the parents said OP was too harsh for not inviting sister to the wedding, instead of talking to the sister about not being a d**k. Then again, maybe they did. Anyway, since they used to be so close, I imagine the sister is jealous of Jae and has just turned her fear of losing her sister into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Good on OP for putting the boundaries!
Since when is a racist joke no racism? And since when is it to much asked for a maid of honor not to insult the groom all the time? This sister is delusional.
I had a friend that used to be a wonderful open minded individual. I found out, after her husband passed, that her tolerance was just for her husbands sake. After he was gone, she started posting things on Facebook about how "Christianity was the only true religion, there was only two genders, and that marriage was only to be between a man and a woman." Needless to say, she is now blocked from my account and my phone. There's no room for toxic people in my life.
Yeah, like, you don't NEED to make any jokes.
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you are not banning your sister from your wedding. you are banning her from your fiancée's wedding, a man she clearly doesn't respect and wants as family. At least let the day be joyful for him.
Such a shame that the sister couldn't just apologise and become more mindful of how her "jokes" were being received. Awful way to treat people, let alone dig your heels in and let narrow minded views become a rift in the family.
Like Truth Monster I'm absolutely sure she meant every word. If people are genuinely joking they'd be bothered that they were misconstrued and would stop. She didn't, therefore she meant it. I suspect envy motivates her comments but whatever the cause she's best gone unless she makes an honest and proper apology. Mum should be ashamed of her and not sided with her as well.
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I hate when people say blatantly racist crap and chalk it up to joking and act like you're overly sensitive if their "jokes" offend you.
If I was her, I would tell my parents that they are coming nowhere near me, my spouse, or any children in the future(if any) until they apologize for defending outrageous behavior. The sister will be banned until she apologizes to the spouse and promises never to make those comments again. Her comments probably were caused by a deep unhappiness (and jealousy?) but she crossed several lines and she needs to make amends.
Seems harsh re the parents but deep down I agree. I'm still annoyed with my family for tolerating my sister's appalling behaviour towards me. I called her on it when she attacked me verbally at a family gathering. All present agreed with me that she was wrong... and then decided to let it go. I got one of those crappy 'sorry I upset you' apologies from her which in no way accepts that she made any mistakes. Just means she's sorry for the outcome, not her actions. When we were trying to sort things out she had planned to have another 'go' at me because she's so convinced she's right. I told her that she's never to speak to me like that again otherwise that is it. She thinks we're okay now because I gave in and let it go for the sake of the rest of the family. We're not. I'd cut her out right now given half an excuse. She has stolen, driven illegally, gets drunk too often, makes nasty remarks about disabled people. Not a lot to admire really.
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Anytime someone said Asians ate dogs I would respond that it's like saying all Americans eat squirrel and possum.
Jokes are meant to funny, so remind me when if ever racism was funny. Why is this even in question in AITA? Of course she's not the asshole. She talked to her sister, gave her multiple chances to right the ship, and the fiance went above and beyond by just taking the lumps so it wouldn't cause any problems with her family. After all this and her sister still going "nah, racists gonna racist", she was made to feel like she was potentially too harsh? F**k her racist sister, and f**k her mother who's an enabler.
I have a real problem with people that say "I'm just joking". I can't remember where I saw this, but I think it's apt. If not everyone in the room is at least smiling, then it's not funny. Although, I do believe they were talking about pranking, but I think the principle is the same. If someone is the butt of a joke, racism, body shaming, ageism, etc. it's not okay.
Very, very brave. I admire what she did, it wasn't easy, her husband and new family must come first. There are family members you will never please, they will always put you down to demonstrate their superiority.
The fact that she was ALWAYS making "jokes" and then claiming they're a joke just shows she's passively aggressive towards your man because of his race. I mean making a joke about a small penis? really? You did the right thing even though it was difficult. I'm shocked your own mom didn't go to the wedding
Good for you and your now husband. This type of joking and I was just kidding is another form of bullying and should not be tolerated from anyone family or other wise. It is always toxic. It's always good to have loving people around you. People are not perfect but when they go out of their way and consistently do the same behavior they are making a choice. Good luck to you and your new family. 🥰
i can understand people make some kind of joke. as someone from French-Canada i don't care when French people called us Lumberjack or stuff like that sometime. Or when american says we lived in igloo. but when it's ALWAYS, ALWAYS and when people asked to stop and the person didn't stop. this is where the line is crossed. a joke is when you take what is different in other people and exagerrate it. But when it's persistent, that's not cool.
Wow, OP's sister sounds so much like the character Hailey (from The Hate U Give). The reason why someone would think it's okay to keep making offensive comments like that when they clearly make the victim uncomfortable is just unfathomable to me. Oh, it's just a joke? Then why is NO ONE LAUGHING?
Everyone seems to be missing the main point, which was noted by Znaya in the Discussion section - this is BULLYING plain and simple by the sister and tolerated by the mother. Absolutely she should distance herself from both and be thankful that she recognized it and acted upon it when she did.
Amelia's sister had absolutely no respect for Jae. And, in turn, had little respect for Amelia. She was given a chance to apologize. She refused and continued to show her true colours, as had the mother. It's on them that they missed out on the wedding. I hope that they'll see the light some day soon. Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.
Life is too short for entertaining jerks, including jerks in our families. Even putting racism aside, I seriously doubt this is the first example of the sister's obnoxious behaviour. Maybe one day she'll change, but until then, the bride can have her in her life only as much as she wants to. And if I were her, it would be 'not at all'.
The Bride did the right thing. Her sister is a racist jerk trying to use “just joking” as a shield to continue behaviour that she has been told is hurtful. If a Bridesmaid cannot support the Bride in every way she has no business being a bridesmaid. It is too bad the Mother chose to support the sister’s horrible behaviour.
It’s annoying when jerks don’t and refuse to believe they’re being jerks even when they’re called out and explained why they’re being jerks. If you’re response is “I was just joking” well no ones laughing. That should be your queue right there that maybe it isn’t a joke after all and maybe you’re being a jerk.
Blood is thicker than water. As in, blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The saying actually means that bonds that you've made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Aka, your chosen family comes first - your husband and your children. Basta.
My family jokes hard all the time, but the number one rule is to not hurt anyone's feelings. At first I thought this was gong to be a case of the bride going off half cocked when the sister wasn't trying to hurt him, but if she won't apologize when she knows it's caused pain then she's got a problem.
Yeah... I've seen joking and teasing done in good humor. If your immediate reaction is defensive, then you're the racist. Imagine just replying to her: "hey Karen, stop being such a pasty loudmouth bitch.... just kidding!" Then watch the meltdown. (No. Don't do this. Please don't try and correct bad behavior with bad behavior, as it just escalates rather than fixes anything.)
If it was a joke, the sister would have felt bad and stopped as soon as it was called out as racist and hurtful. If she were a decent person, she would have apologised. If she valued her relationship with her sister and BIL-to-be she would have apologised. The sister is a toxic racist bitch, and OP is right to distance herself from the relationship.
It’s rude to say “I’m joking” as an excuse for saying something rude. Good for you kicking that ass of a sister to the curb!
Your sister is a cùnt. And no self respecting adult should ever put up with shïtheads just because they're related. To be fair, asians do have small genitals, though. It's a fact, not racism. The rest of her comments would've earned her a punch in the nose if she was my sister. Though I would've stopped her after the first comment.
Being unnecessarily cruel to someone is not a joke. If you think it is, YTA.
..you mean the sister (the one who was being a racist and rude) is the A-hole yes? :\
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Nothing to do with racial things but yeah in my experience blood family is just as likely to take you for a ride as any people out there. In my effort to get my folks a nice home for retirement, my mom tried to guilt me into paying for my sister's too. So yeah, it hurts when you try to do the right thing but gets taken advantage.
A marriage is only a begining. If your sister did not make it, there is a whole life time for her to come around and try to make amends. My point is: don't close all doors if at all possible. Leave a clear path for her to follow back to you, if she ever realise how big of a racist piece of s@#t she's been.
She did the right thing. They will likely go onto have children which will be half Asian, then what? Is the sister suddenly no longer gonna be racist because of her niece/nephew? Not likely.
Good for Amelia for not inviting her sister and not allowing her sister to ruin her wedding with her racism. Congrats on having healthy boundaries! Really, it's ridiculous that her sister is a grown adult who thinks racist jokes, especially ones directed at her BIL are appropriate. It sounds like her parents have been letting her make racist comments about people on TV without a reprimand too. The other important thing is your significant other is your family and it's your job to protect them from the crazy members of your family of origin as well as the other way around. Not inviting racist family members to the wedding applies. Your wedding, your rules.
Here's another clue: if your mom skipped your wedding so easily--I mean, a kid's wedding is THE big deal--then she was probably never as supportive of your dating a Korean man as you thought. So, I'm going to assume she is racist too. Kudos to your dad for thinking for himself. Cut mom and sis off.
She should've done something about it way before the wedding, and Jae should've called out her sister looooong before the wedding too. Nothing is "just a joke". They don't just sound disrespectful, they are downright insulting. People need to stop letting racists get away with it for so long, it's damaging for all minorities.
On what planet and in what possible reality is OP in the wrong? Sister is clearly jealous and racist to boot. Mother is apparently a closet racist for thinking that sister is not in the wrong and OP was overreacting. Disappointed also that father merely came along to the wedding and not make a stand for the sake of not wanting to annoy sister and his wife. Shame on all three of them quite frankly.
As a Korean person, this hurts - the things that the sister said. I'm glad that she acknowledged the situation though, because who knows what she could say next?
Uh ... there are very, very rare situations where you can make a racist joke and it is fine - and this is not one of them. It just isn't cool, the so-called jokes themselves aren't even the funny part, but imagining that people actually think they are funny (it's more a joke about the joke, so to say, ...). Also - she's your sister. It would have been better to not wait until something big like a wedding comes up, because that put pressure on both of you, and maybe it would have worked out better if she'd came to know the boundary you rightfully set here a little earlier, but OTOH, if simply not making these jokes already is asking too much, I don't think she enacts them in any kind of enlightened way, maybe not even for truly racist reasons (I cannot possibly know that), but out of stubbornness - and that doesn't matter anyway. Also, a sister's SO isn't just "That dude from asia", he has a name, and is a person, not just a geographic origin made of flesh.
One of the wisest things I ever heard was from a former boss, who happened to be born in Vietnam. Most jokes have some element of truth to them. In other words, the sister is NOT just joking. She wasn’t even trying to hide her issues. The OP was completely right in confronting her and then disinviting her to her wedding.
I had a friend who always made racist comments against white people. Comments like "white men have a small penis" or "white people in Switzerland eat dogs just google SWITZERLAND DOG STEW". "White people are racists and the biggest liars I've ever met in my life". "White people eat raccoons, coyotes, beavers, squirrels and possums just watch how to eat videos on YouTube". She makes comments like "white people love having sex with dogs like those videos of b*********y". Or "white people fornicates with their own relatives". "White jews sucks off little boy's penises like they do in their ritual of metzitzah b'peh". I've heard enough so I had to stop talking to them and cut them off from my friends list.
The sister was being totally racist and I think that this bride was right in kicking her out of the wedding. Saying "I'm just joking" when you say horrible things like that is just an excuse. It's a good thing the bride put her foot down now, because things would have gotten worse when they had children.
My mom is in her mid-eighties. My ex-bro-in-law, whom we all are still very friendly with and he helps my mom out with various projecgts, well she alwasy refers to him as the china-men. I was upset for awhile untl I realized and he said he was honored to be her chinaman... ? She has moved away from that in the last 5 (out f 23) years...progress
I would have beat the racism outta my sister for that but since the above mentioned lady is of a higher breeding than that I will say she is right her sister is a racist pig and so are her parents.
Why is being racist to Asian still seen as "ok" or a "joke" by some people? People should have same outrage about Asian racism as they do for other discrimination like e.g. to Jewish people or black people.
Could it be because Asian people are considered smart and often successful, so basically a fair game, unlike communities seen as more... vulnerable? I'm really not a sociologist though.
Load More Replies... Funny how the parents said OP was too harsh for not inviting sister to the wedding, instead of talking to the sister about not being a d**k. Then again, maybe they did. Anyway, since they used to be so close, I imagine the sister is jealous of Jae and has just turned her fear of losing her sister into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Good on OP for putting the boundaries!
Since when is a racist joke no racism? And since when is it to much asked for a maid of honor not to insult the groom all the time? This sister is delusional.
I had a friend that used to be a wonderful open minded individual. I found out, after her husband passed, that her tolerance was just for her husbands sake. After he was gone, she started posting things on Facebook about how "Christianity was the only true religion, there was only two genders, and that marriage was only to be between a man and a woman." Needless to say, she is now blocked from my account and my phone. There's no room for toxic people in my life.
Yeah, like, you don't NEED to make any jokes.
Load More Replies... you are not banning your sister from your wedding. you are banning her from your fiancée's wedding, a man she clearly doesn't respect and wants as family. At least let the day be joyful for him.
Such a shame that the sister couldn't just apologise and become more mindful of how her "jokes" were being received. Awful way to treat people, let alone dig your heels in and let narrow minded views become a rift in the family.
Like Truth Monster I'm absolutely sure she meant every word. If people are genuinely joking they'd be bothered that they were misconstrued and would stop. She didn't, therefore she meant it. I suspect envy motivates her comments but whatever the cause she's best gone unless she makes an honest and proper apology. Mum should be ashamed of her and not sided with her as well.
Load More Replies... I hate when people say blatantly racist crap and chalk it up to joking and act like you're overly sensitive if their "jokes" offend you.
If I was her, I would tell my parents that they are coming nowhere near me, my spouse, or any children in the future(if any) until they apologize for defending outrageous behavior. The sister will be banned until she apologizes to the spouse and promises never to make those comments again. Her comments probably were caused by a deep unhappiness (and jealousy?) but she crossed several lines and she needs to make amends.
Seems harsh re the parents but deep down I agree. I'm still annoyed with my family for tolerating my sister's appalling behaviour towards me. I called her on it when she attacked me verbally at a family gathering. All present agreed with me that she was wrong... and then decided to let it go. I got one of those crappy 'sorry I upset you' apologies from her which in no way accepts that she made any mistakes. Just means she's sorry for the outcome, not her actions. When we were trying to sort things out she had planned to have another 'go' at me because she's so convinced she's right. I told her that she's never to speak to me like that again otherwise that is it. She thinks we're okay now because I gave in and let it go for the sake of the rest of the family. We're not. I'd cut her out right now given half an excuse. She has stolen, driven illegally, gets drunk too often, makes nasty remarks about disabled people. Not a lot to admire really.
Load More Replies... Anytime someone said Asians ate dogs I would respond that it's like saying all Americans eat squirrel and possum.
Jokes are meant to funny, so remind me when if ever racism was funny. Why is this even in question in AITA? Of course she's not the asshole. She talked to her sister, gave her multiple chances to right the ship, and the fiance went above and beyond by just taking the lumps so it wouldn't cause any problems with her family. After all this and her sister still going "nah, racists gonna racist", she was made to feel like she was potentially too harsh? F**k her racist sister, and f**k her mother who's an enabler.
I have a real problem with people that say "I'm just joking". I can't remember where I saw this, but I think it's apt. If not everyone in the room is at least smiling, then it's not funny. Although, I do believe they were talking about pranking, but I think the principle is the same. If someone is the butt of a joke, racism, body shaming, ageism, etc. it's not okay.
Very, very brave. I admire what she did, it wasn't easy, her husband and new family must come first. There are family members you will never please, they will always put you down to demonstrate their superiority.
The fact that she was ALWAYS making "jokes" and then claiming they're a joke just shows she's passively aggressive towards your man because of his race. I mean making a joke about a small penis? really? You did the right thing even though it was difficult. I'm shocked your own mom didn't go to the wedding
Good for you and your now husband. This type of joking and I was just kidding is another form of bullying and should not be tolerated from anyone family or other wise. It is always toxic. It's always good to have loving people around you. People are not perfect but when they go out of their way and consistently do the same behavior they are making a choice. Good luck to you and your new family. 🥰
i can understand people make some kind of joke. as someone from French-Canada i don't care when French people called us Lumberjack or stuff like that sometime. Or when american says we lived in igloo. but when it's ALWAYS, ALWAYS and when people asked to stop and the person didn't stop. this is where the line is crossed. a joke is when you take what is different in other people and exagerrate it. But when it's persistent, that's not cool.
Wow, OP's sister sounds so much like the character Hailey (from The Hate U Give). The reason why someone would think it's okay to keep making offensive comments like that when they clearly make the victim uncomfortable is just unfathomable to me. Oh, it's just a joke? Then why is NO ONE LAUGHING?
Everyone seems to be missing the main point, which was noted by Znaya in the Discussion section - this is BULLYING plain and simple by the sister and tolerated by the mother. Absolutely she should distance herself from both and be thankful that she recognized it and acted upon it when she did.
Amelia's sister had absolutely no respect for Jae. And, in turn, had little respect for Amelia. She was given a chance to apologize. She refused and continued to show her true colours, as had the mother. It's on them that they missed out on the wedding. I hope that they'll see the light some day soon. Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.
Life is too short for entertaining jerks, including jerks in our families. Even putting racism aside, I seriously doubt this is the first example of the sister's obnoxious behaviour. Maybe one day she'll change, but until then, the bride can have her in her life only as much as she wants to. And if I were her, it would be 'not at all'.
The Bride did the right thing. Her sister is a racist jerk trying to use “just joking” as a shield to continue behaviour that she has been told is hurtful. If a Bridesmaid cannot support the Bride in every way she has no business being a bridesmaid. It is too bad the Mother chose to support the sister’s horrible behaviour.
It’s annoying when jerks don’t and refuse to believe they’re being jerks even when they’re called out and explained why they’re being jerks. If you’re response is “I was just joking” well no ones laughing. That should be your queue right there that maybe it isn’t a joke after all and maybe you’re being a jerk.
Blood is thicker than water. As in, blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The saying actually means that bonds that you've made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Aka, your chosen family comes first - your husband and your children. Basta.
My family jokes hard all the time, but the number one rule is to not hurt anyone's feelings. At first I thought this was gong to be a case of the bride going off half cocked when the sister wasn't trying to hurt him, but if she won't apologize when she knows it's caused pain then she's got a problem.
Yeah... I've seen joking and teasing done in good humor. If your immediate reaction is defensive, then you're the racist. Imagine just replying to her: "hey Karen, stop being such a pasty loudmouth bitch.... just kidding!" Then watch the meltdown. (No. Don't do this. Please don't try and correct bad behavior with bad behavior, as it just escalates rather than fixes anything.)
If it was a joke, the sister would have felt bad and stopped as soon as it was called out as racist and hurtful. If she were a decent person, she would have apologised. If she valued her relationship with her sister and BIL-to-be she would have apologised. The sister is a toxic racist bitch, and OP is right to distance herself from the relationship.
It’s rude to say “I’m joking” as an excuse for saying something rude. Good for you kicking that ass of a sister to the curb!
Your sister is a cùnt. And no self respecting adult should ever put up with shïtheads just because they're related. To be fair, asians do have small genitals, though. It's a fact, not racism. The rest of her comments would've earned her a punch in the nose if she was my sister. Though I would've stopped her after the first comment.
Being unnecessarily cruel to someone is not a joke. If you think it is, YTA.
..you mean the sister (the one who was being a racist and rude) is the A-hole yes? :\
Load More Replies... Nothing to do with racial things but yeah in my experience blood family is just as likely to take you for a ride as any people out there. In my effort to get my folks a nice home for retirement, my mom tried to guilt me into paying for my sister's too. So yeah, it hurts when you try to do the right thing but gets taken advantage.
A marriage is only a begining. If your sister did not make it, there is a whole life time for her to come around and try to make amends. My point is: don't close all doors if at all possible. Leave a clear path for her to follow back to you, if she ever realise how big of a racist piece of s@#t she's been.
She did the right thing. They will likely go onto have children which will be half Asian, then what? Is the sister suddenly no longer gonna be racist because of her niece/nephew? Not likely.
Good for Amelia for not inviting her sister and not allowing her sister to ruin her wedding with her racism. Congrats on having healthy boundaries! Really, it's ridiculous that her sister is a grown adult who thinks racist jokes, especially ones directed at her BIL are appropriate. It sounds like her parents have been letting her make racist comments about people on TV without a reprimand too. The other important thing is your significant other is your family and it's your job to protect them from the crazy members of your family of origin as well as the other way around. Not inviting racist family members to the wedding applies. Your wedding, your rules.
Here's another clue: if your mom skipped your wedding so easily--I mean, a kid's wedding is THE big deal--then she was probably never as supportive of your dating a Korean man as you thought. So, I'm going to assume she is racist too. Kudos to your dad for thinking for himself. Cut mom and sis off.
She should've done something about it way before the wedding, and Jae should've called out her sister looooong before the wedding too. Nothing is "just a joke". They don't just sound disrespectful, they are downright insulting. People need to stop letting racists get away with it for so long, it's damaging for all minorities.
On what planet and in what possible reality is OP in the wrong? Sister is clearly jealous and racist to boot. Mother is apparently a closet racist for thinking that sister is not in the wrong and OP was overreacting. Disappointed also that father merely came along to the wedding and not make a stand for the sake of not wanting to annoy sister and his wife. Shame on all three of them quite frankly.
As a Korean person, this hurts - the things that the sister said. I'm glad that she acknowledged the situation though, because who knows what she could say next?
Uh ... there are very, very rare situations where you can make a racist joke and it is fine - and this is not one of them. It just isn't cool, the so-called jokes themselves aren't even the funny part, but imagining that people actually think they are funny (it's more a joke about the joke, so to say, ...). Also - she's your sister. It would have been better to not wait until something big like a wedding comes up, because that put pressure on both of you, and maybe it would have worked out better if she'd came to know the boundary you rightfully set here a little earlier, but OTOH, if simply not making these jokes already is asking too much, I don't think she enacts them in any kind of enlightened way, maybe not even for truly racist reasons (I cannot possibly know that), but out of stubbornness - and that doesn't matter anyway. Also, a sister's SO isn't just "That dude from asia", he has a name, and is a person, not just a geographic origin made of flesh.
One of the wisest things I ever heard was from a former boss, who happened to be born in Vietnam. Most jokes have some element of truth to them. In other words, the sister is NOT just joking. She wasn’t even trying to hide her issues. The OP was completely right in confronting her and then disinviting her to her wedding.
I had a friend who always made racist comments against white people. Comments like "white men have a small penis" or "white people in Switzerland eat dogs just google SWITZERLAND DOG STEW". "White people are racists and the biggest liars I've ever met in my life". "White people eat raccoons, coyotes, beavers, squirrels and possums just watch how to eat videos on YouTube". She makes comments like "white people love having sex with dogs like those videos of b*********y". Or "white people fornicates with their own relatives". "White jews sucks off little boy's penises like they do in their ritual of metzitzah b'peh". I've heard enough so I had to stop talking to them and cut them off from my friends list.
The sister was being totally racist and I think that this bride was right in kicking her out of the wedding. Saying "I'm just joking" when you say horrible things like that is just an excuse. It's a good thing the bride put her foot down now, because things would have gotten worse when they had children.
My mom is in her mid-eighties. My ex-bro-in-law, whom we all are still very friendly with and he helps my mom out with various projecgts, well she alwasy refers to him as the china-men. I was upset for awhile untl I realized and he said he was honored to be her chinaman... ? She has moved away from that in the last 5 (out f 23) years...progress
I would have beat the racism outta my sister for that but since the above mentioned lady is of a higher breeding than that I will say she is right her sister is a racist pig and so are her parents.
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