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Guy Weasels His Way Out Of Deal To Clean Up After Thanksgiving, Gets Mad When Wife Confronts Him
Let’s be real: traditional gender roles need to become a thing of the past already. The idea that women only do “this” and men only do “that” is ridiculous and horribly outdated. But frustratingly, the concept just won’t seem to go away.
One woman turned to an online community to vent after the deal she made with her husband that the men in the family would clean up after Thanksgiving dinner fell apart after the last drop of coffee. Now she’s wondering if her request was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Traditional gender roles shouldn’t be a thing anymore, but the problem just won’t seem to disappear
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman had an agreement with her husband that the men in the family would get stuck into cleaning the kitchen after Thanksgiving dinner
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After the women in the family broke their backs preparing an assortment of dishes, the men just disappeared into the living room to watch football
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Annoyed that her husband had quietly backed out of their deal, she confronted him about it on the drive home
Image credits: BloodyPinkChanel
Instead of owning his actions, he did his best to gaslight her, so she turned to netizens to ask if her simple request makes her a jerk
The original poster (OP) found herself elbow-deep in casseroles after cooking for two days straight, volunteering to bring multiple dishes to her sister-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving. Before the meal, she asked her husband to round up the men to handle the cleanup, and he agreed.
The feast itself was great, warm chatter, full plates, and that perfect holiday buzz. But once dessert ended, the men drifted to the living room for football, leaving the women to swarm the kitchen like an unpaid cleanup crew. With the kitchen connected to the living room, the contrast couldn’t have been more obvious.
On the drive home, OP asked her husband why he hadn’t stepped up like they discussed. Instead of an explanation, he accused her of having a “victim complex.” When she pressed further, he claimed there were jobs he did “because he’s a man,” completely sidestepping the very specific deal they’d made.
Now OP’s wondering if expecting the non-cooks (aka all the men) to grab a sponge and get stuck in is really that outrageous. After all, if you enjoy the feast, you rinse, at least. Her frustration wasn’t about drama, but fairness, teamwork, and finally calling out a pattern everyone else has tiptoed around for far too long.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, who can blame OP for being annoyed? A deal’s a deal, and her husband not only backed out of it, but actually tried gaslighting her when she called him out. The whole situation reeks of sexism and women being forced into traditional gender roles. But what’s the deal with that, anyway? We went looking for clues.
According to the experts at Scholars, in the US, gender relationships are changing and inequalities between men and women are being questioned pretty much everywhere – at work, in the home, and in public affairs. Yet the facts show that gender gaps persist, despite social and economic changes and collected efforts to upend women’s inferiority.
There’s no doubt that gender inequality isn’t going away, though. Women still make only about 80% of what men earn for full time work and, even when both partners are earners, women do twice as much housework and childcare. American women may have made solid gains since 1970, but those gains have leveled off since the 90s, suggesting that the gender revolution may be stalling.
Writing for One World Education, Joy Nash explains that male or female gender-specific identities are irrelevant in modern, civilized society. Gender roles are social constructs developed over time and are not based on natural human behavior. That’s because they evolved as a way to organize the tasks done in early human society.
We’d say OP was completely justified in giving her slacker husband a hard time about his shameless behavior. We need more people like her if society is going to get a reality check and start treating women with the respect, and equality, they deserve.
What’s your take? Do you think OP was out of line, or do the men in her family need a wake-up call? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the woman was not the jerk in the situation but suggested she should have got the other women in the family to take action too
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What do you think ?
sweet emotion 3 days ago
"Victim complex"???? I don't care what your background is or whether you live in the North, South, East or West; the MINIMUM punishment for using those words against your spouse should be a 30-minute scolding and at least two nights on the sofa.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
And a few whacks with a wet kitchen sponge. That’s just revolting.
Load More Replies...
Sally Moen 2 days ago
I never realized that testicles were used to do certain chores. Good to know
Vinnie 2 days ago
Hmmmm... let me.... wiping dirt off the floor; door stop; propping open a window; dusting; sweeping. Obviously, testicles are not the best tools for those jobs, but they'll do in a pinch.
Load More Replies...
JB 3 days ago (edited)
I’ve had the experience of living with men for 16 years, all added together, alone for the last 16. Can’t think of a single regular household job that *requires* testicles. I’m perfectly capable of doing all the basic maintenance traditionally considered masculine, often better than the guys I was living with. And every single one of these tasks are intermittent or positively infrequent, unlike so-called women’s work that happens daily or at least weekly. Sure, I’ve hired people who turned out to be men for big stuff: installing the washer and dryer, insulating the garage, installing the new furnace and hot water tank, repairing significant plumbing leaks and replacing all the pipes, some electrical work… All of which required specialized skills I wouldn’t have trusted to an ex anyway. Men clinging to traditional roles in the household need to realize that we DON’T need them to get ‘their’ work done; it’s often easier to offload the whiny weight who makes far more work than they ever contributed to cleaning up.
Nikki Sevven 3 days ago
My adult daughter managed to clear our 100m driveway with the snowblower. She does not have testicles. Chores don't have genders.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 2 days ago
The only job I can think hus testicles are any good for with those comments would be as footballs
Paul C 3 days ago
That's fair - those that cook/prep, put their feet up afterwards, while those who didn't clean up. But give some lazy people a chance and they will skive out of doing anything. The best solution was to gather the cooks together to push for it at the time. Asking one lazy man to push for it is like asking a turkey to vote for thanksgiving. Besides which, the Steelers weren't playing, so no excuses for watching the game. ;-)
Paul C 3 days ago
And before anyone criticises my team of choice, Terry Bradshaw himself, taught this young Englishman how to throw a football back in the early 80s when the Steelers were in summer training in Latrobe. Someone with four superbowl rings took time to teach a young foreigner how to throw a football. That stuck with me.
Load More Replies...
Roberta Surprenant 2 days ago
The only "job" restricted to someone with testicle is impregnation.
Tabitha 3 days ago (edited)
Wonder which of hubby’s male relatives—-you know, the ones who are either already divorced or nearly because of their attitudes—-got to him and shamed him into “being a man” and watching football. That s**t needs to stop ASAP. My husband and I divide up the cooking for Thanksgiving and other holidays. I’ll do the casseroles, cornbread, and pies the night before, and he’ll do the turkey and other sides (mostly vegetables he roasts in the pan with the turkey). We both clear the table, get the leftovers in containers to put in the fridge, then one of us washes while the other dries and puts the dishes away. I never, from our first Thanksgiving on, had to do everything myself, because my husband would always ask what he could do to take at least some of the burden off me. I also never had to ask him to help me, he just jumped in and did it. He’s also good about helping to keep the house clean. He’s no unicorn, though. He’s just a man who lived alone, didn’t get married until he was almost 40, and had long ago gotten over living in filth like a teenager or early twenty-something dude eating takeout. He taught himself how to cook and clean and keep his own house tidy excuse he likes it that way. So do I. It works out great, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We both work, so no one is a stay at home anything. Just makes sense for both of us to make the effort.
Anne Roberts 3 days ago
My ex would ALWAYS clean up when we had company for dinner. In fact, that's the ONLY time he cleaned up so people thought he was a great guy to "help" around the house. It was all for show. When were were alone he wouldn't so much as bring his dish to the sink.
tori Ohno 3 days ago
I'd have it catered next year, and secretly change the wifi password so the game can be shut off until the men have washed all of the plates and serving utensils since no cooking had been done. If they complain about a catered thanksgiving instead of homemade, I'd tell them I thought they would be thankful for having fewer dishes to wash.
Lee Gilliland 3 days ago
Lady, you don't ask men in these situations. You make them, by refusing.
Kate Johnson 2 days ago
Aw! That's a man that should be eating take out and sleeping on the couch for the next week, just for the "victim complex" statement. He obviously does NOT appreciate his wife, and therefore should receive no benefits from her.
JayWantsACat 2 days ago
Why is OP with someone who responds to a normal question like that? Anyone spoke to me like that and it's over.
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Eugh thanks giving sounds a vile exhausting time ,so glad uk has no such freaking thing ffs 🤦♀️, op NTA ,but dam ur husband has clearly found his way down the Tate rabbit hole too incel town !! , one would like to hope his mother didn’t brining him up like that ,but she likely did , I do all the cooking at Xmas ( hate Xmas so being in kitchen suits me even in agony ) I do the roast , cos that’s all it is lmao , nothing more a bloody roast dinner ,but with a turkey. I’m in n out while we do the pressies , my eldest 24 ,daughter buys tons for everyone ,takes hours 😂bless her , i serve I clear table ,they set it up , they put it back , I wash as im cooking ,so only plates n bits are left , n I pain out around 6 latest cos I can’t handle it anymore ,so I say to my kids inc son 21 n their partners ,right im done I cooked i refuse point blank to wash up ,n go bed with a huge glass of wine lmao , n when I come back down for a refill it’s all done ,If I can get my two kids
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Then wives can bloody well get their husbands or fellas to get of their backsides n clean up, As for that victim c**p, he came out with , GASLIGHTING MUCH 🤬,hope things were better this last two yrs for op and everyone else x
Load More Replies... Pandaodboredem22 2 days ago
I cooked the turkey, gravy, and made the thanksgiving coleslaw. My wife made the purple sweet potatoes and carrots. I cleaned prep dishes as I cooked and cleaned the first batch of post dinner dishes, she finished up the second. All while the Lions game was ongoing. Too easy, have a respectful relationship with your partner and tag team
Na Schi 2 days ago
Reminds me of my work environment! Every time there is a casual meal (contributed dishes by all) some of the women took on all the catering and clearing/cleaning. All the while complaining that the men don't contribute while trying to usher all the other females to help with the clean up. Those women don't recognise that nothing will change by their complaining. I, already pïssed off by that blatantly "injustice" kept to the male contribution: bringing your plate to the dishwasher/kitchen sink! Easiest and most convenient meals ever 😁
sweet emotion 3 days ago
"Victim complex"???? I don't care what your background is or whether you live in the North, South, East or West; the MINIMUM punishment for using those words against your spouse should be a 30-minute scolding and at least two nights on the sofa.
Binky Melnik 3 days ago
And a few whacks with a wet kitchen sponge. That’s just revolting.
Load More Replies... Sally Moen 2 days ago
I never realized that testicles were used to do certain chores. Good to know
Vinnie 2 days ago
Hmmmm... let me.... wiping dirt off the floor; door stop; propping open a window; dusting; sweeping. Obviously, testicles are not the best tools for those jobs, but they'll do in a pinch.
Load More Replies... JB 3 days ago (edited)
I’ve had the experience of living with men for 16 years, all added together, alone for the last 16. Can’t think of a single regular household job that *requires* testicles. I’m perfectly capable of doing all the basic maintenance traditionally considered masculine, often better than the guys I was living with. And every single one of these tasks are intermittent or positively infrequent, unlike so-called women’s work that happens daily or at least weekly. Sure, I’ve hired people who turned out to be men for big stuff: installing the washer and dryer, insulating the garage, installing the new furnace and hot water tank, repairing significant plumbing leaks and replacing all the pipes, some electrical work… All of which required specialized skills I wouldn’t have trusted to an ex anyway. Men clinging to traditional roles in the household need to realize that we DON’T need them to get ‘their’ work done; it’s often easier to offload the whiny weight who makes far more work than they ever contributed to cleaning up.
Nikki Sevven 3 days ago
My adult daughter managed to clear our 100m driveway with the snowblower. She does not have testicles. Chores don't have genders.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 2 days ago
The only job I can think hus testicles are any good for with those comments would be as footballs
Paul C 3 days ago
That's fair - those that cook/prep, put their feet up afterwards, while those who didn't clean up. But give some lazy people a chance and they will skive out of doing anything. The best solution was to gather the cooks together to push for it at the time. Asking one lazy man to push for it is like asking a turkey to vote for thanksgiving. Besides which, the Steelers weren't playing, so no excuses for watching the game. ;-)
Paul C 3 days ago
And before anyone criticises my team of choice, Terry Bradshaw himself, taught this young Englishman how to throw a football back in the early 80s when the Steelers were in summer training in Latrobe. Someone with four superbowl rings took time to teach a young foreigner how to throw a football. That stuck with me.
Load More Replies... Roberta Surprenant 2 days ago
The only "job" restricted to someone with testicle is impregnation.
Tabitha 3 days ago (edited)
Wonder which of hubby’s male relatives—-you know, the ones who are either already divorced or nearly because of their attitudes—-got to him and shamed him into “being a man” and watching football. That s**t needs to stop ASAP. My husband and I divide up the cooking for Thanksgiving and other holidays. I’ll do the casseroles, cornbread, and pies the night before, and he’ll do the turkey and other sides (mostly vegetables he roasts in the pan with the turkey). We both clear the table, get the leftovers in containers to put in the fridge, then one of us washes while the other dries and puts the dishes away. I never, from our first Thanksgiving on, had to do everything myself, because my husband would always ask what he could do to take at least some of the burden off me. I also never had to ask him to help me, he just jumped in and did it. He’s also good about helping to keep the house clean. He’s no unicorn, though. He’s just a man who lived alone, didn’t get married until he was almost 40, and had long ago gotten over living in filth like a teenager or early twenty-something dude eating takeout. He taught himself how to cook and clean and keep his own house tidy excuse he likes it that way. So do I. It works out great, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We both work, so no one is a stay at home anything. Just makes sense for both of us to make the effort.
Anne Roberts 3 days ago
My ex would ALWAYS clean up when we had company for dinner. In fact, that's the ONLY time he cleaned up so people thought he was a great guy to "help" around the house. It was all for show. When were were alone he wouldn't so much as bring his dish to the sink.
tori Ohno 3 days ago
I'd have it catered next year, and secretly change the wifi password so the game can be shut off until the men have washed all of the plates and serving utensils since no cooking had been done. If they complain about a catered thanksgiving instead of homemade, I'd tell them I thought they would be thankful for having fewer dishes to wash.
Lee Gilliland 3 days ago
Lady, you don't ask men in these situations. You make them, by refusing.
Kate Johnson 2 days ago
Aw! That's a man that should be eating take out and sleeping on the couch for the next week, just for the "victim complex" statement. He obviously does NOT appreciate his wife, and therefore should receive no benefits from her.
JayWantsACat 2 days ago
Why is OP with someone who responds to a normal question like that? Anyone spoke to me like that and it's over.
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Eugh thanks giving sounds a vile exhausting time ,so glad uk has no such freaking thing ffs 🤦♀️, op NTA ,but dam ur husband has clearly found his way down the Tate rabbit hole too incel town !! , one would like to hope his mother didn’t brining him up like that ,but she likely did , I do all the cooking at Xmas ( hate Xmas so being in kitchen suits me even in agony ) I do the roast , cos that’s all it is lmao , nothing more a bloody roast dinner ,but with a turkey. I’m in n out while we do the pressies , my eldest 24 ,daughter buys tons for everyone ,takes hours 😂bless her , i serve I clear table ,they set it up , they put it back , I wash as im cooking ,so only plates n bits are left , n I pain out around 6 latest cos I can’t handle it anymore ,so I say to my kids inc son 21 n their partners ,right im done I cooked i refuse point blank to wash up ,n go bed with a huge glass of wine lmao , n when I come back down for a refill it’s all done ,If I can get my two kids
Crystalwitch60 2 days ago
Then wives can bloody well get their husbands or fellas to get of their backsides n clean up, As for that victim c**p, he came out with , GASLIGHTING MUCH 🤬,hope things were better this last two yrs for op and everyone else x
Load More Replies... Pandaodboredem22 2 days ago
I cooked the turkey, gravy, and made the thanksgiving coleslaw. My wife made the purple sweet potatoes and carrots. I cleaned prep dishes as I cooked and cleaned the first batch of post dinner dishes, she finished up the second. All while the Lions game was ongoing. Too easy, have a respectful relationship with your partner and tag team
Na Schi 2 days ago
Reminds me of my work environment! Every time there is a casual meal (contributed dishes by all) some of the women took on all the catering and clearing/cleaning. All the while complaining that the men don't contribute while trying to usher all the other females to help with the clean up. Those women don't recognise that nothing will change by their complaining. I, already pïssed off by that blatantly "injustice" kept to the male contribution: bringing your plate to the dishwasher/kitchen sink! Easiest and most convenient meals ever 😁
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