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30 Of The Weirdest Things Parents Have Told Their Kids, According To The Parents Themselves
Parenting is an unexpected journey. Sometimes you just can't know the situation or conversation you're gonna get into with your little kid. And they can be really amusing, too. In an attempt to document all of the weird stuff she herself says to her son, one mother started a blog called WTF Parenting Quotes.
It all started with one phrase. "One day, while driving, I was tuning in and out of his chatter in the backseat, when I heard, ‘It’s simple, Mama. All you need is a dead body, a pocketknife, and an ostrich.’ It’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard," the mom behind the project wrote. "I eventually found out he was trying to explain how to do a human-ostrich brain transplant, and heard myself explaining why it wouldn’t work. Definitely the most wtf thing I’ve ever heard myself say." Since then, she's trying to be as aware of their exchanges as possible.
As time went by, other parents fell in love with WTF Parenting Quotes and wanted to be a part of it as well. They started submitting snippets of their own conversations with their children and the project into something bigger.
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‘Having Superman printed pajamas will not enable you to fly, my son. Please sleep on the bottom bunk.’
'Stop licking the eggs and put them back in the fridge.’
After scolding then-3-year old for heading outside in his pajamas to play ('You don’t go outside in your pajamas, young man!’), I found him stark naked on his tricyle, serenely pedalling up and down the driveway. 'Me got no jamas on mummy!’ he proudly told me.
- Ed. Note: I love this. Kid definitely is a future lawyer.
"No, your teeth are not asleep. Go brush them."
I asked my 10 year old son what he wanted on pizza one night. He replied, “well, Mom, I’m not a virgin.“ I stopped cold and said, “what?” He said, “ I want meat, I’m not a virgin.” “Oh, you’re not a vegetarian.“ as I exhaled.
wtf does this have to do with anything here?! you make no sense, moron
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"No, hippies are not baby hippos. Yes, I’m sure."
"Grandpa is not a race car.
Grandpa’s wheelchair is not a toy.
You may not “drive Grandpa.”"
"I don’t think you’re old enough to be having a mid-life crisis."
"Go ahead. Walk to Australia. Let me know how that goes."
I used to get that when I said I was going to the backyard to dig a hole to China.
"No no no no. No ‘pants off dance off’ at the wedding."
"I don’t think the cat sneaks out at night and rides your skateboard."
"That’s good that you love the neighbor’s cat, but no, you can’t marry him."
"How can you not know why your tongue is blue? Your tongue was with you all day today, wasn’t it?"
"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were in ‘stealth mode.’"
Ruined my ninja’s self esteem today.
Submission: “I am sorry the baby keeps biting you but perhaps if you stop putting your fingers in her mouth she will stop biting you.”
….Charlie? Is that you??
"But how did your underwear get stuck in the bathroom window in the first place?"
"You are not an M&M. Put your clothes back on."
"You can growl at me all you want, but you still have to tie your shoes."
"I am about 99.9% sure you are not getting a chainsaw for Christmas."
Don’t lose all hope. That leaves a .1 chance you are.
"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."
To be honest I know some people that deserve having thrown alligators at them. And crocodiles too.
"I am not going to get in a car crash just to cure your hiccups. That is crazy talk."
"Why are you carrying the cat into the bathroom?"
At 3 I found my son and our cat Taco in bathroom. Well, Taco was calmly sitting inside the toilet while Leo bathed him. Never thought I'd have to tell my kid 'I dont care if the cat likes it, do not give him a bath in the toilet "
"Why is there an axe on the floor?"
Darn Vikings never pick up after themselves.
"No no no, the police do not need your help ‘investigating.’ Get back here!!"
All kinds of trouble at the park tonight.
NO! Don’t pull that pin!!
Yelled at my almost 2yr old as he approached a gas station fire extinguisher with a devious look in his eye.
Whose underwear is on your head? (It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t clean and his brother was hiding and giggling)
It wasn’t clean. IT WASN’T CLEAN. brb, vomiting.
"I’m sure Grandpa could go to England and not kill anyone."
Grandpa is an Irishman, in case you couldn’t tell.
Welllll,the Irish are a proud people and just a teeny weeny little bit belligerent...
Anonymous asked: No, Gatorade in your eyes will not make you see things faster
That lightning bolt sure confuses things!
Tsk tsk tsk, when will kids these days learn? The lightning bolt means you can shoot electricity out of your eyes, not see faster!
"They’re called ‘discharge papers’ not 'dementor papers.’"
He was reading Harry Potter while waiting for his x Rays and got confused.
YES!! You taught your child well. (I'm totally calling them 'dementor papers' from now on.)
“Stop eating your soup with your fingers!” (To my 10 year old)
Note: this post originally had 128 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)
When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)
Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system
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My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"
My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.
Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”
I remember one time my brain just didn't think before it spoke. My son had a birthday party one year I think he was like 12 at the time. He had a friend over I had only met once in passing. Sweetest boy ever. Said sweet boy had a fake eye that I didn't know about. So I heard my son tell him as I walked into the room they were playing video games in to check on the handful of boys. He said "Show her!" I was thinking it was something on the game. Sweet Boy took out his eye and in my brain panic I looked at my Son and said "What the f**k did you do?" All the kids cracked up. Then I laughed because obviously nothing had happened....that day. Then like a curious kid I sat down and asked him all kinds of questions. He was such a sweet boy. (he moved a year later so they can't hang out anymore.)
When my friend complained of muscle aches after moving day, her very bright 9-y/o said the extra exertion brought on the muscle aches because of a build-up of GALACTIC ACID. (Give that kid ice cream, stat!)
Eww. But I bet it's a real workout for his/her immune system
Load More Replies... My friend overheard this in a stadium washroom: "I know you dirtied your pants...but WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?"
My parents have to tell me and my friend WaffleIron to stop screaming "YOU PUT THE PEEPS IN THE CHILLI POT AND ADD THE M&M'S." There are more lyrics but that would take to long and I need to get to the next article.
Exchange between my daughter-in-law and my 4 year old grandson: “Did you throw your underwear into the neighbor’s yard?” “Yep!”
