Woman Blamed For “Ruining” A Wedding Because She Wore All White To A Surprise Ceremony She Had No Idea About
Weddings are supposed to be “that one day” where you’re the king or queen, but, no, someone has to go and ruin it for ya. But what if you’re the one who ruined it for yourself? And you don’t think you’re wrong?
A woman has recently turned to the internet to settle a dispute she had with a friend of hers who, unbeknownst to everyone taking part in her group vacation, was actually hosting a wedding.
And so this unsuspecting woman came with the wrong dress to the wedding. Sure, she was told which one to wear, but it didn’t work out last minute, and then drama ensued.
More Info: Reddit
At this point, you can’t expect a wedding to go flawlessly, especially if you’ve turned it into a surprise for your maid of honor
Image credits: lighttrailrail (not the actual photo)
So, Reddit user u/InfamousBake1859 turned to the Am I The A-Hole community to figure out if she was wrong to switch dresses for a special occasion she didn’t know was happening because the dress didn’t fit.
In particular, the 30-year-old and her husband were invited by her best friend to a vacation in South Padre Island, Texas. Oddly enough, the best friend asked her to wear this one particular black dress that OP had for an event. The woman agreed.
A maid of honor was asked to dress in a particular way, but when that didn’t work out, she dressed in white, but then drama ensued
Image credits: InfamousBake1859
However, when she finally got to packing, she noticed that her elegant black lace dress didn’t really fit her properly, as she had recently given birth, so she went with another, more loose-fitting dress that was white. “I figured it was close enough,” explained OP.
Well, not quite. You see, once she had arrived to the event, she understood that it was actually a surprise wedding party for around 20 guests. She wasn’t told it’d be a wedding because of an inside joke she had with the bestie. What is more, OP was supposed to be the maid of honor as well.
But dressing in white and not being the bride is a big no-no—a no-no the actual bride didn’t like
Image credits: InfamousBake1859
So, there she was, white dress and all, and her friend was none too pleased. She didn’t have any other dress and there was no time to buy a new one, so she offered to not take part in the wedding, or perhaps to just not be the maid of honor, but those turned out to not be options.
Of course, she got blamed for ruining the wedding because of the change in dresses, and despite apologizing, OP didn’t feel like it was her fault to begin with as she was not told it was going to be a wedding, so she had seen no reason to seek approval for her attire.
People in the AITA community found it hard to see any fault in OP. Not only did she not know that it was going to be a wedding party and hence that dressing in white would be off-limits, but also she was on vacation, meaning she had a very limited wardrobe, and, obviously, you can’t assume your body immediately goes back to normal after birth so as to have all your old clothes fit just like that.
But given the circumstances, the AITA community ruled that OP isn’t wrong here
Others elaborated on this, saying that if you are not told the full story of what’s going on, of course there’s going to be a chance of something going awry, so you can’t apply the same standard of dress etiquette. Besides, some don’t even get why you’d ever get upset over someone else wearing white in your wedding, especially when there’s a beautiful beach and friends around you.
All in all, it’s was an NTA (not the a-hole) from the community. The post managed to get a small handful of Reddit awards as well as nearly 12,000 upvotes on the platform.
You can check out the AITA post in full here, and take a look at all of the other AITA posts we’ve covered here. But don’t go just yet, as we’d love to hear what you think about this whole wedding situation in the comment section below!
A wedding is that place where you look your beloved in the eye and promise to love them and be with them forever. If what your MOH (or any guest) is wearing ruins your wedding then maybe you should rethink your priorities a bit
I am always amazed at how self-centered people can be. This person is NTA and perhaps should instead rethink the friendship. She offered to leave, the bride said no, but somehow also blamed her for "ruining" her wedding...
NTA. You didn't know because she didn't tell you! You offered to leave. Nothing else you could do. BFD
"Ruined" - oh please. That's an emotional choice the bride made for herself. She still got married, which is the end result she wanted, right? "Ruined" is a bit hyperbolic.
TBH, I never understood why the wedding dress has to be white and why it's such a big deal if a guest or two shows up wearing white. The fewer formalities - the higher chances your wedding will be stress-free, enjoyable and memorable for a good reason experience.
Some brides have their attendants wear white as well... Kate Middleton's sister did when she married Prince William, so if Royalty does it... (some people care about that stuff!). People do get bent out of shape about wedding things, they lose focus on the fact that it is the marriage that matters most.
Load More Replies...
This reminds me of my BIL's wedding. His horrible (now ex, surprise!) wife told me family was supposed to wear black and white even if they weren't in the wedding party and that I HAD to wear a dress. I'm not a dress person. Day of, I wore a knee length body con dress that had a white bodice and rest was black. Very little white bc it made me uncomfortable to wear white to a wedding. I even got her approval before buying. I got to the church and was happily carrying my 6mo old sister in law and bridezilla throws a fit for me to take pics. For free. First time I'd heard of it. I did and took the best pics of the day crawling around in a dress. Afterwards, SIL tells everyone I ruined her wedding by wearing white on purpose bc I hated her. Even said I purposely lost weight (didn't lose any) to make her look bad and bought expensive jewelry so she'd look poor. She was pregnant. I wasn't. So yeah, I weighed less. I'm also a foot shorter than her! Wasn't even wearing jewelry. Glad she's gone
I am really over all this wedding drama. Brides, rules, expectations and outrageous costs are an indication of how we prioritize our lives. Marriage is about two people..maybe some family and friends and everything else is just a side show.
nah i feel like she had no idea and she even offered to leave and the friend had no idea she was gonna wear white but i think op was way less of an ah
She really lined up those YTA's with that opener! Then knocked them all down with the events. For the record, I personally don't think it should matter what anyone wears at a wedding anyway, it's not the point of the event. Besides, the whole wearing white thing dates back to mindset that doesn't really belong in modern society.
If you mean white = virginal that meaning got added after white became the colour of choice. White dresses started when Queen Victoria made it trendy. Before that brides wore colours.
Load More Replies... I've never understood this 'don't wear white to a wedding' rubbish. White is a lovely spring/summer tone and I really like wearing it. Of course I would never wear a full on white lace/tulle dress, but I have worn a fitted white suit to a wedding before and the bride didn't bat an eyelid, nor would If it were my own wedding. I've actually been to a wedding where one of the cousins wore a full on bridesmaid dress (she wasn't a bridesmaid) but she did it because she had wanted to be, so that looked more out of place/awkward than anyone wearing something white. Also, if this silly 'friend' cares more about someone's outfit ruining her wedding day, then she's in it for the wrong reasons!
With any number of things that could occur, broken zipper, for instance, the gal riffed to another choice that she brought, maybe less than formal. Some people would then 'roll with it'. My son & wife had 14" of snow on their wedding day, (in April)there was MANY compromises made. Priorities rule, not some other nonsense. Heard about a wedding where the floor of the church collapsed, (thankfully , just minor injuries) the bride's money was stolen, so had to hit the ATM so the band could be paid. She just rolled with it, that's grace.
Bridezilla needs to take a good look in the mirror before playing the blame game. It's all on the bride's back. She owes her BF an apology. I think BF needs to re-think if this Bridezilla is worth her time.
It makes no sense for her to get upset with you when SHE sprang a surprise wedding on YOU. I was a member of a surprise wedding a few years back, we thought we were going to a baby shower and after everyone showed up they got married and then we had the baby shower. It was, "A wedding? Oh okay, these silly kids." Some folks came from work. We weren't a spiffy bunch but they didn't care what we draped our bodies with, they just wanted us there.
I will never understand the not wearing white to someone's wedding or not proposing to someone at another person's wedding or announcing a new baby or anything like this. As long as my guests came with clothes and shoes on and weren't drunk or trying to fight I didn't care. We had a big garden wedding and if someone would have proposed during our vows we probably both would have cried from happiness then once everything settled down we would have continued. And what better place than to propose if the people you love are there. And who wouldn't be excited about a baby announcement. As for wearing white I personally didn't need to be the center of everyone's attention through the entire event. In fact after the ceremony I don't care what the guests do. I don't care about the unwritten obligatory situations surrounding a wedding and reception. I married the man I love and that was all that mattered.
And there was noone able to give you a shawl or a jacket to cover up?? No pashmina to be bought in a touristy store?? Definitely NTA, but everybody there was certainly an idiot..
If your wedding is ruined by anything someone wears then your wedding is primed to be ruined. It is meaningless.
If you want your friends to know to pack an extra outfit on a getaway with a potential wedding give them a heads up that there will be a wedding or all bets are off especially if they recently had a baby and what you suggest they wear doesn't fit . Just to get married you do not particularly have to wear white anyway some people do not look good in solid white and need a contrast in color when wearing white. Everyone knows who the bride is since she has a veil of some kind anyway so most people will be able to figure out who the bride is and not just anyone randomly in white if any gets mistaken for the bride.
If the color of the MOH's dress "ruins" the happy couple's wedding, that's not OP's problem. If that's how Bride behaves over something so inconsequential, Groom's gonna be in for a helluva ride...
The only other option I wonder if they had time, would maybe have been to run to the local Walgreens and grab some Rite and dye the dress she wore another color. But again, they may not of had time for that. Seeing as how she even offered not to attend the wedding, the bride cannot blame her. Maybe she could have switched dresses with another guest since she was MOH, then at least she wouldn't be next to the bride also in white? I think she offered everything she could have. The bride should have let her in on the surprise and then this whole thing would have been avoided. I'd never let my MOH show up not knowing. In this case, the bride is the a*****e IMO.
What is it with no one else wears white to American weddings? When William and Kate got married, the whole bridal party wore white; no one got their panties in a bunch - and the MoH her sister, got all the attention because of how she wore that dress! I wore a simple white sheath dress to a relative's wedding once; no one complained.
I just got married myself and the only thing I asked is that everyone be happy and enjoy the day. It doesn't matter what you wear what matters is the love ones that is there to celebrate. You do a surprise wedding be prepared for people to show up in clothing you didn't expect them to wear. If she was truly her friend, a good enough friend to make a MOH then what she wore wouldn't have matter. She would have been happy that she could have just made it especially after just giving birth. Getting a babysitter and going away on a trip is hard in itself. She needs to grow up and realize what is important.
If something this petty "ruined the wedding " their marriage has no hope of lasting! LAUGH ABOUT IT and move on! Take funny pictures that you will treasure! Learn from this that people are more important than events. Take responsibility for your planning errors and learn that you can't control everything!
I never understood the"rule" about not wearing white to a wedding. You are not ever going to upstage the bride, unless you wear a wedding dress. I've worn white to semi formal weddings, because I was broke and only owned one dress. In fact I went to three, and my dress was simple, understated and mid calf length. None of the bride's were upset. Someone showed up at my wedding in a white dress. She was nervous, and I know she thought I would be upset. I also knew she didn't own a single dress, and was wearing one she had to borrow. I simply told her she looked amazing and that I was genuinely impressed that she'd worn a dress for my wedding. These brides need to get over themselves.
NTA First of all, if someone is that picky with how they want things and literally consider "the greatest day of their life" literally RUINED because someone had the wrong color dress, they might have bigger issues than the wedding. I also know that you shouldnt wear white unless youre the bride... But at the end of the day, it's just a god damn color, mate. Just saying. But aside from that, if you ARE that picky, there is something called "rehearsals", their exact purpose is to prevent mistakes and misunderstandings like this from happening. You cant spring something on someone and they cry about what they're wearing.
Princess Grace (RIP) famously wore white to the 1981 wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer. I was really surprised at her lack of protocol
I could see how she would be horrified that someone she is friends with would wear a dress that looks like something a $2 hooker would wear. Unless that's not the dress and Bored Panda is resorting to Yahoo tactics for clicks, in which case they are the a-hole....
MOH just thought it was a vacation. I would think my friend was saying to bring a particular dress because it looked great on me; I'm not going to clear my wardrobe choices with any of my friends for a vacation.
Load More Replies... A wedding is that place where you look your beloved in the eye and promise to love them and be with them forever. If what your MOH (or any guest) is wearing ruins your wedding then maybe you should rethink your priorities a bit
I am always amazed at how self-centered people can be. This person is NTA and perhaps should instead rethink the friendship. She offered to leave, the bride said no, but somehow also blamed her for "ruining" her wedding...
NTA. You didn't know because she didn't tell you! You offered to leave. Nothing else you could do. BFD
"Ruined" - oh please. That's an emotional choice the bride made for herself. She still got married, which is the end result she wanted, right? "Ruined" is a bit hyperbolic.
TBH, I never understood why the wedding dress has to be white and why it's such a big deal if a guest or two shows up wearing white. The fewer formalities - the higher chances your wedding will be stress-free, enjoyable and memorable for a good reason experience.
Some brides have their attendants wear white as well... Kate Middleton's sister did when she married Prince William, so if Royalty does it... (some people care about that stuff!). People do get bent out of shape about wedding things, they lose focus on the fact that it is the marriage that matters most.
Load More Replies... This reminds me of my BIL's wedding. His horrible (now ex, surprise!) wife told me family was supposed to wear black and white even if they weren't in the wedding party and that I HAD to wear a dress. I'm not a dress person. Day of, I wore a knee length body con dress that had a white bodice and rest was black. Very little white bc it made me uncomfortable to wear white to a wedding. I even got her approval before buying. I got to the church and was happily carrying my 6mo old sister in law and bridezilla throws a fit for me to take pics. For free. First time I'd heard of it. I did and took the best pics of the day crawling around in a dress. Afterwards, SIL tells everyone I ruined her wedding by wearing white on purpose bc I hated her. Even said I purposely lost weight (didn't lose any) to make her look bad and bought expensive jewelry so she'd look poor. She was pregnant. I wasn't. So yeah, I weighed less. I'm also a foot shorter than her! Wasn't even wearing jewelry. Glad she's gone
I am really over all this wedding drama. Brides, rules, expectations and outrageous costs are an indication of how we prioritize our lives. Marriage is about two people..maybe some family and friends and everything else is just a side show.
nah i feel like she had no idea and she even offered to leave and the friend had no idea she was gonna wear white but i think op was way less of an ah
She really lined up those YTA's with that opener! Then knocked them all down with the events. For the record, I personally don't think it should matter what anyone wears at a wedding anyway, it's not the point of the event. Besides, the whole wearing white thing dates back to mindset that doesn't really belong in modern society.
If you mean white = virginal that meaning got added after white became the colour of choice. White dresses started when Queen Victoria made it trendy. Before that brides wore colours.
Load More Replies... I've never understood this 'don't wear white to a wedding' rubbish. White is a lovely spring/summer tone and I really like wearing it. Of course I would never wear a full on white lace/tulle dress, but I have worn a fitted white suit to a wedding before and the bride didn't bat an eyelid, nor would If it were my own wedding. I've actually been to a wedding where one of the cousins wore a full on bridesmaid dress (she wasn't a bridesmaid) but she did it because she had wanted to be, so that looked more out of place/awkward than anyone wearing something white. Also, if this silly 'friend' cares more about someone's outfit ruining her wedding day, then she's in it for the wrong reasons!
With any number of things that could occur, broken zipper, for instance, the gal riffed to another choice that she brought, maybe less than formal. Some people would then 'roll with it'. My son & wife had 14" of snow on their wedding day, (in April)there was MANY compromises made. Priorities rule, not some other nonsense. Heard about a wedding where the floor of the church collapsed, (thankfully , just minor injuries) the bride's money was stolen, so had to hit the ATM so the band could be paid. She just rolled with it, that's grace.
Bridezilla needs to take a good look in the mirror before playing the blame game. It's all on the bride's back. She owes her BF an apology. I think BF needs to re-think if this Bridezilla is worth her time.
It makes no sense for her to get upset with you when SHE sprang a surprise wedding on YOU. I was a member of a surprise wedding a few years back, we thought we were going to a baby shower and after everyone showed up they got married and then we had the baby shower. It was, "A wedding? Oh okay, these silly kids." Some folks came from work. We weren't a spiffy bunch but they didn't care what we draped our bodies with, they just wanted us there.
I will never understand the not wearing white to someone's wedding or not proposing to someone at another person's wedding or announcing a new baby or anything like this. As long as my guests came with clothes and shoes on and weren't drunk or trying to fight I didn't care. We had a big garden wedding and if someone would have proposed during our vows we probably both would have cried from happiness then once everything settled down we would have continued. And what better place than to propose if the people you love are there. And who wouldn't be excited about a baby announcement. As for wearing white I personally didn't need to be the center of everyone's attention through the entire event. In fact after the ceremony I don't care what the guests do. I don't care about the unwritten obligatory situations surrounding a wedding and reception. I married the man I love and that was all that mattered.
And there was noone able to give you a shawl or a jacket to cover up?? No pashmina to be bought in a touristy store?? Definitely NTA, but everybody there was certainly an idiot..
If your wedding is ruined by anything someone wears then your wedding is primed to be ruined. It is meaningless.
If you want your friends to know to pack an extra outfit on a getaway with a potential wedding give them a heads up that there will be a wedding or all bets are off especially if they recently had a baby and what you suggest they wear doesn't fit . Just to get married you do not particularly have to wear white anyway some people do not look good in solid white and need a contrast in color when wearing white. Everyone knows who the bride is since she has a veil of some kind anyway so most people will be able to figure out who the bride is and not just anyone randomly in white if any gets mistaken for the bride.
If the color of the MOH's dress "ruins" the happy couple's wedding, that's not OP's problem. If that's how Bride behaves over something so inconsequential, Groom's gonna be in for a helluva ride...
The only other option I wonder if they had time, would maybe have been to run to the local Walgreens and grab some Rite and dye the dress she wore another color. But again, they may not of had time for that. Seeing as how she even offered not to attend the wedding, the bride cannot blame her. Maybe she could have switched dresses with another guest since she was MOH, then at least she wouldn't be next to the bride also in white? I think she offered everything she could have. The bride should have let her in on the surprise and then this whole thing would have been avoided. I'd never let my MOH show up not knowing. In this case, the bride is the a*****e IMO.
What is it with no one else wears white to American weddings? When William and Kate got married, the whole bridal party wore white; no one got their panties in a bunch - and the MoH her sister, got all the attention because of how she wore that dress! I wore a simple white sheath dress to a relative's wedding once; no one complained.
I just got married myself and the only thing I asked is that everyone be happy and enjoy the day. It doesn't matter what you wear what matters is the love ones that is there to celebrate. You do a surprise wedding be prepared for people to show up in clothing you didn't expect them to wear. If she was truly her friend, a good enough friend to make a MOH then what she wore wouldn't have matter. She would have been happy that she could have just made it especially after just giving birth. Getting a babysitter and going away on a trip is hard in itself. She needs to grow up and realize what is important.
If something this petty "ruined the wedding " their marriage has no hope of lasting! LAUGH ABOUT IT and move on! Take funny pictures that you will treasure! Learn from this that people are more important than events. Take responsibility for your planning errors and learn that you can't control everything!
I never understood the"rule" about not wearing white to a wedding. You are not ever going to upstage the bride, unless you wear a wedding dress. I've worn white to semi formal weddings, because I was broke and only owned one dress. In fact I went to three, and my dress was simple, understated and mid calf length. None of the bride's were upset. Someone showed up at my wedding in a white dress. She was nervous, and I know she thought I would be upset. I also knew she didn't own a single dress, and was wearing one she had to borrow. I simply told her she looked amazing and that I was genuinely impressed that she'd worn a dress for my wedding. These brides need to get over themselves.
NTA First of all, if someone is that picky with how they want things and literally consider "the greatest day of their life" literally RUINED because someone had the wrong color dress, they might have bigger issues than the wedding. I also know that you shouldnt wear white unless youre the bride... But at the end of the day, it's just a god damn color, mate. Just saying. But aside from that, if you ARE that picky, there is something called "rehearsals", their exact purpose is to prevent mistakes and misunderstandings like this from happening. You cant spring something on someone and they cry about what they're wearing.
Princess Grace (RIP) famously wore white to the 1981 wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer. I was really surprised at her lack of protocol
I could see how she would be horrified that someone she is friends with would wear a dress that looks like something a $2 hooker would wear. Unless that's not the dress and Bored Panda is resorting to Yahoo tactics for clicks, in which case they are the a-hole....
MOH just thought it was a vacation. I would think my friend was saying to bring a particular dress because it looked great on me; I'm not going to clear my wardrobe choices with any of my friends for a vacation.
Load More Replies...
126
46