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Husband Lashed Out At His Wife In Front Of His Family For Buying The Cheapest Thing On His Wishlist, Said She Ruined Christmas
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Husband Lashed Out At His Wife In Front Of His Family For Buying The Cheapest Thing On His Wishlist, Said She Ruined Christmas

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During the holiday season, spending time with our loved ones is more important than receiving something expensive—after all, it should be the thought that counts. Still, some tend to choose things over people, and this story posted on the AITA subreddit shows exactly that.

Fresh-Ad9433 shared how she and her husband got into a huge fight over a gift. This stay-at-home mom is not able to work due to medical problems and relies on her husband for support. However, after receiving $600 from him, she felt pressured to match the present.

On Christmas day, the husband opened a box of brand new sneakers and got extremely disappointed, calling the woman “wasteful and financially irresponsible.” Apparently, $600 was just the right amount for the new gaming console he wanted. The woman turned to the AITA community, asking if she was the jerk in this situation. Read on for the full story.

Stay-at-home mom shared how she and her husband got into an argument over a Christmas gift

Image credits: Jornada Produtora (not the actual photo)

The husband lashed out at her for getting him the cheapest gift from his wishlist, ended up saying that she “ruined his Christmas”

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Fresh-Ad9433’s post gained quite a lot of attention. In just one day, it received over 15.9K upvotes and more than 3K comments. Not to mention the conversation it started between the Reddit users.

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Many wrote that this is an example of financial and emotional abuse and advised her to run away from her husband for behaving like this. As one redditor wrote, “In a normal relationship where one party is the SAHP, the other party’s income is shared equally. … Under no circumstances should you be left borrowing money for personal hygiene products and clothing.”

When you think about it, the husband’s reaction was really inappropriate. Lashing out, blaming his wife for ruining Christmas and saying “good job screwing up” raises some serious questions. The worst part is, he said all of those things in front of his parents. “It was so so awkward, I felt so horrible I wanted to disappear,” the author wrote.

However, the woman still felt guilty and left an update in the post later on: “I bought gifts for family members so I’m not sure if I was right to do that knowing money is tight.” At the same time, her husband is buying expensive gifts for his mother and adding a $600 console at the top of his wishlist. That does not sound like things are a bit tight for him, does it?

Financial abuse, as defined by the Office on Women’s Health, is when “an abuser has control over finances in a relationship and withholds money from the victim.” In some cases, the victim may even be the breadwinner of the family. Often, it’s hard to leave a controlling partner because of the fear that you will not be able to provide for yourself or your children.

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Lisa Zeiderman, a New York Divorce Attorney, wrote that “controlling the finances can mean not sharing passwords to bank, brokerage, retirement, and credit card account statements, and, or, refusing to share information about income, assets, and debt.” This sort of manipulation leaves the spouse or partner feeling vulnerable and trapped in a controlling relationship.

Economic abuse is often thought of as “hidden” because many people that are victims of it may not realize it at first. Although it can come in many different forms, there are a few indicators that show your partner is intimidating you. These include insisting they have access to your bank account, getting a hold of your passwords and refusing to share them with you, using your credit cards or not allowing you to have your own.

Also, not giving you money or insisting you ask for it anytime you need it and making sure that you spend all that you receive from them while they put their savings in an account you have no access to. There are countless ways your partner can make you feel vulnerable and it is important to recognize the signs and gather the courage to take action.

“Getting one’s finances in order and becoming financially literate can help the victim understand the severity of the situation, how to get help, and ways in which they can achieve financial independence,” Zeiderman explained.

Unfortunately, people who practice this type of behavior are not the easiest to deal with. If confronted about this, they deny everything you accuse them of. There are some things you can do. First, talk to someone you trust—it can be a family member, a friend or a therapist. You should not be ashamed of finding yourself in such a situation; it’s important to take the first step.

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Next, begin to collect evidence and keep records of every offense you notice. And most importantly, “It is critical to do everything you can to keep yourself and your children safe, and to protect your emotional well-being during this stressful time.” We all have our limits, so when it comes to our mental and physical health, it should be a top priority.

Many Reddit users commented that the author is NTA and had a lot to say about this whole situation

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carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WAIT she has to borrow money for hygiene products !!! WHAT?. He's a controlling and abusive pos. Giving her money for himself is not a gift, its a friggin shoppinglist. What a &%$^*.

gerardneaux avatar
Gerard Neaux
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's never good to be in a position where you have to fully depend on someone else. If I were in that situation, this would be my worst fear. It's terrible and frightening.

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ishma-in008 avatar
S.
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is that a gift to HER? Couldn't he just bought the gaming console himself and prevent all of this drama? Why's he playing mind games with her?

anetawalter-89 avatar
Annette_
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because he's an abusive a$$hole... and he did it in front of his parents. That's mindblowing...

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tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Borrowing money for hygiene products." Nope get out. Forget the Christmas and all the rest. If you have to borrow money for basic humanitarian needs you get the f out now.

izzycurer avatar
Izzy Curer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this book that's a reprint of a book published over 100 yrs ago. It talks about basic medical advice, but also random household tips from a doctor's perspective. One thing it mentions is giving the wife/sahm an allowance. So, even back in the day when women had a lot fewer rights, people understood how important it was for the woman of the household to have access to her own money. The book made the argument that it was her salary for all the work that she did around the house, raising the kids. It specifically pointed out that the husband should never put the wife in the position where she had to ask for the weekly grocery money. The husband should expect the upcoming shopping event, and give her the money before she has to ask, so that she's not made to feel like a beggar.

gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I had married friends with much the same circumstance you have. The husband was the breadwinner and constantly said any money made was his money. When he bought her gifts, they were things that also benefitted him, like lingerie, sex toys, a vacuum cleaner, new game console, etc. He was selfish, and became increasingly selfish over time. We tried to talk to him, and even help out. But he did not listen. After more than 20 years and 3 kids, they divorced. SHE is happily remarried, and now understands what marriage is supposed to be. He is dating, and has completely changed his tune. Now he buys girlfriends extravagant things. The mother of his kids, no. He does not respect you. He loves himself more than you. Why wait 20 years?

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you share a home with someone who cooks and cleans and raises the kids, the money you bring home is NOT all your money. Your spouse is not free labor. You would pay a maid or a nanny to do the same things, so stop treating your spouse like a slave. (Not talking to YOU, obviously. Just "you" as in people in general.)

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lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Purple purse is a website that helps women with this type of financial abuse.

p-a-krzm avatar
Sleepypanda Assasin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey I made an account here because I felt really angry. I’m also a breadwinner at my household and I simply gave a debit card to my girl, so she can have a normal life while focusing on her academic career. like wtf girl c’mon dump his petty ass

nikkisevven avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...he gave you $600 as his gift to you, then expected you to spend all of it on his gift? WTF? Divorce this abusive jerk.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not like she didn't need to pay back hygiene product loans. Or buy gifts for people other than him.

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mike_loux avatar
Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hubs: "You ruined Christmas" OP: "Well, you ruined my life, so this is a start." DIVORCE HIM.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If children are in this household, I fear they are learning how to abuse and how to be abused.

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex husband was also financially controlling; we had a joint account which I had access to but there was never any money in it because his salary was paid into a private account he was given by his employer (commercial bank). I was a SAHM and managed the home as best I could, while caring for our daughter who is a Type 1 diabetic. I had undiagnosed chronic illnesses at the time, and always put caring for our daughter first (getting ready for school, making meals, taking her to and fetching her from school, 8 trips a day) I also had to beg for money to buy feminine hygiene products, underwear, clothes and shoes. We went food shopping together, he paid, but if I needed anything else, I could never get hold of him to ask him to pick up stuff on his way home - then get shouted at for not having bread available for his sandwiches.... So glad he's my ex!

rosanna-jackson avatar
Rosanna Jackson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should be straight up paying her for the cleaning, cooking, scheduling of appointments, childcare and everything else she does he doesn't have to think about. And they don't have to hire someone to do. What a complete POS abusive d**k.

kimitomminello avatar
Kimi Tomminello
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First couple of years after starting my business my hubby was 150% the breadwinner. Our accounts had been joint for over 7 years at that point. I couldn't imagine the terror this woman has gone through!! I never had to even think twice about spending money on anything that I needed. I sincerely hope this woman can find support groups in her area and get the heck out of that situation. That is some of the worst abuse I have heard.

phantasteek avatar
ChickyChicky
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same, my husband has been the main breadwinner but I'm the one who manages the budget. He still asks me if we have the budget when he wants to make a bigger purchase. If we don't outright, we discuss whether we want to cut back on some things or save up for it or if we really want/need the item.

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juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all you didn't "ruin" your husband's Christmas. Secondly, he's a piece of s**t. Third, divorce. NTA.

monicabenson3494 avatar
MonicaChicagoGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should have s**t in a box wrapped that up and gave it to him, now your Christmas IS ruined!

rollinskjohn avatar
meh
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so messed up. So to sum up, the husband "gifts" his wife 600 bucks so that she can gift him back using the same money he just gave her. Why go through the damn charade of gifting someone if you want the gift back? If he thinks he can escape the guilt of buying himself an expensive gift, he is pretty much wrong.

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you need to take that 600 and file for a divorce and take him for alimony. then you'll get 600 every month if not more. Fk him!

queenofthecastle82 avatar
Queenie-Poo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, this is *NOT* okay. I'm the stay-at-home parent, and the only time he questioned what I bought for myself is when I bought different types of period products. Once he understood that I needed different types for different days of my period or for different periods, he didn't question it again.

dianeswartz avatar
Diane Swartz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy crap, do grown men really act like this???!!! He had a tantrump (yes, tantrump) over not getting a GAME??? My kids were more polite than that at FIVE YEARS OLD. Even my abusive ex wasn't THAT bad an asshat, and that's saying something. Honey, you may be a SAHM, but get your ass out of there, NOW. Trust me, you don't want to wait another ten years and then wonder where your life went.

daisyellehookery avatar
Daisy Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's TA, not her. I'm a stay at home wife, hubby earns the money & at 61, it's good money too. We have a joint account but he barely looks at it. As long as he has fuel & beer money in the bank, the bills are paid, the fridge is full & dinner is on the table every night, he doesn't give a stuff what else the money gets spent on. Might not be a stereotypical 'manly' way of living, but it sure works for us!

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the get-go, this asshole’s parents should’ve been giving him the most epic ass whoopin’ of his life for treating his wife like that. They should also realize that, if he’s like this in front of them he must be even worse in private. If my husband acted like this asshole in front of his parents, well actually his mother who’s a widow, the second he started up she would’ve been beating his ass so hard he wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month—-AND inviting me to take the switch and get a few whacks of my own in while she held him down. My mother in law really likes me, is the first to tell you she did not raise her son to act the asshole, and will immediately “fix his little red wagon” if she finds out he messed up or sees it herself. Luckily, it doesn’t have to happen, because she did a good job—-he’s a way better man than this asshole baby.

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you should always have your own money. He controls all the money so he controls her as well. That’s messed up!

ssnx01 avatar
Chich
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Turf this loser now and take him for everything. Deserves better than a life with a clown such as this.

suemyers avatar
Suzi Q
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get out. This man is not only financially abusing you, he's a spoiled brat and immature AF.

lifeartphoto avatar
TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an absolute a-hole HE is! First of all- if you can afford to put $180 shoes on your wishlist, you can absolutely afford to share your money with your family and your wife.

rhea_bhtchrya avatar
OCD Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a SAHM and totally understand your predicament. Having said that, you are NTA. He gave you the money to pamper yourself. And you chose to gift him something. He should be happy, knowing you are not currently in the position to gift him, yet you chose him over yourself. Please talk to him about it.

k-dawnbennett avatar
K-Dawn Bennett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh what a spoiled, entitled, brat baby! I'm guessing he stomped his big baby feet all the way to his room hahaha! Get a part time job if you can, work from home, make your own $$ and get the BLEEP out!

jenngermain avatar
Jennifer Germain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

have been in a similar position, abusive in many ways, thank god for my monthly government "baby bonus" i managed to not let him know I received or my ex would have taken it. This woman needs to get out now. It will only get worse

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My spouse just gets himself his own gifts, or as a way to get what he wants..... I 'get' it for Christmas ( a t.v. for the bedroom) or snow tires for my birthday (in Sept). What ever lets him sleep at night. But when I really want something, I just get it when I need/want it. I sleep well too. I have a tiny little job for the 'fun' stuff.

enolacrayton avatar
Lilith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get you a good lawyer and divorce his spoiled ass. This is only gonna get worse and you don't want your children being traumatized by their dad's treatment of you. Alimony and child support and file for disability and state help. Do not live in this warped marriage.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG I couldn't even get past the first paragraph. This dude is a world class ass hat and you need to run if you can. I have a feeling that she couldn't leave even if she wanted to. He has her trapped. It shouldn't matter if she's a stay at home mom. She's doing her part by being the child care and home maker. This one really hits home for me because I'm a stay at home mom because of medical issues. I can't contribute money to the household but I have an important job to do. I work just as hard. I struggle to get through the day and get all of the chores finished, feeding the kids, bathing them, getting them to bed, and all of the other things in between. It's not my husbands money vs my money. It's our money. Everything goes to bills/cost of living expenses, first and then we can use some of what is left over for " fun money " with in reason and save the rest. Basically long as we know that we have enough money for COL expenses we can buy small things with out asking but we don't do that often because there isn't a lot left usually. There are times I feel very guilty that I can't contribute with money, that I am spending money in myself, that my medical needs are extremely expensive etc but what I do is important in its on way. I do 99 percent of the household things like dishes and laundry. I make 80 percent of the meals, I am solely responsible for the kids 75 percent of the time because of his work schedule. He still does things that are " my job " because he knows I struggle . If I could do everything, every day then I could go to work. He is still their father and I need back up and I need a break sometimes. Being the sole parent most of the time is extremely hard work and even though he works he's still their dad and they still need time to bond and he doesn't miss out on things. He understands that he shouldn't just be around for the easy and fun part of parenting. That he needs to experience the hard parts too. This woman is being treated as live in nanny and maid being paid in good, water, and shelter. She's working for basic necessities. She doesn't have a partnership she has a boss. I really really hope that she has a nest egg saved in case she decides that she's worth more. That she has a choice . That she's there because she loves him

aragorn_elessar4 avatar
Derek Clark
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to leave. Now. Borrowing money to buy hygiene products? Getting 600 dollars to buy his gift and apparently nothing for the kids? Get the hell out.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all the articles I've seen on here it is ALWAYS the person who says "you ruined Christmas" (or any other holiday or event) who is the a$$hole.

janicegreen avatar
Janice Green
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hard to say being that you're married and all, but he will never, ever change. Sorry...

janicegreen avatar
Janice Green
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really - been there, done worse. I was IN LOVE with a dude who, after seeing me eye a necklace before Valentine's Day, told me he couldn't afford it right then, but if I bought it myself, he would pay me back. They only had one and I really wanted it - DUMB, ME!

pascal_3 avatar
Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just weird. My wife and I share all money that comes in. And if one doesn’t have enough we help eachother out. „Pocket money“ we also justify eachother, although we try to discuss expenses above 100 before. Then again, some stuff you just can’t help it. Like that one giant plushy from japan was 300, plus 300 shipping. Should I tell her the 300 shipping is unacceptable thus she can’t have it? Ridiculous! We both save, we both earn it. Your heart wants what your heart wants.

jasonllewellyn avatar
BigFootToo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The most expensive thing next year is child support and a divorce

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Abuse. She probably won't get a divorce since she is sick and can't work, but she effectively signed up for a lifetime of slavery, since she is only getting room and board for all the work she does. Seriously, girls take these stories as a warning: Stay independent!!! At all costs!! Get educations to find well paying jobs, go part-time if you have children but do.not.give.up.working!!

monica_felix1 avatar
monkeydog
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To everyone saying this is financial abuse: why can't this woman just get her own job? I'm tired of people rationalizing a woman's decision to be a stay at home mom who is financially dependent upon her husband. Both parents should be engaged; it should never be acceptable for one person to declare that they will just live in a way that makes them financially dependent upon the other. It is his money to spend as he likes. He decided to be an asshole with it. Obviously, this is why it is important for everyone to earn their own money: so she doesn't have to be dependent upon someone like this and can just leave if she wants.

sangfromfe avatar
Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She became disabled while they were married and worked in the beginning

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claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you need to talk through finances and various different scenarios as what will happen if one of you gets sick BEFORE you get married.

holliemarie1995 avatar
Hollie Marie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My boyfriend can't work due to medical stuff and although he gets some government money I always buy him nice things and make sure he has what he needs.

hellcha-sz avatar
Helen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so may problems here. She's a stay at home mother, which should mean, that they should have a shared account with her having access to all the money. Stay at home mother doesn't mean she's not doing anything, this is her "job"! He gave her money only to cover his gift. What did he gave her as a gift then? They can't be tight on money if he bought expensive gifts to the rest of the family. Why did he have a longer wishlist if gaming console was the only thing he wanted? Did he really threw a tantrum in front of his children? Because this disturbs me more than the idea of his parents being there. What model is he teaching them? I know it's not that simple, but I would not stay with this guy.

marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter who is making the money, each person should have access to the same amount of "spending money" as the other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a POS!!! Why does she put up with it? Also, $180 is ridiculously high for a pair of freaking tennis shoes.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry him but you need to leave him. My parents were in a situation like this, my mom was near starving because my dad wouldn't give her enough money while he went off to restaurants and gambled a fortune away.. it's abuse and he sounds incredibly cruel and selfish

betsyhirons avatar
Betsy Hirons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So how does she get the $600 'gift' at a different time than the husband? don't families usually open presents together like on Christmas morning? TWO BIG THINGS WRONG besides the weird early 'gift' - #1 - Girl, you need to be managing the money or at least have access to it or you are a first class fool #2 - Dude - if you want something, you need to ask for it directly and not beat around the bush (I give my wife a gift of money so she can buy me presents - WTF is this?- isn't this what is wrong with her not having access to finances?, super weird!!!!!!)

marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see. More people raised by wolves. At least Romulus and Remo founded Rome, what did this asshole do, besides belittle his wife? My god, the thoughtlessness of some people is astronomical. And this is not "up in the clouds" sort of lack of thought, this is malignant thoughtlessness. My wife has also been sick and for a long time unable to make a living. I'd be lying if I wasn't a bit upset about it. Not at her, you cannot help getting sick, but at the situation. But behaving like this spoiled child? Don't put the f*****g sneakers on your wishlist if you don't want them, you pathetic, snotty, man-child.

joelei avatar
Joe Dad
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I don’t understand why BoredPanda chose to upload this depressing and extremely toxic story. I didn’t come here to read about toxic, negative things. I find plenty of that on mainstream news sites. F**k off with this s**t, BP. The quality of your site has sharply declined.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like we have now heard from the asshole husband from this article.

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urskulesza avatar
Ula Kulesza
Community Member
2 years ago

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this must be fake, people can't be this stupid to really ask who is the asshole here and not to know to leave this s**t of a relationship

lindseyrbaumgartner avatar
LB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship for many well-documented reasons. Having no money of your own can make leaving seem especially daunting. I don’t think you are being purposefully unkind, but comments like make it harder for people to leave. There is so much shame around domestic abuse. She isn’t really asking if she is the asshole. She’s gathering emotional and mental strength to undertake a difficult and sometimes dangerous process.

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david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
2 years ago

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This situation reveals so much more. For one, she saw red flags long before she married him and she still decided to marry his abusive, controlling ass. This situation is just one of many I am sure. Of course, she is not at fault in this particular situation. She is at fault for marrying him and having kids with him in the first place.

phantasteek avatar
carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WAIT she has to borrow money for hygiene products !!! WHAT?. He's a controlling and abusive pos. Giving her money for himself is not a gift, its a friggin shoppinglist. What a &%$^*.

gerardneaux avatar
Gerard Neaux
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's never good to be in a position where you have to fully depend on someone else. If I were in that situation, this would be my worst fear. It's terrible and frightening.

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ishma-in008 avatar
S.
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is that a gift to HER? Couldn't he just bought the gaming console himself and prevent all of this drama? Why's he playing mind games with her?

anetawalter-89 avatar
Annette_
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because he's an abusive a$$hole... and he did it in front of his parents. That's mindblowing...

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tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Borrowing money for hygiene products." Nope get out. Forget the Christmas and all the rest. If you have to borrow money for basic humanitarian needs you get the f out now.

izzycurer avatar
Izzy Curer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this book that's a reprint of a book published over 100 yrs ago. It talks about basic medical advice, but also random household tips from a doctor's perspective. One thing it mentions is giving the wife/sahm an allowance. So, even back in the day when women had a lot fewer rights, people understood how important it was for the woman of the household to have access to her own money. The book made the argument that it was her salary for all the work that she did around the house, raising the kids. It specifically pointed out that the husband should never put the wife in the position where she had to ask for the weekly grocery money. The husband should expect the upcoming shopping event, and give her the money before she has to ask, so that she's not made to feel like a beggar.

gmadams avatar
Blackheart
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I had married friends with much the same circumstance you have. The husband was the breadwinner and constantly said any money made was his money. When he bought her gifts, they were things that also benefitted him, like lingerie, sex toys, a vacuum cleaner, new game console, etc. He was selfish, and became increasingly selfish over time. We tried to talk to him, and even help out. But he did not listen. After more than 20 years and 3 kids, they divorced. SHE is happily remarried, and now understands what marriage is supposed to be. He is dating, and has completely changed his tune. Now he buys girlfriends extravagant things. The mother of his kids, no. He does not respect you. He loves himself more than you. Why wait 20 years?

oaklandcami avatar
ForgotMyPWSendHelp
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you share a home with someone who cooks and cleans and raises the kids, the money you bring home is NOT all your money. Your spouse is not free labor. You would pay a maid or a nanny to do the same things, so stop treating your spouse like a slave. (Not talking to YOU, obviously. Just "you" as in people in general.)

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lauraedwards avatar
laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Purple purse is a website that helps women with this type of financial abuse.

p-a-krzm avatar
Sleepypanda Assasin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey I made an account here because I felt really angry. I’m also a breadwinner at my household and I simply gave a debit card to my girl, so she can have a normal life while focusing on her academic career. like wtf girl c’mon dump his petty ass

nikkisevven avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...he gave you $600 as his gift to you, then expected you to spend all of it on his gift? WTF? Divorce this abusive jerk.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not like she didn't need to pay back hygiene product loans. Or buy gifts for people other than him.

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mike_loux avatar
Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hubs: "You ruined Christmas" OP: "Well, you ruined my life, so this is a start." DIVORCE HIM.

c_devine avatar
Seedy Vine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If children are in this household, I fear they are learning how to abuse and how to be abused.

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex husband was also financially controlling; we had a joint account which I had access to but there was never any money in it because his salary was paid into a private account he was given by his employer (commercial bank). I was a SAHM and managed the home as best I could, while caring for our daughter who is a Type 1 diabetic. I had undiagnosed chronic illnesses at the time, and always put caring for our daughter first (getting ready for school, making meals, taking her to and fetching her from school, 8 trips a day) I also had to beg for money to buy feminine hygiene products, underwear, clothes and shoes. We went food shopping together, he paid, but if I needed anything else, I could never get hold of him to ask him to pick up stuff on his way home - then get shouted at for not having bread available for his sandwiches.... So glad he's my ex!

rosanna-jackson avatar
Rosanna Jackson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He should be straight up paying her for the cleaning, cooking, scheduling of appointments, childcare and everything else she does he doesn't have to think about. And they don't have to hire someone to do. What a complete POS abusive d**k.

kimitomminello avatar
Kimi Tomminello
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First couple of years after starting my business my hubby was 150% the breadwinner. Our accounts had been joint for over 7 years at that point. I couldn't imagine the terror this woman has gone through!! I never had to even think twice about spending money on anything that I needed. I sincerely hope this woman can find support groups in her area and get the heck out of that situation. That is some of the worst abuse I have heard.

phantasteek avatar
ChickyChicky
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same, my husband has been the main breadwinner but I'm the one who manages the budget. He still asks me if we have the budget when he wants to make a bigger purchase. If we don't outright, we discuss whether we want to cut back on some things or save up for it or if we really want/need the item.

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juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all you didn't "ruin" your husband's Christmas. Secondly, he's a piece of s**t. Third, divorce. NTA.

monicabenson3494 avatar
MonicaChicagoGal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should have s**t in a box wrapped that up and gave it to him, now your Christmas IS ruined!

rollinskjohn avatar
meh
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so messed up. So to sum up, the husband "gifts" his wife 600 bucks so that she can gift him back using the same money he just gave her. Why go through the damn charade of gifting someone if you want the gift back? If he thinks he can escape the guilt of buying himself an expensive gift, he is pretty much wrong.

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you need to take that 600 and file for a divorce and take him for alimony. then you'll get 600 every month if not more. Fk him!

queenofthecastle82 avatar
Queenie-Poo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, this is *NOT* okay. I'm the stay-at-home parent, and the only time he questioned what I bought for myself is when I bought different types of period products. Once he understood that I needed different types for different days of my period or for different periods, he didn't question it again.

dianeswartz avatar
Diane Swartz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy crap, do grown men really act like this???!!! He had a tantrump (yes, tantrump) over not getting a GAME??? My kids were more polite than that at FIVE YEARS OLD. Even my abusive ex wasn't THAT bad an asshat, and that's saying something. Honey, you may be a SAHM, but get your ass out of there, NOW. Trust me, you don't want to wait another ten years and then wonder where your life went.

daisyellehookery avatar
Daisy Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's TA, not her. I'm a stay at home wife, hubby earns the money & at 61, it's good money too. We have a joint account but he barely looks at it. As long as he has fuel & beer money in the bank, the bills are paid, the fridge is full & dinner is on the table every night, he doesn't give a stuff what else the money gets spent on. Might not be a stereotypical 'manly' way of living, but it sure works for us!

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the get-go, this asshole’s parents should’ve been giving him the most epic ass whoopin’ of his life for treating his wife like that. They should also realize that, if he’s like this in front of them he must be even worse in private. If my husband acted like this asshole in front of his parents, well actually his mother who’s a widow, the second he started up she would’ve been beating his ass so hard he wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month—-AND inviting me to take the switch and get a few whacks of my own in while she held him down. My mother in law really likes me, is the first to tell you she did not raise her son to act the asshole, and will immediately “fix his little red wagon” if she finds out he messed up or sees it herself. Luckily, it doesn’t have to happen, because she did a good job—-he’s a way better man than this asshole baby.

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you should always have your own money. He controls all the money so he controls her as well. That’s messed up!

ssnx01 avatar
Chich
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Turf this loser now and take him for everything. Deserves better than a life with a clown such as this.

suemyers avatar
Suzi Q
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get out. This man is not only financially abusing you, he's a spoiled brat and immature AF.

lifeartphoto avatar
TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an absolute a-hole HE is! First of all- if you can afford to put $180 shoes on your wishlist, you can absolutely afford to share your money with your family and your wife.

rhea_bhtchrya avatar
OCD Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a SAHM and totally understand your predicament. Having said that, you are NTA. He gave you the money to pamper yourself. And you chose to gift him something. He should be happy, knowing you are not currently in the position to gift him, yet you chose him over yourself. Please talk to him about it.

k-dawnbennett avatar
K-Dawn Bennett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh what a spoiled, entitled, brat baby! I'm guessing he stomped his big baby feet all the way to his room hahaha! Get a part time job if you can, work from home, make your own $$ and get the BLEEP out!

jenngermain avatar
Jennifer Germain
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

have been in a similar position, abusive in many ways, thank god for my monthly government "baby bonus" i managed to not let him know I received or my ex would have taken it. This woman needs to get out now. It will only get worse

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My spouse just gets himself his own gifts, or as a way to get what he wants..... I 'get' it for Christmas ( a t.v. for the bedroom) or snow tires for my birthday (in Sept). What ever lets him sleep at night. But when I really want something, I just get it when I need/want it. I sleep well too. I have a tiny little job for the 'fun' stuff.

enolacrayton avatar
Lilith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get you a good lawyer and divorce his spoiled ass. This is only gonna get worse and you don't want your children being traumatized by their dad's treatment of you. Alimony and child support and file for disability and state help. Do not live in this warped marriage.

sarah_bell avatar
Sarah Bell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG I couldn't even get past the first paragraph. This dude is a world class ass hat and you need to run if you can. I have a feeling that she couldn't leave even if she wanted to. He has her trapped. It shouldn't matter if she's a stay at home mom. She's doing her part by being the child care and home maker. This one really hits home for me because I'm a stay at home mom because of medical issues. I can't contribute money to the household but I have an important job to do. I work just as hard. I struggle to get through the day and get all of the chores finished, feeding the kids, bathing them, getting them to bed, and all of the other things in between. It's not my husbands money vs my money. It's our money. Everything goes to bills/cost of living expenses, first and then we can use some of what is left over for " fun money " with in reason and save the rest. Basically long as we know that we have enough money for COL expenses we can buy small things with out asking but we don't do that often because there isn't a lot left usually. There are times I feel very guilty that I can't contribute with money, that I am spending money in myself, that my medical needs are extremely expensive etc but what I do is important in its on way. I do 99 percent of the household things like dishes and laundry. I make 80 percent of the meals, I am solely responsible for the kids 75 percent of the time because of his work schedule. He still does things that are " my job " because he knows I struggle . If I could do everything, every day then I could go to work. He is still their father and I need back up and I need a break sometimes. Being the sole parent most of the time is extremely hard work and even though he works he's still their dad and they still need time to bond and he doesn't miss out on things. He understands that he shouldn't just be around for the easy and fun part of parenting. That he needs to experience the hard parts too. This woman is being treated as live in nanny and maid being paid in good, water, and shelter. She's working for basic necessities. She doesn't have a partnership she has a boss. I really really hope that she has a nest egg saved in case she decides that she's worth more. That she has a choice . That she's there because she loves him

aragorn_elessar4 avatar
Derek Clark
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to leave. Now. Borrowing money to buy hygiene products? Getting 600 dollars to buy his gift and apparently nothing for the kids? Get the hell out.

stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all the articles I've seen on here it is ALWAYS the person who says "you ruined Christmas" (or any other holiday or event) who is the a$$hole.

janicegreen avatar
Janice Green
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hard to say being that you're married and all, but he will never, ever change. Sorry...

janicegreen avatar
Janice Green
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really - been there, done worse. I was IN LOVE with a dude who, after seeing me eye a necklace before Valentine's Day, told me he couldn't afford it right then, but if I bought it myself, he would pay me back. They only had one and I really wanted it - DUMB, ME!

pascal_3 avatar
Kanuli
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just weird. My wife and I share all money that comes in. And if one doesn’t have enough we help eachother out. „Pocket money“ we also justify eachother, although we try to discuss expenses above 100 before. Then again, some stuff you just can’t help it. Like that one giant plushy from japan was 300, plus 300 shipping. Should I tell her the 300 shipping is unacceptable thus she can’t have it? Ridiculous! We both save, we both earn it. Your heart wants what your heart wants.

jasonllewellyn avatar
BigFootToo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The most expensive thing next year is child support and a divorce

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Abuse. She probably won't get a divorce since she is sick and can't work, but she effectively signed up for a lifetime of slavery, since she is only getting room and board for all the work she does. Seriously, girls take these stories as a warning: Stay independent!!! At all costs!! Get educations to find well paying jobs, go part-time if you have children but do.not.give.up.working!!

monica_felix1 avatar
monkeydog
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To everyone saying this is financial abuse: why can't this woman just get her own job? I'm tired of people rationalizing a woman's decision to be a stay at home mom who is financially dependent upon her husband. Both parents should be engaged; it should never be acceptable for one person to declare that they will just live in a way that makes them financially dependent upon the other. It is his money to spend as he likes. He decided to be an asshole with it. Obviously, this is why it is important for everyone to earn their own money: so she doesn't have to be dependent upon someone like this and can just leave if she wants.

sangfromfe avatar
Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She became disabled while they were married and worked in the beginning

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claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why you need to talk through finances and various different scenarios as what will happen if one of you gets sick BEFORE you get married.

holliemarie1995 avatar
Hollie Marie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My boyfriend can't work due to medical stuff and although he gets some government money I always buy him nice things and make sure he has what he needs.

hellcha-sz avatar
Helen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so may problems here. She's a stay at home mother, which should mean, that they should have a shared account with her having access to all the money. Stay at home mother doesn't mean she's not doing anything, this is her "job"! He gave her money only to cover his gift. What did he gave her as a gift then? They can't be tight on money if he bought expensive gifts to the rest of the family. Why did he have a longer wishlist if gaming console was the only thing he wanted? Did he really threw a tantrum in front of his children? Because this disturbs me more than the idea of his parents being there. What model is he teaching them? I know it's not that simple, but I would not stay with this guy.

marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No matter who is making the money, each person should have access to the same amount of "spending money" as the other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a POS!!! Why does she put up with it? Also, $180 is ridiculously high for a pair of freaking tennis shoes.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry him but you need to leave him. My parents were in a situation like this, my mom was near starving because my dad wouldn't give her enough money while he went off to restaurants and gambled a fortune away.. it's abuse and he sounds incredibly cruel and selfish

betsyhirons avatar
Betsy Hirons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So how does she get the $600 'gift' at a different time than the husband? don't families usually open presents together like on Christmas morning? TWO BIG THINGS WRONG besides the weird early 'gift' - #1 - Girl, you need to be managing the money or at least have access to it or you are a first class fool #2 - Dude - if you want something, you need to ask for it directly and not beat around the bush (I give my wife a gift of money so she can buy me presents - WTF is this?- isn't this what is wrong with her not having access to finances?, super weird!!!!!!)

marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see. More people raised by wolves. At least Romulus and Remo founded Rome, what did this asshole do, besides belittle his wife? My god, the thoughtlessness of some people is astronomical. And this is not "up in the clouds" sort of lack of thought, this is malignant thoughtlessness. My wife has also been sick and for a long time unable to make a living. I'd be lying if I wasn't a bit upset about it. Not at her, you cannot help getting sick, but at the situation. But behaving like this spoiled child? Don't put the f*****g sneakers on your wishlist if you don't want them, you pathetic, snotty, man-child.

joelei avatar
Joe Dad
Community Member
2 years ago

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I don’t understand why BoredPanda chose to upload this depressing and extremely toxic story. I didn’t come here to read about toxic, negative things. I find plenty of that on mainstream news sites. F**k off with this s**t, BP. The quality of your site has sharply declined.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like we have now heard from the asshole husband from this article.

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urskulesza avatar
Ula Kulesza
Community Member
2 years ago

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this must be fake, people can't be this stupid to really ask who is the asshole here and not to know to leave this s**t of a relationship

lindseyrbaumgartner avatar
LB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship for many well-documented reasons. Having no money of your own can make leaving seem especially daunting. I don’t think you are being purposefully unkind, but comments like make it harder for people to leave. There is so much shame around domestic abuse. She isn’t really asking if she is the asshole. She’s gathering emotional and mental strength to undertake a difficult and sometimes dangerous process.

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david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
2 years ago

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This situation reveals so much more. For one, she saw red flags long before she married him and she still decided to marry his abusive, controlling ass. This situation is just one of many I am sure. Of course, she is not at fault in this particular situation. She is at fault for marrying him and having kids with him in the first place.

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