Husband Is Always Late For Dinner Despite Having A Full Hour To Unwind After Work, Desperate Wife Snaps And Throws His Meal In The Trash
Who does the cooking at home can be a contentious issue in many relationships. The question isn’t just about food: it’s about respecting your partner, dividing up household chores fairly, and using your creativity to move beyond ‘oh I dunno, what do you wanna eat?’ And it can be demotivating to realize that the person you make food for every single day doesn’t even appreciate your efforts.
Redditor u/Tart-Large opened up about the tense ongoing situation in her home. She asked the AITA Reddit community for their advice on whether or not she was wrong to throw out her husband’s dinner. He was chronically late to sit down at the dinner table, and she finally snapped: this was the last drop. However, this caused quite an argument between the married couple.
You’ll find the full story in the redditor’s own words below. Scroll down to read what happened and how internet users reacted. When you’re done, tell us your verdict in the comments, Pandas: who do you think was the jerk in this story? What do you think the couple should have done next?
It hurts when your efforts behind the stove aren’t appreciated by your loved ones. Especially when you’re the only one cooking
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas (not the actual photo)
A redditor shared what finally made her snap and throw her husband’s entire dinner in the trash
Image credits: charlesdeluvio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Siavash Ghanbari (not the actual photo)
The redditor had a small update for the AITA community later on
Image credits: Tart-Large
At the end of the day, this entire situation seems like it’s more about control in the relationship itself rather than eating food. The wife doesn’t get any time to relax. Meanwhile, her husband seems to be taking all of her efforts for granted. He’s not showing that he appreciates her cooking for both of them at all, from the post.
Things came to a head when the husband was late to come down for dinner yet again, despite the couple having decided on a specific time to eat.
The wife finally had enough and threw his dinner out when he was 5 minutes late. She made a very clear point that she had had enough and wouldn’t tolerate his disrespect anymore. He couldn’t fulfill his promises. He couldn’t bother to pitch in. And the wife finally drew a line in the sand. To be fair, however, the redditor did note that the husband does his fair share of other chores.
The vast majority of redditors were very supportive of the wife and urged her to pinpoint the exact issues that she has in the relationship. They also suggested that she should have a very serious conversation with her husband about what’s bothering her. However, some redditors had a different opinion and thought that nobody was blameless in this particular case.
According to certified relationship coach Alex Scot, dividing up the chores at home is a necessity. “If one partner consistently does the majority of the work, typically it leads to that partner feeling like a nanny,” she told Bored Panda earlier.
One way to do this is to have an open and honest conversation about which chores both partners prefer and which ones they detest with a burning passion.
“For example, I don’t mind cleaning toilets but I hate vacuuming, so my partner is the one who vacuums and I’m the one that cleans the bathroom. For any chores that both partners don’t want to do, take turns alternating. This will vary from couple to couple but the goal here is to keep communication open, fair, and realistic for each other’s schedules,” the coach suggested.
However, if things get heated and you end up in an argument, you can start mending fences by becoming close physically. The relationship expert suggested a hug or a kiss. “Even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing.”
Most redditors supported the wife on this. Here’s what they had to say about the entire situation
However, some internet users weren’t convinced. Here are their opinions about the wife, who they thought wasn’t blameless
EXACTLY. The people's comments at the end of the article are too literal and miss the entire point.
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It’s not like his boss is insisting he stay late at work, and it’s not like he works from home and got caught by the last call at 4:55pm that’s taking forever to finish. WTF is he actually doing upstairs for an hour while you’re still in the kitchen that he can’t stop or put on pause to come down and eat? Gaming? Gambling? Watching porn? DMing his mistress? Let him get tired of Happy Meals and start missing your home cooking. He’ll either learn to cook for himself or he learn to show up ON TIME for dinner. Cold shouldering is spoiled brat behavior and emotional blackmail. Stand your ground and do not give in. I wish you so much luck!
This is my thing...it's not like he's not there, he's upstairs doing "something". Its like calling a teen for dinner. If he wasn't there, that would be one thing, but he is. For me, that's the tipping point for NTA.
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I would have stopped making him dinner years ago. It's disrespectful what he does. He can learn to cook his own s**t and eat when he wants to.
Stories like this make me wonder why some people ever get married in the first place. They don't seem to like each other, enjoy each other's company, or even want to just treat each other with basic kindness.
This! I like to spend time with my husband, even when we are not doing the same thing reading/watching tv/ computer, we are in the same room in eachothers company.
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I don't want to come across as unfeeling here but when I read this it felt more like something from a parenting forum. 😔
Not unfeeling at all, this husband is acting like a child, & OP has been acting like a parent!
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I can relate. My wife never comes to the table when dinner is ready no matter how much advance notice I give her. It doesn't matter if it's five minutes, five hours, or anything in between. She'll always find one more thing to do before she comes to eat. It's also why we are late to almost everything. IMO, it shows a basic lack of respect, but for years I've put up with it and I just let it go. Not the hill I choose to die on.
One of my brothers was always late for every family meal. At first, we would wait for him. Finally, mom told him what time the meal was & if he wasn't there, we would start without him. And we did. After a few missed meals & having to eat cold leftovers, he started showing up on time! Then he got into a relationship with a gal who was actually worse than him & he understood what he had put everyone thru all those years, haha.
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the YTA and ESH people seem to be ignoring that he sometimes gets ANNOYED with her for eating without him.
They are the kind of people to always blame the woman for everything and then wonder why she stayed in a unloving relation
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They're both in a position that allows them to eat together and at reasonable time, that's like a dream for so many couples who just aren't able to do that. I'd be treating it almost as a date each night. OP is obviously upset because he's not making the effort, where barely any effort is require, to be on time to sit with her and enjoy a good meal/company. By being late he's showing her lack of appreciation and that he isn't bothered that she's left waiting on him. Once or twice, okay but EVERY night. Yeah, I'd be pissed as well.
I'd have a conversation about it. Once. "I'd really enjoy having dinner with you, to talk about our days, and unwind together". Tell him when you'll have dinner ready, then eat at that time, whether or not he shows up. Put the remaining food in the fridge. After a while I think she'd need to have another conversation about why he apparently doesn't want to spend that time with her.
Leave it on the table. He can clean up his own mess, both physically and metaphorically.
Load More Replies... I would check his computer history and see what is so dam important that he can't pull himself away. Games? Porn? Chatting with someone? Social media? I would take my food eat in front of the tv and leave his food on the stove. Be interesting to see if he can fix himself a plate. If he complains about you not being at the table with him, shrug your shoulders, finish your meal, wash your dishes and carry on.
I am going to be super honest with you. My partner has OCD with the house finances and his personal ones. He constantly obsesses about the money. He can be suddenly disappear and I'm calling him. And he's like I'm sorry babe I was squaring away the budget. He obsesses over it. So, I leave him to it. He can even do that multiple times a day. If he sees some boots or something online. He wants. I'm used to it. Besides I'm not perfect either. So, people should stop anticipating the porn, the infidelities, etc... Sometimes it is not that. That's why I say both of them need individual and couple's therapy.
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Husband is an AH for chronically being late. There's more than dinner time here. I don't blame her for being upset but why not just put his meal in fridge? He can eat when he's ready. I'm guessing he's spending a lot of time on the computer and she's resentful about it. I was in a marriage like that. It's a lonely existence.
So....you answered your own question at the end there
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My ex-husband used to do this to me. I would make a fresh meal from scratch every day, tired or not, because for me this was a part of showing my love, and every day when I told him dinner was served he would ignore me. Even if he was in the same room he would purposefully ignore me for a full five minutes. I would just sit there feeling confused and hurt until he got up and joined me. I later found out this was his intention. His father would do this to his mother as some sort of weird powerplay along the lines of ‘I will get up when I feel like getting up’. It was so humiliating! I managed to put a stop to it after I pieced it together.
Wow! My dad (and his dad) did the same thing! My dad disappeared (five minutes before it's ready) when I went to his house to cook dinner, then complained dinner was overcooked. I finally just started eating when it was done, and got up when I was done. I haven't made dinner for him in awhile now, because of the behavior and the nit-picking complaints....and the control issues.
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NTA sounds like my relationship with my hubby. He's divorcing and now I realize I have too much of myself with no true gratitude from him. He's a grown a$$ man, you are not his mom. He needs to grow up.
His constantly having to be reminded and being late for dinner is childish, you married a grown man, right? Not a 10 year old. His sulking, giving you the cold shoulder and eating his happy meal alone in "his" room makes it so much worse. He needs a right kick up the butt. Wanna behave like a little child? Fine, you can get treated like one. Sulk again and I'm taking away all your toys until you can be better. Or wait, never mind, I'm your wife, not your mother, I signed op to live with you, not raise you. Here's a bag, now sod off and don't come back until you can be an adult in this marriage
I agree. Find out the marital assets and whether it's better economically/legally for her to move out or toss his entitled a*s to the curb.
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If I was this rigid about routine and structure in my household, I'd be frustrated to the point of needing to be institutionalized.
Rigid? She has communicated that spending time, eating a meal she prepared, together is important. He has received this message and said, I don't care about your needs. That is not rigidity
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OK, so the division of labor is alright and it's her job to make the dinner. I would just eat mine and leave his to go cold (or have him reheat it later). Why are you insisting on eating together if he clearly doesn't care about that? And if that is the point, you need to talk, because the dinnertime isn't the problem.
OP wants to have time with her husband at the dinner table, and he's ignoring her. He comes home from work & immediately goes to another room to play games or whatever on his computer. HE needs to decompress from HIS workday, but OP doesn't get a break at all. But yes, they need to get marriage counseling or call it quits. This is not a good marriage.
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The issue here is not the food the issue is he should be wanting to come down and eat dinner with his wife after she's so nicely prepared it for him and spend some time with her.. but instead he chooses to be on the computer . what is he doing that he doesn't want to eat dinner with her ..it's just rude on his part to continually make her sit there by herself and eat after she's so lovingly prepared a meal for him while he sits up on his computer doing whatever night after night not even volunteering to help set the table or anything. He needs to step his game up a little bit . Sometimes when you've been in a relationship with someone for a while you forget to think about the other person's feelings and he's clearly not thinking about her at all.
Just from reading this I can tell you its probably because he's sick of coming home and getting hounded by her nagging him and trying to hold him to schedules in his own house. I'd be outta there.
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I had an ex that was late to everything. Every meal, date, visit to my home, night out, whatever - i had to compromise to suit HIS timetable. He couldn't accomodate mine. Often this meant staying up late to get any meaningful time together, despite needing to be up very early for work. Ultimately it was exhausting. One sided. And we never progressed beyond dating. How on earth anyone ends up married to someone that expects this much is beyond me. It's not just about the meal, or the timing. It's the complete disregard for anyone else that is the issue.
They have different values. She values this time sitting together. He clearly doesn't. If this is the only value they differ on then eat at different times and press-on. BUT if this is endemic of one partner not taking the time to care for the other's wishes etc. ever, then it's time to pack it in and end this thing.
Your husband really seems to be about control. Making someone wait to eat their meal or being purposefully late like this is a form of control. He likes having you make a meal for him and then sitting at the table waiting for him to grace you with his presence. Then when you took some control back, he got disproportionately upset and gave you the silent treatment - that’s a major controlling move. I think you should take a good look at your marriage to see how much control he has and how much time you spent accommodating him.
Losing track of time is not a malicious action. Being pissy because there are appointments to meet in your own home is way more controlling.
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I bet if the meal wasn't ready on time, or if she decided to get a burger with her friends and he came home to no cooked food he would be pretty upset. If it became a chronic issue, he'd be livid! I can't be sure, but I bet. It looks like this guy just wants the mommy role to continue. Cook and clean for me and love me no matter what I do. SMH
Exactly! OP stated that he'd get annoyed when she'd start eating without him because of his lateness. One thing you can count on a crappy man to have in abundance is AUDACITY🤦🏾♀️
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NTA. But clearly, you and your husband have deeper issues than a lack of punctuality on his part. Cooking for someone is a way of showing you love them and if he can't come to the table by the mutually agreed upon time, he is being very disrespectful, indeed. My late husband was a terrible cook but I stopped cooking for him when he decided he would rather eat at his mother's or pick up fast food than reheat his plate (He was a long haul trucker and got home pretty late sometimes). It was one of many issues in our marriage: not the food itself but his lack of respect for my time and effort, and his assumption I should prepare meals for him no matter what the hour or what other responsibilities I had. Was throwing out his food petty? Maybe, but people waste exceedingly more food than you threw out daily. I'm sorry to say, I think your husband missed the point you were trying to make. Don't let his emotional blackmail make you feel gaslighted.
It is apparent from the comments here that family dinner time has gone the way of the condor. I can ALMOST see it if this was a household with a collection of teenagers with conflicting extracurriculars. But this is two "adults" who supposedly got married to spend time together. And one of them doesn't seem to value the other very much. No. Eating dinner together every night may not be such a big deal to someone who doesn't bother to MAKE it. He just assumes the maid will produce it and he can show up whenever he feels like it. She may or may not be using "dinner at 6:30" as a controlling issue. But, if it was me, and I felt that devalued I would take a few steps to rectifying it. 1) I would quit making dinner. I would pick myself up something on the way home. 2) I would make my own dinner and eat it when I was ready. 3) If I was the one doing the grocery shopping, I would make sure to shop for MY OWN favorites. He could shop for his own. 4) He could learn to cook.
It's not the food that's the problem. It's the lack of respect for the OP. He doesn't appear to care one whit that he is upsetting her, and he also doesn't appear to want to spend any time sitting with her. She should have made it clear when she called up at the 10 minute mark, that the food was going in the garbage if he didn't show up on time. I'm sorry, but chronic lateness is one of my biggest bugbears. I HATE it when people can't be bothered to be on time. This bozo agreed to be at the table every day at the same time, and never managed to make it on time once. That is such lack of respect that it would almost be a marriage breaker for me.
To the people saying YTA or ESH....F**k you. Just f**k you. Grow the f**k up and go f**k yourselve. That is all. As for OP - NTA absolutely. And she needs to divorce this whiny man-baby. The fact that he responded with...the silent treatment? The F**K? What, is he like 6 or something? Get rid of him.
Lol well I don't agree sorry. I think assigning a dinner time to an adult is petty. It would annoy the mess out of me if my husband tried to hold me accountable to being in a specific room in my house at a specific time. An adult is an adult. The man is at home, at his house. To each their own but I wouldn't want to be in that kind of marriage. I will get there when I get there and when I'm there I want to have a nice happy loving conversation. No one wants to listen to a shrew of a man or woman berate them about being late walking downstairs in their own house and, outside of a real appointment, I would absolutely roll my eyes if my husband told me I needed to be anywhere daily by 6:30, not that he would. I don't understand how y'all stay married like that. I don't tell my husband to do anything and certainly doesn't tell me to do anything.
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She stated multiple times that they AGREED to eat together at a specific time. It seems to me that they barely get to have time together and he is just worsening the relationship. Its not about the meal. They need to have a nice serious talk. He’s giving her the silent treatment because she did something about it. Do better
After reviewing some of the hateful comments, you're still NTA. You have made it clear to your husband, sharing supper with him is important to you and he has disregarded your feelings while you have made every effort to fulfill his needs. I could understand if he was working late but he's goofing around on his computer with the expectation you cook for him despite his poor treatment of you. We had a set supper time when I was growing up and in my home after I had children. This isn't patronizing, only practical and a way for our family to spend time together. If someone was, for whatever reason, unable to be present, I put a plate of food in the refrigerator for them to reheat. My husband ate many sandwiches after his disrespectful behavior led me to stop cooking for him and/or saving him a plate. Your husband had a chance. I don't blame you for being fed up.
My mother would keep the food in the warming drawer until my father was ready. When he came, she'd put our meals on the table and we'd all eat together. But she didn't sit around waiting for him - she'd be watching TV or doing something else.
This is def a "pick & choose your battles" scenario for me. I do all the cooking. Its ready when its ready, no set time. Obviously i wait to cook until i know everyone will probably be home but its not a specific time. If you come great! If your busy, eat when your done. If i put i away before you get there, then you reheat what you want & are responsible for cleaning up your mess. Its not that hard.
That sounds extremely reasonable. I agree this is about picking a battle. Personally I find this specific battle too minute in the grand scheme of things, and I thought her throwing away the food to be petty.
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I can't make a call one way or the other unless I know what he's doing on the computer. If it's professional I'd cut him slack. If it's recreational I'd be pissed.
He's 'unwinding'. Personally, I'd let the bastard starve.
Load More Replies... Yo, real talk, loosing track of time online is not a malicious act of control.
She’s not his boss. Why set a time to eat?! This sounds wild! There’s way more bigger problems in this world than when a husband chooses to eat. She sounds like the typical nagging wife, the type that’ll find herself cheated on as he finds more escapes from his jail like marriage, wondering how adultery even happened. Growing up, not even my family forced me to eat a certain time. They’ll inform me dinner is ready and remind me a few times. If I’m not hungry and want to eat later, they’ll understand. To do all this that this woman is doing is toxic, and weird to be doing to another adult.
It's totally valid that it makes her upset, but damn dude, how many times does it have to happen for you to just expect it? 💀 Stop cooking for him then. Why are you exhausting yourself for no reason? She only really played herself by throwing out the food she just made.
My husband and I do not eat together, I cook the food and he eats whenever, often cold. But its cause is an introvert who don't really like when people are around. I can't handle stress and suffer from ptsd and I have to take it easy and can not rush cause it triggers. Inorher cases I'm always in time and even when eating with someone else, but home I just don't care, if it gets cold it's just to heat up. I am a creative person myself and loves to create stuff, paint, drawing, knitting, embroider, create books, write and so on. I can't stop when I'm really into one project. I know i will not be able to go back to where I ended. Your husband might be the same, something that's big for him might be small for you, that's something to also remember.
Relationship issues aside, I'm wondering if he'd show up on time if she made dinner an hour and twenty minutes after he got home instead of an hour.
Exactly. The dude doesn't get enough time to decompress from work before he has to deal with his controlling wife's BS. I think he needs to file for divorce and she needs to get her tubes tied before she becomes a mother who HATES her children because they can't get in RIGHT where she wants them to fit in.
Load More Replies... When I cook for my family on weekends, the time for lunch is 12. I wait 15 minutes - if no one calls or texts - I just eat my meal. After that I clean up and put everything in the fridge, they are old enough to read the clock, if they aren't on time they have to warm up their food on their own. If they show up when I am finishing my meal I sit with them, but they have to do the clean-up.
I feel your frustration. My sister is never on time. Not ever! She has told us that this is her, deal with it. It is rude and disrespectful.
Does she have PTSD? I do and it breaks your brain to the point that you have no concept of time. I have to trick myself to be on time.
Load More Replies... This couple needs marriage counseling. Also, why can't the husband join OP in the kitchen & help with preparing the meal - doing that together would accomplish a couple of things. 1) He would start learning to cook. 2) They would be in the kitchen, talking about their day, and actually spending time together. Their current situation doesn't sound like a happy marriage at all, it's more like a "roommates with benefits" thing. Wonder how old they are?
I used to live in household, where was no strict dinner time and I think this is too much. Like, everyone wants to rest after work, so let him eat, when he wants. He can heat up the food by himself...
He gets a full hour to relax after work, every single day, while she slaves away in the kitchen. Expecting him for dinner on time is nothing compared to what she does for him. And they specifically agreed to have dinner together on set times, so as to make it easier for HIM. He already disappears to go on the computer as soon as het gets home, instead of keeping her complany in the kitchen. How else is she to have some quility time with her man-child of a husband. Being late for dinner every day is extremely disrespectful of her AND of her time. You are delusional if you think he does nothing wrong
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Adult adhd is real. And 10 minutes is peanuts when you take into account how easy it is to loose track of time. That said, she should just stop cooking if its killing her that much to be stood up for family dinner.
Yeah, my mom didd this to my brothers when they were CHILDREN. Grown man should be in that kitchen sniffing, tasting, talking, having a glass with partner, not hiding upstairs on computer.
Everyone Sucks Here. There’s NTA = not the a*****e, YTA = you’re the a*****e and NAH = no assholes here. So “it’s you”, “it’s not you” “it’s everyone” or “get over it”
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Sometimes my dad was on time, other times he'd come in later cause he wanted to finish working on something. Sometimes he even made supper for us (I really miss his fried catfish), but that was my dad. I don't know why this guy is constantly running late for supper and it sounds fishy to me that he won't explain what was holding him up. There is no trust in this relationship on either side and it sounds like there are other issues piling on top they should talk to a marriage counselor about.
One thing that comes to my mind is how is this guy doing? Is he depressed? Lacking interest maybe because of this..? Not sure but why would you do this constantly
Someone mentioned ADHD, it's very possible to be a combination ot ADHD and depression. The man sounds like me who suffers from both for a little over 20 years, 23 I think. Either way she sounds like she never even asked "hey is something going on?"
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He needs to understand that this was a long time coming, and the last incidence 'broke the camel's back'. If you ever have kids this nonsense will never fly. You guys set a time. Stick to it, unless there are really extenuating circumstances. If he makes it fine, and you eat together. if not, also fine, he can heat it up later, or eat it cold.
My ex did this to me all the time so I put the food away when my son and I were finished eating. Most times he'd be a petulant baby and not eat because he didn't want to heat it up.
This is about respect. They both work, he sits his happy but down and relaxes wile she continues to work now at home cooking. I It would start by say this is dinner time, your an adult get yourself to the table. Then eat and let home eat when he wants AND CLEAN UP. IF that didn't work. Only cook for yourself just because I have a verjsyjay does not mean I'm your personal chef.
It's clearly stated that cooking is part of her half of the chores, that he does more other work in turn for her being the cook... Her not cooking for both would be her not pulling her weight. She has her downtime while he is scrubbing the toilets or doing the laundry or whatever later.
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I genuinely wonder what he could be doing that he thinks is more important than spending quality time with his wife. He also agreed on the time, the least he could do is attend.
I've been married twice and both times to women who don't cook. I've been at it since I was 10 (yes... 10!) and now at 63... I did it all for wives, family, kids, BBQs etc, AND I am a sous chef at a high end restaurant (My real jobs were IT tech and music producer!) but cheesus tap dancing price on a pogo stick, what I wouldn't give for someone to make ME a nice home cooked meal. Not only would I be on time, but I'd wash dishes after! LOL (AND help you with the laundry!)
Thank you. This is a great response to all those mocking that cooking is not slaving away, because it can be if it's a hot day and you're still expected to cook and get no down time.
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NTA This also drives me nuts! I hate it when I give people a heads up that dinner is ready in 20, 15 then in five minutes and they don’t come to the table on time and I’m sitting there with cold food. It is a huge pet peeve of mine! So rude. Good for you! Your Husband sounds like a big baby. From now on I would just worry about your own meals and let him fend for himself. And you won’t have any stress about it!
This is fairly poorly written. The wife even says the husband does his fair share of chores yet there is an entire section dedicated to taking about how people need to share chores to make the other person not feel like a nanny. Did the writer of this article even read anything or did they just slap this together blindly? Very poor quality and pretty leading honestly, it is clear what agenda this article has.
This is the worst article ever. The wife even says the husband does his fair share of chores yet there is an entire section dedicated to taking about how poorly need to share chores to make the other person not feel like a nanny. Did the writer of this article even read anything out did they just slap this together blindly? Very poor quality.
Seriously.... What is her husband doing that he can't come just down the stairs an hour after he gets home??🤔
People who are chronically late have zero respect for the ones they leave waiting. This is why he's sulking for being called out on it. Keep cooking dinner, don't let him know that "it's done in 10 minutes", and just sit down and eat. Let his plate get cold. If he says anything, tell him that you need to have "couple time" with him over dinner, but he's making it obvious that he doesn't want "couple time" with you. Quietly go to the cupboard where it's hidden, take the folder out, and put those divorce papers in front of him and his cold dinner. Anybody who treats you like this over something so important to you is doing more than just being late isn't he. Think about it. He is, isn't he?
My wife is like that. I do all the cooking and kept telling her dinner was almost ready.and she kept screwing around. So I do not wait on her. I make my plate and eat. I leave her dinner in the pan or put it in a Tupperware container then move on. It isn't worth ruining my dinner or attitude. She used to say you didn't wait on me? I smile and say no, it isn't my job to wait on you. I am not a short order cook and this isn't a restaurant. You can decide to eat when you want? So can I. I don't fight or argue as it isn't worth it. I have to eat anyway so I do. She has started coming in more often on time as she knows I am not waiting and not keeping it hot.
I dunno, it seems super uptight to me. But I grew up in a house that didn't have set dinner times, I don't think I could be married to someone that told me I had to eat at X time
I think there is a lack of communication between the husband and wife. It is time to revisit their agreement about dinner. The wife should say that she will no longer waste an hour of her time every night making dinner so it's ready at 6:30 when he can never be bothered to eat it then. Toss the ball to the husband and take things from there.
If I came home from working all day and had someone trying to force me to eat dinner on a schedule in my own house and then throwing a femfit if I'm not there exactly when they want me to be, I genuinely don't know what I'd do. I sure as **** wouldn't show up for it, thats for sure lol dude needs to get away from that entitled control freak while he still can.
If I came home from working all day and had someone freaking out at me for not "eating dinner on time" in my own house I genuinely don't know what I'd do.
Some people said it is not the meal itself that is the issue. I think it is about the relationship - respect, courtesy, conflict between languages of love, priorities, and communication. These are IMO foundation stones of strong relationships and issues that may or may not need a therapist to discuss.
Wasting food is unacceptable... If you have an issue with someone don't take it out on the food. Have some self control. Its like those women who get jealous over a gaming console and to get back at the man they destroy the console... Grow up
He needs to grow up and have self control not her. He wants to essentially have his cake and eat it too. He originally agreed to come downstairs to eat at a set time, she reminded him as he asked and he still can't be bothered to sit down at the table on time, as well as being angry at her and sulking when she does eat alone because she gets tired of waiting. He's being extremely disrespectful of her and her time.
Load More Replies... ESH, it's like watching a couple of children throwing tantrums at each other instead of grown a*s adults dealing with this in adult ways.
NTA, I do all the cooking along with everything else. I have to go to the bedroom and tell my wife that dinner will be ready in 20 minutes, then when it's ready and usually 5 min after. Makes my blood boil to go to all that trouble and have her put no effort into getting out of bed and to the table.
This guy is either a full blown narcissist or is socially and emotionally clueless. He may really be on the autism spectrum because he doesn't understand about why quality time is even important.get out now.
If he's acting like a child it's because she treats him like a child. I wouldn't dream of preparing a plate for my husband as if I decide what and how much he's going to eat. There are real issues here that have very little to do with dinner and much more to do with why hes avoiding her. I have a feeling that he's been hoping she'd just give up and go away and let him eat in peace. She needs to get to the bottom of the real issues before this marriage teaches a state of disrepair thats beyond mending.
I would say they should talk about it and maybe start cooking meals together or have him at least be in the room while cooking, so you get the quality time together. Like what job does this dude have that makes him need to unwind directly after work when he knows you're about to eat an hour later.....also talking about your days while making food helps with decompression after work. Like his a*s should be in the kitchen making it a couples thing not calling it a chore.
I'd be checking his computer. Girlfriend? Porn? And quit cooking for him.
Cooking is literally part of her half of the chores, so quitting would be her not pulling her weight. Also I don't think he's cheating or watching porn, most likely he's just procrastinating because he doesn't want to spend time with her lol
Load More Replies... I know I didn't have a "normal" growing up experience with dinner times. I really don't think she is the AH. What I actually think this is like a control freak thing. My partner is similar as in spending extra time on his computer. He is a computer/power engineer and now his new roll is as a software architect. So, I do get the computer thing. Also my partner has OCD and that's why he has such great hold of the finances at home. Because, he obsesses over the money he has and the present he needs to buy for me or an x person. Also I am a T1 diabetic. So, as soon as my sugar starts crashing down. I will even eat dinner even if it is 3pm or 9pm. So, I don't get the a**l thing of the time. I do understand wanting to spend time with hubby after work. This people need marriage therapy. Cause this is going downhill. The other day in a different subreddit a man said he divorced his wife. For being always late to everything and compromises with him. So, you see where I'm going...
My partner is always in his computer squaring away his budget. Nightly even several times a day. So, that's why I don't mind if dinner is cooked and he hasn't come downstairs.
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Throwing his dinner away is unnecessarily petty. Serve up your own dinner when you're ready and leave the table when you're done; let him serve himself. It doesn't sound like you'll be missing dinnertime conversation. Recognize your husband's passive aggressive behavior and decide if it's something you two can work through. Now, regarding 'certified relationship coach'(almost lol) Alex Scot, you're either a qualified licensed counselor or you ain't. And you ain't. This guy dithers on for paragraphs having completely missed the point that OP has already stated that husband does his fair share around the house. Guess that's why he's a coach not a certified professional.
This is not about food or being on time - these are two people with a massive communication problem! She does not tell him why it really is so important for her to have dinner with him, and he completely fails to tell her why he cannot do so. Problems can be solved if you are working together - this display of passive aggressive behaviour is most certainly not the way. I do not want to say that ESH, rather that I feel sorry for both. Communication is a skill that needs to be learned and practised - maybe both of them did not have good examples at home...
Sounds like he is a cheater for one. And too demanding. A narcissist. And she shouldnt even make his plate dont even touch it. Leave it empty he can do it himself. He is a big boy. Some husbands or spouses on general are just plain useless in a sense. You do alot or everything and yet they do not give a c**p. But to the point he is cheating.
I used to be a stay at home mom, not by choice. I tried to always make meals we all would enjoy. Most went down the drain and plates left for me to wash. The disrespect made me cry.
NTA: this is a pet peeve of mine too! I give people a heads up that dinner is ready in 20, 15, then five minutes and I’m sitting there with cold food after spending all this time on it. Your husband sounds like a big baby though. I would just make your own meals from now on and eat when you want to and let him fend for himself. Good for you!
Did anyone think that it's possible that he may have depression? Procrastination, lack of hunger or lack of will to move, moving to the spare room and getting take out. Sounds like he's suffering from burn out or depression, and wife seems to have a control issue, but one thing is for sure they are having marital issues that need to be sorted. She could have asked why he is late for dinner, gone to get him or check on him, he has some issues he needs to work on but we won't know for sure unless we get his side as well. I'd need to hear both sides before I pick a side.
Wife should work the 9 to 5+ 40-60 hour week that pays for everything, including the meal she just tossed out. Also screw the author for the clickbait article. Enjoy the 4 cents this netted for you.
I'm just gonna throw this out there... I think the husband has ADHD. I have it extremely badly and I always get so invested in what I'm doing before dinner, that when I say ill be down in one minute, it always turns into 5 or 10. People with ADHD have a hard time sensing how much time is passing. If he's late to other things for that reason than ADHD is probably the culprit. But if its just dinner, then I'm guessing that the husband prefers working on whatever else than being forced to eat dinner at a certain time. I hate being forced to eat at a certain time. I never feel ready or hungry. And it just feels like being treated like a child. The wife feels that dinner is quality time spent together but does the husband? Some people would rather do other activities together besides just eat in silence. They need to get to the root of the problem, because it definitely isn't just that he doesn't respect her time. There's something else going on. Time for honest communication.
I threw out depression, but I could see it being adhd. I have ADHD, Asperger's, and depression. I struggle to keep track of time without 20 timers and can easily lose track of time, on the otherhand depression and aspergers makes me fairly anti social outside of work and would prefer eating dinner alone, away from everyone, or even eating later. We all feel hungry at different times, lunch may not happen the same time everyday due to an overload of work. In any case I agree with it's time for communication, one thing op never said was "we talked about what was going on" I know sometimes I want to talk about something but want someone to ask me what's wrong, I'm almost always the one asking what's wrong, how was work, why do you look "insert emotion"? It's been like that since I was a kid two divorced parents who loathe to speak of or with eachother, "friends" who use me only to vent their emotions, family who know only how to question how badly I suck at life, relationships, and ect.
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This AITA post is an entire year old. How desperate for content are you?!
I fail to see a problem here. I don't object to you doing all the cooking, if that's the agreement, but I truly don't understand why should he be treated like a child, with a schedule to eat, and mommy throwing a tantrum every. single. day and trying to educate him. He does not want to eat with you, and he does not want to eat so early. Grow up. If I had to work so damn hard every single day to support myself and my house (which I actually do), I'll be damned if I'm going to let any a**hole tell me what time I have to eat dinner in my f*cking own house. And, if he does his fair part of the chores, there's no hurry, because he will be the one left to do the dishes later rather than sooner.
Sounds here like he is suffering from depression making him procrastinate, but yes make it worse by being hostile tword your significant other
He clearly knows it's a problem so stop making the dinner for him and just make it for yourself; fix it, sit down and enjoy the dinner you made for yourself without calling him or telling him it's ready. Stop making dinner a big deal since he clearly doesn't see it as a big deal or if he's a big enough jerk about it stop cooking altogether and let him get his own food.
NTA your husband is being very disrespectful. Your mutal agreement isn't being respected by your husband. You cook a meal and serve it at a certain time and he can't be bothered to turn up on time but expects that you will just put up with it....RUDE! He's lucky you chose to throw it away. He'd have worn it if it was me!
Why the hell does everyone seem to care about a dinner time? He's an adult, not a child. She said the chores get split evenly and he keeps up with his end. Does he flip out and throw out the lawnmower if she's not out there at exactly 1pm to watch him mow the lawn? Let the dude eat when he wants to eat and quit trying to control him. It's creepy.
The first problem is putting a hard line on when dinner is eaten. Make the food and people will eat when they eat...I do all the cooking in my house and am not concerned when people eat it
They're the a*****e. Bruh you can wait, let him reheat his food. Not their problem.
Let him have his alone time jeez anyone who came back from work are always a bit stressed out. The wife is being petty fr. Eat when you want to eat, if the food's gone cold that's on him. Marriage doesn't mean you have to hold hands everytime you do something.
He can cook his own food and she can eat her own. Problem solved.
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This one gets to me, because I was like that husband. Sure, I was a child, so it was different but it still hits close to home. And I do still struggle with being in time, especially for frequently recurring things. The thing is, people often are convinced that being in time is something that's easy because it is for them. They'll offer solutions that are just things you've tried without any success. They'll say you're being disrespectful when you're actually struggling. You wouldn't say it's disrespectful if someone isn't good at mental arithmetic, would you? That's not to say that I don't have coping mechanisms or that this is me now. It's not to say that there aren't (a lot of) things I think the husband should have done differently here because there are. And I don't know if the husband is late for similar reasons as I was / am. 1/2
But "teaching him a lesson" through passive aggressive behavior irks me a lot. Aside from my belief that passive aggressiveness never achieves anything positive, for me that wouldn't have addressed the problem at all, and just created a whole lot of friction. And to me it feels like she has never productively tried to address the problem. And while there are definitely things he could and should have done, people just calling not being punctual disrespectful give me that same "this isn't hard for you, even if you say it is" feeling. So yeah, he's in the wrong, but she is too, even if not to the same degree. 2/2 (oh boy, that became quite the wall of text - I promise it was more readable before my paragraphs were well smushed together...)
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Everyone's being like NTA but sorry, disagree, BOTH TA! What a marriage needs is communication. The OP should tell her husband how she feels and what it does to her that he's always letting her wait, that she simply wants to have couple time with a warm meal. Then ask him WHY he's always late. He's behind the computer. WHY is he behind the computer and what's so important there that he loses track of time? Show interest in what he does and try to understand his side too, and he needs to understand her need for couple time. Maybe she should have asked that first before putting a bomb in her marriage by throwing his food away. And then maybe, knowing his poor ability to keep time and him knowing how that makes her feel, try and find a solution that works for both. But when two people start sleeping seperate because of an argument and aren't willing to solve their problems, you know the end of your marriage is near.
So I'm just going to be blatantly honest but seriously? She's his wife, not his mother, he's a grown up man that can decide on his own when he wants to eat, setting a time if you don't have any children in the house is absolute b******t. If she can't deal with that she should ask for a divorce and find a man that she can baby and that will let her baby him. What the heck is wrong with people 🤦 it's called compromising and adapting. I have a 6 year old, if she gets hungry at 5:30pm I'll make her dinner at 5:30pm, if she ain't hungry until 7pm I won't force her to eat before that time.
Throwing out food over just five minutes tardiness? Has the OP always had these passive aggressive anger issues? No offense, but if you're that extreme, I think I would be dreading coming home too.
She snapped and lost it. She got so mad she only the away his food. She was unconsciously aware that she was just throwing it his food.
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Let him eat whenever he wants to eat. In this day and age most people don't even eat together especially not at a kitchen table... She seems really demeaning by saying stuff about him "having a fit". Seems like they just need a vacation..
If the issue was lack of time together that's one thing. If it's just about eating dinner at a prescribed time then deliver his food up to him and that takes care of that. My family has always had issues with weeknight meals as a family due to varied schedules. We'd try to schedule a meal once a week as a family when possible but that's life. A better option might be taking an hour before bed to talk and wind down
Because he is home she is NTA she is not waiting for him to get off work she waiting for whatever is more important than her gambling gaming tv mistress something but he is home so he is purposely making her wait.
Not going to yes or nta. I am sure it is very annoying to you that he is late coming to dinner. Man are absolutely clueless about thinking of their significant other's feelings. Some men are worse. Both of you should swallow your prides and apologize to each other. I don't know if you'll see or read this. But if I make a suggestion? You know he will be late for dinner. That should be no surprise to you. Tell him dinners ready at set time, but don't set it out till he comes waddling in from his study or BR. Then you and he can eat together and the food is still hot. Also, you can take those 10 to 20 mins that you're waiting to unwind and relax.
My first reaction was, I didn't know they had reddit in the fifties, but halfway through I realized this woman isn't from the fifties. She's from the 30's. In Germany. What kind of a**l retentive insists on everyone having dinner at a certain time everyday. The train schedule at Buchenvald wasn't this strict. If he doesnt want to eat at the same time as you either A) don't bother making him a plate or B) make him a plate and put it in the fridge and get on with your day. Either way the bigger question is; why do you care what time he eats?
She sounded very regimented, even in the way she described them splitting chores. I'm an for a casual agreement about how the household will run, and defining roles can be positive, but a loving relationship shouldn't be ran like boot camp. Did having a set dinner time that must be adhered to make both people happy? If not it shouldn't be a thing. It's just the two of them and there's no reason to do it if one of the two aren't happy with it.
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I like to start by saying as a rule I consider pretty much every popular AITA post to be fictional and completely made up. But I think this is silly. I will have been married for 20 years in December. The every marriage is different but in this marriage there a division of labor. Her chore is to cook. This does not imply it's her husband's job to get down stairs at a specific minute and eat. An adult is not a child and a home is not a place to treat like office. Make the food, sit and eat and have a pleasant conversation when he gets to the table. That's what a healthy marriage looks like. If he doesn't come down the punishment is that his food won't be hot and as delicious and you start without him. People have their flaws. Marriage is not about hammering all your partner's flaws until they're fixed. I honestly don't think you can fix people anyway. Marriage is about building a comfortable loving home and having a life together. It is extremely important to let things go when you can.
At least the f****r has a job. Try living with a 31 yo 14 yo. I cook, clean, work- I can't even get this son of a b***h to walk the goddamn dog- hell, when he runs out of dab wax, he won't even ride his Ebike half a mile to get it, even if I pay for it. Let his food get cold, and let your contact get colder. He'll figure itbout- but seriously- you're a lucky woman to have a husband come home to you every day after WORK just to be with you. I'd trade my entire existence just to have that for a day. Seriously, check yourself and your priorities.
Teach him…next time you 2 have a plan to do something, be late. Especially late if it is something HE wants to do.
In marriage this is a very stupid idea. Marriage, as in a life long partnership, is a very long, long, long relationship. If you start tit for tat battles they will swing around and bite you every single time. You're not battling the spouse you're actually at war with the peace of your home, and the happy enjoyment of your day by day. You don't tit for tat. You live and let live. Here we have a husband who is working and coming straight home after work and there he is, AT HOME. There is not a serious issue here. Sometimes you have to find a fix around a conflict. If she would simply start calling him for dinner about 10-15 minutes before it was done she would have solved her own problem.
Load More Replies... If you can't adjust the time, try adjusting the clock. That's what my grandpa always said about people who were late. Tell him dinner is on at 5:30 and have it ready at 6:30.
We all have done things we regret...am I a bad person? Does throwing out a single meal make me a bad spouse. How about only receiving one side of a story and the forming a conclusion with only half the equation. I have been separated for 4 years now, and I will say when someone shows you who they are believe them.
Why do you have to eat together? When I make dinner, I leave it on the stove and my dude can eat when he wants to. You two might not be hungry at the same time.
I'm surprised there's any left for him after your fat a*s gets done eating.
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If the marriage is worth saving, couples counseling is needed. And if it’s not, she needs counseling before going forward.
"there's going to be *s*ex here on 6.30pm weather you're here or not" just change the s-word to food. 😃
Wow. He would be wise to learn to cook, divorce the wife, and live a peaceful, happy life on his schedule. If someone tosses out a meal after 5 minutes there is something wrong that time isn't going to fix. All I can say is that I cook better than any women I have been with, and the peace I have in my life as a bachelor is immeasurable.
When someone wants to pin down your schedule like that, it feels very controlling. It can be for ones own sanity to be uncompliant and is driven by emotions that they may or may not be fully aware of and the problem likely extends to other areas of the relationship.
I see a man with undiagnosed ADHD. Chronic time blindness Is hyperfocusing on doing his dailies in game on his computer as soon as he gets home and loses time. Faced with a real world consequence to an action he has gotten away with for months, he is shocked, and his emotional disregulation causes him to over react to the consequence. On the level under his anger is a feeling of rejection eating him alive he's afraid . Another facet here is the spouse treating him like a child. Does she also dress him? I'm feeling a mommy/child thing here Personally, if it were my life, I would ask husband to get tested for ADHD and start treatment. Next, I would stop wasting food. Having him help out with cooking dinner is key. Set him to setting the table, making the salad, or simple veg dish with a recipe. Once he's done with his 'homework', he can go play for a set amount of time, set an alarm. Or, go play with him.
Who in their right mind would ask the internet if they were an AH when it's one side of the story. You are all enabling narcissistic behavior. The guy didn't go online and b***h did he? What kind of crazy woman is this damn controlling? Nobody knows this whole story but them so why is the petty woman coming here? To get attention for her behavior. You are all so embarrassing. This is so pathetic. Put the food in the fridge and stfu, then go to therapy because you need help. Grown a*s baby
Nobody talks about these heresay stories with truth. One side of the story like every other lame "article". What kind of adult reads this and believes it? So hungry for attention. So pathetic to complain to the internet. I guarantee his side of the story is completely different. The internet is so gullable
Why not just adjust the meal time that better suits. Like we are a family of 4, I (38y/o) work 55+ hours a week. My husband(50 y/o) is 40 flat a week. His job is physically harder than mine but mine is more time demanding. When he leaves work he's done, when I leave I'm always "on call" . We have a 15 year old son and my mother (under 60)lives with us too. We have no set times or roles. Sometimes I'm able to cook, others is son or husband. Often it's my mom. Bc she's retired and she tries to help lighten the load at home for us. We take it day by day with everything lol. I couldn't imagine having so little to worry about that I'm having a melt down over my husband who has been gone all day is taking alittle extra time to relax. Why not bring his plate to him? There's alot of ways to remedy this.
That wasn't his food, that is your food. You bought it, prepared it, and he disrespected you and the labor of making the food, so it was yours to do what you want. If he could come home with a combo meal the next day, he can do that any time. What on earth is distracting him so much that he ignores his own bodily needs?? He needs to stop being such a child and if he can figure out meals, he can certainly do that for you once in awhile. Facts are, he continue to push the limit and found it. Too bad whiney husband, grow up.
Soooo, what you're saying is... he's home everyday. Not out with buddies or cheating... but home with you. 80/20 rule applies here.
OMG, I would HATE to be regimented to mealtime rules! Just tell him that dinner will be ready EARLIER and have a starter on the table in case he comes down on time.
I can't decide if this "Dear Hubby" is worse than the one whose wife made him his favorite meal only to have him go to his mom's cuz she also made his favorite meal. As it turns out, his mom lied + when he got back to his wife, she'd thrown out his dinner! 2 bad 4 you, "Dear Hubby!"
Stupid f*ckers. Why is this even an issue? Stop acting like mommy. Eat without him and throw his s**t in the fridge. He'll get the point real quick. If he doesn't then it's time to fly. Not sure why women need to always wait for a man to be ready. Stop being needy and clingy for his approval.
Literally everyone who said they are TA sound like enablers and apologists
What a bunch of nonsense.. over food. If you wanna spend time with him, drag him away, if it's frequent and you obviously don't care that he's providing income l, leave him and be petty. Two sides to every story usually.
You know what? If the roles were reversed, people would be defending the woman, saying maybe she has an adhd or mental issue, and he was an ahole for not being understanding and compassionate. Turn it around? Evil male. Social media is so full of fn hypocrites it's pathetic.
This guy is a real peace of c**p. Meals should be eaten as a family whenever possible. What sort of child goes away from there family to "relax" anyway? There your family you have children guess what Jack a*s you don't get to relax when there up.
I personally wouldn't care. We just wouldn't eat together. Or... If you know he's going to be late, tell him that food is ready 30 minutes early so he can sit and wait for you.
The husband isnt even that late tbh. He's only 10-20 minutes late. If he was an hour or 2 late then her reaction would be understandable. He's also not forcing her to sit at the table and wait for him like a tyrant. I'm pretty sure he knows by now that being late results in him getting cold food.
Eating together as a family is much more important to some people. It's obvious here he has less sentiment to eat together than she does. However he shouldn't make promises to eat at certain times if he can't keep it. They need to come to a compromise that doesn't involve her waiting on him. People here lambast him, but if it's anything like my situation, my wife cooks most days and I do all the laundry and dishes, I can understand him a bit better. I don't think either one is shitty. It's that they aren't doing the one thing they are suppose to do in a relationship. Communicate. It's a constant process. You can't resort to petty behavior when you did communicate this issue and it hasn't resolved. You communicate it again. And again. Until it becomes an ultimatum of "fix this now or I stop". This stuff needs to be spoken about. Not acted in retaliation.
Stop making his plate. Problem solved. If he always does it he will always do it. Just make it easier for him not harder. If you feel as though you need to make dinner every night just make it and leave it. My wife and I both make dinner and I have made dinner plenty of times before she is ready to eat. It doesn't bother me. Dont let someone's habits bother you if you love them.
I've been married awhile and we both cook sometimes. We are frequently both home for dinner, but there have been times where either myself of him have missed the meal, just never came to the table. Sometimes I was working, or he got really into a game and forgot to break away. It's not a big deal. Food was made. It's there whenever we are hungry. We can reheat it. It's fine.
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Why are you still catering to him after years of mistreatment? OR don't have dinner ready at 630. OR eat and leave the food on the table for him to eat when he's ready. OR, and this is what I would do, stop treating him like a toddler. Stop letting the passive aggressive dbag control you. Eat let him fend for himself.
I'm kind of amazed by the number of commenters whose advice for every relationship conflict is divorce. Relationships are not about laying down rules that the other person needs to follow OR ELSE, they're about compromise. Wife believes that the two of them need to sit down together for a traditional home-cooked meal every night at a specific time. And while that sounds lovely, it obviously does not work for him, even after discussing it and promising to try harder. We don't know why - it could be anything from a gaming addiction, to after-hours work e-mails, to loss of appetite due to stress. The solution at this point isn't to personalize it, but to discuss why this is so hard for him, and make a compromise that both of them can live with.
How many times must she 'compromise' before you deem it ok to leave that farce of a marriage? They've done counseling and he's ignored doing his part. There is no written timetable for this nonsense and she does NOT deserve to be disrespected by him. This is far more than a dinner time. This is his blatant a*****e behavior and he doesn't deserve to have a wife.
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I eat dinner around 530-6. My wife 4-430. Sometimes we eat together sometimes not. I fail to see the problem. Except for wasting food because one "partner" wants to be the rule maker.
Wow, i really can't wrap my head around how many people are suggestion a divorce as a solution for a person being late for dinner all the time... really!? I'm cooking 95% of the meals in or house, and we normally agree on a certain time (say 6.30). She might come to the kitchen at 6.15 and set the table, she might also come at 6.45, in that case I'll simply start cleaning the kitchen while keeping the food warm while waiting... But it can quite as easily be the other way around; I might be finished cooking 15min early, in which case I need to keep the food warm anyway; or I'll be 15min, in which case she'll start cleaning the kitchen while i finish the food. I really dont see why this should be an issue between two adults
It's more about not treating each other with any sort of respect or kindness. This is the symptom of the problem. If your partner shows you constantly that they don't care about your feelings or labor, or even that they want to spend time with you, then cut your losses.
Load More Replies... This sounds exactly like my husband. Same situation, he plays games to unwind and is always late and his food gets cold. I understand it's hard to pause a game at some points and I want him to be able to enjoy his downtime. It's annoying sure, but he's awesome in every other respect, works super hard, and he isn't late when it's important. If this is the worst thing in their relationship and he's a good guy maybe she needs to take a step back and think about if this is unnecessary drama she wants to create that is going to damage their relationship.
That is a cheape excuse. I game a lot and yes often you cannot just pause. But the solution is to stop gaming before dinner is ready to make sure that you are on time. Not to be disrespectful every day to the woman cooking for you.
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It feels like more of a control issue to me. So, eat when it's ready and let him fix his own plate (and stop serving him like you're some kind of f*cking waitress). He'll either get a clue and start showing you some respect, or you'll finally realize that he doesn't HAVE any respect for you and move on. My sister was always late to family dinners - and I'm talking me spending hours in the kitchen making a lovely meal. Started telling her to be there at 4:00, knowing she wouldn't show up until the actual planned dinner time of 5:00, but she got hip to that pretty quick. I stopped caring. She showed up to a birthday dinner 1 1/2 hours late and was surprised that dinner was over and we were eating cake. I told her leftovers were in the fridge, help yourself. She had the nerve to ask "You didn't even fix me a plate?" I'm like "nope and I'm not going to in the future either. Be here on time. Everyone else seems to manage, why can't you? Because she's a narcissistic little b*tch.
The point is that she gets home at 5 and has NO DOWNTIME before she has to get cracking on dinner. He comes home, gets to relax and wanders over whenever the spirit moves him. I don't blame her for pitching his dinner in the trash 5 minutes later. Showed a tremendous amount of restraint on her part.
Every day I watched mom prepare dinner while my dad did whatever he liked then someone had to call him to the table. One day I realized how rude that is. You are aware dinner is being prepared. Keep an eye on things or better yet, help. Get your own self to the table on time. I will not raise my son to think he is entitled to be waited on. He cooks.
He'd clearly doing it on purpose for whatever reason. Perhaps it's the way you have responded with such hostility. If your going to behave this way it's going to lead to much worse things. So cook it later, serve it cold or don't cook it at all.
Get a divorce! Clearly neither of you want to be married! Go to counseling! Don’t cook! Eat what you want when you want!!!! Cook crockpot meals that cook themselves and simmer all day! Then you don’t have to rush home from work and rush to get a meal on table by 7:20pm!!! If kids involved feed kids ASAP!!! Taking care of kids is most important!!! Clearly your husband IS NOT HUNGRY AT 7:20pm or whatever standard time you put dinner on table! He could have to poop at 7:20pm!!! What’s the rush??? Everybody does not relax the same way at same exact time!!! You’re concerned about the wrong thing! It’s foul to throw food away!!!! If you’re going to cook and you enjoy cooking, put the extras in fridge or on a wrapped plate and let your husband eat when he’s ready to eat or when he’s hungry! Seems to be too much controlling in your relationship! If this much fuss is made about sitting down to dinner, I’m sure you two have more problems than just dinner! GET COUNSELING TO GET TO BOTTOM OF REAL!
Dear god what is wrong with people supporting clear assholes. He was wrong sure. But throwing away food ? Because he was late ?. Come one. Thats pettty.
You don't trust him to cook his own food and you're choosing to be the only cook. Either accept he will eat when he wants and you eat when u want or just let him be responsible for his own cooking. Setting dinner times is unnecessary and controlling. Let this go and deal with your actual issues with him because it's clearly not this.
Lmfao, i ALWAYS delay 30 min or so so the food is edible and not piping hot. Eat on your own and mind your business
Wow, you can't sit at the table and converse while it cools? Disrespectful. Go buy a sandwich.
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This might not be the popular opinion but in my opinion she needs to get a life outside her home.
If I'm not mistaken, I believe she does have a job as it was mentioned that she doesn't have time to decompress after coming home.
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Cont...(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART 3 scroll down really far for part 1. Sorry) smoothie, so one day he shows up with a really nice ninja blender. I love it. He loves that he filled a need for me. Now I'm just happy to feed him whenever he wants. The best part is although it's a less serious relationship compared to my 10 year one, my daughter finally gets to see the benefit of being with someone who is considerate and tends to needs I don't even realize I have. We're happy. We give and take from each other effortlessly with balance. Every move is rooted in love and consideration. And huge perk: the sex is great when ur on a place like this with someone. And my ex... well he lost his wife. As he should. He now begs me to just come over and eat a meal with him that he completely prepares to try to have his family back. I have absolutely NO interest whatsoever in giving him my time. He lost that. I know he cries when he's alone which is most of the time. I know he loved me he just had a shitty dad so he never learned that u need to take care of your woman. Not an excuse tho in the end. I told him he needed to do better. He didn't try till it was too late. He just got used to having a good woman and took it for granted. He was very good looking so he figured he'd always have options. Until God took away his good looks with fire. Now he's screwed. Welp should've took care of home huh? Moral of the story: let him f**k up. There's consequences for all of us when we mess up. Are u unappreciative of your wife? Keep it up dummy... u must be dreaming of a lonely life where u clean your own poop off the toilet, eat your dinners alone, and cry yourself to sleep. Think ahead next time sir. And ladies, it's a lot of work to take care of a man. Only do it if he deserves it. Let him go if he doesn't cuz he's obviously got a life lesson to learn. Does he see you as a slave or his queen? Make your life what you want it to be. It's much better to do things for a guy who is your biggest fan. It never feels like work when he deserves it. Just a tip: if he's busy and not noticing u... how are you getting his attention ? Throwing away his food while I don't disagree with that, there may have been something else u could have done. Like swapping the dinner for new lingirie and wandering upstairs to "see what he's doing". Use your female super powers. Maybe discussions at dinner are boring to him. Sometimes you need to identify a need when it isn't verbalized. When your female superpowers no longer work on him it's time to go ma'am. Get you a hunky young appreciative someone else... just saying. Or f**k it. Replace dinners with a gym trip every night by yourself. In 2 months you'll look so good he'll be begging to eat with you. Also, understand programming. The next time you get his late a*s to the table. Don't say anything!! STOP NAGGING HIM!! , give him the pissed off wife look.. as soon as he gets to stuttering out his excuses, Crawl under the table and give him a good blowjob. Then walk away maybe even giving him a bop on the head as u do. Dont even eat with him. That's your husband. Have no shame dammit. When he follows you into the other room to finish the dirty deed, tell him you'll see him tomorrow night at 630 sharp at the dinner table which now holds a completely different meaning. Do you think he will be late to the dinner table again after that? When he shows up on time the next night. Make sure you're wearing your power color dress. Make sure you are wearing a scent he likes. U can even add an old song in the background that reminds him of when things were better between you. When he sits down let him take 1 bite. Stand up, slide all the plates and food on the floor (showing him this s**t isn't really about dinner) get on the table and command him to f**k you. You can clean later Martha Stewart. Then order chinese takeout when you're done. Eat on the couch watching a movie you both like. This is not a romance novel. I actually do s**t like this. It works. Understand that both partners needs should be met in a gray area compromise. U need time but you're obviously asking for it under circumstances that are not alluring for him. If they were he wouldn't keep being late.. speak his language which is a different one than yours. Men are actually quite simple. You need to uncomplicate your needs so he can meet them. Try thinking like a man just for a minute. Do you want to meet up with your controlling mother every night for dinner at 630 on the dot ? No. Do you want to bang your wife in the kitchen? Probably yes. Are you hungry enough to scarf down her yummy dinner after you bang her. Yes. Problem solved. We're the slicker of the species for a reason ladies. Use it. DISCLAIMER: these words are obviously for a younger to mid aged sexually active couple. If you're older and still complaining about punctuality you should have just married a punctual person. Let it go. Other things to worry about. I'm late all the time cuz I just suck at organizing time. I make sure I convey to my loved ones that it isn't from lack of caring and go above and beyond to make them feel loved and respected in other areas I'm better at
Cont...(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART2) in the end I left him to the detriment of my child. The bottom line is being a life partner in some ways can feel like a voluntary form of slavery if your partner is unappreciative. I now have a young hunky damn near perfect boyfriend of 2 years. When I fix him a meal and serve him, as I'm making my plate I look up and EVERY TIME I find him watching me not eating. I'm like "eat before it gets cold. " and every time he replies that he's waiting for me to eat with him. He clears his plate and washes it so I have less work. We eat when we're hungry not at some designated time because life does not always provide for timed dinners. We have to clock in for work and family events so eating times should be a more relaxed thing. Are u feeding him when HE'S HUNGRY ? or are u using dinner to get the time u need from him instead of just saying "I need time from you? " men often suck at decoding women's hieroglyphics. So stop trying to make them. Feed him when he's hungry so that you're satisfying his actual need when he has it and maybe he'll be more susceptible to satisfying your need for attention. Unless he's just a jerk. In that case leave or stay cuz u like Jerks. I cook before he comes sometimes and just serve us both when I see him opening the fridge like a 4 year old wanting a snack. He brings me constant little gifts. Simple things that I forget I need. Example: me: "I hate this blender" as I make my daily s
(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART1) read all 3 parts!!! Not gonna say who's wrong or right because there may be underlying issues that these two have and we don't have all the info. Just gonna say this... I was in a 10 year relationship, that's a marriage pretty much if you ask me. In the end I completely stopped cooking and cleaning for him because he didn't look out for me with the same consideration. Example: I am sick with a nasty cold or flu. Why do I have to get up at night and drive to the store to get medicine for myself? Example: I have spent years washing your dirty draws (10 loads every time cuz he had so much clothes btw), doing the grocery shopping, cooking & even paying 100% of bills for 2 years while he recovered from a serious life changing handicap. But he doesn't even get me a bday or Xmas gift claiming he "doesn't do gifts" . That's fine until you have a SO who definitely deserves something. Example: I do the cleaning... but does that mean you should be throwing all your dirty things strewn about the house just waiting for me to go behind you and put them in the hamper? Example: I scrub the shower but did that mean you should just leave huge chunks of hair all over?
He may have deadlines or other issues requiring his attention. Why not move the dinner back. This woman sounds controlling and toxic. It's stated he helps with other chores and duties around the house. Why does it have to be exactly 6:30 when you know he's going to be late? >.>
Christ this is ridiculous. You can't both say that he makes up for not cooking by doing other chores AND complain that he gets more free time than you. Either the chores are split evenly or they're not. Additionally, who the f**k cares when he eats? If it's about doing something together, then say that or spend time together sometime other than dinner. If it's about forcing him to eat as soon as you're done cooking, then you're a control freak.
Like seriously, y'all are just looking for s**t to b***h for. Jesus these comments are pitiful. How long does it take you to eat 5 minutes? You're bitching because you feel "disrespected" that your partner wasn't on time to eat your 5 minute meal together. Just stfu, eat your food, if you want to cook for your significant other than do it because you want to. DONT DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE IF THERE ARE GOING TO BE STIPULATIONS. Its like loaning money to a friend and expecting to get it back. Fkn idiots. You do things nice to be nice, not to find reasons to talk s**t about your wife or husband. Go ahead argue with me. Please tell me more about how you justify talking s**t about your significant other
A loan is something you expect to get back though, now giving something to someone is different. If I was doing something everyday for someone using my time and energy the least they could do is respect that or just do it themselves. They both agreed on a time and to spend time together eating so just be there, you can go back to doing whatever as soon as your done. If both parties agree to something then both should be respectful of that agreement. He's upstairs relaxing after work while she cooks for them after she finishes work, if you can't be there then just learn to cook for yourself and eat when you want......
Load More Replies... I would slap a fkn hoe for that. Look, we live our whole entire f*****g lives on a time basis. Gotta be on time for work so you don't get fired. Gotta be home on time so you don't get bitched at. Go to sleep on time so you're not tired. Gotta pick up your kids on time so there no dhs. Time, time, time, time, deadline after deadline after f*****g deadline. God for f*****g bid the man wants to take 10-20 goddamn minutes to himself and control one decision he has for the only meal he can decide when to eat. Because lunch and breakfast are predetermined too. Eat breakfast right when you get up. Lunch time set by bosses at work as well. Breakfast based on start time. Last thing a mfker needs is someone telling them when to eat dinner too at the end of the night, when you get a couple hours to finally unwind and relax. Everyone else who disagrees can go take their OCD a*s and shove it.
She gets home at 5 and has not time to herself. So tell me again WHY they have to eat at 6:30? If she gets home at 5 and wants time to herself, she should take time. They can eat at 7:30. He clearly doesn;t care. Why is she insisting? And, as many people have said, if he's not at the table when the food arrives, you start without him. This is not difficult. Move dinner time to 7:30 and start eating when the food is ready.
hmmm i mean is it really a big deal? It's not like you have kids and everyone is waiting. why don't you just eat at a later time or eat b yourself and make him cook his own food. Or leave food for him in the fridge and do whatever you need to do . If little things like that bother you so much how can you handle more serious issues... sorry just my opinion.
Its in the text. She comes home from work and starts cooking. He comes home from work and relaxes in the computer like a child
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She also works! Gets home at 5 and gets basically no time to unwind before starting dinner preparations.. He gets home at 5:30 and gets to unwind instead of helping. The least he can do is come down at the agreed upon time.
Load More Replies... EXACTLY. The people's comments at the end of the article are too literal and miss the entire point.
Load More Replies... It’s not like his boss is insisting he stay late at work, and it’s not like he works from home and got caught by the last call at 4:55pm that’s taking forever to finish. WTF is he actually doing upstairs for an hour while you’re still in the kitchen that he can’t stop or put on pause to come down and eat? Gaming? Gambling? Watching porn? DMing his mistress? Let him get tired of Happy Meals and start missing your home cooking. He’ll either learn to cook for himself or he learn to show up ON TIME for dinner. Cold shouldering is spoiled brat behavior and emotional blackmail. Stand your ground and do not give in. I wish you so much luck!
This is my thing...it's not like he's not there, he's upstairs doing "something". Its like calling a teen for dinner. If he wasn't there, that would be one thing, but he is. For me, that's the tipping point for NTA.
Load More Replies... I would have stopped making him dinner years ago. It's disrespectful what he does. He can learn to cook his own s**t and eat when he wants to.
Stories like this make me wonder why some people ever get married in the first place. They don't seem to like each other, enjoy each other's company, or even want to just treat each other with basic kindness.
This! I like to spend time with my husband, even when we are not doing the same thing reading/watching tv/ computer, we are in the same room in eachothers company.
Load More Replies... I don't want to come across as unfeeling here but when I read this it felt more like something from a parenting forum. 😔
Not unfeeling at all, this husband is acting like a child, & OP has been acting like a parent!
Load More Replies... I can relate. My wife never comes to the table when dinner is ready no matter how much advance notice I give her. It doesn't matter if it's five minutes, five hours, or anything in between. She'll always find one more thing to do before she comes to eat. It's also why we are late to almost everything. IMO, it shows a basic lack of respect, but for years I've put up with it and I just let it go. Not the hill I choose to die on.
One of my brothers was always late for every family meal. At first, we would wait for him. Finally, mom told him what time the meal was & if he wasn't there, we would start without him. And we did. After a few missed meals & having to eat cold leftovers, he started showing up on time! Then he got into a relationship with a gal who was actually worse than him & he understood what he had put everyone thru all those years, haha.
Load More Replies... the YTA and ESH people seem to be ignoring that he sometimes gets ANNOYED with her for eating without him.
They are the kind of people to always blame the woman for everything and then wonder why she stayed in a unloving relation
Load More Replies... They're both in a position that allows them to eat together and at reasonable time, that's like a dream for so many couples who just aren't able to do that. I'd be treating it almost as a date each night. OP is obviously upset because he's not making the effort, where barely any effort is require, to be on time to sit with her and enjoy a good meal/company. By being late he's showing her lack of appreciation and that he isn't bothered that she's left waiting on him. Once or twice, okay but EVERY night. Yeah, I'd be pissed as well.
I'd have a conversation about it. Once. "I'd really enjoy having dinner with you, to talk about our days, and unwind together". Tell him when you'll have dinner ready, then eat at that time, whether or not he shows up. Put the remaining food in the fridge. After a while I think she'd need to have another conversation about why he apparently doesn't want to spend that time with her.
Leave it on the table. He can clean up his own mess, both physically and metaphorically.
Load More Replies... I would check his computer history and see what is so dam important that he can't pull himself away. Games? Porn? Chatting with someone? Social media? I would take my food eat in front of the tv and leave his food on the stove. Be interesting to see if he can fix himself a plate. If he complains about you not being at the table with him, shrug your shoulders, finish your meal, wash your dishes and carry on.
I am going to be super honest with you. My partner has OCD with the house finances and his personal ones. He constantly obsesses about the money. He can be suddenly disappear and I'm calling him. And he's like I'm sorry babe I was squaring away the budget. He obsesses over it. So, I leave him to it. He can even do that multiple times a day. If he sees some boots or something online. He wants. I'm used to it. Besides I'm not perfect either. So, people should stop anticipating the porn, the infidelities, etc... Sometimes it is not that. That's why I say both of them need individual and couple's therapy.
Load More Replies... Husband is an AH for chronically being late. There's more than dinner time here. I don't blame her for being upset but why not just put his meal in fridge? He can eat when he's ready. I'm guessing he's spending a lot of time on the computer and she's resentful about it. I was in a marriage like that. It's a lonely existence.
So....you answered your own question at the end there
Load More Replies... My ex-husband used to do this to me. I would make a fresh meal from scratch every day, tired or not, because for me this was a part of showing my love, and every day when I told him dinner was served he would ignore me. Even if he was in the same room he would purposefully ignore me for a full five minutes. I would just sit there feeling confused and hurt until he got up and joined me. I later found out this was his intention. His father would do this to his mother as some sort of weird powerplay along the lines of ‘I will get up when I feel like getting up’. It was so humiliating! I managed to put a stop to it after I pieced it together.
Wow! My dad (and his dad) did the same thing! My dad disappeared (five minutes before it's ready) when I went to his house to cook dinner, then complained dinner was overcooked. I finally just started eating when it was done, and got up when I was done. I haven't made dinner for him in awhile now, because of the behavior and the nit-picking complaints....and the control issues.
Load More Replies... NTA sounds like my relationship with my hubby. He's divorcing and now I realize I have too much of myself with no true gratitude from him. He's a grown a$$ man, you are not his mom. He needs to grow up.
His constantly having to be reminded and being late for dinner is childish, you married a grown man, right? Not a 10 year old. His sulking, giving you the cold shoulder and eating his happy meal alone in "his" room makes it so much worse. He needs a right kick up the butt. Wanna behave like a little child? Fine, you can get treated like one. Sulk again and I'm taking away all your toys until you can be better. Or wait, never mind, I'm your wife, not your mother, I signed op to live with you, not raise you. Here's a bag, now sod off and don't come back until you can be an adult in this marriage
I agree. Find out the marital assets and whether it's better economically/legally for her to move out or toss his entitled a*s to the curb.
Load More Replies... If I was this rigid about routine and structure in my household, I'd be frustrated to the point of needing to be institutionalized.
Rigid? She has communicated that spending time, eating a meal she prepared, together is important. He has received this message and said, I don't care about your needs. That is not rigidity
Load More Replies... OK, so the division of labor is alright and it's her job to make the dinner. I would just eat mine and leave his to go cold (or have him reheat it later). Why are you insisting on eating together if he clearly doesn't care about that? And if that is the point, you need to talk, because the dinnertime isn't the problem.
OP wants to have time with her husband at the dinner table, and he's ignoring her. He comes home from work & immediately goes to another room to play games or whatever on his computer. HE needs to decompress from HIS workday, but OP doesn't get a break at all. But yes, they need to get marriage counseling or call it quits. This is not a good marriage.
Load More Replies... The issue here is not the food the issue is he should be wanting to come down and eat dinner with his wife after she's so nicely prepared it for him and spend some time with her.. but instead he chooses to be on the computer . what is he doing that he doesn't want to eat dinner with her ..it's just rude on his part to continually make her sit there by herself and eat after she's so lovingly prepared a meal for him while he sits up on his computer doing whatever night after night not even volunteering to help set the table or anything. He needs to step his game up a little bit . Sometimes when you've been in a relationship with someone for a while you forget to think about the other person's feelings and he's clearly not thinking about her at all.
Just from reading this I can tell you its probably because he's sick of coming home and getting hounded by her nagging him and trying to hold him to schedules in his own house. I'd be outta there.
Load More Replies... I had an ex that was late to everything. Every meal, date, visit to my home, night out, whatever - i had to compromise to suit HIS timetable. He couldn't accomodate mine. Often this meant staying up late to get any meaningful time together, despite needing to be up very early for work. Ultimately it was exhausting. One sided. And we never progressed beyond dating. How on earth anyone ends up married to someone that expects this much is beyond me. It's not just about the meal, or the timing. It's the complete disregard for anyone else that is the issue.
They have different values. She values this time sitting together. He clearly doesn't. If this is the only value they differ on then eat at different times and press-on. BUT if this is endemic of one partner not taking the time to care for the other's wishes etc. ever, then it's time to pack it in and end this thing.
Your husband really seems to be about control. Making someone wait to eat their meal or being purposefully late like this is a form of control. He likes having you make a meal for him and then sitting at the table waiting for him to grace you with his presence. Then when you took some control back, he got disproportionately upset and gave you the silent treatment - that’s a major controlling move. I think you should take a good look at your marriage to see how much control he has and how much time you spent accommodating him.
Losing track of time is not a malicious action. Being pissy because there are appointments to meet in your own home is way more controlling.
Load More Replies... I bet if the meal wasn't ready on time, or if she decided to get a burger with her friends and he came home to no cooked food he would be pretty upset. If it became a chronic issue, he'd be livid! I can't be sure, but I bet. It looks like this guy just wants the mommy role to continue. Cook and clean for me and love me no matter what I do. SMH
Exactly! OP stated that he'd get annoyed when she'd start eating without him because of his lateness. One thing you can count on a crappy man to have in abundance is AUDACITY🤦🏾♀️
Load More Replies... NTA. But clearly, you and your husband have deeper issues than a lack of punctuality on his part. Cooking for someone is a way of showing you love them and if he can't come to the table by the mutually agreed upon time, he is being very disrespectful, indeed. My late husband was a terrible cook but I stopped cooking for him when he decided he would rather eat at his mother's or pick up fast food than reheat his plate (He was a long haul trucker and got home pretty late sometimes). It was one of many issues in our marriage: not the food itself but his lack of respect for my time and effort, and his assumption I should prepare meals for him no matter what the hour or what other responsibilities I had. Was throwing out his food petty? Maybe, but people waste exceedingly more food than you threw out daily. I'm sorry to say, I think your husband missed the point you were trying to make. Don't let his emotional blackmail make you feel gaslighted.
It is apparent from the comments here that family dinner time has gone the way of the condor. I can ALMOST see it if this was a household with a collection of teenagers with conflicting extracurriculars. But this is two "adults" who supposedly got married to spend time together. And one of them doesn't seem to value the other very much. No. Eating dinner together every night may not be such a big deal to someone who doesn't bother to MAKE it. He just assumes the maid will produce it and he can show up whenever he feels like it. She may or may not be using "dinner at 6:30" as a controlling issue. But, if it was me, and I felt that devalued I would take a few steps to rectifying it. 1) I would quit making dinner. I would pick myself up something on the way home. 2) I would make my own dinner and eat it when I was ready. 3) If I was the one doing the grocery shopping, I would make sure to shop for MY OWN favorites. He could shop for his own. 4) He could learn to cook.
It's not the food that's the problem. It's the lack of respect for the OP. He doesn't appear to care one whit that he is upsetting her, and he also doesn't appear to want to spend any time sitting with her. She should have made it clear when she called up at the 10 minute mark, that the food was going in the garbage if he didn't show up on time. I'm sorry, but chronic lateness is one of my biggest bugbears. I HATE it when people can't be bothered to be on time. This bozo agreed to be at the table every day at the same time, and never managed to make it on time once. That is such lack of respect that it would almost be a marriage breaker for me.
To the people saying YTA or ESH....F**k you. Just f**k you. Grow the f**k up and go f**k yourselve. That is all. As for OP - NTA absolutely. And she needs to divorce this whiny man-baby. The fact that he responded with...the silent treatment? The F**K? What, is he like 6 or something? Get rid of him.
Lol well I don't agree sorry. I think assigning a dinner time to an adult is petty. It would annoy the mess out of me if my husband tried to hold me accountable to being in a specific room in my house at a specific time. An adult is an adult. The man is at home, at his house. To each their own but I wouldn't want to be in that kind of marriage. I will get there when I get there and when I'm there I want to have a nice happy loving conversation. No one wants to listen to a shrew of a man or woman berate them about being late walking downstairs in their own house and, outside of a real appointment, I would absolutely roll my eyes if my husband told me I needed to be anywhere daily by 6:30, not that he would. I don't understand how y'all stay married like that. I don't tell my husband to do anything and certainly doesn't tell me to do anything.
Load More Replies... She stated multiple times that they AGREED to eat together at a specific time. It seems to me that they barely get to have time together and he is just worsening the relationship. Its not about the meal. They need to have a nice serious talk. He’s giving her the silent treatment because she did something about it. Do better
After reviewing some of the hateful comments, you're still NTA. You have made it clear to your husband, sharing supper with him is important to you and he has disregarded your feelings while you have made every effort to fulfill his needs. I could understand if he was working late but he's goofing around on his computer with the expectation you cook for him despite his poor treatment of you. We had a set supper time when I was growing up and in my home after I had children. This isn't patronizing, only practical and a way for our family to spend time together. If someone was, for whatever reason, unable to be present, I put a plate of food in the refrigerator for them to reheat. My husband ate many sandwiches after his disrespectful behavior led me to stop cooking for him and/or saving him a plate. Your husband had a chance. I don't blame you for being fed up.
My mother would keep the food in the warming drawer until my father was ready. When he came, she'd put our meals on the table and we'd all eat together. But she didn't sit around waiting for him - she'd be watching TV or doing something else.
This is def a "pick & choose your battles" scenario for me. I do all the cooking. Its ready when its ready, no set time. Obviously i wait to cook until i know everyone will probably be home but its not a specific time. If you come great! If your busy, eat when your done. If i put i away before you get there, then you reheat what you want & are responsible for cleaning up your mess. Its not that hard.
That sounds extremely reasonable. I agree this is about picking a battle. Personally I find this specific battle too minute in the grand scheme of things, and I thought her throwing away the food to be petty.
Load More Replies... I can't make a call one way or the other unless I know what he's doing on the computer. If it's professional I'd cut him slack. If it's recreational I'd be pissed.
He's 'unwinding'. Personally, I'd let the bastard starve.
Load More Replies... Yo, real talk, loosing track of time online is not a malicious act of control.
She’s not his boss. Why set a time to eat?! This sounds wild! There’s way more bigger problems in this world than when a husband chooses to eat. She sounds like the typical nagging wife, the type that’ll find herself cheated on as he finds more escapes from his jail like marriage, wondering how adultery even happened. Growing up, not even my family forced me to eat a certain time. They’ll inform me dinner is ready and remind me a few times. If I’m not hungry and want to eat later, they’ll understand. To do all this that this woman is doing is toxic, and weird to be doing to another adult.
It's totally valid that it makes her upset, but damn dude, how many times does it have to happen for you to just expect it? 💀 Stop cooking for him then. Why are you exhausting yourself for no reason? She only really played herself by throwing out the food she just made.
My husband and I do not eat together, I cook the food and he eats whenever, often cold. But its cause is an introvert who don't really like when people are around. I can't handle stress and suffer from ptsd and I have to take it easy and can not rush cause it triggers. Inorher cases I'm always in time and even when eating with someone else, but home I just don't care, if it gets cold it's just to heat up. I am a creative person myself and loves to create stuff, paint, drawing, knitting, embroider, create books, write and so on. I can't stop when I'm really into one project. I know i will not be able to go back to where I ended. Your husband might be the same, something that's big for him might be small for you, that's something to also remember.
Relationship issues aside, I'm wondering if he'd show up on time if she made dinner an hour and twenty minutes after he got home instead of an hour.
Exactly. The dude doesn't get enough time to decompress from work before he has to deal with his controlling wife's BS. I think he needs to file for divorce and she needs to get her tubes tied before she becomes a mother who HATES her children because they can't get in RIGHT where she wants them to fit in.
Load More Replies... When I cook for my family on weekends, the time for lunch is 12. I wait 15 minutes - if no one calls or texts - I just eat my meal. After that I clean up and put everything in the fridge, they are old enough to read the clock, if they aren't on time they have to warm up their food on their own. If they show up when I am finishing my meal I sit with them, but they have to do the clean-up.
I feel your frustration. My sister is never on time. Not ever! She has told us that this is her, deal with it. It is rude and disrespectful.
Does she have PTSD? I do and it breaks your brain to the point that you have no concept of time. I have to trick myself to be on time.
Load More Replies... This couple needs marriage counseling. Also, why can't the husband join OP in the kitchen & help with preparing the meal - doing that together would accomplish a couple of things. 1) He would start learning to cook. 2) They would be in the kitchen, talking about their day, and actually spending time together. Their current situation doesn't sound like a happy marriage at all, it's more like a "roommates with benefits" thing. Wonder how old they are?
I used to live in household, where was no strict dinner time and I think this is too much. Like, everyone wants to rest after work, so let him eat, when he wants. He can heat up the food by himself...
He gets a full hour to relax after work, every single day, while she slaves away in the kitchen. Expecting him for dinner on time is nothing compared to what she does for him. And they specifically agreed to have dinner together on set times, so as to make it easier for HIM. He already disappears to go on the computer as soon as het gets home, instead of keeping her complany in the kitchen. How else is she to have some quility time with her man-child of a husband. Being late for dinner every day is extremely disrespectful of her AND of her time. You are delusional if you think he does nothing wrong
Load More Replies... Adult adhd is real. And 10 minutes is peanuts when you take into account how easy it is to loose track of time. That said, she should just stop cooking if its killing her that much to be stood up for family dinner.
Yeah, my mom didd this to my brothers when they were CHILDREN. Grown man should be in that kitchen sniffing, tasting, talking, having a glass with partner, not hiding upstairs on computer.
Everyone Sucks Here. There’s NTA = not the a*****e, YTA = you’re the a*****e and NAH = no assholes here. So “it’s you”, “it’s not you” “it’s everyone” or “get over it”
Load More Replies... Sometimes my dad was on time, other times he'd come in later cause he wanted to finish working on something. Sometimes he even made supper for us (I really miss his fried catfish), but that was my dad. I don't know why this guy is constantly running late for supper and it sounds fishy to me that he won't explain what was holding him up. There is no trust in this relationship on either side and it sounds like there are other issues piling on top they should talk to a marriage counselor about.
One thing that comes to my mind is how is this guy doing? Is he depressed? Lacking interest maybe because of this..? Not sure but why would you do this constantly
Someone mentioned ADHD, it's very possible to be a combination ot ADHD and depression. The man sounds like me who suffers from both for a little over 20 years, 23 I think. Either way she sounds like she never even asked "hey is something going on?"
Load More Replies... He needs to understand that this was a long time coming, and the last incidence 'broke the camel's back'. If you ever have kids this nonsense will never fly. You guys set a time. Stick to it, unless there are really extenuating circumstances. If he makes it fine, and you eat together. if not, also fine, he can heat it up later, or eat it cold.
My ex did this to me all the time so I put the food away when my son and I were finished eating. Most times he'd be a petulant baby and not eat because he didn't want to heat it up.
This is about respect. They both work, he sits his happy but down and relaxes wile she continues to work now at home cooking. I It would start by say this is dinner time, your an adult get yourself to the table. Then eat and let home eat when he wants AND CLEAN UP. IF that didn't work. Only cook for yourself just because I have a verjsyjay does not mean I'm your personal chef.
It's clearly stated that cooking is part of her half of the chores, that he does more other work in turn for her being the cook... Her not cooking for both would be her not pulling her weight. She has her downtime while he is scrubbing the toilets or doing the laundry or whatever later.
Load More Replies... I genuinely wonder what he could be doing that he thinks is more important than spending quality time with his wife. He also agreed on the time, the least he could do is attend.
I've been married twice and both times to women who don't cook. I've been at it since I was 10 (yes... 10!) and now at 63... I did it all for wives, family, kids, BBQs etc, AND I am a sous chef at a high end restaurant (My real jobs were IT tech and music producer!) but cheesus tap dancing price on a pogo stick, what I wouldn't give for someone to make ME a nice home cooked meal. Not only would I be on time, but I'd wash dishes after! LOL (AND help you with the laundry!)
Thank you. This is a great response to all those mocking that cooking is not slaving away, because it can be if it's a hot day and you're still expected to cook and get no down time.
Load More Replies... NTA This also drives me nuts! I hate it when I give people a heads up that dinner is ready in 20, 15 then in five minutes and they don’t come to the table on time and I’m sitting there with cold food. It is a huge pet peeve of mine! So rude. Good for you! Your Husband sounds like a big baby. From now on I would just worry about your own meals and let him fend for himself. And you won’t have any stress about it!
This is fairly poorly written. The wife even says the husband does his fair share of chores yet there is an entire section dedicated to taking about how people need to share chores to make the other person not feel like a nanny. Did the writer of this article even read anything or did they just slap this together blindly? Very poor quality and pretty leading honestly, it is clear what agenda this article has.
This is the worst article ever. The wife even says the husband does his fair share of chores yet there is an entire section dedicated to taking about how poorly need to share chores to make the other person not feel like a nanny. Did the writer of this article even read anything out did they just slap this together blindly? Very poor quality.
Seriously.... What is her husband doing that he can't come just down the stairs an hour after he gets home??🤔
People who are chronically late have zero respect for the ones they leave waiting. This is why he's sulking for being called out on it. Keep cooking dinner, don't let him know that "it's done in 10 minutes", and just sit down and eat. Let his plate get cold. If he says anything, tell him that you need to have "couple time" with him over dinner, but he's making it obvious that he doesn't want "couple time" with you. Quietly go to the cupboard where it's hidden, take the folder out, and put those divorce papers in front of him and his cold dinner. Anybody who treats you like this over something so important to you is doing more than just being late isn't he. Think about it. He is, isn't he?
My wife is like that. I do all the cooking and kept telling her dinner was almost ready.and she kept screwing around. So I do not wait on her. I make my plate and eat. I leave her dinner in the pan or put it in a Tupperware container then move on. It isn't worth ruining my dinner or attitude. She used to say you didn't wait on me? I smile and say no, it isn't my job to wait on you. I am not a short order cook and this isn't a restaurant. You can decide to eat when you want? So can I. I don't fight or argue as it isn't worth it. I have to eat anyway so I do. She has started coming in more often on time as she knows I am not waiting and not keeping it hot.
I dunno, it seems super uptight to me. But I grew up in a house that didn't have set dinner times, I don't think I could be married to someone that told me I had to eat at X time
I think there is a lack of communication between the husband and wife. It is time to revisit their agreement about dinner. The wife should say that she will no longer waste an hour of her time every night making dinner so it's ready at 6:30 when he can never be bothered to eat it then. Toss the ball to the husband and take things from there.
If I came home from working all day and had someone trying to force me to eat dinner on a schedule in my own house and then throwing a femfit if I'm not there exactly when they want me to be, I genuinely don't know what I'd do. I sure as **** wouldn't show up for it, thats for sure lol dude needs to get away from that entitled control freak while he still can.
If I came home from working all day and had someone freaking out at me for not "eating dinner on time" in my own house I genuinely don't know what I'd do.
Some people said it is not the meal itself that is the issue. I think it is about the relationship - respect, courtesy, conflict between languages of love, priorities, and communication. These are IMO foundation stones of strong relationships and issues that may or may not need a therapist to discuss.
Wasting food is unacceptable... If you have an issue with someone don't take it out on the food. Have some self control. Its like those women who get jealous over a gaming console and to get back at the man they destroy the console... Grow up
He needs to grow up and have self control not her. He wants to essentially have his cake and eat it too. He originally agreed to come downstairs to eat at a set time, she reminded him as he asked and he still can't be bothered to sit down at the table on time, as well as being angry at her and sulking when she does eat alone because she gets tired of waiting. He's being extremely disrespectful of her and her time.
Load More Replies... ESH, it's like watching a couple of children throwing tantrums at each other instead of grown a*s adults dealing with this in adult ways.
NTA, I do all the cooking along with everything else. I have to go to the bedroom and tell my wife that dinner will be ready in 20 minutes, then when it's ready and usually 5 min after. Makes my blood boil to go to all that trouble and have her put no effort into getting out of bed and to the table.
This guy is either a full blown narcissist or is socially and emotionally clueless. He may really be on the autism spectrum because he doesn't understand about why quality time is even important.get out now.
If he's acting like a child it's because she treats him like a child. I wouldn't dream of preparing a plate for my husband as if I decide what and how much he's going to eat. There are real issues here that have very little to do with dinner and much more to do with why hes avoiding her. I have a feeling that he's been hoping she'd just give up and go away and let him eat in peace. She needs to get to the bottom of the real issues before this marriage teaches a state of disrepair thats beyond mending.
I would say they should talk about it and maybe start cooking meals together or have him at least be in the room while cooking, so you get the quality time together. Like what job does this dude have that makes him need to unwind directly after work when he knows you're about to eat an hour later.....also talking about your days while making food helps with decompression after work. Like his a*s should be in the kitchen making it a couples thing not calling it a chore.
I'd be checking his computer. Girlfriend? Porn? And quit cooking for him.
Cooking is literally part of her half of the chores, so quitting would be her not pulling her weight. Also I don't think he's cheating or watching porn, most likely he's just procrastinating because he doesn't want to spend time with her lol
Load More Replies... I know I didn't have a "normal" growing up experience with dinner times. I really don't think she is the AH. What I actually think this is like a control freak thing. My partner is similar as in spending extra time on his computer. He is a computer/power engineer and now his new roll is as a software architect. So, I do get the computer thing. Also my partner has OCD and that's why he has such great hold of the finances at home. Because, he obsesses over the money he has and the present he needs to buy for me or an x person. Also I am a T1 diabetic. So, as soon as my sugar starts crashing down. I will even eat dinner even if it is 3pm or 9pm. So, I don't get the a**l thing of the time. I do understand wanting to spend time with hubby after work. This people need marriage therapy. Cause this is going downhill. The other day in a different subreddit a man said he divorced his wife. For being always late to everything and compromises with him. So, you see where I'm going...
My partner is always in his computer squaring away his budget. Nightly even several times a day. So, that's why I don't mind if dinner is cooked and he hasn't come downstairs.
Load More Replies... Throwing his dinner away is unnecessarily petty. Serve up your own dinner when you're ready and leave the table when you're done; let him serve himself. It doesn't sound like you'll be missing dinnertime conversation. Recognize your husband's passive aggressive behavior and decide if it's something you two can work through. Now, regarding 'certified relationship coach'(almost lol) Alex Scot, you're either a qualified licensed counselor or you ain't. And you ain't. This guy dithers on for paragraphs having completely missed the point that OP has already stated that husband does his fair share around the house. Guess that's why he's a coach not a certified professional.
This is not about food or being on time - these are two people with a massive communication problem! She does not tell him why it really is so important for her to have dinner with him, and he completely fails to tell her why he cannot do so. Problems can be solved if you are working together - this display of passive aggressive behaviour is most certainly not the way. I do not want to say that ESH, rather that I feel sorry for both. Communication is a skill that needs to be learned and practised - maybe both of them did not have good examples at home...
Sounds like he is a cheater for one. And too demanding. A narcissist. And she shouldnt even make his plate dont even touch it. Leave it empty he can do it himself. He is a big boy. Some husbands or spouses on general are just plain useless in a sense. You do alot or everything and yet they do not give a c**p. But to the point he is cheating.
I used to be a stay at home mom, not by choice. I tried to always make meals we all would enjoy. Most went down the drain and plates left for me to wash. The disrespect made me cry.
NTA: this is a pet peeve of mine too! I give people a heads up that dinner is ready in 20, 15, then five minutes and I’m sitting there with cold food after spending all this time on it. Your husband sounds like a big baby though. I would just make your own meals from now on and eat when you want to and let him fend for himself. Good for you!
Did anyone think that it's possible that he may have depression? Procrastination, lack of hunger or lack of will to move, moving to the spare room and getting take out. Sounds like he's suffering from burn out or depression, and wife seems to have a control issue, but one thing is for sure they are having marital issues that need to be sorted. She could have asked why he is late for dinner, gone to get him or check on him, he has some issues he needs to work on but we won't know for sure unless we get his side as well. I'd need to hear both sides before I pick a side.
Wife should work the 9 to 5+ 40-60 hour week that pays for everything, including the meal she just tossed out. Also screw the author for the clickbait article. Enjoy the 4 cents this netted for you.
I'm just gonna throw this out there... I think the husband has ADHD. I have it extremely badly and I always get so invested in what I'm doing before dinner, that when I say ill be down in one minute, it always turns into 5 or 10. People with ADHD have a hard time sensing how much time is passing. If he's late to other things for that reason than ADHD is probably the culprit. But if its just dinner, then I'm guessing that the husband prefers working on whatever else than being forced to eat dinner at a certain time. I hate being forced to eat at a certain time. I never feel ready or hungry. And it just feels like being treated like a child. The wife feels that dinner is quality time spent together but does the husband? Some people would rather do other activities together besides just eat in silence. They need to get to the root of the problem, because it definitely isn't just that he doesn't respect her time. There's something else going on. Time for honest communication.
I threw out depression, but I could see it being adhd. I have ADHD, Asperger's, and depression. I struggle to keep track of time without 20 timers and can easily lose track of time, on the otherhand depression and aspergers makes me fairly anti social outside of work and would prefer eating dinner alone, away from everyone, or even eating later. We all feel hungry at different times, lunch may not happen the same time everyday due to an overload of work. In any case I agree with it's time for communication, one thing op never said was "we talked about what was going on" I know sometimes I want to talk about something but want someone to ask me what's wrong, I'm almost always the one asking what's wrong, how was work, why do you look "insert emotion"? It's been like that since I was a kid two divorced parents who loathe to speak of or with eachother, "friends" who use me only to vent their emotions, family who know only how to question how badly I suck at life, relationships, and ect.
Load More Replies... This AITA post is an entire year old. How desperate for content are you?!
I fail to see a problem here. I don't object to you doing all the cooking, if that's the agreement, but I truly don't understand why should he be treated like a child, with a schedule to eat, and mommy throwing a tantrum every. single. day and trying to educate him. He does not want to eat with you, and he does not want to eat so early. Grow up. If I had to work so damn hard every single day to support myself and my house (which I actually do), I'll be damned if I'm going to let any a**hole tell me what time I have to eat dinner in my f*cking own house. And, if he does his fair part of the chores, there's no hurry, because he will be the one left to do the dishes later rather than sooner.
Sounds here like he is suffering from depression making him procrastinate, but yes make it worse by being hostile tword your significant other
He clearly knows it's a problem so stop making the dinner for him and just make it for yourself; fix it, sit down and enjoy the dinner you made for yourself without calling him or telling him it's ready. Stop making dinner a big deal since he clearly doesn't see it as a big deal or if he's a big enough jerk about it stop cooking altogether and let him get his own food.
NTA your husband is being very disrespectful. Your mutal agreement isn't being respected by your husband. You cook a meal and serve it at a certain time and he can't be bothered to turn up on time but expects that you will just put up with it....RUDE! He's lucky you chose to throw it away. He'd have worn it if it was me!
Why the hell does everyone seem to care about a dinner time? He's an adult, not a child. She said the chores get split evenly and he keeps up with his end. Does he flip out and throw out the lawnmower if she's not out there at exactly 1pm to watch him mow the lawn? Let the dude eat when he wants to eat and quit trying to control him. It's creepy.
The first problem is putting a hard line on when dinner is eaten. Make the food and people will eat when they eat...I do all the cooking in my house and am not concerned when people eat it
They're the a*****e. Bruh you can wait, let him reheat his food. Not their problem.
Let him have his alone time jeez anyone who came back from work are always a bit stressed out. The wife is being petty fr. Eat when you want to eat, if the food's gone cold that's on him. Marriage doesn't mean you have to hold hands everytime you do something.
He can cook his own food and she can eat her own. Problem solved.
Load More Replies... This one gets to me, because I was like that husband. Sure, I was a child, so it was different but it still hits close to home. And I do still struggle with being in time, especially for frequently recurring things. The thing is, people often are convinced that being in time is something that's easy because it is for them. They'll offer solutions that are just things you've tried without any success. They'll say you're being disrespectful when you're actually struggling. You wouldn't say it's disrespectful if someone isn't good at mental arithmetic, would you? That's not to say that I don't have coping mechanisms or that this is me now. It's not to say that there aren't (a lot of) things I think the husband should have done differently here because there are. And I don't know if the husband is late for similar reasons as I was / am. 1/2
But "teaching him a lesson" through passive aggressive behavior irks me a lot. Aside from my belief that passive aggressiveness never achieves anything positive, for me that wouldn't have addressed the problem at all, and just created a whole lot of friction. And to me it feels like she has never productively tried to address the problem. And while there are definitely things he could and should have done, people just calling not being punctual disrespectful give me that same "this isn't hard for you, even if you say it is" feeling. So yeah, he's in the wrong, but she is too, even if not to the same degree. 2/2 (oh boy, that became quite the wall of text - I promise it was more readable before my paragraphs were well smushed together...)
Load More Replies... Everyone's being like NTA but sorry, disagree, BOTH TA! What a marriage needs is communication. The OP should tell her husband how she feels and what it does to her that he's always letting her wait, that she simply wants to have couple time with a warm meal. Then ask him WHY he's always late. He's behind the computer. WHY is he behind the computer and what's so important there that he loses track of time? Show interest in what he does and try to understand his side too, and he needs to understand her need for couple time. Maybe she should have asked that first before putting a bomb in her marriage by throwing his food away. And then maybe, knowing his poor ability to keep time and him knowing how that makes her feel, try and find a solution that works for both. But when two people start sleeping seperate because of an argument and aren't willing to solve their problems, you know the end of your marriage is near.
So I'm just going to be blatantly honest but seriously? She's his wife, not his mother, he's a grown up man that can decide on his own when he wants to eat, setting a time if you don't have any children in the house is absolute b******t. If she can't deal with that she should ask for a divorce and find a man that she can baby and that will let her baby him. What the heck is wrong with people 🤦 it's called compromising and adapting. I have a 6 year old, if she gets hungry at 5:30pm I'll make her dinner at 5:30pm, if she ain't hungry until 7pm I won't force her to eat before that time.
Throwing out food over just five minutes tardiness? Has the OP always had these passive aggressive anger issues? No offense, but if you're that extreme, I think I would be dreading coming home too.
She snapped and lost it. She got so mad she only the away his food. She was unconsciously aware that she was just throwing it his food.
Load More Replies... Let him eat whenever he wants to eat. In this day and age most people don't even eat together especially not at a kitchen table... She seems really demeaning by saying stuff about him "having a fit". Seems like they just need a vacation..
If the issue was lack of time together that's one thing. If it's just about eating dinner at a prescribed time then deliver his food up to him and that takes care of that. My family has always had issues with weeknight meals as a family due to varied schedules. We'd try to schedule a meal once a week as a family when possible but that's life. A better option might be taking an hour before bed to talk and wind down
Because he is home she is NTA she is not waiting for him to get off work she waiting for whatever is more important than her gambling gaming tv mistress something but he is home so he is purposely making her wait.
Not going to yes or nta. I am sure it is very annoying to you that he is late coming to dinner. Man are absolutely clueless about thinking of their significant other's feelings. Some men are worse. Both of you should swallow your prides and apologize to each other. I don't know if you'll see or read this. But if I make a suggestion? You know he will be late for dinner. That should be no surprise to you. Tell him dinners ready at set time, but don't set it out till he comes waddling in from his study or BR. Then you and he can eat together and the food is still hot. Also, you can take those 10 to 20 mins that you're waiting to unwind and relax.
My first reaction was, I didn't know they had reddit in the fifties, but halfway through I realized this woman isn't from the fifties. She's from the 30's. In Germany. What kind of a**l retentive insists on everyone having dinner at a certain time everyday. The train schedule at Buchenvald wasn't this strict. If he doesnt want to eat at the same time as you either A) don't bother making him a plate or B) make him a plate and put it in the fridge and get on with your day. Either way the bigger question is; why do you care what time he eats?
She sounded very regimented, even in the way she described them splitting chores. I'm an for a casual agreement about how the household will run, and defining roles can be positive, but a loving relationship shouldn't be ran like boot camp. Did having a set dinner time that must be adhered to make both people happy? If not it shouldn't be a thing. It's just the two of them and there's no reason to do it if one of the two aren't happy with it.
Load More Replies... I like to start by saying as a rule I consider pretty much every popular AITA post to be fictional and completely made up. But I think this is silly. I will have been married for 20 years in December. The every marriage is different but in this marriage there a division of labor. Her chore is to cook. This does not imply it's her husband's job to get down stairs at a specific minute and eat. An adult is not a child and a home is not a place to treat like office. Make the food, sit and eat and have a pleasant conversation when he gets to the table. That's what a healthy marriage looks like. If he doesn't come down the punishment is that his food won't be hot and as delicious and you start without him. People have their flaws. Marriage is not about hammering all your partner's flaws until they're fixed. I honestly don't think you can fix people anyway. Marriage is about building a comfortable loving home and having a life together. It is extremely important to let things go when you can.
At least the f****r has a job. Try living with a 31 yo 14 yo. I cook, clean, work- I can't even get this son of a b***h to walk the goddamn dog- hell, when he runs out of dab wax, he won't even ride his Ebike half a mile to get it, even if I pay for it. Let his food get cold, and let your contact get colder. He'll figure itbout- but seriously- you're a lucky woman to have a husband come home to you every day after WORK just to be with you. I'd trade my entire existence just to have that for a day. Seriously, check yourself and your priorities.
Teach him…next time you 2 have a plan to do something, be late. Especially late if it is something HE wants to do.
In marriage this is a very stupid idea. Marriage, as in a life long partnership, is a very long, long, long relationship. If you start tit for tat battles they will swing around and bite you every single time. You're not battling the spouse you're actually at war with the peace of your home, and the happy enjoyment of your day by day. You don't tit for tat. You live and let live. Here we have a husband who is working and coming straight home after work and there he is, AT HOME. There is not a serious issue here. Sometimes you have to find a fix around a conflict. If she would simply start calling him for dinner about 10-15 minutes before it was done she would have solved her own problem.
Load More Replies... If you can't adjust the time, try adjusting the clock. That's what my grandpa always said about people who were late. Tell him dinner is on at 5:30 and have it ready at 6:30.
We all have done things we regret...am I a bad person? Does throwing out a single meal make me a bad spouse. How about only receiving one side of a story and the forming a conclusion with only half the equation. I have been separated for 4 years now, and I will say when someone shows you who they are believe them.
Why do you have to eat together? When I make dinner, I leave it on the stove and my dude can eat when he wants to. You two might not be hungry at the same time.
I'm surprised there's any left for him after your fat a*s gets done eating.
Load More Replies... If the marriage is worth saving, couples counseling is needed. And if it’s not, she needs counseling before going forward.
"there's going to be *s*ex here on 6.30pm weather you're here or not" just change the s-word to food. 😃
Wow. He would be wise to learn to cook, divorce the wife, and live a peaceful, happy life on his schedule. If someone tosses out a meal after 5 minutes there is something wrong that time isn't going to fix. All I can say is that I cook better than any women I have been with, and the peace I have in my life as a bachelor is immeasurable.
When someone wants to pin down your schedule like that, it feels very controlling. It can be for ones own sanity to be uncompliant and is driven by emotions that they may or may not be fully aware of and the problem likely extends to other areas of the relationship.
I see a man with undiagnosed ADHD. Chronic time blindness Is hyperfocusing on doing his dailies in game on his computer as soon as he gets home and loses time. Faced with a real world consequence to an action he has gotten away with for months, he is shocked, and his emotional disregulation causes him to over react to the consequence. On the level under his anger is a feeling of rejection eating him alive he's afraid . Another facet here is the spouse treating him like a child. Does she also dress him? I'm feeling a mommy/child thing here Personally, if it were my life, I would ask husband to get tested for ADHD and start treatment. Next, I would stop wasting food. Having him help out with cooking dinner is key. Set him to setting the table, making the salad, or simple veg dish with a recipe. Once he's done with his 'homework', he can go play for a set amount of time, set an alarm. Or, go play with him.
Who in their right mind would ask the internet if they were an AH when it's one side of the story. You are all enabling narcissistic behavior. The guy didn't go online and b***h did he? What kind of crazy woman is this damn controlling? Nobody knows this whole story but them so why is the petty woman coming here? To get attention for her behavior. You are all so embarrassing. This is so pathetic. Put the food in the fridge and stfu, then go to therapy because you need help. Grown a*s baby
Nobody talks about these heresay stories with truth. One side of the story like every other lame "article". What kind of adult reads this and believes it? So hungry for attention. So pathetic to complain to the internet. I guarantee his side of the story is completely different. The internet is so gullable
Why not just adjust the meal time that better suits. Like we are a family of 4, I (38y/o) work 55+ hours a week. My husband(50 y/o) is 40 flat a week. His job is physically harder than mine but mine is more time demanding. When he leaves work he's done, when I leave I'm always "on call" . We have a 15 year old son and my mother (under 60)lives with us too. We have no set times or roles. Sometimes I'm able to cook, others is son or husband. Often it's my mom. Bc she's retired and she tries to help lighten the load at home for us. We take it day by day with everything lol. I couldn't imagine having so little to worry about that I'm having a melt down over my husband who has been gone all day is taking alittle extra time to relax. Why not bring his plate to him? There's alot of ways to remedy this.
That wasn't his food, that is your food. You bought it, prepared it, and he disrespected you and the labor of making the food, so it was yours to do what you want. If he could come home with a combo meal the next day, he can do that any time. What on earth is distracting him so much that he ignores his own bodily needs?? He needs to stop being such a child and if he can figure out meals, he can certainly do that for you once in awhile. Facts are, he continue to push the limit and found it. Too bad whiney husband, grow up.
Soooo, what you're saying is... he's home everyday. Not out with buddies or cheating... but home with you. 80/20 rule applies here.
OMG, I would HATE to be regimented to mealtime rules! Just tell him that dinner will be ready EARLIER and have a starter on the table in case he comes down on time.
I can't decide if this "Dear Hubby" is worse than the one whose wife made him his favorite meal only to have him go to his mom's cuz she also made his favorite meal. As it turns out, his mom lied + when he got back to his wife, she'd thrown out his dinner! 2 bad 4 you, "Dear Hubby!"
Stupid f*ckers. Why is this even an issue? Stop acting like mommy. Eat without him and throw his s**t in the fridge. He'll get the point real quick. If he doesn't then it's time to fly. Not sure why women need to always wait for a man to be ready. Stop being needy and clingy for his approval.
Literally everyone who said they are TA sound like enablers and apologists
What a bunch of nonsense.. over food. If you wanna spend time with him, drag him away, if it's frequent and you obviously don't care that he's providing income l, leave him and be petty. Two sides to every story usually.
You know what? If the roles were reversed, people would be defending the woman, saying maybe she has an adhd or mental issue, and he was an ahole for not being understanding and compassionate. Turn it around? Evil male. Social media is so full of fn hypocrites it's pathetic.
This guy is a real peace of c**p. Meals should be eaten as a family whenever possible. What sort of child goes away from there family to "relax" anyway? There your family you have children guess what Jack a*s you don't get to relax when there up.
I personally wouldn't care. We just wouldn't eat together. Or... If you know he's going to be late, tell him that food is ready 30 minutes early so he can sit and wait for you.
The husband isnt even that late tbh. He's only 10-20 minutes late. If he was an hour or 2 late then her reaction would be understandable. He's also not forcing her to sit at the table and wait for him like a tyrant. I'm pretty sure he knows by now that being late results in him getting cold food.
Eating together as a family is much more important to some people. It's obvious here he has less sentiment to eat together than she does. However he shouldn't make promises to eat at certain times if he can't keep it. They need to come to a compromise that doesn't involve her waiting on him. People here lambast him, but if it's anything like my situation, my wife cooks most days and I do all the laundry and dishes, I can understand him a bit better. I don't think either one is shitty. It's that they aren't doing the one thing they are suppose to do in a relationship. Communicate. It's a constant process. You can't resort to petty behavior when you did communicate this issue and it hasn't resolved. You communicate it again. And again. Until it becomes an ultimatum of "fix this now or I stop". This stuff needs to be spoken about. Not acted in retaliation.
Stop making his plate. Problem solved. If he always does it he will always do it. Just make it easier for him not harder. If you feel as though you need to make dinner every night just make it and leave it. My wife and I both make dinner and I have made dinner plenty of times before she is ready to eat. It doesn't bother me. Dont let someone's habits bother you if you love them.
I've been married awhile and we both cook sometimes. We are frequently both home for dinner, but there have been times where either myself of him have missed the meal, just never came to the table. Sometimes I was working, or he got really into a game and forgot to break away. It's not a big deal. Food was made. It's there whenever we are hungry. We can reheat it. It's fine.
Load More Replies... Why are you still catering to him after years of mistreatment? OR don't have dinner ready at 630. OR eat and leave the food on the table for him to eat when he's ready. OR, and this is what I would do, stop treating him like a toddler. Stop letting the passive aggressive dbag control you. Eat let him fend for himself.
I'm kind of amazed by the number of commenters whose advice for every relationship conflict is divorce. Relationships are not about laying down rules that the other person needs to follow OR ELSE, they're about compromise. Wife believes that the two of them need to sit down together for a traditional home-cooked meal every night at a specific time. And while that sounds lovely, it obviously does not work for him, even after discussing it and promising to try harder. We don't know why - it could be anything from a gaming addiction, to after-hours work e-mails, to loss of appetite due to stress. The solution at this point isn't to personalize it, but to discuss why this is so hard for him, and make a compromise that both of them can live with.
How many times must she 'compromise' before you deem it ok to leave that farce of a marriage? They've done counseling and he's ignored doing his part. There is no written timetable for this nonsense and she does NOT deserve to be disrespected by him. This is far more than a dinner time. This is his blatant a*****e behavior and he doesn't deserve to have a wife.
Load More Replies... I eat dinner around 530-6. My wife 4-430. Sometimes we eat together sometimes not. I fail to see the problem. Except for wasting food because one "partner" wants to be the rule maker.
Wow, i really can't wrap my head around how many people are suggestion a divorce as a solution for a person being late for dinner all the time... really!? I'm cooking 95% of the meals in or house, and we normally agree on a certain time (say 6.30). She might come to the kitchen at 6.15 and set the table, she might also come at 6.45, in that case I'll simply start cleaning the kitchen while keeping the food warm while waiting... But it can quite as easily be the other way around; I might be finished cooking 15min early, in which case I need to keep the food warm anyway; or I'll be 15min, in which case she'll start cleaning the kitchen while i finish the food. I really dont see why this should be an issue between two adults
It's more about not treating each other with any sort of respect or kindness. This is the symptom of the problem. If your partner shows you constantly that they don't care about your feelings or labor, or even that they want to spend time with you, then cut your losses.
Load More Replies... This sounds exactly like my husband. Same situation, he plays games to unwind and is always late and his food gets cold. I understand it's hard to pause a game at some points and I want him to be able to enjoy his downtime. It's annoying sure, but he's awesome in every other respect, works super hard, and he isn't late when it's important. If this is the worst thing in their relationship and he's a good guy maybe she needs to take a step back and think about if this is unnecessary drama she wants to create that is going to damage their relationship.
That is a cheape excuse. I game a lot and yes often you cannot just pause. But the solution is to stop gaming before dinner is ready to make sure that you are on time. Not to be disrespectful every day to the woman cooking for you.
Load More Replies... It feels like more of a control issue to me. So, eat when it's ready and let him fix his own plate (and stop serving him like you're some kind of f*cking waitress). He'll either get a clue and start showing you some respect, or you'll finally realize that he doesn't HAVE any respect for you and move on. My sister was always late to family dinners - and I'm talking me spending hours in the kitchen making a lovely meal. Started telling her to be there at 4:00, knowing she wouldn't show up until the actual planned dinner time of 5:00, but she got hip to that pretty quick. I stopped caring. She showed up to a birthday dinner 1 1/2 hours late and was surprised that dinner was over and we were eating cake. I told her leftovers were in the fridge, help yourself. She had the nerve to ask "You didn't even fix me a plate?" I'm like "nope and I'm not going to in the future either. Be here on time. Everyone else seems to manage, why can't you? Because she's a narcissistic little b*tch.
The point is that she gets home at 5 and has NO DOWNTIME before she has to get cracking on dinner. He comes home, gets to relax and wanders over whenever the spirit moves him. I don't blame her for pitching his dinner in the trash 5 minutes later. Showed a tremendous amount of restraint on her part.
Every day I watched mom prepare dinner while my dad did whatever he liked then someone had to call him to the table. One day I realized how rude that is. You are aware dinner is being prepared. Keep an eye on things or better yet, help. Get your own self to the table on time. I will not raise my son to think he is entitled to be waited on. He cooks.
He'd clearly doing it on purpose for whatever reason. Perhaps it's the way you have responded with such hostility. If your going to behave this way it's going to lead to much worse things. So cook it later, serve it cold or don't cook it at all.
Get a divorce! Clearly neither of you want to be married! Go to counseling! Don’t cook! Eat what you want when you want!!!! Cook crockpot meals that cook themselves and simmer all day! Then you don’t have to rush home from work and rush to get a meal on table by 7:20pm!!! If kids involved feed kids ASAP!!! Taking care of kids is most important!!! Clearly your husband IS NOT HUNGRY AT 7:20pm or whatever standard time you put dinner on table! He could have to poop at 7:20pm!!! What’s the rush??? Everybody does not relax the same way at same exact time!!! You’re concerned about the wrong thing! It’s foul to throw food away!!!! If you’re going to cook and you enjoy cooking, put the extras in fridge or on a wrapped plate and let your husband eat when he’s ready to eat or when he’s hungry! Seems to be too much controlling in your relationship! If this much fuss is made about sitting down to dinner, I’m sure you two have more problems than just dinner! GET COUNSELING TO GET TO BOTTOM OF REAL!
Dear god what is wrong with people supporting clear assholes. He was wrong sure. But throwing away food ? Because he was late ?. Come one. Thats pettty.
You don't trust him to cook his own food and you're choosing to be the only cook. Either accept he will eat when he wants and you eat when u want or just let him be responsible for his own cooking. Setting dinner times is unnecessary and controlling. Let this go and deal with your actual issues with him because it's clearly not this.
Lmfao, i ALWAYS delay 30 min or so so the food is edible and not piping hot. Eat on your own and mind your business
Wow, you can't sit at the table and converse while it cools? Disrespectful. Go buy a sandwich.
Load More Replies... This might not be the popular opinion but in my opinion she needs to get a life outside her home.
If I'm not mistaken, I believe she does have a job as it was mentioned that she doesn't have time to decompress after coming home.
Load More Replies... Cont...(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART 3 scroll down really far for part 1. Sorry) smoothie, so one day he shows up with a really nice ninja blender. I love it. He loves that he filled a need for me. Now I'm just happy to feed him whenever he wants. The best part is although it's a less serious relationship compared to my 10 year one, my daughter finally gets to see the benefit of being with someone who is considerate and tends to needs I don't even realize I have. We're happy. We give and take from each other effortlessly with balance. Every move is rooted in love and consideration. And huge perk: the sex is great when ur on a place like this with someone. And my ex... well he lost his wife. As he should. He now begs me to just come over and eat a meal with him that he completely prepares to try to have his family back. I have absolutely NO interest whatsoever in giving him my time. He lost that. I know he cries when he's alone which is most of the time. I know he loved me he just had a shitty dad so he never learned that u need to take care of your woman. Not an excuse tho in the end. I told him he needed to do better. He didn't try till it was too late. He just got used to having a good woman and took it for granted. He was very good looking so he figured he'd always have options. Until God took away his good looks with fire. Now he's screwed. Welp should've took care of home huh? Moral of the story: let him f**k up. There's consequences for all of us when we mess up. Are u unappreciative of your wife? Keep it up dummy... u must be dreaming of a lonely life where u clean your own poop off the toilet, eat your dinners alone, and cry yourself to sleep. Think ahead next time sir. And ladies, it's a lot of work to take care of a man. Only do it if he deserves it. Let him go if he doesn't cuz he's obviously got a life lesson to learn. Does he see you as a slave or his queen? Make your life what you want it to be. It's much better to do things for a guy who is your biggest fan. It never feels like work when he deserves it. Just a tip: if he's busy and not noticing u... how are you getting his attention ? Throwing away his food while I don't disagree with that, there may have been something else u could have done. Like swapping the dinner for new lingirie and wandering upstairs to "see what he's doing". Use your female super powers. Maybe discussions at dinner are boring to him. Sometimes you need to identify a need when it isn't verbalized. When your female superpowers no longer work on him it's time to go ma'am. Get you a hunky young appreciative someone else... just saying. Or f**k it. Replace dinners with a gym trip every night by yourself. In 2 months you'll look so good he'll be begging to eat with you. Also, understand programming. The next time you get his late a*s to the table. Don't say anything!! STOP NAGGING HIM!! , give him the pissed off wife look.. as soon as he gets to stuttering out his excuses, Crawl under the table and give him a good blowjob. Then walk away maybe even giving him a bop on the head as u do. Dont even eat with him. That's your husband. Have no shame dammit. When he follows you into the other room to finish the dirty deed, tell him you'll see him tomorrow night at 630 sharp at the dinner table which now holds a completely different meaning. Do you think he will be late to the dinner table again after that? When he shows up on time the next night. Make sure you're wearing your power color dress. Make sure you are wearing a scent he likes. U can even add an old song in the background that reminds him of when things were better between you. When he sits down let him take 1 bite. Stand up, slide all the plates and food on the floor (showing him this s**t isn't really about dinner) get on the table and command him to f**k you. You can clean later Martha Stewart. Then order chinese takeout when you're done. Eat on the couch watching a movie you both like. This is not a romance novel. I actually do s**t like this. It works. Understand that both partners needs should be met in a gray area compromise. U need time but you're obviously asking for it under circumstances that are not alluring for him. If they were he wouldn't keep being late.. speak his language which is a different one than yours. Men are actually quite simple. You need to uncomplicate your needs so he can meet them. Try thinking like a man just for a minute. Do you want to meet up with your controlling mother every night for dinner at 630 on the dot ? No. Do you want to bang your wife in the kitchen? Probably yes. Are you hungry enough to scarf down her yummy dinner after you bang her. Yes. Problem solved. We're the slicker of the species for a reason ladies. Use it. DISCLAIMER: these words are obviously for a younger to mid aged sexually active couple. If you're older and still complaining about punctuality you should have just married a punctual person. Let it go. Other things to worry about. I'm late all the time cuz I just suck at organizing time. I make sure I convey to my loved ones that it isn't from lack of caring and go above and beyond to make them feel loved and respected in other areas I'm better at
Cont...(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART2) in the end I left him to the detriment of my child. The bottom line is being a life partner in some ways can feel like a voluntary form of slavery if your partner is unappreciative. I now have a young hunky damn near perfect boyfriend of 2 years. When I fix him a meal and serve him, as I'm making my plate I look up and EVERY TIME I find him watching me not eating. I'm like "eat before it gets cold. " and every time he replies that he's waiting for me to eat with him. He clears his plate and washes it so I have less work. We eat when we're hungry not at some designated time because life does not always provide for timed dinners. We have to clock in for work and family events so eating times should be a more relaxed thing. Are u feeding him when HE'S HUNGRY ? or are u using dinner to get the time u need from him instead of just saying "I need time from you? " men often suck at decoding women's hieroglyphics. So stop trying to make them. Feed him when he's hungry so that you're satisfying his actual need when he has it and maybe he'll be more susceptible to satisfying your need for attention. Unless he's just a jerk. In that case leave or stay cuz u like Jerks. I cook before he comes sometimes and just serve us both when I see him opening the fridge like a 4 year old wanting a snack. He brings me constant little gifts. Simple things that I forget I need. Example: me: "I hate this blender" as I make my daily s
(ADVICE FROM A STRIPPER PART1) read all 3 parts!!! Not gonna say who's wrong or right because there may be underlying issues that these two have and we don't have all the info. Just gonna say this... I was in a 10 year relationship, that's a marriage pretty much if you ask me. In the end I completely stopped cooking and cleaning for him because he didn't look out for me with the same consideration. Example: I am sick with a nasty cold or flu. Why do I have to get up at night and drive to the store to get medicine for myself? Example: I have spent years washing your dirty draws (10 loads every time cuz he had so much clothes btw), doing the grocery shopping, cooking & even paying 100% of bills for 2 years while he recovered from a serious life changing handicap. But he doesn't even get me a bday or Xmas gift claiming he "doesn't do gifts" . That's fine until you have a SO who definitely deserves something. Example: I do the cleaning... but does that mean you should be throwing all your dirty things strewn about the house just waiting for me to go behind you and put them in the hamper? Example: I scrub the shower but did that mean you should just leave huge chunks of hair all over?
He may have deadlines or other issues requiring his attention. Why not move the dinner back. This woman sounds controlling and toxic. It's stated he helps with other chores and duties around the house. Why does it have to be exactly 6:30 when you know he's going to be late? >.>
Christ this is ridiculous. You can't both say that he makes up for not cooking by doing other chores AND complain that he gets more free time than you. Either the chores are split evenly or they're not. Additionally, who the f**k cares when he eats? If it's about doing something together, then say that or spend time together sometime other than dinner. If it's about forcing him to eat as soon as you're done cooking, then you're a control freak.
Like seriously, y'all are just looking for s**t to b***h for. Jesus these comments are pitiful. How long does it take you to eat 5 minutes? You're bitching because you feel "disrespected" that your partner wasn't on time to eat your 5 minute meal together. Just stfu, eat your food, if you want to cook for your significant other than do it because you want to. DONT DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE IF THERE ARE GOING TO BE STIPULATIONS. Its like loaning money to a friend and expecting to get it back. Fkn idiots. You do things nice to be nice, not to find reasons to talk s**t about your wife or husband. Go ahead argue with me. Please tell me more about how you justify talking s**t about your significant other
A loan is something you expect to get back though, now giving something to someone is different. If I was doing something everyday for someone using my time and energy the least they could do is respect that or just do it themselves. They both agreed on a time and to spend time together eating so just be there, you can go back to doing whatever as soon as your done. If both parties agree to something then both should be respectful of that agreement. He's upstairs relaxing after work while she cooks for them after she finishes work, if you can't be there then just learn to cook for yourself and eat when you want......
Load More Replies... I would slap a fkn hoe for that. Look, we live our whole entire f*****g lives on a time basis. Gotta be on time for work so you don't get fired. Gotta be home on time so you don't get bitched at. Go to sleep on time so you're not tired. Gotta pick up your kids on time so there no dhs. Time, time, time, time, deadline after deadline after f*****g deadline. God for f*****g bid the man wants to take 10-20 goddamn minutes to himself and control one decision he has for the only meal he can decide when to eat. Because lunch and breakfast are predetermined too. Eat breakfast right when you get up. Lunch time set by bosses at work as well. Breakfast based on start time. Last thing a mfker needs is someone telling them when to eat dinner too at the end of the night, when you get a couple hours to finally unwind and relax. Everyone else who disagrees can go take their OCD a*s and shove it.
She gets home at 5 and has not time to herself. So tell me again WHY they have to eat at 6:30? If she gets home at 5 and wants time to herself, she should take time. They can eat at 7:30. He clearly doesn;t care. Why is she insisting? And, as many people have said, if he's not at the table when the food arrives, you start without him. This is not difficult. Move dinner time to 7:30 and start eating when the food is ready.
hmmm i mean is it really a big deal? It's not like you have kids and everyone is waiting. why don't you just eat at a later time or eat b yourself and make him cook his own food. Or leave food for him in the fridge and do whatever you need to do . If little things like that bother you so much how can you handle more serious issues... sorry just my opinion.
Its in the text. She comes home from work and starts cooking. He comes home from work and relaxes in the computer like a child
Load More Replies... She also works! Gets home at 5 and gets basically no time to unwind before starting dinner preparations.. He gets home at 5:30 and gets to unwind instead of helping. The least he can do is come down at the agreed upon time.
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