Woman Who Earns 5 Times As Much As Her Husband Loses It After He Complains She Doesn’t Do Enough Chores
Dividing up chores at home can often be a sore topic for couples and families alike. Arguments are bound to crop up when someone feels like they’re doing the lion’s share of the work while their partner gets to live a life of leisure. Something else that tends to complicate such matters is the amount of time people spend working and how much they earn: these questions inevitably get dragged into any arguments about equitable chore divisions.
Redditor CommercialMachine98 shared an intriguing story with the AITA community on Reddit. She detailed how she and her husband had a massive argument over chores after he complained that she was supposedly not doing enough housework. The redditor works 7 days a week and does most of the chores while her husband has weekends off and has plenty of time for leisure.
Naturally, the redditor was less than impressed with the criticism and they got into an argument over who should be doing more at home (she earns around 5 times as much as he does). The wife ‘increased’ her husband John’s chores and even ended up locking his PS5 in their safe. Check out the full story below.
Certified relationship and self-love coach Alex Scot enlightened me about dividing up chores at home, as well as how to make up after a heated argument. “Divvying up house chores is a necessity. If one partner consistently does the majority of the work, typically it leads to that partner feeling like a nanny,” she told Bored Panda in an email interview. Scroll down for more.
A couple got into an argument over chores after the husband felt like his wife ‘should’ be doing more at home
Image credits: Gary Barnes
In response, the woman increased her husband’s chores because she works 7 days a week
Things got so heated, she even locked her husband’s PS5 in their safe
Relationship expert Alex recommended that each partner ought to write down which chores they absolutely loathe and which ones they don’t mind doing all that much. “For example, I don’t mind cleaning toilets but I hate vacuuming, so my partner is the one who vacuums and I’m the one that cleans the bathroom. For any chores that both partners don’t want to do, take turns alternating. This will vary from couple to couple but the goal here is to keep communication open, fair, and realistic for each other’s schedules,” she said.
Meanwhile, Alex went in-depth about the so-called “post-argument hangover” which she says each and every couple needs to learn how to navigate. “I recommend physical touch in the form of a hug or a 6-second kiss, the reason for this is co-regulation,” she noted.
Alex explained what exactly co-regulation is. “[It is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing.”
The redditor had an update for everyone later on
The redditor said that she spent hours combing through everyone’s comments and decided that they were both to blame, even if she was right to stand up for herself.
“I had been stewing in anger for days, and that is horribly unhealthy. And that anger is years of bottled feelings spilling up over something not worth that sort of reaction. I will sit John down tonight and have a long talk,” she wrote. “I will show him this thread and we will decide how we want to proceed. The people that we are now are so different from the people we were when we got married and we started dating.”
Here’s how people reacted when they read the woman’s story. Most redditors were on her side
Previously, I spoke about dividing up chores fairly with relationship expert Dan Bacon who is the founder of The Modern Man project. Honest conversations about chores and dividing up housework are vital, he told Bored Panda earlier. Avoiding such conversations can lead to unnecessary arguments, resentment, and potentially even break-ups.
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean,” Dan said.
“On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” he noted that it’s all about fairness and communication.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple.”
"I hope the sex is amazing, because you're getting f****d." LOL I might steal that one :D ___ And yes, get a good divorce lawyer and a post nup (before he finds out about your plans, if possible) and then divorce him
She can't get a post nup without his permission. I'm sure he'd guess that divorce was coming if she asked him to sign a post nup.
Load More Replies...She married a whiny man-child. I have no idea why women put up with men who act like overgrown teens. Divorce with a post nup seems the way to go otherwise she will likely have to pay spousal support
Sadly it seems that men not doing their fair share of chores is the norm rather than the exception. A study done in Uk and Denmark showed that in the majority of households where the woman works full time she still does the majority of chores. I feel that if living alone was affordable for our generation a lot of women would be single by choice.
Load More Replies...She'd have a LOT more money if she just got rid of him and hired a cleaner.
If they want to stay married for some reason, he should be the one to pay for a cleaner out of his wages, because he's the one who doesn't want to do his share. I hope she brings that up during their "long talk"...
Load More Replies...She seems to have bent over backwards to protect his ego for ages and then finally exploded when it all got to be too much. This is why you have to stand up for yourself early on, to keep from going overboard.
Yes, you can't give even an inch in the beginning or you'll eventually find yourself with in too deep when all those inches added up.
Load More Replies...Damn I'm lucky. My fiance works from home and does 90% of the chores because I go out to work. I do make more than him (we don't care about that though so it holds no bearings) but he'll do laundry and fold it while he works. He makes dinner (he gets off work earlier than me) He always makes sure the house is squared away for me so I don't have to. Don't get me wrong, I do things, but he rather I don't because I have to drive and have a physically and mentally demanding job. Where his is mostly mentally and emotionally draining. However, that being said I get this because I was married twice before and they acted like this scumbag husband here. Note I said WAS married twice before.
I think she is on the same childish level as him. And calling his salary pocket money is really disrespectful. Screw both of them
If only she could have kept the focus on the amount of hours she has to work, then no, she is NTA. But by mostly playing the income card, she kinda ITA. I make 3x as much as my wife but only have to put in half the amount of hours. Thus to me it seems more than logical that I do most of the household chores.
Oh honey, ditch this loser. He is nothing but dead weight, a waste of good air and groceries. He is not your child, so why are you trying to raise him? Kick him out and stop wasting your time and energy.
She sounds like she wants the house to be too clean. 2 to 3 hours on top of a full time job is a lot. She needs to understand that the house doesn't have to be spotless all the time.
Load More Replies...I don't care who has a job or not a job, or whatever....if you live in a home, you have to share the responsibilities of keeping that house clean. Sure, someone who works less should take a larger share in that "chore wheel"....but both people should contribute! Work is work, and home is home
My SIL is finally getting rid of her man child, but it's costing her. I seriously think women get involved with these type of men because they are fun, in the beginning, they probably live with Mommy so they have money, clean clothes and not a care in the world. When they marry, they expect to have the same life without doing anything different themselves. Women need to wake up and steer clear of these "men".
Even men who lived alone and took care of their own chores, suddenly drop all of them when they move in with a woman.
Load More Replies...I go along with what everyone else has said. DIVORCE HIM! Life's too short to be looking after a man-child. Take care of yourself, because he certainly won't.
They both sound like thoroughly unpleasant people who would spoil two marriages if they were married to decent human beings. At least they only spoil one marriage this way
Chores should not be about who is the bread winner. If you are making it a competition you have both already lost.
When she got to the point that she earns more than he does she lost imo, or... she sunk to his level. Its not about the money, its about respect for your partner. She de-valued him in the exact same way he de-valued her by saying she "should" do more chores because she's a woman. The person working less hours should do more at home regardless of level of income, its only fair, so he should do more than her, but dont use money in arguments. Note: this is true BEFORE having children. Taking care of children is in itself a full time job and you should split chores regardless of who works outside the home in that case.
They should absolutely not have children if they stay together because I don't see him taking on the majority of responsibilities for that role and there is no way she could deal with that and run her business. Something would have to give.
Load More Replies...Marriage is a partnership. Who makes what doesn't matter if you are both working towards the same goal. Any man of culture would see his wife working hard for the team and pick up the slack at home. While I don't agree with the "divorce first" attitude of most people on here, she shouldn't have to tell him to help out. Just my belief, but I don't rest until we both can rest.
Kinda refreshing to see this. Most people on here are all like, 'divorce him' all of the time, but there are always other ways around this scenario. It shouldn't have to result in divorce, just a change in his attitude. Good to see that you have this mindset already :)
Load More Replies...This is, unfortunately, pretty normal. I stopped mopping my floor for 3 months to see if either of the other adults living in my house would do. The answer was no. I then started collecting the trash they they left and gifting it to them every night.
I can understand making them pick up their own trash. But floors can go a long time without mopping and still be fine.
Load More Replies...I mean, same as everyone said, but... 2-3 hours of chores EVERY DAY? How huge is that house? That's not normal.
If she likes things to be neat, I shudder to think how much housework she puts on her list
Load More Replies...2-3. Hrs is half the chores??? How big is this house? And from what I'm gathering no children were mentioned. It takes me 1hr to keep a clean house with 4 kids under age 4. They're both the AH here. I wouldn't do 3 hrs of chores either. But he could do dishes when she cooks. (Assuming he does NOTHING as she said)
Both should equally get involved in their home life/chores, regardless how much they work. That's called equality.
That is the bottom line right there. Unless there is a mutual agreement for one person to do more because the other works more days/hours, it should always be 50/50. Nowhere in Ops rant did she state they had mutually agreed to anything.
Load More Replies...My second wife (don't judge me) used the same argument. Said that she worked more, and made more, so I should do more at home. 5 years later, I was making double what she made and spending more time at work than her (maybe 10% more) Things did not change at home. 5 more years later, things still hadn't changed. Just getting more toxic. It wasn't until I had "run away" that I identified this as an abusive relationship. Looking back, I realize just how bad it was. Haven't seen her in more than 3 years now and life goes on. All of my stress related illnesses are gone, I don't get punished for going to church or praying, and I can stop and help a stranded motorist on the side of the road without being accused of being unfaithful.
Is this page run by a bunch of feminists?? These are the same people saying that even if a husband that supports his family while the wife stays home needs to contribute in chores... and he earns 100x more
Whoever is the sole income person should not have to do any chores. The person staying at home should do them all because that is now their full-time job. If both work it doesn't matter who earns more, you split the chores even if one person makes 100x more. Even if one person works more hours, you still split the chores evenly unless there is a mutual agreement otherwise.
Load More Replies...ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Sure, the husband is in the wrong but the wife isn't looking good here either. She claims it's not in her nature but she sure jumps to 'I earn 5 times more than you, you will do as I say!' quickly. Besides which, she already admitted she used to do most of the chores because she liked things to be neat. Maybe her husband just has a lower level of tidiness.
Omg I live this life except for the income issue. I used to have a prosperous business but recently isn't going very well. Nevertheless I am always cleaning his s**t. And it is all about petty things like putting new roll of tp, changing a kitchen towel or leaving socks under the sofa (yuck!). Ofc he doesn't clean anything, not doing laundry, not cleaning cats litter boxes, not washing floors or toilet. His all effort is to occasionally empty/load the dishwasher. Its like he is blind to these things. He assumes that if i work at home I can do all that. If i do that, I don't work = I don't make money. If I don't make money and request some from him, he is pouting. If I work and don't have time to do chores he is pouting. Omg, I have given birth to one child and married another.
NTA. You married a boy. I see divorce in their future. Sounds like you can do a lot better, ma'am.
Lawyer up. Divorce him. And make sure he doesn't get a share of your (successful) start up (hence the lawyer).
If a man tried to stop his wife from getting a share of his start up in a divorce, people would call him an asshole. Why treat her differently?
Load More Replies...Working from home is still WORKING. I have friends who constantly asked if I could: pick up their kids from school (and then watch them until she could come get them), walk their dogs, check for Amazon on their porches, etc. I explained CONSTANTLY that I was working and got some of the biggest guilt trips imaginable. Just because I have flexible hours doesn't mean I am available to be at your beck & call. Yeah - I don't speak to most of those people anymore. Their loss.
This is a load of crap. I stay home and do all the cooking, cleaning and take care of our kids. I do it because I love my family. Not because she makes me. But let's look at this the other way.If it was the man bitching about the wife not doing enough and making less money than him, then everyone would be screaming sexism and saying he a pig. And the cops would have been called about him yelling at her since it could have been considered abuse.
Except it sounds like (we don't know his side) he isn't willing to even do his fair share which is 50% of the chores. It should be 50% no matter how much or little he earns as long as he is working full-time. It should not be more just because she works more days/hours. She chose to do that and that choice doesn't obligate him unless he agreed to it. But she did give him an out if she was serious! She told him to quit his job that he apparently hates anyway and just be a homemaker. Still, somehow I get the feeling that even if he agreed and actually did all the chores, she would eventually not be happy seeing all the free time he has every day afterward.
Load More Replies...this site is hilarious. besides the aspect that this very likely is a made up story, all the people applauding this woman would be shaking their fist and screaming at the sky like Abe Simpson if the roles were reversed and the man increased his low income earning wifes chores. Be consistent nerds.
NTA. Break up with him. What the f**k girl. He is toxic and a sexist. The "homemaker"?! The "breadwinner"?! Who talks like that in 2021?! Disgusting. Also, no you are not both to blame. He is wrong. What the heck?!
Nope, you are wrong! They are both to blame. Nowhere does it say he agreed with her working 7 days a week. If she made that decision on her own then she is also an AH. She is also an AH for locking his PS5 in the safe and changing the combination. That is NOT how you handle things. She has valid complaints but the way she goes about it is to humiliate and demean him. "A no skills chump change job"? Right in the beginning, she said they had similar income before she started her business, but now that is considered chump change. She has let success go to her head and is using it as an emotional weapon.
Load More Replies...sounds like she is more of a mother figure than a lover/wife figure. especially regarding the fact that she had to lock up his video console. that is something you do to a child. if she is doing so well then perhaps she needs to re examine their relationship and decide if she wants this kind of relationship. you can't make a person changed unless that person wants to change and it seems that he isn't the time.
My mom and dad are both retired, but my mom works a part time job just to get out of the house. My dad has spinal stenosis, but he still does his best to take care of the house so that my mom doesn't have to. She should not have said that his income is pocket money, but he is acting like a child and I don't think she should put up with that. It's real simple: file for divorce.
I am a bit confused about the 'her start up ' if it was before marriage fine, but it seems like since, regardless of who runs it etc, they have to be a team to give her the chance and risk involved to do something like that? He may have at some point supported that start...he is wrong on the chores stuff etc, but the she makes more money etc made me curious, when most couples would consider it their company ? Or maybe not, it just seemed odd.
What does the husband have to do with the start up? She did it on her own. It’s hers only.
Load More Replies...When is lunch going to be ready?!?!?!?! Make your lazy-a**e self a bloody sandwich!!! She's busy!!!
Oh, just get a divorce.... You're down to th epoint of screaming at each other without any resolution. Leave. Or throw him out. Whatever.
A couple gets into an argument over household chores. Only on Bored Panda does chaos ensue.
I think at this point it no longer matters who the AH is! This marriage looks like it needs to end. Since you don't need his income and he is refusing to do any chores, then you don't need him. You gave him the option to quit a job he hates and just do the chores and that's a pretty darn good deal as there can't possibly be even 2 to 3 hours worth per day. Unless agreed upon otherwise, chores should be split equally with adjustments made for who works more days/hours. He is just being a pouty AH. Either he was good at faking it before you got married or you weren't paying attention to what he believed was the role of a wife! As for others saying to get a Post Nup, they haven't got a clue. Both Pre and Post Nups require the consent of both parties so if your intent is to end the marriage, asking for one will give him a heads up to the divorce. Go speak to a lawyer and explain the situation. They will tell you what you need to do to protect yourself and your business.
Go to counselling or leave him. This is a bad relationship right now, and neither one of you are helping it much. (It does not sound like he's given her an option of doing anything healthy to resolve the situation, so she should leave him or go to counselling. She should definitely stop doing any more chores than he does. Also, he's a mysogonist. Does she want to be with such a person? No better than a racist.)
She definitely needs to divorce this slacker. BTW, I find the headline for this article to be misleading. The real issue is the long hours she works, which is a perfectly fine reason for her expectations re her husband doing his share of chores. The issue re chores is NOT her salary.
No, her long hours are not a perfectly fine reason unless he agreed with her working those hours and 7 days a week. It's her business and she is her own boss which means she sets her own hours. Her decision to work more and longer without his agreement does not obligate him to do more. She changed the dynamic of the relationship by starting that business. We only have one side of the story, hers. I'd like to know how much of this current work/business situation of hers he agreed to. If he agreed to those days/hours he's TAH. If he didn't, then she is. It also sounds like she is an OCD neat freak and he isn't but she is expecting him to meet her neatness expectations. That alone would breed resentment in a normal shared chores situation. I don't see this working out as they are too far apart on this.
Load More Replies...I recognise this situation is frustrating, but in keeping him you have already locked yourself in to some extent, I fear. Your "solution" actually reinforces his view of you as his mother, by now labelling you the voice of authority as well. Personally I'd want a partner, not a dependent, but to each their own. I'm sure I'd love my child to bits if I had one, but there comes a time when junior has to fledge. I say kick him out of the nest and find your own peace. You've been with him for a long time, I take it? Try some time on your own. Find out what YOU want, what YOU like. Try plants, perhaps a pet, and if you really want a partner go find an equal. There's no shame in being unwed or even single, if that's how you feel most comfortable. Remember you only get one life, so best not to waste it living someone else's life. Good luck.
If I where here I would never have accepted that kind of behavior! In a household you should always help each other. It doesn't need to be 50/50 but in the long run 50/50 is the goal!
They need counseling he obviously does not pay attention to what she does daily and he is taking her for granted. He is also proving that he thinks he lives back in 1950s and if that is okay with him let’s have him try and live in 1800? 1700? 1600? I’m thinking back when men hunted and there was no running water or electricity? Let’s play that game Bill.
You’re the asshole if you stay I. This marriage. He doesn’t not seem worth it! Imagine if you have children!!!!!!!!
There's no time for children. She works 7 days a week.
Load More Replies...She should stop being unfaithful to her job and dump the guy. It's not like she needs him for anything.
Unfaithful to her job? That's not a healthy view. Work shouldn't be the only thing in someone's life.
Load More Replies...People here actually think it's a real letter AND they're ignoring that if the genders were reversed, it would be clear the fictional writer is an asshole
She is an ah. She said she wanted him to be a houseman in her comments, but his pride stood in the way and although he was horrible, expecting her to be his housewife, at least he didn't scream her into submission.
Load More Replies...NTA. Every time he complains, add another chore from your half onto his.
That's not a healthy way to handle things. And not fair. Chore level doesn't have to do with complaints.
Load More Replies...I think if everyone read Glennon Doyle's untamed divorce rates or better marriages would happen. Either way happiness epidemic
If there are children this couple need to see a marriage counselor immediately. If not, get a post nup, checking to see how soon it goes into effect, then empty the bank accounts, etc., and file for divorce.
I'm 99% sure there are no children, because OF COURSE childcare would be a massive issue in a couple where the man considers everything he doesn't want to do to be "woman's work".
Load More Replies...I can't believe posts like this are on the main page.A random couple fighting...Miss those times when it was all about art and awesome things from the world.Now it is mostly a "person a told person b that the banana is yellow,now they are getting a divorce" site.
There's a solution which requires one or two extra clicks from you: scroll back to the top ("Home" on a keyboard is the shortcut), select "Latest" to get more art-related posts. You will still get the posts you dislike, but not as many. You can also select specific links ("Art", "Travel", etc.).
Load More Replies...So funny when it's the other way around, you should hear high earning women complain after divorces, it's really funny but the truth is and this is the truth. The love of money is the root of all evil... Love how 'christian USA' doesn't get this. Rock on dude, all blokes that have lost their house children and pension while doing the 10 hour day while the wife did f**k all are on your side.
Hahaha!!! Another privileged man child who blames everything wrong in his life on women when he should be looking in the mirror.
Load More Replies..."I hope the sex is amazing, because you're getting f****d." LOL I might steal that one :D ___ And yes, get a good divorce lawyer and a post nup (before he finds out about your plans, if possible) and then divorce him
She can't get a post nup without his permission. I'm sure he'd guess that divorce was coming if she asked him to sign a post nup.
Load More Replies...She married a whiny man-child. I have no idea why women put up with men who act like overgrown teens. Divorce with a post nup seems the way to go otherwise she will likely have to pay spousal support
Sadly it seems that men not doing their fair share of chores is the norm rather than the exception. A study done in Uk and Denmark showed that in the majority of households where the woman works full time she still does the majority of chores. I feel that if living alone was affordable for our generation a lot of women would be single by choice.
Load More Replies...She'd have a LOT more money if she just got rid of him and hired a cleaner.
If they want to stay married for some reason, he should be the one to pay for a cleaner out of his wages, because he's the one who doesn't want to do his share. I hope she brings that up during their "long talk"...
Load More Replies...She seems to have bent over backwards to protect his ego for ages and then finally exploded when it all got to be too much. This is why you have to stand up for yourself early on, to keep from going overboard.
Yes, you can't give even an inch in the beginning or you'll eventually find yourself with in too deep when all those inches added up.
Load More Replies...Damn I'm lucky. My fiance works from home and does 90% of the chores because I go out to work. I do make more than him (we don't care about that though so it holds no bearings) but he'll do laundry and fold it while he works. He makes dinner (he gets off work earlier than me) He always makes sure the house is squared away for me so I don't have to. Don't get me wrong, I do things, but he rather I don't because I have to drive and have a physically and mentally demanding job. Where his is mostly mentally and emotionally draining. However, that being said I get this because I was married twice before and they acted like this scumbag husband here. Note I said WAS married twice before.
I think she is on the same childish level as him. And calling his salary pocket money is really disrespectful. Screw both of them
If only she could have kept the focus on the amount of hours she has to work, then no, she is NTA. But by mostly playing the income card, she kinda ITA. I make 3x as much as my wife but only have to put in half the amount of hours. Thus to me it seems more than logical that I do most of the household chores.
Oh honey, ditch this loser. He is nothing but dead weight, a waste of good air and groceries. He is not your child, so why are you trying to raise him? Kick him out and stop wasting your time and energy.
She sounds like she wants the house to be too clean. 2 to 3 hours on top of a full time job is a lot. She needs to understand that the house doesn't have to be spotless all the time.
Load More Replies...I don't care who has a job or not a job, or whatever....if you live in a home, you have to share the responsibilities of keeping that house clean. Sure, someone who works less should take a larger share in that "chore wheel"....but both people should contribute! Work is work, and home is home
My SIL is finally getting rid of her man child, but it's costing her. I seriously think women get involved with these type of men because they are fun, in the beginning, they probably live with Mommy so they have money, clean clothes and not a care in the world. When they marry, they expect to have the same life without doing anything different themselves. Women need to wake up and steer clear of these "men".
Even men who lived alone and took care of their own chores, suddenly drop all of them when they move in with a woman.
Load More Replies...I go along with what everyone else has said. DIVORCE HIM! Life's too short to be looking after a man-child. Take care of yourself, because he certainly won't.
They both sound like thoroughly unpleasant people who would spoil two marriages if they were married to decent human beings. At least they only spoil one marriage this way
Chores should not be about who is the bread winner. If you are making it a competition you have both already lost.
When she got to the point that she earns more than he does she lost imo, or... she sunk to his level. Its not about the money, its about respect for your partner. She de-valued him in the exact same way he de-valued her by saying she "should" do more chores because she's a woman. The person working less hours should do more at home regardless of level of income, its only fair, so he should do more than her, but dont use money in arguments. Note: this is true BEFORE having children. Taking care of children is in itself a full time job and you should split chores regardless of who works outside the home in that case.
They should absolutely not have children if they stay together because I don't see him taking on the majority of responsibilities for that role and there is no way she could deal with that and run her business. Something would have to give.
Load More Replies...Marriage is a partnership. Who makes what doesn't matter if you are both working towards the same goal. Any man of culture would see his wife working hard for the team and pick up the slack at home. While I don't agree with the "divorce first" attitude of most people on here, she shouldn't have to tell him to help out. Just my belief, but I don't rest until we both can rest.
Kinda refreshing to see this. Most people on here are all like, 'divorce him' all of the time, but there are always other ways around this scenario. It shouldn't have to result in divorce, just a change in his attitude. Good to see that you have this mindset already :)
Load More Replies...This is, unfortunately, pretty normal. I stopped mopping my floor for 3 months to see if either of the other adults living in my house would do. The answer was no. I then started collecting the trash they they left and gifting it to them every night.
I can understand making them pick up their own trash. But floors can go a long time without mopping and still be fine.
Load More Replies...I mean, same as everyone said, but... 2-3 hours of chores EVERY DAY? How huge is that house? That's not normal.
If she likes things to be neat, I shudder to think how much housework she puts on her list
Load More Replies...2-3. Hrs is half the chores??? How big is this house? And from what I'm gathering no children were mentioned. It takes me 1hr to keep a clean house with 4 kids under age 4. They're both the AH here. I wouldn't do 3 hrs of chores either. But he could do dishes when she cooks. (Assuming he does NOTHING as she said)
Both should equally get involved in their home life/chores, regardless how much they work. That's called equality.
That is the bottom line right there. Unless there is a mutual agreement for one person to do more because the other works more days/hours, it should always be 50/50. Nowhere in Ops rant did she state they had mutually agreed to anything.
Load More Replies...My second wife (don't judge me) used the same argument. Said that she worked more, and made more, so I should do more at home. 5 years later, I was making double what she made and spending more time at work than her (maybe 10% more) Things did not change at home. 5 more years later, things still hadn't changed. Just getting more toxic. It wasn't until I had "run away" that I identified this as an abusive relationship. Looking back, I realize just how bad it was. Haven't seen her in more than 3 years now and life goes on. All of my stress related illnesses are gone, I don't get punished for going to church or praying, and I can stop and help a stranded motorist on the side of the road without being accused of being unfaithful.
Is this page run by a bunch of feminists?? These are the same people saying that even if a husband that supports his family while the wife stays home needs to contribute in chores... and he earns 100x more
Whoever is the sole income person should not have to do any chores. The person staying at home should do them all because that is now their full-time job. If both work it doesn't matter who earns more, you split the chores even if one person makes 100x more. Even if one person works more hours, you still split the chores evenly unless there is a mutual agreement otherwise.
Load More Replies...ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Sure, the husband is in the wrong but the wife isn't looking good here either. She claims it's not in her nature but she sure jumps to 'I earn 5 times more than you, you will do as I say!' quickly. Besides which, she already admitted she used to do most of the chores because she liked things to be neat. Maybe her husband just has a lower level of tidiness.
Omg I live this life except for the income issue. I used to have a prosperous business but recently isn't going very well. Nevertheless I am always cleaning his s**t. And it is all about petty things like putting new roll of tp, changing a kitchen towel or leaving socks under the sofa (yuck!). Ofc he doesn't clean anything, not doing laundry, not cleaning cats litter boxes, not washing floors or toilet. His all effort is to occasionally empty/load the dishwasher. Its like he is blind to these things. He assumes that if i work at home I can do all that. If i do that, I don't work = I don't make money. If I don't make money and request some from him, he is pouting. If I work and don't have time to do chores he is pouting. Omg, I have given birth to one child and married another.
NTA. You married a boy. I see divorce in their future. Sounds like you can do a lot better, ma'am.
Lawyer up. Divorce him. And make sure he doesn't get a share of your (successful) start up (hence the lawyer).
If a man tried to stop his wife from getting a share of his start up in a divorce, people would call him an asshole. Why treat her differently?
Load More Replies...Working from home is still WORKING. I have friends who constantly asked if I could: pick up their kids from school (and then watch them until she could come get them), walk their dogs, check for Amazon on their porches, etc. I explained CONSTANTLY that I was working and got some of the biggest guilt trips imaginable. Just because I have flexible hours doesn't mean I am available to be at your beck & call. Yeah - I don't speak to most of those people anymore. Their loss.
This is a load of crap. I stay home and do all the cooking, cleaning and take care of our kids. I do it because I love my family. Not because she makes me. But let's look at this the other way.If it was the man bitching about the wife not doing enough and making less money than him, then everyone would be screaming sexism and saying he a pig. And the cops would have been called about him yelling at her since it could have been considered abuse.
Except it sounds like (we don't know his side) he isn't willing to even do his fair share which is 50% of the chores. It should be 50% no matter how much or little he earns as long as he is working full-time. It should not be more just because she works more days/hours. She chose to do that and that choice doesn't obligate him unless he agreed to it. But she did give him an out if she was serious! She told him to quit his job that he apparently hates anyway and just be a homemaker. Still, somehow I get the feeling that even if he agreed and actually did all the chores, she would eventually not be happy seeing all the free time he has every day afterward.
Load More Replies...this site is hilarious. besides the aspect that this very likely is a made up story, all the people applauding this woman would be shaking their fist and screaming at the sky like Abe Simpson if the roles were reversed and the man increased his low income earning wifes chores. Be consistent nerds.
NTA. Break up with him. What the f**k girl. He is toxic and a sexist. The "homemaker"?! The "breadwinner"?! Who talks like that in 2021?! Disgusting. Also, no you are not both to blame. He is wrong. What the heck?!
Nope, you are wrong! They are both to blame. Nowhere does it say he agreed with her working 7 days a week. If she made that decision on her own then she is also an AH. She is also an AH for locking his PS5 in the safe and changing the combination. That is NOT how you handle things. She has valid complaints but the way she goes about it is to humiliate and demean him. "A no skills chump change job"? Right in the beginning, she said they had similar income before she started her business, but now that is considered chump change. She has let success go to her head and is using it as an emotional weapon.
Load More Replies...sounds like she is more of a mother figure than a lover/wife figure. especially regarding the fact that she had to lock up his video console. that is something you do to a child. if she is doing so well then perhaps she needs to re examine their relationship and decide if she wants this kind of relationship. you can't make a person changed unless that person wants to change and it seems that he isn't the time.
My mom and dad are both retired, but my mom works a part time job just to get out of the house. My dad has spinal stenosis, but he still does his best to take care of the house so that my mom doesn't have to. She should not have said that his income is pocket money, but he is acting like a child and I don't think she should put up with that. It's real simple: file for divorce.
I am a bit confused about the 'her start up ' if it was before marriage fine, but it seems like since, regardless of who runs it etc, they have to be a team to give her the chance and risk involved to do something like that? He may have at some point supported that start...he is wrong on the chores stuff etc, but the she makes more money etc made me curious, when most couples would consider it their company ? Or maybe not, it just seemed odd.
What does the husband have to do with the start up? She did it on her own. It’s hers only.
Load More Replies...When is lunch going to be ready?!?!?!?! Make your lazy-a**e self a bloody sandwich!!! She's busy!!!
Oh, just get a divorce.... You're down to th epoint of screaming at each other without any resolution. Leave. Or throw him out. Whatever.
A couple gets into an argument over household chores. Only on Bored Panda does chaos ensue.
I think at this point it no longer matters who the AH is! This marriage looks like it needs to end. Since you don't need his income and he is refusing to do any chores, then you don't need him. You gave him the option to quit a job he hates and just do the chores and that's a pretty darn good deal as there can't possibly be even 2 to 3 hours worth per day. Unless agreed upon otherwise, chores should be split equally with adjustments made for who works more days/hours. He is just being a pouty AH. Either he was good at faking it before you got married or you weren't paying attention to what he believed was the role of a wife! As for others saying to get a Post Nup, they haven't got a clue. Both Pre and Post Nups require the consent of both parties so if your intent is to end the marriage, asking for one will give him a heads up to the divorce. Go speak to a lawyer and explain the situation. They will tell you what you need to do to protect yourself and your business.
Go to counselling or leave him. This is a bad relationship right now, and neither one of you are helping it much. (It does not sound like he's given her an option of doing anything healthy to resolve the situation, so she should leave him or go to counselling. She should definitely stop doing any more chores than he does. Also, he's a mysogonist. Does she want to be with such a person? No better than a racist.)
She definitely needs to divorce this slacker. BTW, I find the headline for this article to be misleading. The real issue is the long hours she works, which is a perfectly fine reason for her expectations re her husband doing his share of chores. The issue re chores is NOT her salary.
No, her long hours are not a perfectly fine reason unless he agreed with her working those hours and 7 days a week. It's her business and she is her own boss which means she sets her own hours. Her decision to work more and longer without his agreement does not obligate him to do more. She changed the dynamic of the relationship by starting that business. We only have one side of the story, hers. I'd like to know how much of this current work/business situation of hers he agreed to. If he agreed to those days/hours he's TAH. If he didn't, then she is. It also sounds like she is an OCD neat freak and he isn't but she is expecting him to meet her neatness expectations. That alone would breed resentment in a normal shared chores situation. I don't see this working out as they are too far apart on this.
Load More Replies...I recognise this situation is frustrating, but in keeping him you have already locked yourself in to some extent, I fear. Your "solution" actually reinforces his view of you as his mother, by now labelling you the voice of authority as well. Personally I'd want a partner, not a dependent, but to each their own. I'm sure I'd love my child to bits if I had one, but there comes a time when junior has to fledge. I say kick him out of the nest and find your own peace. You've been with him for a long time, I take it? Try some time on your own. Find out what YOU want, what YOU like. Try plants, perhaps a pet, and if you really want a partner go find an equal. There's no shame in being unwed or even single, if that's how you feel most comfortable. Remember you only get one life, so best not to waste it living someone else's life. Good luck.
If I where here I would never have accepted that kind of behavior! In a household you should always help each other. It doesn't need to be 50/50 but in the long run 50/50 is the goal!
They need counseling he obviously does not pay attention to what she does daily and he is taking her for granted. He is also proving that he thinks he lives back in 1950s and if that is okay with him let’s have him try and live in 1800? 1700? 1600? I’m thinking back when men hunted and there was no running water or electricity? Let’s play that game Bill.
You’re the asshole if you stay I. This marriage. He doesn’t not seem worth it! Imagine if you have children!!!!!!!!
There's no time for children. She works 7 days a week.
Load More Replies...She should stop being unfaithful to her job and dump the guy. It's not like she needs him for anything.
Unfaithful to her job? That's not a healthy view. Work shouldn't be the only thing in someone's life.
Load More Replies...People here actually think it's a real letter AND they're ignoring that if the genders were reversed, it would be clear the fictional writer is an asshole
She is an ah. She said she wanted him to be a houseman in her comments, but his pride stood in the way and although he was horrible, expecting her to be his housewife, at least he didn't scream her into submission.
Load More Replies...NTA. Every time he complains, add another chore from your half onto his.
That's not a healthy way to handle things. And not fair. Chore level doesn't have to do with complaints.
Load More Replies...I think if everyone read Glennon Doyle's untamed divorce rates or better marriages would happen. Either way happiness epidemic
If there are children this couple need to see a marriage counselor immediately. If not, get a post nup, checking to see how soon it goes into effect, then empty the bank accounts, etc., and file for divorce.
I'm 99% sure there are no children, because OF COURSE childcare would be a massive issue in a couple where the man considers everything he doesn't want to do to be "woman's work".
Load More Replies...I can't believe posts like this are on the main page.A random couple fighting...Miss those times when it was all about art and awesome things from the world.Now it is mostly a "person a told person b that the banana is yellow,now they are getting a divorce" site.
There's a solution which requires one or two extra clicks from you: scroll back to the top ("Home" on a keyboard is the shortcut), select "Latest" to get more art-related posts. You will still get the posts you dislike, but not as many. You can also select specific links ("Art", "Travel", etc.).
Load More Replies...So funny when it's the other way around, you should hear high earning women complain after divorces, it's really funny but the truth is and this is the truth. The love of money is the root of all evil... Love how 'christian USA' doesn't get this. Rock on dude, all blokes that have lost their house children and pension while doing the 10 hour day while the wife did f**k all are on your side.
Hahaha!!! Another privileged man child who blames everything wrong in his life on women when he should be looking in the mirror.
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