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It’s 2020 and a fresh new decade has started. However, this doesn’t mean that absolutely everything will be different right from the get-go. People will still be imperfect and things like stereotypes and misinformation will still exist.

That’s why the ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ hashtag exists on Twitter—it’s a reminder from women about what not to do and what not to act like. Bored Panda collected some of the very best tweets with this hashtag, so scroll down, and upvote the ones you think are right. And read on for our interviews with Elizabeth Arif-Fear, writer and founder of the Voice of Salam which promotes interfaith humanity and human rights, as well as with Suzanne Degges-White, professor and chair in the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.

Be sure to check out our previous article about men talking about which myths about them are 100% not true. And let us know in the comments below what you think of the ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ hashtag, and whether you believe the tweets are accurate or if they revolve around stereotyping men.

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how with abortions Pro-lifers are seeking to punish the women, not the men who got them pregnant, as if they don't realise you need two people to make a baby. If a woman is punished for getting an abortion, then the man needs to be punished for getting get pregnant when she doesn't want to be.

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Elizabeth Arif-Fear, writer and founder of the Voice of Salam which promotes interfaith humanity and human rights, told Bored Panda that the main things that make women lose respect for men are a misogynistic attitude and lack of respect for people around them.

Bored Panda was also interested to hear Arif-Fear’s opinion about what character traits she’d like all men to have. This is what she had to say: “Egalitarian values, respect for women and all human beings, kindness, compassion, loyalty. A sense of humor is also good, as is a bit of romance.”

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Babysitting implies it's a job for you, something you do a for a few hours. No mom talks about babysitting their kids, but I've heard many dads say this. It's not babysitting, it's you spending time with and taking care of your own damn kids.

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys will also make fun of teenage girls crying and being emotional about seeing/meeting a band they like, but then the same guys will get emotional if their favourite football team wins or loses

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The founder of the Voice of Salam had some advice on how parents should raise their sons. “Raise them with a sense of positive masculinity and egalitarian values. Positive masculinity, to teach them that it's ok to cry, that they should not be scared of their feelings, that they should be proud of who they are and that being a man doesn't mean controlling or feeling threatened by women.”

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“Raise them as proud feminists with an ethos of positive masculinity. This leaves no room for misogyny or misandry either. Avoid rigid toxic gender stereotypes—let them develop as individuals into who they are, whilst nurturing a sense of strong respect for them and people of all sexes and genders.”

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's why if a guy offers to buy me a drink, I accept but immediately tell him not to expect anything, I'm not going to sleep with him. The offer for the drink is usually taken back pretty quickly.

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daniel280456
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The offer to buy a drink is a way of asking: ''Do you find me attractive ?''. Just say no, they'll understand.

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D. Pitbull
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh... HAHAHHA... oh... my gawd. I think I wrote this on another post once... had a boyfriend once (looong ago... dodged bullet!!!) - who LITERALLY said to me once after making a sound of disgust: *Guhhh* "C'mon. I have been nice to you for a WHOLE WEEK and you STILL don't want to? THIS is why I haven't proposed. What do you WANT?" Yep... verbatim. That stuck in my head... it's when I started to seriously realize "ohh... so this is all a vending machine transaction" ie: he puts in 'money' (aka: being-nice-actions), expects to have 'willingness to f**k' as his purchase and right... then screams and swears (or worse, tries to break into) at the vending machine if he doesn't get it. Wow. just... wow...

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Raylene Mckenzie
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even my ex-husband, when we were together. If he did anything "nice" or actually just did s**t around the house, or made an effort to just be affectionate. Then it was like he should be rewarded, whether I felt like it or not. So glad he's my ex.

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litalaney
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad you got rid of a guy like that! I had a similar experience with an ex-boyfriend who expected sex in exchange for him doing chores

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Erika Haynes
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, in general, this belief that being a basic dude somehow makes you entitled to the attention and affection of any woman you choose....Oh, yay you aren't a rapist or a smelly creep. Now, what actual personality traits, interests, hobbies, conversational skills do you bring to the table? None? That's what I thought. Keep walking, bucko.

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jamie1707
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This can also apply to men who date men and girls who date girls. In my case, some too full of himself jerkoff wearing a Penn varsity sweater buys me a drink and he expects me to drop to my knees. Oh please!

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Sjo Auga
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a lesbian, lemme tell you I that this doesn't happen. We observe how straight men treat their women and we do the exact opposite. We learn what NOT TO DO. So we don't do catcalls, stalking, being selfish in bed, or oppression. We have freedom and respect for our fellow sisters because we know how awful the male gaze is.

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kathryn stretton
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always say "thanyou, but the next one is on me". This way you can spend time getting to know a guy without either them, or you, feeling that the price of a drink means anything at all.

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Katherine Boag
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See also the woman who asks for a non-alcoholic drink or a snack instead, and then the men get angry. They're buying lowered resistance.

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Monika Soffronow
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are absolutely right on. In fact, asking for a non-alcoholic drink or a snack is a great way to find out if they are genuinely nice guys or, as you say, they are hoping to get you drunk in order to lower your resistance, or have sex with you anyway because you have been rendered incapable of putting up enough resistance.

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Twitch Mitchell
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I accept and it's up to the man to figure out that I owe him nothing. Bc that's what he's gonna get. You do not do things just to get something out of it for your own selfish reasons.

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BusLady
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hello, Beautiful, would you like to f...oops, I mean dance."

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Id row
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is very simple to navigate. Just say, 'no, thanks, but I don't mind chatting if you want' (if you're interested in him, that is).

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Shinomi Chan
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or that if they do something nice the woman HAS TO like them back when they're not interested. You don't own them anything, if they choose to act nice then okay they're gentlemen. If they demand that you do something for them in return despite you never even asking them to do the thing in the first place, they're a pig.

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TeeMarieTisMe
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had many occasions where a guy has offered to buy me a drink, and even after I let them know I have a boyfriend or to not expect anything, or that I'm literally going to leave in to seconds to be with friends they usually say "that's fine" and buy it anyway. Maybe I've just gotten lucky *shrug*.

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Monika Soffronow
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, unfortunately, some men behave like that. Some men beat the women they love. That is why I always try to encourage men to talk much more with other men about what are good ways of behaviour around women and what is not acceptable. There are an awful lot of men who grew up without good male role models at home. They hurt, and so they hurt others.

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Leigh C.
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, this doesn't happen often, to me anyway, but when someone does by me a drink it's the waitress that tells me who bought it for me and asks if she should just thank them for me and that's what i do. I never get approached by men.

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Stille20
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4 years ago

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Well this is a tricky one. I think if you accept a drink, then you owe them a couple minutes of your time, as it is a conversation opener, but nothing beyond that and I think you can say that as opposed to, "this isn't getting you sex".

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Leo H
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4 years ago

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No buying them a drink is merely an in to talk with a strange woman..women are adults..they can refuse the drink and tell a guy no

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who says we don't need feminism anymore are either really ignorant or really misogynistic. We need feminism until there's equality and until women stop being treated like lesser humans everywhere in the world

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Arif-Fear continued: “I'd like to add that raising sons to be feminists (knowing what that really means) and to respect all women and people of all genders and sexualities, is not just about teaching young men to respect women, but also critically teaching and modeling a sense of positive masculinity. Men should not feel 'ashamed' to cry or ashamed to be male due to the suffering of women.”

“Rigid gender norms need to be addressed. Equality, compassion, and respect for everyone should be taught, including (and due to the state of society today) a spotlight on how to treat women, women's rights, and what makes a good son, brother, father, husband, friend, colleague, neighbor.”

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“Raising sons as feminists and with a sense of positive masculinity should and must go hand in hand, whilst also allowing for gender fluidity, individualism and ignoring rigid gender stereotypes,” Arif-Fear explained her position.

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Nela Rothenbach
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That reminds me of a plumber that came to fix my clogged sink. I told him how and why it was clogged and that he couldn't fix it by changing the siphon which he just did and left. It was worse afterwards. I called the company so they would fix it. When I explained what had happened the other plumber just shook his head. Ended up changing the whole pipe.

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Now that we know some of the things that women don’t want, what are the things that women do need? “There are a couple of different types of cross-gender, non-romantic relationships. There are true platonic friends and then there are the friends-with-benefits friends,” Degges-White told Bored Panda. “In true platonic friendships, compared to FWB relationships, there is typically a lot more investment of time and energy in the relationship’s well-being. Compared to what they offer their FWBs, true friends are more likely to offer emotional support and constructive feedback; help out each other more often; share their feelings and seek support from one another; and involve one another in their larger social network.”

“Women typically do not need to “co-opt” a male friend’s attention and time, as they typically do in a romantic relationship. In romantic relationships, women tend to expect more exclusive attention from their partners and also they engage in more “territorial” behaviors than they would in a friendship. These might include engaging in PDAs and expecting a romantic partner to be receptive to these shows of affection as well as expecting a partner to initiate these as well. Women might also expect their romantic partners to prioritize them in ways that they do not expect friends to do—while we totally get that friends have other friends and busy lives, women may expect their romantic partners to put her ahead of others and other commitments in their lives.”

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pusheen buttercup
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's winter, I'm not shaving xD "you" shave! (If the guys had to shave like we did... Well some do. I'm sure they don't like it either :p expensive and tedious)

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The professor continued: “In essence, friendships imply less concentrated/focused attention between the two people; a lot fewer discussions about the relationship itself—“defining the relationship” isn’t typically necessary in open and clear friendships; and no worries about a friend’s flirtation or sexual interest in other women.”

“Romantic relationships, however, often require partners to talk about the state/status of their relationship. There are also expectations about monogamy, fear of infidelity, and level of commitment/permanency of the relationship. However, the healthiest romantic relationships also include the basic elements of a healthy friendship—with the added bonus of mutual romantic and sexual attraction. Typically, romantic partners expect one another to prioritize their needs over those of friends and to devote time and attention to the relationship in ways that they would never expect friends to do.”

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These types of guys don't actually respect you, because respect isn't currency. All you should get back with respect is mutual respect, that's it.

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similarly
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol, my Dad used to use the term "all dolled up" ... but not about women. He used it about himself whenever he got dressed up to go somewhere. I find myself doing the same. I don't use the term about other people, just myself, lol.

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Aki Ryosuke
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cut your hair short and don’t ogle every man you see? apparently you’re a lesbian

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According to professor Degges-White, the number one thing that most likely leads to women losing respect for men is “duplicity which leads to a loss of trust. This can be enacted through promises that aren’t kept, untruths that are told, or emotional or actual infidelity—sexual or platonic.”

She added: “Once a person has lost trust in another, respect evaporates just as quickly.”

“Cross-gender friendships can be awesome as they provide women and men with new perspectives, however research suggests that both genders fear that a partner’s cross-gender friendship will lead to infidelity,” Degges-White said. “However, women and men both believe that they can maintain a platonic friendship with a cross-gender friend. The important thing for partners to do with one another is to be open and upfront about their friendships with people of the opposite gender. If you try to hide a friendship, partners will assume that you are trying to hide something even bigger than “just a friendship.”

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Lisa loves cats
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a parent is a full time job, either you take it or you dont, you are not a babysitter to your own child.

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Degges-White looked at what women aged 18 to 75 need from the men in their lives.

According to the professor, women look for fairly similar qualities in romantic partners that they look for in male friends: they want to be treated fairly. But there are some differences in what women expect and need from men depending on the closeness of their relationships with them.

Dr. Degges-White explains that women expect all the men they meet in their lives to have moral integrity. Meanwhile, they also value “relational sensitivity” when it comes to male friends and partners. But when it comes to romantic partners, what the professor describes as “satisfying intimacy” is incredibly important to keep “the romantic spark burning.”

“Women should be given the same respect that men offer other men. When a person is made to feel disrespected or patronized, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later. In terms of romantic relationships, even when you’re angry or disappointed by a partner, respect should be maintained,” professor Degges-White explains.

The professor continued: “Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other's feelings.”

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Mewton’s Third Paw
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Looking” isn’t harassment. Everyone looks and glances around at people and objects. Staring and being a nasty piece of s**t is.

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The reason they do certain stuff in porn is because they get PAID. Don't expect every regular woman to want to do all the gross stuff you see in porn

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Kaisu
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Female orgasm actually does serve a reproductive purpose so even that's not an excuse for guys to be selfish in bed anymore

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Bored Panda also talked to Jacqui, for whom loyalty and respect are the most important qualities for men to have. "I would like men to appreciate what they have and be loyal and honest with not just their partner but themselves and although women can be just as bad these days. I'm speaking from my own perspective and I am old-school and loyalty is a big thing to me. And a lot if men I come across seem to be lacking this quality and others. Which has resulted in my being single for a long time."

"I have a son and I always have taught him and he knows that being honest is the best thing to do and be. As you will always be respected more for telling the truth. And that one woman is enough for any man. And that no matter what neither party should accept any kind of abuse or lack of putting there needs first. And always remember if treat her like Queen she will will treat you like a King."

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Jason M
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd say there are some men/women who want the "Dominance" but more in more of a "kink" situation.

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pusheen buttercup
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my God I couldn't agree more. Telling someone- anyone- to calm down has never been a good idea for me. You need to be more constructive than that- or leave them alone, normally one of those.

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Jacqui continued: "All men are not the same: some men do appreciate and man-up, own and hold the own. It just seems these men are already spoken for. Maybe I've just had bad luck. So sometimes being very loyal and everything in one is sometimes not good enough for men. But this can also apply to women. In this day and age, I believe that males and females can be as bad as each other."

"But the sad thing is when someone as loyal and decent as myself who just wants a happy, settled life seems to get a kick in the teeth. Don't you find that this is common? Maybe they have been hurt too much, as I know I have, and stayed single for years because of it, but it seems no matter what you do or how secure I try to let them feel, pride is a big thing with men also. If you really love, care, appreciate, and value each other, then it shouldn't so hard. If it takes too much effort and drags you down, then it's nothing more than a toxic unhealthy relationship that will end in disaster. Men can be selfish and women, too. But sometimes you have to grow up and stop that nonsense and learn that if you can't be what your partner needs, let them go."

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Ola Polowczyk
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't. Tap. Me. On. My. Shoulder. Don't touch me. Seriously. I can hear an "excuse me"

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Octavia Hansen
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every time a man says he wants an old fashioned women . . . I agree to quit my job, stay home or shop at my convenience and wait for him to die early and leave me EVERYTHING. But that's not what they had in mind . . .

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