Entitled Husband Won’t Reheat Dinner Himself, Wakes Up His Sleeping Wife To Laugh In Her Face
Dividing up chores is a sore subject in households. Quite often, one partner ends up doing the lion’s share of the housework—from cooking and cleaning to taking care of the kids—while the other tends to skate by. Their excuse? They work all day, so they don’t have the energy to help out at home.
Unfortunately, in some cases, the relationship becomes so toxic that the arguments over chores aren’t even about chores at all. They’re about one partner trying to impose control over the other. By any nefarious means necessary. Such a relationship is anything but healthy.
Redditor u/throwawaySarah7, a mom of two, shared how she and her demanding ambulance driver husband got into a huge fight after he was told to reheat a meal by himself. Fair warning before you read: the story is very emotional and may be traumatizing if any of you Pandas have been in a thoroughly toxic relationship before. Scroll down for the full story in the redditor’s own words.
An argument over housework can reveal a lot of nasty things about a relationship
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how her husband had a toxic reaction when she asked him to reheat his own meal. The story shocked a lot of internet users
Image credits: throwawaySarah7
The fact that the husband refused to heat up the meal that his wife made for him, and insisted that she do it for him instead, is more than just about chores. It’s about power. It’s about control. It’s about showing who is the dominant person in the relationship. And it is toxic, unhealthy, and the redditor and her kids deserve better.
Relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon previously explained to Bored Panda that a lack of honest and open conversations about practical things like dividing up chores can lead to a lot of resentment, unnecessary arguments, and even break-ups. He stressed the fact that nobody should force their partner to do all or most of the housework, no matter their gender. At the end of the day, the couple has to set some ground rules for who does what.
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean,” he said.
“On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” he said that relationships have to be fair and both partners have to see each other as their equal.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple.”
Meanwhile, certified relationship coach Alex Scot said that dividing up housework is a necessity. “If one partner consistently does the majority of the work, typically it leads to that partner feeling like a nanny,” she explained to Bored Panda some time ago.
“For any chores that both partners don’t want to do, take turns alternating. This will vary from couple to couple but the goal here is to keep communication open, fair, and realistic for each other’s schedules,” she said.
Redditors were horrified by what they read. Here’s what they had to say about the entire situation
If he can't operate a microwave, he shouldn't be operating an ambulance. Pathetic manchild.
Good point!!! Can we know who he is so if he ever comes to treat us we can refuse on the grounds of ineptitude to be a grown up
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Can we please make more progress moving away from SAHM = not working. Especially when the children are under four years old. If she can work her "shift" and prepare herself some dinner, her deadbeat AH soon-to-be-ex (with any luck) husband certainly can.
I'm a big hairy middle aged, beer bellied bloke. There's nothing better than coming home and making my daughter a healthy tasty meal. "Oh, yum, dad!" as she is stuffing her face with fresh salads and veg and homemade bread just makes my heart melt. How can other guys not enjoy cooking??
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He yelled, waking you up and risking waking up the kids because he thinks it's your job to reheat a meal you prepared in advance? Get out while you can, honey, before your kids learn to mistreat others the way he mistreats you.
So what, he can't be expected to take food out of fridge and zap it in the microwave for 2 mins? My man works a 50 hour week and yet he prepares the meals once a week and does all the washing up after I've cooked. A relationship is about team work, mutual respect and communication. It doesn't sound like this is happening but also sounds like the wife has normalised his behaviour because she has no idea just how unacceptable this is - and that's the scary part. Her mother even suggested cooking in batches for him, so we get an idea of her own family dynamics here and it doesn't look good.
One thing that jumped out to me was his saying he almost passed out from hunger and had to go to bed hungry and it was all her fault. That blaming thing is scary for me.
Does he think it's the 1950s or something? I could understand not wanting to cook but all he has to do is throw it in the microwave. And shouting at her like that is not good.
Not even. My grandfathers were raised in the 30s-50s and they were sexist and lazy when it came to housechores (the youngest was awesome but he really was lazy at home). But they loved their wifes and they would have never yell at my grandmas in the middle of the night to reheat them dinner. They would have made a sandwitch.
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Let him starve, if he collapses onto the ground he can drive himself to the ER and explain that he was too lazy to reheat something in the microwave.
It's sad that raising the kids is still not understood as hard work everywhere. It's not generating money but still comes with 24/7 responsibility whilst the responsibility for a paid job usually ends when you clock out. I applaud parents - especially single parents- who are managing family live on a daily basis. I'm not sure if I could do it.
He'd buy a dog so he still has something to shout at. He's a control freak.
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My one friend is on Husband Three who is like this. When I visited, he yelled at her (then 7 months into a fragile pregnancy) to get him a beer. I yelled right back, "Your legs ain't broke, get it yourself!" You want a beer? Get off your butt and walk to a fridge. And, yes, it came form how her mother taught her to be. BTW, if you stay at home? 1. Who doesn't these days and 2. you're working. Believe me, you're working.
What is it with these types of men ..... Did they have a timid mouse as a mother? My dad wouldn't even think about doing that (my mum would laugh in his face). And I know for a fact that both my brothers wouldn't do it either. All the men in our family are good cooks too. And my 2 SIL are feisty enough to take no sh!t.
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I'd have smiled, silently walked downstairs, went and heated up his dinner, walked into the room where he's sitting, let him see the big plate of tasty food, then i'd launch that plate straight into the wall, let the food go everywhere, I'd quietly state "There's your fuc*ing dinner, you ungrateful cun*y child of a man. You bark an order at me like that again? They'll find your fuc*ing bodyparts strewn across 5 States". If he says a single thing to that, or afterwards about that event or any demands/childishness in future, I'd smile again, go pack my stuff, pick up the baby and leave. Serve him divorce papers, sue for child custody and alimony. He's abusing you, get out of this now.
Oh, spare the wall. Dump that full dish of piping hot food right in his lap. Then tell him to call his buddies to come pick him up and take him to the hospital. Of course, you would have pre-planned this, as a way to get him out of the house while your family and others in your support group either move in, change the locks, put his s**t on then,awn, and wait for him to come home so they can chase him off until she sells the house, OR come over en masse and help her clean the place out before he gets back. He can sleep on the f*****g floor. She should also take all the food, so he has to both grocery shop and cook for himself. Oh, and make sure she signs and initials the pre-filled divorce papers her attorney assembled for her, so they can be served first thing the next morning. She could also leave him the smallest/oldest/worst of their cars too—-it’ll come in handy, because he’ll need somewhere to live after she takes his sorry ass to the cleaners in divorce court.
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I work 12 hour rotating night shifts. I cook on my days off and make sure there's food for my whole family for the days I'll be at work. My partner can make his own food or get takeout if he doesn't want what I've made. When the kiddo (9) doesn't have school and I have to work, we discuss what he'll eat and do (mostly video games) while I'm sleeping and he does that and doesn't wake me unless he needs me. Literally, my 9 year old is more self sufficient than that guy.
As someone who grew up in a house full of red flags, I never recognised them when I should have. My stepfather was extremely abusive and controlling, psychologically abusive etc and my mom was his victim, and in a lot of ways she was complicit. I left home at 17 ended up in an abusive marriage (financially and emotionally abusive) and then in an abusive relationship for 6 years with a narcissist who utterly destroyed me. 4 years later and having a very good, balanced, mutually respectful and healthy relationship with the first man who's ever treated me with respect. It's very hard to leave when you've got kids because you'll be forever connected to that person. Also until she realises that this is an abusive relationship and asks for help, nothing will happen. Currently my boyfriend's son is in an abusive relationship with his wife she's extremely controlling and he is in very poor health and no one can do anything to help him until he realises that she is an abusive narcissist. The help and support is there for him as soon as he's ready for it.
Expecting to do shores after work is exactly what you can demand of the guy. If you are in a relationship, you take care of your lady and your kids. Period. If you are to tired to throw a plate in the micro, you either need a doctor or need to unstuck your head from your behind.
You know I'm a fairly traditional man, but FFS!! I'm in a sodding wheelchair & I can reheat my own dinner! Damn, I can even do certain housework as long as it's below a certain height 🤣🤣 This 'man' isn't incapable, he's a bloody control freak. I've been busy non-stop all day & my crippled a**e has just dragged a broken washing machine outside when I got home. I haven't reheated my dinner yet because I'm playing with the cats.
If you don't leave him now. Your children will pick up on this and start to treat you the same way. Eventually they will treat their sos this way. Break the cycle now. Run don't look back.
Please look up narcissist, gas lighting, and emotional control. I've been in this same place. The laughing at you to make you feel ridiculous for even suggesting your sleep is important. The manipulation. I'm sorry to say that abusers don't change and it'll only get worse and worse. Find a therapist that can help you regain your confidence and a support group of women who understand the cycle of abuse. I wish you all the luck in the world. Being a single mom is way easier and more enjoyable then where you are now.
Some men think wives are extensions of their mothers, thus the expectation of "do eveything for me."
Damn it, there's something in the air this week. Red flags!!!! Again this is huge red flag, quietly pack your things, take your babies and LEAVE, do not make any contact until you have reached safe place to report abuse. I wouldn't dare to sleep ever again, in case next time he flips and takes his anger out on children. If you are afraid or not afraid enough to leave, please get those children out of his reach. Danger danger danger. Divorce this abusive bastard who can't take care of himself. I'm a stay at home girlfriend, it's been over a year. My partner works hard and long days, and he NEVER expects me to cook, clean, entertain him because of it. I love cooking so he doesn't do this often but he always reheats his own food, and does dishes. Stay at home doesn't mean that you're there waiting for him to come home and be servant/beating bag to his attitude/frustration/anger. Imagine this man is responsible for saving lives ... Id be afraid to be served by him in my vulnerable s
How is reheating dinner a "chore"? That is one thing, among so so so many, that stuck out to me.. A chore is dishes, laundry, cleaning etc. Which it sounds like she does all of them PLUS dealing with 2 actual children and 1 "grown" child. Then blaming her for him going to bed hungry?! I agree with everyone else. This is straight up abuse and it's only going to escalate.
Seriously. Anytime I reheat something it's usually for a minute and a half or two minutes at the most.
Load More Replies... News flash. This woman is not married to a man. She's married to a spoiled entitled little boy trapped in a man's body. Anyone that would go to sleep hungry instead of heating up their own dinner, deserves to go hungry. Your headed down a road that will get worse and worse. This individual you're married to, wants to control you to the point that you don't exist anymore.
If my dad had yelled at my mom like that in the middle of the night, it would have been the last time he yelled. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and for some reason some people right now don't understand that. She needs to get out immediately because this will only get worse.
I had 3 children 4 and under. It's HARD work I can tell you. I'm afraid this husband is not just an a$$hole, he's an evil a$$hole. Reading her post literally gave me chills. She needs to get out of this marriage, and fast. I'm getting the general impression that he resents his children because they take away the attention that he feels is rightfully his. She needs to get out before he starts taking out his resentment on them.
If he has the energy to argue and yell at his wife instead of quietly reheating his food - he's not hungry enough. What would he do if he lived alone? Lie down and die?
If my husband had done this he’d have had that frozen dinner rammed up his a**e sideways. Luckily my husband agreed that being home with young children was way harder than a normal job.
I read 'he expects lunch, dinner etc. and I'm done. Wtf?' Can men stop expecting women to cook for them? Do you want partner or a slave?
This man is a child. Don’t make him any more food ever. Let him starve. Then leave him.
I couldn't even finish this do to the red flag abuse in this. She needs to get out and fast. That guy is dangerous
When I was abused like that, I went to my parents for advice. They said: "treat him how he already thinks he's being treated. If he says you never do anything for him, then stop doing things for him". Then one day, he threw a fit at the mall and said that I never do anything and make him do everything. So I went to my car, drove myself home, and told him I'd mail him anything he'd left at my house
Talk about emotional manipulation! Its her fault if he passes out and goes to bed hungry! Really?!
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Yo pre made his meals and he still isn't bothered. That's crazy. Nevermind him yelling from the living room at 11pm knowing the 3y/o and 6month are trying to sleep as well as you.
And his stuff isn't out the door yet because?!?!? Quit doing everything for him or dump that little boy...you don't need someone like that and i suggest he shouldn't get any custody of the kids at all. A guy that goes to bed hungry cuz he's too lazy to put his plate in the microwave will never be able to take care of kids and should be a medic either
I'd love to meet up with these guys like 2 years later when they're single, a lot poorer, living in some shithole cause they're paying spousal maintenance and lost the house, still having to cook for themselves and their children whenever they're stopping over ..crying into a beer and stalking whover their ex is shaggin off facebook and just ask 'so..was it worth being a lazy f**k then?'
Show up at his work, cut his meal for him while telling his colleagues about his behavior and ask if he also needs help wiping his a$$. Then get a good divorce lawyer.
This is actually hilarious and I feel like it might work. Show up at work and start feeding him talking about the night before. "I figured I'd come spoon feed you like our 6 month old. After you woke me up at 11pm to reheat your food for you, I figured you might need help eating. Now who's a good boy? Open up for the choo choo train" then he would be forced to explain wtf just happened to his coworkers.
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Dan Bacon is NOT a relationship expert, unless you think a PUA who runs "seminars" on how to force women to do things is a "relationship expert". What the f**k? He invents sockpuppet accounts to give himself good reviews, plus he's a 35-year-old who "met" his 20-year-old Thai girlfriend in a Bangkok bar. Bacon's advice amounts to telling men that "no means yes" except when he's trying to not sound like a scumbag pickup artist telling men to lie and manipulate women. Like when Bored Panda tries to legitimize this guy.
i ll bet shr has no support group . the first thing an abuser does is cut ooff family and friends. they want freedom to tear down the self esteme and have no witnesses or sympathy. she needs to call a shelter and seek theif guidence on how yo get out. Telvl as many people as she can the truth about wha ts going on including hiz family for advise
NTA at all.... What the hell... It takes two seconds to pop the PREPARED food in the microwave and push a few buttons ... At the most it'd take him a couple minutes to be able to eat it .... Sounds like he doesn't appreciate even the little things you do...smh. ..
Hes a controlling pig headed monster if you ask me...and Im a man. Its the simple, You're my woman I own you thinking. Hes a total piece if garbage. Yes he drives ambulance, but its not as if that job is overly physically strenuous...dont get me wrong they do a valuable job, but the people on my local amulace service are all about 1 taco from riding in that ambulance themselves with a massive coronary, so dont tell me its physically taxing....leave his ass. Theres good men out there who will truly appreciate the hard work you do as a mother!
There is definitely an A here but it's not you. Even pretending that he worked nonstop during his shift (Unlike motherhood, ems workers often have down time to eat, rest, and what not) he would still be completely capable of reheating food. I'm worried this isn't the worst. Please take steps to protect you and your children as this is abuse and without (and sadly maybe with) serious intervention will only esxulate.
My ex-husband would ask me to reheat his dinner. Once he asked me to reheat and then got in the shower. It was cold when he got out. So I reheated again. He said it was like rubber from being reheated twice. So I took the plate, opened the door and flung it into the driveway. I had never done anything like that before, it felt good. He was a cheating, controlling, arrogant jerk. Everything that you accomplish is just as important as his accomplishments. If he doesn't want to treat you as an equal, maybe you should rethink your partnership.
The fact that he's alive to complain about it is a testament to the patience of Women..
Add up the cost of a surrogate, then childcare for 2 children (3 if you count him) , full maid service, laundry service, chef, and presumably paid for dates based on his demeanor, be sure to add in all the overtime and surcharges for being on call 24/7. He will be forced to see that he contributes far less than what he assimes and that you are infinitely more valuable than you realize. If this does not create a respectful environment nothing will and next is physical abuse; but make no mistake he is already mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusing you.
She has a six month old and a three year old? Oh man that's constant work and little sleep and a whole lot of stress. It's a choice to devote all hours of the day and night to a difficult labor of love. I was there 8 months or so ago, I know. Working 12 hour shifts would be easier. At least you'd have the other 12 straight hours after to MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD, relax, and sleep in a solid block and not be woken up every few hours. Let the woman sleep, make your own food, or pick it up on the way home. Better yet, give her a vacation and try picking up her job for even just a day. Make her meals at odd hours. Then tell her how little she does.
Looking after 2 young children is 24/7 work. Means he's working less than you do. Let him look after himself like a grown ass adult. Others have said it but this has the smell of abuse all over
If that was me he'd be finding weird s**t in his dinners from now on.
Oh my heart breaks for those in abusive relationships especially the ones who don't realize they are in one. Being a stay at home parent is the hardest job ever. Rewarding but never ending. This guy needs to be single so the only one to blame in these situations is himself. My son, 24, grew up in a healthy, loving home where me & hubby share work, rarely disagree, he treats me like a queen, hubs never disrespected me even in intense arguments but we've noticed our son has some abusive qualities towards his girlfriend. We've spoken with him, paid for counseling and he's still an a**hole. Sometimes people are just jerks and act like this because of their own insecurities and it has nothing to do with how they were raised (I said this because I saw comments that said OP Mom must not have a backbone either and that's simply not accurate). I wish this lady well and for her abuser...I hope he chokes on his next reheated meal.😉
O..M..G!!!! If that were me in that situation, I S**T YOU NOT....an ambulance would've been coming for him the second he woke me up! Actually if it were me it wouldn't have gotten to that point to begin with. Stay at home mom doesn't mean lazy moocher! You have a job that pays something more valuable than money and takes more energy to do. I was a single mom that worked 2 jobs and sometimes going to work was a break! You're NTA for refusing but you sure are a huge one for forgetting you self worth and letting this tom foolery get this far. My five fingers would've hashed out that conversation with his face on day one! And if he still felt the same then leave his ass, nothing makes a woman sleep more peacefully than child support, alimony, and silence.
If he’s too lazy to reheat his own dinner and she rightfully doesn’t want to reheat dinner at 11 pm, maybe he should just stop at a drive thru on his way home. Or the premade meals she makes could just be cold sandwiches which don’t require reheating. Reheating stuff is annoying but easily doable even if you’re super hungry. Husband is the a hole.
I hate to be the bads news bringer but the physical abuse will start soon.. He already has you running when he calls you like a trained dog. When he finally breaks you down either because you give in or give up you will see a huge smile on his face. It's not delight or praise for you. It's a smile of master having control of his slave. But it will never be enough because he wants to see you begging him to let you warm his food. Usually that's after the slaps and head slams have started!
Probably the kind of guy that expects sex after a nice dinner out. I'd leave this piece of s*** immediately.
Let me tell you how I would solve this problem and it would only take 1-2 conversations,max. You tell him he is a grown ass man and to stop being pissy,just reheat the food and be quiet so as to not wake up the children nor myself. Tell him if he doesn't do so and tried himself again he will miss some work because I'm knocking him out for at least a week. Then you head back to bed,lock the door and go back to sleep. If he doesn't need your warning the show him you mean business. Once he wakes up he will never bother you again. Words hasn't helped so try actions. He's being ungrateful and an all around a** hole. You work hard and don't even get paid for it and he acts like you are sitting around eating bob-bons and watching tv. He's a male chauvinist and thinks he's entitled to act that way and needs to be shown that that's not the way things work.
It's like seriously..... Would he rather pay for daycare so you work too.... And then he doesn't get a prepared meal at all plus the extra expenses?... *Eye roll*. Because being a sahm is a full time job too! He's literally 'looking a gift horse in the mouth' so to speak ... And quite literally "biting the hand that (is trying to) feed "... Lol ugh
Add up surgacy for 2 children, 24/7 childcare for 2 children, full maid service for the entire household, laundry service for the entire household, chauffer for children, personal shopper with delivery service for the entire household, presumably paid for female company by his demeanor, all the overtime for anything outside of 8 hours, surcharge for on demand service, double surcharge after 7pm for on demand service and he will realize he is not contributing nearly as much as he assumes and you will realize that you are far more valuable than you realize. If this produces no change in him the next phase is physical abuse; but make no mistake you are already in a mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive relationship.
Men like this give us a bad name. Someone makes food for you out of the love they have for you, and you treat that person like a servant? I just don't understand how men like this manage to get another person to be with them. Surely there were signs, tells of his character before it came to this. People like this do not deserve the love of another. And I hope they all eventually end up alone, only then they'll know what they had - not a second before. I don't see a way the OP could ever have a loving relationship with this man. I hope she leaves him sooner rather than later.
Oh, honey! If my husband pulled that crap on me, he'd be dead before he hit the floor. You are not married to a man you are married to a toddler. Run, do not walk to the nearest divorce attorney and take his ass for child support and as much spousal support as you can get and cut that lazy turd loose.
Run! I never would have ended up married to this grown child in the first place, but I know plenty who have. This just gets worse the more he feels he doesn't have control.
NTA at all! I love cooking for my partner, but he works second shift, sometimes overtime. I'll still make food, prepare him a plate, then put it in the fridge for him to do with what he wants whenever he gets home. It's not that hard. Please be careful, OP. Him making you responsible for his feelings is dangerous. He is responsible for his responses, as are you. And now he's likely to take any stand you make as a challenge that he needs to beat down (not necessarily physically). I hope you and your kids are ok. My heart goes out to you.
She should have him take 1 day where he stays at home with the kids so he can see what her job entails and how hard she works throughout the day. He is probably completely ignorant to what the daily tasks are. My wife stays home and I know she has much tougher days than I do most of the time and our kids are both pretty much teens now.
Iys like he's picking a fight and wants you to react. Don't react and just ignore this behavior... all the meanwhile look for your options for leaving, this is abusive. You'd think after picking up hurt suffering people all night he'd be happy to come home to his safe family...
Not only is he abusive he's probably cheating, no reason to turn off a phone. I don't trust him one bit and I don't even know him. Pack your kids and run girl you can do MUCH better.
NTA, oh hell no. His ego is writing checks his reality can't cash. The (almost) dollar menu at Mcdonald's still exists. Stop cooking if he is too lazy to do a simple reheat and GPS the coordinates to all the fast food places on his way home. I 61m, am telling you that your husband is the AH...
SAHM juggle wearing many hats during the day. It is a 24/7 job. He wants to have power over her. But there is a definite lack of respect for her, that is obvious. I hate to see people saying, leave him, divorce him. I would want to give him a chance to go to counseling and really try to get him there. If he flat refuses and continues with his attitude, then yes, probably getting away from him would be her b est bet. But she needs a plan and she needs a "walk away account" somewhere that he doesn't know about. Every woman should have one.
Energy expended walking to bedroom, waking wife, complaining/shouting = 12. Energy expended walking to refrigerator, lifting meal, placing in microwave, punching buttons = 4. NEXT; he wants her to chew his food for him.
Here's a trippy part the same situation except I'm a stay-at-home father at this point in time mom goes to work does the same b******t to me expect dinner complains about things that don't get done meanwhile she's the one who gave birth to the 11-year-old severe autistic son and the four year old daughter who is coming into her own as a 5 year old here soon so our house is a mess no matter what we do but something in her self entitled little brain just doesn't get it but I'm just as f*****g toxic as she is and I'm happy to let it be known..... And I'll just put it this way I've been enduring this s**t for 12 years for my children. And all that is is a remnant of abuse that comes trickling down through her old ass dead father from his old ass dead father and their abusive s**t!
Yeah husband's behavior was disgusting but what's really disgusting is how bored panda likes to troll Reddit for stories that really nobody gives a s**t about and if they did they would find it on Reddit to begin with....
RUNNNNN, you are one cold meal away from getting your ass kicked by your narcissistic husband
I think the husband is wrong because all he had to do is heat up meal wife prepared but these comments are crazy. This is not a scary story just reality, and maybe the husband wants control but never did she mention abuse. Maybe if she told the whole story we would know the outcome. If she always took care of everything then decided she didn't want to anymore she should of had a talk with him and find common ground. But no she just decided to make a change and screw what he thinks. Did he change how he felt after she did this or was he still requiring her to get up and be with her husband. Maybe he wanted to spend time with her because he works nights sleeps days and doesn't get to see her alot. Tell the whole story and maybe your audience won't be so scared. Haha, if this scares you how do you deal with life.
If you have already cooked the food and all he had to do was nuke it? You are definitely NTA. He started being TA when he wanted you to be his mommy too.
Seriously I'm an emergency doctor. I work for an average on 14-20hr shifts at all hours of the day and night, including weekends. It's cute that he thinks he works hard and sad that he thinks it gives him the right to act like that. He should be grateful that someone cares enough to make him food at all .
There's an older technique using a pillowcase with 5 or 6 hard bars of soap. Used on sleeping person in need of behavior shaping sling pillow case in downward arc from head to toe. Not really! Do not use that advice! Do find safety for you and your child. Yelling late at night waking you to do something that is his responsibility isnt okay. He is degrading you and your effort/contribution to household Yelling threatens to wake your child that you worked hard to get to sleep. It's definitely about controlling you. He truly should know this isn't okay and should expect divorce papers accordingly. If this is only one snap shot of your lives together and and isolated incident, counseling could definitely be a smart choice.
he said that he almost passed out from hunger and that he was going to bed hungry and it was her fault.... My thoughts went to 'what does he do when he's working? Doe he not eat if he has put forth any effort? i.e order his own food, go pick it up? My mom was a stay at home wife/mama with 7 children, my daddy, the income maker he worked 70/80 weeks, but he never would wake my mom up or risk walking up the babies and demand her do something. Especially if it was fixed already and he just had to reheat it. What a douche canoe is all can say.
I'd bet my condo, this guy has NEVER lived on his own. He is NOT self sufficient. He went from a mommy to a wife quickly and expects service. I'm also guessing college was out of the question as he can't be self taught. However thank you for being an essential worker... But Man up
A SAHM works 24/7 usually, because it's usually Mom who gets up to prepare the meals, clean the house, clean the dishes, play with the children, take care of the children, have dinner ready for Daddy when he comes home, who may work 8-14 hours and may not spend a lot of time with the children. Who runs to the children when they're crying, who puts them to bed, who gets up in the middle of the night when the children are sick or want something, who cleans up when the child wets the bed... and on and on? It's usually Mom. Couples should work out a fair division of work, taking care of the house, and taking care of the children.
Not gonna lie. He's seeing someone else. Likely a female co worker. All you are now is a service animal. You better bail.
My mom cooked 19 meals a week. Almost everything from scratch (Saturday and Sunday nights were sandwiches or leftovers or whatever). My dad worked hard too. When he came in, especially in hot weather, someone fixed him a glass of tea right quick, if no kids were there, Mom did it. The rare occasions that she was gone for more than the day (usually taking care of the injured, dying or a new mother), he managed his own meals. To think of him yelling at her to get his plate is beyond my imagination. And he could tell, but not at my mom. To wake her up after her long days as a farm wife, even more unreal and to wake up sleeping babies would mean he'd hit his head on something. No, this is beyond traditional roles, this is baked in evil.
He hasn't started hitting you, yet. He has a need for control that will only escalate unless he seeks help. PLEASE remove yourself and your babies from this situation while your husband works on his issues. DO NOT STAY. He will not seek the help he needs if you do.
My ex did that to me except Im the bread winner and he was fully disabled playing video games all day and that night ended in him trying to get my cat run-over then trying to kill her with a belt and hitting me and throwing me to the ground when I tried to defend her. Oh and then being so delusional as to claim I attacked him first and deserved it. (As I patched up his wrist where she defended herself when he grabbed her)
He’s a controlling , manipulative, abusive narcissistic A**HOLE ! He’s showing her who’s boss. He’s demeaning her role in the home and raising his children. She’s got an infant and a toddler. Buddy unless your arms literally don’t work , you better heat up that food and let her get some sleep 😴 lest you find an unpleasant surprise in your pie pal. SAHM your job is hard enough with 2 babies. You don’t need 3 and this A**hat so called husband of yours has absolutely no respect for you in the least. I hate to tell you but you’re in an abusive relationship and you my dear are definitely NOT TAH
What the heck!!! I work 9 hours a day and always help my wife cleaning and I will never ever ask my wife to get up and make me food or bother her at all when I wanna eat. I would eat bread or open a can of tuna and not wake her up. That man needs to grow up and depend on him self. Such a baby.
I hate these stories because they show me how pointless our fight for gender equality really is. So many women ready to fill the role as the forever servant just because they want to have children. So many men acting like it's the 1900s. It' s depressing.
I live w/an old Dude, a total Mysoginist, I tend to...we both had COVID in Jan...he mild cold symptoms...me deathly ill...he woke me up out of a COVID coma to crawl downstairs, open a TV dinner & put it in the microwave for 7 minutes...three hots and a cot was looking real good at the time, unfortunately it was a I do to crawl back to bed I hadn't the energy to kill him. 😤😡
My husband was an EMT for two years. This is NOT normal behavior and not acceptable. There were times my husband would be working a 48 hour shift, come home and see me struggling with the kids and make ME dinner because all I ate that day was toast. I understand trying to be a good wife and have meals ready. It was always appreciated, never expected. And no matter how much he worked, our family and our marriage always comes first to him. Your husband is an egotistical prick who does not respect you and his behavior is borderline abusive. Please leave him for your childrens sake.
Lucky guy, would love to have a women enjoy cooking and have food made for me, that I could eat or hear when I’m home, without complaining I’m home late.
I wouldn't do it to my wife. She's from the city and I'm pretty certain she fights better than me.
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So the husband is toxic. Sure, why not. Why is everyone so eager to call him out? Mabey if he ran to Reddit and talked s**t about her we'd see her faults too.
Because he's obviously toxic... No one is perfect and she definitely has her own flaws but she isn't actively abusing him. Why so eager to dismiss obvious abuse and try to find fault in the victim?
Load More Replies... All I want to say is, they're not "ambulance drivers" they're paramedics and EMTs. They see and do things daily that would have normal people traumatized for life. As far as his dinner. I don't have an opinion on that.
How do you know this guy doesn't just drive the ambulance and have a couple of paramedic colleagues working in the back? Some places are like that. Don't make assumptions when you don't have the information.
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If he can't operate a microwave, he shouldn't be operating an ambulance. Pathetic manchild.
Good point!!! Can we know who he is so if he ever comes to treat us we can refuse on the grounds of ineptitude to be a grown up
Load More Replies... Can we please make more progress moving away from SAHM = not working. Especially when the children are under four years old. If she can work her "shift" and prepare herself some dinner, her deadbeat AH soon-to-be-ex (with any luck) husband certainly can.
I'm a big hairy middle aged, beer bellied bloke. There's nothing better than coming home and making my daughter a healthy tasty meal. "Oh, yum, dad!" as she is stuffing her face with fresh salads and veg and homemade bread just makes my heart melt. How can other guys not enjoy cooking??
Load More Replies... He yelled, waking you up and risking waking up the kids because he thinks it's your job to reheat a meal you prepared in advance? Get out while you can, honey, before your kids learn to mistreat others the way he mistreats you.
So what, he can't be expected to take food out of fridge and zap it in the microwave for 2 mins? My man works a 50 hour week and yet he prepares the meals once a week and does all the washing up after I've cooked. A relationship is about team work, mutual respect and communication. It doesn't sound like this is happening but also sounds like the wife has normalised his behaviour because she has no idea just how unacceptable this is - and that's the scary part. Her mother even suggested cooking in batches for him, so we get an idea of her own family dynamics here and it doesn't look good.
One thing that jumped out to me was his saying he almost passed out from hunger and had to go to bed hungry and it was all her fault. That blaming thing is scary for me.
Does he think it's the 1950s or something? I could understand not wanting to cook but all he has to do is throw it in the microwave. And shouting at her like that is not good.
Not even. My grandfathers were raised in the 30s-50s and they were sexist and lazy when it came to housechores (the youngest was awesome but he really was lazy at home). But they loved their wifes and they would have never yell at my grandmas in the middle of the night to reheat them dinner. They would have made a sandwitch.
Load More Replies... Let him starve, if he collapses onto the ground he can drive himself to the ER and explain that he was too lazy to reheat something in the microwave.
It's sad that raising the kids is still not understood as hard work everywhere. It's not generating money but still comes with 24/7 responsibility whilst the responsibility for a paid job usually ends when you clock out. I applaud parents - especially single parents- who are managing family live on a daily basis. I'm not sure if I could do it.
He'd buy a dog so he still has something to shout at. He's a control freak.
Load More Replies... My one friend is on Husband Three who is like this. When I visited, he yelled at her (then 7 months into a fragile pregnancy) to get him a beer. I yelled right back, "Your legs ain't broke, get it yourself!" You want a beer? Get off your butt and walk to a fridge. And, yes, it came form how her mother taught her to be. BTW, if you stay at home? 1. Who doesn't these days and 2. you're working. Believe me, you're working.
What is it with these types of men ..... Did they have a timid mouse as a mother? My dad wouldn't even think about doing that (my mum would laugh in his face). And I know for a fact that both my brothers wouldn't do it either. All the men in our family are good cooks too. And my 2 SIL are feisty enough to take no sh!t.
Load More Replies... I'd have smiled, silently walked downstairs, went and heated up his dinner, walked into the room where he's sitting, let him see the big plate of tasty food, then i'd launch that plate straight into the wall, let the food go everywhere, I'd quietly state "There's your fuc*ing dinner, you ungrateful cun*y child of a man. You bark an order at me like that again? They'll find your fuc*ing bodyparts strewn across 5 States". If he says a single thing to that, or afterwards about that event or any demands/childishness in future, I'd smile again, go pack my stuff, pick up the baby and leave. Serve him divorce papers, sue for child custody and alimony. He's abusing you, get out of this now.
Oh, spare the wall. Dump that full dish of piping hot food right in his lap. Then tell him to call his buddies to come pick him up and take him to the hospital. Of course, you would have pre-planned this, as a way to get him out of the house while your family and others in your support group either move in, change the locks, put his s**t on then,awn, and wait for him to come home so they can chase him off until she sells the house, OR come over en masse and help her clean the place out before he gets back. He can sleep on the f*****g floor. She should also take all the food, so he has to both grocery shop and cook for himself. Oh, and make sure she signs and initials the pre-filled divorce papers her attorney assembled for her, so they can be served first thing the next morning. She could also leave him the smallest/oldest/worst of their cars too—-it’ll come in handy, because he’ll need somewhere to live after she takes his sorry ass to the cleaners in divorce court.
Load More Replies... I work 12 hour rotating night shifts. I cook on my days off and make sure there's food for my whole family for the days I'll be at work. My partner can make his own food or get takeout if he doesn't want what I've made. When the kiddo (9) doesn't have school and I have to work, we discuss what he'll eat and do (mostly video games) while I'm sleeping and he does that and doesn't wake me unless he needs me. Literally, my 9 year old is more self sufficient than that guy.
As someone who grew up in a house full of red flags, I never recognised them when I should have. My stepfather was extremely abusive and controlling, psychologically abusive etc and my mom was his victim, and in a lot of ways she was complicit. I left home at 17 ended up in an abusive marriage (financially and emotionally abusive) and then in an abusive relationship for 6 years with a narcissist who utterly destroyed me. 4 years later and having a very good, balanced, mutually respectful and healthy relationship with the first man who's ever treated me with respect. It's very hard to leave when you've got kids because you'll be forever connected to that person. Also until she realises that this is an abusive relationship and asks for help, nothing will happen. Currently my boyfriend's son is in an abusive relationship with his wife she's extremely controlling and he is in very poor health and no one can do anything to help him until he realises that she is an abusive narcissist. The help and support is there for him as soon as he's ready for it.
Expecting to do shores after work is exactly what you can demand of the guy. If you are in a relationship, you take care of your lady and your kids. Period. If you are to tired to throw a plate in the micro, you either need a doctor or need to unstuck your head from your behind.
You know I'm a fairly traditional man, but FFS!! I'm in a sodding wheelchair & I can reheat my own dinner! Damn, I can even do certain housework as long as it's below a certain height 🤣🤣 This 'man' isn't incapable, he's a bloody control freak. I've been busy non-stop all day & my crippled a**e has just dragged a broken washing machine outside when I got home. I haven't reheated my dinner yet because I'm playing with the cats.
If you don't leave him now. Your children will pick up on this and start to treat you the same way. Eventually they will treat their sos this way. Break the cycle now. Run don't look back.
Please look up narcissist, gas lighting, and emotional control. I've been in this same place. The laughing at you to make you feel ridiculous for even suggesting your sleep is important. The manipulation. I'm sorry to say that abusers don't change and it'll only get worse and worse. Find a therapist that can help you regain your confidence and a support group of women who understand the cycle of abuse. I wish you all the luck in the world. Being a single mom is way easier and more enjoyable then where you are now.
Some men think wives are extensions of their mothers, thus the expectation of "do eveything for me."
Damn it, there's something in the air this week. Red flags!!!! Again this is huge red flag, quietly pack your things, take your babies and LEAVE, do not make any contact until you have reached safe place to report abuse. I wouldn't dare to sleep ever again, in case next time he flips and takes his anger out on children. If you are afraid or not afraid enough to leave, please get those children out of his reach. Danger danger danger. Divorce this abusive bastard who can't take care of himself. I'm a stay at home girlfriend, it's been over a year. My partner works hard and long days, and he NEVER expects me to cook, clean, entertain him because of it. I love cooking so he doesn't do this often but he always reheats his own food, and does dishes. Stay at home doesn't mean that you're there waiting for him to come home and be servant/beating bag to his attitude/frustration/anger. Imagine this man is responsible for saving lives ... Id be afraid to be served by him in my vulnerable s
How is reheating dinner a "chore"? That is one thing, among so so so many, that stuck out to me.. A chore is dishes, laundry, cleaning etc. Which it sounds like she does all of them PLUS dealing with 2 actual children and 1 "grown" child. Then blaming her for him going to bed hungry?! I agree with everyone else. This is straight up abuse and it's only going to escalate.
Seriously. Anytime I reheat something it's usually for a minute and a half or two minutes at the most.
Load More Replies... News flash. This woman is not married to a man. She's married to a spoiled entitled little boy trapped in a man's body. Anyone that would go to sleep hungry instead of heating up their own dinner, deserves to go hungry. Your headed down a road that will get worse and worse. This individual you're married to, wants to control you to the point that you don't exist anymore.
If my dad had yelled at my mom like that in the middle of the night, it would have been the last time he yelled. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and for some reason some people right now don't understand that. She needs to get out immediately because this will only get worse.
I had 3 children 4 and under. It's HARD work I can tell you. I'm afraid this husband is not just an a$$hole, he's an evil a$$hole. Reading her post literally gave me chills. She needs to get out of this marriage, and fast. I'm getting the general impression that he resents his children because they take away the attention that he feels is rightfully his. She needs to get out before he starts taking out his resentment on them.
If he has the energy to argue and yell at his wife instead of quietly reheating his food - he's not hungry enough. What would he do if he lived alone? Lie down and die?
If my husband had done this he’d have had that frozen dinner rammed up his a**e sideways. Luckily my husband agreed that being home with young children was way harder than a normal job.
I read 'he expects lunch, dinner etc. and I'm done. Wtf?' Can men stop expecting women to cook for them? Do you want partner or a slave?
This man is a child. Don’t make him any more food ever. Let him starve. Then leave him.
I couldn't even finish this do to the red flag abuse in this. She needs to get out and fast. That guy is dangerous
When I was abused like that, I went to my parents for advice. They said: "treat him how he already thinks he's being treated. If he says you never do anything for him, then stop doing things for him". Then one day, he threw a fit at the mall and said that I never do anything and make him do everything. So I went to my car, drove myself home, and told him I'd mail him anything he'd left at my house
Talk about emotional manipulation! Its her fault if he passes out and goes to bed hungry! Really?!
Load More Replies... Yo pre made his meals and he still isn't bothered. That's crazy. Nevermind him yelling from the living room at 11pm knowing the 3y/o and 6month are trying to sleep as well as you.
And his stuff isn't out the door yet because?!?!? Quit doing everything for him or dump that little boy...you don't need someone like that and i suggest he shouldn't get any custody of the kids at all. A guy that goes to bed hungry cuz he's too lazy to put his plate in the microwave will never be able to take care of kids and should be a medic either
I'd love to meet up with these guys like 2 years later when they're single, a lot poorer, living in some shithole cause they're paying spousal maintenance and lost the house, still having to cook for themselves and their children whenever they're stopping over ..crying into a beer and stalking whover their ex is shaggin off facebook and just ask 'so..was it worth being a lazy f**k then?'
Show up at his work, cut his meal for him while telling his colleagues about his behavior and ask if he also needs help wiping his a$$. Then get a good divorce lawyer.
This is actually hilarious and I feel like it might work. Show up at work and start feeding him talking about the night before. "I figured I'd come spoon feed you like our 6 month old. After you woke me up at 11pm to reheat your food for you, I figured you might need help eating. Now who's a good boy? Open up for the choo choo train" then he would be forced to explain wtf just happened to his coworkers.
Load More Replies... Dan Bacon is NOT a relationship expert, unless you think a PUA who runs "seminars" on how to force women to do things is a "relationship expert". What the f**k? He invents sockpuppet accounts to give himself good reviews, plus he's a 35-year-old who "met" his 20-year-old Thai girlfriend in a Bangkok bar. Bacon's advice amounts to telling men that "no means yes" except when he's trying to not sound like a scumbag pickup artist telling men to lie and manipulate women. Like when Bored Panda tries to legitimize this guy.
i ll bet shr has no support group . the first thing an abuser does is cut ooff family and friends. they want freedom to tear down the self esteme and have no witnesses or sympathy. she needs to call a shelter and seek theif guidence on how yo get out. Telvl as many people as she can the truth about wha ts going on including hiz family for advise
NTA at all.... What the hell... It takes two seconds to pop the PREPARED food in the microwave and push a few buttons ... At the most it'd take him a couple minutes to be able to eat it .... Sounds like he doesn't appreciate even the little things you do...smh. ..
Hes a controlling pig headed monster if you ask me...and Im a man. Its the simple, You're my woman I own you thinking. Hes a total piece if garbage. Yes he drives ambulance, but its not as if that job is overly physically strenuous...dont get me wrong they do a valuable job, but the people on my local amulace service are all about 1 taco from riding in that ambulance themselves with a massive coronary, so dont tell me its physically taxing....leave his ass. Theres good men out there who will truly appreciate the hard work you do as a mother!
There is definitely an A here but it's not you. Even pretending that he worked nonstop during his shift (Unlike motherhood, ems workers often have down time to eat, rest, and what not) he would still be completely capable of reheating food. I'm worried this isn't the worst. Please take steps to protect you and your children as this is abuse and without (and sadly maybe with) serious intervention will only esxulate.
My ex-husband would ask me to reheat his dinner. Once he asked me to reheat and then got in the shower. It was cold when he got out. So I reheated again. He said it was like rubber from being reheated twice. So I took the plate, opened the door and flung it into the driveway. I had never done anything like that before, it felt good. He was a cheating, controlling, arrogant jerk. Everything that you accomplish is just as important as his accomplishments. If he doesn't want to treat you as an equal, maybe you should rethink your partnership.
The fact that he's alive to complain about it is a testament to the patience of Women..
Add up the cost of a surrogate, then childcare for 2 children (3 if you count him) , full maid service, laundry service, chef, and presumably paid for dates based on his demeanor, be sure to add in all the overtime and surcharges for being on call 24/7. He will be forced to see that he contributes far less than what he assimes and that you are infinitely more valuable than you realize. If this does not create a respectful environment nothing will and next is physical abuse; but make no mistake he is already mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusing you.
She has a six month old and a three year old? Oh man that's constant work and little sleep and a whole lot of stress. It's a choice to devote all hours of the day and night to a difficult labor of love. I was there 8 months or so ago, I know. Working 12 hour shifts would be easier. At least you'd have the other 12 straight hours after to MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD, relax, and sleep in a solid block and not be woken up every few hours. Let the woman sleep, make your own food, or pick it up on the way home. Better yet, give her a vacation and try picking up her job for even just a day. Make her meals at odd hours. Then tell her how little she does.
Looking after 2 young children is 24/7 work. Means he's working less than you do. Let him look after himself like a grown ass adult. Others have said it but this has the smell of abuse all over
If that was me he'd be finding weird s**t in his dinners from now on.
Oh my heart breaks for those in abusive relationships especially the ones who don't realize they are in one. Being a stay at home parent is the hardest job ever. Rewarding but never ending. This guy needs to be single so the only one to blame in these situations is himself. My son, 24, grew up in a healthy, loving home where me & hubby share work, rarely disagree, he treats me like a queen, hubs never disrespected me even in intense arguments but we've noticed our son has some abusive qualities towards his girlfriend. We've spoken with him, paid for counseling and he's still an a**hole. Sometimes people are just jerks and act like this because of their own insecurities and it has nothing to do with how they were raised (I said this because I saw comments that said OP Mom must not have a backbone either and that's simply not accurate). I wish this lady well and for her abuser...I hope he chokes on his next reheated meal.😉
O..M..G!!!! If that were me in that situation, I S**T YOU NOT....an ambulance would've been coming for him the second he woke me up! Actually if it were me it wouldn't have gotten to that point to begin with. Stay at home mom doesn't mean lazy moocher! You have a job that pays something more valuable than money and takes more energy to do. I was a single mom that worked 2 jobs and sometimes going to work was a break! You're NTA for refusing but you sure are a huge one for forgetting you self worth and letting this tom foolery get this far. My five fingers would've hashed out that conversation with his face on day one! And if he still felt the same then leave his ass, nothing makes a woman sleep more peacefully than child support, alimony, and silence.
If he’s too lazy to reheat his own dinner and she rightfully doesn’t want to reheat dinner at 11 pm, maybe he should just stop at a drive thru on his way home. Or the premade meals she makes could just be cold sandwiches which don’t require reheating. Reheating stuff is annoying but easily doable even if you’re super hungry. Husband is the a hole.
I hate to be the bads news bringer but the physical abuse will start soon.. He already has you running when he calls you like a trained dog. When he finally breaks you down either because you give in or give up you will see a huge smile on his face. It's not delight or praise for you. It's a smile of master having control of his slave. But it will never be enough because he wants to see you begging him to let you warm his food. Usually that's after the slaps and head slams have started!
Probably the kind of guy that expects sex after a nice dinner out. I'd leave this piece of s*** immediately.
Let me tell you how I would solve this problem and it would only take 1-2 conversations,max. You tell him he is a grown ass man and to stop being pissy,just reheat the food and be quiet so as to not wake up the children nor myself. Tell him if he doesn't do so and tried himself again he will miss some work because I'm knocking him out for at least a week. Then you head back to bed,lock the door and go back to sleep. If he doesn't need your warning the show him you mean business. Once he wakes up he will never bother you again. Words hasn't helped so try actions. He's being ungrateful and an all around a** hole. You work hard and don't even get paid for it and he acts like you are sitting around eating bob-bons and watching tv. He's a male chauvinist and thinks he's entitled to act that way and needs to be shown that that's not the way things work.
It's like seriously..... Would he rather pay for daycare so you work too.... And then he doesn't get a prepared meal at all plus the extra expenses?... *Eye roll*. Because being a sahm is a full time job too! He's literally 'looking a gift horse in the mouth' so to speak ... And quite literally "biting the hand that (is trying to) feed "... Lol ugh
Add up surgacy for 2 children, 24/7 childcare for 2 children, full maid service for the entire household, laundry service for the entire household, chauffer for children, personal shopper with delivery service for the entire household, presumably paid for female company by his demeanor, all the overtime for anything outside of 8 hours, surcharge for on demand service, double surcharge after 7pm for on demand service and he will realize he is not contributing nearly as much as he assumes and you will realize that you are far more valuable than you realize. If this produces no change in him the next phase is physical abuse; but make no mistake you are already in a mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive relationship.
Men like this give us a bad name. Someone makes food for you out of the love they have for you, and you treat that person like a servant? I just don't understand how men like this manage to get another person to be with them. Surely there were signs, tells of his character before it came to this. People like this do not deserve the love of another. And I hope they all eventually end up alone, only then they'll know what they had - not a second before. I don't see a way the OP could ever have a loving relationship with this man. I hope she leaves him sooner rather than later.
Oh, honey! If my husband pulled that crap on me, he'd be dead before he hit the floor. You are not married to a man you are married to a toddler. Run, do not walk to the nearest divorce attorney and take his ass for child support and as much spousal support as you can get and cut that lazy turd loose.
Run! I never would have ended up married to this grown child in the first place, but I know plenty who have. This just gets worse the more he feels he doesn't have control.
NTA at all! I love cooking for my partner, but he works second shift, sometimes overtime. I'll still make food, prepare him a plate, then put it in the fridge for him to do with what he wants whenever he gets home. It's not that hard. Please be careful, OP. Him making you responsible for his feelings is dangerous. He is responsible for his responses, as are you. And now he's likely to take any stand you make as a challenge that he needs to beat down (not necessarily physically). I hope you and your kids are ok. My heart goes out to you.
She should have him take 1 day where he stays at home with the kids so he can see what her job entails and how hard she works throughout the day. He is probably completely ignorant to what the daily tasks are. My wife stays home and I know she has much tougher days than I do most of the time and our kids are both pretty much teens now.
Iys like he's picking a fight and wants you to react. Don't react and just ignore this behavior... all the meanwhile look for your options for leaving, this is abusive. You'd think after picking up hurt suffering people all night he'd be happy to come home to his safe family...
Not only is he abusive he's probably cheating, no reason to turn off a phone. I don't trust him one bit and I don't even know him. Pack your kids and run girl you can do MUCH better.
NTA, oh hell no. His ego is writing checks his reality can't cash. The (almost) dollar menu at Mcdonald's still exists. Stop cooking if he is too lazy to do a simple reheat and GPS the coordinates to all the fast food places on his way home. I 61m, am telling you that your husband is the AH...
SAHM juggle wearing many hats during the day. It is a 24/7 job. He wants to have power over her. But there is a definite lack of respect for her, that is obvious. I hate to see people saying, leave him, divorce him. I would want to give him a chance to go to counseling and really try to get him there. If he flat refuses and continues with his attitude, then yes, probably getting away from him would be her b est bet. But she needs a plan and she needs a "walk away account" somewhere that he doesn't know about. Every woman should have one.
Energy expended walking to bedroom, waking wife, complaining/shouting = 12. Energy expended walking to refrigerator, lifting meal, placing in microwave, punching buttons = 4. NEXT; he wants her to chew his food for him.
Here's a trippy part the same situation except I'm a stay-at-home father at this point in time mom goes to work does the same b******t to me expect dinner complains about things that don't get done meanwhile she's the one who gave birth to the 11-year-old severe autistic son and the four year old daughter who is coming into her own as a 5 year old here soon so our house is a mess no matter what we do but something in her self entitled little brain just doesn't get it but I'm just as f*****g toxic as she is and I'm happy to let it be known..... And I'll just put it this way I've been enduring this s**t for 12 years for my children. And all that is is a remnant of abuse that comes trickling down through her old ass dead father from his old ass dead father and their abusive s**t!
Yeah husband's behavior was disgusting but what's really disgusting is how bored panda likes to troll Reddit for stories that really nobody gives a s**t about and if they did they would find it on Reddit to begin with....
RUNNNNN, you are one cold meal away from getting your ass kicked by your narcissistic husband
I think the husband is wrong because all he had to do is heat up meal wife prepared but these comments are crazy. This is not a scary story just reality, and maybe the husband wants control but never did she mention abuse. Maybe if she told the whole story we would know the outcome. If she always took care of everything then decided she didn't want to anymore she should of had a talk with him and find common ground. But no she just decided to make a change and screw what he thinks. Did he change how he felt after she did this or was he still requiring her to get up and be with her husband. Maybe he wanted to spend time with her because he works nights sleeps days and doesn't get to see her alot. Tell the whole story and maybe your audience won't be so scared. Haha, if this scares you how do you deal with life.
If you have already cooked the food and all he had to do was nuke it? You are definitely NTA. He started being TA when he wanted you to be his mommy too.
Seriously I'm an emergency doctor. I work for an average on 14-20hr shifts at all hours of the day and night, including weekends. It's cute that he thinks he works hard and sad that he thinks it gives him the right to act like that. He should be grateful that someone cares enough to make him food at all .
There's an older technique using a pillowcase with 5 or 6 hard bars of soap. Used on sleeping person in need of behavior shaping sling pillow case in downward arc from head to toe. Not really! Do not use that advice! Do find safety for you and your child. Yelling late at night waking you to do something that is his responsibility isnt okay. He is degrading you and your effort/contribution to household Yelling threatens to wake your child that you worked hard to get to sleep. It's definitely about controlling you. He truly should know this isn't okay and should expect divorce papers accordingly. If this is only one snap shot of your lives together and and isolated incident, counseling could definitely be a smart choice.
he said that he almost passed out from hunger and that he was going to bed hungry and it was her fault.... My thoughts went to 'what does he do when he's working? Doe he not eat if he has put forth any effort? i.e order his own food, go pick it up? My mom was a stay at home wife/mama with 7 children, my daddy, the income maker he worked 70/80 weeks, but he never would wake my mom up or risk walking up the babies and demand her do something. Especially if it was fixed already and he just had to reheat it. What a douche canoe is all can say.
I'd bet my condo, this guy has NEVER lived on his own. He is NOT self sufficient. He went from a mommy to a wife quickly and expects service. I'm also guessing college was out of the question as he can't be self taught. However thank you for being an essential worker... But Man up
A SAHM works 24/7 usually, because it's usually Mom who gets up to prepare the meals, clean the house, clean the dishes, play with the children, take care of the children, have dinner ready for Daddy when he comes home, who may work 8-14 hours and may not spend a lot of time with the children. Who runs to the children when they're crying, who puts them to bed, who gets up in the middle of the night when the children are sick or want something, who cleans up when the child wets the bed... and on and on? It's usually Mom. Couples should work out a fair division of work, taking care of the house, and taking care of the children.
Not gonna lie. He's seeing someone else. Likely a female co worker. All you are now is a service animal. You better bail.
My mom cooked 19 meals a week. Almost everything from scratch (Saturday and Sunday nights were sandwiches or leftovers or whatever). My dad worked hard too. When he came in, especially in hot weather, someone fixed him a glass of tea right quick, if no kids were there, Mom did it. The rare occasions that she was gone for more than the day (usually taking care of the injured, dying or a new mother), he managed his own meals. To think of him yelling at her to get his plate is beyond my imagination. And he could tell, but not at my mom. To wake her up after her long days as a farm wife, even more unreal and to wake up sleeping babies would mean he'd hit his head on something. No, this is beyond traditional roles, this is baked in evil.
He hasn't started hitting you, yet. He has a need for control that will only escalate unless he seeks help. PLEASE remove yourself and your babies from this situation while your husband works on his issues. DO NOT STAY. He will not seek the help he needs if you do.
My ex did that to me except Im the bread winner and he was fully disabled playing video games all day and that night ended in him trying to get my cat run-over then trying to kill her with a belt and hitting me and throwing me to the ground when I tried to defend her. Oh and then being so delusional as to claim I attacked him first and deserved it. (As I patched up his wrist where she defended herself when he grabbed her)
He’s a controlling , manipulative, abusive narcissistic A**HOLE ! He’s showing her who’s boss. He’s demeaning her role in the home and raising his children. She’s got an infant and a toddler. Buddy unless your arms literally don’t work , you better heat up that food and let her get some sleep 😴 lest you find an unpleasant surprise in your pie pal. SAHM your job is hard enough with 2 babies. You don’t need 3 and this A**hat so called husband of yours has absolutely no respect for you in the least. I hate to tell you but you’re in an abusive relationship and you my dear are definitely NOT TAH
What the heck!!! I work 9 hours a day and always help my wife cleaning and I will never ever ask my wife to get up and make me food or bother her at all when I wanna eat. I would eat bread or open a can of tuna and not wake her up. That man needs to grow up and depend on him self. Such a baby.
I hate these stories because they show me how pointless our fight for gender equality really is. So many women ready to fill the role as the forever servant just because they want to have children. So many men acting like it's the 1900s. It' s depressing.
I live w/an old Dude, a total Mysoginist, I tend to...we both had COVID in Jan...he mild cold symptoms...me deathly ill...he woke me up out of a COVID coma to crawl downstairs, open a TV dinner & put it in the microwave for 7 minutes...three hots and a cot was looking real good at the time, unfortunately it was a I do to crawl back to bed I hadn't the energy to kill him. 😤😡
My husband was an EMT for two years. This is NOT normal behavior and not acceptable. There were times my husband would be working a 48 hour shift, come home and see me struggling with the kids and make ME dinner because all I ate that day was toast. I understand trying to be a good wife and have meals ready. It was always appreciated, never expected. And no matter how much he worked, our family and our marriage always comes first to him. Your husband is an egotistical prick who does not respect you and his behavior is borderline abusive. Please leave him for your childrens sake.
Lucky guy, would love to have a women enjoy cooking and have food made for me, that I could eat or hear when I’m home, without complaining I’m home late.
I wouldn't do it to my wife. She's from the city and I'm pretty certain she fights better than me.
Load More Replies... So the husband is toxic. Sure, why not. Why is everyone so eager to call him out? Mabey if he ran to Reddit and talked s**t about her we'd see her faults too.
Because he's obviously toxic... No one is perfect and she definitely has her own flaws but she isn't actively abusing him. Why so eager to dismiss obvious abuse and try to find fault in the victim?
Load More Replies... All I want to say is, they're not "ambulance drivers" they're paramedics and EMTs. They see and do things daily that would have normal people traumatized for life. As far as his dinner. I don't have an opinion on that.
How do you know this guy doesn't just drive the ambulance and have a couple of paramedic colleagues working in the back? Some places are like that. Don't make assumptions when you don't have the information.
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