After A Woman Complains That Men Only Buy Women Drinks To Get Their Guards Down, This Bartender Backs Her Up With Tips
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Night clubs and bars are good places to have fun and meet new people. But we all know that strangers, no matter how good of a first impression they make, can sometimes be up to no good. Sadly, this means that instead of enjoying your night, you also should be vigilant of red flags to keep yourself safe from the stranger danger. There’s a Tumblr post which can help check if the person who offered to buy you an alcoholic drink has any ulterior motives. (Facebook cover image: TrishN)
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Image credits: light_seeker
After Jennifer Dziura shared her experience with men buying her drinks, one bartender backed her up by saying that he has seen things like that happening daily.
Dziura said that, in most cases, men don’t buy bar drinks for women out of courtesy, instead they do so to make them vulnerable and get their guard down.
For those who find it hard to believe, she offered a simple social experiment. Instead of accepting an alcoholic beverage, she said that a woman should agree to something else, for instance — food or a non-alcoholic drink. If he doesn’t accept her choice well, chances are his intentions were far from just being courteous.
The bartender shared a similar experience he noticed every night at his job, from 10 to 20 times per night to be exact. To help out, he offered some tips and dating rules on what to do when accepting a drink from someone and which drinks to choose to avoid getting drunk in a stranger’s company.
Image credits: justenoughfocus
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This is a little beside the point, but anyway. One of the most important things to learn in life, and among the most important things to teach our children, is the ability to say "no", or "no, thank you" and that you have a right to make up your own mind. Women used to be brought up to do what the father said, and to some extent this still holds true, but that does not mean that we have to extend the courtesy to whatever man comes along and offers to buy a drink, regardless of intentions. If you are taught to stand up for your right to say "no" then it will be much easier to not bend for whatever type of peer pressure.
And you have to teach your sons to ACCEPT said NO!
This goes with the axiom: "Instead of teaching girls not to get raped, how about teaching boys not to rape?"
Daughter's, too. Everybody should accept "no".
thank you! just as important
I wish I could upvote this a million times.
Women get killed for saying "no" to guys. Women have no problem saying "no", but men need to learn to accept it. Too many guys have no problem accepting "no" from another guy, but get angry or just refuse to accept "no" from women.
Many women DO have problems saying no. Even in non dangerous situations. Many women have been brought up to be nice, so they try to show charm and make the other person change his/her mind instead of just saying NO. Some of my friends are always looking for far-fetched excuses for not doing things, when the simplest answer would be "because I don't want to".
Have you read the climbing stats of women raped/murdered for simply saying no to a male?!?
Saying a plain NO can be really , really hard. The thing of saying "No thank you, but I'd like (for example) chips" is a softer version. And may be easier to actually say. Think of it as saying No 101. With practice it should get easier..... I have often been scared to say No because I did not want to make a BIG man angry at me. ... and sometimes they were.
Excellent point, Magpie. When I was in college, I would always have a backup lie ready (in situations where I was feeling uncomfortable and worried that a blunt "no" wouldn't be well received)...."this is going to sound weird, but I'm allergic to alcohol." It would take rejection out of the situation for those drunk or aggressive men who don't deal well with "no". And if I knew he had seen me drinking already I'd just claim it was non-alcoholic. Bartenders were always quick to catch on and back me up. A good bartender is a girl's best friend when out at bars/nightclubs! The bar we used to frequent as young adults would have a code drink. I forget the name of it now, but if a girl ordered it it was a signal to the bartender that she needed assistance or security. So sad that women have to be aware of these things when out and about just trying to enjoy themselves. :(
Well said. Good, solid point- saying no is OK.
Actually it's not ok many times because if you don't know someone, you have no idea how they will react when you decline them. Many guys can become aggressive and unpredictable which is super dangerous for us females. On average men are physically stronger than women and it's not likely we would be able to fight them off if they did become aggressive. So essentially, better safe than sorry.
I agree. But sometimes some people really do seem kinda nice, so you wanna give them a chance for a possible friendship, but you DO NOT WANT to "let your guard down", you wanna stay careful, in case it turns out to be an a-hole. And that's when you need those tips and tricks. To say "no", without appearing rude. Sure, there's many ways, sometimes the situation will allow you to just say "no, I'm not in the mood, but thank you anyway". Or something like that.
I agree that people need to learn to say no. Occasionally you might find yourself in a tricky situation, but generally you need to make smart choices and have an exit strategy. Even if our culture evolves, there will always be some creeps.
I 100% agree with this, a society in which women say no(to something they don't want) and men can accept it is the gold standard. Everyone knows where they are and there's no misconceptions.
"No." Is a complete sentence.
It's not about peer pressure. It's about staying safe around men who get enraged when they hear the word "no". There are lots of them out there.
No is a complete sentence!!!
Man gets a woman drunk to "get licky", but then co.plain about how all his dates just lay there. Sober women ENJOY sex, dude.
Twelve points.
They also are more likely to be willing to be intimate in the first place.
26% is stil a LOT!
Those alcohol percentages are for the liquors used, not the actual drink with the mixer included.
Why not suggest, if one must have an alcoholic drink, a glass of European wine? Many French wines, including the sparkling ones are 11-12.5% alcohol. Ditto for the German wines. Also, this would be a very sophisticated drink, so if the guy is thinking the woman is a "cheap lay", he might decide she is too classy for him.
Good one
It's a lot yes, but the dosage isn't high, because it's mixed with high amounts of other stuff. Drink wine or beer, that's alcohol all the way through, drink a cocktail, that's only a small amount of alcohol and a lot of mixing stuff.
Wut? Beer and wine is not “alcohol all the way through”. Beers are about 95% water, wine at 12% alcohol is 88% water. Mixed drinks are just the same but look like a cocktail so the creeper will think she’s getting drunk but she isn’t.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
In the right glasses all drinks are the same amount of alcohol.
I get downvoted for sharing a fact haha lol
This is a little beside the point, but anyway. One of the most important things to learn in life, and among the most important things to teach our children, is the ability to say "no", or "no, thank you" and that you have a right to make up your own mind. Women used to be brought up to do what the father said, and to some extent this still holds true, but that does not mean that we have to extend the courtesy to whatever man comes along and offers to buy a drink, regardless of intentions. If you are taught to stand up for your right to say "no" then it will be much easier to not bend for whatever type of peer pressure.
And you have to teach your sons to ACCEPT said NO!
This goes with the axiom: "Instead of teaching girls not to get raped, how about teaching boys not to rape?"
Daughter's, too. Everybody should accept "no".
thank you! just as important
I wish I could upvote this a million times.
Women get killed for saying "no" to guys. Women have no problem saying "no", but men need to learn to accept it. Too many guys have no problem accepting "no" from another guy, but get angry or just refuse to accept "no" from women.
Many women DO have problems saying no. Even in non dangerous situations. Many women have been brought up to be nice, so they try to show charm and make the other person change his/her mind instead of just saying NO. Some of my friends are always looking for far-fetched excuses for not doing things, when the simplest answer would be "because I don't want to".
Have you read the climbing stats of women raped/murdered for simply saying no to a male?!?
Saying a plain NO can be really , really hard. The thing of saying "No thank you, but I'd like (for example) chips" is a softer version. And may be easier to actually say. Think of it as saying No 101. With practice it should get easier..... I have often been scared to say No because I did not want to make a BIG man angry at me. ... and sometimes they were.
Excellent point, Magpie. When I was in college, I would always have a backup lie ready (in situations where I was feeling uncomfortable and worried that a blunt "no" wouldn't be well received)...."this is going to sound weird, but I'm allergic to alcohol." It would take rejection out of the situation for those drunk or aggressive men who don't deal well with "no". And if I knew he had seen me drinking already I'd just claim it was non-alcoholic. Bartenders were always quick to catch on and back me up. A good bartender is a girl's best friend when out at bars/nightclubs! The bar we used to frequent as young adults would have a code drink. I forget the name of it now, but if a girl ordered it it was a signal to the bartender that she needed assistance or security. So sad that women have to be aware of these things when out and about just trying to enjoy themselves. :(
Well said. Good, solid point- saying no is OK.
Actually it's not ok many times because if you don't know someone, you have no idea how they will react when you decline them. Many guys can become aggressive and unpredictable which is super dangerous for us females. On average men are physically stronger than women and it's not likely we would be able to fight them off if they did become aggressive. So essentially, better safe than sorry.
I agree. But sometimes some people really do seem kinda nice, so you wanna give them a chance for a possible friendship, but you DO NOT WANT to "let your guard down", you wanna stay careful, in case it turns out to be an a-hole. And that's when you need those tips and tricks. To say "no", without appearing rude. Sure, there's many ways, sometimes the situation will allow you to just say "no, I'm not in the mood, but thank you anyway". Or something like that.
I agree that people need to learn to say no. Occasionally you might find yourself in a tricky situation, but generally you need to make smart choices and have an exit strategy. Even if our culture evolves, there will always be some creeps.
I 100% agree with this, a society in which women say no(to something they don't want) and men can accept it is the gold standard. Everyone knows where they are and there's no misconceptions.
"No." Is a complete sentence.
It's not about peer pressure. It's about staying safe around men who get enraged when they hear the word "no". There are lots of them out there.
No is a complete sentence!!!
Man gets a woman drunk to "get licky", but then co.plain about how all his dates just lay there. Sober women ENJOY sex, dude.
Twelve points.
They also are more likely to be willing to be intimate in the first place.
26% is stil a LOT!
Those alcohol percentages are for the liquors used, not the actual drink with the mixer included.
Why not suggest, if one must have an alcoholic drink, a glass of European wine? Many French wines, including the sparkling ones are 11-12.5% alcohol. Ditto for the German wines. Also, this would be a very sophisticated drink, so if the guy is thinking the woman is a "cheap lay", he might decide she is too classy for him.
Good one
It's a lot yes, but the dosage isn't high, because it's mixed with high amounts of other stuff. Drink wine or beer, that's alcohol all the way through, drink a cocktail, that's only a small amount of alcohol and a lot of mixing stuff.
Wut? Beer and wine is not “alcohol all the way through”. Beers are about 95% water, wine at 12% alcohol is 88% water. Mixed drinks are just the same but look like a cocktail so the creeper will think she’s getting drunk but she isn’t.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
In the right glasses all drinks are the same amount of alcohol.
I get downvoted for sharing a fact haha lol