We live in a colorful world, no doubt about it. With so much information bombarding us every day, it’s easy to lose track of what’s really going on around us.
And by really, I mean that we often fail to pause and reflect on the dynamics of our modern society where people celebrate an inherently positive side of the world. But what if beneath its wholesome surface lies an underlying toxicity that feeds our delusions even further?
It sounds like one of those difficult thoughts that haunt us before falling asleep. But thanks to one Redditor who recently asked a seemingly basic question “What are 'wholesome' things that are actually toxic?” we now have some truly eye-opening answers. From family vlogging to animal rescue videos that are often totally fake, these are some examples to remind us to not take everything at face value.
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Not sure if it’s on here already, but I get super uncomfortable when a video of a classroom of kids giving the kid who “can’t afford new shoes” a brand new pair as a surprise. The entire culture of filming while doing kind things for people is so exploitive and gross and sad.
The expectation to keep your family members in your life no matter what they do. Some people have families that treat them like absolute [trash], and being related to them isn't a good reason to keep them around. It's ok to cut off toxic family members.
Body positivity like Dove's "Real Beauty" campaign. The idea that all women are beautiful sounds nice on the surface, but it's a gross message to send because beauty is still at the core of it. I don't want to be told that my body is beautiful too, I want to be told that I don't have to be beautiful, that my value is not tied to how much other people enjoy looking at me.
Exactly, I don't care about whether I look 'beautiful' or not, I want it to be okay to not care if i look 'beautiful' or not
“Look at this adorable 4-year-old using a walker! So inspirational!”
“Awww, this guy asked a deaf girl to prom!”
“Watch this group of guys playing tackle football with a guy with Down syndrome!!”
“Check out this amazing blind kid walking down a street! Next level, yo!”
Proposing in front of a crowd. Puts a lot of pressure on the person being proposed to.
Corporations who spend $50 million on ads to tell you about the amazing $1 million they spent on a charity program.
Toxic positivity. Like when someone's having a really hard time and you tell them to stay positive or try to look at the bright side. [Screw] you Jenny, my grandma died.
Instagram "influencers" promoting their "amazing" healthy lifestyles but in reality mostly staged/photoshopped and exacerbating mental illness, body issues, anxiety in young people.
Touching women’s bellies when they’re pregnant. You don’t go around patting a penis to congratulate it on its successful ejaculation. Damn.
The pure existence of most modern dog breeds. Pugs, for example. We all think they’re super cute, but the truth is - they are extremely deformed and constantly suffering as a result of a century of inbreeding. A lot of people don’t know this, and it’s really sad. I’m not saying these dogs should be put down right now, just saying it would’ve been a better idea not to inbreed dogs for centuries.
Asking your child "Who's your boy/girlfriend?" any time they interact with someone of the opposite sex.
Yes! I hate it when people assume there's something going on when you're just hanging out with your friends
Badgering people to have kids. No, I’m not going to magically change my mind when I meet the right girl.
Having children was never on my agenda. It's great for people who want them. But, you really need to know yourself because it is a lifetime commitment, and you can't give them back. Besides, not everyone is fit to be a parent.
My 15 year old is gay & is pretty certain she doesn't want children. She suffers from petty severe anxiety and fully admits that raising a tiny human doesn't appeal to her at.all. Initially, I told her "You don't really know who you're going to become at 15" but more recently I've attempted to educate myself and now support her decision entirely and I'm truly envious of how well she knows herself. Her happiness & life's value are not in any way tied to her ability or desire to have a child. No person should be boxed into a life that they don't want & there's nothing "wrong" with choosing not to have/ raise children.
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Or refusing to sterilise them, like it often happens with children women (or women who don’t want more kids).
Exactly! One reason the IUD is a popular birth control method is that it's easier to get than sterilization.
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As a new parent, I definitely understand this. Don't get me wrong, I love my kid, but They. Are. Work. Some days I'm lucky enough to remember to feed myself when I get in a work flow and now I have kid that I MUST feed. Kids are fun but they are a RESPONSIBILITY. Please don't try to force people to take on responsibilities they don't want. Also, not everyone is cut out to be a parent; please think of the kids' lives, living with someone who didn't want them and/or doesn't want to take care of them. And please don't give me the bull about "just give them up for adoption"; you know how many kids are already in foster care? Don't make people bring in a new life they're not ready for, unless you're willing to take on the FULL responsibility of that life yourself.
I've never had the slightest desire to have kids or a partner. I'm now 61 and don't regret my choices in the least.
Context is important here. Some people don’t want to have children, so just respect their choice and leave them be. Others of us DID want children but couldn’t have them, and saying things like that just hurts so deeply it’s cruel. I wanted kids, but ended up only having miscarriages. Then I got too old. We can’t afford adoption, so are looking into fostering and maybe adopting from fostering. But to say things like I don’t—-or can’t, which is even more insensitive—-understand something having to do with children because I don’t have any is insulting. Knowing I wanted children means I studied pregnancy, childbirth, child development, and child psychology for years, as well as babysat as much as I could (which I stopped doing after the last miscarriage, because it’s just too painful). So I am not an idiot, I DO understand. Plus, this cruelty seems to usually come out of the mouths of people who don’t realize just how much THEY totally f****d up as parents.
I've never wanted kids and people still tell me "I'll change my mind when the time is right" or my biological clock will start ticking. I'm 40 next year, it's getting awfully close to the cut off point! I'm far too selfish to have children, I'd rather spend the money and energy on myself. Besides, if they didn't like absolutely everything I did, I'd give them up for adoption. "What do you mean you don't like 1960s german free jazz? Get out!" :-D
Yeah I've known that I haven't wanted kids since I was 15 I still hear that s**t everyday at 35. It is one of the most annoying things ever somebody can tell me. you'll change your mind, you'll change your mind.no I'm not going to change my mind.
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"You just haven't met the right person yet" is what adults say to make you feel guilty for not being in a relationship. No, Susan, I'm not going to change my entire sexuality because you think women should have children
I always wanted children, but couldn't have them. Someone asking me "When are you going to have kids?" was agony.
Reminds me of my sister during her first pregnancy and that was all she was talking about. As I didn't want kid (don't have any), I was tired of it. Then she told me that I would change my mind about not wanting kids when I'll meet the man of my life. Told her that the one who could be the man of my life will not want kids either.
Why is having children (or not) seen as some litmus test for self worth? Some women CAN'T have children, like me. Just like in the beauty post above, I hope men and women alike will stop asking this because its nosy and presumptuous! Sometimes, I tell people that I lost two babies just so they will realize (hopefully) how inappropriate and hurtful their questions are! EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND YOUR CHILDREN ON THIS! You never know what the woman has gone through. ❤
It's just bizarre how some people are so obsessed with whether other people have kids or not. And "I don't want kids" does not mean "Please tell me I'm wrong and try to convince me otherwise". It's so disrespectful and annoying. I'm not harassing parents on why they chose to have kids or telling them they will regret having their kids so why is it acceptable for them to harass us about it? Just let everyone live their life in peace.
Notice that nobody ever has any good reason to back up the statement. they just say that you have to, but they have zero reasons why. other than they have them.
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I've personally suffered this badgering. I'm 45 & never changed my mind. I only ever considered maybe flexing for the potential of having kids with one woman who was already fairly sure she didn't want kids; that was ONLY because I was driven to impulsive thinking due to a lot of stress & literally not being myself because of psych drugs (SSRI/SSNRI can kill impulse control). There's a legitimately toxic culture around reproducing. It's very similar to religion (itself deeply involved with efforts to control sex & push reproduction). The ones doing it feel conspicuous because of the ones who declared reasons NOT to. They push to make the nonconformists conform. People don't like to have their mindless actions & assumptions questioned and, by extension, want to break the will of those who didn't fall into the same trappings. "You're not better than me/special! If I felt compelled to do it, you must also! (or what does that say about meeeee???)"
My favorite one is when people say "you have to or you'll be alone, who's going to take care of you?" A nursing home lady lol. Most children don't even take care of their elders, where did that lie come from? Also that's a pretty selfish reason to have a kid if you ask me.
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I cannot tell you how many times I've been told "you'll change your mind when your older". Uh no, 15 years later and I'm still happy living with my turtle. No need for slobbery children around here XD.
Exactly. I DON'T WANT kids. No, my mind will not change. No, I am not wrong for not wanting them, and NO, it's not an obligation to reproduce.
THIS always happens when I see an old relative. "When do you get married? When will you have children dear? You're almost 30." I wish I could answer "Well I'm almost 30, don't and won't have a relationship and the only kid you'll see with me is my cat!"
Badgering people to get married. If a couple is happy, leave them alone.
This is a personal decision. People don't have to have kids when they get married.
No thank you. Kids seem hard to keep track of, I'm not sure I am responsible enough to keep them alive.
lol you're more self aware than literally half the parents out there
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Flip that also to the people that don't want to have kids that get angry at their friends that do have kids because they "don't want to hang out anymore." No one should feel that parenthood is a burden. If you don't want kids, that's your choice. But realize that people aren't going to go out and party because you want them to.
I have never once gotten mad at any of my friends for having children and they all have them. I'm 35 and I've known since I was 15 that I haven't wanted any children I have gotten it my entire life that you'll change your mind you're going to have kids. nope. But I don't get mad if other people have children, I'll even babysit. But I don't want to do it for myself 24/7
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When I met my wife I didn't want kids at all that was in 2006, we got married in 2009 and our son was born in 2014. It took many years for me to actually want a child. She was ready before I was but it wasn't an issue that was forced
sometimes it just takes finding the environment where having a kid makes sense.
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I knew I didn't want kids when I was barely double digit age. But to shut people the f**k up, all my life I either didn't talk about it, or mentioned vaguely that I wanted a girl. A lifetime of careful preparation and preventatives later, my body decided to end the debate by growing a tumor on my uterus and I needed a hysterectomy. It wasn't cancerous, thankfully, but I think it's BS that I had to either not get into the conversation, or blow a lie out my a** to avoid having to be badgered about it.
Heck, yes. I had to deal with the 'you'll change your mind when you meet the right person' bullcrap when I was younger. What happened to just respecting a person's decision? If someone doesn't want kids, that's great. If someone wants kids, that's great. And guess what? If someone doesn't want kids when they're young but then changes their mind, that's also great. But that doesn't mean you should take that example and apply it to everyone who says they don't want kids.
When you're single, "When are you going to get married?". When you get married, "When are you going to have a kid?". When you have a kid, "When are you going to give him/her a little brother/sister?" etc
i have kids. love them. but i will admit having them ia waaaaay overrated especially in American culture. they do NOT "complete your life". in fact NOT having kids is BETTER for the planet so yeah.... js
I had problems getting pregnant and people kept asking me when will we have kids...
I've never wanted children, I've always heard that "I'll change my mind" I've never changed my mind it's been 20 years since I've been saying I don't want them and I still hear the same thing. I'm 35 I'm at the point now where if I was going to have some I would do it or I already would have. I don't want to be old with a toddler nothing is going to change. i get this all the time. I just recently had a friend say "when are you going to have kids" and I was like "we are not having any as in ever" to which she responded "but you just got to, you have to" it by far the most sexist thing for someone to say to a woman. I have a lot more reasons for life than just popping out children. And I also travel often so I made the call it's either traveling or children. I prefer the traveling, it would be completely unfair to a child to jerk them around their entire life. trust me I know, I lived that. Not to mention the fact that we just straight don't want them. And if I'm being completely honest I feel like there's a lot of over breeding in the world today. There's not a lot to leave behind for kids because we're actively destroying the world and then churning people out by high numbers. That feels like more of a concern to me than whether or not every single couple is having a child. What's wrong with people?
It doesn't stop there. I have a son and now people keep asking me when the second one will come along. Uhmm
If you don't want to have kids... DON'T. Being a kid and growing up with parents that regret having you is not a good thing for anybody. At the same time, do what you can to support your friends and your family members who do have kids... you want someone to grow up and look out for you when you get old (for reasons other than just money)
And also, why would you want kids to have parents that didn't even want them? The resentment would cause a whole disaster.
You’ll save so much money. I’m pregnant and just this is my first and likely only. I worry about the cost all the time
when i met my wife she say she would never want to have kid and it was like that for many years. but one day boom. she want... we have 3 now and i have to say no for more because she didn't want to stop. ok say no now... but you must never say never... you never know how life is gonna be for you later.
I’m glad you added this one to your post sense the previous one got a whole bunch of comments by children about parents that show you the reason why not!! Yikes to have little nazi Germany snakes running around, turning on you for anything and everything. 🤦♀️ See above thread for getting sterilized ASAP!
Dads trying to be weirdly aggressive/threatening to their daughter's bfs.
Punking people with practical jokes that are fake traumatic incidents. There is absolutely nothing funny about witnessing a fake death, mortal injury or abuse and then discovering it was all an elaborate joke. It’s traumatizing.
As a former homeless person, I can't put into words how annoying the people who film themselves handing out food for a viral video with some emotional pop song overlaid on it are. It's 100% "look at me, look how cool and HELPFUL I am" while honestly not giving a real damn about the homeless. It'd be one thing if you're putting your fame and money back into funding a shelter, or true change and volunteering and charity efforts but not just dropping $20 on some McDonalds meals to drive around LA filming strangers sleeping on the street for a bit.
I have given food and money to people on the street but it never occurred to me to photograph it. So damn tacky and insulting to the person you are giving to.
Using your child for likes on social media, that's creepy I never understood why would any parent do that
Abstinence and purity promise culture. Really [screws] people up for a long time when you teach them that:
A.) sex is dirty, bad and evil
B.) their worth as a person is tied to that purity
School fundraisers.
If the government can't give schools enough funds, then everything is wrong.
Repeatedly professing your love for someone after they tell you that they aren't interested.
The idea that you can "make" someone love you back if you just keep trying is rooted in toxicity, but romanticized in countless films and TV shows.
Teachers giving up their Sick Days for some other teacher can have days off for Cancer Treatments.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." In theory, I'm supposed to be a statement of unconditional love, but in reality it's just inviting toxic behavior with no way out
Every time I see someone quoting that, l run in the opposite direction
The idea that feeling anger makes you a bad person, or that you are obligated to forgive absolutely everyone who has hurt you.
Feeling anger doesn't make you a bad person, displaying anger to people who haven't caused it does.
Any viral story about some kid selling [stuff] to pay for a relatives healthcare.
Dolphins at SeaWorld and other family centers. They are generally all in a state of extreme mental health stress and have to be given drugs to keep them calm. In addition, the profits from capturing the best looking dolphins and selling them to these places fuel an annual dolphin hunt in Japan where the vast majority are sold for animal meat. It is a brutal practice where an extremely intelligent and sentient animal group is killed without painkillers in a slaughter.
Receiving recognition for perfect attendance. My ass that you never got sick.
Supporting someone no matter what choices they make. You can love someone to the ends of the earth, that doesn’t mean they will 100% be right all of the time, no matter how much you love or admire them.
When people who are super spiritual and love love love all the time judge and ridicule you for not being in a good mood or for needing space. “You’re ruining the vibe” “this isn’t a hostile environment”- gaslighting is wrong and these people do it ALL THE TIME! I call them “the love police”.
Any kind of 'tough love'. "Other people have it worse" or "Kids should get bullied to toughen up" (Yes someone actually said this to me).
My mom was very big on tough love. She would try to nag me into submission. All it did was build up my resentment toward her. Yes, there was backtalk from my part, which infuriated her even more. I laugh about it now, but trust me, I was a frustrated teenager and young adult.
Teachers working overtime/sacrificing for their students/fundraising for anything/etc. Most news articles that hit national headlines about teachers are toxic af.
"student raises money for his former teacher found living in a car"
"principal works 2nd job to help homeless students have clean clothes and food"
Spending so much time on social media to show everyone else how wholesome your life is.
Spouses being their partners EVERYTHING. it's okay to have other friends, actually it's even healthy to have a robust social life in which you get different things out of your relationships with different people
Baby onesies that say stuff. Some are innocent...a lot are not. I'm a first time mom to a 6mo son. My child is not here to make grandma feel like a "mother without rules". And keep that "chick magnet" [nonsense] outta my face.
some people are mad at having gay charecters in shows but will put baby girls in shat like this Screenshot...b3f9ed.png 
"We're all just one big family!"
If anyone tells you this in a workplace setting, run. They're only like a family in the sense of the most toxic parts of one that exploit you.
Youtube kids channels. The ones aimed at older audiences are literally better for a child than the kids ones.
News stories like "CEO sees employee dumpster diving for food and buys them a headlamp"
or
"Kid works manual labor to pay off school lunch debt for entire class"
But they were actual headlines and they do reflect how twisted the US society has become. It's amusing for outsiders, it's very sad for people living in the US.
Note: this post originally had 53 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
Can we go one day on BP without the "let's all sneer at someone else" posts, and just look at cute animals more?
Yes i need cute and happy and less angst pls BP. Even just for a day. Fine me funnily timed photos and naughty pets and cutie patoot animals etc
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hiring woman BECAUSE you have a quota of woman, racial people, people with disability. it suck. i need people with skill... not a skin color, or genre. SKILLS!!!
did you mean to say gender instead of genre? because if so, keep it as genre. it's more fun.
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I think people don't know what "Toxic" means. It's almost the way people misuse "Literally."
agreed. it's so overused the word itself aggravates me at this point.
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This is just my opinion, but I kind of think this post is toxic. The last thing we need is a list of things that make us angry/ more pointing fingers. I just want to see something positive, like cute little animals 😅
I disagree with about half of these. I believe, if anything, it's the intention behind the action that makes it toxic. Example: growing up in New Orleans, some schools needed funding so fundraising helped kids with essentials. Also I feel this quote: "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is taken out of context. It's more having to deal with someone who is having a rough time such as perhaps losing a job and people leaving because of that.
Most of them aren't toxic. But yes why Publicize your charity? The write doesn't like it and the rest of us don't care because we have bigger things to worry about.
Downvote me to hell, I dont care, but kids that do amazing things that everyone should know how to do. Let me explain. There was an incident recently where a kid performed CPR on his sister to save her life. Which that's great. But that isnt the issue. The issue is the parents now knowing what do to. Everyone should know how to do CPR. But they didnt, which is the issue. And they also didnt see that the daughter was choking, which is worse. So the last thing was for the kid to save his sister's life. If the parents were just a little bit smarter, then there would be no story there. It's simply just a kid knowing what to do when the parents suck.
Posting a happy birthday message on social media but I have to be in all of the pictures with the birthday girl. Why can't they just be pics of the person with the birthday?
Some Youtube personality made a video about "uplifting" stories that are actually symptoms of major social ills (not unlike some if the entries on this list): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXpKvlFQxEs
title: toxic things that pretend to be wholesome ~~ content: WhY aMeRiCa SuCkS
This should be entitled. You don't feel you are offended enough...here is a list of things that will make you a hit at any party.
**The following was a rebuttal to Eslamala's highly downvoted comment which was moved to the lowest spot in this thread (so read hers B4U bash me): The kind of person who gives importance to anyone else's opinion... is normal. It's how we're conditioned and controlled from birth by our Love Bullies...and Capitalism. So belittling others for it is rude and hurtful.
For me, it's "I would die for my parent(s)" ... I doubt any parent would want to see their child sacrifice their future, especially after any sacrifices they may have already made for that child ... I don't know any parent that would put their child in that position ...
I have seen a few things that resembles hollywood actors and singers/artist.And yet,people worship them or find them cool.
yeah i would...also cause you just made this post about your problem instead of the actual post(no offence)
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Can we go one day on BP without the "let's all sneer at someone else" posts, and just look at cute animals more?
Yes i need cute and happy and less angst pls BP. Even just for a day. Fine me funnily timed photos and naughty pets and cutie patoot animals etc
Load More Replies... hiring woman BECAUSE you have a quota of woman, racial people, people with disability. it suck. i need people with skill... not a skin color, or genre. SKILLS!!!
did you mean to say gender instead of genre? because if so, keep it as genre. it's more fun.
Load More Replies... I think people don't know what "Toxic" means. It's almost the way people misuse "Literally."
agreed. it's so overused the word itself aggravates me at this point.
Load More Replies... This is just my opinion, but I kind of think this post is toxic. The last thing we need is a list of things that make us angry/ more pointing fingers. I just want to see something positive, like cute little animals 😅
I disagree with about half of these. I believe, if anything, it's the intention behind the action that makes it toxic. Example: growing up in New Orleans, some schools needed funding so fundraising helped kids with essentials. Also I feel this quote: "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" is taken out of context. It's more having to deal with someone who is having a rough time such as perhaps losing a job and people leaving because of that.
Most of them aren't toxic. But yes why Publicize your charity? The write doesn't like it and the rest of us don't care because we have bigger things to worry about.
Downvote me to hell, I dont care, but kids that do amazing things that everyone should know how to do. Let me explain. There was an incident recently where a kid performed CPR on his sister to save her life. Which that's great. But that isnt the issue. The issue is the parents now knowing what do to. Everyone should know how to do CPR. But they didnt, which is the issue. And they also didnt see that the daughter was choking, which is worse. So the last thing was for the kid to save his sister's life. If the parents were just a little bit smarter, then there would be no story there. It's simply just a kid knowing what to do when the parents suck.
Posting a happy birthday message on social media but I have to be in all of the pictures with the birthday girl. Why can't they just be pics of the person with the birthday?
Some Youtube personality made a video about "uplifting" stories that are actually symptoms of major social ills (not unlike some if the entries on this list): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXpKvlFQxEs
title: toxic things that pretend to be wholesome ~~ content: WhY aMeRiCa SuCkS
This should be entitled. You don't feel you are offended enough...here is a list of things that will make you a hit at any party.
**The following was a rebuttal to Eslamala's highly downvoted comment which was moved to the lowest spot in this thread (so read hers B4U bash me): The kind of person who gives importance to anyone else's opinion... is normal. It's how we're conditioned and controlled from birth by our Love Bullies...and Capitalism. So belittling others for it is rude and hurtful.
For me, it's "I would die for my parent(s)" ... I doubt any parent would want to see their child sacrifice their future, especially after any sacrifices they may have already made for that child ... I don't know any parent that would put their child in that position ...
I have seen a few things that resembles hollywood actors and singers/artist.And yet,people worship them or find them cool.
yeah i would...also cause you just made this post about your problem instead of the actual post(no offence)
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