Man Tries To Be Nice To His Wife’s Bratty Kid Sister And When She Turns 19, She Confesses That She Loves Him
The biggest reason why people hide their feelings when they are unsure how the other person feels about them is the fear of being rejected. It hurts your feelings and brings down your self-esteem, leaving you thinking that maybe nobody actually likes you. However, most would advise you to tell the truth anyway and find out for sure.
However, there may be some situations when you would like to keep those feelings to yourself and work through them because they are not morally right. Like falling in love with a person who is already in a relationship. When this married man got confessed to by his wife’s sister about her feelings for him, he was appalled because not only did he not like her at all, but he also saw her grow up.
More info: Reddit
Man never liked his sister-in-law but tried to be nice to her but that backfired and created an awkward situation
Image credits: ECohen (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is 30 years old while his wife is 34 and her sister Alexa is 19. The OP’s mother-in-law had her younger daughter later in life and because there is a 15-year age difference between the sisters, the wife sees Alexa as not only her sibling but her kid as well.
That is because you could say that OP’s wife raised her as when Alexa was about 7 or 8, her parents sent her to the US to live with her older sister and get an education there. In the comments, the man explained, “She failed elementary school there. Couldn’t keep up with the pressure. My wife’s parents thought that she could come to America since school is easier here.”
The wife was very attentive to her little sister and gave her everything she needed, but the man never liked Alexa. He saw her as arrogant, rude, entitled and nasty, as a brat who was always breaking the rules and misbehaved at school.
The OP never liked her but because he loved his wife, he tried to get along with Alexa and be nice to her. Well, that backfired, because Alexa felt that the man treated her even better than her sister when she was growing up, which made her develop romantic feelings towards him.
The man’s wife, who is 34 years old herself, has a 19-year-old sister that lived with her for the majority of her life
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Actually, he now thinks it’s pretty obvious that when Alexa was younger, she was acting out and giving her older sister a hard time because she was jealous, and this confession made everything make sense.
Alexa not only confessed her own feelings, but she wanted to know if OP felt the same way about her. This is when the man took the opportunity to reveal that not only did he not like her at least in a friendly way, but he actually hated her and considered her an annoying brat.
Even if he did like Alexa now or when she was growing up, the only relationship he would have allowed himself would have been a brotherly or fatherly one as he saw her grow up and felt that having romantic feelings for her would be “immoral and disgusting.”
Alexa was a spoilt brat and even her teachers didn’t like her, but her older sister would still be very kind to her
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Such a rejection would hurt anyone’s feelings and Alexa ran out crying. OP’s wife thought that he was right for being honest, but he didn’t have to be so harsh with her. The man wonders if he didn’t have the right to tell Alexa how he saw her as now she is an adult and can take it.
People in the comments considered the fact that Alexa may have been acting out because she was jealous and seeing that she’s not a child anymore, believed that she knew what she was doing going to a married man, her sister’s husband, and telling him she loved him. So they agreed that the strong reaction was the most appropriate one as it didn’t leave any space for misinterpretations.
To make his wife happy, the man would also treat Alexa well but she truly irritated him
Image credits: Financial-Read378
The Guardian says that such a situation where a person interferes with a sibling’s romantic relationship is more common than you would think. Psychoanalytical couples psychotherapist Stella Vaines explains that this kind of dynamic can develop if the parents are not very present.
It can lead to huge arguments in the couple if the person is always on the sibling’s side and will accommodate them instead of standing up for their partner. It seems that in this case, the OP endured Alexa’s behavior and when he lashed out, his wife was pretty supportive of him.
His kindness didn’t go unnoticed and Alexa felt that he treated her even better than her sister, so she confessed that she had romantic feelings for him
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Marriage certainly changes sibling relationships and Martha Stewart lists a few things that can become different. One outcome is that the sibling bond can become tighter if your spouse also gets along with your sibling. The opposite can be true as well because sometimes people’s personalities just don’t mesh.
The married sibling might get more closed off as they see their relationship as a private matter that concerns only two people. That may lead to the unmarried sibling being jealous and being afraid that their bond will break altogether.
Marrying someone can result in less quality time with your family as you just started a new one of your own, especially if you decided to move further away. But you may be expected to take up certain responsibilities like hosting family holidays at your home as you are the married and the mature sibling.
It struck a nerve and the man revealed that he never liked Alexa, making her run out crying
Image credits: Financial-Read378
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
But at the end of the day, you would like your sibling to respect you and your partner no matter what you’re feeling towards that person, whether it’s hatred or even romantic love, assuming that you want the best for your family.
We would like to hear your thoughts and if you think that the OP should have been more composed when he rejected Alexa, or people in the comments are right and Alexa wouldn’t have understood if it was said in any other way. Let us know in the comments.
While his wife thought the way he rejected Alexa was harsh, people online believed that she needed to hear it so she wouldn’t bring it up again
I think the real AH here are the parents who dumped their 8 year old daughter on their 22 year old daughter in a foreign country and washed their hands of parenting her. Is it surprising she was a 'brat' as a child? It's not even that surprising she developed a crush on her sister's boyfriend/husband if she felt he was the only person nice to her as a teen. The girls needs therapy big time.
How could her parents be okay with him turning her down?? Like, what was the conversation there? "We're very disappointed you didn't have an affair with your sister- in- law"??
I'm guessing she only told them that she told him how kind he was to her and he berated her.
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Firstly, dude is awesome for telling it straight. Secondly... it still astounds me that being so UNself-aware (the nasty brat SIL) was even considered acceptable... as described here... it sounds like she frankly and obviously acted like a jackhole at all times. Yet... she would still believe she's just THAT desirable? REALLY? That delusion alone shows that not ENOUGH people have 'been harsh' with her. She's been treated soooo nicely her whole life she's grown up to believe that her sh-- don't stink.
Teenagers having unsuitable crushes on father figures is hardly unusual, especially when their own father is absent. There are ways of dealing with it that don't involve shítting on someone who's clearly mentally struggling.
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A combination of projection - what she wants to be true, regardless of what IS true - and being lonely and acting out and finally running into the wall where that won't fly anymore and just falling down. I feel sorry for her, but she's just gonna have to lump it and grow. It's like a lonely little kid falling in love with the babysitter. Only as adults.
When your marriage falls apart because your wife thinks you were to harsh with her sister, the other sister will think she will trap you for herself. NEVER,EVER, be anywhere alone with her. She will make up stories about you. Like he forced himself on me. He came into my room and touched me. People like her will do anything they can to get back at you. Don't ever trust her. I had a relative lie about her stepdad and when that didn't work, she tried to lie about her dad and her stepmom. The only thing that saved him was the paperwork that showed she was a liar. Watch your back.
He should probably report the harassing texts and give the police a heads up about this situation. In my limited experience as a criminal defense attorney, I observed that the first person who talks to police tends to be believed. A serious situation is brewing and wife and family will obviously side with the sister. He might want to get some therapy to get at why he’s subjecting himself to this craziness. The wife is determined to let the sister ruin her life; does he want to hang around for that?
What a strange title. For one moment I thought I had taken a wrong turn on the internet and landed on an adult site :-)
This guy was right in confronting the issue and making it clear. However, this is a good lesson in not bottling things up for years and dropping an a-bomb on someone when finally forced to address the issue. They were both wrong, he didn't need to completely decimate her as another human being.
It was absolutely necessary to be as harsh with her as possible in order to shut down every possible angle she might try to use in the future to undermine his marriage. This is the type of person who would do things like leave her underwear in her sister's bed, etc., to make her think she was sleeping with her husband. Do NOT live with her! Ship Alexa back to her parents. She can work as an intern at their business.
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I'm honestly surprised by everyone's reaction here. This is a young girl, dropped off in another country with her sister and no parental figure. She's going to have issues, she's going to struggle. It's a huge load to bare for a young kid, and certainly her sister as well. It's not surprising that she developed feelings for the most important male figure in her life. His reaction is so beyond cruel. He couldn't said, sorry, I don't have those feelings for you. But to tear her down so horribly is just.. idk. Mean. Why was that necessary. This girl probably needs to be on suicide watch after this. Honestly, I'm ashamed for his behavior. Just awful.
Welcome to the real world where people are bound to get reality checks.
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OP says his wife was Alexa's mother figure but that he himself was not Alexa's father figure. Father figures have the duty to love their children unconditionally and to not say things like "I never liked you," but if he never took on that role, I guess it doesn't apply to him.
Well this is awful. People get inappropriate crushes; it's common in therapist-patient situations. He treated her with kindness, she is obviously unfamiliar with that (maybe of her own doing), she misinterpreted/misconstrued/misunderstood/misdeveloped feelings,whatever. She's a child. And I know people are going to say that 19 is not a child, but 19 *is* a child. All she did was confess some wrongly places feelings.
🙄19 is young, not a child. If 19 is a child then how is 18 considered an adult?
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WTH? ESH because of the nasty attitude and name calling on OP's part, and because of the sheer immaturity of Alexa.
Damn. You can't express your hatred for people anymore?
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Or, she developed a crush on someone who was a father figure to her. Pretty common.
Load More Replies... I think the real AH here are the parents who dumped their 8 year old daughter on their 22 year old daughter in a foreign country and washed their hands of parenting her. Is it surprising she was a 'brat' as a child? It's not even that surprising she developed a crush on her sister's boyfriend/husband if she felt he was the only person nice to her as a teen. The girls needs therapy big time.
How could her parents be okay with him turning her down?? Like, what was the conversation there? "We're very disappointed you didn't have an affair with your sister- in- law"??
I'm guessing she only told them that she told him how kind he was to her and he berated her.
Load More Replies... Firstly, dude is awesome for telling it straight. Secondly... it still astounds me that being so UNself-aware (the nasty brat SIL) was even considered acceptable... as described here... it sounds like she frankly and obviously acted like a jackhole at all times. Yet... she would still believe she's just THAT desirable? REALLY? That delusion alone shows that not ENOUGH people have 'been harsh' with her. She's been treated soooo nicely her whole life she's grown up to believe that her sh-- don't stink.
Teenagers having unsuitable crushes on father figures is hardly unusual, especially when their own father is absent. There are ways of dealing with it that don't involve shítting on someone who's clearly mentally struggling.
Load More Replies... A combination of projection - what she wants to be true, regardless of what IS true - and being lonely and acting out and finally running into the wall where that won't fly anymore and just falling down. I feel sorry for her, but she's just gonna have to lump it and grow. It's like a lonely little kid falling in love with the babysitter. Only as adults.
When your marriage falls apart because your wife thinks you were to harsh with her sister, the other sister will think she will trap you for herself. NEVER,EVER, be anywhere alone with her. She will make up stories about you. Like he forced himself on me. He came into my room and touched me. People like her will do anything they can to get back at you. Don't ever trust her. I had a relative lie about her stepdad and when that didn't work, she tried to lie about her dad and her stepmom. The only thing that saved him was the paperwork that showed she was a liar. Watch your back.
He should probably report the harassing texts and give the police a heads up about this situation. In my limited experience as a criminal defense attorney, I observed that the first person who talks to police tends to be believed. A serious situation is brewing and wife and family will obviously side with the sister. He might want to get some therapy to get at why he’s subjecting himself to this craziness. The wife is determined to let the sister ruin her life; does he want to hang around for that?
What a strange title. For one moment I thought I had taken a wrong turn on the internet and landed on an adult site :-)
This guy was right in confronting the issue and making it clear. However, this is a good lesson in not bottling things up for years and dropping an a-bomb on someone when finally forced to address the issue. They were both wrong, he didn't need to completely decimate her as another human being.
It was absolutely necessary to be as harsh with her as possible in order to shut down every possible angle she might try to use in the future to undermine his marriage. This is the type of person who would do things like leave her underwear in her sister's bed, etc., to make her think she was sleeping with her husband. Do NOT live with her! Ship Alexa back to her parents. She can work as an intern at their business.
Load More Replies... I'm honestly surprised by everyone's reaction here. This is a young girl, dropped off in another country with her sister and no parental figure. She's going to have issues, she's going to struggle. It's a huge load to bare for a young kid, and certainly her sister as well. It's not surprising that she developed feelings for the most important male figure in her life. His reaction is so beyond cruel. He couldn't said, sorry, I don't have those feelings for you. But to tear her down so horribly is just.. idk. Mean. Why was that necessary. This girl probably needs to be on suicide watch after this. Honestly, I'm ashamed for his behavior. Just awful.
Welcome to the real world where people are bound to get reality checks.
Load More Replies... OP says his wife was Alexa's mother figure but that he himself was not Alexa's father figure. Father figures have the duty to love their children unconditionally and to not say things like "I never liked you," but if he never took on that role, I guess it doesn't apply to him.
Well this is awful. People get inappropriate crushes; it's common in therapist-patient situations. He treated her with kindness, she is obviously unfamiliar with that (maybe of her own doing), she misinterpreted/misconstrued/misunderstood/misdeveloped feelings,whatever. She's a child. And I know people are going to say that 19 is not a child, but 19 *is* a child. All she did was confess some wrongly places feelings.
🙄19 is young, not a child. If 19 is a child then how is 18 considered an adult?
Load More Replies... WTH? ESH because of the nasty attitude and name calling on OP's part, and because of the sheer immaturity of Alexa.
Damn. You can't express your hatred for people anymore?
Load More Replies... Or, she developed a crush on someone who was a father figure to her. Pretty common.
Load More Replies...
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