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Friends ‘Disgusted’ After This Mom Tells Her Husband To Save Her Life Over The Baby’s
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Friends ‘Disgusted’ After This Mom Tells Her Husband To Save Her Life Over The Baby’s

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With continuing advances in medicine and leaps in technology, people can sometimes forget that pregnancy and giving birth can still be dangerous at times. Both for the mother and the child. There are some difficult moments in life when someone might have to choose whom to keep alive during labor. There are no easy answers. But everyone is quick to judge, whatever your choice.

A mom, who goes by the handle u/Aithana on Reddit, turned to the AITA community with a very sensitive topic that she wanted to tackle. She shared how, before she went into labor, she had asked her husband to choose her life over her baby’s if it ever came to that. Thankfully, she had a successful birth, and everyone is happy and healthy. But she still believed her choice was the right one for her.

However, the mom quickly learned that some friendships are built on sand. When the truth came out about what she’d asked from her husband back in the past, her friends immediately turned on her. Scroll down for the full story.

A small warning, dear Pandas, the story can be emotionally draining and might make some of you feel uncomfortable.

Labor and delivery nurse Holly D. answered Bored Panda’s questions about the possible risks and what medical professionals do in cases of emergency. She told us that the response of doctors and nurses depends on what the risk is and who the emergency is for.

“Always, the goal is a healthy mom and a healthy baby. If one is experiencing an intolerance to labor, expediting delivery is always the first choice. We as specialized professionals can do a handful of interventions to help the baby while the baby is still in utero, but if the baby is delivered we are able to do more focused interventions to help a baby that is in distress,” nurse Holly said.

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“The same for the pregnant patient, if pregnancy is causing severe medical complications that can cause death or severe trauma (seizures) then the goal is to deliver. This would allow to take that added stress off their body, and prevent further irreversible complications,” she told us.

Even though giving birth is safer than in the past, emergencies and accidents still happen. Sometimes, parents need to make difficult choices

Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)

One mom shared how her friends reacted after they found out what she asked of her husband in case of an emergency during labor

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Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Aithana

Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)

Labor and delivery nurse Holly told Bored Panda that gestational diabetes, which the redditor had developed, is not uncommon. “[It] can be managed/controlled by the patient. However, the patient’s lack in compliance with managing this diagnosis can cause further high-risk complications in the pregnancy for not only the mom but the baby as well,” she warned.

Holly noted that neither nor the baby is prioritized one over the other. “It’s more like if either of them develops an inability to cope with the pregnancy, and we are unable to maintain reasonable symptoms and promote a healthy pregnancy for both of them, then delivering will be prioritized,” she explained.

“These decisions are always made with the patient and their partner. Patients are also made aware in the event of an emergency what those scenarios may look like. Most always, a Neonatal team is consulting parents who are admitted for high-risk pregnancy and preterm delivery for after birth. Most times during the consultation, they give parents an idea of what the plan of care may look like for the preterm infant.”

The mom’s friends thought that she was horrible for having asked her husband to save her instead of the baby (if things would have come to that). Redditor u/Aithana stressed that she simply wanted to be prepared for all eventualities, including what would happen if she ever went into a coma.

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These aren’t things that any of us like to think about, but some would say that it is important to have a crystal clear plan for critical situations. But whether or not someone goes through with these brutally honest discussions with their partner is completely up to them. What happens in these sorts of emergencies isn’t for outsiders to judge. Let us know in the comments what you thought of the mom’s friends’ reactions, Pandas.

In the United States, the maternal mortality rate was roughly 17.4 per 100k pregnancies in 2018. This meant that, in that year, there were approximately 660 maternal deaths, according to The Commonwealth Fund.

Over half of all recorded maternal deaths in the country occurred after the day of birth. Meanwhile, given how large the country is, these rates vary a lot from state to state. Some reported a rate of lower than 15 while others had a rate of more than 30.

In the US, the maternal death rate for Hispanic women is 11.8. For white women, it is 14.7. Meanwhile, the rate is 37.1 per 100k pregnancies for black women.

Here’s what people said about the mom’s choice

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miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, what's wrong with people. Totally inappropriate to ask him to "kill" his baby, but 100 % fine asking him to "kill" his wife and mother of child no 1... *sarcasm off*. Can we stop expecting ALL mothers to be always martyers please. Also, I think that in a 50/50 case of either of them dying and no one to ask (eg father not present, mother unconscious), doctors will automatically try to save the already existing life before the unborn one.

write_nathan avatar
Hobby Hopper
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not a biologist or medical professional, so my opinion is admittedly, of limited value, but from what I've observed, nature strongly favors the life of the mother over the child, at least in mammals. I know it doesn't make things easier for anyone grieving the loss of an unborn child though.

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v_sjoberg avatar
Veronica Sjöberg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See nothing wrong with that choice. Even if you choose to be pregnant and all that it is a sacrifice in itself. I see nothing wrong with at least try your best to not get killed in the process. And BLAH for thinking "but the father may want his baby" - yes, I think both of you do but should it be at the cost of the womans life? In that way of thinking she's only used as a baby maker and nothing else.

liverpoolroze avatar
james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, that's the choice I would make too. My life is worthy too thank you very much and I already have 2 kids that need me more than they need a new sibling but left without a mum.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone revealed to her children that after she had all her children, she had an abortion because of health issues. No judgment from the kids. One of them said that she saw that abortion as something her mother had done for the sake of the children.

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hollylong321 avatar
Jj321
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always assumed the mother was first priority and generally speaking, doctors wouldn't force this decision on a loved one. That being said, I didn't put too much thought into this with my first, but with my second, and third, I always wanted my life to be first. I couldn't imagine leaving my child behind if there were a choice. I couldn't imagine leaving my husband alone to parent 2 (now 3) children. My 3rd child, was born after a cancerous molar pregnancy. And younger sibling of 2 autistic children. This solidified my feelings that my life was to come first.

franziska-eller avatar
Konpat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctors don't let you choose, the mother is always the priority. In civilized countries, that is...

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contact_213 avatar
APL
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I don't want to die" is, in fact, not an unreasonable position.

kayrose avatar
RoseTheMad
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So... whilst I don't mean to sound callous here, let me get this straight: it's not ok for a husband to "kill" his baby (who, let's be honest, hasn't had the chance to experience life) but it's totally fine for him to "kill" his wife? Who presumably, he's had many happy years with? Who he already has a child with? Who he can try again with to extend their family? I don't understand that logic. It's awful to lose a child yes, but also just as awful to lose your partner.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say that the mentality of 'save the child' stems from all the B.S. generated from the anti-abortion group whose stance is that the life of the child is paramount. I can't help but wonder how many in this conversation who are supporting her decision would pillory her if the conversation were about her contemplating abortion.

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jimpanse623 avatar
JimPanse
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most people have a 2 digit IQ and therefore are far away from being intelligent. Don't listen to some dumdum friends. I lost my wife at child birth and I wish I could have had the choice to keep my wife instead of our 3rd kid which is growing up without a mother at all and the other 2 lost their mom...

hunnreich avatar
T.Milly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I'd reconsider my friendships if I were in a similar situation.

katherineboag avatar
Katherine Boag
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I think like this too, thinking of the worst case scenarios and how the doctors might prioritise the baby and think you're an adult you'll be fine for a minute and then you're dead and your husband has to care for an infant alone while grieving: if we lose a baby we can at least support each other together

anotherlittlething avatar
Jill Pulcifer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reminds me of a story a few years ago in the news, a woman was diagnosed with cancer and told that if she didn't terminate her pregnancy and get treatment she would die. Her and her husband already had four children and she chose the baby, and she did die. All I could think of was how sad for the husband and all the children, I would never deny her right to choose, but it seemed like such a waste. All those babies missing their mom, a heartbroken dad with a new baby to take care of, its just so sad. That being said the choice was hers and she had every right to make it, just like this woman and any other woman in that position.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it the husbands choice though? Couldn't she talk to the doctor and make her wishes known before hand. Also, NTA, my husband and I are in agreement that if something happened, the choice would be to save me over the baby. We can always try again and while it is not a choice that feels good, I am not giving my life for a life that hasn't even started yet.

diem_khanhgmx_net avatar
Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Medically always safe the life of the already existing life first. There is nothing selfish at that. Animal moms will kill their own children to safe their own. The baby animal will not be able to survive without the mother, the mother will. It‘s easy as that. Luckily we live in a modern world. To 99% there will be no situation, where medicals will only be able to safe either the mom or the child.

earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having that conversation in the first place was really weird imo. I don't think a situation where the husband would have to choose even happens at all in a hospital. Doctors would just do what they think is best, unless the mother left it in writing that her husband got to decide. That being said those friends can leave their own children motherless orphans if they like, but shouldn't tell other people what to do.

davidstutzmann avatar
David Stutzmann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother of the unborn child is the person with whom the husband (and future father) has spent part of his life, the one with whom he has shared many memories, moments, the one he loves and with whom he has a past and a future. In view of the above, it is for me totally inconceivable that we can privilege and choose the life of an infant, with whom we have no memory, whom we have never seen and whom we do not know. not, for the benefit of a mother and wife, loved and cherished for years! Making the choice of the child would also mean giving birth to an infant who we know will be deprived of a mother forever, and this from birth! It is absolutely criminal and absurd. But I can already see some crying infant homicide. What about the "murder" of the mother?

nila0403 avatar
Nila Griffin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my husband the same thing. My kids need their mother more than a sibling. I don’t feel bad about it in the slightest.

tobyshad avatar
Laura Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is how forced pregnancy works. Value the unborn above all else. Women are not expendable.

georgefabio706 avatar
Trigga
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For crying out loud, they can always have another baby, what's wrong with someone choosing herself over an unborn child

jamesdansie avatar
Supernatural
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would it actually come to that? I'm not certain but I'm pretty sure the choice is taken out of the spouses hands and the Dr/ midwife would be making the decision on who is saved ?

lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is up to her, and her husband. Mostly her. NOT anyone else. This is such a personal decision.

keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not a woman, nor a parent yet, but I 100% agree with this woman. Firstly, it's literally HER life; secondly, especially with baby #2 on the way, I as a husband would not want to live this life without my wife, especially with two small children. I'd rather make the tough choice to have my partner and one child or no kids. I think the friends that find this so bad is an overreaction. Again, it's literally her choice and HER life we are talking about.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Errr..why would the husband be making that choice?? What country is this? I'm guessing, the one where women are referred to as 'hosts'? The US? A Handmaid#s Tale in the making

asteidl15 avatar
lazy panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm thinking she means the husband would have the say if something happens where she say, slips into a coma, or something like that.

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boredpanda_129 avatar
Bored Seb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not even the husband choice... it's to the mom only to chose. No one else. It's her life. Period.

abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right, but assuming the situation got so critical that either her or her baby's life was on the line, she probably wouldn't even be conscious to make that decision for herself, which is why she told the husband. That being said, a living will is always a good idea

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tammyschoch69 avatar
lolliegag69
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People expect the other kids to just grow up without their parent, wtf is wrong with you? My "brother" is actually my cousin because his mom died during childbirth. There were 3 other young children in the household when this horrible incident occurred. It destroyed their father, thereby destroying the entire foundation of the family. It's not always black and white and no one wants to die. Jesus people, stop being such judgmental assholes.

dillonbrown avatar
Dillon Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With our second we didn't find out until after that it was the hospitals policy to always prioritize the baby because they were a Catholic owned institution. We didn't have any choice in where we went because of insurance. Even though it was all over and done with and no problems came up I was pretty mad they would just make that kind of choice for you with out you having any input or choice. My wife just shrugged it off as water under the bridge though as we were done having kids and it had never come up.

marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is this even an argument? Unless you really hate your wife or something. I thought this was common sense. Especially if there is a young child already in the picture that needs his/her mother.

kristiningersoll_1 avatar
Kristin Ingersoll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kudos to this couple for having the difficult discussion ahead of time. It's the mature and responsible thing to do. A traumatized dad-to-be trying to make a choice like that with no idea what the mom wanted? Horrible! Honestly, most of the time, I think the choice is pretty clear. Life isn't Grey's Anatomy. But have these conversations! If I'm in an accident, I do NOT want to be put on machines. I want to donate my organs. My people know this. It's in writing as well.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother wouldn't give birth in a Catholic hospital, and she told her--if there's an emergency, don't take me to Saint Joe's because they will choose the baby over me. Nope. Because she lived, my uncle and mother were born. This shouldn't even be a question.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The friend is the ars*hole and dumb@ss. Plain and simple. Say the mom dies and the baby is saved. Now you have a newborn, that isn't in the best health, and a dad who's mourning his wife. Tell me, how does that work out for all involved? Illogical muppets like these are why I cannot stand listening to people talk sometimes.

saraheac avatar
YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been in the sole-support role a few times for people in labor and I always ask this question. "This is definitely not going to happen, everything will be fine. But if a medical decision comes down to choosing between you and the baby, how would you like me to answer?" I've heard both responses, and I'm absolutely militaristic when it comes to quashing the guilt I see when the answer is "choose me." No sympathy eyes or hand pats or sorrowful comfort because I can say with 100% confidence that there is *nothing* wrong with that choice.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, the doctor generally makes this decision, based on who has the best chance of survival. Second, I would tell both the doctor and my husband to choose who First, the doctor generally makes this choice, based on who has the best chance of survival and quality of life afterward. Second, I would tell both the doctor and my husband to make the decision based on that same criteria. If the baby has the better chance, choose the baby, and do his best to be the best dad he can, all by himself. If I have the better chance, choose me. We could always try again another time, or hire a surrogate—-or adopt, ffs! And hey, if neither of us has any chance, and it happens sometimes, then my husband should know I’m reconciled to, and prepared for, that possibility as well, and that he should not let it be the end of his world, but maybe just the end of a chapter of his life. Once he feels ready, he should go on and live his life, including getting married again and having a family.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA-I did the same thing when my son was born very early. I had a daughter at home and if felt that she needed a mother more than a brother. After he was born and came home (spent time in the NNICU), we decided not to have any more babies. 2 healthy was perfect. So I can understand where she's coming from.

virgilblue avatar
Virgil Blue
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people (especially in some parts of the us) REALLY dont have their priorities straight. Sure it would be a great tragedy if the baby had to die in such an emergency, but the mother is a fully developed being and the person the husband probably imagined spending his whole life with. It's not even a real choice IMHO.

damonrn avatar
Theoretical Empiricist
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if I was interested in starting a family, the promise I made my wife when we wed would hold: "You first. Over friends, over family, over children born or unborn. You first." Since I don't and won't have kids of my own, I'm relieved of awkwardly answering the "If Mommy and I were both drowning..." question.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Nobody has the right to judge the choices you make. Leaving your first child motherless would be worse. You aren't selfish for choosing to be there for your first child. I'd question the need to have such judgmental people in your life.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nope, NTA. when my son't first wife got pregnant i was very upset because she was a 'brittle diabetic'. drs had told her that is was a risk to get pregnant and carry the child to term. i remember telling my son that they should consider termination because of the risks but they decided not to. well, she lost the sight in one eye, the function of her kidneys and passed three months after the premature birth of my grandson. so, he has been raised without a mother and has had me as a surrogate mom as my son returned home afterwards so i could help out. he is now 20 yrs old.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum had difficulties with my birth, this was back in the sixties. My dad was asked by the medical team that if it came to it should they save his wife or his child. Of course he picked his wife! Surely that's a no brainer.

vegeto73 avatar
Aenor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any of those "friends" ever stopped to think of the child's perspective if you choose to sacrifice yourself for him ? Growing without a mother, and with the guilt of it. Every year would be like "Hey happy birthday ! X years ago you killed your mother, let's celebrate" (Btw I know the child didn't kill his mother but deep down he'll always think he did)

holyshiezz avatar
Stop this BS
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the dad chose his kid, the kid won't have a mom if she died but if the dad chose his wife, and the kid didn't survive, they can try for kids again lol there's no need to be disgusted over such things

giustizia avatar
Jus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course I choose my own life! My husband chose me, not the babies I could bear or not. To me it's obvious! My life first. If I want to sacrifice later in life, fine. It's awful to lose a baby but I'd rather have more babies later with the guy I love than leave him with a new born, looking for a stepmother, everyone forgetting about my existence, continuing their life. Because that's what happens, they have to live and they live. With or without me. I choose with me.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what needs to be put in equation for discussion prior to making such a big decision, but whatever it is they decide to do, it's THEIR CHOICE, and it's her body so no one has any business in making any opinion other than the family involved. I hope she finds new friends, these ones are heavily damaged LOL.

kaylaj avatar
Kayla J
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you should always obviously talk to your loved one about what could go wrong and be prepared, no Dr in their right mind is going to ask a shell shocked emotional partner who may have no medical knowledge to choose.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A hundred plus years ago, this was a real, important decision to make. A c-section that would save the baby but had an 85% mortality rate for the mother in 1865 in Great Britain. If the baby could not be delivered, the alternative was waiting until it died and then using “destructive interventions” to remove it. In many cases, both the baby and mother died. These days, it isn’t usually a factor and unless it is something like delaying cancer treatments, everything is done to save both with no need to sacrifice one for another.

ravdmunt avatar
Roald
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that the loss of a (very young) child is 'easier' to deal with than the loss of a partner and parent.

macjam47 avatar
Ally MacMann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until someone is in the same position, nobody knows how they'd react. Even then, what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for the next. I don't think anyone has the right to tell her she was wrong.

kimyeonjae avatar
Munchkin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why are the moms expected to sacrifice their own life?? i mean if you choose to that's really kind of you and i think i would do the same thing but still how dare her friends interfere the husband and wife agreed to it end of discussion

sauliusvysniauskas avatar
Saulius V
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We had same conversation before our second one birth. My wife asked to choose her if such situation will appear. I agreed with Her. We had one child already so there is better option to one child to have Mother than Two orphaned children. Everything went fine and we have 2 beautiful kids now. It would be very hard decision and I do not wish anyone to get to such situation. I know people who would choose opposite to save baby and I respect their chose. No one should judge others for such choices.

griffinx avatar
Fluffy Griffin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband said this (that he would pick me over the baby). It surprised me a bit as we were both pretty conservative at the time. After I gave birth, I was so exhausted and I remember hearing "where is all this bleeding coming from". I thought to my self "aww man, my hubby is going to be so mad when I die. But at least I can finally rest". (It really wasn't that serious)

arieenbookhunters avatar
Arieen Bookhunters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, but if mother is consious before operation, why not ask her before puting her to sleep , what doctors should do "in case"? I don't get it, why man should make this desicion in this circumstations.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is no one's business except for the husband and wife. I believe that anyone who sticks their nose where it doesn't belong, is not there in the couples' best interest. I don't care if it is family /or friend. Unless they are asked for an opinion, back off.

ivanka13-09 avatar
Ivanka van der Reest
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a difficult thing to discuss as not all people understand why you make the choices you make. Why are mothers supposed to sacrifice themselves for their child? Yes, there's a romantic notion in the idea but either way if the choice arises the husband will be grieving. Will the husband be grieving on his own with a child who may have all kinds of problems because of the problematic pregnancy (because consider that too, a problematic pregnancy might actually affect the kid!)? Or will the husband be grieving together with his wife with the opportunity to try again?

icemagicion avatar
Sasha
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never an easy decision, but this in general is why im pro choice. Life can really suck. Like really. This isnt a matter of selfishness, this is understanding that sometimes killing your own child and living with the guilt is better than giving your child a life of suffering. And abortion doesent hurt a fetus, they cant comprehend their own death, the incredible pain of that discission will be the mothers to bear. On the other hand, putting a child into the system or to be raised by an uncaring and abusive parent or to suffer mental health issues is putting that suffering on a child that never asked for any if this and has no control over their shitty lot in life. This kinda thing really isnt selfish, most of the time its a self sacrifice someone makes to prevent tragedy further down the road. She dies, she potentially hurts everyone who cares for her and loves her, including both her kids. Her kid dies, she will be the one suffering the most.

davenyc88 avatar
Dave P
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Judaism the Talmud states that if you can only save one, you save the mother, unless the mother is fully conscious and states otherwise. Life of mother comes first

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Reyn-Guo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife would never need to tell me that as I would never choose the baby over her.

abrinrvc avatar
Anita Rapp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know that 70 years ago if you gave birth in a Catholic hospital if that decision had to be made, they would always choose the infant first. I don't know how it is today.

april_lynn_tong avatar
April Tong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but I might suggest getting new friends... you don't need that kind of negativity in your life...

kathrinbextermoeller avatar
Kathrin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i would make the exact same decision. so their "friends" would rather lose their friend over an unborn baby? let alone her husband would lose his wife and love and their daughter would lose her mommy? some nice friends they are...

lilyp_orticio avatar
Lily P. Orticio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next time, be very selective of what you share with your so-called friends. That decision is between you and your husband, why do you have to tell your friends? Know what to keep private.

sharoncriscenti avatar
sharon criscenti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In nature the baby animal always is sacrificed if the life of mother and babies are endangered. Mother eats first, runs from danger even after having bonded with baby as she can reproduce and baby will die without a mother . For humans, the medical team pretty much makes all desicions based on who has the best chance to survive. Did her mother or husband tell her friends? This is so personal I can't beleive anyone other than her husband and mother had access to this info. If mom shared this info she kinda is stupid if she is suprised at the reaction of some of the people she heard from. If her husband and mom told people she has a terrible problem of trust with the 2 people she should most be able to trust.

inservioletum avatar
Nothanks L. Walk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can always make another spawn, but more importantly : MAKE OTHER FRIENDS.

gaiashakti avatar
Gaia Shakti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine that you were the baby. If you knew the truth, you would possibly feel guilty your whole life thinking you killed your mother. It's not an easy thing to get over. And what if both child and father hated themselves for sacrificing mother? No matter how you look at it, choosing mother makes far more sense than choosing baby unless you valued offspring more than a spouse you vowed to love and cherish.

brendaspagnola avatar
Brenda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 14, my mom & (step)dad made the incredibly difficult decision to abort her pregnancy. The doctor said she might make it through the pregnancy (she was 34) but she'd probably wouldn't survive the birth. Mom had 3 kids, dad had 1. And even though they desperately wanted a child together, mom said she had to put the kids she already had first. Probably the most selfless thing she could do - she put us first.

el_dee_1 avatar
El Dee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the default choice if one has to be made. She can have, hopefully, another child. But the child can't have another mother..

ruthhuijgens avatar
Gnub
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf do we still live in like..1400 BC!?? Why da f*ck should the man decide which will live? Nobody even thinks about asking the mothers opinion at all? If anything here is disgusting, it is just that.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA standard procedure is if you cannot keep both mommy and baby safe (complications don't always mean it's one over the other) you save the mother unless she has specifically requested otherwise. I would recommend that the author go to therapy though as this anxiety is clearly impacting her and while her husband would choose her I think it is upsetting to him to have to think that way when he probably was excited. And it's no picnic for her either to fear for her life so she needs someone to talk to about it. Fear of giving birth is totally normal but working through those feelings is a good idea. From experience

kylahturner avatar
Kylah Turner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her reasoning, but why did she even feel the need to tell them in the first place??? It's either shoot the mom or shoot the baby, nobody wants to do either and every answer is a messed up one, but it's a worst case scenario that we hope never comes so we dont prepare. Nobody is saying the mom has to kill herself, but no one wants a newborn baby to die either. I also think maybe the choice comes off as selfish without an explanation. Parents, regardless of sex or species, sacrifice a lot for their kids including their lives without anyone telling them to. Add that people in general want to protect babies, seeing a parent seemingly just telling their spouse to save them over their child pushes that instinctive button. Also you can't tell people your business unprompted and then get mad when they have some words about it, especially when it's a tough topic. Were they just supposed to be like, "Yaaas Queen, screw the baby"? People need to start keeping things to themselves.

oliventi avatar
Holvnn Olive Ntivuguruzwa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my husband doesn't agree with me, I would sign a letter to the hospital before going for labour

evakaraivanovapantera avatar
PanteraSilva
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, this is your life. You can have another baby, and the while pregnancy is scary. I don't plan to have kids the natural way just because I am scared and don't want to suffer for nine months and then have sleepless nights.

marschalkodora avatar
Dora Fim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t think she is the a*****e for that decision, but I think she is responsible for her and her baby’s health in this casr. When I got pregnant I tried to be the healthiest I could for the baby and myself. Getting pregnant when overweight is a risky thing, And I think it is irresponsible. Going there the second time with even more risks is what I consider selfish choice.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her and her husband are both TA's. They know full well that she could develop gestational diabetes again which could put her and the baby at risk but they're still going to go for baby number two. I wonder if they'll stop at two or if we'll see them back again in the future on another AITA post about baby number 3?

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot agree more with you. Why people keep having pregnancies when they know that they will be this dangerous to the mother or baby? If your first was that bad then you either stop or adopt.

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olivia_331 avatar
Mud spider
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When first reading this, I thought “definitely the ahole” then I read it and decided…. NTA! It’s your life and you get to make decisions. Also if I was the kid I’d much rather have a mother than a sibling and it was nice to think of her

potterheadhereagain avatar
D S
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in a spot of having a high risk pregnancy and we both were at risk for months. I spent most of my pregnancy bedridden and it was really scary troughout. I definetly wanted to live but between my life and my kid´s life the answer was and still is the same: I´d rather die than see him dead .................... Everyone around me knew I wanted my kid´s life to take precedence and I can´t imagine doing it the other way around.......... This woman and I pretty much took the ability to decide from the father/partner, didn´t we? I was so in the middle of everything and so F scared that my child would die that I couldn´t even take a step back to think about that back then.

smkelly711 avatar
Tiredofpayingforothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decisions like this are up to the individual, but I am curious to ask. What makes a mother choose one child over another? My wife and I had this same conversation during our third pregnancy. Ironically we never had the discussion with our other 2 kids, but the 3rd saw more complications, which prompted the conversation. At first my wife said save the baby. I asked what about our 2 kids and wouldbe 3rd growing up without a mother. For days we had the discussion until our oldest daughter who was 7 at the time, overheard and asked her mother why she would leave her. In that moment my wife got it, and changed her choice to save her instead of the baby. Thankfully the birth was uneventful and we have 3 healthy children and a healthy mother.

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lululemons avatar
Lulu Lemons
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't agree with the choice but I'd never give someone s**t over it. Wanting to live is normal.

juliep_2 avatar
Julie P
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel it's a private conversation and why would it be shared for judgement or judged. In such a situation there more wld such a variety of backgrounds/circumstances, etc.

adclendenning avatar
Rukkia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will not judge her and her husbands choice. It is their choice and no one else. I was honest with my husband during both my pregnancies. I let him know that if there was ever a decision he needed to choose the baby. Not because I am a martyr, but because I would never forgive myself or him if it came down to it. Others need to understand that we are all different and make choices based on that. You don't have to agree, but you need to stay out of it and not shame people for knowing themselves.

cathpoop_1 avatar
Cath poop
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really doubt the doctor would ask her or her husband so who's dying? That being said I know my husband would somehow make sure we're all going home.

alexasaltz avatar
Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a decision that should be considered in advance, especially if the pregnancy is higher risk. With my last child, I had an emergency C-section. As I was being taken to surgery, there was paperwork to sign. We had to make a choice if it came down to saving the baby or myself. I chose. Baby. They had to rush and reprint the documents. We were told that a majority of parents choose the mother, especially if there were already children in the family so they would not be without a mother. I was very surprised by that. It makes a lot of sense. However, that is not something I could live with. This baby was very much wanted (as nearly all babies are) but I already fell in love with her (yes, a daughter) and for me it was a no-brainer. My husband understood.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Umm, does anybody actually gives a spouse this choice? If I remember correctly, the mother's life is always a priority in such cases. Or it's different in the USA?

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's best a mother-to-be has that discussion with her partner. When my wife was pregnant she made clear what her preferences were. And until then it never even crossed my mind you could chose for the parents life over the kids.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did not know conversation like this even took place, I just assumed that doctors did, I don't know, all they could for both mum and child.

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blueline avatar
Blue line
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she had an extremely low chance of dying and she used "i LiKe To Be PrEpArEd FoR tHe WoRsT cIrCuMsTaNcEs" as an excuse to kill her baby. Completely on the friend's side. Plus, even if she was right, the friends have much more of a right to tell her whether her choice was wrong or right than some random strangers on the internet thirsty for drama. I mean, they've known her for years, what makes you think you know her more than them?

philblanque avatar
phil blanque
Community Member
1 year ago

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Wow! If this is a real story how weird is it to share it with the internet? This mother needs to work on her introspection and moral evaluation if she has to turn to Reddit for an evaluation of her ethics. Get some professional counseling!

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago

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There is such a thing as over sharing. That hard decision should have been kept between the people involved.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
1 year ago

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OK, stop for a second and read what she wrote again... I'm thinking that she is misrepresenting the response from her friends. I don't think her friends got mad at her for saying that she should live, I think they got mad at her for raising the issue in the first place. I might be wrong, but I'm reading their response as "Your husband is walking into the hospital all excited about the baby coming, and you went and ruined it for him by talking about you or the baby dying. Why did you put that thought in his head? Why did you ruin the moment? The chances of dying were small, why were you so negative?"

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago

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Without having read the article, it's a matter of viability ... if she's still able to have another child later on, her life is more important ... if infertility is a factor that won't allow her to have another child and this was her one shot, the child's life is more important ... I bet I can read the article and still not get where her biological status lies in terms of viability ... I can only provide the options, but nobody can provide a properly formed opinion about this ...

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago

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To add, I know adoption is always an option, but that's not what is on anybody's mind when it's time to make a decision between mother or child ...

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vanjalisac avatar
Vanja Lisac
Community Member
1 year ago

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Men need to be used by the "black widow" approach. They are basically good for nothing. Men are real losers whatever the case. THEY ALL HAVE TURNED INTO LIL BIATCHES. Good for nothin"!!

miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, what's wrong with people. Totally inappropriate to ask him to "kill" his baby, but 100 % fine asking him to "kill" his wife and mother of child no 1... *sarcasm off*. Can we stop expecting ALL mothers to be always martyers please. Also, I think that in a 50/50 case of either of them dying and no one to ask (eg father not present, mother unconscious), doctors will automatically try to save the already existing life before the unborn one.

write_nathan avatar
Hobby Hopper
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not a biologist or medical professional, so my opinion is admittedly, of limited value, but from what I've observed, nature strongly favors the life of the mother over the child, at least in mammals. I know it doesn't make things easier for anyone grieving the loss of an unborn child though.

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v_sjoberg avatar
Veronica Sjöberg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See nothing wrong with that choice. Even if you choose to be pregnant and all that it is a sacrifice in itself. I see nothing wrong with at least try your best to not get killed in the process. And BLAH for thinking "but the father may want his baby" - yes, I think both of you do but should it be at the cost of the womans life? In that way of thinking she's only used as a baby maker and nothing else.

liverpoolroze avatar
james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, that's the choice I would make too. My life is worthy too thank you very much and I already have 2 kids that need me more than they need a new sibling but left without a mum.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone revealed to her children that after she had all her children, she had an abortion because of health issues. No judgment from the kids. One of them said that she saw that abortion as something her mother had done for the sake of the children.

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hollylong321 avatar
Jj321
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always assumed the mother was first priority and generally speaking, doctors wouldn't force this decision on a loved one. That being said, I didn't put too much thought into this with my first, but with my second, and third, I always wanted my life to be first. I couldn't imagine leaving my child behind if there were a choice. I couldn't imagine leaving my husband alone to parent 2 (now 3) children. My 3rd child, was born after a cancerous molar pregnancy. And younger sibling of 2 autistic children. This solidified my feelings that my life was to come first.

franziska-eller avatar
Konpat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctors don't let you choose, the mother is always the priority. In civilized countries, that is...

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contact_213 avatar
APL
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I don't want to die" is, in fact, not an unreasonable position.

kayrose avatar
RoseTheMad
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So... whilst I don't mean to sound callous here, let me get this straight: it's not ok for a husband to "kill" his baby (who, let's be honest, hasn't had the chance to experience life) but it's totally fine for him to "kill" his wife? Who presumably, he's had many happy years with? Who he already has a child with? Who he can try again with to extend their family? I don't understand that logic. It's awful to lose a child yes, but also just as awful to lose your partner.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say that the mentality of 'save the child' stems from all the B.S. generated from the anti-abortion group whose stance is that the life of the child is paramount. I can't help but wonder how many in this conversation who are supporting her decision would pillory her if the conversation were about her contemplating abortion.

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jimpanse623 avatar
JimPanse
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most people have a 2 digit IQ and therefore are far away from being intelligent. Don't listen to some dumdum friends. I lost my wife at child birth and I wish I could have had the choice to keep my wife instead of our 3rd kid which is growing up without a mother at all and the other 2 lost their mom...

hunnreich avatar
T.Milly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I'd reconsider my friendships if I were in a similar situation.

katherineboag avatar
Katherine Boag
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA I think like this too, thinking of the worst case scenarios and how the doctors might prioritise the baby and think you're an adult you'll be fine for a minute and then you're dead and your husband has to care for an infant alone while grieving: if we lose a baby we can at least support each other together

anotherlittlething avatar
Jill Pulcifer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reminds me of a story a few years ago in the news, a woman was diagnosed with cancer and told that if she didn't terminate her pregnancy and get treatment she would die. Her and her husband already had four children and she chose the baby, and she did die. All I could think of was how sad for the husband and all the children, I would never deny her right to choose, but it seemed like such a waste. All those babies missing their mom, a heartbroken dad with a new baby to take care of, its just so sad. That being said the choice was hers and she had every right to make it, just like this woman and any other woman in that position.

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it the husbands choice though? Couldn't she talk to the doctor and make her wishes known before hand. Also, NTA, my husband and I are in agreement that if something happened, the choice would be to save me over the baby. We can always try again and while it is not a choice that feels good, I am not giving my life for a life that hasn't even started yet.

diem_khanhgmx_net avatar
Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Medically always safe the life of the already existing life first. There is nothing selfish at that. Animal moms will kill their own children to safe their own. The baby animal will not be able to survive without the mother, the mother will. It‘s easy as that. Luckily we live in a modern world. To 99% there will be no situation, where medicals will only be able to safe either the mom or the child.

earloflincoln avatar
Martha Meyer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having that conversation in the first place was really weird imo. I don't think a situation where the husband would have to choose even happens at all in a hospital. Doctors would just do what they think is best, unless the mother left it in writing that her husband got to decide. That being said those friends can leave their own children motherless orphans if they like, but shouldn't tell other people what to do.

davidstutzmann avatar
David Stutzmann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother of the unborn child is the person with whom the husband (and future father) has spent part of his life, the one with whom he has shared many memories, moments, the one he loves and with whom he has a past and a future. In view of the above, it is for me totally inconceivable that we can privilege and choose the life of an infant, with whom we have no memory, whom we have never seen and whom we do not know. not, for the benefit of a mother and wife, loved and cherished for years! Making the choice of the child would also mean giving birth to an infant who we know will be deprived of a mother forever, and this from birth! It is absolutely criminal and absurd. But I can already see some crying infant homicide. What about the "murder" of the mother?

nila0403 avatar
Nila Griffin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my husband the same thing. My kids need their mother more than a sibling. I don’t feel bad about it in the slightest.

tobyshad avatar
Laura Edwards
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is how forced pregnancy works. Value the unborn above all else. Women are not expendable.

georgefabio706 avatar
Trigga
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For crying out loud, they can always have another baby, what's wrong with someone choosing herself over an unborn child

jamesdansie avatar
Supernatural
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would it actually come to that? I'm not certain but I'm pretty sure the choice is taken out of the spouses hands and the Dr/ midwife would be making the decision on who is saved ?

lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is up to her, and her husband. Mostly her. NOT anyone else. This is such a personal decision.

keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am not a woman, nor a parent yet, but I 100% agree with this woman. Firstly, it's literally HER life; secondly, especially with baby #2 on the way, I as a husband would not want to live this life without my wife, especially with two small children. I'd rather make the tough choice to have my partner and one child or no kids. I think the friends that find this so bad is an overreaction. Again, it's literally her choice and HER life we are talking about.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Errr..why would the husband be making that choice?? What country is this? I'm guessing, the one where women are referred to as 'hosts'? The US? A Handmaid#s Tale in the making

asteidl15 avatar
lazy panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm thinking she means the husband would have the say if something happens where she say, slips into a coma, or something like that.

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boredpanda_129 avatar
Bored Seb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not even the husband choice... it's to the mom only to chose. No one else. It's her life. Period.

abbysmink avatar
abby smink
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right, but assuming the situation got so critical that either her or her baby's life was on the line, she probably wouldn't even be conscious to make that decision for herself, which is why she told the husband. That being said, a living will is always a good idea

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tammyschoch69 avatar
lolliegag69
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People expect the other kids to just grow up without their parent, wtf is wrong with you? My "brother" is actually my cousin because his mom died during childbirth. There were 3 other young children in the household when this horrible incident occurred. It destroyed their father, thereby destroying the entire foundation of the family. It's not always black and white and no one wants to die. Jesus people, stop being such judgmental assholes.

dillonbrown avatar
Dillon Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With our second we didn't find out until after that it was the hospitals policy to always prioritize the baby because they were a Catholic owned institution. We didn't have any choice in where we went because of insurance. Even though it was all over and done with and no problems came up I was pretty mad they would just make that kind of choice for you with out you having any input or choice. My wife just shrugged it off as water under the bridge though as we were done having kids and it had never come up.

marcoconti avatar
Marco Conti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is this even an argument? Unless you really hate your wife or something. I thought this was common sense. Especially if there is a young child already in the picture that needs his/her mother.

kristiningersoll_1 avatar
Kristin Ingersoll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kudos to this couple for having the difficult discussion ahead of time. It's the mature and responsible thing to do. A traumatized dad-to-be trying to make a choice like that with no idea what the mom wanted? Horrible! Honestly, most of the time, I think the choice is pretty clear. Life isn't Grey's Anatomy. But have these conversations! If I'm in an accident, I do NOT want to be put on machines. I want to donate my organs. My people know this. It's in writing as well.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother wouldn't give birth in a Catholic hospital, and she told her--if there's an emergency, don't take me to Saint Joe's because they will choose the baby over me. Nope. Because she lived, my uncle and mother were born. This shouldn't even be a question.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The friend is the ars*hole and dumb@ss. Plain and simple. Say the mom dies and the baby is saved. Now you have a newborn, that isn't in the best health, and a dad who's mourning his wife. Tell me, how does that work out for all involved? Illogical muppets like these are why I cannot stand listening to people talk sometimes.

saraheac avatar
YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been in the sole-support role a few times for people in labor and I always ask this question. "This is definitely not going to happen, everything will be fine. But if a medical decision comes down to choosing between you and the baby, how would you like me to answer?" I've heard both responses, and I'm absolutely militaristic when it comes to quashing the guilt I see when the answer is "choose me." No sympathy eyes or hand pats or sorrowful comfort because I can say with 100% confidence that there is *nothing* wrong with that choice.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, the doctor generally makes this decision, based on who has the best chance of survival. Second, I would tell both the doctor and my husband to choose who First, the doctor generally makes this choice, based on who has the best chance of survival and quality of life afterward. Second, I would tell both the doctor and my husband to make the decision based on that same criteria. If the baby has the better chance, choose the baby, and do his best to be the best dad he can, all by himself. If I have the better chance, choose me. We could always try again another time, or hire a surrogate—-or adopt, ffs! And hey, if neither of us has any chance, and it happens sometimes, then my husband should know I’m reconciled to, and prepared for, that possibility as well, and that he should not let it be the end of his world, but maybe just the end of a chapter of his life. Once he feels ready, he should go on and live his life, including getting married again and having a family.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA-I did the same thing when my son was born very early. I had a daughter at home and if felt that she needed a mother more than a brother. After he was born and came home (spent time in the NNICU), we decided not to have any more babies. 2 healthy was perfect. So I can understand where she's coming from.

virgilblue avatar
Virgil Blue
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people (especially in some parts of the us) REALLY dont have their priorities straight. Sure it would be a great tragedy if the baby had to die in such an emergency, but the mother is a fully developed being and the person the husband probably imagined spending his whole life with. It's not even a real choice IMHO.

damonrn avatar
Theoretical Empiricist
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if I was interested in starting a family, the promise I made my wife when we wed would hold: "You first. Over friends, over family, over children born or unborn. You first." Since I don't and won't have kids of my own, I'm relieved of awkwardly answering the "If Mommy and I were both drowning..." question.

stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Nobody has the right to judge the choices you make. Leaving your first child motherless would be worse. You aren't selfish for choosing to be there for your first child. I'd question the need to have such judgmental people in your life.

zanoni608 avatar
Patti Vance
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nope, NTA. when my son't first wife got pregnant i was very upset because she was a 'brittle diabetic'. drs had told her that is was a risk to get pregnant and carry the child to term. i remember telling my son that they should consider termination because of the risks but they decided not to. well, she lost the sight in one eye, the function of her kidneys and passed three months after the premature birth of my grandson. so, he has been raised without a mother and has had me as a surrogate mom as my son returned home afterwards so i could help out. he is now 20 yrs old.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum had difficulties with my birth, this was back in the sixties. My dad was asked by the medical team that if it came to it should they save his wife or his child. Of course he picked his wife! Surely that's a no brainer.

vegeto73 avatar
Aenor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any of those "friends" ever stopped to think of the child's perspective if you choose to sacrifice yourself for him ? Growing without a mother, and with the guilt of it. Every year would be like "Hey happy birthday ! X years ago you killed your mother, let's celebrate" (Btw I know the child didn't kill his mother but deep down he'll always think he did)

holyshiezz avatar
Stop this BS
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the dad chose his kid, the kid won't have a mom if she died but if the dad chose his wife, and the kid didn't survive, they can try for kids again lol there's no need to be disgusted over such things

giustizia avatar
Jus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course I choose my own life! My husband chose me, not the babies I could bear or not. To me it's obvious! My life first. If I want to sacrifice later in life, fine. It's awful to lose a baby but I'd rather have more babies later with the guy I love than leave him with a new born, looking for a stepmother, everyone forgetting about my existence, continuing their life. Because that's what happens, they have to live and they live. With or without me. I choose with me.

natalybills avatar
VogueGal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what needs to be put in equation for discussion prior to making such a big decision, but whatever it is they decide to do, it's THEIR CHOICE, and it's her body so no one has any business in making any opinion other than the family involved. I hope she finds new friends, these ones are heavily damaged LOL.

kaylaj avatar
Kayla J
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you should always obviously talk to your loved one about what could go wrong and be prepared, no Dr in their right mind is going to ask a shell shocked emotional partner who may have no medical knowledge to choose.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A hundred plus years ago, this was a real, important decision to make. A c-section that would save the baby but had an 85% mortality rate for the mother in 1865 in Great Britain. If the baby could not be delivered, the alternative was waiting until it died and then using “destructive interventions” to remove it. In many cases, both the baby and mother died. These days, it isn’t usually a factor and unless it is something like delaying cancer treatments, everything is done to save both with no need to sacrifice one for another.

ravdmunt avatar
Roald
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that the loss of a (very young) child is 'easier' to deal with than the loss of a partner and parent.

macjam47 avatar
Ally MacMann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until someone is in the same position, nobody knows how they'd react. Even then, what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for the next. I don't think anyone has the right to tell her she was wrong.

kimyeonjae avatar
Munchkin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why are the moms expected to sacrifice their own life?? i mean if you choose to that's really kind of you and i think i would do the same thing but still how dare her friends interfere the husband and wife agreed to it end of discussion

sauliusvysniauskas avatar
Saulius V
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We had same conversation before our second one birth. My wife asked to choose her if such situation will appear. I agreed with Her. We had one child already so there is better option to one child to have Mother than Two orphaned children. Everything went fine and we have 2 beautiful kids now. It would be very hard decision and I do not wish anyone to get to such situation. I know people who would choose opposite to save baby and I respect their chose. No one should judge others for such choices.

griffinx avatar
Fluffy Griffin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband said this (that he would pick me over the baby). It surprised me a bit as we were both pretty conservative at the time. After I gave birth, I was so exhausted and I remember hearing "where is all this bleeding coming from". I thought to my self "aww man, my hubby is going to be so mad when I die. But at least I can finally rest". (It really wasn't that serious)

arieenbookhunters avatar
Arieen Bookhunters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, but if mother is consious before operation, why not ask her before puting her to sleep , what doctors should do "in case"? I don't get it, why man should make this desicion in this circumstations.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is no one's business except for the husband and wife. I believe that anyone who sticks their nose where it doesn't belong, is not there in the couples' best interest. I don't care if it is family /or friend. Unless they are asked for an opinion, back off.

ivanka13-09 avatar
Ivanka van der Reest
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a difficult thing to discuss as not all people understand why you make the choices you make. Why are mothers supposed to sacrifice themselves for their child? Yes, there's a romantic notion in the idea but either way if the choice arises the husband will be grieving. Will the husband be grieving on his own with a child who may have all kinds of problems because of the problematic pregnancy (because consider that too, a problematic pregnancy might actually affect the kid!)? Or will the husband be grieving together with his wife with the opportunity to try again?

icemagicion avatar
Sasha
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never an easy decision, but this in general is why im pro choice. Life can really suck. Like really. This isnt a matter of selfishness, this is understanding that sometimes killing your own child and living with the guilt is better than giving your child a life of suffering. And abortion doesent hurt a fetus, they cant comprehend their own death, the incredible pain of that discission will be the mothers to bear. On the other hand, putting a child into the system or to be raised by an uncaring and abusive parent or to suffer mental health issues is putting that suffering on a child that never asked for any if this and has no control over their shitty lot in life. This kinda thing really isnt selfish, most of the time its a self sacrifice someone makes to prevent tragedy further down the road. She dies, she potentially hurts everyone who cares for her and loves her, including both her kids. Her kid dies, she will be the one suffering the most.

davenyc88 avatar
Dave P
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In Judaism the Talmud states that if you can only save one, you save the mother, unless the mother is fully conscious and states otherwise. Life of mother comes first

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Reyn-Guo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife would never need to tell me that as I would never choose the baby over her.

abrinrvc avatar
Anita Rapp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know that 70 years ago if you gave birth in a Catholic hospital if that decision had to be made, they would always choose the infant first. I don't know how it is today.

april_lynn_tong avatar
April Tong
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA but I might suggest getting new friends... you don't need that kind of negativity in your life...

kathrinbextermoeller avatar
Kathrin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i would make the exact same decision. so their "friends" would rather lose their friend over an unborn baby? let alone her husband would lose his wife and love and their daughter would lose her mommy? some nice friends they are...

lilyp_orticio avatar
Lily P. Orticio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next time, be very selective of what you share with your so-called friends. That decision is between you and your husband, why do you have to tell your friends? Know what to keep private.

sharoncriscenti avatar
sharon criscenti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In nature the baby animal always is sacrificed if the life of mother and babies are endangered. Mother eats first, runs from danger even after having bonded with baby as she can reproduce and baby will die without a mother . For humans, the medical team pretty much makes all desicions based on who has the best chance to survive. Did her mother or husband tell her friends? This is so personal I can't beleive anyone other than her husband and mother had access to this info. If mom shared this info she kinda is stupid if she is suprised at the reaction of some of the people she heard from. If her husband and mom told people she has a terrible problem of trust with the 2 people she should most be able to trust.

inservioletum avatar
Nothanks L. Walk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can always make another spawn, but more importantly : MAKE OTHER FRIENDS.

gaiashakti avatar
Gaia Shakti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagine that you were the baby. If you knew the truth, you would possibly feel guilty your whole life thinking you killed your mother. It's not an easy thing to get over. And what if both child and father hated themselves for sacrificing mother? No matter how you look at it, choosing mother makes far more sense than choosing baby unless you valued offspring more than a spouse you vowed to love and cherish.

brendaspagnola avatar
Brenda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 14, my mom & (step)dad made the incredibly difficult decision to abort her pregnancy. The doctor said she might make it through the pregnancy (she was 34) but she'd probably wouldn't survive the birth. Mom had 3 kids, dad had 1. And even though they desperately wanted a child together, mom said she had to put the kids she already had first. Probably the most selfless thing she could do - she put us first.

el_dee_1 avatar
El Dee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the default choice if one has to be made. She can have, hopefully, another child. But the child can't have another mother..

ruthhuijgens avatar
Gnub
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf do we still live in like..1400 BC!?? Why da f*ck should the man decide which will live? Nobody even thinks about asking the mothers opinion at all? If anything here is disgusting, it is just that.

shoshana248 avatar
Shoshana Sherrington
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA standard procedure is if you cannot keep both mommy and baby safe (complications don't always mean it's one over the other) you save the mother unless she has specifically requested otherwise. I would recommend that the author go to therapy though as this anxiety is clearly impacting her and while her husband would choose her I think it is upsetting to him to have to think that way when he probably was excited. And it's no picnic for her either to fear for her life so she needs someone to talk to about it. Fear of giving birth is totally normal but working through those feelings is a good idea. From experience

kylahturner avatar
Kylah Turner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand her reasoning, but why did she even feel the need to tell them in the first place??? It's either shoot the mom or shoot the baby, nobody wants to do either and every answer is a messed up one, but it's a worst case scenario that we hope never comes so we dont prepare. Nobody is saying the mom has to kill herself, but no one wants a newborn baby to die either. I also think maybe the choice comes off as selfish without an explanation. Parents, regardless of sex or species, sacrifice a lot for their kids including their lives without anyone telling them to. Add that people in general want to protect babies, seeing a parent seemingly just telling their spouse to save them over their child pushes that instinctive button. Also you can't tell people your business unprompted and then get mad when they have some words about it, especially when it's a tough topic. Were they just supposed to be like, "Yaaas Queen, screw the baby"? People need to start keeping things to themselves.

oliventi avatar
Holvnn Olive Ntivuguruzwa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my husband doesn't agree with me, I would sign a letter to the hospital before going for labour

evakaraivanovapantera avatar
PanteraSilva
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, this is your life. You can have another baby, and the while pregnancy is scary. I don't plan to have kids the natural way just because I am scared and don't want to suffer for nine months and then have sleepless nights.

marschalkodora avatar
Dora Fim
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t think she is the a*****e for that decision, but I think she is responsible for her and her baby’s health in this casr. When I got pregnant I tried to be the healthiest I could for the baby and myself. Getting pregnant when overweight is a risky thing, And I think it is irresponsible. Going there the second time with even more risks is what I consider selfish choice.

v_r_tayloryahoo_com avatar
v
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her and her husband are both TA's. They know full well that she could develop gestational diabetes again which could put her and the baby at risk but they're still going to go for baby number two. I wonder if they'll stop at two or if we'll see them back again in the future on another AITA post about baby number 3?

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot agree more with you. Why people keep having pregnancies when they know that they will be this dangerous to the mother or baby? If your first was that bad then you either stop or adopt.

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olivia_331 avatar
Mud spider
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When first reading this, I thought “definitely the ahole” then I read it and decided…. NTA! It’s your life and you get to make decisions. Also if I was the kid I’d much rather have a mother than a sibling and it was nice to think of her

potterheadhereagain avatar
D S
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in a spot of having a high risk pregnancy and we both were at risk for months. I spent most of my pregnancy bedridden and it was really scary troughout. I definetly wanted to live but between my life and my kid´s life the answer was and still is the same: I´d rather die than see him dead .................... Everyone around me knew I wanted my kid´s life to take precedence and I can´t imagine doing it the other way around.......... This woman and I pretty much took the ability to decide from the father/partner, didn´t we? I was so in the middle of everything and so F scared that my child would die that I couldn´t even take a step back to think about that back then.

smkelly711 avatar
Tiredofpayingforothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Decisions like this are up to the individual, but I am curious to ask. What makes a mother choose one child over another? My wife and I had this same conversation during our third pregnancy. Ironically we never had the discussion with our other 2 kids, but the 3rd saw more complications, which prompted the conversation. At first my wife said save the baby. I asked what about our 2 kids and wouldbe 3rd growing up without a mother. For days we had the discussion until our oldest daughter who was 7 at the time, overheard and asked her mother why she would leave her. In that moment my wife got it, and changed her choice to save her instead of the baby. Thankfully the birth was uneventful and we have 3 healthy children and a healthy mother.

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lululemons avatar
Lulu Lemons
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't agree with the choice but I'd never give someone s**t over it. Wanting to live is normal.

juliep_2 avatar
Julie P
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel it's a private conversation and why would it be shared for judgement or judged. In such a situation there more wld such a variety of backgrounds/circumstances, etc.

adclendenning avatar
Rukkia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will not judge her and her husbands choice. It is their choice and no one else. I was honest with my husband during both my pregnancies. I let him know that if there was ever a decision he needed to choose the baby. Not because I am a martyr, but because I would never forgive myself or him if it came down to it. Others need to understand that we are all different and make choices based on that. You don't have to agree, but you need to stay out of it and not shame people for knowing themselves.

cathpoop_1 avatar
Cath poop
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really doubt the doctor would ask her or her husband so who's dying? That being said I know my husband would somehow make sure we're all going home.

alexasaltz avatar
Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a decision that should be considered in advance, especially if the pregnancy is higher risk. With my last child, I had an emergency C-section. As I was being taken to surgery, there was paperwork to sign. We had to make a choice if it came down to saving the baby or myself. I chose. Baby. They had to rush and reprint the documents. We were told that a majority of parents choose the mother, especially if there were already children in the family so they would not be without a mother. I was very surprised by that. It makes a lot of sense. However, that is not something I could live with. This baby was very much wanted (as nearly all babies are) but I already fell in love with her (yes, a daughter) and for me it was a no-brainer. My husband understood.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Umm, does anybody actually gives a spouse this choice? If I remember correctly, the mother's life is always a priority in such cases. Or it's different in the USA?

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's best a mother-to-be has that discussion with her partner. When my wife was pregnant she made clear what her preferences were. And until then it never even crossed my mind you could chose for the parents life over the kids.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did not know conversation like this even took place, I just assumed that doctors did, I don't know, all they could for both mum and child.

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blueline avatar
Blue line
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she had an extremely low chance of dying and she used "i LiKe To Be PrEpArEd FoR tHe WoRsT cIrCuMsTaNcEs" as an excuse to kill her baby. Completely on the friend's side. Plus, even if she was right, the friends have much more of a right to tell her whether her choice was wrong or right than some random strangers on the internet thirsty for drama. I mean, they've known her for years, what makes you think you know her more than them?

philblanque avatar
phil blanque
Community Member
1 year ago

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Wow! If this is a real story how weird is it to share it with the internet? This mother needs to work on her introspection and moral evaluation if she has to turn to Reddit for an evaluation of her ethics. Get some professional counseling!

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago

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There is such a thing as over sharing. That hard decision should have been kept between the people involved.

aliquida avatar
Aliquid
Community Member
1 year ago

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OK, stop for a second and read what she wrote again... I'm thinking that she is misrepresenting the response from her friends. I don't think her friends got mad at her for saying that she should live, I think they got mad at her for raising the issue in the first place. I might be wrong, but I'm reading their response as "Your husband is walking into the hospital all excited about the baby coming, and you went and ruined it for him by talking about you or the baby dying. Why did you put that thought in his head? Why did you ruin the moment? The chances of dying were small, why were you so negative?"

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago

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Without having read the article, it's a matter of viability ... if she's still able to have another child later on, her life is more important ... if infertility is a factor that won't allow her to have another child and this was her one shot, the child's life is more important ... I bet I can read the article and still not get where her biological status lies in terms of viability ... I can only provide the options, but nobody can provide a properly formed opinion about this ...

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago

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To add, I know adoption is always an option, but that's not what is on anybody's mind when it's time to make a decision between mother or child ...

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vanjalisac avatar
Vanja Lisac
Community Member
1 year ago

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Men need to be used by the "black widow" approach. They are basically good for nothing. Men are real losers whatever the case. THEY ALL HAVE TURNED INTO LIL BIATCHES. Good for nothin"!!

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