“I’ve Always Been The ‘Fat Sister’:” Woman Loses A Lot Of Weight Before Sister’s Wedding, Bride Freaks Out
If there’s a wedding coming up, you know that everyone in a family will be on edge. Little things like the color of cupcake holders can leave the bride in full-blown breakdown mode.
But this time, the trigger that led to a family drama powered by wedding planning, aka when everything goes against the plan, turned out to be the sister who… lost some weight.
“I 28F used to be quite overweight, over the last year or so I have made many changes in my life and have successfully lost almost 100lbs,” wrote the author on r/AITA. The woman said she’s “always been the fat sister,” and “this is the first time in our lives that I’m smaller than her.”
As you can suspect, this didn’t go well with the author’s sister, the bride to be, who was less than happy with such a transformation. Scroll down through the whole story below, and be sure to share if you really think the author was wrong to lose weight for her sis’ big day.
A woman has recently shared a story of how her sister, a bride-to-be, accused her of losing weight and trying to upstage her on her wedding day
Image credits: Omar Lopez (not the actual photo)
If there’s a day in life you choose to have all eyes set just on you, it would be your big wedding day. In most of our life journeys, we may never take up the role of the absolute center of attention as kids, jobs, partners, problems and whatnot take the stage. But what if a bride feels like she doesn’t get the attention she deserves? What if she feels like another person has stolen the attention away?
In fact, this happens more often than you’d think. Although it’s hard to decide on each event specifically, we at least know that brides do feel upstaged for whatever reasons. We previously covered a story about a woman who realized she’d overdressed for a cocktail-themed wedding and got accused of upstaging. We also wrote about the incident when a bride got upset with the groom’s teen cousin who was going to wear a traditional Indian outfit for fear it would upstage her.
Image credits: Late-Water-9669
To find out whether upstaging the bride is really a thing, we reached out to Aurelie Della Maggiore, the wedding planner and wedding designer based in the French Alps from “Lucy Till French Weddings.”
“To the guest accused, I will try to explain that planning a wedding could be a lot of stress for a bride, lots of money might be involved, and lots of expectations are raised especially after a year of planning every little detail,” she said and added that this can explain that sometimes brides can get a little crazy a few days before their big day.
“To the bride, I will explain that there is no such thing as upstaging the bride, the bride is always the center of all attention NO MATTER WHAT—well, except if the guest is coming in a full bride look, of course,” Aurelie explained.
Aurelie concluded that “the point is to focus on what’s really important at a wedding, celebrating love and commitment surrounded by your friends and family, and that no matter what they are wearing or how much they weigh, the bride is the queen of the day and nothing can change that!”
And this is what people had to say about this whole situation
This is what I refer to as "systemic toxicity". Certain roles are assigned to certain people (usually family or close friends) and when one of them decides to change their own script, it throws the "order" out of whack and the others feel angry/insecure at now being unsure of how this affects their position in the "hierarchy"
Exactly, you worded it perfectly. I often see this. People don't like change, so when one changes the others feel threatened like they should be doing something too and ghen express this as jealously or even anger towards the other person. Like how dare you fall out of line.
When I got sober I dealt with this a lot. I wasn't the screwup anymore. I was constant accused of relapsing if I did anything different. I also had in-laws that "accidentally" brought me wine at dinner. My sister-in-law had the same thing happen. She apologized for how she treated us because she's experiencing the same thing.
This! I was the baby of my family. I came along 18 years after my oldest brother, and 9 years after my youngest brother. My role was as the baby of the family, a child, always consigned to the kiddie table, regardless of my age. So I was eternally infantalized—-well into my 20s! I remember being 25 years old, and my youngest brother and his wife sending me a Christmas present. Of a child’s book of cats. My IQ is close to 140, I was a much better student than any of my four brothers could ever have been, and they were sending me children’s books. Finally, once I hit 40, my oldest brother started to defer to me when it came to making decisions about our parents when they got old and infirm, amongst other family decisions. It was nice being invited to the grownup table, and leaving the kiddie table behind forever.
When I had lost some weight due to exercise and diet and my "best friend's" male childhood friend complimented me for it, my "friend" told me to stop dieting, otherwise I'd "become competition". Like... WTF? I couldn't make this up if I tried! My only regret is that I should've cut contact with her sooner.
Very well put comment. Spot on.
Reminds me of the commercials of Plus, a dutch supermarket chain. They always have a group store workers for mascots, and one of them was fat. Then the fat one left, and they seroiously were looking for a new overweight woman to fill the role
🙄 seriously?!
Basically yeah. You’re on point.
What kind of dickhead parents would take the OP's sister's side???
You'd be surprised.
NTA. As a formerly overweight person, f**k them. Losing weight is extremely difficult, and they ought to be happy for your success.
Judging by your reply to Otter, i dont think you parents were supportive of your weight loss? If they werent, im so sorry you had to go through that
Is it her fault that the fat was 'found' by her sister? (as in 'I lost some weight' and someone quips 'great, I found it for you.') For many brides , they tend to lose some weight from the stress of the event and what might go wrong. I'd love it if my sister lost weight, and would give her kudos for doing so.
Because we always do it just to show people don’t we? It couldn’t possibly be for our health or in my case want to live past 50
This is what I refer to as "systemic toxicity". Certain roles are assigned to certain people (usually family or close friends) and when one of them decides to change their own script, it throws the "order" out of whack and the others feel angry/insecure at now being unsure of how this affects their position in the "hierarchy"
Exactly, you worded it perfectly. I often see this. People don't like change, so when one changes the others feel threatened like they should be doing something too and ghen express this as jealously or even anger towards the other person. Like how dare you fall out of line.
When I got sober I dealt with this a lot. I wasn't the screwup anymore. I was constant accused of relapsing if I did anything different. I also had in-laws that "accidentally" brought me wine at dinner. My sister-in-law had the same thing happen. She apologized for how she treated us because she's experiencing the same thing.
This! I was the baby of my family. I came along 18 years after my oldest brother, and 9 years after my youngest brother. My role was as the baby of the family, a child, always consigned to the kiddie table, regardless of my age. So I was eternally infantalized—-well into my 20s! I remember being 25 years old, and my youngest brother and his wife sending me a Christmas present. Of a child’s book of cats. My IQ is close to 140, I was a much better student than any of my four brothers could ever have been, and they were sending me children’s books. Finally, once I hit 40, my oldest brother started to defer to me when it came to making decisions about our parents when they got old and infirm, amongst other family decisions. It was nice being invited to the grownup table, and leaving the kiddie table behind forever.
When I had lost some weight due to exercise and diet and my "best friend's" male childhood friend complimented me for it, my "friend" told me to stop dieting, otherwise I'd "become competition". Like... WTF? I couldn't make this up if I tried! My only regret is that I should've cut contact with her sooner.
Very well put comment. Spot on.
Reminds me of the commercials of Plus, a dutch supermarket chain. They always have a group store workers for mascots, and one of them was fat. Then the fat one left, and they seroiously were looking for a new overweight woman to fill the role
🙄 seriously?!
Basically yeah. You’re on point.
What kind of dickhead parents would take the OP's sister's side???
You'd be surprised.
NTA. As a formerly overweight person, f**k them. Losing weight is extremely difficult, and they ought to be happy for your success.
Judging by your reply to Otter, i dont think you parents were supportive of your weight loss? If they werent, im so sorry you had to go through that
Is it her fault that the fat was 'found' by her sister? (as in 'I lost some weight' and someone quips 'great, I found it for you.') For many brides , they tend to lose some weight from the stress of the event and what might go wrong. I'd love it if my sister lost weight, and would give her kudos for doing so.
Because we always do it just to show people don’t we? It couldn’t possibly be for our health or in my case want to live past 50