Husband Writes Down Every Time His Wife Refused Him Sex, Sends Her An Email After She Leaves For A Work Trip
Marriage isn’t easy and everyone one of us heard the saying ‘marriage is work’ at least once. And yes, once the honeymoon stage is over, it’s not so easy to maintain a fulfilling and wholesome relationship, but there must be certain red flags that obviously show that the relationship isn’t working the way it should be. If so, what are those red flags? Is lack of romance and intimacy a red flag? What about a passive-aggressive excel spreadsheet displaying all of the days you refused to sleep with your partner?
One wife took social media to share a letter she received from her husband before leaving on a work trip
Image credits: Sophia Louise (not the actual photo)
The excel sheet he attached displayed all the times he was trying to be intimate with her but she refused
This post quickly received a lot of attention online with people having all sorts of different reactions to it.
While some were not in the mood to support the husband
Other’s tried to find a solution to their problem
And some were in the complete support of the husband
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Share on FacebookNeither of them owe each other sex and I think that was very immature on the husband's part.
Came here to say the same thing. Marriage does not mean you must put out when the other demands it. Getting a spreadsheet like this would not convince me to be intimate. It would achieve the exact opposite.
Load More Replies...Whew. I hope they get to a better place in their relationship (whatever that means). I would personally be pissed if my husband put all of that energy into a passive aggressive stunt like that. I would much rather he just tell me how he is feeling. A couple does not owe sex to one another and if one of the two feel like they would like to be having more sex, then that's a conversation to be had. That being said, the worst part of this imo is that he then ignored her calls/texts. Honestly, that would be a HUGE issue for me. I don't know them and I don't know what their relationship dynamic looks like is like - but I know that for me, communication is one of the most important things in maintaining a healthy marriage (or any relationship). Not only is ignoring a partner's attempts to reach you rude and immature (of course there are exceptions to this if a relationship is abusive/volatile) , but in the instance it seems like an intentional way to make the other person suffer. Not cool man
Yeah his behavior was not only super petty, but crossed the line in many places /:
Load More Replies...I remember when this went viral a year ago; I'd be interested in any updates on the situation. My first thought was that this is a guy who keeps score, and you can't change a brain that works that way. He's quite literally punishing her by rejecting her attempts at communication, so keeping score + tit-for-tat = a petty, emotionally immature partner. They've both got a lot of work ahead in establishing common ground for effective communication.
He's with someone else now. She's still doing laundry, cooking etc
Load More Replies...What an absolute k**b. Firstly, talk to your wife about how you are feeling. This is some next level cowardly aggressive s**t. Secondly, sending it then ignoring her calls is a massive pile of emotional abuse. This seems like he is on the cusp of starting an affair or is coming up with reasons for cheating. Either way, total k**b cheese.
K**b cheese! XD I wish I could upvote every sentence of this.
Load More Replies...Why doesn't he do the laundry, cook, do these things and and relieves her from this? With men like this, it almost ever feels (for me) like it's a bit like a mother-child-relationship. I had one like these with a guy once and yes, I didn't want to have sex with him too. Excuse me for my English.
Let's see: She works full time, including travel. She does all the work in the home. Is this guy completely clueless? 🤔
Load More Replies...This is a super old story (2014) and she replied to his spreadsheet with her own: sex-spread...196721.png
Thank you for the update! This explains a lot. One of the most difficult things to do is put yourself in another's position. Even the smallest attempt at empathy goes a long way toward effective communication and rewarding relationships. This shows how the husband was completely unaware of how his behavior was putting a damper on physical intimacy. With patience and time they might be able to grow into a more loving marriage.
Load More Replies...He could have spent that energy and time to pamper his wife instead, to bring life back into their sex life, and maybe learn knew things about each other's desires....
I mainly see comments based on emotions instead of facts. Telling someone to get divorsed in this situation always is the worst advice you can give. Just because you dont know how to deal with this doesnt mean someone else can’t. Then you are reflecting your own f**k*d up life on someone else's. They got married, so i assume they do love each other. Then work things out, don’t get divorsed! I am happy to say i got the most beautiful and sweetest woman of the world by my side. She knows her task as my wife is to make me happy. Like my task is to make her the most happy woman in the world. We talk, communicate, have sex, laugh a lot together, and we make the best out of life. This is a marriage that can last a lifetime. Therefore dear Suzanne Mors, i dont need dates..
Load More Replies...Maybe instead of just asking, he could try to get her in the mood? I'm not sure what his methods were but as a woman myself, being pampered is really nice and relaxing. On another note, she is not a sex machine, having sex takes a toll on a woman's body, seeing as how there's something being pushed inside her over and over until climax. He should respect that much. I really hope they worked things out and had a good talk about it.
"I want to be pampered so that I get in the mood to want sex". Oh my god, this sounds like getting paid for doing him a favor. Big red flag.
Load More Replies...She might be way tired or maybe he's just not that great a lover or her hormones are going wacky due to stress or he's not spending the time it takes to seduce her over a period of days rather than saying "let's f**k" and then being annoyed when she's not into it. Seriously. So many reasons for a person's desire for sex can be derailed. My issue was hormones and, though it took way too many years for this to be correctly diagnosed, once dealt with my libido came back. Luckily, I have the best partner in the world who never, ever would have dealt with a problem of any kind like this.
maybe he's just bad in bed....
Load More Replies...Why can he not accept that she simply does not want to have sex with him? Maybe he needs to recognise that there's a problem and instead of being angry after being rejected, actually confront her about what the problem could be and have a proper, thoughtful conversation. It's extremely immature to wait until she was gone for a week before sending her a frickin spreadsheet of all the times she has said no and then IGNORING all her attempts to talk to him. And, she is also not obliged to have sex if she doesn't want to. She isn't there simply to meet his needs and has a life and feelings of her own. Yes, I understand that if he was being constantly turned away he would feel irritated, but surely having a healthy relationship would mean both him and her realizing there was something wrong and talking it through.
I notice he initiated sex virtually every day. No woman likes to be treated like a prostitute.
Load More Replies...The Incel Rock. Fake name, most likely a fragile male.
Load More Replies...By not doing his share of the work at home, he is contributing to the problem. She's exhausted and resentful. That is not an aphrodisiac, Dude. She wants a few minutes at the end of her day to relax and do something fun, like watching a TV program. Get in the kitchen and wash those dishes. She made dinner. And do your own laundry, or do it together. This is just common respect and consideration.
comment in the post (@justwordsinyourhead) says to communicate via her work email since that is how he sent it to her. WRONG! It's bad enough that HE sent it through her work; i highly recommend going with personal email (if not in person...), and DON'T do it on a work computer! It's never a good idea to use your work computer for personal reasons, but especially not for extremely personal communication!
I know right? I mean, in this day an age, you have to assume that work devices are being monitored. At least by somebody in the tech support group/department. If not, directly by your boss.
Load More Replies...This is his documented evidence of why he is having an affair while you are gone.
Ya, I kinda got that feeling too. But what a s****y way about communicating one's dissatisfaction. This couple really needs to go to couple's counseling and have a real conversation. A friend of mine had an affair b/c his wife wouldn't have sex with him - they worked it out and are now in a loving place but I think it's b/c he accepted that sex is not part of the marriage (or very limited - I haven't asked b/c I am afraid that's the case and don't want to upset him). Unfortunately he's compensated in other ways - i.e. gained a bit of weight.
Load More Replies...Divorce him, and wait until you meet a grownup before you marry again. Not speaking with you when you call him is beyond childish, it is hostile, ridiculous, and contemptable. This would be an absolute exit for me.
I have a suggestion ... if sex is that important to him he should do the cooking, cleaning & laundry ... that way she would be less exhausted and more interested in sex ... and maybe he would be less interested because then he will be tired from being overworked!! Also, I'd be willing to bet she makes more money than he does, men find that quite emasculating and seem to "need more sex" to make up for it!!
Marriage is about compromise and teamwork? Nah mate, spreadsheets, bitterness and humiliation....
FYI, he also put her job at risk by sending it to her professional account and not her personal account. She works, cleans, cooks, and does his laundry for him. Maybe he should help out and let her get some rest if he wants some one on one time.
Yes, whether he would admit it or not, he's jeopardizing her job. What an asshat!
Load More Replies...hi, this is my 1st post here. i think, there is no obligation to have sex in a relationship? better drop communication through text/excel/messages, instead talk actively to each other and find understanding. i know that circumstances can influence sexual desire, can you talk openly about it?
Wtf is up with people trying to justify this guy's actions and putting the blame on her?? If he has a problem he can talk to her about it instead of going full creep mode, seriously. Keeping a chart over "excuses" she's made to not have sex is legit so disgusting. He has 0 respect.
I don't think that people are trying to justify this guy's actions, I think they are pointing out that there is nothing in this story to assume that he had never spoke to her before about this.
Load More Replies...I'll trade places with him. I'd be happy to have sex sometimes, instead of the zero sex I'm getting right now. And he needs a time-out.
I'd have no respect for him after that and would leave him immediately and never look back. He sounds pathetic. No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with him.
I have been married 38 years. If my husband had ever treated me like this, I would have told him to either call me or call a lawyer. This is a selfish, self serving a*****e. The only thing he is thinking about is his personal satisfaction. Women's libido starts in the brain, he could do household chores, or draw a bath for her. Sometimes in married life you get NO sex in a month, because their is too much happening. Marriage is hard work. Participate or get out. Men you are a partner NOT THE CHILD. Oh, and NEVER SEND AN EMAIL LIKE THIS TO YOUR SPOUSE'S WORK EMAIL. Newsflash, they are monitored by their employer, you're an idiot!
The men defending the husband are just gross. He was abusive to spring this on her when she left for an out of town business trip and then ignored her attempts to communicate. I get being hurt by reduced intimacy but he did this to belittle her and to enforce his feelings of dominance and entitlement. No one deserves this sort of treatment from a spouse.
She should make him a PowerPoint on how to get back in the house.
This is an old post from 2014. The wife send back a spreadsheet that listed out all the REASONS for not sleeping with him...that includes husband telling her that she should get stomach bug more often so that she loses more weight among other things. Tell me all you ladies reading this, is this not a total moodkiller?
Someone else said that that spreadsheet was made by someone else as a joke, though. I don't know the full story, so I'm just saying what was said here.
Load More Replies...The real issue here is communication. They have to work out how to communicate with each other better. The husband is feeling rejected and frustrated, but he also needs to realize sex is not the only thing they can do together in a loving relationship. She probably didn't take it as a big deal while he feels it is a rejection. This is purely a communication issue. They need to come together to talk and do things together, not just when something is wrong, but on a regular basis even when things are right. Otherwise, they're just two people living together with faulty expectations.
Miscommunication, pride and lack of empathy are the cause of pretty much all the relationship problems I've personally seen. Be it romantic relationships, family or friendships. I've been in the middle of a lot of fights and I often find myself getting bashed by people for not "picking a side" when just listening to both sides will make it clear that they're both right *and* wrong (more often just misunderstanding each other, or seeing the same situation differently), and that picking a side won't solve the problem, which is what we should be doing instead of trying to "win" the fight. It's very tiresome to be the one who has to try to put things in perspective, but it feels nice when it does work and things get solved.
Load More Replies...As a husband, you can't just ASK for sex from your partner/wife, you have to EARN from her. And sometimes she can be exhausted, like my wife who is a doctor (you guys can imagine the life of a doctor), you gotta respect and support that. As she mentioned, doing housework, laundry etc. That dude is childishly fool.
I think it's best she quit her job do the housework and let him provide and work.
Load More Replies...I personally believe this is a large reason for many divorces. The lack of intimacy/sex is the symptom. Being tired, mad, insecure, money problems, and so on cause. But physical intimacy brings you together in a way few things can. Love each other and work at it sometimes it’s not easy. But neither is being married.
had this same thing....not quite as long, and i didnt make THAT long a list.... i got up at 4am (runs in my family, dad's side/military), cooked her breakfast/in bed.... sat down, an we talked it out--she has some *health problems, that may or may not effect reproduction....that night, i made her a candle lit dinner, and...we fixed things 😍❤ she went to doctor, and its another health thing about changing seasons/stress/mental health.... we are working on it
Right on! Communicate and work through it *together*. OP's husband could learn a lot from you.
Load More Replies...Omfg! I don't ever have to have sex with anyone! No man is entitled to sex. Oh and I am not required to give a reason. How about I don't want to. At least I am with a real man who understands that.
It’s an obligation for both if you read your bible, buddy
Load More Replies...What got me was the right before a party one. 20 minutes isn't a lot of time.
I'm sorry..but where does it say in the marriage vows that you have to stick your feet in the air for your husband anytime he wants it? As far as I'm concerned, in this day and age of couples requiring both to work full time jobs to make ends meet, you cannot expect that your spouse is going to be energetic and willing to hop in the sack at the end of the day. And I also will say this..if she's refusing it..is it possible it's because he's not any good at it? Perhaps they need to go to a marriage counselor or sex therapist..but I honestly think she needs to cut her losses and run.
As a woman who's husband wants sex all the time, that's not how it works. Women need to be appreciated and put in the mood. We don't "need it" like men seem to think they do. We prefer a good make out session to get frisky. We also can have body image issues. If WE FEEL unattractive, putting out doesn't always come to mind. If he's grown enough to be married, he's grown enough to communicate his feelings. Also, just going up to your wife every day and saying "let's get naked" can get a bit annoying. And doing nice things, like foreplay, really does help.
Three times in seven weeks? Lucky them. I've been with my partner for 25 years and we were pretty chuffed it was three times in 2018.
That seems like something you might want to discuss with your partner.
Load More Replies...What a coward, to send her that when they weren't going to see each other for days and then not answer phone. Seems selfish and totally inconsiderate of partner's needs. F*ck that guy.
The comments here reveal why men are opting out of marriage. Physical intimacy is what is most important to this husband- it's his love expression, and it tells him his wife loves him and values him above all others. Every single time he asked, she told him she didn't love him and other things (TV shows, cleaning, working out) were more important to her than he was. Every. Single. Time. Imagine, ladies, how that would feel to you. You are vulnerable, lonley, sad- you say to your man "I really need to talk to you about something important to me" and he turns up the telly. He does that at least 27 days in a row- how do you think he feels about what's important to you?
Both of them have a point but I'm not going to side with either of them. I just want to say this: If at the age of 26 and with no kids you find no intimate time for each other, then it's not meant to be. A divorce will benefit the both of you in the long run.
what would this man do if he had to deal with what my husband does i had to pre cancer surgeries down there and have lost that function i had so much skin removed from there that it is so tight that all i feel is pain can't even get it in my husband has lived with this fact for years now and he never complains cheats or try's to pressure me we as humane beings with all the technology we have now lack communication and i beleive this is why so many more marriages are failing we need to get our face's out of our phone's and computers and learn to speak to each other and by the way this husband displayed his dissatisfaction on a spread sheet through an e-mail prove's me right maybe he doesn't do enough to make her feel special in his life which is a turn off maybe he needs to help out around the house more so she is not so tired everyone's comments that i read following the story seem to put all the blame on the wife it takes two it doesn't mention what he does for work and seeing as he
Oh, and we can not even complain because otherwise we are selfish
This is a real d'bag thing to do to his wife and most likely will cause more problems. It seems like a way to pressure her into more sex. The grown-up thing to do would have been to talk it out without making accusations and really trying to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking rather than being an a*s.
It's very unsexy to approach intimacy with entitlement and resentment. I for one think she should refuse 100% of the time that she is not in the mood, because having sex you don't want to have is an abomination. But if it were me, turning down sex left and right, I would be stressing out about my own libido and would be definitely taking steps to get into the mood. For instance, if I know we are going to have some alone time, we both take care not to overeat (because nobody feels sexy on a full stomach); often we don't eat [lunch/dinner] until after. If I go to the gym, I shower up and feel 10x sexier than if I hadn't gone at all. Either way they both need to take ownership.
He's a douche bag, maybe he should clean the house and do the laundry, maybe she would have more energy and feel romantic if she didn't feel like a maid.
Ya she needs to give it up. My bf is doing the same thing to me and I'll probably leave him
Sexual compatibility is CRITICAL to a stable and content monogamous relationship because sex drives (or lack of interest) are overwhelmingly powerful biological forces. Partners need to compare notes in a LOVING and KIND way, respecting their differences. If they can't reach compromise, then the relationship will eventually fail.
She cooks for him, does his laundry, AND cleans the house? Jeez, if he wanted her to ever have time or interest in sex he should probably do something for himself like an ADULT. On a different note, I don't really get either of these perspectives, but then again, I haven't been in a serious relationship yet. I think it's weird to just like... ask for sex rather than the other person in the mood and I think that sex shouldn't be like... a thing you feel like you have to do, but something that is enjoyable and can relieve stress.
What about separate bedrooms for 7 years, and I'm not yet 50? It does cost a lot of self doubt.
if you love someone any you always turn them down. they leave. if you care and are too exhausted. make a freaking date night. tsk!. and stick too it. I was sick ..really sick for a year. but my very sexy man needs some attention so we would do date night and since i could't do..it!. for a while. It was a 15min. hand job and some nice words. not too hard to do. same in reverse if required the other way. both try.
DIVORCE HIM NOW. Don't wait till you have children with his selfish a*s.
That guy is a jerk. I'm so glad I'm celibate. I don't have to worry about c**p like that.
Celibate? That's odd. Why? Are you a monk or something? Otherwise it just seems like you might be asexual or have a low sex drive, but that's not the same thing as celibacy which involves restraining natural sexual urges.
Load More Replies...My whole take on it getting to a spreadsheet in the first place is that he VERY likely tried to communicate with her but she kept brushing it off saying it’s not that beenlong/ that much... Yet it’s hard to argue with dates, times and data. I had a similar thing happen to me when I told my wife it had been almost a month since we had sex (and I only started marking the days after at least 2-3 weeks) yet the turndowns were more than daily, but she kept brushing it off. We hadn’t been married 5 months at this point and I would like to restate this is after it kept happening multiple times, some of them happening before we got married but I foolishly attributed that to wedding jitters. I even shown her the calendar I marked and she was stunned in disbelief. This was a cry of desperation for this man, yes he many have done it the wrong and or dumbest way but you or I are not him. To use a weird parable: a drowning person will grab onto anything if they think it will help.
So she let him know dozens of times that he was unwanted.....he gave her an itinerary of her rejections....and then is upset when she has to spend time thinking about the consequences of her rejection. What do you think a phone call was going to fix? Are you kidding me? All she would do is berate him for communicating. The conversation would revolve around him being selfish and an inconsiderate inconvenience...yeah....that’ll solve the problem. Her career and self are more important...no conversation is going to fix that. The fact that he loved her and tried to be faithful is absolutely missed in all of this... ....Question, why do people cheat on each other? ....Answer: because they want to believe that in spite of all of the evidence they see around them that says they are worthless, that there is one person out there that thinks they have value and are worth having their affection reciprocated... Yeah, by all means, handle your relationships like a business...
I hear women say that neither don’t owe sex. But he’s obligated to have money come out of his pocket. If u don’t want him, let go of his money too.
Maybe if he realized the common reason why she said no was that she felt gross was to maybe try to make her feel better about herself.
Ill just say this and hopefully not get to many downvotes... relationships have a sex basis to them, its not the only thing but its a big one. Being married for a while and only getting sex that often is going to make the man cheat and get it from somewhere else. I get that she may be doing everything else for them but it is just one side, we don't know what he does. I think the note was a little weird but people say always keep a record. Now if they get divorced because of him getting it somewhere else then she will take him to the cleaners when its 100% her fault. Blue balls is a real thing and were not going to just keep using our hands ladies. In all fairness i hope they work it out and communicate better but the relationship problem is her fault if he kept asking. You have to make sacrifices.
Gist of email from husband: "These are all the reasons I'm going to cheat on you while you are on your business trip"
In my former marriage, I was the one that usually had to initiate sex. When we didn't have it enough, my husband got mad at me and kept accusing me of having affairs. Turns out, HE was the one sleeping with his ex-wife. It takes two to make a marriage work AND to initiate sex. If there isn't enough, then communication needs to be open and honest. Not written in a spreadsheet.
Communication is very poor in this relationship. The guy doesnt express his feelings and has a strange expectation that he should have sex every day. Tries to blame his wife that this isnt the case. Anyway instead of trying to understand what happens to her to reject him so many times, he restars asking and archiving the answer. What heppens to her? Is she tired really? Or does she feel unvalued? Her image is going down ....maybe calm ans securise his wife that she is still beautiful in his eyes would be a better solution to recreate trust and desire.
Marriage does not mean your spouse owns your body or you owe sex to your partner. I agree, this woman does so much. If she is falling asleep so much shortly after your advances, pitch in instead of treating her like a sex doll to be used at leisure. JFC, and be respectful when she tells you no. The husband handled this completely wrong, and in her shoes I'd have told him he needed to call me asap or he was expressing a disinterest in the marriage to continue. Marriage takes respect, and apparently that tapered off with their sex life.
She doesn't "owe" him sex, She doesn't even need to give an excuse as to why. "No" is enough. He should respect her. Relationships aren't about sex. They're about love, trust and respect. It would be perfectly valid the other way around to. Marriage is when you promise the other your heart, not your body.
We'll hook up with a dude...no issues...we're horny 24/7...only get with a chick to reproduce....there, issue of no sex solved...
Sex is not a chore, its something people who are into each other should both be enjoying. Too many men see it as a required act and too many woman see it as a "payment / reward" system. Clear your minds of societal and peer induced viewpoints and react to love and sex as comes naturally to you. As a side note, being tired is not going to make you feel sexy, of course, but this is where the work comes in when people refer to working on relationships. Making the time and putting in the effort to understand things from both sides. Namely one person here is feeling rejected and comes up with a list, while the other feels they are working hard at the relationship and didn't even notice an issue.
What's the point of being married to each other if one or both of them are married to work? How is this husband supposed to feel when the TV (the TV, FFS...) is more worthy of her time than he is? This is well beyond some glib remarks about how "marriage does not mean you must put-out when the other demands", it's about work-life balance at the best case scenario, or serious intimacy issues/frigidity at the worst. "I feel gross" seems to be one of the more frequent excuses, sounds like the classic it's-not-you-it's-me line, and we all know what that really means the majority of the time. Sounds like they don't have a particularly healthy relationship, and the hurtful resentment both on the wife's part that causes her to reject her husband, and on the husband's part that triggered him making a spreadsheet, may have destroyed "them" to the point it will be difficult to salvage. That said, it's even worse tit-for-tat that this dirty laundry is being aired for public debate as well.
As interesting as the articles on Bored Panty are, the comments are dreadfully predictable. Whatever a guy does is horrible and abusive; whatever a girl does is strong and admirable. Oh, and don’t forget to delete this comment, too, since it varies from the popular snipping.
Bob, I believe I speak for at least several others here when I say this: some of us here have been abused, and we know the red flags. Much of what allows emotionally abusive situations to continue is ignorance or straight up denial of those red flags, so I call 'em where I see 'em, as I wish someone would have done for me. If the genders were reversed in this story you can bet your a*s we'd be ripping on the girl.
Load More Replies...There's a difference between intamicy and sex. Think you both need the intamicy more than the sex. Instead of watching a show: give each other rubs, cook dinner together, go for a walk.... cuddle and make out! You're both at fault, and you both need to give your 100% ✓✓✓
Continuation read comment below first and seeing as he is so childish and will not answer her calls would just anger me how dare he send her something in this manner i think when i got home he would find his stuff out side and my locks would be changed and i would also have a lawyer on retainer before i got home the way he went about this is disgusting and i would teach him a giant lesson about that there is more to a relationship than sex he needs to grow up if had an issue he should have communicated that in person
No mature soul would attempt to solve a relationship problem this way. Trust me. This is not about sex. This is about control. Of course, nobody enjoys being rejected and it hurts. But solving a problem by doing more hurt and punishing the other is NOT love. This is a classic story of emotional abuse: blaming, sabotaging the trip and giving the silent treatment are BIG RED FLAGS. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. If sex was good, the guy would find something else to blame, because no one can't satisfy his selfish needs regardless of the needs of his spouse. I truly hope this girl finds her peace of mind and her way to have the life she deserves.
Yes! This. Every word of this. Well put Nathalie.
Load More Replies...I’m sure this didn’t happen first thing. I’m also sure She rejected sex from her husband many times before he started writing it down. Her response is not “wow, didn’t realize I was rejecting you for weeks at a time” her response was to be utterly indignant and POST IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA! Kinda smacks of “ how dare he get upset when I reject him 13 times in a row” Bottom line: Either she doesn’t care about his sexual needs and/or Their sexdrives are off the charts mismatched. Either way it won’t work. Sex is a part of a relationship,
I hate this so much. But it's a reality of narcissistic abuse and egoistic behavior that many would mistake for care. It is messed up. Than you for sharing this. It is so obvious in gay men but many do not recognize the signs due to infatuation ..
i think he's an abuser, he ghosted her after sending the spread sheet which told me a lot!
I would be curious to know how he attempted to initiate as well. That would make a difference. But no matter what I do not think that was handled correctly at all.
Wasn't expecting the thread to be like this, it leads one to believe a lot of people on this thread are not having sex. Unpopular opinion, I don't think she should have shared this. It was between the husband and wife, and for god's sake talk about it with friends/family that know you. Not the internet, the internet is the last sociopath you should listen to. I'm not in that relationship, it's easy to point fingers without hearing both sides. So both of them seemed to act very childishly.
This made me smile & laughed a bit. But it also saddens me :( They should talk it out
Brevtiw had the best response. But I did notice that a few times watching television was more important than marital intimacy. That may point to a deeper issue than feeling tired.
When there is a problem in a relationship the people involved need to converse with one another to work it out. A one-sided spreadsheet doesn't do it. If he has a problem with her saying "No" then perhaps he should ask if there's something he can do to help her out that would turn the "No" into a "Yes" (do his own laundry, for example). If the story is accurate then the husband seems to have a strong sense of entitlement, including the feeling he should be able to control her. She should run for the hills.
It is not going to work between the two of you. I am sure your marriage is over. Sorry. Yes, it is good you do not have kids from this marriage. I think it is a warning/message that he has had enough and is fed up. He should have spoken up sooner. the spreadsheet is a disgusting thing to do and shows a warped mind. Break it off as soon as possible. I think he is warning you that he will be unfaithful while you are away....or why send it then....It is like ha ha you are away now for 10 days and I have had enough and will get sex elsewhere. Get rid of him. His way was no way to communicate.
The fact he continued to ask/bug/beg, whatever, almost every day tells me a lot about him not her. Your married, maybe he could have just talked, backed off a few days, then make a special date night in advance so she could take time to relax and get ready.But sending her that email was childish and mean considering she was at a work function and gone for days.
A clear disconnect regarding what is needed on both sides. Way too early for this type of game play. I do not place blame. Only warn you could both be headed for a sexless marriage, if that is why at you both want
This whole thing is regrettable on both sides as are some of the judgements from commentators. clearly the article is written from the woman and she is paining him in a terrible light, I do have some sympathy for him , it can be hard in a relationship when sex fades away, this can happen any time, it can be temporary or permanent and if both partners are ok then its fine but when they are on different pages that is when conflict can start. the man has dealt with his frustrations in the worst possible way imaginable and delivered it at the worst way ,the relationship has problems and a calm dialogue with honesty would have been the best way forward, no shouting or blaming. I can understand why he created the spreadsheet for himself as a release for his frustrations but it should be something he should never ever share. He is frustrated about the lack of intimacy but dealt with it badly. Trust is the most important thing and I fear this is lost so the relationship is beyond help.
HE is the one that sent the spreadsheet, and HE is the one who sent it to her work email, hoping to get her fired. Really? He is a whining scumwad who should have been drowned at birth. A grownup would NEVER have done that.
Load More Replies...I feel like the OP is just barely acknowledging the “tapering off” and it’s been going on a lot longer. I’m also sure he’s tried to communicate with her in a civil manner as well. I too often start civil and when my civility gets brushed off numbers tend to get the acknowledgment I’ve been seeking. He’s probably feeling her work email is the only way he can get attention from her. It’s so easy to make him look like the bad guy but it’s also easy to see that the communication in that marriage is severely lacking. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I think sex is just the one he could measure, but there’s way more intimacy that he’s lacking in as well. It may seem immature but don’t we all get a little immature when we are frustrated? I also think her throwing their business out on the internet before it’s even resolved is definitely not a good sign. She lost my sympathy on that one big time.
While this story is likely to have faults on both sides... the reality is that it's very likely neither side was really communicating. or if they were, it was very understated and passive-aggressive.
Load More Replies...And when did sex become unimportant in relationships? I'm sure the reason you're all with your significant other now is because of how much you don't want to have sex with them, right? Dude was justified, it could've been more than 2 months he just recorded those last several weeks. People always jump to the woman's defense in realtionships. Cuz he made a childish spreadsheet he's the a*****e? At least he didn't go out and start entertaining other women. I just feel like women are so quick to hate on a guy
This isn’t something that needs to be on social media. This is an issue between a husband and a wife, and therefore should stay that way. The fact that the wife chose to publicize it, shows an equal amount of immaturity on her part as well.
she was just asking for help and what to do next. This really hurt her and she was unsure how to move forward. i don't think she expected it be quite this popular.
Load More Replies...Where’s the chart for, put the bin out, put the toilet seat down, do groceries, cook dinner, do laundry, do housework etc etc etc. If I were on a spreadsheet I’d be telling him to get well and truly f****d. Does she keep a chart of her rejections ???
You’re lucky he’s not the kind of guy that heard you say that your best sex was with someone other than him, before you two married. That’s what I was told he heard, although with a group of people and tequila, I have no recollection of that, and profusely apologized sincerely as it was NOT a true statement. So obviously I underestimated his self esteem or ability to put it on the shelf and leave it. He has withheld any, any intimacy, with me for about 20 years. I did everything in the book, I promise you, nothing resulted in a healthy marriage. My self esteem was shot to hell for years, 31st anniversary was last week. I feel I had the stronger sex drive, but he disregarded me, and I gave up trying. I’ve lost 30 years and missed out on what was supposed to be the best time of life.
Being ignored has almost the same effect as physical injury. I don’t like what he’s doing at all. His motives and behavior are very questionable. He could’ve at least called to see she got there alright. After all, she didn’t go on a pleasure trip (not that that would be bad).
Aaaaaand this is why you grow the f**k up BEFORE marriage. Both of you tbh.
Well, if she doesn´t wanna have sex, he can´t force her, right? She has reasons, and he has to TALK like a grown up man about this, not to get laid, but to understand and support his wife. As ppl said here, sex is not owed, only fidelity is.
So that's why I (36) talk and express myself openly with my boyfriend (30), who's younger and sometimes "more hungry" than me. I don't have a stressful life. I just have hormones that are sometimes crazy. When I first told him, that sorry, I'm not in the mood lately and I'm really happy that he's someone I can share everything with, he was extremely happy. To be honest, right after I let it out my thoughts (I told him that in every relationship I felt guilty if I "missed" a chance to have sex with my guy, sometimes I forced myself to the mood and later I hated myself for that as I wasn't sincere), my "appetite" just came back. We have days, even we had weeks without sex, but I know that he's ok with that. He has a really high EQ and we are 1000% pleased when we 'do that'. Most of the time quality is more important then quantity...
Have children with him, because that will make everything easier. (Sarcasm) They're just not compatible. Mis-matched libidos are a big issue. Important enough for a no-fault break up, but the spreadsheet just before she leaves and then not talking about it is a major red flag. Ditch him.
Not having physical intimacy in a relationship is usually a sign something isn't right. The husband was absolutely ridiculous in his "approach" to making his wife see how serious the situation was. If you aren't emotionally connecting with your wife, you're probably not going to be physically connecting with her either. It would have been the kinder and more productive thing to do to plan a special night or weekend with her away full of small, sweet gestures to put her in the mood. I mean seriously, this isn't how mature adults deal with issues.
We don't have the full story so we don't even know what else this guy tried. Perhaps he did surprise her one day when she got home from a long day of work with a trail of rose peddles leading to a warm bath in a candlelit bathroom with smooth jazz in the background where he lovingly massaged her tired shoulder while she soaked blissfully for hours. Or not. But we don't know.
Load More Replies...he is acting like he is entitled to sex... that is totally not true. She is allowed to say no!
I'm not an expert on relationships, but from the perspective of the OP, it seems an awfully petty and immature way to handle it, especially in doing this right before she leaves on a 10 day work trip. He had to have known it would upset her, yet intentionally sabotaged her trip. It seems to me that regardless how many times he has or hasn't gotten his rocks off, that was deliberately cruel. If they do stay together, If it were me, his laundry, meals and cleaning up after him is out the window. Let him chew on how much she actually does, and how tiring it can be, then they can have a discussion about sex.
This man needs to read some Dr. Ruth books about how to put one's partner in the mood for sex! One of the most important differences that she mentions is that women need more time to get ready for sex than men. So if a man wants to initiate some intimate time with a woman, he can't realistically expect an instant "yes". He really needs to spend a few hours working up to the actual question of sex, by "courting" her in various ways--ie: pitching in around the house. fixing some dinner, putting in a good movie, watching her show *with* her, taking that shower together, giving her a bath and massage, etc. You know, when she says she's tired, respond by helping her feel better, and she will feel more inclined to be intimate, etc.
Totally agree! Seems like he initiated it when she was already dosing off before bed after a work day. Why don't you plan a nice night in and cook her dinner...
Load More Replies...Sounds like he expects her to take care of everything around the house and also want to be intimate. While she is also running a business. He could have taken the time to approach her, I feel sad for her.
What an a*****e! It's time she took Dan Savage's advice and DTMFA. He's an abusive prick and this is probably only his opening to tell her that he's screwing her best friend.
If this is the way how husband expresses his feelings to his wife, I hope it won't work. Disaster is unavoidable in this case I'm afraid
Load More Replies...Nah the wife is the problem here. The husband is being petty for not just discussing it in person. But the wife is absolutely in the wrong here. If you don't want sex communicate your real reasons. And your husband should respect that. But you also need to respect him and his desires for you. If it keeps happening you need to address the actual problem. Stressed out and exhausted is not being communicated when you say, "I'm watching a show."
Well, he's a moron. You can see from the list that he never learned from his observations. He continued to initiate at times of peak rejection-- 1) when she is tired and watching a show, 2) after exercising or eating, or 3) when she feels 'gross'. It's repeated. Maybe he could, I dunno, try asking when she's not tired? I'm petty and would have been tempted to respond "congratulations, with this level of petty, you've succeeded in making me not want to sleep with you again."
And what is he doing to make her feel in the mood? Just asking for sex? That's not a turn-on for most women. Is he offering massage? Offering to share the household burdens and pitching in so she has more time and ability to relax? Making sure she knows she's wonderful despite any feelings she may be having about her weight gain?
Hmm, sending to your work email is very telling in itself. Clearly, he believes that guaranteed you would see and read it. He must have believed you wouldn't bother checking your personal email while you were gone. He is definitely feeling hurt and rejected and must have felt a verbal discussion would be ignored like the sex. requests. I'm pretty sure him going 'no contact' was his dramatic way of showing how upset he is over this but was absolutely the wrong way to handle it. What he is doing is emotional abandonment, causing extreme stress. If he thinks this is going to get her to have more sex he just derailed that train! You can't guilt someone into sex. He has shown he only cares about his physical needs and not hers or her emotional needs. I can't get past the going 'no contact' and I don't know she will ever be able to either. you just don't do that, EVER...
This right here is why I will never get married again. The guilt that goes hand in hand with marriage sucks. I guarantee he's cheating already and that's why he's not responding. the spreadsheet was his excuse for it.
I have not had sex with the Wife in over three years. He has no grounds to complain. Go without sex as long as I have then go ahead and complain.
I have not had sex with the Wife in over three years. What is he complaining about??
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My ex-husband did something like this to me, but he took it a step further with adding what I didn’t do in bed with him. He even did this for when I didn’t do cleaning/cooking/laundry. I was working two jobs and trying to go back to school. This started happening 6 months into our marriage.
You are a stupid b***h ... you got what you deserved... he should have just dump you long ago... dumbass
After three years of continuous rejection, after endless texting, talking, praying, ideas, therapy, toys from online purchase :), ideas, fantasy, understanding, love I could give, financial support I could give, I told her I want a divorce this morning... It feeeeeels good and it's a relief
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I think it was important that he say what he needed to say. I think his timing was awful and so was not taking/returning calls. They need to talk about anything that is hurting the other and clearly this is hurting him. His timing and attitude were immature and unhelpful, though.
I dont get the point of this artical. was this his way of saying im leaving you? or Im cheating the next 10 days? Either way sometimes people go without sex. My girlfriend and I can go weeks because our moods arent synced up, and then spend a whole weekend in bed going at it only getting up to get food, water, and showers. Life gets in the way, and if you dont talk to your partner about how you feel and your needs then you are better off just living alone and Jacking off.
3 times in 7 weeks? brevtiw is totally on point. Seems that this is the last chance he gives her before leaving her - which is his absolute right if he gets neglected like that.
To everyone saying that marriage is not only about sex definitely they don't have a SO who has a high sex drive. The spreadsheet, date and excuses is an excellent idea, him sending it on her way to the airport is to let her know that he's hoping she won't have an affair or casual sex if she has the opportunity. He's still interested in having a good marriage but she definitely has time to watch tv/movies or gym but not sex.
Marriage isn’t about sex , and I think he should apologize to her for throwing that at her when he knows she’s leaving for an important work trip , she and he should be able to refuse sex anytime with or without an excuse . Yes sex is nice but we should be able to live without it and except when someone doesn’t want it .
All that time and energy he must have spent putting together a petty spreadsheet would have been better used getting some chores done. Then maybe his partner might have a bit more energy and time for sex. He seems immature and entitled.
It's sad that they are clearly having marital issues, but this to me doesn't seem like a good way to handle them (on his part). It was cruel, and then to refuse to respond to her takes the cruelty to another level.
If she doesn't want to have sex, then no sex, not even needed to put up excuses, just "i don't want to have it now" is fine. She doesn't OWE him sex, that's her body, not his property. Also sending such a thing and not answering then is sooo immature...
After getting an email like that at the beginning of a critical work trip then no response from the husband at all even the next day, my next call would be a divorce lawyer then a private investigator to watch my house while I'm gone. That move was not something someone who wanted to save the relationship would take. It was manipulative and mean as hell, who does that to their spouse?
I wish I had their problems. You could be hungry, people shooting at you, dying of thirst, in constant pain, no job, no money or you could decide to make public/available this slice of your upper middle class life in the hopes "grrrrrl" power will get into the act and commence to make the males life even more public and miserable.
What are you supposed to do? Respond by sending divorce papers for him to sign. Get the ***** away from people like this or they will eat up years of your life. RUN AWAY. RIGHT NOW. Life is too short.
You are both young and still inexperienced in managing a long-term relationship. Neither of you are communicating truthfully with each other. You are both doing very well, but it is time for school. Go to a marriage counselor and I am sure your marriage will be saved, because you both seem like good people. The frustrations have built up and will take time to dissipate. It is time for kindness, understanding and forgivness. The best to both of you.
This story is OLD. Really old. Been floating around the internet for years . I know it's old because I remember it. And sure enough I found it on another site, posted almost a decade ago. Hell, even the original comments were already a year old when this was first shared. Someone found this, decided to share it because, well, it's 2018...er, 2019 and they knew people would get triggered.
If a man keeps a secret spreadsheet of your behavior, dump him FAST. Dangerous, but absolute indicator of years of abuse. RUN. RUN. RUN.
This went viral in 2014, and was shown to likely be a hoax. Please stop posting this sort of thread - in the #metoo generation surely we can do better than share stories like this where clearly there is an abusive and controlling relationship.
one more thing.....he did handle it badly, but also I dont think we are seeing the full picture, only part of a relationship so in a way, none of us can judge, it is what it is, BUT it is a very bad sign that he sends the email and then will not answer your phone calls over and over since he sent it. I think he is saying it is over and he will get sex elsewhere. Yes, no one owes anyone else sex, but two 26 year olds should have a healthy sex drive. Sometimes there is a medical reason why someone has a low sex drive also....this turned out to be the case with my first husband who wanted sex once in 6 weeks or so. My sex drive is very low now and that is mostly caused by age and by a medication I am on.Some things like anti depressants very much lower your sex drive.and working to hard, so yes, a matter of priorities, but I also think that not that many relationships necessarily last a life time now.Relationships have become a bit disposable.They start romantic but become needing work.
So what happened?!? Did he ever respond to your texts,calls and emails? what happened when you got home from your trip?
what happened? did he ever answer or call you back? what happened when you got back home? I hope he moved the EFF out due to his immaturity. I can get where he's coming from but then ghost her like that. that is so rude. and saying he's not going to miss her. wow. There is one point to mention lack in sexual life but another to hold it against the other partner. even in some phases she is tired and feels sick, obviously not carrying about his wife's well being.
I am married 38 years. I have never had sex 7 nights in a row in my life. That's just one spouse being demanding over another. Obviously this man has not asked what he can facilitate to make life easier to get what he wants. Yoohoo, women find it sexy when a man helps them get the household chores done, or maybe if she feels gross from a workout, offer to draw a bath for her. All you're thinking of is your physical needs. Women's sexual satisfaction starts in the brain. A little romanticism and special attention to their well being goes a long way. Personally, if this was me, I would text him and tell him if he didn't call me, he better call a lawyer. He's acting like an infant. Marriage is a long haul, long term, lot of work deal. Sometimes you will be lucky if you get sex once in a month. Long term, it's more about the deep relationship and connection that creates a great sex life. Start with respecting one another, building your relationship, communicating. Sex is a part but not a
They're 25, not 100. It's not unreasonable to have sex more than 3 times in 2 months at that age. There is a much more deeply rooted problem than needing help with household chores at play that needs addressing with proper communication and listening to each others needs, they both need to make an effort if they want the marriage to work, her expectation that sex would taper off and that he should be simply be ok with it is inconsiderate and alarming, if she honestly does not want sex with him anymore then she should tell him and they should go there separate ways but if she still loves him then she needs to stop neglecting him, he can do the household chores, I do the majority in my relationship it's not a big deal, and no man really want household chores put before intimacy of any kind.
Load More Replies...I think the husband is a total a*s! And to do this as she's leaving & not respond when she's trying to reach out to him....total A*S!
Typical pig. Thinking they can just walk up, touch your pussy and suddenly, the woman will be all aroused and ready to go. NOT! How about starting off with a nice massage. Works for my husband. Not to mention he helps around the house and I can honestly he might do more day to day housework thank I. I do most of the cooking because I am better at it but he always cleans. Maybe treat your woman with a little more partnership attitude and you might get laid more often. Dumb *ss
I can tell you from experience that you have to keep the spark alive. I was married for 24 years and sex was an intricate part of marriage. Sure, there were times when I wasn’t up to it...but I still put a little effort. Now that I’m single again, you would really not believe how many married men try to hit on me and tell me that they’re wives never give it up and how much they need sex. Just to be clear, I would never date a married man, but I feel that if both parties made each other feel sexy, wanted, loved and cared about....there would be way less cheating in this world.
I don’t think your partner should be responsible for your sexual needs just like we can not expect them to make us happy. We can make ourselves happy and we can masterbate, if must— seriously... why not have a Partner that perhaps it’s not all about sex and really be a true companionship . Respect each others space.. indeed communication is better than a spread sheet but over all - I refuse to be responsible for my partners sexual desires- if I am simply not up to it... I’m not just an object. Go to sex toy store. That way you have permanent batteries in it.. and all goes well. Men has their perfect left and right hands... lol lol lol
Similar thing happenned with my wife, literally beginning during our honeymoon. For 5 years before we married we were unstoppable. I eventually reacted in a similar manner, knowing it wasnt going to go over well, but i had tried approaching it many different ways prior to that and none were heeded. The marriage lasted less than a year. Intamacy is important. If this guys wife really didnt feel up to having sex, i could almost gaurantee a quick handy once in a while would've helped tremendously. Obviously nobody is *required* to do any of that. But neither are they *required* to be a loving and commited spouse.
Going about this the wrong way... lots of horrible advice here. Best advice to the husband is stop pressuring her for sex... She'll eventually want it more if you're contained and doing your own thing.
Hoping to see the divorce petition posted soon. His argument "Alienation of Affection" Hers "He's a selfish twat."
Yes, he handled this very badly and is clearly an emotionally immature person. I'm seeing a lot of people say that he isn't owed sex. And while that's true, sex and intimacy are imho the primary reasons to be married. If a person needs someone to clean up, they can hire a maid. If they need company, they can get a dog or go to meet ups. Without sex, your partner becomes a roommate, not a spouse. They've been together for a while and I'm sure the magic has died, but they're both young and probably healthy. The lack of physical intimacy clearly indicates a deeper issue that has nothing to do with work and stress.
Is presenting a spreadsheet the way to address it? Obviously not. It's grossly immature and demonstrates a real lack of communication skills. Having said that, people need intimacy, including sex, and if one partner does not feel a natural desire for connection/communion/tenderness with the other, a fundamental part of the relationship is missing. They should call it quits and move on.
I think it was immature to ignore her after sending her a spreadsheet of how many times he’s asked her to have sex and her excuses...but, let’s be real about something. Affection is one of the biggest stress relievers. When you’re mad...when you’re sad...and if you’re already tired, you’ll end the night with a smile on your face. No offense to anyone, but that is a healthy part of your relationship. I know not everyone believes in God...But, In the Bible, it clearly states that it is supposed to be a healthy part of your relationship. So, technically, it is one of your duties as a wife and husband, to each other. They are married. Why do people think sexless marriages become resentful? He attempted 27 times...in like 2 months...People make time for what they want to make time for. My opinion is unpopular, particularly because I’m a female...but...
Why do people keep saying the man thinks he is "owed" sex?? hello... it is suppose to be a joined engagement between two people.. but obviously, this lady thinks that its only for her when she feels like it and has no concidderation for her husband at all.. im sorry, but if i only got it 3 times out of 7 weeks, i sure as hell wouldnt be that calm about it, i would be pissed, and wondering who the hell he is screwing if he doesnt have any interest in me.. but.. its ok for a female to ignore her mate ... that is whats wrong with this world.. no respect for others/yoru marriage/etc.. its all about me, me, me
There is joke about marriage: Q:do you know whats the advantage of marriage? A:That you have sex even if you dont want it. I see that here, that mainly everybody here is against the guy. But wait for 4-5 more years. Girls biological clock will start clicking and whole story turns upside down. She will push him to have sex according temp of her vagina - and thats final end of romancy. After succesful attemp, everything goes back to normal without sex- you have kids= more work= less time/energy ...
People should trust their own feelings, this guy undoubtly feels hurt/rejected by the lack of sex if he's gone to the extremes of cataloging it, I'm guessing he began recording it because when he brought it up before she more than likely claimed that they were having regular sex, heres the thing she does not owe him sex and he does not owe her a relationship, I get that he's married to her but he's not duty bound to stay in a situation that's not making him happy, luckily they do not yet have kids so there is no real baggage, I would advise him to simply leave her and find someone that wants him physically, if he stays he is choosing to be in a sexless relationship and he needs to face up to that reality.
She's ignoring his needs. He feels that she doesn't care about him She will go out of her way for work, but not for him. She gives him brush off excuses which seem clearly as false.
Maybe the spreadsheet would have been funny if he sent it with a some comic relief note and pick up the damn phone. Ignoring your loved one like this is the most evil thing to do.
Yeah, but from his point of view she's been ignoring him for two months(at least).
Load More Replies...Really hoped that this was going to be more of a 'supportive-husband-uses-strange-method-to-show-overworked-wife-she-needs-to-take-a-break'. Needless to say I was disappointed.
While the message may be out of the blue, this is a emotionally stunted person who doesn't know how to address issues and instead lashes out like a child. If you didn't know this after 5 years, you were not paying attention or he's been bottling for 5 years. Counseling STAT!
This dude reminds me of my physically and mentally abusive father who regularly demanded sex and sexually assaulted my mother weather or not I was in the room I suggest you tell him to get the f**k out
I'm sorry about your father, but this guy has not physically assaulted her, sexually or otherwise their communication according to her has been normal up until this point, where he's lashed out with an Excel spreadsheet because she's not taking this issue seriously and denies it's even an issue at all. A Man or Woman wanting to have sex with their wife/husband is normal.
Load More Replies...this is definitely an eye-opener for many, including those two, and some of us readers.
26 years old, I'm guessing neither one of them is the best at communicating yet.
This behavior is exactly what makes women feel like their body does not belong to themselves anymore once they have a relationship. This behavior and these type of guys is exactly what makes women feel unsafe within a relationship because sex feels mandatory. This guys literally tries almost EVERY DAY! This is why women universally have no libidos anymore after more than 5 years of marriage.
Nobody owes the other person sex, which this husband thinks he's owed all these sex sessions it seems? Nothing about it this is ok, I don't think he can be excused, and I think she needs to figure out what to do without him in her life. I can't think of one redeeming thing about this man that would overshadow this s**t he pulled. Work email too, da f**k
If she doesn’t want to have sex with him then why marry him? Money? She wanted a beautiful wedding like her friends? She sure doesn’t seem to like him. She sure doesn’t care about his needs. I hope he found someone who will try and make him happy. Maybe even someone who likes sex? Who knows, their out there. They don’t appear to be in here.... But there out there! Go get one tiger!
Absolutely neither one of these people “owe” the other one sex. Because clearly this is not a relationship. At least not a sexual one. Seriously. She refuses to have sex with the person she wants to spend her life with 13/14 times? And then when he shows her on paper how cruel and uncaring she is about his needs...her response? Post it on the internet! Oh, and call him hateful. On the internet. Scary part? All these women posting below think this is ok. Wow. Run dude. There are women out there who like to have sex with their man! Lose the princess.
This is going to be an unpopular post, but it's just my little (and very traditional) opinion. I firmly believe that once you enter into the binding contract of marriage that it is YOUR DUTY as a woman to provide your man with an outlet for sexual release - whenever he wants. Whether it be through physical intercourse, handjobs, blowjobs or other means. To neglect these needs is a pure recipe for disaster (As I am fully aware of, having had my marriage end due to this exact reason). If you are not prepared to meet your husband's needs, then you should be fully supportive of his desire to go elsewhere and get them met. It is for this reason that almost every man back in the day had a mistress... wife refuses or is pregnant? Hit up good ole' Sally down in the village. Again, my views are exceptionally traditional, so I understand the onslaught of down votes heading my way.
I feel horrible for a lot of husband's out there. I sure hope none of you ever "needs" your man the way this man needed his wife.
That is violent behavior. Throwing something like this without talking to your SO and before a business trip is really passive-agressive... leave while you can!!!
Is the husband an engineer or in computers? These guys think in terms of statistics and spreadsheets. They are dense, but still it was passive aggressive and immature. She needs a Louisville Slugger and to have a come-to -Jesus talk in which sh can explain how to do the laundry, how to cook, how to clean and tidy up instead of sitting around on his a$$. The nice maple or ash bat will help him understand the importance of sharing the chores.
While this seems immature and selfish.. try to talk to each other face to face until it's too late. Why I say this? Because I was the wife with allll the excuses (some more real than the others). Husband felt left alone and his needs not met. I realise now - too late, that his needs were not mainly the dinner cooked or the clean laundry. After 15 years, he wanted a divorce. And NO, I do not mean there must be sex every day or when you really, really do not want it.
Are you seriously sharing this with everyone? Why? What's your goal? Are you stupid?? Or do you simply want your husband to leave you?
Wow, people are getting really aggressive in their comments. PC culture at it's finest, ladies. This guy probably never learned how to communicate and his way to express himself therefore isn't pretty. We can guess he bottled everything up until he was fed up and started making his little spreadsheet. Yup, not cool! Of course nobody owes sex to anybody, but in a relationship it's good to be aware of the other persons needs. Well, this guy obviously needs more physical interaction than his girlfriend. And his girlfriend clearly isn't aware of (or doesn't care about) his needs. It's really sad to see how allot of the women in the comments only look at it from her perspective and blame this guy for shutting her out. But to him it's obviously like his girlfriend is shutting him out and she doesn't care for his needs. There are always two sides to a story, and unlike our brains likes to make it, things aren't split in a good and an evil side.
To the dude that's like you really hurt his feelings, he prioritizes sex. I firmly believe that sex is a basic animal need but that doesn't mean that you are owed it, sex doesn't occur in a vacuum, there's another person involved. EVERYONE has gone through rejections but oh boo hoo the tragedy is this guys feelings; not his partner who's career he could have derailed, or any of the other s****y things that possibly resulted for her.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? They've been together 5 years and she's denied him intimacy a ridiculous amount of times. He obviously has aneed that's not being met and she is just worried about herself.
The husband was in his right to send that to her and she's a bit short ended.. who initiates calls like that? Sociopaths
This post was initially posted in 2014. And then multiple times since. There has been no updates, and the consensus from Reddit users was that it was a hoax. Please can you stop sharing these type of threads. It is clear that the poster wanted to incite hatred against women, it is an abusive relationship. In this #metoo times we should know better.
Is very sad and frustrating beg for love, sex, intimacy. They extort us many times. It is unfair.
There are better women out there. Get to know them well first, you have to have similar types of goals. Eg if one wants children and the other doesn't it probably won't work. Pick better. If legs are closed due to not getting what she wants, then she probably is with you for all the wrong reasons.
Load More Replies...Yep - because that's exactly how women want it... idiot.
Load More Replies...Sending his childish temper tantrum to her work email makes him an a*****e. The only "win" for her is that she found out what a d******d he really is before they decided to have kids.
Load More Replies...My god. How old are you? This is some truly middle school s**t right here.
Load More Replies...Maybe he's just a bad lay. He seems like the kind of guy who only focuses on what HE wants.
Load More Replies...There's a menu of categories at the top of the page under the header. Select your flavor from the menu.
Load More Replies...She doesn't owe him anything. If her work is important he can deal with their sex life slowing down.
Load More Replies...Man need daily sex from woman! Cooking, cleaning, work hard not enough! Woman must do sex whenever man say so! (please read in your best caveman voice.)
Load More Replies...If you ever do the same then bear in mind you might need a good divorce lawyer. Stupid way to treat someone regardless of the reason.
Load More Replies...I hope he didn't catch anything from his underage sex slave.
Load More Replies..."...while protecting and providing for his tribe." What? This isn't the Stone Age anymore.
Load More Replies...Neither of them owe each other sex and I think that was very immature on the husband's part.
Came here to say the same thing. Marriage does not mean you must put out when the other demands it. Getting a spreadsheet like this would not convince me to be intimate. It would achieve the exact opposite.
Load More Replies...Whew. I hope they get to a better place in their relationship (whatever that means). I would personally be pissed if my husband put all of that energy into a passive aggressive stunt like that. I would much rather he just tell me how he is feeling. A couple does not owe sex to one another and if one of the two feel like they would like to be having more sex, then that's a conversation to be had. That being said, the worst part of this imo is that he then ignored her calls/texts. Honestly, that would be a HUGE issue for me. I don't know them and I don't know what their relationship dynamic looks like is like - but I know that for me, communication is one of the most important things in maintaining a healthy marriage (or any relationship). Not only is ignoring a partner's attempts to reach you rude and immature (of course there are exceptions to this if a relationship is abusive/volatile) , but in the instance it seems like an intentional way to make the other person suffer. Not cool man
Yeah his behavior was not only super petty, but crossed the line in many places /:
Load More Replies...I remember when this went viral a year ago; I'd be interested in any updates on the situation. My first thought was that this is a guy who keeps score, and you can't change a brain that works that way. He's quite literally punishing her by rejecting her attempts at communication, so keeping score + tit-for-tat = a petty, emotionally immature partner. They've both got a lot of work ahead in establishing common ground for effective communication.
He's with someone else now. She's still doing laundry, cooking etc
Load More Replies...What an absolute k**b. Firstly, talk to your wife about how you are feeling. This is some next level cowardly aggressive s**t. Secondly, sending it then ignoring her calls is a massive pile of emotional abuse. This seems like he is on the cusp of starting an affair or is coming up with reasons for cheating. Either way, total k**b cheese.
K**b cheese! XD I wish I could upvote every sentence of this.
Load More Replies...Why doesn't he do the laundry, cook, do these things and and relieves her from this? With men like this, it almost ever feels (for me) like it's a bit like a mother-child-relationship. I had one like these with a guy once and yes, I didn't want to have sex with him too. Excuse me for my English.
Let's see: She works full time, including travel. She does all the work in the home. Is this guy completely clueless? 🤔
Load More Replies...This is a super old story (2014) and she replied to his spreadsheet with her own: sex-spread...196721.png
Thank you for the update! This explains a lot. One of the most difficult things to do is put yourself in another's position. Even the smallest attempt at empathy goes a long way toward effective communication and rewarding relationships. This shows how the husband was completely unaware of how his behavior was putting a damper on physical intimacy. With patience and time they might be able to grow into a more loving marriage.
Load More Replies...He could have spent that energy and time to pamper his wife instead, to bring life back into their sex life, and maybe learn knew things about each other's desires....
I mainly see comments based on emotions instead of facts. Telling someone to get divorsed in this situation always is the worst advice you can give. Just because you dont know how to deal with this doesnt mean someone else can’t. Then you are reflecting your own f**k*d up life on someone else's. They got married, so i assume they do love each other. Then work things out, don’t get divorsed! I am happy to say i got the most beautiful and sweetest woman of the world by my side. She knows her task as my wife is to make me happy. Like my task is to make her the most happy woman in the world. We talk, communicate, have sex, laugh a lot together, and we make the best out of life. This is a marriage that can last a lifetime. Therefore dear Suzanne Mors, i dont need dates..
Load More Replies...Maybe instead of just asking, he could try to get her in the mood? I'm not sure what his methods were but as a woman myself, being pampered is really nice and relaxing. On another note, she is not a sex machine, having sex takes a toll on a woman's body, seeing as how there's something being pushed inside her over and over until climax. He should respect that much. I really hope they worked things out and had a good talk about it.
"I want to be pampered so that I get in the mood to want sex". Oh my god, this sounds like getting paid for doing him a favor. Big red flag.
Load More Replies...She might be way tired or maybe he's just not that great a lover or her hormones are going wacky due to stress or he's not spending the time it takes to seduce her over a period of days rather than saying "let's f**k" and then being annoyed when she's not into it. Seriously. So many reasons for a person's desire for sex can be derailed. My issue was hormones and, though it took way too many years for this to be correctly diagnosed, once dealt with my libido came back. Luckily, I have the best partner in the world who never, ever would have dealt with a problem of any kind like this.
maybe he's just bad in bed....
Load More Replies...Why can he not accept that she simply does not want to have sex with him? Maybe he needs to recognise that there's a problem and instead of being angry after being rejected, actually confront her about what the problem could be and have a proper, thoughtful conversation. It's extremely immature to wait until she was gone for a week before sending her a frickin spreadsheet of all the times she has said no and then IGNORING all her attempts to talk to him. And, she is also not obliged to have sex if she doesn't want to. She isn't there simply to meet his needs and has a life and feelings of her own. Yes, I understand that if he was being constantly turned away he would feel irritated, but surely having a healthy relationship would mean both him and her realizing there was something wrong and talking it through.
I notice he initiated sex virtually every day. No woman likes to be treated like a prostitute.
Load More Replies...The Incel Rock. Fake name, most likely a fragile male.
Load More Replies...By not doing his share of the work at home, he is contributing to the problem. She's exhausted and resentful. That is not an aphrodisiac, Dude. She wants a few minutes at the end of her day to relax and do something fun, like watching a TV program. Get in the kitchen and wash those dishes. She made dinner. And do your own laundry, or do it together. This is just common respect and consideration.
comment in the post (@justwordsinyourhead) says to communicate via her work email since that is how he sent it to her. WRONG! It's bad enough that HE sent it through her work; i highly recommend going with personal email (if not in person...), and DON'T do it on a work computer! It's never a good idea to use your work computer for personal reasons, but especially not for extremely personal communication!
I know right? I mean, in this day an age, you have to assume that work devices are being monitored. At least by somebody in the tech support group/department. If not, directly by your boss.
Load More Replies...This is his documented evidence of why he is having an affair while you are gone.
Ya, I kinda got that feeling too. But what a s****y way about communicating one's dissatisfaction. This couple really needs to go to couple's counseling and have a real conversation. A friend of mine had an affair b/c his wife wouldn't have sex with him - they worked it out and are now in a loving place but I think it's b/c he accepted that sex is not part of the marriage (or very limited - I haven't asked b/c I am afraid that's the case and don't want to upset him). Unfortunately he's compensated in other ways - i.e. gained a bit of weight.
Load More Replies...Divorce him, and wait until you meet a grownup before you marry again. Not speaking with you when you call him is beyond childish, it is hostile, ridiculous, and contemptable. This would be an absolute exit for me.
I have a suggestion ... if sex is that important to him he should do the cooking, cleaning & laundry ... that way she would be less exhausted and more interested in sex ... and maybe he would be less interested because then he will be tired from being overworked!! Also, I'd be willing to bet she makes more money than he does, men find that quite emasculating and seem to "need more sex" to make up for it!!
Marriage is about compromise and teamwork? Nah mate, spreadsheets, bitterness and humiliation....
FYI, he also put her job at risk by sending it to her professional account and not her personal account. She works, cleans, cooks, and does his laundry for him. Maybe he should help out and let her get some rest if he wants some one on one time.
Yes, whether he would admit it or not, he's jeopardizing her job. What an asshat!
Load More Replies...hi, this is my 1st post here. i think, there is no obligation to have sex in a relationship? better drop communication through text/excel/messages, instead talk actively to each other and find understanding. i know that circumstances can influence sexual desire, can you talk openly about it?
Wtf is up with people trying to justify this guy's actions and putting the blame on her?? If he has a problem he can talk to her about it instead of going full creep mode, seriously. Keeping a chart over "excuses" she's made to not have sex is legit so disgusting. He has 0 respect.
I don't think that people are trying to justify this guy's actions, I think they are pointing out that there is nothing in this story to assume that he had never spoke to her before about this.
Load More Replies...I'll trade places with him. I'd be happy to have sex sometimes, instead of the zero sex I'm getting right now. And he needs a time-out.
I'd have no respect for him after that and would leave him immediately and never look back. He sounds pathetic. No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with him.
I have been married 38 years. If my husband had ever treated me like this, I would have told him to either call me or call a lawyer. This is a selfish, self serving a*****e. The only thing he is thinking about is his personal satisfaction. Women's libido starts in the brain, he could do household chores, or draw a bath for her. Sometimes in married life you get NO sex in a month, because their is too much happening. Marriage is hard work. Participate or get out. Men you are a partner NOT THE CHILD. Oh, and NEVER SEND AN EMAIL LIKE THIS TO YOUR SPOUSE'S WORK EMAIL. Newsflash, they are monitored by their employer, you're an idiot!
The men defending the husband are just gross. He was abusive to spring this on her when she left for an out of town business trip and then ignored her attempts to communicate. I get being hurt by reduced intimacy but he did this to belittle her and to enforce his feelings of dominance and entitlement. No one deserves this sort of treatment from a spouse.
She should make him a PowerPoint on how to get back in the house.
This is an old post from 2014. The wife send back a spreadsheet that listed out all the REASONS for not sleeping with him...that includes husband telling her that she should get stomach bug more often so that she loses more weight among other things. Tell me all you ladies reading this, is this not a total moodkiller?
Someone else said that that spreadsheet was made by someone else as a joke, though. I don't know the full story, so I'm just saying what was said here.
Load More Replies...The real issue here is communication. They have to work out how to communicate with each other better. The husband is feeling rejected and frustrated, but he also needs to realize sex is not the only thing they can do together in a loving relationship. She probably didn't take it as a big deal while he feels it is a rejection. This is purely a communication issue. They need to come together to talk and do things together, not just when something is wrong, but on a regular basis even when things are right. Otherwise, they're just two people living together with faulty expectations.
Miscommunication, pride and lack of empathy are the cause of pretty much all the relationship problems I've personally seen. Be it romantic relationships, family or friendships. I've been in the middle of a lot of fights and I often find myself getting bashed by people for not "picking a side" when just listening to both sides will make it clear that they're both right *and* wrong (more often just misunderstanding each other, or seeing the same situation differently), and that picking a side won't solve the problem, which is what we should be doing instead of trying to "win" the fight. It's very tiresome to be the one who has to try to put things in perspective, but it feels nice when it does work and things get solved.
Load More Replies...As a husband, you can't just ASK for sex from your partner/wife, you have to EARN from her. And sometimes she can be exhausted, like my wife who is a doctor (you guys can imagine the life of a doctor), you gotta respect and support that. As she mentioned, doing housework, laundry etc. That dude is childishly fool.
I think it's best she quit her job do the housework and let him provide and work.
Load More Replies...I personally believe this is a large reason for many divorces. The lack of intimacy/sex is the symptom. Being tired, mad, insecure, money problems, and so on cause. But physical intimacy brings you together in a way few things can. Love each other and work at it sometimes it’s not easy. But neither is being married.
had this same thing....not quite as long, and i didnt make THAT long a list.... i got up at 4am (runs in my family, dad's side/military), cooked her breakfast/in bed.... sat down, an we talked it out--she has some *health problems, that may or may not effect reproduction....that night, i made her a candle lit dinner, and...we fixed things 😍❤ she went to doctor, and its another health thing about changing seasons/stress/mental health.... we are working on it
Right on! Communicate and work through it *together*. OP's husband could learn a lot from you.
Load More Replies...Omfg! I don't ever have to have sex with anyone! No man is entitled to sex. Oh and I am not required to give a reason. How about I don't want to. At least I am with a real man who understands that.
It’s an obligation for both if you read your bible, buddy
Load More Replies...What got me was the right before a party one. 20 minutes isn't a lot of time.
I'm sorry..but where does it say in the marriage vows that you have to stick your feet in the air for your husband anytime he wants it? As far as I'm concerned, in this day and age of couples requiring both to work full time jobs to make ends meet, you cannot expect that your spouse is going to be energetic and willing to hop in the sack at the end of the day. And I also will say this..if she's refusing it..is it possible it's because he's not any good at it? Perhaps they need to go to a marriage counselor or sex therapist..but I honestly think she needs to cut her losses and run.
As a woman who's husband wants sex all the time, that's not how it works. Women need to be appreciated and put in the mood. We don't "need it" like men seem to think they do. We prefer a good make out session to get frisky. We also can have body image issues. If WE FEEL unattractive, putting out doesn't always come to mind. If he's grown enough to be married, he's grown enough to communicate his feelings. Also, just going up to your wife every day and saying "let's get naked" can get a bit annoying. And doing nice things, like foreplay, really does help.
Three times in seven weeks? Lucky them. I've been with my partner for 25 years and we were pretty chuffed it was three times in 2018.
That seems like something you might want to discuss with your partner.
Load More Replies...What a coward, to send her that when they weren't going to see each other for days and then not answer phone. Seems selfish and totally inconsiderate of partner's needs. F*ck that guy.
The comments here reveal why men are opting out of marriage. Physical intimacy is what is most important to this husband- it's his love expression, and it tells him his wife loves him and values him above all others. Every single time he asked, she told him she didn't love him and other things (TV shows, cleaning, working out) were more important to her than he was. Every. Single. Time. Imagine, ladies, how that would feel to you. You are vulnerable, lonley, sad- you say to your man "I really need to talk to you about something important to me" and he turns up the telly. He does that at least 27 days in a row- how do you think he feels about what's important to you?
Both of them have a point but I'm not going to side with either of them. I just want to say this: If at the age of 26 and with no kids you find no intimate time for each other, then it's not meant to be. A divorce will benefit the both of you in the long run.
what would this man do if he had to deal with what my husband does i had to pre cancer surgeries down there and have lost that function i had so much skin removed from there that it is so tight that all i feel is pain can't even get it in my husband has lived with this fact for years now and he never complains cheats or try's to pressure me we as humane beings with all the technology we have now lack communication and i beleive this is why so many more marriages are failing we need to get our face's out of our phone's and computers and learn to speak to each other and by the way this husband displayed his dissatisfaction on a spread sheet through an e-mail prove's me right maybe he doesn't do enough to make her feel special in his life which is a turn off maybe he needs to help out around the house more so she is not so tired everyone's comments that i read following the story seem to put all the blame on the wife it takes two it doesn't mention what he does for work and seeing as he
Oh, and we can not even complain because otherwise we are selfish
This is a real d'bag thing to do to his wife and most likely will cause more problems. It seems like a way to pressure her into more sex. The grown-up thing to do would have been to talk it out without making accusations and really trying to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking rather than being an a*s.
It's very unsexy to approach intimacy with entitlement and resentment. I for one think she should refuse 100% of the time that she is not in the mood, because having sex you don't want to have is an abomination. But if it were me, turning down sex left and right, I would be stressing out about my own libido and would be definitely taking steps to get into the mood. For instance, if I know we are going to have some alone time, we both take care not to overeat (because nobody feels sexy on a full stomach); often we don't eat [lunch/dinner] until after. If I go to the gym, I shower up and feel 10x sexier than if I hadn't gone at all. Either way they both need to take ownership.
He's a douche bag, maybe he should clean the house and do the laundry, maybe she would have more energy and feel romantic if she didn't feel like a maid.
Ya she needs to give it up. My bf is doing the same thing to me and I'll probably leave him
Sexual compatibility is CRITICAL to a stable and content monogamous relationship because sex drives (or lack of interest) are overwhelmingly powerful biological forces. Partners need to compare notes in a LOVING and KIND way, respecting their differences. If they can't reach compromise, then the relationship will eventually fail.
She cooks for him, does his laundry, AND cleans the house? Jeez, if he wanted her to ever have time or interest in sex he should probably do something for himself like an ADULT. On a different note, I don't really get either of these perspectives, but then again, I haven't been in a serious relationship yet. I think it's weird to just like... ask for sex rather than the other person in the mood and I think that sex shouldn't be like... a thing you feel like you have to do, but something that is enjoyable and can relieve stress.
What about separate bedrooms for 7 years, and I'm not yet 50? It does cost a lot of self doubt.
if you love someone any you always turn them down. they leave. if you care and are too exhausted. make a freaking date night. tsk!. and stick too it. I was sick ..really sick for a year. but my very sexy man needs some attention so we would do date night and since i could't do..it!. for a while. It was a 15min. hand job and some nice words. not too hard to do. same in reverse if required the other way. both try.
DIVORCE HIM NOW. Don't wait till you have children with his selfish a*s.
That guy is a jerk. I'm so glad I'm celibate. I don't have to worry about c**p like that.
Celibate? That's odd. Why? Are you a monk or something? Otherwise it just seems like you might be asexual or have a low sex drive, but that's not the same thing as celibacy which involves restraining natural sexual urges.
Load More Replies...My whole take on it getting to a spreadsheet in the first place is that he VERY likely tried to communicate with her but she kept brushing it off saying it’s not that beenlong/ that much... Yet it’s hard to argue with dates, times and data. I had a similar thing happen to me when I told my wife it had been almost a month since we had sex (and I only started marking the days after at least 2-3 weeks) yet the turndowns were more than daily, but she kept brushing it off. We hadn’t been married 5 months at this point and I would like to restate this is after it kept happening multiple times, some of them happening before we got married but I foolishly attributed that to wedding jitters. I even shown her the calendar I marked and she was stunned in disbelief. This was a cry of desperation for this man, yes he many have done it the wrong and or dumbest way but you or I are not him. To use a weird parable: a drowning person will grab onto anything if they think it will help.
So she let him know dozens of times that he was unwanted.....he gave her an itinerary of her rejections....and then is upset when she has to spend time thinking about the consequences of her rejection. What do you think a phone call was going to fix? Are you kidding me? All she would do is berate him for communicating. The conversation would revolve around him being selfish and an inconsiderate inconvenience...yeah....that’ll solve the problem. Her career and self are more important...no conversation is going to fix that. The fact that he loved her and tried to be faithful is absolutely missed in all of this... ....Question, why do people cheat on each other? ....Answer: because they want to believe that in spite of all of the evidence they see around them that says they are worthless, that there is one person out there that thinks they have value and are worth having their affection reciprocated... Yeah, by all means, handle your relationships like a business...
I hear women say that neither don’t owe sex. But he’s obligated to have money come out of his pocket. If u don’t want him, let go of his money too.
Maybe if he realized the common reason why she said no was that she felt gross was to maybe try to make her feel better about herself.
Ill just say this and hopefully not get to many downvotes... relationships have a sex basis to them, its not the only thing but its a big one. Being married for a while and only getting sex that often is going to make the man cheat and get it from somewhere else. I get that she may be doing everything else for them but it is just one side, we don't know what he does. I think the note was a little weird but people say always keep a record. Now if they get divorced because of him getting it somewhere else then she will take him to the cleaners when its 100% her fault. Blue balls is a real thing and were not going to just keep using our hands ladies. In all fairness i hope they work it out and communicate better but the relationship problem is her fault if he kept asking. You have to make sacrifices.
Gist of email from husband: "These are all the reasons I'm going to cheat on you while you are on your business trip"
In my former marriage, I was the one that usually had to initiate sex. When we didn't have it enough, my husband got mad at me and kept accusing me of having affairs. Turns out, HE was the one sleeping with his ex-wife. It takes two to make a marriage work AND to initiate sex. If there isn't enough, then communication needs to be open and honest. Not written in a spreadsheet.
Communication is very poor in this relationship. The guy doesnt express his feelings and has a strange expectation that he should have sex every day. Tries to blame his wife that this isnt the case. Anyway instead of trying to understand what happens to her to reject him so many times, he restars asking and archiving the answer. What heppens to her? Is she tired really? Or does she feel unvalued? Her image is going down ....maybe calm ans securise his wife that she is still beautiful in his eyes would be a better solution to recreate trust and desire.
Marriage does not mean your spouse owns your body or you owe sex to your partner. I agree, this woman does so much. If she is falling asleep so much shortly after your advances, pitch in instead of treating her like a sex doll to be used at leisure. JFC, and be respectful when she tells you no. The husband handled this completely wrong, and in her shoes I'd have told him he needed to call me asap or he was expressing a disinterest in the marriage to continue. Marriage takes respect, and apparently that tapered off with their sex life.
She doesn't "owe" him sex, She doesn't even need to give an excuse as to why. "No" is enough. He should respect her. Relationships aren't about sex. They're about love, trust and respect. It would be perfectly valid the other way around to. Marriage is when you promise the other your heart, not your body.
We'll hook up with a dude...no issues...we're horny 24/7...only get with a chick to reproduce....there, issue of no sex solved...
Sex is not a chore, its something people who are into each other should both be enjoying. Too many men see it as a required act and too many woman see it as a "payment / reward" system. Clear your minds of societal and peer induced viewpoints and react to love and sex as comes naturally to you. As a side note, being tired is not going to make you feel sexy, of course, but this is where the work comes in when people refer to working on relationships. Making the time and putting in the effort to understand things from both sides. Namely one person here is feeling rejected and comes up with a list, while the other feels they are working hard at the relationship and didn't even notice an issue.
What's the point of being married to each other if one or both of them are married to work? How is this husband supposed to feel when the TV (the TV, FFS...) is more worthy of her time than he is? This is well beyond some glib remarks about how "marriage does not mean you must put-out when the other demands", it's about work-life balance at the best case scenario, or serious intimacy issues/frigidity at the worst. "I feel gross" seems to be one of the more frequent excuses, sounds like the classic it's-not-you-it's-me line, and we all know what that really means the majority of the time. Sounds like they don't have a particularly healthy relationship, and the hurtful resentment both on the wife's part that causes her to reject her husband, and on the husband's part that triggered him making a spreadsheet, may have destroyed "them" to the point it will be difficult to salvage. That said, it's even worse tit-for-tat that this dirty laundry is being aired for public debate as well.
As interesting as the articles on Bored Panty are, the comments are dreadfully predictable. Whatever a guy does is horrible and abusive; whatever a girl does is strong and admirable. Oh, and don’t forget to delete this comment, too, since it varies from the popular snipping.
Bob, I believe I speak for at least several others here when I say this: some of us here have been abused, and we know the red flags. Much of what allows emotionally abusive situations to continue is ignorance or straight up denial of those red flags, so I call 'em where I see 'em, as I wish someone would have done for me. If the genders were reversed in this story you can bet your a*s we'd be ripping on the girl.
Load More Replies...There's a difference between intamicy and sex. Think you both need the intamicy more than the sex. Instead of watching a show: give each other rubs, cook dinner together, go for a walk.... cuddle and make out! You're both at fault, and you both need to give your 100% ✓✓✓
Continuation read comment below first and seeing as he is so childish and will not answer her calls would just anger me how dare he send her something in this manner i think when i got home he would find his stuff out side and my locks would be changed and i would also have a lawyer on retainer before i got home the way he went about this is disgusting and i would teach him a giant lesson about that there is more to a relationship than sex he needs to grow up if had an issue he should have communicated that in person
No mature soul would attempt to solve a relationship problem this way. Trust me. This is not about sex. This is about control. Of course, nobody enjoys being rejected and it hurts. But solving a problem by doing more hurt and punishing the other is NOT love. This is a classic story of emotional abuse: blaming, sabotaging the trip and giving the silent treatment are BIG RED FLAGS. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. If sex was good, the guy would find something else to blame, because no one can't satisfy his selfish needs regardless of the needs of his spouse. I truly hope this girl finds her peace of mind and her way to have the life she deserves.
Yes! This. Every word of this. Well put Nathalie.
Load More Replies...I’m sure this didn’t happen first thing. I’m also sure She rejected sex from her husband many times before he started writing it down. Her response is not “wow, didn’t realize I was rejecting you for weeks at a time” her response was to be utterly indignant and POST IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA! Kinda smacks of “ how dare he get upset when I reject him 13 times in a row” Bottom line: Either she doesn’t care about his sexual needs and/or Their sexdrives are off the charts mismatched. Either way it won’t work. Sex is a part of a relationship,
I hate this so much. But it's a reality of narcissistic abuse and egoistic behavior that many would mistake for care. It is messed up. Than you for sharing this. It is so obvious in gay men but many do not recognize the signs due to infatuation ..
i think he's an abuser, he ghosted her after sending the spread sheet which told me a lot!
I would be curious to know how he attempted to initiate as well. That would make a difference. But no matter what I do not think that was handled correctly at all.
Wasn't expecting the thread to be like this, it leads one to believe a lot of people on this thread are not having sex. Unpopular opinion, I don't think she should have shared this. It was between the husband and wife, and for god's sake talk about it with friends/family that know you. Not the internet, the internet is the last sociopath you should listen to. I'm not in that relationship, it's easy to point fingers without hearing both sides. So both of them seemed to act very childishly.
This made me smile & laughed a bit. But it also saddens me :( They should talk it out
Brevtiw had the best response. But I did notice that a few times watching television was more important than marital intimacy. That may point to a deeper issue than feeling tired.
When there is a problem in a relationship the people involved need to converse with one another to work it out. A one-sided spreadsheet doesn't do it. If he has a problem with her saying "No" then perhaps he should ask if there's something he can do to help her out that would turn the "No" into a "Yes" (do his own laundry, for example). If the story is accurate then the husband seems to have a strong sense of entitlement, including the feeling he should be able to control her. She should run for the hills.
It is not going to work between the two of you. I am sure your marriage is over. Sorry. Yes, it is good you do not have kids from this marriage. I think it is a warning/message that he has had enough and is fed up. He should have spoken up sooner. the spreadsheet is a disgusting thing to do and shows a warped mind. Break it off as soon as possible. I think he is warning you that he will be unfaithful while you are away....or why send it then....It is like ha ha you are away now for 10 days and I have had enough and will get sex elsewhere. Get rid of him. His way was no way to communicate.
The fact he continued to ask/bug/beg, whatever, almost every day tells me a lot about him not her. Your married, maybe he could have just talked, backed off a few days, then make a special date night in advance so she could take time to relax and get ready.But sending her that email was childish and mean considering she was at a work function and gone for days.
A clear disconnect regarding what is needed on both sides. Way too early for this type of game play. I do not place blame. Only warn you could both be headed for a sexless marriage, if that is why at you both want
This whole thing is regrettable on both sides as are some of the judgements from commentators. clearly the article is written from the woman and she is paining him in a terrible light, I do have some sympathy for him , it can be hard in a relationship when sex fades away, this can happen any time, it can be temporary or permanent and if both partners are ok then its fine but when they are on different pages that is when conflict can start. the man has dealt with his frustrations in the worst possible way imaginable and delivered it at the worst way ,the relationship has problems and a calm dialogue with honesty would have been the best way forward, no shouting or blaming. I can understand why he created the spreadsheet for himself as a release for his frustrations but it should be something he should never ever share. He is frustrated about the lack of intimacy but dealt with it badly. Trust is the most important thing and I fear this is lost so the relationship is beyond help.
HE is the one that sent the spreadsheet, and HE is the one who sent it to her work email, hoping to get her fired. Really? He is a whining scumwad who should have been drowned at birth. A grownup would NEVER have done that.
Load More Replies...I feel like the OP is just barely acknowledging the “tapering off” and it’s been going on a lot longer. I’m also sure he’s tried to communicate with her in a civil manner as well. I too often start civil and when my civility gets brushed off numbers tend to get the acknowledgment I’ve been seeking. He’s probably feeling her work email is the only way he can get attention from her. It’s so easy to make him look like the bad guy but it’s also easy to see that the communication in that marriage is severely lacking. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I think sex is just the one he could measure, but there’s way more intimacy that he’s lacking in as well. It may seem immature but don’t we all get a little immature when we are frustrated? I also think her throwing their business out on the internet before it’s even resolved is definitely not a good sign. She lost my sympathy on that one big time.
While this story is likely to have faults on both sides... the reality is that it's very likely neither side was really communicating. or if they were, it was very understated and passive-aggressive.
Load More Replies...And when did sex become unimportant in relationships? I'm sure the reason you're all with your significant other now is because of how much you don't want to have sex with them, right? Dude was justified, it could've been more than 2 months he just recorded those last several weeks. People always jump to the woman's defense in realtionships. Cuz he made a childish spreadsheet he's the a*****e? At least he didn't go out and start entertaining other women. I just feel like women are so quick to hate on a guy
This isn’t something that needs to be on social media. This is an issue between a husband and a wife, and therefore should stay that way. The fact that the wife chose to publicize it, shows an equal amount of immaturity on her part as well.
she was just asking for help and what to do next. This really hurt her and she was unsure how to move forward. i don't think she expected it be quite this popular.
Load More Replies...Where’s the chart for, put the bin out, put the toilet seat down, do groceries, cook dinner, do laundry, do housework etc etc etc. If I were on a spreadsheet I’d be telling him to get well and truly f****d. Does she keep a chart of her rejections ???
You’re lucky he’s not the kind of guy that heard you say that your best sex was with someone other than him, before you two married. That’s what I was told he heard, although with a group of people and tequila, I have no recollection of that, and profusely apologized sincerely as it was NOT a true statement. So obviously I underestimated his self esteem or ability to put it on the shelf and leave it. He has withheld any, any intimacy, with me for about 20 years. I did everything in the book, I promise you, nothing resulted in a healthy marriage. My self esteem was shot to hell for years, 31st anniversary was last week. I feel I had the stronger sex drive, but he disregarded me, and I gave up trying. I’ve lost 30 years and missed out on what was supposed to be the best time of life.
Being ignored has almost the same effect as physical injury. I don’t like what he’s doing at all. His motives and behavior are very questionable. He could’ve at least called to see she got there alright. After all, she didn’t go on a pleasure trip (not that that would be bad).
Aaaaaand this is why you grow the f**k up BEFORE marriage. Both of you tbh.
Well, if she doesn´t wanna have sex, he can´t force her, right? She has reasons, and he has to TALK like a grown up man about this, not to get laid, but to understand and support his wife. As ppl said here, sex is not owed, only fidelity is.
So that's why I (36) talk and express myself openly with my boyfriend (30), who's younger and sometimes "more hungry" than me. I don't have a stressful life. I just have hormones that are sometimes crazy. When I first told him, that sorry, I'm not in the mood lately and I'm really happy that he's someone I can share everything with, he was extremely happy. To be honest, right after I let it out my thoughts (I told him that in every relationship I felt guilty if I "missed" a chance to have sex with my guy, sometimes I forced myself to the mood and later I hated myself for that as I wasn't sincere), my "appetite" just came back. We have days, even we had weeks without sex, but I know that he's ok with that. He has a really high EQ and we are 1000% pleased when we 'do that'. Most of the time quality is more important then quantity...
Have children with him, because that will make everything easier. (Sarcasm) They're just not compatible. Mis-matched libidos are a big issue. Important enough for a no-fault break up, but the spreadsheet just before she leaves and then not talking about it is a major red flag. Ditch him.
Not having physical intimacy in a relationship is usually a sign something isn't right. The husband was absolutely ridiculous in his "approach" to making his wife see how serious the situation was. If you aren't emotionally connecting with your wife, you're probably not going to be physically connecting with her either. It would have been the kinder and more productive thing to do to plan a special night or weekend with her away full of small, sweet gestures to put her in the mood. I mean seriously, this isn't how mature adults deal with issues.
We don't have the full story so we don't even know what else this guy tried. Perhaps he did surprise her one day when she got home from a long day of work with a trail of rose peddles leading to a warm bath in a candlelit bathroom with smooth jazz in the background where he lovingly massaged her tired shoulder while she soaked blissfully for hours. Or not. But we don't know.
Load More Replies...he is acting like he is entitled to sex... that is totally not true. She is allowed to say no!
I'm not an expert on relationships, but from the perspective of the OP, it seems an awfully petty and immature way to handle it, especially in doing this right before she leaves on a 10 day work trip. He had to have known it would upset her, yet intentionally sabotaged her trip. It seems to me that regardless how many times he has or hasn't gotten his rocks off, that was deliberately cruel. If they do stay together, If it were me, his laundry, meals and cleaning up after him is out the window. Let him chew on how much she actually does, and how tiring it can be, then they can have a discussion about sex.
This man needs to read some Dr. Ruth books about how to put one's partner in the mood for sex! One of the most important differences that she mentions is that women need more time to get ready for sex than men. So if a man wants to initiate some intimate time with a woman, he can't realistically expect an instant "yes". He really needs to spend a few hours working up to the actual question of sex, by "courting" her in various ways--ie: pitching in around the house. fixing some dinner, putting in a good movie, watching her show *with* her, taking that shower together, giving her a bath and massage, etc. You know, when she says she's tired, respond by helping her feel better, and she will feel more inclined to be intimate, etc.
Totally agree! Seems like he initiated it when she was already dosing off before bed after a work day. Why don't you plan a nice night in and cook her dinner...
Load More Replies...Sounds like he expects her to take care of everything around the house and also want to be intimate. While she is also running a business. He could have taken the time to approach her, I feel sad for her.
What an a*****e! It's time she took Dan Savage's advice and DTMFA. He's an abusive prick and this is probably only his opening to tell her that he's screwing her best friend.
If this is the way how husband expresses his feelings to his wife, I hope it won't work. Disaster is unavoidable in this case I'm afraid
Load More Replies...Nah the wife is the problem here. The husband is being petty for not just discussing it in person. But the wife is absolutely in the wrong here. If you don't want sex communicate your real reasons. And your husband should respect that. But you also need to respect him and his desires for you. If it keeps happening you need to address the actual problem. Stressed out and exhausted is not being communicated when you say, "I'm watching a show."
Well, he's a moron. You can see from the list that he never learned from his observations. He continued to initiate at times of peak rejection-- 1) when she is tired and watching a show, 2) after exercising or eating, or 3) when she feels 'gross'. It's repeated. Maybe he could, I dunno, try asking when she's not tired? I'm petty and would have been tempted to respond "congratulations, with this level of petty, you've succeeded in making me not want to sleep with you again."
And what is he doing to make her feel in the mood? Just asking for sex? That's not a turn-on for most women. Is he offering massage? Offering to share the household burdens and pitching in so she has more time and ability to relax? Making sure she knows she's wonderful despite any feelings she may be having about her weight gain?
Hmm, sending to your work email is very telling in itself. Clearly, he believes that guaranteed you would see and read it. He must have believed you wouldn't bother checking your personal email while you were gone. He is definitely feeling hurt and rejected and must have felt a verbal discussion would be ignored like the sex. requests. I'm pretty sure him going 'no contact' was his dramatic way of showing how upset he is over this but was absolutely the wrong way to handle it. What he is doing is emotional abandonment, causing extreme stress. If he thinks this is going to get her to have more sex he just derailed that train! You can't guilt someone into sex. He has shown he only cares about his physical needs and not hers or her emotional needs. I can't get past the going 'no contact' and I don't know she will ever be able to either. you just don't do that, EVER...
This right here is why I will never get married again. The guilt that goes hand in hand with marriage sucks. I guarantee he's cheating already and that's why he's not responding. the spreadsheet was his excuse for it.
I have not had sex with the Wife in over three years. He has no grounds to complain. Go without sex as long as I have then go ahead and complain.
I have not had sex with the Wife in over three years. What is he complaining about??
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My ex-husband did something like this to me, but he took it a step further with adding what I didn’t do in bed with him. He even did this for when I didn’t do cleaning/cooking/laundry. I was working two jobs and trying to go back to school. This started happening 6 months into our marriage.
You are a stupid b***h ... you got what you deserved... he should have just dump you long ago... dumbass
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I think it was important that he say what he needed to say. I think his timing was awful and so was not taking/returning calls. They need to talk about anything that is hurting the other and clearly this is hurting him. His timing and attitude were immature and unhelpful, though.
I dont get the point of this artical. was this his way of saying im leaving you? or Im cheating the next 10 days? Either way sometimes people go without sex. My girlfriend and I can go weeks because our moods arent synced up, and then spend a whole weekend in bed going at it only getting up to get food, water, and showers. Life gets in the way, and if you dont talk to your partner about how you feel and your needs then you are better off just living alone and Jacking off.
3 times in 7 weeks? brevtiw is totally on point. Seems that this is the last chance he gives her before leaving her - which is his absolute right if he gets neglected like that.
To everyone saying that marriage is not only about sex definitely they don't have a SO who has a high sex drive. The spreadsheet, date and excuses is an excellent idea, him sending it on her way to the airport is to let her know that he's hoping she won't have an affair or casual sex if she has the opportunity. He's still interested in having a good marriage but she definitely has time to watch tv/movies or gym but not sex.
Marriage isn’t about sex , and I think he should apologize to her for throwing that at her when he knows she’s leaving for an important work trip , she and he should be able to refuse sex anytime with or without an excuse . Yes sex is nice but we should be able to live without it and except when someone doesn’t want it .
All that time and energy he must have spent putting together a petty spreadsheet would have been better used getting some chores done. Then maybe his partner might have a bit more energy and time for sex. He seems immature and entitled.
It's sad that they are clearly having marital issues, but this to me doesn't seem like a good way to handle them (on his part). It was cruel, and then to refuse to respond to her takes the cruelty to another level.
If she doesn't want to have sex, then no sex, not even needed to put up excuses, just "i don't want to have it now" is fine. She doesn't OWE him sex, that's her body, not his property. Also sending such a thing and not answering then is sooo immature...
After getting an email like that at the beginning of a critical work trip then no response from the husband at all even the next day, my next call would be a divorce lawyer then a private investigator to watch my house while I'm gone. That move was not something someone who wanted to save the relationship would take. It was manipulative and mean as hell, who does that to their spouse?
I wish I had their problems. You could be hungry, people shooting at you, dying of thirst, in constant pain, no job, no money or you could decide to make public/available this slice of your upper middle class life in the hopes "grrrrrl" power will get into the act and commence to make the males life even more public and miserable.
What are you supposed to do? Respond by sending divorce papers for him to sign. Get the ***** away from people like this or they will eat up years of your life. RUN AWAY. RIGHT NOW. Life is too short.
You are both young and still inexperienced in managing a long-term relationship. Neither of you are communicating truthfully with each other. You are both doing very well, but it is time for school. Go to a marriage counselor and I am sure your marriage will be saved, because you both seem like good people. The frustrations have built up and will take time to dissipate. It is time for kindness, understanding and forgivness. The best to both of you.
This story is OLD. Really old. Been floating around the internet for years . I know it's old because I remember it. And sure enough I found it on another site, posted almost a decade ago. Hell, even the original comments were already a year old when this was first shared. Someone found this, decided to share it because, well, it's 2018...er, 2019 and they knew people would get triggered.
If a man keeps a secret spreadsheet of your behavior, dump him FAST. Dangerous, but absolute indicator of years of abuse. RUN. RUN. RUN.
This went viral in 2014, and was shown to likely be a hoax. Please stop posting this sort of thread - in the #metoo generation surely we can do better than share stories like this where clearly there is an abusive and controlling relationship.
one more thing.....he did handle it badly, but also I dont think we are seeing the full picture, only part of a relationship so in a way, none of us can judge, it is what it is, BUT it is a very bad sign that he sends the email and then will not answer your phone calls over and over since he sent it. I think he is saying it is over and he will get sex elsewhere. Yes, no one owes anyone else sex, but two 26 year olds should have a healthy sex drive. Sometimes there is a medical reason why someone has a low sex drive also....this turned out to be the case with my first husband who wanted sex once in 6 weeks or so. My sex drive is very low now and that is mostly caused by age and by a medication I am on.Some things like anti depressants very much lower your sex drive.and working to hard, so yes, a matter of priorities, but I also think that not that many relationships necessarily last a life time now.Relationships have become a bit disposable.They start romantic but become needing work.
So what happened?!? Did he ever respond to your texts,calls and emails? what happened when you got home from your trip?
what happened? did he ever answer or call you back? what happened when you got back home? I hope he moved the EFF out due to his immaturity. I can get where he's coming from but then ghost her like that. that is so rude. and saying he's not going to miss her. wow. There is one point to mention lack in sexual life but another to hold it against the other partner. even in some phases she is tired and feels sick, obviously not carrying about his wife's well being.
I am married 38 years. I have never had sex 7 nights in a row in my life. That's just one spouse being demanding over another. Obviously this man has not asked what he can facilitate to make life easier to get what he wants. Yoohoo, women find it sexy when a man helps them get the household chores done, or maybe if she feels gross from a workout, offer to draw a bath for her. All you're thinking of is your physical needs. Women's sexual satisfaction starts in the brain. A little romanticism and special attention to their well being goes a long way. Personally, if this was me, I would text him and tell him if he didn't call me, he better call a lawyer. He's acting like an infant. Marriage is a long haul, long term, lot of work deal. Sometimes you will be lucky if you get sex once in a month. Long term, it's more about the deep relationship and connection that creates a great sex life. Start with respecting one another, building your relationship, communicating. Sex is a part but not a
They're 25, not 100. It's not unreasonable to have sex more than 3 times in 2 months at that age. There is a much more deeply rooted problem than needing help with household chores at play that needs addressing with proper communication and listening to each others needs, they both need to make an effort if they want the marriage to work, her expectation that sex would taper off and that he should be simply be ok with it is inconsiderate and alarming, if she honestly does not want sex with him anymore then she should tell him and they should go there separate ways but if she still loves him then she needs to stop neglecting him, he can do the household chores, I do the majority in my relationship it's not a big deal, and no man really want household chores put before intimacy of any kind.
Load More Replies...I think the husband is a total a*s! And to do this as she's leaving & not respond when she's trying to reach out to him....total A*S!
Typical pig. Thinking they can just walk up, touch your pussy and suddenly, the woman will be all aroused and ready to go. NOT! How about starting off with a nice massage. Works for my husband. Not to mention he helps around the house and I can honestly he might do more day to day housework thank I. I do most of the cooking because I am better at it but he always cleans. Maybe treat your woman with a little more partnership attitude and you might get laid more often. Dumb *ss
I can tell you from experience that you have to keep the spark alive. I was married for 24 years and sex was an intricate part of marriage. Sure, there were times when I wasn’t up to it...but I still put a little effort. Now that I’m single again, you would really not believe how many married men try to hit on me and tell me that they’re wives never give it up and how much they need sex. Just to be clear, I would never date a married man, but I feel that if both parties made each other feel sexy, wanted, loved and cared about....there would be way less cheating in this world.
I don’t think your partner should be responsible for your sexual needs just like we can not expect them to make us happy. We can make ourselves happy and we can masterbate, if must— seriously... why not have a Partner that perhaps it’s not all about sex and really be a true companionship . Respect each others space.. indeed communication is better than a spread sheet but over all - I refuse to be responsible for my partners sexual desires- if I am simply not up to it... I’m not just an object. Go to sex toy store. That way you have permanent batteries in it.. and all goes well. Men has their perfect left and right hands... lol lol lol
Similar thing happenned with my wife, literally beginning during our honeymoon. For 5 years before we married we were unstoppable. I eventually reacted in a similar manner, knowing it wasnt going to go over well, but i had tried approaching it many different ways prior to that and none were heeded. The marriage lasted less than a year. Intamacy is important. If this guys wife really didnt feel up to having sex, i could almost gaurantee a quick handy once in a while would've helped tremendously. Obviously nobody is *required* to do any of that. But neither are they *required* to be a loving and commited spouse.
Going about this the wrong way... lots of horrible advice here. Best advice to the husband is stop pressuring her for sex... She'll eventually want it more if you're contained and doing your own thing.
Hoping to see the divorce petition posted soon. His argument "Alienation of Affection" Hers "He's a selfish twat."
Yes, he handled this very badly and is clearly an emotionally immature person. I'm seeing a lot of people say that he isn't owed sex. And while that's true, sex and intimacy are imho the primary reasons to be married. If a person needs someone to clean up, they can hire a maid. If they need company, they can get a dog or go to meet ups. Without sex, your partner becomes a roommate, not a spouse. They've been together for a while and I'm sure the magic has died, but they're both young and probably healthy. The lack of physical intimacy clearly indicates a deeper issue that has nothing to do with work and stress.
Is presenting a spreadsheet the way to address it? Obviously not. It's grossly immature and demonstrates a real lack of communication skills. Having said that, people need intimacy, including sex, and if one partner does not feel a natural desire for connection/communion/tenderness with the other, a fundamental part of the relationship is missing. They should call it quits and move on.
I think it was immature to ignore her after sending her a spreadsheet of how many times he’s asked her to have sex and her excuses...but, let’s be real about something. Affection is one of the biggest stress relievers. When you’re mad...when you’re sad...and if you’re already tired, you’ll end the night with a smile on your face. No offense to anyone, but that is a healthy part of your relationship. I know not everyone believes in God...But, In the Bible, it clearly states that it is supposed to be a healthy part of your relationship. So, technically, it is one of your duties as a wife and husband, to each other. They are married. Why do people think sexless marriages become resentful? He attempted 27 times...in like 2 months...People make time for what they want to make time for. My opinion is unpopular, particularly because I’m a female...but...
Why do people keep saying the man thinks he is "owed" sex?? hello... it is suppose to be a joined engagement between two people.. but obviously, this lady thinks that its only for her when she feels like it and has no concidderation for her husband at all.. im sorry, but if i only got it 3 times out of 7 weeks, i sure as hell wouldnt be that calm about it, i would be pissed, and wondering who the hell he is screwing if he doesnt have any interest in me.. but.. its ok for a female to ignore her mate ... that is whats wrong with this world.. no respect for others/yoru marriage/etc.. its all about me, me, me
There is joke about marriage: Q:do you know whats the advantage of marriage? A:That you have sex even if you dont want it. I see that here, that mainly everybody here is against the guy. But wait for 4-5 more years. Girls biological clock will start clicking and whole story turns upside down. She will push him to have sex according temp of her vagina - and thats final end of romancy. After succesful attemp, everything goes back to normal without sex- you have kids= more work= less time/energy ...
People should trust their own feelings, this guy undoubtly feels hurt/rejected by the lack of sex if he's gone to the extremes of cataloging it, I'm guessing he began recording it because when he brought it up before she more than likely claimed that they were having regular sex, heres the thing she does not owe him sex and he does not owe her a relationship, I get that he's married to her but he's not duty bound to stay in a situation that's not making him happy, luckily they do not yet have kids so there is no real baggage, I would advise him to simply leave her and find someone that wants him physically, if he stays he is choosing to be in a sexless relationship and he needs to face up to that reality.
She's ignoring his needs. He feels that she doesn't care about him She will go out of her way for work, but not for him. She gives him brush off excuses which seem clearly as false.
Maybe the spreadsheet would have been funny if he sent it with a some comic relief note and pick up the damn phone. Ignoring your loved one like this is the most evil thing to do.
Yeah, but from his point of view she's been ignoring him for two months(at least).
Load More Replies...Really hoped that this was going to be more of a 'supportive-husband-uses-strange-method-to-show-overworked-wife-she-needs-to-take-a-break'. Needless to say I was disappointed.
While the message may be out of the blue, this is a emotionally stunted person who doesn't know how to address issues and instead lashes out like a child. If you didn't know this after 5 years, you were not paying attention or he's been bottling for 5 years. Counseling STAT!
This dude reminds me of my physically and mentally abusive father who regularly demanded sex and sexually assaulted my mother weather or not I was in the room I suggest you tell him to get the f**k out
I'm sorry about your father, but this guy has not physically assaulted her, sexually or otherwise their communication according to her has been normal up until this point, where he's lashed out with an Excel spreadsheet because she's not taking this issue seriously and denies it's even an issue at all. A Man or Woman wanting to have sex with their wife/husband is normal.
Load More Replies...this is definitely an eye-opener for many, including those two, and some of us readers.
26 years old, I'm guessing neither one of them is the best at communicating yet.
This behavior is exactly what makes women feel like their body does not belong to themselves anymore once they have a relationship. This behavior and these type of guys is exactly what makes women feel unsafe within a relationship because sex feels mandatory. This guys literally tries almost EVERY DAY! This is why women universally have no libidos anymore after more than 5 years of marriage.
Nobody owes the other person sex, which this husband thinks he's owed all these sex sessions it seems? Nothing about it this is ok, I don't think he can be excused, and I think she needs to figure out what to do without him in her life. I can't think of one redeeming thing about this man that would overshadow this s**t he pulled. Work email too, da f**k
If she doesn’t want to have sex with him then why marry him? Money? She wanted a beautiful wedding like her friends? She sure doesn’t seem to like him. She sure doesn’t care about his needs. I hope he found someone who will try and make him happy. Maybe even someone who likes sex? Who knows, their out there. They don’t appear to be in here.... But there out there! Go get one tiger!
Absolutely neither one of these people “owe” the other one sex. Because clearly this is not a relationship. At least not a sexual one. Seriously. She refuses to have sex with the person she wants to spend her life with 13/14 times? And then when he shows her on paper how cruel and uncaring she is about his needs...her response? Post it on the internet! Oh, and call him hateful. On the internet. Scary part? All these women posting below think this is ok. Wow. Run dude. There are women out there who like to have sex with their man! Lose the princess.
This is going to be an unpopular post, but it's just my little (and very traditional) opinion. I firmly believe that once you enter into the binding contract of marriage that it is YOUR DUTY as a woman to provide your man with an outlet for sexual release - whenever he wants. Whether it be through physical intercourse, handjobs, blowjobs or other means. To neglect these needs is a pure recipe for disaster (As I am fully aware of, having had my marriage end due to this exact reason). If you are not prepared to meet your husband's needs, then you should be fully supportive of his desire to go elsewhere and get them met. It is for this reason that almost every man back in the day had a mistress... wife refuses or is pregnant? Hit up good ole' Sally down in the village. Again, my views are exceptionally traditional, so I understand the onslaught of down votes heading my way.
I feel horrible for a lot of husband's out there. I sure hope none of you ever "needs" your man the way this man needed his wife.
That is violent behavior. Throwing something like this without talking to your SO and before a business trip is really passive-agressive... leave while you can!!!
Is the husband an engineer or in computers? These guys think in terms of statistics and spreadsheets. They are dense, but still it was passive aggressive and immature. She needs a Louisville Slugger and to have a come-to -Jesus talk in which sh can explain how to do the laundry, how to cook, how to clean and tidy up instead of sitting around on his a$$. The nice maple or ash bat will help him understand the importance of sharing the chores.
While this seems immature and selfish.. try to talk to each other face to face until it's too late. Why I say this? Because I was the wife with allll the excuses (some more real than the others). Husband felt left alone and his needs not met. I realise now - too late, that his needs were not mainly the dinner cooked or the clean laundry. After 15 years, he wanted a divorce. And NO, I do not mean there must be sex every day or when you really, really do not want it.
Are you seriously sharing this with everyone? Why? What's your goal? Are you stupid?? Or do you simply want your husband to leave you?
Wow, people are getting really aggressive in their comments. PC culture at it's finest, ladies. This guy probably never learned how to communicate and his way to express himself therefore isn't pretty. We can guess he bottled everything up until he was fed up and started making his little spreadsheet. Yup, not cool! Of course nobody owes sex to anybody, but in a relationship it's good to be aware of the other persons needs. Well, this guy obviously needs more physical interaction than his girlfriend. And his girlfriend clearly isn't aware of (or doesn't care about) his needs. It's really sad to see how allot of the women in the comments only look at it from her perspective and blame this guy for shutting her out. But to him it's obviously like his girlfriend is shutting him out and she doesn't care for his needs. There are always two sides to a story, and unlike our brains likes to make it, things aren't split in a good and an evil side.
To the dude that's like you really hurt his feelings, he prioritizes sex. I firmly believe that sex is a basic animal need but that doesn't mean that you are owed it, sex doesn't occur in a vacuum, there's another person involved. EVERYONE has gone through rejections but oh boo hoo the tragedy is this guys feelings; not his partner who's career he could have derailed, or any of the other s****y things that possibly resulted for her.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? They've been together 5 years and she's denied him intimacy a ridiculous amount of times. He obviously has aneed that's not being met and she is just worried about herself.
The husband was in his right to send that to her and she's a bit short ended.. who initiates calls like that? Sociopaths
This post was initially posted in 2014. And then multiple times since. There has been no updates, and the consensus from Reddit users was that it was a hoax. Please can you stop sharing these type of threads. It is clear that the poster wanted to incite hatred against women, it is an abusive relationship. In this #metoo times we should know better.
Is very sad and frustrating beg for love, sex, intimacy. They extort us many times. It is unfair.
There are better women out there. Get to know them well first, you have to have similar types of goals. Eg if one wants children and the other doesn't it probably won't work. Pick better. If legs are closed due to not getting what she wants, then she probably is with you for all the wrong reasons.
Load More Replies...Yep - because that's exactly how women want it... idiot.
Load More Replies...Sending his childish temper tantrum to her work email makes him an a*****e. The only "win" for her is that she found out what a d******d he really is before they decided to have kids.
Load More Replies...My god. How old are you? This is some truly middle school s**t right here.
Load More Replies...Maybe he's just a bad lay. He seems like the kind of guy who only focuses on what HE wants.
Load More Replies...There's a menu of categories at the top of the page under the header. Select your flavor from the menu.
Load More Replies...She doesn't owe him anything. If her work is important he can deal with their sex life slowing down.
Load More Replies...Man need daily sex from woman! Cooking, cleaning, work hard not enough! Woman must do sex whenever man say so! (please read in your best caveman voice.)
Load More Replies...If you ever do the same then bear in mind you might need a good divorce lawyer. Stupid way to treat someone regardless of the reason.
Load More Replies...I hope he didn't catch anything from his underage sex slave.
Load More Replies..."...while protecting and providing for his tribe." What? This isn't the Stone Age anymore.
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