Wife Confronts Husband After Finding His Christmas Gift List And Discovering Hers Is The Cheapest Of The Bunch
It’s the thought behind the gift, not how much it cost that should matter. Though, at the same time, the actual price of the present can reveal how much you matter to a loved one… especially if you also know how much they’re shelling out for their friends and colleagues.
One redditor, who goes by the username u/MerryChristmasAA, shared how she found out what her husband got for her for Xmas this year. She also uncovered all of the gifts that he bought for everyone else. And the difference between them, at least financially, was very vast. One thing led to another and the couple got into a huge argument.
The wife got called “an ungrateful, spoiled brat” and turned to the AITA subreddit for a verdict on who was right and wrong in this situation. Scroll down for the full story, dear Pandas. And when you’re done reading, let us know in the comments who you think was being a jerk in this situation.
A couple got into a heated argument over Christmas presents
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The wife was very upset that her husband spent tons of money on his friends this Xmas but didn’t respect her enough to do the same for her
The redditor shared how her husband got her a $20 spoon set, all the while getting lavish and expensive gifts for his friends and coworkers. Overall, he spent over $5,000 on these presents. Naturally, the love of his life got upset that she was regarded as inferior to everyone else. She was also mad that she spent quite a lot of time, effort, and money planning all of her gifts for him.
The story got over 17.3k upvotes in two days on the AITA online community. Most readers thought that the husband was clearly at fault here and that the wife’s reaction was fine.
Whoever was right or wrong, nobody enjoys arguing with their partner. Relationship expert Alex Scot explained to me earlier that couples need to get past the so-called “post-argument hangover” and reconnect. Physical closeness, playfulness, as well as having time to yourself from time to time can all be ways to improve the relationship when things are getting rocky.
“I recommend physical touch in the form of a hug or a 6-second kiss, the reason for this is co-regulation,” the expert told Bored Panda.
“[Co-regulation is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing,” she went into more detail.
Alex also noted that she believes the old adage that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is also something that we should keep in mind. We need some time alone in our day-to-day lives.
“When we take time to ourselves, we are meeting our own needs, feeling autonomous, and it allows us time to miss our partner. Without regular alone time within our relationships, we can become drained and even resentful,” she explained to Bored Panda.
“For some reason, we step into adulthood, get into long-term relationships and believe we must ‘adult’ now and get serious, which leads us to denying ourselves of playtime. To get that spark back, go do something new together, play a game together, or revisit a nostalgic spot or activity.”
Here’s how people reacted when they learned the husband got his wife such a cheap gift
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I'll bet that the gifts are really for himself, and he's calling them gifts for co-workers as an excuse. I mean, who spends that much on co workers? Not unless you're having affairs with all of them.
He’s gaslighting her about it too. So there are even deeper issues. I’d cancel Christmas. It’d be totally fine if they were poor and could only afford $10-30 worth of Christmas gifts. But clearly he’s not if he’s dropping $600 on a watch for a coworker. He knows what he’s doing. And he has a malicious reason. I’d donate or return all of his gifts and just get him the matching cup set. And start planning what will happen when that blows up too and the marriage is at stake. Maybe gift him marriage counseling instead of the matching cups.
Yes, THIS. Control-freaks and/or abusers almost ALWAYS also have control/abuse issues with money and their partner's spending. This is especially prevalent in men (though not exclusive to) because they are (still) often the greater breadwinner and (historically) root their masculinity into providing for the family. This woman needs to run far and fast.
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I would wonder if the guy isn't closeted. It's just weird to spend so much money on "friends". Or he's just a total jerk that didn't grow up from his frat boys years, and still considers that his "bros" are more important than... his wife. She should get a divorce that's a big red flag. Not mentioning that no husband should gift his wife a house appliance (unless she asked for it) we're not in the 50s anymore.
Honestly, I'm quite suspicious of the sheer amount of money he's spending on these “friends” / “co-workers,” which looks even worse when compared to what he's buying his WIFE: a housewarming gift that's not even personally for her, it's just some random household item he probably saw on the front page of Amazon.
How you spend your money is a great indication of who/what is important to you. I don't have a lot of hope for this marriage.
I wonder if his coworkers are matching his unbelievable generosity... she would have noticed if he was coming home from the office party with thousands of dollars worth of gifts, right? I agree, I think he used the gifts as an excuse to buy for himself, but I would wonder why she hasn't noticed him with these expensive items. Personally, the die were cast for me when he said his coworkers and friends were "very important to him" indicating that his wife was not. I think there were probably a lot of red flags on this that she declined to notice. I would run as fast as I could from this mess. Divorce papers for Christmas sounds about right.
He got his SISTER IN LAW a $250 bracelet... the woman isn't even blood. But also, what's going on there? That's a mistress gift! Like, wtf. Let me just get my wife a $20 spoon set? (Also, wtf? Is this 1950?) and get my sister in law a nice $250 bracelet..? Yeah the others were expensive as F**k but the fact that this is for a woman who isn't even blood makes me uncomfortable. If my husband got his brothers partner a $250 gift and got me a $20 gift I'd be suspicious as F**k. I don't care about money or gifts, we don't really exchange gifts... and I'd be happy for a $20 gift... as long as he wasn't buying other people, especially women gifts that cost nearly 13x what he spent on mine.
Get him a matching kitchenspoonholderthingy and be happy together. All fun aside, I have to say that this would make me furious too if my so spent way more money on other people and gave me a couple of spoons! Seriously, I would pick a fight too and if he still wouldn't understand get him a really stupid gift as well. Merry Christmas.
Return whatever gifts have been purchased and get him a similar cheap household item. And start looking for marriage counselors, this isn't a divorce-him-immediately incident, but it does show there are huge problems in the marriage.
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But then he shouldn't get mad, right, and explain what he was really planning. Because he would understand how disappointed and sad she would feel? If it is a "prank" it's a really mean one. If it is a "prank" and he knew she would actually think it's funny, he would fess up right away.
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I’d be pissed he spent that kind of money regardless of what he got me.
NTA. WTH? He paid more in sales tax than he spent on you! That's disgusting behavior.
I'm really curious about what he got her as gift for the last Christmas as this is not their first Christmas together. I wonder if his attitude towards her gift changed with marriage or if it's always been like this and she just didn't know about him spending way more for friends and coworkers.
I'm really curious if he has pulled this same stunt in the past or if this is the first Christmas he's doing it.
I'm usually unsympathetic with people ungrateful for gifts they receive, but in this case I'd be incandescent with fury if I were her. There would be consequences too!
20 bucks for a well meaning and thoughtful gift can be plenty but in the context of him spending so much money on others it's not just atrocious, it's also (as others have said) a huge red flag.
You've been married one year, and this is what he's like? I certainly would not have a second year with such a 'man'.
He will do this for twenty years. Then you will divorce him and will be sorry that you can never get that time back.
I was expecting another Karen type story but f****n hell! That's a lot to spend on anyone, let alone co-workers. Normally I'd think ending a relationship over gifts is stupid but this would make me really consider it. There has to be more to this.
He can't even give his wife anything better than cheap housewarming gift, but spend fortune on gifts for co-workers/friends? He does it on purpose. Red flags, red flags everywhere.
I would return his gifts and tell him where to put the spoons. My ex-husband use to hide the fact he got Christmas bonuses and wouldn't help me buy our daughter her gifts or a gift for me. He would spend it on himself and later on I found out on another woman and go on long oversea vacations with her. I gave him a divorce for his birthday one year.
And I've just had another discussion with my son about what not to do.
A cheap-ass kitchen spoon set sounds like a gift you can buy for a distant relative you don't really care about. "Oh, what should we buy for Katy? She has a kitchen, right? Some kitchen spoons should work!". It's not what you buy for your partner, unless they are a big fan of kitchen spoons, of course.
C is technically true but doesn't apply here, the rest is bs. Appreciate what you get only applies if the person actually put effort into it, not just unloaded some crap on you. If this guy is spending on his co-workers cause theyre important to him, that kinda implies something about his wife's importance to him. Im not a fan of greedy people, but this seems more of a respect issue. If he had given his other ppl $20 stuff too im sure the reaction would have been different.
"His coworkers are important to him..." Right there he's saying that the amount he spent on them was due to how important they were to him. If it's was me, spending $20 on me would make me feel like I don't mean much. Seriously, I'm not into material things but it's more about how little importance he would've made me feel, based on his own reasoning.
I would definitely return whatever gifts I had planned to give him at give him a $20 bad tie!!!
Load More Replies... His "friend" that he got the $900 workout gear for, I promise you...is NOT a friend! More like, either already a lover, or he's working on it! Hence, the excessive expense! I KNOW! My ex cheated on me, and this is a huge red flag! I hate to say this, but she needs to file for a divorce. A bit too extreme? Nope! This is how it starts. He is a narcissist, and he is setting up his friends to see him as this great generous wonderful guy, and her as an over-the-top crazy, jealous wife. Of course, she is not, but that how he is setting things up. That way, when he discards her (and, I promise you, he will), all of his friends will see HIM as the victim, since she was so "crazy", and what else could he do?! She needs to cut her losses and RUN, rather than wait until they have children! Marriage counseling is the LEAST she should consider. That said, these types of guys can often fool the counselors! I kid you not! Cut your losses and run, girl! I'm not bitter, just been there! 20 YEARS!
Imagine you guys have a kid together. For Christmas he buys bicycles and PS5s and tickets to Disneyland for all his friends children, but he buys your kid a nerf gun. That put things in perspective? Ditch this a-hole.
He can buy you what he wants, and you can buy you what you want. He buys you some horrible, cheap thing, you should return the favor. Buy him some horrible, cheap thing.
Yeah, that's a red flag. Can't believe that didn't show itself earlier in the relationship. Sometimes things change once married, and there's a warning there. Unless he's faking her out, but that's kind of cruel. But if it's legit, I'd be rethinking the marriage, not a good first year.
First, it isn't Christmas yet, unless this is from last year. Second, I am not sure how she "stumbled on the gift list by accident". Maybe he left it out on purpose, maybe she is just nosy, maybe it was appestance. Third, he could just be a jerk for whom co-workers are more important than her. In that case, better be aware now than 10 years down the road. It could also be that the utensils set is a ploy to present her with a lavish gift come Christmas and the list was left out on purpose, maybe as a gag maybe as a test. I'd put his gifts away and pick the smallest to give him at Christmas and see what happens. If on Christmas morning there is a $200K supercar parked outside with a bow on the roof, then she may reconsider her plans. If all she gets is the spoon set, well now she knows who she is married to.
My optimistic brain thinks he could be buying those things for her and did this list as a joke because he knows she is nosy but that is doubtful
It's not an overreaction, my mother did this to me a few Christmas' ago... personally I like to put some effort into gifts as I think about what the person like & I'll spend a medium amount, (not too cheap - not too expensive) I usually buy myself what I want so receiving gifts isn't something I think about, I mention this as my mother asked me what I wanted for xmas & I told her some things she knows I've been interested in for years. So Xmas rolls around & I open my bag of gifts, all are visibly cheap options from Wish (the website) I know this as I have bought some things myself & it's hit or miss, it wasn't even the cost that upset me, it was the lack of thought, nothing she bought related to me, it was just random things. Her partner who she has had an on/off relationship with for 16 years, (toxic - she got him arrested one night claiming he hit her & he didn't - she admitted to me she lied as she was angry at him & wanted him to be "punished" - only for him to come back to her) -
- her partner opens a card £40 in cash - new car stereo which is about £100 - other fancy small gifts - she doesn't have a lot of money but was given a few thousand from her father on the sale of his home - she later claimed the stuff she looked at for me was "too expensive" so opted to not get them for me (we're talking about a £15 book) other things happened & ta-da we no longer have a relationship as I cut her off last year. She can live her life with the boyfriend she ran down to me on a fortnightly basis as it's clear to me he meant more to her than her own child. Some people are just born c*nts.
Load More Replies... This can't have come out of the blue. I'd be curious what he got her for gift giving occasions before they got married.
His sister in law is Her sister; he bought his wifes Sister a $950 bracelet and she gets 20 bucks in spoons. His own sister would make more sense
I think sister in law is his brothers` wife, because she would have said ``my sister``.
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Who gives their co-workers gifts like that? Some where in this story, someone is lying. Either the husband is lying about who the gifts are for, or the wife is lying about what the list said. Also, who makes that kind of list? Nothing about this is rational. I will say, I buy my husband's family gifts every year since we go up to visit them. However, I do not exchange gifts with my husband or even my own family because I am opposed to consumerism but we couldn't get his parents to stop getting us gifts and since we go up to see them for Christmas I fell the obligation to get them nice things for hosting us and for getting us things. So I can see not getting you spouse something, but only if it is agreed that you don't do that as a couple.
This happens when people get married after two years knowing each other Also when they have separate lives - christmas lists, budgets etc - but pretending to be "a couple". A couple decides together. A couple discuss finances. Relationships don't just grow overnight magically, and IMHO 2 years is way too fast to know someone if you do not live together prior and do not discuss life matters. Unmarried couples do better than this. She is NTA but she should not be married to the guy on the first place, both not grown up enough to be in marriage.
I disagree. One of the happiest married couples I have ever known were married for 67 years, and they married within weeks of meeting each other. Times were different then, just after the war, but they loved each other passionately all their lives (he died not long ago). The wife told me the secret to their long marriage was among other things, separate bank accounts. I think all couples work things out between them, ideally before marrying, but some stuff you learn as you go. Its love and compromise, and autonomy that makes for the most successful marriages, in my eyes.
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I'd be curious to know what kind of gifts he got her BEFORE they got married...
NTA - dump him, he gas something going on on the side. No-one give $600-$900 gifts to friends and coworkers, unless he is a milioner
Yah, sorry, I would end it. I'm not very materialistic and don't care very much about 'things', but this clearly shows you are the least important person to him when you should in fact, be the most important person to him.
I always overspend on my gf because I adore her. Can’t imagine doing this EVER
So, I hope there's more to this. This year, my husband didn't give me anything. Just a Merry Christmas babe! But he very well may be losing his job in a few months and we need to save everything we can. I bought all gifts this year. But, he pays pretty much everything (except groceries and things we need for the house, pet bills, things like that). It's what works for us. Also, he treats me like a freakin queen around here, so every day is like Christmas for me (like, for real, though). My sons are home from school right now (his step sons) and that's all I cared about as far as "wanting" something. One day out of the year getting an expensive gift or 365 days of being a great spouse? Yeah, I take the years worth of good spouse!!
I think he needs to give his coworkers etc. expensive gifts for his ego alone like "look I'm sooo rich!". While his poor wife has to stand down. What a cheap guy. I'd get rid of him ASAP.
This seems like a big jump to a worst case conclusion. I have never written down what I'm actually buying for someone who lives in the same home as me for this exact reason. People find lists, even if they aren't looking for them. I always write some dumb thing, something off the wall or silly and not what I'm planning to get that person. Mostly it will be something that starts with the same letter but even that hasn't been a consistent rule over the years. If I was confronted in this manner over a private list about presents I had not even given yet, I'd feel pretty violated and kind of attacked. You're really going to be mad about a Christmas present that you haven't received yet and you aren't supposed to know about? I'd say I was planning on spoons the whole time too if I was that persons husband. ESH/MIR- she doesn't respect or trust him and he may or may not have been planning on giving her a pretty crap gift while spending more money on friends.
One year my dad got my mum a "Dolly Duck" butter dish. She nearly used the cheap knife set he got her the year before. She's also lactose intolerant
I think her husband has a big psycholocical problem...he need the self-presentation because of his little self-consciousness.
I wouldnt be upset if I got a gift for 20€ as he is right that the cost of the gift is not important ( actually I am getting a 20€ funko pop) BUT!!! I would be certainly upset if my husband used 5k€ on gifts in general ( who buys so expensive gifts?) not to mention they are for co workers and friends. she is NTA. I buy gifts for approximately the same price for mum/dad/bro so they dont feel like someone is less loved or so but they are always below 100€. it is the atmosphere that counts, not the expensivness of the gift. they can buy more expensive things themselves. it is also better if they pick it so they get exactly what they want. or if say mum wants somwthimg specific which is more expensive we can get her the gift together with my brother.
Am I the only one thinking he wrote the list assuming she'd find it? I.e. her real gift isn't on there?
When will couples stop hating each other? You marry a person just to not care about them and give them kitchen utensils while giving your friends thoughtful gifts... Please just stop marrying people you don't even fully know, stop letting them treat you like your housekeeper Also if you don't really have ideas for a gift for your spouse, it's ok, after years together it can happen, you both have everything you need, new jewelry or a watch or a wallet isn't really needed at the time, it's okay to just talk with your partner and maybe do something fun together as a 'gift' or go together on christmas vacation etc. But please, please! don't buy them kitchen utensils or house tools.. (unless they are very into some kind of cooking, pastry making etc or handyworks, but then still - get them tools/utensils they need, not just regular spoons)
Well now he knows she isn't and is a reasonable person.
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I agree with you Danielle. And I am Jewish! But Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Maybe the both of them should just go to church together on Christmas instead of spending all this time and energy on thinking about the gifts. Isn't the greatest gift supposed to be the fact that God gave Jesus to the world?
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I'll bet that the gifts are really for himself, and he's calling them gifts for co-workers as an excuse. I mean, who spends that much on co workers? Not unless you're having affairs with all of them.
He’s gaslighting her about it too. So there are even deeper issues. I’d cancel Christmas. It’d be totally fine if they were poor and could only afford $10-30 worth of Christmas gifts. But clearly he’s not if he’s dropping $600 on a watch for a coworker. He knows what he’s doing. And he has a malicious reason. I’d donate or return all of his gifts and just get him the matching cup set. And start planning what will happen when that blows up too and the marriage is at stake. Maybe gift him marriage counseling instead of the matching cups.
Yes, THIS. Control-freaks and/or abusers almost ALWAYS also have control/abuse issues with money and their partner's spending. This is especially prevalent in men (though not exclusive to) because they are (still) often the greater breadwinner and (historically) root their masculinity into providing for the family. This woman needs to run far and fast.
Load More Replies... I would wonder if the guy isn't closeted. It's just weird to spend so much money on "friends". Or he's just a total jerk that didn't grow up from his frat boys years, and still considers that his "bros" are more important than... his wife. She should get a divorce that's a big red flag. Not mentioning that no husband should gift his wife a house appliance (unless she asked for it) we're not in the 50s anymore.
Honestly, I'm quite suspicious of the sheer amount of money he's spending on these “friends” / “co-workers,” which looks even worse when compared to what he's buying his WIFE: a housewarming gift that's not even personally for her, it's just some random household item he probably saw on the front page of Amazon.
How you spend your money is a great indication of who/what is important to you. I don't have a lot of hope for this marriage.
I wonder if his coworkers are matching his unbelievable generosity... she would have noticed if he was coming home from the office party with thousands of dollars worth of gifts, right? I agree, I think he used the gifts as an excuse to buy for himself, but I would wonder why she hasn't noticed him with these expensive items. Personally, the die were cast for me when he said his coworkers and friends were "very important to him" indicating that his wife was not. I think there were probably a lot of red flags on this that she declined to notice. I would run as fast as I could from this mess. Divorce papers for Christmas sounds about right.
He got his SISTER IN LAW a $250 bracelet... the woman isn't even blood. But also, what's going on there? That's a mistress gift! Like, wtf. Let me just get my wife a $20 spoon set? (Also, wtf? Is this 1950?) and get my sister in law a nice $250 bracelet..? Yeah the others were expensive as F**k but the fact that this is for a woman who isn't even blood makes me uncomfortable. If my husband got his brothers partner a $250 gift and got me a $20 gift I'd be suspicious as F**k. I don't care about money or gifts, we don't really exchange gifts... and I'd be happy for a $20 gift... as long as he wasn't buying other people, especially women gifts that cost nearly 13x what he spent on mine.
Get him a matching kitchenspoonholderthingy and be happy together. All fun aside, I have to say that this would make me furious too if my so spent way more money on other people and gave me a couple of spoons! Seriously, I would pick a fight too and if he still wouldn't understand get him a really stupid gift as well. Merry Christmas.
Return whatever gifts have been purchased and get him a similar cheap household item. And start looking for marriage counselors, this isn't a divorce-him-immediately incident, but it does show there are huge problems in the marriage.
Load More Replies... But then he shouldn't get mad, right, and explain what he was really planning. Because he would understand how disappointed and sad she would feel? If it is a "prank" it's a really mean one. If it is a "prank" and he knew she would actually think it's funny, he would fess up right away.
Load More Replies... I’d be pissed he spent that kind of money regardless of what he got me.
NTA. WTH? He paid more in sales tax than he spent on you! That's disgusting behavior.
I'm really curious about what he got her as gift for the last Christmas as this is not their first Christmas together. I wonder if his attitude towards her gift changed with marriage or if it's always been like this and she just didn't know about him spending way more for friends and coworkers.
I'm really curious if he has pulled this same stunt in the past or if this is the first Christmas he's doing it.
I'm usually unsympathetic with people ungrateful for gifts they receive, but in this case I'd be incandescent with fury if I were her. There would be consequences too!
20 bucks for a well meaning and thoughtful gift can be plenty but in the context of him spending so much money on others it's not just atrocious, it's also (as others have said) a huge red flag.
You've been married one year, and this is what he's like? I certainly would not have a second year with such a 'man'.
He will do this for twenty years. Then you will divorce him and will be sorry that you can never get that time back.
I was expecting another Karen type story but f****n hell! That's a lot to spend on anyone, let alone co-workers. Normally I'd think ending a relationship over gifts is stupid but this would make me really consider it. There has to be more to this.
He can't even give his wife anything better than cheap housewarming gift, but spend fortune on gifts for co-workers/friends? He does it on purpose. Red flags, red flags everywhere.
I would return his gifts and tell him where to put the spoons. My ex-husband use to hide the fact he got Christmas bonuses and wouldn't help me buy our daughter her gifts or a gift for me. He would spend it on himself and later on I found out on another woman and go on long oversea vacations with her. I gave him a divorce for his birthday one year.
And I've just had another discussion with my son about what not to do.
A cheap-ass kitchen spoon set sounds like a gift you can buy for a distant relative you don't really care about. "Oh, what should we buy for Katy? She has a kitchen, right? Some kitchen spoons should work!". It's not what you buy for your partner, unless they are a big fan of kitchen spoons, of course.
C is technically true but doesn't apply here, the rest is bs. Appreciate what you get only applies if the person actually put effort into it, not just unloaded some crap on you. If this guy is spending on his co-workers cause theyre important to him, that kinda implies something about his wife's importance to him. Im not a fan of greedy people, but this seems more of a respect issue. If he had given his other ppl $20 stuff too im sure the reaction would have been different.
"His coworkers are important to him..." Right there he's saying that the amount he spent on them was due to how important they were to him. If it's was me, spending $20 on me would make me feel like I don't mean much. Seriously, I'm not into material things but it's more about how little importance he would've made me feel, based on his own reasoning.
I would definitely return whatever gifts I had planned to give him at give him a $20 bad tie!!!
Load More Replies... His "friend" that he got the $900 workout gear for, I promise you...is NOT a friend! More like, either already a lover, or he's working on it! Hence, the excessive expense! I KNOW! My ex cheated on me, and this is a huge red flag! I hate to say this, but she needs to file for a divorce. A bit too extreme? Nope! This is how it starts. He is a narcissist, and he is setting up his friends to see him as this great generous wonderful guy, and her as an over-the-top crazy, jealous wife. Of course, she is not, but that how he is setting things up. That way, when he discards her (and, I promise you, he will), all of his friends will see HIM as the victim, since she was so "crazy", and what else could he do?! She needs to cut her losses and RUN, rather than wait until they have children! Marriage counseling is the LEAST she should consider. That said, these types of guys can often fool the counselors! I kid you not! Cut your losses and run, girl! I'm not bitter, just been there! 20 YEARS!
Imagine you guys have a kid together. For Christmas he buys bicycles and PS5s and tickets to Disneyland for all his friends children, but he buys your kid a nerf gun. That put things in perspective? Ditch this a-hole.
He can buy you what he wants, and you can buy you what you want. He buys you some horrible, cheap thing, you should return the favor. Buy him some horrible, cheap thing.
Yeah, that's a red flag. Can't believe that didn't show itself earlier in the relationship. Sometimes things change once married, and there's a warning there. Unless he's faking her out, but that's kind of cruel. But if it's legit, I'd be rethinking the marriage, not a good first year.
First, it isn't Christmas yet, unless this is from last year. Second, I am not sure how she "stumbled on the gift list by accident". Maybe he left it out on purpose, maybe she is just nosy, maybe it was appestance. Third, he could just be a jerk for whom co-workers are more important than her. In that case, better be aware now than 10 years down the road. It could also be that the utensils set is a ploy to present her with a lavish gift come Christmas and the list was left out on purpose, maybe as a gag maybe as a test. I'd put his gifts away and pick the smallest to give him at Christmas and see what happens. If on Christmas morning there is a $200K supercar parked outside with a bow on the roof, then she may reconsider her plans. If all she gets is the spoon set, well now she knows who she is married to.
My optimistic brain thinks he could be buying those things for her and did this list as a joke because he knows she is nosy but that is doubtful
It's not an overreaction, my mother did this to me a few Christmas' ago... personally I like to put some effort into gifts as I think about what the person like & I'll spend a medium amount, (not too cheap - not too expensive) I usually buy myself what I want so receiving gifts isn't something I think about, I mention this as my mother asked me what I wanted for xmas & I told her some things she knows I've been interested in for years. So Xmas rolls around & I open my bag of gifts, all are visibly cheap options from Wish (the website) I know this as I have bought some things myself & it's hit or miss, it wasn't even the cost that upset me, it was the lack of thought, nothing she bought related to me, it was just random things. Her partner who she has had an on/off relationship with for 16 years, (toxic - she got him arrested one night claiming he hit her & he didn't - she admitted to me she lied as she was angry at him & wanted him to be "punished" - only for him to come back to her) -
- her partner opens a card £40 in cash - new car stereo which is about £100 - other fancy small gifts - she doesn't have a lot of money but was given a few thousand from her father on the sale of his home - she later claimed the stuff she looked at for me was "too expensive" so opted to not get them for me (we're talking about a £15 book) other things happened & ta-da we no longer have a relationship as I cut her off last year. She can live her life with the boyfriend she ran down to me on a fortnightly basis as it's clear to me he meant more to her than her own child. Some people are just born c*nts.
Load More Replies... This can't have come out of the blue. I'd be curious what he got her for gift giving occasions before they got married.
His sister in law is Her sister; he bought his wifes Sister a $950 bracelet and she gets 20 bucks in spoons. His own sister would make more sense
I think sister in law is his brothers` wife, because she would have said ``my sister``.
Load More Replies... Who gives their co-workers gifts like that? Some where in this story, someone is lying. Either the husband is lying about who the gifts are for, or the wife is lying about what the list said. Also, who makes that kind of list? Nothing about this is rational. I will say, I buy my husband's family gifts every year since we go up to visit them. However, I do not exchange gifts with my husband or even my own family because I am opposed to consumerism but we couldn't get his parents to stop getting us gifts and since we go up to see them for Christmas I fell the obligation to get them nice things for hosting us and for getting us things. So I can see not getting you spouse something, but only if it is agreed that you don't do that as a couple.
This happens when people get married after two years knowing each other Also when they have separate lives - christmas lists, budgets etc - but pretending to be "a couple". A couple decides together. A couple discuss finances. Relationships don't just grow overnight magically, and IMHO 2 years is way too fast to know someone if you do not live together prior and do not discuss life matters. Unmarried couples do better than this. She is NTA but she should not be married to the guy on the first place, both not grown up enough to be in marriage.
I disagree. One of the happiest married couples I have ever known were married for 67 years, and they married within weeks of meeting each other. Times were different then, just after the war, but they loved each other passionately all their lives (he died not long ago). The wife told me the secret to their long marriage was among other things, separate bank accounts. I think all couples work things out between them, ideally before marrying, but some stuff you learn as you go. Its love and compromise, and autonomy that makes for the most successful marriages, in my eyes.
Load More Replies... I'd be curious to know what kind of gifts he got her BEFORE they got married...
NTA - dump him, he gas something going on on the side. No-one give $600-$900 gifts to friends and coworkers, unless he is a milioner
Yah, sorry, I would end it. I'm not very materialistic and don't care very much about 'things', but this clearly shows you are the least important person to him when you should in fact, be the most important person to him.
I always overspend on my gf because I adore her. Can’t imagine doing this EVER
So, I hope there's more to this. This year, my husband didn't give me anything. Just a Merry Christmas babe! But he very well may be losing his job in a few months and we need to save everything we can. I bought all gifts this year. But, he pays pretty much everything (except groceries and things we need for the house, pet bills, things like that). It's what works for us. Also, he treats me like a freakin queen around here, so every day is like Christmas for me (like, for real, though). My sons are home from school right now (his step sons) and that's all I cared about as far as "wanting" something. One day out of the year getting an expensive gift or 365 days of being a great spouse? Yeah, I take the years worth of good spouse!!
I think he needs to give his coworkers etc. expensive gifts for his ego alone like "look I'm sooo rich!". While his poor wife has to stand down. What a cheap guy. I'd get rid of him ASAP.
This seems like a big jump to a worst case conclusion. I have never written down what I'm actually buying for someone who lives in the same home as me for this exact reason. People find lists, even if they aren't looking for them. I always write some dumb thing, something off the wall or silly and not what I'm planning to get that person. Mostly it will be something that starts with the same letter but even that hasn't been a consistent rule over the years. If I was confronted in this manner over a private list about presents I had not even given yet, I'd feel pretty violated and kind of attacked. You're really going to be mad about a Christmas present that you haven't received yet and you aren't supposed to know about? I'd say I was planning on spoons the whole time too if I was that persons husband. ESH/MIR- she doesn't respect or trust him and he may or may not have been planning on giving her a pretty crap gift while spending more money on friends.
One year my dad got my mum a "Dolly Duck" butter dish. She nearly used the cheap knife set he got her the year before. She's also lactose intolerant
I think her husband has a big psycholocical problem...he need the self-presentation because of his little self-consciousness.
I wouldnt be upset if I got a gift for 20€ as he is right that the cost of the gift is not important ( actually I am getting a 20€ funko pop) BUT!!! I would be certainly upset if my husband used 5k€ on gifts in general ( who buys so expensive gifts?) not to mention they are for co workers and friends. she is NTA. I buy gifts for approximately the same price for mum/dad/bro so they dont feel like someone is less loved or so but they are always below 100€. it is the atmosphere that counts, not the expensivness of the gift. they can buy more expensive things themselves. it is also better if they pick it so they get exactly what they want. or if say mum wants somwthimg specific which is more expensive we can get her the gift together with my brother.
Am I the only one thinking he wrote the list assuming she'd find it? I.e. her real gift isn't on there?
When will couples stop hating each other? You marry a person just to not care about them and give them kitchen utensils while giving your friends thoughtful gifts... Please just stop marrying people you don't even fully know, stop letting them treat you like your housekeeper Also if you don't really have ideas for a gift for your spouse, it's ok, after years together it can happen, you both have everything you need, new jewelry or a watch or a wallet isn't really needed at the time, it's okay to just talk with your partner and maybe do something fun together as a 'gift' or go together on christmas vacation etc. But please, please! don't buy them kitchen utensils or house tools.. (unless they are very into some kind of cooking, pastry making etc or handyworks, but then still - get them tools/utensils they need, not just regular spoons)
Well now he knows she isn't and is a reasonable person.
Load More Replies... I agree with you Danielle. And I am Jewish! But Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Maybe the both of them should just go to church together on Christmas instead of spending all this time and energy on thinking about the gifts. Isn't the greatest gift supposed to be the fact that God gave Jesus to the world?
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