“He Wants A Divorce”: Gamer Husband Lashes Out At Wife For Pausing His Game So He Would Bathe The Baby
Ideally, all couples would behave like a team when it came to overcoming tough challenges. If you view yourselves as a cohesive unit with the same goals, you’re likely to see life from the perspective of you vs. whatever problems dare pop up in your path, rather than both of you vs. each other. However, this means putting a lot of effort into communicating often and clearly, lending a helping hand when it comes to chores, and looking for compromises even when you’d rather not.
And when it comes to parenting, you have to learn to sacrifice quite a bit of the time you spend relaxing and on your hobbies. Because there’s only one priority: taking care of your kids before you even think of taking care of yourself. Parenting is extremely rewarding. But nobody is going to pretend that it isn’t tough. And a large part of being good at raising kids is wanting to have them in the first place.
One redditor turned to the AITA online community for advice after an argument over video games with her husband got out of hand. She asked the members of the subreddit if she was wrong to pause her partner’s game because he hadn’t given their baby a bath on time. You’ll find the full story, as well as the internet’s reaction to it, below.
A common problem for couples everywhere is the unequal division of chores, including childcare. Dividing up responsibilities is a sign of mutual respect
Image credits: pavelkraus (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how her husband kept putting off giving the baby a bath because he was playing video games. She paused his game. Here’s what happened next
Image credits: Axville (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
The author of the post shared some sensitive details about her relationship with her husband
It was easy to feel the mom’s deep frustration as we read her post. You probably felt it too, Pandas. She does the absolute majority of the childcare at home. She’s also responsible for basically all of the chores, too.
Meanwhile, the OP suggested that her husband may need someone to pick up after him and that he spends far too much time on his leisurely pursuits than his family responsibilities. It seems like his main priority is gaming, rather than anything else. He appears to be more than happy to offload everything on his wife.
The argument came to a head when the husband wanted to put off bathing their baby until he was finished playing video games. His wife paused the internet, but this caused him to flip out. He then threatened his wife and tried to make her out as the villain in the story, calling her lazy. Obviously, these aren’t the signs of a healthy and happy relationship. There are clearly some very deep-rooted issues here.
Solving those will probably take a lot of time and effort on the couple’s part. It’ll mean learning to communicate openly and honestly, on a consistent basis. It’ll mean dividing up the housework in order to support each other. And it’ll mean navigating arguments calmly, instead of going into full-on attack mode.
Reaching out to a couples’ therapist might actually be a good idea in emotionally-charged situations like this one. Some people might shy away from reaching out to counselors, but it’s vital to set one’s ego aside and ask for help when you need it. You and your family’s long-term health and happiness are at stake, after all. However, if there’s no progress, no support, and no sense of effort from one side of the relationship, divorce may be the only avenue left, moving forward.
We’ve written on Bored Panda before about how parents have to make their kids and partner their priority. If that doesn’t happen, the emotional distance between everyone will depend, as they look for love and attention elsewhere. In other words, the family unit begins to fracture and fall apart. The antidote to that is spending quality time together.
And, yes, this means spending far less time on your console, computer, and phone. You have to be present when interacting with your loved ones. It’s a question of priorities, as well as managing to find the energy to play with your kids and do the necessary chores when you’re exhausted and not in the mood. Nobody said being adult was all digital sunshine and technocolor rainbows. But it doesn’t have to be misery and pain all the time, either.
What advice would you give the mom, dear Pandas? What tips and tricks would you give new parents when it comes to dealing with stress and exhaustion? Share your thoughts in the comments.
This isn’t the first time that Bored Panda has covered a story about video games interfering with childcare. If you’d like to read a similar tale, check out our earlier article right over here.
Most readers were utterly appalled by how the husband treated his wife. Here’s what they had to say about the entire situation
Please do not go to a couples therapist in an abusive situation. They can easily be manipulated by the abusive partner and wind up becoming part of the problem. I don't mean that they are bad at their job, just that their job is specifically to encourage compromise and staying together. You can't compromise with abuse.
Yeah, she needs counselling because being in an environment like that will mess up your head, but he should not be part of it.
Load More Replies...
Worst is the woman actually wondering IF she's the AH .... Makes me want to hit something bc the father is a controlling abusive idiot and she is starting to believe the sh!t he calls her too. Maaaan. The baby will be better off without the father in his life as fathers have many things to teach his children but this one obviously has nothing !
yeah, I'm pretty much trying to calm down after reading this.
Load More Replies...
I think his threat of having control over where your son can live is just a threat. Definitely talk with a lawyer who understands divorce and the military.
Also, a general comment based on experience: Seeing just a legal mediator to figure out a divorce sounds like a nice idea, but I don't recommend just doing that. A friend of mine did, and she was so anxious to compromise, that she agreed to some things that hurt her in the end. In my divorce, my ex and I each had a lawyer, and together the four of us went to a mediator. This way, I always had someone knowledgeable looking out for my interests as we negotiated. This may or may not apply to the OP's situation, but if you're getting a divorce, I highly recommend it. It wasn't immediately clear to me that this was even an option - definitely the way to go!
Load More Replies...
This poor girl needs to go to her command. And as for "not allowing" her to move with the child, naah b***h. My ex tried to stop me moving with my daughter to be nearer my family, he even demanded we sit in front of a lawyer to discuss it. Lawyer basically laughed at him, he accused her of taking my side because she was female. Spawn and I moved. Talk to command, get family liaison officer involved and kick him into touch.
To be at least partly fair, depending on the location, a lot of states in the us will give the mom many more rights unless it can be proved the mom was abusive or neglectful. Not to accuse you personally of course, and in op's case doesn't sound like an issue, but I've talked to a lot of dads who basically can't even see their kids after a split.
Load More Replies...
Scenario of my (27 f) friend: Married to jerk. Has one kid. Husband hits everything and yells. Friend yells back because she is martial arts master and could probably beat up husband. Husband hit kid. Friend cry. How to deal with this scenario: I show up. Husband is yelling at Friend. I take kid to my house (with consent from Friend). I help file divorce papers (with consent). I go to yell at Husband for hitting kids. Husband cry. Friend and Husband divorce. Friend remarries my brother.
Aw. I was hoping this story involved his arrest for assault.
Load More Replies...
I am a passionate gamer, but I also understand priorities. Serious matters like family, friends and work should always come before gaming. The guy should have planned his gaming session in such a way that he would be available at 7 PM. If he couldn't, then he's a lousy father.
I'm unmarried and childless and I even *I* know when it's not a good time to be relaxing with a video game. This guy is the worst.
Load More Replies...
I am not one to just simply casts stones because as a somewhat compulsive gamer myself, I am guilty of spending multiple hours killing enemies/racing cars on the PC. However, I would also make sure that I at least do the dishes after meals (because while I'm learning, safe to say I still suck at cooking) and at least twice a month, undertake the sometimes gross job of cleaning the toilet in parents' room and me and my sibling's shared toilet. Honestly, as much of an addict to gaming as I am, I know when some tasks need my immediate attention. Big baby up there though, needs a hard dose of reality check...
Great thing is she has free legal, she needs to get to it first so he doesn't block her out of the office.(if blocked, she should be referred to the closest JAG in area, if he visits more than one regarding this, he'll actually be banned from JAG and have to seek non-military legal counsel for divorce/child support/custody.)
Load More Replies...
do not waste a day more on this AH....like throw the whole "man" out it is not gonna get better ...he is trash ...he has nothing going for him: sucks at his job, a cotrolling ah, does not care about his child...no therapy no talking the things over...RUN!!!!!!
So the original user has deleted their account (or it's been deleted for them) and the comments thread on Reddit is locked, so I'm going to ask my open question here to see if any Pandas can shed light on it. In the US military, are there financial benefits to being a spouse and/or having children? Some (non-US and/or non-military) industries prioritise family and will pay bonuses for having a spouse or on the birth of children. I cannot otherwise fathom the complete 180 from "get an abortion" to "I want to be married and a dad", given the rest of his attitude. He could've just broken up with her - yes, I know child support would come after him, but unless he thinks he's entitled to alimony after the divorce, he's still on the hook to pay for the child isn't he?
US military brat here. 😒 a lot of it depends on the order of operations in a relationship and time of enlistment/if they are both enlisted. as a rule if you have a child dependent you get automatic housing/bah if you are enlisted. If you are enlisted and noncustodial, you will either live in the barracks (dorm living offered to enlisted military) or spend out of pocket for off base housing. They have their own court system, and things get even murkier when things like infidelity are taken into account (in most U.S. states while marital adultery may be illegal on paper, it is rare for someone to get charged, much less penalized, whereas for military personnel ans spouses it can lead to jail time) the US military gets a lot more power than most employers, and it is pretty case by case for childsupport and custody
Load More Replies...
Is there an update to this? Do we get to know if she got out and kept her son?
No as it's a fake story they then posted a different story being 49 and male a week later. Standard karma farm
Load More Replies...
I don't understand why OP isn't getting divorced? She implies it might be because she needs family help, but she's not getting help currently so what's the difference? Also, the husband is an utter tw*t... one day he's going to be wondering why he has no relationship with his child, or claiming his child is disrespectful... donating sperm and breathing the same air does not make you a Father. This child has no Father, they will have no relationship, it will probably have a knock-on effect on his child's mental health. The father will resent the child and it's Mother for having a great relationship compared to his - and I bet he has no clue as to why.
I wonder about this as well- being on her own with an infant will be hard, but not nearly as hard as living with this kind of abuse.
Load More Replies... 
You get out before him, right? Make plans to pack up the essentials and leave while he is at work. Once you are moved and settled in, the laws of the state you're in take precedence. And since he's still military, he will be forced to pay child support. Keep records of EVERYTHING that goes on in your home. Details will matter later. I would look into informing his commanding officer of his treatment of you & your son (those records I talked about) . Do this AFTER you leave. He exhibits all the signs of an abuser. It's only a matter of time before he gets physical and you are hurt. 💜💙💚Best Of Luck !💛🧡❤
If you're in the military, report your husband to his superior officer. There's a reason he's an E-3!
So here's the thing. He doesn't want custody of the baby. He's only acting like he does because it keeps OP under control. My stepfather did the exact same thing to my mother, and I've seen plenty of my friends go through this with their baby daddies as well. If he gets custody of the baby, he'll have to care for it. No judge is going to give him full custody of an infant. So at worst, it'll be fifty fifty, and with the baby this young, probably more like 90/10 in OPs favor. Particularly if the divorce happens while both are still in the military. Document everything, including his hours logged on his game account, which should even show what times he logged on and off and how long henplayed for. Hand it all over to a lawyer which the military will likely provide. Talk to your CO. The older the baby is, the more custody the father can fight for. Do this soon. Once custody is split up by the courts, all you have to do is document via email or text that you e provided him his opportunities to see the baby, he won't show because he'll have no reason to, since he has no bond with the baby and no desire to preform childcare duties. When it's time for the court to reevaluate the agreement, again, your lawyer will tell you, then you'll have grounds to show why you should have full custody.
OP: looks like you have the situation very well figured out, you are aware you don't really need your husband at all, neither as a partner nor financially. The situation now depends on WHO owns the house/apartment. If it's you, kick him tf out. He's a useless dead weight. If it's his house/apartment (which I doubt?), find your own place. Draw a line. Ask him why he does not allow you to leave with the child, since he doesn't take care of his son anyway? What is his logic behind that? Is he afraid people will find out what a useless dirt bag he is? If he gives you grief, get a lawyer.
They're both military, so it's not as straightforward as you think. But she certainly does need to leave.
Load More Replies...
He doesn't allow you to do anything. You can take your son and go home if you want. He has severely abused you and neglected his son. He has no power. I know because I was in this exact situation with my ex. I wasn't military but he was. Army lawyer informed me he couldn't stop me from takeing my son's 1&2 with me. And I did. Guess what? He has never even bothered to try to see them. They are 13&14 now. It's smoke. Just threats. Leave his butt in your dust.
At first, I was like, there's a difference between "pausing a game" and disconnecting it from the internet....however, yikes, OP needed to take a sledgehammer to it (as well as maybe some other things, if you know what I mean). Abusive and neglectful behavior is NEVER ok, and OP needs to gather all the evidence and divorce this dumpster fire of a sorry excuse for a human being. No amount of therapy can help someone who believes their side is always right and cannot accept when they are in the wrong (such as the dumpster fire).
NTA. Leave. Now, not later. Run, don't walk. He's never going to change, ever. He knows he doesn't have to. Report his infidelity to his superior and tell them of his consistent threats of violence. Not sure if anyone else here knows, but despite it being horribly prevalent affairs between officers is a HUGE no no. Then, you tell his mommy everything. EVERYTHING. And inform her he's back to being her little baby forever. Ladies, do not have children with man babies like this. The baby NEVER makes them grow up. If anything in my experience it makes them double down on their feculence. At best they see children as objects and at worst... Well, you don't want to know. Like I said, run, don't walk away.
This guy is an addict. Addicts usually only get better after they find their bottom. OP definitely needs a divorce lawyer. Tell the lawyer everything, including whatever he's using for blackmail. The lawyer should be able to tell you what the impact of that will be. If OP feels like they can't leave for some reason, then they need emotional support and I recommend going to an Anon meeting. AlAnon might be the easiest to find and they have a lot of open meetings which means you can go even if he's not an alcoholic. You definitely qualify for GamerAnon, and given the affair you could go to S-Anon. (I know OP won't read this, I'm adding this info for anyone who might be in a similar situation).
Don’t telegraph the divorce, get your ducks in a row and the pull the trigger with the court.
I hope the OP reads these posts. I am over 60 and come from a military family. If she gets divorced, she will get custody. Because he may get deployed, his kids will always have to have contingent guardianship as long as he is in. This is because kids cannot go on deployments. He wants her to stay married for the extra money couples get. He is trying to control her. She should record his tirades, then if he goes on an assignment. Leave Also if he has affairs and she tells his CO he will be kicked out of the military and face court martial. Don't do that. One day when he goes on a trip pack up, leave take what you want. Start divorce proceedings later and have everything handled by a lawyer..if he trues to threaten. Let him know you will take it to his CO. Don't let him know where you are or live, even custodial visitation can be done in a safe space not your home or town Once out yourself, you cannot be forced to move or be with him.
He sounds like a real horses a*s and not even worth trying to build a life with. What kind of "man" gets pissed coz you turned off his stupid video game?! He sounds worthless. Please take stock of your support systems and extricate yourself from him ASAP. And absolutely you can take your boy with you to visit your family!
Say OK! I'll divorce you! Please leave this toxic, disgusting excuse of a man. You and your son deserve better.
Please let him divorce you. He can then also provide child and spousal support. Get yourself into therapy so you can remind yourself why are so freaking awesome. Please take care of yourself. Verbal and mental abuse is abuse and abusers will often shift from verbal to physical.edited to correct the word abusers.
Yikes, what an appalling man baby. Luckily, it looks like the problem is sorting itself out. Best of luck!
Get rid of this person; you will be better off by yourself. You actually are by yourself now, with the added burden of being his housekeeper. Before you ever think of getting together with anyone else, that’s the time to seek help. You have to find out why you would up with an abuser. If you don’t, you’ll just repeat the same mistake.
Worst advice ever is going to a couples therapist- it will only give him fodder for more abuse. He won’t get custody- he ‘s abusive and you’re the sole caregiver. Definitely get advice, a protective order (mil equivalent) and get out but don’t tell him!! Make a plan with someone you trust. Leaving escalates the danger.
He is a narcissist. He is mentally abusive. Nothing will change. It may change for a little while just so you won’t leave, but once you let your guard down, he will go back to his abusive ways. Do not waste your time with therapy, it will not work for this type of person. I am in the same type of relationship for 33 years. I am now seeking a divorce.
Leave and dont look back. Thats not a situation that will get better. You're young with your whole life ahead of you. Your thoughts of "nobody will want me" is exactly how that weakling wants you to feel because that is how he feels. He's not a man and never will be. Talk to a lawyer asap. Even if you can't leave right away there is information about your marriage that should be documented to help you when it comes to child custody and child support and a lawyer can help.
Well you can always have the internet completely turned off. This is abuse period. Your husband calls you lazy but yet you fulfill 99.9% of the baby's needs. Wow well if you're doing it all by yourself then you don't need to be married. Case solved.
Please go to your commanding officer or whatever protocol is. Let them know everything that has been going on, do not hold back. I am sure there is more than you have even stated here. They can help you through the divorce and possibly help him see the intelligence in letting you and your son move back to your home once you are out and possibly finding a way to get him to give up all rights to your son. The military is pretty powerful.
I love the comment that stated that she should’e Article 15’d him. Military men marry women who outrank them so that they can get away with disrespecting their superiors, because the military don’t give a s#!t about women.
By the looks of things, this woman is taking care of not just one baby but two. One of which needs a proper whack over the head with a bunch of divorce papers.
I'm the gamer in my marriage. I also work full time (luckily only 3 days a week) and have a 4 month old infant. I can't imagine a scenario where my game is more important than my baby. There are no points, matches, bosses, tournaments, or fake currency that I would ever prioritize as more important than my baby's needs. I have to admit that with the baby I probably neglect my husband more than I should... I'm glad I read this post. I have to make it up to him.
NTA. As someone who games all I had to read was the first couple of paragraphs and immediately I want to knock the dude out with his controller. That isn't good for her or the baby, and a divorce would actually help in this situation because he is being a deadbeat.
Abuse cannot be solved with couples therapy. The full story goes beyond normal marital issues. It is irresponsible, even dangerous, to suggest couples therapy could improve this relationship. Please amend this article.
She needs to go to JAG and seek legal advice... Plus if she does that, he'll have to seek it somewhere else(neighboring base or across post).
OP, see a divorce attorney. Document all the abusive conversation and actions. The abuse is only going to get worse. He will have child support taken out of his check automatically. On top of everything he is jealous of your accomplishments. So forget trying to work things out, it won't happen because he doesn't want it to and he enjoys demeaning you. Now take all your documentation and turn it over to your attorney.
If you can afford to divorce and you can pay your way, do that. He is not a man but a drag on you. Btw, what did you find attractive about this AH?
Go to JAG. Document everything. Do not involve chain of command unless JAG directs. If you don't have a separate account for direct deposit, do so ASAP.
And you are still w/ this guy why?? Do not waste any more of your life yoked to this mess & move on. While you're at it, stop at a psychologist's office & face what it is in YOU that makes living in neglect & abuse OK. If you don't do a thorough inventory ( of YOURSELF) you're doomed to repeat this behaviour in your next relationship. NTA, but OP needs to work on herself IMO
I presume that moving to her family would make it more difficult for the father to see his child - I would sympathise with most father's. In this case, the mother could barely be far enough and needs to protect herself and her child. I would get a lawyer and fight mercilessly to get sole custody. A father that can't lift a finger to look after his own child is a father by name only.
Document everything he says, does or doesn't do. That way, if he tries to fight for custody of the kid, you can beat him in court and probably get child support. You can take the baby back to your parents. Also talk to military legal aid now. I'm sure his lack of promotion was due to other things than his not passing the exam. They may have records of his instability. Either way, CYA and run.
What everyone else said. She needs to GTFO. Also, if I could talk to OP, I would advise her, from personal experience, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Pull the internet records, see if you can use them to verify, through logins and screen names, etc, just how much time he spends online (a lawyer might be able to help with this, if you have trouble). If you have access to any of the messages between him and the other woman, print them out. If you can prove that you pay most of the bills, like if you have separate accounts, and they come out of yours, print that out. Any social media posts that are negative toward you or baby, or that mention any kind of violent or illicit activities, print them out. Get documentation from your employer about how many days you had to take off, to care for baby, and any doctor's notes to back that up. If your state is a one-party-consent state, you could even *secretly* try to record his abusive tirades. /1
Actually, you should do ALL of this in secret. And do NOT tell him that you're leaving, or when you're leaving, or where you're going to stay!! Don't give him any chance to stop-or hurt-you or baby. Don't let him tell you that he needs to know where you live, to see your son!! The courts can mandate visitation in a safe, neutral place. And they will, if you show the evidence of his abuse. Documentation is your best friend. Anything in print, or on tape, is cold, hard proof. Trust me. /2/End
Load More Replies...
This is a man to divorce and leave in the rear view mirror. I know its not as easy as that, but finding a lawyer who can guide you to how best to do this and keep your son in your life as much as possible and with your ex as little as possible, is the first step. You are a good mom in a horrible situation.
Ma'am-please run. Report this character and head for the hills. I feel in my heart that you will not be safe with him. Take your son, record all the information you have given us, forward it to trusted parties with 'In Case Of' instructions, and run
NTA. Look at you! You just got a promotion, you're holding down the house and the child care. Your anxiety and stress are more than understandable. I hope you are able to take that deep breath and leave this MF. YOU deserve to be happy and stress free, and your beloved baby boy needs to be brought up in a household that doesn't make women 2nd class citizens. Document all this. If he does request custody or visitation (most likely for revenge), I think you can demonstrate his reasons. Plus, if he's being overlooked for promotions, there is a reason for that too.
How sad! I am 56. I remember my dad spending hours with us and bathing us and babysitting. He was a steel worker so he worked hard and long hours. I miss him so much. What a deadbeat this guy is turning out to be.
This guy is going nowhere and certainly not in the military. If his CO is worth half a damn, spousal abuse and other behaviors aren't something he/she wants in their command. Just sayin'.
Sounds like you have two babies. Take the youngest and leave,file for divorce, and find yourself a real man ♂️. The youngest needs a dad.
Even if she did not work, this would be abusive. He does not seem to be interested in or ready for a family life (which, admittedly, is hard). As for sharing chores, the worst of it is not the actual fairness of the allocation, it is the attitude. People who do plainly less should absolutely stop their complaining and learn to be more thankful. He does nothing and gets mad about it. He's just not mature enough for it and she should consider moving away, especially if he brings nothing to her and the baby. It will probably be a relief for him too (not withstanding his bruised ego)
Fist thing ...that is not a "husband " that is your "child" who is accustomed to doing what he is doing ...no red flags before jumping the broom and procreating or did you think like we like to... I can change him .. not diaper... his ways.
if he is threatening you with taking your son away, talk to a lawyer if he is abusive those are empty threats. with everything else he tells you, this is him trying to keep control of you. talk to a commander, a lawyer and LEAVE. i was in an abusive marriage like this for 8 years. he treated my daughter like trash (he was step) i fought hard to get out
NEVER, EVER force anyone to care for a baby or kids they do not want to. That is how little kids get physically. Emotionally abused or molested. How many babies must be shaken or thrown against walls or bodies broken because the person caring for them resents them and takes it out on them? If the OP loves her baby she would NEVER, EVER force contact or leave her child alone with her gamer husband. How many times must we read about a man beating his kid to death because they got in their way? Whatever the ... THAT means..
The husband is a POS, she would be better off single actually she is a single parent raising to kids.
Most people have NO CLUE about restraining orders. They are court orders to stay away. They are not magic forcefields, they seldom end in arrest or jail time and they rarely work. My 1st husband violated his restraining orders 4x, ended up arrested twice, made bail and hunted me down again He appeared in divorce court in shackles and after the divorce he continued to violate the orders. Thank God he had not wanted to kill me. If he had he could have because RO are rarely enforced until after violation Guess what? That is too LATE to stop a beating or worse if that is what the stalker has in mind. My own lawyer told me to disappear because it is a known fact RO only work when a person is law abiding. Abusers often are not law abiding.
WOMEN: if a man is a self absorbed, immature, 'go play with his friends and play games like a teen man baby" at 25. He will probably STAY THAT WAY and be a man baby at 35, 45. 55, 65. 75. If you marry a teenager, usually you are with a teenager. I have been married 3x and widowed 2x I always married grown men. Any man who is of the gaming or " go shoot hoop with the fellas" ilk or is a bar , pool playing dude is probably going to be a less than ideal husband or parent. The focus is their fun. Marriage can have FUN in it but marriages and family are also hard work. A man focused on his own pleasure and not building a family should not have kids..please stop falling for people cuz they are gorgeous ( looks fade), have nice things ( materialism is shallow, or they are man babies. If you do, then you will have a MINO... and y'all probably won't make it. Married 3months the first time ( I left skid marks getting away) 9 yrs the second, 28 years the 3rd. No man babies .
Don't let his threats and intimidation tactics keep you in a situation you don't want nor deserve to be in bc that's all he's got. You are the more stable partner, you make more money, etc so the likelihood that he'd be able to actually win if he were to try to take custody is pretty slim. Do yourself a favor and start documenting everything. The more evidence you can show the court to support your case, the better and since he thinks you'll just roll over and take it I would let him show his rear all he wanted bc that's only helping you in the long run. All that ridiculousness and abusive behavior will come back to haunt him if you are smart enough to use it to your benefit. He's pathetic. He knows it and he's just mad that now you do too and are refusing to allow him to continue to live in his fantasy world where he's husband/father of the year and the smartest, most superior, greatest provider of all time🙄. I literally can't roll my eyes hard enough. Get out now and save yourself.
I am outraged about his behavior. His neglect and abuse is appalling yet sneaky - first of all, neglect IS abuse, and threatening violence is considered assault. You've heard the term "assault & battery?" Assault is the threatening and battery is the actual violence. At this point I don't give a f**k what his side of the story is. If you feel unsafe, I need you to print out everything you've told us here and take it to a women's shelter. They will have resources and be able to help you get a restraining order, a divorce lawyer, and give you a place to stay. Please be strong, if not for yourself than for your son. He is already learning that to Daddy, he is not as important as the game console. That's some formative brain s**t that will affect him in a big way. I have a friend who was in a similar situation after they had a baby, but without the threat of violence. It never got better and he actually wound up stepping out on her. She divorced him and found a wonderful new husband. :)
I'm sure there is more to this story. Like if you think the baby needs a bath, and I don't, why should I have to bath him. And if I think he needs to play sports, and you don't want him joining the team at all, should I make you shuttle him alone then...
...Wow.. this guy is a right bastard. He's using manipulation and beat down someone so all they'll think they have is him. That's straight up narcissism. That's how abusers keep people with them. Ten bucks he's charming when he wants to be, psychopaths usually are.
It’s hard to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser convinces the victim she’s worthless and often, it sinks in deeply. OP needs to focus on the welfare of the child as well as herself. That means getting away from that adult child she married. There are very decent, mature men in the world and you will find one but you must first break this tie that holds you. Be brave and get that divorce. The pain will fade with time.
I’m old school military. This so-called husband and father needs a Blanket Party!
Says she works intelligence…yet clearly ignores his behaviors and who he’s always been has a baby with him… yeah. Plus says she’s missed out on 6 weeks of work over the last 3 months and still gets a promotion… fakest story ever. Also her saying he sleeps 8-14 hours a day but they’re both military… not possible. Fakest story ever
1. Have sex with a guy that is not into you. 2. Having the baby against the man's wishes. 3. Marrying the guy that is not into you. So many ways this situation was brought on by the poor choices made by the op and could all have been easily avoided. Please don't look at him anymore.. time to look at yourself.
good get that divorce, I never understand why women marry men like this, you know he has always been this way too so it's not like he became selfish. NTA and hopefully smart enough to realize there is no future with someone like this, know your worth.
This is horrible! A literal nightmare situation.. she needs to get away from him! Let him divorce..end this!
The moment he told you that "you will not be allowed to take your child back home to be with family" you have a very serious problem. Be very careful how you proceed with this guy. It seems like they could build monuments to his self-centeredness! (Yes, I know that's not a word.) Find you a very good lawyer.
This post is weird! Why would the OP even need to ask the AITA question. Clearly the partner is a selfish, self-entitled, abusive, gas-lighting a*s. It's amazing that so many women go on to have kids with these kind of men... and then need to go onto a public forum to find out if the are being unreasonable for responding to outrageous behaviour.
While I agree divorce should be a last resort in your case I would say Run like the wind. In any divorce in order to have joint custody both parents must take classes, I highly doubt your soon to be Ex will show up. You could also curtail his visitation rights with the valid concern that his negligence would endanger the child. Also after the divorce he has no say in where you and your child move. So by all means if you get the chance move closer to your family. Having thier support might give you the boost you need.
Ok you are the mother of your child and do 100% of the care for him so you are the custodial parent. He has no rights to your child if you choose to leave. You can leave with your son, but get him on child support. The court should favor you in this situation. He is an a*****e and deserves nothing.
Please take advantage of any and all resources at your disposal to leave this situation as his behaviour will not improve. You are a smart, successful, hardworking woman who deserves better, and so does your child.
The husband is gaslighting the hell out of his wife! If she puts up with this, her self esteem will diminish and he may get more abusive. It may even turn physical. I had a husband similar to this one. I put up with that for 29 years. In my own experience, if you don't demand respect now, it only gets worse. If I had demanded respect at the beginning of our relationship we probably would have gotten a divorce a lot sooner which would have saved me years of pain and feeling like I've wasted a good chunk of my life!
Leave, cut the plugs off all gaming equipment so that he has to buy new, run away as fast as you can
NTA, let him pay child support and play games on another manchild's couch. Document how little he visits, he may not have as much say in your relocation as you think.
Sounds a lot like a life if my sister but she had a daughter with that a*****e
I'm sorry but when will people just learn to put themselves first. Allow yourselves to be selfish! I'm starting to feel like humans generally know what to do but choose wrongly, then cry about it to others later. We as a society have got to learn to do better from the beginning! From the start, that man was immature abd wanted nothing to do with her or her child - she should have listened and learned from THAT. She now needs to remove herself AND child from that situation ASAP or her son will grow up to be just like his father and she and the child will be traumatized. People, stop allowing others to reign over you. Young lady, get out and stand up for yourself!
Omg I would have broke the f*****g game these dudes are sickening. females everywhere please I beg you stop giving these dudes the goods and bringing babies into this world with ain't s**t dudes y'all are hurting yourselves and society as a whole because on the other end of this baby going to grow up knowing his daddy an a*****e and don't want to take care of them a person suffers psychological s**t over this we got the whole damn world in therapy now cause y'all sexual revolution leaving y'all single parenting and struggling, y'all better than me I would be in jail mf would be dead y'all got to just stop giving these mofos the pussy
I hope you end up on the best side the divorce. This man/boy does not deserve any woman, and should be considered your son's father in name only. Unfortunately, everything you could have done is not. Do it now. You and your son will never have the better life you deserve until you leave this fool.
I can't even. How has this guy not mysteriously gone missing? She's a better person than I.
OP is raising two kids not one. The sooner she gets out, the easier it is going to be. Don't let it get to the stage where the kid can be manipulated by the father, he will be turned against you. Obsessive computer gaming does that to boys. I speak of experience. GET OUT NOW.
Divorce him. Divorce him now. He is a man child, and a disgrace to the race of "Men" I have a baby and while I do play games, I am willing to go afk and leave the game to change his diapers (which I handle 90%), bathe him,, feed him and do house work. Keep in mind I also bring in 70% of the household income, so i can say without a doubt, your husband is just a waste of childish space
I'm sorry OP but please change his diaper then drop him back off to his mommy. He is waaaaay to immature to be a husband and a father! He also didn't advance in his career because hes a loser!
Yah, she needs to lose this über-jerk. I mean f**K him. Or better yet, don't.
Op should get far away from this loser, probably only e3 cause that's all he's good for the useless fk
Number one mistake was joining the military. Number two was marrying a military d**k. Number three was having a kid with said military d**k. Go get you a real man who contributes to society.
Military is a great way of gaining experience and getting a 6 figure job(if you do it right) after a few years of service, medical, life insurance and education. I guess it's a mistake to joining the military and only then getting offered jobs that pay $2000 a day🤷♀️
Load More Replies... Coming from someone who is married but has always loved video games, what your husband is doing is unfair and childish. I play video games every day almost, but I limit my time to an hour or so after work and more on the weekends depending on what we have going on. I always set aside time for my wife and my kids though. As in most things with being married, there has to be compromise. I think you need to set some boundaries mutually with your husband, but from what you've said it doesn't sound like he's mentally mature enough do do that. I'm sorry but it doesn't seem like he's going to get better.
Generally, seeing just a legal mediator to figure out a divorce sounds like a nice idea, but I don't recommend it. A friend of mine did this, and she was so anxious to compromise, that she agreed to some things that hurt her in the end. In my divorce, my ex and I each had a lawyer, and together the four of us went to a mediator. This way, I always had someone knowledgeable looking out for my interests as we negotiated. This may or may not apply to the OP's situation, but if you're getting a divorce, I highly recommend it. It wasn't immediately clear to me that this was even an option - definitely the way to go!
Aaaaand this is exactly why couples need to be on the same page when it comes to the "kid" thing. Sounds like he never really wanted any in the first place (nothing wrong with that) but then hastily changed his mind without giving it much thought and now he's regretting it. DO NOT HAVE KIDS if you can't come to an agreement.
i was in the military.. if you can't get from E3 to E4 just by showing up for the exam you don't have a chance. all that is involved is min. length of time at current rank and just showing up.
It totally depends on rate/MOS. In the Navy, some jobs are so locked up advancement is hard, even for picking up E4.
Load More Replies... Every friend of mine who kept am unintended baby ended up with either a piece of c**p like this or a sudden change of interest when the kid is 3-8 and they have an insecure love interest. He's only there because he can weaponize his kid to do so.
If this immature young man has his way, you will be bound to a LOSER!!! My daughter married a joker like this. Before long it’s going to be selfish, selfish, selfish. I never agree to the “D” until I see “No Hope”. Get a good lawyer and take “joker” into the reality courtroom. You can always remarry him when he grows up. Make him responsible or he will jam you and the children up. Experience has taught me… some dudes will never grow up. Sorry for your losses.
One thing you should never do is air your dirty laundry in public or your bank account info. Like the day you made that baby, you are f****d. Adapt and keep pushing thru. Putting your problems out there is only making it worse. Now take care of baby, nothing else.
Why you want to marry him, because you want his money right. So take what karma u deserve
LMAO - tell everyone you're an incel, without telling everyone you're an incel!
Load More Replies...
All of these people who complain about their husbands playing video games needs to grow up. You new who he was before you married him did you honestly think that by marrying him that it would stop. How nieve are you. I mean seriously.
hey everybody! brendon called bs - pls. restart your computers.
Load More Replies... Please do not go to a couples therapist in an abusive situation. They can easily be manipulated by the abusive partner and wind up becoming part of the problem. I don't mean that they are bad at their job, just that their job is specifically to encourage compromise and staying together. You can't compromise with abuse.
Yeah, she needs counselling because being in an environment like that will mess up your head, but he should not be part of it.
Load More Replies... Worst is the woman actually wondering IF she's the AH .... Makes me want to hit something bc the father is a controlling abusive idiot and she is starting to believe the sh!t he calls her too. Maaaan. The baby will be better off without the father in his life as fathers have many things to teach his children but this one obviously has nothing !
yeah, I'm pretty much trying to calm down after reading this.
Load More Replies... I think his threat of having control over where your son can live is just a threat. Definitely talk with a lawyer who understands divorce and the military.
Also, a general comment based on experience: Seeing just a legal mediator to figure out a divorce sounds like a nice idea, but I don't recommend just doing that. A friend of mine did, and she was so anxious to compromise, that she agreed to some things that hurt her in the end. In my divorce, my ex and I each had a lawyer, and together the four of us went to a mediator. This way, I always had someone knowledgeable looking out for my interests as we negotiated. This may or may not apply to the OP's situation, but if you're getting a divorce, I highly recommend it. It wasn't immediately clear to me that this was even an option - definitely the way to go!
Load More Replies... This poor girl needs to go to her command. And as for "not allowing" her to move with the child, naah b***h. My ex tried to stop me moving with my daughter to be nearer my family, he even demanded we sit in front of a lawyer to discuss it. Lawyer basically laughed at him, he accused her of taking my side because she was female. Spawn and I moved. Talk to command, get family liaison officer involved and kick him into touch.
To be at least partly fair, depending on the location, a lot of states in the us will give the mom many more rights unless it can be proved the mom was abusive or neglectful. Not to accuse you personally of course, and in op's case doesn't sound like an issue, but I've talked to a lot of dads who basically can't even see their kids after a split.
Load More Replies... Scenario of my (27 f) friend: Married to jerk. Has one kid. Husband hits everything and yells. Friend yells back because she is martial arts master and could probably beat up husband. Husband hit kid. Friend cry. How to deal with this scenario: I show up. Husband is yelling at Friend. I take kid to my house (with consent from Friend). I help file divorce papers (with consent). I go to yell at Husband for hitting kids. Husband cry. Friend and Husband divorce. Friend remarries my brother.
Aw. I was hoping this story involved his arrest for assault.
Load More Replies... I am a passionate gamer, but I also understand priorities. Serious matters like family, friends and work should always come before gaming. The guy should have planned his gaming session in such a way that he would be available at 7 PM. If he couldn't, then he's a lousy father.
I'm unmarried and childless and I even *I* know when it's not a good time to be relaxing with a video game. This guy is the worst.
Load More Replies... I am not one to just simply casts stones because as a somewhat compulsive gamer myself, I am guilty of spending multiple hours killing enemies/racing cars on the PC. However, I would also make sure that I at least do the dishes after meals (because while I'm learning, safe to say I still suck at cooking) and at least twice a month, undertake the sometimes gross job of cleaning the toilet in parents' room and me and my sibling's shared toilet. Honestly, as much of an addict to gaming as I am, I know when some tasks need my immediate attention. Big baby up there though, needs a hard dose of reality check...
Great thing is she has free legal, she needs to get to it first so he doesn't block her out of the office.(if blocked, she should be referred to the closest JAG in area, if he visits more than one regarding this, he'll actually be banned from JAG and have to seek non-military legal counsel for divorce/child support/custody.)
Load More Replies... do not waste a day more on this AH....like throw the whole "man" out it is not gonna get better ...he is trash ...he has nothing going for him: sucks at his job, a cotrolling ah, does not care about his child...no therapy no talking the things over...RUN!!!!!!
So the original user has deleted their account (or it's been deleted for them) and the comments thread on Reddit is locked, so I'm going to ask my open question here to see if any Pandas can shed light on it. In the US military, are there financial benefits to being a spouse and/or having children? Some (non-US and/or non-military) industries prioritise family and will pay bonuses for having a spouse or on the birth of children. I cannot otherwise fathom the complete 180 from "get an abortion" to "I want to be married and a dad", given the rest of his attitude. He could've just broken up with her - yes, I know child support would come after him, but unless he thinks he's entitled to alimony after the divorce, he's still on the hook to pay for the child isn't he?
US military brat here. 😒 a lot of it depends on the order of operations in a relationship and time of enlistment/if they are both enlisted. as a rule if you have a child dependent you get automatic housing/bah if you are enlisted. If you are enlisted and noncustodial, you will either live in the barracks (dorm living offered to enlisted military) or spend out of pocket for off base housing. They have their own court system, and things get even murkier when things like infidelity are taken into account (in most U.S. states while marital adultery may be illegal on paper, it is rare for someone to get charged, much less penalized, whereas for military personnel ans spouses it can lead to jail time) the US military gets a lot more power than most employers, and it is pretty case by case for childsupport and custody
Load More Replies... Is there an update to this? Do we get to know if she got out and kept her son?
No as it's a fake story they then posted a different story being 49 and male a week later. Standard karma farm
Load More Replies... I don't understand why OP isn't getting divorced? She implies it might be because she needs family help, but she's not getting help currently so what's the difference? Also, the husband is an utter tw*t... one day he's going to be wondering why he has no relationship with his child, or claiming his child is disrespectful... donating sperm and breathing the same air does not make you a Father. This child has no Father, they will have no relationship, it will probably have a knock-on effect on his child's mental health. The father will resent the child and it's Mother for having a great relationship compared to his - and I bet he has no clue as to why.
I wonder about this as well- being on her own with an infant will be hard, but not nearly as hard as living with this kind of abuse.
Load More Replies... You get out before him, right? Make plans to pack up the essentials and leave while he is at work. Once you are moved and settled in, the laws of the state you're in take precedence. And since he's still military, he will be forced to pay child support. Keep records of EVERYTHING that goes on in your home. Details will matter later. I would look into informing his commanding officer of his treatment of you & your son (those records I talked about) . Do this AFTER you leave. He exhibits all the signs of an abuser. It's only a matter of time before he gets physical and you are hurt. 💜💙💚Best Of Luck !💛🧡❤
If you're in the military, report your husband to his superior officer. There's a reason he's an E-3!
So here's the thing. He doesn't want custody of the baby. He's only acting like he does because it keeps OP under control. My stepfather did the exact same thing to my mother, and I've seen plenty of my friends go through this with their baby daddies as well. If he gets custody of the baby, he'll have to care for it. No judge is going to give him full custody of an infant. So at worst, it'll be fifty fifty, and with the baby this young, probably more like 90/10 in OPs favor. Particularly if the divorce happens while both are still in the military. Document everything, including his hours logged on his game account, which should even show what times he logged on and off and how long henplayed for. Hand it all over to a lawyer which the military will likely provide. Talk to your CO. The older the baby is, the more custody the father can fight for. Do this soon. Once custody is split up by the courts, all you have to do is document via email or text that you e provided him his opportunities to see the baby, he won't show because he'll have no reason to, since he has no bond with the baby and no desire to preform childcare duties. When it's time for the court to reevaluate the agreement, again, your lawyer will tell you, then you'll have grounds to show why you should have full custody.
OP: looks like you have the situation very well figured out, you are aware you don't really need your husband at all, neither as a partner nor financially. The situation now depends on WHO owns the house/apartment. If it's you, kick him tf out. He's a useless dead weight. If it's his house/apartment (which I doubt?), find your own place. Draw a line. Ask him why he does not allow you to leave with the child, since he doesn't take care of his son anyway? What is his logic behind that? Is he afraid people will find out what a useless dirt bag he is? If he gives you grief, get a lawyer.
They're both military, so it's not as straightforward as you think. But she certainly does need to leave.
Load More Replies... He doesn't allow you to do anything. You can take your son and go home if you want. He has severely abused you and neglected his son. He has no power. I know because I was in this exact situation with my ex. I wasn't military but he was. Army lawyer informed me he couldn't stop me from takeing my son's 1&2 with me. And I did. Guess what? He has never even bothered to try to see them. They are 13&14 now. It's smoke. Just threats. Leave his butt in your dust.
At first, I was like, there's a difference between "pausing a game" and disconnecting it from the internet....however, yikes, OP needed to take a sledgehammer to it (as well as maybe some other things, if you know what I mean). Abusive and neglectful behavior is NEVER ok, and OP needs to gather all the evidence and divorce this dumpster fire of a sorry excuse for a human being. No amount of therapy can help someone who believes their side is always right and cannot accept when they are in the wrong (such as the dumpster fire).
NTA. Leave. Now, not later. Run, don't walk. He's never going to change, ever. He knows he doesn't have to. Report his infidelity to his superior and tell them of his consistent threats of violence. Not sure if anyone else here knows, but despite it being horribly prevalent affairs between officers is a HUGE no no. Then, you tell his mommy everything. EVERYTHING. And inform her he's back to being her little baby forever. Ladies, do not have children with man babies like this. The baby NEVER makes them grow up. If anything in my experience it makes them double down on their feculence. At best they see children as objects and at worst... Well, you don't want to know. Like I said, run, don't walk away.
This guy is an addict. Addicts usually only get better after they find their bottom. OP definitely needs a divorce lawyer. Tell the lawyer everything, including whatever he's using for blackmail. The lawyer should be able to tell you what the impact of that will be. If OP feels like they can't leave for some reason, then they need emotional support and I recommend going to an Anon meeting. AlAnon might be the easiest to find and they have a lot of open meetings which means you can go even if he's not an alcoholic. You definitely qualify for GamerAnon, and given the affair you could go to S-Anon. (I know OP won't read this, I'm adding this info for anyone who might be in a similar situation).
Don’t telegraph the divorce, get your ducks in a row and the pull the trigger with the court.
I hope the OP reads these posts. I am over 60 and come from a military family. If she gets divorced, she will get custody. Because he may get deployed, his kids will always have to have contingent guardianship as long as he is in. This is because kids cannot go on deployments. He wants her to stay married for the extra money couples get. He is trying to control her. She should record his tirades, then if he goes on an assignment. Leave Also if he has affairs and she tells his CO he will be kicked out of the military and face court martial. Don't do that. One day when he goes on a trip pack up, leave take what you want. Start divorce proceedings later and have everything handled by a lawyer..if he trues to threaten. Let him know you will take it to his CO. Don't let him know where you are or live, even custodial visitation can be done in a safe space not your home or town Once out yourself, you cannot be forced to move or be with him.
He sounds like a real horses a*s and not even worth trying to build a life with. What kind of "man" gets pissed coz you turned off his stupid video game?! He sounds worthless. Please take stock of your support systems and extricate yourself from him ASAP. And absolutely you can take your boy with you to visit your family!
Say OK! I'll divorce you! Please leave this toxic, disgusting excuse of a man. You and your son deserve better.
Please let him divorce you. He can then also provide child and spousal support. Get yourself into therapy so you can remind yourself why are so freaking awesome. Please take care of yourself. Verbal and mental abuse is abuse and abusers will often shift from verbal to physical.edited to correct the word abusers.
Yikes, what an appalling man baby. Luckily, it looks like the problem is sorting itself out. Best of luck!
Get rid of this person; you will be better off by yourself. You actually are by yourself now, with the added burden of being his housekeeper. Before you ever think of getting together with anyone else, that’s the time to seek help. You have to find out why you would up with an abuser. If you don’t, you’ll just repeat the same mistake.
Worst advice ever is going to a couples therapist- it will only give him fodder for more abuse. He won’t get custody- he ‘s abusive and you’re the sole caregiver. Definitely get advice, a protective order (mil equivalent) and get out but don’t tell him!! Make a plan with someone you trust. Leaving escalates the danger.
He is a narcissist. He is mentally abusive. Nothing will change. It may change for a little while just so you won’t leave, but once you let your guard down, he will go back to his abusive ways. Do not waste your time with therapy, it will not work for this type of person. I am in the same type of relationship for 33 years. I am now seeking a divorce.
Leave and dont look back. Thats not a situation that will get better. You're young with your whole life ahead of you. Your thoughts of "nobody will want me" is exactly how that weakling wants you to feel because that is how he feels. He's not a man and never will be. Talk to a lawyer asap. Even if you can't leave right away there is information about your marriage that should be documented to help you when it comes to child custody and child support and a lawyer can help.
Well you can always have the internet completely turned off. This is abuse period. Your husband calls you lazy but yet you fulfill 99.9% of the baby's needs. Wow well if you're doing it all by yourself then you don't need to be married. Case solved.
Please go to your commanding officer or whatever protocol is. Let them know everything that has been going on, do not hold back. I am sure there is more than you have even stated here. They can help you through the divorce and possibly help him see the intelligence in letting you and your son move back to your home once you are out and possibly finding a way to get him to give up all rights to your son. The military is pretty powerful.
I love the comment that stated that she should’e Article 15’d him. Military men marry women who outrank them so that they can get away with disrespecting their superiors, because the military don’t give a s#!t about women.
By the looks of things, this woman is taking care of not just one baby but two. One of which needs a proper whack over the head with a bunch of divorce papers.
I'm the gamer in my marriage. I also work full time (luckily only 3 days a week) and have a 4 month old infant. I can't imagine a scenario where my game is more important than my baby. There are no points, matches, bosses, tournaments, or fake currency that I would ever prioritize as more important than my baby's needs. I have to admit that with the baby I probably neglect my husband more than I should... I'm glad I read this post. I have to make it up to him.
NTA. As someone who games all I had to read was the first couple of paragraphs and immediately I want to knock the dude out with his controller. That isn't good for her or the baby, and a divorce would actually help in this situation because he is being a deadbeat.
Abuse cannot be solved with couples therapy. The full story goes beyond normal marital issues. It is irresponsible, even dangerous, to suggest couples therapy could improve this relationship. Please amend this article.
She needs to go to JAG and seek legal advice... Plus if she does that, he'll have to seek it somewhere else(neighboring base or across post).
OP, see a divorce attorney. Document all the abusive conversation and actions. The abuse is only going to get worse. He will have child support taken out of his check automatically. On top of everything he is jealous of your accomplishments. So forget trying to work things out, it won't happen because he doesn't want it to and he enjoys demeaning you. Now take all your documentation and turn it over to your attorney.
If you can afford to divorce and you can pay your way, do that. He is not a man but a drag on you. Btw, what did you find attractive about this AH?
Go to JAG. Document everything. Do not involve chain of command unless JAG directs. If you don't have a separate account for direct deposit, do so ASAP.
And you are still w/ this guy why?? Do not waste any more of your life yoked to this mess & move on. While you're at it, stop at a psychologist's office & face what it is in YOU that makes living in neglect & abuse OK. If you don't do a thorough inventory ( of YOURSELF) you're doomed to repeat this behaviour in your next relationship. NTA, but OP needs to work on herself IMO
I presume that moving to her family would make it more difficult for the father to see his child - I would sympathise with most father's. In this case, the mother could barely be far enough and needs to protect herself and her child. I would get a lawyer and fight mercilessly to get sole custody. A father that can't lift a finger to look after his own child is a father by name only.
Document everything he says, does or doesn't do. That way, if he tries to fight for custody of the kid, you can beat him in court and probably get child support. You can take the baby back to your parents. Also talk to military legal aid now. I'm sure his lack of promotion was due to other things than his not passing the exam. They may have records of his instability. Either way, CYA and run.
What everyone else said. She needs to GTFO. Also, if I could talk to OP, I would advise her, from personal experience, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Pull the internet records, see if you can use them to verify, through logins and screen names, etc, just how much time he spends online (a lawyer might be able to help with this, if you have trouble). If you have access to any of the messages between him and the other woman, print them out. If you can prove that you pay most of the bills, like if you have separate accounts, and they come out of yours, print that out. Any social media posts that are negative toward you or baby, or that mention any kind of violent or illicit activities, print them out. Get documentation from your employer about how many days you had to take off, to care for baby, and any doctor's notes to back that up. If your state is a one-party-consent state, you could even *secretly* try to record his abusive tirades. /1
Actually, you should do ALL of this in secret. And do NOT tell him that you're leaving, or when you're leaving, or where you're going to stay!! Don't give him any chance to stop-or hurt-you or baby. Don't let him tell you that he needs to know where you live, to see your son!! The courts can mandate visitation in a safe, neutral place. And they will, if you show the evidence of his abuse. Documentation is your best friend. Anything in print, or on tape, is cold, hard proof. Trust me. /2/End
Load More Replies... This is a man to divorce and leave in the rear view mirror. I know its not as easy as that, but finding a lawyer who can guide you to how best to do this and keep your son in your life as much as possible and with your ex as little as possible, is the first step. You are a good mom in a horrible situation.
Ma'am-please run. Report this character and head for the hills. I feel in my heart that you will not be safe with him. Take your son, record all the information you have given us, forward it to trusted parties with 'In Case Of' instructions, and run
NTA. Look at you! You just got a promotion, you're holding down the house and the child care. Your anxiety and stress are more than understandable. I hope you are able to take that deep breath and leave this MF. YOU deserve to be happy and stress free, and your beloved baby boy needs to be brought up in a household that doesn't make women 2nd class citizens. Document all this. If he does request custody or visitation (most likely for revenge), I think you can demonstrate his reasons. Plus, if he's being overlooked for promotions, there is a reason for that too.
How sad! I am 56. I remember my dad spending hours with us and bathing us and babysitting. He was a steel worker so he worked hard and long hours. I miss him so much. What a deadbeat this guy is turning out to be.
This guy is going nowhere and certainly not in the military. If his CO is worth half a damn, spousal abuse and other behaviors aren't something he/she wants in their command. Just sayin'.
Sounds like you have two babies. Take the youngest and leave,file for divorce, and find yourself a real man ♂️. The youngest needs a dad.
Even if she did not work, this would be abusive. He does not seem to be interested in or ready for a family life (which, admittedly, is hard). As for sharing chores, the worst of it is not the actual fairness of the allocation, it is the attitude. People who do plainly less should absolutely stop their complaining and learn to be more thankful. He does nothing and gets mad about it. He's just not mature enough for it and she should consider moving away, especially if he brings nothing to her and the baby. It will probably be a relief for him too (not withstanding his bruised ego)
Fist thing ...that is not a "husband " that is your "child" who is accustomed to doing what he is doing ...no red flags before jumping the broom and procreating or did you think like we like to... I can change him .. not diaper... his ways.
if he is threatening you with taking your son away, talk to a lawyer if he is abusive those are empty threats. with everything else he tells you, this is him trying to keep control of you. talk to a commander, a lawyer and LEAVE. i was in an abusive marriage like this for 8 years. he treated my daughter like trash (he was step) i fought hard to get out
NEVER, EVER force anyone to care for a baby or kids they do not want to. That is how little kids get physically. Emotionally abused or molested. How many babies must be shaken or thrown against walls or bodies broken because the person caring for them resents them and takes it out on them? If the OP loves her baby she would NEVER, EVER force contact or leave her child alone with her gamer husband. How many times must we read about a man beating his kid to death because they got in their way? Whatever the ... THAT means..
The husband is a POS, she would be better off single actually she is a single parent raising to kids.
Most people have NO CLUE about restraining orders. They are court orders to stay away. They are not magic forcefields, they seldom end in arrest or jail time and they rarely work. My 1st husband violated his restraining orders 4x, ended up arrested twice, made bail and hunted me down again He appeared in divorce court in shackles and after the divorce he continued to violate the orders. Thank God he had not wanted to kill me. If he had he could have because RO are rarely enforced until after violation Guess what? That is too LATE to stop a beating or worse if that is what the stalker has in mind. My own lawyer told me to disappear because it is a known fact RO only work when a person is law abiding. Abusers often are not law abiding.
WOMEN: if a man is a self absorbed, immature, 'go play with his friends and play games like a teen man baby" at 25. He will probably STAY THAT WAY and be a man baby at 35, 45. 55, 65. 75. If you marry a teenager, usually you are with a teenager. I have been married 3x and widowed 2x I always married grown men. Any man who is of the gaming or " go shoot hoop with the fellas" ilk or is a bar , pool playing dude is probably going to be a less than ideal husband or parent. The focus is their fun. Marriage can have FUN in it but marriages and family are also hard work. A man focused on his own pleasure and not building a family should not have kids..please stop falling for people cuz they are gorgeous ( looks fade), have nice things ( materialism is shallow, or they are man babies. If you do, then you will have a MINO... and y'all probably won't make it. Married 3months the first time ( I left skid marks getting away) 9 yrs the second, 28 years the 3rd. No man babies .
Don't let his threats and intimidation tactics keep you in a situation you don't want nor deserve to be in bc that's all he's got. You are the more stable partner, you make more money, etc so the likelihood that he'd be able to actually win if he were to try to take custody is pretty slim. Do yourself a favor and start documenting everything. The more evidence you can show the court to support your case, the better and since he thinks you'll just roll over and take it I would let him show his rear all he wanted bc that's only helping you in the long run. All that ridiculousness and abusive behavior will come back to haunt him if you are smart enough to use it to your benefit. He's pathetic. He knows it and he's just mad that now you do too and are refusing to allow him to continue to live in his fantasy world where he's husband/father of the year and the smartest, most superior, greatest provider of all time🙄. I literally can't roll my eyes hard enough. Get out now and save yourself.
I am outraged about his behavior. His neglect and abuse is appalling yet sneaky - first of all, neglect IS abuse, and threatening violence is considered assault. You've heard the term "assault & battery?" Assault is the threatening and battery is the actual violence. At this point I don't give a f**k what his side of the story is. If you feel unsafe, I need you to print out everything you've told us here and take it to a women's shelter. They will have resources and be able to help you get a restraining order, a divorce lawyer, and give you a place to stay. Please be strong, if not for yourself than for your son. He is already learning that to Daddy, he is not as important as the game console. That's some formative brain s**t that will affect him in a big way. I have a friend who was in a similar situation after they had a baby, but without the threat of violence. It never got better and he actually wound up stepping out on her. She divorced him and found a wonderful new husband. :)
I'm sure there is more to this story. Like if you think the baby needs a bath, and I don't, why should I have to bath him. And if I think he needs to play sports, and you don't want him joining the team at all, should I make you shuttle him alone then...
...Wow.. this guy is a right bastard. He's using manipulation and beat down someone so all they'll think they have is him. That's straight up narcissism. That's how abusers keep people with them. Ten bucks he's charming when he wants to be, psychopaths usually are.
It’s hard to leave an abusive relationship. The abuser convinces the victim she’s worthless and often, it sinks in deeply. OP needs to focus on the welfare of the child as well as herself. That means getting away from that adult child she married. There are very decent, mature men in the world and you will find one but you must first break this tie that holds you. Be brave and get that divorce. The pain will fade with time.
I’m old school military. This so-called husband and father needs a Blanket Party!
Says she works intelligence…yet clearly ignores his behaviors and who he’s always been has a baby with him… yeah. Plus says she’s missed out on 6 weeks of work over the last 3 months and still gets a promotion… fakest story ever. Also her saying he sleeps 8-14 hours a day but they’re both military… not possible. Fakest story ever
1. Have sex with a guy that is not into you. 2. Having the baby against the man's wishes. 3. Marrying the guy that is not into you. So many ways this situation was brought on by the poor choices made by the op and could all have been easily avoided. Please don't look at him anymore.. time to look at yourself.
good get that divorce, I never understand why women marry men like this, you know he has always been this way too so it's not like he became selfish. NTA and hopefully smart enough to realize there is no future with someone like this, know your worth.
This is horrible! A literal nightmare situation.. she needs to get away from him! Let him divorce..end this!
The moment he told you that "you will not be allowed to take your child back home to be with family" you have a very serious problem. Be very careful how you proceed with this guy. It seems like they could build monuments to his self-centeredness! (Yes, I know that's not a word.) Find you a very good lawyer.
This post is weird! Why would the OP even need to ask the AITA question. Clearly the partner is a selfish, self-entitled, abusive, gas-lighting a*s. It's amazing that so many women go on to have kids with these kind of men... and then need to go onto a public forum to find out if the are being unreasonable for responding to outrageous behaviour.
While I agree divorce should be a last resort in your case I would say Run like the wind. In any divorce in order to have joint custody both parents must take classes, I highly doubt your soon to be Ex will show up. You could also curtail his visitation rights with the valid concern that his negligence would endanger the child. Also after the divorce he has no say in where you and your child move. So by all means if you get the chance move closer to your family. Having thier support might give you the boost you need.
Ok you are the mother of your child and do 100% of the care for him so you are the custodial parent. He has no rights to your child if you choose to leave. You can leave with your son, but get him on child support. The court should favor you in this situation. He is an a*****e and deserves nothing.
Please take advantage of any and all resources at your disposal to leave this situation as his behaviour will not improve. You are a smart, successful, hardworking woman who deserves better, and so does your child.
The husband is gaslighting the hell out of his wife! If she puts up with this, her self esteem will diminish and he may get more abusive. It may even turn physical. I had a husband similar to this one. I put up with that for 29 years. In my own experience, if you don't demand respect now, it only gets worse. If I had demanded respect at the beginning of our relationship we probably would have gotten a divorce a lot sooner which would have saved me years of pain and feeling like I've wasted a good chunk of my life!
Leave, cut the plugs off all gaming equipment so that he has to buy new, run away as fast as you can
NTA, let him pay child support and play games on another manchild's couch. Document how little he visits, he may not have as much say in your relocation as you think.
Sounds a lot like a life if my sister but she had a daughter with that a*****e
I'm sorry but when will people just learn to put themselves first. Allow yourselves to be selfish! I'm starting to feel like humans generally know what to do but choose wrongly, then cry about it to others later. We as a society have got to learn to do better from the beginning! From the start, that man was immature abd wanted nothing to do with her or her child - she should have listened and learned from THAT. She now needs to remove herself AND child from that situation ASAP or her son will grow up to be just like his father and she and the child will be traumatized. People, stop allowing others to reign over you. Young lady, get out and stand up for yourself!
Omg I would have broke the f*****g game these dudes are sickening. females everywhere please I beg you stop giving these dudes the goods and bringing babies into this world with ain't s**t dudes y'all are hurting yourselves and society as a whole because on the other end of this baby going to grow up knowing his daddy an a*****e and don't want to take care of them a person suffers psychological s**t over this we got the whole damn world in therapy now cause y'all sexual revolution leaving y'all single parenting and struggling, y'all better than me I would be in jail mf would be dead y'all got to just stop giving these mofos the pussy
I hope you end up on the best side the divorce. This man/boy does not deserve any woman, and should be considered your son's father in name only. Unfortunately, everything you could have done is not. Do it now. You and your son will never have the better life you deserve until you leave this fool.
I can't even. How has this guy not mysteriously gone missing? She's a better person than I.
OP is raising two kids not one. The sooner she gets out, the easier it is going to be. Don't let it get to the stage where the kid can be manipulated by the father, he will be turned against you. Obsessive computer gaming does that to boys. I speak of experience. GET OUT NOW.
Divorce him. Divorce him now. He is a man child, and a disgrace to the race of "Men" I have a baby and while I do play games, I am willing to go afk and leave the game to change his diapers (which I handle 90%), bathe him,, feed him and do house work. Keep in mind I also bring in 70% of the household income, so i can say without a doubt, your husband is just a waste of childish space
I'm sorry OP but please change his diaper then drop him back off to his mommy. He is waaaaay to immature to be a husband and a father! He also didn't advance in his career because hes a loser!
Yah, she needs to lose this über-jerk. I mean f**K him. Or better yet, don't.
Op should get far away from this loser, probably only e3 cause that's all he's good for the useless fk
Number one mistake was joining the military. Number two was marrying a military d**k. Number three was having a kid with said military d**k. Go get you a real man who contributes to society.
Military is a great way of gaining experience and getting a 6 figure job(if you do it right) after a few years of service, medical, life insurance and education. I guess it's a mistake to joining the military and only then getting offered jobs that pay $2000 a day🤷♀️
Load More Replies... Coming from someone who is married but has always loved video games, what your husband is doing is unfair and childish. I play video games every day almost, but I limit my time to an hour or so after work and more on the weekends depending on what we have going on. I always set aside time for my wife and my kids though. As in most things with being married, there has to be compromise. I think you need to set some boundaries mutually with your husband, but from what you've said it doesn't sound like he's mentally mature enough do do that. I'm sorry but it doesn't seem like he's going to get better.
Generally, seeing just a legal mediator to figure out a divorce sounds like a nice idea, but I don't recommend it. A friend of mine did this, and she was so anxious to compromise, that she agreed to some things that hurt her in the end. In my divorce, my ex and I each had a lawyer, and together the four of us went to a mediator. This way, I always had someone knowledgeable looking out for my interests as we negotiated. This may or may not apply to the OP's situation, but if you're getting a divorce, I highly recommend it. It wasn't immediately clear to me that this was even an option - definitely the way to go!
Aaaaand this is exactly why couples need to be on the same page when it comes to the "kid" thing. Sounds like he never really wanted any in the first place (nothing wrong with that) but then hastily changed his mind without giving it much thought and now he's regretting it. DO NOT HAVE KIDS if you can't come to an agreement.
i was in the military.. if you can't get from E3 to E4 just by showing up for the exam you don't have a chance. all that is involved is min. length of time at current rank and just showing up.
It totally depends on rate/MOS. In the Navy, some jobs are so locked up advancement is hard, even for picking up E4.
Load More Replies... Every friend of mine who kept am unintended baby ended up with either a piece of c**p like this or a sudden change of interest when the kid is 3-8 and they have an insecure love interest. He's only there because he can weaponize his kid to do so.
If this immature young man has his way, you will be bound to a LOSER!!! My daughter married a joker like this. Before long it’s going to be selfish, selfish, selfish. I never agree to the “D” until I see “No Hope”. Get a good lawyer and take “joker” into the reality courtroom. You can always remarry him when he grows up. Make him responsible or he will jam you and the children up. Experience has taught me… some dudes will never grow up. Sorry for your losses.
One thing you should never do is air your dirty laundry in public or your bank account info. Like the day you made that baby, you are f****d. Adapt and keep pushing thru. Putting your problems out there is only making it worse. Now take care of baby, nothing else.
Why you want to marry him, because you want his money right. So take what karma u deserve
LMAO - tell everyone you're an incel, without telling everyone you're an incel!
Load More Replies... All of these people who complain about their husbands playing video games needs to grow up. You new who he was before you married him did you honestly think that by marrying him that it would stop. How nieve are you. I mean seriously.
hey everybody! brendon called bs - pls. restart your computers.
Load More Replies...
91
173