Man Asks His Wife Why She Doesn’t Dance For Him Every Night After Work Like BIL’s Girlfriend, Is Left Embarrassed When She Drops The Real Reason
The holiday season can be the most wonderful time of the year for many different reasons: getting together with loved ones, decorating the house, feeling cheerful. But realistically speaking, things tend to go south way more often than we’re used to.
And this Reddit user u/Blatant-Honesty6055 knows it from personal experience. The woman created a post in r/AITA saying that during Thanksgiving dinner, her husband asked why she can’t dance for him every night after work in front of his whole family. Being a mother of three and working as a nurse is already hard enough, so no wonder she took it as a joke.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The woman is up on her feet all day cooking, cleaning, taking care of her children and the house. “God, what a terrible wife I must be to not find time to dance,” she wrote. As you can guess, this response did not go well with the husband. Read the whole story below and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments.
Mom-of-three is blown away after her husband asked why she doesn’t dance for him every night after work
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Here is the full post that the author of the story shared on the r/AITA subreddit
Image credits: Blatant-Honesty6055
Image credits: Vladimir Pustovit (not the actual photo)
The redditor’s post gained quite a lot of attention. In only a few days, it received over 19.5K upvotes and more than 2K comments. And no wonder why it made so many members of the AITA community mad. The woman is clearly the one carrying the everyday burdens on her shoulders while still having to deal with her husband’s inconsiderate remarks.
The fact that she’s still managing to work and take care of three children at the same time is astounding. The author of the post wrote that she feels exhausted from working all day on her feet and then “coming back to a messy home and demanding kids and a husband.”
So when you think about it, the husband’s comment and the reaction to her response was really inconsiderate. Storming out and blaming his wife for making things awkward and embarrassing him in front of the whole family raises some serious questions. Not to mention the fact that a few family members do not enjoy his company at all.
However, the woman felt guilty after the argument and left an update in the post later on: “I might be TA for not waiting to get home to answer his question instead of embarrassing [him] in front of the family and making dinner awkward.” But the AITA community was very supportive of the wife, saying that she is definitely not in the wrong in this situation. As one user put it, “Joke or not, it was completely inappropriate”.
When it comes to bad jokes, people usually react to them with a few eye rolls and grunts. However, sometimes they are so inappropriate that they can cause quite bitter reactions. Research shows, that failed attempts at humor can provoke surprisingly rude responses, with the harshest coming from friends and family. Nancy Bell, an applied linguist at Washington State University, watched 186 people as strangers, friends or family told them a bad joke.
“People responded with insults, sarcasm, fake laughter and a host of other comebacks. These harsh responses might stem from the fact that jokes are usually an interruption to normal conversation,” Bell said. “When a joke is actually funny, listeners don’t mind the disruption because there is a payoff: humor. Without the humor, listeners may become annoyed at the lame crack.”
It’s not surprising that u/Blatant-Honesty6055 was blown away by her husband’s question. According to a study called Parents at the Best Workplaces, just by being working mothers, women are 28% more likely to experience burnout than fathers.
They conducted a survey of 440,000 working parents, including 226,000 mothers, and found that the pandemic caused even more pressure on their everyday life. Since schools closed and remote learning became a new reality, childcare worries disproportionately fell to women. “As a result, employers are losing great talent and facing huge setbacks in gender equality”, the researchers stated.
Being a working parent is hard, especially for moms. Feeling the pressure to do everything perfectly is truly exhausting. Let’s not forget having to deal with nonsense questions during the time of the year when you expect your loved ones to be supportive and understanding. Well, that can make anyone feel annoyed.
The AITA community were very supportive of her, deciding that she is not the bad guy in this situation
That's a suspiciously high number of family members who hate her husband's guts. Can't be a coincidence, he really does sound like a jerk.
I was wondering that too! I want to know more about his backstory
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Seriously, I don't understand all those post where someone clearly overstepped a boarder gets rightfully put back in place by the opener which then seeks attention on the internet. I daresay 90% of the people asking know they were NTA. This behavior is kind of strange to me. Feels like fishing for compliments.
Gaslighting is real. One of my parents has been doing it my entire life and I needed an outsider to point out how exceptionally toxic they are. When people you love flip out on you for standing up to them, you really do question whether you were in the right.
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Meh, all of these AITA stories are basically the same. "He/she was a jerk, am I a jerk for bit accepting this?" 🤷
The specific question was if they mishandled it, especially with others trying to enjoy a meal. I've been in plenty of situations where I wasn't sure whether I overreacted, but there isn't a sub Reddit for "did I overreact?". At least, I haven't checked.
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Bro tf? Did he just ask his wife to not only be a nurse, a maid, a babysitter, BUT ALSO a f****n stripper? bruh. It would be one thing if it was like, they danced together in the kitchen cuz romantic s**t. But thats litteraly taking your wife down to if she gets you off or not. She's not your pornography, she doesn't have to dance for you.
exactly my thoughts. I would feel like a stripper if asked such a thing especially infrtont of other ppl
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NTA. Your husband is just another self-entitled child of a male, which is obvious both from his immature demand for dancing, and poor reaction to your retort. Also it sounds like he doesn't do much of the raising of the kids, managing the home, and general adulting chores. You're raising 4 kids, not 3. Sadly this is the plight of most women I see, they're married to child-men with overblown ego's and sense of entitlement (usually given to them by their mothers). Tell him to shape the f*** up as a husband and father, or you'll find someone to replace him as he's obviously nothing special and you could do far better (especially as an educated nurse, you have incredible value as a person and to society) don't let this idiot make you feel less than the amazing woman you are. Working a full time job as a nurse, raising 3 kids, running a home and taking care of a man-child, does he not realize how good he has it?
Shall we all talk about the girlfriend though? Really? Zoomba every night and then dancing for her boyfriend? Sounds more like she dances for a living and hasn't explained the facts of life to the boyfriend yet.
For everyone who is stating things like "They're fishing for compliments, it's obvious they are NTA..." - I view it more along the lines of: This is tangible, real-world, not-hypothetical evidence of what psychological abuse does to a person. Guess what? There's a good chance these people have been taught SO HARD that horrible treatment is normal, they feel unsure if being confident or setting boundaries is 'okay'. I'm glad for those of you who doubt this because it likely means you've not been through that kind of trauma - but don't immediately assume that they're false-reporting to get ego-petting.
There was a panda list about things people wished they knew while younger. One was be careful who you have children with.
He set himself up by being a donkey's rear to his wife. He took it out of the "fun" realm and revealed that he is a spoiled, petulant child. At that point, why should the wife be able and willing to skillfully "rescue" the situation? In other words, why should she be required to play parent to his childishness? Is that a reasonable expectation between two adult parents? Good luck with that marriage. It sounds like she's carrying the family and he's not liking the fact that she can't work all day, take care of all the children and still treat him as the biggest baby. The only good news here is that he doesn't seem to be violent. Guessing he will be having an affair next if not already.
Maybe if the OP´s husband helped with chores they could both dance together.
Can I point out the dancing couple are in a NEW relationship. I'm not saying things go stale after so long with someone but they're not exactly exotic either.
Am I alone in finding this a bit odd? Like coming home after work and bursting into dance...
NTA, man love to belittle his wife in front of his family, her family and friends. God forbid she give a befitting reply then the ego is hurt. I guess it's one of their common traits
"he threw his fork" is a pertinent detail, I feel. It takes his comment from "jokey" to he was serious, angry, and wanting to start a fight in front of people.
Next time ask him why didn't he defend your honor to the death or smite down the people that wronged you.
OH MY GOD! Why are you even for a minute thinking that you might be an asshole here? Being a mom itself is a full time job, you are working along with that, and on top of them , apparently your husband does not lift a finger around your home. Your husband and all the male members (I don't know if I am correct here, apologies if I am not) of his family seem chauvinists to me, limiting women to only "feminine" activities such as dancing. He should not have asked you that in the first place.
It's so easy to say this if you are lucky enough to being healthy relationships. We can't always assume that other people come from the same backgrounds as ourselves, that our viewpoint of the world is the same for everyone else. I think she might have unlearnt to see what is going on and to trust her instincts, which is typical for an abusive relationship. I LOVE how she is starting to question things, the first steps to freedom.
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Thanksgiving with the two of us. We ate what we wanted. It was great. 😌
In this particular situation, with the whole fam there listening in, you’re actually both A**h*les to each other. Husband - Not appreciative of wife. Comparing her to another girl. Disrespectful. Wife - embarrassed the husband by lashing out on everything she does at home compared to him. This is factual but it doesn’t have to be shared to everyone on Thanksgiving for family members to gossip about. If it is a real issue, she should have just brought it up with the husband at home to get this resolved. Sharing this with everyone and embarrassing her husband will not resolve anything. She could have just said “l wish I could but I’m just so tired from the household chores. Why don’t you dance for me instead. ”
NTA, no way! Your husband ruined Thanksgiving, OP, when he made that stupid insulting loud demand, in front of all your inlaws, to know why you don't "dance" for him every night. You, a working nurse, someone who saves lives, and the mother of his children, and he's demanding to know why you don't do some stripper dance for him at night????? Wtf???? Well, he put you on the spot, didn't he? and you responded by giving it right back to him and incidentally, in doing so, you made it clear what a useless waste of space he is around the house at night. And all of that is the truth. So you tell hubby that if he can't handle the truth about how little he contributes to his family, then that's on him. Because a lot of the work you do around the house is cleaning up his mess and feeding his big mouth and you'd have less to do if he left.
Another trifecta of stupid! Stupid is as stupid does, leading to, FK around and find out, resulting in, stupid getting what stupid deserves...
What a Jerk thinks that his wife should dance for him. She should dump him, serves him right. She is a person not a doll. I think he deserves to be left. And if the you (Jess, sorry I don't know your full name)are reading this: You deserve more then this, he is the one who ruined Thanksgiving, your a strong person, thank you for sharing your story.
Well, I think having three kids with such a guy is starting point for introspecting.
would be a different story if he asked her in private if she could dance for him. could be considered a foreplay. But to demand such a thing in front of the entire family I would feel like a stripper. He demeaned her by suggesting she is less than the other woman. We did zoomba during physical education at high school and I hated it. Boring and stupid stuff. to make it worse male classmates were staring at us while we were doing it (as their teacher was less strict they just played football and sometimes just disappeared to stare at us). If my husband asked me to dance zoomba for him I would hit his head with a book probably. I just wanted to say that maybe she doesnt even like dancing??
Sounds like he hit a cord with her. She has been boiling over with resentment for a bit for that to be her automatic response to him asking why she doesn't dance. When you are working, cleaning, taking care of kids and feel unsupported, one common thing that happens is you feel less attractive and sexual so then pointing out that she isn't as sexy or playful when that is on the back of her tired mind in front of everyone would logically end with her snapping. You are trying as hard as you can and feeling insecure already and you just break because you are being asked to do something you don't have the capacity to do. We need to be less demanding and more supportive of our partners.
Bored Panda is becoming very lazy and taking these s**t posts from Reddit that no one can't confirm that are real. Bored panda used to be a fun and kind place to read comments, and such posts creat a lot of negativity , created most likely by some karma farming on Reddit. Please, choose quality over quantity, and stop with these emotional baits.
You married this dude for what reason now? He does not appear to be good for anything other than knocking you up. So either this is on you because you are a breeder who just needed 6 children or you cannot see the forrest through the rose colored glasses until now; most of his fam hates him, he doesn't do s**t for his house, kids, wife, or family, and makes immature demands based on comparison standards... real winner you are holding onto here. Is this what you want modeled for those 6 kids? Think about it
This is so dumb, I can't believe this got turned into an entire post.
I'm with you on this. These posts are taken from Reddit, people post a lot of fake stories. This particular one seems a big shallow too, either it's fake or OP is not telling all the details. Maybe husband was actually joking, but she who is a nurse - always equals hero- just went crazy on him? These posts are emotional baits that trigger people and set them into a mob - blaming usually one person who has no chance to share their story.
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EITA. Do not reciprocate with shaming your spouse when you feel shamed by your spouse. It leads nowhere and you feel stupid. I learned that the hard way.
what should she do then? I am honestly asking. Because the other option is to stay quiet and act humble. she had to defend herself somehow
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A full time job 3 children and a chores averse husband is well known for its depressive effect on the sense of humour
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That's a suspiciously high number of family members who hate her husband's guts. Can't be a coincidence, he really does sound like a jerk.
I was wondering that too! I want to know more about his backstory
Load More Replies... Seriously, I don't understand all those post where someone clearly overstepped a boarder gets rightfully put back in place by the opener which then seeks attention on the internet. I daresay 90% of the people asking know they were NTA. This behavior is kind of strange to me. Feels like fishing for compliments.
Gaslighting is real. One of my parents has been doing it my entire life and I needed an outsider to point out how exceptionally toxic they are. When people you love flip out on you for standing up to them, you really do question whether you were in the right.
Load More Replies... Meh, all of these AITA stories are basically the same. "He/she was a jerk, am I a jerk for bit accepting this?" 🤷
The specific question was if they mishandled it, especially with others trying to enjoy a meal. I've been in plenty of situations where I wasn't sure whether I overreacted, but there isn't a sub Reddit for "did I overreact?". At least, I haven't checked.
Load More Replies... Bro tf? Did he just ask his wife to not only be a nurse, a maid, a babysitter, BUT ALSO a f****n stripper? bruh. It would be one thing if it was like, they danced together in the kitchen cuz romantic s**t. But thats litteraly taking your wife down to if she gets you off or not. She's not your pornography, she doesn't have to dance for you.
exactly my thoughts. I would feel like a stripper if asked such a thing especially infrtont of other ppl
Load More Replies... NTA. Your husband is just another self-entitled child of a male, which is obvious both from his immature demand for dancing, and poor reaction to your retort. Also it sounds like he doesn't do much of the raising of the kids, managing the home, and general adulting chores. You're raising 4 kids, not 3. Sadly this is the plight of most women I see, they're married to child-men with overblown ego's and sense of entitlement (usually given to them by their mothers). Tell him to shape the f*** up as a husband and father, or you'll find someone to replace him as he's obviously nothing special and you could do far better (especially as an educated nurse, you have incredible value as a person and to society) don't let this idiot make you feel less than the amazing woman you are. Working a full time job as a nurse, raising 3 kids, running a home and taking care of a man-child, does he not realize how good he has it?
Shall we all talk about the girlfriend though? Really? Zoomba every night and then dancing for her boyfriend? Sounds more like she dances for a living and hasn't explained the facts of life to the boyfriend yet.
For everyone who is stating things like "They're fishing for compliments, it's obvious they are NTA..." - I view it more along the lines of: This is tangible, real-world, not-hypothetical evidence of what psychological abuse does to a person. Guess what? There's a good chance these people have been taught SO HARD that horrible treatment is normal, they feel unsure if being confident or setting boundaries is 'okay'. I'm glad for those of you who doubt this because it likely means you've not been through that kind of trauma - but don't immediately assume that they're false-reporting to get ego-petting.
There was a panda list about things people wished they knew while younger. One was be careful who you have children with.
He set himself up by being a donkey's rear to his wife. He took it out of the "fun" realm and revealed that he is a spoiled, petulant child. At that point, why should the wife be able and willing to skillfully "rescue" the situation? In other words, why should she be required to play parent to his childishness? Is that a reasonable expectation between two adult parents? Good luck with that marriage. It sounds like she's carrying the family and he's not liking the fact that she can't work all day, take care of all the children and still treat him as the biggest baby. The only good news here is that he doesn't seem to be violent. Guessing he will be having an affair next if not already.
Maybe if the OP´s husband helped with chores they could both dance together.
Can I point out the dancing couple are in a NEW relationship. I'm not saying things go stale after so long with someone but they're not exactly exotic either.
Am I alone in finding this a bit odd? Like coming home after work and bursting into dance...
NTA, man love to belittle his wife in front of his family, her family and friends. God forbid she give a befitting reply then the ego is hurt. I guess it's one of their common traits
"he threw his fork" is a pertinent detail, I feel. It takes his comment from "jokey" to he was serious, angry, and wanting to start a fight in front of people.
Next time ask him why didn't he defend your honor to the death or smite down the people that wronged you.
OH MY GOD! Why are you even for a minute thinking that you might be an asshole here? Being a mom itself is a full time job, you are working along with that, and on top of them , apparently your husband does not lift a finger around your home. Your husband and all the male members (I don't know if I am correct here, apologies if I am not) of his family seem chauvinists to me, limiting women to only "feminine" activities such as dancing. He should not have asked you that in the first place.
It's so easy to say this if you are lucky enough to being healthy relationships. We can't always assume that other people come from the same backgrounds as ourselves, that our viewpoint of the world is the same for everyone else. I think she might have unlearnt to see what is going on and to trust her instincts, which is typical for an abusive relationship. I LOVE how she is starting to question things, the first steps to freedom.
Load More Replies... Thanksgiving with the two of us. We ate what we wanted. It was great. 😌
In this particular situation, with the whole fam there listening in, you’re actually both A**h*les to each other. Husband - Not appreciative of wife. Comparing her to another girl. Disrespectful. Wife - embarrassed the husband by lashing out on everything she does at home compared to him. This is factual but it doesn’t have to be shared to everyone on Thanksgiving for family members to gossip about. If it is a real issue, she should have just brought it up with the husband at home to get this resolved. Sharing this with everyone and embarrassing her husband will not resolve anything. She could have just said “l wish I could but I’m just so tired from the household chores. Why don’t you dance for me instead. ”
NTA, no way! Your husband ruined Thanksgiving, OP, when he made that stupid insulting loud demand, in front of all your inlaws, to know why you don't "dance" for him every night. You, a working nurse, someone who saves lives, and the mother of his children, and he's demanding to know why you don't do some stripper dance for him at night????? Wtf???? Well, he put you on the spot, didn't he? and you responded by giving it right back to him and incidentally, in doing so, you made it clear what a useless waste of space he is around the house at night. And all of that is the truth. So you tell hubby that if he can't handle the truth about how little he contributes to his family, then that's on him. Because a lot of the work you do around the house is cleaning up his mess and feeding his big mouth and you'd have less to do if he left.
Another trifecta of stupid! Stupid is as stupid does, leading to, FK around and find out, resulting in, stupid getting what stupid deserves...
What a Jerk thinks that his wife should dance for him. She should dump him, serves him right. She is a person not a doll. I think he deserves to be left. And if the you (Jess, sorry I don't know your full name)are reading this: You deserve more then this, he is the one who ruined Thanksgiving, your a strong person, thank you for sharing your story.
Well, I think having three kids with such a guy is starting point for introspecting.
would be a different story if he asked her in private if she could dance for him. could be considered a foreplay. But to demand such a thing in front of the entire family I would feel like a stripper. He demeaned her by suggesting she is less than the other woman. We did zoomba during physical education at high school and I hated it. Boring and stupid stuff. to make it worse male classmates were staring at us while we were doing it (as their teacher was less strict they just played football and sometimes just disappeared to stare at us). If my husband asked me to dance zoomba for him I would hit his head with a book probably. I just wanted to say that maybe she doesnt even like dancing??
Sounds like he hit a cord with her. She has been boiling over with resentment for a bit for that to be her automatic response to him asking why she doesn't dance. When you are working, cleaning, taking care of kids and feel unsupported, one common thing that happens is you feel less attractive and sexual so then pointing out that she isn't as sexy or playful when that is on the back of her tired mind in front of everyone would logically end with her snapping. You are trying as hard as you can and feeling insecure already and you just break because you are being asked to do something you don't have the capacity to do. We need to be less demanding and more supportive of our partners.
Bored Panda is becoming very lazy and taking these s**t posts from Reddit that no one can't confirm that are real. Bored panda used to be a fun and kind place to read comments, and such posts creat a lot of negativity , created most likely by some karma farming on Reddit. Please, choose quality over quantity, and stop with these emotional baits.
You married this dude for what reason now? He does not appear to be good for anything other than knocking you up. So either this is on you because you are a breeder who just needed 6 children or you cannot see the forrest through the rose colored glasses until now; most of his fam hates him, he doesn't do s**t for his house, kids, wife, or family, and makes immature demands based on comparison standards... real winner you are holding onto here. Is this what you want modeled for those 6 kids? Think about it
This is so dumb, I can't believe this got turned into an entire post.
I'm with you on this. These posts are taken from Reddit, people post a lot of fake stories. This particular one seems a big shallow too, either it's fake or OP is not telling all the details. Maybe husband was actually joking, but she who is a nurse - always equals hero- just went crazy on him? These posts are emotional baits that trigger people and set them into a mob - blaming usually one person who has no chance to share their story.
Load More Replies... EITA. Do not reciprocate with shaming your spouse when you feel shamed by your spouse. It leads nowhere and you feel stupid. I learned that the hard way.
what should she do then? I am honestly asking. Because the other option is to stay quiet and act humble. she had to defend herself somehow
Load More Replies... A full time job 3 children and a chores averse husband is well known for its depressive effect on the sense of humour
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