Woman Isn’t Invited For Christmas With Husband’s Family Because Of Last Year’s ‘Negative Points’, Drama Ensues When She Doesn’t Pack Bags For Husband To Go Alone
It’s tough enough thinking that your partner’s family might not like you as much as you hoped they would. It’s tougher still when you know that for a fact and when they don’t even invite you over for Christmas.
One redditor shared how she and her husband got into a huge argument that started when his folks decided that they only want him over for Xmas this year. Deciding that he would, in fact, be traveling to spend time with his family alone, without his wife, the husband got angry that she didn’t pack his bags for the trip and called her “petty.”
The redditor turned to the AITA online community for advice and their verdict, wondering if she was wrong not to pack his bags, even though that’s what she usually does when they travel anywhere together. Scroll down for the full story and let us know in the comments what you think of the entire complicated situation. What would you do if you were in the redditor’s shoes, dear Pandas? What’s the best way forward?
A woman shared how she and her husband got into a huge argument over some of his bags that she didn’t pack
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
Here’s the full story. Everything started when the woman learned her husband’s family doesn’t like her very much
Image credits: richnfamous353
The redditor’s post on the AITA subreddit caught many an internet user’s attention. The story got 22k upvotes in less than a day (or, as I like to think of it, roughly a thousand upvotes each and every hour). What’s more, other redditors gave the author of the post several dozen Reddit awards.
Relationship expert and self-love coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview that to get over so-called “post-argument hangovers” requires physical closeness, like “a hug or a 6-second kiss,” for the sake of co-regulation.
“[Co-regulation is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing,” she said how couples can reconnect with one another after fights.
Meanwhile, dating expert Dan Bacon told me that there’s some confusion among some couples who think that married life is exactly like dating.
“When you’re in a marriage for real, you approach the relationship in a way where you are in it for life and therefore, you sincerely care about how you make the other person feel and their experience in the relationship on a daily basis. They are literally the most important person to you and you act accordingly,” Dan, the founder of The Modern Man, explained to Bored Panda.
“Dating is for now and marriage is for life, so people’s behavior and treatment of each other usually adjusts to suit that,” he said. “I say ‘usually’ because some people make the mistake of treating a marriage more like a dating relationship.”
According to the expert, when couples “marry for real,” they embrace their vows and aim to be together forever, not temporarily. Marriage, in these cases, is a life-changing step. “It’s a huge part of your life experience because the other person is literally going to be there the whole way, so you don’t want to mess up the happy, in love dynamic that you’re experiencing together. You want the love and good times to last for life, so it encourages you to be a better person in the relationship.”
Other Reddit users were very honest about what they thought of the whole situation
Send that family a list with negative points and leave him. That capeesh was not funny, he's a weak twat and that family is toxic. You are not the maid. Go have some fun and have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, that absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, and that was even before the whole "pack my bags" bullshit. Good riddance.
Load More Replies...
"Capeesh"? He actually said "capeesh"?! Look, Redditors, hyperbole doesn't help your case, but if this is a completely accurate quote, OP needs to find a divorce lawyer who specialises in Goodfella wannabes, and to take a long look in the mirror at what on earth she was thinking marrying a bad cliche.
I hope she leaves before she gets knocked up, because it’s fine if you have no selfworth and put yourself through this, but kids should have no part in this.
I wouldn't say this is cause for immediate divorce, but this is definitely cause for the "DO you want to be married talk", and some double-checking at the gyno. Can't be too careful right now.
Load More Replies...
My (ex) in-laws were just as unpleasant. First Christmas after we got together we had lunch with his parents. MIL made a beef roast, pork roast and a roast chicken. For 4 people. They were all so overcooked, it was like eating sawdust and splinters. Overboiled Brussel sprouts, which I don't like anyway; the roast potatoes and carrots were at least edible. I glugged more wine than I should have just to be able to wash the small nibbles of meat I felt obligated to eat. All the while, I was fending off personal attacks from his mother about me, my career choices (she didn't know w I had a degree, and the job I had working in a print shop was retraining as a graphic designer). All in all it was a nightmare, and I still married the man (smh) We were together for 15 years, married almost 13 years. He never stuck up for me, defended me from his mother's unkindness. She was a major catalyst in the ending of my marriage. Unfortunately I didn't have enough self-respect to defend myself either. She ended up alone, miserable and never sees her (only) son and (only) grandchild - my daughter is a lesbian, and therefore "not worth knowing". Luckily my daughter is a very well adjusted, self-assured and remarkable young woman, and I am extremely proud of her!
boy, what a nice person she is! had this been me i would have sent back a letter with bullet points of what was negative from my perspective. i get the tension that can come from being with a SO's family in the beginning. i was the only non italian, non-christian (jewish), been married before w/a child who married the only son so there a bit of apprehension but if this is happening after 4 yrs...then time to re-evaluate. i will say that all my concerns were for naught. when i got to their house i was greeted with the biggest and best kosher spread i had ever seen. seems my father in law wanted to make sure i was 'comfortable' with eating at their home. they won my heart at that moment...especially after i found out he traveled miles to the only kosher store in the area, consulted with the owners, and bought half the store.
Yikes. A spoiled man-child from an awful family doesn't sound like a fun Christmas, or a great marriage. I'd be out of there like a shot!
Take a good look at your partner’s family. If they’re cold to you now it doesn’t get any better in the future and it feels worse as years go on. I speak from experience.
You and me both! My mother in law has hated me from day one. 16 years later the only difference is now I don't give a fu k
Load More Replies...
I normally think these are made up, but I don't think this one is. I've seen several examples of this mother/son codependency in my real life, and they are actually frighteningly similar to this.
Load More Replies...
The husband is pathertic. I would stand up for my partner if my family sent a list of negative points and replied that I will not be attending, and then sending a list of their negative points. I would then end it with: Due to the excessive amount of accumulated negative points, I have decreed that my wife and I will be going no contact with you for the year and re-evaluating the negative points next Christmas to see if they have been reduced enough to allow you to re-establish contact. This is looking very unlikely unless you start pulling out all the stops to achieve a loving relationship with my wife and earn our respect. I doubt you will be able to act in such a manner and if this continues for 3 years in total then the no contact will become permanent.
Oh wow, I would not stay with a man like that. My ex actually went to see his family before Christmas when we were together, and he was supposed to come back home on the 24th, but then when he was supposed to already be halfway here, he messaged me that he missed the train and won't be coming home that day, but he'll be here on the 25th. Same thing happened again, and on the 26th as well.. I had decorated the house, bought all the foods, got him a fricking present, cleaned up the house.. I don't even care that much about Christmas, but it was our first (and only one) together, AND it was actually the anniversary of the first time we met irl, and he didn't even f*****g care.
The moment I married my wife she became my new family, and I honestly would never choose my old family over my new family.
Definitely divorce now and chalk it up to experience. It seems this woman has married a man still umbilically attached to his mother so dodge a bullet.
Leave the man asap !! And, you can dress as you think it's appropriate unless informed otherwise before an event. I was taught women never stand up when saluting somebody especially when you are not the newcomer. We men do. Your husband doesn't deserve you. Leave before you have kids.
The things some people will put up with to avoid being alone. I wonder if the OP considers this situation a good enough reason to divorce
Why are there so many women on these kind of AITA asking the same question they already know the answer to and even getting married to men like that in the first place? Then have children with them?! Have they got no respect for themselves?
That's like asking a victim of abuse why they don't leave their spouses. Don't victim blame, it's an asshole move. Try to actually understand that not everyone thinks alike and think of themselves and the situation they're in differently than you do. Maybe when they first met, he was the perfect, kindest man she ever met and after dating and getting married only then does his true personality start to show. People can be manipulative, maybe after fights the guy reverts back to the sweet person she once knew and she thinks that negative behavior will pass because "that's not who he really is". There are plenty of reasons like these hypothetical ones why a woman stays with men like that. Just don't be an asshole and start degrading her because she's with him in the first place
Load More Replies...
Excuse me, he got pissed because you didn't pack his bags? What is he, five?
If I ever packed my husbands bahs he would know he wasn't welcome back. You can fit a lot of someone's belongings into large trash bags.
Load More Replies...
You should've just both went to your family then. The thing is when you marry you are making your own family now and that should be prioritized. If they don't like half of you, they don't like the package, and you're supposed to be a package deal
Cut your losses and divorce him. Two years is nothing but a bump in the road. He expects you to mummy him, doesn't stand up for you to his own mummy and is a little bitch when he has to do something on his own. Yeah, get out now. I don't even know you and I know you deserve so much better.
Girl you need to GTFO. That dude is as toxic as his family. He WILL end up hurting you.
You need a divorce lawyer and a new life away from this man and his family. Run away from this pile of Oprah bullsh*t.
I have never packed my husbands bags. I mean, I would have, if he'd ask, but he's a military dude and everything has a place, has to be done a certain way, and he's been packing his own bags for 31 years now (he's 50, so prob longer than that) and he says he doesn't need anyone to do this kind of stuff for him. He teaches his soldiers the same damn thing- don't expect ANYONE to do your s**t for you, you have 2 hands, do it yourself! He's probably the perfect partner, in that respect. He's also pretty damn good in bed lol
AITA isn't moral about dilemmas, but just venting these days. AITA for not liking these anymore?
Yikes. I don't even pack my husband's bag when we ARE traveling together!
Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. His family sucks as much ass as he does. It's obvious where he gets his entitled attitude from. The LEAST point to take from this is that HE'S A GROWN F*****G MAN AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO PACK HIS OWN BAGS. Other than that, he's a piece of trash that needs to be left at the curb.
Ditch him. He doesn't even love you. You think when his parents die and he get his inheritance he will stay with you? If that's the reason uou stay, forget about it. The man baby will dith you and make sure his lawyers squeeze every penny you should be getting. Gurl, run right now.
Why do people get married? They are clearly not ment for each other.... if he chooses his family... dump him!!!
Sometimes these stories make me wonder how man children like this get wives in the first place
Pack up his crAp in boxes and ship it all to his "family" home, change the locks on your house, and kiss his memory adios!
Well, he said he is going to spend his time with his family, not with you... Clearly, you are not in his family then... I have to agre with some YTA, let the man be with the woman he wishes, his mother.... You can do much better.
Girl needs to get a divorce. Now. This will never change. There seems to be this generation of mothers and sons who are completely codependent, and these sons can't even be bothered to put their own kids before their mothers. I've seen a lot of examples of this personally, and keep reading about it online too. She needs to run, fast, and don't look back.
Get out of this sham of a marriage. You are better off living alone. He will always be momma's little boy. Run before he gets back from mommy and daddy's.
Sorry but you've married a narcissist. He expects you to jump to his wishes and gaslights you when you don't jump for him. He tried to make himself the victim and you the aggressor. For God's sake don't have a child with this man, and get a lawyer!!
Isn't spending Christmas together is what a married couple should do?! What's the point of being married if you're going to spend a significant period like Christmas time, apart?!
THIS is what shark lawyers are for. Destroy him in divorce court.
Yeah, didn’t even read the whole thread until I was like, get a divorce. He wants a maid/escort, not a wife. Some women I perfectly happy being a nanny to a grown a*s man, but if that’s not you, divorce him.
NTA. Go and get well and truely "Merry under the weather" .Get plastered to the wall. Hire a stripper or two. Go full Monty and enjoy yourself. ...capeesh?
I wonder what the 'negative points' are, though? Like, if she spent the entire vacation wasted, screaming at them, and flashing people in public, I can understand them not inviting her ever again. And even kind of understand why her husband would likewise try to wriggle out of spending the holiday with her. If it was more along the lines she was kind of awkward and didn't fit in seamlessly, then yeah, she needs a divorce.
It always amazes me how people can be together for so long, but the red flags only just start popping up.
He said not too crazy for vacation. Show him and his family crazy girl. Enjoy ur Christmas and send them big pictures of your crazy that makes them green with jealous. I have seen enough mama's boys that think their mom n family is always right. But I have also seen some slowly change over time.
Well, western white woman are total degenerates. If she didnt understood that she hast to represent AT christmas and even got negative points its clearly on her. And AT the degenerates in the comment sektion talking about divorce: Go ahead. Do it. If you are over 30, and you are, otherwise ,ou wouldnt write lofty bullshit, your sexual and parship worth is hitting the wall. Empty egg carton. If you cant carry yourself and didnt produce children you are totally expendable for society and a parship
Ok, pick me , pick me. Who hurt you? You should seek help very urgently. I assume that this is a troll account and you are just a poor little creature who hates women. Pull yourself together man. The story is not real anyway. I was really amused by your verbal diarrhea though! Thanks for that
Load More Replies...
Oh dear. If u ever read this talk to ur husband. If he dont change his point of view i dont see bright future ahead of you two. Do u want to explain to your future kids why father is not home on christmas or worse spend them alone when he'll take them? You are now his closest family n u deserve to be most important to him.
My advice goes to any one out there who is emotionally depressed or having any similar relationship problem,to contact Dr Okiti the ultimate spell caster VIa his email okitilovespelltemple@gmail. com or WhatsApp +2348140757352 he is the best spell caster you can rely on to help you out ,he recently restored back my relationship back with his power
Uhh why can't he pack his own bags? He's in his thirties and not a toddler right?
If that were my husband he would be my ex-husband as soon as he said he was going and definitely would've gotten his luggage thrown out of a window if he came at me like that. It's not like couple need to spend the holidays together but the reasoning to exclude her is just plain petty. Hubby should've spoke to his mother and laid down the law.
That is insane that you even stay with him, him and his family are trash. Move on now.
Do you want to try and change him? Are you content in this marriage knowing his attitude? If this is something you want to live with then go ahead and rise above. You are definitely not what I consider the problem.
WTF. If you are independent financially I would leave immediately. Agree with Caro Caro.
This is abusive. She needs to leave him ASAP. This is unbelievable on every level. What a horrible family.
hmmm, if its true they guy and his family are terrible... but it kind seens a little "to much". sounds fake to me. o well
It takes time for a relationship to start feeling like family. Been with my hubby for 5 years, married 3 years. I'm in a similar situation where there's a family group chat I'm not added to. The family would add me but my husband doesn't want me added. At first I thought it's because his family doesn't like me but later on i realized it's because he doesn't like his family that much and doesn't want me spending time with them. There have been times where he went on trips with his family without me. At first, I would feel left out, but since his family and I are so different, I realized my hubby disincluded me because he wanted to spare me the pain of being with his family. These days, my hubby avoids spending a lot of time with his family mainly because he doesn't want me to be alone but also because he doesn't want us to spend too much time with his family due to some differences in lifestyle etc. We didn't get to where we are now right away. It takes time.
It's a shame to see many comments saying divorce as an answer or solution. There are many alternatives that can be done before resorting to this last option. By letting her husband spend time with his family without her it creates an opportunity for him to learn because he would miss her presence there and realize how wrong he was. It just takes some time for people to learn and some people learn the hard way. We just have to give them their time and space to figure it out. I know my husband missed me a lot when he spent time with his family without me. Out of 5 years of being together, it didn't change until this year when he couldn't do it anymore. Now we either go together to see his family or we don't go at all, never just him. It does take a lot of patience and trust that things will work out. Rather than taking it upon myself to argue with jom, teach him, and tell him how to do right by me, I let him figure it out on his own. You'd be surprised how much one can learn from themsel
Load More Replies...
My SIL is divorcing her man-child, all I can say is she should have done it a LOT sooner! If he will not stand up for you now, he never will. Don't walk, run as far away as you can.
If this is true, if he went that relationship is meaningless to him, and she needs to divorce him. Sad that it has to go to that, but, he's not invested that he would go.
I agree with the leaving him part, but I would not leave the house. I would change all the locks, file for divorce as quickly as possible, and if it's possible where you live, get a restraining order. I assume you both contributed to the purchase and upkeep of the house? Why should you lose that when he ITA.
Get away from this man and his toxic family. You deserve so much more than this!
Get out while you can. This family see you as beneath them plus your husband isn't much better. He is still very much attached to dear mamma's apron strings and I doubt if the link will ever be severed. God help you if you have any children to this over grown idiot. RUN and keep running
I would ask for a comprehensive breakdown of the scores and were you aware of the rules before attending? At least you passed the blood and urine sample .......but really why are you still there?
this is one of the situations where I dont understand why they got married in the first place. Husband does not defend his own wife and leaves his wife alone during Christmas and is angry she did not pack his suitcase. Now she should pack his suitcase AND change door locks AND never speak to him again except for the divorce trial.
When did families get so inconsiderate and disrespectful? I know how it is girl, I have been treated just as you have been by my ex in laws. Mind you My Ex Inlaws due to the fact my husband thought it was also acceptable for his family to continue to disrespect me and not invite me to family affairs. His title now is ex husband.
YOU IN DANGER GIRL. Leave him while he's gone, change the locks and get a restraining order.
You're just 30 years old - RUN!!!! And talking about manners' there is a very clear biological agenda about what is your immediate family: Once you are married, especially when you have children, those are your priority. That is your core family. Parents come second after that. Anything else is just immature. This guy married a cleaner/bedpartner/incubator/nanny. He did not marry a partner.
Whatever happened to "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"??
I once went to marriage counselling. They had a video called 'Don't let your inlaws become outlaws'.
Load More Replies...
F**k, f**k, f**k that s**t/ Run the f**k away/ MIL can suck a d**k/ And divorce that f**k today
I understand helping a 5-year old pack (but even then, they should still largely pack their own stuff by themselves). Why would a grown man expect his bags to be packed for him?
Created an account on Reddit to leave a comment...I hope you realize you deserve a partner that respects & honors you in the best way possible. Others stated he is a man child (agreed) because he will not stand up to his parents because they control the purse strings. He also sounds emotionally abusive to you. What kind hearted family would disinvite their D-I-L? The answer: An abusive family that operates from “control & power” instead of kindness and love. People of good character & values do not treat others this way. They make it their mission to model the expectations important to them (being hospitable, kind and generous). Being once married into a well off family, I understand. If you’re interested in living a life controlled by your in-laws, stay in the marriage but if you are looking for true love, enrichment, and fulfillment divorce your husband. As long as your husband is fearful of losing his trust fund money and inheritance nothing will change in your marriage...
ESH. He's choosing his family over you. You're behaving like a servant. This isn't a relationship of equals by any means. He clearly views you as subservient and expects you to cater to his needs while also ignoring yours. Get out.
S**t sounds like my brothers baby mama. Her family is all "privileged" and she obviously grew up different and likes to low-key brag about it. They managed to turn my brother into one of them (though he claims hes not, but his behaviour towards his own family proves otherwise). I am who I am around them, whenever I am. He acts completely different. We shared an apartment together for a short period and when her parents came they criticized everything of mine that was out. Then it started disappearing before the brats parents came over. Kicked her ass out! And her effing baby. She thought... Oh she thought she could stomp all over me (cuz theres more to this story lmao) but hell naw. You can't treat people like they're lower than you just because of your own upbringings were different. We are all human. Sorry I wasn't as lucky to get an ipod and American Girl doll every time I f*****g cried about something. I had to take care of my family being the oldest, with a single mother
Me being a guy; my viewpoint is from the husband, and with that being said this is what I would have done. First I would have talked to my mother, asked her what negative points my wife had earned in detail. Just in case she had sex with someone there, then they took a piss all over the Christmas Turkey when they were done. "Yes I doubt it too." Then I would tell my wife all that my family were saying. Next my love, and I would mail all the Christmas gifts to my family "were not Scrooges." Next I'd explain to my wife how, and why I love her so much an that since she,and I are married that we're our own family. After that I would ask her if she where "she" would like to spend Christmas anywhere in the world that was available to us. When she had chosen where she wanted us to go; I would have went an packed our luggage an we would have spent a stress-free holiday, and took a lot of photos to send to my mother,and family. An I would have a video made of my wife, and I getting re-married
You tried too hard with this one...simmer it down a bit next time.
Load More Replies...
Send that family a list with negative points and leave him. That capeesh was not funny, he's a weak twat and that family is toxic. You are not the maid. Go have some fun and have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, that absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, and that was even before the whole "pack my bags" bullshit. Good riddance.
Load More Replies... "Capeesh"? He actually said "capeesh"?! Look, Redditors, hyperbole doesn't help your case, but if this is a completely accurate quote, OP needs to find a divorce lawyer who specialises in Goodfella wannabes, and to take a long look in the mirror at what on earth she was thinking marrying a bad cliche.
I hope she leaves before she gets knocked up, because it’s fine if you have no selfworth and put yourself through this, but kids should have no part in this.
I wouldn't say this is cause for immediate divorce, but this is definitely cause for the "DO you want to be married talk", and some double-checking at the gyno. Can't be too careful right now.
Load More Replies... My (ex) in-laws were just as unpleasant. First Christmas after we got together we had lunch with his parents. MIL made a beef roast, pork roast and a roast chicken. For 4 people. They were all so overcooked, it was like eating sawdust and splinters. Overboiled Brussel sprouts, which I don't like anyway; the roast potatoes and carrots were at least edible. I glugged more wine than I should have just to be able to wash the small nibbles of meat I felt obligated to eat. All the while, I was fending off personal attacks from his mother about me, my career choices (she didn't know w I had a degree, and the job I had working in a print shop was retraining as a graphic designer). All in all it was a nightmare, and I still married the man (smh) We were together for 15 years, married almost 13 years. He never stuck up for me, defended me from his mother's unkindness. She was a major catalyst in the ending of my marriage. Unfortunately I didn't have enough self-respect to defend myself either. She ended up alone, miserable and never sees her (only) son and (only) grandchild - my daughter is a lesbian, and therefore "not worth knowing". Luckily my daughter is a very well adjusted, self-assured and remarkable young woman, and I am extremely proud of her!
boy, what a nice person she is! had this been me i would have sent back a letter with bullet points of what was negative from my perspective. i get the tension that can come from being with a SO's family in the beginning. i was the only non italian, non-christian (jewish), been married before w/a child who married the only son so there a bit of apprehension but if this is happening after 4 yrs...then time to re-evaluate. i will say that all my concerns were for naught. when i got to their house i was greeted with the biggest and best kosher spread i had ever seen. seems my father in law wanted to make sure i was 'comfortable' with eating at their home. they won my heart at that moment...especially after i found out he traveled miles to the only kosher store in the area, consulted with the owners, and bought half the store.
Yikes. A spoiled man-child from an awful family doesn't sound like a fun Christmas, or a great marriage. I'd be out of there like a shot!
Take a good look at your partner’s family. If they’re cold to you now it doesn’t get any better in the future and it feels worse as years go on. I speak from experience.
You and me both! My mother in law has hated me from day one. 16 years later the only difference is now I don't give a fu k
Load More Replies... I normally think these are made up, but I don't think this one is. I've seen several examples of this mother/son codependency in my real life, and they are actually frighteningly similar to this.
Load More Replies... The husband is pathertic. I would stand up for my partner if my family sent a list of negative points and replied that I will not be attending, and then sending a list of their negative points. I would then end it with: Due to the excessive amount of accumulated negative points, I have decreed that my wife and I will be going no contact with you for the year and re-evaluating the negative points next Christmas to see if they have been reduced enough to allow you to re-establish contact. This is looking very unlikely unless you start pulling out all the stops to achieve a loving relationship with my wife and earn our respect. I doubt you will be able to act in such a manner and if this continues for 3 years in total then the no contact will become permanent.
Oh wow, I would not stay with a man like that. My ex actually went to see his family before Christmas when we were together, and he was supposed to come back home on the 24th, but then when he was supposed to already be halfway here, he messaged me that he missed the train and won't be coming home that day, but he'll be here on the 25th. Same thing happened again, and on the 26th as well.. I had decorated the house, bought all the foods, got him a fricking present, cleaned up the house.. I don't even care that much about Christmas, but it was our first (and only one) together, AND it was actually the anniversary of the first time we met irl, and he didn't even f*****g care.
The moment I married my wife she became my new family, and I honestly would never choose my old family over my new family.
Definitely divorce now and chalk it up to experience. It seems this woman has married a man still umbilically attached to his mother so dodge a bullet.
Leave the man asap !! And, you can dress as you think it's appropriate unless informed otherwise before an event. I was taught women never stand up when saluting somebody especially when you are not the newcomer. We men do. Your husband doesn't deserve you. Leave before you have kids.
The things some people will put up with to avoid being alone. I wonder if the OP considers this situation a good enough reason to divorce
Why are there so many women on these kind of AITA asking the same question they already know the answer to and even getting married to men like that in the first place? Then have children with them?! Have they got no respect for themselves?
That's like asking a victim of abuse why they don't leave their spouses. Don't victim blame, it's an asshole move. Try to actually understand that not everyone thinks alike and think of themselves and the situation they're in differently than you do. Maybe when they first met, he was the perfect, kindest man she ever met and after dating and getting married only then does his true personality start to show. People can be manipulative, maybe after fights the guy reverts back to the sweet person she once knew and she thinks that negative behavior will pass because "that's not who he really is". There are plenty of reasons like these hypothetical ones why a woman stays with men like that. Just don't be an asshole and start degrading her because she's with him in the first place
Load More Replies... Excuse me, he got pissed because you didn't pack his bags? What is he, five?
If I ever packed my husbands bahs he would know he wasn't welcome back. You can fit a lot of someone's belongings into large trash bags.
Load More Replies... You should've just both went to your family then. The thing is when you marry you are making your own family now and that should be prioritized. If they don't like half of you, they don't like the package, and you're supposed to be a package deal
Cut your losses and divorce him. Two years is nothing but a bump in the road. He expects you to mummy him, doesn't stand up for you to his own mummy and is a little bitch when he has to do something on his own. Yeah, get out now. I don't even know you and I know you deserve so much better.
Girl you need to GTFO. That dude is as toxic as his family. He WILL end up hurting you.
You need a divorce lawyer and a new life away from this man and his family. Run away from this pile of Oprah bullsh*t.
I have never packed my husbands bags. I mean, I would have, if he'd ask, but he's a military dude and everything has a place, has to be done a certain way, and he's been packing his own bags for 31 years now (he's 50, so prob longer than that) and he says he doesn't need anyone to do this kind of stuff for him. He teaches his soldiers the same damn thing- don't expect ANYONE to do your s**t for you, you have 2 hands, do it yourself! He's probably the perfect partner, in that respect. He's also pretty damn good in bed lol
AITA isn't moral about dilemmas, but just venting these days. AITA for not liking these anymore?
Yikes. I don't even pack my husband's bag when we ARE traveling together!
Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. His family sucks as much ass as he does. It's obvious where he gets his entitled attitude from. The LEAST point to take from this is that HE'S A GROWN F*****G MAN AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO PACK HIS OWN BAGS. Other than that, he's a piece of trash that needs to be left at the curb.
Ditch him. He doesn't even love you. You think when his parents die and he get his inheritance he will stay with you? If that's the reason uou stay, forget about it. The man baby will dith you and make sure his lawyers squeeze every penny you should be getting. Gurl, run right now.
Why do people get married? They are clearly not ment for each other.... if he chooses his family... dump him!!!
Sometimes these stories make me wonder how man children like this get wives in the first place
Pack up his crAp in boxes and ship it all to his "family" home, change the locks on your house, and kiss his memory adios!
Well, he said he is going to spend his time with his family, not with you... Clearly, you are not in his family then... I have to agre with some YTA, let the man be with the woman he wishes, his mother.... You can do much better.
Girl needs to get a divorce. Now. This will never change. There seems to be this generation of mothers and sons who are completely codependent, and these sons can't even be bothered to put their own kids before their mothers. I've seen a lot of examples of this personally, and keep reading about it online too. She needs to run, fast, and don't look back.
Get out of this sham of a marriage. You are better off living alone. He will always be momma's little boy. Run before he gets back from mommy and daddy's.
Sorry but you've married a narcissist. He expects you to jump to his wishes and gaslights you when you don't jump for him. He tried to make himself the victim and you the aggressor. For God's sake don't have a child with this man, and get a lawyer!!
Isn't spending Christmas together is what a married couple should do?! What's the point of being married if you're going to spend a significant period like Christmas time, apart?!
THIS is what shark lawyers are for. Destroy him in divorce court.
Yeah, didn’t even read the whole thread until I was like, get a divorce. He wants a maid/escort, not a wife. Some women I perfectly happy being a nanny to a grown a*s man, but if that’s not you, divorce him.
NTA. Go and get well and truely "Merry under the weather" .Get plastered to the wall. Hire a stripper or two. Go full Monty and enjoy yourself. ...capeesh?
I wonder what the 'negative points' are, though? Like, if she spent the entire vacation wasted, screaming at them, and flashing people in public, I can understand them not inviting her ever again. And even kind of understand why her husband would likewise try to wriggle out of spending the holiday with her. If it was more along the lines she was kind of awkward and didn't fit in seamlessly, then yeah, she needs a divorce.
It always amazes me how people can be together for so long, but the red flags only just start popping up.
He said not too crazy for vacation. Show him and his family crazy girl. Enjoy ur Christmas and send them big pictures of your crazy that makes them green with jealous. I have seen enough mama's boys that think their mom n family is always right. But I have also seen some slowly change over time.
Well, western white woman are total degenerates. If she didnt understood that she hast to represent AT christmas and even got negative points its clearly on her. And AT the degenerates in the comment sektion talking about divorce: Go ahead. Do it. If you are over 30, and you are, otherwise ,ou wouldnt write lofty bullshit, your sexual and parship worth is hitting the wall. Empty egg carton. If you cant carry yourself and didnt produce children you are totally expendable for society and a parship
Ok, pick me , pick me. Who hurt you? You should seek help very urgently. I assume that this is a troll account and you are just a poor little creature who hates women. Pull yourself together man. The story is not real anyway. I was really amused by your verbal diarrhea though! Thanks for that
Load More Replies... Oh dear. If u ever read this talk to ur husband. If he dont change his point of view i dont see bright future ahead of you two. Do u want to explain to your future kids why father is not home on christmas or worse spend them alone when he'll take them? You are now his closest family n u deserve to be most important to him.
My advice goes to any one out there who is emotionally depressed or having any similar relationship problem,to contact Dr Okiti the ultimate spell caster VIa his email okitilovespelltemple@gmail. com or WhatsApp +2348140757352 he is the best spell caster you can rely on to help you out ,he recently restored back my relationship back with his power
Uhh why can't he pack his own bags? He's in his thirties and not a toddler right?
If that were my husband he would be my ex-husband as soon as he said he was going and definitely would've gotten his luggage thrown out of a window if he came at me like that. It's not like couple need to spend the holidays together but the reasoning to exclude her is just plain petty. Hubby should've spoke to his mother and laid down the law.
That is insane that you even stay with him, him and his family are trash. Move on now.
Do you want to try and change him? Are you content in this marriage knowing his attitude? If this is something you want to live with then go ahead and rise above. You are definitely not what I consider the problem.
WTF. If you are independent financially I would leave immediately. Agree with Caro Caro.
This is abusive. She needs to leave him ASAP. This is unbelievable on every level. What a horrible family.
hmmm, if its true they guy and his family are terrible... but it kind seens a little "to much". sounds fake to me. o well
It takes time for a relationship to start feeling like family. Been with my hubby for 5 years, married 3 years. I'm in a similar situation where there's a family group chat I'm not added to. The family would add me but my husband doesn't want me added. At first I thought it's because his family doesn't like me but later on i realized it's because he doesn't like his family that much and doesn't want me spending time with them. There have been times where he went on trips with his family without me. At first, I would feel left out, but since his family and I are so different, I realized my hubby disincluded me because he wanted to spare me the pain of being with his family. These days, my hubby avoids spending a lot of time with his family mainly because he doesn't want me to be alone but also because he doesn't want us to spend too much time with his family due to some differences in lifestyle etc. We didn't get to where we are now right away. It takes time.
It's a shame to see many comments saying divorce as an answer or solution. There are many alternatives that can be done before resorting to this last option. By letting her husband spend time with his family without her it creates an opportunity for him to learn because he would miss her presence there and realize how wrong he was. It just takes some time for people to learn and some people learn the hard way. We just have to give them their time and space to figure it out. I know my husband missed me a lot when he spent time with his family without me. Out of 5 years of being together, it didn't change until this year when he couldn't do it anymore. Now we either go together to see his family or we don't go at all, never just him. It does take a lot of patience and trust that things will work out. Rather than taking it upon myself to argue with jom, teach him, and tell him how to do right by me, I let him figure it out on his own. You'd be surprised how much one can learn from themsel
Load More Replies... My SIL is divorcing her man-child, all I can say is she should have done it a LOT sooner! If he will not stand up for you now, he never will. Don't walk, run as far away as you can.
If this is true, if he went that relationship is meaningless to him, and she needs to divorce him. Sad that it has to go to that, but, he's not invested that he would go.
I agree with the leaving him part, but I would not leave the house. I would change all the locks, file for divorce as quickly as possible, and if it's possible where you live, get a restraining order. I assume you both contributed to the purchase and upkeep of the house? Why should you lose that when he ITA.
Get away from this man and his toxic family. You deserve so much more than this!
Get out while you can. This family see you as beneath them plus your husband isn't much better. He is still very much attached to dear mamma's apron strings and I doubt if the link will ever be severed. God help you if you have any children to this over grown idiot. RUN and keep running
I would ask for a comprehensive breakdown of the scores and were you aware of the rules before attending? At least you passed the blood and urine sample .......but really why are you still there?
this is one of the situations where I dont understand why they got married in the first place. Husband does not defend his own wife and leaves his wife alone during Christmas and is angry she did not pack his suitcase. Now she should pack his suitcase AND change door locks AND never speak to him again except for the divorce trial.
When did families get so inconsiderate and disrespectful? I know how it is girl, I have been treated just as you have been by my ex in laws. Mind you My Ex Inlaws due to the fact my husband thought it was also acceptable for his family to continue to disrespect me and not invite me to family affairs. His title now is ex husband.
YOU IN DANGER GIRL. Leave him while he's gone, change the locks and get a restraining order.
You're just 30 years old - RUN!!!! And talking about manners' there is a very clear biological agenda about what is your immediate family: Once you are married, especially when you have children, those are your priority. That is your core family. Parents come second after that. Anything else is just immature. This guy married a cleaner/bedpartner/incubator/nanny. He did not marry a partner.
Whatever happened to "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"??
I once went to marriage counselling. They had a video called 'Don't let your inlaws become outlaws'.
Load More Replies... F**k, f**k, f**k that s**t/ Run the f**k away/ MIL can suck a d**k/ And divorce that f**k today
I understand helping a 5-year old pack (but even then, they should still largely pack their own stuff by themselves). Why would a grown man expect his bags to be packed for him?
Created an account on Reddit to leave a comment...I hope you realize you deserve a partner that respects & honors you in the best way possible. Others stated he is a man child (agreed) because he will not stand up to his parents because they control the purse strings. He also sounds emotionally abusive to you. What kind hearted family would disinvite their D-I-L? The answer: An abusive family that operates from “control & power” instead of kindness and love. People of good character & values do not treat others this way. They make it their mission to model the expectations important to them (being hospitable, kind and generous). Being once married into a well off family, I understand. If you’re interested in living a life controlled by your in-laws, stay in the marriage but if you are looking for true love, enrichment, and fulfillment divorce your husband. As long as your husband is fearful of losing his trust fund money and inheritance nothing will change in your marriage...
ESH. He's choosing his family over you. You're behaving like a servant. This isn't a relationship of equals by any means. He clearly views you as subservient and expects you to cater to his needs while also ignoring yours. Get out.
S**t sounds like my brothers baby mama. Her family is all "privileged" and she obviously grew up different and likes to low-key brag about it. They managed to turn my brother into one of them (though he claims hes not, but his behaviour towards his own family proves otherwise). I am who I am around them, whenever I am. He acts completely different. We shared an apartment together for a short period and when her parents came they criticized everything of mine that was out. Then it started disappearing before the brats parents came over. Kicked her ass out! And her effing baby. She thought... Oh she thought she could stomp all over me (cuz theres more to this story lmao) but hell naw. You can't treat people like they're lower than you just because of your own upbringings were different. We are all human. Sorry I wasn't as lucky to get an ipod and American Girl doll every time I f*****g cried about something. I had to take care of my family being the oldest, with a single mother
Me being a guy; my viewpoint is from the husband, and with that being said this is what I would have done. First I would have talked to my mother, asked her what negative points my wife had earned in detail. Just in case she had sex with someone there, then they took a piss all over the Christmas Turkey when they were done. "Yes I doubt it too." Then I would tell my wife all that my family were saying. Next my love, and I would mail all the Christmas gifts to my family "were not Scrooges." Next I'd explain to my wife how, and why I love her so much an that since she,and I are married that we're our own family. After that I would ask her if she where "she" would like to spend Christmas anywhere in the world that was available to us. When she had chosen where she wanted us to go; I would have went an packed our luggage an we would have spent a stress-free holiday, and took a lot of photos to send to my mother,and family. An I would have a video made of my wife, and I getting re-married
You tried too hard with this one...simmer it down a bit next time.
Load More Replies... 
192
160