“AITA For Not Wanting My Dad To ‘Walk’ Me Down The Aisle Because He’s In A Wheelchair?”
Dad walking his daughter down the aisle is a special moment between the two as the dad is letting go of his precious princess and giving her into the hands of a man that she herself chose. While it stems from a tradition when women were considered men’s property, now it symbolizes support and the realization that she is all grown up now.
Not every bride has a dad and even if they do, they might not have a good relationship, so she might walk alone or with someone else close to her. This one bride who calls herself brinmendo on Reddit both has a dad and has a good relationship with him, but doesn’t want him walking down the aisle because he’s in a wheelchair.
More info: Reddit
Bride-to-be started questioning whether she is being mean to her dad who uses a wheelchair by wanting her uncle to walk her down the aisle
Image credits: Aurelien Breeden (not the actual photo)
Three years before the Original Poster (OP) wrote her story, her dad got in a very bad hit-and-run accident in which he got seriously injured with a lot of broken bones. After it, he was left with paralyzed legs and had to use the wheelchair to move around.
The daughter always got along with her dad so it was really painful and uncomfortable seeing him struggle, so she started avoiding meeting him.
A few years ago, the bride’s dad got into a nasty car accident which left him paralyzed from the waist down
Image credits: brinmendo
Not only did the man struggle to adapt to the new reality they were living in, but the daughter was also uncomfortable seeing her dad in such a state
Image credits: brinmendo
In a few months, she was supposed to get married and dad attending the wedding was kind of a big deal because of the practice of walking down the aisle. She revealed that the two of them used to talk about how he would do it and that they would have the daughter and father dance at her wedding as well.
The topic was brought up once again in the family group chat as the wedding was getting nearer. This was when the OP realized her dad would have to do it sitting in his wheelchair and felt sad thinking about how the wedding could have been if the car accident hadn’t happened.
Reality hit once again when the woman realized that if her dad were to walk her down the aisle, he would need to do that in the wheelchair, which she didn’t want
Image credits: brinmendo
So the future bride texted her mom personally to say what she thought, adding that it would be also difficult to accommodate her dad from a technical perspective which caused a dramatic reaction.
Understandably, the mom was furious because the dad has already suffered enough and now he is being shunned by his own daughter. The OP was kicked out of the family chat but got contacted by her aunt who just wanted to say that the dad is devastated.
The OP told her mom that she would like her uncle to do so instead, because of the technical adjustments they would have to make for her dad’s wheelchair
Image credits: brinmendo
Besides not being able to do things you managed without a sweat before, paralysis comes with some other consequences that are no less important. The National Centers for Biotechnology Information data shows that about half of people with paralysis due to spinal cord injuries suffer from various mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
Not being invited to one’s own daughter’s wedding because of a physical condition that was inflicted by an accident out of the dad’s control must have felt like a stab in the back.
The dad heard about his daughter’s thoughts and was devastated, as the OP’s aunt described it
Image credits: brinmendo
It seems that not only the mom had some strong feelings, but people who read the story as well wanted to give the OP a piece of their minds. The messages made the OP decide to call her dad, but in the end, there was no wedding because she broke up with her boyfriend.
Although the daughter wrote that she apologized to her dad, people had the impression that she was an awful person for her treatment of her dad who didn’t do anything wrong.
In the end, the wedding didn’t take place as the OP parted ways with her boyfriend and she apologized to her dad
Image credits: brinmendo
Image credits: Andrew Davies
We would like to know if you think that there is an excuse for the bride’s actions. Would you say that the bride not feeling comfortable around her paralyzed dad is enough of a reason not to invite him? Would you agree with the redditors who said that she is the jerk in this situation and that she should be glad he is still alive? Let us know your point of view in the comments!
However, redditors thought that the daughter was being incredibly mean to her dad who was just a victim of a crime and did nothing wrong to be treated that way
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I actually see someone who is really struggling to come to terms with seeing a loved one permanently disabled and in pain. Yes, she is the a-hole and has behaved appallingly but I'm not going to write her off as a pos. She needs therapy and she needs to build bridges with her dad and accept what's happened.
The world needs to look through your glasses more often. Thank you for promoting empathy.
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Well her fiance and her parted ways and the wedding is off. Dodged a bullet mate, imagine if he had gotten sick or disabled in any way in the course of their marriage. What an awful woman. Any daughter would surely be grateful he survived his accident and was able to take her down the aisle. The wheelchair should be a blessing in that regard because it means he can do so.
A certain gentleman was a 10/10. He got married to a girl, and a few years later was injured in an accident leaving him unable to walk. His wife eventually ran away with a male nurse that was caring for him. A year and a half later he was back on his feet and his "wife" came running back. He said H*ll no!
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Wow. Her being the AH started when she avoided her dad after the accident because it made her uncomfortable. And just got worse. My dad died when I was 18. I would have given anything to have him at my wedding later, no matter how he got around.
I agree. And I get that being around a sick or seriously injured loved one is also hard on us. My dad almost died and going to see him in the hospital made me so sad and it was hard to see him so weak. I was scared that he wasn't going to come out. I get that it's uncomfortable because you lack the words to comfort someone else. I was uncomfortable ecause I didn't want to make it about me and I wanted to be strong for my parents but it was hard. This woman is uncomfortable because of the wrong reasons I feel. She maybe struggling with the changes but she is punishing her father for something when she should be celebrating his life. She cares more about the image than about him being there with her.
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I couldn't imagine this. My dad had gotten into a terrible accident before I got married. He was pushed off a bridge in a multiple car pile up. His right side was crushed. He had to have his leg amputated. He used crutches to walk me down the aisle. I was just so happy he was healthy enough to even be there w me.
Kudos to the doctor and nurses from what I expect was a long procedure. I hope your dad read the last line you wrote.
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That's just plain cruel. Poor guy. He's probably having a hard enough time coming to terms with what happened to him, and now his own daughter decides to rub it in by essentially saying she doesn't want some icky *cripple* accompanying her down the aisle. Thank goodness the wedding was called off - she doesn't sound mature enough to make that sort of commitment. I wouldn't be surprised if the boyfriend broke it off because of how she treated her father.
I'm a mom in a wheelchair. This person will grow and I hope build empathy and compassion as she does. Definitely no mature enough for marriage.
Have you noticed how so many of these AITA involve a wedding? Have anyone thought that maybe it's this dumb idiotic ceremony that drives everyone mad? Maybe you don't need a huge fancy event just to stay with a person you're already in a relationship with and maybe if friends and family are willing to give you monetary presents that you are better off putting down on a house? A business? A nice vacation or whatever else you fancy? Anything but a dumb stupid ceremony that will last one night and drive everyone mad because it "has to be perfect"?
It seems like the ceremony is more important than the actual relationship. idk why
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Wow. It sounds as if she had her wedding all planned out in her mind with perfect casting and choreography. If the aisle wasn't wide enough for both her and the wheelchair, she could have figured something out, such as one going in front with a ribbon attached and then detaching it to represent new ties. The dance could have been easily managed, too - choose the music, hold hands, sway, and smile at each other.
WHY do people send into AITA, in order to get justification for doing things?? Then whine when they get jumped? Geez people, grow the fuq up already, crowd sourcing your life decisions is really sad
So did she not only cancel the wedding but ended the relationship all because she didn't want her father to walk her down the aisle ? Cause unless the guy ended it based on her behavior, that's what it looks like. Disgusting woman. You can just see the smugness on her self deluded face as she types the posts and updates, assured she's done nothing wrong.
I think the guy ended it because of her behavior. That's what I'd do if I were him.
Load More Replies... I was going to say that she was too immature to get married. But looks like that solved itself
I can't even read this...the title alone breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine doing this to my father he would be absolutely heartbroken
I didn't have a "proper" wedding to my husband - my dad had died the year before and I couldn't stand the idea of him not being there, so instead we surprised our mums and our children with a wedding only they were invited to, they had no idea until we were in the bridal room at the registry office who were in on it. Id have given anything to have my dad there. I'd give anything to be able to visit him and just talk c**p while drinking tea like we used to. I really hope this woman learns to accept her dad as he is now as I guarantee you she will regret not being around him when he's no longer here. I hated seeing my dad in pain, but I hate not being able to see him ever again more than I can put into words.
HUGS!!! I get it. Lost Daddy in 2000. He did walk me down the aisle. But dang!!! I could've really used him around the last 10 years or so, some really rough stuff has gone on in the life of my hubby & I. I still talk to him, but it's not the same.....
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Wooooooow, my dad has debilitating spondylitis, and I could never imagine having anyone else but him walk me down the isle of I did that, I mean it’ll be the slowest walk ever but that would make for good photos 😂 win win. What a s**t daughter, and for the record my dad sucks and wasn’t a good dad, but I would still let him live the dream of being th wedding walker for his daughter.
You avoid seeing your dad because his state makes YOU uncomfortable? Damn, you'll burn in hell I hope.
When became it logical and popular to adapt your family and friends to an event You always should adapt the event to the people you want to celebrate with-because they will last- the day won't
Soft YTA - I know it can be a struggle to see loved ones in pain, and it's hard for her to see her father like that, compared to how he used to be. That said, he's still her father, and still capable of giving her away at her wedding, whether he can walk or not. I think she just needs to spend more time with her father, to come to terms that he's still the same man he was, even if he is disabled now. It may be hard for her to see him like that, but I imagine it's even harder for the father.
Def the a*s in this but at least you had enough sense and self doubt to question it. Progress.
She should have had a heart-to-heart conversation with her dad about how to handle the situation. I understand some of her feelings , but she handled it badly. Hopefully she learned something from this.
People think it’s easy to judge someone with so few details. Clearly she’s struggling with his new life and needs therapy. I can hardly understand why people choose to say cruel things when it’s clear someone is going through their own pain regarding a huge change. Yes I think she was being insensitive and this might have contributed to her breakup, but I’ll leave it at that. She has heard enough to understand she made a bad choice.
Wow. YTA. The fact that you so readily sacrificed your father`s feelings is very telling. You have much work to do on yourself before you even think of getting married. Apologize profusely to your father and get therapy. Immediately!
There are chairs that bring a person to a standing position. This boy had one, he needed to be standing in order to sing correctly. So they exist, money may be an issue, can they be rented as RV's and cars are? As someoe brought up, a dad that's present has the honor/right to do this, as her dad is gone and there is no choice.
I am so sorry for both your dad and you. It seems as though you love him very much but can t accept his misfortune. I sincerely hope you two get together and discuss life as it is now and cry together. And don t listen to the meanies on bored panda!!
Honestly, while her behavior isn't great, I'm not writing her off 100%. She needs therapy for sure, bit her mother removing her immediately from the chat makes me wonder what else is going on in the family because this could repeat behavior from OP or mom might have a temper. I'm also curious if she had specific destination in mind, like an old church with narrow aisles that could not be widened to accommodate both her her gown and the wheelchair.
I was more focused on how she 'avoids' seeing her disabled dad because it would make her uncomfortable.
Someone really posted this thinking people would be on her side...?
Yep. YTA. With any luck your hubbie runs away with your bff and her twin sister.. It won't matter to you as empathy isn't your thing.
My mom was in a wheelchair/scooter and has since passed. I'd love to have her back for even one day, no matter how much I'd have to accommodate her chair. Sometimes it's hard to appreciate what you have until it's gone. I hope this girl learns to appreciate having her dad with her soon
You don't like seeing your father in pain etc but are only thinking of yourself. How the heck do you think he feels and then you do this to him. WOW!
I didn’t even read the post yet and by reading the title alone, I just wanted to say YTA. Like, come on. Who cares if your dad is in a wheelchair! I’m sure he’s been waiting for this day to walk his baby girl down the aisle but now he can’t because you’re so selfish. He’s already dealing with a lot I’m sure, and this just tops the cake. If I were him, I wouldn’t even want to be at the wedding. Major AH.
So much YTA here. She needs to cope instead of unloading her baggage on her family.
Take it from the perspective of a disabled bride, she is DEFINITELY a disgusting a*****e. Genuinely pathetic.
Aita for getting sick and tired of having to waste time scrolling past all these aita posts?
She seems like she loves her dad, but hates seeing him in a struggling state, just as any person would. Humans are humans, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, we dont always say exactly what we mean. “He cant walk me down the isle because it would be too difficult to make accommodations for” most likely means “he cant walk me down the isle because it would be to difficult for me to watch.” Another persons pain affects everyone who loves them, and this poor girl is watching her life fall apart so fast. Her father is paralyzed, her fiancé and her split ways, and now she gets death threats from folks online. Sometimes I wish the world was better. Have a nice day :))
"my fiance and I parted ways". I'm not surprised, you seem like a genuinely terrible person.
In ONE PROFOUNDLY RESONATING-IN-YOUR-HEAD-FOREVER WORD...UGH... YES!!!! You feel NOTHING of your dad's pain. AND THEN you SHAME HIM!!! What kind of MAN would even THINK about marrying you, the wannabe Cinderella you're NOT!! Ever hear of the Wicked Witch in your fairytale days??? Well...GUESS WHAT, little missy....YOU HAVE NO CONSCIENCE. Your obsession with IMAGE OVER SUBSTANCE I hope backfires in your selfish life for a LONG TIME. Your dad must be hurt beyond words. Your mother must feel like a failure in raising a brutally unkind daughter such as you. Unfortunately, your dad will probably STILL love you. I'm GLAD your fiance left you. And hopefully your dad still has his friendship with him. TECHNICAL ISSUES? PATH TOO NARROW? WIDEN the path!!! Although sure looks like you're walkin' SOLO on THAT one!!! I think a TOTAL STRANGER on the street would have treated him better than you have. You're dad may have learned to take your meanness, but maybe stay SINGLE, girl. SAVE A LIFE!!
I'll just say this---your father COULD have very easily DIED during that accident. I would want to include him in EVERYTHING because he's still HERE!
YTA Your dad is your dad, REGARDLESS!! Would you want him to decide to use a "stand-in" for you if the roles were reversed? Love between a child & parent should honestly see past disabilities/age & other hurdles. I haven't had my dad for over 2 decades now, I would give anything to just sit & be with him. To hear his laugh, his voice & see his smile. Honestly, you nearly lost him! You should count yourself as blessed he is still around to be with you through good times & bad. See him as Dad, NOT his disability!!
Your NTA but at the same time you are the biggest AH. But only cuz you need time to adjust to your dad's new situation. No matter what tell your dad you love him and that you need to just be by yourself for awhile and get some therepy to help you come to terms to how your dad is now . My dad is a POS. And I would love to have him even acknowledge me anymore let alone walk me down the aisle my bros will do that if I ever try and date again lol. Also I wonder if you were worried about the wedding guests reactions to this or was it just your unsettled mind that decided.
Wow, this was really sad 😔 to read & it proves that it’s not where you’re from, but rather where you are AT MENTALLY!!! She grew up with a loving Father who supported her whom she got along with well & when he comes upon difficult times she TURNS ON HIM!!! There’re MANY Children who grew up with HORRIBLE PARENTS, but came out as a DIAMOND!💎 And she grew up with WONDERFUL PARENTS & turned into a HORRIBLE DAUGHTER!!! I wish her Father & Mother Peace in their hearts ♥️ & to NOT blame themselves, because they did their job!!! Smdh!!!
I don't care about traditions. I don't even like marriage or the nuclear family, let alone traditional weddings. But you were close to your dad and had always planned this. It's a dream you shared. You're upset it isn't picture perfect from your childhood dreams. He's upset that his disability is getting him competely removed from something, because of how properly you feel he can hug you. Can't side with that
Inside Voice YTA. I know the easiest thing to do is be nasty and just throw negativity at her but we're not all perfect. It's obvious her dad still loves her enough to get upset and she loves him enough to apologize. But I'd seriously get therapy so that she can understand WHY and HOW she was wrong for thinking that. I'm not suggesting this for her sake - moreso for the father, so he can have the proper, loving relationship he deserves.
It's her father. He's probably dreamed of walking her down the aisle as long as she's been alive and all she could see was an imperfection that would have marred her big day. That's someone who loves you as long as you meet their standard of normal or perfect. Conditional love is not love, it's a lie disguised as love. I see a great many people these days who would benefit far more from therapy than a wedding. I hate weddings these days because of how obscenely expensive they are, how horribly people act before, during and after them as well as how absolutely fake they feel, like you just know the bride and groom will hate each other and be divorced within two to five years.
YTA! You are very lucky to have a dad to be there with you! What difference does it make if he rolls down the aisle or if he has to dance in his chair? Your excuse that it makes YOU uncomfortable to see him that way is absurd! Would you be happier if he had died in the accident? Then you wouldn't have to worry about how the pictures will look! DEFINATELY YTA!
That was the biggest pofs low blow I've read in a long time. Bout had me in tears. She never deserved to get married n that's a horrible unloving daughter. Apologies are just words ya need to show him from ya soul if not still foul n do wtf is right. Ya broke ya dad's heart yet he's never done that to u n still ya turn on him like a spoil rotten b***h. Ya single for a reason n I see why n ya deserve to be thrown out like ya did dad treated him like trash yet who's the real trash now!? I have no filter n I'm straight tf up nor do igaf bout ya feelings bein ya didn't care bout ta dad one bit. Unbelievable n glad idk ppl like u cuz I couldn't look at ya sry a*s.
It sounds by that last update that the bf/fiance found out more about her. He probably took up for the dad, and found out she'd turn her back on him too if the same thing happened to him. Also, it sounds like the only reason she apologized to her dad was because she was alone and wasn't going to have the wedding anymore. Which is also selfish in itself. She's a horrible person, even after the "apology" because I can guarantee it wasn't genuine.
I THINK SHE IS DISGUSTING AND AM GLAD SHE SPLIT WITH FIANCE FAMILY COMES FIRST
Omg what the hell! I mean there are people like my cousin who moved up her wedding just to have her dad walk her down the isal and then there's this chick
You know I agree that she was very much in the wrong here and shouldn't exclude and avoid her dad because of an injury and disability. it sounds like she needs to work through some things, and it is hard seeing a loved one in pain. Even harder being the one in pain and losing your family because of it I bet. But I feel like it would be better if these kinds of threads on Reddit focused more on educating people of why they think they're in the wrong in a way that encourages a change in behavior or redemption instead of just writing them off entirely as a terrible person and bullying them to heck for asking advice. Everyone is still learning and changing. I realize it's the internet and you get what you ask for there but the extreme hatred for a small snapshot of someone's life is a bit much.
People look at this situation call her selfish for making someone else's pain about her and then when there are comments that say "hey she needs help too, she needs therapy and help accepting that her dad has changed." They immediately say why those comments are wrong because of how someone else handled it effectively making op's story, op's pain, about them. People view the world based on what's going on inside. Accept that and accept that someone can be wrong and need help. Not everyone who makes a mistake needs to die or lose everything important to them. And yes things happen and some people get help later than you'd think they still need help and some compassion and the empathy that everyone rages about them not having. Be better than that be kind.
I feel like an a hole even though it was during COVID about what happened with my dad. I'd give anything to just be able to talk to him again instead of how it ended in the hospital. (He had pneumonia, and his kidneys failed, he was 90 years old). Couldn't see him cause they had COVID in the nursing home. Yes I wanted to cry seeing him in pain and misery that way, but I stayed by his side in the hospital. Dad and I were super close. I know it's hard, but she needs to put those feelings aside and visit him. What she is doing is hurting him more than she understands and she's losing time that can't be taken back.
I'd like to imagine that (if this is a true story) this boyfriend decided to part ways seeing just what he can expect from his wife to be should he ever find himself confined to a wheelchair. If I lost all of my limbs and ended up looking like some kind of a creepy stump with a head, my daughter would still want me there.
I hope the boyfriend left when he realised what an a*****e he is marrying, that’s a pretty fair reason to leave!
Biggest YTA! I was extremely close to my uncle who was in a wheelchair and found a way to make him part of my wedding. I was the only niece or nephew that asked him to be part of their weddings. Yes, being reminded of what could have been is painful, but so is being cut out of special family events just because your wheelchair might be inconvenient. Maybe damn the asthetics and let your dad walk you down the aisle.
A friends dad was seriously injured & ended up in a wheelchair for a few years until the long term effects of the injury killed him before she married or had kids. I am sure she would have done anything to have him their. My dad passed 10 years ago before my brother married & not having him there was the saddest part of the wedding
Yeah, YTA. God forbid you have to widen the isle to accommodate your father's wheelchair. That just shows you're ashamed of him, and yes and ableist.
She is upset people are calling her names when I can only imagine the devastation the father feels. I was in a bad accident and while it didn't leave me in a wheelchair for life, I definitely figured out who my real friends were. I can only imagine if a family member treated me like I was a "complication" because of what YOU thought could be without any regard for what HE's actually gone through. Your fiance was right to run and she needs some therapy to figure out what her damned problem is.
Honestly, I wish I wouldn't have read this. I am literally crying. All I can think of is how much I love my dad and how he's my hero. And I wouldn't DREAM of treating him like this, not in a million years. How COULD SHE? How? I would have been the proudest woman in the entire world to have my dad escort me down the aisle, THE WHEELCHAIR WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN VISIBLE TO ME. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a big wedding, I got married at the courthouse. But my dad was RIGHT THERE. I wouldn't have been able to marry that man unless my dad was there! I wouldn't be a woman I am today if it wasn't for that man. And I'm sitting here thinking about that now because of her. I'm deeply touched by this because of how highly I think of my own dad, this broke my heart. It really did. Her ex-fiance dodged a huge bullet. And I believe he broke up with HER not the other way around, I really do. If I was a man, ain't no way I would marry a woman like that. Ain't no way.
This woman sounds like a narcissist. Why would she even ask if she was the a**hole if everything wasn't about her? I understand not wanting to see someone suffer, but the depression and anxiety I've seen other people suffer after major illnesses, surgeries, and accidents is no joke. My father was dying from pancreatic cancer when he travelled across country to see me receive my PhD was the most important part of a ceremony I wouldn't normally participate in was one of the best and most memorable experiences I've ever had with him. He was so happy that for a while we all forgot that he wasn't long for this earth. And, he never complained despite having to trudge around all over NYC in the heat with my crazy mother. Her fiance definitely dodged a bullet.
oh, i have to weigh in on this! as someone who has to use a chair sometimes i most definitely feel she is the a-hole! and, when i say that i mean an a-hole on many levels. so it hurts her to see him since his accident? she is more concerned for her feelings than his; hence, can't really see them being as close as she claims. when my son got married they wanted the parent(s) to address the guests during the ceremony. i was so stressed that i was going to embarrass them by falling down the steps i had to climb but her brother who i didn't know quietly got up when i did and helped me up and down. no big to-do...just a little adjustment in the optics. as for dancing, yes, i dance in my chair. again, no big to-do. she could place her hand on his shoulder as he wheeled beside her and, unless her dress is too damn tight, bend over to give him the traditional father/daughter kiss as he "hands" her over to her groom. geez! can't believe someone would make this an issue.
Sad that she is so cold and unfeeling. Her family should disown her, see how she likes it. Maybe then she will know how she made dad feel.
My husband suffered a serious brain injury, had 3 major surgeries, before our son's wedding. My soon to be daughter-in-law wanted my husband to be there, whether he was bald, had stitches, staples or a helmet, however he was comfortable. My son suggested a fedora, if dad liked. At the time I trimmed his hair, brought his pain pills for the headache, my son found an awesome walking stick, and we were away from the speakers and noise at the reception. And had an easy escape as needed, to a quiet area, as needed. People came over to say "hello" and it went really well. Understanding the accommodations needed, as well as consulting the "injuried" party on what they would like, makes a huge difference!
As someone who is now a wheelchair user after horrible illness this makes me so cross. I totally understand that she is struggling coming to terms with his accident and subsequent disability, but she has shown herself to be selfish beyond belief by her actions. She doesn't seem to have considered her fathers feelings, both in terms with the pain and struggles he now faces every single day, or in her choosing to replace him because that's easier for her to cope with. I have seen my own family and friends struggle with my illness and disability; some have coped better than others, but it's me that's had to go through the treatment, surgeries, recoveries and all the pain and emotional trauma it causes. I have to grieve for me own life as it was,. I'll add I have an amazing partner who is my rock and who deals with it all without issue. I'm so lucky
She should be happy that he is at least able to use a wheel chair to take her down the isle. She said he broke almost every bone in his body so she should be grateful that he is alive. It's really awful that she feels that way. I feel so bad for her dad. He must have been devastated when he found out.
I can see why he opted out. I’d have a problem getting committed to a person who I knew for a fact would be gone the instant I had an accident or got sick. It’s also a bit unsettling to be aware that the potential spouse would instantly make anything that happened to me about them. As proven by this sorry mess. Oh, you poor thing, your father has to live with a massive disability? Well isn’t that just inconsiderate of him.
can't believe this was ever posted by her... is she kidding to even ask the question of wether or not her dad should walk her down the aisle even though he is in a wheelchair. i gotta wonder if this is some sort of catfishing play to get a bunch of attention her Reddipshit account
What a colossal b*Tch. I'm glad the bf saw her true colours and ran the hell away! She doesn't deserve happiness.
I may sound harsh but I'm pissed off reading this! Can't believe what I'm reading.
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normally these AITA sound a lot like tales of people desperately seeking approval for non controversial situations. finally, something that sounds more A-ish than the rest
yes absolutely, equivocally, by any reasonable measure at all, you are most certainly the A-hole.
Yes, AITA. That being said, its a moot point for this issue because of the break-up. I think you need to spend a lot of time refecting on how you treated your father during this time and see if you cant come up with a lot of self improvement.
so not only did she hurt her dads feelings it was for nothing because she ended up not getting married so destroyed her relationship with him for no reason
My lord, If my dad.. the man who raised me, put up with all my adolescent c**p, loved me no matter what horrendous mistake I'd made had been rendered paralyzed after a car accident I would 100% be cherishing the fact that he COULD partake of my happiest day. As it is, he officiated at my wedding as Darth Vader (His idea!) Heck, I (who will not dance in public) grabbed my nieces wheelchair and danced with her in the street at Disneyland.. We both laughed so hard it's a memory I'll keep with me for always!
Wow. She's definitely the AH but some of those comments were rough... Also wonder what caused the split between the boyfriend and her
OMG. What a monstrous a*****e she is. She 'avoids' her dad because she feels unwanted empathy? Honey, you're a true-blue monster.
I actually see someone who is really struggling to come to terms with seeing a loved one permanently disabled and in pain. Yes, she is the a-hole and has behaved appallingly but I'm not going to write her off as a pos. She needs therapy and she needs to build bridges with her dad and accept what's happened.
The world needs to look through your glasses more often. Thank you for promoting empathy.
Load More Replies... Well her fiance and her parted ways and the wedding is off. Dodged a bullet mate, imagine if he had gotten sick or disabled in any way in the course of their marriage. What an awful woman. Any daughter would surely be grateful he survived his accident and was able to take her down the aisle. The wheelchair should be a blessing in that regard because it means he can do so.
A certain gentleman was a 10/10. He got married to a girl, and a few years later was injured in an accident leaving him unable to walk. His wife eventually ran away with a male nurse that was caring for him. A year and a half later he was back on his feet and his "wife" came running back. He said H*ll no!
Load More Replies... Wow. Her being the AH started when she avoided her dad after the accident because it made her uncomfortable. And just got worse. My dad died when I was 18. I would have given anything to have him at my wedding later, no matter how he got around.
I agree. And I get that being around a sick or seriously injured loved one is also hard on us. My dad almost died and going to see him in the hospital made me so sad and it was hard to see him so weak. I was scared that he wasn't going to come out. I get that it's uncomfortable because you lack the words to comfort someone else. I was uncomfortable ecause I didn't want to make it about me and I wanted to be strong for my parents but it was hard. This woman is uncomfortable because of the wrong reasons I feel. She maybe struggling with the changes but she is punishing her father for something when she should be celebrating his life. She cares more about the image than about him being there with her.
Load More Replies... I couldn't imagine this. My dad had gotten into a terrible accident before I got married. He was pushed off a bridge in a multiple car pile up. His right side was crushed. He had to have his leg amputated. He used crutches to walk me down the aisle. I was just so happy he was healthy enough to even be there w me.
Kudos to the doctor and nurses from what I expect was a long procedure. I hope your dad read the last line you wrote.
Load More Replies... That's just plain cruel. Poor guy. He's probably having a hard enough time coming to terms with what happened to him, and now his own daughter decides to rub it in by essentially saying she doesn't want some icky *cripple* accompanying her down the aisle. Thank goodness the wedding was called off - she doesn't sound mature enough to make that sort of commitment. I wouldn't be surprised if the boyfriend broke it off because of how she treated her father.
I'm a mom in a wheelchair. This person will grow and I hope build empathy and compassion as she does. Definitely no mature enough for marriage.
Have you noticed how so many of these AITA involve a wedding? Have anyone thought that maybe it's this dumb idiotic ceremony that drives everyone mad? Maybe you don't need a huge fancy event just to stay with a person you're already in a relationship with and maybe if friends and family are willing to give you monetary presents that you are better off putting down on a house? A business? A nice vacation or whatever else you fancy? Anything but a dumb stupid ceremony that will last one night and drive everyone mad because it "has to be perfect"?
It seems like the ceremony is more important than the actual relationship. idk why
Load More Replies... Wow. It sounds as if she had her wedding all planned out in her mind with perfect casting and choreography. If the aisle wasn't wide enough for both her and the wheelchair, she could have figured something out, such as one going in front with a ribbon attached and then detaching it to represent new ties. The dance could have been easily managed, too - choose the music, hold hands, sway, and smile at each other.
WHY do people send into AITA, in order to get justification for doing things?? Then whine when they get jumped? Geez people, grow the fuq up already, crowd sourcing your life decisions is really sad
So did she not only cancel the wedding but ended the relationship all because she didn't want her father to walk her down the aisle ? Cause unless the guy ended it based on her behavior, that's what it looks like. Disgusting woman. You can just see the smugness on her self deluded face as she types the posts and updates, assured she's done nothing wrong.
I think the guy ended it because of her behavior. That's what I'd do if I were him.
Load More Replies... I was going to say that she was too immature to get married. But looks like that solved itself
I can't even read this...the title alone breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine doing this to my father he would be absolutely heartbroken
I didn't have a "proper" wedding to my husband - my dad had died the year before and I couldn't stand the idea of him not being there, so instead we surprised our mums and our children with a wedding only they were invited to, they had no idea until we were in the bridal room at the registry office who were in on it. Id have given anything to have my dad there. I'd give anything to be able to visit him and just talk c**p while drinking tea like we used to. I really hope this woman learns to accept her dad as he is now as I guarantee you she will regret not being around him when he's no longer here. I hated seeing my dad in pain, but I hate not being able to see him ever again more than I can put into words.
HUGS!!! I get it. Lost Daddy in 2000. He did walk me down the aisle. But dang!!! I could've really used him around the last 10 years or so, some really rough stuff has gone on in the life of my hubby & I. I still talk to him, but it's not the same.....
Load More Replies... Wooooooow, my dad has debilitating spondylitis, and I could never imagine having anyone else but him walk me down the isle of I did that, I mean it’ll be the slowest walk ever but that would make for good photos 😂 win win. What a s**t daughter, and for the record my dad sucks and wasn’t a good dad, but I would still let him live the dream of being th wedding walker for his daughter.
You avoid seeing your dad because his state makes YOU uncomfortable? Damn, you'll burn in hell I hope.
When became it logical and popular to adapt your family and friends to an event You always should adapt the event to the people you want to celebrate with-because they will last- the day won't
Soft YTA - I know it can be a struggle to see loved ones in pain, and it's hard for her to see her father like that, compared to how he used to be. That said, he's still her father, and still capable of giving her away at her wedding, whether he can walk or not. I think she just needs to spend more time with her father, to come to terms that he's still the same man he was, even if he is disabled now. It may be hard for her to see him like that, but I imagine it's even harder for the father.
Def the a*s in this but at least you had enough sense and self doubt to question it. Progress.
She should have had a heart-to-heart conversation with her dad about how to handle the situation. I understand some of her feelings , but she handled it badly. Hopefully she learned something from this.
People think it’s easy to judge someone with so few details. Clearly she’s struggling with his new life and needs therapy. I can hardly understand why people choose to say cruel things when it’s clear someone is going through their own pain regarding a huge change. Yes I think she was being insensitive and this might have contributed to her breakup, but I’ll leave it at that. She has heard enough to understand she made a bad choice.
Wow. YTA. The fact that you so readily sacrificed your father`s feelings is very telling. You have much work to do on yourself before you even think of getting married. Apologize profusely to your father and get therapy. Immediately!
There are chairs that bring a person to a standing position. This boy had one, he needed to be standing in order to sing correctly. So they exist, money may be an issue, can they be rented as RV's and cars are? As someoe brought up, a dad that's present has the honor/right to do this, as her dad is gone and there is no choice.
I am so sorry for both your dad and you. It seems as though you love him very much but can t accept his misfortune. I sincerely hope you two get together and discuss life as it is now and cry together. And don t listen to the meanies on bored panda!!
Honestly, while her behavior isn't great, I'm not writing her off 100%. She needs therapy for sure, bit her mother removing her immediately from the chat makes me wonder what else is going on in the family because this could repeat behavior from OP or mom might have a temper. I'm also curious if she had specific destination in mind, like an old church with narrow aisles that could not be widened to accommodate both her her gown and the wheelchair.
I was more focused on how she 'avoids' seeing her disabled dad because it would make her uncomfortable.
Someone really posted this thinking people would be on her side...?
Yep. YTA. With any luck your hubbie runs away with your bff and her twin sister.. It won't matter to you as empathy isn't your thing.
My mom was in a wheelchair/scooter and has since passed. I'd love to have her back for even one day, no matter how much I'd have to accommodate her chair. Sometimes it's hard to appreciate what you have until it's gone. I hope this girl learns to appreciate having her dad with her soon
You don't like seeing your father in pain etc but are only thinking of yourself. How the heck do you think he feels and then you do this to him. WOW!
I didn’t even read the post yet and by reading the title alone, I just wanted to say YTA. Like, come on. Who cares if your dad is in a wheelchair! I’m sure he’s been waiting for this day to walk his baby girl down the aisle but now he can’t because you’re so selfish. He’s already dealing with a lot I’m sure, and this just tops the cake. If I were him, I wouldn’t even want to be at the wedding. Major AH.
So much YTA here. She needs to cope instead of unloading her baggage on her family.
Take it from the perspective of a disabled bride, she is DEFINITELY a disgusting a*****e. Genuinely pathetic.
Aita for getting sick and tired of having to waste time scrolling past all these aita posts?
She seems like she loves her dad, but hates seeing him in a struggling state, just as any person would. Humans are humans, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, we dont always say exactly what we mean. “He cant walk me down the isle because it would be too difficult to make accommodations for” most likely means “he cant walk me down the isle because it would be to difficult for me to watch.” Another persons pain affects everyone who loves them, and this poor girl is watching her life fall apart so fast. Her father is paralyzed, her fiancé and her split ways, and now she gets death threats from folks online. Sometimes I wish the world was better. Have a nice day :))
"my fiance and I parted ways". I'm not surprised, you seem like a genuinely terrible person.
In ONE PROFOUNDLY RESONATING-IN-YOUR-HEAD-FOREVER WORD...UGH... YES!!!! You feel NOTHING of your dad's pain. AND THEN you SHAME HIM!!! What kind of MAN would even THINK about marrying you, the wannabe Cinderella you're NOT!! Ever hear of the Wicked Witch in your fairytale days??? Well...GUESS WHAT, little missy....YOU HAVE NO CONSCIENCE. Your obsession with IMAGE OVER SUBSTANCE I hope backfires in your selfish life for a LONG TIME. Your dad must be hurt beyond words. Your mother must feel like a failure in raising a brutally unkind daughter such as you. Unfortunately, your dad will probably STILL love you. I'm GLAD your fiance left you. And hopefully your dad still has his friendship with him. TECHNICAL ISSUES? PATH TOO NARROW? WIDEN the path!!! Although sure looks like you're walkin' SOLO on THAT one!!! I think a TOTAL STRANGER on the street would have treated him better than you have. You're dad may have learned to take your meanness, but maybe stay SINGLE, girl. SAVE A LIFE!!
I'll just say this---your father COULD have very easily DIED during that accident. I would want to include him in EVERYTHING because he's still HERE!
YTA Your dad is your dad, REGARDLESS!! Would you want him to decide to use a "stand-in" for you if the roles were reversed? Love between a child & parent should honestly see past disabilities/age & other hurdles. I haven't had my dad for over 2 decades now, I would give anything to just sit & be with him. To hear his laugh, his voice & see his smile. Honestly, you nearly lost him! You should count yourself as blessed he is still around to be with you through good times & bad. See him as Dad, NOT his disability!!
Your NTA but at the same time you are the biggest AH. But only cuz you need time to adjust to your dad's new situation. No matter what tell your dad you love him and that you need to just be by yourself for awhile and get some therepy to help you come to terms to how your dad is now . My dad is a POS. And I would love to have him even acknowledge me anymore let alone walk me down the aisle my bros will do that if I ever try and date again lol. Also I wonder if you were worried about the wedding guests reactions to this or was it just your unsettled mind that decided.
Wow, this was really sad 😔 to read & it proves that it’s not where you’re from, but rather where you are AT MENTALLY!!! She grew up with a loving Father who supported her whom she got along with well & when he comes upon difficult times she TURNS ON HIM!!! There’re MANY Children who grew up with HORRIBLE PARENTS, but came out as a DIAMOND!💎 And she grew up with WONDERFUL PARENTS & turned into a HORRIBLE DAUGHTER!!! I wish her Father & Mother Peace in their hearts ♥️ & to NOT blame themselves, because they did their job!!! Smdh!!!
I don't care about traditions. I don't even like marriage or the nuclear family, let alone traditional weddings. But you were close to your dad and had always planned this. It's a dream you shared. You're upset it isn't picture perfect from your childhood dreams. He's upset that his disability is getting him competely removed from something, because of how properly you feel he can hug you. Can't side with that
Inside Voice YTA. I know the easiest thing to do is be nasty and just throw negativity at her but we're not all perfect. It's obvious her dad still loves her enough to get upset and she loves him enough to apologize. But I'd seriously get therapy so that she can understand WHY and HOW she was wrong for thinking that. I'm not suggesting this for her sake - moreso for the father, so he can have the proper, loving relationship he deserves.
It's her father. He's probably dreamed of walking her down the aisle as long as she's been alive and all she could see was an imperfection that would have marred her big day. That's someone who loves you as long as you meet their standard of normal or perfect. Conditional love is not love, it's a lie disguised as love. I see a great many people these days who would benefit far more from therapy than a wedding. I hate weddings these days because of how obscenely expensive they are, how horribly people act before, during and after them as well as how absolutely fake they feel, like you just know the bride and groom will hate each other and be divorced within two to five years.
YTA! You are very lucky to have a dad to be there with you! What difference does it make if he rolls down the aisle or if he has to dance in his chair? Your excuse that it makes YOU uncomfortable to see him that way is absurd! Would you be happier if he had died in the accident? Then you wouldn't have to worry about how the pictures will look! DEFINATELY YTA!
That was the biggest pofs low blow I've read in a long time. Bout had me in tears. She never deserved to get married n that's a horrible unloving daughter. Apologies are just words ya need to show him from ya soul if not still foul n do wtf is right. Ya broke ya dad's heart yet he's never done that to u n still ya turn on him like a spoil rotten b***h. Ya single for a reason n I see why n ya deserve to be thrown out like ya did dad treated him like trash yet who's the real trash now!? I have no filter n I'm straight tf up nor do igaf bout ya feelings bein ya didn't care bout ta dad one bit. Unbelievable n glad idk ppl like u cuz I couldn't look at ya sry a*s.
It sounds by that last update that the bf/fiance found out more about her. He probably took up for the dad, and found out she'd turn her back on him too if the same thing happened to him. Also, it sounds like the only reason she apologized to her dad was because she was alone and wasn't going to have the wedding anymore. Which is also selfish in itself. She's a horrible person, even after the "apology" because I can guarantee it wasn't genuine.
I THINK SHE IS DISGUSTING AND AM GLAD SHE SPLIT WITH FIANCE FAMILY COMES FIRST
Omg what the hell! I mean there are people like my cousin who moved up her wedding just to have her dad walk her down the isal and then there's this chick
You know I agree that she was very much in the wrong here and shouldn't exclude and avoid her dad because of an injury and disability. it sounds like she needs to work through some things, and it is hard seeing a loved one in pain. Even harder being the one in pain and losing your family because of it I bet. But I feel like it would be better if these kinds of threads on Reddit focused more on educating people of why they think they're in the wrong in a way that encourages a change in behavior or redemption instead of just writing them off entirely as a terrible person and bullying them to heck for asking advice. Everyone is still learning and changing. I realize it's the internet and you get what you ask for there but the extreme hatred for a small snapshot of someone's life is a bit much.
People look at this situation call her selfish for making someone else's pain about her and then when there are comments that say "hey she needs help too, she needs therapy and help accepting that her dad has changed." They immediately say why those comments are wrong because of how someone else handled it effectively making op's story, op's pain, about them. People view the world based on what's going on inside. Accept that and accept that someone can be wrong and need help. Not everyone who makes a mistake needs to die or lose everything important to them. And yes things happen and some people get help later than you'd think they still need help and some compassion and the empathy that everyone rages about them not having. Be better than that be kind.
I feel like an a hole even though it was during COVID about what happened with my dad. I'd give anything to just be able to talk to him again instead of how it ended in the hospital. (He had pneumonia, and his kidneys failed, he was 90 years old). Couldn't see him cause they had COVID in the nursing home. Yes I wanted to cry seeing him in pain and misery that way, but I stayed by his side in the hospital. Dad and I were super close. I know it's hard, but she needs to put those feelings aside and visit him. What she is doing is hurting him more than she understands and she's losing time that can't be taken back.
I'd like to imagine that (if this is a true story) this boyfriend decided to part ways seeing just what he can expect from his wife to be should he ever find himself confined to a wheelchair. If I lost all of my limbs and ended up looking like some kind of a creepy stump with a head, my daughter would still want me there.
I hope the boyfriend left when he realised what an a*****e he is marrying, that’s a pretty fair reason to leave!
Biggest YTA! I was extremely close to my uncle who was in a wheelchair and found a way to make him part of my wedding. I was the only niece or nephew that asked him to be part of their weddings. Yes, being reminded of what could have been is painful, but so is being cut out of special family events just because your wheelchair might be inconvenient. Maybe damn the asthetics and let your dad walk you down the aisle.
A friends dad was seriously injured & ended up in a wheelchair for a few years until the long term effects of the injury killed him before she married or had kids. I am sure she would have done anything to have him their. My dad passed 10 years ago before my brother married & not having him there was the saddest part of the wedding
Yeah, YTA. God forbid you have to widen the isle to accommodate your father's wheelchair. That just shows you're ashamed of him, and yes and ableist.
She is upset people are calling her names when I can only imagine the devastation the father feels. I was in a bad accident and while it didn't leave me in a wheelchair for life, I definitely figured out who my real friends were. I can only imagine if a family member treated me like I was a "complication" because of what YOU thought could be without any regard for what HE's actually gone through. Your fiance was right to run and she needs some therapy to figure out what her damned problem is.
Honestly, I wish I wouldn't have read this. I am literally crying. All I can think of is how much I love my dad and how he's my hero. And I wouldn't DREAM of treating him like this, not in a million years. How COULD SHE? How? I would have been the proudest woman in the entire world to have my dad escort me down the aisle, THE WHEELCHAIR WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN VISIBLE TO ME. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a big wedding, I got married at the courthouse. But my dad was RIGHT THERE. I wouldn't have been able to marry that man unless my dad was there! I wouldn't be a woman I am today if it wasn't for that man. And I'm sitting here thinking about that now because of her. I'm deeply touched by this because of how highly I think of my own dad, this broke my heart. It really did. Her ex-fiance dodged a huge bullet. And I believe he broke up with HER not the other way around, I really do. If I was a man, ain't no way I would marry a woman like that. Ain't no way.
This woman sounds like a narcissist. Why would she even ask if she was the a**hole if everything wasn't about her? I understand not wanting to see someone suffer, but the depression and anxiety I've seen other people suffer after major illnesses, surgeries, and accidents is no joke. My father was dying from pancreatic cancer when he travelled across country to see me receive my PhD was the most important part of a ceremony I wouldn't normally participate in was one of the best and most memorable experiences I've ever had with him. He was so happy that for a while we all forgot that he wasn't long for this earth. And, he never complained despite having to trudge around all over NYC in the heat with my crazy mother. Her fiance definitely dodged a bullet.
oh, i have to weigh in on this! as someone who has to use a chair sometimes i most definitely feel she is the a-hole! and, when i say that i mean an a-hole on many levels. so it hurts her to see him since his accident? she is more concerned for her feelings than his; hence, can't really see them being as close as she claims. when my son got married they wanted the parent(s) to address the guests during the ceremony. i was so stressed that i was going to embarrass them by falling down the steps i had to climb but her brother who i didn't know quietly got up when i did and helped me up and down. no big to-do...just a little adjustment in the optics. as for dancing, yes, i dance in my chair. again, no big to-do. she could place her hand on his shoulder as he wheeled beside her and, unless her dress is too damn tight, bend over to give him the traditional father/daughter kiss as he "hands" her over to her groom. geez! can't believe someone would make this an issue.
Sad that she is so cold and unfeeling. Her family should disown her, see how she likes it. Maybe then she will know how she made dad feel.
My husband suffered a serious brain injury, had 3 major surgeries, before our son's wedding. My soon to be daughter-in-law wanted my husband to be there, whether he was bald, had stitches, staples or a helmet, however he was comfortable. My son suggested a fedora, if dad liked. At the time I trimmed his hair, brought his pain pills for the headache, my son found an awesome walking stick, and we were away from the speakers and noise at the reception. And had an easy escape as needed, to a quiet area, as needed. People came over to say "hello" and it went really well. Understanding the accommodations needed, as well as consulting the "injuried" party on what they would like, makes a huge difference!
As someone who is now a wheelchair user after horrible illness this makes me so cross. I totally understand that she is struggling coming to terms with his accident and subsequent disability, but she has shown herself to be selfish beyond belief by her actions. She doesn't seem to have considered her fathers feelings, both in terms with the pain and struggles he now faces every single day, or in her choosing to replace him because that's easier for her to cope with. I have seen my own family and friends struggle with my illness and disability; some have coped better than others, but it's me that's had to go through the treatment, surgeries, recoveries and all the pain and emotional trauma it causes. I have to grieve for me own life as it was,. I'll add I have an amazing partner who is my rock and who deals with it all without issue. I'm so lucky
She should be happy that he is at least able to use a wheel chair to take her down the isle. She said he broke almost every bone in his body so she should be grateful that he is alive. It's really awful that she feels that way. I feel so bad for her dad. He must have been devastated when he found out.
I can see why he opted out. I’d have a problem getting committed to a person who I knew for a fact would be gone the instant I had an accident or got sick. It’s also a bit unsettling to be aware that the potential spouse would instantly make anything that happened to me about them. As proven by this sorry mess. Oh, you poor thing, your father has to live with a massive disability? Well isn’t that just inconsiderate of him.
can't believe this was ever posted by her... is she kidding to even ask the question of wether or not her dad should walk her down the aisle even though he is in a wheelchair. i gotta wonder if this is some sort of catfishing play to get a bunch of attention her Reddipshit account
What a colossal b*Tch. I'm glad the bf saw her true colours and ran the hell away! She doesn't deserve happiness.
I may sound harsh but I'm pissed off reading this! Can't believe what I'm reading.
Load More Replies... normally these AITA sound a lot like tales of people desperately seeking approval for non controversial situations. finally, something that sounds more A-ish than the rest
yes absolutely, equivocally, by any reasonable measure at all, you are most certainly the A-hole.
Yes, AITA. That being said, its a moot point for this issue because of the break-up. I think you need to spend a lot of time refecting on how you treated your father during this time and see if you cant come up with a lot of self improvement.
so not only did she hurt her dads feelings it was for nothing because she ended up not getting married so destroyed her relationship with him for no reason
My lord, If my dad.. the man who raised me, put up with all my adolescent c**p, loved me no matter what horrendous mistake I'd made had been rendered paralyzed after a car accident I would 100% be cherishing the fact that he COULD partake of my happiest day. As it is, he officiated at my wedding as Darth Vader (His idea!) Heck, I (who will not dance in public) grabbed my nieces wheelchair and danced with her in the street at Disneyland.. We both laughed so hard it's a memory I'll keep with me for always!
Wow. She's definitely the AH but some of those comments were rough... Also wonder what caused the split between the boyfriend and her
OMG. What a monstrous a*****e she is. She 'avoids' her dad because she feels unwanted empathy? Honey, you're a true-blue monster.
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