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The savage art of the comeback is something that we should all take the time and dedication to master. There are very few things in life as satisfying as completely and utterly decimating someone with your wit, your snappiness, and your banter. And if you throw some good old-fashioned logic and common sense into the mix? Whew, you’re a legend.

The place that celebrates these “well-constructed put-downs, comebacks, and counter-arguments” is the legendary ‘Murdered By Words’ subreddit. Boasting a whopping 2.5 million members, r/MurderedByWords shares the best comebacks that we all wish we came up with ourselves. And, well, during the actual arguments, not days later while we’re shampooing our hair in the shower.

One of the moderators helping manage the vast r/MurderedByWords community answered some of my questions about the community. "The way we see it, a murder should (but doesn't always have to) be more than a quick response or retort. The best murders are well-constructed, thought-out responses that leave the opening argument completely without any ability to reply. In other words, their point has been totally demolished," the mod explained to Bored Panda.

"Now, obviously there's more than one way to murder with words, and sometimes a quick rapier thrust or stab to the heart (a short, swift reply) can be just as deadly as a drawn-out murder, and you'll frequently see both types in this sub," they added. Scroll down for the moderator's insights about how they and their colleagues tackle the challenges that come with managing such a large online community.

Check out the best online verbal put-downs, upvote the ones that impressed you the most, and be sure to give r/MurderedByWords a follow if you’re a fan of their stuff. When you’re done with this article, you’ll find some more inspiration for your future epic comebacks by checking out our previous features of the subreddit here, here, and here. Somebody call the police and the coroner because these ‘word-murders’ are out of control.

#2

I Think This Belongs Here Too

I Think This Belongs Here Too

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michellesavage226 avatar
sarcasticcow avatar
asatvoong_1 avatar
Adam C
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw this documentary about the girl being raped in the bus in india. One of the rapeist said "it take two hands to clap". That kind of human being ask questions like that. The kind that think women want to be raped.

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katonakisani avatar
Ancsuri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have faith in humanity again if people like Hammad exist.

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is Ancsuri, that there are many more humans like the one who ask that kind of questions and commit all the cruel, evil acts.

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bpbperic avatar
Night Owl
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hopefully no one will marry Dawad. On the other hand, I would happily marry Hammad

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kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well Dawood, quit getting your rape gang together and stalking places where you can trap some poor woman, and maybe that would solve your problem. (In a similar vein; I’m 60, and when I was in my twenties I remember some dickhead saying he only wanted to marry a virgin, but couldn’t find any. I said “Well, you probably are finding them, so just stop trying to f**k them on the first date”.)

superstuffs avatar
Marny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You shouldn't be marrying a girl anyway; she's too young. Marry a woman.

christinaschulte avatar
Christina Schulte
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex knew my past and would call me "damaged goods". F-ed me up to this day.

cecibenve avatar
There Is No Planet B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh no, don't ever think that, please! He and his brain are the damaged ones! What an awful thing to say

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tw72 avatar
tw 72
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would you marry a guy who somehow thinks that rape was her choice?

faithhh02 avatar
Faith Hurst
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember vividly being a child in the 1970s and being told that basically we should keep sexual assault to ourselves if it ever happened because men couldn't handle knowing we were damaged goods. So, to all of the millennials and others claiming they don't need feminism-GenX, Boomers, and all who came before you to fight that crap say f*** you. Do your parts so your children don't fight the same damn fight we've fought my entire life.

bdunbarkcls_org avatar
bdunbar@kcls.org
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. I was "Date Raped" at 16. You're correct, it's an adjective. As a result, I became a mother at 17, part of who I am. I learned to separate the two words and meanings a very long time ago.

kristelbijnen avatar
Bumblebee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry this happened to you, but so glad you learned to separate the two! Some people might not be able to heal from it or separate it (ever). I wish nobody would get raped. Though I am deeply afraid that this is still many years away, if ever. Looking at this likely reality: I hope everyone who had/has to endure this will heal as fast as doable. I know it takes a LOT of time & healing which is really needed. That is why I said as fast as doable (which varies for everyone), not just fast. I also hope all will be able to separate it after(/while) healing. Looking at this probable reality which I mentioned before, this is one of my deepest wishes in my life (it never happening again is of course an even deeper wish). Please correct me if I said something insensitive/wrong. Since I have not gone through this, I know I can still learn how to phrase things better regarding this (and learning what/what not to say). I tried to explain everything as accurate as I could. LOVE!

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Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

More to the point, none of the girls should marry you, asswipe.

lowres520 avatar
Sharrow
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would you marry a mugged guy though? You know, he is probably fickle with his money... [sarcasm alert, I suppose]

dennise-sommer avatar
WholesomeArmyweeb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you! This also applies to women with a “high body count” For the record judging a girl by her body count is in fact slût shaming which is not ok 😐

oriolus_ avatar
New Prometheus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What, where and in what culture this kind of discussion even emerges? Never have I encountered this kind of talk in English, only when referring to history or some tribal beliefs.

lay1fly avatar
lay1fly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for that. At least there are some men who can comprehend things and are not dumb as rocks.

tanimaanand avatar
Tanima Anand
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

U don't need to answer the question of a person whose username is this !! #BSalert

kaching12 avatar
Yort
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never marry a girl, girls are minors. Marry women.

suzannehaigh avatar
Suzanne Haigh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The sad thing is though I think many males would back away from someone who had been raped. It's is part of the men can sleep with many females and it is regarded as OK, but if a female had many men, the attitude would be very different.

makaylargardner avatar
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You act like you don't care about rape, then refuse to date a girl whose gone through it. It's not a personality trait, it's a traumatic thing that you shouldn't use to try to assume who a person is..

janedon avatar
jane don
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since I consider marriage a forever thing--& I want to have a good sexlife as part of everything--I would Never pick a Virgin --Never--

thepatrioticpony avatar
TimesNewLogan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To answer the initial (dickish) question: only if she'd have me.

dcloud1943 avatar
Dorothy Cloud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would I marry "Daw9D? that's a better question. And NO I wouldn't.

markjohansen avatar
Mark Johansen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Umm, what? It makes sense to say, "Hey, it is not her fault that she was raped." But to say that the idea of identifying a person as "someone who was raped" is somehow invalid is just ... nonsensical. I don't bristle if someone calls me a "divorced man". I was accused of a crime once -- I was innocent and the police quickly realized that and eliminated me as a suspect -- but I wouldn't bristle if someone then (or now) called me an "accused person". etc.

homerchyppa avatar
Chyppa Homer
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't marry anyone. It's a trap ! Oh, and in that context, raped IS an adjective.

debrarobinson_4 avatar
Debrina Blackmoon
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow-BP just removed my long ranting comment despite it describing myself!

j_f_ avatar
J. F.
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Despite the obvious moronic intention, it's a somewhat good question though. Having a partner with an extreme traumatic experience requires responsibility and can be tricky. Everybody should ask themselves if they are able to deal with the mental scars such things leave and if they can support their partner properly before getting married. (Doesn't only apply to rape but all forms of traumata)

helenderoo avatar
Helderder
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the matter in the case of this post is regarding the fact that the girl is no longer a virgin. Its a religious fcked up thing.

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Radek Suski
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This one is really weird. How the writing is so uneven

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Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yes, that may cause some issues, but everyone has or will face trauma in their life. I'd rather marry someone who isn't going to fall apart at the mere mention of it in a hypothetical situation.

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#3

Women Aren't People, Apparently

Women Aren't People, Apparently

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The moderator representing r/MurderedByWords shared with me that they have a very thorough vetting system in place for new mods. "We manage the community by being a tight-knit group of moderators who are all carefully vetted before being given the position, to ensure the stability of the subreddit and that good content gets through," they said. However, it's not just the mods who decide whether or not a comeback can be classified as a 'murder.' That honor is also given to the community members themselves.

"Overall, we believe in letting the subreddit determine what is or isn't a murder, and try to step in or remove posts only when the rules are broken or we see the same post for the gazillionth time," the mod explained.

According to the moderator, the community has its own challenges, just like any other large subreddit. "Every single post will always have someone who says, 'Not a murder,' 'This sub is dying/dead,' 'Mods suck,' etc. That comes with the territory of any subreddit, from smallest to largest," they told Bored Panda that these sorts of comments are completely unavoidable, no matter what the community might be. However, a bigger issue is... politics.

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#6

Far Too Many People See The Answer To This As Being "Yes"

Far Too Many People See The Answer To This As Being "Yes"

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"Another challenge that came up was when we decided before the US Presidential Elections to ban politics from the sub (there is a sticky at the top of the subreddit outlining what is/isn't allowed). Somehow, we managed to have both sides of the political spectrum pissed off at us for that one. Democrats complaining we had caved to the Republicans who kept getting 'owned,' and Republicans complaining because this was one big left-wing [echo chamber] and now they couldn't even respond with their own posts. We then made the ban permanent, but we still have to remove plenty of posts which fit the criteria for the no-politics rule."

But at the core of it all are practical challenges like finding ways to keep the subreddit growing and full of fresh content that will keep redditors happy. "We're lucky in that we frequently create posts that reach the front page and receive tens of thousands of upvotes (many have even passed the 100k upvote mark), which in turn helps draw attention to the sub, which creates more content, etc."

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#7

The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

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#8

You’re An Asstrovert

You’re An Asstrovert

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Nearly two years ago, I had a friendly chat with redditor Xor50, who’d been one of the moderators helping run r/MurderedByWords. They told me a bit about the community that has been running since December 2016, the type of content the subreddit features (and how it differs from similar subreddits like r/clevercomebacks), and how to give your put-down more substance.

“A ‘real murder’ in terms of this subreddit would be [this]: A murder should be a response to something or someone that totally, for lack of a better word, destroys them. They are, of course, subjective, and should be more or less based on fact,” Xor50 told Bored Panda previously.

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#12

Am I So Out Of Touch? No, It's The Children Who Are Wrong

Am I So Out Of Touch? No, It's The Children Who Are Wrong

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“What is the difference between a ‘murder’ and ‘burn’ anyway? The mod team and even the MBW community has struggled for over a year to try and define the difference. It’s quite subjective and nearly an ‘I know it when I see it!’ situation, however, there are some generalities,” the redditor explained that there have been debates about the details of what constitutes a ‘murder.’

“Murders tend to be longer. It’s nearly impossible to ‘murder’ someone inside of a tweet. It’s just not long enough. You can burn them pretty good yes but a ‘murder’ is far more complete,” they said.

“Basically, anything that you would think is a witticism, one-liner, snappy comeback, or hot take is going to be a burn. Those may be a better fit for /r/clevercomebacks. Murders tend to be long-form, taking a minute or several to read, and thoroughly deconstruct an argument and/or the person making it.”

#13

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

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Xor50 added that your personal passion for a topic can help inspire you to find a clever way to put down someone’s bad arguments. “Think about a topic you’re really passionate about and imagine you’re talking to an idiot who just doesn’t get it. That’s how I imagine it,” they said.

The art of the comeback isn’t out of reach for us, no matter how epic and unreachable some of these slap-backs and roasts might seem. 

#16

Classic Karen

Classic Karen

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Angela B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Such a good response, that I went and made popcorn and sat in my comfy chair.

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British comedy writer and stand-up comedian Ariane Sherine explained to me during an earlier interview what the most important parts of a comeback are. “I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she told Bored Panda.

According to Ariane, most stand-up comics actually have a “repertoire of comebacks” that they rely on while on the stage. This way, they can be prepared for hecklers and (at least some) unexpected situations. There’s a lot of prep that goes into being a good comedian!

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“We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," she said.

#19

How Dare We Give You The Correct Amount Of Changes

How Dare We Give You The Correct Amount Of Changes

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#20

Bit Of A Stretch

Bit Of A Stretch

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Michelle M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's with people and body hair? If you like body hair, good for you. If you don't, also good for you. No need to body shame someone for something that occurs naturally. It's like insulting someone for having legs. I'm looking at you, female beauty standards

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#21

Seriously What Is Wrong With You

Seriously What Is Wrong With You

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Ariane revealed to Bored Panda that comedy professionals build up emotional resilience with time and experience.

“Heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there's no code of honor when it comes to using them (but you mustn't nick original stand-up material!),” Ariane told me where we can find some inspiration for clever comebacks.

#22

Good Luck To The Women In Your Future

Good Luck To The Women In Your Future

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Loretta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dear men who consider this a good advice: I agree, please stay the f**k away from us.

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#23

Entitled Karen Getting Stabbed By Words

Entitled Karen Getting Stabbed By Words

JustHereForTheCh1cks Report

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Sum Guy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People think they have the right to people because they see them on TV

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The comedy writer also pointed out that comebacks can either be spontaneous or more planned out (if you’ve got the time), depending on the actual comic. 

"It [the comeback] needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable,” she said, adding that it’s relatively rare in her experience to have spontaneous eruptions of genius all the time. “That's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!"

#25

Research Before You Sprouts Anything On Social Media

Research Before You Sprouts Anything On Social Media

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#26

Better Check Those Facts

Better Check Those Facts

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#27

Handle With Care

Handle With Care

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Michelle M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'As a man, the only emotion you should show is forest hack-saw domination', said, a conservative.

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#28

Why Go Out Of Your Way To Be An As**ole?

Why Go Out Of Your Way To Be An As**ole?

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similarly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I admit, I have a pretty good life ... but I've suffered chronic depression since I was a kid. There's no logic to depression.

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#29

This Doubles As A Til About The Spanish Anthem

This Doubles As A Til About The Spanish Anthem

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#30

Once Wasn't Enough, He Came Back For More

Once Wasn't Enough, He Came Back For More

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#31

Rip Sportsball Fan

Rip Sportsball Fan

KosmicTom , twitter.com Report

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BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I completely support LGBTQ rights because LGBTQ people are the same as us heterosexuals, they just have different romantic preferences. They don't deserve to be treated as less than us...

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#32

God vs. Humanity

God vs. Humanity

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Sum Guy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not just that, his first 2 people were cancelled for eating a fruit he made

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#33

Trying To Gatekeep Conversations

Trying To Gatekeep Conversations

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Chrissie Mörbe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the actual f*ck is the original poster thinking? This must be one of the stupidest things I have ever read.

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#34

I've Had A 32" TV For Longer Than I'd Like To Admit

I've Had A 32" TV For Longer Than I'd Like To Admit

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Sanne H.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a difference between “old rich” and “new rich” here. Old rich (families that are wealthy for many generations) don’t usually show off.

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#35

Oh, No! Anything But That!

Oh, No! Anything But That!

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UncleRussian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

US heath insurance is a scam... And textbooks are a scam... And minimum wage is a scam... Basically everything is a scam

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#36

The Ol' Switcheroo

The Ol' Switcheroo

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Ancsuri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still dont get it, why some people think that vaccination is evil, and but mumbo-jumbo things offered on the internet will work to cure cancer.

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#38

But How Will They Make Money If They Can't Take Advantage Of People?!??

But How Will They Make Money If They Can't Take Advantage Of People?!??

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#39

What Are Crab Cakes?

What Are Crab Cakes?

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NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"anyone who isn't within walking distance of a school shooting"...

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#40

Doctor Of Reading?

Doctor Of Reading?

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Basil Ignatov
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the symptoms of covid...so people without vaccination tend to get covid symptoms ... Who'd ave guessed?

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#41

I Don’t Really Know If This Counts But..

I Don’t Really Know If This Counts But..

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4ertani avatar
UncleRussian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) why would you be this pretentious in the first place 2) why would you be so pretentious on a god damn memes page...

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#42

Just So We’re Clear

Just So We’re Clear

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#43

It's Almost As If

It's Almost As If

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tmarek13 avatar
just me
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am in favor of unions, but... They need to protect the integrity of a profession and not just the workers. Police unions shouldn't protect dirty cops. Teacher/education unions shouldn't protect abusive staff.

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#44

You Can't Justify Her Actions No Matter What

You Can't Justify Her Actions No Matter What

OkSurprise7755 , twitter.com Report

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Truth Monster
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was trying to create a new line of skin care products...to sell in baskets....

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#45

I Once Knew A Peacock

I Once Knew A Peacock

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Note: this post originally had 119 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.

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