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“I’ve Always Been The ‘Fat Sister’:” Woman Loses A Lot Of Weight Before Sister’s Wedding, Bride Freaks Out
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“I’ve Always Been The ‘Fat Sister’:” Woman Loses A Lot Of Weight Before Sister’s Wedding, Bride Freaks Out

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If there’s a wedding coming up, you know that everyone in a family will be on edge. Little things like the color of cupcake holders can leave the bride in full-blown breakdown mode.

But this time, the trigger that led to a family drama powered by wedding planning, aka when everything goes against the plan, turned out to be the sister who… lost some weight.

“I 28F used to be quite overweight, over the last year or so I have made many changes in my life and have successfully lost almost 100lbs,” wrote the author on r/AITA. The woman said she’s “always been the fat sister,” and “this is the first time in our lives that I’m smaller than her.”

As you can suspect, this didn’t go well with the author’s sister, the bride to be, who was less than happy with such a transformation. Scroll down through the whole story below, and be sure to share if you really think the author was wrong to lose weight for her sis’ big day.

A woman has recently shared a story of how her sister, a bride-to-be, accused her of losing weight and trying to upstage her on her wedding day

Image credits: Omar Lopez (not the actual photo)

If there’s a day in life you choose to have all eyes set just on you, it would be your big wedding day. In most of our life journeys, we may never take up the role of the absolute center of attention as kids, jobs, partners, problems and whatnot take the stage. But what if a bride feels like she doesn’t get the attention she deserves? What if she feels like another person has stolen the attention away?

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In fact, this happens more often than you’d think. Although it’s hard to decide on each event specifically, we at least know that brides do feel upstaged for whatever reasons. We previously covered a story about a woman who realized she’d overdressed for a cocktail-themed wedding and got accused of upstaging. We also wrote about the incident when a bride got upset with the groom’s teen cousin who was going to wear a traditional Indian outfit for fear it would upstage her.

Image credits: Late-Water-9669

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To find out whether upstaging the bride is really a thing, we reached out to Aurelie Della Maggiore, the wedding planner and wedding designer based in the French Alps from “Lucy Till French Weddings.”

“To the guest accused, I will try to explain that planning a wedding could be a lot of stress for a bride, lots of money might be involved, and lots of expectations are raised especially after a year of planning every little detail,” she said and added that this can explain that sometimes brides can get a little crazy a few days before their big day.

“To the bride, I will explain that there is no such thing as upstaging the bride, the bride is always the center of all attention NO MATTER WHAT—well, except if the guest is coming in a full bride look, of course,” Aurelie explained.

Aurelie concluded that “the point is to focus on what’s really important at a wedding, celebrating love and commitment surrounded by your friends and family, and that no matter what they are wearing or how much they weigh, the bride is the queen of the day and nothing can change that!”

And this is what people had to say about this whole situation

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lenahudson123 avatar
StormWolf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what I refer to as "systemic toxicity". Certain roles are assigned to certain people (usually family or close friends) and when one of them decides to change their own script, it throws the "order" out of whack and the others feel angry/insecure at now being unsure of how this affects their position in the "hierarchy"

merryn avatar
keepgoing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, you worded it perfectly. I often see this. People don't like change, so when one changes the others feel threatened like they should be doing something too and ghen express this as jealously or even anger towards the other person. Like how dare you fall out of line.

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mariancochran avatar
Me Oh My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a formerly overweight person, f**k them. Losing weight is extremely difficult, and they ought to be happy for your success.

delilahbesmith avatar
Tess the ferret
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Judging by your reply to Otter, i dont think you parents were supportive of your weight loss? If they werent, im so sorry you had to go through that

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nuguanugua avatar
Nugua
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These stolen AITA are the worst kind of articles on Boredpanda right now... They are always these “Nobody sane would ever think I am an asshole, but I have to ask anyway“.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I usually enjoy them, myself, even the ones that are obviously posted because someone wants to hear someone else called an "asshole".

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jon_steensen avatar
Jon Steensen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need to bash the idea of the perfect wedding, and focus more on getting a happy wedding, and more importantly the good marriage. You cannot control everything and everybody. Being the bride does not give you ultimate power to decide everything, and thinking so only produce stressed out bridezillas. You should not expect everybody around you to sacrifice much for your big day. When it really comes down to it, they are the most important person in their life, not you. Try to share their happiness instead of pulling them down because envy got the grip of you. A wedding should be party with happy people you love and not a competition.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People are focussed on the wedding and not what comes after. These boutique weddings have become status symbols. Maybe it has something to do with people marrying later who can pay for these glamorized Proms themselves, but it leads to real stress and focus on the things that are NOT important.

Load More Replies...
gemmelltastic avatar
Got Myself 4 Dwarves
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum has always had a bit of a complex, like if I want to lose weight she'll be in a huff saying "if you think your fat what the hell must you think of me" and it always confused the crap out of me - my personal preference for my own body has no bearing or relevance on anyone else - I just want to feel comfortable with myself. In the nicest possible way I don't give a s**t about anyone else's weight, that's not my business and my weight is none of theirs. This person is so far from being the arsehole it's almost laughable

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's amazing how much our own moms tortured us. My mom was always a thin person and made fun of my weight when I was young. Which was ironic because she was feeding me McDonald's. My husband thinks she just projects her insecurities onto me. I'm sure he's right but how do teach young girls it's ok to not be perfect when the Kartrashians and photo filters exist? My mom made fun of me when I was wearing a one piece bathing suit at 10 years old for having stretch marks on my butt and thighs that "only pregnant people have". If I showed you a pic of my "fat ass" at 12 you would think I was an 18 year old model. 5'4" 100 pounds is not fat! But I was convinced I was ugly.

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dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a toxic relative who was always thin when I was a chubby kid. In my teens I was lucky enough to work out way too much and develop an eating disorder and screw up my ankle. 32 years old, 5' 8" 160 lbs I looked great on my destination wedding day. 2 years later my always thin cousin uninvited me to her destination wedding. Said she didn't have enough room at her in-law to bes beach house. We already had planned on staying elsewhere and had taken the time off work. She had 4 bridesmaids and her own brother, his wife and kids didn't show up. She had also gained weight and I'm told she was afraid I would upstage her wedding because everyone enjoyed mine so much. People can get so petty and insecure. I have stopped going to weddings and baby showers. Donate to a charity and stay home.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Celebrate with people who have your best interests in mind. I surround myself with people who bring me up. Since I have no toxic people in my inner circle, I only go to their celebrations. My wedding reception had 50 people who I know were happy with me. The relative I "had" to invite didn't show up or even RSVP.

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leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister was gonna wear red to her bridal shower. I chose blue. She showed up in blue. I was told I was trying to ruin her day. Yes, they exist.

james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely not the Asshole. I know how hard it is to lose weight and the shame that comes if you fail. Especially if you've told people about your plans to lose weight. It was perfectly reasonable for you to keep this from your family coz it takes the pressure off. I think she is probably feeling insecure about her weight gain and your the target of her insecurities. If I was in that situation I would have suggested having a family get together before the wedding so the surprise of your weightloss is over and down with before the wedding. You are not the asshole but realistically you will be a talking point at the wedding and will take some of the sisters limelight away. Massive Congratulations on your weight loss.

merryn avatar
keepgoing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It has actually been proven that if you tell people about your goals you are likely not to stick to them. Rather just keep quiet unless of course you need help and support then go ahead and tell a selected, trusted few

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paulclarey avatar
Paul C.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well done on your healthier lifestyle. Try to ignore the bad vibes, I think they must be very insecure not to celebrate your achievement.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so nta. i hadn't seen my late brother in almost 25 yrs due to him traveling and living in europe. (this was several decades ago.) the last time he had seen me i had been the chunky baby sister. in the interim of our separation, i had changed careers, graduated college, become independent and assertive, and gotten healthier. getting healthier also meant that i worked out 3-4 times a week because i discovered i really liked the challenge of weight training. we met at mom's and first thing he tells her is that "'i looked like arnold swartzenegger in drag" & 'a dyke that should be on a harley". have to admit that i giggled quietly when mom told him no, not a harley...a triumph.

jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish you all the luck in the world finding a new family, any family but the one you've got because they suck and you clearly deserve anything that's better than them.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect, suspect this is a toxic family, and the original poster may begin to see that soon. The poster lives far away from her family--and she may soon discover she is happier living far away from them.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Don't go to the wedding. You won't be missing anything other than hateful comments and attitudes. Sometimes I wonder why anyone bothers.

ma-lahann avatar
marianne eliza
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people care more about the wedding than the marriage. If you're engaged to someone like that, run. Run far, run fast.

dishanath avatar
johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I meet at least one or two of the same sort every week just going about my ordinary daily business and ask myself that very same question each time.

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nonabgo avatar
Nona Bgo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wtf. Where do all these entitled people come from? I just can't wrap my head around it. SO many brides on the internet who think they are the center of the universe. Who raises these women?

gabbym avatar
Gabby M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a sh*tty family. Losing all the weight is an incredible accomplishment. I'm fat so I know how hard it is, and how much dedication it requires. How dare the family care about one day than about the main person's health.

assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother hated that I was the little fat kid and my mother was the tall London catwalk model. Fast forward 20yrs, dropped all the weight down to a size 0/2, my mother and grandmother now loathe how I look and my self confidence because I'm no longer their little fat punching bag to make them feel better. Mother even started copying me by straightening her curly hair and covering her brown eyes with blue contacts like me which is a weird psychological contradiction to how they hate my looks (am actually freaked out by that, any shrinks in the house care to clarify?)

ivana_789_b avatar
Ivana Bogdan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, be proud of yourself. Your health matters more than your rude and selfish family.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA your family sucks. You've been working towards this for ages and I'm sure they all would make snarky "make better choice" comments at you before. I was the fat sister and the bride and I worked hard to slim for my wedding (for myself) and I never had any anger knowing my sister's would still be skinnier. I was the one in the white dress and I knew I was the center. I honestly don't understand bridezillas I think they ruin the whole ritual of a wedding. They warp it so the whole point of the thing is lost in their personal micromanaged show where everyone is miserable including them but hey we're all smiling in the pictures. This is coming from your sisters negative self image but it seems like your relationship isn't great if she sees you as a competitor. And your parents clearly favour her which is awful

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That your sister and your parents are taking the same side this on almost feels as if you have always been considered second best by all. If this is the case I'm truly sorry. You're not an ass, total or otherwise.

amodee avatar
Anna Modee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations on your weight loss! Don't let your sister's jealousy upset you. Loosing weight is difficult and be proud of your accomplishment.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is insane and toxic; my sister asked me to not be "tanner than her" at her stupid destination wedding in FLORIDA!!! WTF. I hate weddings and the entitled narcissism that comes with them.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wasn't invited to my sister's wedding. I was, however, invited to work the reception afterwards.

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stephaniekeith_1 avatar
Stephanie Keith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why don't some people want everyone to feel good? It's like people are so worried that another person is going to upstage them, feel better, be happy, and be okay. That they never realize that everyone can feel like that at the same time. People are so selfish that they only want it being them that feels good, or has money, or whatever. There is nothing wrong with everyone being okay and feeling good. There is something very wrong with not wanting that for others and thinking it should be only you that gets it all.

andreacarelesskelk avatar
Andrea Careless
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just makes me sick. If I was that woman’s mother I’d be overjoyed that she’d lost so much weight. I would expect the whole family to feel the same. Those family dynamics are really messed up, and the bride, well….

jossmagical avatar
Joy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hurtful to know that in doing something right - perhaps for the first time - you're accused of doing wrong. What is the weight-loss sister supposed to do? Eat a million calories a day so she can literally big-up the bride? Sad too that the parents have taken the bride's side. Best thing and it's so far from perfect, it's a mule's butt of a solution but perhaps weight-loss sis can wear a large tiered dress to pacify her sister. But why the hell should she have to? If anything the bride needs to examine why her sister looking healthier upsets her so.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s possible that both the sister and her parents are stressed about the wedding, because some people don’t handle life changes and big decisions well. Maybe once they come back to their right minds in a few days, they’ll realize they were being ridiculous. Or maybe they’re always terrible, but it’s possible they’re just like those hungry people in Snickers commercials right now.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a double post ... don't know how that happened. The original is gone too. Wooohooo

mym3l0dy-c0m-x avatar
CatsWearingHats
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You guys have to think, though, the sister is probably just insecure. No, I’m not condoning what she did, but she probably just felt very upset, and lashed out on their sister. I assume any normal human would feel guilty. Families fight for reasons related to a problem, or reasons outside of the problem, eventually taking their anger out on their family.

assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your sister is a vain little girl, and your parents have pegged her the favorite skinny one and you the less favored fat one. They're basically telling you they love her more than you because she's prettier, and people wonder where women get their self confidence issues from? That crap starts at home with your own damn family. Tell your sister and family to grow the F up, get over themselves, or your sister can have her wedding without you. You'll be on the treadmill while she's crying through her 11th donut. Screw them, you be happy. Apologize to NO ONE for you making your life better.

rhodaprince avatar
Rhoda Prince
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speechless at ur family,won't curse them,but if its me il silently and politely travel back to my base for her to have her almighty wedding and remain relevant all tru her day.

saradagrape avatar
Lady of the Mountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the bride's insecure about the weight she's put on and was probably hoping she and her sister could laugh about it together, but then her sister "ruined" those plans. from what I see, the bride needs a confidence boost, but the parents really should chill. what're they gonna do about it?

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why in the AF is this even a question?!?!?!?! NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jen_perea1297 avatar
jen_perea1297 avatar
Jen Perea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if you family hasn't physically seen you in a year and you've already lost the 100 lbs, I don't really understand NOT mentioning it before actually arriving unless op wanted the shock factor reaction (which doesn't make her an ah) I'm just saying, the story reads kinda one sided and I would like to believe both sisters are above the worst they can think of each other. We're all better people than we give each other credit for. Maybe op could ease up on what it might feel like as the soon to be bride whose super stressed (Because weddings) we don't know if the relationship has been rocky (op isn't really able to know since she hasn't been seen in a year) anyone else have super emotional meltdowns right before their wedding? Maybe OP could validate and support her soon to be bride sister instead of villanizing her for being insecure (I know when I'm insecure and lash out, support helps me more than criticism)

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slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the most ridiculous AITA stories I've read. Of course you are NTA.

lyndsayn17 avatar
Winx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Losing that much weight takes a lot of time and dedication. It's not like she even intentionally lost the weight for the wedding. Her family sounds toxic af

shalinipabreja avatar
Shalini Pabreja
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d like to know why almost all the posts here turn out to be NTAs. Just out if curiosity.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents taking the bride's "side" means they don't care about the sister's health! I can see why the sister stays away from her family! I'm so sick of brides insecurities turning them into bridezilla! I hear the reverse a lot. Where the bridesmaids gains a bit of weight and brides worried about how the pictures will look so they change bridesmaids, kicking the first one out. Look brides, remember it's a day of celebration, not a beauty contest.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't say I've seen this, and I'm a big BP fan. But hey if it's a repeat there be many folks who haven't seen it get a chance to read about it. ;J

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ellajmoffat-1 avatar
ThEboRedEsTpANdA
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

**PLEASE READ** Her sister literally called her fat and the parents STILL sided with her? Massive 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 that you're adopted. Not even joking, this sort of thing happened to my friend, her parents always sided with her older brother and sister, and then it came out one day that my friend was adopted. Her brother was only a year older, so the parents didn't tell him as (their words) 'We didn't tell [friends brother] because he was too young to remember and it is iT Is eAsiEr tO kEEp A SEcRet WHen THrEE pEoPle kNoW ABOUt it ThAN WHEn FOuR dO' but her sister was 4 years and she knew that my friend was adopted. My friend's entire adoptive family were massive a-holes and my friend ended up moving in with me and my then-roomie (fun fact: my then-roomie is my now-fiance). She babysits for my kids now, and her adoptive brother is the only member of her adoptive family she keeps in contact with, as he agrees that his family are a-holes.

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate to be the one that plays devils advocate here, but how did they not know? Did you not post one victory photo or progress photo on social media? You may not have "physcially" seen anyone in a while but how did they not see pics, video chat... nothing? I find this kinda hard fetched.

suzannehaigh avatar
kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Toxic families aren’t a geographic thing, they’re a matter of family dynamics, with a sprinkling of mental health issues thrown in—-and, believe me, they’re all over the world. My husband is British, and you should hear how f****d up certain relatives of his were/are, all confirmed by his mother (who is totally normal). One’s level of assholiness is not determined by their country of origin. Assholes are an international breed.

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dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You’re the asshole who didn’t tell her parents that she lost weight. And you’re making this a difficult story for people by asking the wrong question.

lenahudson123 avatar
StormWolf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what I refer to as "systemic toxicity". Certain roles are assigned to certain people (usually family or close friends) and when one of them decides to change their own script, it throws the "order" out of whack and the others feel angry/insecure at now being unsure of how this affects their position in the "hierarchy"

merryn avatar
keepgoing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, you worded it perfectly. I often see this. People don't like change, so when one changes the others feel threatened like they should be doing something too and ghen express this as jealously or even anger towards the other person. Like how dare you fall out of line.

Load More Replies...
mariancochran avatar
Me Oh My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. As a formerly overweight person, f**k them. Losing weight is extremely difficult, and they ought to be happy for your success.

delilahbesmith avatar
Tess the ferret
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Judging by your reply to Otter, i dont think you parents were supportive of your weight loss? If they werent, im so sorry you had to go through that

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nuguanugua avatar
Nugua
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These stolen AITA are the worst kind of articles on Boredpanda right now... They are always these “Nobody sane would ever think I am an asshole, but I have to ask anyway“.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I usually enjoy them, myself, even the ones that are obviously posted because someone wants to hear someone else called an "asshole".

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jon_steensen avatar
Jon Steensen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need to bash the idea of the perfect wedding, and focus more on getting a happy wedding, and more importantly the good marriage. You cannot control everything and everybody. Being the bride does not give you ultimate power to decide everything, and thinking so only produce stressed out bridezillas. You should not expect everybody around you to sacrifice much for your big day. When it really comes down to it, they are the most important person in their life, not you. Try to share their happiness instead of pulling them down because envy got the grip of you. A wedding should be party with happy people you love and not a competition.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People are focussed on the wedding and not what comes after. These boutique weddings have become status symbols. Maybe it has something to do with people marrying later who can pay for these glamorized Proms themselves, but it leads to real stress and focus on the things that are NOT important.

Load More Replies...
gemmelltastic avatar
Got Myself 4 Dwarves
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum has always had a bit of a complex, like if I want to lose weight she'll be in a huff saying "if you think your fat what the hell must you think of me" and it always confused the crap out of me - my personal preference for my own body has no bearing or relevance on anyone else - I just want to feel comfortable with myself. In the nicest possible way I don't give a s**t about anyone else's weight, that's not my business and my weight is none of theirs. This person is so far from being the arsehole it's almost laughable

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's amazing how much our own moms tortured us. My mom was always a thin person and made fun of my weight when I was young. Which was ironic because she was feeding me McDonald's. My husband thinks she just projects her insecurities onto me. I'm sure he's right but how do teach young girls it's ok to not be perfect when the Kartrashians and photo filters exist? My mom made fun of me when I was wearing a one piece bathing suit at 10 years old for having stretch marks on my butt and thighs that "only pregnant people have". If I showed you a pic of my "fat ass" at 12 you would think I was an 18 year old model. 5'4" 100 pounds is not fat! But I was convinced I was ugly.

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Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a toxic relative who was always thin when I was a chubby kid. In my teens I was lucky enough to work out way too much and develop an eating disorder and screw up my ankle. 32 years old, 5' 8" 160 lbs I looked great on my destination wedding day. 2 years later my always thin cousin uninvited me to her destination wedding. Said she didn't have enough room at her in-law to bes beach house. We already had planned on staying elsewhere and had taken the time off work. She had 4 bridesmaids and her own brother, his wife and kids didn't show up. She had also gained weight and I'm told she was afraid I would upstage her wedding because everyone enjoyed mine so much. People can get so petty and insecure. I have stopped going to weddings and baby showers. Donate to a charity and stay home.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Celebrate with people who have your best interests in mind. I surround myself with people who bring me up. Since I have no toxic people in my inner circle, I only go to their celebrations. My wedding reception had 50 people who I know were happy with me. The relative I "had" to invite didn't show up or even RSVP.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister was gonna wear red to her bridal shower. I chose blue. She showed up in blue. I was told I was trying to ruin her day. Yes, they exist.

james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely not the Asshole. I know how hard it is to lose weight and the shame that comes if you fail. Especially if you've told people about your plans to lose weight. It was perfectly reasonable for you to keep this from your family coz it takes the pressure off. I think she is probably feeling insecure about her weight gain and your the target of her insecurities. If I was in that situation I would have suggested having a family get together before the wedding so the surprise of your weightloss is over and down with before the wedding. You are not the asshole but realistically you will be a talking point at the wedding and will take some of the sisters limelight away. Massive Congratulations on your weight loss.

merryn avatar
keepgoing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It has actually been proven that if you tell people about your goals you are likely not to stick to them. Rather just keep quiet unless of course you need help and support then go ahead and tell a selected, trusted few

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Paul C.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well done on your healthier lifestyle. Try to ignore the bad vibes, I think they must be very insecure not to celebrate your achievement.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so nta. i hadn't seen my late brother in almost 25 yrs due to him traveling and living in europe. (this was several decades ago.) the last time he had seen me i had been the chunky baby sister. in the interim of our separation, i had changed careers, graduated college, become independent and assertive, and gotten healthier. getting healthier also meant that i worked out 3-4 times a week because i discovered i really liked the challenge of weight training. we met at mom's and first thing he tells her is that "'i looked like arnold swartzenegger in drag" & 'a dyke that should be on a harley". have to admit that i giggled quietly when mom told him no, not a harley...a triumph.

jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish you all the luck in the world finding a new family, any family but the one you've got because they suck and you clearly deserve anything that's better than them.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect, suspect this is a toxic family, and the original poster may begin to see that soon. The poster lives far away from her family--and she may soon discover she is happier living far away from them.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Don't go to the wedding. You won't be missing anything other than hateful comments and attitudes. Sometimes I wonder why anyone bothers.

ma-lahann avatar
marianne eliza
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people care more about the wedding than the marriage. If you're engaged to someone like that, run. Run far, run fast.

dishanath avatar
johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I meet at least one or two of the same sort every week just going about my ordinary daily business and ask myself that very same question each time.

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Nona Bgo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wtf. Where do all these entitled people come from? I just can't wrap my head around it. SO many brides on the internet who think they are the center of the universe. Who raises these women?

gabbym avatar
Gabby M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a sh*tty family. Losing all the weight is an incredible accomplishment. I'm fat so I know how hard it is, and how much dedication it requires. How dare the family care about one day than about the main person's health.

assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother hated that I was the little fat kid and my mother was the tall London catwalk model. Fast forward 20yrs, dropped all the weight down to a size 0/2, my mother and grandmother now loathe how I look and my self confidence because I'm no longer their little fat punching bag to make them feel better. Mother even started copying me by straightening her curly hair and covering her brown eyes with blue contacts like me which is a weird psychological contradiction to how they hate my looks (am actually freaked out by that, any shrinks in the house care to clarify?)

ivana_789_b avatar
Ivana Bogdan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, be proud of yourself. Your health matters more than your rude and selfish family.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA your family sucks. You've been working towards this for ages and I'm sure they all would make snarky "make better choice" comments at you before. I was the fat sister and the bride and I worked hard to slim for my wedding (for myself) and I never had any anger knowing my sister's would still be skinnier. I was the one in the white dress and I knew I was the center. I honestly don't understand bridezillas I think they ruin the whole ritual of a wedding. They warp it so the whole point of the thing is lost in their personal micromanaged show where everyone is miserable including them but hey we're all smiling in the pictures. This is coming from your sisters negative self image but it seems like your relationship isn't great if she sees you as a competitor. And your parents clearly favour her which is awful

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That your sister and your parents are taking the same side this on almost feels as if you have always been considered second best by all. If this is the case I'm truly sorry. You're not an ass, total or otherwise.

amodee avatar
Anna Modee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations on your weight loss! Don't let your sister's jealousy upset you. Loosing weight is difficult and be proud of your accomplishment.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is insane and toxic; my sister asked me to not be "tanner than her" at her stupid destination wedding in FLORIDA!!! WTF. I hate weddings and the entitled narcissism that comes with them.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wasn't invited to my sister's wedding. I was, however, invited to work the reception afterwards.

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stephaniekeith_1 avatar
Stephanie Keith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why don't some people want everyone to feel good? It's like people are so worried that another person is going to upstage them, feel better, be happy, and be okay. That they never realize that everyone can feel like that at the same time. People are so selfish that they only want it being them that feels good, or has money, or whatever. There is nothing wrong with everyone being okay and feeling good. There is something very wrong with not wanting that for others and thinking it should be only you that gets it all.

andreacarelesskelk avatar
Andrea Careless
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just makes me sick. If I was that woman’s mother I’d be overjoyed that she’d lost so much weight. I would expect the whole family to feel the same. Those family dynamics are really messed up, and the bride, well….

jossmagical avatar
Joy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hurtful to know that in doing something right - perhaps for the first time - you're accused of doing wrong. What is the weight-loss sister supposed to do? Eat a million calories a day so she can literally big-up the bride? Sad too that the parents have taken the bride's side. Best thing and it's so far from perfect, it's a mule's butt of a solution but perhaps weight-loss sis can wear a large tiered dress to pacify her sister. But why the hell should she have to? If anything the bride needs to examine why her sister looking healthier upsets her so.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s possible that both the sister and her parents are stressed about the wedding, because some people don’t handle life changes and big decisions well. Maybe once they come back to their right minds in a few days, they’ll realize they were being ridiculous. Or maybe they’re always terrible, but it’s possible they’re just like those hungry people in Snickers commercials right now.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a double post ... don't know how that happened. The original is gone too. Wooohooo

mym3l0dy-c0m-x avatar
CatsWearingHats
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You guys have to think, though, the sister is probably just insecure. No, I’m not condoning what she did, but she probably just felt very upset, and lashed out on their sister. I assume any normal human would feel guilty. Families fight for reasons related to a problem, or reasons outside of the problem, eventually taking their anger out on their family.

assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your sister is a vain little girl, and your parents have pegged her the favorite skinny one and you the less favored fat one. They're basically telling you they love her more than you because she's prettier, and people wonder where women get their self confidence issues from? That crap starts at home with your own damn family. Tell your sister and family to grow the F up, get over themselves, or your sister can have her wedding without you. You'll be on the treadmill while she's crying through her 11th donut. Screw them, you be happy. Apologize to NO ONE for you making your life better.

rhodaprince avatar
Rhoda Prince
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speechless at ur family,won't curse them,but if its me il silently and politely travel back to my base for her to have her almighty wedding and remain relevant all tru her day.

saradagrape avatar
Lady of the Mountains
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the bride's insecure about the weight she's put on and was probably hoping she and her sister could laugh about it together, but then her sister "ruined" those plans. from what I see, the bride needs a confidence boost, but the parents really should chill. what're they gonna do about it?

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why in the AF is this even a question?!?!?!?! NTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jen_perea1297 avatar
jen_perea1297 avatar
Jen Perea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if you family hasn't physically seen you in a year and you've already lost the 100 lbs, I don't really understand NOT mentioning it before actually arriving unless op wanted the shock factor reaction (which doesn't make her an ah) I'm just saying, the story reads kinda one sided and I would like to believe both sisters are above the worst they can think of each other. We're all better people than we give each other credit for. Maybe op could ease up on what it might feel like as the soon to be bride whose super stressed (Because weddings) we don't know if the relationship has been rocky (op isn't really able to know since she hasn't been seen in a year) anyone else have super emotional meltdowns right before their wedding? Maybe OP could validate and support her soon to be bride sister instead of villanizing her for being insecure (I know when I'm insecure and lash out, support helps me more than criticism)

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slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the most ridiculous AITA stories I've read. Of course you are NTA.

lyndsayn17 avatar
Winx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Losing that much weight takes a lot of time and dedication. It's not like she even intentionally lost the weight for the wedding. Her family sounds toxic af

shalinipabreja avatar
Shalini Pabreja
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d like to know why almost all the posts here turn out to be NTAs. Just out if curiosity.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The parents taking the bride's "side" means they don't care about the sister's health! I can see why the sister stays away from her family! I'm so sick of brides insecurities turning them into bridezilla! I hear the reverse a lot. Where the bridesmaids gains a bit of weight and brides worried about how the pictures will look so they change bridesmaids, kicking the first one out. Look brides, remember it's a day of celebration, not a beauty contest.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
ajones_1 avatar
A Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't say I've seen this, and I'm a big BP fan. But hey if it's a repeat there be many folks who haven't seen it get a chance to read about it. ;J

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ellajmoffat-1 avatar
ThEboRedEsTpANdA
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

**PLEASE READ** Her sister literally called her fat and the parents STILL sided with her? Massive 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 that you're adopted. Not even joking, this sort of thing happened to my friend, her parents always sided with her older brother and sister, and then it came out one day that my friend was adopted. Her brother was only a year older, so the parents didn't tell him as (their words) 'We didn't tell [friends brother] because he was too young to remember and it is iT Is eAsiEr tO kEEp A SEcRet WHen THrEE pEoPle kNoW ABOUt it ThAN WHEn FOuR dO' but her sister was 4 years and she knew that my friend was adopted. My friend's entire adoptive family were massive a-holes and my friend ended up moving in with me and my then-roomie (fun fact: my then-roomie is my now-fiance). She babysits for my kids now, and her adoptive brother is the only member of her adoptive family she keeps in contact with, as he agrees that his family are a-holes.

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate to be the one that plays devils advocate here, but how did they not know? Did you not post one victory photo or progress photo on social media? You may not have "physcially" seen anyone in a while but how did they not see pics, video chat... nothing? I find this kinda hard fetched.

suzannehaigh avatar
kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Toxic families aren’t a geographic thing, they’re a matter of family dynamics, with a sprinkling of mental health issues thrown in—-and, believe me, they’re all over the world. My husband is British, and you should hear how f****d up certain relatives of his were/are, all confirmed by his mother (who is totally normal). One’s level of assholiness is not determined by their country of origin. Assholes are an international breed.

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dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
2 years ago

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You’re the asshole who didn’t tell her parents that she lost weight. And you’re making this a difficult story for people by asking the wrong question.

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